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Ex Wife Threatening SuicideRecently I left my wife for good because she has cheated on me twice and lied to me so much that I have decided to refuse to go back to her. As of a few days ago, she began threatening suicide. I have tirelessly spent these paat few days talking her out of it and she keeps hesitating because she wants to believe I'll come back. I know a lot of people will threaten this in order to get their way, but what happens if she really does? What do I do and how am I supposed to handle her death on my hands? I still love my wife but I cannot deal with getting cheated on again and constantly feeling insecure. I'm worried today may be the day she does it and I hope so much it doesn't happen. | [
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"Ex Wife Threatening SuicideRecently I left my wife for good because she has cheated on me twice and lied to me so much that I have decided to refuse to go back to her.As of a few days ago, she began threatening suicide.I have tirelessly spent these paat few days talking her out of it and she keeps hesitating because she wants to believe I'll come back.I know a lot of people will threaten this in order to get their way, but what happens if she really does?What do I do and how am I supposed to handle her death on my hands?I still love my wife but I cannot deal with getting cheated on again and constantly feeling insecure.I'm worried today may be the day she does itand I hope so much it doesn't happen."
] | 168 | Ex esposa amenazando el suicidioRecientemente dejé a mi esposa para siempre porque me ha engañado dos veces y me ha mentido tanto que he decidido negarme a volver con ella.Hace unos días, empezó a amenazar con el suicidio.He pasado incansablemente estos días hablando con ella y sigue dudando porque quiere creer que volveré.Sé que mucha gente amenazará con esto para salirse con la suya, pero ¿qué pasa si realmente lo hace?¿Qué hago y cómo se supone que debo manejar su muerte en mis manos?Todavía amo a mi esposa pero no puedo lidiar con ser engañada de nuevo y sentirme constantemente insegura.Me preocupa que hoy sea el día en que lo haga y espero que no suceda. |
Am I weird I don't get affected by compliments if it's coming from someone I know irl but I feel really good when internet strangers do it | [] | [
"Am I weirdI don't get affected by compliments if it's coming from someone I knowirlbut I feel really good when internet strangers do it"
] | 32 | ¿Soy raro? No me afectan los cumplidos si viene de alguien que conozco pero me siento muy bien cuando los extraños de Internet lo hacen. |
Finally 2020 is almost over... So I can never hear "2020 has been a bad year" ever again. I swear to fucking God it's so annoying | [] | [
"Finally 2020 is almost over...So I can never hear \"2020 has been a bad year\" ever again.I swear to fucking God it's so annoying"
] | 33 | Finalmente 2020 casi ha terminado... Así que nunca más podré oír "2020 ha sido un mal año".Juro por Dios que es tan molesto |
i need helpjust help me im crying so hard | [
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"i need helpjust help me im crying so hard"
] | 10 | Necesito ayuda sólo ayúdame a llorar tan fuerte. |
I’m so lostHello, my name is Adam (16) and I’ve been struggling for years and I’m afraid. Through these past years thoughts of suicide, fear, anxiety I’m so close to my limit . I’ve been quiet for so long and I’m too scared to come out to my family about these feelings. About 3 years ago losing my aunt triggered it all. Everyday feeling hopeless , lost, guilty, and remorseful over her and all the things I’ve done in my life,but thoughts like these with the little I’ve experienced in life? Only time I’ve revealed these feelings to my family is when I broke down where they saw my cuts. Watching them get so worried over something I portrayed as an average day made me feel absolutely dreadful. They later found out I was an attempt survivor from attempt OD(overdose from pills) and attempt hanging. All that happened was a blackout from the pills and I never went through with the noose because I’m still so afraid. During my first therapy I was diagnosed with severe depression, social anxiety, and a eating disorder.
I was later transferred to a fucken group therapy for some reason which made me feel more anxious. Eventually before my last session with a 1 on 1 therapy she showed me my results from a daily check up on my feelings(which was a 2 - step survey for me and my mom/dad )
Come to find out as I’ve been putting feeling horrible and afraid/anxious everyday , my mom has been doing I’ve been doing absolutely amazing with me described as “happiest she’s ever seen me, therapy has helped him”
I eventually was put on Sertaline (anti anxiety or anti depression I’m sorry I forgot) but I never finished my first prescription nor ever found the right type of anti depressant because my mom thought I only wanted the drugs so she took me off my recommended pill schedule after ~3 week and stopped me from taking them. All this time I’ve been feeling worse afraid of the damage/ worry I’ve caused them even more.
Now here with everything going on, I’m as afraid as I’ve ever been . I’ve relapsed on cutting and have developed severe insomnia . Day after day feeling more hopeless, worthless questioning why am I still here? What’s my motivation to move out of bed and keep going? I ask these to myself nearly every night almost having a break down everytime.
Please Please Please someone.. anyone help me.
I’m so scared I might do something drastic, I’ve been shaped by fear and anxiety. Idk what to do anymore | [
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"I’m solostHello, my name is Adam (16) and I’ve been struggling for years and I’m afraid.Through these past years thoughts of suicide, fear, anxiety I’m so close to my limit .I’ve been quiet for so longand I’m too scared to come out to my family about these feelings.About 3 years ago losing my aunt triggered it all.Everyday feeling hopeless , lost, guilty, and remorseful over her and all the things I’ve done in my life,but thoughts like these with the little I’ve experienced in life?Only time I’ve revealed these feelings to my family is when I broke down where they saw my cuts.Watching them get so worried over something I portrayed as an average day made me feel absolutely dreadful.They later found out I was an attempt survivor from attempt OD(overdose from pills) and attempt hanging.All that happened was a blackout from the pills and I never went through with the noose because I’m still so afraid.During my first therapy I was diagnosed with severe depression, social anxiety, and a eating disorder.I was later transferred to a fucken group therapy for some reason which made me feel more anxious.",
"Eventually before my last session with a 1 on 1 therapy she showed me my results from a daily check up on my feelings(which was a 2 - step survey for me and my mom/dad )\nCome to find out as I’ve been putting feeling horrible and afraid/anxious everyday , my mom has been doing I’ve been doing absolutely amazing with me described as “happiest she’s ever seen me, therapy has helped him”\nI eventually was put on Sertaline (anti anxiety or anti depression I’msorryI forgot)but I never finished my first prescription nor ever found the right type of anti depressant because my mom thought I only wanted the drugs so she took me off my recommended pill schedule after ~3 week and stopped me from taking them.All this time I’ve been feeling worse afraid of the damage/ worry I’ve caused them even more.Now here with everything going on, I’m as afraid as I’ve ever been .I’ve relapsed on cutting and have developed severe insomnia .Day after day feeling more hopeless, worthless questioning why am I still here?What’s my motivation to move out of bed and keep going?I ask these to myself nearly every night almost having a break down everytime.Please Please Please someone..anyone help me.",
"I’m so scared I might do something drastic, I’ve been shaped by fear and anxiety.Idk what to do anymore"
] | 255 | Estoy soloHola, mi nombre es Adam (16) y he estado luchando por años y tengo miedo.A través de estos últimos años pensamientos de suicidio, miedo, ansiedad estoy tan cerca de mi límite.He estado callado durante tanto tiempo y estoy demasiado asustado para salir a mi familia acerca de estos sentimientos.Hace unos 3 años que perdí a mi tía lo desencadenó todo.Todos los días sintiéndose desesperada, perdida, culpable y arrepentida por ella y todas las cosas que he hecho en mi vida, pero pensamientos como estos con lo poco que he experimentado en la vida?Sólo cuando he revelado estos sentimientos a mi familia es cuando se rompieron donde vieron mis cortes.Viéndolos se ponen tan preocupados por algo que retraté como un día medio me hizo sentir absolutamente terrible.Ellos más tarde descubrieron que era un intento de sobreviviente de intento de sobredosis (sobredosis de píldoras) e intento de colgar.Todo lo que sucedió fue un apagón de las píldoras y nunca pasé por un día medio porque todavía tengo tanto miedo.Durante mi primera terapia me diagnosticaron depresión severa, ansiedad social, y un trastorno de comer. |
Honetly idkI dont know what im even doing here. I just feel like there is nothing and nowhere for me. All i can feel is either nothing or unbearably sad. Im ignoring friends every opitunity i can. I feel like im loosing my girlfriend. I only hurt everyone i talk too and i dont cause anything good. Im behind on my education, i feel alone but for the first time its not a feeling ive enjoyed. I have no hopes or dreams. I care about nothing, not family, not friends, not even my girlfriend (i still love her, its complicated and i dont have the words to describe it).
I would do something to end myself but i know im not strong and brave enough to do it, and knowing im that weak makes me sadder. The only thing i can do is push away all emotion and be empty, because as bad as it is im used to it, its my way of being normal.
I dont understand how people have hopes or dreams, and i mentioned how bad i was feeling to my girlfriend but she just got scared i would die so i havnt brought it up again. But in that talk i realised i cant even comprehend my life having meaning to anyone.
I know this is just me rambling and i will probably regret posting this as ill think im taking the place of someone having a worse time with a gun to their head. I encoage all people who see this to help them instead of me. Ill probably suvive, they might not. Plus my life is meaningless and my future bleak, while they could cure cancer or something useful.
Sorry for wasting your time | [
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"Honetly idkI dont know what im even doing here.I just feel like there is nothing and nowhere for me.All i can feel is either nothing or unbearably sad.Im ignoring friends every opitunity i can.I feel like im loosing my girlfriend.I only hurt everyone i talk too and i dont cause anything good.Im behind on my education, i feel alone but for the first time its not a feeling ive enjoyed.I have no hopes or dreams.I care about nothing, not family, not friends, not even my girlfriend (i still love her, its complicated and i dont have the words to describe it).I would do something to end myselfbut i know im not strong and brave enough to do it, and knowing im that weak makes me sadder.The only thing i can do is push away all emotion and be empty, because as bad as it is im used to it, its my way of being normal.I dont understand how people have hopes or dreams, and i mentioned how bad i was feeling to my girlfriendbut she just got scared i would die so i havnt brought it up again.But in that talk i realised i cant even comprehend my life having meaning to anyone.I know this is just me rambling",
"and i will probably regret posting this as ill think im taking the place of someone having a worse time with a gun to their head.I encoage all people who see this to help them instead of me.Ill probably suvive, they might not.Plus my life is meaningless and my future bleak, while they could cure cancer or something useful.Sorry for wasting your time"
] | 271 | Honetly idkNo sé qué es lo que estoy haciendo aquí.Siento que no hay nada y nada para mí.Todo lo que puedo sentir es nada o insoportablemente triste.Estoy ignorando a los amigos cada oportunidad que puedo.Me siento como que estoy perdiendo a mi novia.Solo hago daño a todos los que hablo también y no hago nada bueno.Estoy detrás de mi educación, me siento solo pero por primera vez no es un sentimiento de vida disfrutado.No tengo esperanzas ni sueños.Me preocupo por nada, no familia, no amigos, ni siquiera mi novia (todavía la amo, es complicada y no tengo las palabras para describirla).Haría algo para terminarme a mí mismo, pero sé que no soy fuerte y valiente para hacerlo, y sabiendo que la debilidad me hace más triste.Lo único que puedo hacer es alejarme de toda emoción y estar vacía, porque tan malo como es lo que solía hacer, es mi forma de ser normal. |
[Trigger warning] Excuse for self inflicted burns*I do know the crisis line and used it after when I was having a panic attack.
*I know it's not a healthy thing to do.
But, I did. I did something stupid out of impulse. I burned myself. I REALLY need help with an excuse as the father of my daughter knows my history (we were together 12 years.) He's seen my at my worst - but! I had always only cut on my ankles and wrists, I'm thinking the excuse for this would be easier than one for cuts.
I did work on my car last night and I hadn't self harmed in a LONG time. I just did it without thinking, as usual; impulse and lost in the moment.
Should I say I touched something under the hood while the car was still hot? I have 3 almost in a curved like pattern the first on forearm then down a little then on the side of my wrist. They are about an inch long, kind of wide and a little deep.
I think the car excuse is a good one but I would need to say what I was working on to explain the 3 burns. Maybe that there was a wire smooshed behind the engine and when I went to fix it I touched the engine?
I do not want to self harm again, I just need to be able to explain this. | [
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] | [
"[Trigger warning] Excuse for self inflicted burns*I do know the crisis line and used it after when I was having a panic attack.*I know it's not a healthy thing to do.But, I did.I did something stupid out of impulse.I burned myself.I REALLY need help with an excuse as the father of my daughter knows my history (we were together 12 years.)He's seen my at my worst - but!I had always only cut on my ankles and wrists, I'm thinking the excuse for this would be easier than one for cuts.I did work on my car last nightand I hadn't self harmed in a LONG time.I just did it without thinking, as usual; impulse and lost in the moment.Should I say I touched something under the hood while the car was still hot?I have 3 almost in a curved like pattern the first on forearm then down a little then on the side of my wrist.They are about an inch long, kind of wide and a little deep.I think the car excuse is a good onebut I would need to say what I was working on to explain the 3 burns.Maybe that there was a wire smooshed behind the engine and when I went to fix it I touched the engine?I do not want to self harm again, I just need to be able to explain this."
] | 291 | [Advertencia de Trigger] Excusa por quemaduras autoinfligidas* Conozco la línea de crisis y la usé cuando estaba teniendo un ataque de pánico.*Sé que no es algo saludable.Pero, lo hice.Hice algo estúpido por impulso.Me quemé.Realmente necesito ayuda con una excusa, ya que el padre de mi hija conoce mi historia (estamos juntos 12 años.)Él me ha visto en mi peor momento - pero!Yo siempre me había cortado los tobillos y las muñecas, estoy pensando que la excusa para esto sería más fácil que uno para los cortes.Yo trabajé en mi coche anoche y no me había autolesionado en un largo tiempo.Yo sólo lo hice sin pensar, como de costumbre; impulso y perdido en el momento.¿Debo decir que toqué algo debajo de la capucha mientras el coche todavía estaba caliente?Tengo 3 casi en un patrón curvo como el primero en el antebrazo y luego lo hice un poco más abajo en el costado de mi muñeca. |
It ends tonight.I can’t do it anymore.
I quit. | [
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"It ends tonight.I can’t do it anymore.I quit."
] | 15 | Termina esta noche. No puedo hacerlo más. Renuncio. |
Everyone wants to be "edgy" and it's making me self conscious I feel like I don't stand out. I can draw yes and play the guitar but I honestly feel like am stuck in the past, my taste in music are all rock and alt metal from
2000's to the 90's and it doesn't really make me feel unique it's just my style but seeing as my friends and classmates getting more into rap and EDM it's hard for me to feel like I fit in.
The I don't feel like I stand out is because of all the others copying a style and if I do that I'd be just another
"Quirky kid" who's in a cringey phase.
Many of my friends say that I look good in grunge style and I kinda agree but it's hard for me to continue that if I can't even stand out from all the "edgy
People who wore crosses and wallet chains and do tiktoks"
Really feels like I don't fit in in all categories, am scared that people might confuse me with a CLOUT CHASER or a fucking tiktok e boy goddamn
I hate my life | [] | [
"Everyone wants to be \"edgy\" and it's making me self conscious I feel like I don't stand out.I can draw yes and play the guitar but I honestly feel like am stuck in the past, my taste in music are all rock and alt metal from\n2000's to the 90's and it doesn't really make me feel unique it's just my style but seeing as my friends and classmates getting more into rap and EDMit's hard for me to feel like I fit in.The I don't feel like I stand out is because of all the others copying a style and if I do that I'd be just another\n\"Quirky kid\" who's in a cringey phase.Many of my friends say that I look good in grunge style and I kinda agreebut it's hard for me to continue that if I can't even stand out from all the \"edgy\nPeople who wore crosses and wallet chains and do tiktoks\"\n\nReally feels like I don't fit in in all categories, am scared that people might confuse me with a CLOUT CHASER or a fucking tiktok e boy goddamn\nI hate my life"
] | 251 | Todo el mundo quiere ser "edgey" y me está haciendo consciente de sí mismo.Puedo dibujar sí y tocar la guitarra, pero honestamente siento que estoy atascado en el pasado, mi gusto en la música es todo rock y metal alt desde los años 2000 hasta los 90 y realmente no me hace sentir único es sólo mi estilo, pero viendo que mis amigos y compañeros de clase se meten más en el rap y EDMit es difícil para mí sentir que encajo.El no siento que me destaco es por todos los otros que copian un estilo y si lo hago sería sólo otro "chico quirky" que está en una fase de cringuey.Muchos de mis amigos dicen que me veo bien en estilo grunge y estoy de acuerdo pero es difícil para mí continuar que si ni siquiera puedo sobresalir de todas las "edgey People que usaba cruces y monederos encadenados y hago tiktoks" Realmente siento que no encaja en todas las categorías, estoy asustado de que la gente podría confundirme con un CLOUTSER o con un chico que me odia |
My life is over at 20 years oldHello all. I am a 20 year old balding male. My hairline is trash and to make matters worse my head is HUGE. I have bipolar, depression and crippling social anxiety. Balding has been the cherry on top. I wear a hat 24/7 even in my room when I’m alone because I can’t stop thinking about it. I pop Xanax all day to try and numb the pain and it works for a little bit but it all comes crashing back twice as hard once I come down. I don’t know how to communicate with people anymore and I don’t know how to keep a relationship. I used to be one of the “popular kids” but after my dad passed away I feel into a deep dark hole. I’ve been arrested numerous times, been in rehab, mental hospitals, you name it. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because of my mom and brothers. If I didn’t have them I’d be dead long ago. But it’s getting to the point where even their love and support isn’t going to be enough to keep me alive anymore. I’m either going to be the guy who killed himself, or the guy who went bald and 20 and looks like a child molestor. Which one would you choose? | [
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"My life is over at 20 years oldHello all.I am a 20 year old balding male.My hairline is trash and to make matters worse my head is HUGE.I have bipolar, depression and crippling social anxiety.Balding has been the cherry on top.I wear a hat 24/7 even in my room when I’m alone because I can’t stop thinking about it.I pop Xanax all day to try and numb the pain and it works for a little bit but it all comes crashing back twice as hard once I come down.I don’t know how to communicate with people anymoreand I don’t know how to keep a relationship.I used to be one of the “popular kids” but after my dad passed away I feel into a deep dark hole.I’ve been arrested numerous times, been in rehab, mental hospitals, you name it.The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because of my mom and brothers.If I didn’t have them I’d be dead long ago.But it’s getting to the point where even their love and support isn’t going to be enough to keep me alive anymore.I’m either going to be the guy who killed himself, or the guy who went bald and 20 and looks like a child molestor.Which one would you choose?"
] | 282 | Mi vida ha terminado a los 20 añosHola a todos.Soy un hombre calvo de 20 años.Mi línea de pelo es basura y para empeorar las cosas mi cabeza es ENORME.Tengo bipolar, depresión y ansiedad social paralizante.Balding ha sido la cereza en la parte superior.Uso un sombrero 24/7 incluso en mi habitación cuando estoy solo porque no puedo dejar de pensar en ello.Yo pop Xanax todo el día para tratar de adormecer el dolor y funciona por un poco pero todo vuelve a estrellarse dos veces más duro una vez que vengo abajo.No sé cómo comunicarme con la gente ya y no sé cómo mantener una relación.Solía ser uno de los “chicos populares” pero después de que mi padre falleció me sentí en un profundo agujero oscuro.He sido arrestado muchas veces, he estado en rehabilitación, hospitales mentales, lo nombras.La única razón por la que aún no me he matado es por mi madre y mis hermanos.Si no me hubieran llevado a un niño muerto hace mucho tiempo, ¿quién iba a estar muerto? |
I took the rest of my sleeping pills and my painkillersI can’t wait for it to end, I’ve struggled for the past 6 years and I’m finally ending it. | [
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"I took the rest of my sleeping pills and my painkillersI can’t wait for it to end, I’ve struggled for the past 6 years and I’m finally ending it."
] | 40 | Tomé el resto de mis pastillas para dormir y mis analgésicosNo puedo esperar a que termine, he luchado durante los últimos 6 años y finalmente estoy terminando. |
Can you imagine getting old? Me neither.Wrinkles, weight gain, hair loss, messed up teeth and bones, health issues, menopause, hormones, hating new generations & the way world progress.
Being a useless angry piece of shit who can't take care of itself. Being totally depended on people who secretly wants you to die already.
Can you even imagine yourself there? Absolutely not. Even if I was happy, I'd take my life just to avoid this. | [
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"Can you imagine getting old?Me neither.Wrinkles, weight gain, hair loss, messed up teeth and bones, health issues, menopause, hormones, hating new generations & the way world progress.Being a useless angry piece of shit who can't take care of itself.Being totally depended on people who secretly wants you to die already.Can you even imagine yourself there?Absolutely not.Even if I was happy, I'd take my life just to avoid this."
] | 105 | ¿Te imaginas envejecer?Yo tampoco.Arrugas, aumento de peso, pérdida de cabello, problemas de salud, menopausia, hormonas, odio a las nuevas generaciones & la forma en que el mundo progresa.Ser un inútil pedazo de mierda enojado que no puede cuidar de sí mismo.Ser totalmente dependiente de la gente que secretamente quiere que mueras ya.¿Puedes incluso imaginarte allí?Absolutamente no.Incluso si estuviera feliz, me tomaría la vida sólo para evitar esto. |
Do you think getting hit by a train would be painful?Guns are hard to come by in my country but trains are not. I just don't want to suffer though, do you think this would be a painless method of suicide? | [
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"Do you think getting hit by a train would be painful?Guns are hard to come by in my country but trains are not.I just don't want to suffer though, do you think this would be a painless method of suicide?"
] | 51 | ¿Crees que ser atropellado por un tren sería doloroso?Los cañones son difíciles de venir en mi país, pero los trenes no.Simplemente no quiero sufrir sin embargo, ¿crees que este sería un método indoloro de suicidio? |
death, continuedI posted here before and saw something interesting. I asked for information. You know what I got back? A bunch of people who wanted to do the same thing to me as they always do: spit back personal information about me. This makes things worse, obviously, but at least a bunch of trolls are having laughs.
In the end, my desire to self-terminate grows stronger. I have so little left now, but still have the same bitterness, just a bit stronger now. The main goal throughout the process is to minimize the subsequent fallout. It would certainly have been nice had the patrons of this forum been more respectful of my privacy, but that was obviously a bit of a ridiculous expectation, considering the source. | [
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"death, continuedI posted here before and saw something interesting.I asked for information.You know what I got back?A bunch of people who wanted to do the same thing to me as they always do: spit back personal information about me.This makes things worse, obviously, but at least a bunch of trolls are having laughs.In the end, my desire to self-terminate grows stronger.I have so little left now, but still have the same bitterness, just a bit stronger now.The main goal throughout the process is to minimize the subsequent fallout.It would certainly have been nice had the patrons of this forum been more respectful of my privacy, but that was obviously a bit of a ridiculous expectation, considering the source."
] | 153 | Un grupo de personas que querían hacerme lo mismo que siempre me hacen: escupir información personal sobre mí.Esto hace que las cosas empeoren, obviamente, pero al menos un grupo de trolls se están riendo.Al final, mi deseo de autoterminar se hace más fuerte.Ahora tengo tan poco, pero todavía tengo la misma amargura, sólo un poco más fuerte ahora.El objetivo principal a lo largo del proceso es minimizar la caída posterior.Sin duda habría sido agradable si los patrocinadores de este foro hubieran sido más respetuosos de mi privacidad, pero eso era obviamente un poco de una expectativa ridícula, considerando la fuente. |
Fuck the verizon smart family app I can’t even watch porn privately anymore wtf why is that a feature | [] | [
"Fuck the verizon smart family app I can’t even watch porn privately anymore wtf why is that a feature"
] | 25 | A la mierda la aplicación familiar inteligente verizon que ni siquiera puedo ver porno en privado más wtf ¿por qué es que una función |
I’m scared. Everything just seems to be getting worse and worse. I’m young and I think I’m transgender but I’m not even sure about that. I can’t tell if I’m just lying to myself or if I’m actually trans, I feel so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions and I can’t just take it anymore.
I just wish I could at least know for sure if I was trans, and even then I have to worry about if my (religious) family will be accepting and if I can actually do anything to alleviate my pain a bit.
I cut myself for the first time yesterday, I barely even drew blood so I can’t even fucking hurt myself correctly. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do anything correctly, I want to pursue music but I know there’s no money to be found in that field unless I become famous but that’s not happening.
Currently I’m not seriously debating suicide but the thoughts keep coming back and they just keep getting worse. I’m not sure if I can really take this much longer, I just wish I was born a girl. I want to cry. | [
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] | [
"I’m scared.Everything just seems to be getting worse and worse.I’m young and I think I’m transgenderbut I’m not even sure about that.I can’t tell if I’m just lying to myself or if I’m actually trans, I feel so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions and I can’t just take it anymore.I just wish I could at least know for sure if I was trans, and even then I have to worry about if my (religious) family will be accepting and if I can actually do anything to alleviate my pain a bit.I cut myself for the first time yesterday, I barely even drew blood so I can’t even fucking hurt myself correctly.I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do anything correctly, I want to pursue musicbut I know there’s no money to be found in that field unless I become famous but that’s not happening.Currently I’m not seriously debating suicide but the thoughts keep coming backand they just keep getting worse.I’m not sure if I can really take this much longer, I just wish I was born a girl.I want to cry."
] | 244 | Tengo miedo.Todo parece estar empeorando y empeorando.Soy joven y creo que soy transgénero pero ni siquiera estoy seguro de eso.No puedo decir si solo estoy mintiendo a mí mismo o si realmente soy trans, me siento tan abrumado con pensamientos y emociones y no puedo soportarlo más.Ojalá pudiera al menos saber con seguridad si era trans, e incluso entonces tengo que preocuparme de si mi familia (religiosa) va a aceptar y si realmente puedo hacer algo para aliviar un poco mi dolor.Me corté por primera vez ayer, apenas me saqué sangre para no hacerme daño a mí misma correctamente.No creo que alguna vez pueda hacer algo correctamente, quiero seguir con la música, pero sé que no hay dinero que encontrar en ese campo a menos que me vuelva famoso pero eso no está sucediendo.Actualmente no estoy discutiendo seriamente el suicidio, pero los pensamientos siguen empeorando.No estoy seguro si realmente puedo tomar esto más tiempo, solo quiero que nazca una chica.Quiero llorar. |
Well, Im screwed. I locked myself in the school toilet, and can't get out. For now.
Edit: I'm out now, I lived to tell the story | [] | [
"Well, Im screwed.I locked myself in the school toilet, and can't get out.For now.Edit: I'm out now, I lived to tell the story"
] | 38 | Bueno, estoy jodido.Me encerré en el baño de la escuela, y no puedo salir.Por ahora.Edit: Ahora estoy fuera, viví para contar la historia |
I'm fucked assignment is due tomorrow and I haven't even started yet.
:) | [] | [
"I'm fucked assignment is due tomorrow and I haven't even started yet.\n\n:)"
] | 19 | Estoy jodido tarea es para mañana y ni siquiera he comenzado todavía. :) |
yeaputting a knife to my wrist didn't give me any hesitation like how it used to, i am free from that, free to finally die
i hate seeing people having fun, it's just so depressing for me.
my sister goes out every night with her friend, it's nice to see her get out of her depression but at the same time
it hurts really bad
i have nothing now, it makes me realize that haha | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"yeaputting a knife to my wrist didn't give me any hesitation like how it used to, i am free from that, free to finally diei hate seeing people having fun, it's just so depressing for me.my sister goes out every night with her friend, it's nice to see her get out of her depression but at the same time\n\nit hurts really bad\n\ni have nothing now, it makes me realize that haha"
] | 91 | Yeaputting un cuchillo en mi muñeca no me dio ninguna duda como cómo solía, estoy libre de eso, libre para finalmente diei odio ver a la gente divertirse, es tan deprimente para mí.mi hermana sale todas las noches con su amigo, es agradable verla salir de su depresión, pero al mismo tiempo duele realmente malo no tengo nada ahora, me hace darme cuenta de que jaja |
I am ending my life today, goodbye everyone.I am 36 almost 37, I am on disability for PTSD and Rheumatoid Arthritis. I am 400 lbs and sick of living. I am tired of being single and rejected and made to feel as if I was some kind of monster. I am tired of not having anyone to connect with, to connect too, to have a companionship with. I am tired of being alone and single in this world, all because of my weight.
This loneliness has taken too much of me, it has swallowed me up from the inside out. It has consumed me. I see nothing but darkness everywhere I look. I see nothing but hate towards me everywhere I look. I have absolutely no one in my life. and this loneliness reminds me of it every day.
I am done with this world and ending my life today so goodbye everyone, by the time anyone reads this I will be dead. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I am ending my life today, goodbye everyone.I am 36 almost 37, I am on disability for PTSD and Rheumatoid Arthritis.I am 400 lbs and sick of living.I am tired of being single and rejected and made to feel as if I was some kind of monster.I am tired of not having anyone to connect with, to connect too, to have a companionship with.I am tired of being alone and single in this world, all because of my weight.This loneliness has taken too much of me, it has swallowed me up from the inside out.It has consumed me.I see nothing but darkness everywhere I look.I see nothing but hate towards me everywhere I look.I have absolutely no one in my life.and this loneliness reminds me of it every day.I am done with this world and ending my life today so goodbye everyone, by the time anyone reads this I will be dead."
] | 193 | Estoy terminando mi vida hoy, adiós a todos.Tengo 36 años casi 37, estoy en incapacidad para el PTSD y la artritis reumatoide.Estoy cansado de estar solo y rechazado y hecho sentir como si fuera algún tipo de monstruo.Estoy cansado de no tener a nadie con quien conectar, para conectar también, para tener una compañía con.Estoy cansado de estar solo y soltero en este mundo, todo debido a mi peso.Esta soledad me ha tomado demasiado de mí, me ha tragado desde dentro hacia fuera.Me ha consumido.No veo nada más que oscuridad por todas partes que miro.No veo nada más que odio hacia mí dondequiera que miro.No tengo absolutamente nadie en mi vida. y esta soledad me recuerda a ello todos los días. |
Me: I know I have a really toxic house and I do my best to cope with with it by going to school, etc Rona: hahahaha, stay at home forcefully go brrrrrrrrr | [] | [
"Me: I know I have a really toxic houseand I do my best to cope with with it by going to school, etc Rona: hahahaha, stay at home forcefully go brrrrrrrrr"
] | 45 | Yo: Sé que tengo una casa realmente tóxica y hago todo lo posible para hacer frente a él yendo a la escuela, etc Rona: jajahaha, quedarse en casa con fuerza ir brrrrrrrrrrrr |
Trapped inside a voidDear whoever cares enough to read this, though I doubt there are any that fall under that criteria.
I am trapped inside a void. There is absolutely nothing for me. I go through the monotonous tasks of every-day life with nothing to look forward to, no aspirations whatsoever. The only saving grace I felt like I had, the only thing that made me feel like I was wanted, and accepted me for who I am, was Maren. As absolutely idiotic as it sounds (and she’s assured me that it is,) talking to her was the one thing I looked forward to every day. It was the one thing that kept me going; knowing that some time throughout the day I would be able to talk to her, even if only briefly before we went to sleep.
She made me feel accepted. She made me feel like I had some kind of worth. She made me feel like I could actually like myself, and be okay with who I was. But most of all, she made me feel loved. Never before have I ever been able to open up to someone so completely. I felt completely at ease when talking with her. I’ve told her things that no one else in the world knows about me, and she made me feel like she actually cared about them- that she cared about me. We shared many intimate moments that I would never dare have with anyone else. We talked about getting together, being with each other, devising crazy scenarios with how to be together. We talked all the time, nothing could keep us apart. Except for Ty. She helped me through all of the problems I was facing related to my depression over the break-up with Starr. She talked to me whenever I needed her, and she always made me feel better about it. She was my shining star in a pitch-black sky. None of this is any longer, though.
We have slowly drifted apart as she began to realise exactly how I am. I am sure she regrets getting involved with me, and I don’t blame her. I do nothing but hurt her these days. None of it is intentional, but it happens nonetheless. When we first started talking again, I told her about my clingy tendencies and she said she was okay with that. I suppose she thought I was over-exaggerating, but I wasn’t. I need to have interaction in my life. I know it is not fair to the people around me, and I know that it is not what they want, but I cannot be alone in my own thoughts all the time. My thoughts are extremely self-destructive. I need someone to spend time with, someone to talk to to get away from my thoughts.
For about four months I was legitimately happy. That was probably the only time in my life I have ever actually been legitimately happy. I was finally over Starr, thanks to the help from Maren. I had no stress at all, things were actually looking up, even my migraines were becoming few and far between. I was in love, and I felt loved. If I could go back in time and re-play those four months over and over again, I would without hesitation. That was the best time of my life. I didn’t have people ridiculing me for various reasons beyond my control. I didn’t have to feel like I had to hold all of my feelings inside. I could share them with Maren, and she was incredibly receptive. I didn’t have to lie about who I was, or leave details out. Maren made me feel like I was a good person. I told her about my past, and she seemed genuinely concerned for me. She tried hard to dispel all of the hateful things I have been told about myself. She told me that I was attractive, something I had never been told before, not even by Starr, who I was together with for ten years. I was happy with who I was at that time. Prior to that I had never willingly taken a picture of myself. But with her, we would send each other snapchat pictures, and she made me feel like I wasn’t the hideous person that I thought myself to be. In hindsight, I am sure that she was just being nice to me, and that she did not actually think I was attractive. It was still nice to hear it, though.
I miss those days. I long for them to return, but I know that that will never happen. The same thing has happened with many people before, though none to that extreme. They are fine with me when we first start talking, and eventually they realise how high-maintenance and fucked up I am. That causes them to drift away, until eventually we stop talking altogether, or sometimes they just abruptly cut me out of their lives. That was the case with Starr. The night before she broke up with me she told me that she loved me. In the morning, she told me it was over and a few weeks later told me to never talk to her again. After ten years of being together, she ended it on a whim, and caused me to lose not only my significant other, but also my best friend. The same thing is happening with Maren. I am driving her away, and eventually I will not have a best friend again. I will be completely alone. The last time I was completely alone, right after Starr broke up with me, I didn’t leave my room for two weeks. I didn’t eat a single thing in those two weeks. I laid there in bed, staring at my ceiling in the darkness, constantly in tears, trying to realise where I had gone wrong. I have never cried so much in my life. I have hid my emotions from outside view all of my life, but at that moment I could not contain them any longer. I had absolutely nothing left for me in the world, and that is how I feel again, right now.
It was complete luck that I was actually able to reconnect with Maren again. I have no idea at all how to make friends. She just happened to be online on Facebook when I was feeling at my absolute lowest. I sent her a message with no expectations whatsoever, I was prepared to either be completely ignored, or told to go away. That didn’t happen though. We had a wonderful conversation, reminiscing about our childhood. I don’t remember how the subject got changed to me talking about Starr, but I told her everything, and she seemed like she genuinely cared about it. She stayed up with me until the morning, just talking with me on Facebook. I was in tears for most of that conversation, partly because I was still upset about the breakup, but also because I couldn’t believe that someone actually cared. Especially someone I hadn’t talked to in over a decade. When we started to get close, and revealed our feelings for one another, we joked about how us reconnecting was a “red string of fate.” I don’t believe in fate, but I also don’t think it was just dumb luck that caused us to reconnect at that moment, when I felt like I had nothing left. The problem lies in the fact that I will never be able to replicate that with anyone else. I am incredibly socially awkward; I cannot make new friends at all. In person I just completely freeze up and get overwhelmed with anxiety. Online, I just have nothing to say. I am a boring person. I have tried to make new friends on various subreddits, /r/r4r, /r/kikpals and the like. I have talked to a few people who seemed nice, but none of them developed into an actual friendship. They all stopped talking to me after one session. I don’t have anything at all to give in a friendship.
After fighting with Maren, and being told that I can’t keep badgering her to hang out with me, when all I asked was that if she was going to be able to talk after she was done watching Game of Thrones with her new boyfriend (who was her ex,) my self-worth is absolutely rock bottom. She has made me realise that I am the problem, that it is my fault my relationships always dissolve. She joined me in blaming Starr for the dissolution of our relationship, but I see now that it was never her fault. I am just completely unlovable. I can never have more than one true friend. I believe this stems from the fact that growing up, I had very few friends, and when I tried to expand and make new friends I got burned very badly, every time. Because of this, I latch on to the one friend I have. I suffocate them. I bother them until they cannot stand it any more, and leave me. I have tried so hard to give her space, and not ask her to hang out with me, or talk to me, but whenever I try, I get extremely depressed. I have spent the past two weeks in extreme depression. I was hoping that by the weekend we would be able to hang out and it would alleviate some of it, but she cancelled our plans in favour of hanging out with someone else. Every time I ask her to do something and she says no, I get a sinking feeling. Mainly because in the four months that I was happy, we did everything together. Any time I asked if she wanted to do something, she was happy to hang out with me. She was happy to talk to me nearly every moment she was awake. I suppose that is only sustainable for so long until someone would get bored of me. I have very little to offer, it was mainly her driving everything, and that must have been exhausting.
I am getting tired of writing, though. I recognize my faults and all of my flaws, but I have no knowledge or motivation to fix them. I have lived with them my entire life, and not a single person has stayed around because of them. I am writing this because I now have zero friends. I am completely alone. No one in the world would even notice if I fell off the face of the Earth, or faded into oblivion.
Goodbye,
Steven | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Trapped inside a voidDear whoever cares enough to read this, though I doubt there are any that fall under that criteria.I am trapped inside a void.There is absolutely nothing for me.I go through the monotonous tasks of every-day life with nothing to look forward to, no aspirations whatsoever.The only saving grace I felt like I had, the only thing that made me feel like I was wanted, and accepted me for who I am, was Maren.As absolutely idiotic as it sounds (and she’s assured me that it is,) talking to her was the one thing I looked forward to every day.It was the one thing that kept me going; knowing that some time throughout the day I would be able to talk to her, even if only briefly before we went to sleep.She made me feel accepted.She made me feel like I had some kind of worth.She made me feel like I could actually like myself, and be okay with who I was.But most of all, she made me feel loved.Never before have I ever been able to open up to someone so completely.I felt completely at ease when talking with her.I’ve told her things that no one else in the world knows about me, and she made me feel like she actually cared about them- that she cared about me.",
"We shared many intimate moments that I would never dare have with anyone else.We talked about getting together, being with each other, devising crazy scenarios with how to be together.We talked all the time, nothing could keep us apart.Except for Ty.She helped me through all of the problems I was facing related to my depression over the break-up with Starr.She talked to me whenever I needed her, and she always made me feel better about it.She was my shining star in a pitch-black sky.None of this is any longer, though.We have slowly drifted apart as she began to realise exactly how I am.I am sure she regrets getting involved with me, and I don’t blame her.I do nothing but hurt her these days.None of it is intentional, but it happens nonetheless.When we first started talking again, I told her about my clingy tendencies and she said she was okay with that.I suppose she thought I was over-exaggerating, but I wasn’t.I need to have interaction in my life.I know it is not fair to the people around me, and I know that it is not what they want, but I cannot be alone in my own thoughts all the time.My thoughts are extremely self-destructive.",
"I need someone to spend time with, someone to talk to to get away from my thoughts.For about four months I was legitimately happy.That was probably the only time in my life I have ever actually been legitimately happy.I was finally over Starr, thanks to the help from Maren.I had no stress at all, things were actually looking up, even my migraines were becoming few and far between.I was in love, and I felt loved.If I could go back in time and re-play those four months over and over again, I would without hesitation.That was the best time of my life.I didn’t have people ridiculing me for various reasons beyond my control.I didn’t have to feel like I had to hold all of my feelings inside.I could share them with Maren, and she was incredibly receptive.I didn’t have to lie about who I was, or leave details out.Maren made me feel like I was a good person.I told her about my past, and she seemed genuinely concerned for me.She tried hard to dispel all of the hateful things I have been told about myself.She told me that I was attractive, something I had never been told before, not even by Starr, who I was together with for ten years.I was happy with who I was at that time.",
"Prior to that I had never willingly taken a picture of myself.But with her, we would send each other snapchat pictures, and she made me feel like I wasn’t the hideous person that I thought myself to be.In hindsight, I am sure that she was just being nice to me, and that she did not actually think I was attractive.It was still nice to hear it, though.I miss those days.I long for them to return, but I know that that will never happen.The same thing has happened with many people before, though none to that extreme.They are fine with me when we first start talking, and eventually they realise how high-maintenance and fucked up I am.That causes them to drift away, until eventually we stop talking altogether, or sometimes they just abruptly cut me out of their lives.That was the case with Starr.The night before she broke up with me she told me that she loved me.In the morning, she told me it was over and a few weeks later told me to never talk to her again.After ten years of being together, she ended it on a whim, and caused me to lose not only my significant other, but also my best friend.The same thing is happening with Maren.",
"I am driving her away, and eventually I will not have a best friend again.I will be completely alone.The last time I was completely alone, right after Starr broke up with me, I didn’t leave my room for two weeks.I didn’t eat a single thing in those two weeks.I laid there in bed, staring at my ceiling in the darkness, constantly in tears, trying to realise where I had gone wrong.I have never cried so much in my life.I have hid my emotions from outside view all of my life, but at that moment I could not contain them any longer.I had absolutely nothing left for me in the world, and that is how I feel again, right now.It was complete luck that I was actually able to reconnect with Maren again.I have no idea at all how to make friends.She just happened to be online on Facebook when I was feeling at my absolute lowest.I sent her a message with no expectations whatsoever, I was prepared to either be completely ignored, or told to go away.That didn’t happen though.We had a wonderful conversation, reminiscing about our childhood.I don’t remember how the subject got changed to me talking about Starr, but I told her everything, and she seemed like she genuinely cared about it.",
"She stayed up with me until the morning, just talking with me on Facebook.I was in tears for most of that conversation, partly because I was still upset about the breakup, but also because I couldn’t believe that someone actually cared.Especially someone I hadn’t talked to in over a decade.When we started to get close, and revealed our feelings for one another, we joked about how us reconnecting was a “red string of fate.”I don’t believe in fate, but I also don’t think it was just dumb luck that caused us to reconnect at that moment, when I felt like I had nothing left.The problem lies in the fact that I will never be able to replicate that with anyone else.I am incredibly socially awkward; I cannot make new friends at all.In person I just completely freeze up and get overwhelmed with anxiety.Online, I just have nothing to say.I am a boring person.I have tried to make new friends on various subreddits, /r/r4r, /r/kikpals and the like.I have talked to a few people who seemed nice, but none of them developed into an actual friendship.They all stopped talking to me after one session.I don’t have anything at all to give in a friendship.",
"After fighting with Maren, and being told that I can’t keep badgering her to hang out with me, when all I asked was that if she was going to be able to talk after she was done watching Game of Thrones with her new boyfriend (who was her ex,) my self-worth is absolutely rock bottom.She has made me realise that I am the problem, that it is my fault my relationships always dissolve.She joined me in blaming Starr for the dissolution of our relationship, but I see now that it was never her fault.I am just completely unlovable.I can never have more than one true friend.I believe this stems from the fact that growing up, I had very few friends, and when I tried to expand and make new friends I got burned very badly, every time.Because of this, I latch on to the one friend I have.I suffocate them.I bother them until they cannot stand it any more, and leave me.I have tried so hard to give her space, and not ask her to hang out with me, or talk to me, but whenever I try, I get extremely depressed.I have spent the past two weeks in extreme depression.",
"I was hoping that by the weekend we would be able to hang out and it would alleviate some of it, but she cancelled our plans in favour of hanging out with someone else.Every time I ask her to do something and she says no, I get a sinking feeling.Mainly because in the four months that I was happy, we did everything together.Any time I asked if she wanted to do something, she was happy to hang out with me.She was happy to talk to me nearly every moment she was awake.I suppose that is only sustainable for so long until someone would get bored of me.I have very little to offer, it was mainly her driving everything, and that must have been exhausting.I am getting tired of writing, though.I recognize my faults and all of my flaws, but I have no knowledge or motivation to fix them.I have lived with them my entire life, and not a single person has stayed around because of them.I am writing this because I now have zero friends.I am completely alone.No one in the world would even notice if I fell off the face of the Earth, or faded into oblivion.Goodbye,\n\nSteven"
] | 275 | Atrapado dentro de un vacíoEstimado quien se preocupa lo suficiente por leer esto, aunque dudo que haya alguno que caiga bajo ese criterio.Estoy atrapado dentro de un vacío.No hay absolutamente nada para mí.Voy a través de las tareas monótonas de la vida cotidiana sin nada que esperar, sin aspiraciones en absoluto.La única gracia salvadora que sentí como si tuviera, lo único que me hizo sentir como si me quisiera, y me aceptó por quien soy, fue Maren.Tan absolutamente idiota como suena (y ella me aseguró que lo es), hablar con ella fue lo único que esperaba con ansias todos los días.Fue lo único que me hizo sentir que me mantenía en marcha; sabiendo que en algún momento a lo largo del día podría hablar con ella, aunque solo fuera brevemente antes de que nos durmiéramos.Me hizo sentir aceptada.Me hizo sentir como si tuviera algún tipo de valor.Me hizo sentir como si pudiera gustarme a mí mismo, y estar de acuerdo con quién era.Pero la mayoría de todos me hizo sentir amada.Nunca antes me había podido abrirme a alguien tan completamente.Me hizo sentir que me sentía cómoda cuando hablaba con ellos. |
Posting Galadriel’s opening monologue every day until I get a girlfriend Day 3 Galadriel: (speaking partly in Elvish)
(I amar prestar aen.)
The world is changed.
(Han matho ne nen.)
I feel it in the water.
(Han mathon ned cae.)
I feel it in the earth.
(A han noston ned gwilith.)
I smell it in the air.
Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.
It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf-Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power. For within these rings was bound the strength and the will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for another ring was made. Deep in the land of Mordor, in the Fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged a master ring, and into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life.
One ring to rule them all.
One by one, the free lands of Middle-Earth fell to the power of the Ring, but there were some who resisted. A last alliance of men and elves marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the very slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle-Earth. Victory was near, but the power of the ring could not be undone. It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the king, took up his father’s sword.
Sauron, enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated. The Ring passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the ring of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur, to his death.
And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, it ensnared another bearer.
It came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there it consumed him. The ring gave to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of Gollum’s cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived its time had come. It abandoned Gollum, but then something happened that the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire.
For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all. | [] | [
"Posting Galadriel’s opening monologue every day until I get a girlfriend Day 3 Galadriel: (speaking partly in Elvish)\n\n(I amar prestar aen.)The world is changed.(Han matho ne nen.)I feel it in the water.(Han mathon ned cae.)I feel it in the earth.(A han noston ned gwilith.)I smell it in the air.Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.It began with the forging of the Great Rings.Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings.Seven to the Dwarf-Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls.And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power.For within these rings was bound the strength and the will to govern each race.But they were all of them deceived, for another ring was made.Deep in the land of Mordor, in the Fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged a master ring, and into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life.One ring to rule them all.One by one, the free lands of Middle-Earth fell to the power of the Ring, but there were some who resisted.",
"A last alliance of men and elves marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the very slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle-Earth.Victory was near, but the power of the ring could not be undone.It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the king, took up his father’s sword.Sauron, enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated.The Ring passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the hearts of men are easily corrupted.And the ring of power has a will of its own.It betrayed Isildur, to his death.And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.History became legend.Legend became myth.And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge.Until, when chance came, it ensnared another bearer.It came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains.And there it consumed him.The ring gave to Gollum unnatural long life.For five hundred years it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of Gollum’s cave, it waited.Darkness crept back into the forests of the world.",
"Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived its time had come.It abandoned Gollum, but then something happened that the Ring did not intend.It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire.For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all."
] | 302 | Al poner el monólogo de apertura de Galadriel todos los días hasta que consiga una novia Día 3 Galadriel: (hablando en parte en Elvish) (Amar prestar aen.)El mundo ha cambiado.(Han matho nen.)Lo siento en el agua.(Han mathon ned cae.)Lo siento en la tierra.(A han noston ned gwilith.)Lo huelo en el aire.Mucho que una vez se perdió, porque ahora nadie vive que lo recuerde.Comenzó con la forja de los Grandes Anillos.Tres fueron dados a los Elfos, inmortales, más sabios y más justos de todos los seres.Siete a los Enanos-Señores, grandes mineros y artesanos de las salas de montaña.Y nueve, nueve anillos fueron regalados a la raza de los Hombres, que sobre todo desean poder.Porque dentro de estos anillos se unía la fuerza y la voluntad de gobernar cada raza.Pero todos ellos fueron engañados, por otro anillo.Den la tierra de Mordor, en el Monte Doom, a la tierra, a la tierra, a la tierra, a la tierra, a la tierra, a la tierra, a la tierra y la tierra, a la tierra. |
Do you sleep with Socks On,and how do you feel about sleeping with socks on? (I tried it for the first time with heavy long socks and it felt really nice when I woke up) Here are some benefits according to Healthline
* **Prevent hot flashes:** Some women find wearing socks helpful for cooling their core body temperature.
* **Improve cracked heels:** Wearing cotton socks after you moisturize can help keep your heels from drying out.
* **Increase potential orgasms: According to the** [**BBC**](https://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4111360.stm)**, researchers accidentally discovered that wearing socks increased participants’ ability to achieve an orgasm by 30 percent.**
* **Decrease chance of Raynaud’s attack:** Raynaud’s disease is when affected areas of the skin, usually the toes and fingers, lose circulation and start to throb or swell. Wearing socks at night can help prevent an attack by keeping your feet warm and blood circulating. | [] | [
"Do you sleep with Socks On,and how do you feel about sleeping with socks on?(I tried it for the first time with heavy long socks and it felt really nice when I woke up)Here are some benefits according to Healthline\n\n\n***Prevent hot flashes:**Some women find wearing socks helpful for cooling their core body temperature.* **Improve cracked heels:**Wearing cotton socks after you moisturize can help keep your heels from drying out.* **Increase potential orgasms:According to the**[**BBC**](https://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4111360.stm)**, researchers accidentally discovered that wearing socks increased participants’ ability to achieve an orgasm by 30 percent.**\n* **Decrease chance of Raynaud’s attack:**Raynaud’s disease is when affected areas of the skin, usually the toes and fingers, lose circulation and start to throb or swell.Wearing socks at night can help prevent an attack by keeping your feet warm and blood circulating."
] | 230 | ¿Te acuestas con Calcetines On, y cómo te sientes sobre dormir con calcetines?(Lo intenté por primera vez con calcetines largos y pesados y se sintió muy bien cuando me desperté)Aquí hay algunos beneficios según Healthline ***Prevente los sofocos:**Algunas mujeres encuentran útil usar calcetines para enfriar su temperatura corporal.* **Mejora los tacones rotos:**Usar calcetines de algodón después de hidratarse puede ayudar a evitar que los tacones se se sequen.* **Aumentar los orgasmos potenciales:De acuerdo con**[**BBC**](https://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4111360.stm)**, los investigadores descubrieron accidentalmente que usar calcetines aumentaba la capacidad de los participantes para alcanzar un orgasmo en un 30 por ciento.** * **Disminución de la posibilidad de ataque de Raynaud:**La enfermedad de Raynaud es cuando las zonas afectadas de la piel, generalmente los dedos y los dedos, pierden la circulación y comienzan a latir o hincharse. |
The graveyard of redditAnyone find it eery to think how many dead users this subreddit has?
Too often ill see a "I'm killing myself tonight" post from a active redditor only for them to never post again. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"The graveyard of redditAnyone find it eery to think how many dead users this subreddit has?Too often ill see a \"I'm killing myself tonight\" post from a active redditor only for them to never post again."
] | 55 | El cementerio de reddit¿Alguien se da cuenta de cuántos usuarios muertos tiene este subreddit?Demasiado mal a menudo ve un post de "Me estoy matando esta noche" de un redditor activo sólo para que nunca vuelva a publicar. |
Guys I want friends That’s it , I’m alone and don’t talk to anyone dm me or anything, I’m just tired of only talking to my dad and sister, literally only my dad and sister , I like animated series but I’m flexible to anything the last series I watch was Santa Clarita’s diet and the last animated series I watch was the hollow and shera ( I was watching them at the same time ), and I have a very extended music repertoire I can draw you anything you ask ( or at least I’ll try ) you can text me at any hour of the day , I pretty much only do that , I have weird family anecdotes and stories I can tell you , but if you are not interested in anything I mentioned it doesn’t matter I’m just here to be a friend | [] | [
"Guys I want friends That’s it , I’m alone and don’t talk to anyone dm me or anything, I’m just tired of only talking to my dad and sister, literally only my dad and sister , I like animated series but I’m flexible to anything the last series I watch was Santa Clarita’s diet and the last animated series I watch was the hollow and shera ( I was watching them at the same time ), and I have a very extended music repertoire I can draw you anything you ask ( or at least I’ll try ) you can text me at any hour of the day , I pretty much only do that , I have weird family anecdotes and stories I can tell you , but if you are not interested in anything I mentioned it doesn’t matter I’m just here to be a friend"
] | 179 | Chicos que quiero amigos Eso es todo , Estoy solo y no hablar con nadie hm mí o cualquier cosa , Sólo estoy cansado de hablar sólo con mi padre y hermana , literalmente sólo mi padre y hermana , Me gusta series animadas pero soy flexible a cualquier cosa la última serie que veo era dieta de Santa Clarita y la última serie animada que veo era el hueco y shera ( los estaba viendo al mismo tiempo ), y tengo un repertorio de música muy extendido que puedo dibujar cualquier cosa que me pidas ( o por lo menos voy a tratar ) me puede enviar un mensaje de texto a cualquier hora del día , Yo casi sólo hacer eso , Tengo anécdotas familiares extrañas e historias que puedo contarte , pero si usted no está interesado en cualquier cosa que mencioné no importa que estoy aquí para ser un amigo |
I think today may be my last.Everything's becoming too overwhelming and once it's late enough into the night I think it would be enough to go and finally end this miserable life of mine. I have a plan that works, if a certain friend doesn't call again. But I don't know if I'll be able to actually move.. I don't know what I want anymore but dying fixes everything, like this pain in my chest... And everything else.
Dying would fix everything, and I'd stop being such a nuisance and a past to the people I care about.
I can't waste anyone's time if I'm dead.
​
I think once the time is right, I'll go. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I think today may be my last.Everything's becoming too overwhelming and once it's late enough into the night I think it would be enough to go and finally end this miserable life of mine.I have a plan that works, if a certain friend doesn't call again.But I don't know if I'll be able to actually move..I don't know what I want anymore but dying fixes everything, like this pain in my chest...And everything else.Dying would fix everything, and I'd stop being such a nuisance and a past to the people I care about.I can't waste anyone's time if I'm dead.​\n\nI think once the time is right, I'll go."
] | 161 | Creo que hoy puede ser mi último.Todo se está volviendo demasiado abrumador y una vez que es lo suficientemente tarde en la noche creo que sería suficiente para ir y finalmente terminar esta miserable vida mía.Tengo un plan que funciona, si un cierto amigo no llama de nuevo.Pero no sé si voy a ser capaz de realmente mover..No sé lo que quiero más pero morir lo arregla todo, como este dolor en mi pecho...Y todo lo demás.Morir lo arreglaría todo, y dejaría de ser una molestia y un pasado para la gente que me importa.No puedo perder el tiempo de nadie si estoy muerto. ​ Creo que una vez que el tiempo es correcto, me iré. |
I’m trashLol I normally cringe at the self loathing posts here but honestly I’m such trash. Like literally everything about me. I just wish I could muster up the courage to just follow through. This is it and I’m okay with that that: everyday here is worst than the last. I appreciate this community for letting me know I’m not alone. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I’m trashLolI normally cringe at the self loathing posts here but honestly I’m such trash.Like literally everything about me.I just wish I could muster up the courage to just follow through.This is it and I’m okay with that that: everyday here is worst than the last.I appreciate this community for letting me know I’m not alone."
] | 81 | Soy basuraLolI normalmente se irritan en los postes que se odian a sí mismos aquí, pero honestamente soy tal basura. Literalmente como todo sobre mí. Me gustaría poder reunir el valor para simplemente seguir adelante.Esto es todo y estoy de acuerdo con que: todos los días aquí es peor que el último.Aprecio esta comunidad por dejarme saber que no estoy solo. |
Nice songs <3 Nice songs to vibe to-
Loverboy/a-wall
Come true/khai dreams
Weak when ur around/blackbear
All I need/khai dreams
Carwash/striptease (slowed)
Please listen to them :) | [] | [
"Nice songs <3 Nice songs to vibe to-\nLoverboy/a-wall\nCome true/khai dreams\nWeak when ur around/blackbear\nAll I need/khai dreams\nCarwash/striptease (slowed)\nPlease listen to them :)"
] | 59 | Bonitas canciones <3 Bonitas canciones para vibrar- Loverboy/a-wall Se hacen realidad/sueños khai Débil cuando ur around/blackbear Todo lo que necesito/sueños khai Carwash/striptease (slowed) Por favor, escúchelos :) |
What is the best way to do it?I’m not looking to be talked out of it. What would be the most effective, easiest way to go? | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"What is the best way to do it?I’m not looking to be talked out of it.What would be the most effective, easiest way to go?"
] | 33 | ¿Cuál es la mejor manera de hacerlo?No estoy buscando ser hablado fuera de ella.¿Cuál sería la manera más efectiva, más fácil de ir? |
Man I hope someone finds thisI am drunk as fuck. I found that I have hodgkins lymphoma. I don't want my fam to suffer through that shit. So I'm taking my life tomorrow. You guys think If I point a knife to my heart and fall downwards I'll be done easy. I hope so. That's what I'm going to do .
Man , I hope my girls moves on. She is so sweet. She loves falling to sleep in my arm . She is next to me. Hopes she thinks I am a coward. Hope she hates me for what I did instead of feeling sad. Man , hope my brother isn't too affected. He is a good soul . Fuck man , I'm rambling . Sorry. I am gone tomorrow. No more bullshit posts like this. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Man I hope someone finds thisI am drunk as fuck.I found that I have hodgkins lymphoma.I don't want my fam to suffer through that shit.So I'm taking my life tomorrow.You guys think If I point a knife to my heart and fall downwardsI'll be done easy.I hope so.That's what I'm going to do .Man , I hope my girls moves on.She is so sweet.She loves falling to sleep in my arm .She is next to me.Hopes she thinks I am a coward.Hope she hates me for what I did instead of feeling sad.Man , hope my brother isn't too affected.He is a good soul .Fuck man , I'm rambling .Sorry.I am gone tomorrow.No more bullshit posts like this."
] | 184 | Hombre, espero que alguien encuentre esto.Estoy borracho como una mierda.Descubrí que tengo linfoma de hodgkins.No quiero que mi familia sufra por esa mierda.Así que me voy a llevar mi vida mañana.Ustedes piensan que si apunto un cuchillo a mi corazón y caigo hacia abajo, estaré fácil.Espero que así sea.Eso es lo que voy a hacer.Hombre, espero que mis chicas sigan adelante.Ella es tan dulce.A ella le encanta dormirse en mi brazo.Ella está a mi lado.Espera que piense que soy un cobarde.Espero que me odie por lo que hice en lugar de sentirme triste.Hombre, espero que mi hermano no esté demasiado afectado.Es un buen alma.Hombre de mierda, estoy divagando.Lo siento.Me voy mañana.No más mensajes de mierda como este. |
Today's fact is Reddit awards are expensive emojis | [] | [
"Today's fact is Reddit awards are expensive emojis"
] | 15 | El hecho de hoy es que los premios Reddit son emojis caros |
I feel like I am drowningI used to go to school at a state university, then I had to drop out for financial issues. It's been a year since then and I haven't moved anywhere in my life. I have one job (15 hours a week, so I don't make enough money for essentials like food, soap, toothpaste, etc..) and I am trying to find another job but I can't find one. I feel like I'm going to be stuck in this hole forever and part of me just wants everything to be over. I apply to 5-6 jobs a day and make sure to call back but all I get is an explanation as to why they don't need me. I also haven't been able to afford a haircut for 3 months and I'm self-conscious about it because my hair never gets long and it feels gross. I spent all of this month with my bank account overdrafted and I have no clue how I will pay rent. Sorry for rambling, but I can't stop thinking of killing myself and I really want help. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I feel like I am drowningI used to go to school at a state university, then I had to drop out for financial issues.It's been a year since then and I haven't moved anywhere in my life.I have one job (15 hours a week, so I don't make enough money for essentials like food, soap, toothpaste, etc..) and I am trying to find another jobbut I can't find one.I feel like I'm going to be stuck in this hole forever and part of me just wants everything to be over.I apply to 5-6 jobs a day and make sure to call back but all I get is an explanation as to why they don't need me.I also haven't been able to afford a haircut for 3 months and I'm self-conscious about it because my hair never gets long and it feels gross.I spent all of this month with my bank account overdrafted and I have no clue how I will pay rent.Sorry for rambling, but I can't stop thinking of killing myself and I really want help."
] | 230 | Siento que me estoy ahogandoSolía ir a la escuela en una universidad estatal, luego tuve que abandonar por problemas financieros.Ha pasado un año desde entonces y no me he mudado a ninguna parte de mi vida.Tengo un trabajo (15 horas a la semana, así que no gano suficiente dinero para cosas esenciales como comida, jabón, pasta de dientes, etc.) y estoy tratando de encontrar otro trabajo, pero no puedo encontrar uno.Siento que voy a estar atrapado en este agujero para siempre y parte de mí solo quiere que todo termine.Solicito 5-6 trabajos al día y me aseguro de volver a llamar, pero todo lo que recibo es una explicación de por qué no me necesitan.También no he sido capaz de pagar un corte de pelo durante 3 meses y soy autoconsciente de ello porque mi cabello nunca se hace largo y se siente asqueroso.He pasado todo este mes con mi cuenta bancaria sobredibujada y no tengo idea de cómo voy a pagar el alquiler. |
Is it worth it?Is all the trouble, work and anxiety really worth living for. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Is it worth it?Is all the trouble, work and anxiety really worth living for."
] | 19 | ¿Vale la pena?Es todo el problema, el trabajo y la ansiedad realmente vale la pena vivir para. |
I triple nipple dock dare you To ask out your crush, or if you're taken tell them that you love them | [] | [
"I triple nipple dock dare you To ask out your crush, or if you're taken tell them that you love them"
] | 24 | Te reto a triplicar el atraque de los pezones para pedir tu amor, o si te llevan diles que los amas |
I'm a lonely 22 year old guy and feeling like a loser with no future.I'm 22 and feel all alone and I am very insecure about myself. I'm a fat 6'3'' 260 pound guy with a really small 5.5 inch penis. I have no gf or any experience with girls cause I feel too ugly and I think they will laugh at my size. I only have one real friend and barely any family left that still cares about me.
On top of all that I have no college educaton or any idea what kind of career to pursue. That leaves me working a shit minimum wage job I hate and living my life paycheck to paycheck. I just feel like saying fuck it all and giving up on life for good. I feel like the biggest fucking loser in the world. There are 16 year olds more successful than I am and it's just sad. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I'm a lonely 22 year old guy and feeling like a loser with no future.I'm 22 and feel all aloneand I am very insecure about myself.I'm a fat 6'3'' 260 pound guy with a really small 5.5 inch penis.I have no gf or any experience with girls cause I feel too ugly and I think they will laugh at my size.I only have one real friend and barely any family left that still cares about me.On top of all that I have no college educaton or any idea what kind of career to pursue.That leaves me working a shit minimum wage job I hate and living my life paycheck to paycheck.I just feel like saying fuck it all and giving up on life for good.I feel like the biggest fucking loser in the world.There are 16 year olds more successful than I am and it's just sad."
] | 187 | Soy un chico solitario de 22 años y me siento como un perdedor sin futuro.Tengo 22 años y me siento completamente solo y estoy muy inseguro conmigo mismo.Soy un gordo de 6'3'' 260 libras chico con un pene muy pequeño de 5.5 pulgadas.No tengo ningún gf o ninguna experiencia con las niñas porque me siento demasiado feo y creo que se reirán de mi tamaño.Sólo tengo un amigo real y casi ninguna familia que todavía se preocupe por mí.Además de todo, no tengo ningún educador universitario o ninguna idea de qué tipo de carrera a seguir.Eso me deja trabajando un trabajo de salario mínimo de mierda que odio y vivir mi cheque de pago de vida.Simplemente tengo ganas de decir mierda y renunciar a la vida para siempre.Me siento como el perdedor más grande del mundo.Hay 16 años de edad más exitoso de lo que soy y es triste. |
I hurt another person because I am too ungrateful that I am alive.I feel so messed up.
I was venting to someone on chat, and I told him what I am planning to do. Killing myself sometime this week.
He told me he has lung cancer, only 5% chances to live, and he wants to live. He called me ungrateful fucking shit because I want to kill myself only because I don't feel happy with anything anymore, how he wants my life. I hurt him so badly. I apologized like 100 times. I know I can't just apologized about that. He sent me a video with himself calling me all these things, and he was literally crying his eyes out.
I hate myself. I did hurt him so badly..
I still want to die, even more now. I cut myself for the first time ever today. Just to feel a little better.
I can't forgive myself now.
I am still planning on killing myself, I guess.
He told me to never talk to him again.
| [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I hurt another person because I am too ungrateful that I am alive.I feel so messed up.I was venting to someone on chat, and I told him what I am planning to do.Killing myself sometime this week.He told me he has lung cancer, only 5% chances to live, and he wants to live.He called me ungrateful fucking shit because I want to kill myself only because I don't feel happy with anything anymore, how he wants my life.I hurt him so badly.I apologized like 100 times.I know I can't just apologized about that.He sent me a video with himself calling me all these things, and he was literally crying his eyes out.I hate myself.I did hurt him so badly..\nI still want to die, even more now.I cut myself for the first time ever today.Just to feel a little better.I can't forgive myself now.I am still planning on killing myself, I guess.He told me to never talk to him again."
] | 219 | Le hice daño a otra persona porque soy demasiado desagradecido porque estoy vivo.Me sentí tan mal.Le estaba extendiendo a alguien en la charla, y le dije lo que estaba planeando hacer.Mátame en algún momento de esta semana.Me dijo que tenía cáncer de pulmón, sólo un 5% de posibilidades de vivir, y él quiere vivir.Me llamó mierda desagradecida porque quiero matarme sólo porque ya no me siento feliz con nada, como él quiere mi vida.Le lastimé tanto.Me disculpé como 100 veces.Sé que no puedo disculparme por eso.Me envió un video con él mismo llamándome todas estas cosas, y literalmente lloraba sus ojos.Me odio a mí mismo.Me lastimé tanto.Todavía quiero morir, aún más ahora.Me corté por primera vez hoy.Solo para sentirme un poco mejor.Ahora no puedo perdonarme.Todavía estoy planeando matarme a mí mismo, supongo.Me dijo que nunca vuelva a hablar con él. |
revenge suicideDoes the thought ever cross your mind? Do you ever alone, isolated, uncared for? Do you feel like youve reached out over, and over, and over, and yet no one hears you or takes you seriously? Do you ever feel like everyone in your life has given up on you?
I feel like jumping off this roof right now is the only way anyone will ever notice, or care, about how much pain I feel. No onewill care until Im dead, and then people will finally hear me. they'll understand I was serious. theyll understand how much pain Im in right now. Theyll wish they would have tried harder to listen every time I spoke about hurting myself, or ending my life, over the past twelve months.
I may be dead, I may never be here to see it, butpeople will finally care. Peop'e will finally notice my pain. And itll be okay, because ill be dead, and because there wont be any more pain. there wont be any more anything. and thats really really okay.
im a coward. im an enormou fucking coward. but im sitting up here, on this roof, slowly dosing up on medication. i hope that if i wIt long enough, if i take enough ativan, i wont be coherent enough to feel fear, or regret, or second thoughts. ill be dead near instanstly when i jump. Its finally gokng to be over, and I feel so happy | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"revenge suicideDoes the thought ever cross your mind?Do you ever alone, isolated, uncared for?Do you feel like youve reached out over, and over, and over, and yet no one hears you or takes you seriously?Do you ever feel like everyone in your life has given up on you?I feel like jumping off this roof right now is the only way anyone will ever notice, or care, about how much pain I feel.No onewill care until Im dead, and then people will finally hear me.they'll understand I was serious.theyll understand how much pain Im in right now.Theyll wish they would have tried harder to listen every time I spoke about hurting myself, or ending my life, over the past twelve months.I may be dead, I may never be here to see it, butpeople will finally care.Peop'e will finally notice my pain.And itll be okay, because ill be dead, and because there wont be any more pain.there wont be any more anything.and thats really really okay.im a coward.im an enormou fucking coward.but im sitting up here, on this roof, slowly dosing up on medication.i hope that if i wIt long enough, if i take enough ativan, i wont be coherent enough to feel fear, or regret, or second thoughts.",
"ill be dead near instanstly when i jump.Its finally gokng to be over, and I feel so happy"
] | 291 | ¿Alguna vez te has sentido solo, aislado, despreocupado? ¿Sientes que te has acercado una y otra vez, y sin embargo nadie te escucha o te toma en serio? ¿Alguna vez sientes que todos en tu vida han renunciado a ti?Siento que ahora mismo tengo ganas de saltar de este techo es la única manera en que alguien se dará cuenta, o se preocupará, de cuánto dolor siento.Nadie se preocupará por mí hasta que esté muerto, y entonces la gente finalmente me escuchará.entenderán que estaba en serio.entenderán cuánto dolor estoy en este momento.Desearán que se hayan esforzado en escuchar cada vez que he hablado de lastimarme a mí mismo, o de acabar con mi vida, durante los últimos doce meses.Puede que esté muerto, nunca estaré aquí para verlo, pero la gente finalmente se preocupará.Peop'e finalmente notará mi dolor.Y estará bien, porque está muerto, y porque no habrá más dolor. |
Hey, im gonna sleep with socks Whatcha gonna do? Put them off?! Good luck ima gonna sleep with warm feet | [] | [
"Hey, im gonna sleep with socks Whatcha gonna do?Put them off?!Good luck ima gonna sleep with warm feet"
] | 27 | Oye, yo voy a dormir con calcetines ¿Qué vas a hacer?¡Deshazte de ellos?!Buena suerte ima va a dormir con los pies calientes |
I learnt a new skill today! I learnt how to change a light bulb, only thing that happened was I cocked up the first time and it went out after 5 minutes, so I tightened it a bit and it now works. My room had been lightless for quite a long time and I finally have a bulb in the light. | [] | [
"I learnt a new skill today!I learnt how to change a light bulb, only thing that happened was I cocked up the first time and it went out after 5 minutes, so I tightened it a bit and it now works.My room had been lightless for quite a long time and I finally have a bulb in the light."
] | 69 | ¡Aprendí una nueva habilidad hoy!Aprendí a cambiar una bombilla, lo único que pasó fue que la apreté la primera vez y se fue después de 5 minutos, así que la apreté un poco y ahora funciona.Mi habitación había estado sin luz durante mucho tiempo y finalmente tengo una bombilla en la luz. |
I have nothing to live for.My life is so bleak.
I don’t have any genuine friends, I feel like a stranger in my own family and I’ve scared off the only person I truly cared about. I have no future or goals to look forward to. My life is falling apart and I’m just letting it happen because I’m so, so exhausted.
I just don’t know if I want to be alive anymore. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I have nothing to live for.My life is so bleak.I don’t have any genuine friends, I feel like a stranger in my own family and I’ve scared off the only person I truly cared about.I have no future or goals to look forward to.My life is falling apart and I’m just letting it happen because I’m so, so exhausted.I just don’t know if I want to be alive anymore."
] | 92 | No tengo nada por lo que vivir.Mi vida es tan sombría.No tengo amigos genuinos, me siento como un extraño en mi propia familia y he asustado a la única persona que realmente me importaba.No tengo futuro ni metas a las que mirar.Mi vida se está desmoronando y solo estoy dejando que suceda porque estoy tan, tan exhausta. Simplemente no sé si quiero estar vivo más. |
I thought I had got past these thoughts....This might sound weird but my Dad passed away quite suddenly two months ago. I did get to talk to him before he died but it still hurts. I had been quite suicidal prior to my dad's passing but for a month after those thoughts hardly entered my mind. But now they seem to be the only thing that occupies my mind. I been trying to deal with my depression with therapy and meds but I don't think they are really working.
This all came to the forefront since I quit my job to start a business with two friends but everyday I feel like we made a huge mistake and we are going to lose everything. The business is puttering along but it has not taken off enough to pay us a wage. Every month I juggle figures and hope we have enough money and credit to pay our bills.
I hate being the boss, I wish I had never quit my job. Sure you deal with the crap managers give you but at the end of the day you can go home and switch off, unlike now where all I do day after day is worry about losing our home.
I really wish I could go back in time and undo this decision. If some one presented my with a button that said it would kill me in my sleep in 24 hrs I would push it and be thankful. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I thought I had got past these thoughts....This might sound weird but my Dad passed away quite suddenly two months ago.I did get to talk to him before he died but it still hurts.I had been quite suicidal prior to my dad's passing but for a month after those thoughts hardly entered my mind.But now they seem to be the only thing that occupies my mind.I been trying to deal with my depression with therapy and meds but I don't think they are really working.This all came to the forefront since I quit my job to start a business with two friends but everyday I feel like we made a huge mistake and we are going to lose everything.The business is puttering along but it has not taken off enough to pay us a wage.Every month I juggle figures and hope we have enough money and credit to pay our bills.I hate being the boss, I wish I had never quit my job.Sure you deal with the crap managers give you but at the end of the day you can go home and switch off, unlike now where all I do day after day is worry about losing our home.I really wish I could go back in time and undo this decision.",
"If some one presented my with a button that said it would kill me in my sleep in 24 hrs I would push it and be thankful."
] | 248 | Pensé que había pasado estos pensamientos... Esto podría sonar raro pero mi padre falleció de repente hace dos meses.Yo llegué a hablar con él antes de que muriera, pero todavía me duele.Yo había sido bastante suicida antes de que mi padre muriera, pero durante un mes después de que esos pensamientos casi no entraran en mi mente.Pero ahora parecen ser lo único que ocupa mi mente.He estado tratando de lidiar con mi depresión con la terapia y medicamentos, pero no creo que realmente están trabajando.Todo esto vino a la vanguardia desde que dejé mi trabajo para comenzar un negocio con dos amigos, pero cada día siento que cometimos un gran error y vamos a perder todo.El negocio se está poniendo en marcha, pero no se ha tomado lo suficiente para pagarnos un salario.Cada mes hago malabarismos y espero que tengamos suficiente dinero y crédito para pagar nuestras facturas.Odio ser el jefe, me gustaría nunca haber dejado mi trabajo.Seguro que puedes tratar con los gerentes de mierda que te dan, pero al final del día puedes ir a casa y desconectar, a diferencia de ahora donde todo el día está preocupado por perder nuestra casa. |
Why does no one use the email function of reddit It's kinda sad, so underappreciated, edit- have y'all never used the email function, how uncultured | [] | [
"Why does no one use the email function of reddit It's kinda sad, so underappreciated, edit- have y'all never used the email function, how uncultured"
] | 41 | ¿Por qué nadie utiliza la función de correo electrónico de reddit Es un poco triste, tan poco apreciado, editar- que nunca han utilizado la función de correo electrónico, lo poco cultural |
Closing the book on my lifeI have tried everything. No one knows what to say because really, what is there to say. All people can say is “it gets better,” or try and guilt trip me. I get it. There’s only so much one can say and do in these situations. It’s not up to other people to help me. People don’t understand how deep this goes. I guess I can’t blame them. But I deserve to feel this way. I’m scared but I think I’ve made up my mind on what needs to be done.
I don’t think I’m going to post anywhere anymore. Whatever happens to me, happens.
At least I know I tried. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Closing the book on my lifeI have tried everything.No one knows what to say because really, what is there to say.All people can say is “it gets better,” or try and guilt trip me.I get it.There’s only so much one can say and do in these situations.It’s not up to other people to help me.People don’t understand how deep this goes.I guess I can’t blame them.But I deserve to feel this way.I’m scared but I think I’ve made up my mind on what needs to be done.I don’t think I’m going to post anywhere anymore.Whatever happens to me, happens.At least I know I tried."
] | 151 | Cerrar el libro sobre mi vidaLo he intentado todo.Nadie sabe qué decir porque realmente, lo que hay que decir.Todas las personas pueden decir que “se pone mejor”, o intentar y la culpa me hace tropezar.Lo entiendo.Sólo hay tanto que uno puede decir y hacer en estas situaciones.No depende de otras personas ayudarme.La gente no entiende lo profundo que esto va.Supongo que no puedo culparlos.Pero merezco sentirme así.Tengo miedo pero creo que me he decidido sobre lo que hay que hacer.No creo que vaya a publicar en ningún lugar más.Lo que sea que me pase, sucede.Al menos sé que lo intenté. |
math class always makes me so horny i always just zone out and think about what i’d do to my partner if i had one like damn i’d spoil them so much and like ooh damn it’d be so hot i gotta get bonked sorry guys | [] | [
"math class always makes me so horny i always just zone out and think about what i’d do to my partner if i had one like damn i’d spoil them so much and like ooh damn it’d be so hot i gotta get bonked sorry guys"
] | 54 | clase de matemáticas siempre me hace tan caliente que siempre sólo la zona fuera y pensar en lo que le haría a mi pareja si tuviera una maldita que los arruinaría tanto y como ooh maldita sea tan caliente que tengo que conseguir bonked chicos lo siento |
I've become so accustomed to the fact that I'm going to kill myself that other people's struggles with suicide don't register to me muchBecause I think about it so much I just see them as another person like me. It also makes me feel like everyone is like me, so if I went to kill myself and people were around nobody would care. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I've become so accustomed to the fact that I'm going to kill myself that other people's struggles with suicide don't register to me muchBecauseI think about it so much I just see them as another person like me.It also makes me feel like everyone is like me, so if I went to kill myself and people were around nobody would care."
] | 75 | Me he acostumbrado tanto al hecho de que me voy a suicidar que las luchas de otras personas con el suicidio no me registran mucho porque pienso tanto en ello que solo los veo como otra persona como yo.También me hace sentir que todos son como yo, así que si fuera a matarme y la gente estuviera cerca a nadie le importaría. |
My school sucks. I try to prevent generating waste, but it seems impossible when even when I BRING MY OWN REUSABLE MASK, MY SCHOOL GIVES ME 2 MANDATORY DISPOSABLE MASKS. I can't give them away, I can't do anything with them, and 2 OF MY SIBLINGS ARE GOING TO SCHOOL AS WELL. DOING BASIC MATH SAYS I GET 30 DISPOSABLE MASKS A WEEK. I hate this. | [] | [
"My school sucks.I try to prevent generating waste, but it seems impossible when even when I BRING MY OWN REUSABLE MASK, MY SCHOOL GIVES ME 2 MANDATORY DISPOSABLE MASKS.I can't give them away, I can't do anything with them, and 2 OF MY SIBLINGS ARE GOING TO SCHOOL AS WELL.DOING BASIC MATH SAYS I GET 30DISPOSABLE MASKSA WEEK.I hate this."
] | 110 | Mi escuela es una mierda.Trato de evitar la generación de residuos, pero parece imposible cuando incluso cuando traigo mi propia máscara reutilizable, mi escuela me da 2 máscaras desechables por mandato.No puedo regalarlas, no puedo hacer nada con ellas, y 2 de mis hermanas van a ir a la escuela también.Haciendo Math básica dice que tengo 30 semanas de masksa disposable.Odio esto. |
After- in the UKIf I die, is my brother financially responsible for my council flat? Like, if I die will it cost him money? Or will the council clean it out? Will the council dispose of my body, or will he be stuck having to pay for it? | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"After- in the UKIf I die, is my brother financially responsible for my council flat?Like, if I die will it cost him money?Or will the council clean it out?Will the council dispose of my body, or will he be stuck having to pay for it?"
] | 57 | Después- en el Reino UnidoSi muero, ¿es mi hermano financieramente responsable de mi piso del consejo?¿Como, si muero le costará dinero?¿O el consejo lo limpiará?¿El consejo se deshará de mi cuerpo, o se quedará atascado teniendo que pagar por él? |
I’m wondering how some of you guys are going to celebrate Valentines Day. I I m going to celebrate it with my Lucina and Corrin plushies. | [] | [
"I’m wondering how some of you guys are going to celebrate Valentines Day.I I m going to celebrate it with my Lucina and Corrin plushies."
] | 35 | Me pregunto cómo algunos de ustedes van a celebrar el Día de San Valentín.Yo voy a celebrarlo con mis peluches Lucina y Corrin. |
7 YearsGuys, I've been here before, a few years ago. You were all more or less supportive the last time (more or less) so here's a belated thank you for the kindness.
I've been dealing with an unbelievable degree of stress for a long time now. From repeated experience I'm way better off not hoping for anything whatsoever. For this reason, I've decided not to go into any details on this post. Instead I'm going to put [a link here](http://llawht4.blogspot.com/2012/09/with-every-breath.html) which serves as a reference to these insane events in my life. (I chose a blog entry that happened a few years back because it's less of a rant than normal.) I'm not doing this for you guys to pour over as it's heavy reading...and intense, so don't worry about it. I like to think of it as an "rlexperiment was here"--a marker of my existence.
Please don't reject this post. Please don't force me to share information. Please don't take it against me if I don't reply back to those who might comment. I'm conserving my energy. If you're sincere and good-willed, then know in advance that I appreciate your kind gesture. I might very well die from my circumstances, miserable and alone. But hey! Right now, I'm not in such a bad mood. I'd like to wish you all good cheer and happiness. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"7 YearsGuys, I've been here before, a few years ago.You were all more or less supportive the last time (more or less) so here's a belated thank you for the kindness.I've been dealing with an unbelievable degree of stress for a long time now.From repeated experience I'm way better off not hoping for anything whatsoever.For this reason, I've decided not to go into any details on this post.Instead I'm going to put [a link here](http://llawht4.blogspot.com/2012/09/with-every-breath.html) which serves as a reference to these insane events in my life.(I chose a blog entry that happened a few years back because it's less of a rant than normal.)I'm not doing this for you guys to pour over as it's heavy reading...and intense, so don't worry about it.I like to think of it as an \"rlexperiment was here\"--a marker of my existence.Please don't reject this post.Please don't force me to share information.Please don't take it against me if I don't reply back to those who might comment.I'm conserving my energy.If you're sincere and good-willed, then know in advance that I appreciate your kind gesture.I might very well die from my circumstances, miserable and alone.But hey!",
"Right now, I'm not in such a bad mood.I'd like to wish you all good cheer and happiness."
] | 309 | 7 AñosGuys, he estado aquí antes, hace unos años.Todos ustedes estuvieron más o menos apoyando la última vez (más o menos) así que aquí hay un tardío agradecimiento por la amabilidad.He estado lidiando con un grado increíble de estrés durante mucho tiempo.Desde la experiencia repetida estoy mucho mejor sin esperar nada en absoluto.Por esta razón, he decidido no entrar en detalles sobre este post.Por el contrario, voy a poner [un enlace aquí] (http://llawht4.blogspot.com/2012/09/with-every-reath.html) que sirve como una referencia a estos eventos locos en mi vida.(Escogí una entrada de blog que sucedió unos años atrás porque es menos de lo normal.)No estoy haciendo esto para que ustedes se vierten como una lectura pesada... e intensa, así que no se preocupen por ello.¡Me gusta pensar en ello como un "rlexperiment"--un marcador de mi existencia.Por favor, no rechacen este post.Por favor, no lo hagan por sí mismo. |
I cant stop feeling like my therapist didn’t believe I actually had any problemsI feel like he thought I was a fake he didn’t even do the full 6 trial sessions with me I feel so disconnected and fucked I am meant to find a longterm therapist but I ant do it I just can’t I have nothing to expel my fucked up thoughts I want to die I am going to clear my overdraft by the end of the year then buy a mask and nitrogen and fucking end it I’ve gone my entire life with no one believing I’m fucking depressed and no support my family and doctors are just fakes they are just a fucking facadec | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I cant stop feeling like my therapist didn’t believe I actually had any problemsI feel like he thought I was a fake he didn’t even do the full 6 trial sessions with me I feel so disconnected and fucked I am meant to find a longterm therapist but I ant do itI just can’t I have nothing to expel my fucked up thoughts I want to die I am going to clear my overdraft by the end of the year then buy a mask and nitrogen and fucking end itI’ve gone my entire life with no one believing I’m fucking depressed and no support my family and doctors are just fakes they are just a fucking facadec"
] | 136 | No puedo dejar de sentir como si mi terapeuta no creyera que realmente tuve ningún problema. Siento que él pensó que era un falso. Él ni siquiera hizo las 6 sesiones de prueba conmigo. Me siento tan desconectada y follada que estoy destinada a encontrar un terapeuta a largo plazo. Pero no puedo hacerlo. No puedo tener nada para expulsar mis jodidos pensamientos. Quiero morir. Voy a limpiar mi sobregiro para finales de año. Luego comprar una máscara y nitrógeno y terminarlo. He pasado toda mi vida sin nadie creyendo que estoy jodidamente deprimido y sin apoyo. |
Put opinions here Just say any controversial opinions you have that you want to share. And don’t make fun of others’ opinions. If you don’t agree just ignore. | [] | [
"Put opinions here Just say any controversial opinions you have that you want to share.And don’t make fun of others’ opinions.If you don’t agree just ignore."
] | 36 | Pon opiniones aquí Solo di cualquier opinión controversial que tengas que compartir.Y no te burles de las opiniones de los demás.Si no estás de acuerdo, ignóralo. |
I Accidently Cut My Dick With Scissors HELP | [] | [
"I Accidently Cut My Dick With Scissors HELP"
] | 13 | Accidentadamente corto mi pene con tijeras ayuda |
Since my aunt's suicide 3 weeks before Christmas, I drink, take painkillers or both. I can't stop thinking I'll kill myself too.I see so much of myself in her it hurts. She wasn't even twice my age. She hung herself with a doglead. Broke a hundred hearts. I'm absolutely not afraid of death. Only the out coming for the people who love me. I come from a family of functioning alcoholics but I can't stop drinking. I drink a lot on my own. I self harmed after a rape I never told anyone about. I've not for a few years now, almost 7. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Since my aunt's suicide 3 weeks before Christmas, I drink, take painkillers or both.I can't stop thinking I'll kill myself too.I see so much of myself in her it hurts.She wasn't even twice my age.She hung herself with a doglead.Broke a hundred hearts.I'm absolutely not afraid of death.Only the out coming for the people who love me.I come from a family of functioning alcoholics but I can't stop drinking.I drink a lot on my own.I self harmed after a rape I never told anyone about.I've not for a few years now, almost 7."
] | 140 | Desde el suicidio de mi tía 3 semanas antes de Navidad, bebo, tomo analgésicos o ambos.No puedo dejar de pensar que me mataré también.Veo tanto de mí mismo en ella que duele.Ella ni siquiera tenía el doble de mi edad.Ella se ahorcó con un doglead.Robó cien corazones.No tengo ningún miedo a la muerte.Sólo la salida para las personas que me aman.Vengo de una familia de alcohólicos que funcionan pero no puedo dejar de beber.Bebo mucho por mi cuenta.Yo mismo me lastimé después de una violación de la que nunca le conté a nadie.No lo he hecho desde hace unos años, casi 7. |
I'm so excited for tomorrow I'm going to my momals house and after I get some school work done I'm going to try to play enter the Gungeon with my friend and I can't wait see his reaction to this bullet hell | [] | [
"I'm so excited for tomorrow I'm going to my momals house and after I get some school work done I'm going to try to play enter the Gungeon with my friend and I can't wait see his reaction to this bullet hell"
] | 54 | Estoy tan emocionada por mañana que voy a la casa de mis mamás y después de hacer algo de trabajo en la escuela voy a tratar de jugar en el Gungeon con mi amigo y no puedo esperar a ver su reacción a esta bala infierno |
What you guys gaming? Any good games your playing? | [] | [
"What you guys gaming?Any good games your playing?"
] | 11 | ¿Qué estáis jugando? ¿Algún buen juego que jugéis? |
I need to know a good pistolI’m shopping online for pistols right now. Tonight’s been rough.
I have no clue about guns whatsoever but I’ve been depressed for years now and I’m growing weary.
So basically I’m hoping someone can point me in the right direction of a good pistol that can end me without just maiming me.
I have no idea. Money is no object at this point.
Any help is appreciated!
Brian | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I need to know a good pistolI’m shopping online for pistols right now.Tonight’s been rough.I have no clue about guns whatsoeverbut I’ve been depressed for years nowand I’m growing weary.So basically I’m hoping someone can point me in the right direction of a good pistol that can end me without just maiming me.I have no idea.Money is no object at this point.Any help is appreciated!Brian"
] | 98 | Necesito saber una buena pistolaEstoy comprando en línea para pistolas en este momento.Esta noche ha sido dura.No tengo ni idea de armas en absoluto, pero he estado deprimido durante años y me estoy cansando.Así que básicamente espero que alguien pueda apuntarme en la dirección correcta de una buena pistola que pueda acabar conmigo sin sólo mutilarme.No tengo ni idea.El dinero no es un objeto en este punto.¡Cualquier ayuda es apreciada! |
ive been suicidal for so longi dont think im truly “depressed”, but suicidal. idk if that even makes sense but im drunk rn. failing community college, i have good friends but i dont want to burden them with this info. i dont know what im looking for in life but i hate myself. im intelligent but ive never applied myself. i have trichotillomania and hardcore BFRBs. i want to talk to someone i guess, though i dont. i dont know, ive become apathetic and i think about suicide every day. suicide = no stress. maybe ill get super drunk and jump off a high place, thanks | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"ive been suicidal for so longi dont think im truly “depressed”, but suicidal.idk if that even makes sense but im drunk rn.failing community college, i have good friendsbut i dont want to burden them with this info.i dont know what im looking for in lifebut i hate myself.im intelligent but ive never applied myself.i have trichotillomania and hardcore BFRBs.i want to talk to someone i guess, though i dont.i dont know, ive become apathetic and i think about suicide every day.suicide = no stress.maybe ill get super drunk and jump off a high place, thanks"
] | 145 | he sido suicida durante tanto tiempo no creo que soy realmente “deprimido”, pero suicida.idk si eso incluso tiene sentido pero estoy borracho rn.failing universidad comunitaria, tengo buenos amigos pero no quiero cargar con esta info.i no sé lo que estoy buscando en la vida pero me odio a mí mismo.im inteligente pero nunca me aplico.i he tricotillomanía y hardcore BFRBs.i quiero hablar con alguien supongo, aunque no lo sé, me vuelvo apático y pienso en el suicidio cada día.suicidio = sin estrés.tal vez mal conseguir súper borracho y saltar de un lugar alto, gracias |
Do you do this? On YouTube when you look at comments, do you randomly click on an account and subscribe to them if they have any videos? | [] | [
"Do you do this?On YouTube when you look at comments, do you randomly click on an account and subscribe to them if they have any videos?"
] | 30 | ¿Haces esto?En YouTube cuando miras los comentarios, ¿harás clic al azar en una cuenta y te suscribirás a ellos si tienen algún vídeo? |
breakup? family guilt?the person who i thought was absolutely perfect for me just broke up with me yesterday. it came absolutely out of the blue, and they said it for reasons that i didn't know were problems/reasons they've never brought up before. i know the advice is generally "get back out there! plenty of fish in the sea", but i'm so fucking ugly and antisocial that i felt like this was really my one chance at being in a happy relationship. i became pretty codependent for the time that we were together, since they were basically the only thing in my life that made my depression abate for periods of time
&#x200B;
i feel like i'd be putting a gun to my head right now and pulling the trigger if i didn't have family members that would be sad. does anyone else feel the same way? i want so badly just to be done with all of it but i imagine my siblings and parents reactions and i just know i'll never be able to do it | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"breakup?family guilt?the person who i thought was absolutely perfect for me just broke up with me yesterday.it came absolutely out of the blue, and they said it for reasons that i didn't know were problems/reasons they've never brought up before.i know the advice is generally \"get back out there!plenty of fish in the sea\", but i'm so fucking ugly and antisocial that i felt like this was really my one chance at being in a happy relationship.i became pretty codependent for the time that we were together, since they were basically the only thing in my life that made my depression abate for periods of time\n\n&#x200B;\n\ni feel like i'd be putting a gun to my head right now and pulling the trigger if i didn't have family members that would be sad.does anyone else feel the same way?i want so badly just to be done with all of itbut i imagine my siblings and parents reactions and i just know i'll never be able to do it"
] | 219 | La persona que pensé que era absolutamente perfecta para mí acaba de romper conmigo ayer. salió absolutamente de la nada, y lo dijeron por razones que no sabía que eran problemas/razones que nunca habían planteado antes.Sé que el consejo es generalmente "regresar allí!plenty de peces en el mar", pero soy tan jodidamente feo y antisocial que sentí que esta era realmente mi única oportunidad de estar en una relación feliz.Me volví bastante codependiente por el tiempo que estuvimos juntos, ya que eran básicamente la única cosa en mi vida que hizo que mi depresión disminuyera por períodos de tiempo &#x200B; me siento como que estaría poniendo un arma en mi cabeza ahora mismo y tirando del gatillo si no tuviera miembros de la familia que sería triste.¿Alguien más se siente de la misma manera? |
I don't know where to goI've been homeless for Going on 2 nights in seattle. I don't know where to go, I have no friends or family here. I'm stranded, walking in the city and looking at all the people. I just wanna be gone. I am lost here and I just want the pain to end. I know I am not being smart about this, but I don't know where to go anymore. I feel so lost physically and mentally. I feel detached from everyone... I feel like this is my last day on this planet. Time just goes so slow when you have no where to go. Then the night comes and I am afraid to close my eyes. Is it even worth trying to get back up? | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I don't know where to goI've been homeless for Going on 2 nights in seattle.I don't know where to go, I have no friends or family here.I'm stranded, walking in the city and looking at all the people.I just wanna be gone.I am lost here and I just want the pain to end.I know I am not being smart about this, but I don't know where to go anymore.I feel so lost physically and mentally.I feel detached from everyone...I feel like this is my last day on this planet.Time just goes so slow when you have no where to go.Then the night comes and I am afraid to close my eyes.Is it even worth trying to get back up?"
] | 158 | No sé a dónde ir.He estado sin hogar por Ir en 2 noches en Seattle.No sé a dónde ir, no tengo amigos ni familia aquí.Estoy varado, caminando por la ciudad y mirando a toda la gente.Solo quiero estar fuera.Estoy perdido aquí y solo quiero que el dolor termine.Sé que no estoy siendo inteligente sobre esto, pero ya no sé a dónde ir.Me siento tan perdido física y mentalmente.Me siento separado de todos...Me siento como si este fuera mi último día en este planeta.El tiempo va tan lento cuando no tienes a dónde ir.Luego llega la noche y tengo miedo de cerrar los ojos. |
XD THIS IS SO RELATABLE!!!!!!1!!!!! XD my mom had to get a rape whistle, pepper spray, and a pocket knife all because someone was following her in a truck while she was running a few days ago causing her to go into a random persons house and retend like it was hers, and after about an hour of the truck in front the house it left making her free. I am genuinly afraid for my family and especially my mom. i just hope you guys can send blessing to her and my family. | [] | [
"XD THIS IS SO RELATABLE!!!!!!1!!!!!XD my mom had to get a rape whistle, pepper spray, and a pocket knife all because someone was following her in a truck while she was running a few days ago causing her to go into a random persons house and retend like it was hers, and after about an hour of the truck in front the house it left making her free.I am genuinly afraid for my family and especially my mom.i just hope you guys can send blessing to her and my family."
] | 114 | XD ESTO ES TAN RELATABLE!!!!!!1!!!!!!!XD mi mamá tuvo que conseguir un silbato de violación, spray de pimienta, y un cuchillo de bolsillo todo porque alguien la estaba siguiendo en un camión mientras ella estaba corriendo hace unos días haciendo que ella entrara en una casa de personas al azar y retendiera como si fuera de ella, y después de aproximadamente una hora del camión en frente de la casa que dejó haciéndola libre.Estoy genuinamente asustado por mi familia y especialmente mi mamá.Espero que ustedes puedan enviar bendición a ella y a mi familia. |
BLM are anarchists! They don’t listen to the full story, blame police for doing there job! Load of shit!!! | [] | [
"BLM are anarchists!They don’t listen to the full story, blame police for doing there job!Load of shit!!!"
] | 28 | ¡BLM son anarquistas!¡No escuchan la historia completa, culpan a la policía por hacer allí el trabajo!¡Carga de mierda! |
So after being single for 16 years, I finally found one. She’s perfect. She’s charming. She’s the best I could find. She’s also super adorable.
Kylie, I know you’re gonna see this so I want you to know that I love you.
u/iamatexan124 | [] | [
"So after being single for 16 years, I finally found one.She’s perfect.She’s charming.She’s the best I could find.She’s also super adorable.Kylie, I know you’re gonna see this so I want you to know that I love you.u/iamatexan124"
] | 69 | Así que después de estar soltera durante 16 años, finalmente encontré una.Ella es perfecta.Ella es encantadora.Ella es lo mejor que pude encontrar.Ella también es super adorable.Kylie, Sé que vas a ver esto así que quiero que sepas que te amo.u/iamatexan124 |
Not having a crush during quarantine. So I’ve never had a girlfriend. Last year was the first year I actually tried to make an attempt to date but all of those fucked up and I’m in quarantine now. And right now I’m feeling like shit because I don’t have a crush. That may sound pathetic but even though it was quarantine and it’s not a good idea to start a relationship during quarantine and probably wouldn’t but it was still nice to have someone to think about. A lot of nights I just feel hollow. Its not necessarily a feeling. It’s the absence of one. I don’t know I might sounds stupid right now just need to get some stuff out. | [] | [
"Not having a crush during quarantine.So I’ve never had a girlfriend.Last year was the first year I actually tried to make an attempt to date but all of those fucked up and I’m in quarantine now.And right now I’m feeling like shit because I don’t have a crush.That may sound pathetic but even though it was quarantine and it’s not a good idea to start a relationship during quarantine and probably wouldn’t but it was still nice to have someone to think about.A lot of nights I just feel hollow.Its not necessarily a feeling.It’s the absence of one.I don’t know I might sounds stupid right now just need to get some stuff out."
] | 147 | No tener un enamoramiento durante la cuarentena.Así que nunca he tenido una novia.El año pasado fue el primer año que realmente traté de hacer un intento de fecha pero todos esos jodidos y estoy en cuarentena ahora.Y ahora mismo me siento como una mierda porque no tengo un enamoramiento.Eso puede sonar patético, pero a pesar de que era cuarentena y no es una buena idea iniciar una relación durante la cuarentena y probablemente no lo haría pero todavía era agradable tener a alguien en quien pensar.Muchas noches me siento vacío.No es necesariamente un sentimiento.Es la ausencia de uno.No sé que podría sonar estúpido en este momento sólo necesito sacar algunas cosas. |
Where's the love?I live in this world and it's not like your imaginings. The books you read have little relevance.
People like to get by and they do so relatively quickly and without response, as do you. And so it goes on.
So why not die, why imagine that this world is somehow more special than it actually is.
I've been alone for so long and for little reason. I don't approach anyone, thay is my fault, but ly god are people in general boring spews of nothiny, and if not then they are hipsters with judgements. And that can be fun, but it's just an empty form of stimulation. I want to go. I'm tired of trying for the few days of fun but emptiness | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Where's the love?I live in this world and it's not like your imaginings.The books you read have little relevance.People like to get byand they do so relatively quickly and without response, as do you.And so it goes on.So why not die, why imagine that this world is somehow more special than it actually is.I've been alone for so long and for little reason.I don't approach anyone, thay is my fault, but ly god are people in general boring spews of nothiny, and if not then they are hipsters with judgements.And that can be fun, but it's just an empty form of stimulation.I want to go.I'm tired of trying for the few days of fun but emptiness"
] | 164 | ¿Dónde está el amor?Vivo en este mundo y no es como tus imaginaciones.Los libros que lees tienen poca relevancia.A la gente le gusta pasarse por alto y lo hacen relativamente rápido y sin respuesta, como a ti.Y así continúa.Entonces, ¿por qué no morir, por qué imaginar que este mundo es de alguna manera más especial de lo que realmente es.He estado solo por tanto tiempo y por poca razón.No me acerco a nadie, es mi culpa, pero es que Dios es gente en general aburrida y aburrida de nada, y si no es así, son hipsters con juicios.Y eso puede ser divertido, pero es sólo una forma vacía de estimulación.Quiero irme.Estoy cansado de probar por los pocos días de diversión pero vacío. |
Exams are coming My exams are coming. Those are very important. You can say Nationwide competition of grades. Well I Just started studying (again) and only 2 months are left. It's not a rant post or any complaint. I just wanted to tell someone I am really scared now. | [] | [
"Exams are coming My exams are coming.Those are very important.You can say Nationwide competition of grades.Well I Just started studying (again) and only 2 months are left.It's not a rant post or any complaint.I just wanted to tell someone I am really scared now."
] | 64 | Los exámenes están llegando Mis exámenes están llegando.Esos son muy importantes.Se puede decir competencia nacional de calificaciones.Bueno, acabo de empezar a estudiar (de nuevo) y sólo quedan 2 meses.No es un puesto de despotricación o cualquier queja.Solo quería decirle a alguien que estoy realmente asustado ahora. |
ok i feel bad about this and i want to get it off my chest i ordered donuts from deliveroo on the website but couldnt figure out how to tip the delivery rider throught the website, so i thought that i would just tip in cash. i was doing some stuff then i hear a knock followed by 'ok thank you' and a engine noise. my fucking brother went to get the food, didnt know about the tip thing and didnt even bother to tell me 'you your food is here' and i feel bad that the deliveroo driver didnt get the tip.
they completely deserve the tips, and i always tip waiters/waitresses in any pub or restaurant, i just couldnt figure out the website and my brother answered instead of me so the rider didnt get the tip.
i honestly feel kinda bad even though i dont feel like it was 100% my fault.
thanks for letting me get this off my chest. that felt good! | [] | [
"ok i feel bad about thisand i want to get it off my chest i ordered donuts from deliveroo on the website but couldnt figure out how to tip the delivery rider throught the website, so i thought that i would just tip in cash.i was doing some stuff then i hear a knock followed by 'ok thank you' and a engine noise.my fucking brother went to get the food, didnt know about the tip thing and didnt even bother to tell me 'you your food is here' and i feel bad that the deliveroo driver didnt get the tip.they completely deserve the tips, and i always tip waiters/waitresses in any pub or restaurant, i just couldnt figure out the website and my brother answered instead of me so the rider didnt get the tip.i honestly feel kinda bad even though i dont feel like it was 100% my fault.thanks for letting me get this off my chest.that felt good!"
] | 200 | Ok me siento mal por esto y quiero sacarlo de mi pecho pedí donuts de deliveroo en el sitio web, pero no pude averiguar cómo dar propina al repartidor a través de la página web, así que pensé que iba a dar propina en cash.i estaba haciendo algunas cosas entonces escuché un golpe seguido de 'ok gracias' y un ruido del motor.mi hermano de mierda fue a conseguir la comida, no sabía acerca de la propina y ni siquiera se molestó en decirme 'tu comida está aquí' y me siento mal que el conductor de deliveroo no recibió la propina.se merecen completamente los consejos, y siempre tips camareros / camareras en cualquier pub o restaurante, simplemente no pude averiguar el sitio web y mi hermano respondió en lugar de mí así que el jinete no recibió la propina.i honestamente se siente un poco mal a pesar de que no siento que fue 100% mi culpa.gracias por dejarme sacarme esto de mi pecho.¡eso se sintió bien! |
SuicideI didn’t plan on overdosing again, as in I figured I would kill myself in a different manner, but with the world as it is, overdosing is looking good. I have the pills ready. I’ve had ‘extra’ medication for months now. I have two months of everything I take. I have enough. Now, I must follow through.
Goodbye to everyone! | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"SuicideI didn’t plan on overdosing again, as in I figured I would kill myself in a different manner, but with the world as it is, overdosing is looking good.I have the pills ready.I’ve had ‘extra’ medication for months now.I have two months of everything I take.I have enough.Now, I must follow through.Goodbye to everyone!"
] | 83 | SuicidioNo planeé volver a sobredosificarme, ya que pensé que me mataría de una manera diferente, pero con el mundo como es, la sobredosificación se ve bien.Tengo las píldoras listas.He tenido medicación ‘extra’ desde hace meses.Tengo dos meses de todo lo que tomo.Tengo suficiente.Ahora, debo seguir adelante.Adiós a todos! |
Anyone planning suicide in the long-term future?I'm a depressed 22F who is considering suicide, but not soon, but within maybe 4-5 years.
Why do I want to kill myself?
It's kind of a long story. But the main reasons are a combination: (Lack of) Economic Stability, Health Problems, Family
along with a lack of purpose or inherent value of life.
**Economic**:
Growing up was hard and I've had to overcome a lot of adversity (lower-income household, mother dying at
a young age, being a queer person of color, strict parents, depression etc), like a lot of people here.
I'm in college currently, but found that although I genuinely love learning and picked a STEM major, college
just seems very oppressive. I know it makes me sound like an entitled, first world millenial.
My parents made me go the flagship state school directly after high school, not allowing me to choose a different school
or even CC for a few years (I had relatively good grades in high school). I knew from the moment I was on campus
that I hated it; lack of diversity and friendship, my health was negatively impacted, I didn't have a good sense of direction
or idea for a major/career and never felt inspired. I thought about transferring, but didn't have the
resources or finances (first-generation college student), so I stuck it out though I was depressed. I did well academically
but since my major/department is kinda shitty (applied math), I'm worried that I won't get a good paying job, unlike
engineering students. Like had I known earlier, I would have just majored in that instead. I will leave college
next year with about 25-28K in loans.
**Family**:
Generally, I strongly dislike my family life. My other siblings went to medical school and basically left the house
as fast as they could. My mom died at a young age, and instead of helping me out as possible with school or becoming
self-sufficient, my dad remarried and spends his money on his new wife (unemployed) and kids, even though he's pretty old
and should be focusing on retirement. I haven't come out as queer yet, but worry that my family will disown me because of it.
(not super religous, but super conservative, strict and family-oriented). My parents are also immigrants so we don't have
tons of wealthy family here.
**Health**:
I have a lot of chronic, probably genetically-caused, health diseases since I was young.
When I was young and in my mid-teens, I was able to take care of them when my parents were employed and supportive.
After my mom died, my dad didn't bother helping me out that much and without the resources for seeing specialists
anymore, my health has decreased. It's hard at college too, because I don't have a car, and I didn't always have
health insurance to be able to see anyone. So my health continues to decrease. These aren't
life-threatening health issues, but irreverisble for the most part and make me feel insecure and self-conscious.
So because of all this, I find it hard to justify continuing life. I am kind of a nihilist and definitely
an atheist with no absolutely no belief in the afterlife. I don't want to kill myself yet, but in 3-4 years,
when I can be more distant from my family and meticulous in suicide-planning once I'm in the "real world".
I've seen many psychologists over the years, but rarely find them helpful or knowledgeable, and condescending even.
It seems statistically unlikely that a queer woman of color from a first-generation college student background with severly
limited family support, chronic health issues, and student loans to be economically secure in like, even 5 years. And it's
hard to see my straight, white, male friends from more accepting and upper-middle class families succeed in life, when it's a
constant struggle for me.And even if I can push through and somehow find a way through the misery, what's the point? Why suffer and
struggle so much in life if I don't really see a reason too? Basically I created this post to see if anyone else agreed
with me and is truly planning suicide in the future.I'm also fine with talking to people about my choices and/or
expanding on the reasons above, though I doubt people can change my mind.
TL:DR: Want to wait 3-4 years before committing suicide. Basically I personally see life worth living if
I'm economically secure, have supportive family and friends, and am generally healthy. However, for a multitude of complex
reasons, all of the above factors are not really possible or likely for me. I am also a nihilist, atheist and
don't see a point to life, other than that society has stigmatized suicide and thinks everybody born should continue living. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Anyone planning suicide in the long-term future?I'm a depressed 22F who is considering suicide, but not soon, but within maybe 4-5 years.Why do I want to kill myself?It's kind of a long story.But the main reasons are a combination: (Lack of) Economic Stability, Health Problems, Family\nalong with a lack of purpose or inherent value of life.**Economic**:\n\nGrowing up was hard and I've had to overcome a lot of adversity (lower-income household, mother dying at\na young age, being a queer person of color, strict parents, depression etc), like a lot of people here.I'm in college currently, but found that although I genuinely love learning and picked a STEM major, college\njust seems very oppressive.I know it makes me sound like an entitled, first world millenial.My parents made me go the flagship state school directly after high school, not allowing me to choose a different school\nor even CC for a few years (I had relatively good grades in high school).I knew from the moment I was on campus\nthat I hated it; lack of diversity and friendship, my health was negatively impacted, I didn't have a good sense of direction\nor idea for a major/career and never felt inspired.",
"I thought about transferring, but didn't have the\nresources or finances (first-generation college student), so I stuck it out though I was depressed.I did well academically\nbut since my major/department is kinda shitty (applied math), I'm worried that I won't get a good paying job, unlike\nengineering students.Like had I known earlier, I would have just majored in that instead.I will leave college\nnext year with about 25-28K in loans.**Family**:\n\nGenerally, I strongly dislike my family life.My other siblings went to medical school and basically left the house\nas fast as they could.My mom died at a young age, and instead of helping me out as possible with school or becoming\nself-sufficient, my dad remarried and spends his money on his new wife (unemployed) and kids, even though he's pretty old\nand should be focusing on retirement.I haven't come out as queer yet, but worry that my family will disown me because of it.(not super religous, but super conservative, strict and family-oriented).My parents are also immigrants so we don't have\ntons of wealthy family here.**Health**:\nI have a lot of chronic, probably genetically-caused, health diseases since I was young.",
"When I was young and in my mid-teens, I was able to take care of them when my parents were employed and supportive.After my mom died, my dad didn't bother helping me out that much and without the resources for seeing specialists\nanymore, my health has decreased.It's hard at college too, because I don't have a car, and I didn't always have\nhealth insurance to be able to see anyone.So my health continues to decrease.These aren't\nlife-threatening health issues, but irreverisble for the most part and make me feel insecure and self-conscious.So because of all this, I find it hard to justify continuing life.I am kind of a nihilist and definitely\nan atheist with no absolutely no belief in the afterlife.I don't want to kill myself yet, but in 3-4 years,\nwhen I can be more distant from my family and meticulous in suicide-planning once I'm in the \"real world\".I've seen many psychologists over the years, but rarely find them helpful or knowledgeable, and condescending even.It seems statistically unlikely that a queer woman of color from a first-generation college student background with severly\n",
"limited family support, chronic health issues, and student loans to be economically secure in like, even 5 years.And it's\nhard to see my straight, white, male friends from more accepting and upper-middle class families succeed in life, when it's a\nconstant struggle for me.And even if I can push through and somehow find a way through the misery, what's the point?Why suffer and\nstruggle so much in life if I don't really see a reason too?Basically I created this post to see if anyone else agreed\nwith me and is truly planning suicide in the future.I'm also fine with talking to people about my choices and/or\nexpanding on the reasons above, though I doubt people can change my mind.TL:DR: Want to wait 3-4 years before committing suicide.Basically I personally see life worth living if\nI'm economically secure, have supportive family and friends, and am generally healthy.However, for a multitude of complex\nreasons, all of the above factors are not really possible or likely for me.I am also a nihilist, atheist and\ndon't see a point to life, other than that society has stigmatized suicide and thinks everybody born should continue living."
] | 270 | Yo soy un 22F deprimido que está considerando el suicidio, pero no pronto, pero quizás dentro de 4-5 años.¿Por qué quiero suicidarme?Es una especie de larga historia.Pero las principales razones son una combinación: (falta de) Estabilidad económica, problemas de salud, familia junto con una falta de propósito o valor inherente de la vida.**Económico**: Crecer era difícil y he tenido que superar muchas adversidades (casa de bajos ingresos, madre muriendo a una edad temprana, ser una persona queer de color, padres estrictos, depresión, etc.), como mucha gente aquí.Estoy en la universidad actualmente, pero encontré que aunque me encanta realmente aprender y elegir una mayor de STEM, la universidad simplemente parece muy opresiva.Sé que me hace sonar como un derecho, primer milenio.Mis padres me hicieron ir a la escuela estatal insignia directamente después de la escuela secundaria, pero encontré que aunque no me permitía elegir una escuela diferente o incluso CC por unos pocos años (tenía calificaciones relativamente buenas en la escuela secundaria). |
What the fuck?? I finally had the confidence to go meet someone in real life again, I was really excited to see my only real life friend and we would just walk around in the city and shop a bit. A few days ago my mum forced me to go on an activity I absolutely hate, my parents always force me to du stuff I really don't wanna do. Well it turns out on that free time activity I went to, which I absolutely hated, I talked to no one and just stayed away from everybody. Someone MAYBE has covid so now I can't go to the city and I will miss the first two days of irl schools which would have given me a plan on how this school year starts. Great! Now I cried for the past two hours, I was in a really good mood. I was really looking forward to get my school life together and I built up the confidence and now I feel even worse than before and I fucking hate it. | [] | [
"What the fuck??I finally had the confidence to go meet someone in real life again, I was really excited to see my only real life friend and we would just walk around in the city and shop a bit.A few days ago my mum forced me to go on an activity I absolutely hate, my parents always force me to du stuffI really don't wanna do.Well it turns out on that free time activity I went to, which I absolutely hated, I talked to no one and just stayed away from everybody.Someone MAYBE has covid so now I can't go to the city and I will miss the first two days of irl schools which would have given me a plan on how this school year starts.Great!Now I cried for the past two hours, I was in a really good mood.I was really looking forward to get my school life together and I built up the confidence and now I feel even worse than before and I fucking hate it."
] | 200 | Por fin tuve la confianza de volver a conocer a alguien en la vida real, estaba muy emocionado de ver a mi único amigo de la vida real y simplemente íbamos por la ciudad y compramos un poco.Hace unos días mi madre me obligó a hacer una actividad que odio absolutamente, mis padres siempre me obligan a hacer cosas que realmente no quiero hacer.Bueno, resulta que en esa actividad de tiempo libre a la que fui, a la que absolutamente odiaba, no hablé con nadie y me quedé lejos de todos.Alguien puede que haya sido codicioso, así que ahora no puedo ir a la ciudad y me perderé los dos primeros días de escuelas de irls que me habrían dado un plan sobre cómo empieza este año escolar.¡Genial!Ahora lloré durante las últimas dos horas, estaba de muy buen humor.Estaba realmente deseando reunir mi vida en la escuela y construí la confianza y ahora me siento peor que antes y lo odio. |
Screenwriting Course Scripts and Characters that commit suicide (and other parts of dealing with depression)I've been a little low lately, so this matters to me. I'm long past the days where every moment feels like breathing underwater, so it only hurts a little.
I wrote the outline for my script a year and a half ago, when I was in the worst throws of my depression and was nearly hospitalized. And now, as I am in the class that comes after that basic course, I have to finish the script. I like how the script has grown and changed, and it certainly has a broader scope than the depression that haunted me.
But today I had to write the little part where the character considers committing suicide. It was like I was seeing myself doing his actions. There is another character that is the voice of depression, and every line I wrote was the ideas that I had in my head. It was like writing down my thoughts, from the past. Too easy to write, which meant I could zoom past it faster, but I could never watch this script come to life. It would be too traumatic. I couldn't let other people see that too. Especially people who know what its like.
I know it isn't the same, now that I'm much better, but I feel like I could see myself cutting to stop myself from committing suicide, or looking over the edge of a building, sad that I was hesitating and that I wouldn't do it. Confused if that was really what I wanted.
Another complexity. I feel like I've become the expert on suicide, hospitalization, therapy, group therapy, anti-depressants, and depression within my class. Too many scripts don't get it right. It's never as straightforward as they write it. Even now, it's not straightforward; a part of me, very small, wants to kill myself. A larger part of me wants to be off antidepressants, even if it means that I fall back into depression. An even larger part of me is ready to cut myself at a moment's notice, to just stop pain. And now I will talk about the script during class, like opening up too much of a wound. We will see how much it bothers me. I don't think it will too much, but who knows, right?
Someone in my class wasn't clear about what the character was doing (accident or attempt). To me it sounded like a suicide attempt, and if it is, well... I guess I'll have to tell her that there's no realistic way that she would get out of the hospital the same day. Even if it is an accident, someone would be asking her about her intent.
My life keeps getting more and more complex the farther I am from the epicenter of my depression. Not that I don't have depression (getting much closer to stable though).
I know this is long, and I though this isn't entirely related. But I just wanted to show this to people who know what it's like to consider suicide, or know a bit about the ambiguity, treatment, and reactions that follow it. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Screenwriting Course Scripts and Characters that commit suicide (and other parts of dealing with depression)I've been a little low lately, so this matters to me.I'm long past the days where every moment feels like breathing underwater, so it only hurts a little.I wrote the outline for my script a year and a half ago, when I was in the worst throws of my depression and was nearly hospitalized.And now, as I am in the class that comes after that basic course, I have to finish the script.I like how the script has grown and changed, and it certainly has a broader scope than the depression that haunted me.But today I had to write the little part where the character considers committing suicide.It was like I was seeing myself doing his actions.There is another character that is the voice of depression, and every line I wrote was the ideas that I had in my head.It was like writing down my thoughts, from the past.Too easy to write, which meant I could zoom past it faster, but I could never watch this script come to life.It would be too traumatic.I couldn't let other people see that too.Especially people who know what its like.",
"I know it isn't the same, now that I'm much better, but I feel like I could see myself cutting to stop myself from committing suicide, or looking over the edge of a building, sad that I was hesitating and that I wouldn't do it.Confused if that was really what I wanted.Another complexity.I feel like I've become the expert on suicide, hospitalization, therapy, group therapy, anti-depressants, and depression within my class.Too many scripts don't get it right.It's never as straightforward as they write it.Even now, it's not straightforward; a part of me, very small, wants to kill myself.A larger part of me wants to be off antidepressants, even if it means that I fall back into depression.An even larger part of me is ready to cut myself at a moment's notice, to just stop pain.And now I will talk about the script during class, like opening up too much of a wound.We will see how much it bothers me.I don't think it will too much, but who knows, right?\n\nSomeone in my class wasn't clear about what the character was doing (accident or attempt).To me it sounded like a suicide attempt, and if it is, well...",
"I guess I'll have to tell her that there's no realistic way that she would get out of the hospital the same day.Even if it is an accident, someone would be asking her about her intent.My life keeps getting more and more complex the farther I am from the epicenter of my depression.Not that I don't have depression (getting much closer to stable though).I know this is long, and I though this isn't entirely related.But I just wanted to show this to people who know what it's like to consider suicide, or know a bit about the ambiguity, treatment, and reactions that follow it."
] | 254 | Scripts and Characters que cometen suicidio (y otras partes de lidiar con la depresión) He estado un poco baja últimamente, así que esto me importa.Estoy mucho más allá de los días en los que cada momento tiene ganas de respirar bajo el agua, así que solo duele un poco.Escribí el esquema de mi guión hace un año y medio, cuando estaba en los peores lanzamientos de mi depresión y estaba casi hospitalizado.Y ahora, como estoy en la clase que viene después de ese curso básico, tengo que terminar el guión.Me gusta cómo el guión ha crecido y cambiado, y ciertamente tiene un alcance más amplio que la depresión que me atormentó.Pero hoy tuve que escribir la pequeña parte en la que el personaje considera suicidarse.Era como si me estuviera viendo a mí mismo haciendo sus acciones.Hay otro personaje que es la voz de la depresión, y todas las líneas que escribí eran las ideas que tenía en mi cabeza.Era como escribir mis pensamientos, desde el pasado.Demasiado fácil de escribir, lo que significaba que podía hacer más rápido, pero nunca podía ver este guión llegar a la vida. |
The reviews on the dildo said weak suction cup Yet I can lift my whole desk with it | [] | [
"The reviews on the dildo said weak suction cupYet I can lift my whole desk with it"
] | 19 | Las críticas en el consolador dijeron ventosa débilSin embargo, puedo levantar todo mi escritorio con él |
Can someone talk to me?I've been staring at this blank post for 10 minutes, I don't know what to say? I can't stop crying. What do I... say I don't know I don't even want to be happy if that's too much to ask I just want to be able to get through one day,
I don't even know why I'm posting here. I'm afraid if I talk to a friend they're going to sigh over how I'm, pathetic or... I
I'm sorry
| [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Can someone talk to me?I've been staring at this blank post for 10 minutes, I don't know what to say?I can't stop crying.What do I... say I don't know I don't even want to be happy if that's too much to ask I just want to be able to get through one day,\nI don't even know why I'm posting here.I'm afraid if I talk to a friend they're going to sigh over how I'm, pathetic or...I\nI'm sorry"
] | 117 | ¿Puede alguien hablar conmigo?He estado mirando este post en blanco durante 10 minutos, no sé qué decir?No puedo dejar de llorar.Qué... decir que no sé que ni siquiera quiero ser feliz si eso es demasiado pedir que sólo quiero ser capaz de llegar a través de un día, ni siquiera sé por qué estoy publicando aquí.Tengo miedo de que si hablo con un amigo que van a suspirar por cómo soy, patético o ... Lo siento |
What's the point of living for a 19 year old male who's 5"6?It hinders everything in my life and I'm so close tob putting a stop t it | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"What's the point of living for a 19 year old male who's 5\"6?It hinders everything in my life and I'm so close tob putting a stop t it"
] | 40 | ¿Cuál es el punto de vivir para un hombre de 19 años que tiene 5"6? Impide todo en mi vida y estoy tan cerca de poner fin a esto |
Brain so damaged from drugs i don't feel human anymoreThat's pretty much all of i can say, my brain is full of shit and it is so fucking loud i can never have peace.
- I written wall of text here but then i deleted it... | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Brain so damaged from drugs i don't feel human anymoreThat's pretty much all of i can say, my brain is full of shit and it is so fucking loudi can never have peace.- I written wall of text herebut then i deleted it..."
] | 54 | Cerebro tan dañado por las drogas que ya no me siento humano Eso es casi todo lo que puedo decir, mi cerebro está lleno de mierda y es tan jodidamente fuerte que nunca puede tener paz.- Escribí un muro de texto aquí pero luego lo borré... |
I feel so hopelessHello, I guess this is my attempt at a lifeline or something.
Okay, so I guess the best way to begin this is to just tell you straight up that I’m gay. This wouldn’t be an issue if I didn’t have strictly conservative parents, I know a lot of people have it worse off than me, but I feel like most of my problems stem from this.
I haven’t been diagnosed as anything really, but I don’t really care because it doesn’t take a fucking expert’s opinion to tell you there is something genuinely fucking wrong with me. Lately I’ve been feeling more and more suicidal, and have been planning my suicide more and more and how I could enact it with little to no effort whatsoever. And right before the time of this post in fact, I’ve cut myself for the first time. Very shallow cuts, 7 of them. Worst part of it was trying to get the bleeding to stop, even now. That and I’ve been feeling like absolute SHIT consistently for 4 months now, so yeah there’s definitely something wrong.
To further go into detail about the cutting, looking back at it, I snapped and started cutting, going deeper than anything I’ve tried to cut and with such force and pressure. I’m glad there was only an exacto knife nearby, if anything else I think I may have bled out. What scares me about this is 1. how I snapped and started cutting myself and how fast I went to cut myself and 2. How the fuck I’m going to hide the cuts and if someone asks what excuse I could possibly come up with.
At the time of typing this, yesterday during work I was so miserable that I contemplated walking out climbing up a tree, tying my hoodie sleeves on both the tree and my next and just letting myself fall. I obviously didn’t do this, and even if I were to walk out, I’d probably wouldn’t because I felt like if I did, I’d just spread my suffering to my family.
About my family : As I stated previously, they’re an adamant religious bunch, and they have no tolerance for gays, heresy and mental illness, so I have to act as if I were something I were not around them, and I think the facade is taking a toll on my mind because then I feel like I have no actual personality and that I just have to be fake around people to make them happy at the time. I’ll be honest, it’s hard sometimes but I feel no sense of “selfness” I have never EVER even gave them a hint that I would ever be gay, I try to make it seem like gay isn’t even a comprehensible subject and that it is something so outlandish it shouldn’t exist. However, recently I have told my mother that I am feeling anxious about everything, stressed over tiny things and that I’m feeling like absolute shit and I’ve been considering suicide and she just yells at me and tells me I’m lazy and that even I couldn’t amount to anything if I gave it all of my willpower, and what hurts more than the words is the expectation being shattered. I just want someone to understand me, and to love me for what I am, and genuinely acknowledge that there is something wrong with me, and that I need help, but it just makes me so fucking sad that it’s never going to happen, I don’t even tell this sort of stuff to my one friend because it just ruins the atmosphere and brings the mood down, so I can’t just do that. I feel like I genuinely have nobody, I feel so isolated and alone. I know there are those who have it so much worse off than me, and I try to rationalize the situation in consideration of the fact, but I can’t help but feeling so fucking bad.
I am scared that I’m going to kill myself soon, I just want things to stop being shit, I’ve been feeling like this on and off for almost 5
Years no, but in the past 4 months, I genuinely have been feeling this way daily and very recently have had only suicide on my mind. I just want the pain to end, I just want to not be alone, and want someone to hug me and tell me I’m valid. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I feel so hopelessHello, I guess this is my attempt at a lifeline or something.Okay, so I guess the best way to begin this is to just tell you straight up that I’m gay.This wouldn’t be an issue if I didn’t have strictly conservative parents, I know a lot of people have it worse off than me, but I feel like most of my problems stem from this.I haven’t been diagnosed as anything really, but I don’t really care because it doesn’t take a fucking expert’s opinion to tell you there is something genuinely fucking wrong with me.Lately I’ve been feeling more and more suicidal, and have been planning my suicide more and more and how I could enact it with little to no effort whatsoever.And right before the time of this post in fact, I’ve cut myself for the first time.Very shallow cuts, 7 of them.Worst part of it was trying to get the bleeding to stop, even now.That and I’ve been feeling like absolute SHIT consistently for 4 months now, soyeah there’s definitely something wrong.To further go into detail about the cutting, looking back at it, I snapped and started cutting, going deeper than anything I’ve tried to cut and with such force and pressure.",
"I’m glad there was only an exacto knife nearby, if anything else I think I may have bled out.What scares me about this is 1.how I snapped and started cutting myself and how fast I went to cut myself and 2.How the fuck I’m going to hide the cuts and if someone asks what excuse I could possibly come up with.At the time of typing this, yesterday during work I was so miserable that I contemplated walking out climbing up a tree, tying my hoodie sleeves on both the tree and my next and just letting myself fall.I obviously didn’t do this, and even if I were to walk out, I’d probably wouldn’t because I felt like if I did, I’d just spread my suffering to my family.About my family : As I stated previously, they’re an adamant religious bunch, and they have no tolerance for gays, heresy and mental illness, so I have to act as if I were something I were not around them, and I think the facade is taking a toll on my mind because then I feel like I have no actual personality and that I just have to be fake around people to make them happy at the time.I’ll be honest, it’s hard sometimes",
"but I feel no sense of “selfness” I have never EVER even gave them a hint that I would ever be gay, I try to make it seem like gay isn’t even a comprehensible subject and that it is something so outlandish it shouldn’t exist.However, recently I have told my mother that I am feeling anxious about everything, stressed over tiny things and that I’m feeling like absolute shit and I’ve been considering suicide and she just yells at me and tells me I’m lazy and that even I couldn’t amount to anything if I gave it all of my willpower, and what hurts more than the words is the expectation being shattered.I just want someone to understand me, and to love me for what I am, and genuinely acknowledge that there is something wrong with me, and that I need help, but it just makes me so fucking sad that it’s never going to happen, I don’t even tell this sort of stuff to my one friend because it just ruins the atmosphere and brings the mood down, so I can’t just do that.I feel like I genuinely have nobody, I feel so isolated and alone.",
"I know there are those who have it so much worse off than me, and I try to rationalize the situation in consideration of the fact, but I can’t help but feeling so fucking bad.I am scared that I’m going to kill myself soon, I just want things to stop being shit, I’ve been feeling like this on and off for almost 5\nYears no, but in the past 4 months, I genuinely have been feeling this way daily and very recently have had only suicide on my mind.I just want the pain to end, I just want to not be alone, and want someone to hug me and tell me I’m valid."
] | 273 | Me siento tan desesperadaHola, supongo que este es mi intento en una línea de vida o algo. Vale, así que supongo que la mejor manera de empezar esto es simplemente decirte directamente que soy gay.Esto no sería un problema si no tuviera padres estrictamente conservadores, sé que mucha gente lo tiene peor que yo, pero siento que la mayoría de mis problemas se derivan de esto.No he sido diagnosticado como algo realmente, pero realmente no me importa porque no se necesita una opinión de un maldito experto para decirte que hay algo realmente mal conmigo.Últimamente me he estado sintiendo más y más suicida, y he estado planeando mi suicidio cada vez más y más y cómo podría promulgarlo con poco o ningún esfuerzo en absoluto.Y justo antes de la hora de este post de hecho, me he cortado por primera vez.Recortes muy poco profundos, 7 de ellos.La peor parte de esto era tratar de conseguir el sangrado para detener, incluso ahora. |
Just want people to know what’s happening in my life since I can’t really tell someone irl without them freaking out or something.I really don’t want to, but stuff is going to happen soon resulting in me loosing my family, school, and my long term girlfriend. I’m really scared, im a coward, and honestly would rather be dead than try fix this mess. Mess is putting it lightly though. If my life was a large puzzle, it’d be like just throwing the entire thing in a fire of shame. I’m thinking about just cutting an artery, but idt I’d have the stomach for that, but I’ll figure something out. I hear it takes a while to bleed out, If you don’t hit an artery, so people are usually discovered and saved. Fortunately, I live alone in a dorm room and no one ever visits so I have a lot of time. I wrote a note in class addressed to my girlfriend. Looking back at it, it’s kinda all over the place, but I don’t feel like fixing it. I hear if you slit your arm it can cause permanent damage if you fuck up, so I got some medical stuff just in case I wake up and decide not to try again right after. I guess I’m writing this here to make sure people know. I don’t have a history of depression, and haven’t really shown any obvious reasons for something to think I’d ever kill myself. I feel a certain sense of control and calmness and I’m actually looking forward to the time I have to make the decision. If I decide to go through with it, I’ll let you guys know. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Just want people to know what’s happening in my life since I can’t really tell someone irl without them freaking out or something.I really don’t want to, but stuff is going to happen soon resulting in me loosing my family, school, and my long term girlfriend.I’m really scared, im a coward, and honestly would rather be dead than try fix this mess.Mess is putting it lightly though.If my life was a large puzzle, it’d be like just throwing the entire thing in a fire of shame.I’m thinking about just cutting an artery, but idt I’d have the stomach for that, but I’ll figure something out.I hear it takes a while to bleed out, If you don’t hit an artery, so people are usually discovered and saved.Fortunately, I live alone in a dorm room and no one ever visits so I have a lot of time.I wrote a note in class addressed to my girlfriend.Looking back at it, it’s kinda all over the place, but I don’t feel like fixing it.I hear if you slit your arm it can cause permanent damage if you fuck up, so I got some medical stuff just in case I wake up and decide not to try again right after.I guess I’m writing this here to make sure people know.",
"I don’t have a history of depression, and haven’t really shown any obvious reasons for something to think I’d ever kill myself.I feel a certain sense of control and calmness and I’m actually looking forward to the time I have to make the decision.If I decide to go through with it, I’ll let you guys know."
] | 289 | Sólo quiero que la gente sepa lo que está pasando en mi vida, ya que realmente no puedo decirle a alguien irl sin que se enloquezca o algo así.Realmente no quiero, pero las cosas van a suceder pronto resultando en mí perder mi familia, la escuela, y mi novia a largo plazo.Estoy realmente asustado, im un cobarde, y honestamente preferiría estar muerto que tratar de arreglar este desastre.Mess lo está poniendo a la ligera aunque.Si mi vida era un gran rompecabezas, sería como simplemente tirar toda la cosa en un fuego de vergüenza.Estoy pensando en cortar una arteria, pero no tengo el estómago para eso, pero voy a pensar en algo.Escucho que toma un tiempo para sangrar, Si no golpeas una arteria, así que la gente suele ser descubierta y salvada.Por suerte, vivo sola en un dormitorio y nadie nunca visita así que tengo un montón de tiempo.Escribí una nota en clase dirigida a mi novia. |
Day 41 Of Posting Until I Get A Girlfriend Why do exams exist ahhhhhhhhhhhh | [] | [
"Day 41 Of Posting Until I Get A GirlfriendWhy do exams exist ahhhhhhhhhhhh"
] | 20 | Día 41 De Publicar Hasta Conseguir Una Novia ¿Por qué los exámenes existen ahhhhhhhhhhhh |
Don't know how much longer I can carry on.I've been stuck in this slump for the past week or so where I don't feel motivated to do anything. Constantly frowning and pissed off at everything, experiencing multiple, very frequent instances of "l'appel du vide" (the call of the void), and just filled with this horrid sense of dread and unease at everything. I wake up, every morning, cursing myself for not dying in my sleep the night before. I just want it all to stop. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Don't know how much longer I can carry on.I've been stuck in this slump for the past week or so where I don't feel motivated to do anything.Constantly frowning and pissed off at everything, experiencing multiple, very frequent instances of \"l'appel du vide\" (the call of the void), and just filled with this horrid sense of dread and unease at everything.I wake up, every morning, cursing myself for not dying in my sleep the night before.I just want it all to stop."
] | 118 | No sé cuánto tiempo más puedo seguir adelante.He estado atrapado en esta depresión durante la semana pasada o así que no me siento motivado a hacer nada.Constantemente fruncido y enojado con todo, experimentando múltiples y muy frecuentes instancias de "l'appel du vide" (la llamada del vacío), y simplemente lleno de este horrible sentido de miedo e inquietud en todo.Me despierto, cada mañana, maldiiéndome por no morir en mi sueño la noche anterior.Solo quiero que todo se detenga. |
I’m just happy I got most of my money back I still lost close to $200, but hey.
Here’s hoping the next seller I find doesn’t turn out to be a con artist | [] | [
"I’m just happy I got most of my money backI still lost close to $200, but hey.Here’s hoping the next seller I find doesn’t turn out to be a con artist"
] | 41 | Sólo estoy feliz de haber recuperado la mayor parte de mi dinero.Todavía perdí cerca de $200, pero hey.He aquí la esperanza de que el próximo vendedor que encuentro no resulta ser un estafador |
No matter how many times “it gets better”, I just end up at the bottom of the same hole and I’m ready to lie in it.I’m 26 now, have tried to kill myself twice before which led to my 12 year on and off again journey through therapy and mental health treatment. It’s gotten better, but I always fall into the ditch and wonder if I should just fucking do it already and do it right this time. The thought of my mom having to live the rest of her life with me dead, mourning me and my choices, is the only thing that sobers me from the suicidal ideations. Today has particularly been a rocky day though, and I feel like that grip on staying here for her is weakening.
I started having ugly thoughts tonight, like how I was so jealous of Kobe and the other victims of that helicopter crash. Or how I wish I were infected with the coronavirus and on my way out. I’m actually embarrassed to admit this, but at the same time feel so passionately about these desires, it scares me.
For the first time in I think maybe 3 or 4 years I started researching suicide methods. My dad takes anticoagulants for his artificial heart valve, and I figured if I steal some of his medicine and cut myself in the bathtub I can bleed out and die peacefully. I have the growing urge to hurt myself permanently. The only hard part will be leaving a note for my family and a letter for my ex maybe, but I don’t know what I even need to say to him besides sorry. Still, this terrifies me but excites me, I just crave life to be over so often and I’m getting restless.
No matter what happens in life, I always end up in the same place. I keep fighting but I’m wondering who’s battle is this actually? I’m definitely not fighting for myself anymore. I’ve officially given up and am just waiting for my dad to come home from a trip so I can see him one last time. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"No matter how many times “it gets better”, I just end up at the bottom of the same hole and I’m ready to lie in it.I’m 26 now, have tried to kill myself twice before which led to my 12 year on and off again journey through therapy and mental health treatment.It’s gotten better, but I always fall into the ditch and wonder if I should just fucking do it already and do it right this time.The thought of my mom having to live the rest of her life with me dead, mourning me and my choices, is the only thing that sobers me from the suicidal ideations.Today has particularly been a rocky day though, and I feel like that grip on staying here for her is weakening.I started having ugly thoughts tonight, like how I was so jealous of Kobe and the other victims of that helicopter crash.Or how I wish I were infected with the coronavirus and on my way out.I’m actually embarrassed to admit this, but at the same time feel so passionately about these desires, it scares me.For the first time in I think maybe 3 or 4 years I started researching suicide methods.",
"My dad takes anticoagulants for his artificial heart valve, and I figured if I steal some of his medicine and cut myself in the bathtub I can bleed out and die peacefully.I have the growing urge to hurt myself permanently.The only hard part will be leaving a note for my family and a letter for my ex maybe, but I don’t know what I even need to say to him besides sorry.Still, this terrifies me but excites me, I just crave life to be over so often and I’m getting restless.No matter what happens in life, I always end up in the same place.I keep fighting but I’m wondering who’s battle is this actually?I’m definitely not fighting for myself anymore.I’ve officially given up and am just waiting for my dad to come home from a tripso I can see him one last time."
] | 241 | No importa cuántas veces “mejore”, acabo en el fondo del mismo agujero y estoy listo para acostarme en él.Ahora tengo 26 años, he intentado suicidarme dos veces antes de lo que me llevó a mi 12 año de nuevo viaje a través de la terapia y el tratamiento de salud mental.Se ha puesto mejor, pero siempre me caigo en la zanja y me pregunto si debería hacerlo ya y hacerlo bien esta vez.La idea de que mi mamá tuviera que vivir el resto de su vida conmigo muerta, de luto por mí y por mis elecciones, es lo único que me pone sobrio de las ideas suicidas.Hoy ha sido un día especialmente rocoso, sin embargo, y siento que ese agarre en quedarse aquí para ella se está debilitando.Empecé a tener pensamientos feos esta noche, como cómo estaba tan celosa de Kobe y las otras víctimas de ese accidente de helicóptero.O cómo desearía estar infectada con el coronavirus y en mi camino hacia fuera.Me avergüenzo de admitirlo, pero al mismo tiempo me da tanta pasión por estos deseos, me asusta. |
My Uncle who migrated to the US now thinks the coronavirus is fake. What the fuck have you done, America? | [] | [
"My Uncle who migrated to the US now thinks the coronavirus is fake.What the fuck have you done, America?"
] | 26 | Mi tío que migró a los EE.UU. ahora piensa que el coronavirus es falso. ¿Qué coño has hecho, América? |
Where is suicidenote.infoHi the website suicidenote.info is down, and I can't aceess the pdf file of the book. does anyone have a copy of it? | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Where is suicidenote.infoHi the website suicidenote.info is down, and I can't aceess the pdf file of the book.does anyone have a copy of it?"
] | 42 | ¿Dónde está suicidenote.infoHola el sitio web suicidenote.info ha caído, y no puedo acceder al archivo pdf del libro. ¿Alguien tiene una copia de él? |
I don't want anyone to find my bodyI just can't do it, because someone has to see it to confirm the death. :( | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I don't want anyone to find my bodyI just can't do it, because someone has to see it to confirm the death. :("
] | 31 | No quiero que nadie encuentre mi cuerpo Simplemente no puedo hacerlo, porque alguien tiene que verlo para confirmar la muerte. :( |
Best resource for mental health help for somebody without a lot of money?I've been dealing with the death of my father for about a year and it comes and goes with how well I can actually deal with it. The past few months have been especially hard for some reason. I have very little money left, no immediate family, one friend I see once a week, and a fiancee who I love but who is also under a great deal of mental and emotional stress (and being around me doesn't make it any better). I have talked to both master's and PhD level therapists this year and it never helps. Talk therapy doesn't fix anything for me. Maybe it's because my bachelor's degree is in psychology but it never helps anything.
The days where I don't think about (bad things) are probably fewer than the ones where I do, and that makes me so sad.
Sometimes I feel like I can't do it anymore, and it disappoints me because I've got a lot going for me on paper (got accepted back to college for a second bachelor's degree recently), but most days it's a struggle just to wake up and go to my job. I feel like I just want to go away and let the world go on without me, and I realize that's a dangerous kind of thinking that I need to nip in the bud before it gets the better of me.
I was drinking a lot this past year but I've been trying to quit for a few weeks too. Not being able to numb myself to the same degree has led to many nights where I don't sleep well, where I get lost in my own thoughts, and where I go to bad places quickly.
I have many hobbies and I have passions, but I have no passion for those passions on my bad days.
I need to do something to fix myself. I don't want to have this constant cloud over me anymore. Any ideas as to what I should do?
I feel like the levels between my coping mechanisms and my overwhelming pervasive depression are very skewed in the direction of the latter.
Thanks for listening anyway, helped to type that out.
**Edit:** To clarify, I am talking about real, actual mental health help - or perhaps medication - not reading self help books, not going for a run, not meditating. I have done all of those things ad nauseum. I do them regularly. I try to fill my life with as much of the "positive lifestyle" kind of stuff as I possibly can, but it's not working. I've read everything from the entire Taoist canon to Marcus Aurelius to Steven Hawking to Kierkegaard to Tai Chi masters and beyond. Respectfully, please understand that telling me to just jog it off isn't going to help. I work out daily. I am meticulous about trying to eat healthy. I don't drink like a fish anymore. I need real help and I don't know what to do. | [
"selfharm"
] | [
"Best resource for mental health help for somebody without a lot of money?I've been dealing with the death of my father for about a year and it comes and goes with how well I can actually deal with it.The past few months have been especially hard for some reason.I have very little money left, no immediate family, one friend I see once a week, and a fiancee who I love but who is also under a great deal of mental and emotional stress (and being around me doesn't make it any better).I have talked to both master's and PhD level therapists this year and it never helps.Talk therapy doesn't fix anything for me.Maybe it's because my bachelor's degree is in psychology but it never helps anything.The days where I don't think about (bad things) are probably fewer than the ones where I do, and that makes me so sad.Sometimes I feel like I can't do it anymore, and it disappoints me because I've got a lot going for me on paper (got accepted back to college for a second bachelor's degree recently), but most days it's a struggle just to wake up and go to my job.",
"I feel like I just want to go away and let the world go on without me, and I realize that's a dangerous kind of thinking that I need to nip in the bud before it gets the better of me.I was drinking a lot this past year but I've been trying to quit for a few weeks too.Not being able to numb myself to the same degree has led to many nights where I don't sleep well, where I get lost in my own thoughts, and where I go to bad places quickly.I have many hobbies and I have passions, but I have no passion for those passions on my bad days.I need to do something to fix myself.I don't want to have this constant cloud over me anymore.Any ideas as to what I should do?\n\nI feel like the levels between my coping mechanisms and my overwhelming pervasive depression are very skewed in the direction of the latter.Thanks for listening anyway, helped to type that out.**Edit:** To clarify, I am talking about real, actual mental health help - or perhaps medication - not reading self help books, not going for a run, not meditating.I have done all of those things ad nauseum.I do them regularly.",
"I try to fill my life with as much of the \"positive lifestyle\" kind of stuff as I possibly can, but it's not working.I've read everything from the entire Taoist canon to Marcus Aurelius to Steven Hawking to Kierkegaard to Tai Chi masters and beyond.Respectfully, please understand that telling me to just jog it off isn't going to help.I work out daily.I am meticulous about trying to eat healthy.I don't drink like a fish anymore.I need real help and I don't know what to do."
] | 250 | He estado tratando con la muerte de mi padre durante aproximadamente un año y viene y va con lo bien que realmente puedo lidiar con ella.Los últimos meses han sido especialmente difíciles por alguna razón.Me queda muy poco dinero, no tengo familia inmediata, un amigo que veo una vez por semana, y una prometida a quien amo pero que también está bajo una gran cantidad de estrés mental y emocional (y estar cerca de mí no lo hace mejor).He hablado con terapeutas de nivel de maestría y doctorado este año y nunca ayuda.La terapia de conversación no me arregla nada.Quizá sea porque mi licenciatura está en psicología pero nunca ayuda nada.Los días en los que no pienso (cosas malas) son probablemente menos que los que hago, y eso me hace sentir tan triste.A veces me siento como si no pudiera hacerlo más, y me decepciona porque tengo mucho que hacer en el papel (me aceptaron de vuelta a la universidad por un segundo grado de licenciatura recientemente), pero la mayoría de los días es una lucha para despertarme y para ir. |
I think I need to check myself into a hospital. I need your guys' advice.4 weeks ago I got diagnosed with a major depressive disorder. It wasn't really news, I've known I've been depressed for years (approaching 3 1/2 years now). I got prescribed Zoloft, and I'm up to 75mg now. I've also been attending therapy sessions with a psychologist for about 6 weeks now. Its not working though. If anything over the last few months its just been getting worse and worse, and it feels like it's not even getting worse at a slower rate.
Over the last few years I've made a lot of changes to try to help. I went from 198 to 150, I started eating healthier, I changed majors to something that I both enjoy more and that has more career prospects, I transferred colleges since the first one wasn't working out, I joined a few clubs and have actually made a few friends, I even attended my first college party after 2 1/2 years of never being invited to anything. Now I've finally gone to get professional help, both psychologic and psychiatric.
And none of it has helped. If anything, its only gotten worse since I don't even have the hope that any more changes will help. The hope is gone. When I was a kid, I used to get Pneumonia a lot. I had it like 5 times before I was 3. I wish I'd have just died back then, I could have saved so much pain and my parents could have moved on, now I have a ton of other people to drag down with me.
The latest "I think I would be happy if..." thing has been getting in a relationship. I think I'm thinking this is the latest thing, since its one of the only changes I haven't yet made, and because I pretty genuinely hate myself (I've pretty much derived any self worth over the last few years from my GPA, I don't really believe in inherent self-worth). I'm almost 21 now and haven't ever been on a date, let alone received a non-platonic hug. Nobody ever expresses interest in me, I always have to initiate (thought I've found this is usually the case with my friends as well, if I don't initiate I'd never get invited to anything). I can't even watch porn anymore without feeling like shit. It's not like I can avoid all these people in relationships either by isolating myself since I still have classes to go to. It feels like all the changes I've made over the years have amounted to nothing.
I'm just so terribly lonely and miserable all the time. I haven't been able to cry in years, so I just self harm when I feel like crying. It's not the best release, and it feels like it has diminishing returns, since lately it doesn't give me the rush it used to, it just makes it a little easier to breath if that makes any sense. Besides, it beats drinking heavily like most 'normal' people my age do (though admitably I much prefer being drunk to not being drunk).
All my friends are out building up lives and resumes and careers. It feels like I've gotten left behind on the road of life. Everyone is dating, some are already married with people they love. I get PMs from one of my friends from high school asking me if I've started dating yet. I keep trying to explain to him that I'm trying but not having any luck. Whenever dating comes up, that's all I ever get "I'm sure you'll find someone eventually." Thing is, none of the "I'd might be happy if..." things before have obviously failed, but this is the only change left I can make, since professional and medical help has failed.
I don't enjoy anything anymore. Dota 2 and CSGO feel like chores, EU4 is too frustrating now. I've already played through all the RPGs I enjoy to the point of them being mechanical to play through. I don't enjoy running or hiking as much now, and its too cold to do them anyways this time of year. I don't have any shows I really enjoy. I've always wanted to learn to draw, I'm actually a huge fan of furry art, but I'm pretty bad and I'm a perfectionist, so practicing is so frustrating that I pretty much can't do it and get better.
Suicide has increasingly been looking like the only way things are going to get better. The logic I mean with "get better" is that zero is still larger than a negative number, so I'd be better off. I used to think "Ok, I'll wait until I turn 30, and then I'll kill myself if things haven't improved." However, as things have deteriorated, I've moved that up to 25. More recently, I've moved it up to after graduation (I'm thinking It could be my own graduation present to myself). I don't even know how I'm going to make it that far. Suicide feels inevitable at this point, like its something I have to do.
I don't buy the whole "it gets better" thing anymore. Its been over 3 years. It really doesn't in my experience. All the medical advice I've been given when the suicidal thoughts get really bad is to distract myself. I don't understand to what end though? Like, if I don't kill myself now, then what? I get to continue hurting tomorrow? The only end this seems to lead to is "why kill yourself now when you can just keep hurting tomorrow ad infinitum?" I don't see the appeal in it. I think once I do it, I'll go out to a nice secluded part of one of my local national parks I like and shoot myself in the head really late at night. Nobody would notice I'm gone, possibly for a few weeks, nobody would hear a thing, I might not even be found. My body can feed some scavengers, I don't have to hurt anymore, people who love me don't have to see me hurt anymore, everyone wins. I've been dead inside for years, its just taking the rest of me a while to catch up. Of course, this is still likely a few years away, so I'm probably not at immediate risk of killing myself.
So thats where I'm standing. It's 3AM right now and I can't sleep anymore because I went to bed at 7 last night because I was out of energy and feeling suicidal again. The Zoloft just gives me headaches, makes me hungry, and gives me constipation. Nothing has helped, and I don't think I can get better anymore.
I have another therapy session with my psychologist later this afternoon. I don't know what to do anymore or what more I could tell him at this point. What should I do?
| [
"selfharm"
] | [
"I think I need to check myself into a hospital.I need your guys' advice.4 weeks ago I got diagnosed with a major depressive disorder.It wasn't really news, I've known I've been depressed for years (approaching 3 1/2 years now).I got prescribed Zoloft, and I'm up to 75mg now.I've also been attending therapy sessions with a psychologist for about 6 weeks now.Its not working though.If anything over the last few months its just been getting worse and worse, and it feels like it's not even getting worse at a slower rate.Over the last few years I've made a lot of changes to try to help.I went from 198 to 150, I started eating healthier, I changed majors to something that I both enjoy more and that has more career prospects, I transferred colleges since the first one wasn't working out, I joined a few clubs and have actually made a few friends, I even attended my first college party after 2 1/2 years of never being invited to anything.Now I've finally gone to get professional help, both psychologic and psychiatric.And none of it has helped.If anything, its only gotten worse since I don't even have the hope that any more changes will help.The hope is gone.",
"When I was a kid, I used to get Pneumonia a lot.I had it like 5 times before I was 3.I wish I'd have just died back then, I could have saved so much pain and my parents could have moved on, now I have a ton of other people to drag down with me.The latest \"I think I would be happy if...\" thing has been getting in a relationship.I think I'm thinking this is the latest thing, since its one of the only changes I haven't yet made, and because I pretty genuinely hate myself (I've pretty much derived any self worth over the last few years from my GPA, I don't really believe in inherent self-worth).I'm almost 21 now and haven't ever been on a date, let alone received a non-platonic hug.Nobody ever expresses interest in me, I always have to initiate (thought I've found this is usually the case with my friends as well, if I don't initiate I'd never get invited to anything).I can't even watch porn anymore without feeling like shit.It's not like I can avoid all these people in relationships either by isolating myself since I still have classes to go to.It feels like all the changes I've made over the years have amounted to nothing.I'm just so terribly lonely and miserable all the time.",
"I haven't been able to cry in years, so I just self harm when I feel like crying.It's not the best release, and it feels like it has diminishing returns, since lately it doesn't give me the rush it used to, it just makes it a little easier to breath if that makes any sense.Besides, it beats drinking heavily like most 'normal' people my age do (though admitablyI much prefer being drunk to not being drunk).All my friends are out building up lives and resumes and careers.It feels like I've gotten left behind on the road of life.Everyone is dating, some are already married with people they love.I get PMs from one of my friends from high school asking me if I've started dating yet.I keep trying to explain to him that I'm trying but not having any luck.Whenever dating comes up, that's all I ever get \"I'm sure you'll find someone eventually.\"Thing is, none of the \"I'd might be happy if...\" things before have obviously failed, but this is the only change left I can make, since professional and medical help has failed.I don't enjoy anything anymore.Dota 2 and CSGO feel like chores, EU4 is too frustrating now.",
"I've already played through all the RPGs I enjoy to the point of them being mechanical to play through.I don't enjoy running or hiking as much now, and its too cold to do them anyways this time of year.I don't have any shows I really enjoy.I've always wanted to learn to draw, I'm actually a huge fan of furry art, but I'm pretty bad and I'm a perfectionist, so practicing is so frustrating that I pretty much can't do it and get better.Suicide has increasingly been looking like the only way things are going to get better.The logic I mean with \"get better\" is that zero is still larger than a negative number, so I'd be better off.I used to think \"Ok, I'll wait until I turn 30, and then I'll kill myself if things haven't improved.\"However, as things have deteriorated, I've moved that up to 25.More recently, I've moved it up to after graduation (I'm thinking It could be my own graduation present to myself).I don't even know how I'm going to make it that far.Suicide feels inevitable at this point, like its something I have to do.I don't buy the whole \"it gets better\" thing anymore.Its been over 3 years.It really doesn't in my experience.",
"All the medical advice I've been given when the suicidal thoughts get really bad is to distract myself.I don't understand to what end though?Like, if I don't kill myself now, then what?I get to continue hurting tomorrow?The only end this seems to lead to is \"why kill yourself now when you can just keep hurting tomorrow ad infinitum?\"I don't see the appeal in it.I think once I do it, I'll go out to a nice secluded part of one of my local national parks I like and shoot myself in the head really late at night.Nobody would notice I'm gone, possibly for a few weeks, nobody would hear a thing, I might not even be found.My body can feed some scavengers, I don't have to hurt anymore, people who love me don't have to see me hurt anymore, everyone wins.I've been dead inside for years, its just taking the rest of me a while to catch up.Of course, this is still likely a few years away, so I'm probably not at immediate risk of killing myself.So thats where I'm standing.It's 3AM right nowand I can't sleep anymore because I went to bed at 7 last night because I was out of energy and feeling suicidal again.The Zoloft just gives me headaches, makes me hungry, and gives me constipation.",
"Nothing has helped, and I don't think I can get better anymore.I have another therapy session with my psychologist later this afternoon.I don't know what to do anymore or what more I could tell him at this point.What should I do?"
] | 274 | Creo que necesito registrarme en un hospital.Necesito el consejo de tus chicos hace 4 semanas me diagnosticaron un trastorno depresivo mayor.No era realmente noticia, he sabido que he estado deprimido durante años (aproximandome 3 1/2 años ahora).Me recetaron Zoloft, y estoy hasta 75mg ahora.También he estado asistiendo a sesiones de terapia con un psicólogo por cerca de 6 semanas ahora.Sin embargo, no está funcionando.Si algo en los últimos meses ha ido empeorando y empeorando, y siento que ni siquiera está empeorando a un ritmo más lento.Durante los últimos años he hecho muchos cambios para tratar de ayudar.Fui de 198 a 150, empecé a comer más sano, incluso asistí a mi primera fiesta universitaria a algo que disfruto más y que tiene más perspectivas de carrera, transferí universidades desde que la primera no estaba funcionando, me uní a algunos clubes y he hecho algunos amigos, incluso he asistido a mi primera fiesta universitaria después de 2 años y medio de ser invitado a nada. |
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