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9eil7b

aita for going to the bar after my daughter was born?

tldr: had a baby went to the bar the next day while child and mother were still at hospital. so this was about 8 years ago but recently was told it was a shitty thing. so my daughter was born 2/10/10 and i have like 3 close lifelong friends with birthdays 2/11. one of which was my best friend (use to catch the bus to kindergarten together, we'll be 30 this year) turned 21 a milestone birthday. so these 3 friends organized a group party at a bar. so i went to the bar probably less then 24hours after the birth of my first child. recently a different life long friend got a new girlfriend and she said i was an asshole. couple points id like to provide: 1. bar was conviently located 1 mile from hospital 2.was there for an hour or two had maybe one or, two drinks, did not get drunk 3. asked child's mother if i could go she said i could 4. i like beer so what do you think, asshole? a. baby was not in nicu, we stayed in the maternity ward, i got to hold her whenever i pleased, gave her most of her bottles, changed most of her diapers b. i didn't think it would matter and maybe it doesn't but we were not married or together. we actually broke up before the pregnancy but had a night together and she conveniently forgot to tell me she stopped taking her pill. c. my friends girlfriend did not have any of this information, so i'm asking if just from the context from the op aita, but this has been a fun interesting thread, thanks to all that replied.

nta

nta. especially since the mom was ok with it.

nta for going, but the asshole for asking to go to the bar in the first place. not a huge one, but it seems like it's a no win question for her. you'd be absolved if it were her idea. your friends should have told you not to come. ps whoever is bringing it up 10 yrs later is also the asshole.

9epsqm

aita for not giving this lady my space in queue?

just an hour ago, i was doing my shopping at the local supermarket that facilitates a fast self-service checkout. i was in one of the many queues that was directed by a cashier, but as luck would have it, this lady would join my queue, right behind me. she brought a single box of six eggs as opposed to my medium-small shopping trip with cereals, breads and chocolate milk. ​ she stared at me for a while, i felt her gaze seer into the side of my skull before she abruptly tapped my shoulder. "'scuse me, 'scuse me! please?" she said, while pointing at her pathetic carton of chicken eggs. i replied: "no." and pointed out there is a self-service check out if she was in that much of a hurry that she had to make this queue uncomfortable. ​ she 'retaliated', rather unambitious, by standing too close to me and not releasing her stare from the back of my neck. she stood even closer when it was time to input my pin-code, and i tell you, it was the first time i ever used contactless pay. due to it being not as safe as inserting your card and inputting your pin-code, yet i still felt like on this occasion, it was the better option. ​ i quickly squirrelled my way home just in case this lady had a car and nothing to lose. ​ i had to get home quick for my own reasons and couldn't afford to give away my place in queue, aita?

nta

nta. it would have been a kindness of you to let her go first, but that is not a requirement. you waited in line, so can she. her behavior was entitled and rude af. also, people that invade your space when checking out are monsters. if someone gets so close you don’t feel comfortable inputting your pin, loudly call them out on it. “if you aren’t trying to steal my pin, could you kindly back away”. if they’re okay with making you uncomfortable, you can make them uncomfortable by calling them out in it.

nta, and in fact i applaud you for doing this. entitlement mentality can go screw off. don't feel guilty about it either.

9eq1g5

aita for despising my distant family?

(before you say "wtf yes of course yta", hear me out) ​ my mom has told me that growing up her family treated her like trash. they constantly demeaned her and thought less of her for incredibly petty reasons, like not wanting to smoke weed with them. even her own mom treated her like garbage. i don't really want to say everything that she did to my mom, but i do believe that you guys need some information in order to form an opinion on whether or not i'm the asshole. ​ my grandmother would yell at my mom for no reason and would not apologize even after she was proven wrong about certain things. ​ her cousins, aunts etc. would ignore her on social media even if she gives a genuine compliment to them. it's as if any attempt to be friendly is met with animosity by her own family. (they will compliment each other without complimenting my mom, though.) ​ my mom was in the hospital for a while and was practically on her death bed, although she miraculously survived. a family member told her that "god" told her that if my mom left my dad, he would cure her of her problems. her mom (my grandmother) also told her that she was not allowed to be in her house with her husband, and pretty much tried to dictate my mom's relationship with my dad. ​ now a lot of time has passed since these issues, but the second one still happens. ever since my mom told me how her family treated/treats her, i have \*hated\* my distant family. my immediate family are the only ones who i can say that i love. i hate when people treat my parents and/or siblings with disrespect or anything like that. so obviously, i despise my distant family. ​ my mom has told me that i shouldn't hate them because what happened was a while ago, and i wasn't even alive then. even with this, i still hate them. i refuse to go out to any social events or fulfill any social obligations with my distant family. i'm not on terrible terms with my grandmother, but i still feel a little bit of resentment whenever she's around. my distant family, however, i hate them, as i've said a few times already. i have no intentions to ever change my opinion on them, no matter how much good they do. the fact that they treated my mother like trash for so long has removed any possibility of me liking them. ​ tl;dr: my distant family treats my mother like trash and i hate them in return for it. i refuse to talk to them or be in the same room as them. ​ aita?

nta

nta. you should support your mom. you are doing good.

nta. what you're feeling is a natural reaction to someone repeatedly hurting a person you care about.

9eq1gf

aita for reporting on a coworker

i work in a themepark and was on a ride with a coworker yesterday. we take safety very seriously and its drilled into us how to act safely in different circumstances. my coworker and i trained together and have been here for about a month. yesterday, we had a little kid run into the working parts of the ride. the ride wasnt moving, but we're suppose to press the emergency stop as soon as someone crosses that line. the kid went way past the line into the machinery. i was just on assist with the guests and tried to call the little boy back. my coworker was behind the console and was doing the same. i yelled to her to turn the ride off but she didnt hear (english is her second language). everyone was fine, but it was scary and i asked her to tell a manager. she debated it but didn't. i kept asking and today at the end of my shift i went and told them. i just felt like something to tell them. we've been drilled to report all incidences including near misses. when i told them, i didnt mention my coworker, just what happened. then they asked if any emergency precautions were done and if she was near the console. i answered honestly. after i left i realized i had essentially reported and dobbed on a coworker. i sent her a text telling her i did and that i was sorry. i dont think she will get in serious trouble but i really regret basically turning her in. do i deserve the guilt? am i an asshole?

nta

nta. this was a very serious safety concern.

even if you were "wrong," your consideration of her perspective and remorse makes you nta

9eqhfh

aita for getting a final exam cancelled?

aita? last spring semester i was taking a major requirement. class was kind of bland other than the fact we got to watch movies. we were assigned a final project which was expected because it was announced at the start of the semester and in the syllabus. in the last week of april at the end of class the professor reminds us the project is due the final class of the semester (in 2 weeks) and she also announces that there will be a final exam during the final class. the news of the exam is completely out of the blue. it was not in the syllabus or even mentioned all semester. she tells us she’ll have a study guide ready by the following week. (lol thanks for offering to give us one week to study for a final on top of a giant final project and commitments for other classes everyone is taking). i approached the professor immediately after class and she basically blew me off and told me to contact the course coordinator if i had any problems. so that’s exactly what i did. i voiced my opinion that the professors actions were unfair unprofessional and unacceptable. i also went on the student social media groups and told everyone in the class to send a complaint email to the coordinator just like i did. i also sent emails to the dean of students, my advisor, the head of the disability office (i have a learning disability and knew there were others who dealt with them in that class). 2 days later every student in the class got an email from the course coordinator saying that due to inconsistencies in the syllabus and “overwhelming complaints” the exam has been cancelled. when we came to class the following week the professor was giving me a death glare and was in a pissy mood with all the other students but didn’t even mention the exam. i was talking about this incident with someone about an hour ago and that person told me my actions were childish, some people might have wanted the exam for extra credit and any serious student would have sucked it up. tldr; professor scheduled an exam out of nowhere that was not mentioned in the syllabus. i went above her head to complain about it and rallied other students into doing the same thing. the exam got cancelled. was i an asshole for doing this?

nta

nta. if i was doing poorly in a class and needed my grade up, the last things that’s gonna help me is an exam with no warning. aside from just being a dick move to the general student population, the centers that give kids with disabilities accommodations need time to configure a schedule and materials for these kids. way more than a week. the kind of person who thinks you’re childish for getting an unfairly planned exam that will negatively impact a majority of the class cancelled is the kind of person that is already doing well and would just love the “extra credit” at others’ expense. they’re full of themselves.

nta, plus by reaching out to the other students you gave them a chance to voice their own opinions, majority rules. i love democracy.

9eqztn

aita because i made a complaint about a charity worker

i was heading out for the day with my daughter and waiting at the train station for some friends to join us. its a fairly small station and there was a stand and a couple of people there with info about a charity. my daughter is 5 and really confident and social. so when one of the guys at the stand said hi she lept at the opportunity to start telling him all about the day trip we were going on. he talks to her for a minute before turning on the hard sell to me trying to get me to sign up for a once a month direct debit. i tell him "sorry, we really can't afford that right now" (which we really really can't. we're struggling month to month right now). at which point he says "oh, but you are going to the zoo today, and that must cost a pretty penny right?!?" i said nothing. just moved my daughter outside to get away from him. and a week later called the station to make a complaint about it. cos i felt pressured and bullied in a place i just wanted to quietly wait in. so... aita? i know he probably got paid by the amount of people he could sign up. but i hate hard selling in public places and i really didn't appreciate being shamed for taking my daughter out for a treat.

nta

nta the charity worker sounds like a dick.

nta at all. i support a few charities with regular payments, and a year or so ago i felt it necessary to write to one of them and tell them that their aggressive begging was getting very close to *losing* them my support. got some bullshit response about how their research had shown them that their supporters *wanted* to get 'information' like that, but at least they stopped sending it *my* way. they are still on probation. unless charities get the message that shitty behaviour like that will *lose* them support, they will keep on doing it. so not just nta, but well done!

9esz0d

aita for telling my friend 'no'

this is my first post on reddit. i hope i formatted it right. my friend, lets call her olivia, and i have been friends since around march of this year. we met through working for our student government at our university. we’re pretty different (she’s a vegan, i love meat; she grew up in a good and wealthy household, my mom was a single mother) but we got along pretty well. disagreed on a few things but never had a fight. we’d always ask each other for advice and knew that whatever the other person said, we’d only say what we thought was best and most fair. anyway, the past month olivia has been going through a rough patch. her sister just got engaged and the guy that olivia had been dating over the summer had been sleeping with his ex. her family left for a ‘congrats on the engagement’ vacation to hawaii and because of class, olivia couldn’t go. i’ve tried to hang out with her so she doesn’t feel as lonely, but we’re both pretty busy. i’ve been struggling with ptsd the past few months from a sexual assault. my biological dad and i just recently fell out. i’m on a shoestring budget. whenever i’ve told olivia about my problems, she always says ‘at least you have your boyfriend. i don’t have one’. usually things like that don’t bug me, but i’ve been so on edge the past few days that i’ve almost snapped at her a few times with no good reason. i’ve stopped myself, knowing that she was already going through enough. anyway, onto the part of me saying ‘no’. on friday night, i had a bad episode and i self harmed for the first time in years. my long distance boyfriend tried his best to comfort me over facetime, but there is only so much he can do for me. saturday was a bad day. all i did was lay in bed in the dark and felt absolutely nothing. i needed time to myself before i had to go work later that night. right as i got home from work, i got a text from olivia asking if i was still at work. i told her that i wasn’t, but i couldn't be there and that i was going to spend the night alone. i didn’t want to be too open about what had happened because i was embarrassed. she then texted “my dogs are in the emergency room and i’m really lonely. but i totally get it. i hope time with your boyfriend helps” i then asked what was going on with her dogs, trying to help as best i could with how fragile i was. she texted “its fine, i don’t want to bug you” and then i texted “i’m sorry this is happening. i really want to be there for you but i’m not in a good place right now.” she texted back “no matter where i’m at, i’m always there for you. but it’s not being reciprocated and it hurts. i truly hope things change for you” i finally told her what had happened: that i had self harmed and that i needed time to myself to get my head on straight. she didn’t text back. the next morning i sent a long text saying that i didn’t want to seem selfish last night and i’m sorry that it seemed that way. i said that it was poor timing: i take a break from everything when things get bad, olivia surrounds herself with friends when things get bad. two opposites that don’t mesh well when put together at the same time. i explained that i had lashed out to innocent people the past few days because of all the things that had been going on and almost lashed out at her. i said i was sorry that her dogs ended up in the emergency room and that i should have been there for her but i physically and mentally couldn’t. i then added that if i am a bad friend who doesn’t reciprocate, i’m sorry, and that it was probably the reason i don’t have friends. she took a few days to reply, texting that her dogs almost dying took a toll on her so she couldn’t respond for a few days. she then said she was happy i had my boyfriend to rely on and that she ‘truly hope things get better for me.’ i just want to get another opinion other than my boyfriend's, who while he does a good job of calling me out on my crap, he also has a reason to be more on my side that olivia's. was i justified in saying i couldn’t be there for her? was my apology enough? or am i a bad friend?

nta

nope, nta... if a watering can is empty, it can not provide any water for the plants. same thing with people, if you don't focus any energy on yourself and your own well-being, then you will have nothing to give anyone else. i too am a person who withdrawals from people when i'm under extreme stress, it just has to be. if i don't respect myself enough to take time to focus on what i need to give myself then i can neither expect to be able to tell others what i am needing nor can i realistically expect to take care of anyone else who might need me.

nta. you can’t possibly help anyone until you help yourself. in that situation you were completely justified by needed time for yourself at that moment. on a side note: good friends are compassionate and understanding. they don’t throw a past good deed they’ve done for you in your face. she sounds toxic.

9ey7jm

aita for smoking on my apartment balcony?

so i've been living here for about a month. i'm on the second floor, with one apartment above me. today i got a note on the door that said essentially... ​ "can you please stop smoking on the balcony or by the building? its it coming in and making our entire apartment smell." ​ now i am as respectful as you can be when it comes to smoking. i do it outside. i close the windows and doors. i highly doubt any of it made it into their apartment, and if it did it would not smell up the entire thing. i also live in a state where smoking by building doors is legal (no 20ft rule). our apartment also does not ban smoking, so it is permissible on balconies. am i the asshole for smoking on my own balcony?

nta

eh, nta. if you wanted to be more considerate there are things you could do to avoid the neighbors smelling your smoke - other commenters have that covered. but you're allowed to smoke and if it's that big a deal for them they can take steps to avoid it. my neighbours smoke and the smell comes straight out of their bedroom window into mine. it sucks, but i just keep that window closed. equally, i sometimes do stuff that they don't love but they deal with it cause it's not *that* bad. these are problems that come from living in the vicinity of other people.

unfortunately, it's currently your right to smoke. they most likely can smell it, as i can smell other people's smoke from several apartments down (i have a very sensitive nose, though). you're not breaking any rules, you're not breaking any laws, and you're smoking in the best place you can. there's a whole other argument for whether or not you should be smoking at all, but in the current context you are nta. apparently people disagree with me meaning they must think 1) you are an asshole and 2) smoking is awesome and you should definitely keep doing it.

9eyeic

aita for allowing the cops to be called on my friends?

this one has bothered me for years. first of all, it shouldn't matter at all, but i feel that for some reason this affects people's perception of the story: i'm a guy, but all the other people mentioned in the story are girls. in high school, someone started vandalizing my car. it happened three saturday nights in a row that my car was parked in front of my friend h's house. it escalated each week, from crude window markings, to peanut butter under the handles, to a shocking amount of ketchup squirted evenly over one entire half of the car. once we identified the pattern of when and where, h and i spent the next saturday night in my car with the seats reclined. h said she'd have non-emergency police on speed-dial for the second the person showed up. sure enough, eventually a figure showed up at the driver's seat window and began to write something using vaseline. i didn't know how to react in the moment, and just kind of hit the window to startle them. it was a, one of my best friends, accompanied by another good friend, j. they began to run, so i got out of my car and chased them. once this stupid chase began though, i realized i didn't know what i would do if i caught up with them, so i let them go. h caught up to me and asked if i still wanted her to call the police, knowing it was my friends doing it. all i remember is hesitating, but at this point i literally can't remember if i verbally told h to call the police, or simply didn't stop her once she decided for me. either way, i could have stopped her if i'd really wanted to. the police found a&j really quickly and made them come back. they also had me call my parents. the cops said i could press charges if i wanted, but i didn't. there were no consequences for anyone involved. regardless, the whole thing was really uncomfortable. i didn't have a huge desire to be friends with a & j after that, but they made sure they were the ones doing the "breaking up." they mostly ignored me for the rest of that senior year, but were generally really mean whenever we did interact. there were a few times that i tried to confront them about that night though, and what really pissed me off is they always claimed that was the very first time they ever tried to do something like that. i really expected them to eventually come clean and apologize since this incident destroyed our friendship, but it's been eight years and they never wavered in their story. i honestly don't believe them. but, i've wondered if i was the asshole in this scenario. if it really was their first time being the vandals, despite doing it in the exact same circumstances as the first three times it happened, then maybe i'm the asshole for having the cops called for one possibly good-natured thing. even if they did it every time for sure, does my reaction to all of this mean i can't take a joke? i'll be honest and say i don't understand pranks in almost any form, especially car pranks. i don't see the appeal in simply making a mess that's unpleasant for someone else to clean up. either way, was i the asshole for letting the cops get involved without a more personal confrontation first?

nta

nta, these are the kind of people who do something shitty and then say "what? it's just a joke!!!!" when called out. they didn't even get into any real trouble, and it presumably stopped your car from continuing to be vandalized.

nta, your “friends” were dicks. don’t worry about it.

9f1i7v

wibta for taking my new switch away from my roommate?

about three weeks ago i dumped ~$500 on a new nintendo switch, with games and accessories. i’ve wanted one since it was announced, and finally managed to save up enough money to buy one. i bought it for myself, but i also got it to share with my roommates, who are good friends of mine. i work a lot of odd hours, though, so i’m normally the last one in my house to come home at night. every night when i come home, my one roommate is playing my switch. i don’t have any way of measuring how much we’ve each been playing it, but he’s made at least 5x as much progress as i have on every game i own. i used to go find something else to do and wait patiently, because he’s my friend and i bought it to share. now i want to play the switch i bought, but i don’t know how to say, “hey let me play my game,” without being a dick about it. so i sit pointedly on the couch waiting for him to stop playing. he doesn’t seem to get the hint. he plays all night (until at least 10pm), then goes to bed. a few times i’ve brought the switch to work with me, then hung around afterwards. this seems to be the only way i can ensure that i’ll get to use it. now i want to tell him that i’d like to get something out of the game system i paid $500 for, but i’m getting frustrated with him and will struggle to say it kindly. if i do bring it up to him, i don’t know how well i’d be able to control my tone about it. would i be the asshole if i was blunt about it? something like, “hey i never get to play my switch when you’re home?”

nta

nope, nta. here’s what you say: “hey dude, i don’t mind if you use my switch while i’m at work, but when i’m home i’d really like some more play time myself.”

nta, but you really do need to ask him verbally, rather than sitting and waiting. this was an issue in my house over our console, but now if we want to go on, we ask something like, "hey, when you get to the next save point, can i go on?" doesn't sound pushy, so it's less likely to devolve into an argument. on another note, maybe he has noticed you pointedly sitting and waiting and feels you are being passive-aggressive (even if you aren't). if someone's lurking over my shoulder instead of asking outright for something, i'm always less inclined to do it for them.

9f27o2

aita for having consensual sex?

back when i was in college i went back to a girl's dorm room after a date. we did shots and then moved to the bedroom. i remember making out with her but then nothing - she said that i went down on her for a bit before moving up to the pillow and falling asleep. i am pretty sure that i blacked out which was rare but i did binge drink past my limits every once in a while. in the morning i woke up with blue balls (the only time that's ever happened to me and damn was it painful) and asked her if we could pick up where we left off the night before and either have sex or if she could give me a blowjob. i would have been quite fine leaving and masturbating it off if she wasn't comfortable with that, but she said that we could have sex. i came incredibly quickly and we both laughed it off at the time, or so i thought. ​ about 2 weeks later we were cuddling in her bed and she said "remember the time you forced me to have sex with you?" which took me completely by surprise - that couldn't have been further from my perspective of what happened. i was pretty shocked, but that was the only time we had slept together so it was definitely what she was referring to. i told her that i definitely didn't see it that way and that i had merely asked and she had consented. her reply was that she "did it because she wanted me to like her". aita here? it's not like i asked multiple times or pressured her into doing something she wasn't comfortable with - how could i have known that a girl who went on a date with me, was doing consensual sexual things with me the night before, and verbally consented at the time wasn't actually consenting?? ​ this is something i think about from time to time as i consider myself a very good person who apparently hurt someone but i honestly can't see where i went wrong.

nta

nta but get the fuck away from that nutty bitch before she ruins your life.

nta. she said yes when she was completely free to say no. that she had a motive for saying yes (getting you to like her) is on her. she wasn't forced. maybe she forced herself for the sake of her motive, but there is no way in hell that makes you an asshole. she's basically saying "i said yes because i wanted to say yes, how could you do that to me?". it's beyond ridiculous of her to think you're the one to blame. like, how dare you be an object of attraction to her??

9f3oo5

wibta if i just stopped caring?

what’s good aita? i (21f) live with my mother (52) currently. this is due to being in the middle of an off semester for school for me (a transfer and a really messy breakup caused me to need a semester off) and not because i really wanted to move back in with her. my mother and i have always bickered and never really seen eye to eye on a lot of things and normally i am able to let it go, and not pay much attention to it, or move on quickly. not the case for yesterday. yesterday, i went to the bank and to walmart to pick up a charging cable for my phone and while leaving walmart i got a phone call from my mom demanding when i would be home and not believing me when i told her where i was. i told her i would be home shortly and just that i was at walmart and you think that would be enough but no. i got home and she was enraged. i even had the walmart bag with me and she proceeded to scream at me and berate me for not asking for her permission to go to the bank, and then went a step further and began to berate me for lying about where i was (which i didn’t do!) she accused me of lying to her about where i go every time i leave the house, and accused me of seeing my ex (who i left because he was abusive. she knows this) which is also not true! i feel hurt and beyond disrespected. she “apologized” later by texting me, “i’m sorry i didn’t believe you. i’m sorry i got so mad” and something about the fact that she couldn’t even walk to 30 feet to my bedroom to apologize really irked me. i responded with, “whatever. i’m used to it at this point” because i am. everything i do, if she even slightly disagrees with, it’s a huge conundrum. at this point, i’ve reached a point where i don’t really care anymore if she’s okay with what i do with my free time or honestly even my future, because it’s clear she doesn’t respect me enough to grant me the same respect. why should i tell her where i go or what i’m doing if she is already going to think i’m lying to her?? am i crazy? would i be the asshole if i just stopped caring what she thought or felt when it came to me doing what i want/need to for myself?

nta

i’m no expert but it sounds like maybe she has bipolar disorder or something related to that (if it’s not as extreme) since she seems to jump from screaming at you to apologizing. it doesn’t seem like she is stuck in her ways since she recognizes her yelling was wrong. you’re definitely nta, this isn’t usual mother/daughter banter. you’re an adult. i would just think of patterns of this behavior, look it up, and possibly seek help if it seems unordinary. of course, everything i said should be disregarded if you’ve done something in the past to completely lose her trust. i also could be way off and looking too far into it and it simply is a difference of personalities.

nope nta, it's frustrating trying to communicate like that. though i hope you do try to sort it out with your mom and figure out why this keeps happening because regardless you both are living under the same roof and are gonna have to find a way to deal with this.

9f3xaa

aita for asking this guy why he’s contacting me after 7 years?

background info- we are both dudes. i knew this guy jake in college. and when i say i knew him, i mean i barely knew him. don’t remember any conversations specifically, although i’m sure we spoke at some point. and i only met him my senior year, so like legitimately we were in each other’s lives as acquaintances for 9 months max. i rememeber thinking he was odd, like somehow off socially. i move away after college, and 7 years pass. didn’t keep in touch with jake because why would we keep in touch? we aren’t really that close. so today he sends me a message on facebook asking for my number. i figure why not, i don’t want to be rude, even though it’s super random and i’m thinking “when the hell are we going to talk, and what are we even going to talk about?” today he sends me a string of texts. this is our conversation in full, to this point. jake:“hey man it’s jake from college.” jake: “how are you?” jake: “how’s florida?” jake: “let me know.” jake: “i’ll visit soon hopefully sound good?” me: “hey jake, i work at night so i just woke up. florida is good.” jake: “oh nice! sorry about that bro. what you do for work?” jake: “sorry about before didn’t know your work schedule. hope you can forgive me.” me: “dude it's fine, i was just explaining why i hadn't responded. i am a nurse in an icu here.” jake: “oh nice dude! so what’s up? anything exciting?” jake: “let me know.” jake: “how’s your day?” jake: “how’s the hospital?” jake: “good afternoon sir, since your in the icu do you do hernia surgeries or more major surgeries? i had a hernia last month.” jake: “let me know” me: “jake is everything okay? i remember you from (university), i’m sure we spoke but truly i don’t remember being that close. we didn’t keep in touch for 7 years, and based on how we didn’t know each other that well at college, that seemed normal to me. i’m confused that i am suddenly hearing from you out of the blue. is there something you’re wanting to talk about?” am i the asshole for saying that? i genuinely have no ill will in saying it, i’m really thinking he’s mentally ill or something and is obsessing over the past. idk.

nta

nta. super weird. “let me know” what?

nta. you show compassion. 1. he might be mentally ill, on drugs or similar. 2. he might be socially awkward. 3. he might just be super lonely and remember you for your friendly personality. 4. he might have an old crush, and you are “the one that got away” without even knowing it. 5. he might just think it could be fun to have a local guide while visitting your state.

9f49oq

aita for keeping an eye out for my classmates?

today half way through a lecture at my university, a young guy i didn't recognise walked in and sat down. he seemed a bit strange, was speaking up a lot when the lecture asked the class a question - often with the wrong answers, subtly giving the fingers to the students behind him (who were giggling at his strange vibe) and generally being mildly strange and disruptive. he moved seats a few times through the lecture, slowly moving towards a group of girls sitting at one end of the class. during a short clip the lecturer was showing us, he got up and asked if he could sit with this group of girls, and they said no. i am mildly friendly with the group of girls, and sometimes chat with them during class. i know they all have boyfriends, and were not interested in this odd guy. when class ended they got up and left, and he immediately followed them outside. i walked out after them all, and he had stopped them in an empty area and was chatting awkwardly with them. i walked past and made eye contact with one of the girls, and she game me the 'i'm very uncomfortable' look, but not what i considered to be a 'help me!' look. i stood a few meters away, and played on my phone subtly watching and making sure nothing went wrong. i didn't interfere, but i was ready to jump in if things went wrong. after 5 minutes of awkward chat he asked for their numbers, they declined, and they all parted ways. i made sure he didn't follow them, then left myself. i did not talk to any of them during all of this. i mentioned this to a female friend of mine, and she said she would have not appreciated it if she was in that situation and i had interfered. she said it was bad that i thought they couldn't look after themselves vs one creepy guy. from my point of view i was just looking out for my classmates, and passively making sure they were not in any danger. does me thinking i need to keep an eye out for my classmates in an odd situation make me sexist? am i am asshole for looking out for them? or maybe i am an asshole for not stepping in and helping them get rid of this guy?

nta

nta at all. as a human, you should look out for others. it doesn’t matter that you’re a guy. watching from a distance was the right thing to do. you didn’t involve yourself but you still made sure that in case something were to happen, you could step in. this would be the same if you were female. even if you wouldn’t have the strength of a man to physically stop it, you’d be a witness and someone to scare him off. on the flip side, if you had interrupted and acted as a “protector” in a very public place where he wouldn’t have done anything, then your friend would be right.

nope. it wasn't that you didn't think they couldn't defend themselves that drew you in. it was the fact that they were up against an unknown threat. if you were sexist, you would have intervened, but you were able to analyze they didn't need help, proceeding to let the situation unfold without you. ​ nta

9f5sya

aita for feeling that my boyfriend hadn’t put any thought into my birthday, and i also ended up paying for everything during?

over my birthday, throughout four different locations (clubs, bars, etc.) when the time came for the bill and i would reach for it out of courtesy, no one really fought me or offered to pay instead. not even my boyfriend who was out with us. bounced around a bit, of course tipsy from drinking, i would do my courtesy reach and i still ended up footing the bill at every location. i think i intoxicatedly racked up about $300 worth of charges for myself, my boyfriend, and some friends. for reference, this past year, i took out my boyfriend to an expensive dinner, decorated, and even bought him a super thought out gift. but it seems now that my birthday comes around, all i really got from him was a bouquet of generic grocery store daisies. no card, or special decorations, or anything that felt like he really put any effort or thought into things. i know i make a little bit more than him, but was i expecting too much for him to have done the same or similar for me? he played babysitter of me that night but otherwise, that’s pretty much it. so am i just being an unappreciative ass?

nta

nta if he didn’t really acknowledge the birthday / make you feel loved or get you anything while he had the means. but if it’s really all he could afford at the time and he spent time with you on your special day that’s all you can really ask for. as for the night, if you’re the one that hosted the event, i wouldn’t have expected him or your friends to pay for it (except for maybe a drink or something small to celebrate), it’s your party and you invited them so you should probably be the one that foots the bill in the end. have you told him how you feel about it? one thoughtless moment doesn’t make a thoughtless boyfriend... but if he’s not a little apologetic for making you feel unloved that’s no fun.

he’s nta for not covering the bill for you and your friends drinks but he is one (and your friends are too) for not at least paying for his own drink. regardless of whether or not it was your birthday, unless your explicitly stated that you were treating everyone out they should have offered to pay for their own share. whenever my friends and i go out, the curtesy reach usually means that they will pay for everyone right now (so we’re not annoying to the wait staff) and everyone else will pay them back after.

9fdgbc

aita for now not wanting to go to my cousins wedding?

bit of a long one guys but i’m a bit stuck. my cousin is getting married next year, she is on the side of my family we only get to see on occasions like christmas and the odd get together during the year. now she has invited me to the day of her wedding but only invited my girlfriend to the evening... my problem here is that the wedding is over 4 hours drive away and we’re going to be going up with all of my family that are also invited but because my girlfriend isn’t invited to the day of the wedding (only the evening party) she is going to have to stay in the hotel on her own all day. i’ve explained to my cousin i don’t really want to have to expect her to do that but apparently there’s just no space which is absolutely fine, i understand that happens with weddings and what not you have a number and can’t go over that.. so i’ve said i will just come to the evening aswell... she is now quite upset and doesn’t seem to understand why i’ve made this decision. am i missing something here? i’m only doing what i think is right! i’m not driving 4 hours with my girlfriend and my family to then have her be the only one who has to wait in the hotel on her own all day until the evening whilst everyone else is at the wedding... need some outsider points of views i think? the way my cousin has reacted i am seriously considering just telling her to take us both off of the list completely.. does that make me an asshole? i don’t really know

nta

nta for not wanting to go now - but the bride is also nta for inviting as she sees fit or for being disappointed that you would not come if your girlfriend can’t be at whole event.

nta. props to you for being sensitive to your so’s feelings (gee, i wish my husband was like that!). your cousin seems to have taken it very personally and feels rejected. even though you’re trying to compromise. sometimes people lack empathy and just want their way. she will probably get over it eventually. if not, well your so is the one you want to be with, not your cousin.

9ff900

aita for wanting to keep my desklight on when my roommate is sleeping?

new semester, new roommate. my roommate tends to sleep at 11ish while i sleep at 3-4, usually studying doing hw etc. when he's sleeping i make sure not to make much noise, but i always keep my desklight on because the brightness helps me concentrate and see. i also made a small mound/wall of bed covering/pillows to try and make things dimmer for him. from my point of view, having only my desklight on in the room makes the room dim enough to sleep, but my roommate complained to the ra about it. he said that he can't sleep when my desklight is on, and that he doesn't want to use his sleeping mask because it makes him uncomfortable. i'm not sure what do about it atm, but does me wanting to have the desklight on even when he's sleeping make me an asshole? thanks.

yta

yta. sleep is vitally important to health, productivity, and comfort. his desire to sleep well at reasonable hours trumps your lighting needs. if you want to stay up super late, find a common area or restaurant that's open 24h and study there.

yta. you may not think the light is too bright for sleep but he clearly does. humans need darkness while sleeping to maintain a healthy circadian rhythm. and wearing a sleep mask makes a lot of people anxious and feel claustrophobic.

9fh538

aita for giving my husband news about a possible std on his birthday?

for the record, i'm really feeling like a huge asshole. i'm 6 months pregnant and this morning i was having some pain so i went to the women's clinic just to make sure all is well. when i'm getting examined, the doctor asks if one particular spot hurts and says there is something there that looks like it could possibly be herpes. my blood runs cold. i have never been diagnosed. there's nothing bothering me that feels like it could be herpes. i am tested for stds regularly and have never had a problem... the dr said she didn't have the things she needed to test for herpes there but to do it at my next obgyn appt next week. if i do have herpes it's not the end of the world but if i somehow contracted it while pregnant, it could mean complications for my birth. some additional background is that my husband and i are happily in a sort of open relationship. he's bi and sometimes plays around with buddies of his. like maybe 4 times a year, max. the last time he did was in early july. after i left the dr i was freaking out about whether to tell my partner. today is his birthday and while he doesn't really care about it and doesn't want to do anything special for it, it felt shitty to burden him with this, especially since i didn't know for sure. as the day went on, i started panicking more and really feeling like i needed to talk to him. it seemed like something i shouldn't have to hold in. so i ended up telling him. he was obviously concerned but said that he doesn't see any way he would have contracted it. i immediately apologized for dumping this on him on his birthday and i expected him to be like "no big deal, glad you told me" but instead he was like "yeah it's sort of messed up. you could have just waited til you knew for sure." i made it worse by crying a little after he said this. i'm feeling fucking terrible. i apologized profusely (though he hates when i apologize a lot, he thinks it's meaningless) and later on told him that i know he deserves better than how i handled it. in general i have a lot of trouble keeping things hidden/suppressed. tldr: was i the asshole for telling my partner about this possible herpes diagnosis on his birthday?

nta

nta. birthdays aren't sacred.

nta. he is acting like a child. it is important for him to know and potentially get tested. it is important because you are pregnant and this can have an effect on your pregnancy. the world doesn't stop because it is his birthday. he should be there to support you.

9fixmf

aita for refusing to pay for wine i didn't even order and try?

last sunday, a friend and i went to a semi-posh restaurant and had already decided that we'll go dutch (we've known each other since 7th grade and that's how we've been doing it since then so it wasn't anything new). i order my food and my friend orders hers + a £126 bottle of wine (which she didn't even finish). she offers me some and i politely decline as i've been trying to drink less and if i start drinking it's hard for me to stop until i'm drunk so i'm trying to not drink at all.i pay for what i ordered, she pay for what she ordered.on tuesday morning i get a payment request on venmo for £65 from my friend. i promptly message her and this is a short version of how it went (comes out kinda weird in english as we mostly talk in italian): >me: - hey, did you send me the payment request by mistake? > >her: no no > >me: ...ok. what is it for? > >her: the wine on sunday. i ordered a bottle for the both of us, remember? > >me: idk if you're just messing around but you know it was just for you and i didn't even try it > >her: no, it was a bottle and bottles are meant to be paid by everyone at the table (?????) > >me: no, i'm not paying more than i paid for my food for some wine i didn't even drink > >her: \*swearing in italian\* stop being stingy and just pay. i don't want to end our friendship over something so petty > >me: \*more swearing in italian\* do you realise how unreasonable you're being?? > >her: i can't be friends with someone so cheap who doesn't get basic dinner etiquette (??) i haven't replied to her since because i honestly don't know what to say. we've been getting separate bills since we've known each other and its never been a problem but out of a sudden i'm expected to pay half of something i didn't order or drink?also, we're both students and £65 is just a tad short of what i'd spend in two weeks for groceries and i can't ask my parents for more money because for some reason my friend decided that i'm supposed to pay for her wine. am i the asshole for refusing to pay? ​ i'd like to clear a few things. ​ i haven't been drinking since july and my friend knows that. i didn't tell her which wine to get. it was all her choice. it would be stupid of me to tell her what to get when i know i'm not even going to try it. i don't know if her fiancè is pressuring her but i'm almost sure they have a joint bank account so maybe he asked her why her bill was so high... idk. i'm just assuming. i should stop doing that. by going dutch i mean that we got separate bills so i don't know what took over her that she suddenly demanded that i pay half of her wine.

nta

nta. if she wanted you to pay for half of the relatively expensive wine she should have asked if you wanted to split a bottle before she ordered it. that’s proper etiquette.

ugh, no - nta. her logic doesn’t even make sense. it’s not like you were splitting the bill down the middle - you essentially got separate checks if you each paid for what you ordered. if she wants to end the friendship over it, that’s on her. the polite thing would have been for her to ask you if you would split a bottle of wine with her.

9fkmfy

aita for repeatedly getting mad at my wife for wasting food?

my wife and i are not well off but not poor we make enough to live on but for as long as we have been together one of the top things i just can’t stand is the constant wasting of food. every day she makes her meals and either makes too much because she swears she will eat it or she makes something takes 2 bites and leaves it there till it goes cold she warms it up then leaves it on the table again until she throws it out. we have had countless arguments about this i’m so annoyed that we probably throw out $100 dollars worth of food every month at least if we eat out she will order way more than she knows she will eat take it home put it in the fridge throw it out a week later every fucking time am i the asshole for expecting he to either stop wasting and either not make it or freaking eat the meal you made?

nta

nta it’s normal to not waste stuff. i would suggest you eat her leftovers so that nothing goes to waste. that’s assuming that she would let you and you would want to

nta. i had a similar issue with my spouse and the thermostat. i paid the bill and tried to keep it reasonable. she wanted it arctic cold (65f) in the summer and desert hot (78f) in the winter. so i made her responsible for the bill. now she can set the thermostat however she wants

9fl8w8

aita for refusing to fool around with a guy in an unhappy relationship?

there’s a guy i’ve been talking to. i really really like him, and he said he likes me to. i was not aware he has a girlfriend until he recently told me. if i would’ve known that before, i never would have even flirted with the guy. however, the more i spoke to him, the more he confessed that he is very unhappy in his relationship and he doesn’t love his girlfriend anymore. he said he really wants to kiss me, and fool around with me. i refused. i wanted to kiss him, but he was still in a relationship. he says he was going to break up with her soon, he just really wanted to be with me. when i told him i wouldn’t do anything with him until the breakup was official, he called me a tease and that i lead him on. so aita for refusing to sleep with him even though he was about to break up with his girlfriend?

nta

nta. and that dude doesn't sound like someone you should get involved with even if/when he does dump his gf.

nta but he is. stick to your guns. oh, and note the red flag and don’t get together with him.

9flghd

aita for calling my company out for screwing with my promised maternity leave?

i’ll try to keep this short. i got pregnant. i just barey (by one friggin month) missed the window for qualifying for short term disability, which would have given me three months of paid maternity leave. instead, my company very kindly offered to pay for one month (160 hours) out of pocket. i was grateful, obviously, but still a little sad i would only have one month with my newborn before returning to work. i was telling a coworker about this, and he offered me some of his sick leave. little did i know, so did a lot of other people! cut to a week after my daughter is born, i get a call from my hr director, saying that a total of 134 hours were donated to me from all the employees in the company. i was in shock! crying, thanking them, the whole nine. i would be getting almost 300 hours off with my daughter! almost two months! except not so much. get told three weeks later (two days before one month is over) that the company is using the donated 134 hours towards the one month they said they would pay for. so the company is only going to pay for the extra 26 hours (and only at 60% my rate), so i could still have a full one month. so the company went from promising to pay me for 160 hours, to only paying me for 26. because people donated their hours?? i was livid. furious. i’ve already been looking for a new job. is it wrong to be upset? i am so grateful to my coworkers, but so angry at my company. i have done so much for them. i am the “president” of a damn volunteer group (which consists of 6 people) dedicated to helping administration and bettering the company. lastly, coincidentally, my first day back was also the day of the huge, mandatory staff meeting. at the end of the meeting, they opened the floor to any complaints, issues, etc. because “we keep hearing that everyone is really upset at us, and we want to know why and address it”. i don’t even think. my hand shoots straight up and i blindly and nervously tell a more stuttery version of what i explained here, and said i was really upset about it. hr stood up after i spoke and said “that’s simply not true. what had happened was a large amount of people donated their time to you. the company is still paying you, they are not going back on their word, because the company only promised one month, and you got a whole month.” that was that. felt like shit, and was totally embarrassed. now the hr lady is telling me she wants to “have a meeting with me”. i am not sure why. i don’t feel like i am in the wrong at all. am i the asshole here??

nta

nta. heads up, you're about to get fired. you did nothing wrong, your company screwed you over, and in 5 years you'll be working a better job and be thankful for the gift of extra time with your newborn.

nta. man i would be furious though i’d wanna take it up with r/legaladvice but i don’t think you wanna take this further?

9fn3hc

wibta if i viewed racists, sexists, and homophobes as less than human?

i think that if you think that other people are less than human because of traits they can’t control than i think you’re less than human. you’re worse than (non-offending) peds because at least they’re not going to do what they can to deprive others from full participation in society.

yta

yta any time you decide another human being is "less than human".

technically you can't control what you believe in either. we don't choose how we were raised, what we experienced, how our brain works. so are racists etc... assholes? definitely. less than human? no. our mistakes are what makes us human. yta.

9fo3yv

aita for telling a dog-fearing jogger not to run during off-leash hours?

i live near a park that allows dogs off the leash before 9am. my adorable and utterly harmless puppy was playing with one of her friends (a poodle) when a jogger runs right to where they’re playing and makes a disgusted facial expression and gives us a dirty look as if they’re intentionally blocking his path. i should note there was plenty of room to go around them. so i said “if dogs bother you, you shouldn’t run here before 9am. this is off leash time.” to which he responds, very angrily “i’m afraid of dogs. you should have control over your dogs even if they’re off leash!” well, that seemed a ridiculous remark as they were totally ignoring him and just playing. words were exchanged back and forth and i finally just said “i’m done talking to you, don’t run here before 9am if you don’t like dogs.” he said “fuck you” ran a few more yards and turned around to say “oh, so i’m the asshole?” to which my friend and i looked at each other like “obviously”. so, since he asked, is he the asshole? or was it me all along. i’m definitely capable of being a dick when called upon, but i don’t think that’s what happened here.

nta

nta. that entitled fuck is the asshole. if it's posted then fuck him.

shoulda told the guy to duck your dogs dick. fuck him. it's off leash hours and the dogs didn't attack him. i can't find anything you did wrong, and i really tried to find something. i kinda wish you pulled out your dick and pissed on him. or just shit on him, literally. nta

9fqoei

aita for refusing to help my friend?

context: at the end of the first year of uni after receiving our final grades, i found out that i had passed with a healthy margin whilst my friend had failed by 3 or 4 marks but had also failed two of the six modules. he only needed to resit one module but chose not to resit any, he was hoping uni would let him stay on since he was close enough. i offered to help him with the resit since it was a presentation project (i was going to do the work but help with the initial ideas and give feedback where i was allowed to) we had done the same thing in the first semester. since he decided to resit about a month into the summer break, we finished in may and this was right at the end of june. after he decided to resit he asked for my help again. the only problem being that i was at home which is over an hours drive from uni, he had two weeks left in uni accommodation before he had to leave. he begged me to travel through to help him but i declined due to the cost of both the fuel, parking and time. he made me feel like a complete asshole saying that i'd offered the help then taken it back, i'd offered the help at first because i still had a few things to do in the city where my uni is so travelling wouldn't have been an issue. he stated yesterday that he isn't coming back to uni and he's dropped out because i won't help him. aita?

nta

nta. your friend left it too late and is over reacting by dropping out. if they'd just accepted your help when you offered it, they wouldn't be in this position.

nta. does your "friend" have a habit of blaming everyone else for his problems?

9fr9bs

aita for telling a lady to get off my property?

i went to take my garbage out last night around 8 pm, but had to get the can from the curb. as i walked to the curb, i noticed a car sitting across the street with a lady in it. she proceeded to shine a flashlight at me and ask my what my address was, as my porch light is out. i didn't really feel comfortable, so i asked her what it was she needed. she said she was looking for someone who lives on this street. i told her i thought it was probably down the street. i then went inside to put my son to sleep. as soon as i got inside, i saw her walking up to my front door shining her flashlight into my window. i opened the door and asked if i could help her, and she said "i don't think the house i'm looking for exists", so i responded with "ok well, this isn't the house you're looking for and i can't help you. please get off my property." she seemed shocked that i reacted that way. i had never seen this lady in my neighborhood before, and it was dark out, and just a strange situation. am i the asshole for assuming she was up to no good?

nta

nta. that would’ve freaked me out too! i would’ve done the same thing! shining a flashlight in your window? no, that’s just weird.

yeah, fuck politeness. nta.

9g3e7p

aita for leaving my catering job when i’m the only bartender they have?

i work for a catering company and about 6 weeks ago the other bartender or in his 2 weeks notice. ever since then my job has put in 0 effort to finding a new bartender and still haven’t even when i tried to tell them i’d work with them because i was being offered 25 hours a week which i didn’t want to work more than. without even telling them i was taking it they then proceeded to give me 35 hours. i’m in school so this conflicts with homework etc. i’ve also told them multiple times in the past that i can’t work more than 30 hours at absolute most during the semester and they refused to listen. any time i’ve asked about them finding a new bartender they’ve scoffed and said “we have you you’re all we need.” this is on top of them trying to give me more responsibilities for no extra pay because of my manager wanting less work for his 60k a year job (i make 10k.) i also went to the office to tell them i didn’t wanted to help them and not screw them over and my boss said: “you have to make that decision for yourself.” not even accepting my help or trying to work with me. after thought: when they bring in outside help from other departments the outside help gets paid $25-$30 an hour and my manager has told them they don’t have to clean up that i’ll do it for them. (i’ve refused and told him i won’t clean up after them so he’s started having too.)

nta

*nta*. it's not your duty to compensate such shitty management.... especially not for 10k. find something better, i wish you best of luck!

nta. you’re trying to cooperate with them as best as you can and they are refusing to acknowledge your efforts. put in your two weeks notice. they should be lucky to even have you for that much longer

9g40vd

aita for not giving up my seat on the bus?

i (18m) ride the public transportation to school and back every day, with my backpack which will have a couple textbooks, food, laptop and other supplies in it. it's full and heavy so if i get see a free seat i'll try to sit down in it. i'm wondering if i ata for staying seated on a busy bus even if i see other adults standing on the bus, and not offering my seat to them? if i see someone who looks like they need it, if they're older, pregnant, or seem like they have an obvious issue standing, i'll offer my seat. however when i'm sitting sometimes, an as example i've overheard women (30-45) complaining to their friends about not having a seat, and i always feel guilty if i'm a younger person sitting on the bus when adults around me are standing. aita? am i supposed to give my seat away on public transit just because i'm younger?

nta

nta. >i always feel guilty if i'm a younger person sitting on the bus when adults around me are standing. you said youre 18 right? hon, you are an adult. you do the right thing giving it up to priotity seating, but everyone else has equal rights to that seat as you. they just gotta claim it first. once you have a seat, thats your spot till you get off. then someone else claims it. if you're ever slow one day, maybe you'll have to stand. and that wouldnt make you hate someome younger than you whose sitting, would it? those women werent complaining directly about you. just the entire seating crowd in general. complainin helps people feel better about whatever theyre upset about. dont worry about them.

nta. you are offering seats to those with priority need. everyone else gets seats based on availability, you are under no obligation to offer to people of equal need.

9g4ot6

aita for creating a parking ticket trap by my apartment?

i live in a fairly large apartment complex in a mid-sized american city (~200,000 people metro). my wife and i live in a part of town that would be familiar to anyone who lives in a city like this-- we call it "apartment row." we live on on a street in a newer part of town that seems to have been built solely to expand new housing. we are surrounded by other large apartment complexes for several blocks. our apartments have garages for every unit, as well as ample surface parking for visitors and extra cars. the complex acrss the street does not. unfortunately (and somewhat unfairly, imo) our complex is on the side of the street which allows street parking. as you can imagine, our side of the street is **filled** with the cars of tenants and visitors from across the street. to the point that there is a literal wall of cars on our side of the street, with any and all parking zones being entirely ignored. the entrance to our building has your standard "no parking ➡" signs to allow visibility around street parkers when exiting the lot. these signs are entirely ignored, and most days tenants from across the road park with their front/back bumpers right up to (or even into) the curb cut for our entrance. as a result, we have to 100% blindly crawl into the street and simply pray there isn't oncoming traffic. i've had countless close calls, and i've seen a couple fender benders. finally one day i had it, and as i pulled in a man was exiting his illegally parked vehicle. i rolled down my window and tried to explain that it was really dangerous and be simply couldn't park there. he acted confused/as if he didn't understand what i was saying (i should add that i live in an area with a sizable new american population) and explained that he lived across the street in broken english. i told him that i understood, but he was causing a really big problem and please move. he continued to act as though i wasn't making sense and walked away. i emailed a parking issue address i found on the city website along with pictures and moved on. well, for a couple weeks i was pleased to see tickets on cars, and even saw one guy fuming and arguing with an officer over a ticket. but now, about a month later, it's almost gotten out of hand. i see tickets on cars that are *barely* past the sign, or cars getting ticketed when the street is fairly empty so there are other sight lines. i've also seen people who were properly parked getting tickets for-- what i assume-- are registration/plate violations. i didn't want to cause undue hardship to my neighbors, but that seems to be the case. aita?

nta

nta. you reported a safety concern to the city. they are taking care of it. you mentioned a possibility that some of the tickets maybe be for things outside of parking violations and expressed some feel bad/guilty feelings. feel bad for them and their poor choices but don’t feel bad that they are responsible for the consequences of their choices.

nta. if they are being this vigilant about it, it could be because of multiple complaints or they think that it is a serious problem or something like that.

9g5o3o

aita for telling my 50 year old co-worker that i couldn’t keep giving him a ride home from work?

so i’m 17 and i’ve worked at this grocery store for about 6 months now and one of my co-workers who’s about 50 by my estimation asks for a ride home probably 70% of nights when i work with him. usually we work nights and being a student in high school still it means that i don’t usually get home until 11 or so. that makes it difficult to do homework on nights when i have it on top of being tired from work. i told him the other night after dropping him off that this would be the last time i’d offer to drive him home. he says that he’s been saving for a car and even that one of his family members can help him get one but it’s been 6 months that i’ve worked there and he still doesn’t have one. he’s a fairly nice guy and all. he’s not the most lively person i’ve met but he’s never been rude or anything as far as i can tell. am i the asshole?

nta

nta. you have other obligations, and he needs to respect that. that and the fact that it appears he could be relying on you too much instead of making the car thing happen. (eh, i always have a ride with xxx, i’m not in a hurry to change the situation.) good for you for standing up for yourself at such a young age. this experience will aid you greatly in the coming years. you learned this life lesson way earlier than most of us.

nta. you don't owe him anything at all. your choice. not an asshole. other guy doesn't seem like an asshole either. he didn't complain, and there's no indication he feels entitled.

9g8iog

aita for not wanting my so’s family over without notice?

thanks for the responses everyone. i really thought i’d get told i was being the asshole because i felt like a massive one. some of the comments were overly harsh about the family, they are perfectly good people, they just have a different way of doing things. they don’t mind when others drop in on them without any notice and think if they don’t mind x that we shouldn’t either. i’ll just have to stop letting that get to me. i’m now confident that my boundaries aren’t all that crazy so i’ll be more confident expressing them in the future. i just have to be more firm about it and not feel guilt about it. and yes - the plan is to have our home always clean so that drop ins aren’t an issue, we’re making progress in that department, it’s just not always doable.

nta

nta. definitely not. your house, your space, your safe place for how you live your life. i am the same exact way. i want enough of a notice before someone visits to have, at least, a somewhat tidy house and to be showered and looking put-together (just my preference). there's absolutely nothing wrong with that because your home is the place where you can (and should be allowed to) be free and messy without the world viewing it or infringing on your privacy. it sounds like you've been polite and accommodating to them when trying to set up boundaries along with arranging alternative meeting places on short notice. you're definitely not a dick though if you need to be assertive regarding boundaries. if anything, they're not being respectful of your wishes after you've kindly expressed them and that's rude. i felt like i could've written this because this is our struggle too. i'm anal about it; my spouse is more relaxed but will definitely run interference and always have my back. you're doing great and shouldn't feel bad about wanting enough time to have your house looking how you want it when people, whether family or friends, stop by. eta last paragraph

nta. this is r/justnomil territory.

9gbyhi

aita for denying a girl a kiss.

alright let me give you a bit of backstory. this girl led me on for about a year and half, and constantly toyed with my emotions. she only talked to me when she needed money, or wanted dick. so recently she went to see me at one of the plays i was in, she brought me flowers and seemed genuinely happy to see me. she waited for me after notes, and everything that took a while to do. i walked out and she wanted to talk and get connected more. i didn't have a ride home so i decided to call an uber, she told me she could give me a ride home. i accepted and we drove home together. when she dropped me off at my place, she walked with me to the door. we started talking before i even touched the door. she leaned in for a kiss, and before she could reach my face i pushed my door open enough to see that i was going inside. i walked in my house, and she was staring at me with confusion. i looked at her and said "i'll see you soon." and closed the door. and hour or two she started texting me saying, "what the fuck? you just wanted to waste my time like that. if you didn't wanna see me, you could've said so." i mean i felt great, knowing i got my petty little revenge. so am i the asshole?

nta

nta in my eyes, but she probably differs on that opinion 😂😂😂. in my book, i think you were probably in the right, though it was an extremely petty thing to do. people can change, so keep that in mind, but please be wary proceeding forth with this girl.

nta for not kissing her. period. no one owes anyone sexual favors for any reason. as your post is written, nta at all but you may have left out some asshole-ish circumstances. what i'm getting at is that if you knew she thought the night was going somewhere and led her on just to spite her, than that is an asshole move. not that you didnt kiss her, but how you handled things leading up to it may have made you an asshole. it really depends on your intentions all along. i'm a petty asshole so i don't necessarily blame you, just calling it how i see it.

9gezii

aita for bailing on things?

i've always liked to think that if i make a commitment to a friend, i won't let them down. throughout my early to mid 20s, i got annoyed if other people bailed on my in certain situations, especially if it was last minute. however, recently, i've found myself having to bail on things that i've told people i'd be really up for doing beforehand. the first one that happened was a wedding for two people who i haven't seen in about three years. we were good friends before this, and then they moved to a different country, but were coming back for the wedding. i told them that i wouldn't miss it for the world, however, out of my group of friends, i was the only one going. when the time came to book accommodation, and travel, i was fairly strapped for cash, and there were some other issues that would have made it very inconvenient, so i had to drop out. i know i should have booked everything in advance, but i also had another wedding coming up that was looking to be expensive, and it was all adding up. then there's a band i'm in, and we are just getting started, so it might be a few months before we do any gigs together, but we try to practice to get songs together. i like to think i am a reliable person when it comes to music, but there have been a few rehearsals where i just haven't been able to make it, due to either illness, transport issues, or having a really busy day and just needing to chill out. the rehearsal studio is a good hour or so from my house, and carrying my gear on public transport can be a pain in the ass. i was also supposed to play in a guy's backing band for an acoustic open mic recently, but that was even further away, for a 15 minute set. i just thought it was a lot of effort for not much of a reward (aside from the joy of playing music, these gigs are unpaid). the thing i feel guilty about it dropping out last minute, but on the other hand, i might stretch myself too thin if i follow through with commitments that are inconvenient for me, and also, i make a lot of effort to stick to plans already. my job is also quite stressful, and sometimes i feel like i just need time for myself. am i being selfish for making this time for myself and letting others down in the process?

nta

nta. i get that you're overloaded right now. but the solution is to say no from the beginning, instead of saying yes, and then later making excuses (no matter how valid they may be). say no from the get go.

nta. life changes on a dime.

9gg47o

aita for fucking someone else?

i'll be keeping this changing names for the anonymity of all parties invovled, and apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors in advance because i am sending this via mobile. i (26/m) started dating jasmine (18/f) in early june. things were going great, we saw each other a few times a week and were constantly happy when we were together. in late july, jasmine suggested she take the two of us out on a romantic date and said she would text me the details the following day. i did not hear from jasmine until three days later. jasmine called me at about 10am from a number i didn't recognize and sounded both intoxicated and distressed. she asked me to come pick her up from a target in a large city about 3 hours from my house and i asked her what she was doing out there and she kept avoiding the question with vague answers like "my (nameless) friend took me out here" and just kept repeating she needed me to come get her. i told her it's a far drive, there's more than 15 target stores in this city, i am unfamiliar with the city and i need an address in order to go get her. she never gave me an address or anything specific besides target in (city). i was worried sick and texted and called her (unrecognized phone number) many times throughout the day and never got a response. i tried calling both her old number and the new mystery one a few times over the next few days but to no avail. a few weeks go by and i still haven't heard from jasmine. i told bob (25/m), one of my best friends everything. he had me convinced that jasmine had gone out to that city to cheat on me and get fucked up, then had the audacity to call me for a ride back home. i thought i had been ghosted and accepted that things were over between us. another week goes by and i go on a week long vacation with my mother (60/f). while on vacation i meet morgan (26/f) who i instantly clicked with and we spent two days in a lustful, tantric bliss. seriously, i could write a novel on how awesome of a time we had but i will have to spare y'all the juicy details. i am no longer in contact with morgan, we both knew that our romance would be short lived, but oh so sweet. we live 3000+ miles from each other and agreed to part ways instead of torture ourselves with a ldr. on the last day of my vacation, my phone starts being blown up by another unrecognized number. it is jasmine, and she tells me she got arrested and has been in jail for over a month. i tell her i'm in mexico and i'll be back in a few days because we have a lot to discuss. the day i got back, i gathered jasmine's things and brought them to her house. i told jasmine the truth and i broke her heart. i am of the school of thought that it is better to tell people the truth even if it is the last thing they want to hear. i told jasmine i thought she broke up with me by ghosting me and she claimed that she isn't that shitty of a person, and she would have had the decency to have that conversation with me. i told her it wouldn't be the first time i've been ghosted out of the blue by someone when things were going seemingly great. as a reminder, i hadn't heard a peep from her in just about a month by the time i left for my vacation. by the time i had spoken to jasmine in person, it had been about 40 days of no contact. i thought we had broken up over a month ago, and jasmine thinks i cheated on her with morgan. i told jasmine i do not regret what i did with morgan, i do not consider it cheating, but i am sorry that things turned out the way they did. i told her had she not been acting so shady before going mia, or if she had just sent me an address to go pick her up that the sequence of events leading up to what morgan and i did never would have occurred, and i never would have "cheated" on her, because we either would have broken up then or worked through it. i told her i don't expect nor will i ask for her forgiveness, but i am still the same guy i was before her disappearance, and on the off chance she comes around and would like to be friends, i'd be okay with that. am i the asshole?

nta

nta, also this girl sounds really sketchy. i'm guessing she got arrested for public intoxication or drug charges ?

nta. here is why 1) she ghosted your date and didnt call you for 3 days 2) she called you from an unknown number and never gave you any more details (this is her making contact to not seem as shitty) 3) she spent a month in jail? this is absurd either she couldn't post bond (which why didnt she call you) or she is straight up lying jail doesnt work that way, even if you assault an officer you have an initial hearing which determines if you can be released on your recognizance or bond 4) even if she spent a month a jail she had access to a phone and could have called at any time 5) if she went prison (which is different than jail) she had a warrant or went to serve time for a prior charge which why didnt she tell you before? she ghosted you partied and now feels bad and is trying to play the victim card. you dodged a huge bullet with that one. not trying to be offensive here but most 18-22 year olds are in a party phase living their life wanting freedom to do what ever. none of this is your fault, dont let her make you feel that way

9gix1f

aita for not wanting to date a transgender person?

let me just say up front that i have nothing against transgender people. i don't understand it, but if that's what you want to do then i have no problem with it. i'm in university and there's a big scene here for lgbt rights etc. a lot of my friends are very active in the community - i don't involve myself much it but i know they are doing good in the world and i'm glad we have people fighting for equality. i myself am a lesbian, but i have dated men in the past before i knew i was lesbian. anyway, i broke up with my girlfriend last week, and one of my close friends said that she knew someone who was single and wanted to hook us up. i said yes, and gave me her friend's number. we arranged to meet in a pizza place. when i got there, i found out this person was a transgender woman - that is, he was very clearly a man in a dress. his voice was deep and he had a very masculine face. i am using the masculine pronoun because this man it seemed was making very little effort to look like a woman, besides shaving his beard and wearing a dress. i was a bit shocked, but i stuck through it until the end. he asked if i wanted to go out with him again, and i let him down gently. when i saw my friend again, i told her it was not cool to just set me up with a man like that when she knows i'm attracted to women. and she said i was being transphobic! for being a lesbian! apparently it doesn't matter that i'm not attracted to men, i should be attracted to him because on the inside he believes he is a woman. and to top that off, all of the other friends in our friend group are on her side, and they seem to think im the crazy one. we actually had quite a big argument, but have apologised since and we are still friends. but i can't stop thinking that it was not ok for her to set me up with a man. i know a lot of people are going to say i'm the asshole here, but i just wanted to see what the opinion on this topic was outside of my friend group.

nta

nta - you like women. you like female anatomy. asking you to date this person becuase they identify as a women is not going to fulfill your physical/sexual attraction. don't feel obligated and date whoever you want.

nta for having preferences but i can see your friends dropping you as friend and doing a persona non grata on you if they were ever to see these posts you're making about the trans-woman. just saying, it's that obvious - you're coming across nasty here on reddit about her transisting, so it's not farfetched your attitude in person is much worst to the point your friends are calling you out & calling you crazy (aka as their polite way of calling you an asshole).

9gkwoa

aita for resenting my sister?

to make a long story short, our wonderful and amazing mum died in february. it's a loss that will effect us for a long time. mum got to see sister's baby come into this world last november, i was there too. it was incredible and sis was so brave. now atm i don't have a baby but trying, sis said to me the other day that she doesn't want another baby because mum won't be there. i'm feeling jealous because she had the experience of having mum holding her hand while she brought my niece into this world and i won't get that at all. mum died at the hospital where my niece was born, and it so happens that it is where i work. sometimes i feel that my feelings are not validated and that i need to just get over it. i know that grief is an unique experience and everyone goes through it differently. the thing is, when i do get pregnant, i know that i'm not going to experience anything that my sis did. mum shopped with her, talked about baby names. sis did an epic troll where she did not tell mum the gender of the baby till the baby shower and it was glorious, but i won't get to do that. i will not hear mum say "my baby is having a baby" or have a photo of them both together. i don't want to, but i feel resentment towards my sis, mum was there through her whole pregnancy. she got one and i will not. i always felt that in a way that sis was the golden child, i would get into trouble for things that she did. i don't now cause mum felt a lot of guilt that sis was born visually disabled and felt responsible. i told her many times that she did the best she could raising 4 kids as a single parent. i love my sis, after mum she is my best friend. but i can't help but feel resentment about her experience. i'm not looking to justify my feelings, as i said, grief is an unique experience. i just want to know if that i'm not an ah for wanting to say to my sis " at least you got one, i won't."

nta

nta for feeling grief and jealousy, but you’ll surely be the asshole if you actually say hurtful things to your sister. i understand that you’re hurting and perhaps you want her to feel it as well? none of this (the timing of your mum’s passing) is her fault, please don’t blame her. it may help to seek counselling about your grief. maybe your sister needs it too, because she shouldn’t feel like it’s not worth having another child because your mum is no longer with you.

damn this sucks. nta but your sister isn't too. yall should talk about this, honestly i'm sure your sister will be there to support you. good luck, dealing with this must be hell.

9goy3w

aita for wanting my husband to get up when his alarm goes off?

my husband gets up for work fairly early (around 5:30am) and historically he has had his alarm go off and snoozed 4 - 5 times before actually getting out of bed. i am currently 33 weeks pregnant and chronically uncomfortable. it takes me aaages to get back to sleep (if i am able to) and every single noise or movement wakes me up. we also share the bed with our 2 year old most nights and he wakes up a few times during the night which also wakes me up as well. i asked my husband to only have one alarm in the morning so that i have more chance to get back to sleep after he goes to work (i don’t get up until 7 or 7:30 with my son). he has partially done so... now he has one loud alarm, goes back to sleep and 15 minutes later has a vibrating alarm on his smart watch (the noise of the vibration wakes me up as well so it’s almost as if he just has two alarms), then he gets up. i have asked him to just have the one alarm so that i’m not in a constant state of trying to get to sleep and waking up for 15 - 20 minutes but he says he can’t. i got really over it this morning (i’m already cranky af all day every day anyways) and told him that if he can’t have one alarm and get straight up then he can sleep on the couch until the baby comes. now i’ve started to feel bad because i get that it’s hard to get straight up so early in the morning... so, am i the asshole?

nta

nta. personally, i'm a very deep sleeper and cannot for the life of me wake up without several alarms - and i try and try and *try* to wake up and stay up after my first alarm. not everyone *can* wake up that easily. but you gotta take care of yourself, and if his alarm routine truly messes with your ability to get adequate sleep, maybe sleeping in different rooms for now will help. you're nta for being sleep-deprived and you're nta for asking for what you need in the relationship.

nta, but you both need to work out a solution so you can get more sleep. 1, either get your toddler out of the bed or put a rollaway bed in his room. they sell memory foam beds that fold up nicely for not a lot of money. it’s a small price to pay to get some sleep, and it may help your son transition to sleeping in his own bed to know mommy or daddy is not out of sight. do you have a spare or guest bedroom? i suggest separate bedrooms for now. the extra quiet and space sometimes helps. you can still have cuddle time with hubby at night, then one of you moves to a separate bed for sleep. hubby can try a vibrating alarm, one that you wear on your wrist.

9gtf1o

aita for finding overly positive people annoying (and sometimes creepy)?

motivational youtubers would be a good example, as well as people who constantly post motivational quotes on social media (every now and then is fine, but some people overdo it). to me they seem so fake, forced and honestly i'd feel uncomfortable around them irl. not to mention their advice is often generic and unhelpful.

nta

as long as you're not rude to them, nta

nta, i find overly positive people a bit scary too. due to my past i’m very alert to people who seem like they are trying to manipulate me, and sadly it’s usually been people who are too nice, too cheerful, or too positive who turned out to have ulterior motives, or really burned me in some way. maybe you have something similar. sadly when i see people like that my first reaction is “ok, what do you want and when is the other shoe gonna drop?”

9gyalw

aita for refusing my neighbors' request to cut down a tree on my property?

we just bought a house and the backyard has a giant silver maple tree in it. the house is little and the tree is right in the center of the lot and it's massive. it's about 70 feet tall and the spread is about 50 feet. i love this tree. it's a big part of why we bought this house. the tree shades the house and the lot and keeps it cool and comfortable even on hot days. and, it's just beautiful! shortly after moving in the neighbors on each side pulled us aside while we were in the yard and suggested that we should have the tree removed. they are concerned that if it falls it will fall on their homes. we have had an arborist come over to check out the tree and they said the tree shows no sign of being unhealthy. that a freak storm could bring down any tree so while it's not totally impossible that it falls it's not likely any time soon. the lifespan of the tree is 130 years and it was planted in 1927 so it could live for another 40 years. also, we are well insured and if the worst did happen and the tree comes down any damage it caused would be covered by insurance. despite me showing them the report from the arborist, the information about the lifespan of the tree, etc they still have requested that we remove the tree because they feel that *any* risk is too much risk. so, am i the asshole for refusing to take down a perfectly healthy tree that could live another 40 years?

nta

nta, and i'm sure the reason they're asking you is because the last owner of your house also refused.

nta and matter of fact, if your neighbors wanted the tree removed so badly - why didn't they asked & have the previous owner of your house to cut it down? 🤔🤔🤔do like the previous owner did and keep the tree.

9gystr

aita for wanting my boyfriend to spend time together on our anniversary?

so here’s the thing: my boyfriend and i have been together for nearly a year, and tomorrow’s our anniversary. i texted him today asking what we were going to for our anniversary tomorrow, as he’d mentioned doing a picnic/making me dinner etc, but said we’d definitely end up doing something even if it was just a walk through a local park. he got back to me a bit later since he’s at work. what his reply said bothered me. he told me that he’s got his last soccer game of the league’s season tomorrow night, and that he wouldn’t be able to do anything with me until after 10pm (i have school early thursday and would likely be asleep shortly after then anyways). i told him i was bummed out because i was looking forward to spending at least a few hours with him tomorrow, and he told me that he only found out about the game this morning. so as it is now, he’s skipping our anniversary to play soccer. i understand he loves the game, but we had made plans to do at least something for our anniversary. (sidenote: i dislike all sports and he knows that, so he never expects me to go to his games. even if i did go, he wouldn’t have any time to actually hang around and talk to me because their team usually ends up short a couple people). i don’t want to be the naggy girlfriend but i told him that i was upset about him choosing soccer over me, and that i had really been looking forward to spending the time with him because he’s been talking about plans for several weeks. it’s my first time being in a relationship and i think making it a year together is a really big deal, so i feel like spending our anniversary together is the best way for us to celebrate. aita for wanting my boyfriend to spend time with me on our anniversary, even if it means he’d have to skip his final game to see me?

yta

i know your anniversary may seem big, but when you join a sports team you're saying that's your priority like work. is it really worth it to cause a huge argument, couldn't you postpone? just because he has other obligations doesnt mean he doesnt care about the anniversary, it just means he has prior obligations. relationships are full of compromise you need to have empathy towards your partner. if you were in a situation like this would you appreciate him doing the same thing? yta because i think you're biased towards sports and aren't being very flexible because of it.

the way you wrote this made me assume that you are quite young, but correct me if i'm wrong. you don't seem to to grasp that a relationship is a two way street. do you have no room for compromise? you acknowledge that he loves this game. its important to him. but the way you mention it is so dismissive. you refuse to take part in things that interest him but demand he drop something that is important to him to cater to you. so yeah. yta for sure. pick a different day. join him at the game. plan something and offer to take him and yourself out when you are both free.

9h0gmq

aita for insisting on going through insurance when my neighbour damaged my vehicle?

yesterday when i left for work, i was unpleasantly surprised to find out that the rear driver side, tire, rim and bumper of my car had a large scrape which appeared to be from when the person beside me had pulled their large truck out. the person whose parking spot is beside mine happens to be my neighbour, so i phoned him up and left him a very strongly worded message. i waited... and waited... then went and filed a police report and got the damage appraised ($2789!!!). later that evening my neighbour came by and we chatted, he refused to pay for the damage at the appraised price and refused to give me his insurance information, he then offered to have his “friend” fix our car and said he would cover the cost. today, myself, my neighbour and his “friend” met at the auto body shop and things just didn’t feel right. long story short, i don’t trust that my neighbour will follow through, or that this shop i’m not familiar with will do a good job. i decided to go through my insurance and from what i understand, they will pursue him (or his insurance) in civil court, and that he may now face criminal charges as well, as this is now classified as a “hit&run”. aita for not working harder to find a solution that did not involve insurance?? we still have to live beside each other...

nta

umm no. nta. my car, parked in my designated spot, in front of my townhome, sustained $2,000 in damage in response to somebody who backed into it late at night. you have the right to get the best care on your car and not hide other people’s insurance problems. nta. it is your right to demand that the repairs are performed by a reputable company.

nta, he is the asshole. he did hit and run you, and was dodgy as fuck. no question.

9h356j

aita when my partner and i agreed on no late night guests when i have school?

so, before i started post secondary i asked my partner if it was alright to not have late night guests in our 800 sq feet 2 bedroom apt. i will allow late night guests if really necessary but i just would like some sleep and for me when someone is over i can't fall asleep properly. he agreed, and thought it was fair. but there's been a few times where his buddy will come over with him after hanging out for 5 hours and they will be giggling, talking and sometimes yelling loudly on the balcony. he brought a friend over and i got mad. he says that my classes aren't early in the morning, and that i am giving him shit. i rebutted and told him no more this is the last time. the situation progressed then settled. but now i can't sleep because i know i have someone over and also, i can hear them talk/giggle on the balcony. i have asked them to lower their voices which works then they start up after 20mins. i wouldn't be debbie downer if i didn't have school from the afternoon to 10pm tomorrow. school is fucking mentally exhausting already.

nta

nta if you guys had agreed on no guests. but just my 2 cents, i think that's a bit unfair if you don't have class until the afternoon. so i can see his side of this as well.

nta. if he agreed to not having guests at night, and then brought guests at night, he's in the wrong.

9h53dr

aita for pointing out a fly in the food, thus making them empty out the whole bin of that particular food?

let me start out by saying i feel like an asshole. i wasn’t deliberately trying to be an asshole, but i ultimately felt like one. essentially, i was in line at a fast food place that has the food in front of you but with a glass case. they were getting quite busy, as it was lunch time, and just trying to serve food to each guest. i noticed a fly was on one unpopular food item for quite some time and tried to shoo it away but couldn’t, due to the glass case being my barrier. i informed one of the workers, thinking she could just shoo it away on her end so other people wouldn’t complain about their being a fly (i wasn’t eating this food). but instead she took the whole bowl and dumped it out. she yelled to the cooks (who were right behind her) that she needed a whole new one. it’s okay if you tell me i was an asshole because i totally felt like one. i had no idea she would have to dump the entire bowl of food out.

nta

nta. flies can carry harmful pathogens. you pointing that out may have prevented anyone who would eat that from getting sick.

it's restaurant policy to throw out contaminated food. your nta, you did the right thing. the person running the counter sounded grumpy tho

9h59u1

aita for how i responded to a classmate's text?

there is this guy in one of my college classes that asked for my number because he said he needed help with the course and i'm one of the top students in the class. fair enough, i give it to him. now, i'm also a tutor at a tutoring center and give some of the people i tutor my number so that if they have any questions, they can text me and i can help them. the other night, i received a text that just said "hi" and i responded back with "hi. who is this?" because i give a lot of people my number and have no way of knowing who is texting me. the person responded that they were just texting random numbers to see who they could talk to. at the time, i was very busy studying for a very important test, doing homework, and doing general household chores. i really didn't have the time to talk to random strangers on the phone, so i told them "i'm sorry, but if you're not someone i know, then i'm going to have to pass on talking to you because i'm really busy right now." well, it turned out that it was my classmate and he was extremely upset. he told me that he would "pass on me too" (whatever that means ???) and i offered an apology (twice!) but he didn't respond to any of those texts. anyways, i still plan on offering an apology in person, but i'm not sure if what i did was all that bad. tl;dr: am a tutor. give a lot of people my number. classmate texted me pretending to be a stranger. told him i was too busy to talk to strangers. he got upset.

nta

no, nta - and you don’t need to apologize in person. he lied to you about who he was. when you explained that you didn’t have time to talk to strangers, his reaction was to blow up instead of letting you know he was just teasing? life’s too short for that kind of nonsense.

nta. 1, you didn't give him your number just to chat, it was for help with school. 2, he didn't identify himself, and who the hell chats with random strangers who text them? your response was perfectly reasonable.

9h6tbx

aita for being a millennial tired of millennials whining?

get so tired of seeing all these posts and memes about not being able to buy a house, crippling debt etc. most of the people i see posting this stuff comes from the same people who chastised me for not going to college. now they all complain about having to rent and having to eat ramen. meanwhile i have a job making close to 80k a year no college debt and i own a home. now i made some poor financial decisions so don't take it like i'm bragging, but i just don't understand where this sense of entitlement is coming from. all decisions have consequences, that's why i decided to not go to college. am i wrong for having no sympathy?

yta

yes, yta. your experience is not equal to everyone’s experience (anecdotal vs. aggregate). most non-trade employers require a bachelors degree - at a minimum. at a very cheap college, that’s a minimum of $40k for 4 years of school. depending on where you live in the country, an entry level gig that requires a degree can pay as low as $10 - $15/hr and employers fight tooth and nail to keep those wages low. add the lack of benefit plans that used to be standard for employers (health insurance, pensions, et al) to what people have to pay out of pocket, plus student loan debt and cost of living increases that far outpace wage increases - yeah, it’s a problem. it’s a problem you don’t have, so instead of being grateful for how things worked out for you, you’re ‘tired’ of other people not making the same choices you did (as if everyone could).

yta, there's been 40 years of stagnant wages and boomers won't retire. there's not a lot of money floating around for millennials. if you live in some cheap area where you can rent a place and save a down payment on $80k then good for you but that's not the reality of most of america and it has little to do with your lack of education debt. you're lucky you aren't sickly, don't have to support parents etc. there's many money sinks that keep people from saving. just be happy with yourself and acknowledge the hardships of this generation.

9h9kos

aita for expecting what i consider house-sharing etiquette?

hi reddit, i'm in a pickle and want an outsider's perspective on this subject. i'll try to make it as short as possible while including important details. my boyfriend and i will hit our 4 year anniversary in december, before that we were best friends from high school for 4 years. so he's been in my life for 8 years, we're both 23 now. when i was a child i showed erratic behavior pointing to mental illness at a young age due to a combination of family history/genetics & sexual abuse that lasted about three years. i'd have panic attacks over seemingly nothing, anger issues, social skills issues, and ocd. i was diagnosed by therapists. the ocd was the worst - i nearly failed math in first grade because if the answer wasn't an even number, i had to change it to be an even number or else i'd have a meltdown. i had to do my laundry and i'd do it multiple times before it felt right, had to eat an even amount of food, with an even number of bites and chews, switching from left to right side while chewing so it all felt "even". turning the light switch off before bed turned into a 10 minute ordeal of me flipping on and off until i felt "right". just the behavior a lot of ocd people show. during my teenage years, i suffered from depression badly. suicide attempts, finding a good medication for me, a decade of self-mutilation, all of it. luckily, through self-work and therapy i am much better now and fairly happy with my life! my depression is more controlled and only peaks it's ugly head when i go through these mood swings every couple of months, my anxiety doesn't stop me from leading a normal life, and my ocd has reduced drastically. while i sometimes do still mess with even numbers (like the tv volume has to be on an even number, i put an even amount of gas money like $10 or $12.12 into my car), it's controlled and isn't hurting my life. i'm a college graduate, steady job, have my own townhouse with my boyfriend, 2 dogs and a cat, all the good stuff i could hope for in life. my one problem is the ocd and anxiety lingers when it comes to cleanliness. now, i'm not the germaphobe tv portrays where i scrub everything for hours on end and douse everything in bleach constantly and scratch myself 'til i bleed, but i do need a clean environment. if the room is dirty and cluttered, my mind feels dirty and cluttered. if there's a mess and i know it, it makes me uncomfortable and gives me slight anxiety until it's cleaned up. a bunch of dirty cups and plates overflowing the sink bothers me, laundry all over the floor, overflowing trash, all of these things bother me so much. if i can smell the cat litter and i know it's been a few days, that shit needs cleaned or it will bother me. i don't have a mental breakdown or anything, but i am extremely anxious and uncomfortable knowing it's dirty like that. i genuinely just feel dirty and bothered until it's clean. i consider this normal - wanting a decent looking place to live your life in - no trash on the floors, cats pissing everywhere, dirty plates covering the counters, etc. not the ocd part of it, just how most people would like a decently clean place to live. that's the norm. now... my boyfriend is a slob. leaves trash out cause he doesn't wanna walk over to the trash, & he leave plates "soaking" in the sink for weeks if i let him. instead of putting his dirty clothes in the hamper, he'll leave them on the bathroom floor or will put them on the floor next to the hamper. his car will have 5 empty cigarette packs and 20 energy drink cans on the ground. leaves empty bottles and cups with trash on the living room table. leaves his tobacco-filled dip bottles everywhere. if i don't do his laundry, he'll go months without washing it probably. i think in these four years i've seen him do laundry maybe a dozen times. every time i do there's at least a dozen cigarette butts in the bottom of the hamper or his id, cash, etc. because he wont clean his pockets out. he'll ignore a problem until he forgets about it - like the cat pissing in the closet on my clothes because he didn't change the litter box like i asked him to four days ago. and then forgetting about the closet piss until i give in and clean it. when i ask him to do simple things, he gets angry and says i'm just freaking out because of my ocd, overreacting, don't need to make him my slave because of my issues and i need to chill. i say it makes me feel like i'm his mom and he says "well stop trying to be my mom, i'm a grown man" but if i don't harass him for days to do something, it either never gets done or i give up and do it. i don't want to make him sound like a monster - he is my greatest support and best friend. he's generally pretty good with my anxiety, can recognize when i'm getting worked up, knows where my inhaler is, knows how to calm me down, etc. he's carried me to bed after having such a bad anxiety attack i felt like i couldn't even move my muscles. he has helped me through depressive episodes and even got me through the death of my mother and best friend (both car accidents) within the same month. he has listened to me say i want to kill myself (not a threat, just being honest about my emotions and what the depression was doing to me) and stayed up with me all night while looking for a new therapist my insurance provider will accept. and i have returned those favors; he had an abusive childhood and suffers still from that but hasn't had health insurance once his entire life so he can't get medication or therapy for help. i try to give solid advice and support him and let him know his emotions and feeling are valid, and it doesn't make him a "pussy" to cry just because he's a guy (abuse dad drilled that into his brain). basically, he is a sweet man who wouldn't hurt a fly and i love him so much. he's out of town for a few months (boot camp for military) and i haven't felt this loose in years. i haven't found any hidden plates with old food under couches, no hidden empty bottles he was too lazy to take to the trash, the cat hasn't pissed once anywhere except for his litter box, and my car is spotless. normally at the end of every day i feel like exploding with anger because i'm so agitated.. haven't felt like that once since he left (which makes me sad to admit because i love him so much!) i know i have mental issues. i'm not expecting him to get on his hands and knees and to scrub the toilets and chairs every day - honestly, cleaning makes me happy so i'm willing to do that. but what i'm not willing to do is feel like his maid forever. all i'm asking is for him to pick up after himself basically. throw your trash away, help me with the animals, put your dirty dishes up. do your part of chores without being begged or fought with. reddit, am i the asshole? am i an ocd asshole that needs to chill? i'm at the point where i feel like a blabbering old hag of a girlfriend that just drags his mood down and is constantly bitching at him and i'm sick of it.

nta

nta. it's not unreasonable to expect a grown person to throw away their trash, do their laundry, and wash their own dishes. i couldn't live with someone like that and i don't have ocd.

you say he’s in basic training? his cleaning habits just might be solved for you (here’s hoping, anyway). nta for wanting him to do the bare minimum of picking up after himself.

9haq7l

aita for ignoring a girl who ghosted me and telling her to "f off" when she tried to confront me?

basically i went out with this girl(missy) and we really clicked a lot. we had an awesome time on our first 4 dates. we had made plans to go get sushi on my birthday(her idea) since she never had it. texted her before i left and she said "i'll meet you there soon". que me sitting there alone on my b day eating alone. she ended up becoming good friends with my buddys gf(unknown to me) and i ran into her at her birthday party at the bar and she tried to hug me. i just side stepped her and brushed right past her without acknowledging her the entire night. i even told my friend what she did and asked him to make sure he keeps her away from me. her and my buddys gf eventually confronted me, while wasted, asking why i'm being an asshole and won't even acknowledge missy presence, ignore her and move seats if she sits down. after about 5 minutes of listening to them bitch & insult me, i stood up and belted out a "fuck off and fuck you both, this is the girl who ghosted me after 4 dates and left me sitting alone on my birthday after saying she'll be here soon!" and i left with 3 of our friends. now my buddy, his gf, missy and a few other friends in our group think i acted irrational and ruined her bday party. they want me to apologize to them and missy. as well as they want me to be friends with missy as well because she's moving in with them in a few months. tl;dr: girl ghosted me on 5th date after saying on my way. run into her at friends party and ignore her, girl and friend rant and insult till i out girls shitty actions along with a hearty "fuck you" and left. edit 2: i forgot to mention the part where after a few minutes of being berated they started in on how my dead brother would be ashamed of me. my brother was murdered and our last conversation was a fight. i found his body on my way to his house to make up with him.

nta

nta. if they honestly felt like it was their place to interfere with your personal interactions and accost you with insults in the middle of her party, they made the decision to ruin the event all on their own.

nta. that’s all there is to it.

9hgg8e

aita for asking a new co-worker not to bring in his cultural food ?

new fellow came in to the job site, nice guy but new to the country. at lunch he pulled out a large (what i thought) roasted rat for lunch. i asked him what he was eating and he said it was a roasted guinea pig. it was whole (head, paws and everything). he explained that it was gutted and cleaned and roasted over a fire with spices etc. i understand cultural differences but i told him that he would be better off not bringing stuff like that at work as it could raise issues for the more sensitive people or at least if wants to bring it cut it up in pieces and leave the head at home. he wasn’t angry but he did bring up he saw people bring in whole roasted chickens without issue and he thought it would be ok (i’ve seen it too but i’ve never seen anyone bring an entire roasted chicken with the head attached). i didn’t think it was that big of an ask as we do have more sensitive people at work and i was thinking in his best interest. was i being helpful or was i blocking the job site from being more diverse ...basically aita? ​

yta

yta, what he eats is none of your concern. how would you feel if a vegan said “no meat or milk” on the property as it offends them?

you eat chicken, cows, and pigs. he eats a different animal and that's suddenly a problem? yta.

9hjobf

aita for getting slapped by my brother’s girlfriend?

i’ll try keep this short at a bar in the u.k. with my mates, my brother and his girlfriend who i’ve met a couple times before. we’re all about 22 y/o. we start talking about future plans. bros gf says she’s gonna get pregnant and work a minimum wage job for 30 years to avoid paying her student loan. thought she was joking but she was dead serious. started debating with her about better ways to deal with student debt. she starts telling me she’ll never be able to get a well paying job because she’s a woman. again, sounds pretty dumb so i debated with her, wasn’t heated at all when suddenly... she reaches across the table and slaps me hard in the face, it was decent connection and was stinging all evening. she proceeds to burst out crying and starts throwing every insult she can think at me. i promptly leave in disgust at this point. afterwards my mates are telling me that i shouldn’t have shat all over her future plans and that *i* should apologise to her... i’m pretty livid because i don’t feel like i’ve done anything wrong at all?? so far haven’t had any contact from her and my brother is pretending like nothing ever happened. am i the asshole? tl;dr brothers gf slapped me hard in the face during casual debate, friends think i should apologise to her.

nta

nta there's literally no reason to lay your hands in someone just because you disagree, even if it was mean spirited. shes an adult she should be able to handle herself better than a toddler.

nta. or maybe you're mildly ta, but i would cut out anyone who physically hit me, unless i had just called their mother a cunt or something. if a male friend had hit one of your female friends, i bet everyone would be horrified. she's the arsehole for hitting people who disagree with her. (if it makes a difference...she probably hit you because she knows you're right, for the most part. adulting is hard, and she seems scared of it. maybe it seems easier to say, oh i'll have a baby and then nobody will expect me to work. it's a real thing, i've heard it from young women i work with who've been brought up with no real aspirations. but fuck, parenting is harder than anything and i hope she realises that soon. sounds like she is in a bad place and needs good friends, so you might want to accept an apology if you get one. and encourage her to aim for a bit more out of her life, especially before she brings a baby into it.)

9hkip3

aita called my boyfriend a fucking liar

here's the story, am i the asshole? i get home from work, boyfriend says he's going to use the shower, i wait my turn, then i use the shower. water suddenly gets ice cold. i shout his name, but he doesn't come and the water gets warmer so i just assume it's my weird old house. water gets cold again, so i shout his name super loud, he comes. "are you using hot water?" i ask. he asks why and i tell him the shower was getting hot and cold. he says no. i say "well, alright" let him go and start thinking about whether or not i have a leak and need to call the plumber. the water keeps acting weird and my partner comes back, he asks if it ok for him to start using the faucet and i say "no". i now immediately know he was lying about using the hot water, because he lies about everything. i mutter "fucking liar" under my breath. he opens the door and starts cussing and yelling at me that he heard that, and i tell him i don't care because it's true. he says he used the *cold* water. i'm sure i don't have to tell anyone here what happened, but he turned on the "hot faucet" but only cold water came out because it has to run awhile before it gets hot. that still cuts off the hot water to the shower. i just repeat "you know what i was asking" and "leave" because he's letting the cold in and the fog out. he ignores me and keep shouting until the fire alarm goes off because my house is dumb and it goes off whenever someone uses the shower and opens the door. i constantly tell him this but he ignores me. he finally leaves and of course he's bad mouthing me under his breath. i feel like i'm being gas lit. i think he's a compulsive liar, and a man-baby. he doesn't pay utilities or rent, but will secretly turn the thermostat down and call me a liar when i catch him. he will let his dog pee on my carpet and cause water damage to the hard-wood, and when i point it out to him he says it's not his dog or it's my fault. i just want him to listen to me and apologize immediately when he messes up. we talk about it every day, but he says he always apologizes. i swear he doesn't. i'm pretty sure this is how he treats his mother too am i the asshole? i can't even tell if i'm really just imagining all this. i wrote this shower thing the second after it happened, so i'm pretty sure i got it right. edit: 20 or so minutes later of sitting silently i ask him if we are not going to talk about this. he admits he knew, i ask him why he didn't say sorry and he claims he said sorry when he came back the second time to the shower (then why tf would i have called him a liar?). i tell him he didn't, and he says it's my fault for calling him a liar. i get pretty mad and explain to him that if he knew he did it and wouldn't admit it, that means he lied, and remind him we fight about this almost every day. he just keeps telling me i should "keep it to myself" when he lies. i swear to god i am either not the asshole or totally insane

nta

nta, though it sounds like you should end things with him because this situation just sounds toxic.

nta he is and i don't know why you put up with it

9hlcp1

aita for only picking up after myself?

me and my boyfriend of two years have lived together in this house for one year. up until recently, i never minded having *all* of the housework be my responsibility because i was unemployed. my boyfriend would “help out” here and there, he’d do the dishes one a week and.... reorganize the pantry. well recently i got a job and i’ve been getting at my boyfriend to help me out more, and for the most part it’s been good, he’ll do the dishes two or three times a week and help me sweep or stuff. it’s definitely not a 50/50 split but i don’t expect him to jump into doing housework with me when he was very used to not doing it at all. about 4 days ago before he left for school he asked me to clean his bathroom while he was gone, no worries i did it. i picked up our various little messes from around the house as well and then i watched netflix until he got home. he told me that he was having a hard time with some parts of school while i was making us dinner. after we ate we relaxed as watched tv together. **now here’s the actual conflict, skimmers!** i asked him if he would do the dishes before he went to bed. he asked why couldn’t i do them, he had a hard day. i told him that sucks but i did a lot today and i’d appreciate it. he got up and did the dishes and heavily implied i was being lazy. i told him not to talk to me like that, i do a lot around them house, and he just rolled his eyes and said “sure.” we didn’t talk the rest of the night because i was waiting for him to apologize but he just didn’t. i decided from there on out, i am strictly picking up after myself and that’s it until he apologizes and acknowledges what i do for *him* and not just the house. i have made a point to myself to wash every dish i use immediately, and to generally just make extra sure i’m picking up after myself no matter what. it’s a really good habit to be forming and i’m keeping it either way, but it’s been a few days now and his dishes are stacking up, his clothes are laying around, he has empty packages and all sorts of stuff just looming around our living area. am i the asshole for this? am i an ass for letting all this crap pile up to prove a point?

nta

nta. if you have a job that’s as demanding as his, and you’ve still been cleaning the majority of the house, he’s the lazy ass for not cleaning a couple dishes.

nta, it's time for him to grow up. you're not his mom. it made sense when you were unemployed.

9hv73a

aita for not wanting to bring back an old friendship

a little backstory. i have had this person as a friend (let's call him marshall) since sophomore year of high school (i'm a senior now). he was my best friend up until the summer between sophomore and junior year. we were such good friends that i took him on our family vacation. ​ marshall did something very mean to my mentally disabled sister(let's call her peyton). it may not seem like a big deal but it really showed his character. everybody was playing monopoly together and peyton loves monopoly and she can do really good by herself so obviously we let her play. we never take advantage of her disability, that's something i'm very protective over because it's easy to take advantage of her because she doesn't know any better. my mom was making a very fair deal with peyton and then halfway through put it on hold to make dinner in between her turns but they were obviously making a deal together. however, in one of those turns, marshall decides that he was going to do that same deal with peyton except that he didn't make it fair. to put it into perspective it was like trading her $5 for $20. the deal followed through because no one was paying any attention because we were all taking a break waiting for mom. when we realized what happened we called him out on it and he left the game, pouting. ​ on top of that, he is really immature and annoying. he really isn't that fun to be around. ​ i didn't want to be friends with him after that and kind of distanced myself from him, but now he wants to be buddies again. am i the asshole for not wanting to bring back our friendship?

nta

nta, doing something bad can be forgiven however you then said he's still annoying and immature, chances are you've just outgrown him.

nta, drop and kick em. my dude marshall did a dirty on my mans hotcheetos' sister. shit ain't forgivable. y'all are young so i can see some dumb shit happening, but it's pretty unforgivable (as i haven't personally experienced having mentally disabled family, but my best friend has). in the event that the devil kicked your dropkick back into your lap (devils advocate), my dude marshall might change. he seems like a pretty sociable guy (maybe?). regardless, what he did was some straight bullshit, but i'm the forgiving type and, while i don't condone further interaction, making sure he understands.. if you give half a damn about hiim there's a lot of variables to this....

9hxm8f

aita for choosing to not continue seeing a new fling?

i recently moved to a new school and almost immediately started seeing somebody who lives in my dorm. the two of us were getting along really well until last week when we had a few uncomfortable conversations. the first conversation was about a sexual encounter we had the night before. he came very quickly and did not ask if i needed to keep going ir if i was satisfied so i was annoyed. from his perspective, i was not communicative enough. after we worked this out, the next conversation ended up getting into the subject of exercise. one thing led to another and he basically advised me on the positives of weight loss. i left that conversation angry and spent the rest of the night with my friends. during that night, he texted me ten times in a row within a span on around 30 minutes begging me not to be upset. i told him i was no longer angry but that i would be spending the night with my girlfriends and that we could discuss it the next day. he still attempted to contact me by text and phone call a few more times before he gave up. i was respectful but remained assertive that i was with my friends and that i preferred to discuss the next day. we discussed everything the next morning and he said that he did not mean to say anything negative about my weight and that i had misunderstood. i ultimately accepted his reasoning and we moved on. i told him to please not text me multiple time in a row should we get in an argument. he agreed. things were fine until a few days later when he texted me asking if “there was something wrong with us”. i replied no, everything was fine and that i had just been busy studying for a big test i had the next day. later we ate lunch together with a mutual friend. he asked me about my test and i told him multiple times that i would be studying all night and that i was very stressed about taking this test. after we walked back to our dorms we parted ways. our mutual friend came back to my room to see if my roommate was home and he went back to his room. he immediately texted me saying that i had been visibly awkward and had made him feel upset. at this point my friend and i had been discussing gym times for the next day but the discussion immediately turned to how i should respond. as i was still thinking, he texted me 8 more times saying that he was crying and very upset. then he came down to my room to talk. i did not answer the door because he seemed very upset and i was slightly concerned for my safety by the fact he’d come down without asking me. he then texted me that he would kill himself. i went to a peer advisor and we called the school police department. they came with the dorm advisor and did a safety check where they set up a counseling appointment for him. he called me and texted me a few more times that night and i finally answered that, while i thought he was a good person, i did not wish to keep seeing him. this was mostly because threatening suicide after a fight or breakup is a common sign of relationship dysfunction and other signs had already suggested the relationship was quite unhealthy already. when i met with him to discuss further the next day, and insisted that i do not wish to see him anymore he became very emotional. he said that the only reason i was breaking up with him was because he is a minority (english is his second language) and that has he not been then i would be more willing to work with him. he also insisted that he was happy dating me and wanted to continue. i feel bad because i am unsure as to wether or not he is truly mentally unstable and needs support or if he is manipulating me by suicide threats. am i the asshole for refusing to continue the relationship? tldr; new boyfriend threatened suicide after argument and i broke up with him.

nta

nta, get him out of your life immediately. he does not respect your boundaries. he attempts to manipulate you, and sounds like he is gaslighting you as well.

lmfao didn’t read all the way but nta. you don’t owe anyone anything. if you don’t wanna see them then don’t, they can get bent. have fun with your freedom and life my dude.

9hznod

aita for not thinking we should tip our wedding photographer?

i am getting married in like 2 weeks. we got the most expensive package our photographer offers at $2400. being so close to the wedding, our bank accounts are drained. my fiance wants to tip her because “it’s the right thing to do” and i don’t see why. she doesn’t have an employer, so she’s already getting 100% of the $2400. i always assumed tipping was to make up for your employer not paying you minimum wage. other than “it’s just the way it is” am i the asshole?

nta

i would say nta, but i’m not american so i find the entire tipping system weird.

nta. i’m a professional wedding photographer.

9i1r25

aita: for not giving my dad my password?

ok, so a little bit of context for this: last year, in college, my year went to shit. i ended with 25 credits and a 3.05, (28 if you count an incomplete) and was generally pissed. i had to drop a class because someone cheated off of me, therefore zeroing both of our tests and ending with me almost getting a d, which i elected to replace with a "w" for "withdrew." i lied to myself and my dad about how my year was going, and it was generally a shitty year. my mom died, my entire family was in legal battles, and i was being forced to cut off ties with a lot of people i didn't want to. ​ cut to this year. over the summer, i got a criminal speeding ticket for going 106 in a 65. i was having an anxiety attack over getting home at 11, and ended up getting pulled over for it for the first time in my life. i didn't tell my dad, and eventually he found out. a couple of days ago, i plead guilty. my dad over-exaggerated everything. he made it seem like i was getting an sr22 and my license revoked, their insurance was gonna go through the roof! i would never work again, unless i lied on my resume about my criminal history. the prosecutor put it best: "you guys are making this seem like the end of the world. it's not a big deal." a lawyer told me exactly the same thing. ​ the reason i brought up the ticket, is because during our court dates, he used every opportunity he had to make me feel like absolute shit, and a total failure. he told me i was fucking up my entire life, and that i had no excuse to do it. he even blamed me for getting cheated off of last year. he's been asking me for my college sign-on password so he can check my grades whenever he pleases. i'm uncomfortable with that for a number of reasons: 1. he traced my previous emails. when i was a tween, he helped me set up my first few emails. i thought he did it to help me, turns out he had whatever was sent to my emails, forwarded to him in a way i can't prevent it from happening. (he runs an internet company and can do that kind of stuff.) everything from signing in at certain times, to purchasing things, if i didn't clear it up with him first, or do it with his express blessing, was subject to scrutiny, being told i was terrible, and being told i wasn't allowed to do things. my college sign-on is hooked to my college email, which he can't trace, and i use it for a number of things. 2. he rides my ass relentlessly. i have had conversations with him where he repeats the same question over and over and over again, even if i respond the first time. he gives absolutely no slack, and will remind you about things you don't need to be reminded of. he'll ask me why i didn't perfectly score a 100 on my last assignment or test, or why i'm not at an a+ in my course. he blames me for things i can't control, and has never once said he is proud of me. 3. i'm trying to move out. the last thing i need is for him to have more power over my life. imo, he isn't really a good parent, and i've been trying for the past couple of months to get a job and a place. i am very much trying to leave the life i'm living, despite his assurances that because we're well off, we're lucky, and who would want to leave a life like this? 4. he sent me this. i told him i didn't feel comfortable giving him my password. [https://imgur.com/nxmbjlk](https://imgur.com/nxmbjlk) his justification, and the justification that i am hearing from others, is that since he is helping me to pay for college, he is entitled to my password and to do whatever he wants. i could have gone to other colleges with a full ride, and no one would have said anything, except for my family, who would have given me a headache for it. the only reason i went to the particular one i go to is because it was near family, in state. i'm aware i'm nowhere near perfect. i fuck up a lot, i'm lazy, but this year i've been working very hard to be a better student. a healthier, better, person. i make mistakes. i fully submit to your collective judgement, r/amitheasshole.

nta

nta. keep working on the job and a place to stay. be aware he might cut you off financially though.

nta. your dad sounds like a narcissist.

9i9ceo

aita for not wanting to pay for my sister in laws baby shower?

my sister in law who is the wife of my wifes brother asked my wife to throw a baby shower for her. my wife wants to pay for everything for the party which i think is a bit unfair considering she was asked to throw the party and did not volunteer to do it. i have nothing against making a cake or cookies or something for the party but i dont think it is our responsibility to feed everyone at the party which could have many guests. my wife thinks it would be rude if she asked her brother or sister in law to pay anything though. we also live two hours away from them so this not just something she can do in an afternoon and will most likely be a whole day commitment.

yta

yta. your sil didn't tell your wife she needed to pay for all of it, she volunteered to.

yta. it’s your wife’s brother. especially if this is their first, let her do this for them. it doesn’t have to be at a great expense. we had ours at our house and just had some appetizers and a cake. a few decorations.

9i9p7k

aita for not letting the cashier say hi

i was getting lunch at the cafeteria and went up to the cashier. i gave him my stuff and said “hi, meal swipe please”. he then got really mad and said “if you’re gonna say hi, wait for me to say hi back, it’s my job”. i was very confused and just kept quiet for the rest of the interaction but i mean couldn’t he have said hi after i asked to pay by meal swipe? aita here?

nta

lol wtf. he was probably just having a bad day. nta

no nta lol, if you say "hey can i get a thing?" the normal person response is "hey, yeah sure." not "hey" then "hey" *awkward pause* "yeah so can i get a thing?"

9i9tp5

aita for not letting my son see his father?

my son is 7. i have tried over and over again for the past 7 years to be accommodating to my baby daddy. i have offered to buy him a plane ticket to visit when he’s lived out of state. i’ve driven my son to him an hour away multiple times a week when his dad has lived local because his dad doesn’t think he should have to make the trip. he has been dating a girl with her own son for about 4 years now and we’ve sent that child birthday cards, christmas presents, extra toys and things for him and my son to enjoy while they spend time together. in july 2017 my sons dad moved out of state and never told us. he stopped answering his phone and i couldn’t get in contact with him. in december 2017, i sent a text message and facebook message to both him and his girlfriend that said “hey what’s your plan with *sons name* we haven’t heard from you in a long time and i’d like to know what’s going on. are you planning to be a part of his life at all or...?” no response. so i blocked his and her number. i blocked them on facebook. time to move on. then he calls me from an unknown number in march 2018 on my sons birthday. he wants to tell him happy birthday. i hung up on him. he texted a few times that month asking and i said i wasn’t comfortable with him seeing my son anymore. haven’t heard from him since. aita? edit - i know the dad is an asshole, and he deserves what i’m giving. i’m just wondering if i’m being an asshole to my son for not letting him see his dad. he’s young so he doesn’t understand, but he definitely wants to see his dad.

nta

nta but this can backfire and hard. i'm a child of divorce. my dad was mostly absent after they split. full of promises with no followthrough. if my mom tried to intervene, we blamed \*her\*. ​ makes no sense, right? that's because you're right, we weren't old enough to understand. all we knew was that we believed he wanted to see us and she was getting in the way. your son might do the same, especially as he gets into his teenage years and has a stronger desire for a father figure. i'm a woman and i was in my 20s before i really accepted that my dad is just useless in terms of maintaining a relationship or keeping his word. my mom got out of the way early on and just let the chips fall. my personal opinion is that it's better that she did- i don't think this is a pain that kids in this situation can be protected from. i think they have to see for themselves when their absentee parent isn't invested. otherwise it will always just be your fault. especially if they reconnect later in life and his father reinforces that idea - "i wanted to see you but your mom wouldn't let me." ​

definitely nta. terrible behavior from the dad’s part. best of luck to you in raising your soon and good on you for putting your foot down.

9ia16k

aita for not wanting to show my face when my friend called me in the need of help?

i[f14]have been really depressed the last few days and have hated my looks. don’t want to look at myself and even feel uncomfortable showing myself in front of my mother. my friend[f14] texted me she hated her sister(as in something bad happened and that i needed to be there for her). i asked her about what had happened and she asked to call. i told her yea, and she video called me. i answered, and the camera was facing the ceiling so she couldn’t see me. she asked me why she couldn’t see me and i told her that i didn’t want to show my face right now. she got silent and i asked her what had happened between her and her sister. she told me nevermind and closed the call. what did i do wrong in this situation? was i not being there for her correctly? pls enlighten me.

nta

nta per-se, i'm not a fan of video calls either, but you really should seek professional help.

nta just 14. this is seriously unhealthy behaviour as an adult but since your not an adult your not an asshole

9ic8tw

aita for breaking up with my boyfriend without telling him why?

recently i broke up with my boyfriend who i have been dating for about a year. when it happened i never told him why, i dodged the subject. the truth was, to be blunt, i was assaulted (by someone else) and any physical contact with him was just really triggering. i contacted him later to tell him why and he just kind of plainly took it and he was still just pretty angry. i could’ve handled it better obviously, but i want to know how much of a jerk he probably sees me as, because honestly, i don’t know how bad i am in this situation.

nta

nta. i agree with other posters that breaking up with your bf likely caused him distress and it is something he had no control over and wasn't his fault. however, the way we respond to trauma is unpredictable and inherently irrational at times. if being in the relationship was causing you distress you had every right to end it. i hope you have or will consider seeking professional help if you have not already. no one is happy to be broken up with. your ex might be able to understand and forgive you, but your goal should probably be to move on. in your time of need, you didn't see him as a source of saftey. that is indicative of bigger issues with the relationship.

absolutely nta. you don't need to give anyone a reason for breaking up with them. not wanting to date them any more is enough.

9ifhnl

aita for not paying my friend when i broke his new monitor?

obligatory i'm on mobile, dont mind the spelling errors or formatting. my friend got a new monitor for his birthday, when he got it we started playing some fortnite on it and i went to turn it off. it fell off the stand and broke, when i looked at the stand i saw it had no screws put in to hold it together. i asked him and he said it didnt come with any screws, i then proceeded to look over and onto of his guinea pig cage and saw the pack of screws tethered to the instruction manual with a zip tie (which to me means he at least touched them). am i the asshole for refusing to pay him back for the monitor? or should i have payed him because it was technically my fault?

nta

nta. he should have known to look for screws.

nta but as a friend you could offer to kick in a bit or at least assemble/set-up the replacement.

9ifiu2

aita for getting annoyed when one of my suite mates tells me it’s bedtime

so i’m a junior in college at the moment and i’m currently living in a suite with 6 other people. i get along fine with pretty much all of my suite mates, but there has been some conflict arising over one of the suite mates trying to tell us to go to bed when we’re up playing video games or watching a movie in the common area. he’s about 10 years older than all of us so sometimes it comes across as if he’s scolding us even though all of us are adults. i respect that he wishes to go to bed at a reasonable hour, but it’s not like we’re being disruptive or loud in the common room. we keep the tv volume low and talk at a normal volume. he’s came out of his room to tell us to quiet down (in a very passive aggressive manner) about three times now and we always listen to him by muting the tv, but the past two times he’s told us to go to bed because we were keeping him up. again, i don’t understand how we would be keeping him up considering his room is on the opposite side of the common room. i even asked my roommate if he could hear us from our room (which is closer to the common room) and he told me he heard nothing. my suite mates and i plan on having an adult conversation with him this week to see if we can solve the issue. i guess i just wanted to see what other people’s thoughts on the matter are because i admit i do see where he’s coming from, but i feel like telling another adult that it’s bedtime is a bit ridiculous.

nta

unless your school has designated quiet hours that you and your roommates are ignoring, you're nta. he can use earplugs, a white noise machine or something to get to sleep. living with other people is part of being in college and adjustments have to be made. it sounds like the rest of you are being as accommodating as possible.

nta and seriously if he is 10 years older and living in shared dorms what does he expect?

9ihmjw

aita for not wanting a mum with a pram taking up too much space in rush hour trains?

i take a train in the morning everyday. i take it at peak times ~8am and the carriages become packed during the trip. not like in china or anything but you will be touching 2/3 people with your shoulders and back. recently there’s a woman with a pram who gets on before me (there usually isn’t too many people on the carriage before my stop/the one afterwards). she takes up a load of space and makes it so much more compact. then when we reach her stop a good 15-20 people have to get off of the train(sometimes into the rain) to let her off. i know that it’s tough to bring children around with you but it’s against the rules to have prams or bikes that aren’t folded during peak times. not to mention super inconvenient for all passengers i said this to my mates after she got off and it has annoyed me all day. they think i’m being a bit of an asshole and unempathetic. to be fair to the woman she is quite nice when asking everyone to get out of her way and the baby has been asleep every time. but inevitable there will be a ride where it screams its little lungs out. if we piled up our bags in a corner and got one of our friends to lie on it instead of putting them at our feet like usual we would be chastised. i just don’t see how it’s fair to take up so much room. especially when there’s those baby holder things you can put you kid in and they are like a backpack. i’m just saying she should collapse the pram and put it back up after her 15 minute commute. thanks for listening to my unstructured rant. reddit, am i the asshole?

nta

to have the thought doesn't make you an asshole, but how you act upon it will. ​ is it inconsiderate of her to take a big pram on a train during rush hour? kind of. is there alot she can do about it? not really. its not the easiest thing to do, taking a pram up and down a busy train with a baby in your arms, so you have to appreciate her perspective here. ​ if you really want it to change, you could offer to help her. but in all honesty mate, this is most likely just one of those minor annoyances you have to live with in life, like a crying baby on a plane, realizing you got decaf by mistake, or accidentally stepping in a puddle. it sucks yea, but dont let it affect you too much :) ​ nta, but think about what you do next!

nta. you can't understand how difficult it transporting kids is until you actually have them.

9iivm1

aita for unwittingly breaking a couple up?

i'm friends with this girl and living in a different city for university. she was in a secret relationship with a muslim guy for 8 months or so (her family is quite anti-islam) but it came to an end recently because of a joke i made. apparently they were looking at memes in a groupchat(he was not part of the groupchat) on her phone when they came across a picture i sent. the picture was from one of those sjw websites and it was comparing the attires of nuns to the hijab and saying that there was no difference. i sent the picture with the caption "the difference is that nuns don't blow themselves up (not even mu own joke, i stole it from a meme i saw) so this went and flared up a huge argument between them and he was very offended. she actually defended me and they broke up the same day. originally i didn't take it very seriously and even laughed at the whole situation but the more i thought about it the guiltier i felt and yesterday the girl sent me a text saying to let her know if her ex messages me because he is furious with me.

yta

yta because that meme was definitely asshole behavior. that's a blatantly racist thing to say (and i mean, in the usa the vast majority of terror attacks are done by white right-wing extremists so... also really bad look for you). that said their relationship is their business and you aren't responsible for it.

i'd say yta in some regards. probably wanna know their sense of humor/values before sending something that can be deemed as poor taste. even so, i wouldn't blame yourself too much. she made the decision to defend you. just a shitty situation all around.

9iiwq0

aita for not tipping more?

i went to my favorite restaurant last week. i told my favorite waitress that she was a really good waitress, and after the meal, i gave her what i thought was a 15% tip. well she told her coworker, who then told her ex, who then contacted me. apparently i "had talked her up" and then i shorted her of a tip. he started "giving me shit about it" as a joke, and as i can understand that, it bothered me. 1. she is a really good waitress. i don't want her to feel bad. 2. i thought i tipped her a regular amount. ($20.99 was my meal after the tip, so if i gave her 15% tip that would make the tip $2.74 and the meal $18.25, correct? that's how i calculated it. they said i tipped under 15%) i tipped her only 15% because i blew through a $100 that week at a private therapist. 3. however this guy figured out where i was, what i relatively tipped her, and what i ate. i mean this guy is my friend, so i could be making a mountain out of a molehill, but it just bothered me. call me paranoid. afterwards i told the guy, my friend, how i felt over text. i told him how i felt that life wouldn't let me get away with making any mistakes and that it also bothered me that he was able to get that information. he apologized profusely on both accounts. i just want to know if i'm the asshole, being paranoid, not tipping well, and "talking up" the waitress.

nta

plenty of places in the us where people are making much less than minimum wage because the federal government *expects* guests to tip ($2.13/hr). nta but having lived in us states across the spectrum of minimum wage for tipped employees, i think 15% is a baseline thank you for being alive and breathing. [https://www.dol.gov/whd/state/tipped.htm](https://www.dol.gov/whd/state/tipped.htm) [https://www.epi.org/publication/waiting-for-change-tipped-minimum-wage/](https://www.epi.org/publication/waiting-for-change-tipped-minimum-wage/)

nta it's way over the line to get your ex to text you over this, although 15% is usua.lly seen as the "minimum" and if i was talking up a great tip i would be going for 30-40%

9ijvvs

aita for having a bit of fun with my new neighbour?

i (30m) live in an apartment building with 4 apartments, and i and two other own our apartments, but the last one the owner is renting out. last week a i got a new neighbour, a single mom with a probably 3-year-old girl. i and my new neighbour liv on the second floor with no one above us. other than saying “hi” to them we had not talked at all. on wednesday last week, she had put up a wreath on her door, a flower in a glass jar and something i can only describe as dead twigs in a flowerpot. i thought to myself, “okay, this was a bit strange that she did not say anything before putting up the flowers. but i’m not going to say anything”. but it did not bother me, but it looked a bit strange. on thursday when i got home form work, she had put up a couple of signs. a big one that had “home sweet home” written on it, one that had “a smile cost nothing but gives a lot”, and “chocolate fixes problem”. along with a woodcarving thing. she had still not asked me or said anything else to me about this about wanting to decorate the stairway, so i thought now is my turn. on friday as soon as i got home i got a nail and hammer and put up a picture on my own. the picture was of george costanza from seinfeld when he is half naked on a couch, wit the test “the subtle art of seduction” written on the bottom. a let it hang for a couple of hours, before changing it of a fake painting of kramer, also from seinfeld. she opened the door when i was doing it catching me a bit of guard, but i told here that if she wanted to decorate the stairwell she can, but i wold appreciate to be involved since i also lives here. on saturday morning she had taken everything down except the wreath, and i removed the kramer picture. later in the day i knocked on her door and said sorry for being a bit silly, but repeated that i wanted to be involved in decorating the stairwell. she told me that she did not think men cares about decorating and that she was not interested now at least. i am pretty sure that she hates me now. edit link to pictures https://imgur.com/a/rjohtah

nta

nta. making fun of live, laugh, love shit is always acceptable.

nta. the george costanza picture was pushing it a bit, especially with her having a 3-year-old girl, but you only had it up for a couple hours. plus, even if her daughter did happen to see it once, i doubt she’d be scarred for life. in general, it seems like a pretty harmless (and hilarious!) prank that got the point across to an inconsiderate neighbor.

9il2mw

aita for ghosting someone?

about a year ago this person from my school got a hold on my number and started texting me, saying they were interested but didn’t want to reveal who they were yet. i was pretty chill with it until after a 2-hour text convo they revealed they were actually a male (i am as well) i let him down gently as i’m straight, but i did stop replying to messages and eventually deleted his number from my phone since he wouldn’t leave me alone today he somehow got ahold of my new number even though i only got it a month ago, and when i asked how he had it he said that he was just texting my old number which doesn’t make any sense. i ended up telling him to not use the number anymore and blocking him. aita?

nta

nta but who ever keeps giving out your number is.

nta your behaviour seems quite reasonable. it might be a good idea to directly tell him that you are not interested in any way shape or form, and you don't want to be contacted again. it sounds like you are dealing with a person, who don't understand how normal social interaction works, so it is in your best interest to be blunt to avoid any more manipulative bs.

9ilm36

aita for excluding my sister from my bridal party?

i'm 25f getting married next year to my amazing fiance. my sister is 28f and we've always had a caustic relationship. when we were very young, we could hardly be in the same room with each other without getting into a screaming match. we would often get into fights throwing things at each other, slapping, pulling each others' hair, and it was about 50-50 between who would escalate things to getting physical. once i turned 9-10 i stopped getting physical, but we would still fight often and she would still do things like hit me across the head with the tv remote or scratch my arms during our arguments. teenage years were also bad. i wasn't always a saint and we continued to get into arguments constantly, but i wasn't instigating them. my sister would do things to push my buttons like stealing things from me and tearing out all the signature pages in my yearbook saying that i didn't need them anyway because i had no friends. in general she acted like a third parent/authority figure over me and tried to dictate things like when i was allowed to get on birth control and whether i was allowed to go to parties. (i am not so hung up on the specifics from when we were kids, just trying to show that our relationship has always been toxic and it's not just a recent thing.) as adults things haven't improved. i resigned myself to just trying to coexist as peacefully as possible, but every time she came around it would escalate into her screaming at me (and if not me, a screaming match with our very-similar-to-her mom or our dad). and i know it's not just me because pretty much everyone who's ever hung out with us both at the same time has made comments to me about how emotionally volatile my sister is, and people have specifically made comments about how she will find a way to blow up no matter how much i try to avoid or de-escalate an argument. that brings us to the matter at hand. yesterday she sent me a text asking what color and style of bridesmaid dress she needed to get for my wedding. i *specifically* did not ask her to be a bridesmaid because i am having a very small bridal party and i only wanted people standing next to me who have loved and supported me throughout my life. my sister has *always* done these sappy "sister" things on facebook etc. where she will post things about how a sisterly bond is something sacred that no one else can understand, or she'll get me a painted sign about how important sisterhood is to decorate my room with, but then she turns around and constantly instigates fights, takes my car, rips up my mail, and tells me i should kill myself?? to be perfectly blunt, i don't love my sister. i don't even like her. and even though there have been pockets of goodness throughout, on the whole our relationship has been a shit sandwich and i am a happier person with my life having as little involvement from her as possible. i texted my sister back "you aren't a bridesmaid." and of course she threw a shitfit. i asked our parents to talk to her and that was also a very unproductive conversation, with the main takeaway being "she's compromising by not being your maid of honor, you need to compromise by making her a bridesmaid." which...she was 100% never in the running to be my maid of honor and i'm shocked that she thinks she was a candidate. but our mom already has her white lace dress picked out for my wedding, so she's not exactly a wellspring of rationality either. i don't want to make my sister too upset (mostly because i don't want to deal with her dramatic behavior) and i know just giving her what she wants is *probably* going to alleviate a solid year of getting shit on for not making her a bridesmaid, but ugh. i just wouldn't be happy with her standing beside me.

nta

nta for excluding her. feel free to ignore that weird compromise offered by your parents as well. one of my friends is best friends with her sister and she was not in her wedding party at all. my sister and i were not bridesmaids for each other and we are close (though we have ups and downs like any relationship). i had a courthouse wedding (at which she was present, but wasn’t my ‘witness’) and she had a larger wedding with 6 bridesmaids and a moh - all her friends. her groom had our brother as one of his groomsmen. i was quite happy to not have to be a bridesmaid.

nta. being part of a wedding is a privilege, not a right. my sister and i have a very good relationship, and she still asked me to be a bridesmaid because it’s her decision. it’s also worth noting that her best friend, not me, is her moh. again, her decision. just like it’s your decision, op.

9io2oq

aita for publicly humiliating my ex-friend for using her phone during a movie?

i took my friend to a movie and bought both of us tickets. i was sitting next to her and she had her phone out after they told us to turn our phones off. i said, nicely, "can you put your phone away, they told us to" and she said it's just the previews, so i said "ok". then after the movie started she had her phone out and was definitely scrolling through facebook. i snapped at her, "turn off your phone, that's very rude!" and she said, defensively, "i was just looking at the time!" then she took out her phone again to look at texts and i angrily gathered up all my stuff and moved to another seat in the movie theatre. but i could still see her regularly using her phone throughout the whole movie. so after the movie was over, i stormed into the lobby and said, "attention everyone, i have an announcement to make: this bitch had her phone out the entire fucking movie!" later on, i was in the bathroom and she came up to my stall and said "i don't think we should be friends anymore" and i said "okay". later on, she called me to let me know that she has a lot of respect for me but that i had crossed a boundary and was being emotionally abusive. in the interests of context, we'd just had a fight earlier that day. i'd kind of unloaded on her things i had been keeping to myself, namely, that she has owed me $200 for almost 2 years now. at the time, i told her not to stress about it and pay me back when she could, because she was having money issues at that time. and over the next year or so she was always stressing about money and complaining to me about her money issues so i never wanted to bring it up. but now she's going to go on a trip to europe with her bf and recently bought herself a tv and told me how relieved she was to finally be financially stable. and so i was bitter about it and she said that she didn't realize i was still holding that against her after two years. she said i needed to communicate my feelings to her instead of holding it in. so the reason i was so pissed off during the movie is because i felt i had made my feelings on phone use during a movie very plain and she kept doing it, meaning she had been lying about how she would have respected my feelings about the money thing if i'd only made them apparent. probably gonna delete this soon idk.

yta

yta. like everyone else is saying, public humiliation is an asshole move. it’s been two years since you lent her the money, unless you clearly vocalized you’d like the money back when you thought she was in a more financially stable place, then don’t just expect her to remember. i say this to everyone, how is someone going to know you want something or that something is bugging you, if you don’t say it to their face. you’re an adult, vocalize things. people can’t read your mind, and regardless of the situation and despite what you may think, it’s not always the first thing they’re thinking of when they wake up.

yta. sure she’s also kind of an asshole but what you did was really unnecessary.

9isil7

aita for parking in an unreserved spot that my coworker usually parks in?

i'm one of the first employees in my building every morning, and usually park my car in one of my company's reserved covered parking spaces (we live in arizona, so covered parking is a big deal). the space i typically park in is pretty far from the front door, but it's reserved for my company and covered, so i usually just go with the flow and park there. i realized i pass a number of uncovered/unreserved spaces that are closer to the door, but that end up being covered by the time late afternoon comes because of the sun relative to the cover. this morning, instead of driving far away and parking in my normal spot, i parked in one of these closer, uncovered, unreserved spots. about 20 minutes ago, some of my coworkers (who all arrive after i do) began discussing something with mild annoyance. someone mentioned, "oh, that's op's car." a coworker on a different team walked over to me and said, "that's your car? that's my spot. everyone knows it." i wasn't aware that he usually parks there, as we don't have assigned parking (and i get to the office before him, so the spot is always vacant when i arrive). his demeanor suggested that he was very frustrated, and he was giving me a calm but deadly stare. i replied, "yeah, i didn't know. it just ends up being covered, and it's closer. i'll park in the spot behind it," (which is also uncovered/unreserved). he replied, "that defeats the entire purpose, it blocks me from pulling through." he continued giving the calm death stare. my work phone began to ring, so we couldn't continue, so i said, "we *may* talk more about this later." he walked away, i took my phone call, and we haven't talked more about it yet. i get here before he does, and the spot is unreserved. i want to continue to park there (or the spot behind it), as it's a better parking spot than where i've been parking. i know he's annoyed, but i don't know if he has the right to "make a claim" on an unreserved spot and the spot behind it. aita?

nta

nta. people get territorial about everything. i personally like a certain seat on the train every morning. if someone is already sitting in that seat when the train gets to my station, i think terrible thoughts about that person and go find another seat. if i said anything to them about it being my seat, i would be the asshole. in your case, the guy not only wants ‘his’ space, he wants the one behind it so he can pull through. it’s ridiculous. if he wants it so bad, he can try to get there before you. that’s the way it works. he can’t claim two spaces and even if he brings it up to management, he will look ridiculous.

nta. no one owns public space. if they want the spot they should get there earlier.

9ixvfu

aita for ignoring my ex in public?

long story short, me and this guy i knew for a really long time dated. the entire time he was telling me he loved me and that he liked me for who i was, but after six months of dating he sat me down (on my nephews birthday no less) and basically told me that i had to change everything about myself or he was going to dump me. it was like he was saying he never actually loved me for me but thought he could change me into someone else. i told him i wasn't willing to change myself just to make him happy, and he dumped me. anyway, its been a few years, i still can't bring myself to talk to him, and i hate when my sister and mom bring him up around me all the time. part of me wants to say hey and chat, part of me thinks hes an asshole and wants to stay away from him. he tries to talk to me some times when we see each other at the store, but i ignore him and keep walking. usually i'm not a mean person, i try to be nice to everyone, but i also keep my mouth shut when i have nothing to say to someone or nothing nice to say to someone. am i an asshole for not forgiving him after two years and acting this way even though he tries to talk to me now?

nta

nta. you don't owe him your time.

nta you have no obligation to speak/interact with anyone, regardless of your history with that person.

9iy3ay

aita for kicking my coworker out of my office

my coworker came into the office and starts talking about the reports on dr. ford and her allegations. he starts exclaiming (to an office space of three women) that he just can't understand why she's accusing him now. that she's only accusing him now because he's famous and that we don't have to assume that her accusations are true. we start to explain to him that power might be one of the reasons she's coming forward--if confirmed, he would have the power to overturn roe v. wade and it's a scary prospect that someone with that lack of judgment should have that control over the law. he says that she should have accused him much earlier. he's also had a similar argument and come into my office wanting to discuss serena. he said that she was just a sore loser and if she really wanted to take on sexism and racism, she should have done it years earlier. telling him that serena was previously and continually fighting these issues didn't deter him. i'm not sure why but i raised my voice (though my voice was calm) and said, "please get out of the office. i don't want to talk about this topic." he started blabbering saying, "what did i say? did i say something wrong?" when he eventually did leave, he came back minutes later, apologizing, saying, "i just wanted to understand why someone would do that." but he continued the conversation even after we had already expressly told him to stop. we (or maybe it was just me) didn't want to talk about this topic to a guy who we knew was just there to frustrate others. there was no way we were going to change his mind. now, i'm starting to doubt myself and feel like i should apologize. anyways, aita?

nta

nta! he sounds like he kept talking about the topics after you guys told him multiple times you didn’t want to talk about them. he is just being too pushy, so you’re all good in my eyes.

nope!! not the asshole! his approach said differently than his end comment. he came in with guns a’blazing instead of genuinely asking “please explain this to me, because i really want to know.” which makes it clear that he had no intention on understanding, only attacking, and when met with backlash, backpedaled. def nta. him - tah in a huge way. good for you.

9izchz

aita for the way i split the cell bill with my ex?

i had four lines with t mobile and one was available. i let my ex use it and he paid $45 per month, approximately one fourth of the bill. at some point i switched the plan slightly and put it on auto pay, saving myself $20 per month. i did not reduce his payment. at some point he was talking to t-mobile and they told him the price. he’s now mad at me for “overcharging “ and wants me to give him money back. i told him no, it’s my account, it was on my credit, i made sure it was paid, he had the luxury of paying whenever he could with no interruption in his service. he’s now off my plan. am i the asshole?

nta

nta unless his price was based on the amount of your payment. he agreed to pay you $45 for his usage.

nta. you and he agreed on a price, he was happy paying the price. you got a lower price, that's none of his business. cut him off.

9izt59

aita for curving a dodgeball at an innocent child

so i was at skyzone one day, and, being the 18 year old i was, i wanted to play some dodgeball. they had the foam dodgeballs instead of the rubber ones. it was down to a 2v2. i picked up a ball and took aim at the smaller of my opponents. a kid that couldn't have been older than 13 years at the time. i squished the ball in my hand to get the air out for maximum power and put massive side spin on it. the kid looked at me like i was terrible at throwing as he seen the ball going completely away from him. when he thought he was safe the ball curved back in his direction and whipped him in the face getting him out. tldr; friend made me post this. i put side spin on a foam dodgeball and it hit an unsuspecting kid in the face. am i the asshole?

nta

nta. it's the aim of the game. the people who think you're an asshole have never played dodge ball. the whole game is to hit someone so they are out. a little awkward to just go full ham on some random kid though. the way you discribe it seems a big cocky also.

nta, kid should have know with the age difference. plus skyzone is know for its competitive dodgeball, it's actually terrifying. it's also very hard because throwing predictable shots almost never works because they can just jump high or on the slanted walls. my ptsd is kicking in from when i was 12.

9j0klq

aita for breaking her trust.

last saturday i got invited to a party for drinks, being 18 i went and wandered a little further from conscious decisions than normal. i jumped over a fence and fell into a rock rain gutter, i got scratches and bruising which aren't too bad and also cracked the glass on my phone. my gf is angry at me because she didn't want me to go at all, i tried to persuade her to come with me but she didn't want to so she just told me to "stay safe." now she gave an ultimatum that if i go drinking in the next two weeks while she's away she will break up with me and she wants to be with me anytime i go out again after, i don't really mind too much and agreed but my exams finish 2 days before she gets back and i'd like to celebrate. was i in the wrong for going out when she didn't want me too and not looking after myself. ^bonus: ^would ^debating ^to ^be ^allowed ^a ^celebration ^be ^out ^of ^the ^question? please ask questions if you need more clarification, i'm failing english atm.

nta

nta. you can do what you like. with that said, i would leave you. she doesn’t want to be dating someone who drinks to the point of falling down.

nta. dude, you're an adult, you do what you want. i would break it off with that controlling wench asap.

9j3f1i

aita stuck acquaintance with drinks they ordered on my tab.

drinking with a few friends and an acqaintance at a bar. started a tab bought myself three cheap beers and a medium price mixed drink. end of the night bill comes read the bill the acquaintance charged 8 high end double mixed drinks to my tab. told bar tender what happened paid for my drinks and two of theirs (equal to what i bought myself) and told them to stick the rest on the person who ordered it. in my mind they abused my tab my friend feels the same. his girlfriend and the acqaintance think i'm an ass (acqaintance didnt have money for the drinks they ordered) important to note this was not a double date situation just an acqaintance drinking with a group of people i already knew.

nta

nta and the acquaintance was definitely the asshole for trying to sneak those drinks in like that without asking you and without being able to afford them anyways. and then trying to call you the asshole for it lol yeesh.

you’re a very modest person for thinking youre an asshole here. you are very much nta

9j431m

wibta if i told a parent i know their day care provider does drugs.

matched with daycare provider on tinder recently whos bio included the words looking for a snow and addie plug (coke and adderall). i live in a small town and know someone whos kids go to the daycare. i'm not trying to play moral police i dont care if youre an adult what you do with your life and i smoke weed so i cant play the anti drug card. dont want to get in anyones business but i have a screenshot would i be an asshole if i outed this person.

nta

nta. this person shows a lack of judgement. i would not want my children watched by this person. you probably will feel shitty about it, but yes; i would tell the parent and provide them proof.

nta. just like how employers have a right to know whether their employees are doing drugs on personal time, parents surely have a right to know whether the person they’re entrusting their child to does drugs.

9j5lv5

aita for being angry with my partner because he purchased something ($2000) without telling me.

hey there! first of all, we share our money. when i get paid, i give him all my money because he takes the responsibility of taking care of the bills and our expenses. we live together and it's easier share our money. when i want to expense $500 or more, i always tell him in advance because i think is fair, it's our money. we have different expenses and always take care of them with responsibility. he always tells me when he wants something (like the nintendo switch, for example) and we look our numbers to see if we can afford it. anyway, i just found out (because we share the same amazon account) that he bought something with $2000. he didn't tell me... :/ i feel pretty bad because if he told me i would say yes but he didn't. am i the asshole for being a little angry? sorry for my english.

nta

nta, unless you guys are really well off, that's a pretty significant amount, and the fact that you guys normally consult with each other about big purchases indicates that he knows that he should.

nta, but if you are not married, i am concerned about you giving all your money to him. i hope you have another account for yourself that you can save in, too. maybe the way it was told here just wasn't clear, but if he's paying the bills with shared money, just give what is necessary to cover your half of expenses, especially if he's spending $2k on gaming shit without telling you. signed, daughter of a woman who got royally fucked because she didn't have her own money

9j5vfn

aita for insisting that we spend christmas with my family this year

this may be a little long but i feel like the background is necessary. ​ my husband have been together for 6 years. we've spent the past 4 christmases together, either with my family or his. this will be our 5th. our families live in towns that are a 4 hour drive apart. ​ when my husband and i decided to start spending the holidays together, we came up with the following arrangement: we would spend christmas eve with one family and christmas day with the other. we would alternate years so that if his family got christmas one year, mine would get it the next year. ​ the first year, my husband's family expressed that it was really important that we spend christmas day with them and that we needed to arrive the evening of christmas eve so that we could wake up in the morning and do all the christmas morning activities with them. we spent christmas eve with my family and left straight from their house to drive to my husband's family's house. ​ the second year, my husband's family said that they were fine with us spending christmas day with my parents but that we couldn't leave to go to my family's house until my husband's extended family stopped by on christmas day because "we don't know how long your grandparents will be around so you have to at least see them on christmas day." we asked what time they were stopping by. his parents said 12. we asked if they could come by any earlier. his parents said no. we decided that this wasn't going to work because i usually help my family prepare food for the holidays and it would be too tight for time if we showed up at their place at 4 or 5. so, our second year, we spent christmas eve with our respective families and my husband came to my parents' house at 7 pm on christmas day. ​ the third and fourth years, we spent christmas eve with my parents and christmas day with his because it was really important to his family that he see his grandparents on christmas day. after christmas last year, my family expressed to me (privately) that they felt like we favored his family over mine when it came to the holidays. i told my husband that we really needed to go back to the original plan for splitting christmas, and that we needed to spend christmas day with my family this year. ​ last week, my husband got a phone call from his parents. they said that his relatives didn't want to get together for christmas eve this year so they were just going to see each other on christmas day. my husband's parents said that we had to spend christmas day with them because, otherwise, we won't get to see his relatives. ​ my husband has been pleading with me to change our plans so that we see his family on christmas day. i keep saying no because (1) i feel like it's unfair to my family because they bend over backwards to change their holiday plans for us, and (2) my parents will feel hurt. my husband says that i'm being unreasonable and that i'm preventing him from seeing his family. his parents have called me some choice words over this. i don't think i'm wrong but, when i've talked to friends about it, they have suggested that i just give in and change our plans. ​ so...am i the asshole for insisting that we spend christmas with my family?

nta

nta it seems like you have been getting the short end of the stick and it should be fair. your husbands parents may have their feelings hurt, but did your husband ever think about your parents feelings?

nta. your husband's family is being totally unreasonable. it really sucks they're putting you in this position.

9j68hk

aita brought a friend in for an interview and she didn't get the job

a couple of weeks ago our front desk admin quit, and i asked a friend of a friend if she would be interested in the job. i thought this would be nice for her because right now she works at a restaurant. i haven't been working at this place for long, but am high up& frequently in charge. so when i told the owner i had someone for the job she said bring them in next week. she came in a total of three times for three interviews. it was dumb that she had to come in 3 times, our office is disorganized. one of the office managers who has been working for 6 years vetoed her for no clear reason. my friend didn't get the job. the office manager who vetoed her called her and told her she wouldn't get the job, the day after i called and left a message apologizing and letting her know i wanted to take her out to dinner to apologize. she hasn't returned my phone call and hasn't said anything to me since. am i the asshole?

nta

nta. it seems like it was out of your control and you tried what was in your power to make amends. seems more on your friend. perhaps she’s just embarrassed that she didn’t get it and is mistaking your kind gesture for a pity invite or something.

nta. your company's behaviour was extremely poor though. you should be embarrassed and pissed at them for humiliating you. you implicitly vouched for them and they were unprofessional and a waste of her time. the equivalent would be like if your friend showed up an hour late for the interview in sweat pants. was that what you were apologizing to her for?

9jgl9z

aita for letting my dog pee near a pet free apartment?

i think i know the answer but since someone complained at me and took photos i just want to see if i'm in the clear. i went to pick up my bf with my dog in the car so we could all go to the park. bf's apartment is pet free. i parked at the end of his apartment's lot facing away from his building aprox 500 feet from the entry door against a fence lined with grass. while waiting for bf to come out my dog was crying that he had to pee so i let him out of my car and he walked to the grass and towards another apartment building that does allow pets and peed (so maybe 750ft from the entry now, closer to the pet allowed appt) a few times along the fence. he came back closer to me and sniffed around closer to bf's building but didn't pee there. meanwhile there was a woman wandering in bf's building's parking lot who i didn't think anything of. bf is coming so i call my dog back to the car and they get in. as i'm getting in woman hollers "excuse me, why are you bringing your dog here to go to the bathroom?" me: "i let him out to pee" her: "well you need to take him to your house to do that, this is a pet free building." me (wanting to get going): "ok, i'll keep that in mind." i start driving away and she yells out a condescending "thank you" while taking pictures of us/my car. i'm over it now but was pretty annoyed at the time. i feel like it's a non issue but i wanted to see what the internet thinks just in case. of course bf agrees with me and was mad at the woman and suggested i let my dog out anytime i want but i don't want to cause trouble for him. oh and there are no signs re: pets in the lot, just one on the door of his building that says "no pets" thanks!

nta

nta. you didn’t bring the dog into the building. the dog peed. i’d bet animals pee outside near that building all the time...domesticated dogs and untamed squirrels.

nta. the inside of the apartments are pet free.

9jjimp

aita for getting married on halloween?

my partner and i are both into the goth scene and have long talked about getting married on halloween. we were discussing a timeline (we are engaged) and i talked a little bit about it with my best friend. she told me she doesn’t want me to get married on halloween because she got together with her boyfriend on halloween and they want to get married on halloween to keep the same date, so she doesn’t want us to share an anniversary. she also told me she “wouldn’t be able” to make the wedding if i do get married on halloween. we plan to have a courthouse wedding but maybe have a big wedding party on a 5 or 10 year anniversary, and she would have been my pick for maid of honor, and she knows that. am i an asshole for thinking that was out of line to say and for wanting a halloween wedding anyway?

nta

nta. you (hopefully) only get one wedding, make the best of it. if my best friend shared a wedding anniversary with me that would be fucking awesome.

nta. what if 1, 2, 10 years from now you are no longer friends? it's your wedding, your business. they don't want to come, some "friends" you got there. do they not think that thousands if not more people get married every day? get married, enjoy your life, drop un supportive people from your life.

9jm9cc

aita for being upset that my girlfriend wants to spend thanksgiving with her ex-husband?

my gf(41) and i(46) have been together for a year and a half and living together a year of it. together we have 5 kids (3 are hers and 2 are mine) and we each share them with our exes. yesterday she informed me that her ex told her his gf will be out of town for thanksgiving and so now he wants to take her and their kids to dinner on thanksgiving and she is considering it. this upsets me on a few levels. first, that she would even consider it. she has complained numerous of times about how neglectful he was during their marriage and even now she has problems with him as far as child support and other things that are relevant to why i'm upset but not necessary to bring up for this. secondly, she never asked me if we are planning anything for thanksgiving. i mean why would we not? thirdly, i feel like this guy is overstepping his boundaries and she's letting him. instead of saying, "sorry, but i'm spending that day with... (me)", she says yes. she tells me it's for the kids (which she has said b4 on a few occasions that has involved her leaving me home while she hangs with another man (another story within itself) so in rebuttal i tell her that my ex and i split the holiday with the kids but we no longer spend it together. so now she's upset with me stating that i'm being insecure and selfish. so i ask, aita for being upset that when his gf leaves for the holiday he gets mine?

nta

nta, but if you're going to keep this women in your life i would work on having a better relationship with her ex. is my favorite thing in the world to spend time with my partners ex? no, but it's good for the kid when he sees we can all get along, and doesn't have to feel like he has to pick sides. offer to your partner that the ex come over for thanksgiving at your house. it might be uncomfortable, and i'm not saying to make him your new bff, but if you're not willing to be around him and be civil then you're putting your partner in a crummy situation. if you're not willing to be around him, and she wants her kids to have a holiday with both of their parents, then you can't really be upset that you're not being included in the plans.

nta. you have been living together for a year and you both have your children regularly enough to all be consider a family (based on your post it seems anyway). to me that means "all of us or none of us." i can understand him wanting to make peace with her for the kids. but this specific scenario of excluding you and your children seems more like overstepping on purpose. this is not acceptable in my opinion.

9jncez

aita for expecting my gf to be there when it matters and comparing her to other girls?

so my gf and i have a very good relationship and generally support eachother. however, there's things that really bother me when she doesn't care about them. for example, i sing and play guitar and sometimes i upload my stuff to youtube. i'm very much and intermediate singer with a decent to good voice, so i don't expect her to be amazed at me but to at least support me. i've had comments before, like "what's the point of it". i simply enjoy it... i also write poetry, which she has never bat an eye to. tonight i've been given the opportunity (for the first time) to play in the background for 20 minutes at an event of a society we're both part of, and she was going to be there. however, now she's told me that she's going for drinks with work collegues after work, and then for drinks with other friends after that, so she won't be there (didn't say it to apologise, she just stated her plans for today, even though she originally had intended to help out at the event aswel). i'm honestly very frustrated about it, but can't help to think that i might be over-reacting? other instances where she's had the same attitude have been when i had to resit a university exam during the summer and was very stressed during my study period, she simply told me to "get on with it" and would stay silent when i told her i was stressed and fed up. this past week i've had a bad cold that made me feel miserable and she also told me to "get over it". meanwhile, one of my girl - friends got very worried about it and started giving me advice on how to get better as soon as i told her, and i can't help wish my gf was the same. the simple fact that someone worries makes you feel a bit better already. those are the most recent events i can remember but it's definitely happened before.there's such thing as being reasonable, but then there's not caring... and i feel this is more of the latter. aita for thinking that? i also can't help but think that if we ever had children and she did the same to them, she wouldn't be an entirely good mother. edit 2: thanks for all the comments and support. i went to the event and played, and she turned up (later after i had already played). we had a passive aggressive discussion about it and she explained that she wanted to come but made it seem as if she wouldn't because she was annoyed at me for an event i went to with friends and didn't invite her, although i went spontaneously without pre-planning it (that's another story). i'm not completely convinced by her excuse and she should have turned up on time anyway instead of staying having drinks for so long if she really had wanted to listen to me, but the fact that she turned up at least proves that she saw importance in the event, since she didn't know at what point would i perform. although she's very inconsiderate with little things that really matter, she is also quite good in other situations e.g. she took me out for dinner and payed when i got my exam results. hence why i didn't ask if she's the asshole. if she is an asshole, she certainly makes up for it with other things. but i wanted to know if i was the asshole for being frustrated at her in those times when she does make it seem that they're insignificant events, which happens every so often but not every single time. i needed to know of i would be right and have ground to argue with her about these things or if i was being overly-sensitive (like she makes me out to be). to be fair to her, she's had no boyfriend before, and some of these attitudes are how her parents have raised her up to be. but i do have to know if i'm exaggerating about it being a problem before putting them on the balance. a.k.a. she definitely isn't a completely careless bitch that wants to break up with me but doesn't have the guts to do so.

nta

nta. her general lack of concern for you and your interests must be really frustrating.

nta -- and your girlfriend is hoping you'll break up with her so that she doesn't have to be the one to do it first.

9jo3ks

aita for not wanting to be friends with the quiet, lonely kid?

so, i go to high school, and i'm an introverted person, not shy or reserved by any means, but i prioritize the time for myself. if i ever need to talk to someone, i will just, if i don't wanna have a conversation, i won't talk. however, it seems like this one kid, whom we will call chris, sees me as some sort of friend. don't get me wrong, i see nothing wrong with him, we even have a few things in common, but he usually approaches me whilst i'm on my phone and he just so happens to be nearby, or when i'm in class and he really wants to share something with someone, bam, i'm that guy. truth be told, i really don't care, and i'm not looking for friends, and he's not someone who i can talk to, nor am i interested in talking to, but i can't help but to feel guilty, because at some point, i was this kid, and i understand he just needs a friend, but i really don't wanna be that friend.

nta

nta. i can totally get where you're coming from because i'm introverted, too, and we introverts recharge our energy, patience, etc. by being alone. sometimes, it can be a real pain in the ass when people keep on coming up to you during the times you just want some alone time. just try to be polite / kind with him, but send him small signals that sort of show that you just want to be alone. nobody should *have* to be friends with anyone, which is why they say that friendship's a two-way street. you don't have to feel guilty about it.

you are nta. you can choose your friends as you like. however, it sounds like this kid could use a friend. high school can suck, and you could make a huge difference in this kid's life if you showed him at least kindness, if not friendship. it's not like you can have too many friends.

9jq9bl

aita for signing my husband up for an event and forgetting to tell him the price?

i started dancing west coast swing (wcs). i got my husband interested; he loves dancing with me. there are these two very famous wcs dancers who are coming to my town to give workshops and socials. i asked my husband if he would like to join me, which he agreed to, so i signed us both up and paid for us both. i forgot to tell him it’s $100 per ticket. he said he would’ve passed if he knew it was gonna cost that. i feel really bad; it was an honest mistake, and he said it’s ok and that we will super learn/dance at the workshop/social, but i can’t shake the buttholish feeling at the moment... aita? pretty sure i am but would like your verification/input.

nta

sounds like you made an honest mistake, and calling someone an asshole for making a genuine mistake is fairly unreasonable - especially when that individual immediately recognizes the mistake. nta.

nta. just sometimes you forget. at least there is no animosity between you two.

9jvjsf

aita for not letting my friend come to my party with his dog?

i hosted a house party last weekend, consisting of about 12 people. one friend showed up with his golden retriever and i told him he can't bring the dog into my house. he gets mad, says it's a golden retriever and they are the embodiment of happiness, it's not like he brought a rotweiler so i should just chill out. he said he is not leaving his dog in his car. i told him i don't expect him to, and that he is welcome to come to my next house party when he doesn't have his dog with him but he is no longer invited to this party. my reasoning is that i don't like dogs in general and i don't want one in my house. he should have asked me prior if it was okay to bring it. thoughts?

nta

nta. i love my dogs but i don’t expect you to. the dog is a crutch for the guy.

nta. if bringing his dog wasn't a thing already (i.e. you were cool with it), and he just suddenly decided, i think i'll bring my dog to this party? that's not cool.

9jwb5o

aita if i do not let my stepmother call me her son?

so context. my mother passed away when i was 17, and three years after that my dad got remarried to another woman. she is very sweet and caring, and earnestly loves me and my four siblings. however, by the time this all happened, i was twenty and was moved out and on my own. i only ever saw her infrequently. despite this, she has been incredibly supportive of me in my endeavors and always works in a “we love you” when talking with me and my dad. to be honest, this has always, deep down, made me a tiny bit uncomfortable. it came to a head a little while ago when she contacted me and expressed her desire to be able to call me her son. i somehow dodged the question, i guess i felt like i couldn’t explain myself without hurting her feelings. it will surely come up again soon though. i’m going to have to explain that i don’t want a mother-son relationship with her. i just want to be her friend. am i the asshole for thinking this way?

nta

nta, unless you were actually an asshole in tone/behavior when you finally got around to having the discussion. it seems you're not avoiding having a relationship with her, you just don't think of her as your mom. completely understandable, since she wasn't in your life until you were 20. just be clear that while you may have a close relationship, it's not mom/son.

this hits way too close to home man i feel it. nta

9jx6ps

aita for being mildly upset about a baby name

i’m three months pregnant with my first child. i mentioned to a good friend a particular name that i liked, and she said “oh. you can’t really use that. we want to use that for our last baby if it’s a boy and that would be awkward.” for some background, she already has a four year old boy and a baby boy born last month. is it unreasonable for me to be a bit annoyed at this and still consider using the name, especially since she is calling ownership of a name for a baby that will be born in the next 3-5 years, which may or may not be a boy? and then when she also just had a baby boy last month she could have used this name on, when i am presently expecting a child who i’d like to name this? i feel very irrational and petty for still considering the name but it’s the only one i really liked.

nta

nta. how can she even be sure that she would have a baby again? and that the baby will be a boy? i think she's being unreasonable since if she really liked the name you picked, why didn't she use it on her other boys? go name your baby whatever you like.

nta, she is. you can't call dibs on baby names, esp if you aren't pregnant! she knows that more than one person can have the same first name, right? name your kid whatever you want, she can deal with it.

9jzaa6

aita for hiding toilet roll in my bedroom?

i'm aware this is incredibly petty, just want to know if it's assholish too! i let a friend move into my house back in may - just for the summer until he moves in with some other friends (supposedly mid september but it's looking more like late october now... ok!). he pays rent for his room and the shared kitchen, living room and bathroom. he's far from the perfect housemate but this one toilet paper thing is really annoying me. he's been living with me for 5 months and has never bought toilet roll, ever. even when i ask him to (if he's out and i'm working, for example) he never buys it. a couple of weeks ago, i asked him to please get some toilet roll as we were running out and i was going on holiday in 2 days. he didn't, but i found a roll so used that until i left. i've just got back from my holiday and he _still_ hasn't bought any toilet paper but instead went through two rolls of kitchen paper. so, i bought a big load of toilet roll and am hiding it in my room - taking it to the toilet with me when i go. petty? yes. asshole? you tell me! tl;dr: housemate has been here 5 months, never bought toilet roll - even choosing to go through kitchen paper instead of buying loo roll. so, i've bought some and am hiding it in my room, just taking it with me when i need it. aita?

nta

nta. you talked to him, made expectations clear, he didn't shape up. not paying for (or going to the trouble of buying) tp makes him the asshole, not you.

nta. rent does not include shared items like toilet paper! your roommate is being inconsiderate.

9k513z

aita i got to leave early when my coworker did not.

manager asks coworker and i if we want to leave early. we both say yes. she feels that she should get to leave first because she is full time (i'm part time as i'm also a college student). i'm sick and need to work on some homework so i stick to my yes answer. she's getting annoyed with me. manager flips a coin and i call (correctly) heads. she shakes her head and storms off. should i have just submitted and let her go home early instead of going home early myself?

nta

nta. you both wanted to go. the decision was made by the flip of coin. job done.

nta. her being full time employee is irrelevant.

9k7kxg

aita for not wanting to pay for fuel after getting a ride home?

so last week i [m21] was hanging out with a friend [f23] (which i knew for 2 months) and her sister [f24] (first time hanging out - our dedicated driver) who i still live a bit far from (12km) but since they had to pick up a friend of ours near my area i was offered a ride home. we stopped half way to call him and know where he was at but because he wasn't answering we waited around for about 5 minutes until i said that i could walk home the rest of the way (which wasn't a big deal even though it was getting dark - i walk that route home often to save money and get some exercise on). they asked me how far off we were from my house and i showed them on the gps it was a 3,5km/7 minute drive from where we were but because i was used to that route and it being uphill i knew it would take me +/- 1 hour. again, **not** a big deal but they weren't taking it... apparently they both took my comfort in that walk in a bad way and my friend complained that i shouldn't be such a "*cunt*" and accept the ride (i guess she wasn't happy our friend wasn't picking up either). ten more minutes passed and our friend calls back and says that he isn't going to need that ride after all so they both turn to me and tell me to show them the way and so i do - it was clear they were upset. her sister's car was old and was struggling to go uphill despite driving on newly paved roads, but that didn't stop my friend from commenting 3 times on how long it was taking us to get there (even though she had been to my house multiple times through that very same route). after the final incline i said they could leave me right there so they wouldn't have to deal with my dead end road and i hop off the car. i thank for the ride and show them how to get back through the exact way we came through and said they could call me if they needed help getting back - no help was needed. two days had passed and we meet up again to hang out and while they were driving to mid town i get a call from my friend saying that i owned her sister half a tank of gas because of the drive from last time and i took it as a joke. after they arrive and we're hanging out 30 minutes in they stop for a smoke and pull out the receipt from the gas station and hand it to me showing a 12,5l/20€ bill - they look serious and i was obviously taking it as a joke and ask them what was up. they wanted an apology and for me to make up for the fuel they spent saying that they filled it up exactly up to where it was before they started the car when we were waiting on our friend's call (which sounds like absolute bullshit). i told them "i'm sorry **but** i offered multiple times to walk home and you knew it was uphill" so they criticized me for using a *but* and using excuses instead of just apologizing and making up for it (for example paying for dinner). this continued for around 10 minutes until a friend of mine showed up and they seized the discussion. one hour later her sister left before we had dinner. **tl;dr:** friend's sister drove uphill on her 90's car to get me home when i offered to walk and days later showed up with a ridiculous fuel receipt that she wanted me to pay for. i refused to pay her telling her that she didn't have to drive me there.

nta

nta for accepting and offered lift. if the friendship is important, for the sake of civility, throw them a tenner.

nta. where i'm from, you don't offer a ride and expect reimbursement.

9k7tzt

aita for what i did while standing in line

i was in line with a friend. we didn't have cash so we were checking if they have card. i saw a machine for it, so i told him that they do. then the guy in front of us gives me his receipt and says "do you want this?" i'm confused and ask what it is and he says "you can keep it. i don't like people looking over my shoulder."

nta

i'm going to agree that you're nta. the situation is a *touch* confusing without knowing the layout of everything, but i'm assuming you looked over his shoulder to see if they had a card reader? perhaps you were a bit too much in to his personal space, but his reaction is still pretty weird. if he didn't like people looking over his shoulder, why on earth would he hand you his receipt?

nta unless you were really creeping on the guy

9k7xz0

aita for hanging up on my mother?

long story short, i was discussing politics with my mother over the phone, and i expressed a view contrary to hers, to which she responded with “sometimes i can’t believe you’re my son”. i promptly hung up and later received a text from her stating that i was wrong and disrespectful for hanging up on her, even though she had in my opinion said something quite rude and hurtful. am i the asshole here for hanging up on my mother for insulting me or am i justified in hanging up?

nta

in my opinion.. nta. i’ve done this before. once my mom starts cussing at me, i hang up immediately. just because it’s your mom does not mean you have to take insults from her

nta. everybody has opinions and part of a great society is being able to agree to disagree. what if everyone agreed on everything, or was forced to? i find what she said very hurtful, how dare you disagree with whatever team she roots for.

9kc8lm

aita for nit wanting to spend time with my girlfriend and her family?

basically me and her family have had some altercations in the past which led to me being cut off from the for 5 or 6 months until my girl wanted to go to halloween horror nights (my first) but the only catch is that her sibling and cousins are coming. i politely told her no, i don't want to go and she did the typical female bullshit like crying etc. so in the end i went. as soon as we met her family they say hi and then immediately switch to spanish speaking and exclude me completely. so it's just me with 4 spanish speakers basically. but i wasn't upset, i was just texting my friends and waiting in the lines with them etc just minding my business. and apparently they said i have an attitude, i'm acting like i don't wanna be there (which is true, i didn't.) am i the asshole here? they speak english all perfectly but i was just being excluded and nobody involved me except to just say hello.

nta

nta for the girlfriend/family event. huge a for referring to your girlfriend’s crying as “typical female bullshit”.

nta. whole thing sounds like a mess tbh.

9kcan2

aita for arguing about police brutality with my cop friend and ending a ten year relationship?

we have a group of about 10 guys that hang out together on the reg. it's rare that everyone can make it to every meetup, but we try to schedule drinks once a week. one of our group became a mpls cop and his attitude and racism changed quickly imo. he tends to look at everyone, especially poc, as potentially guilty until they prove otherwise. in september of 2014, a sc trooper followed a black man into a gas station parking lot. when the man exited his vehicle, the cop asked for license and insurance. the man turned and reached into his car to get the info, and the trooper unloaded on him. warning -graphic. [link to video](https://youtu.be/-xfyttgzale) after this happened, about 6 of my gang were at the bar and this shooting came up in conversation. the cop friend saw nothing wrong with it, at all, and claimed he would do the same thing because "what if he was reaching into his truck for a gun?" "but he wasn't!" "how would the cop know that?" "he asked him for his info; he went to get it. if you asked me for my insurance, i would have to lean over and open my glovebox. can you just shoot me then because there might be a gun in my glovebox?" "that's not the same." "because i'm white?" that's when it all went south. he got really, really pissed that i would even suggest that he is in any way racist and totally went off on me. i got mad and fired back at him a bunch of times. i didn't back down and neither did he. eventually, to prove me wrong, he went and hit on a poc at the bar (shot down) before leaving. he made a point to shake hands and say goodbye to everyone except for me and i pointed it out and said he was acting like a two year old. he then explained that his "real friends" are his brothers in blue because they will always have his back, unlike me. i shot back that if it means helping ignore a murder to be "real friends" then i would pass. over the last four years we rarely see each other. he won't show up to anything i am going to. i've reached out and tried to let bygones be bygones, but my refusal to call that shooting anything but "wrong" has hurt him too much. he's getting married in november and i am the only one of the group that is not invited. it kind of sucks because it makes things uncomfortable when the whole gang is around, but i don't miss him. ps about a year after the fight he broke his wrist. i listened to him tell the story and just shook my head. some guy jaywalked in a rough mpls neighborhood and the cop yelled "hey! use a crosswalk!" the guy sprinted to the other side of the street and so they jumped out and chased him - for "suspicious fleeing." they tackled him in an alley and my friend punched him in the back of the head while he was on the ground. when my friend told the story he said "we were lucky there weren't any cameras in the alley! that's two big no-nos; you can't strike them on the ground and you definitely can't hit the back of the head." then he fucking laughed about the lack of cameras in that neighborhood, because it's a poor section. i don't regret standing up to him or losing him as a friend, but should i have caved in for the sake of the group?

nta

nta. this cop is very clearly the asshole in this situation

this dude is a scumbag and shouldn’t be a cop. nta

9kdepr

aita for telling the teacher about a guy who plagiarized?

we had an assignment in language arts to write a poem and present it to the class. we were given an afternoon to come up with our poems and were going to present them the next day. the next day as we are presenting, one guy in my class's poem starts to raise some red flags. for one, he is reading the whole thing off his phone and has clearly not remembered any of it. the poem also used a lot of complicated words that were out of character for him. he was also known as a liar and a slacker. so i googled the title of his poem and found it as the first result. i went to the teacher with this, and the guys mark was taken down to 0%. this also called into question some other stuff he handed in, and it was found that some of his other assignments were also plagiarized. this made his final mark go down. the guy found out that it was me, and called me an asshole and a snitch. looking back i might have been the asshole because it wasnt harming me directly, but on the other hand other classmates did work while this guy slacked off. so reddit, am i the asshole?

nta

nope, nta. you're right, you didn't *have* to do it. but plagiarism is common enough. no need to let people continue with it.

this is a really tough one. i'm going with nta though. i think cheating and plagiarism are messed up- and i would be tempted to do the same. how did he find out it was you who told on him though?

9kdiju

aita rejecting high tech

am i the asshole? i moved 4000 kilometers away a few months ago. i live with family. my family that still lives in america seem to think that i hate them because i don't text or call, i have trotted the globe (if it really is a globe ha ha) and i did the same thing. when i returned to america i was told by my sister that she thought i hated her because i didn't text.. my close family knows the deal, i fuck with you in person or not at all, it's just how i do things. the same reason i don't watch the news andso forth, it's artificial. i think my father understands it because i came down last time and told my point of view. when i was leaving again i told my sister that i'll come down one day. i think communication over the phone is not genuine and people take texting way too seriously. i don't want people to base my relationship with them solely on text. i have no problems or any sort of predicament with my parents or siblings, whenever i see them in person, it's a fun time. i don't understand why then there would be reason for them to suspect theres bad blood because i haven't texted in 3 months. i just think it's arbitrary for people to have relations over text or lack thereof. am i an asshole or just old? there's a lot i wanted to convey i hope i did it sufficiently.

yta

yta for insinuating the earth is flat. dumbass.

yta. you don’t have to have a meaningful conversation with your family via text or phone. most family members just want to know that everything is okay. i know from my perspective, my dad will call me once a week just to ask if everything is okay and how i’m doing. it’s usually a very short conversation that lasts about 2 minutes. basically just to let each other know we’re not dead. i do like that one person’s suggestion of a postcard if you’re opposed to texting and phone calls.

9kfhon

aita for refusing to drive an elderly couple home from the grocery store?

a little while back i went grocery shopping with my fiancé. when we were leaving the grocery store an elderly couple stopped us. they told us that their friend had dropped them off at the grocery store to do shopping but they had no way to get back. they wanted us to drive them back to their home (with their groceries and all). i’ve done enough traveling to know not to trust anyone just like that (even the elderly and children who trick people with their “innocence”). my fiancé was a hesitant but i told the couple a flat out no. they responded by asking if i “was a good person” and trying to guilt me into it. i don’t feel like this has anything to do with being a good person. there could be anyone waiting for us when we get to whatever address they show us. not to mention, they are in a quality grocery store that would gladly call a cab for them from customer service. i pulled my fiancé away and we went about our way. it wasn’t a fight later at all but she thought we should have drove them. i do admit i could have helped them to get a cab but i just wanted to be out of the situation. so, aita for refusing an elderly couple a ride home from the grocery store?

nta

nta, you could have, doesn't mean you need to. you don't need to drop everything your doing to drop them off. her guilt tripping you is classic old people. i'm sure they were fine, even if they didn't get home that night, it's not on your shoulders.

nta, you’re not responsible for them. i would have felt bad about it until they tried to guilt me and ask if i was a good person.

9kirt8

aita for not loving the fact that my parents decided to remodel my room while i was away and leaving it in a state.

so this started about a month and a half ago when i went on holiday with my mate to budapest. while i was away my parents took it upon themselves to remodel my room (that i pay rent to live in) getting rid of furniture and possessions as they saw fit. when i got back all of my stuff was in a storage unit thrown unceremoniously into packing boxes. this includes some vinyl that is a: about as breakable as a 95 year old with osteoporosis, b: pretty rare and hard to replace (one of which got completly buttfucked and is now in more than one piece :). ) pci connectors snapped off of my gpu ect ect you get the picture. to add to that i had a 12 hour shift at work 6 hours after i arrived back in england aaaaand they didn't bother putting anything back , so there i am sleep deprived as all human hell after a 7 day festival with 4 hours of sofa sleep to get me through the day. my parents have at this point decided that because i'm back that it's my responsibility to finish the work. so cue having to rebuild all of my furniture (the stuff they decided i should keep at least, goodbye to my desk because i spend too much time on my pc). i'm realising that this is super rambling but this has continued as me being considered ungrateful for what they see as a nice gesture and while i'm not mad at them for trying to do something g nice for me i just feel as though they didn't consider my needs or wants at all. even after specifically telling them to please not mess with my room while i'm gone. like a landlord wouldn't remodel and fuck with someone's stuff while they're away. for reference i'm 19m, have a full time decent(ish) job and pay my share of rent and bills as well as paying for my own car and insurance ect (not saying this should warrant me any respect, i just don't want you to think i'm a spoilt shit head). tldr: went on holiday. parents decided to play home improvements with my room. broke some thing i can't replace. threw some things away i wanted/needed. didn't consider that i might like to come home to something other than an empty room. and now think i'm being extremely ungrateful, but i'm just stressed as hell and too busy to fix all of the unfixing they've done. let me know if you need more info to judge me. reddit, am i the asshole?

nta

nta. if you pay rent, they should have zero bearing on anything inside your room. not only that, but they damaged your belongings, so they should have to pay to replace them. not only that, but they left the project incomplete, so if they want you to complete it, they should have to pay you whatever you see fit to finish the job that they started that you did not ask for, or complete it themselves. if you are paying rent, i recommend telling them to fuck off on rent, due to their neglect of your belingings (gpu's are expensive), and move out to pay rent elsewhere.

nta, my parents did the same thing to me. might be some type of coping mechanism. they trashed my games room and remodelled my bedroom, was really weird. i didn't really mind as i wasn't paying rent, but it was still my room and my things. how's your history with your parents, was this just a random act of them being assholes?