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My husband's ex-wife married a man who was charged with seven felony counts of pandering involving a minor. He, by his own admission, is addicted to child pornography. My step-daughters are now all teenagers. They do not know. My husband's ex-wife has kept this information from my step-daughters. The step-father has had issues regarding his pornography addiction recently. The ex-wife minimizes it by saying that he has "repented." It is a constant strain on my husband, knowing that his girls are living with a man who is addicted to child pornography. My own therapist believes the girls should be told. The ex-wife says her therapist says the opposite.

Lorain, you're correct that your husband's ex-wife is (seriously) minimizing this problem. I have a very strong opinion here. In my book, the safety of children trumps potentially insulting or hurting the feelings of adults.  Of course the girls should be told, because they have the right to know. Their voice is not the only one I'm concerned about here though. I believe your husband has the right to insist that his daughters be in a safe home, and there is clear evidence this man is not safe.  This woman is putting her own comfort (she simply doesn't want to deal with her partner's situation, her own fears, or anyone else's needs) above the safety of two vulnerable girls. Honestly, if it was me, my kids wouldn't be even visiting that home with that man present, "repented" or not. It's not worth the risk. If she decides to stay with him, the natural consequence of having a known perpetrator in your home is not having access to vulnerable children in that same home.

I have anger issues that have worsened over the years because I've never dealt with my emotions. My anger has never been expressed physically until the past year. My girlfriend has had to endure these episodes. I love her, and I think I'm about to lose her, if I already haven't. I throw things at her when I'm angry, and sometimes I hit her. I may not hit her enough to cause harm, but I still physically lash out at her. I don't want to lose her, and I don't want the situation to worsen. I am a lesbian in my early 30s, and I have been dealing with anger since my childhood. I'm ready to change. I need help now. I'm about to explode.

Hi Baton Rouge, I'm glad you're reaching out. The first step here is that you are taking some responsibility for your behaviours. I do hear you minimizing your actions (you say you don't "hit her enough to cause harm"?), but you're headed in the right direction.  I hope that in your pursuit of treatment you learn that the harm you're causing isn't just superficial bruising. The effects of using aggression and anger to control a person are deep and lasting wounds. Please seek treatment for yourself immediately. You say you love your girlfriend? Do you love her enough to leave the relationship while you address your issues? Are you brave enough to not lean on this relationship while you learn how to create a safe place for a partner? You have dangerous habits because you don't know how to manage your own emotional pain. You can unlearn this; and it doesn't mean you're a bad person. Sometimes, however, the relationship in which you have done the hurting is best ended, for both of your sakes, because too much damage has been done. I know you don't want to lose her, but you don't own her, and you don't have the right to trap her in this because you're afraid of being alone. Right now, she needs some space to figure out what's best for her and the freedom to make whatever decision she wants.  This is potentially the first step to learning real respect; honouring her need for safety above your need for comfort. I wish you well.

I'm feeling different towards my husband. I feel I am growing from the relationship. I have been with my husband for six years and married for almost five. I just don't feel that connection anymore. I feel nothing. I don't know why or if I'm just being irrational.

Lacey, I'm SO glad you wrote. Thousands of people are having this same feeling right now. I'm glad you're paying attention to it.  When you first meet someone, there are all kinds of sparkly feelings and you both do and say lots of things to cement the attachment and create deep intimacy and connection. Then what happens is because we have that connection established, we instinctively cut back on those loving behaviours because we don't have to work hard to earn their love anymore. That sparkly feeling typically lasts a few years (long enough to procreate and keep the human race going), and then it wears off a bit, and you end up looking at each other thinking "how come I don't feel the same anymore?" Mostly (not always, and I'll get to that in a minute) all that this means is you've stopped doing all those loving things you used to do! It's as though you filled the car with gas, you've run out of gas now, and you're forgetting to put more in! The first clear solution to this feeling is to bring back more of your own loving behaviours that you've cut back on. Act lovingly, and you will likely regain those feelings. Talk to your partner about this. It's okay to say "do you remember we used to do X,Y and Z? Can we do that again? Can I get more of the foot rubs you used to give me?" Ask for what you want (instead of complaining). What are your 'love languages'? What are your partner's?  Marriages need to be fed. It's that simple. Many things get in the way...children, jobs, but mostly complacency. Get active with your love! Okay, now, you might read this and think "that's not what's happening". That's a cue to talk to someone, like a therapist, about your feelings. People do grow and change and sometimes relationships don't fit anymore. But these are huge decisions, not to be made lightly.  I wish you happiness.

My husband's ex-wife married a man who was charged with seven felony counts of pandering involving a minor. He, by his own admission, is addicted to child pornography. My step-daughters are now all teenagers. They do not know. My husband's ex-wife has kept this information from my step-daughters. The step-father has had issues regarding his pornography addiction recently. The ex-wife minimizes it by saying that he has "repented." It is a constant strain on my husband, knowing that his girls are living with a man who is addicted to child pornography. My own therapist believes the girls should be told. The ex-wife says her therapist says the opposite.

If the daughters are old & mature enough to understand substance abuse.  They should be told for their own empowerment. KNOWLEDGE is their power of safety and protection.

I decided to stay and work it out. I just don't want to sit on the couch. Other than that, I have been getting over the situation. I don't feel it is fair that she expects me to sit on that couch and won't leave me alone about it. I can move on and continue to love, laugh, and play with my wife. I just don't want to sit on that couch.

Houston, It's normal for this kind of thing to be a trigger, so I get why you don't want to sit on it, but to keep refusing keeps the affair alive. Am I to assume that you can't afford a new one? Ideally, she buys you a new couch, but it certainly would be a gesture of love for you to do it too and it will help you both move forward.  t will be interesting to see if there's anything else that keeps the problem alive after the couch is long gone. 

My toddler defies everything I say and doesn't see me as authoritative, so she says no about everything. I'd like to hear some ways I can work on not needing to feel so much in control all the time.

Hi Biddeford, This is a super goal. Feeling powerless is something parents are wise to get used to; there's a creature in the home whose job it is to find and use their power in the family and in the world. Of course your toddler defies you, and that's healthy. I worry more about the overly compliant ones. She is wanting to know what the rules are, and all you have to do is show her clearly where the lines are. I'll give you some tips. First, remind yourself that it's her job to learn what the rules are, and where her power is. Don't be so surprised when she wants it her way. If we go through our days being ready and prepared for these beautiful creatures to have minds of their own, we're less caught off guard when it happens.  Avoid situations that invite power struggles. Any time you tell your daughter "do this now", you set up a power struggle. The good thing is that she's young enough you can pick her up; now is the time to teach her that mom's (or dad's) word means something. So, if you say "let's get you dressed", then be prepared to pick her up right away and show her that when you say something will happen, you can make it happen. And I'm talking about gently picking her up here...not roughly. Pick your battles; only give instructions when you have the power to make it happen. Give her choices, so she can see her power. Instead of opening her drawer and asking what she wants to wear, give her two choices. Here's an example...she's on the ipad and you say ipad time is over. She says "no". You can say "ipad time is over. If you put it down, you can play later. If I have to take it away, you don't play it later." The choice is hers. Then follow through. "When...then" statements are really helpful. Your child asks for something. Instead of saying no, try "as soon as the toys are picked up, we can have a snack". You're simply a pleasant parent who wants the same thing they do...but they have to earn it.  Staying calm yourself is the key, because then at least you will feel in control of yourself, which is the ultimate goal. Use self-talk to calm yourself. Remind yourself her behaviour is normal and healthy. Breathe through a moment in which you would have reacted, and it will be over by the time the breath is done. You can give yourself time to think before you make parenting decisions. Time is a useful tool not enough parents use. Good luck!

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years now. Throughout the entire first day that we met, he and I had the opportunity to interact quite a lot and instantly sparked a deep connection with one another. That same night, he and a friend stayed over at my house (without my mom's acknowledgment) and we kissed. The next two days were a repetition of the first day. On the third night, my mother finally caught us, and I was kicked out of my house. I left with him of course, and we went from meeting each other to being like a married couple. It was very hard for us. His stepdad also kicked him out of his home, and we were staying at cheap hotels and friend's houses with the little money we had. I quit my job and dropped out of school because it was hard to do anything without a stable home. There were times when we had nowhere else to go but sleep in the car outside a Walmart parking lot. Our honeymoon stage, as they call it, probably only lasted one month. After that, it was a downward spiral. We were constantly arguing about money, food, and our families. We kept having the famous "you're doing it wrong—do it this way" argument. After six months, we moved across the country only to live the same thing, and that's when the violence started. One afternoon, after a serious argument, he got into his truck and threatened to leave me. I was frightened that he would actually go through with his word, given that we had just moved to a place where we knew no one. He told me to let him leave or he would hit me. He had once promised he would never touch me, so I challenged him to do it. He slapped me, and ever since that time, when we have serious fights, he loses control and hurts me. I haven't had the courage to leave him, and there's really nothing stopping me now. I don't live with him, I don't depend on him, and we don't have children. We both haven't been able to let go of that deep connection that we still have and that has been damaged so badly. He always apologizes, and at the beginning, he was more willing to change. Now he just wants me to understand why he does it and how I don't ever make the effort to try to be okay. I've read enough about domestic violence to know that it's not my fault that he loses control, so that's not even an issue for me. I know he has to change that on his own. I just want to know if there's people who have gone through this and had the tables turned? Is there hope for a better future together?

Hi Winters, I learned a long time ago that I can't ever predict who will change and who won't. I meet couples who seem to have all the ingredients but can't make it work, and others who have severe issues and they decide to make better decisions and things change. But in reading your story, the image of a slot machine came to mind. You're gambling your life away on the chance that this guy will change. Only you can decide how many years to give it. I see him giving you clear signs that he doesn't even believe in himself or want to change though. What are you waiting for? Although you say you know his behaviours aren't your fault, something tells me that you're hoping your love for him will turn the key that unlocks something and makes him want to change. It doesn't work that way. Just like the slot machine, you have no power to change him or make this work. You can only decide when you've paid too much.  I bet there's someone out there who loves and misses you. He's not your only support. 

My girlfriend broke up with me five months ago because I said awful things to her one night for no reason of hers. I have been trying to get her back, but it isn't easy. She is in her 50s and I am in my 40s. She is the one I want for my life, and this is killing me. Every day, I cry, and I am desperate for help.

New York, what would it mean about you if you got her back? Is that the only way you can like or forgive yourself...if she forgives you and takes you back? Your self respect doesn't need to rely on this working with her. She simply doesn't want to be with you, and every day that you refuse to honour her decision is another day that you hurt her all over again. Move on and heal, perhaps with the help of a therapist.

I'm a teenager. My entire family needs family therapy, and more than likely individual therapy. My parents refuse to take action, and I'm tired of it. Is there any way I can get out of this myself?

This sounds like a really tough situation.  As a teenager, you may be able to get counseling on your own (without needing your parents' consent) under some circumstances.  If your parents are refusing to consider counseling, you might want to try talking to your doctor or another trusted adult about finding some counseling resources - even without your parents' help.  

After a domestic abuse situation, I went to a therapist, and then my husband went. The therapist discussed her assessment of borderline personality disorder with me. She then told my abuser the results of my tests.

It sounds like it may have been a violation of confidentiality for your therapist to disclose information about you without your permission.  There are some exceptions to the general rule of confidentiality however.  For example, when a therapist has a reasonable concern that a client (or someone else) is in imminent danger, he or she is generally allowed to disclose confidential information to protect that person. If you believe your counselor has violated your confidentiality, you can always contact your states' counseling regulatiory board.  The board will then investigate the allegations and can take appropriate action.

I love my boyfriend and everything that leads to intercourse, but when it comes to the actual penetration, I hate it. I don't know why, but I just want it to be over. I feel like crying. I don't know why I don't like it because all of my friends enjoy it.

Although I am not entirely sure why you might be struggling in this area, an initial question I have is do you want to be intercourseually active at this time or is this something that you feel pressured into doing.?  If you feel pressured into being intercourseually active by your friends or boyfriend it is understandable that you want it to be over.  I would encourage you to ask your boyfriend to be patient with you at this time  until you figure out what is going on.  I encourage you to then think very deeply about what your reservations, if any,  about being intercourseually active.  Do you fear pregnancy?  Are there problems in the relationship?  Are you afraid of the emotional intimacy?  Another question that comes to mind is whether or not you have any history of intercourseual activity that you did not consent to that might be getting in the way.   When these types of traumatic events occur,  people can essentially become triggered negatively by anything that reminds them of past trauma.  Such events can cause an aversion to intercourse even if there is now a loving relationship whom one wants to be intercourseually active with.  If this is the case I strongly recommend individual therapy to begin working through some of these issues.  A final area that you might explore would be whether or not you are experiencing pain with penetration.  If so, I would recommend that you schedule an appointment with a gynecologist to rule out any type of medical issues that might be causing these problems.  Although pain can also be associated with emotional issues, it is always good to rule out possible physical causes.   I hope that these ideas help to point you in the right direction.  Take care.

My toddler defies everything I say and doesn't see me as authoritative, so she says no about everything. I'd like to hear some ways I can work on not needing to feel so much in control all the time.

That's a good question. I would say learn to pick your battles. What types of behavior/situations can you let go of? If you allow yourself to worry about the various areas in life that you cannot control, you will find yourself stressed out and unable to manage everything. Know that toddlerhood comes with lots of "no's," tantrums, non-compliance, and a growing need for independence. When your toddler does something that you don't approve of, remain calm, explain to him/her the appropriate way to act, and model it for him/her. Remember to give your toddler praise when he/she does something good or acceptable. Be consistent and follow through with your instructions. Finally, know that you are not alone. Parenting comes with its set of challenges but all you can do is your very best. Good luck to you!

I love my boyfriend and everything that leads to intercourse, but when it comes to the actual penetration, I hate it. I don't know why, but I just want it to be over. I feel like crying. I don't know why I don't like it because all of my friends enjoy it.

Does your boyfriend notice that you hate intercourse? If "yes", then it is a topic which the two of you would gain deeper understanding of each other, by discussing. If "no", then possibly one reason for hating intercourse is that your boyfriend doesn't notice who you are as a person, not simply a physical body engaged in intercourse.

Why am I so afraid of it? I don't understand.

Your fear is somewhat reasonable.  No one wants to be raped and I imagine everyone is afraid of what being raped would feel like. Do you mean that this fear is on your mind more often than you would like? If this is the case, then try understanding the reason behind your fear. Is it because you personally know or know of someone who was raped?   One general direction of what would help is to regain confidence in your decisions of keeping yourself safe.  The more you trust yourself to avoid social situations with lots of drinking, isolated physical surroundings, and being in isolated locations with someone with whom you're not very familiar, probably your fear will decrease. The other general direction to understand is if in your family history, people have been violated severely, either emotionally, mentally, or physically. In families in which people have suffered severe violations of themselves, often the emotional patterning of expecting to be hurt by others, plants itself very deeply and transmits to the younger generation. Its possible then, that you are suffering from fears established in other family members who have not yet been able to fully understand and accept their own suffering. The good news is that individual therapy, with a credentialed and licensed therapist, is ideal for a safe place to open and clear this type of emotional burden.

I have no idea what happened. I go places and do things but still feel lonely. I honestly have no friends, and I am always the one texting people and bothering people. I feel invisible, like someone that no one wants to be around.

A lot of times any and each of us creates what we need for ourselves by seeing other people as creating these circumstances and situations. Is it possible that at this time period in your life, being alone is positive for sorting through your true values or sorting through key situations in your life? If "yes", then possibly you are giving yourself some alone time, even though to some degree being alone is not your first choice. At the very least, since you aren't happy with being the one who texts others, then some alone time may encourage new thoughts and ideas creating more open space within you to attract other people who do enjoy texting you first. Also, most relationships are not forever.   Is it possible you are at a phase when some relationships are simply closing down so that you have clear space within your life for new and different activity?

My toddler defies everything I say and doesn't see me as authoritative, so she says no about everything. I'd like to hear some ways I can work on not needing to feel so much in control all the time.

Trust that you are a good mother and that you love your child. Trust and love are their own authority and come from a different inner place than the urge to be obeyed. Trust and love are effective guidance and usually feel happier and lighter too!

I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?

You are right on to recognize that the effects of trauma can be cumulative.  It is very possible that a car accident could lead to an increase in PTSD symptoms that were related to other traumatic experiences. If you have been deployed to a combat area, you are most likely eligible for free counseling services through the VA Vet Centers.  The Vet Center clinicians typically have a lot of experience working with military trauma. Here's a link to a directory of Vet Centers: http://www.va.gov/directory/guide/vetcenter.asp Your service and sacrifice is greatly appreciated. 

I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater.

I can imagine how incredibly difficult this must be for you. Having past traumatic experiences creap up on you without warning can be very scary and stressful. You may be suffering from symptoms related to post-traumatic stress disorder. Getting evaluated by a professional would be a good step to take next. By seeking treatment and having a therapist who you trust and can connect with, you will gain the ability to think about your experiences without it significantly interfering with your daily functioning. A therapist can also help you to develop new coping stragies to be used during recall of these experiences and help you to adopt healthy thought patterns. I would also recommend that you seek support from loved ones. Sometimes just talking about your experiences and associated feelings will alleviate some of the emotional troubles you are suffering from. Lastly, you may find meditation or mindfulness work to be of great benefit. Having the ability to live in the present moment should reduce the effects of your traumatic experiences interfering with recalling your past or looking forward to your future. I wish you all the best!

I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater.

Hi New York, There's no way to keep your past from affecting your present and future, because it's a huge part of who we are. The GOOD news is, though, that the effect doesn't have to be negative. I'm met many people who have horrific pasts and it helps them know confidently, every day, what kind of person they want to be and what kind of world they want to live in, and it helps them make really great decisions. You can accept your past, integrate your traumas and move forward in a very different way.&nbsp; <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">If you see negative ways in which your past affects you (and this is also common), you are wise to seek professional help. Without knowing more, it's impossible to give you a lot of direction here. Basically, our past creates emotional "bruises" that are touch on and triggered by present situations. But our reactions are often about more than just the present moment. I think you know that.</span> <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I wish you the best as you sort it out. &nbsp;</span>

Over the course of a few days, my wife was unsure about her feelings for me due to constant intimacy issues. After she thought things through, she came to the realization that she is no longer "in love" or attracted romantically to me. She instead has more of a platonic love and just cares for me as just "family." At that point, she said our marriage was over. Now over the course of the last few days, she has taken a "friendship" from a coworker. She insists there is nothing more than friends, but she has spent all her free time with him.

Hi Portland, This must feel like your world is turned upside down, for your wife to declare her confusion, followed closely by resignation, followed closely by a new "friend". I get how upsetting this is. If I was your therapist, I'd want to explore this a good deal, because there are several possibilities concerning what might be happening. Be careful not to jump to conclusions.&nbsp; Sometimes people have been slowly "falling out of love" for a long time, and often this is due to some (perhaps unnamed) unmet need in the marriage. She may have been coming to this point over a period of time, and has only finally said so.&nbsp; It's also possible that your wife is going through some temporary crisis...she's changing and personally unhappy and blaming the marriage for it. Only she can help herself through this (she could get the help of a therapist, but it's not your place to tell her to do this).&nbsp; Or, it's possible she's met this new "friend" and her attachment to him has clouded her view, or clarified something for her. &nbsp; Right now, it's important that you respect your wife's decision to separate, if she's asking for that. We can't trap people in a marriage. If she needs separation, or distance, then it's respectful to give her that. That doesn't mean that you have to give up on the marriage right now. I would seek the support of a therapist who can help you sort out what YOU want; whether it's to move on with your life, or wait patiently for a period of time.&nbsp; I can't predict what will happen here. But you can find out what the best path for you is. I wish you the best.

My daughter didn't see her biological father for the last three years. She doesn't want to see him because she remember really bad things from him such as domestic violence and child abuse. The visitation is with supervision, but she refuses to see him. Is it better to take my daughter to the therapist and try to see him after the therapy?

Hi Dillon, I'm from Canada, so I don't know the laws in your state. It depends on that a good deal, perhaps.&nbsp; In my opinion, a child should never be forced into a situation where they feel unsafe, even if it is "supervised". If the child is old enough to make a strong statement about not wanting to see a parent, then this should be honoured.&nbsp; Unfortunately, the laws don't always uphold a parent's right to do what is best for their child. I recommend you see a lawyer, who will advise you about how to proceed without putting yourself at risk of breaching custody agreements. If you feel your daughter can benefit from therapy, that is a separate question. Or is she already in therapy? A family therapist will typically meet with you alone first, in order to determine if therapy is a wise move for your child. It isn't always appropriate.&nbsp;

My partner seems to always get depressed over the fact that his kids have to see and go through the divorce process. It's especially when the mother of his kids keeps making him feel bad and using the kids as an excuse to get back at him. I feel like just telling him to go back with his family and forget about me.

Hold on, Sanger! You know, I meet with a lot of people who are so sick of the crap that their ex puts them through in the divorce process that yes, they wonder if it's best to go back. I don't think so. If your ex is using the children to manipulate, or is generally controlling the separation process, that's confirmation that getting out was the right decision. Your partner feels powerless to change the current situation. Of course he does, because there are many things that are beyond his control (his ex's behaviours, for one). Accept the powerlessness. Lean into it. It's okay, because there are many things he does have power over, and that's where he can focus.&nbsp; He has the power to give his children a happy dad. That's HUGE. That's why he left, I'd guess. I bet the main barrier to him being happy is the guilt he feels. That's his ex's voice...that's what she wants him to feel...to give into that is letting her win. Ending a marriage in order to be happy is his right. He has not intentionally harmed his children. Hopefully he's aware that the separation has &nbsp;affected them and he's working to create peace and balance in their lives, but he's can let go of the shame she wants him to feel; it's crippling him. He has the power to separate emotionally from his ex. He's not doing that when he lets her words control his emotions. He's still reacting to her. He hasn't completely left yet. A good therapist can help your partner regulate his emotions, combat shame, create emotional distance from his ex and erect proper boundaries. He needs your support in moving forwards, not going backwards. I wish you the best.&nbsp;

Whenever I run into a situation that makes me upset or angry, I tend to start cursing and badly offending the person I am confronting. I say mean things to let my anger out. Whenever people tell me stuff about my relationship (like starting rumors or saying negative things about me or my relationship) I lash out not just them but at my boyfriend. I feel like I keep causing drama due to my personality. I want to be a better person and learn to let things not get to me and be happy and graceful. I hurt the ones I love with my words. I want to be better for myself and them.

Congratulations on making your way to Step One, self-observation and deciding to change a feature about how you understand and relate to others. There is extraordinary strength in being willing to notice your effect on others and consider what changes are possible. Start on the inside track of your own heart and mind. &nbsp;Once you're able to understand what is driving your emotions to the point where the only reasonable way of handling them is to curse and offend people, you'd have gotten a long way in knowing your own expectations of others and how far off the mark from this in your mind, they are. For example, if you expect others to always be accepting, tolerant and happy about situations with your boyfriend, and you're hearing otherwise from people, then you can prepare yourself for possible, less than positive comments about your relationship, or you can ask people to not comment to you about your relationship at all. Basically, the more you know about yourself and are willing to accept your right to ask others to respect your views, the easier and calmer time you'll have in handling comments from others that you're not glad hearing. Also, this is a long process because you'd be trying to change long time and deep patterns of interacting. Be patient with your own learning curve and certainly consider therapy for yourself in order to have some outside guidance and support for the process you're placing yourself.

I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater.

Sorry that your growing up years in the family were so unsafe and painful. Everyone has family legacy patterns of behavior and ways of handling emotions, handed down to them simply by living. All of what any child observes and how they are treated within their family context, creates their foundational expectations of others. The best way of releasing yourself form hurtful interaction patterns is by being aware of your own feelings and intuition within close relationships. If you have a similar sense of hurt or that something is wrong, yet in a familiar way, then most likely you are in a relational pattern similar to the negative ones in your family of origin. This realization moment is your chance to more deeply see your own original trauma and try different ways of responding to these similar key situations. This type of work takes a lot of repeated effort because trauma is deep and childhood trauma is attached to loving ones parents. Expect slow progress and expect more than a few tears. If it feels overwhelming then a therapist for guidance and support would be very beneficial to the work you'd be doing within yourself. Sending lots of good luck!

My boyfriend recently got a kitty. I hate cats in general, and he knows it. It grosses me out and makes me very upset when he pets his cat. I want to throw out the cat. I feel very jealous.

Sorry for you and sorry for the cat because you're each in a tense position. What was the context of your boyfriend adopting a cat since he was aware that this would likely cause problems in the relationship with you? If you don't already know his answer, then find out. &nbsp; Doing so will tell you a lot about your boyfriend's expectations about you. &nbsp;Does he expect you to accept without question, whatever he does? &nbsp;Does he care about your views? &nbsp;Does a cat have some deep meaning for him that having one is essential to his life and he never told you so? Please don't be mean to the cat. &nbsp;Its not the cat's fault for being in your boyfriend's care. There are plenty of other cats on this earth so throwing out the cat will not solve anything between you and your boyfriend. Who knows, your boyfriend may come back home with three more cats! Start with a conversation about your feelings and his interest in your feelings.

My daughter didn't see her biological father for the last three years. She doesn't want to see him because she remember really bad things from him such as domestic violence and child abuse. The visitation is with supervision, but she refuses to see him. Is it better to take my daughter to the therapist and try to see him after the therapy?

Has the father or the visitation supervisor contacted you regarding why your daughter hasn't shown up for the past three years' worth of supervised visitation? Or is the supervised visitation a new development for the bio dad and your daughter? If no one is pressuring or expecting your daughter to show up, no one has even asked where she is, why she isn't present, then I don't see any reason for you to offer more effort by your daughter, than the father is willing to make for seeing her. If your daughter is willing to talk with a therapist, then let her find out first hand if the sessions seem useful or not. The one move I'd avoid is to force your daughter to go to a therapist since growing up in a household in which child abuse took place, being forced may remind her of her own feelings from this past, of feeling no one heard or cared about the way she wanted to be treated.

Whenever I run into a situation that makes me upset or angry, I tend to start cursing and badly offending the person I am confronting. I say mean things to let my anger out. Whenever people tell me stuff about my relationship (like starting rumors or saying negative things about me or my relationship) I lash out not just them but at my boyfriend. I feel like I keep causing drama due to my personality. I want to be a better person and learn to let things not get to me and be happy and graceful. I hurt the ones I love with my words. I want to be better for myself and them.

Hi California, I'm happy to hear you want to get a hold of this problem. Relationships don't tend to last when we treat people poorly. It is very possible for you to learn different ways of relating, with some strong effort. I would highly suggest working with a therapist, and I will give you a few things to think about in the interim. Sometimes anger is there because we feel something is unjust or unfair, but many times, anger is a "secondary emotion", and it's simply there to protect us from other, more vulnerable emotions that we would rather not feel and will do anything to avoid. Discovering what vulnerable emotions you are protecting yourself from is important. Perhaps you feel powerless, or unloved, or unimportant. It may take some time before you recognise this emotion.&nbsp; Once you do, you can ask yourself about the other times in your life when you have felt that emotion. Where did it originate? At what age did you feel "too much" of that feeling...so much so that you can't stand it even in tiny amounts? You will learn in therapy to identify the thoughts you have that are connected to that feeling. They are typically incorrect thoughts, like "No one lifes me", or "People will always hurt me". Fear tends to generalize and predict bad things that aren't likely. Your habit is so strong that you likely have a poor sense of self-worth and you don't believe people will love you...so you hurt them to keep them at a distance. This happens in a subconscious level. Do you see how that would help you to keep people off balance or afraid or a distance away if you didn't believe in your worth? So, it's backwards really, because you think you're getting mad at people who "piss you off", but you're really just not wanting to face how mad you are at yourself. In addition to this work, you can start to purposely treat people more kindly. Find out what respect is, make amends and &nbsp;resolve to spreading peace. It might sound too simple, but if you act as though you're a person of peace, you will start to feel more peaceful. But I hope you do contact a therapist. It will take time and support to reach your goal.

My son stole my debit card and lied about it. It's not the first time he has lied. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I should punish him or make him do something. I've tried talking to him and asking if anything was wrong. I have grounded him, but nothing works. What should I do?

Hi Enid, You sound like a sensitive parent; I like that you talked to your son to see if anything is wrong. There is some key information here (I don't know your son's age, whether he spent any money, whether he put the card back, or how many times he's stolen), and my answer might be different depending on those details, but I'll give you my thoughts. I see it as every child's job to figure out the rules and find where their power is in the world. In order to accomplish that, many of them test limits. "What can I get away with?" is a question they have to find the answer to. If a child knows the rules, they're much more likely to not test limits (because they already know the limits). So, part of testing limits is experimenting with stealing and lying. Not all kids steal, but I would say pretty much every child lies at some point. It's a normal behaviour, and most of the time it's about small things that don't matter and we don't even find out.&nbsp; Stealing a debit card is a bit more serious, and I'm not surprised he lied about it. If you absolutely know that he took it, it's okay to tell him that you believe he did this thing and also lied about it. It's appropriate to give a consequence for this type of behaviour, so that the child doesn't do it again. The consequence should be as natural and logical as possible. The behaviour (stealing) was harmful to you, so doing you a favour with extra chores might be a good idea.&nbsp; It's funny, because as parents we try to tell our kids that lying is bad, but they know they'll get a consequence if they tell the truth so there are natural deterrents to being honest (we don't want people to know our mistakes). It's a dilemma. If you really want to focus on the lying part, you can tell him that you won't give him a consequence for the lying if he decides to come clean with the truth within one day. That gives him incentive to come to you with truth. It sometimes works with kids to give them a chance to come clean and then reward them for telling the truth.&nbsp; You can set your child up for success and train them to tolerate honesty. Put a cookie on the counter. Tell your child to take the cookie at some point in the day. Then ask them later if they took the cookie. You're making honesty fun. Kids love games.&nbsp; Basically, there's as much power in rewarding the positive behaviour as punishing the negative.&nbsp; If this is the first serious offence for your son, don't make a big deal of it; consequence him and see if he learns. If it's a pattern, that's different and you may want the input of a therapist.&nbsp;

I was hanging out with my close guy friend. We started kissing, but afterwards, he said that we should just stay friends because he doesn't want to ruin anything. We both just got out of relationships. His was very intercourseual. I'm not a intercourseual person, and he knows that. I want to be with him, but I'm not ready for another relationship, and I don't know if he ever will want to be more than friends.

Given that both you and your friend recently ended your respective romantic relationships, kissing each other sounds like each of you satisfied a very natural need which for right now does not has a natural source of satisfaction. Suddenly being without a partner is difficult because a relationship absorbs and offers much of a person's energy.&nbsp; Stay focused on what you know about yourself, which is that you're not ready for another relationship. From what you describe about your friend, similar to you, he does not feel ready for a new relationship. If and when you feel ready to enter a new relationship and your friend seems attractive, then you'll be in a position to find out, either by approaching your friend as a potential partner, or by asking your question of his interest in you. Who knows? It is possible your friend will feel ready for a new relationship, approach you, and depending on your personal wishes to be or not be with who he has become, accept his offer. Good luck with Step One, becoming familiar with your new state of single hood, and sorting through the good news and bad news of your most recent relationship.

It's been almost a year since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me after he cheated on me many times. I had found out about a month before, but I hadn't told him I knew because I didn't want us to break up. I used to have very low self-esteem, and I think it might have to do with my dad being an alcoholic. My father cheated on my mother when I was little. I wonder if this pain has to do with that. My ex-boyfriend and I were only dating for five months, but I still can't get over this betrayal. I'm not sure what to feel to get over it: forgiveness? Hate? He helped me financially after our break up by lending me $3000, so I'm grateful for that. I still hate him for what he did and still want him to like me although we're not even talking anymore. We follow each other on Instagram and that's it. I feel like I still need his validation. This is haunting me day and night. I want to focus on my new relationship and goals, but I keep obsessing over this and keep checking my ex-boyfriend's Instagram and Facebook. I feel so bad and keep having nightmares.

The dilemmas you present are giving you a great chance to understand your true reasons for being in a relationship. Continue developing some points you've written here. That you grew up sensing and/or witnessing your mom's emotional pain from your dad cheating on her, very likely set a standard in your inner self, to expect similar circumstances in your relationship life. This is a natural dynamic which happens for all of us. &nbsp;What we observe in our growing up households is what we understand as "normal", no matter how bad it actually is. After all, children don't have the ability to separate that what their own parents do, is wrong compared with the rest of our culture. It is natural to long for a relationship. What you have the chance to do now, is distinguish the reasons for your longing. Is it to attach to someone who has hurt you, hasn't shown you any understanding of having hurt you, and whose validation, even if he says validating words, has little meaning because people who validate are not the ones who harm us? If you're able to teach yourself that those who love us do not harm us, and to develop new expectations for yourself of feeling good from how your partner treats you, then you will be showing yourself a road that will benefit you for your entire lifetime.

I just had a newborn. When I brought him home, my mom told me to leave. Now I'm in a women's home. I don't see my boyfriend that often because he works. The women's place is helping me find an apartment so I can go back to work and get child care.

Congrats on the birth of your son! Was your mom's request for you to leave her house, one which she asked awhile ago or was this her greeting when you walked in the door? My question is whether your mom had some changed circumstance in her life, whether she and you discussed living arrangements prior to your son's birth, or whether nothing was talked about, you assumed you'd be living with her, she assumed you wouldn't, and the two of you didn't speak to one another about any of this. Depending on the answers, there may be clues as to handling future expectations of others, especially your mom. From what you write, the women's home is supportive of your basic daily living needs. &nbsp; It is good news that the people who run this home know and offer community resources. In your interactions with the staff of the women's home, ask all the questions necessary so you'll have a clear understanding of the apartment lease, anything at all that is on your mind about becoming employed and finding childcare. The point is to have all the major steps you're about to start, addressed. This way, you'll be minimizing the possibility of any sudden bad news by the women's home, told to you. Sending lots of good luck!

I have been married for 20 years. He and I both cheated. I hid my cheating for 14 years. Over that time, I let life stress me out. I became depressed. When I finally woke up, he felt I had pushed him out.

Do you both want to fix the marriage? The relationship belongs to both of you so that one working without the other cooperating in this work too, will have one person who does all the changing. This dynamic itself creates problems of its own. About your husband telling you he feels pushed out, did he do anything on his own to address his problem of feeling like this? All you state is that he blames you for creating a situation he didn't like. If he did nothing because he felt unsure what to do, anything which shows he understands he has as vital a part in the marriage as you, is ok. Because affairs create mistrust between two people, the two of you would also need to be very aware to regain each other's trust. Talking as much as possible so you both know what goes on in the life of the other, how you each are feeling, what matters to you, is helpful to grow a new foundation for your marriage's future.

My ex-boyfriend boyfriend and I lived together. He had a two year affair with a girl and had three pregnancies with her. One was an abortion, another was a miscarriage, and then she had the third baby. They are not together, but he continues to contact me and wants me back. He has nothing to offer me.

Hi Attica, This is a question I think a lot of people deal with...they feel confusion about why they can't forget about or get over (or stop connecting with) someone who they absolutely know isn't good for them.&nbsp; In your case, part of the problem is that he keeps trying to get back in touch with you. For some people, honestly, it's a game... to see how much power they have over you or it's their need to control you. If you don't want contact from this person, it's really important to give him clear messages about boundaries ("Don't contact me again"), and then ignore all of their communications. Any interactions or responses from you at all will feed their behaviour. Remind yourself why you don't want to be with them. I hear you doing that already when you say "he has nothing to offer me". That's great self-talk. But let's get back to the question of why we have a hard time letting go of people like this. Sometimes it's because we still hope they will change. Maybe we remember who they used to be or how they used to treat us, and we think it can go back to the way it felt in those "good old days". The problem there is that, over the first few years, as intimacy grows, people tend to show more of who they are, not less. So what they're eventually showing you is who they are and what they're capable of. People do change and grow, but it won't happen at your pace. Accept that person for who they are and stop expecting them to change.&nbsp; Another reason we can't let go is because we picture our ex with someone new in the future and we wonder if they will be a better person for the next partner in their life. This is a normal... but not a healthy... thought. It's as though we want them to stay, maybe apologize, and heal our hurts; maybe make up for past mistakes. You deserve that healing, you deserve better than you got, you deserve apologies, but to expect that from the person who hurt you and hasn't demonstrated that compassion as yet is probably foolhardy.&nbsp; It is my belief that underlying some of the above scenarios is the deep belief that we must somehow be responsible for the hurts our exes have caused. If you blame yourself in any way for someone's poor treatment of you, you will be dancing around trying to do things differently so that they can treat you better. It will be impossible to let go, because you blame yourself for their behaviours. Draw a line. Their behaviours are about them, not you, and the only solution is to challenge and reduce thoughts of them, and create physical and emotional distance. These things plus time will help the events of the past fade from importance.&nbsp;

I was never like this. Recently this year (my first year of high school), I started getting emotional for no reason.

Hello Vancouver, It's really common for people to become very upset over small things sometimes. The small thing is a "trigger", and the emotions aren't so much about that event that's happening in the present; they are more connected to old events that evoked the same feeling. You've likely had too much of that feeling in your life and you've developed a sensitivity to it. Look at the small events that are triggers for you and ask yourself what same or similar emotion they evoke. If there's anger there, look underneath that. Is it powerlessness, worthlessness, hurt, shame...? &nbsp;Then ask yourself when in your life you've experienced TOO much of that feeling. As a child, maybe, but not necessarily.&nbsp; That's the first step, and combined with empathy, compassion and self-esteem, you're starting to build what I call an emotional air conditioner. A good therapist can help you with the rest of this process and with learning ways of coping with emotions daily. I wish you the best.&nbsp;

I have a really bad temper. I get mad very easily then stay like that the whole day. I don't mean to be that way, but I can't help it.

A lot of times the anger someone expresses is from feeling a deep level hurt within themselves. &nbsp;&nbsp; A surface situation, like, a store told you they'd have delivery of a certain item by Tuesday, and when that particular Tuesday comes, the store doesn't have what they told you they would, and you are furious. The fury may have more with many times before in your life, having been deeply let down by someone who mattered to your life at the time, who similarly promised something and failed to deliver whatever it. If at the time of feeling let down by someone important in your life, the relationship didn't allow for honest expression of all your emotions, you'd have learned to hold in what you realized would not be tolerated if you expressed it clearly. Without practice of being heard when feeling hurt by someone, eventually the person, possibly you, learned to contain and contain your emotions. It is possible that the anger you feel at a variety of situations lately, are muting hurt feelings that you've understood from relating to meaningful people in your personal history, to not talk about. As a way to find out if you feel other emotions in addition to anger, take some time to reflect on what triggered your anger and whether its possible that hurt emotions which nobody whom you know wants to hear, &nbsp;are really the underlying source of your upset. I hope you will enjoy some new discoveries about yourself and your emotions!

About a month ago, I went through my boyfriend's phone and found him messaging his ex-girlfriend that he was dating before me. He gave her a promise ring when they were together, and he still had it hiding in his memory box in our son's room. I found many things on his phone, but that broke my heart the most. He deleted all the messages but two. I can't help thinking they were talking about the old times together or something like that. It really kills me, and I can't stop thinking about it.

Your sense of hurt is very understandable. Do you and your boyfriend have an agreement on looking through each other's phones? I ask because the overall problem sounds like lack of trust and that there may be a difference in what each of you wants and expects from your relationship. Probably if the two of you talk about these topics and you each become clear as to the commitment status of each of you to the other, you'll have more clarity as to what either of you would like from the other. With this new level of clarity, his &nbsp;past relationship involvements will likely be less meaningful . Once you have clear definition of the two of you as a couple, who he was as a past partner to someone else, will matter very little.

I noticed lately that I've been thinking a lot about death. I don't want to die, and I'm not suicidal. I just think about what would happen if I died or if someone I loved died. I imagine how sad everyone I know would be. I know it isn't worth it, and I definitely want to live and have a future. I just think about it. When I'm driving, I sometimes imagine what would happen if I just let go of the wheel and kept going.

I'll respond to your speculation that if you let go of the steering wheel while driving, you'll end up quite seriously hurt, at the very least. &nbsp;&nbsp; It is fine to play in your mind with "what ifs". &nbsp; People who write horror movie scripts most likely have some terrible sounding stories and suppositions. If you trust yourself to actually not follow through with an idea that may kill you, and you recognize the difference between thinking dangerous things and doing dangerous things, then go to the next step of understanding more about your thoughts on death. Since you wonder about being missed if you die, it is possible your thoughts about death are from feeling that you are metaphysically dead to people in your life whom you wish would show more interest in you. Play around with your idea as to why you'd consider how people will feel about you if you're not in their lives. This may offer some insight as to your expectations of current relationships with others.

I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks lately. I was recently diagnosed by my psychiatrist with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Lately, I've been questioning everything from my career to my relationship. My boyfriend and I just moved in a few months ago. All of a sudden, I don't feel as comfortable around him as I used to, although I can't seem to find a reason as to why I feel this way.

Hi New Jersey, You talk about two very big changes in your life that have happened lately; the diagnosis/anxiety, and the moving in together. That's a lot! I love how you recognise that you been 'questioning everything'. I think anxiety's got its toe in the door and it's pushing you around, wanting some power over you. Fear and anxiety try to convince us that we need protection and that it's best to either pull away or fight. But letting anxiety control how you see your relationship isn't the answer here. I think you know that already. You must have moved in with him for a reason, and it's appropriate now to simply trust that, to ask him for some patience, and to focus on learning to manage the anxiety rather than questioning this decision to move in. Fear is getting in the way of you trusting yourself and your decision. You can figure the anxiety piece out while living with your boyfriend. When you're in a bit of a crisis is not the right time to make a major change. I suggest you use a therapist who works with cognitive behavioural therapy to learn to manage the anxiety, and then the relationship will likely seem more clear.

My husband and I have been together for seven years now. I will be honest: I have a problem lying to him about stupid stuff. I recently stupidly lied to my husband about an accident because I was afraid to tell him what happened. Ever since then, he gives me the cold shoulder. He gets so mad and ignores me for days. He's really verbally and emotionally abusive. He tells me all the bad things about me and calls me awful names. Should we call it quits? I'm tired of crying, but we have a toddler together.

Hi Texas, Thanks for your honesty; it helps me know where to go in answering you. What strikes me in your question is that you describe several ways in which your husband is hurtful/abusive/controlling with you, and then you ask "Should we call it quits?". We? I wonder if maybe the first step is for you to start seeing this decision as yours, rather than yours together.&nbsp; <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">The way your husband treats you is not your fault, Texas. Your lies are a natural and normal way of you avoiding situations and encounters that feel unsafe for you. The problem is not your lying. The problem is that you don't feel safe enough to be honest with a person you're supposed to be able to trust.</span> <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There's an analogy that I sometimes use; I don't know if this is scientifically true or simply a useful story, but it's powerful either way, so I will tell it to you.</span> If you take a frog and drop it into a pot of boiling water, the frog will jump out immediately, knowing instinctively that if it stays in the pot, it will die. If you take a frog, however, and put it in a pot of cold water, and slowly, slowly, heat it to boiling, the frog will boil to death because it will fail to recognise the moment when it no longer has the energy to jump out of the pot; by the time it realises it's dying, it has lost its strength.&nbsp; It's called "learned helplessness". When your power or your voice has been taken away for a long time, you get used to that, and you fail to see the options that are available to you.&nbsp; You have a toddler, and you may be under the impression that staying in the marriage is best for the child. In my experience, and what research backs up, is that children first and foremost need a safe environment and parents who are happy. You are likely underestimating the effects on your child of living in a home with woman abuse.&nbsp; This is a complex picture, and if you were my client, I would want to get you to a stronger place emotionally where you're seeing the situation clearly and gathering resources and supports before you make any big decisions, but I do see that there are decisions that are there for you to make that can lead to a happy life for you and your child.&nbsp; I sincerely hope you seek professional help, with either a shelter for abused women or a therapist. I wish you the best.

I'm depressed. I have been for years. I hide it from everyone because I'm scared of the reactions I'll get. Last time I tried telling my parents, it was a huge argument about me being too young to be depressed (I'm a legal adult), calling me ungrateful, and telling me that if I can't handle things now, it's only going to get worse in the future (which is turning out to be true). It's exhausting pretending to be okay, and I don't know how much longer I can try. I'm just really tired, and sadly, I can't afford the help I need on my own.

Hi Georgia, There's a really good lesson here. People tell us things, and we tend to think that's the truth...but it's not! I'll do some translating for you... "You're so ungrateful" means "I need you to be successful and happy in order for me to feel I'm a good parent". "You're too young to be depressed" means "I don't want to deal with your mental health issues right now. I'll pretend it's not happening so I don't have to face my fear and shame". "It's only going to get worse" just means "I don't know how to support you beyond scaring you into wanting to at least fake happiness for my sake". Your parents are being unsupportive, not because you're not suffering, but because this is all they're capable of right now. They are not where you will find the support you need, so keep looking for it in other places. It's out there. If might be an aunt or a friend, or a friend's aunt. It might be a therapist or a bus driver or your family doctor. Keep looking for someone who will hear you. I hope you don't ever give up. :)

I was texting a guy who wasn't my boyfriend, and my boyfriend found out. We work together, so he went to work and told everyone I was cheating on him. I moved out of the house. There have been previous problems, and I feel like I'm usually the issue here. In order for us to move on, he wants me to sign this contract that he wrote out listing things he doesn't want me to do anymore. I'm wondering if this a healthy relationship to save or if I should walk away.

Hi Dallas,&nbsp; While I think it's healthy for both members of a couple to have things that they need from each other and to talk about that, your situation sounds one-sided and rigid. Will you have a list too? There are elements of control here: humiliating you in front of coworkers, saying you have to sign the contract before you can move forward...does he decide when you move in and out? Your passive aggressive communications with the other man and your difficulty in knowing what direction you want also hint that maybe you don't have a voice in this relationship. Do you have a voice? If you are uncomfortable with the contract, are you listening to your own voice? If you can't hear your own voice, maybe it's time to sit down with a therapist and strengthen yourself so you can at least know what you feel and want. No relationship is all good or all bad (wouldn't that make it easy?) Relationships don't come with billboards that tell us what to do. They don't come with crystal balls that tell us what will happen (except that past behaviour is a good predictor). You have everything you need in order to make the best decision for you right now, except clarity, and his control may be what is making things muddy for you. You're too busy blaming yourself to see the situation clearly. A therapist can help you stop blaming yourself and see what your situation is.

I am on my own with my daughter. I am so worried and stressed about her.

Your instinct to help your daughter, is natural. How you proceed depends a lot on whether she recognizes she has a psychological and emotional problem, or if only you see this from observing her. Also, her age matters a lot in what way would be most likely to succeed in addressing the problems you describe. If you and your daughter have different opinions as to whether or not she has problems, and she is above the legal age of when you have authority over her life, then you can only suggest to her that therapy may benefit her. If your daughter is in your legal control, then you can locate a counselor nearby, discuss your situation with that person, and depending on the outcome, you'd be within your parenting right to take your daughter to a counselor. Starting therapy without willingness to do so, is risky. &nbsp;The person may feel resentful enough to not participate. &nbsp; And, sometimes the counselor is skillful enough to find a path to your daughter, or any patient's self-interest and engage them in therapy. Family counseling, regardless of your daughter's age, is another way to bring your concerns to your daughter's attention, in a therapy environment in which a counselor would be able to help distinguish the seriousness of your daughter's psychological problem, from simply a difference in viewpoints between you and your daughter, in how to handle certain situations. Also, if you believe your daughter is a threat to herself, then instead of this slower route, get in touch with the emergency psychological assessment service in your town, for a more immediate response.

I don't know how to have emotions. I never had any from my birth. Being human, I think of myself as a monster. I enjoy pain. I cut myself for my climax during intercourse. I think most of the time, I lie, even when sometimes it would have been easy just to tell the truth. I was in rehabilitation for four year. I have made love with both men and women, but it made no impact in my emotions. The books that I enjoy reading H.P. Lovecraft and Edgar Allen Poe. I go hunting every Saturday. I feel powerful. I don't enjoy the killing of the creature, but the hunt of it and to eat and drink the flesh and blood of the creature.

I'm not sure that you don't feel emotion or that you are frightened of the depth of your emotions.&nbsp; From what you write, the context of your growing up years had people telling you to not feel. &nbsp;Little kids and babies don't remember whether or not they had emotions since birth. &nbsp;This is information someone told you or was part of your family system. Possibly your family was afraid of their emotions or of you knowing yours. Similarly, your comparison of being human means being monster like, is not an obvious connection. &nbsp;Besides, monsters are an idea, they aren't real. &nbsp;They embody what someone considers the worst qualities of themselves or the human species. &nbsp;Again, I wonder whether you've taken on stories you heard growing up about how unacceptable and bad you are. A way to start learning your emotions is to start in simple, basic ways to ask yourself what you are feeling in the situations that you believe emotions would belong. If on the first bright sunny and warm day of the year, you remind yourself to notice what you're feeling in response to this, you'll be taking one step toward awareness of your emotions. If someone buys you a birthday present, be aware of how you feel. &nbsp;Keep adding awareness to situations and see if this builds an ease with feeling emotions.

I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks lately. I was recently diagnosed by my psychiatrist with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Lately, I've been questioning everything from my career to my relationship. My boyfriend and I just moved in a few months ago. All of a sudden, I don't feel as comfortable around him as I used to, although I can't seem to find a reason as to why I feel this way.

How is your boyfriend responding to your discomfort around him? Has he told you that he's noticed changes in you? The good news about a relationship is that you can talk about matters with the other person. &nbsp;Doing so can only help clarify feelings and what either of you expect from the relationship. &nbsp; Given that the two of you recently moved in together, it is natural for new dynamics, feelings and expectations to arise. &nbsp;It just adds to the reasonableness of talking with each other about how living together feels to each of you. Psychiatrists earn their living by diagnosing people and telling them to take pills. &nbsp;Very often, just being told the person has a "condition" makes them feel fragile and less capable than they actually are. Anxiety and panic attacks do mean that there is a great deal of emotion and situation needing to be addressed. It is the normal sign of having to address many or deep matters. &nbsp;&nbsp; Be patient and give yourself time to learn the details of your relationship and whatever the career particulars are that are bothering you. &nbsp; You're apparently self-aware since you're the one describing your own problematic situations. &nbsp; Keep the label of being "disordered", aside. &nbsp;Psychiatry labels do more good for psychiatrists than they do for people who are trying to live their lives.

My mother-in-law is mentally ill. She has been for most of her life. She cuts herself. She has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for about 40 years. She has voices in her head that tell her to cut herself. She has had multiple shock therapy treatments, and she's on enough medication to take down an elephant. Her parental rights for her two children were taken away from her when my husband was a boy—he is now in his late 30s. She doesn't even have custody of herself. She hasn't asked yet, but she has been insinuating that she wants to babysit my child. How do I go about saying no without creating an issue?

Hi Fontana, Thanks for providing all the details needed in order to respond to your question. It seems very clear to me that "no" would be the appropriate response. I like your healthy boundaries, and I'll help you explore possible ways to respond to her.&nbsp; First, she hasn't asked yet, and you don't know that she will. Right now, you can pleasantly ignore her hints. They're not hurting you and if you ignore them, they're more likely to go away. You can address and reduce your own anxiety about the possibility of her asking by reassuring yourself that you have the right as parents to make this decision, and that if she's offended, that doesn't mean that you're being mean; it means that she has unrealistic expectations. So, the first goal is to put it out of your mind as a worry. You might never have to face that moment. But, I understand that you want to be prepared. As her son, perhaps your husband is the best one to answer the question, should it ever come. Is he willing to do this? But if you are comfortable, and if you're the one she asks, you can confidently give her a simple, honest response about why it won't happen. And I would suggest presenting a firmly closed door, rather than saying "but maybe later". No need to apologize or hum and haw... "We love that you want to be around Junior, and we definitely want you in his/her life. (try to leave out the "but" here). You're not in a healthy place, and we're not comfortable with you caring for him/her on your own." If she pushes the issue, this is evidence of her denial or inappropriate boundaries. I'd let her know that it's not negotiable, that you understand if she's disappointed, but you're not open to discussing the issue. Really, there's nothing to discuss. Learning not to take responsibility for her emotions is part of having an ill person in your life. I wish you the best.

I have known her for years. She was dating my brother-in-law when we met. My kids think of her as their aunt. On Halloween 2014, I lost my mom to cancer. My mom and dad were still married when she passed away. My friend was there for me through that and my own cancer diagnosis. She has been a very big part of both me and my kids' life, but now last month, my dad told me that he really likes my friend and wants to marry her. She's like a sister to me. My kids hate the idea.

How are you measuring whether or not your dad understands your wish? Your dad understanding your wish does not mean he will necessarily follow through with what you want. Based on what you describe about your relationship to the woman in question, your discomfort with the idea of your dad marrying your friend, is reasonable. Have the conversation with your dad that includes your viewpoint, and also ask him for his impression of your feelings. Its even possible he already has considered your feelings and hasn't yet told you. It is also possible that a conversation on the subject, as well as your dad following through with his decision to marry your best friend, may develop in a very positive way. Part of the current uneasiness you feel may be from fear of how a change in circumstances and introducing new relationship dynamics might feel. Given that the person who died was your mom, maybe your emotions are not yet ready seeing your dad with a replacement spouse.&nbsp; Try to see the situation from the point of everyone, including yourself, who is involved in this major change. &nbsp;Maybe having a family discussion about acceptance and readiness to accept a new partner for your dad, would open new empathy for all of these family members.

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our intercourse lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have intercourse. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had intercourse, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had intercourse, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We're married and we have a baby on the way.

Congrats on your upcoming baby! Its possible that the pregnancy is diminishing your wife's intercourse drive. From everything you describe about your wife, she sounds to not yet have become comfortable with having a wish for intercourse. The other side of the intercourse equation is you and your relative ease with having intercourse and whether it is for physical release or as an expression of love, some of each. Since you talk with each other honestly then start with a dialogue about what you each would like from intercourse with each other, from perspective of giving and receiving intercourse. &nbsp;Hopefully this will open up some new light on your respective feelings. Really, there is a lot to navigate in a conversation about physical and emotional intimacy. &nbsp; If these are not the types of discussions the two of you are used to having, a couples therapist is a good idea so you both become familiar and learn how to more easily articulate some of your respective deep feelings.

I've recently thought that i could be transgender but I've never had the mind of a girl.

Hello Frostproof, Thinking about becoming transgender and being transgender are slightly different. &nbsp;This is a topic that is best discussed with a therapist that specializes in LGBTQ issues. &nbsp;From what you have written it sounds as if you still have some confusion as to where you fit in with the "labeling system". &nbsp;While labels provide a means to quickly identify and classify, they can also feel restrictive or confining. &nbsp;<span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Instead of focusing on fitting into a specific classification, explore who you are as a person and celebrate your positive qualities and those things that make you uniquely you!</span> &nbsp;There are many options for you to find a <a href="www.counselflorid.com" target="_blank">therapist</a> and <a href="https://grayson.breakthrough.com" target="_blank">e-therapy</a> is also an option. &nbsp;You can try <a href="http://www.breakthrough.com" target="_blank">Breakthrough</a> an online service. &nbsp; Here is some reading for refection that you may find helpful. &nbsp;<span style="color: rgb(41, 47, 51); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: rgb(245, 248, 250);">Yin Yang Woman Man </span><a href="https://t.co/CuzXdv1kgE" rel="nofollow" dir="ltr" data-expanded-url="http://dld.bz/ejVK2" class="twitter-timeline-link" target="_blank" title="http://dld.bz/ejVK2" style="color: rgb(0, 132, 180); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap; background: rgb(245, 248, 250);"><span class="tco-ellipsis"></span><span class="invisible" style="font-size: 0px; line-height: 0;">http://</span><span class="js-display-url">dld.bz/ejVK2</span><span class="invisible" style="font-size: 0px; line-height: 0;"></span><span class="tco-ellipsis"><span class="invisible" style="font-size: 0px; line-height: 0;">&nbsp;</span></span></a><span style="color: rgb(41, 47, 51); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: rgb(245, 248, 250);"> What does it mean to be a woman or a man?</span> <img 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

I'm in my late 50s. I never loved or have been loved. I need deeper help than is offered in my small town, but I cannot leave this town because of agoraphobia. I find myself losing hope more and more. My brain barely works anymore, and my memory so small, I forget in a moment. I serve no purpose. I'm incapable of work or anything of value, and I never have been. I'm a complete waste of time and resources, and yet I keep trying. Why? Why does God insist that I continue to exist? I'm not suicidal, just tired.

Hi Oak Harbor, My heart goes out to you. Sometimes when I'm working with a client who experiences depression or anxiety, I ask them for a glimpse into their worst moments in their minds. "What are the worst thoughts that run through your head?". Often they struggle, perhaps out of shame; maybe they don't want me to know their worst thoughts. But I can help them better if I do know, because then we have a place to work from. You are feeling hopeless and worthless, and your thoughts support these intense emotions.&nbsp; I don't know you, but I strongly believe that you have someone in your life who, if they heard your thoughts, would say "That's not true. I know where her value is." I believe that there are people who would see your value clearly, even if in small things. Can you imagine those voices? You mentioned God, so let's invite God into the conversation. What might God say to you? What evidence might God...who sees all..have of your worth? What hint might God give you about your purpose?&nbsp; You suffer from severe anxiety, and the agoraphobia works together with fear; they're a tag team. Fear tells you perhaps that people will reject you (or something equally bad), and then agoraphobia steps in and traps you and uses as evidence the fact that no one seems to be reaching out to you to convince you that you have no worth. Do you see their plan? Make her scared... keep her here alone...convince her it's hopeless. They both try to convince you that they are your only friends, except they're lying to you. They only want power over you. You forget your worth. You forget that we all have worth. No one is a waste. I believe all God's creatures have worth, and that we're here to use our gifts to improve the world, and to remind each other of our value. There are people out there needing your support as much as you need theirs. Can you find them? My guess is you've been alone and isolated for a very long time and it's impossible for you to see your worth in this situation. We need mirrors to see our worth and other people are our mirrors. We see our value in their eyes.&nbsp; Do you remember the first time you questioned your worth? What was happening that you blamed yourself for? Can you speak to that child and tell her (or him) that whatever's happening isn't her fault? It's that child who cannot see her own worth, probably because someone treated her as though she had none. That's only a story though; not the truth. Can you find another thread of a story? Who might tell a story of your worth? Oak Harbor, I believe that there is help closer than you think. Fear wants you to believe it's hopeless. You reached out here...can you reach out again? Start with just one person, and that will lead you to somewhere. We don't know where that somewhere is but could it be better than sitting alone? You've stopped living. You can choose any moment to start.&nbsp; I wish you peace and hope. :)

I have known her for years. She was dating my brother-in-law when we met. My kids think of her as their aunt. On Halloween 2014, I lost my mom to cancer. My mom and dad were still married when she passed away. My friend was there for me through that and my own cancer diagnosis. She has been a very big part of both me and my kids' life, but now last month, my dad told me that he really likes my friend and wants to marry her. She's like a sister to me. My kids hate the idea.

Hi Lincoln, It can be very difficult for children who have lost a parent to then see their other parent moving forward with anyone, so I understand how this change is even more upsetting to you.&nbsp; And...your father and your friend have clearly established a friendship and fallen in love. Did you see this coming? I hope they didn't hide it from you. If they did, maybe this is the issue? It would be a legitimate one. But in the end, your father, and your friend, are adults who are free to fall in love with whomever they wish and hopefully they can count on the support of people who trust and love them. Could there be blessings here you haven't seen yet? It seems you love this person who is like a sister; could it be a good thing that her place in your life is more permanent? Ask yourself these questions... "What is the worst part of this?" "What do I fear losing?" "What do I fear at all?" "What is the evidence that this will happen?" The answers might surprise you.&nbsp; Your children will follow your lead. If you are supportive of their grandfather, they will follow suit.&nbsp; Hopefully you can grieve the change, know that your mother would likely want both of them to be happy, and embrace the blessings that come with having this woman close to you in a new way. I wish you the best.

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our intercourse lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have intercourse. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had intercourse, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had intercourse, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We're married and we have a baby on the way.

Hi Seattle, While it's normal in many relationships for there to be a difference in intercourse drives, I believe that your wife has a major barrier to having a healthy intercourseual relationship. I'd be curious about what it was like at the beginning for you both, but these things can change. Sometimes people with intercourseual barriers are very active for a period when they're young because they're trying to prove something or overcome a fear.&nbsp; Right now, you can both accept that there is a barrier and it's hers and she can explore that in a safe relationship with a therapist and perhaps a doctor. It's possible she's aintercourseual (not interested in intercourseual activity but very interested in love), or that a trauma has affected her. It's for her to explore. Tell yourself that it's not your fault, stop expecting it to change, and encourage her to seek treatment with someone who specializes in intercourseual issues. Good luck.

My boyfriend of five months expresses how much he cares for me and loves me, and I believe it. It has been one of the best relationships I have been in for a short period of time, but he has lied to me so much. He'll tell me that he'll stop lying, and while he's saying that, he's hiding something or lying about something. First, it was about a girl. He hid text messages and claimed she was a friend and it was a friendly conversation when it was a girl he once found interest in. Next was his ex-girlfriend. He put a fake contact name, and it was just friendly, but he lied to my face. All the time, he claims he never cheated and still expresses his love the same way and that he wants to change and do better.

New York, New York...it's not your boyfriend's lying that concerns me the most; it's the lies you tell yourself. Verbal expressions are easy, but it's walking the walk that's more important in the end. When someone shows you what they're capable of, you can believe them. He's capable of being manipulative and deceitful, and he even lies as he's telling you he'll stop lying.&nbsp; What you're doing is called denial; when you see evidence of something but you choose not to believe the evidence. He might love you with his heart, but love, in the end, is a verb and is based on respectful, loving behaviours.&nbsp; My wish is that you start by believing in what you deserve.&nbsp;

We got into arguments, and we would break if off but start it back up again. We clicked, or so I thought. We are both married with problems in our marriage. We never have intercourse; we just send a lot of pictures back and forth and talk about doing things together. His wife found out, and he lied to her and didn't even refer to it as an affair. I can't stop thinking about him. We just click. I've been married for 16 years, and I've never liked anyone other than my husband. Now I like him, and we'll never be together.

If you will "never be together" and in order to maintain this affair you need to deceive both of your spouses it seems unlikely that maintaining the affair will bring anything but heartbreak for everyone involved. There is obviously something that you are getting from this that you are not getting in your marriage. Maybe this is a cue that there is work to do on your marriage to try to make it more fulfilling and if that is not possible, then maybe you want something else for your life. &nbsp;If you and your husband are willing, I would encourage you to do some therapy or counselling together. &nbsp; You may enjoy this article to learn a little more about some factors that lead to connection or disconnection and that <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/these-simple-interactions-predict-lasting-love-or-separation-and-divorce">predict separation and divorce</a>.

I am broke, but I am sure I have been depressed for the past couple of years. I have always had anxiety. I just need someone to talk to right now. I don't have any friends or family I can talk to. I'm on the verge of just giving up.

Good question. There are resources out there - people to talk to. I'd try going to this link and calling the free 24/7 hotline:<a href="http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/">&nbsp;http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/</a>

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our intercourse lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have intercourse. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had intercourse, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had intercourse, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We're married and we have a baby on the way.

That sounds really challenging for both of you. Differences in intercourseual desire between partners is common and can create real friction and conflict. I would encourage you to do some <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy/couples-therapy-marriage-counselling/">couples counselling</a> or <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/what-is-intercourse-therapy">intercourse therapy</a> as often these issues can be worked through and low intercourseual desire can result from relational fears and misunderstandings or intercourse that isn't as arousing as is possible. There are some good videos on this resource page about <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/videos-additional-therapy-resources/">intercourseuality and intimacy</a> and a video that specifically addresses desire differences in relationships.&nbsp;

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our intercourse lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have intercourse. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had intercourse, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had intercourse, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We're married and we have a baby on the way.

Have you guys ruled out medical disorders. There is new data that post part depression starts in the pregnancy before baby is delivered. There maybe those factors .Please check out those arenas, firstly. &nbsp;Then consider marital therapy services. Relationship changes with the time passing and with the time and care deposits of investment onto the relationship bank account. &nbsp;Thanks for this opportunity to answer some of ya.alls. relationship intimacy concerns.

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our intercourse lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have intercourse. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had intercourse, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had intercourse, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We're married and we have a baby on the way.

I suggest seeking the support of an <a href="https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory">AASECT certified intercourse therapist</a>&nbsp;to help work through much of the issues you address, you simply may need some really qualified support. Also, you might be interested in watching <a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship?language=en">Esther Perel's ted talk on the secret to desire in a long term relationship</a>, and/or&nbsp;you might want to sign up for my own <a href="http://connectfulness.leadpages.co/rps/" target="_blank">8-part-series on Reconnecting Parent Couples</a>

I'm a young adult woman, and I have trouble finding my true identity being at home. This all started when I had a boyfriend about 10 months ago. My boyfriend and I were dating for a couple months and decided to get in to intercourseual acts. At the time, I was pretty religious, but I let this happen. I don't know why. I felt kind of guilty but mostly because I know my parents wouldn't like it. My parents are very religious—they're Christians. We did things every time he'd come over to my house. We didn't have anything to do at our house, so we would get tempted to do things when we'd watch movies by ourselves. One day, my parents found out I did this stuff with him because my dad read my messages. As soon as my dad found this out, he told my mom. They were both aggravated. They told me he was just a boy that wanted to get inside my pants. They said he wanted me for intercourse and he's not a Christian. I took their advice and broke up with him. Once we broke up for about a month, I decided to get back together with him a little after school started. My parents found out eventually, and I decided to not listen this time. I would constantly talk to my boyfriend about what they say about him: how's he's not the right one for me, and God totally forbids him. I would kind of try to break up with him, and then eventually I would just never listen to my parents. They're always yelling at me about how I shouldn't date this boy. I felt too old to listen to them. Now I'm kind of just stuck. Is the real me religious? Have I been brainwashed by him? I don't talk to my parents anymore about him, and my parents think I'm deceiving because of it. They threatened me that if I'm still with him, I can't do track and they won't support me. They've also called me slut, and now they called me basically a devil worshipper. They say my boyfriend is taking me away from my parents. I'm actually very happy with him. They also say I'm living a separate life at home than I am at school. They say they want what's best for me and love me because they adopted me.

What a tough situation you must be in, feeling torn between your parents and someone who is very special to you. I would say the first thing you want to do is&nbsp;(if you haven't already), have a calm reciprocal conversation with your parents, telling them how you feel and letting&nbsp;them know what you need from them. If communication attempts are unsucessful then you will need to make a decision with how you would like to move forward. You, unfortunately, will not be able to change your parent's feelings or opinions but you can agree to disagree on certain matters by keeping them separate from the&nbsp;relationship you have with your parents. It always helps to try and see things from another angle. You might want to, for example, try and understand your parent's perspectives and let them know you understand that they are upset. Validating other's feelings can be very helpful with communicating effectively. Are you living with your parents and do they support you? If so, are you willing to give that up should you decide to not follow&nbsp;their rules? Know that there is nothing wrong with being happy with someone or loving somebody so deeply. Your feelings and actions certainly do not make you brainwashed or a devil worshipper.&nbsp;Not everyone will always approve of the choices&nbsp;we make and sometimes we need to be okay with that. Best of luck to you.

My partner and I have had an amazing relationship and connection for over two years. We're very committed to each other and are planning a very long life together. However, he recently was very open and honest that he isn't interested in having intercourse with me anymore. He says this has happened in every past relationships and has ended it as a result. He knows it's because it's the "same person" feeling, but how can he get over this?

I wonder how long "anymore" will be for your boyfriend. Since you both are planning a long life together, instead of his custom of ending relationships when he feels bored with the intercourse, he will be facing the situation of being in a relationship and not having intercourse with his partner to whom he is committed. <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">What are your own views on the meaning of intercourse in a relationship?</span> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Knowing this will help you be better able to collaborate with your boyfriend on finding ways of balancing what you each would like.</span>

Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me.

Hi Ohio, I totally get how it can be more difficult to forgive ourselves than to forgive others. My guess is that you tend to come down too hard on yourself a lot. That's a huge barrier to happiness that you can work to reduce. I'll get you started. You feel shame in a debilitating way that is probably way out of proportion to the incident. Is it triggering some old shame?&nbsp;Unfortunately, a lot of adults use shame as a motivator for kids. It doesn't work. When&nbsp;was the first time you remember feeling a lot of shame, as in "I'm bad", or&nbsp;"I'm worthless"? Is there a younger version of you who is still feeling shame over something that wasn't your fault? Sometimes shame shadows are connected to an absent or hurtful parent, intercourseual abuse or some family loss or trauma.&nbsp; If so, picture yourself at that age. Can you tell your child self that whatever horrible thing happened to them isn't their fault? Can you have compassion for that child who first felt shame or had shame heaped on them?&nbsp;<span style="line-height: 1.42857;">That's your first goal...to go to the source of the shame and heal that child's wound with compassion. What happens to children is never their fault (and fault is a pretty useless concept anyway).</span> <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Once you take the layers of old "I'm bad" shame off, the load is lighter and you can use self talk to further reduce the shame. Here are some things you can say to yourself...every day...</span> <ul><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I'm human and that's okay. I don't have to be perfect.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I can have compassion for my mistakes.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I can feel proud that I'm facing my mistake and making things right.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I deserve forgiveness and compassion, and I have that for other people too.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There's no purpose to holding on to shame.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I can learn from my mistakes and move forward.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Everyone makes mistakes.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Other people don't want me to carry this shame around.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I don't need shame to remind me not to do it again. I've figured that out.</span></li></ul> Shame tries to convince you that you need to carry "it" around in order to prevent further mistakes. Poppycock. &nbsp;You've learned your lesson, now you can move forward to other mistakes. Sorry...but you're human and you'll keeping making... hopefully different, glorious mistakes. Embrace the learning. Lean into the experiences of life. It's all juicy stuff, and you're in good company; we're all in the same position of being mortal.

How can I know if I'm just being paranoid?

Hi Texas, Oh, that's a powerful idea, isn't it? It burrows into your head. Let's figure this out. First, has your partner given you any concrete reason not to trust them? Have they cheated before? If not, then they deserve the benefit of the doubt until there is evidence. If it's a "yes", then it's natural that these fears would be triggered and you can simply let your partner know what triggers the fear and what you need. "When you refuse to let me see your phone I worry that you're hiding something. I need openness". If they haven't cheated on you in the past, there are three possible scenarios here. I invite you to take a moment and write down what the evidence is that cheating is going on. What is the specific thing that's triggering your fears? When you have your data recorded, read on... The first scenario is that you have been personally hurt in the past by someone else and you've developed fears that you will be hurt again or that you're not enough to keep someone interested (this is just fear...people cheat for their own reasons, not because we're not interesting). This may be true if what you wrote down is "They didn't really do anything wrong...there is no evidence. I'm just scared and suspicious". That's a cue to do some self reflection and calm yourself with thoughts like "nothing has really happened. I can trust." If what you wrote down was vague evidence, like for example your partner has been distant or irritable, or you're having less intercourse than usual, you can try to approach the situation without making assumptions. Trust your gut, but your gut isn't seeing evidence of cheating...it's evidence of "something". Ask your partner what's up with accusations or assumptions. The third possibility is that there is some clear evidence that they are cheating. Maybe there are texts on a phone, or someone has told you something they saw. I'd say when there is some evidence, it's okay to present this to your partner and ask what's going on. If this happens repeatedly, and your gut is screaming and there are only excuses or explanations that don't make sense, then it's okay to do a bit of "research" and be extra aware of what's going on around you.&nbsp; I hope that helps.&nbsp;

I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him after all the sacrifices I made for them the past 15 years as a single mom. I don't deny them a relationship with their dad, but to be called crazy and then watch them hang out with him hurts me to the very core. I'm not sure how to handle this.

It sounds really difficult to know that your daughter may be "choosing" her dad over you, perhaps I can help by saying her intense emotional reactions towards you actually acknowledge how much safer and connected she feels towards you. We tend to have big emotions around those we care for most. I would suggest to let her know how hard it is to hear that, and sad it make you feel at times, and that this is hard for everyone. Expressing your feelings to here, will allow her to express hers too.&nbsp;

I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others.

This relationship with your step dad sounds very challenging. It is hard to to be told over and over again how not good enough we are. Let me offer you this, frequently when we say harsh, mean, nasty things to others, we are simply projecting our own thoughts about ourself. I am not advocating that this is ok, it seems like your stepdad could also use some support. You get to make your own empowered choice around this, this is your life and if you find yourself in a situation that does not suit you make a change.&nbsp;

I've been struggling with it for a test and I'm starting to believe it's something mental. What could it be?

Hello in Jacksonville,&nbsp; <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">It sounds like you are struggling with motivation to either take or study for a test. &nbsp;There could be several different causes. &nbsp;If you were being seen at my </span><a href="http://www.counselflorida.com/Services.html" target="_blank" style="line-height: 1.42857; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">practice</a><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">, I would ask you to describe your self-talk when engaging in these activities, during the different phases ie. in beginning, after a few days, and after few weeks. &nbsp;Negative self-talk leads to increased disinterest and eventually tasks not being completed. &nbsp;It is great that you recognize that you have the tendency to not complete tasks that you start. &nbsp;Some questions that would be great to explore with a therapist are:</span> <ul><li>&nbsp;how often you start and stop tasks without completing them?</li><li>how you are feeling when you choose to start/ stop a project/task?</li><li>how many tasks do you complete? &nbsp;Sometimes we need to recognize list our accomplishments so that they do not go unnoticed. &nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>Do you ever feel like you are working against yourself?</li></ul> A licensed <a href="http://www.counselflorida.com">counselor in Jacksonville</a> will be able to asses you and rule out or diagnose self-sabotaging, depression, anxiety or other possible contributing factors. &nbsp; <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Remember to continue to provide yourself daily motivation and encouragement towards your goals.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>

I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others.

Anyone who wants to change their life path, eventually will be successful in this. &nbsp; How to stop abusing alcohol involves a few steps, most of them time consuming, with slow progress and very often with tremendous emotional pain. The basic path is to figure out what motivates you to drink too much and be addicted to weed. &nbsp;Almost always, addictions are rooted in the person having suffered feeling deeply ignored, humiliated, shamed, invisible, nothing very pleasant, since a very young age, usually starting around 18 months. Most often addicts are sensitive people who have been emotionally overburdened by the grownups in their family. With no outlet for emotional expression or nurturing, the frustration goes inward until the emotional pain feels very big and without an outlet. So, people mask and numb by substances, whether this is food, chocolate, work, alcohol, weed. Therapy that is humanistic based, is a better fit than one which is drug oriented and diagnosis oriented. If you'd like getting serious about knowing who you are, including any unfair treatment of you during your growing up years, you can do this. Once you have a stronger self-respect and awareness, you would naturally avoid substances because they harm people. &nbsp;Harming oneself is the opposite of self-respect. Also, about your diagnosis, it may not be true at all. &nbsp;the US healthcare system loves selling drugs to people and clinicians in agencies and clinics are encouraged to find something wrong with people in order to find a new customer who will take drugs. See if you can find a therapist who is independent minded, and therefore free to interact therapeutically with you as a human being, not as a potential customer if they are able to label you as having something "wrong". This simply continues the long line of being shamed by others that created the addiction problem in the first place. Good luck!

My boyfriend is seeking therapy. He is in his 40s and has some childhood issues. He has kids from his previous ex-wife and is unable to see them.

Probably the more important questions to answer concern how much confidence you have in you and your boyfriend becoming parents, how you each feel about the influence of his being banned from seeing his current children, and be clear about the circumstances that led up to the decision of him not being permitted to see his kids. Don't allow some random professional to pronounce your boyfriend as cured. &nbsp;A relatively qualified therapist would never make this call. Psychological and emotional tensions emerge from our relationships within families. &nbsp;You and your boyfriend are in a position to set a strong foundation for having children, assuming each of you wants children. Childhood issues, your boyfriend's, anyone's, are more likely to go away when new patterns of interacting emerge. If the two of you are engaged in setting a secure relationship as future parents, the disappointments and hurt from the very early years, will be replaced by better ways of interacting.

I have severe anxiety and have tried everything. Everything makes it worst.The only thing that helps is my emotional support animal.

Sorry to read of your suffering. Is it actually permitted that people are able to take support animals to school? I see your point of the animal helping you. &nbsp;I just also see the point that some people have allergies to animal hair or dander, or may feel distracted by an animal in the classroom. You may end up feeling worse, if when you bring your support animal to school, that it disturbs people or interferes with the routines of the class. For your anxiety, I suggest some loving kindness toward yourself. &nbsp;Be patient with yourself and that you have anxiety. &nbsp;If you're able to accept that some situations create great discomfort for you, maybe you'll tolerate these difficult situation. Embrace your anxiety as part of you, basically, rather than trying to banish it, which because it actually is part of you, is impossible to achieve. In a way, I'm suggesting you become your own "support animal". &nbsp;Love yourself, be kind to yourself, and see if you feel a little less stressed in school.

My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year's resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board—no more drinking every night. The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep—it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard.

Hi Los Angeles, So your husband is giving you mixed messages. He says he's willing to cut back on the drinking, but he drinks and hides it. His behaviour is passive aggressive and immature, which puts you into this position of having to act like a disapproving parent. It sounds more like you're talking about an out-of-control teenager than your partner.&nbsp; Your husband's lying is sending a message. "I get to make my own decisions and you can't stop me" might be it. Underneath that, maybe it's "I want to stop but I'm ashamed that I can't and I don't want you to see my failures". Ultimately, as an adult, he gets to decide what he puts in his mouth and if you try to manage that by monitoring how many beers he has, you are pretty certain to get some fallout... pushback...backlash... &nbsp; How does his drinking affect you? That's where your voice has power, rather than in counting his beers or setting him up to lie (when he's passed out, asking if he's been drinking seems confusing). You've mentioned snoring, which I guess is a legitimate complaint. If he's passing out, that's a legitimate complaint. When he drinks does he drive, act aggressively, or 'check out of' the relationship (avoid you)? All of these things are legitimate concerns, and I'd stick to talking about those rather than counting beers. My guess is he has few other ways to cope with stress, so he checks out with alcohol, and it also helps him avoid your relationship. But the problem is it makes it worse; the more he avoids you, then more you chase him with your questions. There's a conversation that would be helpful here. &nbsp;It sounds like "I've tried to support you in your drinking less, and it's not working. What are your goals for alcohol and how can I support you in that more effectively?" I'd like to see you in a place where you're not micromanaging his drinking, but focusing on the things that affect you. What concrete supportive methods can you use with his agreement? Can we get the alcohol out of the house? Is he willing to seek treatment?&nbsp; Lay your expectations out really clearly. "I won't count your beers, but I can't tolerate lying". You have to decide what's more important; is it really the number of beers, or is it something else. What do you need to happen in order to want to remain in the marriage? What does he need? Does he let you know what isn't okay with him? He might have trouble saying these things.&nbsp; The drinking is only a part of the complex dynamic in your marriage. A qualified therapist can assist in pulling this apart, understanding it, and changing the way you relate to each other.&nbsp;

I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him after all the sacrifices I made for them the past 15 years as a single mom. I don't deny them a relationship with their dad, but to be called crazy and then watch them hang out with him hurts me to the very core. I'm not sure how to handle this.

Hi Arkansas,&nbsp; Your situation sounds like a case of parental alienation. Your ex-partner unfortunately has the power to say things to your children that poison their relationship with you. It's a form of woman abuse and child abuse. He's likely doing this to hurt you and have power over you, and he's not considering how it's affecting the kids. I've seen this happen in many families; parents who once had a strong loving relationship with their children suddenly feel abandoned in favor of the other parent. In some cases, children actually stop having contact with one parent, who is left bewildered and powerless. It's your ex's job to support your relationship with your kids, not try to destroy it.&nbsp; While you can't change his behaviours, and I think you know that, there are things you can do for yourself and your kids.&nbsp; For your children, you can refuse to enter into the war he's setting up. He's trying to provoke you into acting "crazy", but you don't have to fall for this. If you run around screaming "he's lying!", it only makes you look more 'crazy'. Try to stay calm, and don't put their dad down to them, no matter how tempting it is. One day, they may be ready to hear the truth of your relationship with their father, but wait until they ask. Trust that they have their own experience of their dad, and trust that he doesn't have the power to destroy their love for you. Children, in the long term, lose respect for parents who denigrate the other parent. They see who their dad is already, I'd bet, but they don't know how to cope with that. If he's the only one fighting a war, you're helping them feel less trapped in a parental conflict. Don't engage on his level.&nbsp; Don't blame your children completely. Although I have to say that for them to call you names like crazy is not acceptable and you don't need to tolerate that disrespect, try to deal with this behaviour without bringing their dad into it. They are acting out their father's agenda, likely because they instinctively see his weakness. Children often support the weaker parent, rather than abandon them. You get the worst because they trust your love. But you can still have boundaries. Letting them abuse you isn't the answer, but have compassion for their position. This picture isn't their fault, but as adults, they can be held accountable for their choices. Reassure yourself that you are the mom you know you are. You don't need them to gush all over you in order to know that you made sacrifices. Hold onto the likelihood that some day, they will come back and be grateful. It may take a while, you can't rush it, but they will see you for who you are. Your power is in giving them a consistently calm, generous, connected, supportive mom who refuses to play games or be walked on.&nbsp; I'd recommend trying to connect with other parents who experience this phenomenon, or a therapist who can reinforce these goals and help keep you grounded. Good luck!

I'm in my late 20s, and I've never had a boyfriend or even been on a date. I have no friends. I hate Facebook because everyone else has kids and a great husband and great paying jobs. I work in retail, and I can't find a job. I have an Associate degree. No one is not giving me a chance, and I'm getting upset and frustrated. I feel worthless and feel like everyone hates me. I feel like a failure, and I still live with my Dad. It's very embarrassing!

In case knowing this helps you, there are many more people in similar circumstance as you than you may realize. Similar to you, they are not on FB for the reasons you list. &nbsp;Plus, no one wants to go on FB and tell the world they don't have a fantastic life. &nbsp;Everyone on FB is happy, even when they're miserable they're happy telling everyone about it. First, yes it is painful to see all around you what appears as joyful living. &nbsp;Please keep in mind that the life you imagine these people have, is not necessarily the true life they are having. &nbsp;I've been a therapist for a long time and have seen repeatedly how people who are married with kids by age 30, start having problems by their mid-thirties. Second, respect your unique identity. &nbsp;For whatever reason, you have more sensitivity, possibly more depth, more complex standards and expectations, of yourself and others. As hard as it may sound or actually be, take time to hear your intuition and what it tells you, you need for your own growth and development. Feeling embarrassed can also be turned into a positive. &nbsp;Consider it as motivation for the long term to develop new ways of reaching your goals. I hope this helps!

I've been having this ongoing problem for most of my life now. I am a young adult, and right now, driving and even being a passenger gives me terrible panic attacks and anxiety. I can't ride in the backseat or the front seat with the safety belt on. I have to lean the seat back a bit because the pressure on my back terrifies me. I miss so many opportunities to go places with friends and family because of my fears of having a panic attack. My family offers little to no support. They think it's fake or "all in my head." It makes me feel guilty and at times depressed to the point where I'd rather never wake up anymore. I am not self-harming, I just feel meaningless. This constant fear has taken over my thoughts and my life. I was such a happy person. I want my life back. I want to travel with my friends and family again, but I don't know how. I've almost given up hope on getting better and just accepting the fact that I'll live with this anxiety forever.

Not having support from your family for such a significant problem, is a problem itself. How about your friends, are any of them nurturing or treat you kindly when you bring up that you've got this problem? Are any of your friends willing to accommodate the fact that right now you've got panic attacks from driving and being a passenger? Maybe being and feeling accepted while you're in this current phase of your life, would help diminish the panic attacks. If no support is coming to you, then a next step would be to evaluate the relationships in your life and to develop standards and expectations of others, especially that they are considerate of your great need at this time. Its possible you are bearing the emotional burden of a lot more people in your life than yourself. If no one wants to show they care about this situation, then release yourself from trying to please and satisfy everyone's wish that you be better, while they ignore your need for their support. Be realistic in what you're able to give back to people who want to be blind to your emotional need. Thinking this way will at first raise your anxiety level from fear of losing everyone. &nbsp;Eventually, you'll stabilize within yourself and know that all you're asking for is some support for having a tough time.&nbsp; Hopefully, the others will be more responsive to you. If they don't you still know that you're being reasonable for what you'd like.

My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year's resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board—no more drinking every night. The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep—it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard.

As exasperated as you feel, and as obvious it is to you that your husband cares more about drinking than being honest with you, changing this is up to him. Does he care that you're upset with him for drinking more than he can handle? Does he care about you more than drinking? Living with an alcoholic, which is how his behavior sounds, is lonely and frustrating. Concentrate on what you like about him as he is now with his drinking. Your happiness matters. &nbsp;His ignoring of what you're talking about, doesn't mean your requests are unreasonable. <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Be prepared to learn to live with and accept how he behaves, or not.</span> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Avoid the expectation that you can convince him to change.</span> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">People change only when they realize their life can improve by changing. &nbsp;He doesn't sound like this, at least now.</span>

My suppose-to-be father told me to go find my real dad. We haven't been getting along since I was a teenager. If I said one thing that he thought was wrong, I always got degraded. He never said “I love you.” He never gave us hugs. He's always called me horrible names. I feel he's an evil man with no feelings.

Hi Louisiana, You got it right...he's "supposed to be" your father. It's tough enough being adopted (unless I'm reading it wrong, I think you're adopted); what you don't need is to be verbally abused by someone who's supposed to love and protect you. I don't know how old you are (past teen years though), or where your mom is, but I bet there are other people in your life who treat you differently. It's your right to spend your time with the people who love you properly. That's a really important part of learning how to be happy...carefully choosing who's going to be in your life. It's tricky to put emotional distance between you and your supposed-to-be father, but it's possible...physical distance (avoid him if you don't trust you'll be treated with respect), and emotional distance (feeling less connected to and affected by his relationship disability). I think you're already doing that part because you don't blame yourself for his words, which is wonderful. I don't know if he's evil (although I believe evil exists), but he may be incapable of loving properly, or lacking empathy, as you suggest.&nbsp; A good therapist can support you in these goals. I wish you the best in your growth as an independent adult. :)

I keep being mean to my best friend, and I don't know why all the time. I did come to maybe some kind of conclusion that it is because my mother is mean to me all the time. Could that be a cause?

Hi Morristown, There's a saying that goes "hurt people hurt people". It's possible that your aggression towards your friends is connected to your mother's behaviours. When we are treated poorly, especially as children, it affects how we ourselves, others, and the world. It's also powerful modelling of aggressive behaviour.&nbsp; The good news is that you have this lovely awareness and I think a desire to learn about yourself and grow in your ability to be respectful to people you care about. I recommend you consider sitting down with a therapist and exploring these ideas and moving forward on that path you seem to want to be on. Good luck!

I've got so much anger. I don't know how to control myself. My girlfriend screams at me all the time, and sometime I don't know how to deal with life. I'm very depressed and angry. I feel lost.

Hi Campbell River,&nbsp; <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">You say you have anger but you don't mention how it shows. Or maybe it doesn't. Are you aggressive with your girlfriend? Since you mention depression, I wonder if you're bottling it all up somewhere instead of letting it show at all. If this is the case, I admire your ability to not lash out at someone who's hurting you. However, if they are totally &nbsp;unexpressed, a</span>nger <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">turn inward and shift into depression. When she&nbsp;yells at you, what do you do? Is this the moment that you feel the most angry? I wouldn't be surprised; anger is a normal response to someone yelling at you.&nbsp;</span> <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Something about anger...it's often there to cover up our more vulnerable emotions. Under the anger I wonder if you feel worthless, powerless, scared, unloved. Part of the trick to reducing anger is identifying those other emotions and expressing them.&nbsp;</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">You say you don't know how to deal with life, and I think maybe you mean you don't know how to deal with emotions. Lots of people don't! This is confusing for most of us. What am I feeling? Why is it so strong? I'm afraid to express it for fear of hurting someone (or falling apart, or feeling alone...). How do I know what to express and what to be quiet about?&nbsp;</span> These are all great questions to ask yourself, and a qualified therapist can help you sort it all out and support you in your growth. I wish you well!

I've been getting told lately by my partner that it's embarrassing that I'm so antisocial around his family and friends. I believe it's because I'm not as social as him.

Hi Buffalo, I think you're right; your partner's reactions are about him. I have to say it's a cruel thing to say to someone you love...that you're "embarrassed by them". The subtext says "You're not good enough", and I love that you can reject that false message. You don't have to be different for anyone. If he can't accept you for who you are, what is he doing with you? Your social habits (unless they are extreme...like you refuse to go anywhere) aren't a reflection on him; it's just you being you. Also, and I'm sure you've found this...the more he judges you, the more difficult it is for you to be the confident, outgoing person he wants you to be...so his method of trying to change you doesn't even work! I think that's the crux...he's trying to change you. What does that make you want to do?&nbsp;

I met a guy a while ago, and I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I love him, but I don't think I know him. What if he is not who I think he is? I cry sometimes thinking someone is going to be with him or that he has a girlfriend. I don't know, am I too obsessive? Every time we talk though, it's like magic. He makes me feel amazing, but what if I'm mistaken?

Keller, it sounds like you're living this relationship in your mind, instead of in the real world. You can get answers to your questions by talking to him...getting to know him will answer all the curiosities you have. You're asking the questions in your head instead of being in the friendship.&nbsp; So what is it that gets in the way of actually asking the questions and getting to know him? Fear of rejection? Fear of something else? If you have fear that keeps you from having fulfilling friendships, I recommend a therapist to help you work through that. I wish you well. :)

A girl and I were madly in love. We dated for over a year and were even talking about marriage and future plans together. She moved away for school, and we attempted a long distance relationship. We eventually broke up. It's been a year now, and I still haven't lost my feelings for her. I still love her the same way I did. I've suffered from depression ever since the breakup and have been unable to connect with anyone else. It's damaging me and my life.

Hi Boise, I'm sorry that you've lost this love. The fact that you were planning marriage and a future tells me that you meant something very special to each other at that time. It's different now...you're not together anymore, but you can't accept this, right? Good for you for identifying that this situation is damaging your life. You've been grieving for longer than you were together. Oh, but really you've not been grieving...you're stuck still loving her instead of moving forward. Unrequited love is a recipe for eternal heartache. Let's look at some possible blocks to moving forward. It could be that there's something unfinished for you. Maybe you felt hurt and you didn't have the chance to say so, or you felt you hurt her and you didn't have the chance to make it right. Maybe there's a burning question you need to ask or something else you need to say. Maybe you want to tell her you've never stopped loving her, and see if she feels the same way. If this is the case, you have two choices, right? You can reach out and say what you need to say, or you can stop ruminating on that question and let it go. If you reach out, there's no guarantee it will go well or that she'll even respond. Maybe write her a letter and don't send it (or send it...it might be worth the risk). Use the next paragraph to help you decide.&nbsp; Do you know how she feels? How did it end? Did she end it? Was it ended just because of the distance, or are there more differences between you that didn't work? Sometimes people are so in love that they can't clearly see that the other person isn't in love with them anymore. Use the information you have about what she wants for her life...can you honour what she says she needs? If she's asked for distance, you would do well to honour that. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">A key to moving forward: look at your thoughts and where they're getting stuck. Write it down. What bad thing can happen if you let it go? Or "If I move forward, that will mean..." &nbsp;Keep going...what would be the worst part of that? &nbsp;This kind of exploring can help you identify your stuck place.</span> It is possible that you've turned this ending into some kind of negative meaning about you or your future. As in "If this person doesn't love me, then I'm unlovable", or "No one will ever love me as much as she did". So your need to cling to her in your heart is your way of rejecting that negative message about yourself or the future. Can you find another way to reject that message? Try saying these things to yourself: <ul><li>I know she loved me. There is evidence of that.</li><li>I was a good partner. There is evidence of that.</li><li>It's part of life to fall in love and then have to move forward...I can do this and learn from it.</li><li>Many people like me...that's how I know I'm lovable.</li><li>It's normal to feel sad. I'm grieving a lost love.</li><li>I want to move forward and not stare in the rearview mirror.</li><li>I know more love awaits me if I can get fear out of the way.</li><li>If this person loved me, others can too, (but not if I'm clinging to some old memory)</li></ul> These are the kinds of things a therapist would explore with you. I wish you well!

I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present.

Hi Chapel Hill,&nbsp; I like your goal; research is telling us more and more that one of the most important keys to happiness is having healthy relationships. If we feel successful in that area, it can give us the confidence and hope to tackle anything life throws at us. There are personal barriers we all have to having healthy relationships; it's our "stuff", our "baggage" (not a steam trunk, right...you have a cute little Gucci bag!).&nbsp; You hint that people may have hurt you in the past. Maybe fear says "stay away...hold onto resentment or you will be hurt again!". Resentment, or simply focusing on the past is certainly a barrier to improving any relationship. Learning to forgive ourselves and others is so important. And remember...forgiveness isn't about saying something was okay; it only means "It happened, I can't change that, and I don't want to carry it (anger, hurt, resentment) around anymore, so I let it go." <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span>Or...sometimes fear tells us that people won't accept us; this keeps us isolated for sure! But really, all fear wants is power over us.&nbsp;Fear is a trickster! It tells us that if we let go of the past, we will be rejected or hurt. It says "I'm trying to protect you!", but what it REALLY&nbsp;wants is to paralyze and isolate us all so it can feel powerful. Once you pull the&nbsp;sheeps clothing off of fear, you can see that it doesn't help you at all! Once you see where your personal barriers are, and you start to refute those thoughts in your mind, you can begin to build new ideas about yourself and other people that are based on compassion instead of fear...&nbsp; <ul><li>Everyone deserves forgiveness and compassion.</li><li>No one deserves to be judged by their worst moments.</li><li>If I look in the rearview mirror, I can't move forward.</li><li>We are all beautifully imperfect.</li><li>I can't change the past, but I have the power to make the future good.</li></ul> I wish you the best on your journey!

My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

Hi Rockford, While no relationship is "perfect", and it's natural for the passionate beginnings of a relationship to lessen with time, because we have established the trust and love needed as a foundation and we don't have to smother each other with attention anymore, your situation sounds like something different.&nbsp; "He has no time for me"... yet you don't fight. Hmmm...Is it that you don't fight because you don't bring up what's bothering you? Are you avoiding conflict? Many people do. What do you fear would happen if you let him know how you feel about his recent pulling away? As an engaged couple, now is a really good time to see what happens when you bring a concern to your fiance. Better to find out now what happens when you rock the boat by being real. Or maybe you have spoken to him about it. If so, what happens? Does he listen and help you understand him better? Or does he avoid and reassure you...or maybe dismiss you? This is really important data to gather about how your fiance handles conflict and how you work together.&nbsp; He says "leave me alone". That's a pretty bold statement about what he wants. He doesn't seem to have the same idea that you do about what marriage is, and how close you want to be. Plus, I have to say, those words sound more like what a closed-off fourteen year old would say to a parent than a loving fiance to his bride to be!&nbsp; Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it could be that your fiance is scared about getting married and this is a temporary reaction that will change. But if this is true, he needs to tell you that so you can understand.&nbsp; So, I suggest that the fact that when you're together you're "okay" is perhaps not the best barometer for how you're doing as a couple. Listen to your gut. I encourage you to be really open with your fiance about what your feelings and fears are. This may get rockier before it gets better, but until you face what's not working, you won't know who you truly are as a couple. &nbsp; When you're engaged, it's a really cool time to see a therapist too...to get some conflict resolution skills down before you're a married couple.&nbsp;

They don't go away, and I feel like I'm going crazy. Does that ever stop? Can it be a symptom of medication?

This can certainly be a side effect of some medications. If the voices are so powerful that you can not sleep or they are constantly present, you shouldn't wait any time, but go and see your doctor straight away.

I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present.

Remember, the past no longer exists and the future is just an illusion as we don't know what will happen tomorrow, so take the present as your guide. That is all we can do, so keep saying this to yourself and try to help someone each day.&nbsp; The happiness is helping others to feel a bit better.

I'm in love with my friend who is also a girl. I fell in love with her in a few months. That was my first love. We used to talk for the whole day and night over the phone and on Facebook. I thought she had the same feelings for me, but I was wrong. I always wanted to touch her warmly and stay with her all my life. But all my dreams get broken apart after she got into a relationship with a guy. I've tried to be in relationship with guys, but I can't be in love with them.

It all depends how old you are and what a particular situation is.&nbsp; You may be feeling very close to this friend and mistake that feeling for intercourseual feeling, or the feelings may be real. This is something you will find out for yourself, however, it definitely doesn't mean that you are a lesbian just because you have those feelings for this particular person. Time will tell, but if you need to discuss this, you could see your school councelor (if you are at school/university) or find a LGBT group with meetings and discuss this with them. I hope this is helpful.

They don't go away, and I feel like I'm going crazy. Does that ever stop? Can it be a symptom of medication?

Since you realize that hearing voices in your head is not usual for you, then definitely there is a problematic situation happening within your awareness of who you are. if you recently started taking a new drug or increased dosage of one you already were taking, and the voices started shortly after, then yes, it is possible medication created your problem. Start by telling whoever gave you the presecription, about the problem you're having. "Crazy" has some flexibility as to whether someone is this way or not. Certainly a very positive sign that you're not crazy, is that you're self-aware of a problem within yourself. And, you're responsible toward yourself and making effort to address this problem. Crazy people usually don't do responsible behaviors.&nbsp;

I need answers to my anger, possessiveness, and urges. I am angry all the time. I push people away so much that I actually blow up on people now because they ask me how my day is or was. I have a possessiveness to someone who is not even mine. I have these urges to hurt someone really bad. I want to see them beg for me to stop hurting. I want to hear their agonizing pained-filled voices. What is wrong with me?

What result are you hoping to get from the behaviors you describe? Maybe start by comparing the results you see yourself receiving from your current interactions, with how you would wish to feel from relating to others. Since you ask, "what is wrong with me?", there is a disconnect between what you are doing and what you'd like in return. This is true even with imagining doing harm to others. What are you really trying to accomplish for yourself by hurting others? Besides the unethicalness and criminality of this and legal consequences of arrest for such behaviors, what gain which is not evil, do you expect from overpowering and imagining you control another human being?

I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present.

Would you describe yourself as sensitive to your surroundings and emotions? If yes, this may explain why letting go of past problems, is itself a problem. The dynamic of living one day at a time and letting go of past problems, is more imaginary and wishful than real. It is a popular notion of TV, FB, and media. Doing the letting go, has nothing to do with what is actually possible to do. Problems are not "let go", they are resolved somehow. Living one day at a time isn't possible for anyone who has consciousness. &nbsp;No one can really disconnect from reality every day on which they wake up. Instead of trying to do the impossible which is promoted online and in media, allow yourself time to recognize what went into creating a problem in your life, in the first place. &nbsp; Understanding problems leads to peacefulness and resolution. &nbsp;Then you will have more freedom to make new relationships. Also, be patient with this process and yourself. If you have deep attachment to painful situations in your life, then possibly now is your time for understanding what went wrong. This is a process which cannot be rushed if it is to be done well. If it is done thoroughly, then you very naturally will bring new relationships into your life. And life will no longer feel so painful that you can only manage "one day at a time" without hurting. &nbsp;You won't need to forget what happened yesterday.&nbsp;

My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

Your situation sounds a little painful. Have you brought up any of these topics for discussion with your fiancé? Now is a good time for finding out if and how your future husband is interested and addresses the way you are feeling. Until the two of you open up what bothers you, all you or anyone who talks to you about the situation, can do is take guesses as to what is driving your finance's behaviors. Also, in the moment of when your fiancé texts you words you find surprising or startling, you can tell him this. &nbsp; Maybe by being clear and truthful about how what he writes affects you, then next time he will change what he tells you. And if he doesn't, then you know that you explained yourself, he had this information about you and that , he isn't that willing to consider what you told him.&nbsp; Really, the best first step is to open up all the topics you wrote about here, with him. &nbsp;This way you'll give each of you to discuss how to care about one another in a meaningful way.

My husband and I are in a terrible place. Part of me wants to fix it, but then I'm caught up with not knowing how and not being able to communicate my feelings to him because he always feels I'm blaming him. Sometimes I am because the feelings of distrust are so strong. I feel they must be coming from something he's doing, but sometimes I know I'm being irrational. Still, that doesn't stop the anxiety. The other half of the time, I just want to walk away, but I feel like that will only be a temporary fix.

You may be pressuring yourself to be the one person who fixes the relationship. &nbsp; This is impossible because the relationship belongs to both of you. Has he told you whether he feels about himself that how he interacts with you, is contributing to problems in the couple? Is he willing to understand what you're asking of him, without shutting down with whatever he is feeling when he feels blamed? Your feelings of distrust are the natural outcome of not being properly heard and understood. &nbsp;He's not willing to listen to you, so of course you're frustrated and this frustration comes out in all sorts of uneasy feelings. Willingness to hear each other in a non-defensive way, sometimes requires a couples therapist's assistance. Ask your husband if he's willing to understand, not judge you. &nbsp;Be willing yourself to do the same. If after trying and getting nowhere, you'll know when to stop trying on your own as a couple and to find a specifically trained couples therapists. Warning, not all therapists are trained to do couples therapy. &nbsp;Ask the therapist if they've had specialized training in couples therapy. Otherwise, having a referee type therapy session of, "what do you think", "what do you think?", isn't going to do anything except frustrate both of you further. Good luck!

My boyfriend of five years told me he cheated on me during our relationship after we broke up. We've since gotten back together and are trying to make it work. I don't know how to trust him now, but I really want to make it work, and it seems like he does too. But my trust issues are getting in the way and causing problems.

Hi Michigan, This is a common issue. How do you trust after you know someone is capable of hurting you? I totally get that it's hard, and I believe it's worth it if you truly love and want to be with someone. You can be stronger in the scarred places.&nbsp; I would suggest that you each have a separate job to do to rebuild this trust. It is definitely possible to rebuild it, because anything is possible if both people want it enough. Your boyfriend came clean to you...this is pretty crucial. He chose to honour your needs rather than keep the secret. You can use that as evidence in your "proof that he loves me" file. Work on that file...thicken it up. Having a thick "he does care about me and wouldn't hurt me again" file will help you.&nbsp; Other things that <span style="font-weight: bold;">he</span> can do to help you thicken that file (because after all, his behaviours caused this problem): answer all your questions, don't brush you off if you're feeling insecure, treat you as though you're a priority, avoid questionable contact with other women, have open communication, give you passwords to devices so there is transparency. He can help you to understand where those behaviours came from...why he cheated in the first places (although people aren't always good with those 'why' questions!) You can focus on telling yourself that people change, that he deserves a chance to show you he can be loyal (or at least you've decided to give him that chance), and that you want to be a trusting person. If you act like a trusting person, you will likely feel more like one. Don't go snooping, don't interrogate him. It's normal you might feel scared and try to tell him that when you do. Let him know what happens that leads to you feeling scared. This is a start for you. A good therapist can be helpful too!

I have been married for ten years. My husband is 29 years my senior. We have a young daughter. Ever since she was born, my husband has "shut down." We have no intimacy; he doesn't even kiss me. I've told him how I feel for years, and he swears he loves me and wants to make me happy, but I still have to literally beg for intercourse and affection. My self-esteem is gone, and I feel so alone. He has stranded me. He uses his passive-aggressive ways and ignores every comment I make. He refuses to talk to me in detail.

Hi Smyrna, Your husband is avoiding dealing with this problem. I understand how lonely you must feel, not only intercourseually, but emotionally too. From what you describe, it seems that he<span style="font-style: italic;"> wants to</span>&nbsp;be there for you, but he clearly has barriers to engaging fully around this issue. My hunch is that he doesn't know what to do or how to talk to you. But I think he does have something to say. Your husband is 29 years older and you've been together for ten years...that puts you at around thirty perhaps and him at almost sixty? Has any wise older woman sat you down to explain that men sometimes have erectile issues or hormone-related low intercourse drive as they age? It's <span style="font-style: italic;">possible</span> that your husband is bewildered, angry, grieving or anxious about changes in his intercourse drive or his ability to maintain an erection, and that he doesn't know how to talk to you about this. He may feel like he's letting you down, and he's scared it will get worse, so he's sticking his head in the sand. Of course, that doesn't help, does it? The worst case scenario is that you get angry or hopeless, that he senses danger or disapproval from you and pulls away even further in shame. Eventually, you stop chasing him, and you drift further apart.&nbsp; It's a bit of a conundrum...how to honour both your need for connection and honesty and his need for a safe place to explore his fears and insecurities. Maybe lower your expectations for a bit? Your husband will need to believe that you are a safe place to share his fears, and you would need to hold onto the fact that he's really scared, and that he's not rejecting you...just protecting himself. I would suggest having a gentle conversation that sounds something like "Sweetheart, we both know that something's not right here. I think you've been trying to handle this on your own or hoping it would get better, but can we agree that it's not? I need you to either talk to me about what's happening, or please go see a doctor. What I need is to see that you are doing some little step to help us. Either of those things would show me that." In the end, you need to know that he's heard you and that he's willing to look at the issue in some way. If he does neither, then at least you know where you stand and you can decide whether to live in a intercourseless marriage.&nbsp; I wonder if showing him this answer to your question might help? Just a thought.&nbsp;

I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him after all the sacrifices I made for them the past 15 years as a single mom. I don't deny them a relationship with their dad, but to be called crazy and then watch them hang out with him hurts me to the very core. I'm not sure how to handle this.

Hi, I understand what you're going through. Your daughters favor him because he has done no wrong in their eyes. Im guessing they lived with you? Growing up I was the same way.. I favoured my dad, thinking he has done no wrong. He also abused my mother multiple times, and that never came to mind. kids like their other parent more mainly because they don't see them everyday, and they usually buy them everything they want, because all he does it pay child support (by force) and then spoil their kids to make them happy. You seem like a great mom, don't doubt yourself.&nbsp;

I constantly have this urge to throw away all my stuff. It's constantly on my mind and makes me feel anxious. I don't sleep because I'm thinking about something I can get rid of. I don't know why I do it. I started years ago when I lived with my dad then I stopped when I moved in with my mom. Years later, it has started again.

Since you wrote that you noticed a change in your throwing away urge when you changed with which parent you lived, would you feel that throwing away things is connected to wanting to be done with certain areas of influence with either parent? Play in your mind with the metaphor of "throwing away" and whatever associations you feel toward this. &nbsp;Are you feeling alarmed or freed, by throwing away things? &nbsp;I'm only suggesting these, not telling you that they apply necessarily. Anxiety comes up when people feel helpless to manage a meaningful part of their lives. &nbsp;So pay attention whether your stuff represents difficult scenarios or phases of your growing up years. &nbsp; Possibly you are trying to rid yourself of painful feelings which were part of your early years' relationship with either parent. Basically, sounds as though you are trying to establish a clearer sense of who you are and the throwing away part is a means of discovering who you are, once all the clutter is released.

The sounds of eating and breathing gives me headaches—mostly mouth breathing and snoring. It makes me angry, and I want to solve it myself.

Probably good to know in what type of situations you are, in which you are hearing mouth breathing and snoring. If you're sleeping beside your partner who does these actions, would have a different response than if you overhear mouth breathing and snoring from a family member who is napping on the couch and you are walking past them on your way to take a snack in the kitchen. Basically, if the person who does these actions which bother you, start by telling them. Depending on whether they are empathetic to how distressed you are from their sounds, or not, willing to change, or not, has a good deal to do with next steps. I don't really see any step you're able to take to solve that you are sensitive to human sounds from the head. One path I don't recommend is expecting yourself to ignore the fact of being feeling bothered, or dismissing your own sensitivity someone. Your needs matter.

I'm a teenage girl. I don't know if I'm straight, biintercourseual, or gay. I've been straight all my life, but a sudden rush of questions have come over me, and I don't know anymore.

Hi Brentwood, While our society tends to want to put us into categories...slots...when it comes to intercourseuality, because this is nice and neat and convenient...many people find that they don't fit perfectly into one or the other. All you have to do is exactly what you're doing; be aware of yourself and allow yourself to explore these thoughts and emotions both alone and in connection with a safe partner. The people who love you will continue to love you as you sort through this. You can resist the temptation to please others by giving yourself a label. We are attracted to, and fall in love with, people...and we can't always predict what gender they might be. I love how open you are to discovering yourself. Keep on that track. :)

I have been dating my boyfriend for a month, and we want a baby. We don't work or drive, and we haven't talked to our parents. What should we do?

Hi Athens, When a teenager wants to have a baby, it's usually for a specific, and not healthy, reason. Do you maybe hope that a baby will cement your relationship? It doesn't work that way. Do you yearn for a person who will love you deeply? Babies don't give to us; we give endlessly to them. I urge you to talk to someone you trust about why you want to speed up your life by being a parent before you are fully grown emotionally. A relationship that is one month old is not stable enough to support a change like this. You're only starting to get to know each other. I wish you well and hope you talk to someone.&nbsp;

Recently, I had a close call after delivering my second child (blood clot followed by internal bleeding and several blood transfusions). It was a close call. I am currently undergoing medical treatment because of the event, and I am constantly afraid the whole ordeal will happen again. I have never really had anxiety in the past, but I find now that it consumes my every day and night. With two beautiful children to raise, I am most terrified of not being able to raise and protect them.

Hi Meriden, it's natural that after a serious scare like that you would have some anxiety and fear. This fear is helpful to some extent, because it will assist you in taking care of yourself and not taking unnecessary risks with your health. You can say "thanks very much" to fear for trying to protect you, and then you can take steps to reduce it. Right now, fear is working overtime and stealing your quality of life. You can work to put it into perspective. I invite you to imagine that your job is to convince fear that you don't need it screaming in your ear constantly in order to be as safe as you can be. Imagine that fear is in front of you. It's saying "hey, you need me! If I wasn't keeping you alert, you would be very ill". Fear doesn't trust you to take care of yourself.&nbsp; What is the evidence you are caring for yourself and doing everything you can to prevent a recurrence? What is the evidence that this won't likely happen again (it was specifically connected to the stress of labour, right?). What is the evidence from your doctor that this is unlikely to recur? What is the evidence that you are healing? What is the evidence that you are very aware of the danger and will respond quickly if there is a recurrence? What is the evidence that worrying about it will hurt you, not help you? How many hours of your life do you want to hand over to fear? Fear is trying to keep you safe, but you can turn the volume down by talking to yourself about all these things. I wish you well.

My brother just broke up with his girlfriend. While they were dating for the past two years, her son spent the weekends with me and my mother. Now she doesn't think her son should have any interaction with us. How should we approach the situation? Is she doing the right thing for her child?

Hi Tampa, I get that this is a loss for all of you; you have bonded with this child as a result of the significant time you have spent with him. He's a lucky boy to have had you all taking care of him. Certainly, it seems that his mother might not be making the best decision for her son; if you are willing to maintain the relationship, it would be good for him to still have that contact. In my book, the more people loving a child, the better.&nbsp; But, ultimately, she has the right to make these decisions. To oppose her won't likely do any good. You can focus on grieving this relationship and supporting your brother through his loss as well.&nbsp;

I'm a teenage girl. I don't know if I'm straight, biintercourseual, or gay. I've been straight all my life, but a sudden rush of questions have come over me, and I don't know anymore.

Being open minded about the type of intercourseual connection which feels true and real, is a solid starting point. Having questions is a very valuable way of more clearly defining your intercourseuality. Write one or two of your questions if you'd like a more specific focus to your general search about your intercourseual preference.

She is living with her boyfriend of seven years. He is in therapy for depression and social anxiety. He hasn't worked in all this time.

Hi New York, There is no need for shame here; no one's done anything wrong! A pregnancy is a glorious gift to be celebrated.&nbsp; I wonder what gets in the way of you celebrating your daughter's pregnancy?&nbsp;<span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Are they excited about it? I bet they are. They've been together for seven years. Even if it caught them off guard, the best thing for them and this new baby is to celebrate the joy of this new little person and their growing family. If you are happy for them and help spread their joy, how marvelous would that be for them as a family?</span> <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">New York, I will be honest with you; I hope that's okay. I sense that maybe you are feeling judgemental towards them. Do you dislike or judge his struggle with mental illness? Do you see him as less than worthy because he hasn't worked? I don't know for sure, but I imagine maybe his anxiety and depression get in the way of working. Maybe he's on a social disability? Mental illness doesn't make someone less lovable or valuable as a partner. He's getting help for himself and that's wonderful.&nbsp;</span> <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">If your daughter loves him and is happy with him... If he is her chosen man, then they absolutely need your support, not your judgement. And if they struggle as a couple, you know what...they will need it even more!</span> <span style="line-height: 20px;">Is this your first grandchild? If not, then I don't have to say this, but if it is...you are in for the most amazing adventure of your lifetime. You will fall in love so deeply with this child. S/he needs that...this baby needs your love and support.</span> <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">So, you say to your family... "I have amazing news! My daughter is expecting a baby! I'm going to be a grandparent!! I can't wait".&nbsp;</span>

I've been feeling worthless, unaccomplished, and so frustrated. I want to break things, hit myself, run away, kick, scream, and cry. I just want to be happy and outgoing again. I want to be able to take care of my daughter and live comfortably.

Philadelphia, there is help out there. For your daughter's sake, start somewhere. Feelings are only that; your worst fears about who you are are only based on a few moments that haven't gone well. Depression is so treatable, but you have to seek treatment from a professional. Here's a quick exercise for you to do that can show you how therapy might work... fear is telling you the worst possible story of your life, right? So... if there was an <span style="font-style: italic;">opposite </span>story...the very<span style="font-style: italic;"> best </span>story that someone could tell about you and your life...what would that be? Who would be telling it? Someone who loves you? Someone who was around you when you were that outgoing person? Someone who's been watching your life from the start? God? Write that best story. I dare you to give it as much credibility as the worst one.&nbsp; Therapy is often about helping people reject their "worst stories". I invite you to start exploring with a qualified therapist whatever barriers stand between you and your best life. I hope you reach out soon. :)