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SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: No, I don't need to learn Spanish. You need to learn English.
POST: I'm sick of being told that I should learn Spanish so I can communicate with native Spanish-speakers, mainly at my job. And thankfully I've already had this job for 8 years, because lately the requirements for similar positions have changed and you must be bilingual.
Don't get pissy with me because I answer my office phone and can't understand a motherfucking word you say. I have no idea who you are or what you're calling for, and you exclaiming the same Spanish words over and over is pointless. I do not understand you and that is *your* problem, not mine.
Would I up and move to Mexico with zero knowledge of your language? Fuck no. They would probably laugh in my face if I said they should learn to communicate with me! It would be my own damn decision to move there and put myself in that situation, so I should be responsible for changing my dialect.
TL;DR: | I live in America. Our primary language is English. *You* decided to move here, so *you* should be the one who learns how to communicate. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend (M/30) hates that I (F/25) smoke.
POST: But he smokes too?
We've been on and off for 6 years. On again for over a year now and it's pretty darn good. However, he hates that I smoke. I never gave it much thought in the past and continued smoking about a pack a day. However, the last year we've been together, I've begun really giving quitting some effort. He gives me hell about it. At first I really took it to heart and I quit last summer. Then began smoking again slowly after over a month. He wasn't so bad after that quit attempt other than an occasional comment. Then after Christmas it really got obnoxious with comments constantly. Recently it got really overwhelming with things like," One of the number one reasons relationships fail is when one partner smokes and the other doesn't."
I don't believe that, but fine. So I started giving some serious effort to quit again which ended up in some meltdowns from me. A lot more comments about how lots of people quit smoking and don't make a big deal out of it. I make his life heinous when I'm quitting smoking. I felt giant pressure on me constantly.
So I made it through 3 weeks and it was not nearly as easy as last time. I caved. (not that last time was by any means easy) It's no excuse but one of MY BIGGEST issues is that he smokes. Not a lot but a few a day and chain smoking sessions when drinking throughout the month. He smoked in front of me when I was quitting and trying to stay strong through hanging out with all of his smoker friends.
I have tried to talk to him about this and how I feel about it. It does not work. I understand he doesn't want to smell it on me and is concerned about my health, etc, but this is just a hard situation to be in. I want to quit, but it's also very difficult to be around those smoking situations in the early days. (That he wants me there for so badly) For some reason it also just really bothers me when he's smoking in front of me after all the bitching about my bad habit.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend hates that I smoke. Tried to quit multiple times and having a hard time with it. He's a social smoker and sometimes chain smoker too. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [30F] don't know how to approach my husband [35M] of 10 years about his cross dressing. Help!
POST: A few years ago after moving I (30, female) came across an unmarked box of items that were questionable in nature. Shoes, dresses, skirts, panties, bras, stockings.
At first I considered confronting my husband (35, male) about cheating, but after sitting on it for a few days I realized there was no way those items were from another woman. And he probably wouldn't store another woman's items in our home. No woman would pair such outfits with shoes like that. (I guess maybe that's not fair...some women might.) And they were definitely large sized shoes. So I figured they were leftover from my husbands college frat years.
The box disappeared and I hadn't thought much more about it until recently discovering more items like this. So I can only conclude that he's buying the items and wearing them himself. It doesn't bother me that he does it; it bothers me that he didn't tell me. It actually makes me sad that he feels like he can't share something like that with me after 10 years of marriage.
How would you deal with this? Is there a way to bring up the subject of cross dressing in more general, broader terms?
TL;DR: | I found out my husband cross dresses, it doesn't bother me, and I don't know how to approach him about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Motorcycle accident, I need your help Reddit, story inside. (First)
POST: I was cruising home from my first day on a new job, riding at close to 50mph, I cleared a changing light, not trying to outrun it, I had plenty of time, the light changed "yellow" when I was passing the second intersection. I saw this black Lexus or Toyota creeping forward perpendicular to me, about to make a right onto the street I was riding. Now I'm in the middle lane and he makes his immediate right, then with no warning or chance of maneuvering out of his path, he cuts into my lane causing me to slam into him.
I was knocked unconscious, honestly am baffled as to how I even survived, I was brought back to life or consciousness in the ambulance, suffering temporary memory loss and came to full reality once I was brought into the Trauma Ward at the hospital. The officer on the scene gave me a small overview of what happened in the room I was, then took off without even telling me his name! Needless to say, I don't even know who hit me, how to find this out, what my next step is and how do I retain compensation for all the loss I've incurred during this horrific ordeal. Please, if there are any viable suggestions, I am all ears. It's been close to two weeks and I still have no clue what to do next, insurance can't seem to find anything about this driver and the officer isn't returning any phone calls or submitting my report!
TL;DR: | I was almost killed in a motorcycle accident, don't know what to do next as far as finding out who did it, reaching the officer on the scene or getting compensation. Thank you for any help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: NACA, FHA loan advice for a first time home buyer [Housing]
POST: hello, i have a few questions that I was not able to find on the official NACA website and through the forums here
About me. 26. single. no kids. 1st time buyer. Working for a fortune 500 company. I make 44k a year entry level and I am expected to be promoted within a year. I have 7k in credit card debt. No student loan debts. I own a car and I am renting my apartment.
I have around 2k in my bank account and my family provides a weak, but existing safety net.
I am currently prioritizing paying off my CC debt ASAP. I've budgeted to the max and have reduced the cost of my meals to roughly ~$2 a day and only buy through goodwill. I estimate to have the debt paid off by the end of Q3 2015, the Higher Power knows best while investing in my 401k
Here comes the part where I need help:
I want to purchase a house or fixer upper and repair it and rent it out for supplementary income. From my research an NACA, FACA or USDA loan would be best but I'm open to any advice you all have. I know they have requirements to live in the house. Without revealing to much information I can rent out of a 150k home for about $800 a month and my mortage looks like it would be around $500 for it. I would continue to live in my apartment.
I would save up to around 5% of the total downpayment and not touch my actual savings.
I am in no hurry to do this but would like to have this done before Summer of 2016 to begin other moves I want to make for my future financial security.
You guys are wizards so I look forward to your advice
TL;DR: | 44k a year salary looking to buy a cheap home to fix and rent out. safety net establish. 7k debt |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (28f) had such a confusing argument with my husband (26m)- would like advice.
POST: This morning when mu husband picked me up from work, he mentioned he and some of the other guys might not get to a task in my area that hadn't been done in three weeks already. It's kind of a big deal, and I can't do it, it takes several strong, burly men.
Because I know his cousin is leaving the proceeding week on vacation, I commented (it was my intention to be offhanded) that it might be another three weeks before it would get done, then. I realize in retrospect the comment seems bitchy. But, they normally get back from vacation two weeks after they leave. I know they don't like doing this particular task one man down, so I had just assumed and spoke without thinking.
My husband immediately tells me I'm being vicious, that he wasn't even sure. I'm reminding him of my sister and mother the way I speak (he doesn't like either of them, so the comparison ain't favorable) and this was how my family got to be so xenophobic.
I feel really down. I apologized immediately, knowing I had spoken without thinking, and kept apologizing, and he kept berating me until it had upset me enough that I got teary. I didn't cry, though, because I know he feels like its emotional manipulation. I know I did badly, so I should feel badly. However, seeing I was upset, he reached over and held my hand to calm me down, so I don't understand. I know he's going to be angry at me because I was so upset, and he's going to tell me I was trying to manipulate him. I wasn't, really, I just get confused sometimes. I don't know what to say or do.
Please help me.
TL;DR: | Got into a confusing argument with my husband, it seems to be a thematical thing, I'd like to know what to do better in the future, so I would like advice please. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 F] want my SO [26 M] to talk about how he feels and communicate with me. (~9 mo) Gentlemen, any advice?
POST: I am interested in men's perspectives on what I can do to make it easier for my SO to feel comfortable talking about his feelings, emotions, and desires.
---
I am very much in love and want to remain with this person, which is why I care so much on improving our communication, but I am not sure how to go about his. He either does not contribute his feelings or laughs off any attempts to talk about our relationship--how we feel, the things that the other does that bothers us, and things we wish the other would do more. He thinks open communication is not an important part of a relationship and I cannot convince him otherwise. I feel that if we could discuss these things our relationship would become much better for both of us.
---
I feel communication would help to resolve some issues which keep coming up. For example, last night we got into a fight where we were both at fault. I felt taken for granted and (from what I gather) he felt I overreacted and said some hurtful things. Me feeling taken for granted has been the root of many of our arguments in the past. Whenever we fight I want to talk it out and find the cause and try to fix it and he always doesn't want to talk about it.
---
I want him to speak a little more respectful to me, more quality time (where we aren't just watching netflix,etc), to try some new things in bed, him to not joke around so harshly, etc. These issues really bother me and I am sure there are things he wants to me do/ not to do as well. If we could tell each other these things in a receptive and respectful way we would be a lot happier. I want this relationship to last, therefore we need better communication or I do not think it will.
TL;DR: | I want to improve our relationship by talking about how we feel, what bothers us, etc, but he is unresponsive and will not try to communicate. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: [Help]New dog aggressive toward cat. Is it possible to achieve civility between them?
POST: We just adopted a dog from my friend. My SO and I had been talking about getting a dog for at least a year, and were planning on getting a small puppy, thinking that our somewhat shy/anxious cat could get used to the idea of a dog better if it started out smaller than her.
However, my co-worker is in a situation where she had to get rid of her dog. Really, she should have never got a dog in the first place...but that is beside the point now I suppose. If we had not taken the dog, my co-worker was going to give her away to the first person on craigslist that wanted a free dog, which I did not think was right. Nola is a 1yr3mo mix, of we're thinking Australian Shepherd and something else. After dogsitting for a few weekends as my co-worker prepares to move, we decided that this was a dog that would be good for us. The cat obviously wasn't thrilled about it, but we were thinking with time, patience, and slow exposure they could at least become comfortable in the vicinity of each other.
It's only been a week, and for the most part the cat has kept to the bedroom, avoiding the living room and backyard that she used to love being in. But we thought, "this is normal...she needs time to get comfortable". This morning my SO left Nola out once he left for work and I said I'd take her outside and put her back in the crate before I left for work. Eleanor (the cat) jumped into bed with me and after a few minutes Nola showed up. I tried to be really nice to the cat to keep her calm, while also trying to distract the dog. As soon as Eleanor became uncomfortable she began backing away to retreat onto the top of the dresser, but as soon as she started to retreat the dog pounced in the bed and began attacking her. I don't expect them to be friends, but don't want anyone to be in danger either. We are willing to put in the time, patience, and effort but are unsure the best way to proceed. Has anyone else ever dealt with this, or have advice? I apologize for the long post, I'm just really worried about it!
TL;DR: | Adopted co-workers dog, dog attacked cat in my bed. Not expecting best friends, but hoping to figure out how to proceed to at least get them comfortable in the same house. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [24 M] duration, he wont stop playfully slapping my butt
POST: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 years. He playfully slaps my butt constantly no matter how many times I ask him to stop, he keeps doing it every day! I get pretty mad at him and sometimes I just want to slap him with a bag of frozen tortillas.
This has been going on for years (maybe 4 or 5). I have started doing it back but it doesnt bother him since he wears jeans (imagine slapping a butt in leggings vs jeans ok)
Brushing teeth? butt slap. Doing something in the kitchen? Butt slap. etc etc. I would actually like it if he did it less often, and didnt giggle loudly while doing it like he knows its annoying. At first I thought it was mildly annoying, then very annoying, and now it makes me angry
Otherwise our relationship is great blah blah irrelevant details, living together for 5 years now, dating 7. we are very compatible and love joking around with each other.
Is this something most boyfriends do? What should I do? Im going to show him this post once it has enough answers.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend of 7 years playfully slaps my butt a lot and wont stop even if It annoys me a lot, what should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: 30(m) Dating 24(f) made out with his friend 28(f)
POST: The backstory is as such. I have been dating this girl for a year, and I really like her. I have requested that we make our relationship open, but she is afraid. I knew a bartender at a local bar had a crush on me. We have hung out before without anything happening. Last night, we hung out again and sure enough I made out with her. I think this girl is really attractive, but not someone that I want to start a relationship with. Now, I have two girls I like and I don't want to hurt anyone. What do I tell them?
TL;DR: | I want to have an open relationship my GF doesn't want an open relationship. Despite knowing this, I made out with a friend of mine. What do I say to both of them to repair things? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [20 F] boyfriend [20 M] is going through a tough time and I don't know how to help him
POST: I've been dating my boyfriend for just under a year. I went away for three months for work and when I got back last month, it became apparent during the first few weeks of me being back that something was off.
We're both in college and he still lives at home. He's been fighting a lot with his parents due to conflicting views (they hold some pretty archaic ones) and hasn't been going home much, but that's only part of it.
He's been sad and quiet a lot lately, which is not like him at all. He's expressed that he's a social person but whenever he's in group situations lately he feels very unhappy deep down.
He's had anxiety issues before, but I don't think this is really the same thing. He's said also that there is something else wrong but he's too embarrassed to tell anyone. I won't pressure him to tell me, but I'm trying to have him go talk to a professional.
He's usually such a cheery and energetic person and I'm really worried about him. I don't really know if there's anything else I can do though, I just really want him to be happy again.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend has been very down lately and I don't entirely know why. Is there anything else I can do to help him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Morally wrong, but feels right. Please help!
POST: So after turning 21 in January my buddies and I would always go to the bars. We end up usually going to the bar closest to our college, and have become pretty good friends with the bartenders there. So close that we went out with them a few times. On Saturday, we went out and I ended up making out with one of them.
The issue is that she has been with her boyfriend for two years now (shes 21 also), and says she wants to marry him. Then she proceeded to talk about how she has been liking me more and more as we hang out. She says she is "torn" between her boyfriend and I. We ended up dancing together all night and had a great time together.
Reddit, what should I do? Should I still try to pursue this? I like the girl and we get along great! I know its morally wrong, but I am really starting to like this girl.
TL;DR: | Girl has been with her boyfriend for 2 years now, we both really like each other and made out me this weekend. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [24 M] likes girl best-friend [25 F] but wants to distance myself from her, good idea?
POST: Hi all, I am a male [24] and I am starting to develop feelings for one of my best friend female [25]. We've known each other for almost two years.
We started talking more and more recently. Now it is to the point where she sends me pictures of things she do or see everyday. She called me "cute" for the first time ever just recently too.
Even with all of these positive signs, I still have a gut feeling that she doesn't like me more than a brother-like best-friend.
(NOTE: I actually confessed to her that I liked her 9 months ago, but she said she is "not ready yet and there is so much uncertainty in the future".)
**Main Concern:** I am not sure if I should confess to her again because I don't want to ruin the type of relationship we already have. I am also leaving to another state next week for graduate school so long distance is another problem.
Right now, I am thinking that the best thing to do might be to distance myself from her (such as instead of talking everyday, I will limit it to once a week). This way, I can maintain our friendship without having overwhelming feelings for her.
What do you guys think? I am grateful for any advice. Thank you! :)
TL;DR: | Developed feelings for girl best-friend. Timing is not good. Thinking of distancing myself to lose feelings for her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19, M] with my ex girlfriend [19, F] 4 years, should I stay or should I go?
POST: My exgirlfriend and I broke up around 3 years ago. We have had a love/hate friendship since. We both go to different colleges, but we hung out over christmas break. Over that time we started talking about how things are between us in the current state of things. We both made it clear that we still care very much for each other.
After christmas break there was a sort of afterglow, we would text all day and phone calls at night. I was happy that this was happening. There were some times she called while drunk talking about how much she wants to have sex with me, and she brought up how badly I miss her.
Now it's late February, things have changed. She isn't as talkative, actually almost not at all. I asked her the other night if she was mad at me about something, she claims she isn't. She did admit that she was distancing herself from me. She claims she doesn't know why. She's admitted that she's terrified but won't talk about it any further with me.
In the past I was the one who broke up with her. I'm the one who left her to go after "fun" girls. This was high school though. I feel like this is a problem now. She knows my personality. I'm ambitious. She thinks she won't ever be enough or that I'll lose interest in her. I know deep down it's these same sentiments coming back to surface now that she and I are (or were) on good terms. What should I do? I hate waiting. It kills me to have her ignore me. Is she worth it? Yes. It is unfair though that I am being emotionally neglected. I've always been some what self obsessed, so I enjoy people telling me how they care for me. Especially a girl I love. So what do I need to do? It's all extremely frustrating.
TL;DR: | Everything was back to the way it used to be but now she is showing apprehension. She is scared of me hurting her I think. What do I need to do? Stay? Go? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 F] with my boyfriend [18 M] for 1.5 years, is angry with me because I can't go away for a weekend alone with him.
POST: It all started when I mentioned I'm planning going on a ski trip for a weekend over winter break. I'm on the board for this club at school, and we have an annual trip with all the board and club members.
I live at home and while my parents are not very strict, they would not have let me go if they didn't know some of the club members and their parents. I know I'm 18 but as long as I live in their house and they pay for my college, I have to follow their rules. However, they don't mind that I have a boyfriend and I can go out whenever I want.
So when I mention that I am planning on going on this trip, he seems to get angry and says he has to go. He later calls me and asks if I can go away for a weekend with him over winter break. I told him that is not possible because my parents would not be okay with it, and I can't really lie about something like this.
He has been ranting for what seems like hours upon hours about how I never try for him, and how he had to lie for about 8 months in the beginning of our relationships about going out with me because his mom was not okay with him having a girlfriend. He went off about how much he had to go through for me with his family and that I don't appreciate it or do the same for him.
I calmly explain to him between his rant that while I appreciate what he went through, it is a different case to lie about where you're going for a few hours as opposed to spending an entire weekend overnight. He is still very angry and says that I don't show him enough effort, and that I didn't even try to go- even though I have tried asking my mom and the answer was always no because being alone in a hotel with my boyfriend is different then going with friends and sharing a room with all girls. He still says that I didn't try hard enough to convince them.
I'm so frustrated and I don't know what to do.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend is angry because I'm going on a weekend skiing trip with friends but I'm not allowed to go out with him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [M 35] unsure on whether to pursue potential dating with [F 35] way out of my league , due to warning signs.
POST: But of a strange one this, so bear with me. Got chatting to a woman, let's call her Z, on a dating site two days ago. She's amazing, stunning, we share so many likes and interests. And she seems that she likes me, which is surprising! She barrages me with messages and insist we meet up that evening, which I reluctantly agree to. I pick her up, we drive to a quiet bar (I'm Des) and really hit it off. HOWEVER. She talks literally non-stop. She tell me about her children, of which only one live with her and is severely disabled. She tells me of her years of drug abuse, prescription and recreational, and seems fidgety the whole time. We connect, though, and she is smart, funny, and lonely. She has had flings but no relationships in many years. So this is new to her, as I assure her I'm not looking to just hook up. She invites me back to hers, nothing happens, I stay until the small hours. She tells me she just stays in most of the time, and is looking to become more social and meet people.
We share a hug and a kiss on the lips as I leave, and we both say we'd like to see each other again, but I'm torn. She definitely has a past. I'm getting warning signs left and right, but there's a part of me that wants to develop something, to give her the chance of something deeper and stable. I don't want to "fix" her, but I can tell there is a good person in there, and it would be great to see that nurtured.
TL;DR: | Met incredible woman with a past online. She's jittery and extremely forward but assures me she's looking for something more than casual. What do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/GetMotivated
TITLE: [Question] How to be tough?
POST: Hello wolfs!
I hope that I ask in a correct subreddit. What I found out from observing highly motivated people around me, those who motivates themself just because they want more from their lifes, or those whose life is pretty (sorry, I couldn't find a better word to describe it) fucked up, that they are tough.
I mean, they are capable to handle more, they are physically? or mentally prepared to fight against odds, not to worry and get something from life.
I have to confess that I have a pretty fucked up life too. I'm doing my best to motivate myself, I blocked almost every single website that I used to procrastinate with. If I am on reddit, in 95% of time is this subreddit. I started working out, took additional courses, but at the end of the day I'm just shit scared of life and not capable to take serious action to fix those things that really need to be fixed. And I'm afraid that I'm not capable to be tough, because all my life from my childhood I was just 'mentally weak'.
I am curious what are your experience with being tough my dear wolfs? Especially those of you, who had some serious problems with your life? Did you learn to be tough, or you were just born with that?
TL;DR: | So how to be tough? Or is that something that you can't learn, and you either born with it or not and should prepare yourself for failure in life? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Best friend's [25F] boyfriend [23M] just died. Do I [25F] go to the funeral?
POST: My best friend of 10 years has been in a relationship with this guy for about 3 years. He just died a couple of days ago at 23. What I know is that he was found unresponsive in his room after a night of partying, and had just gotten off of probation/being sober. My friend is heartbroken and I am hurting for her.
I want to be there for her, but I have never experienced this and am unsure of how to go about it. My friend has never been a super "show your emotion" type of person. I talk to her a lot and I try to bring her stuff but she doesn't seem to be into it. I realize she's going through a lot. I'm not hurt.lm just unsure if I should give her space or keep lightly pressing to show her I'm there for her.
For instance, the funeral is tomorrow. But she didn't tell me about it, not invite me to go. I found his obit online. I did not know him very well. My mom said that I should just go to support her. Don't have to sit with her or anything just go bc I care, which I do. On the other hand, I don't want to bother her and show up if she doesn't want me to be there.
Should I go?
TL;DR: | my friend's boyfriend died. She doesn't always talk about her feelings. Did not tell me about the funeral or invite me. Should I go? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [18 F] get over my boyfriend's [19 M] past decisions?
POST: We've been together for 5 months but we dated a month before making things official.
I recently self-reflected and figured out that I have some difficulty in completely trusting my boyfriend. My instinct is to trust him but when I am alone with my thoughts they tend to wander and come up with bad scenarios. During my self-reflection I have come to the conclusion that I do not have issues because of getting hurt in a past relationship as I have never been hurt in any past relationship, but my negative thoughts stem from one of his past relationships.
He was in a relationship with a girl just last year for a few months. While things were rocky between them, another girl was giving him attention and coming onto him. Eventually he broke up with his girlfriend and slept with the other girl. He then went back to his ex girlfriend.
I think the issue I have is I am afraid of history repeating itself; I begin to wonder what he'll do if we come to a rocky point in the relationship. I have openly communicated this with him and after we discussed it we came to the conclusion that maybe over time I would be able to trust him more as I see that he is worthy of my trust. It has been about a month since then and I still find myself occasionally drowning in a sea of negative thoughts. What are some other ways and mentalities to have about this?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend has left a previous girlfriend for another girl when things got rough and part of me is afraid of what will happen if things ever get rough between us. What are some ways for me to expel these negative thoughts? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19F] with (18M) who I've hooked up with twice. Don't know what I want.
POST: So basically, I hooked up with this guy at a party two weeks after my long term relationship ended and it felt really good. I thought we connected extremely well on a physical level but on other levels he was pretty closed. I've never felt this attracted to someone sexually before, it felt absolutely amazing although we didn't have sex.
Anyway, he basically said that he's going to Europe in a few months no matter what happens with me and that he'd be going there for "as long as possible" so as to make buying the plane ticket worth it. So basically until he runs out of money over there. When I heard that, my heart sank because I thought it could be really fun to casually date and see where it goes since I wanted to get to know him better.
When we hung out, he didn't seem too interested in asking about my life or about me although it could have been because he was nervous. However, he's really into drugs and sort of parties quite often so I wouldn't imagine he'd be too shy.
I really don't know if he's into me or not but
1. He's going to Europe regardless of where we could end up, which means he doesn't want to get into a relationship.
2. He hasn't made much effort to get to know me/impress me during the date.
3. He said he didn't just want sex but when asked what else he wanted he replied with "I don't know".
If you guys can let me know how to know if a guy is into you, how to get rid of attraction for someone who doesn't appear to be into you and how I can deal with rejection from this person, that would be great. Or other general advice.
TL;DR: | Amazing sexual feelings for a guy, I want it to develop into something beautiful but he doesn't seem to want that. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My GF [24/F] was grabbing her friends SO's bum last night. I [27/M] am very annoyed. Is this behaviour out of line? She thinks there is nothing wrong with it.
POST: I am in a tricky point in my life and cannot tell whether what I'm feeling is fair or not. Please advise.
My girlfriend was out with her friends last night. Her friend is seeing this guy. When I was with them earlier today they were all talking about how this guy is "so muscular and his bum is so nice, and that everyone was touching it". My girlfriend then said she didn't at which point her friend said she was touching more than anyone else.
This got me very angry. I think its immature, inappropriate and disrespectful. I would never dream of doing it if it were the other way round.
I know I am probably a little insecure but is this behaviour wrong anyway?
I kind of feel this girl isn't for me (too immature) and perhaps I am in denial about it. I am in a trick place in my life right now and think it would be devastating to break up with her.
TL;DR: | My GF [24/F] was grabbing her friends SO's bum last night. I [27/M] am very annoyed. Rightly so? |
SUBREDDIT: r/running
TITLE: What speed should I jog for a marathon?
POST: I have been jogging for a while now to get myself ready for a marathon in September, and my time has been getting better and longer. The issue I have is that I don't know if I'm going fast enough to complete the marathon. You have 6 hours to complete this marathon, and I would just like to get myself to a speed where I can complete it effectively, and by that I mean in 5 and a half hours. I was thinking of jogging on a treadmill so I can set my pace properly so I know what speed I have to go when I am jogging around town. I did a 4k lap yesterday around our town's lake in 25 minutes, 5 of which were walking to warm up. Any information would be appreciated.
TL;DR: | What running speed do you need to have to complete a marathon in 5 hours and 30 minutes, in km/m per hour? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (20m) cought my gf (18f) kissing her 2 bfs (19f,20f) i don't know wether i should be upset or not.
POST: Hello internet,
Once again i have to come up to you. Well, long story short. I(20m) have been with my gf (18 f) for like 3 and a half months. Yesterday se were at a party, she was drunk and in a momento i saw her leaving the place with her two best friends ( she wasn't leaving actually just wanted to go away from the músic to talk) i tought she would be alright because she was with her friends, so i don't follow her. Something like 20 mins passed so i decide to go check on her. She wasn't dar away so i found her quickly and when i did i saw her sitting on the floor on the street next to a bar with her two friends kissing each other. They saw me and my reaction was turning back and leaving because i was shocked. After that they stood up and came to me. Her friends left and i said to my gf to explain what happened. She said ,in tears because i was really upset, that it was just a game and that she was drunk ( she also said she did it because they are her friends). She did regret what she did and asked me to forgive her (she really meant it, i know) and promised it wouldn't happen again. I did forgive her but i'm still upset because even if it was another woman she did kiss another person but i don't know if i'm exagerating here, because i'm pretty sure she would have kept it as a secret if i didn't saw them myself and i don't know what else she could do with alcohol.
Any advice or opinión is welcome and thank you reddit.
TL;DR: | i just would like to know if i'm making a big dwal about the issue here and wether i should give my GF another chance or not and let this one pass |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21 M] Just got dumped by my girlfriend [20] what should I do?
POST: My girlfriend comes back after being away for six months (Work related) and after avoiding really talking with me for about three weeks dumps me.
I helped her unpack and things seemed fine but she seemed distant for the last few weeks. We got along fine while she was gone and talked a lot about spending our summer together.
Now she didn't really give me a reason for breaking up other than she didn't feel the same as she did when we were first together, but part of me wants to try and talk to her or make it work.
I want to try and spend some time with her or talk to her about this, but don't know what do exactly.
Any advice or is this a horrible idea?
Thanks in advance
TL;DR: | Girlfriend of 9 months dumps me, I want to try and talk to her/do something to show her it could work. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I (22/m) am growing apart from my gf (23/f) of 7 years.
POST: **Quick Background**: As the title states, we've been together for 7 years dating back to High School. She's also my first and only girlfriend. I'm currently a 5^th year senior studying Economics and she's an online grad student in Clinical Psychology.
I'll refer to my girlfriend as "Gina".
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**Dilemma**: For the first 6 years of our relationship, we rarely ever argued. However, over the last year, we've been arguing more and more frequently and we're nearing the breaking point of our relationship.
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Before we started arguing, we spent nearly every day together. We would usually sit around watching TV and enjoy each other's company or go to the mall or thrift store or things of that nature. For the most part, it was my favorite thing to do and I loved every minute of it. Recently, I haven't enjoyed some of those same activities as much as I used to and it's affecting our relationship.
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Over the past year, I've spent a lot more time with my friends than I did when I first started dating Gina. In fact, back in high school and early college, I rarely spent time with the few friends I had as I was/am fairly introverted and socially awkward. I only found solace in being with Gina. But I now have a few close friends and I really enjoy hanging out with them. So much so that I often find myself generally having more fun with my friends than with Gina. As a result, I became more and more reluctant to spending time with Gina especially when I was already hanging out with my friends. I recently admitted as much to her, and she was understandably distraught. I still love her very much and want to spent the rest of my life with her, so I'm willing to do whatever it takes to right the ship.
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That's the basic gist of our problem, but there's more to mention. I'll save you time and provide them as needed in any subsequent conversations.
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TL;DR: | I like being with my friends more than my gf of 7 years. I still love her dearly and want to do whatever I can to save our relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Friend (18m) is probably cheating on his girlfriend (18f) of 8 months again. Should I tell her?
POST: I found out my friend, who had cheated on his girlfriend with his ex once already, is talking to his ex again on snapchat. His girlfriend (a good friend of mine) initially told me about the first affair and I told her he would do it again but she decided to stay and trust him.
Im the only one who knows about this current snapchat situation - should I tell his girlfriend? he likely has some sort of intention with talking to his ex. He wouldnt do it just to be friendly or say hello. From what I could see, his ex was the most recent snapchat contact and he had sent something to her.
TL;DR: | Friend cheated on his girlfriend once, is probably doing it again and I'm the only one who knows about the second one |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: It's shit like this, Human beings.
POST: My best friend hosted a house party for our band and another a few weeks ago. Before the next morning, it was one of the best nights of our lives. Everybody was smiling, dancing, and having a great time. We invited everybody personally and trusted all of them. If anyone brought an extra guest, that was fine because, like I just said, we trusted our friends.
Next morning comes around and my friend, who hosted the party, purchased all the refreshments, etc., couldn't find his laptop or iPod. We decided to clean up the house first and then look for them. 11 trash bags later, it was still gone. Police report filed, craigslist repeatedly checked, all that jazz. It'd been weeks until he remembered something.
There was someone at the party who he truly didn't expect. Someone he knew from high-school. This person came with a very good friend of ours, so we thought nothing of it. My friend called him and asked if he knew about it. He immediately responded saying he knew nothing of it, and didn't try very hard to lie, either, because when asked if he was sure, he responded something like, "it's fucking gone and you will never see it again."
So we're pretty sure he sold it. Here's what I'm getting at. On New Year's day, my car was broken into and iPod was stolen. I was just so relieved that they didn't break windows or steal the car itself. My friend was with me (who lost the computer) and was so completely disgusted, since this was only a couple weeks after his incident. Is this Austin, Tx really this ripe with theft? Or is this a result of the economy? Do more and more people steal now just to make some money to feed themselves or their family?
I was honestly not upset when I lost my iPod.. I hope it betters whoever has it right now.
TL;DR: | Is theft getting worse and has the economy forced people to steal and sell shit in order to support and feed their families? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What's one awesome thing to do in NJ that isn't too pricey?
POST: Hello reddit, so basically my girlfriend is leaving for college in 2 months and I'm not gonna be seeing her for a pretty long time. We're in Nj, and I'm looking to do something awesome with her that would leave behind good memories and something fun. There's tons of things like the boardwalk and such but is there anything worth checking out thats not so cliche that a lot of people might not know about? If it helps, she's a musician so maybe something along those lines. I really just wanna make sure she has a great time doing something before she goes off. Thanks!
TL;DR: | what's something awesome my musician girlfriend and I could do before she goes away to college? Preferably nothing too expensive :) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend [26 M] has been completely ignoring me [23 F] all day after I told him I wasn't in the mood.
POST: My boyfriend tried to initiate sex and I told him I wasn't in the mood. As soon as I told him though, he completely shut down and has been ignoring me all day. He hasn't even gotten out of bed. This has never happened before and just wondering whats going on. I've asked him if everything is okay and he just responds with a half-assed "yeah." I know something is up just by his behavior.
There have been times in our relationship where he has gotten upset and done this same behavior, but not because I wasn't in the mood and he wasn't. And the thing that's even more puzzling is that we had tickets (partially why I wasn't in the mood, we were running a little late) to go see one of his favorite comedians. He's been looking forward to this for weeks! It's actually one of his early Christmas gifts. And then all of a sudden on the morning of he doesn't want to go? This can't be just because I wasn't in the mood, can it?
Our sex life is normal in my opinion, although I have been busy these last weeks as the semester winds down. Our relationship doesn't have a specific start date. I would put it around summertime. I've known him since I was 18-years-old and we dated in 2010-2011. We were separated for three years and reconnected earlier this year. He is now living with me in my apartment and just yesterday moved into the room my old roommate moved out of this weekend. There have been times in the past were I wasn't up for sex and he was totally fine with it. Need some advice. How can I approach him and get him to tell me what is really going on?
TL;DR: | Wasn't in the mood for sex and told my boyfriend after he tried, hasn't talked to me all day and decided to skip out on plans he's been looking forward to for weeks. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My long-distance girlfriend is forcing me to do something I don't want to do.
POST: I don't know if this is serious enough to post in this subreddit, so excuse me if you find it trivial...
About 3 years ago I found a very kind, funny and pretty girl on the internet. I'm 22, she is near 28. We are chatting regularly, though I noticed that she rarely initiates the conversation - I am almost always first. We are always talking very comfortable from both sides.
We try to neutralize lack of physical contact by exchanging pictures. It quickly went from clothed face shots to naked photos of "important parts". I have some definitely not minor shyness issues, but I overcame them for the sake of photos.
But lately, she asked me for a rather weird thing - she wants me to make a video of myself in the shower. I instantly thought that it's not going to happen. I am 100% sure it will look very awkward, besides my shyness and my "constant pokerface syndrome".
She insist that it takes no time, it's easy to do, and doesn't require any posing and similar things. I tell her that I'm uncomfortable with that, and suggest that I take usual private places pictures instead. She is then confused how is it possible that I'm okay with sending pictures of my dick, but uncomfortable with sending a video of me showering, with face and everything else visible. Maybe it's a fair point, and I can't really explain it.
One of her another arguments is that even if I think the video will look stupid or awkward, she will enjoy it. It doesn't really help me in making a decision. In fact, I really don't want to do that, and I suspect that she thinks she somehow deserves that. (Extra info - she didn't say she will make similar video later, but I didn't suggest it either) Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, but she seems like she doesn't understand it, and insists me to make the vid even if it's uncomfortable for me.
What to do? Again sorry if it sounds non-serious. We know each other for quite a while and I prefer to stay in this "relationship", but I will have little to no problems with ending it if she keeps acting like that.
TL;DR: | Long-distance gf wants me to make a video in shower, I don't want to do it out of shyness |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: PLEASE HELP! I can't afford my bills, do I go into collections? Bankruptcy??
POST: I need help, I am so overwhelmed with bills and I don't know what to do! Do I let them go into collections or just declare bankruptcy and get my credit, which is currently over 700 just get ruined?
Breakdown: I make after insurance deductions 1920 a month.
Rent 500
Car 298
Car ins 93
Rent ins 16
Consolidation loan 362
Credit cards 160
Phone 130
Internet 70
Electric 60
Student loans 120
Total bills 1111
This leaves me 100 for gas, food, emergency, whatever. I acquired a to. Of debt last year through medical and a divorce. I also have about 3000 in medical bills from this year that I haven't paid yet.
I don't know what to do, I already work over 50 hours a week salary and I am at my wits end.
TL;DR: | should I let some things fall into collection so I can pay down debt? Should I just declare bankruptcy and be ruined? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [16/M] really want to ask a girl [16/M] out, but I have no clue how to do so...
POST: Hello guys, I'm a 16 year old male in school and I really like a girl who's the same age as me. She seems to be the perfect girl, having good character and by no means a person who wants to have relationships just for the sake of them. What really confuses me is that during recess and after school she approaches my friend and me to talk about anything. She seems to enjoy our company and doesn't mind any humor we use.
However, the problem lies with me. I have never had a relationship before, and I rarely look at girls (no I'm not a homosexual). The only interaction with girls I have is when I'm hanging out with my good friends with their girlfriends, and all I do is try to be polite and helpful to them. Throughout my life I have been asked by my cousin sisters and family whether I have a girlfriend, and I've simply replied with "no I don't have a girlfriend, I spend most of my time studying, going out with friends and going to the gym". On the outside people may see me as a stud who's well built and has dated many girls, but in reality I'm a guy who hangs out with his 'dudes' and is really close with them.
Deep down it hurts, to see everyone in a relationship and partying, while I'm here lonely and spending time with my mom and dad or my best friends...
Additional Note : Most of the people in my grade go out to smoke and drink, having wild parties while I sit down with my mom and dad who are 55 and 61 respectively, because I can't stand to see them alone and having no one around to talk with them.
TL;DR: | I'm a shy guy who wants to ask out a simple girl for a date and be the most caring FIRST boyfriend she's had, but have no clue how to do so... |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My experience with "long-term" marijuana use. An unbiased story. What has your experience been like (if you smoke)?
POST: Here's my story..I waited to finish 1st year of university to smoke weed after high school ended. I was not a smoker, but would occasionally indulge. Ever since I smoked that joint after my last final of 1st year, I have been smoking regularly. I was going through about 3g a week. It helped me relax after long study days. Hell I even did better 2nd year than 1st year (when I wasn't smoking). However, after a year and a half of daily use I realized how much its changed me.
You see, before I used to be much happier and more caring. i did not mind doing favours for others. I always had a smile on my face. Now I am colder, calculating, and overall harder to make happy. I find that not too many things impress me, specially when they come from others. My memory became worse and understanding things has became difficult. I am less motivated overall. I care less. My confidence has greatly declined. I am more conservative and less adventurous.
I've managed to slow down my smoking to only on weekends now and I happen to feel much better. Quitting is around the corner.
TL;DR: | Long term weed use has changed me into someone I'm not too confortable being so I'm slowing down and quitting soon. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (20F) am in great relationship with (24M) but am having feelings for another (24M)
POST: Four months ago I started dating this wonderful (24M) named "Chris." He had just started at my job and after a little talking and a few nights of hanging out, we became official (fast, I know, but I felt" safe" with him).
About a week after he starts working here, another guy begins work here too: "Mark." He is the same age as Chris and we automatically hit it off the day before Chris asks if I wanted to be official.
But as the weeks go by, even though I have no problem with my relationship with Chris, I start to have mild feelings for Mark. People at work suggest that he likes me even though he has never told me himself. But he knows I am dating Chris and that we are very happy.
My issue is Chris and I are very comfortable around each other, and it is so easy to spend a lot of time with him and when I am with him, it feels so normal. But we don't have a lot of common interests (besides normal stuff like music and TV). We don't have a lot of in-depth discussions either. Just normal every day conversations. Whereas, Mark and I can have long conversations about basically anything. We have the same type of humor and I always have so much fun talking to him and lately these feelings have made me feel distant towards Chris.
Chris and I haven't been together that long, but we say "I love you" and he has said a few times how he can see himself spending his life with me. I want to stay with him, but it is hard to ignore the chemistry I have with Mark. I feel so guilty that I am having these feelings and I don't want to hurt either guy.
TL;DR: | In a relationship with a terrific, loving guy but I have a lot of chemistry with another guy that has feelings for me as well. Any advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Who can find me the best picture for my life right now (bad timing)?
POST: So, I dated someone for over 2 years. We broke up and there was this chick who liked me and I liked her, but I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship yet. I wanted to wait to date until I wasn't fucked up from the last relationship anymore. Well, that time came this week. I go hang out with the chick friend, who then informs me she just started dating this other guy (she was tired of waiting). Story is more complicated than that. Anyway, I'm feeling forever alone right now, so I challenge you all to come up with the best picture for me to see right now. If any amuse me enough but aren't too obvious for the people who know the situation, I might change my FB pic to said picture.
TL;DR: | I was finally ready for relationship with a girl who liked me (and I liked her) after I was getting over a previous breakup. She just started dating someone else so I'm too late. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [25m] brother [28m] wants to celebrate my mothers [15 years deceased] birthday this month and I don't know how to tell him "no" without starting a fight
POST: We never had the best childhood. Our parents fought a lot, being a mixed family my father wasn't allowed to discipline my older half brother the same as my younger brother and I. When I was 10 years old our mother killed herself and I spent a lot of my teen years angry at her and feeling left behind. My brother was getting into trouble and left home at 14 years old, just shortly after my mom passed away.
After mom passed away we sort of lost connection with her parents, being I was just a kid I never thought to call them but they never tried to call us either until last year when my older brother moved back. All is well, I love my grandparents and love visiting them but my brother made a suggestion that we should have dinner with my grandparents to celebrate my moms birthday when I've honestly spent the last 15 years dreading days like this. I can't say I've fully forgiven my mother for what she did, and I'm not proud of her because when I was 10 years old I didn't actually know her as a person much at all.
My brother tends to have a ridiculously over the top short temper, and I don't think he will understand that I don't want to celebrate a dead woman's birthday. It's not that I want to do something else, it's that I want to do what I try to do every year. Just forget about it, it's just another day.
What can I do to help him understand where I'm coming from? I can guarantee he won't.
TL;DR: | my brother wants to celebrate my deceased moms birthday after 15 years and it's not something I see worth acknowledging, let alone celebrating. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I [25F] be concerned that my bf [25M] frequently looks up his exes on Facebook?
POST: My bf and I have been together for a year and a half and we live together. We love each other a lot. We got together under somewhat unusual circumstances. I had just gotten out of a 6 1/2 year relationship two months prior. However, I was out of love with my ex for a while and discovered he was cheating on me so I was ready to move on long before the relationship actually ended. My current bf was always a little sketched out it hadn't been long and even now when we fight he always mentions that I wasn't out of a relationship long enough to have enough perspective and blah blah.
He has two significant exes. One that he dated in high school for 5 years. First everything. She was around when his mom died so there's some weird nostalgia there he's mentioned. The other one was in college for 8 months and she kissed another guy so they broke up. He says that relationship isn't significant compared to the first and ours but I can tell it affected him.
He once told me he looks up his exes on facebook about once a month just out of curiosity. I thought this was very weird but he insisted it really isn't. Ok now this is where I'm bad. I've searched through his internet history maybe 4-5 times in the relationship. I know I need to stop. It's really comes from my own insecurities. I only found out my ex was cheating from looking at his history or else I never would've known in a million years. Well every time I've checked both his exes are in the history about 2 times a month. He usually looks at about 7-8 of their pictures. Something about this just doesn't feel right to me.
Reddit, is this normal? What could the implications of this be? If it is bad, how do I bring this up since I shouldn't be looking through history? A man'a perspective on this would be nice to help me understand
TL;DR: | My bf looks at 2 of his ex gfs pictures about twice a month on Facebook. Is this normal or even ok? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (23f) with my best friend (22) of 8 years. Her hypochondria and anxiety disorder is slowly becoming worse and worse. How can I help?
POST: So my best friend, we'll call her Emily, has always had some sort of difficulty in her life. She has had issues with eating disorders, mainly anorexia and bullimia, as well as depression. She has managed to fight off some of those things, but obviously some of them still linger, because as of the last year or so, she has become a hypochondriac.
She often texts me out of the blue, asking if I've ever had this, or that, and usually it's very small things. Questions like does your tongue ever get white stuff of it? Her most recent worry was that she had some broken blood vessels on her arm from scratching, and her anxiety stopped her from coming out to the lake with us for the day. She has worked herself up because she burnt the inside of her mouth and thought it was cancer because it hurt a few days after. I really want to help her but she seems to not want to help herself.
My mom is a registered counselor, and I've offered to my friend that she could see my mom free of charge, and she seemed up for it, but now she's avoiding me completely. She says that she can fix it herself but it's only getting worse.
I guess my question is, how can I be supportive when she doesn't want to get help? How can I stop myself from getting frustrated when she won't take advice? I guess I just need help, because I really want to help her to get better so she can enjoy being a 20-year old, healthy, beautiful girl.
TL;DR: | my best friend is a hypochondriac, she won't leave her house some days because of it, and works herself into a panic often about miniscule things. I want to help her, but don't know how. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: He asked if we could be friends after 16 days of no contact
POST: I broke up with a guy a little under 2 months ago. It did not end well, He lied and used me and I cussed him out and said some pretty hurtful stuff about some personal stuff about him.
A week after he sends me a email saying that he was sorry and that he was a bad person and that I deserved better. He said he didn't want to communicate anymore because of everything that happened. I replied back and apologized for some of the things I said and wished him the best.
2 weeks later (at nine in the morning) he randomly emails me and asked me how I was. I emailed back and said I was doing well. Then he asked if we could hang out, talk and be "friendly". Then he started apologizing again.
side note: I told him straight up that I would NEVER be a friends with benefits with him so it's not that.
TL;DR: | I don't know what to think. Do you thing he really just wants to be friend or if he's trying to get back together and starting slow? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend [26/M] broke up with me [24/F] after two years due to his depression. I have had my own issues in the past. Tips for dealing with this in a healthy way?
POST: I will try to keep this as brief as possible.
My boyfriend and I were together for just shy of two years, after knowing each other for a long time. We were very much in love; we were best friends, we lived together, had strong relationships with each other's friends and families, and had even talked about marriage.
After making a big cross country move back home, he started to feel extremely self-conscious about his career and direction in life. It continued to spiral downward over 6 months to the point where he barely wanted to go out, and his infrequent work situation caused him to continually be stressed about money. With the stress of the holidays on top, we were fighting. I thought it was a rough patch. He came over a few days after Christmas, broke down, and broke up with me, referencing his depression and needing to make a change, but not knowing where to start. We have acknowledged that we love each other, and over the past few weeks have talked on and off, but he is still unsure of what he wants and I had to cut off contact for my own well-being.
I struggled with depression and self-harm issues a lot when I was younger. After ending other (unhealthy) relationships, I relied on drugs, alcohol, and hookups as a means of emotional validation and distraction. I don't want to go back to old habits; plus, this relationship meant far too much to me to be emotionally "swept under the rug," so to speak, and I want the healing process to be healthy. I just don't know where to start. I am devastated. Any thoughts are appreciated.
TL;DR: | The man I thought I was going to marry broke up with me due to his depression; I need coping tips to combat my own depression in a healthy way |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I'm in love with my best friend, and I need some advice please.
POST: I've known her for about 4 years now. I had dated her best friend for years 2 and 3 (they stopped being friends around beginning year 3). We became "best" friends about mid year 2. I realized I started having some kind of feelings for her mid year 3. I hid them in the deepest parts of me until the day I told her. I became known as kuya probably in the beginning of year 3. My gf and I broke up around end year 3. We've always shared anything and everything and been very truthful about our opinions. We've told each other things I'm sure would destroy other friendships. She had just broken up with her bf beginning of year 4 and a few days later, while talking, randomly asked if I had feelings for her. I told her the truth and we talked about it for awhile. She got back with the guy (This guy doesn't treat her very well, and nobody really likes him). I hid my feelings again and we went on like nothing happened. A few months ago I realized I really do love her. Just recently they broke up again, because he's an idiot and doesn't realize how amazing she is, and she asked again. Of course I told her I still had feelings for her. She said she'd never want anyone but him. We talked about it a little and that was that. Lately I feel like she's been trying to push me away, so I've been giving her some room. Now I'm on reddit, unsure of what I should do. :/ Leave her alone all together? Forget my feelings, they'll go away? Hide them again and just be there for her? Something else? It's getting harder to ignore my feelings. Also, I've tried to stop my feelings for her, especially when I first realized they were there, but I obviously haven't been successful and it's only gotten worse.
TL;DR: | I'm in love with my best friend. She doesn't seem like she has or ever will ever have feelings for me. What to do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Pets
TITLE: Help! I want to keep our new cats!
POST: I've got a pretty serious problem on my hands. My family has recently adopted two brother cats from an old family friend. We already had an enormous beast kitten that I rescued about 8 years ago. The brothers are cute as can be, and very loving. At first I was concerned that my beast kitty was going to shred them, but they have all since developed a working relationship in which the brothers don't bother him and he doesn't bother them. Everything is great, except for one major problem: the brother cats are peeing on everything! Not spraying, full-on urination everywhere. Our bed, my daughter's bed, our couch, the bathroom floor, EVERYWHERE. This is a huge problem because we rent and our house cannot stink like cat urine. My wife it at wits end because we do laundry constantly, and she is one more incident away from kicking them out of the house. They are shut in the bathroom right now with food, water and litter box. It would break my heart to get rid of them, but I'm not willing to compromise my wife's sanity and our property just to keep them. I feel like it's a literal pissing match between the newcomers and my old cat for territory, but I could be wrong. The kittens don't seem unhealthy and they're not eating/drinking too much or too little so a health issue would surprise me. I tried browsing the internet for answers, but nothing matching my situation came up so I'm begging you for help! Please help me fix this problem and save the kittens!
TL;DR: | adopted two new boy kitties, already had one older boy cat. New cats are pissing everywhere, wife is about to put them up for adoption. Halp. Please.. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Sallie Mae says I owe them $4700 for a student loan that was distributed when I was not even a student. Please help.
POST: In March 2015 I was enrolled at Oregon State University online and had accepted $4700 in a federal student loan to pay for my tuition. In May 2015 my student loan still had not been distributed and the financial aid office was not responding in a timely manner so I dropped my classes and withdrew from the university.
I never received any financial aid from Oregon State University.
About a week ago I started receiving calls from Sallie Mae, the call would ask for me to call them back on their 1-800 number. On Wednesday I finally got around to calling them back and found out they are claiming I am behind on payments on a $4700 student loan that was distributed on September 15, 2015 from Oregon State University. I explained to the representative that this is impossible as I withdrew from OSU in May 2015. The representative said she could not help me and I would need to contact the financial aid office at OSU.
I immediately called OSU and the representative from the financial aid office stated that Sallie Mae mistakenly sent funds to the school for the student loan I originally requested. She then stated that these funds have already been returned to Sallie Mae and that Sallie Mae should not be contacting me regarding the manner. The representative stated she would call Sallie Mae after we got off the phone to clear up the matter.
Sallie Mae is continuing to call me everyday seeking payment, the loan has now showed up on my credit report (according to CreditKarma), and the school is telling me the only thing they can do is tell Sallie Mae to check their records as the funds have already been returned.
I have no idea where to go from here. I haven't been able to get the school to give me anything in writing that states the funds were returned to Sallie Mae. The only thing Sallie Mae is interested in is collecting payment. How should I proceed in disputing this?
TL;DR: | Sallie Mae is trying to collect payment on a student loan that was never distributed to me that was sent to a school I was not enrolled in and the school is not being helpful in resolving the matter. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19 M] Could do with advice on how to proceed with my girlfriend.
POST: To keep the long story short, the relationship has became complicated, she told be that things had changed between us but wouldn't tell me what.
She says she still loves me and cares about me and we havn't actually "broken up" as far as i know, but all she will tell me is that she needs time and doesn't know what to say to me and doesn't know what she wants.
Im giving her time but i feel if i do just wait things will just fade, which i really do not want to happen, i could do with some advice on how to approach the situation from people with more experience.
TL;DR: | things" have changed, still loves me, says i wont lose her,doesn't know what to say or what she wants from me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] with my ex GF [18 F] have been in a LDR for a year now. She broke up with me because of distance.
POST: My SO broke up with me yesterday because she couldn't bear a LDR any longer. She craves physical closeness and being in a relationship with me has caused her to feel pain because of this.
I love her more than anything in the world, and life just seems lackluster and painful now. I couldn't sleep last night because my scalp prickled and my brain felt stabbing pain. The entire day made my chest feel heavy as if a stake was stabbed through it. I spilled my guts and everything to her, and she did the same to me. We know each other better than anyone else, and that's why I trusted her with my feelings. So I gave her my all and thus, it feels like everything was taken away from me. She still wants to be friends, and she was my best friend as well, so I want to keep her as a friend. However, I don't know how that will work out in the end.
She doesn't want anyone around right now because it's painful for her, but i'm craving her attention. Every moment alone feels soul crushing, and I'm experiencing loneliness that I never would have imagined before dating someone.
I had a plan to visit her in December and stay at her place for a couple weeks, and she also asked me on a date for then as well. She said she wouldn't want anyone else if I was there with her physically, and that the physical portion of a relationship is very important for her. I think we can have fun together and it'll be a great time regardless, but if we do rekindle any feelings, I'm scared that they'll be snatched away from me as soon as I leave. She made clear that she does not want to have a LDR again. I want to go visit her, but I'm feeling like I should go as just a friend.
Give me your thoughts and feelings about the relationship and what I should do/cope with my situation! Thanks! By the way, I didn't know what category this post fit in because it's a complicated situation.
TL;DR: | Gf broke up with me because of distance, says I would be perfect if I was physically there and she wouldn't have any problems with the relationship. Going to visit her December. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: First blow job with girl I like didn't go so well because I told her to stop. [18M]
POST: This girl and I have been going back and forth for about 9 months. We both admire each others motivation and intelligence greatly, but we both hate commitment. We don't hate it because we don't think we could do it, but because of the social aspects of an official relationship that we just couldn't fulfill. We've only ever gone so far as making out and feeling up and I stop her before she goes any further because we are usually drunk and I don't want her to do something she wouldn't normally do. Last night I invited her to a party and we both got pretty inebriated and went to the room in the basement that everyone uses to hook up because every other room was taken and we think PDA is a little tacky; we were only kissing after all. Things got a little hot and heavy and she took off my shirt and i took off hers, she took off my pants and then started to go down on me. I didn't stop her because I've never gone this far with a girl and it was a pride thing for me rather than me actually caring for her in that moment. I stopped her after a minute or two and I said "I don't want to". She threw on my shirt because she couldn't find hers and then just fell asleep next to me. The next morning she feels horrible because she thinks that she went out of my own comfort zone and won't stop apologizing. I want us to still be able to fool around and be on good terms but I don't know how I can communicate to her that it really isn't that big of deal to me. I think she is thinking that she might lose me or that she messed up big time.
TL;DR: | Told girl I like to stop blowing me because I didn't want to be that kind of couple yet and she feels absolutely awful. How do I let her know that it really isn't that big of deal to me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend [20F] and I [20M] had a near-breakup conversation yesterday and I decided to stay with her. One day later I feel like I made an impulsive decision due to romanticizing the situation and I am starting to regret it.
POST: My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 7 months now. The beginning of our relationship was somewhat atypical as we met at the end of the spring semester at college and decided to date long distance on the last day of finals. This required us to date long distance for 3 and half months over the summer as we live in different states, but we communicated a lot and everything was relatively good.
Upon moving back to school, I started to get feelings that hanging out with her was almost a chore rather than the really amazing fun thing that it should be. Very soon after this feeling started, she told me she loved me and obviously, being in a rut, I was caught off guard and couldn't say it back. This led to some weirdness for a few days but everything went back mostly to normal, but on my side, I was still feeling off about things. As of a couple weeks ago, with Winter break approaching, I was thinking that since I was still feeling off about the relationship, it might be time for us to break things off and start fresh for the break and next semester. Before I could even was ready to tell her, she told me she loved me again and I knew the topic had to come up, because I still did not love her. After a few hours of conversation and us almost breaking up, I didn't feel right breaking up with her right then because in that moment I genuinely believed that if I continued at it with a new perspective, that I could some day love her. For the rest of that day, things felt really good and I thought we could have a future but when I woke up the next morning, the only thing I felt was regret. I do not think I made the right decision because I ignored all the flaws from my side of the relationship and I know now that they cannot just disappear through ignorance.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend and I of 7 months almost broke up due to lack of love on my side, I decided to stay with her and almost immediately regretted it, what do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [21m] girlfriend [21f] talks negatively of my friends and family
POST: I've been dating this girl for about 3 months and we've now been living together for about a month. I'm really crazy about this girl, but we got into an argument today.
We were having just another normal conversation, talking about my dad, when she replied "fuck him" about some advice he gave me on the phone regarding having a serious relationship at this age.
I wasn't necessarily mad about what she had said, I think it was justified, but it brought back a flood of all the negative things she has said about my friends and family since I met her, and I stormed out of the house in anger. In all the times she has been around me i havent once heard her say anything positive about my friends or family. I later wrote her a short paragraph about how that made me feel and why I became so angry and gave it to her in person. She read through it and all she had to say was "Oh, sorry. That's a fatal flaw of mine." I don't feel I have closure from that... it wasn't a real apology.
Am I justified in this thinking? How do I continue from here? Thank you!
TL;DR: | Girlfriend talked a lot of mess about my family and friends, didn't give a good apology, expects everything to be normal. How do I continue from here? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: [M23] Asked a girl on a second date, am slightly confused by response. Help?
POST: Went on a date with a girl (22) from OKC on MLK day last week, and it felt like all went really well. Laughs were had, common interests shared, and it certainly seemed like there was a connection. Gave her a ride home, and she said she would definitely like to see me again.
Fast forward to this last Sunday, sent her a text asking for a second date somewhere near the end of the week. Just today (Tuesday) received the following text back: "Hey you, I'm really sorry for the delayed response. This week has been going really busy with school and work. I'm discovering pretty fast on how much time I have to pursue any type of relationship so I just want to be honest and give ya the heads up!"
So going to my friends for an opinion I got a 50/50 split on she still wants to try and she wants a nice way out and does not want to continue.
TL;DR: | Girl sent a vague text back, unsure if she still wants me to try asking her out in her free time or not. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: If you [20, F] fell in love with a man [20, M] before, could you fall in love with him again?
POST: Please answer if you were in the girl's shoes, in the situation below, would you think it's still possible to fall in love with that guy again?
----
Suppose you liked this guy, who really liked you too. But after a while, your feelings for him dissapated. Though he still really likes you. You dump him.
After a year, you get back in touch with him, but only through email. Contact with him is not very often, as he knows that he doesn't want to seem too keen. Though when you do contact each other occasionally, you're very positive with him.
Then one day, he tells you that he really misses you. And you quickly stop all contact and ignore him.
Suppose if he came into your life once more, would it be possible to fall for him again? Would you be jealous of him if he had a pretty girlfriend already? Or was successful? Please share your views. Thank you for your time :)
TL;DR: | If a guy you used to like came back into your life, is it possible that feelings for him will rekindle? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Confused and seeking help
POST: My girlfriend (21) and I (19, M) have been together for nearly three years, I know I love her and I've become increasingly insecure... which is why I'm here.
Her parents are incredibly strict; no sleepovers, no closed doors, no PDA, and I've dealt with that and have learned to live with it.... but because of that we see each other one to three times a week.
Our sex life is becoming stagnant, at least to me. I've voiced my opinion many times and she's said she'd try but I can't even see a glimpse of her wanting to.
Recently, I've been feeling like something's missing... something "shut off" for me when we were having sex; she had no passion and it was like she was just doing it. I feel like I'm unattractive. I asked her about it and she said everything was fine.
Fast forward two weeks (today) and she asked me if I felt different recently. I admitted that I felt that something's changed and I told her my reasoning. I asked her what she felt and she said it was like something had just "shut off". She wouldn't go further in detail, but she assured me that she loves me and we agreed to be with each other through this rough patch.
TL;DR: | Relationship was fine, then suddenly something "clicked" and we're both worried, but neither of us really know what it is (please read last 3 par.) |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I think I'm breaking down, intellectually. I see trolls everywhere. Help.
POST: Reddit, I can't help but see the benefits wrought by injustice and it's starting to worry me.
I'll start off with a less serious example: Firefly. Firefly was/is wonderful. But, like all good things, Fox killed it in its prime. Had the series continued to run, I'm sure Whedon, et al, would have produced much more quality programming. Maybe not. We'll never know. But by killing Firefly, Fox transmuted it from a great TV show into a underground cultural phenomenon. We wouldn't have Serenity otherwise. They did the same thing to Futurama and Family guy. I almost feel like I should thank the bastards.
A more serious example would be practically any foundation you've ever heard of. Organizations for the benefit of breast cancer patients, for rape victims, for murdered friends/family, natural disaster victims, etc. None of them would exist without the initial tragedy.
A more serious example still would be what's happening with the US Government (which, perhaps appropriately, Fox is also in the process of killing). My rational self tells me that greed and lust for power are at the heart of the endless woes that afflict this country. On the other hand, Americans don't appreciate what they have in terms of freedom and it almost makes sense that some movement is taking place to remind us to fight for our rights. I can't accept that, logically, but functionally that's exactly what's happening.
TL;DR: | Is it possible that those in power are doing the right thing for the wrong reasons (or the right reasons?), or have I lost my marbles? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 F] with my boyfriend [24 M] 2 years, he's always tired and refuses to do anything about it.
POST: Ive been dating my fiancé for about two years, and we recently got engaged. Since even before we've been dating he's been a bit overweight, and the both of us have only gained *more* weight in the past two years.
Whenever I ask him to do something even remotely physical (walk the dog, do a short 15 minute work out tape, etc) he complains and doesn't want to do it, saying that he's tired. If i do get him to participate he acts frustrated before we even begin and it makes me feel bad.
How do I communicate with him that I just to be healthy, and that I'm not trying to pick on him or make him feel bad? I just want us to be healthy together.
TL;DR: | Fiancé and I are both overweight, I want to make us healthier because he's always saying he's tired, but he doesn't want to. |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: Squeaky clean revenge at the laundromat
POST: I was doing my laundry as per usual at my school's residence laundry room today. When it comes to folding my clothes, I fold them on top of one of the 20-something washers and put them in my basket, which in total takes up around 1.5 washers worth of space. It is unusual but no one really minds.
Anyway, when I was about halfway done folding everything this girl comes in with a regular sized load. She puts some of her clothes in one washer, then some more in the next, and then the rest in the one I was folding on. I assumed she was separating whites from black from colours, which I found pretty unnecessary as she would have been fine with just separating white from blacks/colours.
I had already moved to a different washer for folding but left the piles of clothes I had already folded on her washer, assuming that she wouldn't need the top and would be leaving soon anyway. The icing on the cake was when she asked me to move the piles somewhere else because she was "using that washer." I'm not one to argue so I moved them. Right after I had finished my migration she paid, started her washers and left.
She had caused me a mild inconvenience but it was annoying because there was a heaping pile of someone's washed clothes on top of the washers beside me, probably because they were in the wash for too long and someone else decided to remove them, so I was restricted to the corner before she left.
Then it hit me. I finished my folding and then grabbed all of the contents of the pile and spread them over the tops of her three washers. I just wish I could seen her as I was leaving so I could give her a vindictive shit-eating grin.
TL;DR: | Washer hog takes up 3 machines and tells me to move my clothes piles. She leaves and then gets a huge pile of clean, wet clothes over her washers. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [32 F] with my boyfriend [29 M] five months, worried about the future
POST: Hi, so I know my post title sounds ridiculous BUT I'm thinking about the future. I'm 32, my sweet, lovely, wonderful, I see a future with boyfriend is 29. Big deal, right?
Except that he will most likely be relatively to very wealthy based on his grad school field. This is not why I picked him. I have my own money. I would prefer a guy who makes a normal amount of money.
But all I can see is him becoming successful and ditching me for a 22 year old supermodel, even though he seems very into me, talks about the future, I feel a future with him, etc. I'm just paranoid that once guys get successful, they all want the hottest girl they can get, and that isn't me. Should I dump him because this is probably what will happen because this scenario is always what happens? That successful guys invariably dump their similarly aged wives for a hot, young thing? Or at the very least, cheat on their wives?
TL;DR: | Do I dump my great boyfriend because if he becomes rich and successful, he'll probably dump me for someone much hotter and younger? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22 M] have been frustrated with my [21 F] of 10 months because she doesn't talk to me
POST: For the past few weeks my gf has been acting extremely strange. This is the 2nd "bout" of what I can only describe as depression. Several days in the week she'll tell me that she's sad but that she doesn't know why.
I've been trying my best to be supportive and caring of her but I feel like I'm at my ends reach. Everytime I try to talk with her about her feelings she shuts me out. Then, in a later conversation she'll complain about how I don't share my feelings with her. It's very frustrating for me because I feel like I'm not fulfilling my role as a boyfriend. I'm supposed to add something to her life, but lately I've been feeling helpless.
To add to things I just added a total screw up by unleashing all of these feelings I've been having in a recent phone call that we had together.
I just have no idea what to do. I love her, and the only reason I' so frustrated is because I'm scared as hell for her well being and I don't want to see her so sad all the time. What the hell do I do? I'm so lost.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend's going through a depressive like state for the 2nd time. I'm feeling frustrated and helpless. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 M] with my GF [19 F] 3 Years, is it time to break up?
POST: Don't usually go to the internet for advice, but figured I'd try it just to get some opinions.
I am a 22 M who just recently graduated college and moved across the country at a new job with some guys I met from interning at said company to get away from where I grew up. It was a very small community where everybody knew everybody else, very religious, and overall a very constricting experience for a young guy.
I have been having serious doubts the last month or so about our relationship. but I've had them before. I grew up as an athlete, she was a band kid. I have a strong interest in Math/Science, she has a strong interest in the arts. I don't care much for religion (I consider myself agnostic) but she is very religious. Essentially we are complete opposites, but we do get along very well and enjoy each other's company when I am in town.
A big part of me wants to end it because of how different we are, and because I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship. I have been in about 2-3 relationships my entire life (shortest one being 1 year) and it seems every new relationship makes me want it even less. I have many friends in the area I'm living now who are single and are not looking for a long term relationship, and for me it doesn't seem all that bad.
We broke up temporarily about 8 months ago for a month and it was terrible for both of us, but I'm not sure exactly why that was. Is this a normal feeling that people have temporarily or should I go through with a breakup? What's the best way to do that in a long-distance relationship (I am over 1000 miles away from where she is living)?
TL;DR: | Been in relationship for 3 years and we are both very different, enjoy eachothers company and I love her but not feeling a relationship is right for me right now... time to break up? |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: 25yo M: I am trying to avoid becoming a Nice Guy(TM). I do not want to hurt people. How to I remain good?
POST: Hello everyone.
I've been reading the AskWomen subreddit for some time. I'm looking at the posts and I'm starting to get concerned.
I'm single, straight, 25yo M, never kissed, dated, slept with someone. I have the feeling that I'm starting to slip into Nice Guy(TM)-dom out of self-righteousness and despair.
I have women friends that I do not want to hurt. In particular, the woman friend with whom I am in love (and who I know for a fact is not single), who the incipient "Nice Guy(TM)" feelings want me to hate - she's a good person.
She still talks to me even after I'd made my feelings clear. I really, REALLY do not want to emotionally hurt her. I think I would do so were I to become a Nice Guy(TM).
How would you drag a guy (or get a guy to drag himself) out of the abyss?
TL;DR: | neurotic inexperienced male feels like joining TRP, but understands that doing so will hurt those he cares about, and thus needs help staying out of the cesspool |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] with my gf [23 F] of one year, need advice on how to break up
POST: Me and my girl friend have been dating for just over a year. Since summer things have not been going good. I'm at the point in the relationship where I know this isn't who I want to spend my life with.
We still get along but I know it's not what I want. It isn't fair for me to keep dating her too if I know I want out.
I've been in 2 long relationships before. one where she ended it and the other me. The best thing is normally to be honest and upfront IMO.
The problem is about 4 months into dating I learned she has depression. Normally she can overcome it but the last few months it does get her down in the dumps. I want to call the relationship off but I feel so guilty about doing it because I don't want her depression to get worse.
I'm not sure how to end it... I know I don't want to be in it anymore (not because of her depression either, it's personal issues and outlooks) I really need some advice.
TL;DR: | I want to break up with my gf of a year. She does suffer from depression and I don't know the best way to break up. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19 F] waited three months for my boyfriend [24 M] of 10 months and he called it off after two weeks. Need advice.
POST: So 5 weeks ago I went through my first break up. My then boyfriend of 10 months had been overseas for the past 3 months and things were kind of rough.
He was distant and it was clear I was no longer a top priority for him. I went over to his house the night after a big fight over messenger and thought we were going to talk things through but he decided to end it. He said, 'I love you but I'm not as in love with you as I was before.'
That hurt a lot but it also didn't make sense. If you love someone wouldn't you still give it a shot?
Just a month before this he had proclaimed I was the love of his life (I never said it back) and told me he didn't want to leave me for that long again. I believed him.
I talked to him on Wednesday and he told me he fell out of love with me while he was overseas but he never mentioned any doubts before the night he broke up with me.
Am I crazy for thinking there's something more to this? Was there another girl or did I do something wrong? Or is he as confused as I am? I tried to be as supportive as possible while he was overseas even though it was hard for me.
Should I cut him off and move on or give him time and try to work it out?
TL;DR: | waited 3 months for my boyfriend of 10 months to return from an overseas trip. He broke up with me 2 weeks after he got back. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I feel isolated at school because I am athletic, pretty, and get good grades. Advice?
POST: 24F here. I feel very isolated and almost condemned by the girls in my class at medical school. The class is small - only 150 people. I work hard to get good grades, and people come to me to ask questions if they need help. I think this would sit well with most everyone, but I happen to have gotten good genes and I am, according to many people, very pretty. I also play a lot of sports and eat healthy. The problem is, I feel like no matter how hard I try to befriend the girls in my class, they always end up disliking me for seemingly no reason at all. They mock me a lot, but usually make it seem like a compliment ("Oh, how does it feel to be such a pretty smarty-pants?" "Stop being so smart, it's annoying" "Why are you in med school, go marry a rich guy"), but I know they are being serious to a degree. Some girls abruptly stop talking to me without any reason, and ignore me when I try to start conversation. Another problem is many male students will befriend me and eventually admit they have interest in a relationship, and even though I try to salvage the friendship, it is never the same. The only friends I feel I can keep from mysteriously disliking me are guys that have no interest in me (I believe) and the gay people in my class. I have tried many things: wearing sweats to classes, stop helping people with work feigning lack of knowledge, and in general trying to be extra nice to the girls in my class (invite people over for dinner, etc). Furthermore, I am a rather awkward person by nature, therefore that doesn't help ease the friend-making process. I'm at a loss of what I can do. Help Reddit, I feel so isolated at my school that I feel like dropping out at times.
TL;DR: | I feel like girls hate me because I take care of my body, I work hard for good grades, and a by stroke of luck I have a pretty face. I have to work very hard to keep friendships. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20M] with my friend [20F] 2 years, certain she isn't interested how do I move on?
POST: There's this girl I really like, I don't think I've ever had a bigger crush on someone, but there's a few issues.
Firstly, she's from a very religious family, so she'll likely settle with someone her parents choose and approve of, also meaning they have to be of the same ethnicity. I'm white and she's Asian.
2) I didn't want to ask her when I had the opportunity to avoid the risk of feeling like crap, but I'm 90% sure she has a guy she likes and she's admitted to having a crush on a guy at sixth form, though this was a while ago.
We have the same circle of friends and go out every so often. The last time we went out, she was on her phone a lot. I had a quick glance at her phone and the texts consisted of paragraphs going back and forth with her smiling a lot.
However, she always wants to know my relationship status, but I guess it's nothing but curiosity. I already know I stand no chance simply because of her family, but I can't stop thinking about her nor can I bring myself to accept it. I know I need to let it go but I don't know how to, especially since we have the same friends (although it's only really one friend that's mutual). I've been feeling depressed all day and really don't know what to do in this situation. I keep looking at my phone hoping for a text but that's not happening.
Any advice?
TL;DR: | girl I have a huge crush on, no chance of being with her, same group of friends, what do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Friend of a friend [F23] matched me on Tinder, not sure how to approach.
POST: So I [M25] met this girl a couple months ago hanging out with a shared group of friends. At the time she had a boyfriend so I never really talked to her too extensively and was just nice. I haven't seen her in a couple months and I see that we are now matched on Tinder. I honestly didn't even recognize her when I originally swiped her but I did when we matched. But I'm just not sure how to approach the situation since we kind of know each other already but honestly I would be interested she is very attractive. Should i ask her what happened to her boyfriend? I know one her best friends, should i try to ask her if she is actually interested before making a move? It's sort of an odd situation that a girl I know and could contact through other means is now a tinder match so not sure what to say or do.
TL;DR: | friend of a friend tinder matches me, likely just got out of a relationship. how do i approach the situation? |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: I want to pursue a career in photography. I've graduated from college and I've finished my photo internship, but I don't know what to do next.
POST: Hi r/jobs. I'm a 21 year old photographer from California who just finished college (degree in Journalism) and has been studying and working in art photography and photojournalism for the past four years. I want to pursue a professional career in photography as a photojournalist but I've come to a dead end and not sure what to do next.
Here's some background. While in college, I was introduced to contemporary art and fell in love with photography. Mixing my interest with writing, I decided to pursue studies in photojournalism. I photographed for my college paper and became photo editor shortly after. I made it a goal to one day photograph for my daily local newspaper, considered one of the most successful papers in the state.
That dream came true when I managed to get a photo internship in my last semester of college. Before that, I had done an internship for a local magazine which introduced me to video, editing, graphic design, etc.
Things were really good in school, my work was published on the front page every other Monday, and I was happy to see my work going somewhere. (I even managed to make USA Today's top photos in February!) But in an almost typical college fashion, all things came to an end. After graduation, my internship ended and I wasn't offered a job or even a freelance opportunity. I applied for other internships as a start, but haven't been accepted to any. So far, it seems I will be unemployed for the remainder of the year.
My only plan so far is to take the time I have to continue shooting whatever news I can find and work on my personal projects. But I was curious if I could get some advice from those in similar situations on how you make that leap from a recent graduate who is doing nothing to someone who is contributing their work to the professional world. My ultimate goal would be to become an editor for a publication, but for now just a staffer at a newspaper or magazine.
TL;DR: | I am a college graduate who recently finished his photo internship and had nothing planned afterward. I would like to work as a professional photojournalist and seek advice to make the leap. |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Best way to transition out of a job
POST: I've been working in a software development job in a fairly small (6-developer) group within a university for about 4 years, and it's now time for me to move on. I generally like my clients, coworkers, and boss, so I want to make this as smooth and amicable as possible.
I'm the most skilled developer in the group and I'm in the process of leading a migration to new technologies (which no one else is really up to speed on). I've also developed and maintained a number of complex, high-profile systems that will need ongoing enhancements and maintenance, including some major development initiatives over the next 6 months to a year. These aren't well documented, I'm embarrassed to admit, in line with the general M.O. of the group (it's an environment with very tight budgets and timelines, and corners get cut).
What should I be doing to get the group ready for my departure? Should I warn my boss/coworkers that I'm looking, and he needs to be more serious about filling an empty developer position? Just try to document my stuff and let the shit hit the fan when I turn in my two weeks? I've been screwed by developers leaving with bad handoffs, and I don't want to do the same thing myself.
Thanks for any advice you have.
TL;DR: | How can I best prepare my coworkers/employer to transition my responsibilities when I leave? Should I warn them that I'm looking for jobs, and they need to get serious about hiring a replacement? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Coming out of a bad time in my life, seeking advice
POST: Ok reddit, since you solve everyone's problems take a swing at mine. I Just turned 20 exactly one month ago today, and I recently had alot of things happen to me that have made my life seem more complicated. Last year I was enrolled in an Honors Biochemistry program, with a decently attractive girlfriend and I weighed about 230 pounds (I have a big build so I was chubby but by no means fat) and had worked at various jobs over the summer for spending money. At this point I have switched university's, am currently enrolled in open studies (no major low gpa and taking few classes), dumped my girlfriend due to the relationship having turned unhealthy (also was internet cheated on, thanks internet) and gained about 50 pounds (so now I am fat). I was unable to work this summer due to getting H1N1, then on top of it developed an pneumonia and a heart condition simultaneously which very nearly killed me (went into respiratory failure and was in the ICU under quarantine for a week). I've started to eat a lot healthier and work out as much as possible to lose the weight so that's a start I think. Basically I want to know if anyone has any advice on how to get my life back on track because I feel very lost and direction-less. If you need anything clarified ask me, this isn't a throw-away account and I feel no shame in having gone through tough times.
TL;DR: | Lost girlfriend, gained 50 pounds, and dropped out of a honors degree and almost died within the span of a few months need advice to move on with my life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: me [22F] with my boyfriend [21M] of 3 months. i'm having issues with intimacy following his performance issues in bed
POST: Let me start by saying i am INCREDIBLY attracted to my boyfriend. I think he's the most attractive man on the planet.
But on to the problem. We have had 'sex' a handful of times, but I would only describe 2 or 3 of those times as successful or even mildly successful.
At first, he could not get hard. After some time, he could get hard, but got nervous and lost it at the beginning of 'sex.' Some time later, he began stopping very early in 'sex' because he was nervous.
I understand he has performance anxiety. He has explained that he's worried he won't do a good job or that he'll embarrass himself. I'm always patient with him, cuddle him after, and reassure him that it's okay and I'm glad he didn't follow through with something he was uncomfortable with.
I'm not necessarily growing impatient with his anxiety, but I'm beginning to have a problem of my own. In my last relationship, I was having sex with him multiple times every day. At first, I wanted a similar sexual connection and sex life with my current boyfriend. But after all of this, I don't really see him sexually. I don't get the urge to rip off his clothes and fuck him like I did with my last boyfriend. It's still in my nature, but with him, sex feels like impending disappointment, so I feel like what's the point?
Someone please help.
TL;DR: | boyfriend has performance anxiety and it has resulted in MANY MANY failed sex attempts. I need sex. And i want it with him. pleease help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [22/F] Am Not Sure If My Anxiety Disorder Is Getting in the Way of My Relationship with My Bf {22/M}
POST: I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder earlier this year and thankfully I have been feeling much better since I've been taking meds and I'm in therapy. Even my bf says that I've gotten much better at handling my emotions and irrational anxious thoughts. But my bf and I moved in together about 3 months ago for financial reasons -- and although it's been so nice and awesome to live with him -- I've been lately feeling like I want to screw other guys. I think that sentiment stems from a feeling of being trapped. He said that he would move out if I told him to, but I don't want to lose him or have him leave either. I really like living with him, but perhaps if he moved out then I would miss him too much to want to screw other guys? This is the first time in our year and a half relationship that I've felt this way or gotten restless with our relationship....
As a result, my anxiety is at an all time high. I have nightmares. I don't know what to do -- I've tried thinking through it, but I don't know what to do. Should I break up with him if I'm having these feelings? I've already talked to him about it, and he just says to give my feelings some more time to ferment and work themselves out (my anxiety usually, most always, dissolves on its own). But this feeling hasn't gone away, it comes back in waves. Am I actually such an anxious person that I get restless of relationships too easily? Or is this one done for me? We barely ever fight, we're extremely compatible, and he's ALWAYS been there for me. Plus our sex is great. I really do deeply love him and I don't want to lose him. Then why am I so conflicted and eager to do things with other guys? Is all just my anxiety disorder? Someone please help me get out of my head!
TL;DR: | I really love my bf of a year and a half, but I've suddenly got urges to screw other guys. I have an anxiety disorder, which might have something to do with it..... |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [24 F] been dating a year. She has a job offer across the country.
POST: Hey, guys.
So my girlfriend and I have had a really solid relationship for this past year. We've know each other for years before but just recently got serious. And I mean serious- we talk about moving in all the time and how in love we are. We can have long open ended discussions about art, politics, food, our friends, our past. It's been a perfect relationship so far.
Well she just got offered a very good job from her favorite companies to work for. She's going to interview officially later this month but with her background and experience- I'm pretty confident she'll get the position. Which means she'd be across the country and I'll still be in Boston. It breaks my heart but I don't want to hold her back.
We've spoken about long distance but honestly I'm not the kinda guy who can stand that. And I feel really selfish for not being as happy as I should be.
Give me some advice so I'm not completely depressed by this. I want to be supportive but every night since she got the email for her interview I dream of her not getting the job.
TL;DR: | girlfriend that I'm madly in love with got a job offer far away and wants to do long distance. I'm against long distance and I'm against her taking the job (though I want to be supportive). |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Uncomfortable with the way my [25/m] girlfriend [23/f] was acting around my more attractive friends
POST: I took my girlfriend out for the first time really with my friends for a couple of drinks. I've been dating this girl for a few months now and am starting to integrate her into my group of friends.
The friends we were with that night are all a lot more attractive than me, and more "alpha", while I'm generally on the more reserved side and pick my moments to talk. I'm not a doorknob, I'm funny, but my friends had my girlfriend laughing all night while I sort of just sat there and couldn't really contribute as much.
My girlfriend has admitted she gets really flirty when she's drunk. She wasn't wasted or anything, but definitely had a good buzz. Throughout the night I noticed her giving a couple of my friends "the eyes", where she was clearly just checking them out.
Any time they would engage her in conversation she would drag it out to death and try to continue the conversation, she was doing this with one of my friends in particular, who is quite the handsome dude. At one point she noticed something about his hands, and made him compare with her by holding them out. They didn't touch, I think she was about to but thought better of it because I was sitting right next to her.
I'm sure this is all just me being insecure, because it's not like she ignored me the whole night. But this sort of behavior is concerning for me now because I'm worried how she might act when I'm not around and she's had a few. She works at a tech company with plenty of qualified men, and she's gorgeous herself. She stressed in the past that she's a monogamous human being and isn't the cheating type, but everyone says that I can't help but be a little insecure now. Advice?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend was being flirty with my more attractive friends when we were out, now I'm concerned how she might act when I'm not around. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25M] with my GF [26 F] of 2 years, Not sure how to say no to her without getting a bad response
POST: Occasionally I will have to say no to plans or sometimes cancel plans, it happens and I figure it's something that most people don't take to heart. Well my GF seems to.
Example from today which pretty much sums up how these instances go: Yesterday I asked if she would like to visit the cinema tonight but she said she couldn't as she was having friends over for dinner. Fine.
She then asks if I would like to join them, I say sure and everything is dandy. Today I am feeling rough, I have backache (again, it started after sleeping at hers earlier in the week) and my head hurts and I don't really feel like hanging out in her uncomfortable flat with these mates (who I do like but they aren't exactly great company, she complains about them all the time). So I explain that I am not feeling too good and think I might take a rain check on this evening.
She replies rather bluntly saying fine but she was really looking forwards to seeing me. I say sorry, can we do something on Saturday instead (I am busy tomorrow eve). She says no and makes a couple of excuses that don't really mean we can't hang out.
This happens more often that I am cool with. If I can't make a certain date she gets pissy and pretty much punishes me by refusing any alternative plans I make. She also lays the guilt on a bit by saying how she wanted to see me, I don'd mind this but I am not convinced this is true - she didn't invite me in the first place, the plans didn't involve me etc.
I think I could probably handle these situations better but how exactly is not clear, any ideas? I don't like this dynamic AT ALL, it stresses me out.
I should note that I see her pretty regularly throughout the week, have hung out with her her mates a couple of times recently and all went well - I don't think I am inattentive in these areas.
TL;DR: | GF gets annoyed if I am busy or have to cancel plans, gets a bit guilt trippy and moody about other plans - how do I deal with this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19M] have been broken up with my ex [19F] (Just over a year) for 2 months, feeling she was the one...
POST: To put it shortly, me and my ex have been over for 2 months now, i initiated NC after 3 weeks of us being officially over and as of where i stand right now i cant help but think given everything we experienced, how we were best friends and girlfriend/boyfriend that i was the one who overreacted and fucked up.
Despite knowing she defiantly did wrong herself too, im convinced i was the problem and that we broke up because of me, now i feel ill never find someone who will compare to her and how she made me feel, maybe close but not as good or better just given down to how money strapped i am, how my confidence has hit rock bottom, ive lost my accent and consider myself bland.
Meanwhile shes moved on, my 2 mutual friends prefer her over me, shes been dating a guy alot like me but more outgoing for just under a month now, shes got back her old best friend, and has a well paying summer job..
This all stemmed from a random lack of trust on her part thinking id go off with other girls, that i was losing interest in her and she was going to break up with me then (Even though that wasnt at all true, i loved her very deeply). She hasnt removed me on FB, or any media we are friends on, she kept pictures of us on her profile, hasnt deleted any messages ect, does this mean anything good? Additionally she never normally uploads stuff to her snap story, though is now whenever she is with her new guy. Also is there any chance of getting back with her in the future if i work on bettering myself as a person now?
This is alot tougher aswell due to shes been the majority of my life since i moved country to here 2 years ago.
TL;DR: | Certain ive lost the one, it was caused by me and now wondering if there's a chance i can redeem myself and get back with her despite her already being in a new relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [23/f] my ex boyfriend [35/m] wants to stay friends and roommates... what do I do?
POST: Hey Reddit, I'm in a shitty situation - here's the deal:
My boyfriend of 8 months, who I am still completely in love with, broke up with me because he changed his mind about wanting to be in a relationship (he got out of a nasty marriage in October right around the time we met). Because of his divorce and my employer going out of business, we both are living with family now. We had planned to move in together once we both found jobs, but a few weeks after we both found other employment, he dropped the bomb. Neither of us can afford to live in the local metro area alone (the gas to commute is like, 100 bucks a week), but together we could afford a reasonably sized place. He still wants to hang out and go to bars and do stuff together, just not as a couple. Idk what to do. Should I do the financially responsible thing and move in together? Should I listen to my heart and move in with him in hopes of him wanting me back? Should I listen to my head and just say fuck it all together? I don't know what happened in our relationship. We never argued. There was no big fight or infidelity that lead to us breaking up. We have everything in common and he was so in love with me. At least I thought he was. Now I don't know if he ever really was, but I do know I can't afford a reasonable apartment without him and neither can he without me.
TL;DR: | boyfriend broke my heart, but we're both poor so should we live together for the financial betterment of both our lives even though it will suck for me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by confessing my love to a friend
POST: So this happened a few years back when i was in grade 6. So i liked this girl a lot and we had been talking for quite a while around maybe 8 months. So we were talking during recess and she told me how she loved gaming and couldn't wait to attend high school. Being a young idiot i somehow thought hey it would be a great idea to ask her out...but not the simple way of asking someone out but something special. I told her i had something special for her tomorrow and would suprice her like a motherfucker and it came from a loving place she said "wow awesome i can't wait" with a cute smile. While walking home that day with a few good mates i started asking them how somebody should ask a girl out none of them had any good ideas. So i reached home and proceeded to ask my mum how my dad asked her out (my mum didn't know i was talking about dating a girl not marriage) so my mum told me my dad knelt on his knees and gave her a ring. In my head i saw that as being perfect i decided to look for a gold ring which concluded in me ransacking my mums room looking for the perfect ring which i found. I placed the ring in my bag with a large smile around my mouth as i couldn't wait for the big day.
So it's school and i kept waiting for the perfect moment, our class left for an early recess which seemed to be the perfect moment. I removed the ring out of my bag and called out her name, she looked behind with a smile and said "oh yeah what did you want to show me?" I knelt on one knee and said (lets call her Susan) "Dear susan will you be my girlfriend" (at that moment everyone was coming out of class and my whole class was watching this). Susan looked at me then looked at everyone then picked up the ring and threw it saying i don't like boys i like girls. My mouth was left hung open while everyone was laughing at me and the teachers were embarrassed for me. By the way the ring was $580 and my mum was supper mad when she found out
TL;DR: | Proposed to a girl in grade 6 to be my girlfriend to find out she's gay and threw away a $580 ring |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29 F] dating [31 M] the past few months, cultural differences or just not that interested?
POST: I (American) recently moved to Germany and started talking to this German guy I met online at the beginning of the year. We have a lot in common (languages, education, interests, etc). He lives 4 hours away and I live in his hometown. After a month of writing each other everyday he came to visit and we had our first date. We met for drinks and talked for almost 4 hours. We had a good time and finished with a nice kiss.
Another month passed and we were still writing each other everyday. He offered to come visit him, which I accepted. Except, when I arrived he was extremely quiet and shy. He didn't speak that much and when I asked him questions I would get short answers with no questions from him in return. He was still nice to me and we even cooked together and walked around the city. I'm really attracted to him and we slept together a few times. He just didn't talk to me very much and I got the feeling he wasn't interested.
After that weekend, the communication started winding down. I called him a couple days after I returned home and told him how I felt (that he didn't seem interested). He assured me that he really was but even afterwards, we slowly stopped talking. Is this because of cultural differences or was he just not that into me?
TL;DR: | Dated a guy for a couple months long-distance and he acted differently in person after visiting. (American girl-German guy) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [16/f] My crush [18/m] seems to be losing interest in me.
POST: I've known this guy for months. We're friends, but not very close. We text on rare occasions and we've hung out (in a group) a handful of times.
Back in the summer, I was trying to figure out my feelings for him, and I had my friend help me out by talking to him about me. He told her that he liked me, but not to tell me. I tried asking him to a movie, but he turned me down. Later I found out it was because he started dating another girl. By then I definitely had strong romantic feelings for him. To my knowledge, this girl recently moved away. I thought this was an opening for me, but He seems to be showing interest in one of my other friends now. He has always shown small signs of being into me, like looking at me when he thought I didn't notice and speaking mainly to me, even if we're in a group, and this hasn't changed. Now, however, he also does this with my friend, and I can see my window quickly closing.
What can I do? Should I just let it go, or try harder before I completely lose any chance I had?
TL;DR: | My crush used to like me, and I think he still does, but he's also showing interest in another girl. Move on, or fight for him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 F] and my boyfriend [20 M] of over 2.5 years have a very unstable relationship...advice?!
POST: My boyfriend is very emotional, very dramatic, much like the stereotypical "girl" in the relationship. But this is not just with me, it's with everyone, including his family. He has a very short fuse, jokes at other people's expense, and is a loud person about everything. He even sometimes jokes about me in front of my friends and it pisses me off...he is also very jealous of anyone and I feel like there is always tension about something! I'm not saying it is always his fault, but it honestly mostly is. It never ends.
He is very argumentative and is constantly screaming about something, and sometimes at me. He even screams and curses at his mom and says nasty things. Then horrible screaming matches break out where we both say horrible things to each other. It's a really unstable relationship.
Today, our friends wanted to hang but he called me and was saying how he hates all of them and can't stand them and doesn't want to see them...even though they're just reaching out to him and trying to see him.
In a group text, he was being really confusing and passive aggressive about hanging with everyone, so I "snapped" and just wrote "Wtf" on the message and said it was directed toward him....anddddd now I'M the bad guy. I made excuses for myself and lied, but I STILL feel like an asshole for doing that little thing because he called me out on it...which is unbelievable because he says stuff like that in front of our friends in a heartbeat and does not feel any remorse.
As I said, it's unstable. Sometimes he's very sweet, and does thoughtful things every so often that surprise me because of how he normally is. I know that most will say to break up...but here's the cliche that I really love him and wish there was another way for this to work out.
Has anyone had this type of experience? What did you do to help the relationship? Or to help yourself?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend is a dick, but I feel bad when I'm sort of a dick back. Want general advice please! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 33/f with my 38/m husband, he was cheating emotionally i screwed up and I am worried we are doomed overall **tl;dr**: Are we completely doomed?
POST: I found out my husband was having a serious emotional affair and also found out he was trying to talk to his ex again. And then I also found out he was sending another girl photos and arranging what looked like a hookup.
He refused to discuss all of it with me and I ended up so hurt as a result. I started talking to one of my male friends. When I got together with the friend we got drunk and messed around but I realized what I was doing and stopped before any sex and went home.
I feel guilty. It was never my intention to do something like that, even anything considered not-loyal to my husband (regardless of how bad he has been to me and could potentially still be talking to other women), but I feel like I should eat this guilt. For every action there is a reaction and mine wasn't the greatest but it forced me to deal with the hurt he caused me.
I am not going to tell him about it, ever. I want to move on with our lives... and I will never do it again. It's out of my character and it's not me. I know if he continues how he has been acting I will leave him. I feel there is a lot of love in our marriage normally but lately I have been very depressed and have a poor outlook on it.
I am so stressed out lately I am not sleeping, I am grinding my teeth, I almost cry at the thought of what he has done. I don't feel as messed up about what I have done, but I am not happy about it either. I am unhappy overall.
TL;DR: | On a scale of 1-100, how screwed are we? Is there hope? Knowing that I will not tell him, but I am willing to do individual and joint counseling.. thanks reddit |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 F] with my boyfriend [21 M]. Is it stuck up of me to tell my boyfriend that I won't visit unless he cleans his room?
POST: I feel ridiculous posting this, but I just want some second opinions please. My boyfriend is an amazing guy. We've been dating for a year. He's sweet, caring, thoughtful... the only thing that is a problem is how dirty his room is whenever I visit.
His room is really small, around 7'x8', so his bed takes up like 90% of the room. The floorspace he DOES have is just covered in dirty clothes. He also mixes his dirty clothes in his clean clothes bin. I keep offering to get him a laundry basket, but he keeps telling me no. His room sometimes smells as a result. When we are on the bed together, ants end up crawling on me every now and then. There's a small space 7" space in between the foot of his bed and the wall. It's filled with random trash, empty bottles, spider webs. It's an abyss.
I have eczema. So my skin gets easily irritated and itchy by dust- I told him this, so now he regularly washes his covers, which I appreciate.
We always talk things out if ever there's a misunderstanding. We have really good communication... but I just don't know how to approach this situation. I want to tell him to clean his room, but I feel like I'm acting like his mom-- which I don't want. I'm just sick of the mess, but I don't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings or feeling stuck up.
Is it out of my place? How would you deal with this situation?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend has an extremely dirty room, is it out of my place if I tell him to clean his room or else I won't visit? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [16 M] with my crush [16 F] I'm a nice guy, but I want to let her know I am down to have fun.
POST: I have had a crush on her for months. I asked her to homecoming, got a yes, and hoped more would come after(relationship, sex, or even just an easy kiss or hug.) Nothing happened so I have spent the last couple weeks trying to get something started, whether it be a relationship or just have some fun.
I have come to realize that she thinks I want a relationship with her when, really I would be fine with just a friends with benefits type deal, which is what she seems to want. (she straight up told me she was not looking for a boyfriend)
She also probably thinks I am too scared to kiss or anything more than that, because I have been a nice guy and am very gentle around her.
Her friends have told me that she is not into nice guys, she is into bad boys, which has led me to realize that being a nice guy is neither fun, nor paying off.
How do I let her know that I am not scared to have fun and that I am tired of being a nice guy, when she already knows i am one and is used to me being one?
TL;DR: | My crush is into bad boys. I am a nice guy, but I want to let her know I can do bad boy things. how? |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: Bridesmaids dragging their feet?
POST: My wedding is 12-3-16, so almost 2 months away. Neither bridesmaid has ordered a dress. Am I in deep poo here? One is getting married next week and so has completely ignored my wedding for months (she's the MOH for mine, and so while I understand, I'm a bit worried that my BMs will be naked AND I won't have a bachelorette party/bridal shower. But that's another post entirely. I am just giving her the benefit of the doubt until after she gets back from her honeymoon). The other, while supportive, just doesn't seem to understand how long it takes for the dress to be made and shipped, and she is procrastinating because there are not a lot of options for her to try on in-store. I told them both they could pick any dress they want as long as it is forest/hunter green. chiffon, and floor length. They are both recent grads on tight budgets, so I did research for them and scoped out Azazie dresses/in-store try-on and veritable etsy shops if they felt comfortable ordering dress-unseen. The only dresses at DB in my color/length are way over-budget so they won't consider it. I can't afford to buy their dresses, so what do I do? Just scrap the bridal party? I've even been going to department stores and scouring the internet for them, but when I ask the one who isn't getting married next week, she just says "I suck, I haven't ordered anything yet." I am not "allowed" to ask my MOH or even talk about my wedding since it is crunch time for hers, so I don't know what to do. I understand that while this day isn't as important to everyone else as it is to me, but I feel like I have been working hard to help and accommodate them. Something isn't working. What should I do?
TL;DR: | My bridesmaids still haven't bought their dresses and it is almost 2 months until the wedding. What are my options? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Try and succeed in writing/acting and possibly (probably?) fail, or take a safer route and get a good steady job with my physics degree?
POST: I'm just coming to the end of my BSc in Physics. I should get a pretty decent classification, probably a 2:1. I'm a 22 year old woman.
But I really don't enjoy physics. I took it up at A-Level because my parents wanted me to, both of them being scientists themselves. I like it well enough, I suppose. I can do it, but it doesn't really excite me at all.
What I really love is writing and acting. I started writing stories on FanFiction.net when I was twelve, moving on to writing original material as I got older. I would spend all of my time with my friends writing plays/short films and then acting them. I still write all the time, when I'm lying in bed I tend to plan out novels and films.
So what should I do? Shall I go into physics? R&D, engineering... I've been offered a job in the public sector since I did an placement year there... I should be able to get a steady job, which is not to be sniffed at in these troubled times. I could do a bit of writing and amateur dramatics in my spare time.
Or should I try and make it as a writer/actor? Do an unskilled part time job to make money and then make an independent film? Join an acting school or take some classes? A friend of mine did some kind of writing/producing/directing degree at university and has suggested we work on something together.
TL;DR: | Degree in physics but would like to be a writer/actress. Go for it or forget it and get a steady job using degree. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: How do I [24/f] politely say 'no' to an over-sensitive, moody friend [24/f]?
POST: SO and I have been living together for almost 8 months now and we are in the midst of planning a wedding, dealing with work (we both frequently work from home, even on vacations), and balancing our time between friends and family.
We have a friend - let's call her C. She works odd hours, still lives with her parents in our hometown (30 mins. away), and also has a boyfriend.
Our problem with C is that she constantly makes weekend plans around hanging at our place. We went from having her over on Fri or Sat nights to Fri AND Sat nights, and sometimes, she would even push to hang out on Sun. C even made her boyfriend drive to our apartment during a really bad storm (on a weekday, no less!) and then asked me if they could sleep over because the roads were extremely dangerous. She also tried asking to have a sleep over with her boyfriend a few more times after that, but we nipped that quickly in the bud.
Now every time we contact her to hang out on the weekend, we make sure that it revolves around going out to eat in a different town, going to the movies, etc. etc. Her requests to hang out with us have died down since then, but now her tactics have changed. She will contact us and say that she is either already in our town or on her way to our area soon and that we should hang out, essentially forcing us to invite her over.
If I tell C that I am busy and I can't see her, I get a bitchy response from her and then I won't hear from her for days. She will also question every excuse I give her, even if it's a legitimate one. If I don't answer my phone or respond to her text messages, she will make her boyfriend call me or my SO.
TL;DR: | Friend is always making plans that involves hanging out at my place, even when I do not want to have people over. How do I tell this person no without hurting their feelings? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I don't want to come off as an evil b***h, but how do I tell other girls that they cannot sleep with my boyfriend? I'd especially love to hear from poly folks, because I'm not very familiar with poly relationships and how to appropriately understand such.
POST: I (F36) am trying to be a grown-up about this situation, but I think I'm about to lose my shit.
My boyfriend (M45) has always had open and/or poly relationships. I'm the only monogamous relationship he's been in in a very long time. We've been together for over 2 years, BUT his female friends/former lovers cannot seem to understand that he's "taken". This happens a LOT: girls are all over him (he's a beautiful man). They cuddle him, kiss him, grope him. They're accustomed to him being free to play.
There are three very specific women who cannot seem to get the message. I've talked to my boyfriend about it and he does try to put a stop to it. (Drunken girls don't always pick up on social cues and drunken boyfriends don't find it easy to tell hot girls no.)
I'm not a jealous person and I'm almost never an angry person. But these few people are making me feel insane.
I asked my guy if I should take the initiative and explain that we are, in fact, monogamous. He says he'll take care of it, but these ladies aren't getting the message.
At what point do I step up and confront these ladies? I'd love advice on exactly what to say without being a complete bitch. I don't know how to firmly draw this kind of boundary.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend's former partners tend to assume our relationship is open. I feel disrespected and don't know if I should be the person to tell them to back off. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Extra Student Loan Payments vs. Fun
POST: Hi guys, so I'm trying to figure my finances out here and get some opinions.
So I am going to be graduating from college this year and I will have a little over 90k of student loan debt.
Fed Loans- around 28k @ 2-4.5% interest
Sallie Mae Loans-
around 24k @ 2.25% interest
Around 23k @ 5.675% interest
Around 22 @ 5.675% interest
I have a job lined up at one of the big 4 firms for accounting, starting @56k and will receive a 5k signing bonus. They also said I should have a promotion within my first year and at least one or two more within the first 5 years.
I currently have a 1.5k emergency fund started in an online savings account earning 1% and I have about $1500 in dividend stocks. I have a savings account with $650 I'm thinking of closing and adding to the emergency fund. I also forget, I use the savings website called digit. Which automatically pulls money from your checking account. I have about $700 in there.
I was wondering how big of an emergency fund I should get before really focusing on my loans. I work during school and make about 600 a month. Of that $600 I pay about $150 towards loans and $50 towards stock. And then I have other misc. Expenses I pay for.
My friends want to go on spring break or maybe to Europe after graduation and I know it's crazy to think about with the amount of debt I have but I will be receiving half of the signing bonus shortly and was thinking of using that money for the trip and putting any extra on the loans.
TL;DR: | should I grow my emergency fund >1.5k and should I use half of the signing bonus towards a vacation and then any extra put towards a loan? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18m] feel like I'm losing my [18f] girlfriend to my anxiety, help!
POST: How do I deal with my anxiety appropriately around her? It ranges from seeing her active on messenger at the same time as another guy she hung out with the other day to her feeling the need to hide things from me for the sake of keeping me happy, nothing major at all but I worry for it turning into something bigger! I'm a paranoid piece of shit and I want it to stop, now. I can't continue making her feel guilty, as unintentional as it is I still manage to do it somehow. How do I let her know that I'm doing everything I can to push away my anxiety and that I love her more than anything, also that she doesn't make me unhappy. To give an example as to how she feels she was talking to a friend of mine about me, how she could never lie to me, before this she told me she was going to town before coming to my house, after asking what she'd do for two hours and why she doesn't invite a friend out such as *insert name* she then tells me she's going with *insert my friend's name* and assures me it was coincidental to begin with for whatever reason. She doesn't want me to panic and treads carefully about these sorts of things and I really don't want her to!
Please be as brutally honest as you can, I need to know how to get over this. She loves me, I know that much, but I don't want this anxiety to go on. How do I move on from feeling anxious? She's convinced I don't fully trust her and it hurts, I lack a lot of self confidence, but she knows I love her. I NEED TO REDEEM MYSELF AND CHANGE MY WAYS, I hate how I act!
Please help,
Thank you
TL;DR: | I'm very anxious about stupid things, and I want to take action towards it. I love her and she loves me but I feel like she's being pushed away and toward other people. Help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (23,F) am very confused about expectations for my bf (22,M) of 1.5 years
POST: We've been dating for a year and a half. This is my third relationship in my life and my longest was 2.5 years so I have been in serious relationships before.
It's nice to have my boyfriend around, but not every day of every hour. I would say I need space, but I don't have a lot of friends anymore so my boyfriend being around is like the only thing I can do as my social life.
I may be selfish and demanding, but after dating him for a year, I don't feel like talking to him every hour of every day. He became extremely predictable with what he wants to do besides sitting at home (I had to drag him out of the house several times for the last month).
I had to initiate if I actually want to do something else besides sex and watching movies.
I was not happy with my recent birthday because instead of him surprising me with something, I had to say "I want to go here on my birthday" and he didn't get me anything else.
You would think "Why don't you tell him that?", let me back you up with something about him. He has depression and he is still in progress with stabilizing his moods.
He almost dumped me at the beginning of this relationship because he thinks he's not good enough. I got him out of that thought.......temporarily.
My point is, if I had to be brutally honest with what I personally want to tell him, there is a high chance of him going back to depression.
I don't want to dump him, I really don't. I just want to know what can I do if I want to improve this relationship, or a way for him to have the effort to do something besides me doing every thing.
TL;DR: | I had to lower my expectation for my boyfriend to be happy with him, I had to initiate and do everything for him to do something and I want him to care about this relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] with my GF [21 F] nearly 3 years, I pushed her away
POST: My ex and I were wonderful together for much of our relationship, albeit with ups and downs. We were each others first loves, and lived together for the last half of our relationship.
I've struggled with depression and anxiety for much of my life, and she put up/helped me through a lot of my ridiculousness. Unfortunately, the last 6 months were very stressful for us; we moved and worked a lot and she had classes. We didn't have much time as a "couple" and often got home and spent more time on our smartphones than we should have. I had some ridiculous anxiety related freak outs (in retrospect I am ashamed I acted like a child) and also became rude at times, both of which are totally unacceptable.
Things started to get better as the summer was starting, and I thought she was happy with us in general.
Sadly...long story short, she was out of town for a bit this summer, and she broke up with me over the phone. She said being away made her realize how unhappy she had become and she didn't think I would ever change.
We've talked a lot since the break up and I got a lot more serious about improving myself and work on the flaws that caused her to leave me. We both still love and miss each other but I know it's too late to save us.
She was and is one of the sweetest, most caring, courageous and driven individuals I've ever met. Absolutely beautiful inside and out. She is out of my league and I was so lucky to have her fall for me.
Now, I am haunted by the fact that it was ME who drove her away. Yes, relationships are a two way street and she was not perfect either, but it was mainly my behavior and failure to realize how it was really affecting her.
I don't know what to do. I know I just have to get up and move on and work on myself and all that. But she was so good to me...and I have lost her forever and I am devastated.
TL;DR: | Absolutely amazing woman broke up with me. I was too clueless to realize my negativity and failure to change was becoming too much for her. How do I move on knowing I've lost this amazing person? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [24F] boyfriend [28M] of 6 months constantly acts like I'm stupid.
POST: I'm apologizing before you read this. This just happened so I'm angry.
I love my boyfriend. I really do. He's perfect in every single way. Intelligent, kind, romantic, cooks, cleans, and has good job.
We both work in the tech field. I, arguably, know more than he does when it comes to computers. I graduated with a degree in CS and am pursuing my masters. I worked as a research assistant in a tech lab for two years, a software dev for a year, and worked in IT part-time (while going to school) before I got laid of due to budget cuts. From the age of twelve, I built my own computers (including a few Frankensteins), programmed everything from webpages to automation programs to test mobile applications, etc.
He is in a field that is more math oriented. While it does require programming and computer work, it's not nearly on the same level. He will occasionally need my help to do some things. He knows somethings I don't know, I know some things he doesn't know.
The thing that pisses me off is, whenever I have a technical issue, he will try to resolve it by asking questions that, honestly, I'm a little offended at. Today I was trying to install something on my laptop. I installed it, it said something like 'done, please reboot', only to find that it didn't actually install.
In frustration I yelled, "God damnit!"
He asked what was wrong. I told him.
"Are you sure you finished installing?"
*Sigh* "Yes."
"Because it didn't look like it was close to done when I last checked."
"It installed."
"Are you sure?"
"For fucks sake, YES!"
"...okay. I was just checking..."
He does this constantly. YES I'm fucking sure. I know how to operate a computer. I LITERALLY HAVE A DEGREE THAT SAYS THAT! His insinuations never actually resolve the issue anyways. Usually I find the solution somewhere else. How can I make him understand that I am not technologically disabled?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend constantly acts like I'm stupid when it comes to technology problems. I have a bachelor's in computer science. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [23M] new roommate's [21F] parents are coming over to scope out my house this afternoon and not really sure how to present myself.
POST: Hi everyone, thanks for looking at this. I've been lucky enough to be a homeowner since I moved out a few years ago. As a way to make some spare money, I decided to rent out my spare bedroom to a good friend of mine, who we'll call Taylor. This is her first time out of the house, and I can tell both her, and her parents are a little apprehensive about her daughter moving out.Taylor has been living here for a little less than two weeks, and I'm impressed with her, considering she's always lived at home.
My question is, I have no clue how to act, what to do, and how much to play it up. How much of the house do I show them? I'm a clean freak, so I know everything will look tidy.
I guess in a lot of ways, I'm just looking for any advice. Thanks!
TL;DR: | New roommate is wanting to show her parents where she is living. As the homeowner, I'm not sure what to do, and how I should conduct myself. Advice wanted. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Grad student looking to buy engagement ring, no income over 100k in school loans please advise
POST: 24y/o grad student here. I know I'm not the first to ask this question, but this seems like the most appropriate subreddit. You could say it has a little /r/relationships sprinkled in.
I want to propose to my girlfriend of almost 2 years who I met in grad school. In 3-4 years we will both be doctors and making over 100k a year each. However we both have student loans, mine being about 130k with 2 years left of school (my family is lower middle class) and hers being less than 20k (her family has money). I realize that a ring should traditionally be 2 months of the man's salary, however I won't have any income for a good while, so the ring would be paid in loan money. We both have talked about it thoroughly, and she doesn't want to skimp on a ring just because we don't have income and she understands we'd both sort of pay it off when we graduate. I have friends in grad school who have gotten engaged and married and are very happy.
I've been looking at rings on overstock.com, and there are some nice rings for 30 40 and 50% off retail making them quasi-affordable for me. Have any of you ever dealt with overstock.com or purchased a ring or other piece of fine jewelry from them? I am clueless when it comes to buying a ring/setting up a payment plan/getting insurance etc. I also feel sort of uneasy making such a huge purchase that way but the deal seems too good to pass up. Any advice would be appreciated.
To clarify, I paid off my car in 2012 and don't have any other payments, I use my loans for gas, groceries, rent and general living. I live from August-to-August when the loans are given out and divided by semester after tuition is deducted. My parents don't have the money to support me so I am basically financially independent. I don't have a credit card. I don't know my credit score. All I've ever done is basically eat sleep study take tests sports and vidya games.
TL;DR: | I'm a grad student over 100k in debt in school loans that wants to propose to my gf but neither of us will have income for at least 3 years and I don't know whether to wait or yolo it |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Friend [F25] who once rejected me [M25] now says she likes me - Now that I have money.
POST: Three years ago in university, I told one of my best friends that I was in love with her. After pouring my heart out, she told me that she "like[s] tall guys." Being told that I wasn't tall enough hurt quite a lot, but she wasn't trying to be mean, just frank.
18 months ago I started a company that expanded very quickly and I now have over 30 employees. Obviously being the owner of a company this size, I now have a lot more money.
Anyway, over the years, we've stayed good friends. On Wednesday (3 days ago) she told me that she has feelings for me and wants to be together. She kissed me. We have a lot of history and I do still love her. I told her that I would have to think about it. I know that it's easy to assume that she just wants to use me, but is it possible that she now has real feelings for me? Can power make a man more attractive? I'm still the same person as before, I haven't changed at all. Part of me suspects she wants my money, but that the same time I love her so much and we've been close friends for a long time. It's just the worst timing ever because the money makes me question her motives.
TL;DR: | Friend [F25] who once rejected me [M25] now says she likes me - Now that I have money. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by being in a bad mood and missing out on a free 3 day festival
POST: So this was actually last week that I fucked up but I didn't find out till today that I fucked up. So came in to work not feeling the greatest and right when i walked in the door i knew it was going to be a bad day. My boss(D) was in a bad mood which means it's going to put everyone else in my department in a bad mood. So the morning goes on and I'm feeling like shit and my boss(D) is making every one else be in a bad mood. our boss(S) comes in and starts talking to me about a festival this coming weekend and if I'm excited to go to it and I'm feeling pretty shitty at this point so I'm feeling very melancholy and say the festival seems like fun but I'm not going because I couldn't afford it. So boss (S) & (D) start asking how I feel about the festival if I did go. I said I'd be indifferent because I'm feeling very melancholy at the moment. Granted I'd been trying to win tickets all week signing up for contests and calling all the radio stations at that moment I gave up hope on going to the festival which probably also played a part in my melancholy. So fast forward through the weekend I see all the post from friends who go. Come in to work today and boss(D) decides to tell me I would have gotten free tickets to the festival if I would have been more excited to go to the festival I had given up on.
Sorry if there is bad Grammer or weird words. Typed this up on my phone.
TL;DR: | came in to work feeling very melancholy since I wasn't going to event and told boss I'd be indifferent if I did go only to hear two days later I would have gotten free tickets if I was in better mood. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Someone stole my girlfriend's laptop. I have the thiefs IP. The local police have been entirely useless.
POST: Reddit,
A few months ago my girlfriend's laptop was stolen at a party her roommates threw when she wasn't there.
The dropbox app on her macbook has shown me where it is a few twice, once, at a nearby gas station (I take it when it was being sold). Now, it's been in Seattle, WA for about a month.
The suspected location of the laptop is at IP address 67.170.55.166. I should mention I live in CA.
I've filed a report with the local police (back when it was still probably local) and provided them with the IP address. All they had to do was subpoena the ISP to get the physical address of the IP address, get a warrant, and go investigate. I barely even got an initial callback.
What do I do Reddit? How can the police not even bat an eye at what would be a felony charge of grand theft.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend's laptop got stolen and I have the IP address of it's location. Local police were not responsive in the slightest. The laptop is a state away. How do we bring this to justice and get that laptop back? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I have paranoid thoughts and panic attacks about my girlfriend manipulating me. help!
POST: 26M, 20F. 1.5 Year relationship.
My girlfriend has been good to me. However she is very insecure (exBF cheated on her) and is constantly questioning me about my female friends, even stalking them on Facebook.
I have definitely been the one less involved in this relationship.
But recently i have this sinking feeling in my stomach that she uses guilt / head games to manipulate me. I am so insecure now that she's cheating on me. I'm becoming the psycho stalker boyfriend.
I talk to her about it and she denies any wrongdoing.
From the outside and her actions, she is the perfect girlfriend. But for some reason my gut is telling me to let it go.
I myself have some trust issues, is there any way to know for certain? Any red flags i should be on the lookout for?
TL;DR: | 26M, 20F, 1.5Y. She was cheated on. She's insecure. I'm insecure. Is she manipulating me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by saying "You are most welcome."
POST: I met a cute girl at school and we went on a date to the art museum. As the date progressed she told me more about her ex-boyfriend who apparently followed when she moved out of state and has a bad drug habit (opiates). I have dated another girl with a similar history and for reasons I wont get into have a firm stance against dating people with histories like that. I am terrible at breaking it off and since we go to school together I cant just not see or talk to her. We hung out after school yesterday and when she was getting ready to catch the bus I offered (as friendly and in front of as many people as possible) that she could spend the night. She said she had to get home and take care of her cats. It was cold and dark so I insisted on giving her a ride instead of her taking the bus. Today I received a text message saying "I really appreciate the ride back. If you want me to stay next time gimme a warning and I'll leave an extra bowl of food out for the kitties." My reply was, "You are most welcome." I was saying you're welcome because she thanked me for the ride. My intention was to ignore the rest of the message about spending the night. She replied back with ;) I realize now that she is winking at me because she thinks I invited her to spend the night.
After typing this I realize how ridiculous I sound.
TL;DR: | I said "You are most welcome." when a girl thanked me for a ride home, now she thinks I want to sleep with her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (18F) step-dad (42M) and I argue so much I don't think I can take it much longer
POST: My mother married my step-dad about 3 years ago and I've known him for a total of about 5 years.
We have always argued with each other but a little before my HS graduation we began arguing much more and worse than before. We're both stubborn people but I'm open to others opinions and he is not.
I find myself stressing out, crying, unhappy, insecure and at one point wanted to just not exist. My mother just pretends all is well because step dad has a VERY strong personality. It's come down to a point where I want to move in with my boyfriend of 2 years or just be submissive to my step-dads ways.
TL;DR: | My step-dad is kind of a dick and I don't know what to do anymore. Move out or just give in to anything he says. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [18F] 4 month duration, some advice in how to deal with this situation of me being over overworrying.
POST: I'm usually the type-guy who acknowledges the little details very quickly of a relationship but sometimes I can overworried too much that I start creating my own negative thoughts. For instance,
"Is she mad, angry or upset about something?"
"Maybe she's thinking in breaking up with me" Or something like that.
Today, I text her to see how she's doing and stuff like that because yesterday, she kinda just left me while we were texting back and forth so I assume she fall asleep. Not big deal, but she's being kinda cold and distant today like not being interested on my day so I just kinda wrapped up things and told her that if she wanted to do this on Friday, and she was very excited about it. That's pretty much it.
TL;DR: | Maybe I'm over worrying about the whole situation and she's just on her period cause she told right when I met her that she's kinda bipolar. What do u readers think? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Does anyone have experience losing weight on medications associated with gaining weight? After dieting for over 2 months I haven't lost anything.
POST: Just like the title says, I'm really not seeing results. This is what I've been doing:
Weeks 1-5: I did Weight Watchers for this period of time. Although I did slip up a few times, I never slipped up badly enough where I wouldn't see any sort of result. Clearly WW wasn't working, so I decided to take another approach.
Week 6: Calorie counting on MFP. I think my goal was around 1500?
Week 7: Calorie counting on a notepad- 800 calories to 1000 daily.
Week 8: I got a fitbit- aimed for my goal of 10,000 steps daily while staying within my limit of 1400 calories.
Week 9 (now): Per my mom's suggestion (no idea how educated this is), I cut out peanuts, corn, wheat and soy. I am still meeting my goal of 10,000 steps daily while staying within my limit of 1400 calories.
I started this journey 9 weeks ago at 193lbs, and after all of this I am 191. My lowest point during this whole thing has been 190. I and a 24 year old woman and am 5'7".
Anyone have any experience with this or ideas? I'm pretty frustrated and losing motivation as you might imagine. Switching medications is not really an option right now but may be in a few months, at which point I will still be taking the same class of medication.
TL;DR: | Have tried various diets for 9 weeks with insignificant weight-loss, which I highly suspect is due to medication I am taking that is known to cause weight-gain. Am 24F, 191lbs, 5'7". Any suggestions? |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: I don't know if I should pay off an outstanding balance
POST: Hi everyone,
So I have to preface that I am terrible with finance.
About 9 months ago, my girlfriend and I went to a time share resort because they were offering free stuff. We didn't plan on actually getting a time share because we both have nowhere near the amount of money to actually buy a time share by ourselves. When we got there though, the sales representative made owning a time share not only really appealing, but possibly within our budget. We still knew that we couldn't afford it on our own, but though maybe my brother would want to share it with us. So we signed up for a trial period so that the introduction offer would still be good and we had a year to decide.
Fast forward 3 months. For some reason, my bank decided to give me another credit card and cancel my old one. This ultimately led to the time share resort being unable to charge my account. From the last 3 months, I knew that my brother didn't want to share it with me, so I saw the payments as a waste and I decided not to update my account with them. They have been fairly persistant at calling me and up until recently I didn't really care.
I started caring recently because I came to the realization that they have my social security number. Now I am not sure if I should try to pay my outstanding balance with them because I am afraid it has hurt my credit score. My question is: should I pay off my balance, or is it OK to walk away from? They charged $200 initially, and I payed 3 monthy fees of $100. I believe I still owe $500, which I could pay off, but I would rather not if I don't have to.
TL;DR: | I (stupidly) signed up for a trial membership at a timeshare resort. I owe ~$500 and I don't know what happens if I do not pay. |
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