jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Uh, I heard she fell down a well.
Come on now. Oh.
My god, she's been dumped again.
Children, I won't be staying long. I just came from the doctor and I have Lyme disease. Principal Skinner will run the class until a substitute arrives.
What's Lyme disease?
Uh, I'll field that one. Lyme disease is spread by small parasites, called ticks. When a diseased tick attaches itself to you and begins sucking your blood,
Malignant spirochetes infest your bloodstream, eventually spreading to your spinal fluid, and on into the brain.
The brain? Oh, dear God!
Come on, Elizabeth. Come, come.
Well now, children, here we are, open your primers to page 32.
Ah, substraction.
Bart Simpson... I know it's you.
And here comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
Ewwwwwww!
We were going to keep the gray one, but the mother ate her.
As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately.
Oh look, this is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make them go back in.
No children, your not seeing things, this, my little friends, is a schwa.
Are you the substitute?
Yes, sir. Yes I am.
Are you insane?
No, no sir. No, I'm not. It's my way of getting their attention.
Well, all right. Play friendly with your new teacher, children!
Howdy. I am a Texas cowboy. The year is 1830. You young'uns ask me any questions you like.
Can we play kickball instead of science after lunch?
Kickball? Son, there ain't no kickball in 1830. Any other questions?
Shoot! It's awfully quiet on the plains here. Well, how about this? Everybody, I want to see two eyes on every single person staring right at me, right now. There are three things wrong with my costume. Anybody names those three things will get my hat.
I believe I know the answer.
Well, well, wha... wha...what's your name?
Lisa Simpson.
Well, go ahead, Miss Simpson.
Um, one: Your belt buckle says "State of Texas", but Texas wasn't a state until 1845.
Very good.
Two: the revolver wasn't invented until 1835.
That's excellent.
Three: You seem to be of the Jewish faith.
Are you sure I'm Jewish?
Or Italian?
I'm Jewish.
And there weren't any Jewish cowboys.
Speech! Speech!
I had a speech ready... but my dog ate it!
Very good! That's excellent! And I'm also wearing a digital watch, but I'll accept that. Here you go, little lady. And for the record there were a few Jewish cowboys, ladies and gentlemen. Big guys, who were great shots, and spent money freely. I'm Mr. Bergstrom. Feel free to make fun of my name if you want. Two suggestions are Mister Nerdstrom and Mister Boogerstrom.
Boys and girls, today we will begin selecting a class president.
I'm not allowed to vote, but I strongly suggest you elect Martin. Martin...
As your president, I would demand a science fiction library featuring an A-B-C of the Overlords of the genre: Asimov, Master, Clarke...
What about Ray Bradbury?
I'm aware of his work. Thank you and keep watching the skies.
Excellent Excellent, Martin.
If you're through with your pemmican, why don't we sing a song about cowboys? Now this one's not very accurate, but we can fix it up as we go along. Okay?
Home, home on the range. Actually, the range was far from home, it was a very desolate place where danger and disease rode tall in the saddle. Where the deer and the antelope play. Unlike the efficient Indians, cowboys used only the tongue of the antelope and they threw the rest away.
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and the skies are not cloudy all day.
Hey, what's this? Did you do it?
No! No! It wasn't me! I would never do anything like that. It was just one of those immature people who, instead of building themselves up --
It's neat. Can I have it?
Yes, but I didn't do it.
Are you sure you didn't do it? It's good.
No, but I'm starting to wish I had.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Singing Dork!
Any other nominations?
We nominate Bart Simpson!
Children! Bart, I need someone very reliable to deliver an important message to the principal's office.
Would you do it for me?
Why, Mrs. Krabappel! How would I know where the principal's office is?
People, what have I told you about encouraging him? When Bart wins approval for making a fool of himself, it makes him think that --
Yay, Bart!
Nobody, of the hundreds of people that visited the fair, knew that a grey spider had played the most important part of all. No one was with her when she died."
Come on, Janey, everybody has a talent. I want to see yours, that's all.
I don't have a talent.
You cannot talk like that. There has to be something that you can do better than anybody else.
Well, I can do this --
Yes! Great! Ok, how about you, Ralph?
Wonderful! Chuck?
Oh, that's disgusting. I love it! Lisa... come on, you're holding out on us. I see a saxophone over there!
I can't.
Come on, Lisa, I bet you're good.
No, really, I can't.
Sure you can; just try.
Please don't make me do it.
All right. You owe me something special.
So while I'm technically still married, there really hasn't been any marriage to speak of since Mister Krabappel moved into his little "love nest."
This profession can put a lot of strain on a marriage.
Since he's been gone, I've been looking for a substitute to teach me a lesson I sorely need.
Mrs. Krabappel, you're trying to seduce me.
Well...
I'm sorry, Mrs. Krabappel, you're very nice, but it's the children I love.
When I fall asleep, Mr. Bergstrom is the last thing I think of, and he's my first thought when I wake up.
Hmmm, I feel that way about your father.
No, no. You don't understand. When Mr. Bergstrom smiles, you only see these teeth --
-- but when you really make him laugh, you can see these two teeth. I think they're called the eye teeth.
I don't know if he had orthodontic work or what, but they're absolutely perfect.
Hmmm, I notice little things about your father, too.
No, Mom. This is different. I mean, this man makes you feel like there's nobody better.
Your father does that to me.
Mom, are we gonna talk, or are we gonna talk?
Lisa, we can talk, but first you have to accept the fact that I feel that way about your father!
Yesterday, he read us "Charlotte's Web", and cried at the end, never trying to hide his tears.
A book made him cry! Boo hoo hoo!
Waaaaaaaah!
Remember, nobody, and I mean nobody gets back in after lunch without one igneous rock, that's volcanic, and one sedimentary, and that is layered. Lisa, can I see to you for a minute.

Uh, I heard she fell down a well.

Come on now. Oh.

My god, she's been dumped again.

Children, I won't be staying long. I just came from the doctor and I have Lyme disease. Principal Skinner will run the class until a substitute arrives.

What's Lyme disease?

Uh, I'll field that one. Lyme disease is spread by small parasites, called ticks. When a diseased tick attaches itself to you and begins sucking your blood,

Malignant spirochetes infest your bloodstream, eventually spreading to your spinal fluid, and on into the brain.

The brain? Oh, dear God!

Come on, Elizabeth. Come, come.

Well now, children, here we are, open your primers to page 32.

Ah, substraction.

Bart Simpson... I know it's you.

And here comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.

Ewwwwwww!

We were going to keep the gray one, but the mother ate her.

As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately.

Oh look, this is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make them go back in.

No children, your not seeing things, this, my little friends, is a schwa.

Are you the substitute?

Yes, sir. Yes I am.

Are you insane?

No, no sir. No, I'm not. It's my way of getting their attention.

Well, all right. Play friendly with your new teacher, children!

Howdy. I am a Texas cowboy. The year is 1830. You young'uns ask me any questions you like.

Can we play kickball instead of science after lunch?

Kickball? Son, there ain't no kickball in 1830. Any other questions?

Shoot! It's awfully quiet on the plains here. Well, how about this? Everybody, I want to see two eyes on every single person staring right at me, right now. There are three things wrong with my costume. Anybody names those three things will get my hat.

I believe I know the answer.

Well, well, wha... wha...what's your name?

Lisa Simpson.

Well, go ahead, Miss Simpson.

Um, one: Your belt buckle says "State of Texas", but Texas wasn't a state until 1845.

Very good.

Two: the revolver wasn't invented until 1835.

That's excellent.

Three: You seem to be of the Jewish faith.

Are you sure I'm Jewish?

Or Italian?

I'm Jewish.

And there weren't any Jewish cowboys.

Speech! Speech!

I had a speech ready... but my dog ate it!

Very good! That's excellent! And I'm also wearing a digital watch, but I'll accept that. Here you go, little lady. And for the record there were a few Jewish cowboys, ladies and gentlemen. Big guys, who were great shots, and spent money freely. I'm Mr. Bergstrom. Feel free to make fun of my name if you want. Two suggestions are Mister Nerdstrom and Mister Boogerstrom.

Boys and girls, today we will begin selecting a class president.

I'm not allowed to vote, but I strongly suggest you elect Martin. Martin...

As your president, I would demand a science fiction library featuring an A-B-C of the Overlords of the genre: Asimov, Master, Clarke...

What about Ray Bradbury?

I'm aware of his work. Thank you and keep watching the skies.

Excellent Excellent, Martin.

If you're through with your pemmican, why don't we sing a song about cowboys? Now this one's not very accurate, but we can fix it up as we go along. Okay?

Home, home on the range. Actually, the range was far from home, it was a very desolate place where danger and disease rode tall in the saddle. Where the deer and the antelope play. Unlike the efficient Indians, cowboys used only the tongue of the antelope and they threw the rest away.

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and the skies are not cloudy all day.

Hey, what's this? Did you do it?

No! No! It wasn't me! I would never do anything like that. It was just one of those immature people who, instead of building themselves up --

It's neat. Can I have it?

Yes, but I didn't do it.

Are you sure you didn't do it? It's good.

No, but I'm starting to wish I had.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Singing Dork!

Any other nominations?

We nominate Bart Simpson!

Children! Bart, I need someone very reliable to deliver an important message to the principal's office.

Would you do it for me?

Why, Mrs. Krabappel! How would I know where the principal's office is?

People, what have I told you about encouraging him? When Bart wins approval for making a fool of himself, it makes him think that --

Yay, Bart!

Nobody, of the hundreds of people that visited the fair, knew that a grey spider had played the most important part of all. No one was with her when she died."

Come on, Janey, everybody has a talent. I want to see yours, that's all.

I don't have a talent.

You cannot talk like that. There has to be something that you can do better than anybody else.

Well, I can do this --

Yes! Great! Ok, how about you, Ralph?

Wonderful! Chuck?

Oh, that's disgusting. I love it! Lisa... come on, you're holding out on us. I see a saxophone over there!

I can't.

Come on, Lisa, I bet you're good.

No, really, I can't.

Sure you can; just try.

Please don't make me do it.

All right. You owe me something special.

So while I'm technically still married, there really hasn't been any marriage to speak of since Mister Krabappel moved into his little "love nest."

This profession can put a lot of strain on a marriage.

Since he's been gone, I've been looking for a substitute to teach me a lesson I sorely need.

Mrs. Krabappel, you're trying to seduce me.

Well...

I'm sorry, Mrs. Krabappel, you're very nice, but it's the children I love.

When I fall asleep, Mr. Bergstrom is the last thing I think of, and he's my first thought when I wake up.

Hmmm, I feel that way about your father.

No, no. You don't understand. When Mr. Bergstrom smiles, you only see these teeth --

-- but when you really make him laugh, you can see these two teeth. I think they're called the eye teeth.

I don't know if he had orthodontic work or what, but they're absolutely perfect.

Hmmm, I notice little things about your father, too.

No, Mom. This is different. I mean, this man makes you feel like there's nobody better.

Your father does that to me.

Mom, are we gonna talk, or are we gonna talk?

Lisa, we can talk, but first you have to accept the fact that I feel that way about your father!

Yesterday, he read us "Charlotte's Web", and cried at the end, never trying to hide his tears.

A book made him cry! Boo hoo hoo!

Waaaaaaaah!

Remember, nobody, and I mean nobody gets back in after lunch without one igneous rock, that's volcanic, and one sedimentary, and that is layered. Lisa, can I see to you for a minute.