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jquiros

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suicide

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I've always trusted my gut. It always seems to be right. Trust your gut is like the one good piece of life advice.My gut is begging me to commit suicide

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My heart will go on? More like my heart will be curbstomped and burned in a furnace (because of my crippling anxiety)

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New Discord: Squidward's House A Discord I made for me and some friends. There are plenty of channels. Whether it's just to talk, to send memes, to do homework, to play music, or to game. Lemme know if you're interested, at this moment it's only my friends and the bot but if we gather up people it can grow to something nice.

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Day 8 of random facts until I ask out my crush Did you know, the real life crystal lake has a life sized Jason Vorhees statue? It sits at the bottom the lake and was implemented in may of 2018.

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Friend has been suicidal, not sure what to doHi all, I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this but I'm at a loss on what to do. My friend from high school has been showing signs of attempted suicide. We don't talk as much ever since I moved away for college but her social media posts as well as someone she is close to messaged me their concern at well. I've tried texting her but she has been ignoring my messages and it's gotten to the point where we're really afraid she's going to do it. She currently lives with her father but I haven't been able to get in contact with him. I'm not sure what else to do. TL;DR Friend from high school has been suicidal lately and is ignoring messages and refusing help from people. What can I do to help?

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What is water even made out of Water is so weird like what the hell is this thing.

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so apparently i got the wrong vaccine lmao my neighbor works with the elderly and was given 50 vaccine spots to be given out and since both of my parents are susceptible i qualified to get the vaccine, the place i went to get it was supposed to be giving out fyzer which has been allowed to be given to people 16-18+ i think but instead they gave me maderna (idk if i spelled either of these correctly but who cares) which has not been licensed to be given to 16 year olds, so ya i guess im apart of the tests now?

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I'm a misogynist Or just a misanthrope? I'm so tired of every fucking girl I meet I know there are good ones out there, but damn are they rare

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Advice for school kids Since I am the type to yell out wrong answer in Kahoot, a lot of people decides to ignore me completely. So this time, I yell out the right answer to make them contemplate themselves.

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Check out this new horror short I made https://youtu.be/S50McngM1ws it took me a while to make so hope you enjoy it

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I just played Bedwars I just played bedwars with total strangers over Discord and my legs were shivering all the time and I didn't say a word. It wasn't really fun cuz I don't do these things normally. Guess I'm just not social enough to be a gamer

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I believe in rebirth... Yes I do because various people die at young age so what about their deeds where will it get completed?.

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I hate my wife She is stinky poopoo I will not divorce

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people love talking when they’re talking about something they love talking about people love talking when they’re talking about something they love talking about

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she either likes me or desperately wants me to know that she doesn’t or i’m probably overthinking it, i dunno

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I can't live with this thought, I feel sick. During last summer, I developed a sense of high anxiety around being in the company of young people/babies that I'd never had prior. This was a result of feeling intense distress over finding out that an ex teacher was a pedophile. I came to realize in March this year through research that this is called POCD, which provided me with a lot of relief. In the late evening of Monday, 23rd September 2019 after having moved back into university halls of residence for my second year a week prior, I basically watched pornography for around about 2-4 hours intermittently when my depression was as its worst height. I'd already experienced false memories by this point. Anyway, for that whole afternoon and night, I would go from grinding/humping against the bed (an awkward way of doing it that I developed when I was in my early teens) while watching Porn Hub on my phone, to then sitting up and watching random videos on YouTube. The second to last video I watched was a video of Kurt Cobain and his 2 year old daughter, that appeared on the homepage after going back from Porn Hub and sitting up in bed again. At this point, I remember thinking that if I were to watch this video, I shouldn't watch another video afterwards, purely ''because this YouTube video had a baby in it'' - even though I knew deep down that the two videos were entirely separated by tabs on my phone, not to mention obviously by content. Nevertheless, I watched the interview video, scrolled through the comments and paused at a specific point then went back to Porn Hub, and only then did I kneel down to grind the duvet again, but with a video loaded. Finally, I remember sitting up again and going back to the YouTube homepage and the first video shown was a slideshow of Cobain's daughter through the years and I remember feeling so much guilt for having watched the prior porn. The reason for this is that - as best as I can describe - seeing her (as a baby, the pinnacle of innocence) exemplified the essential humanity that we all have, including the adult performers. As a result, I felt heavy guilt (that I now realize to be misplaced) for being what I considered to be ''anti-feminist'', and an ''evil person''. Perhaps I overthink the morality of things, I don't know. My brain at the time immediately started to go into overload and overlap what would otherwise be two separate actions of watching YouTube then lewd stuff. I remember going to the sink afterwards, and dry-vomiting. With regards to the actual first-person recollection of possibly staring at the Cobain video, I have no explicit sensory memory of this. The 'image' in my head is grainy at best. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself were this the opposite. After leaving the bathroom and panicking a lot, I walked through it step-by-step, and eventually felt comfortable enough that I hadn’t done anything wrong and so I left it. This, as a general worry didn't reappear again till May 2020, with the rest of 2019 being spent going from day-to-day worries and false memories. I even felt happy and content on New Year's Day this year. Surely, if I'd done this horrible thing, I wouldn't have been able to feel anything happy ever again? At first, I wondered if I did do it, and I just repressed it, or I didn’t and actually it’s just my overactive imagination mixed with my anxiety. I know that in my heart I didn’t do anything wrong, as I had listened to Nirvana plenty of times afterwards, and didn’t feel pangs of guilt or shame that I know I would’ve if I’d done anything wrong. Things have gotten better mildly. My first appointment with an OCD therapist is soon. I'm currently on the fourth day of taking a beta-blocker to regulate my heart-rate and blood pressure that helps ward off the panic attacks I have about it. I'm trying to sleep better, but sometimes the image creeps in too much. I'm due to get a new set of the anti-depressant mirtazipine soon, too. But even with that, it all feels like too much right now and I'm more suicidal than ever about this. I don't want to die over an image in my head, but is this a belated guilty conscience? I feel sick and can't think or sleep. I have moments of 'you know you're being silly, start living again', but then it hits my head over and and I end up in bed depressed for another week. I worry that I might, out of a morbid curiosity, have done it. I remember faintly thinking how awful it would be to do it, and then - as far as I know - not doing it.

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Not good enoughDepressed for like 10 years. School has never worked for me, the only job I ever got was thanks to my dad, but I had to leave it. Place is stagnant as fuck, staying here would make it all worse but I have nowhere to go. I hate myself. I hate everyone else, too. I have no future, by living I'm just postponing my own death anyway. There's nothing in between. No one cares.

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I want to cry, god fucking damnit I want to cry. Growing up being ridiculed for crying, being bullied for it, I've stopped. I don't know exactly when it stopped, but I just didn't cry anymore. Maybe it's because I don't have an outlet to confide in. Maybe I just need someone to talk to. But guess what? I can't. I can't talk about my problems to someone I know. What if they think I'm pathetic? What if they think I'm weird? What if they think I'm weak? I don't want to be seen as such, so I've refrained. But it's been so fucking long since I've cried my heart out. My heart has cracked, but nothing is escaping. I constantly feel sad, on the verge of a breakdown. But just when I think it's finally going to happen, I'm finally going to release my pent up stress and feelings, I stop myself. I haven't been able to go on and cry, get emotional, get real. I'm so fucking done with this. I don't trust anyone enough to talk to them. I have people I know I can trust, but for some reason I don't trust them. Maybe it's because I know that at any moment they can betray me. Reveal all of my problems to someone I don't even know. Point is, crying is important. If you ever start crying, cry your fucking heart out. Trust me, you'll need it.

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I'm convinced my math teacher hates me I've been struggling with math and it's tough for.me my teacher knows that but still gets mad when I can't get the answer to a question and embarrass me in the middle of class. Then there are my grades I had a c in math and progress reports where going out you only get one if you have a d grade or lower but my teacher gave one to me. And ingot in trouble because my parents expect at least a b. Then last week we had a test. I was getting my grades up I was almost to a b but then I notice I see a day later my grade went down by almost 30 points. And I thought I did well I knew for a fact I passed that test. I double checked my answers triple checked I had to have at least got most right. But then I see I have an f now. The test wasn't even 30 points. Now I'm screwed the quarters almost over and the home work which is most of our grade is only Worth one point IF my teacher grades it sometimes he "forgets" so it's pretty much impossible to get your grade up. And his response to asking about my grade is do your work. Pretending I don't turn in all of my work on time. I'm so stressed out 8th grade sucks I hate it. Everyone's mean and distant the more I grow up and my grades can't stay up. I'm going to fucking implode.

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no rewards for resistensehi reddit. i am an anon. i do not know why i am postting this reaaly. perhaps a chance to hear myself speak? perhaps an open forum to categorise my thoughtS? perhaps just because... and because is enough. ten years ago i gave up on life. i crossed a lne. it's not despair or depression that keep me beyond that line. it is fatigue. a member of my family was suisidal. to my knowledge they still are. we don not speak about it. we are unable to now. i supported them for years. dropped out of school to work and finnancially keep them afloat. i cooked. cleaned. i managed our lives. while they drunk. got depressed. they had been committed to a mental institution once for a failed attempt. i still remember the smell of that building. the glazed eyes of the patients who were being medicated there. the woman who began a conversation with me saying that she did not kill her husband and the haunting knowledge that i first heard the phrase "never say goodbye, that is forever. only say see you later" from her lips. three years i supported that person. because i love them. we were all the other had in the world. i was too weak to stop them drinking. how could i take away their vice? what else would they do while i worked? their depression grew stronger. i soldiered on. eventually it got too much. another failed attempt. they had already taken the pills before i got home. i always blamed myself for not dealing with them when drunk. i supported in all ways but never well enough. we argued. i was tired. empty. had nothing left to give. i yelled at them. i told them how i would benefit from them giving in and just doing it. they did not back down. they called my bluff. they told me to do it with them. that pure and perfect opportunity to just exit. in that moment i was ready. i was ready because i had given everything and the atlas struggle would finally be over if i just did not fight or resist anymore. if i just let reality wash over me and consume me. ---to this day that feeling of surrender is one of the best emotions i can remember. i was ready. they backed down when i agreed. they saw what their attitude had done and in a moment of selflessness my family member backed down. we sat up that night. the pills were still in their system. they did not die. years pass. i move on. they move on. that night lives on as a memory only in my head. there are times i wonder if it happened at all. how would i know if it had or had not. time kept pushing on me. struggle after struggle came and i conquered them. while caring for my family member i had developed an ability to weather these storms. push through. get through. keep your head down. survive. endure. god it's such a struggle. that memory of surrender haunts me. but i have family now. i have friends. i have people who need me. so i weather. i endure. i found the best way to cope with life is to disassociate with it. not take it on board. i no longer know how to handle compliments. my years of training under a suicidal dependant have made me terrified of failure. if i do not live to every expectation i will make things worse. i will cause an episode. i need to do everything. for everyone. i make life a struggle. i keep heaping on these challenges. taking on more responsibility. breaking myself. and i never feel satisfaction. that's the worst part. i don't even feel relief anymore. once i've accomplished something. i just press on. that has become my life. add on more. feel more pressure. never release. never pride. only failure. i'm so tired. and i don't know how to ask for help. i cannot expect anyone to understand. i try so hard to explain it but the words do not come out right. "you should feel pride" "take some credit" and if i speak up they take the rug away... "you should not do so much" "you know what happens when you push yourself" i feel worthless when that happens. so i just disassociate. stop thinking of myself. stop applying my self to anything. that way i no one will bother me. no one will make me feel worse by trying to rescue me. i do not feel sad. i do not really feel happy. i just go with the flow. think about how others feel all the time. live to make them happy. at least then my presence will be worthwhile. i fake it. i fake it because i can not remember how to be honest. when people try to get in i kneejerk push them away. i keep trying to push past that. all i can do is offer content without emotion. i cannot apply myself to any story. to any pleas. i just sit here rotting in the back of my brain. where no one will be dragged in to my void. where no one will watch me dead on the inside. where no one will offer pity. no shame. no being locked in like i once was.

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At this point I'm convinced relationships just don't exist Like, how can they?? How can someone have a best friend, someone who loves them and cares about them, who ALSO does sexual stuff all while making each other happy like that. All the more convinced my life is a lie and everyone is a paid actor

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I just feel like there is no point delaying the inevitableI've graduated from one of the best universities in my country which I'd got accepted with a scholarship and national degree in university entrence exams. I've graduated with 3.2/4 gpa score. I've gone to Sweden with Erasmus programme, I've played in a great band for the first 3 years of my university life, had been selpt with 5-6 women which I had a serious relationship that last 2.5 years with 2 of them. I've graduated and got accepted for the graduate school that I wanted and currently I am studying Game Technologies. My first ever game had got downloaded by 2 million people during my first job experience. This year at 14th Februrary, everything was changed. My girlfriend dumbed me for a fuckboy, my parents got divorced (and they were very verbal to me about this topic), I had to swtich jobs because I thought I was underpayed and being used there and now I am working in defense industries (totally different industry that I'd imagine for my career). I dont know, I think I've accomplished much during my school years but whenever I look back I say to myself I could do better. I could do better if I was living in a different country, I could do better if I didn't waste my time on two long serious relationships. I could do better if I decided to study abroad and just accept my parent's offer to pay for it (I didn't want to make them pay for MY education). I could do better if I didn't have a girlfriend when I was living in sweden with eramus programme. I could do better if I didn't stop making music or writing poems and stories, I could do better if I didn't take the job at defense industries so early that quitting the job means getting banned from the best paying sector in Turkey. Everything I did seems like a failure to me. And worst of all, I've gained a lot of weight, my self esteem is on the ground, I just stopped believing myself or in other words I stopped lying myself about I can accomplish anything. Anyways, for people around me, I am a succesfull, mature, intellectual, functioning person with interesting hobbies. But inside of my mind, these things just doesn't matter. I was so pumped by my parents, my friends and my girlfriends, nothing I do satisfies me and I am feeling like I am slowly losing all my skills (social, artistic, general etc.). I dont add value to anyone around me. Noone needs me, Noone craves for my love, needs my support, needs me around them. I was such a nice guy to all my friends and lovers. But in the end I was the one who got screwed up by them. I can not seem to get laid nowadays, if you exclude some of my ex gf's. that really affects me because I was used to have a regular sex life (and boy, it was great). I cannot meet with new people and make them like me like used to. I could sit on a table that I know only one person at that table and carry the conversation for hours but now I am just struggling with even answering the basic questions. I used to have strong believes about life, politics, relationships (I'm an atheist), and know I realize that these believes just made me loser in the end and I cannot change them because they are infused into my mind. Turkey is a very depressing place if you have at least slightly above the average intellectual capacities, and I feel like I am trapped in this place where people are sooo terrible; muslim-heads who long for the glorious days of ignorance and bigotry of ottoman empire, wannabe "highly cultural" social media slaves/plaza workers, bigheaded academics who doesn't give a shit about their thesis student, women who satisfies themselves with shallow relationships or expects irrationally much from men, people who cannot appreciate a good company and keep expecting a personal benefit from every relationship they have. Fuck I am so overwhelmed trying to describe the state of mind I am in, I am so sorry people. I wish English was my mother tongue, but it isn't and I am not confident the way I express myself. This life, is too complicating, too demanding, too shallow and most importantly too worthless especially in Turkey. I want to leave here, but I don't know if I can find the happiness and peace in another country. Here, I am an intellectual, succesfull computer engineer; outside of Turkey, I am a fucking roach. I've sent my cv to a lot of places outside the country. Noone wants me. How do I escape here? Should I escape here and leave all of my successes and failures behind me and start a new life? Would it worth the effort? I don't know. Death, seems like such a sweet release to me. I just want to die, naturally, at this moment, in an instant. I had enough. I had my peak at this life and I am just slowly going down to a horrible end I can feel it. I've been depressed before, even got some medical treatment for it. It doesn't feel like being depressed at all. It is just... there is no meaning in anything at all. We are bunch of atoms. Dying will just stop all of it. I wouldn't care for anyone and anything If I was dead. I wouldn't be upset about the fact that I could do much, have children and stuff. Dead doesn't care. Dead is dead and for the last month I just feel like there is no point delaying the inevitable.

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it's so calming and fun ain't it just playing assassins creed 4 black flag and sailing in the sea with a shanty playing and avoiding all the fights you can avoid and just feel like a real sailor in the 1700s is so calming yet so fun at the same time

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aight its settled im getting a stainless steel chain then i can wear my Dagaz rune on it which will be super cool. Sidenote i dont actually believe the runes have any magical power its just symbolic for me since its the rune of perseverance and ive been through a lot.

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why does the dark sing why does the dark sing why does the dark singBreaking Breaking Breaking Falling Falling Falling Free Free Free Free FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE I Can’t It will all be over soon Cut Cut Cut Bleed Bleed Bleed Die Die Die 333 333 333 3 3 3 3 3 3 Oa Forgive Me Why does the ark sing? 333 333 333 3 3 3 3 3 3 must be 3 must be 3 must be 3 why does the ark sing? why does the dark sing? why does the ark sing? The medication is poison. The medication is poison. The medication is poison. They see you. They see you. They see you. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. why does the dark sing Why does the dark sing why does the dark sing Die Die Die Lie Lie Lie Die Die Die Lie Lie Lie Die Die Die Lie Lie Lie Die Die Die Lie Lie Lie Die Die die die lie lie lie die die lie lie lie die die die lie lie lie die die die lie lie lie why does the dark sing Goodbye

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It do be sad girl hour's :/ Idk y but I'm like super big sad it sucks smh And the post soviet punk isn't helping lol

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Y’all are very swag except... To all the pervs in this you aren’t swag and a personal fuck you.

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All I think about is death, I lost my life I loved in 2015 and Havnt left he house since because I’m hideous...▪️3 photo album of me usually https://m.imgur.com/a/c032p8X ▪️4 photo album (first pic is 3 years old tho) https://m.imgur.com/a/LqcSQnZ ▪️tinder pic I used https://m.imgur.com/a/9Ikw555

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i don't understand why i'm not good enough.I know there are a lot of people in this subreddit who are in impossibly hard situations and I feel like my problem is so small in comparison. However, it is one that is weighing on me and I feel so low that I want to die. I'm a 30 year old woman and have never been "lucky" when it comes to dating or relations, however I met someone last year that I felt I connected with. We had so much fun together and I loved to be around him, and we "dated" but I felt like I was not good enough to be his girlfriend. He was hungup on an ex girlfriend and when he talked about her it would hurt me each time, I felt like I would never be good enough compared to her. Why was she good enough for him to date but not me? It messed me up so much. He would say things like "I would be the luckiest guy if you were my girlfriend" or 'you would be the perfect girlfriend". At the same time he would brush off discussions I've tried to have about relationships and would say "you deserve a nice boyfriend" and things like that. The whole ordeal made me feel awful about myself and I have been in such a depression. We still text but I don't try to have serious conversations anymore since he moved for his job anyways. I feel like a fucking idiot for putting myself in this position but I don't see any hope.

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*angry button fingering* "I'm trying to sleep, but the amount of testosterone flowing tho my body, is keeping me awake" -Me to my step mom when she walks in on me naked play doom eternal

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Feeling alone with my suicidal feelingsMy suicidal thoughts are slowly eating away at me. They never stop. I feel trapped. I feel scared and I feel alone

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Not depressed or sad but getting more comfortable with suicide day by day because I just dont enjoy the struggle of being alive. I really don't know what i'm doing with my life. I'm 25 years old and i'm a filmmaker, people praise me for the stuff I make, write and work on but the more they do, the more uncomfortable I get. I have no real friends and no family, everybody in my life seems like an asset to my own succes, I can't help it and it sucks...... I got kicked out at 16 and became homeless pretty quick, since then it seems I have become desensitized to life itself, i'm actually doing really great now but still.... I'm slowly becoming an alcoholic after having been an stoner for over three years. Lately I have been thinking about getting a gun or making an exit bag and just ending it, I mean why not? Life is good-ish, i'm happy most of the time, why should I endure another 40-50 years of uncertainty and struggle while I can just end it now?

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.Fuckin a man. Why is it there isn’t a single fucking troll in this whole forum. I just need a push please

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It doesn’t get better.I tried to kill myself three nights ago and only just woke up today. I’ve had outpourings of support from family and friends but it all seems meaningless to me, like I don’t want to stay alive without being someone else’s reason to live. All I can think about is getting out of the hospital so that I can try to kill myself again and not be so foolish to call the ambulance and let myself pass out to obvliion. The thing is, if I’d have died I would’ve been at peace, I wouldn’t have known a thing more. It wouldn’t have mattered in the grand scheme of things look how many of us there are. I’m just sick of this place and sick of this cruel world with no hope or release or cool down it’s just full on to the point where I’m not strong enough to take it and that’s okay. Sorry that I let all my family and friends down but they just don’t get it.

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Posting every day until I get a girlfriend day 219 Day 100: Im hereby celebrating he 1344th aniversary of the death of Pope Adeudatus 2. on day 100. Day 101: I like wood Day 102: Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisici elit, sed eiusmod tempor incidunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.  Day 103: 1 (one) Day 104: 1000 (one thousand) Day 105: 1 000 000 (one million) Day 106: 1 000 000 000 (one billion) Day 107: 1 000 000 000 000 (one trillion) Day 108: 1 000 000 000 000 000 (one quadrillion) Day 109: 10^18 (one quintillion) Day 110: 10^21 (one sextillion haha "sex"), how did I do this? Today I first walked 10km (600m up), and then bicycled about 10km. I usually struggle with both. Day 111: 10^24 (one septillion) Day 112: 10^27 (one octillion) Day 113: 10^30 (one nonillion) Day 114: (2020-07-01)I love apache attack helicopters. They are so cute Day 115: 1234567890 Day 116: Twjgwuwv2iqheiqn2i3beruwk2guehei1kwgwiq Day 117: there is a piece of dead fly on the wall above my bed for more than 5 years now. Day 118: A screw fell out of my chair, should I be worried? Day 119: I want to provoke someone so badly rn... Day 120: qwertzuiopüasdfghjklöäyxcvbnm Day 121: Fuck magic eye bot Day 122: my leg hurts Say 123: my leg still hurts Day 124: I need an electric shock rn. Day 125: 10 Day 126: 9 Day 127: 8 Day 128: 7 Day 129: 6 Day 130: 5 Day 131: 4 Day 132: 3 Day 133: 2 Day 134: 1 Day 135: absoloutly nothing happens after the countdown. Day 136: 10 Day 137: 9 Day 138: 8 Day 139: Nothing Day 140: 6 Day 141: 5 Day 142: 4 Day 143: 3 Day 144: 2 Day 145: (2020-08-01)should I start a random austria fact post series? Day 146: fzzr5jhgt5t3ejänpüjgugzuijgfuhd6ojgz Day 147: I think I want to change my bedding every day. ITS FUCKING AMAZING, WHY DO I JUST CHANGE IT EVERY 30 DAYS? I WANT THIS FEELING EVERYDAY. Day 148: I like cats. Cats are cute. Day 149: im hungry but too tired to get up. Day 150: I like trains. Day 151: I like planes. Day 152: today I witnessed someone getting pulled out of a 30m deep canyon by helicopter. Day 153: today I yeeted myself of a waterfall. Day 154: i want to found my own country. Day 155: I want to yeet myself off a waterfall again :( Day 156: E Day 157: A Day 158: the spanish inquisition Day 159: S Day 160: P Day 161: O Day 162: R Day 163: T Day 164: S Day 165: is a scam, dont buy. Day 166: buy minecraft instead. Day 167: thinking about erections in public is worse than the problem of having an erection in public. Day 168: why is henry stickmin so popular again? Day 169: ß Day 170: why am I even doing this Day 171: 1234567890 qwertzuiopü asdfghjklöä yxcvbnm. Day 172: I have a big pp Say 173: I just bought microsoft flight sim Day 174: its installing for 24 hours now. Day 175: It is done. Day 176: (2020-09-01) its already spetember?! Day 177: my big toe is as long as my pinky finger and 1.5 time thiccer than my thumb. Day 178: why do I want to socialice so hard rn? I usually hate talking to ppl. Day 179: the half year mark is getting closer Day 180: I like trees. Day 181: I like cats. Day 182: I like dogs. Day 183: Today I talked with a girl. Day 184: my 3d printer isnt working :( Day 185: I think im on my way of making a female friend! Day 186: IM MAKING PROGRESS. Day 187: I like apples. Day 188: Im running iut of ideas what to write. Day 189: e Day 190: ww2 lasted between 1939 and 1945. Day 191: and I like pizza. Day 192: I talked to a different girl today. Day 193: i like spaghetti too. Day 194: use ecosia plz, thx. Day 195: if u dont use ecosia ur stupid. Day 196: or just plant trees Day 197: you can still donate to team trees. Day 198: do you know how plumbusses are made? Day 199: they are made out of dinglebop. Day 200: day 200 Day 201: anyone have ideas for shit to write here? Day 202: I just went through the entire IPA and now my throat hurts. Day 203: how tf is it almost october? Day 204: ah shit, this one is a bit late. Day 205: tomorrow Day 206: DOOT DOOT Day 207: drop snoot. Day 208: with a bit of luck, school will close soon again. Day 209: i think I eill stop writing random shit. Day 210: nothing happened today. Day 211: I think I accidentialy motivated my crush to flirt woth another guy. Day 212: nothing happened today. Day 213: nothing happened today. Day 214: this one is a bit late, because internet bad. Day 215: nothing happened today. Day 216: nothing happened today. Day 217: nothing happened today. Day 218: nothing happened today. Day 219: nothing happened today.

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Don’t you dare listen to music ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍

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I'm on the edgeI don't know what to do anymore, I'm a failure to myself and everyone around me. I'm probably going to take a few hundred units of insulin before going to sleep tonight. The best thing that's ever happened to me will be not waking up.

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Here's 3 things some people hate about me 1. I'm gay da ba dee da ba daa 2. I'm a furry 3. I'm gender fluid Now hate for I am fueled by your hatred

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German is not that hard to learn Like, I literally learned it in 4 months,its easy, I'll name a couple languages harder than German though: Russian, Spanish, French, Albanian, Greek, Enchanting table and lastly Babyian

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IN THE BOOK OF HEAVY METAL ‎

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What a wonderful feeling being drunk can beWhat a wonderful feeling being drunk can be. The softness of wine and the cradle of depression. Its the feeling that this is as good as it will get. The rest is just wishful thinking. If only. if Only they could forget about me. If only they had others to love and forgot me. I could be alone and finally go to sleep once and for all. I would sit in a corner ...or maybe not because I am too old to crouch and ball up in the corner of a room: it would be uncomfortable. yes I want to die now, but in comfort and forgotten by all that matter. ​ It is tedious, frustrating and damned irritating. One day it will be easier and I will be able to die as I want to.

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I probably won't... but it just seems like an easy end to the pain....Truthfully, like most people here... I just want an outside reason or voice to give me some light and make it seem worth it... For the past few weeks I'll grab my gun, unloaded, cock it, and just put it to my head and pull the trigger just to hear the 'click'... It's pretty fucked up considering I haven't felt like this since High School. If anyone cares for the story, I've posted it in r/offmychest and r/relationship_advice. Of course this is all over a girl and I know it'll pass.... I just hate that my mind is trying to kill me....

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It’s 3:50 am, and I am seriously contemplating suicide.Hey Reddit, I’m sure the post will get completely lost in the threads but I’m sitting here with a bottle of pills trying to come up with the best way to kill myself. Today I was slapped with realization that I have unfortunately surrounded myself with terrible terrible people. People who have lied to me, gossiped about me consistently and who have been downright fake. I’m currently in college and have been dealing with depression and anxiety for about 4 years or so. I’ve attempted suicide twice, and I haven’t been successful. Part of me really wants to talk to someone but I’m to vulnerable and I don’t want to waste peoples time and I don’t want to be labeled as “dramatic”. I’m deciding if I want to write my “friends” and family letters. I’m scared that if I fail this attempt I will be so judged and hated. None of this makes sense I feel as my eyes are blurry. But reddit if you’re out there, if anyone’s out there I’m begging one last time for help before I Down this bottle of pills and climb to the top of my apartment building and succeed in finding some fucked up version of piece. I feel unloved, betrayed and downright worthless. But enough about me. This is where my story ends.

suicide

here's my debate for why violent video games reduce violence IRL I'm having a debate competition and the motion is this house believes that violent video games lead to violent acts in young audiences, so o figured this would be of some help against the banvideogames subreddit, (it's not too good rn) most of the time we commit violent acts because we're angry or frustrated, by commiting violent acts in the game we vent these emotions out in the game instead of in the real world, say for example DOOM(you know the drill we all like BFG division). you might say that video games can culture some really toxic people, but speaking into a mic and speaking to a face are two different things, I have friends that literally gang up on me and ban me from their Minecraft server because they were in a bad mood, the next day I had a few words to say to them and they just stood there and let me run my mouth (I just didn't feel like letting them have their way so I did a thing), that's why I think cyberbullying isn't a problem, if you know how to treat is properly(my own opinion, you guys might know something I don't) can someone please improve on this and post it elsewhere I'm not a good writer, I just started out the debate🤷

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just spent an hour translating a song feels good

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Bro it feels so good calling my ex a gf again I've been wanting another chance for about a year now lol We first got together freshman year

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effective suicide plan?So I've finally decided to take a turn to find peace. To be honest my plan isn't well thought out and I'm scared it's going to fail, which means I'll have to face being found out and sent somewhere. My current plan is to take enough melatonin and sedatives to knock myself out, then go outside in the snow during the night wearing shorts and a t-shirt and sleep there, and hopefully the subzero cold kills me before I wake up in the morning. Would this be effective?

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im such an idiot i stuck my hand in a fan

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I feel like crying. I don't know where to post this so, I'm posting this here. I just feel like crying, for no reason. I was just minding my business when, my mom asked me something (that doesn't really matter to me anyway) and, I just... felt like it. I managed to go to my room without anyone noticing and... I'm just seating here now. Trying to get this out of me. (Sorry if I did any grammatical mistakes)

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İ am losing my mind...İ dont know how i can endure this bullshit ... İam 21 and suffered almost every stage of my life , things are not going on my way , worst thing is everyone hates me even my family too . They think iam a failure. İam an university student but my grades like an rotten apple on the tree... i have no motivation or energy. And dont have a girlfriend still virgin . Why i should keep up for nothing ?, for more suffer ? or more failure ? İ just want peace , love and some money... İ know there is still some hope but i tired keep fighting it is pointless , i hate it i just want some victory . İ am looking for a gun but it is hard to access on my country . İ just dont want hurt anymore... it is enough. İf people interested in motivational videos please watch (Why we choose suicide Mark Henic) it relaxed me one bit . İ need your prays too

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Feeling really angry can someone talk?I would appreciate it if I may vent my heart..

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God damn I wish I could be pegged I just wanna be pegged and called a good boy😔 ^i’m ^to ^horny ^for ^my ^own ^good

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my boyfriend is getting his wisdom teeth removed today so i wanted to make a cute post just raving about him and hopes he sees it but i doubt he will :) Well, he's asleep right now cause he hasn't replied to my messages but he deserves the rest, he'll be sleepy all day. Anyway... He's so amazing. I love him so much, our 4 year anniversary is coming up on February 14. I got him his gift and it's currently in transit. I just wanted to say he's literally the most amazing thing to ever happen to me, I wouldn't be the person I am today without him. I... live in an extremely toxic home, and I hate it, I'm not allowed to date but I don't care, I fell in love with someone, and we've been together almost 4 years now. He's so amazing...He's so kind, and charming, and passionate, and loving, and willing, and handsome and cute and literally any positive thing you can think of. He has no flaws. He's so perfect in my eyes. He's been there for me when literally no-one else has. I couldn't be more thankful. I am so lucky, that everyday I get to call this wonderful human mine, and I get to call him cute everyday. Things have been hard with covid, we've been apart 315 days, which is, to most LDR's silly, but he's my only friend. I...am a pretty lonely person, but that's alright. I have about 2 other close friends and that's all I really need. He's literally my best friend. He's been with me through everything. Like I said, I have a toxic home-life, my father is a POS and my mother...she isn't much better. Before him, I knew there was something mentally wrong with me, and to this day my parents still don't really believe I have an anxiety disorder and I quite possibly could be depressed. (not being dramatic it's rough.) He is also my first, well everything just about. This is the first real-real relationship I've been in, he was my first kiss, my first slow-dance, my first everything. He's so timid and gentle and knows exactly how I'm feeling even if I don't tell him initially. He tells me he's proud of me, and the first time he told me that, I broke down into tears. No one has ever ever told me they were proud of me, he sees the smallest steps I take and he recognizing me for them. I've been working my hardest on not apologizing so often and getting a grasp on my anxiety. I know to some now, it's so silly to think that you're first relationship is the one you're gonna marry. But I so truly believe he'll be the one I marry, I want to get married to him, I want to have a life with him. These past 4 years, I haven't felt sad, like "unneeded" sad, of course I have days, but he's literally lit my life up. I wrote a poem about/for him last year and in the poem, I talk about how he re-lit my "spark". My spark is well myself, my personality, my happiness, my passions my all of it. I don't think I could ever begin to repay him. With everything he's done...I'm overjoyed. And I tell him all of this everyday and he takes it with such modesty, or "I know I'm all these things, but so are you" He knows me, he knows who I am, he's the first person to ever willfully get to know who I am, and to love every, single, inch of me, even the parts I can't love right now. ​ I think I'll stop there for now, I could novels upon novels about my love for him, but I think now is a good time to stop. I'm currently working on a song for him, It's been a really long writing process but I think it's coming along well. Anyway, thanks for reading that whole long winded thing, :)

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Parents be like "dont hang around that frend, frend bad, family gud" Then get played by their own brother._.

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Bro, im deadass crying rn My mom came into my room, and she thought I was sleeping. And as she was leaving she said under her breath "I love you [redacted]" and now I'm cryin. Im a feckin emotional wreck

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Today’s poop story. I was wearing a big shirt. I went to the latrine to poop. I pulled my pants down, sat, and pooped. My shirt caught the poop.

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I am getting pretty closeI just dont see any other option at this point

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I want to end my lifeI just need to vent I have no one I can tell this to. I moved back home to my grandmas after a stressful two years of college and a failed relationship due to drug addiction on both parties. We were both insanely depressed, I thought I did the good thing moving back home but everyday still feels worse. I miss him so much it hurts. He just overdosed again two weeks ago and I heard he’s doing better but I’ve decided to go no contact, but I miss him so bad maybe I’ll do minimal contact once he’s feeling better.. I’ve had suicidal thoughts in the past, but it’s gone out of control since moving back home. My life has no direction or meaning. All I do is bother everyone. My mind is so hazy that I cannot focus. Getting out of bed is insanely difficult. Going out in public feels like everyone is either scurrying away from me or staring at me, I know it’s my head playing with me man. I feel like a monster and it feels like everyone can see it. It’s hard making friends and I don’t want to bother my friends down here. I had a decent job paying me 15 an hour but it was insanely stressful, when I moved back home I applied to jobs near me and quickly got one as a front desk agent at a nice hotel paying me 10 dollars an hour. It’s definitely slower paced and cool but the down time is absolutely killing me. My thoughts eat my alive. I hooked up with an ex two nights ago because I craved being touched but obviously I feel 10x worse. The sex was meaningless he was just ramming my cervix the whole time but I didn’t want to ruin the moment or make him mad by saying it hurt so I just waited for it to end. We smoked after and chatted for a bit. Played some video games and cuddled and fell asleep, well he did but I just stared at the wall for hours. It felt so good to be high again. Yesterday morning at work I was really irritated because my cervix feels insanely sore, I got no sleep, and my emotions are completely out of control. I’m usually sweet but I felt like a ticking time bomb all day. Housekeepers told me to call my boss so they could print their reports because no managers were there. I told them to call them because I was busy, but they stood behind me for 10 minutes while I took phone calls and did my paperwork because they’re english is bad and they wanted me to do it... they were communicating with me just fine. So I snapped and said “what do you want me to do?! Did y’all call them like i told you?” they said they called the gm and my boss but they didn’t answer their phones and they left a voicemail. So I dialed the sales manager because i knew she was awake because she called me earlier, and she gave me an attitude on the phone and she dates my boss, so he got on the phone and yelled at me not to call her. I said I only called her because him and the other boss didn’t answer their phones, and to never speak to me in that tone again and maybe they shouldn’t tell us to call them whenever they aren’t there if we need help if they don’t want to help. So what’s the point in their numbers posted on the bulletin board, I ripped it off and told the housekeepers that I can’t help them and to please go away. I had so much downtime of just standing there and reading news articles that I opened word and typed how I was feeling. It wasn’t meant to be a suicide note, but I did mention how I wanted to do it. Which is unimportant but if anyone is interested, I want to drive far away listening to music until I’m tired, then I want to drive into a body of water and drown. I don’t know when I’ll do it but I fantasize about it every day I drive home from work. I’m too coward to shoot myself or hang myself. I don’t want my family to find me. If my body is found I want my ashes to be spread in fields of flowers and trees. I thought I closed the word document, but I have ADHD and would lose my head if it wasn’t attached to my body. So I had anxiety all yesterday that I left the document open and my boss who yelled at me called me at 11:55 last night and I’m wondering if that is why. Why else call me at that hour. Maybe I’m overthinking. So now I’m thinking should I not show up to work? Maybe have a me day? I don’t even know how to have a self care and love day. I’m just too scared to go to work :( I don’t know if anyone would even care to read this. I feel so lost and lonely. If anyone wants to talk, I’d be so happy to...

suicide

I just found out doing Yoga wrong can lead to harm I was doing it wrong this whole time 😔🙏🏼😔

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SuicideWhats a better solution to avoid suicide?

suicide

i got a new tat tonight im vry happy w it :DD [here’s a pic](https://imgur.com/a/2ZSDOUK)

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I just want to be freeI don't want to be this depressed drain on everyone around me anymore.

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To the actual dunce who may or may not have given me Covid-19: Fuck you. Eat shit and die. No amount of words can describe the amount of unbridled anger I feel right now because of your actual fucking *sloth brain*.

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if i had a dollar for every time someone on here suggested my posts were the result of drug use i would have enough money to go buy the drugs theyre talkin about i wish i was high people !!!!! but im not !!!! ur just jelly ur brain is boring and mine is sexc and says funny things 👋😏

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multiple half assed suicide attempts since elementary schoolnot sure how much i actually intend to say here but i've been suicidal for as long as i can remember, i think my first attempt was around age 7 and suicidal thoughts have been a constant in my life since then, from age 7 to 18 i've tried to kill myself a few times with no success and struggled with self harm in between that, i got close to trying again until i just lost all motivation to even do it and resorted to staring at the floor after realizing i would fuck up like the past few times, i was planning on just going out to a field near my house and jamming a knife into my stomach probably badly worded but whatever i'm just incredibly frustrated especially after years of being denied help, medical malpractice, and other bullshit pushing me closer and closer to killing myself, all while being kept alive for other people's sake

suicide

I want to make out with Leela in the Planet Express office supply closet What’s Fry going to do about it?

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My friend asked out his crush and she said, "you should have waited till April" she thought it was a joke so she told him he should have waited until April fools Can I have an F in the chat for my bro haha

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I saw my uncles dick one night I went to take a shit in the middle of the night. I went to the bathroom, half asleep, only to see my uncle taking a massive shit. I saw his balls and everything. I wasn’t the same ever since

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lmaolmabsjdbbsjxbwnxhhdjsshdcmwbdjjf jrhdsndhdjsbshhdnsnsnsnsndndjejekskk

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I just don’t even know anymoreThis is the first time Ive felt this way since I started antidepressants but I think this is the last straw. I’ve been sitting here at rock bottom for a while now people tell me to keep going and I’ve tried but things just haven’t really gotten better. I haven’t even found something that I like doing and am good at and I put a lot of false hope into many things and am just disappointed in the end. I don’t even think I know myself anymore and at this point I’m really considering suicide.

suicide

i have no reason to live anymoremy online friends don’t talk to me anymore so everyday is a bore might as well kill myself

suicide

Planning to kill myself at 29hey guys let me start by a brief intro im 14 and live in canada. i have shitty fucking parents and i have no life my life is a repetition of study 24/7 then piano 24/7 and secretly game 24/7 (yes im asian, korean to be exact), swim 24/7 and read boring ass classic books 24/7 so my teenage years are looking like theyre gonna get fucked and i dont think i can handle me getting old as well so i thought of this brilliant idea that if i dont want to get old, ill just kill myself before all this, i always thought that death was interesting. i read a lot of articles about death and read philosophical korean manga about death. im curious to what happens to 'me' after death. i dont think this curiosity and this low key depression will go away so ill just enjoy my life till late 20s then just kill myself. any1 with me or have any opinions? I just wanna talk to people

suicide

I’m fucking I’m fucking I’m fucking LET ME DRINK ALL YOUR BLOOD YUM YUM LET ME DRINK ALL YOUR BLOOD YUM YUM LET ME DRINK ALL YOUR BLOOD YUM YUM

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I missed my own warning signs.I somehow didn't notice the not even first time descent into depression. I know myself and my behaviors but I did put anything together until I was at the bottom of the pit and drowning. I feel like my own feelings are fake because they don't make sense and I don't know what to do.

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It's my 19th birthday today... I don't know if I should be happy that I'm officially a 19-year old and Pewds can be proud of me.... ....Or I should sad cause this is my last year on this subreddit... Help

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Am I in the wrong? I have to share a room with my older brother. He always kicks me out of my own room so then I have to spend every moment with my sister who is 4 years younger then me. I have to constantly be with her, and do whatever she wants, I even have to sleep on the floor in her room. My brother was gone tonight so I just wanted to spend the night by myself playing video games. So I tell my sister I’ll sit with you until you fall asleep. She starts saying I want to sleep in your room and I say no. Then my mom starts screaming at me that I’m terrible for making her feel bad. Am I in the wrong?

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I passed my driver's permit test today So yeah I can kinda drive so that's pretty cool

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I feel like I'm at my end.I want to kill myself so fucking badly. I talked to someone who had countless attempts and apparently it's harder than I originally thought. Great, just great. I can't kill myself and it's irritating. I just want to leave. Just let me leave, *please*

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How to be happy!: a tutorial 1.

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Just When I Think I'm In The Clear...I was so sure I was over this. But, goodness, this new bout I slammed into is, by far, the worst I've felt in a long time. I understand we're all trapped in our own heads, but I've never felt so tethered down like I have by this awful, sickly feeling that has been plaguing my thinking nonstop the past five days. I know, I know, nobody should get so upset as to contemplate suicide over a girl or guy not taking an interest in them - but dang, I'm not one to feel so strongly about a potential relationship often. At all. So when I do, and I know I'm not doing well, it feels like I'm missing an incredibly important game changer for my life. Yet, here I am again. Plastering this girl with my anxieties as I try to approach her about anything. And this one going wrong is just another lump. Another screw up in a long line of nothing but screw ups for me. Another nail in the coffin, as it were. And it's not fair to her or anyone else who is subjected to my behavior. I feel like I was just settling into great work relationships with these people at my new job, and then I go out and get drunk with them a few times and tell them all about this girl and my anxieties. And yesterday at work when I tried to joke and talk to the girl...holy crap, I'm an idiot. And a creep. Then there is this other girl I really respect who is roughly the same age my sister would be had she not died years ago, and, during one of our drunken conversations, she told me how I was like "a little brother" to her. Of course, this makes my heart swell with pure joy, but then I wonder how creepy does that make me? I'm just a weirdo who pushes away people who genuinely try to care about me by getting too clingy. The past two nights, I'd go out drinking and just tell myself (aloud unfortunately) how it would be best for me to just get this whole load of crap over with. It upsets my friends who were drinking with me. They genuinely do care, but I can tell this attitude I have is weighing on them lately too. Who can blame them? It's terrible. And the more I think about it, the worse I get. And the worse I get, the more I think about it. My descent into pure, unadulterated, 100% self hatred is nearly complete. All of this boils down to one question - "Am I ever gonna be good enough?" It just doesn't seem like the case. Anytime I get a good opportunity thrown my way, I don't know how to handle it. I've failed to adapt to society and the world. Some people are still crazy enough to care about me for some reason though - probably mostly thanks to biology, but I've been slowly pushing away my family in addition to my friends and coworkers. This is nobody's fault but mine, I know that. I just don't want to hurt anyone. I'd rather not put my parents through losing another child. But, once I've got a safe enough distance between my family and me, I may genuinely consider checking out. It's definitely become a legitimate, daily consideration again.

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I'm tired of convincing myself that i want to be alive every day. if I have to do this every day for the rest of my life, then i'd like to just stop.suggestions?

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Do you guys notice how some commercials and shows increased their black cast/presence? Do you notice the increase of black people in commercials and television? Just a disclaimer, I am African American. I’m sharing an observation and this isn’t an invitation for a racist discussion. 2020 was a wild year when it came to racial injustice. All of these protests and demands for change made me very happy and proud. Obviously, companies see these protests and come out in support and that’s fine. But some shows and commercials seems like pandering rather than a genuine desire to increase diversity. I was watching a paper tower commercial and it was a black animated family. I see a lot of new shows adding a number of black people to their cast. I see Harvard pledging to admit more black students. And many other commercials that you wouldn’t usually see a black face on. This is all great until you realize that a lot of these companies only do this amid a protest that pertains to race. I’ve never seen this rush for diversity when instances are “normal” (normal meaning not a huge public outcry for racial reform). Maybe I’m reading too far into it but it’s just what I noticed on television. Companies putting a black face as the star of their commercial and calling it progress. It’s upsetting and these companies should have a genuine desire to push for diversity rather than pushing for it when it’s convenient to show that you support an agenda.

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I have a weird question Hmmmmm… how do I shave my butt hole/ass crack?

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I really have no way outI just can't keep living this life. I want it to end but there are too many reasons that make me need to stay here. I can't live a day without feeling remorse towards my parents, who see their son like that, same with my little brother and sister, i don't want them to be traumatized and become depressive themselves because of me killing myself. I have one precious friend, a girl that really does everything to help me, and it makes me sad to know that it will hurt her at the end. My faith in God is telling me to keep going but it's been a lifetime that i've been doing it, and i think i've reached my limit. I can't feel any form of happiness or enjoyment that make me forget about my problems, i also feel guilty about all of this, that i live an easy life, in a peaceful country, that i have something to eat and to dress with, a roof to go under but with everything life granted me i still can't appreciate it. I feel like shit. It's litterally impossible for me to kill myself because of everything i said, my life doesn't only have an impact on myself so i'm trapped in this life and it's going to be like that until i die. Sorry for the long text and my approximative english

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how old are your parents/grandparents holy fuck most of your elders are old as hell, my parents are 38 and my grandparents are in their early to late 50s

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I need inputLast time I am asking for help. I don't want to be told anything else. Is there ANY apps or programs that will trigger a phone call and said time that's reliable. I'm planning suicide by partial hanging however I want to be a organ donner. Ambulance response time is less than 3 minutes upon 911 getting a notification. I need 15 minutes... I want adequate time for my organs to be harvested at the very least but I need suffient time where my brain won't be getting oxygen and or blood for at least 15 minutes. (At least by then I will be brain dead). And also I can't have a person call 911 because: A) You could notify 911 earlier thus causing my plan to fall apart. B) You would be the subject to a criminal investigation relating to my death. So it has to be automated call or program/software.

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Any other 14 yos lookin for fun? ;D Add my sc: retromcgaming or dm me 😝❤😘

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17 years ago today, cries started to flood a single ward deep in the depths of a hospital. A legend came into this world. That legend is me. Yes I'm brave enough to admit that I am awesome and love myself entirely. I've eaten healthy and excercised vigorously throughout this hell of a year, not to forget brushing up my academics. I've also saved up for a new pair of socks. I'm so proud of myself. Can any of you rich redditors give me an award of any kind, please? The cheapest will even do because that would make my entire day infinitely more exciting! Award givers will be highly commended through dm's.

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Is there a cure for intense boredom? Other LSD, video games or pornography?

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12 Reasons To Kill Myself1) I have just failed my class and extremely upset 2) I'm transgender and can't live with this anymore (hardest one) 3) I have social anxiety 4) I have obsessive compulsive disorder 5) I'm always depressed 6) I'm not healthy at all 7) I hate my family 8) I don't have any friends 9) I have no talent or purpose in life 10) I've never done anything important in my life. I've always failed. 11) Society won't accept my existence and will always keep making fun of me. 12) World is bullshit. There is always violence, terror, blood and death. It's not worth living. Should I do it ?

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I want to Fucking blow my brains outIt’s a disservice to my real self to keep trying to live at this point. In all honesty the reason I hang on is to keep myself in some sort of torture chamber. Just let me out of this piss test called life. It’s solitary confinement

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Does anyone else feel like they were neglected by their parents just because you were never a problem child? I know this isn't really a thing to complain about, but i've always wondered if anyone else felt the same I wa thirdborn in my family and homeschooled for the first 10 years. My mother had to school my rwo older brothers before I came into the world and this whittled down my mothers patience. By the time I was needing to be schooled, my mother was already busy enough with my other brothers that she didn't have the capacity to give me very much attention. By the time I was able to read well on my own, my mother would just plop a textbook down in front of me and I would go ahead and study on my own. I learned rather quickly that my mother had little patience when I asked for help twice in a row, or took too long to figure out easy stuff. Yelling and occasionally beatings would follow so I stopped asking for help altogether. From that point on, almost everything I did was on my own. I would start to fear help itself so I would kick my rear into overdrive and focus the hell out of my times tables or whatever it was that I was studying just to avoid help altogether. It wasn't just with studying. I was for some strange reason really sensetive to yelling and I would prefer a beating rather than a scold on pretty much every occasion. Because of this, I learned cery quickly how to be a good boy in the house, not making any trouble whatsoever. Never causing problems and never having any that I had to ask assistance with. I had fun by myself in those times. Jigsaw puzzles and puzzle books and jacks and whatever other 1 player games I could find, I played them. Keeping all the possible problems I could cause to a minimum. A decade down the line, i'm now older and in high school. I do exceedingly well in every class and never cause a problem for anybody. I do find myself without a social life which I considered to be a waste of energy at the time. I've also noticed that all my exceptional achievements are going pretty much unseen by my parents. I believe that they just got used to how I was never a problen and now its standard in their eyes. I grew up always being great and pushing into greatness even further is exceedingly difficult. Now i'm 19 and I feel in sort of trapped in this image I created for my parents that I "must always be perfect" and "never cause a problem". I've worked so hard to keep this image but I feel like its tearing me down. I feel really down all the time now. I just feel so unmotivated and unhappy. The "good boy" in me says to ignore all that emotional bs and just keep moving along, but its harder and harder to do that every passing day. I just feel depressed. I hide it all from my parents because this would be an issue that I would be putting onto them. "Sorry mom, but your 3rd child has a problem". Also, I don't even know if theyll care. And looking back on this whole situation, I feel like I have only myself to blame. I feel like I was the one who caused my parents to not care about me because I never wanted them to care about me and I avoided it whereever I could. I'm the one who caused them to look at me the way they do. Does anyone else feel the same?

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Aight thats it, time to go I've been up for too long now, yall have a good sleep its like 2am but hey I'm 18 now so thats kinda cool, my wise old man advice is go build something, or draw smt you have the ability to create, and thats whats got the human race to the reddit we have today

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The Cold Sore Did Me InLet me prefix this with saying that cold sores are not that bad, but it was enough to push me over the edge. So, I've only for sure had one, and I may have had one or two more about a month or two later--but they didn't have apparent symptoms. The point being is that I haven't had anything since my first initial outbreak two years ago. Combine this fact along with the fact that I thought 80% of the population already had it, and that it was very rare to give it when you do not have symptoms. I was wrong. Only 60% of the US population has it (40% is far to high for me to just not care), and you can fairly regularly give it when you have no symptoms. So, now, if I ever want to kiss a girl again, I have to warn her that I've had cold sores, and I also need to avoid oral sex because I might give my partner it down there even without any open sores. So, this news is too much for me. I'm already miserable at my job (I've been looking for new work for three months now--my city's economy is horrible). My friend groups are breaking down (mainly people moving away or getting into relationships and forgetting about their single friends). I am not close with my family. And now, I can't even date because I'm a disgusting man who might give you cold sores. No, I am not the "typical" person who you find on this subreddit. I have numerous hobbies, I stay in shape, I (I guess now formerly) was successful with women, and I had quite a few friends. But I'm lonely. I've lost my three closest friends in a span of six months (one moved, one hates me now, and the other decides that his gf is all that matters in life), and they really were like family to me--especially important since I'm not close with my own. Professionally, I'm going no where and will probably be laid off in May, and, based on my city's job market, I won't be able to find work. Therefore, I am about to become an unemployed and lonely man who is undatable. It's the calmness--that's how I know that I'm close. The despair makes you unable to do anything, but the calmness let's you have the energy to end it. Thanks for reading, I appreciate you taking the time.

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can't shake the suicidal ideationi've struggled on and off with depression for my whole adolescence, and have managed to cope the last 6 years without medication and the last 3 without therapy. it's been important to me to give off the air of being well-adjusted. i'm a good student at a good university, with good friends and good hobbies. still, i've never been able to completely move on from thinking about suicide: in the best of times, it's distant and amusing-to-think-about, in the worst it's a seriously-considered recourse. i just can't seem to feel fulfilled by any of my relationships, any of my accomplishments. even though i imagine by most accounts i'd be considered a happy, sociable, well-liked person, i feel like i just want to tie up my responsibilities, distribute my things, and get lost. almost unconsciously, i imagine the feeling of the barrel of a gun on the roof of my mouth, or what it would feel like to jump off a bridge or jump into traffic. it's totally humiliating.

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Can somebody talk to me?There is shit in my life that I need to just talk about, but also maybe need some help with... But I don't want to do that publicly, idk why... I just don't

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Police Visit UKThrowaway due to obvious reasons. Last night I made a decision to significantly harm myself with the intention to end my life. As a last ditch attempt I text Crisis Text Line. After some back and for I had calmed down and decided to get out of the house. I left everything including my phone. Once I managed to recoup my thoughts I gathers my things (including my phone) and went to my parents. In the meantime, Crisis has contacted the Police and they tracked me to my parents house. This led to an encounter where I had to discuss everything in an open dialogue and I was strongly advised to stay at my parents etc. I’m concerned with what the repercussions are now with Police (including my police records, contact with my GP/medical records and employer).

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I'm fucked. All of this is an illusion.Ive recently lost someone i felt like was a brother to me, and i realized that he was one of the only people who actually wanted to spend time with me and made an effort to. Im so tired of being the friend who asks. Why are people constantly so selfish? Last night i tried to end everything. it didnt work and honestly the only person who knew and "cared" has left me completely alone the whole day, not talking to me at all and then promises to fix things when i ask for them to do something about it, but they never do. its probably stupid but theyre in a band, and they have always said to me "you could be the singer, or the pianist (i play piano) or the bass player" and all three of those have been taken and i feel like a fucking failure. I used to be such a bad friend. but now km getting what i deserve in life. It just keeps happening and im so tired of this cycle. I got kicked out of my therapy even after i begged to stay in. I havent been one day clean. When will it end?

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Considering killing myself, the depression just keeps strangling me.I have always struggled with anxiety and depression, since i was a little kid i've been this way. This winter my abusive girlfriend left me and i still can't get over her completely. The weekenid i had now was the best in such a long time, the issue is that i met a girl and i felt attracted to her, she's too young tho, only 18 and i'm in my late 20s and i feel shame for that. Nothing happened between us, we barely spoke but we were in the same company over the weekend and i had a great time but now the weekend is over and same old shit week after week continues. It's like a post-great-weekend-depression on top of my regular depression that i somewhat can hande most days. I hate that i can't have fun without going into deeper depressions afterwards, i don't know why that happens and yeah, feeling this attraction to a 18 year old girl is shit aswell.

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Welp, here we go again. Hey hey! Guess who got their bank account opened... And has no idea how to use it because school is dumb and only teaches you how to count money and not actually use it- damn I love life!

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