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jquiros

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suicide

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Holy shit is did it Asked a girl out and she said yes, I never thought I’d make it this far. What am I suppose to do now?!

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I can't do it anymore and this year made me revaluate my existenceI don't even know where to start because it's all pressing too hard. I haven't seen my family in a year and a half, I'm getting a degree I can't pull myself together to care about anymore, I've lost friends and now I'm just at home 24/7. By myself. And nobody seems to care. This year i had a lot of time to sit down and think. I found answers for questions that bugged me my whole life. I'm not for people. I am who I am and I'm an unlikeable emotional slob of a person so I'm incapable of even having one good friend. Nobody is capable to love me, platonically or otherwise. The only person who was there for me died a month ago. The tipping point was today. I realised that I don't even have a single soul to celebrate new years with. It was and is the only day that is so, so special to me and now I've realised I'm rotting while still alive. I don't want this anymore. I literally am about to go eat some pills because my mind broke me today. I feel like I'm underwater and under a pile of bricks and now I've stopped trying to resurface.

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My science teacher is adorable Also some kid asked him "what animal did monkeys have sex with to make humans?" He lost faith in us instantly

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I want to break up with my girlfriend but I am afraid she will kill herself..When we first started, our relationship was amazing... We both have depression, (although mine has been reduced greatly) and low self esteem. I still love her... but not in the same way anymore. I don't feel content in our relationship. I am very artistic and while she is very artistically talented, she doesnt care much for art or making things in general. (I know, minor thing but creativity is a huge part of my life). She will get upset anytime i pick up a guitar to sing her a song (she didnt use to, but for the past few months she has), or just to play in general... I need someone who is creative with me or at least supportive of me in a relationship. We used to laugh and have fun all the time, and be able to talk about nothing for hours on end and never get bored with each other... Now when we are in a call for more than an hour some kind of drama happens, and she gets really sad and starts crying... and I understand its not her fault and i honestly feel like such duchebag for wanting to break up with her for something she cant control but its really taxing on me mentally... I feel so stressed, so much more that when we started dating. We have been dating for 8. almost 9 months now... For 2 months it's gotten miserable for both of us, after my mom walked in on me fingering her, we have had to had a camera on us at all times. We can't kiss, we can't hug too much, we can't cuddle for hours on end like we used too... and i feel like thats a huge factor for why our relationship isn't working anymore... when we had physical touch taken away to comfort each other (not sexual im referring to by the way, mainly just cuddling) everything fell down hill. We get in a fight almost every day now over different things, and its gotten to the point where i actually try to avoid hanging out with her as much as possible instead of the other way around... She has anorexia, and has really bad body image issues and after becoming severely underweight she is now slightly overweight and feels worse about herself now than she ever has.. I still think she is beautiful and obviously i cant cure that about her but her constant negativity and self loathing brings me down with her... She is the best relationship i've ever had. The only one i felt was genuine, real, and great (for a while) but Its gone downhill and is no longer what i want or need in a relationship... I feel like i have to constantly walk on eggshells or she will cry or have a mental breakdown and its so stressfull... I love her but i cant do it anymore. I cant do it for much longer. She has told me many times that i am the only good thing in her life and that if i broke up with her she wouldn't know what she would do and she has had suicidal thoughts more and more often... She has been to a mental hospital before (as have I) and i feel like as soon as i breakup with her she will have to go again.... she is already unstable enough as is and if i break p with he rright now she will do something irreversable... I was thinking i would wait until school started to break up with her... either the day before or day of so that she would have friends to support her and be around other people... We are both going to different schools next year (both starting high

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Suicide calendarHello all, I expect this to be eaten up by all the other sad sacks of shit just like me but I thought it may be worth a try. I’m 16 years old and I’m autistic, I’ve gotten the brain power to carry me through school but I can’t for the life of me socialize. I did have a girlfriend recently but she dumped me after I told her about me being autistic. My family is just now realizing how severe my autism is and are thinking that disowning me will help with this. I disagree but in the case that it does I’ve set my suicide date for the end of next month, that is Tuesday, March 31st of 2020 I believe. Anyway back to my demented little story time of which I’ve only told one. When I was younger my parents divorced while I was 2 years old, me my mom and my brother were kicked to the streets and homeless for about a year I believe. During this time I saw and did things I would rather not say. After we got a foothold after some help from my uncle, we all know where that goes, we had my dad come back and say he wants custody over us. But me and my brother disagreed, my dad was very mentally and physically abusive, which I don’t like. He ended up getting weekends and so I’ve found the only way I can get through those times we’re by not thinking or feeling anything, this has resulted in me being diagnosed with psychopathy, which in short means I feel nothing I care nothing which I don’t think I enjoy much either. After all this I assumed things were looking up, I was making friends at school through studying comedy to make the laugh, because I loved laughing even in the worst of times. I was growing more and more fond of my family and it almost seemed I could break through this shell I had put myself in. I got a girlfriend who I loved and she was the first person outside of my family who I enjoyed touching, hugging was amazing! But I found that she has cheated on me, very un fun if I’m honest. Then my closest uncle who I trusted has died recently, my Dad, as much as I hate him has cancer and my Mom who I still hold a soft spot for has a tumor. My stepdad who I’ve just started “growing on” is pushing me away along with everyone else in the family because I’m simply trying to tell some jokes. I just want everyone to be happy again, my brother is moving out and now all the pressure to be a successful student is put on me, along with every other chore. I’m getting skinnier and skinnier by the day because I’ve given up on my eating habits and instead opt to stay in bed after school. I’ve had to move schools to be put in a better program and despite being more than halfway though the year with 83 days left in it I still have no friends because I shake very badly when I talk to people. But I want to talk with them I really do, I want them to understand that it’s not that I fear them or can’t control myself. But that’s all mostly gone now. In the corner of my bed I’ve found a very empty spot emotionally and I feel something but it’s more of something pulling me downward. I look in the mirror and am disgusted at what has become of me. I go to school every day on time, I eat the same things every single day I wear the same things every single day and I liked it but now I feel like it doesn’t matter. I feel as though nothing matters. I’m officially alone now, writing this in a somewhat desperate attempt to find someone to maybe talk to over the web so that they don’t see me shake. But again, the date is set to the end of next month and I don’t expect anything from this. Goodnight.

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Please help fill out my google form!! i am a dead inside robot who likes data sheets Its a google form asking things about you , more details in the introduction [Link to the google form](https://forms.gle/RzqyqFzPfh8kCJpm9) [Spreadsheet statistics](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1nWoq95RzQqM2ZD-Frsc3as5DC_jMuPJZCKE4QfvJ1H8/edit?usp=sharing)

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You know what guys? It is completely okay to forgive a person for his/her mistake and move on as long as they're actually trying to be better. What's not okay is to remind them and make them feel bad about it again and again when they have actually been trying. We're only human. We do make mistakes and it's fine.

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My mum rickrolled me and I ain’t even mad Yeah during dinner my mum played some old music and I’m just hearing the beginning of never gonna give you up and she looks me deadass in the eye.

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I don't know what to do.. broke someone's heart and its killing me.Long story short, i was dating this girl for 3 months really liked eachother she was great! But she is 20 im 25 we moved in together too quick and i think it ruined our relationship. I met this other girl who is my age and has her life together even in graduate school and we just met at an event and just hit it off. i should have just broken up with my ex but she found out about me talking to this other girl before i got around to breaking up with her. I did NOT cheat on her though. im just worried that im getting later in life and ive always dated girls with problems at home, their dad is not around, in jail, or just a dick. and these girls just drop out of college and i just somehow attract broken girls and i fall for it everytime. But this last girl I fell hard for but i couold feel it becoming toxic. how do i feel this bad about ending a 3 month relationship when my last one i ended after 2 years and felt nothing. I feel like a scumbag for what i did but i need to move on with my life. it just shouldnt have happened the way it did. I cant get her crying out of my head its killing me. idk what i feel idk if its me being afraid to be alone, me feeling bad for her or what it is. i just dont know what direction im going in life and idk what happening to me lately. money is tight, im having relationship problems i just cant handle this. all i do is hurt people even when i dont try to it always seems to happen. i hurt people who care about me and push people away trying o get further in life and idk if its good or bad. im lost..

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I think my mum might kill herselfShe lives on her own in solitude, doesn't like anyone (or give them a chance), is lazy and won't work. She has spent a decade in hope that she'll find another man to look after her (divorced for 20 years) that she'll write a best seller or win the lottery and I imagine she'll end up broke falling for some get rich quick scheme or fall into gambling addiction and then kill herself out of shame and embarrasment. I've tired talking sense into her and being honest about what I've said here but she's convinced that I don't get her, perhaps she's right? The sad thing is that I think I could help the situation but recognise that she'd be a burden on me until she dies and I think that I'd rather live my own life (just started traveling asia with no intention of going back to the UK). My biggest worry is that her death might trigger my mentally unstable older sister to do the same which would suck. Am I morally corrupt, overthinking this or does this shit actually happen?

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I want to get my suicide out of the wayI will depressed for my whole life and I do not want to put my children through this trauma. I am terrified of killing myself, and traumatizing them for life. This is so morbid... but I think about it a lot, I am so scared

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I wanna make a parody of a song and I need some lyrical advice. So I want to write a parody of a song but I need some lyrical advice. Could you help?

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I’d rather date crush A but I’d rather have sex with Crush B. Who should I flirt with? I (F) am friends with with a girl (Crush A) at my school and I really like her. I’ve been flirting with her for a while and I think we’re hitting it off. (don’t worry I haven’t fallen for a straight girl, she’s also bisexual). Last night tho, I was messaging a friend and he was being kinda flirty and I flirted back, and I finally realized I want to f*ck him (hence, he is Crush B). But I don’t really want a relationship with him, and I definitely would want a relationship with Crush A. Should I keep flirting with both at the same time? I *was* planning on asking Crush A out as soon as I saw her again at school, but now I’m honestly not sure.

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Any artists here? We should be art buddies and chat on Discord lol

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I'm setting an ultimatumI got fired last fall. While it wasn't a serious problem, it was due to my carelessness. I still haven't found a job since then. After every interview, I can feel the disappointment; interviewers might as well slap me on the face and tell me to just end it already. I'm losing motivation by the day, I have no other skills to support myself on, and I'm not very smart. The longer this takes, the more it pushes back the acquisition of my degree. I was supposed to finish this spring, but now it looks like I won't be done for another year. My long dormant depression has returned like a ghost knocking at the door. I've been a drain on people in my college and on my parents. If I had friends, it would be the same for them. Maybe people won't read my post, but I guess I wanted a place to commit to this in case my lack of courage gets to me. If I don't get a job by the summer, I'm going to kill myself.

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Reasons to cutI sit and wonder if cutting is bad. I know some people cut to practice slitting their wrists but I may start again to avoid killing myself. I am broken. Maybe if I cut out the bad pieces I can be ok.

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My memory sucks I feel like my brain has failed me. I had to recite the months of the year backwards for a neurologist televisit and I struggled, I also forgot March and September. I literally hate my memory and that is all I have to say.

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Things will only get worse. I don't want to keep trying.I can't do this anymore. I love my boyfriend. We're going to get married. Or we're supposed to. He says he loves me and I know he does but he doesn't want to do something to make his life better. He's been going to school for 8 years. He's getting his PhD. His lazy advisor torpedoed him to the committee and when he went to talk to the head of the department, she wouldn't help. He wouldn't stand up for himself either. He figured it was his fault. Now he's at home pretending like nothing is wrong and he's talking to me little by little while he listens to podcasts. I know now that he may love me but he is in real trouble. He doesn't have a job outside of grad student and if he gets kicked out of the program, it's all on me to support him. He does this with his family too, and even sells me up the river to make himself look better to them. He lied to them that he was only coming to see me because I was making him, when in fact he asked if he could come stay with me because his family was being so awful to him. I've been there for him every step of the way. I love him to pieces. I know that he is the one that I'm supposed to be with. It's him, or no one, but I can't take his total apatyh for his own situation and neglect of me/us anymore. And he won't change. If I try to bring up these issues with him, he just blames himself in the moment then forgets about it later. I can't take this anymore. I'm ready to be done. Maybe then he will understand the impact he had. Or maybe not. I'll be gone and won't have to worry aobut him/us/his family hating our relationship anymore.

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One way to make me madMy mother just asked me what was wrong, after I said I wasn’t in a good mood. Then when I explain how on a daily basis I want to die, I get the whole shpeel, then she asks “do you want to get better?” What kind of question is that? Just fuck off with that bullshit

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I feel about ready to jump in front of a truckI'm a student at an Ivy league school and I'm just too stupid to be here. I worked my ass off to transfer here and I'm getting so much financial support. I did well at my old school but here the harder I try the worse I do. I just can't keep up with everyone else here and I'm so tired and sick and stressed out all the time. My teachers think I'm lazy. I know I'm not working and studying hard enough but there's just not enough hours in the day. I dont know how to fit in the clubs and events to meet people so I'm either in the library or my dorm alone when I'm not in class. I'm a huge waste of resources and I don't deserve to be here. I don't want to go home for thankgiving and have my friends and family see what a failure I'm becoming. I'm supposed to be the one who does well and gets a degree and takes us out of poverty. But just one semester has almost broken me. I don't know what to do, and if it wasn't going to further inconvenience other people I'd take a bunch of pills or jump off a bulding or in front of a truck. I'm so tired.

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The 1 am loneliness just hit send help aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaa

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I'm so tired and so sad. I just want to be good."You destroy everything And you never mean to"

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Why simp over girls when you can just simp over ✨me✨ I'll even love you back

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At my wits end. Hoping for any way out.Hi, So I just discovered this subreddit after having a very rough few weeks. To cover the basics: I had my car repossessed last week, my job cut all my hours down to almost one day a week, I'm basically borrowing all the money I can from my mom just to scrape by and I live alone in a city where everyone around me seems to be flourishing. I have been having thoughts of suicide but to be completely honest, the one thing that always keeps me from doing it is that I am even more afraid of what might be around on the other side. I hope it's just nothing but I also don't want some hell like fruition to come into play. At some point, I'm not sure I'll even care anymore. I have suffered with manic depression since I was about 14, but as I have gotten older (I'm 28) my anxiety levels have grown. I have told my mom just this morning that I think I need some serious help, but I have not heard back from her. Any advice as to where to go? Not sure where to look for help, especially on a budget.

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Death By Cuttin Off My Shaft I decided to end it tonight no matter what. I bought a ton of meth to give me courage. Im going to inject the meth into my penis and once it hits, Im going to cut my penis off with garden sheers. I be damned if i dont bleed to death. Peace out yall

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I’m really strugglingI just need someone to tell me it is going to be ok. I’m really struggling and it really sucks. My husband is abusive and I don’t have anyone close by. I have a daughter and I’m just really struggling to get by. I’m just looking for help anywhere.

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I just overdosedI just ttok a cocktail of meds and this is my first attempt everything is getting blurry is that a good sign

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i want to DIEi just want to lay upside down wait for all the blood to get to my head and just fucking die

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Holidays are the worst.Not that I don’t want others to be happy, but for some reason seeing everyone laughing, having fun, & just actually... *living* reminds me of how empty life is for people like me and how much *I* have trouble living. I’m feeling the worst today and it’s only the *beginning* of the holidays.

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Well this something that I wrote about how I feel and also about how some suicidal people, not necessarily all of youSuicide it catches your attention huh? If catches everyones attention, but honestly people don't care until it's too late. Bullshit? Nah think again, have you had a friend who you've lost to suicide? Was that person close to you? Well maybe you haven't lost anyone to it. You don't realize that it hurt until you lost her. You've never realized how much you missed her until she's gone. And when she's gone it's to late. We honestly don't care, because we know that we'd be replaced soon, and soon you'd forget. :) I really wanna talk to someone, but who? It's either they don't care or they try to pretend like they do. We're all gonna die anyways, so why not now? It all starts somewhere, and everything ends. Not everything has a happily ever after, if you think about it deep life never has a happily ever after. It's either you die sick (not happily ever after) die of old age ( fuck when your old you never enjoy life) then there is die in an accident (you never thought that you would die) and then suicide. It's very rare that you die a happy man. Sometimes you just wanna disappear, not die just disappear . Sleep is the closest think to disappearing, but it's either you can't sleep because all your thoughts they just consume you, they don't let you do anything, sleep paralysis another issue with me, I wake up in the middle of night, suffocating I can't breathe those dreams are not dreams it's reality. And what's a dream when you can't sleep? Even if you do sleep waking up in the morning is very hard, you don't wanna wake up you're living a nightmare. Its a dream you can't wake up from. sleep is like death but without  commitment. People don't kill themselves for no reason at all, to you it may seem like they want attention. But you give them the attention when they're gone, when we don't want the attention, but when we wanted someone to notice us and reach out to us, you did nothing. I don't know if you noticed or not maybe you did but just didn't care, I don't know and I don't know why you decided to ignore the problem, but that was your decision and not my story to tell. you tried to ask for help, but couldn't get any, your problem couldn't be solved. I understand that you don't want me to get upset or worry about you or anything. but you raised so many questions in my head, was it because of me? the more people we meet the more they hurt us, sometimes they bring smiles, but its hard to find those. no one wants us they just pretend as if they care, when we go they sometimes realize how much we were to them. you never realize how much she was to you until you let her go, right? well thats the case for some of us. suicide doesn't kill people its the pain and sadness of life that kills us. we need that reason to live, just one strong enough reason that's all we need. But that's what we don't have, that motivation, that person to put a smile on our faces. It's just something to keep you from jumping in front of a train. Cutting, a lot of us do it, but why? What do we get from cutting? Nothing you think it takes away the pain but no it doesn't, it just harms you more. I don't cut. If you slit your wrists it's attention that you're looking for. I would understand why you cut if when after you cut your problems go away, but no they don't just because you're suicidal doesn't mean you cut. Get that in your heads people cutting gives you nothing. All it does is give you more things to worry about. It doesn't take your emotional pain away, it only gives you more pain emotional and physical. And also the unwanted attention, maybe you do want attention I don't know. "Will anyone stop me?" Four simple words with really deep meaning, four simple words that speak so loud. what do these words mean? Those four words it shows the desperation and pleading of someone who needs something needs that one thing, we just want someone to hear us out, to see us. We can't hide what's inside us, we're tired holding the trigger and not pulling it, tired of everything. We've lost ourselves. Is anyone gonna watch us? Hate runs through our veins. There is a side inside a darker sod that no one should know know about, this side can't get out, ever. The voices inside they're killing me, when your thoughts become your enemy, your trapped inside this world of thoughts which is your mind. All that's left is rage now, you regret everything the good things and the bad. I'm living in hell, living in a nightmare, I'm not scared of going into the real hell now, I feel like I'm prepared and nothing could be worse than this right? Home doesn't feel like home anymore. Stay alive for what? I keep telling myself that it gets better and I can survive and suicide is only for the weak ones, but now I doubt that. It's not for the weak it's for the ones that have it really bad. I know a lot of people have it worse than me and some are gone already. My fears control everything, I don't wanna go back home. I keep telling myself that I can survive this god-forsaken place. I don't have anyone to stay alive for. This is my life, and how I feel.:)

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I'm so scared I might actually do it somedayI was so stressed during college, whenever I closed my eyes I could see myself jumping out of a building, hanging myself, or just lying down on my bed with blood coming out from my cut wrists. I also have sleep paralysis often, it was so fcking scary at first. But now, I'm just staying at our house and sometimes the thought of hanging myself crosses my mind, thinking which area of our house should I hang myself. No one in my family knew I've been suffering for years. My Dad is verbally abusing me since I was a kid. It really piles up. He is so great at making me feel so worthless. I'm so scared I might do it someday.

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I feel so alone, no one caresI posted here before about my fiancee breaking up with me. Turns out a week and half after we broke up, she was seeing some other guy and now they've broken up. She rang me crying saying why did it have to be like this. It hurts me knowing that she was with him, enjoying herself, whilst I was crying myself to sleep every night. She said a part of her still loves me and she wants to be my friends but it's too hard. I have depression and I beat her a few times, I was a total prick towards her, so I don't blame her for leaving me, I blame me and I just can't deal with the pain anymore. I'm living with so much regret and guilt and remorse over what I did and I'm hurting so much. I just wanna end it all. I feel so close to giving up. I'm a disgusting waste of space, I deserve to die. I can't do it anymore. I don't wanna suffer anymore.

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Maybe it’s just me Is it just me or does life seem to get less exciting ass you get older besides you know graduation for both high school and college marriage and stuff like that. I’m talking about stuff you used to enjoy as a kid like Christmas and birthdays but now there just part of my routine I can barley tell the difference between holidays and normal days any more.

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I'm not a furry but... and other lies I tell myself

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Just need to get some stuff off my mindHe there reddit. Iposted here before, so if you wanna know my story, just look at my last post. Anyways, I just got rejected again by a girl that Ihave known for a long time. I always act happy in front of my friends, but she was different. She actually made me smile and gave me a reason to get up in the morning. When she rejected me, she told me that she saw me as a brother and that she had feelings for another guy. A guy she never talks to. All because she thinks he's attractive. Its all I can think about, and I really don't see a point to living anymore. All I want is to be loved. I just want someone to cuddle with and share my feelings with, but I know now that it won't ever happen. Please don't give me the "personality" talk. If a girl meets a guy with a great personality but an unattractive face, then they will be friends. Nothing more. Trust me, it has happened to me many times. I feel worthless, and that nobody is there for me. Why can't I ever be happy? I spent my whole life trying to make everybody else feel good and make them feel like they are worth something, because I don't want anybody else to ever have to feel like I do every day. Nobody deserves this. I'm too weak to live like this anymore and there seems to only be one solution left for me. That girl is the only person I felt like I had a real chance with, but I guess she would rather be with an attractive guy who has the personality of a brick wall, and I know that it will be like that with every girl I meet

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I just confessed my love to my crush I was chatting with my friend and for some reason out of the blue i said "I love you!" He seemed shocked at first but after a few moments he said the exact same thing to me. I've never been happier in my life. Please someone make sure this dream never ends!!

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Knowing what it would do to my kids the only thing keeping me from committing suicide...helpDepressed, stressed, lost my job (see post history), I'm 40 years old and Ive failed at life. Therapy hasn't helped, I'm at the end of my rope...

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I'm sad yo. Das it. Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk. This definitely isn't a cry for help. No idea what you're talking about.

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Idea: We all should post the things that happened to us this year on 31st! I mean, a text post on how are we different from last year, how our looks and personalities have changed. What our last growth sprut did to us. Best and worst things happend this year. It would be a good way to leave any bad shit out of our mind before entering 2021 and sharing our happiness. After all, we are a community of people who are constatnly changing year by year to become a better or a worse person. I think mods should ban picture posts on 31st december and add a flair for these kinds of posts exclusive to that day. If you like my idea then please make sure it reaches to the mods and other people too.

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Alright trying to get my life into something I can actually feel like is worth it, here's a list because I want some level of responsibility and I'm a flake at this kind of thing I need to put this somewhere because I feel like someone needs to see it so I scare myself a bit into actually getting things into shape 1. I want to talk to my parents, I want to help my dad get rid of things we don't need and stop getting things we don't need in the first place, I want to get him to be calmer when he's stressed or in an argument with my mum, I can't talk to her, so I'll talk to him 2. I want to study more, and better, and like it like I used to, it's going to be hard to get into that space again but I really do want to 3. I want to do more with art and coding, I love them and I don't think I give them enough time and commitment, I want to do that, properly, and grow them a bit 4. I want to write consistently, I want to finish my story, I don't want to forget it and leave it, I want to get it done and I want to have someone read it and like it 5. I want to get some weight on, I'm so fucking tired of being underweight, I want to make it stop and get it together, I don't want to hear about it from someone else again fucking again when I already know it. Just say I'm not fucking hungry and have people not point that out, fuck metabolism I don't care I'm going to try as hard I can (yeesh I don't think I've sworn that much in a paragraph in a fair bit sorry) 6. Fix my sleep schedule, I don't want to be scared of it anymore, it's bad when my head comes up with the most freaky horrible things, but I want to *not* stay awake for a week straight sometimes thank you I think that's about it pretty much, for everyone who bothered to see this, have an internet hug from me and thanks

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Guess it's time to change my flair today Have been 17 for 9 hours now and the only person to wist me a happy birthday yet has been my grandma. Thx grandma

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Is it normal to be feeling sad / empty every night? I have been experiencing this for many years now and I'm getting tired dealing with it everyday tbh

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Continuing life....First of all, I can’t believe I’m here, usually I just kept everything to myself, but now this thoughts is just keep coming now, and internet no longer provide me answers or motivation. And I believe talking with friends or family isn’t helping but make me feel worse. So I avoid my social medias. They may know my username which I usually use for games, but doubt they use reddit or even here in this subreddit. So here I am with you guys, good strangers. Now, what am I ? I can’t even describe myself. I’m scared of people, scared to try, scared to communicate, pessimist, feeling worthless because I can’t do anything properly in life. I’m at the age need to find jobs, but with social anxiety personality, I can’t even talk properly, every interview end up bad, and every new interview always remind me of how all the previous went, and fail again. I tried but always chickened out, ending up scared to even trying anything new. What worse of all ? I’m a man ! Do I even have future ? So far I don’t dare to even look for girlfriend because 1. I feel I know they will left me when they get to know me better, and end up gossip behind me and destroy my image in the community. 2. With slightest small possibility I found one that won’t left me, that make me think I destroyed someone daughter future. They deserve better life being other normal men than being with me. So what to do.... I just lost my father last month. So the only one keep going in life is for my mother, I want to make her proud, want her to be happy, don’t want waste her sacrifice for me, but I seem failing endlessly. I’m feeling terribly sorry for her hard work raising someone like me. I’m tired living like this. Feeling this way. I could no longer find any enjoyment in this life. I usually play games to shake off this feelings, but now I can’t even get myself to play games, nothing seem entertain me now.

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Just a challenge to train my brain Give me any real English word or name that's 5 or under 5 letters and I'll try to make an acronym out of it.

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Ask 15 year old male anything I was born fifteen years ago btw

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Mmmmmmm chicken strips Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I like the chicken strips

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Life crumbling. Want to die before I'm alone again.My life is absolutely falling apart at the moment. I thought everything was getting better, but then my dad, who has helped me in life more than i could ever say, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. It doesn't look good for him and now, my mother has some pre-cancerous cells as well. Now, my wonderful long term girlfriend is leaving me. She is the love of my life and I would not hesitate to call her my soul mate. I know for a fact I will NEVER find anyone like her. My social anxiety makes it miserable to go to class, let alone make friends. So I've gone from feeling optimistic about life to feeling like it's over. I don't want to be completely alone again. Soon I will have absolutely no one and I can't deal with that. Every reason I had to wake up is gone. Help.

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Do you say Yeah or Yea

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i wish i could be erased from everyones memoriesthat is all

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I am about to sleep. Put random crap in the comments for me to wake up to. (Night 11) I've said it ten times and I'll say it again. I am pretending to write something so this does not get deleted. I am pretending to write something so this does not get deleted.

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My life is awful and I don't know how to cope. I am 22 and I dropped out of college and moved back in with my parents last year. I hate living with my parents because they are very stressed (a lot of this is because of how my life is going). I just feel like a burden and I feel guilty. I feel like the only honorable thing to do is to kill myself. I am just so tired all the time and my living environment is so negative. Everyone tries to help but words are just so meaningless and have been for so long. Platitudes and cliches just make me angry now..idk I just want to feel better now or die nothing else is acceptable to me.

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My last act will be giving my abusive family and ex-fiancee a body to wake up to on Christmas day. I am a kind, sensitive person but have no cares left to give.I just want to get this out there, not as a cry for help but as a last attempt at some human communication before I die tonight. Why should we be forced to live in a world so fucking cruel? My self worth was decimated in my childhood to the point where I can't cope with the challenges you have to face to be happy. Job interviews, dating.. simply sitting and planning out a path for my life are too anxiety inducing to bare at this point and my whole world has completely collapsed. When I was eight my dad died from cancer and I was raised by a single mother. From the outside she looks like this strong woman who raised two kids through turbulent times but in cold hard reality she was about as terrible a parent as you can get. She constantly threatened to 'run away' and leave us when we were naughty, routinely told me I was adopted, moved us in with various boyfriends and blamed me personally for the failure of the relationships ("my life would be so much better if you were never born"). When I was 11 she made me beg one of her boyfriends to take her back when he broke up with her because he didn't like the fact she had children. Another one of her boyfriends was 'permitted' to physically abuse me in pretty extreme ways. I would get hit with planks of wood for not unloading the dishwasher and put in arm bars for talking back. I have never heard her admit to being wrong about anything, never heard her apologise and really can see no way to get along with her when she is so extremely different to me. She is racist, has no interest in education or anything more intelligent than reality television and lives off of a tiny monthly life insurance/government pension paid out to widows. I was painfully shy as a teenager and threw myself into my studies as a means to escape. The one thing I still had going for me was my ability to concentrate because depression hadn't kicked in yet. I left school with straight A grades and went off to study at one of the best universities in my country, it is placed alongside Ivy League universities in world rankings. I wanted to study medicine and become a cancer specialist but I didn't have the self-esteem to apply and opted for human biology instead. Just before I left for college I went to a party in my hometown and met a girl who was about to go and study medicine at a college around 100 miles from mine. It was a perfect night when everyone from school was there saying goodbye to each other and I must have looked a lot more popular than I was with everyone coming to say goodbye to me. She approached *me* and got talking about my plans for college, our chemistry was insane and then she started kissing me. It was unbelievable, she was incredibly beautiful and smart and only had eyes for me. I have serious commitment issues and it took about 6 months for me to tell her I loved her, but we talked every day about how much we missed each other and would visit each other's colleges on alternating weekends. I just couldn't get her out of my mind. That Christmas she introduced me to her family and I saw what a real family is for the first time. Loving, interesting conversation, day trips, vacations. The next year was like a dream. She took me to Europe and we visited fifteen countries by train, sleeping in shared hostels and having sex in public bathrooms. The second year was tougher, depression and anxiety began to consume my life but she was loving as ever. I was on a lot of medication and gradually pushed every other person out of my life but she would come to my apartment and put out the bins, buy me food for the week and help me study. I trusted only her. By the time exams came around I was in such a terrible state I turned up to precisely one of them and was told to take a year out by the university's welfare officer. I did that and tried to get better. I tried to run and exercise, see a few friends here and there but the illness was too tough to properly overcome. I was in my twenties and had never had a job, I felt pathetic in every way and strongly considered suicide, but my love for this girl kept me alive. I returned to college and after a year of anxiety hell managed to complete my studies. The only reason I graduated was that I chose every class that didn't have a final exam, as I knew one exam would be too much pressure. Instead I had endless coursework to complete for random classes about globalisation or the history of science leaving me with a degree totally irrelevant to any industry. I was so lost and embarrassed in life, I had no idea how to get a job and didn't want to talk to any friends. I deleted almost everyone from social media because I couldn't stand to see their perfect lives. Once again my girlfriend came to my rescue and took me on a road trip across the US. Again, it was incredible. I asked her why the hell she was with me. She told me I was tall, handsome, intelligent and she knew that just as soon as she graduated and we moved in together I would finally be able to build the confidence I needed to succeed. She truly believed in me after all that time. I asked her to marry me. She said yes, but she wanted a perfect wedding so just as soon as I had a group of friends to attend and we were earning some money we would do it. She graduated in August and we moved in together in September. She started working at a nearby hospital and I went and interviewed for a job in retail to pay my half of the rent. I planned on volunteering, making friends and working on getting a better job this year. From September 1st to November 1st this year I no longer had depression. I was getting up every single day, going to work, coming home and making her dinner. I was fixing up a bike to travel around the city and going out for dinner once a week with my soulmate. Then she left me. She knew everything I'd been through and promised me for years that we'd be happy once we got our own place. I travelled every weekend for 5 hours each way on an old bus to keep her company, make her dinner and take her on dates. She has no interest on working on things and says she hasn't loved me for two years, but having someone to help her through the end of med school was 'comfortable'. These last two months have been insufferable. We still sleep in the same bed. All I wanted to do was pull my life together and show her that I'm capable of stepping up and providing us with a great life but some nights I can't help but beg. She has only become more cold and spiteful with each day. She says I'm not a real man, I'm not funny, I'm terrible in bed, she is going to bring other men home and have sex in our apartment. I guess our sex life fell into a rut but she always finished before me and I made her laugh all the time. She doesn't tidy anything in the apartment and I have to run around like an abused housewife washing dishes and cleaning up after her but I can't afford to live anywhere else and I can't go back to my mum's house. It's like a monster has replaced my beautiful angel. She says she is so happy without me and now she's gone to her parents for 10 days. They are *my* family too at this point but I'm not allowed near the house. Her dad is my closest friend other than her and is in denial that she has done this, saying she is just stressed with her new job. I haven't spoken to her for 3 days but tried phoning this afternoon with no answer. Now I have to go and spend Christmas with a family I thought I'd escaped and have barely spoken to for years. Fuck that. I simply will not do this anymore. I cannot spend another day in this horrible fucking world.

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COVID can help me dieIf I do it soon, less of a chance they'll want to save me or even be able to. Hospital ICU beds are filling up again because of another pandemic surge in my area; they are probably running out of ventilators soon. Maybe they would let me die this time. I've been brainstorming what to write in my note to the hospital staff in a sealed envelope that I'll have on me when I'm found. I'm in healthcare, too. Or was? Even in my death I'll be a waste of breath, effort and space. Just how I lived my life. Maybe if my letter is good enough, they won't hate me as much after. I'm not doing it tonight though, don't worry guys (if anybody even reads this)

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Day 4 of reminding people to wear a mask Can't post a picture atm for obvious reasons. Please remember to wear a mask in public as it would not be very cool for covid to keep the world on hold any longer

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People got what they wantedThey alway told me I would do nothing in life. And now I’m here , I cannot do my math homework if not in certain conditions, but these conditions are not okay, lets say: you can’t have music, nor use a calculator; not even for homework and I’m at my home. They made me into that ugly human they pictured me, and this doesn’t help let say I want to die

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Day 1 of doing pushups every day so I can stop being a fat fuck and look more like a man For context I'm a bit overweight (but not American) and I am a transgender guy. To help me look more like a guy I want to lose some weight. It's also to improve my health, but looking like a guy is higher priority. My friend told me I should start doing pushups, starting with 5 (because I'm just starting out after years of not excersizing properly) but will probably add more in the future. I have done my pushups for today! I'll post again when I do them tomorrow.

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What r some songs that are so bad they are funny or just meant to be funny. Pls share funny songs not songs that are just bad. Pls don’t share popular songs I’ve probably already heard it. If you don’t know any funny songs feel free to share your favorite song! :)

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Someone loves me They’re going through and downdooting all my posts Finally, the love I deserve~

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when there is three people left in among us so you sabotage reactor and start venting but somehow they call a meet [https://www.google.com/search?q=destruction+100&rlz=1C1EJFC\_enUS854US854&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=GNhO0Ib5hNhVKM%252CJOpLUi2x\_NO\_2M%252C\_&vet=1&usg=AI4\_-kRt2IsW16CqWXDhu1jJlvx0yU2yYA&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwil9aXEzc3tAhWIMd8KHa\_9CZEQ9QF6BAgQEAE#imgrc=GNhO0Ib5hNhVKM](https://www.google.com/search?q=destruction+100&rlz=1C1EJFC_enUS854US854&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=GNhO0Ib5hNhVKM%252CJOpLUi2x_NO_2M%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kRt2IsW16CqWXDhu1jJlvx0yU2yYA&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwil9aXEzc3tAhWIMd8KHa_9CZEQ9QF6BAgQEAE#imgrc=GNhO0Ib5hNhVKM)

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A poem I made.Title: Black Poem #1, Black As he walks this lonely road, on this cold, bitter, yet inviting night He sees a different world than his peers A world devoid of all color A world lacking in real meaning or depth A place without love A place without meaning Not a glimmer of light is present yet he still persists No matter how much he dreams of a future of light and prosperity He never progresses Walking along this path has tired him to a certain degree He continues He then encounters a very slippery, wet terrain He struggles to stand And regardless of his efforts He falls

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fuck anxietyI kept posting here on other acc w/ the same problem Thinking things 'get better' as everyone here says...it didnt...I just want to kill myself but I don't know how and I'm afraid to.I never thought I would be as low as I am in life, but whatever. I'll be off this place soon enough

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I’m willing to make a investment, shredded cheese for affection Benefits of giving affection to me me: I won’t move when cuddling and I constantly wear hoodies so I’ll be warm Un-benefits of giving affection to me: I’ll still cry myself, I’m me and I won’t give you my hoodie I have shredded cheese any offers are accepted

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I am so proud of my dad. I needed to share this because it means a lot to me. So, my dad has always had a bit of a temper and made some poor choices when I was younger. At some point I screamed at him that I don't trust him, and he doesn't deserve my trust, and much worse things. This was me beginning to process what happened, and as I got help with my mental health I calmed down and realized he was trying to change, to make up for it, but I wasn't giving him a chance, and was probably hurting him quite a bit. I paid attention a bit more and saw him actively trying to control his temper, and he's made a ton of progress. What led me to completely forgiving him was when a sibling exploded on my parents and insulting them in the worst ways imaginable, and my dad screamed at him to not talk to his mother like that, took the door, grounded him, and left to calm down and make sure our mom was okay. Then he checked in on me, because I was in the room next door and struggle with cptsd, being triggered every time an adult yells. He hugged me and apologized for yelling, and I just told him most people wouldn't have been able to keep so much control in that situation, I certainly wouldn't have. For the last several years he's worked so hard to get us everything we need and want, spent thousands of dollars on vacation for us, we've gotten to try so many new things and had so much fun. He very rarely yells at all, even when he's angry, and if he is too mad he will walk away and wait to talk. He also joined BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse) to help kids who've been abused. He loves it, and everyone there is so nice and he fits in so well in it. He looks big and tough but will stop everything to help someone. Changing so much takes an exorbitant amount of work, most people wouldn't be able to change the way he did, especially not in a few years. Some people close to me wonder how I can forgive him but I don't think he was ever a bad person, I think he was just really lost, but he pulled himself back together. He really deserves so much and I'm so grateful. It makes me really optimistic, more hopeful that other people can improve if they're only given the chance, which means working with them, pushing through the times they fall back and things get bad, but they have to want to improve.

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Sick of the gameWhy is it that we have to pretend to be someone we are not to fit in?

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I want to start overtheres nothing left I haven't ruined. It doesn't matter what it is, if I'm involved it will go wrong. I have no one I can turn to and it isn't fair for me to push my problems onto internet strangers. I can't afford a therapist. I'm honestly so calm right now and I don't like it. It's so easy to sit here and hurt myself. I can't get back all the things I ruined or the things I wanted to do and never did. Ok young enough I guess but most of it is gone forever. People keep giving me platitudes about how it will get better but I've been hearing them for 8+ years now. It's only gotten worse. I've ruined myself too. I'm so tired of being alone

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Experiencing unbearable regret over choosing a relationship over my life. The disappointment is crushing me.I can’t believe I wasted my senior year of college on my ex. I had planned to end my college career with good grades and lots of progress made with my recovery work. Instead, I got into a dysfunctional on-and-off relationship with a guy and took him back numerous times, despite many people’s warnings. Now, I’m suffering the consequences. I have multiple Incompletes for my coursework, am unsure if I’m going to pass a minor I worked hard for, and may or may not graduate. The ceremony is in a couple days but I don’t want to go if that isn’t indicative of me actually graduating. I’m burnt out and am considering drowning myself in a lake. I went through so much shit with my ex. Had to take Plan B twice, almost relapsed several times, withdrew from my communities and went MIA, and experienced suicidal ideation during the latter part of the relationship. I’m so stupid for taking him back all those times. I don’t want to lose that much control over a guy anymore. I don’t want to be reminded of how crazy I was for neglecting everything except him. I feel like a failure for struggling with everything. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m trying hard not to relapse and drink. Cutting seems to be the only thing that can help me deal with life, but I can’t stop doing it. If I stop, I’m afraid I might go with my plan.

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i'll comment nothing if you want me to. i'll show you my power

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4 hoursIt’s been four hours since I thought that all this shit would finally be over, I just couldn’t bring myself to it, even though I want it so bad. I saw a post on here a bit ago saying something like “one more” or “my last” and I was thinking the same thing, like the last person I talked to, just some shitty friend I was having a joke with, like is that my last conversation? Do I want that to be my last conversation? Now I’m just confused on what to do, sitting here watching Snapchat memories from the good times I don’t remember because my memory has been shit since my last suicide attempt a month ago. And I know that I’ll never have any more of them good times again because these mental illnesses have ruined everything good I had, and I don’t see the point in trying and putting in effort to fix my life when the easy way is just killing myself, and then it’ll be all over, no more pain, that all I want, just peace.

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Goodnight, world. Going to go hibernate in an industrial shipping crate. Here's what I need you to do. **Find your favorite inspirational quote, and then use Google Translate to translate it through like 500 different languages, and then back to English. Doesn't have to be an exact number. But make sure the quote is** ***just*** **mistranslated enough that some of the meaning gets lost in the gibberish when it's translated back to English. Whatever that advice is, no matter how stupid or incomprehensible it may be, I will follow that advice and tell you where it lead me at the end of the day. Goodnight <3**

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I want to dieI’m an unwanted piece of shit. Useless no purpose. Everyone who meets me feel sorry me because my life is full of miserable shit and trauma.... when i meet ‘normal’ ppl i feel so abused so missing out so wrong and unfit to live. I’m just damaged and broken, not a single person i met can remotely relate to me.... i feel so disconnected why am i here?

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Anyone wanna chat? Idc what it about the only rule which is probably everyone’s #1 rule is no pedo people I just wanna casually talk about stuff In life

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Hi it’s me again, offering to do your homework. Maybe I’ll do it. Idk.

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Best way to make my death meaningful or towards a common goal? (Student)Sure I could put my life towards something, but I don’t really have the strength to gather/use the energy and endure the stress/depression. But if I’m going to commit suicide, I feel like it’s a waste of a death if I don’t put it towards something. To at least let people know there would’ve been a way in which the world was different and I might not have been brought to end it. Maybe I could make a statement about the education system?I’m an emotionally unstable college student promised only with debt and the chance in exchange to work for other people for the rest of my life. It seems to me that nothing about universities will change unless there are numbers of students being directly affected by the death, whether being horrified or more also dying. (I also don’t know what specifically could be changed in order make a major change in the current system, besides finances and gen eds. Just that I can’t tolerate the stress of it all). Maybe suicidal students could band together to at least put a purpose into our deaths if we can’t fit a purpose into our lives.

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im embarrassedi posted something on instagram a while back saying how i was gonna kill myself, i later attempted, i’m not sure why i did that and i still stand by it but someone i knew from school called a cop to my house and i had to talk to my parents about it, i think about this moment often and im still so embarrassed and wish i would’ve just went through with it without saying anything publicly.

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Any good pills to take to off myself?!I know this aint exactly the right place, but there is nowhere else i know where i can ask this. I just want to know what pills to mix to off myself.

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Hey Guys Have You Seen My New YouTube video? I have put a lot of effort https://youtu.be/-mLpe7KUg9U

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I hit my hand with a knifeFirst time posting here, i just dont know anymore. 3 days ago i had a shitty day. not my worst, but a shitty one. then all it took was fcking loosing in a video game. thats fcking all. i went to my kitchen and just hit my back hand with a knife. thats the moment when i woke up and realised what i did. i called the ambulance. i seperated the tendon of my index finger. clean cut. ​ now im stuck with a plastered hand for the next 3 month. i hate myself. im disgusted of myself. constantly i am thinking that i am a fcking psychopath who needs to be locked up and drugged. im scarred of myself. i feel so guilty, so much guilt. i am engaged; my spouse is the only one who knows the truth. i know she hates that i say this: i dont deserve her and i am a liability for her life. i wouldnt hurt her. i wouldnt hurt anyone. i would just hurt myself. i just dont know what to do. i promised her to never hurt myself again, and i value my promises very much, but i dont know what i can do if i loose self control again. i hate myself so much for what i did. there is this constant thought: "the fuck are you doing you stupid asshole? what have you done?" ​ the next 3 month there is no joy, no speedcubing, no cooking, no making music, very hard time typing (im studying physics) and gaming. now i just make work for everyone, for the people i love, while im lying to them and pretending everything is ok. even after my tendon is healed there will be scars reminding me what i am capable of, what a monster i am. i was thinking of killing myself, but i wont, i promised that. i keep my promises. at least as long as i am in control of myself. i just dont know how long this will be the case...

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I hate my school No matter how "good" my board of education claims we are handling the pandemic, we're not. Almost 180+ students went home in a single day, my favorite teacher had to transfer hospitals + in the icu + on a ventilator, and my best friend just got it meaning imma have to quarantine. I thought when that many students left, we would close school but NO! I can't understand how stupid people can be over this

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Should I go back to counseling?I get constant mood swings and in a happy one I decided to go and quit. Now (month later) I've relapsed and my depression is through the roof. Don't know how I'll survive till the end of this week tbh.But I don't wanna go back to counselling. I feel guilty for taking up his time, don't want to accept I'm a failure and I quit and told him I won't be coming back. I don't want to seem dependent or weak by going back either. Don't know which way to go.

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Please give me ways to end it.I’m sick of being nothing. I’m sick of being inferior. I’m sick of being so sick all the time with no cure. I need a way to end it fast because I don’t want to deal with myself anymore, I don’t want to defile this planet with my cursed existence. Trust me, it’s for the best.

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Posting dad Jokes until I get a gf , Day 2 I own a pen that can write when it rans out of ink it can write other words too

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i have OCD, i feel like never im not going to get betteri have anxiety everyday, i feel pain by thinking. Almost all the time my head is torturing me. I started taking antidepressants recently (sertraline, a ssri). If this does not work, I am really considering killing myself, this disease ruined all my relationships and ruins me, it has ruined me for many years. I feel very weak for this world, it's full of people with the power to be, but i can't. I feel alone in my head with all of this.

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Tried to kill myself for the third time this yearI feel so helpless and pathetic. I have no direction in my life and don't know where I'm going. ​ I've tried to hang myself by tying a cord to a doorknob, but I can't go all the way through with it. I always end up shaking, crying and having a panic attack afterwards. ​ I've posted before hoping for some advice, but at this point I'd settle for a stranger on the internet telling me that I'm not a pathetic piece of shit.

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spent my entire life serving and appeasing the nurotypicals. Finally freeing myself.To be Taken at face value, to be respected and seen as what I am, to succeed in an environment designed for me, to have friends, to talk my way out of mistakes and be treated with dignity. I feel sub human, like I’m not even the same species as them, they are like gods and I am nothing, they get jobs and school and money and friends and family and they’re allowed to complain the whole time via sarcasm and passive aggression. To be mean to one another for no reason but somehow have it be mutually understood that the meanness is infact secret kindness. Sometimes it feels like the more kind and honest and Formal I am, the more shit I get. “Keep an eye on him” “he gives me the creeps” “tone it down a little” I hate everyone. I feel so bitter and angry, I need support but there is no help. The regional center doesn’t care about me now that I’m an adult, I’ve called them over 40 times over the past three weeks, I call multiple times a day, and they always say they’ll get back to me but don’t. No therapists in the county for adults with Autism, my old one, that I saw since I was nine cant see me since I turned 18. When I was young there was so much help and now there is nothing, lost my last job after two days because I couldn’t put the lids on containers. I am worthless I finally see why the average age of death for us is closer to 45, we kill ourselves after society decides that we arnt cute enough to deserve support anymore.

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I think I'm readyAfter years of trying to break down the wall I've built around my mind, I've given in. It's time I guess.

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Judge me based off of my post/comment history Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

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I Called A Suicide Hotline And It Made Things Worse. I Made A Post Here And the Moderators Deleted ItIt's clear that people really don't care and I really have nowhere else to turn. I want to say thank you to everyone here that posted comments in that thread before it was deleted. I'll never be able to see them unfortunately. I have less than 30 hours to live now. It's better this way. Nobody cares about me; not even the people who pretend to be there to help. I'm sorry for being such a failure.

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very, very, very low batteries......I don't think I'm in any danger tonight simply because i just am soooooooooo *spent*. I'm not exhausted. I don't feel angry or furious. I feel not sad but melancholy. Like I'm trying to walk while wearing a 6-inch lead blanket over my head and body. I've pushed away my last friend, and I've been broken up with a longtime partner for a few months now. He's the only one I wish I could connect with, but that's impossible. I have a bit of a plan to accumulate painkiller-type-pills, over time, so that the next time I get as low as now or lower, the choice will be rather automatic. Normally I'm quite aware of the CHOICE aspect of taking that road, and I choose to not hurt myself...I just feel dead anyway, dead already, I have such a hard time in general and have dealt with depression for most of my life now. so lonely. too tired to think or act...but I do know that I don't want to be alone / lonely anymore but there's no real way out for me. I'm lonely constantly even when around people...especially then. ok pissing my life away, anhedonia always it seems

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How to secretly hurt myselfI don’t want to upset my boyfriend so I need to think of something else besides cutting. He will see it. I just hit myself a bunch but want more pain. I deserve more, I’m fucking up those around me. After my rape I haven’t been the same. I deserve to punish myself like how he did. Help me numb my anger. Help me fix this all. Sometimes I think I would be less of a burden if I wasn’t in his life. Thinking more about ending it so I wouldn’t feel the pain of him leaving.

suicide

Maybe This is My YearI think it is. I think this is the year I kill myself. Attempted once a little over a year ago, and damn if I didn't fuck that up. Was a shame too, now I'm in tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I can feel it. I mean throughout *every* day there is this vague, physical feeling, and I'm probably ten feet from the edge of this hypothetical, metaphorical cliff. I want to be closer, I want to pass that finish line and die. Drop dead. I just fucking hate everything about this pathetic life of mine. I don't even need to type it out. My life sucks. No details needed. I'm the model image of the pathetic life story. Broke. Unemployed. Severely mentally fucked up. I mean, *really*? Do you really need the details on my pathetic parasitic shit stain of a life? Didn't think so. Here's to hoping I get the fucking balls to off myself and finally get to sleep that cozy little dirt nap.

suicide

Can't Keep Going OnI'm so tired of relapsing. I don't have anybody that cares about me. I mi9ss my old online friend. I've had such a shitty start, I have no energy and I can't keep going. My Dad never talks to me unless he needs me to clean some room for him. This time he asked me to clean the bathroom and honestly I don't even have the energy anymore. I just lie in bed all day, I've never been this depressed and tonight I was sitting on a stool with a belt wrapped around my neck, ready to kick it.

suicide

Im not enjoying anything It has been like this for a month. I still have sleeping problems. I wake up wanting to vomit and most of the time i feel like i cant breathe.

non-suicide

is it weird wearing a slingbag and a backpack to school? idk if this is the right sub or not but there is a slingbag i wanna buy, the adidas map bag and my friend told me that it would be weird if i wear one to school while im also wearing a slingbag.

non-suicide

I really should just do itI'm never going to change, I'm never going to get better. It's not ideal but I just don't see the point anymore.

suicide

Sigh.I just need to talk. I'm a gay teenager in America (not going to divulge age for personal reasons) and I just don't want to live anymore. I have a small group of friends but we're not really close, I can't tell any of them about how I'm feeling inside. I have to put on a mask every day and pretend like it's all okay, when it's not. My parents love me, my family loves me, but I can't help but feel really, really lonely. I don't talk to anyone I know in real life, they don't want to talk to me. I'm overweight, I'm not attractive, and I can't help but think that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. That's just too much to bear. Am I just being selfish? I just don't know anymore.

suicide

For anyone who had antidepressants before I started taking my meds today and after about an hour of taking one of the pills I feel so powerless and relaxed, did you experience the same thing?

non-suicide

I have nothing. No job, no degree, no friends, no motivation, no hope.Just a nonstop cycle of emptiness and pain. I am an absolute failure of a human.

suicide

Any Indian on this Sub? FillerFillerFillerFiller

non-suicide

If a person have no idea what suicide is, can that person commit suicide?I was wondering why do i feel suicidal everyday. When i first came across the term suicide in my childhood, i never cared about it. But when i had failures in my life, i kept thinking suicide as an option. I then started to have repeated thoughts of suicide, whenever i fail or felt humiliated. Why? My brain would have created a new neural connection for suicide when i heard it the first time. Over time whenever i failed in important things in my life, the neural connection for suicide might been activated every time. My brain could have then made that neural connection stronger and stronger making it an easily accessible option whenever i failed in something. (Cognitive ease could be the culprit). May the right answer would be think rationally and not emotionally whenever someone feels suicidal. **I don't know, may be i am getting mentally sick as day progresses (or) may be i am going through five stages of death. I keep having these weird thoughts.**

suicide

UrgesI just have the urge to take my tool and slice my arm vertically and my skin actually tingles and aches for it but i can’t do it because i have to keep my arms clear. i just want to die but oh well

suicide