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lucadiliello

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I was sick for a month , had a constant headache for a week , nothing major though . I 've been working full time and on the weekends I usually spent time with my girlfriend . I do have a bit of time but usually I 've rested or been guilty of playing a game . Oh yes of course , because I built a computer , how cool is that ? I know everyone does it nowadays , but I didn 't have a great idea of how to , I had no idea what a motherboard was or how to install RAM . I did a lot of research on that too , about two weeks learning about components , safety , tools , reading reviews , picking and repacking the parts for my computer . It was a thrilling experience ; one of the worse parts was installing the CPU in the motherboard , which is like implanting a brain in a body , though the latter would probably be way more complicated . It was easy , it took me one minute to place it in its spot , but when I place down what held the processor , it made this sand dropping sound which was terrifying because the thing was worth 200 dollars , and without it , the computer would never boot . So I was in the dark for a couple of more hours not even knowing if my computer would actually boot . When done I was proud of what I 've done , and even though the cable management wasn 't so great because of the lack of space , it was fair . The case has four fans which keep it nice and cool . I did get a beast graphics card though , and games look amazing on it and play at the highest settings . I took a good look at Skyrim and that game looks beautiful , though I really haven 't played it much because I 'm burnt out on the RPG games . I had such a workout yesterday . Instead of my regular sleep - in late Saturday , I woke up and got ready to work again . But instead of dressing in a fancy suit , I dressed in old jeans , ripped working shoes and a regular long sleeve shirt . My father , brother , and I were ready by 8 a . m . and so we went to work with my cousin Diego . At 9 a . m . we started working . The roof was tall and slanted ; I knew I wouldn 't get up there . I 've never been fond of heights however when the roof is sort of plain I make the effort to help up there , but not this time . I didn 't feel so useless however , as the other four people who could do roof work got up there . At first my brother and I watched the guys climb up there like spider men , then as the trash went down the roof we watched that , we helped as we could bringing tools , materials , and drinks to the pros . After they got down with one side , the amount of trash was much that it covered the grass . We started picking it up , big pieces first and left everything else on sailcloth to pick it up later . For hours we did this , it was longer than I initially thought . After we were done with one side we went to the other , however we had to take trips to the trash dumpster this time . And with time the trips got tougher , our legs were giving out , I can feel the numbness of my legs now as it 's hard to walk , every time we go roofing though I can expect this . It 's a terrible feeling when you see someone fall from such a height , while my brother and I were on break , we sat on a bench and watched the guys work . Two of them were stepping on the same 2 × 4 wood that was holding them while they walked on the roof , and the thing gave up on them and broke . Incapable of holding anything they both fell down as we watched from a distance , impotent and useless , we seemed so slow when trying to run to see if they were okay . A few scratches and back pain it was , and they both were okay , but the scare was enough . It 's nothing like the movies , usually things like that are never like in the movies , more like in books though , when you read it on a book that you 're into you feel it more . First thing you hope is " I hope they are conscious " then you thinking " I hope they didn 't break anything " . Well apart from that we carried some shingles onto the lifting ladder that takes them to the roofing people , who then carries them on his shoulder through a ladder that is actually lying on the roof ( sounds crazy ) and places it across the roof for easier retrieval . We finished at 8 p . m . and our whole body ached , we had arm , leg , back , chest workout in every way . I bet if you get someone to do that every day and drink their protein shake at the end of the day they would bulk up in no time . It 's a story alright , that 's been on my head for quite some time , actually first story I 've ever thought of and story I have never written . I think it 's the beginning that gets me and I 've figured that if I could finally manage to decide on how things should start the rest will write itself . I can 't tell you how many times I started on it , get about 5 , 000 words and just scrap it all . I feel like I want to make it just too epic , is there such a thing . A story that has you hooked all the way . So I 've been busy alright . My part - time has been slowly but surely turning into a full - time . Also I 've done a couple more translation jobs along the way and leaving that out the way I also have gone out for a few days leaving little to no time to have some free time . I 've worked on the quest line for the game Robin is making , though I haven 't seen him in a while I 'm waiting on him for that . I was also offered to write news and articles for an online gaming site , but sadly I haven 't been able to attend any of the trainings because of my schedule . Last time I had some free time to do anything I tried playing this game called " Two Worlds II " which was okay but didn 't really get much into it , haven 't touched it since . Besides all that I 've spent some quality time with my girlfriend , and also the less I write the less the ideas come to my head and the worse my writing gets . But I 'm decided to change that today . First things first though . I have to get some Chapter Outlines done on my three stories and my other story , The Final Element . I figure this will help a hell of a lot in writing and getting creative in each chapter . However this means that I won 't write much until I 've outlined plenty of Chapters , also I will probably stop posting a story on my blog when I 'm like 5 - 10 chapters in depending on how long it is . For personal reasons you know , I mean someone can easily take your work online and make it their own , it 's possible and scary in a way . I almost took a writing job on a freelancing site , it dealt with ghost writing a thrill novel , chapters outlined and all , I submitted a proposal with some writing I 've done in one of my stories ( won 't say which ) and it was to their liking . Then I asked myself : Am I ready for this ? Well I wished I was ; I wanted to jump in and write it all . For a novel with almost 100 , 000 words , in - your - face style of writing . I would 've had to give up my job to write it , the job I just got . Of course it would pay more , a lot more , but I had to do well or I would 've been out and lost both ways . And after that who can say that I would 've gotten more jobs ? I decided I wasn 't ready yet , you just sort of know when you are , and until I 've written a couple for myself I don 't think I 'll be able to write one for someone else , actually I sort of really don 't want to , I want all the stories I write for me . Michael Grey exited the CVS pharmacy on June 1st , 2019 at 9 : 30a . m . Though summer was barely arriving the warm days had already made their appearance . At 75 degrees this morning , it was a day good enough for a nice short - sleeve shirt and some shorts . Yet Michael was wearing a jacket and jeans . He felt so cold , and found it strange for him to get sick on warm days . It was usually in the winter that he would have a runny nose , and get a cold once or twice at most . He was usually a healthy man , but had recently caught some bug from who knows where . He was feeling so bad today that he had to call in sick at his Lawyer firm . " I feel like shit , man . I 'm sorry . " He told his colleague , who by hearing Michael 's voice knew he wasn 't kidding . He sounded like a long time heavy smoker that was never wise enough to quit altogether . " It 's okay , go buy some medicine and rest , we 'll reschedule the appointments for next week . " He let him off and that 's exactly what Michael did . Except the Michael he knew would be no more in a couple of hours . Michael had a terrible headache ; he felt his head constantly pulsating as if his brain would be exploding any minute now . His nose wouldn 't stop running no matter how many times he cleared it . He felt weak , light headed , his eyes were sunken in . His hands and legs sometimes started shaking out of the nowhere . He got on his 2014 Mustang , and headed out to airport dr . He was feeling very hungry even though he was sick . I guess a nice breakfast wouldn 't hurt ; no cold or flu is going to stop my stomach . Once at Williamsburg Rd , he made a right to the Waffle House he was so accustomed too . He started coughing as he drove in . Then he started coughing as he parked . The coughing had been going on for a while , since this morning . He found this cold weird , he had no previous symptoms and he doesn 't remember having had contact with anyone that had it . He was a very clean person , always washed his hands and even usually held the door knob with a paper towel to cover his hands . He sneezed and coughed again . He turned the car off and looked at himself in the mirror while clearing his nose with a tissue , he looked like shit . " Damn if I could recall all the colds in my life , this is the fucking worst of them all . " He said in his car . He got out and closed the door , and then with his control remote key , he locked and set the alarm on . He opened the door to the Waffle House and went inside . " Morning Mikie , how are you doing today ? " One of the servers asked , a thin lady in her 50 's . In this restaurant , Michael was a usual customer who would usually joke around with the workers and brighten up their mornings . " As you can see , terrible . I 'm hoping some food will cheer me up . " He replied and started coughing again . Even talking was now too hard for him . He stood behind some of the stools , looking down at the menus . The letters seemed to move around . He started to misunderstand words and the images started to make no sense . " Well , sit down ; I will get you your drink , Pepsi right ? " The lady asked to confirm Michael 's usual drink . Michael still stood behind the cash register blocking the way for other people . He looked at the menu , filling dizzy , realizing this was a bad idea , he was losing his mind , he needed a doctor but wondered if he should say anything . " Yes " he said . Still standing , blocking the way for the other customers that were coming in , they were also wondering what was wrong with him , annoyed that this man was blocking their way . Michael finally managed to get some sense and moved to a table . He sat down and ordered his favorite meal ; an egg and sausage Texas melt with large hash browns . After ordering he took a napkin and cleared his nose again . This time he found blood on the napkin . He got up and walked towards the bathroom . A few minutes later , the server lady , Mrs . Ruth , put Michael 's meal on the table . Mikie she had always called him since he was a little kid . She had known Michael for most of his life . She met him on his birthday party when she was invited to a friend 's friend birthday party to talk about a job . Mrs . Ruth had high expectations of herself back then , planning on becoming a nurse for one of the top hospitals in the region . She became great friends with Michael 's mother , often going out with them to restaurants and shopping . After years she wasn 't able to fulfill her dreams , her husband died and her will started diminishing . She got a job at the current waffle house and had been working in it for the last 8 years , often taking Michael 's order and chatting with him about his job and how his mother was doing . Today would be different though . Michael took a good look at himself , stood there alone in the bathroom in front of the mirror , " What am I ? " he asked himself , in a distorted , barely understandable voice . He stood there looking at the strange figure in the mirror . He looked pale ; his eyes were sunk in his eye pockets , with dark circles under his eyes . His nose was running , his mouth was drooling , but he did not care about this anymore . Michael sneezed and coughed a few times in the bathroom . Then there was a sudden urge to go back to his table . He finally went out the door back to his table , hungrier than ever . He sat at his table and stared at his food . Ignoring forks and knives , he started eating like a starving man , with his hands . He ate fast and swallowed a bunch of food at a time , he would start to choke and cough the food out at times . People started to notice this and looked at him in disgust , some even left . Michael ignored this and ate and ate , suddenly he stopped . He realized this was repugnant food , it made him feel sick . This wasn 't the type of food he should be eating , the thought made his stomach turn upside down and he started vomiting over his food . He started making growling noises , like a dog does when its meal is disturbed . He looked up , his eyes were red , he made quick precise movements with his head , looking up , left , right , around the restaurant with his new vision . His vision was different , he saw everything in a red shade , and people for some reason looked very appetizing . This was the food he really wanted , the food that would satisfy his craving , especially that old lady that he once played toys with , held hands with , smiled with . Michael stood up and then jumped on the table , his head making quick movements , his nose and mouth running with blood , his eyes red , his veins popping . He made a loud shriek that scared some people out of the restaurant , other stood in awe . It was something you would only see in horror movies . He started running and jumped from the table over the counter aiming for Mrs . Ruth , who scared to her soon death put her hands in front of her for protection , but that wouldn 't be any help . Michael grabbed her below her arms and carried her forward about 10 feet before hitting her against the counter . Both fell to the ground and Michael fell on top of her , he started biting off her neck , her arms , and her breasts . This happened so fast that the other workers had little chance to react ; finally when one reacted he tried to help her . A tall male cook grabbed a big cutting knife and started running towards Michael , stabbing the knife in the back . Michael felt the sharp pain and started shrieking again , he looked back and smacked the cook with great force , the cook fell back and hit a stove . He moved his arms back trying to reach the knife stuck to his back , but it was in such a way he couldn 't reach it . People ran out of the place , the ambulance finally got to the scene and luckily also a few cops . Meanwhile inside Michael was still in pain , the cook was getting back up after that hit , and Mrs . Ruth was on the ground convulsing and bleeding to death . Michael noticed the cook and went right after him , the cook got up , stepped his foot forward and tripped Michael into the stove , he was knocked out . The cook got up , breathing fast trying to catch some breath . " You crazy son of a bitch , I 'm going to kill you now ! " He yelled . He grabbed another knife from the counter , held it up and started stabbing Michael who couldn 't do much the way he was being held . Mrs . Ruth stood behind the cook , twitching , bleeding , drooling , just as Michael did before . " Oh My God … " one of the scared customers said from behind . Mrs . Ruth led a loud shriek and jumped on the cook , holding onto his shoulders with her arms and started biting his neck ; this peaceful Waffle House had turned into a deadly nightmare . " What the hell 's going on here ? " A cop said as he opened the door and went in the Waffle House . Mrs . Ruth noticed him and let go off the cook , she let another loud cry and went for the cop this time . " Shoot her ! " someone told the cop . The cop reached for the gun , scared , shaking . This was taking him by surprise and Mrs . Ruth 's speed was a little too much for him . She jumped on him and started punching him in the face and biting it . A month or so ago I applied to a freelance site called http : / / www . elance . com I had been out of school for about half a year and out of work for even longer . After applying and failing to get any jobs for the past 6 months I couldn 't take it any longer and decided to look for " something " online . My girlfriend suggested http : / / www . snagajob . com , which seemed good at the time , until no one ever called me back . I filled out every single position I could : Manager , Assistant Manager , Cashier , Server , Dishwasher , Cook , Bathroom Cleaner and when I never got hired in one of these jobs , I realized that the lack of jobs in this country really is bad . So I looked online , and call it greedy but this blog is also one of the works in progress . Don 't get me wrong I love writing , but I also want to make a living out of it . My dad has always told me throughout my life " Whatever you do chino ( I 'll tell you the story of my nickname another time ) , do what you like . There 's nothing worse than a man going to work and do something he doesn 't love . If you do what you love , you 'll be successful " . It was until lately that I had really started to do what I like , because I wasn 't quite sure of what it was . It 's not unexcused though , I frankly had no time to write . Last Wednesday I started my work at the bank , and Monday I went back to work . When I first started this blog I was out of a job . I started strong , with so many words . The everyday practice of journals and stories were keeping me together in writing , and then I also got my first freelancer job . For those of you who don 't know how some of these freelancing websites work I 'll tell you . A client posts a job they need done . A contractor " bids " on the job and submits his proposal , completion time , and price . But wait , it 's not just one contractor … IT ' S MANY . Any freelancer will tell you the mean competition there 's for online jobs nowadays just like regular jobs . So I offer my services as a translator , I speak Spanish perfectly and can write it well . I thought it was the best chance . However it 's not a guaranteed job , English - Spanish - English translations are one of the most bids jobs on freelancing websites . There 's literally people , refreshing the page waiting for a translating job to be posted , after a while you know who are going to be your main competition . Signing on this site wasn 't easy though . Its not like I signed up and applied right away , no sir . There was a procedure to go through , I had to edit my profile , create sample work , confirm my telephone number , add where my funds would go , take a test understanding the terms of agreements in the jobs , i had to take a translating test ! And on top of that I didn 't have the job guaranteed , it really was a long process . So after a month of bidding for jobs I finally got one , my first online job as a freelance translator . $ 80 . 00 for a simple job that would take a day or so . It 's not so bad , to do it from the comfort of your home , taking breaks when you want , working on Microsoft Word . It 's as close to writing to get paid as it gets . The problem was , The job was due on Thursday , and I only had Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday to do it . Any other day this would 've been fine , but I had just got my job . So I had to work from 7 - 4p . m . get home at 5p . m . then work for about 4 hours on my translating job . I ended sleeping at 12 a . m . and getting up at 6a . m . to get ready for the bank again . This was really affecting my health . Lack of sleep , headaches , the turnaround was a little too brisk for me . I went from not working for months to working nonstop for days … No good . AND on top of that I got a cold on Tuesday morning . I felt like lightheaded , cold , with a runny nose which wouldn 't stop running . And I still had to get home and work , there was no break . During this time many things happened , ideas for stories came , from real life too . Things like a drunk man on drugs yelling outside in the neighborhood at 12 . a . m . saying how he was going to kill himself and reciting the Declaration of independence word for word . The cold also gave me awesome new ideas for my Zombie story , which I 'm editing , which is a mess at the moment but I 'll get around to it . I also got to hear how surgeons talk , what a hospital cafeteria is like , I imagined the hospital empty and I sitting by myself and I got another idea … However back to the freelancing job . Thursday morning came , when my client sent their review and loved my job and I got my $ 80 . 00 , oh man did that feel good . I felt like doing it all over again . I guess the lesson is after trying hard enough things will come to you . And sometimes they will come out altogether at you , and this tests you if you can take the pressure or if you 're going to break out and fail . But you don 't want to fail , you want to succeed and you do everything in your hands , give away your sanity , your sleep , your time in order to do so … Sometimes it 's the only way . Anyways I wrote this because I feel to let out of somethings , to let my writing flow because I need my practice back , to be able to move on with my stories and quests and jobs . I shall get back to this blog good this weekend , of course unless I get another job , which I hope I will , because I 'm really into the whole freelancing too . So many things it 's very exciting , the only thing that 's not so much is this cold , I can 't wait for that one to go away . Grasshoppers have six legs , the front four are used for slow regular walking , like we do . The two in the very back are called hind legs , much bigger than the other four , they are used for those big jumps you often see grasshoppers do . When Nicole found Jene , she was missing her right hind leg , and her left was broken . She was helpless and would probably not survive the next 24 hours as she was . She was mainly subject to being prey for other animals , secondly she would probably be stepped on and the person would not even notice , just like she probably was before she lost her hind legs . It was a regular school day in the spring . Nicole was in her 3rd grade and was outside in the playground for her recess . The kids were playing hide and seek . Nicole was very good at hiding , behind a tree she would hide and looked to see if she was being looked for . She turned around and giggled , the kid kept looking for her but could not figure out where she was . She looked around and stared at the grass for a minute and saw a strange insect . A young grasshopper , its wings still not grown , was missing a hind leg , and the other was broken . " Awww " she expressed sadly feeling pity for the poor insect . She grabbed it and held it in her palm , the grasshopper barely moved around , probably wondering where he had suddenly gone to . " Poor thing , I can 't leave you here or you will probably die , I 'll take care of you " she said as she carefully put it in her pocket . Nicole came out from behind the tree and the kid said " I found you ! " For the next three hours the grasshopper was in the pocket . In this dark place it could only see darkness , moved a bit but wouldn 't get far . It would often feel something slowly coming into the darkness , carefully to feel if it was still there . It was during these moments , which were very regular that it would manage to see some light . It was finally until the final third hour that Nicole finally grabbed it and took it out . In the school bus , Nicole examined it a little longer . Its eyes seem sad , probably because of its misfortune she thought . " Don 't worry , I will help you . " She told it . The kids behind her seat looked over and started whispering . " Look ! Nic has a grasshopper ! " one yelled . " Oh can I see it ? " another said , " Let me see what it feels like " another one exclaimed and just like that , the whole school bus full of kids were all intrigued by the grasshopper . " What 's its name ? " One of the kids asked . When Nicole finally got to her house , she opened the door , which was usually left open for her and went straight to her room . She took out the Jene out of her pocket and put it on her bed . Nicole laid on the bed and watched Jene barely move . Nicole offered her finger as to play with her and Jene tried to climb the finger with its working legs , this made Nicole smile . " You know we can 't have pets in the apartment ? But what is it ? I don 't see it " her mom said . Nicole grabbed Jene and put her in her hands , then she closed her hands as if praying but left space for Jene . She then walked toward her mother and opened her hands to reveal Jene . " She 's Jene , she can 't jump ! " she exclaimed . " Okay , but keep it inside something , or you might lose it . " her mom told her . They found one of those long cans of chips , about the size of a ruler and Nicole would then put Jene in there and take her with her every time she went out . Jene would survive more than the 24 hours she would have lived at most . She survived days , and weeks , and maybe years . Nicole always took Jene to school with her , she didn 't want to leave it alone because her little brother might find it and let it out , to forever be lost . She kept the can in her backpack and took it with her at all times , she was very protective of Jene . Jene didn 't mind at all , it often was exploring the can it was in and was not always caged . Sometimes the can would be open for whatever reason and explored outside of the can . Often it would find a place similar to her home , with plenty of food that she would feed on . Often Jene met strange figures that looked like Nicole but much smaller , they moved though . Jene tried to touch them a couple of times but they felt a little weird so she would let go , a lot of the times the figures simply disappeared . Then she would be put back in the place where she usually was and be moved around pretty fast as if flying . Someday she would fly too Jene knew , she could feel it would be soon . Jene looked outside the can , at the concrete , the trees , the grass . Her can had been upgraded from a normal one , to a transparent one , so now she could see things through the plastic . It was because of this that one of the kids saw Jene in Nicole 's open backpack . " Look Mr . Susaki ! Nicole 's got a bug in her backpack ! " the kid yelled it out in the classroom . Mr . Susaki was her substitute teacher for this day , and he was interested in this as so were all the other kids . Nicole having no choice showed Jene to Mr . Susaki . Jene , who 's wings were almost fully grown was starting to learn how to fly around the can . It was her new hobby . Jene was excited about this , finally she could travel much faster than what she usually could . Back when Nicole found her she almost had given complete hope , but now , she knew that she could finally travel farther to places she couldn 't reach before . " I only got one word to say about this … " Mr . Susaki said , " Awesome " he said . He stopped inspecting Jene and gave her back to Nicole . Nicole then took it to her backpack again and put it in there . She stuck her tongue out at the kid celebrating her victory . The last day Nicole saw Jene was three weeks after she had found her . It was a morning before class . Nicole had woken up late and was in a rush to get her things so she could catch the bus . In the rush of things the bus came so she left with what she could , and later on the bus , she realized she had left Jene . All day , Nicole had been worried about Jene , she knew her little 5yr old brother Jack would go into her room and try to play with her . He always would go in her room and ask Nicole if she could , a few times she had but other times she told him no . " But it was closed , maybe its lost , she doesn 't have her legs , I promised I would take care of her . " Nicole cried , the loss of her first real pet was very upsetting for her . That night , Nicole was awake for a while , hoping that suddenly Jene would come back to her , the night was quiet , the moon was full . But nothing , no Jene , all there was , was a far away noise , a sound , a song maybe and with this she finally went to sleep . A few weeks later she got over Jene , she made up with the idea that she went back home with her parents maybe , or other grasshoppers . Jene stood on the tree branch at its usual time , around 9 : 00 p . m . She would fold her wing and lift her broken leg up and rubbed it against her wings as if playing the violin , this produced a grasshopper song , she would always play it for Nicole to help her go to sleep . Sometimes she would play something different , sometimes she would sing with her wings . She would rub both wings together and produce a beautiful sleep song that would play in Nicole 's dreams , a thank you song for Nicole . ( To be Edited ) When I turned in one of my first papers in my English Class . Mr . Landon looked at it , then made into a little paper ball and threw it in the trash basket . Then he said " Write it again , this time go straight to the point . " so I did , and the story suddenly was more readable after skipping boring introductions and pointless descriptions . " See how better that looks ? " he said . I guess this is my theme when I write nowadays . In whatever I write , I try to go straight to the point , avoiding details and descriptions of the characters . It 's not just about going to the point , but if you can describe and give details as the story moves along it kind of flows more nicely . I hate when I 'm reading a book and in the beginning I 'm being thrown different , irrelevant things such as the shape of some building , the color skin of some people , the background or fictional background of someone much irrelevant to the plot . It seems that many writers do this to fill up space and add words to their count . I remember I won a book in an English Contest for top 3 writings of the college . The book choice was minimal , about five books , with authors I didn 't know . I don 't blame them though I know few authors , I 'm more of a writer than a reader . It 's hard to draw some people in the story , specially if you 're not very popular like Stephen King or James Patterson . I read the book , I tried my best , but after the 30th page I thought . I think I 'm done with this story , whatever it is about . I closed the book and never read it again . It 's still gathering dust in one of my shelves , it had a nice cover that 's how I picked it . Make sure your book has an interesting cover and people might pick it . Jeff Landon was my English II teacher , and he was good at what he did , and probably still does . The man would give you English puzzles , writing scenarios to work with , random stuff . He threw three words at you and said " Write me a story about these three things . " Some stories came around good , some not , others were funny , I liked the funny ones . But to me funny stories are just two or three pages long . The man had a good sense of humor , he was funny and could come up with some funny stuff , something I 'm not so great at . Landon published a few stories and poems . He wasn 't no one , he had some skill , he was good . There was this guy in this class , funny dude . He would always call him " Mr . Dr . Professor Landon " Sort of as to make him seem like some godly teacher . He asked Landon if he ever wrote a novel . Landon said he had tried , many times , but at could not get past a point . I remember this well and hope that this curse doesn 't stay with me , since after some point I want to move on . I got three stories I 'm working on now , and I think that should be plenty to keep the creativeness going . Now I just need to fill in the gaps and whichever I 'm in the mood in I could work on . I like variety because when I stick to continuing only one , i sometimes get bored and can 't come up with anything goo .

I was sick for a month , had a constant headache for a week , nothing major though . I 've been working full time and on the weekends I usually spent time with my girlfriend . I do have a bit of time but usually I 've rested or been guilty of playing a game . Oh yes of course , because I built a computer , how cool is that ? I know everyone does it nowadays , but I didn 't have a great idea of how to , I had no idea what a motherboard was or how to install RAM . I did a lot of research on that too , about two weeks learning about components , safety , tools , reading reviews , picking and repacking the parts for my computer . It was a thrilling experience ; one of the worse parts was installing the CPU in the motherboard , which is like implanting a brain in a body , though the latter would probably be way more complicated . It was easy , it took me one minute to place it in its spot , but when I place down what held the processor , it made this sand dropping sound which was terrifying because the thing was worth 200 dollars , and without it , the computer would never boot . So I was in the dark for a couple of more hours not even knowing if my computer would actually boot . When done I was proud of what I 've done , and even though the cable management wasn 't so great because of the lack of space , it was fair . The case has four fans which keep it nice and cool . I did get a beast graphics card though , and games look amazing on it and play at the highest settings . I took a good look at Skyrim and that game looks beautiful , though I really haven 't played it much because I 'm burnt out on the RPG games . I had such a workout yesterday . Instead of my regular sleep - in late Saturday , I woke up and got ready to work again . But instead of dressing in a fancy suit , I dressed in old jeans , ripped working shoes and a regular long sleeve shirt . My father , brother , and I were ready by 8 a . m . and so we went to work with my cousin Diego . At 9 a . m . we started working . The roof was tall and slanted ; I knew I wouldn 't get up there . I 've never been fond of heights however when the roof is sort of plain I make the effort to help up there , but not this time . I didn 't feel so useless however , as the other four people who could do roof work got up there . At first my brother and I watched the guys climb up there like spider men , then as the trash went down the roof we watched that , we helped as we could bringing tools , materials , and drinks to the pros . After they got down with one side , the amount of trash was much that it covered the grass . We started picking it up , big pieces first and left everything else on sailcloth to pick it up later . For hours we did this , it was longer than I initially thought . After we were done with one side we went to the other , however we had to take trips to the trash dumpster this time . And with time the trips got tougher , our legs were giving out , I can feel the numbness of my legs now as it 's hard to walk , every time we go roofing though I can expect this . It 's a terrible feeling when you see someone fall from such a height , while my brother and I were on break , we sat on a bench and watched the guys work . Two of them were stepping on the same 2 × 4 wood that was holding them while they walked on the roof , and the thing gave up on them and broke . Incapable of holding anything they both fell down as we watched from a distance , impotent and useless , we seemed so slow when trying to run to see if they were okay . A few scratches and back pain it was , and they both were okay , but the scare was enough . It 's nothing like the movies , usually things like that are never like in the movies , more like in books though , when you read it on a book that you 're into you feel it more . First thing you hope is " I hope they are conscious " then you thinking " I hope they didn 't break anything " . Well apart from that we carried some shingles onto the lifting ladder that takes them to the roofing people , who then carries them on his shoulder through a ladder that is actually lying on the roof ( sounds crazy ) and places it across the roof for easier retrieval . We finished at 8 p . m . and our whole body ached , we had arm , leg , back , chest workout in every way . I bet if you get someone to do that every day and drink their protein shake at the end of the day they would bulk up in no time . It 's a story alright , that 's been on my head for quite some time , actually first story I 've ever thought of and story I have never written . I think it 's the beginning that gets me and I 've figured that if I could finally manage to decide on how things should start the rest will write itself . I can 't tell you how many times I started on it , get about 5 , 000 words and just scrap it all . I feel like I want to make it just too epic , is there such a thing . A story that has you hooked all the way . So I 've been busy alright . My part - time has been slowly but surely turning into a full - time . Also I 've done a couple more translation jobs along the way and leaving that out the way I also have gone out for a few days leaving little to no time to have some free time . I 've worked on the quest line for the game Robin is making , though I haven 't seen him in a while I 'm waiting on him for that . I was also offered to write news and articles for an online gaming site , but sadly I haven 't been able to attend any of the trainings because of my schedule . Last time I had some free time to do anything I tried playing this game called " Two Worlds II " which was okay but didn 't really get much into it , haven 't touched it since . Besides all that I 've spent some quality time with my girlfriend , and also the less I write the less the ideas come to my head and the worse my writing gets . But I 'm decided to change that today . First things first though . I have to get some Chapter Outlines done on my three stories and my other story , The Final Element . I figure this will help a hell of a lot in writing and getting creative in each chapter . However this means that I won 't write much until I 've outlined plenty of Chapters , also I will probably stop posting a story on my blog when I 'm like 5 - 10 chapters in depending on how long it is . For personal reasons you know , I mean someone can easily take your work online and make it their own , it 's possible and scary in a way . I almost took a writing job on a freelancing site , it dealt with ghost writing a thrill novel , chapters outlined and all , I submitted a proposal with some writing I 've done in one of my stories ( won 't say which ) and it was to their liking . Then I asked myself : Am I ready for this ? Well I wished I was ; I wanted to jump in and write it all . For a novel with almost 100 , 000 words , in - your - face style of writing . I would 've had to give up my job to write it , the job I just got . Of course it would pay more , a lot more , but I had to do well or I would 've been out and lost both ways . And after that who can say that I would 've gotten more jobs ? I decided I wasn 't ready yet , you just sort of know when you are , and until I 've written a couple for myself I don 't think I 'll be able to write one for someone else , actually I sort of really don 't want to , I want all the stories I write for me . Michael Grey exited the CVS pharmacy on June 1st , 2019 at 9 : 30a . m . Though summer was barely arriving the warm days had already made their appearance . At 75 degrees this morning , it was a day good enough for a nice short - sleeve shirt and some shorts . Yet Michael was wearing a jacket and jeans . He felt so cold , and found it strange for him to get sick on warm days . It was usually in the winter that he would have a runny nose , and get a cold once or twice at most . He was usually a healthy man , but had recently caught some bug from who knows where . He was feeling so bad today that he had to call in sick at his Lawyer firm . " I feel like shit , man . I 'm sorry . " He told his colleague , who by hearing Michael 's voice knew he wasn 't kidding . He sounded like a long time heavy smoker that was never wise enough to quit altogether . " It 's okay , go buy some medicine and rest , we 'll reschedule the appointments for next week . " He let him off and that 's exactly what Michael did . Except the Michael he knew would be no more in a couple of hours . Michael had a terrible headache ; he felt his head constantly pulsating as if his brain would be exploding any minute now . His nose wouldn 't stop running no matter how many times he cleared it . He felt weak , light headed , his eyes were sunken in . His hands and legs sometimes started shaking out of the nowhere . He got on his 2014 Mustang , and headed out to airport dr . He was feeling very hungry even though he was sick . I guess a nice breakfast wouldn 't hurt ; no cold or flu is going to stop my stomach . Once at Williamsburg Rd , he made a right to the Waffle House he was so accustomed too . He started coughing as he drove in . Then he started coughing as he parked . The coughing had been going on for a while , since this morning . He found this cold weird , he had no previous symptoms and he doesn 't remember having had contact with anyone that had it . He was a very clean person , always washed his hands and even usually held the door knob with a paper towel to cover his hands . He sneezed and coughed again . He turned the car off and looked at himself in the mirror while clearing his nose with a tissue , he looked like shit . " Damn if I could recall all the colds in my life , this is the fucking worst of them all . " He said in his car . He got out and closed the door , and then with his control remote key , he locked and set the alarm on . He opened the door to the Waffle House and went inside . " Morning Mikie , how are you doing today ? " One of the servers asked , a thin lady in her 50 's . In this restaurant , Michael was a usual customer who would usually joke around with the workers and brighten up their mornings . " As you can see , terrible . I 'm hoping some food will cheer me up . " He replied and started coughing again . Even talking was now too hard for him . He stood behind some of the stools , looking down at the menus . The letters seemed to move around . He started to misunderstand words and the images started to make no sense . " Well , sit down ; I will get you your drink , Pepsi right ? " The lady asked to confirm Michael 's usual drink . Michael still stood behind the cash register blocking the way for other people . He looked at the menu , filling dizzy , realizing this was a bad idea , he was losing his mind , he needed a doctor but wondered if he should say anything . " Yes " he said . Still standing , blocking the way for the other customers that were coming in , they were also wondering what was wrong with him , annoyed that this man was blocking their way . Michael finally managed to get some sense and moved to a table . He sat down and ordered his favorite meal ; an egg and sausage Texas melt with large hash browns . After ordering he took a napkin and cleared his nose again . This time he found blood on the napkin . He got up and walked towards the bathroom . A few minutes later , the server lady , Mrs . Ruth , put Michael 's meal on the table . Mikie she had always called him since he was a little kid . She had known Michael for most of his life . She met him on his birthday party when she was invited to a friend 's friend birthday party to talk about a job . Mrs . Ruth had high expectations of herself back then , planning on becoming a nurse for one of the top hospitals in the region . She became great friends with Michael 's mother , often going out with them to restaurants and shopping . After years she wasn 't able to fulfill her dreams , her husband died and her will started diminishing . She got a job at the current waffle house and had been working in it for the last 8 years , often taking Michael 's order and chatting with him about his job and how his mother was doing . Today would be different though . Michael took a good look at himself , stood there alone in the bathroom in front of the mirror , " What am I ? " he asked himself , in a distorted , barely understandable voice . He stood there looking at the strange figure in the mirror . He looked pale ; his eyes were sunk in his eye pockets , with dark circles under his eyes . His nose was running , his mouth was drooling , but he did not care about this anymore . Michael sneezed and coughed a few times in the bathroom . Then there was a sudden urge to go back to his table . He finally went out the door back to his table , hungrier than ever . He sat at his table and stared at his food . Ignoring forks and knives , he started eating like a starving man , with his hands . He ate fast and swallowed a bunch of food at a time , he would start to choke and cough the food out at times . People started to notice this and looked at him in disgust , some even left . Michael ignored this and ate and ate , suddenly he stopped . He realized this was repugnant food , it made him feel sick . This wasn 't the type of food he should be eating , the thought made his stomach turn upside down and he started vomiting over his food . He started making growling noises , like a dog does when its meal is disturbed . He looked up , his eyes were red , he made quick precise movements with his head , looking up , left , right , around the restaurant with his new vision . His vision was different , he saw everything in a red shade , and people for some reason looked very appetizing . This was the food he really wanted , the food that would satisfy his craving , especially that old lady that he once played toys with , held hands with , smiled with . Michael stood up and then jumped on the table , his head making quick movements , his nose and mouth running with blood , his eyes red , his veins popping . He made a loud shriek that scared some people out of the restaurant , other stood in awe . It was something you would only see in horror movies . He started running and jumped from the table over the counter aiming for Mrs . Ruth , who scared to her soon death put her hands in front of her for protection , but that wouldn 't be any help . Michael grabbed her below her arms and carried her forward about 10 feet before hitting her against the counter . Both fell to the ground and Michael fell on top of her , he started biting off her neck , her arms , and her breasts . This happened so fast that the other workers had little chance to react ; finally when one reacted he tried to help her . A tall male cook grabbed a big cutting knife and started running towards Michael , stabbing the knife in the back . Michael felt the sharp pain and started shrieking again , he looked back and smacked the cook with great force , the cook fell back and hit a stove . He moved his arms back trying to reach the knife stuck to his back , but it was in such a way he couldn 't reach it . People ran out of the place , the ambulance finally got to the scene and luckily also a few cops . Meanwhile inside Michael was still in pain , the cook was getting back up after that hit , and Mrs . Ruth was on the ground convulsing and bleeding to death . Michael noticed the cook and went right after him , the cook got up , stepped his foot forward and tripped Michael into the stove , he was knocked out . The cook got up , breathing fast trying to catch some breath . " You crazy son of a bitch , I 'm going to kill you now ! " He yelled . He grabbed another knife from the counter , held it up and started stabbing Michael who couldn 't do much the way he was being held . Mrs . Ruth stood behind the cook , twitching , bleeding , drooling , just as Michael did before . " Oh My God … " one of the scared customers said from behind . Mrs . Ruth led a loud shriek and jumped on the cook , holding onto his shoulders with her arms and started biting his neck ; this peaceful Waffle House had turned into a deadly nightmare . " What the hell 's going on here ? " A cop said as he opened the door and went in the Waffle House . Mrs . Ruth noticed him and let go off the cook , she let another loud cry and went for the cop this time . " Shoot her ! " someone told the cop . The cop reached for the gun , scared , shaking . This was taking him by surprise and Mrs . Ruth 's speed was a little too much for him . She jumped on him and started punching him in the face and biting it . A month or so ago I applied to a freelance site called http : / / www . elance . com I had been out of school for about half a year and out of work for even longer . After applying and failing to get any jobs for the past 6 months I couldn 't take it any longer and decided to look for " something " online . My girlfriend suggested http : / / www . snagajob . com , which seemed good at the time , until no one ever called me back . I filled out every single position I could : Manager , Assistant Manager , Cashier , Server , Dishwasher , Cook , Bathroom Cleaner and when I never got hired in one of these jobs , I realized that the lack of jobs in this country really is bad . So I looked online , and call it greedy but this blog is also one of the works in progress . Don 't get me wrong I love writing , but I also want to make a living out of it . My dad has always told me throughout my life " Whatever you do chino ( I 'll tell you the story of my nickname another time ) , do what you like . There 's nothing worse than a man going to work and do something he doesn 't love . If you do what you love , you 'll be successful " . It was until lately that I had really started to do what I like , because I wasn 't quite sure of what it was . It 's not unexcused though , I frankly had no time to write . Last Wednesday I started my work at the bank , and Monday I went back to work . When I first started this blog I was out of a job . I started strong , with so many words . The everyday practice of journals and stories were keeping me together in writing , and then I also got my first freelancer job . For those of you who don 't know how some of these freelancing websites work I 'll tell you . A client posts a job they need done . A contractor " bids " on the job and submits his proposal , completion time , and price . But wait , it 's not just one contractor … IT ' S MANY . Any freelancer will tell you the mean competition there 's for online jobs nowadays just like regular jobs . So I offer my services as a translator , I speak Spanish perfectly and can write it well . I thought it was the best chance . However it 's not a guaranteed job , English - Spanish - English translations are one of the most bids jobs on freelancing websites . There 's literally people , refreshing the page waiting for a translating job to be posted , after a while you know who are going to be your main competition . Signing on this site wasn 't easy though . Its not like I signed up and applied right away , no sir . There was a procedure to go through , I had to edit my profile , create sample work , confirm my telephone number , add where my funds would go , take a test understanding the terms of agreements in the jobs , i had to take a translating test ! And on top of that I didn 't have the job guaranteed , it really was a long process . So after a month of bidding for jobs I finally got one , my first online job as a freelance translator . $ 80 . 00 for a simple job that would take a day or so . It 's not so bad , to do it from the comfort of your home , taking breaks when you want , working on Microsoft Word . It 's as close to writing to get paid as it gets . The problem was , The job was due on Thursday , and I only had Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday to do it . Any other day this would 've been fine , but I had just got my job . So I had to work from 7 - 4p . m . get home at 5p . m . then work for about 4 hours on my translating job . I ended sleeping at 12 a . m . and getting up at 6a . m . to get ready for the bank again . This was really affecting my health . Lack of sleep , headaches , the turnaround was a little too brisk for me . I went from not working for months to working nonstop for days … No good . AND on top of that I got a cold on Tuesday morning . I felt like lightheaded , cold , with a runny nose which wouldn 't stop running . And I still had to get home and work , there was no break . During this time many things happened , ideas for stories came , from real life too . Things like a drunk man on drugs yelling outside in the neighborhood at 12 . a . m . saying how he was going to kill himself and reciting the Declaration of independence word for word . The cold also gave me awesome new ideas for my Zombie story , which I 'm editing , which is a mess at the moment but I 'll get around to it . I also got to hear how surgeons talk , what a hospital cafeteria is like , I imagined the hospital empty and I sitting by myself and I got another idea … However back to the freelancing job . Thursday morning came , when my client sent their review and loved my job and I got my $ 80 . 00 , oh man did that feel good . I felt like doing it all over again . I guess the lesson is after trying hard enough things will come to you . And sometimes they will come out altogether at you , and this tests you if you can take the pressure or if you 're going to break out and fail . But you don 't want to fail , you want to succeed and you do everything in your hands , give away your sanity , your sleep , your time in order to do so … Sometimes it 's the only way . Anyways I wrote this because I feel to let out of somethings , to let my writing flow because I need my practice back , to be able to move on with my stories and quests and jobs . I shall get back to this blog good this weekend , of course unless I get another job , which I hope I will , because I 'm really into the whole freelancing too . So many things it 's very exciting , the only thing that 's not so much is this cold , I can 't wait for that one to go away . Grasshoppers have six legs , the front four are used for slow regular walking , like we do . The two in the very back are called hind legs , much bigger than the other four , they are used for those big jumps you often see grasshoppers do . When Nicole found Jene , she was missing her right hind leg , and her left was broken . She was helpless and would probably not survive the next 24 hours as she was . She was mainly subject to being prey for other animals , secondly she would probably be stepped on and the person would not even notice , just like she probably was before she lost her hind legs . It was a regular school day in the spring . Nicole was in her 3rd grade and was outside in the playground for her recess . The kids were playing hide and seek . Nicole was very good at hiding , behind a tree she would hide and looked to see if she was being looked for . She turned around and giggled , the kid kept looking for her but could not figure out where she was . She looked around and stared at the grass for a minute and saw a strange insect . A young grasshopper , its wings still not grown , was missing a hind leg , and the other was broken . " Awww " she expressed sadly feeling pity for the poor insect . She grabbed it and held it in her palm , the grasshopper barely moved around , probably wondering where he had suddenly gone to . " Poor thing , I can 't leave you here or you will probably die , I 'll take care of you " she said as she carefully put it in her pocket . Nicole came out from behind the tree and the kid said " I found you ! " For the next three hours the grasshopper was in the pocket . In this dark place it could only see darkness , moved a bit but wouldn 't get far . It would often feel something slowly coming into the darkness , carefully to feel if it was still there . It was during these moments , which were very regular that it would manage to see some light . It was finally until the final third hour that Nicole finally grabbed it and took it out . In the school bus , Nicole examined it a little longer . Its eyes seem sad , probably because of its misfortune she thought . " Don 't worry , I will help you . " She told it . The kids behind her seat looked over and started whispering . " Look ! Nic has a grasshopper ! " one yelled . " Oh can I see it ? " another said , " Let me see what it feels like " another one exclaimed and just like that , the whole school bus full of kids were all intrigued by the grasshopper . " What 's its name ? " One of the kids asked . When Nicole finally got to her house , she opened the door , which was usually left open for her and went straight to her room . She took out the Jene out of her pocket and put it on her bed . Nicole laid on the bed and watched Jene barely move . Nicole offered her finger as to play with her and Jene tried to climb the finger with its working legs , this made Nicole smile . " You know we can 't have pets in the apartment ? But what is it ? I don 't see it " her mom said . Nicole grabbed Jene and put her in her hands , then she closed her hands as if praying but left space for Jene . She then walked toward her mother and opened her hands to reveal Jene . " She 's Jene , she can 't jump ! " she exclaimed . " Okay , but keep it inside something , or you might lose it . " her mom told her . They found one of those long cans of chips , about the size of a ruler and Nicole would then put Jene in there and take her with her every time she went out . Jene would survive more than the 24 hours she would have lived at most . She survived days , and weeks , and maybe years . Nicole always took Jene to school with her , she didn 't want to leave it alone because her little brother might find it and let it out , to forever be lost . She kept the can in her backpack and took it with her at all times , she was very protective of Jene . Jene didn 't mind at all , it often was exploring the can it was in and was not always caged . Sometimes the can would be open for whatever reason and explored outside of the can . Often it would find a place similar to her home , with plenty of food that she would feed on . Often Jene met strange figures that looked like Nicole but much smaller , they moved though . Jene tried to touch them a couple of times but they felt a little weird so she would let go , a lot of the times the figures simply disappeared . Then she would be put back in the place where she usually was and be moved around pretty fast as if flying . Someday she would fly too Jene knew , she could feel it would be soon . Jene looked outside the can , at the concrete , the trees , the grass . Her can had been upgraded from a normal one , to a transparent one , so now she could see things through the plastic . It was because of this that one of the kids saw Jene in Nicole 's open backpack . " Look Mr . Susaki ! Nicole 's got a bug in her backpack ! " the kid yelled it out in the classroom . Mr . Susaki was her substitute teacher for this day , and he was interested in this as so were all the other kids . Nicole having no choice showed Jene to Mr . Susaki . Jene , who 's wings were almost fully grown was starting to learn how to fly around the can . It was her new hobby . Jene was excited about this , finally she could travel much faster than what she usually could . Back when Nicole found her she almost had given complete hope , but now , she knew that she could finally travel farther to places she couldn 't reach before . " I only got one word to say about this … " Mr . Susaki said , " Awesome " he said . He stopped inspecting Jene and gave her back to Nicole . Nicole then took it to her backpack again and put it in there . She stuck her tongue out at the kid celebrating her victory . The last day Nicole saw Jene was three weeks after she had found her . It was a morning before class . Nicole had woken up late and was in a rush to get her things so she could catch the bus . In the rush of things the bus came so she left with what she could , and later on the bus , she realized she had left Jene . All day , Nicole had been worried about Jene , she knew her little 5yr old brother Jack would go into her room and try to play with her . He always would go in her room and ask Nicole if she could , a few times she had but other times she told him no . " But it was closed , maybe its lost , she doesn 't have her legs , I promised I would take care of her . " Nicole cried , the loss of her first real pet was very upsetting for her . That night , Nicole was awake for a while , hoping that suddenly Jene would come back to her , the night was quiet , the moon was full . But nothing , no Jene , all there was , was a far away noise , a sound , a song maybe and with this she finally went to sleep . A few weeks later she got over Jene , she made up with the idea that she went back home with her parents maybe , or other grasshoppers . Jene stood on the tree branch at its usual time , around 9 : 00 p . m . She would fold her wing and lift her broken leg up and rubbed it against her wings as if playing the violin , this produced a grasshopper song , she would always play it for Nicole to help her go to sleep . Sometimes she would play something different , sometimes she would sing with her wings . She would rub both wings together and produce a beautiful sleep song that would play in Nicole 's dreams , a thank you song for Nicole . ( To be Edited ) When I turned in one of my first papers in my English Class . Mr . Landon looked at it , then made into a little paper ball and threw it in the trash basket . Then he said " Write it again , this time go straight to the point . " so I did , and the story suddenly was more readable after skipping boring introductions and pointless descriptions . " See how better that looks ? " he said . I guess this is my theme when I write nowadays . In whatever I write , I try to go straight to the point , avoiding details and descriptions of the characters . It 's not just about going to the point , but if you can describe and give details as the story moves along it kind of flows more nicely . I hate when I 'm reading a book and in the beginning I 'm being thrown different , irrelevant things such as the shape of some building , the color skin of some people , the background or fictional background of someone much irrelevant to the plot . It seems that many writers do this to fill up space and add words to their count . I remember I won a book in an English Contest for top 3 writings of the college . The book choice was minimal , about five books , with authors I didn 't know . I don 't blame them though I know few authors , I 'm more of a writer than a reader . It 's hard to draw some people in the story , specially if you 're not very popular like Stephen King or James Patterson . I read the book , I tried my best , but after the 30th page I thought . I think I 'm done with this story , whatever it is about . I closed the book and never read it again . It 's still gathering dust in one of my shelves , it had a nice cover that 's how I picked it . Make sure your book has an interesting cover and people might pick it . Jeff Landon was my English II teacher , and he was good at what he did , and probably still does . The man would give you English puzzles , writing scenarios to work with , random stuff . He threw three words at you and said " Write me a story about these three things . " Some stories came around good , some not , others were funny , I liked the funny ones . But to me funny stories are just two or three pages long . The man had a good sense of humor , he was funny and could come up with some funny stuff , something I 'm not so great at . Landon published a few stories and poems . He wasn 't no one , he had some skill , he was good . There was this guy in this class , funny dude . He would always call him " Mr . Dr . Professor Landon " Sort of as to make him seem like some godly teacher . He asked Landon if he ever wrote a novel . Landon said he had tried , many times , but at could not get past a point . I remember this well and hope that this curse doesn 't stay with me , since after some point I want to move on . I got three stories I 'm working on now , and I think that should be plenty to keep the creativeness going . Now I just need to fill in the gaps and whichever I 'm in the mood in I could work on . I like variety because when I stick to continuing only one , i sometimes get bored and can 't come up with anything goo .

I was sick for a month , had a constant headache for a week , nothing major though . I 've been working full time and on the weekends I usually spent time with my girlfriend . I do have a bit of time but usually I 've rested or been guilty of playing a game . Oh yes of course , because I built a computer , how cool is that ? I know everyone does it nowadays , but I didn 't have a great idea of how to , I had no idea what a motherboard was or how to install RAM . I did a lot of research on that too , about two weeks learning about components , safety , tools , reading reviews , picking and repacking the parts for my computer . It was a thrilling experience ; one of the worse parts was installing the CPU in the motherboard , which is like implanting a brain in a body , though the latter would probably be way more complicated . It was easy , it took me one minute to place it in its spot , but when I place down what held the processor , it made this sand dropping sound which was terrifying because the thing was worth 200 dollars , and without it , the computer would never boot . So I was in the dark for a couple of more hours not even knowing if my computer would actually boot . When done I was proud of what I 've done , and even though the cable management wasn 't so great because of the lack of space , it was fair . The case has four fans which keep it nice and cool . I did get a beast graphics card though , and games look amazing on it and play at the highest settings . I took a good look at Skyrim and that game looks beautiful , though I really haven 't played it much because I 'm burnt out on the RPG games . I had such a workout yesterday . Instead of my regular sleep - in late Saturday , I woke up and got ready to work again . But instead of dressing in a fancy suit , I dressed in old jeans , ripped working shoes and a regular long sleeve shirt . My father , brother , and I were ready by 8 a . m . and so we went to work with my cousin Diego . At 9 a . m . we started working . The roof was tall and slanted ; I knew I wouldn 't get up there . I 've never been fond of heights however when the roof is sort of plain I make the effort to help up there , but not this time . I didn 't feel so useless however , as the other four people who could do roof work got up there . At first my brother and I watched the guys climb up there like spider men , then as the trash went down the roof we watched that , we helped as we could bringing tools , materials , and drinks to the pros . After they got down with one side , the amount of trash was much that it covered the grass . We started picking it up , big pieces first and left everything else on sailcloth to pick it up later . For hours we did this , it was longer than I initially thought . After we were done with one side we went to the other , however we had to take trips to the trash dumpster this time . And with time the trips got tougher , our legs were giving out , I can feel the numbness of my legs now as it 's hard to walk , every time we go roofing though I can expect this . It 's a terrible feeling when you see someone fall from such a height , while my brother and I were on break , we sat on a bench and watched the guys work . Two of them were stepping on the same 2 × 4 wood that was holding them while they walked on the roof , and the thing gave up on them and broke . Incapable of holding anything they both fell down as we watched from a distance , impotent and useless , we seemed so slow when trying to run to see if they were okay . A few scratches and back pain it was , and they both were okay , but the scare was enough . It 's nothing like the movies , usually things like that are never like in the movies , more like in books though , when you read it on a book that you 're into you feel it more . First thing you hope is " I hope they are conscious " then you thinking " I hope they didn 't break anything " . Well apart from that we carried some shingles onto the lifting ladder that takes them to the roofing people , who then carries them on his shoulder through a ladder that is actually lying on the roof ( sounds crazy ) and places it across the roof for easier retrieval . We finished at 8 p . m . and our whole body ached , we had arm , leg , back , chest workout in every way . I bet if you get someone to do that every day and drink their protein shake at the end of the day they would bulk up in no time . It 's a story alright , that 's been on my head for quite some time , actually first story I 've ever thought of and story I have never written . I think it 's the beginning that gets me and I 've figured that if I could finally manage to decide on how things should start the rest will write itself . I can 't tell you how many times I started on it , get about 5 , 000 words and just scrap it all . I feel like I want to make it just too epic , is there such a thing . A story that has you hooked all the way . So I 've been busy alright . My part - time has been slowly but surely turning into a full - time . Also I 've done a couple more translation jobs along the way and leaving that out the way I also have gone out for a few days leaving little to no time to have some free time . I 've worked on the quest line for the game Robin is making , though I haven 't seen him in a while I 'm waiting on him for that . I was also offered to write news and articles for an online gaming site , but sadly I haven 't been able to attend any of the trainings because of my schedule . Last time I had some free time to do anything I tried playing this game called " Two Worlds II " which was okay but didn 't really get much into it , haven 't touched it since . Besides all that I 've spent some quality time with my girlfriend , and also the less I write the less the ideas come to my head and the worse my writing gets . But I 'm decided to change that today . First things first though . I have to get some Chapter Outlines done on my three stories and my other story , The Final Element . I figure this will help a hell of a lot in writing and getting creative in each chapter . However this means that I won 't write much until I 've outlined plenty of Chapters , also I will probably stop posting a story on my blog when I 'm like 5 - 10 chapters in depending on how long it is . For personal reasons you know , I mean someone can easily take your work online and make it their own , it 's possible and scary in a way . I almost took a writing job on a freelancing site , it dealt with ghost writing a thrill novel , chapters outlined and all , I submitted a proposal with some writing I 've done in one of my stories ( won 't say which ) and it was to their liking . Then I asked myself : Am I ready for this ? Well I wished I was ; I wanted to jump in and write it all . For a novel with almost 100 , 000 words , in - your - face style of writing . I would 've had to give up my job to write it , the job I just got . Of course it would pay more , a lot more , but I had to do well or I would 've been out and lost both ways . And after that who can say that I would 've gotten more jobs ? I decided I wasn 't ready yet , you just sort of know when you are , and until I 've written a couple for myself I don 't think I 'll be able to write one for someone else , actually I sort of really don 't want to , I want all the stories I write for me . Michael Grey exited the CVS pharmacy on June 1st , 2019 at 9 : 30a . m . Though summer was barely arriving the warm days had already made their appearance . At 75 degrees this morning , it was a day good enough for a nice short - sleeve shirt and some shorts . Yet Michael was wearing a jacket and jeans . He felt so cold , and found it strange for him to get sick on warm days . It was usually in the winter that he would have a runny nose , and get a cold once or twice at most . He was usually a healthy man , but had recently caught some bug from who knows where . He was feeling so bad today that he had to call in sick at his Lawyer firm . " I feel like shit , man . I 'm sorry . " He told his colleague , who by hearing Michael 's voice knew he wasn 't kidding . He sounded like a long time heavy smoker that was never wise enough to quit altogether . " It 's okay , go buy some medicine and rest , we 'll reschedule the appointments for next week . " He let him off and that 's exactly what Michael did . Except the Michael he knew would be no more in a couple of hours . Michael had a terrible headache ; he felt his head constantly pulsating as if his brain would be exploding any minute now . His nose wouldn 't stop running no matter how many times he cleared it . He felt weak , light headed , his eyes were sunken in . His hands and legs sometimes started shaking out of the nowhere . He got on his 2014 Mustang , and headed out to airport dr . He was feeling very hungry even though he was sick . I guess a nice breakfast wouldn 't hurt ; no cold or flu is going to stop my stomach . Once at Williamsburg Rd , he made a right to the Waffle House he was so accustomed too . He started coughing as he drove in . Then he started coughing as he parked . The coughing had been going on for a while , since this morning . He found this cold weird , he had no previous symptoms and he doesn 't remember having had contact with anyone that had it . He was a very clean person , always washed his hands and even usually held the door knob with a paper towel to cover his hands . He sneezed and coughed again . He turned the car off and looked at himself in the mirror while clearing his nose with a tissue , he looked like shit . " Damn if I could recall all the colds in my life , this is the fucking worst of them all . " He said in his car . He got out and closed the door , and then with his control remote key , he locked and set the alarm on . He opened the door to the Waffle House and went inside . " Morning Mikie , how are you doing today ? " One of the servers asked , a thin lady in her 50 's . In this restaurant , Michael was a usual customer who would usually joke around with the workers and brighten up their mornings . " As you can see , terrible . I 'm hoping some food will cheer me up . " He replied and started coughing again . Even talking was now too hard for him . He stood behind some of the stools , looking down at the menus . The letters seemed to move around . He started to misunderstand words and the images started to make no sense . " Well , sit down ; I will get you your drink , Pepsi right ? " The lady asked to confirm Michael 's usual drink . Michael still stood behind the cash register blocking the way for other people . He looked at the menu , filling dizzy , realizing this was a bad idea , he was losing his mind , he needed a doctor but wondered if he should say anything . " Yes " he said . Still standing , blocking the way for the other customers that were coming in , they were also wondering what was wrong with him , annoyed that this man was blocking their way . Michael finally managed to get some sense and moved to a table . He sat down and ordered his favorite meal ; an egg and sausage Texas melt with large hash browns . After ordering he took a napkin and cleared his nose again . This time he found blood on the napkin . He got up and walked towards the bathroom . A few minutes later , the server lady , Mrs . Ruth , put Michael 's meal on the table . Mikie she had always called him since he was a little kid . She had known Michael for most of his life . She met him on his birthday party when she was invited to a friend 's friend birthday party to talk about a job . Mrs . Ruth had high expectations of herself back then , planning on becoming a nurse for one of the top hospitals in the region . She became great friends with Michael 's mother , often going out with them to restaurants and shopping . After years she wasn 't able to fulfill her dreams , her husband died and her will started diminishing . She got a job at the current waffle house and had been working in it for the last 8 years , often taking Michael 's order and chatting with him about his job and how his mother was doing . Today would be different though . Michael took a good look at himself , stood there alone in the bathroom in front of the mirror , " What am I ? " he asked himself , in a distorted , barely understandable voice . He stood there looking at the strange figure in the mirror . He looked pale ; his eyes were sunk in his eye pockets , with dark circles under his eyes . His nose was running , his mouth was drooling , but he did not care about this anymore . Michael sneezed and coughed a few times in the bathroom . Then there was a sudden urge to go back to his table . He finally went out the door back to his table , hungrier than ever . He sat at his table and stared at his food . Ignoring forks and knives , he started eating like a starving man , with his hands . He ate fast and swallowed a bunch of food at a time , he would start to choke and cough the food out at times . People started to notice this and looked at him in disgust , some even left . Michael ignored this and ate and ate , suddenly he stopped . He realized this was repugnant food , it made him feel sick . This wasn 't the type of food he should be eating , the thought made his stomach turn upside down and he started vomiting over his food . He started making growling noises , like a dog does when its meal is disturbed . He looked up , his eyes were red , he made quick precise movements with his head , looking up , left , right , around the restaurant with his new vision . His vision was different , he saw everything in a red shade , and people for some reason looked very appetizing . This was the food he really wanted , the food that would satisfy his craving , especially that old lady that he once played toys with , held hands with , smiled with . Michael stood up and then jumped on the table , his head making quick movements , his nose and mouth running with blood , his eyes red , his veins popping . He made a loud shriek that scared some people out of the restaurant , other stood in awe . It was something you would only see in horror movies . He started running and jumped from the table over the counter aiming for Mrs . Ruth , who scared to her soon death put her hands in front of her for protection , but that wouldn 't be any help . Michael grabbed her below her arms and carried her forward about 10 feet before hitting her against the counter . Both fell to the ground and Michael fell on top of her , he started biting off her neck , her arms , and her breasts . This happened so fast that the other workers had little chance to react ; finally when one reacted he tried to help her . A tall male cook grabbed a big cutting knife and started running towards Michael , stabbing the knife in the back . Michael felt the sharp pain and started shrieking again , he looked back and smacked the cook with great force , the cook fell back and hit a stove . He moved his arms back trying to reach the knife stuck to his back , but it was in such a way he couldn 't reach it . People ran out of the place , the ambulance finally got to the scene and luckily also a few cops . Meanwhile inside Michael was still in pain , the cook was getting back up after that hit , and Mrs . Ruth was on the ground convulsing and bleeding to death . Michael noticed the cook and went right after him , the cook got up , stepped his foot forward and tripped Michael into the stove , he was knocked out . The cook got up , breathing fast trying to catch some breath . " You crazy son of a bitch , I 'm going to kill you now ! " He yelled . He grabbed another knife from the counter , held it up and started stabbing Michael who couldn 't do much the way he was being held . Mrs . Ruth stood behind the cook , twitching , bleeding , drooling , just as Michael did before . " Oh My God … " one of the scared customers said from behind . Mrs . Ruth led a loud shriek and jumped on the cook , holding onto his shoulders with her arms and started biting his neck ; this peaceful Waffle House had turned into a deadly nightmare . " What the hell 's going on here ? " A cop said as he opened the door and went in the Waffle House . Mrs . Ruth noticed him and let go off the cook , she let another loud cry and went for the cop this time . " Shoot her ! " someone told the cop . The cop reached for the gun , scared , shaking . This was taking him by surprise and Mrs . Ruth 's speed was a little too much for him . She jumped on him and started punching him in the face and biting it . A month or so ago I applied to a freelance site called http : / / www . elance . com I had been out of school for about half a year and out of work for even longer . After applying and failing to get any jobs for the past 6 months I couldn 't take it any longer and decided to look for " something " online . My girlfriend suggested http : / / www . snagajob . com , which seemed good at the time , until no one ever called me back . I filled out every single position I could : Manager , Assistant Manager , Cashier , Server , Dishwasher , Cook , Bathroom Cleaner and when I never got hired in one of these jobs , I realized that the lack of jobs in this country really is bad . So I looked online , and call it greedy but this blog is also one of the works in progress . Don 't get me wrong I love writing , but I also want to make a living out of it . My dad has always told me throughout my life " Whatever you do chino ( I 'll tell you the story of my nickname another time ) , do what you like . There 's nothing worse than a man going to work and do something he doesn 't love . If you do what you love , you 'll be successful " . It was until lately that I had really started to do what I like , because I wasn 't quite sure of what it was . It 's not unexcused though , I frankly had no time to write . Last Wednesday I started my work at the bank , and Monday I went back to work . When I first started this blog I was out of a job . I started strong , with so many words . The everyday practice of journals and stories were keeping me together in writing , and then I also got my first freelancer job . For those of you who don 't know how some of these freelancing websites work I 'll tell you . A client posts a job they need done . A contractor " bids " on the job and submits his proposal , completion time , and price . But wait , it 's not just one contractor … IT ' S MANY . Any freelancer will tell you the mean competition there 's for online jobs nowadays just like regular jobs . So I offer my services as a translator , I speak Spanish perfectly and can write it well . I thought it was the best chance . However it 's not a guaranteed job , English - Spanish - English translations are one of the most bids jobs on freelancing websites . There 's literally people , refreshing the page waiting for a translating job to be posted , after a while you know who are going to be your main competition . Signing on this site wasn 't easy though . Its not like I signed up and applied right away , no sir . There was a procedure to go through , I had to edit my profile , create sample work , confirm my telephone number , add where my funds would go , take a test understanding the terms of agreements in the jobs , i had to take a translating test ! And on top of that I didn 't have the job guaranteed , it really was a long process . So after a month of bidding for jobs I finally got one , my first online job as a freelance translator . $ 80 . 00 for a simple job that would take a day or so . It 's not so bad , to do it from the comfort of your home , taking breaks when you want , working on Microsoft Word . It 's as close to writing to get paid as it gets . The problem was , The job was due on Thursday , and I only had Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday to do it . Any other day this would 've been fine , but I had just got my job . So I had to work from 7 - 4p . m . get home at 5p . m . then work for about 4 hours on my translating job . I ended sleeping at 12 a . m . and getting up at 6a . m . to get ready for the bank again . This was really affecting my health . Lack of sleep , headaches , the turnaround was a little too brisk for me . I went from not working for months to working nonstop for days … No good . AND on top of that I got a cold on Tuesday morning . I felt like lightheaded , cold , with a runny nose which wouldn 't stop running . And I still had to get home and work , there was no break . During this time many things happened , ideas for stories came , from real life too . Things like a drunk man on drugs yelling outside in the neighborhood at 12 . a . m . saying how he was going to kill himself and reciting the Declaration of independence word for word . The cold also gave me awesome new ideas for my Zombie story , which I 'm editing , which is a mess at the moment but I 'll get around to it . I also got to hear how surgeons talk , what a hospital cafeteria is like , I imagined the hospital empty and I sitting by myself and I got another idea … However back to the freelancing job . Thursday morning came , when my client sent their review and loved my job and I got my $ 80 . 00 , oh man did that feel good . I felt like doing it all over again . I guess the lesson is after trying hard enough things will come to you . And sometimes they will come out altogether at you , and this tests you if you can take the pressure or if you 're going to break out and fail . But you don 't want to fail , you want to succeed and you do everything in your hands , give away your sanity , your sleep , your time in order to do so … Sometimes it 's the only way . Anyways I wrote this because I feel to let out of somethings , to let my writing flow because I need my practice back , to be able to move on with my stories and quests and jobs . I shall get back to this blog good this weekend , of course unless I get another job , which I hope I will , because I 'm really into the whole freelancing too . So many things it 's very exciting , the only thing that 's not so much is this cold , I can 't wait for that one to go away . Grasshoppers have six legs , the front four are used for slow regular walking , like we do . The two in the very back are called hind legs , much bigger than the other four , they are used for those big jumps you often see grasshoppers do . When Nicole found Jene , she was missing her right hind leg , and her left was broken . She was helpless and would probably not survive the next 24 hours as she was . She was mainly subject to being prey for other animals , secondly she would probably be stepped on and the person would not even notice , just like she probably was before she lost her hind legs . It was a regular school day in the spring . Nicole was in her 3rd grade and was outside in the playground for her recess . The kids were playing hide and seek . Nicole was very good at hiding , behind a tree she would hide and looked to see if she was being looked for . She turned around and giggled , the kid kept looking for her but could not figure out where she was . She looked around and stared at the grass for a minute and saw a strange insect . A young grasshopper , its wings still not grown , was missing a hind leg , and the other was broken . " Awww " she expressed sadly feeling pity for the poor insect . She grabbed it and held it in her palm , the grasshopper barely moved around , probably wondering where he had suddenly gone to . " Poor thing , I can 't leave you here or you will probably die , I 'll take care of you " she said as she carefully put it in her pocket . Nicole came out from behind the tree and the kid said " I found you ! " For the next three hours the grasshopper was in the pocket . In this dark place it could only see darkness , moved a bit but wouldn 't get far . It would often feel something slowly coming into the darkness , carefully to feel if it was still there . It was during these moments , which were very regular that it would manage to see some light . It was finally until the final third hour that Nicole finally grabbed it and took it out . In the school bus , Nicole examined it a little longer . Its eyes seem sad , probably because of its misfortune she thought . " Don 't worry , I will help you . " She told it . The kids behind her seat looked over and started whispering . " Look ! Nic has a grasshopper ! " one yelled . " Oh can I see it ? " another said , " Let me see what it feels like " another one exclaimed and just like that , the whole school bus full of kids were all intrigued by the grasshopper . " What 's its name ? " One of the kids asked . When Nicole finally got to her house , she opened the door , which was usually left open for her and went straight to her room . She took out the Jene out of her pocket and put it on her bed . Nicole laid on the bed and watched Jene barely move . Nicole offered her finger as to play with her and Jene tried to climb the finger with its working legs , this made Nicole smile . " You know we can 't have pets in the apartment ? But what is it ? I don 't see it " her mom said . Nicole grabbed Jene and put her in her hands , then she closed her hands as if praying but left space for Jene . She then walked toward her mother and opened her hands to reveal Jene . " She 's Jene , she can 't jump ! " she exclaimed . " Okay , but keep it inside something , or you might lose it . " her mom told her . They found one of those long cans of chips , about the size of a ruler and Nicole would then put Jene in there and take her with her every time she went out . Jene would survive more than the 24 hours she would have lived at most . She survived days , and weeks , and maybe years . Nicole always took Jene to school with her , she didn 't want to leave it alone because her little brother might find it and let it out , to forever be lost . She kept the can in her backpack and took it with her at all times , she was very protective of Jene . Jene didn 't mind at all , it often was exploring the can it was in and was not always caged . Sometimes the can would be open for whatever reason and explored outside of the can . Often it would find a place similar to her home , with plenty of food that she would feed on . Often Jene met strange figures that looked like Nicole but much smaller , they moved though . Jene tried to touch them a couple of times but they felt a little weird so she would let go , a lot of the times the figures simply disappeared . Then she would be put back in the place where she usually was and be moved around pretty fast as if flying . Someday she would fly too Jene knew , she could feel it would be soon . Jene looked outside the can , at the concrete , the trees , the grass . Her can had been upgraded from a normal one , to a transparent one , so now she could see things through the plastic . It was because of this that one of the kids saw Jene in Nicole 's open backpack . " Look Mr . Susaki ! Nicole 's got a bug in her backpack ! " the kid yelled it out in the classroom . Mr . Susaki was her substitute teacher for this day , and he was interested in this as so were all the other kids . Nicole having no choice showed Jene to Mr . Susaki . Jene , who 's wings were almost fully grown was starting to learn how to fly around the can . It was her new hobby . Jene was excited about this , finally she could travel much faster than what she usually could . Back when Nicole found her she almost had given complete hope , but now , she knew that she could finally travel farther to places she couldn 't reach before . " I only got one word to say about this … " Mr . Susaki said , " Awesome " he said . He stopped inspecting Jene and gave her back to Nicole . Nicole then took it to her backpack again and put it in there . She stuck her tongue out at the kid celebrating her victory . The last day Nicole saw Jene was three weeks after she had found her . It was a morning before class . Nicole had woken up late and was in a rush to get her things so she could catch the bus . In the rush of things the bus came so she left with what she could , and later on the bus , she realized she had left Jene . All day , Nicole had been worried about Jene , she knew her little 5yr old brother Jack would go into her room and try to play with her . He always would go in her room and ask Nicole if she could , a few times she had but other times she told him no . " But it was closed , maybe its lost , she doesn 't have her legs , I promised I would take care of her . " Nicole cried , the loss of her first real pet was very upsetting for her . That night , Nicole was awake for a while , hoping that suddenly Jene would come back to her , the night was quiet , the moon was full . But nothing , no Jene , all there was , was a far away noise , a sound , a song maybe and with this she finally went to sleep . A few weeks later she got over Jene , she made up with the idea that she went back home with her parents maybe , or other grasshoppers . Jene stood on the tree branch at its usual time , around 9 : 00 p . m . She would fold her wing and lift her broken leg up and rubbed it against her wings as if playing the violin , this produced a grasshopper song , she would always play it for Nicole to help her go to sleep . Sometimes she would play something different , sometimes she would sing with her wings . She would rub both wings together and produce a beautiful sleep song that would play in Nicole 's dreams , a thank you song for Nicole . ( To be Edited ) When I turned in one of my first papers in my English Class . Mr . Landon looked at it , then made into a little paper ball and threw it in the trash basket . Then he said " Write it again , this time go straight to the point . " so I did , and the story suddenly was more readable after skipping boring introductions and pointless descriptions . " See how better that looks ? " he said . I guess this is my theme when I write nowadays . In whatever I write , I try to go straight to the point , avoiding details and descriptions of the characters . It 's not just about going to the point , but if you can describe and give details as the story moves along it kind of flows more nicely . I hate when I 'm reading a book and in the beginning I 'm being thrown different , irrelevant things such as the shape of some building , the color skin of some people , the background or fictional background of someone much irrelevant to the plot . It seems that many writers do this to fill up space and add words to their count . I remember I won a book in an English Contest for top 3 writings of the college . The book choice was minimal , about five books , with authors I didn 't know . I don 't blame them though I know few authors , I 'm more of a writer than a reader . It 's hard to draw some people in the story , specially if you 're not very popular like Stephen King or James Patterson . I read the book , I tried my best , but after the 30th page I thought . I think I 'm done with this story , whatever it is about . I closed the book and never read it again . It 's still gathering dust in one of my shelves , it had a nice cover that 's how I picked it . Make sure your book has an interesting cover and people might pick it . Jeff Landon was my English II teacher , and he was good at what he did , and probably still does . The man would give you English puzzles , writing scenarios to work with , random stuff . He threw three words at you and said " Write me a story about these three things . " Some stories came around good , some not , others were funny , I liked the funny ones . But to me funny stories are just two or three pages long . The man had a good sense of humor , he was funny and could come up with some funny stuff , something I 'm not so great at . Landon published a few stories and poems . He wasn 't no one , he had some skill , he was good . There was this guy in this class , funny dude . He would always call him " Mr . Dr . Professor Landon " Sort of as to make him seem like some godly teacher . He asked Landon if he ever wrote a novel . Landon said he had tried , many times , but at could not get past a point . I remember this well and hope that this curse doesn 't stay with me , since after some point I want to move on . I got three stories I 'm working on now , and I think that should be plenty to keep the creativeness going . Now I just need to fill in the gaps and whichever I 'm in the mood in I could work on . I like variety because when I stick to continuing only one , i sometimes get bored and can 't come up with anything goo .

A train that hasn 't run for 40 years is suddenly on the tracks again , with a sinister new conductor . A foul - mouthed police officer tries to solve the mystery behind inhuman , skeletal corpses that suddenly begin showing up around town . A little boy 's life is threatened by his two older brothers , one of whom died years ago . A lucid dreamer finds his nightmares following him back into the real world . What kind of book would you think this was based on the above paragraph ? If you 're like I was when this showed up in my Amazon recommendations , you 're probably thinking it 's a short story collection , and you 'd be right , kind of . After all , that 's exactly how Jon Padgett 's The Secret of Ventriloquism is advertised . The stories can be read in any order you 'd like , and each tale can be read on its own . That 's right . Even though they don 't sound like they 'd fit together , the bizarre , horrifying stories in this book all tie into each other . In the case of two stories , the relationship to the others is merely thematic , but the rest either share characters or reference events and places from one of the other tales , resulting in a larger , overarching narrative . Just like a ventriloquist manipulates the actions of his or her dummy , a malevolent power manipulates people and events from behind the scenes ; they gain more and more control of the world … and lay waste to it . Some characters are separated from loved ones ; others find their bodies forced to commit heinous acts ; still others are physically twisted into oozing , nauseating mockeries of anatomy . The worst fate , however , awaits the one who dares to seek out this entity , pull back the curtain and divine its secrets . The writing style varies with each story , which really says something about Padgett 's skill . Some stories are written in a more - contemporary style , sometimes containing F and S bombs ( which , while I try not to say them myself , don 't really bother me ) or taking Jesus 's name in vain ( which does bother me , but it 's thankfully the least - used of the swears ) . Others don 't read that differently from long - standing classics in the field . Out of all the muffled noises Mark heard through the walls of his now pitch black apartment , the howls and screams in the hallway were the first to die down . After that , it was the gunfire and blaring horns outside . After a long while , there was nothing , nothing but the occasional explosion in the distance - so far away they almost sounded like harmless fireworks . He hadn 't left the apartment once that day ; by now it was impossible . His chest grew cold . What had happened to Art ; to Shelly , Kyle and Sammie ; to his cousins Becca and Bill ? Had they survived ? Now his entire body grew cold . Whatever was going on might not be confined to just Mark 's town . Had any of his family or friends survived ? An emergency flashlight lay next to Mark on his bed ; in his hands was a loaded and chambered Glock pistol . He shook his head . It was an excellent firearm , but did having it really make any difference ? In that dark room , his one weapon felt inadequate against whatever had created the Hell on Earth outside . With no electricity , no windows to look through , a door that wouldn 't open and a phone that had broken just last night , he didn 't even know what was going on out there ; he had no idea what he was up against . There was another explosion . He gritted his teeth ; how long before he found out ? That final thought enraged him . Even with a weapon , there was absolutely nothing he could do but sit there , waiting . The ball was in their court , not his . He was completely powerless . He continued to stare out the bedroom door . After a while , he shook his head again . No . There had to be something he could do . An idea hit him . There was something he could do . He couldn 't get out , but maybe he could lure them in . The building was as quiet as a mausoleum right now ; that gave Mark two advantages . First , that meant that if anyone was still here , even if they were hostile , they were probably few in number , maybe even all alone . Second , any noise right now would be easy to hear , especially if it came from inside the building . If he threw things against the walls and created enough of a racket , someone might come to investigate , and he could overpower them ; he could get out ; he could find his cousins , his friends - his grip tightened - or , if anything had happened to them , he could go after whoever was responsible . Mark didn 't move . His plan was based on guesses and nothing else . He took a deep breath and let it out through his nose . Bad plan or not , unless he wanted to go back to waiting , he had to act now . For all he knew , the attackers could be on their way back here . If he waited too long , he wouldn 't be luring in just one or two enemies . Mark 's whole body went rigid . He hadn 't heard anything open or close ; he hadn 't heard any footsteps ; how could anyone have gotten in ? He quickly tried to dismiss the idea , to convince himself something out there had fallen on its own ; that made a lot more sense . It didn 't work . These last few hours had changed everything . He had no idea what was and wasn 't possible anymore . There very well could be someone else in the apartment , someone who knew he was here . A thought occurred to him . If there was somebody else in the suite , they were obviously trying to lure him out , which meant his being in this particular room gave him some kind of advantage . His body relaxed , and his head tilted back slightly . Instead of letting them force his hand , he 'd force theirs . Since they wanted him to come out , he 'd just stay right where he was . Time passed . Mark didn 't even shift his position ; he just sat there , facing his bedroom 's open door , the gun still out and ready . It looked like he was right . Whoever was out there really didn 't want to come in this room ; absolutely nothing was happening , no sounds , no sudden attacks , nothing . More time passed . Mark began to get frustrated . He considered firing a shot out the doorway . Maybe that would make them panic , and maybe that , along with the idea that he 'd used up some ammo , would be enough to draw them in , where he , somehow , had the upper hand . He was debating with himself over the idea when something else occurred to him , something horrifying . What if they weren 't trying to lure him out ? What if they were trying to make him too scared to move ? What if his room actually gave them some kind of advantage ? What if - Footsteps . Footsteps in the other room . Footsteps that were getting closer . Within seconds , he could see a vague outline in the darkness . The intruder was right there at bedroom 's entrance . Mark 's mouth went dry . This was it . Either they were about to lose or he was about to die . Mark hated to do it , but he took one hand off the gun and grabbed the flashlight . He turned it on . What he saw made him tilt his head . In front of him stood a petite woman , holding her hands up in surrender . She was Asian and appeared to be in her mid - to - late 20s , somewhere around Mark 's age maybe . What he noticed the most , however , were her clothes . They looked like something you 'd wear to the office on Casual Fridays , not something you 'd wear to wage war . He then noticed that one of her hands was holding a shard of broken glass . If she was with the attackers , why would she be dressed like that and why would she have come in here with just a makeshift weapon ? If she wasn 't one of them though , how was she even in the apartment in the first place ? Squinting at the flashlight , the woman gave a reply . " My name 's Lexi , and I don 't know how I got here . Really , I don 't . I … woke up and found myself here . I don 't even know where I am . " " I wanted to get my bearings , figure out where I was . I was scared someone would hear me , so I wanted to make sure I was in here alone first . Nobody came out when I threw the lamp on the floor , so I thought I was free to look around . " So she was doing the questioning now . He decided to oblige her . " I don 't know , " he said . " This morning , I decided to take a personal day . I called into work , went back to bed , and the next thing I know , it sounds like World War III broke out . " " Mine and my roommate 's , " he answered . " My roommate didn 't call in . God knows where he is now … or if he 's even alive . " He instantly regretted saying that last part . For a second , Lexi looked like she was going to vomit . She didn 't though . She stood there shaking for a bit but managed to pull herself together . Then , she slowly looked back at the doorway and spoke . " I woke up while all that was going on . I panicked and was about to get up off the floor , but then someone rushed into the living room . They didn 't see me , probably because it was so dark . They pounded on the door and walls like a maniac for a while and then ran back into your room . I 'm guessing that was you ? " " Well , when you didn 't come back out , I thought maybe there was a secret exit in this room , a way out that … whoever all is out there didn 't know about . " She sighed , indicating she now understood there definitely wasn 't . After looking around for a moment , she continued . " It doesn 't sound like anybody 's out there now . Maybe we could try the door back there . " Mark hesitated . She 'd been through a lot already - waking up in a strange place , hearing the world go to Hell outside , being held at gunpoint ; if she wasn 't lying , what he was about to say might push her over the edge . He motioned for her to put her arms down , and she complied . He decided to put her at ease a little and told her his name . Then , not able to put it off any longer , he bit the bullet and began . Mark cursed his poor choice of words . " I don 't mean that a person is holding it shut , " he clarified . " The knob still turns and everything , but no matter how hard you pull , it won 't give . " " That won 't work , " Mark cut her off . " There aren 't any windows . " He took a deep breath . " We 're dealing with the supernatural . I don 't know what else to call it . There used to be windows . There were some right in this room . Now , there 's nothing but walls , like the windows were never there in the first place . " We can try the door , but I 'm sure it 's still stuck . I bet it and the walls are even indestructible . I don 't know why , but whoever 's out there turned this part of the building into a prison . These people , people with magic powers , don 't want us to leave ; they have plans for us . " He had to nip this in the bud . " I did find a way out . I 'm telling you all this so you understand why we can 't do something more obvious , like the stuff you mentioned . What you did with the lamp out there wasn 't a bad idea . In fact , that 's how we 're going to get out of here . " He then explained his plan , the plan that had been interrupted when Lexi threw the lamp . He pointed out how it was basically her idea but on a larger , louder scale , designed to be heard outside the room instead of just in it . When he was finished , Lexi looked down , seeming to think it over , and then back at him . " The windows are gone , but the door isn 't , " she interrupted him . " Maybe the " - she made a face - " magic they put on the door is weaker than the magic they put on the windows . If it did wear off , we might be able to just sneak out . " Mark had to admit it ; she had a point , and it would only take a few seconds . He nodded , and they went into the living room , Mark in the rear , Lexi in front , the flashlight and gun still on her . He had her try the door . Nothing . She gave it a few more tries , becoming more worked up and agitated each time . Finally , after pausing a moment , she turned back to him and threw up her hands . " You were right … and unless you trust me enough to holster your gun , I 'm guessing I 'll be doing most of the lifting and throwing . That 's fine ; I just want to get out of here and find my family . Tell me what I should pick up first . " " What ? Yeah . I called in after you left . I found your phone here just now ; I didn 't know you had more than one . Look , tell me what 's going on out there . Where are you ? " Mark 's gaze left the phone and settled on Lexi . She looked as confused as he probably did . " You mean Lexi ? " he asked , not taking his eyes off the woman . After a bit of silence , the voice on the other end responded . " Lexi Park ? " Art said , his voice no longer threatening . " You and I have never met . You can only imagine how much I wanted to tell you all this in person . Ever since I arrived here , I 've hated this alien world . All I could do was bide my time and wait to go back home , but then I saw you perform at The Laugh Lounge . You made Earth come alive for me . I never understood why you weren 't doing comedy full - time . Your routine enabled me to appreciate all the ridiculous little details in your world , to see hilarity … and joy . " " I 'm the one who brought you here , " Art told Lexi , his voice now starting to wheeze . " I never laid a finger on you , I swear . My superiors gave me the ability to teleport people from a distance . I 'm sorry it had to be like this , but there was no other way ; you would have died otherwise . " " That … won 't be a problem for much longer , " the voice said . " There are two ways to reverse what I did to the apartment . My plan was to come and do it in person … and finally meet you . " Lexi shuddered . Still on the verge of going limp , Mark forced himself to rejoin the conversation . " What 's the other way ? What do we need to do ? " " Nothing . " Art addressed him , the wheezing becoming more pronounced . " You don 't need to do a thing . Some of your fellow earthlings already did it for you … with their damned guns . We 're winning , but some of your people fought back . I got away , " he forced a bitter - sounding laugh , " but not in one piece . " Art panted a bit before continuing . " It won 't be long . Once I 'm dead , you 'll be able to open the door . Is she still there ? " " I 'm sorry it turned out this way . I 'm sure my superiors would have spared you if I 'd let you out and brought you back home . You had so much to say about your world ; I would have loved to hear what you had to say about mine . " That was the last intelligible thing Art said . After that , there were a few minutes of moaning , garbled attempts at speech and coughing . Then , the phone went quiet . Mark was the first one out ; after all , he we was the one with the pistol ; if anyone was still here , they might as well attack him first , not Lexi . " Keep holding the light up , " he called out . " The stairs are this way . " In the hall , the distant explosions were even more muffled than before . At least they weren 't getting closer . Progress was slow and quiet . Now that they 'd escaped , there was no need to draw attention to themselves ; just the thought of doing so now made the hair on Mark 's arms stand up . It wouldn 't be much longer , though ; they were halfway down the hall already . Once they rounded the corner at the other end , they 'd be at the stairs . The light vanished . " Stop , " Lexi hissed before Mark had time to say anything . Either her ears were playing tricks on her or her hearing was better than Mark 's ; he could believe either at this point . Then , he flinched ; he could hear it too . It was coming from around the corner . At first , it sounded like a rapid tapping . With each second , it grew louder until Mark realized what it was ; something was heading toward them , running on all fours . " Turn it back on ! " Mark ordered . " It already knows we 're here , and unless I can see it , I can 't shoot it ! " Lexi complied . Mark braced himself . At least it wasn 't coming from behind - he tensed up - unless there was more than one . What they were hearing rounded the corner and came to a stop , facing them . It almost looked like a rottweiler but twice the size ; it had no visible eyes or ears , but it did have an entire set of long , jagged fangs . Mark lined up his gun 's sights . He didn 't fire . All of a sudden , he didn 't want to . As he stared at the four - legged demon , strange , completely alien thoughts came into his head , animalistic thoughts that overrode his own . The gun dropped from his hands . He didn 't notice . All he was aware of was the creature in front of him , a creature that looked as vicious as he felt that moment . He got on his hands and knees . All he could think of was meeting it head on , tearing it limb from limb and devouring it . A piercing shot rang out , and it fell to the side . Mark jolted back , trembling . The thoughts were gone . He looked at the still beast and then at his own hands . Lexi ran over to him . The creature 's head suddenly rose , and it got back on its feet . Lexi screamed and shot , missing this time . Its front leg wounded from before , it staggered toward the two . Lexi kept firing . Each shot missed . It got closer . The thoughts were coming back . Lexi fired again . Its head jolted back ; then , it stiffened and fell forward . He shuddered . " It … it … took over my mind . Made me think the way it thought . Made me want to attack it directly instead of shooting or hiding … so I 'd be easier to kill . " He got to his feet and looked over at the woman who 'd just saved his life . She looked at the dead beast , then down the hall and then back at him . Breathing heavily and shaking her head , she handed him the gun , grip first . " Here 's how you can thank me . " Mark 's blood ran cold . He took the gun but only to get it away from her . Once he told her no , there was no telling what she 'd do to herself . Lexi 's jaw dropped , and she put a hand to her chest . " You thought I meant - " She shook her head again . " Are you insane ? No ! " She gestured at the carcass . " Look at all the ammo I wasted ! You 're clearly better with that thing than I am ; our chances are better if you 're the one holding it ; I just wanted you to have it back ! " She put a hand to her forehead . " Let 's go , " she whispered after a moment . Mark pulled out one of his spare magazines and slid it up into the pistol . Thankfully , there were no more incidents . They made it all the way to the ground floor without any trouble . Mark signaled for her to wait while he put an ear against the exit . He didn 't hear anything , but he couldn 't bring himself to push it open . He wanted to get away , but there could be anything out there , things even worse than whatever had almost killed him . He sighed . But there were also people out there , ordinary people who had managed to kill at least one of the attackers . For this one , I wanted to channel my life - long fear of heights into a horror piece . The Result ? A tale of six friends , trapped at the edge of a cliff with only one way to escape : outwitting a supernatural predator bent on murdering them . Emily , hands over her mouth , stood in front of him , staring down at the ring he was holding out . The silence was unbearable . It couldn 't have been more than a few seconds since he 'd proposed , but with each of those seconds , he could feel his confidence dying . His mental pep talk wasn 't working . Had he rushed things ? Was she upset ? Had he put her on the spot ? Did she feel manipulated ? The tension left his body so fast that Alan almost collapsed . He caught himself and , with trembling hands , put the ring - a white gold band paved with intricately cut sapphires and diamonds and topped with a larger diamond - on Emily 's finger . Engaged . The most perfect woman in the world had agreed to become his wife . It was only then , after his anxieties had been put to rest , that he became aware of just how much the rough ground was hurting his knee . Not taking his eyes off his new fiancé , he stood up . He hadn 't been back on his feet for two seconds when she jumped up and threw her arms around him . Alan greeted her lips with his own . When the kiss ended , he realized that the other four climbers , who 'd been just as surprised by the proposal as Emily , were now all gathered around the couple . Lupe , Emily 's best friend , and Daisy , Emily 's kid sister , both squealed with delight and begged to get a closer look at the ring . Daisy 's friend Nicole , smiling widely , kept shaking her head and saying " I don 't believe it " over and over . Kenneth - Alan 's oldest friend , his brother in all but name - grabbed his hand and shook it , grinning with approval . Kenneth chuckled and turned back to Alan . " You dragged us to Sky Hill , a place none of us knew existed until last month , where the easiest way to get past the base is a 12 - foot , near - vertical rock face . Then , you had us hike four miles , " he made a sweeping gesture , " all the way up to the summit . All that , just to do something you could 've done at your apartment … or hers . " Kenneth looked over at Emily and the others . " What are we even doing up here ? " he said . " We need to celebrate ! Come on . I 'll buy us all drinks at Rob 's . " " C ' mon ! " his friend cut him off . " It 's the perfect way to end a day like this ! Besides , I 'll pay for everything . " Alan frowned . The actual perfect way to end the day would be doing what meant the most to Emily , and he knew that would be breaking the news to her parents in person , with him right there beside her . He needed to nip Kenneth 's idea in the bud . " Look , " he began , " I 'm sure you had something incredible planned after this , but Rob 's has always been like Nirvana to you . Think of it as my way of thanking you . I mean , you let me be a part of … of this , the biggest day of your life . Yeah , I gave you a hard time about it just now , but you know I was kidding . You let the rest of us , " he gestured at Emily 's friends , " share the experience with you . We all owe this to you , " he turned to Emily , " to both of you . You 've been great friends to me . Now , it 's my turn to be a great friend … and that 's something I really haven 't been lately . " His mouth closed , Alan exhaled . In any other circumstance , he 'd have been touched . He knew Kenneth well enough to tell he was being sincere , but he also knew Emily . She 'd have fun , but Rob 's wouldn 't make her face light up like what he 'd planned . Then again , the main thing - the proposal - had been accomplished . She was already ecstatic , and changing Kenneth 's mind on anything always took lots of effort . Maybe it 'd be best to just give in . " You know what ? " He looked back and forth between his friend and his fiancé . " If it really means that much to you , Kenneth , we 'll take you up on it . " Alan sighed . It wasn 't awesome , but Kenneth meant well , and this would still be great , just not as great . As he watched the others get their packs , Emily leaned against him and gave him a tender , consoling pat on the back . He smiled again , wrapped an arm around her and squeezed tightly . She could always tell what he needed . The two grabbed their backpacks and started following the others down the trail , back into the forest of ponderosa pines . Alan reached out and clasped Emily 's hand . Emily squeezed back . He glanced down ; he loved how her hand looked with the ring on it , with his ring on it . Physical proof that what happened at the summit hadn 't been some dream , the piece of jewelry might have held his gaze for hours if Emily hadn 't brought him back to his surroundings . Alan looked up and was caught off guard . On the way up , he 'd been too preoccupied to notice just how dark and closed in the forest was . The blue sky had all but disappeared , replaced by a shadowy , green curtain . There was just enough light getting through for them to see the trail . As Emily said , the path was narrowing , almost like it was afraid - afraid to allow any more space between the trees than was absolutely necessary . The trail was so narrow , they 'd all have to go single file . He gave Emily 's hand a final squeeze , then let her move in front of him . In fact , he was eager to keep her in front of him . He knew he was being irrational , like a kid who 'd just heard their first ghost story , but these woods made him want to keep the woman he loved safe in his line of sight . On they went , slowly . Other than their own footsteps , the only sounds came from some woodpeckers far in the distance . She pointed at the ground . Right by her foot was a lone , brown thrush with a rust tail . The tiny bird was digging through the fallen pine needles , taking no notice of the humans . " Nothing , " she said . " Nothing , " she repeated louder to the others ahead of them . " Sorry . I just almost stepped on him . Poor little guy . " " Maybe he hasn 't been around humans enough to consider them a threat , " said Lupe . " It 's not like this place gets many visitors . Just look at the ground . The only footprints I see are the ones from when we were heading up . " " Wait a minute . " Emily turned her head . " Sweetie ? Is that why you chose this place , because there wouldn 't be anyone else up here ? " Alan grinned . " That 's right . I mean , yeah , they made a hiking trail and everything , but Sky Hill really doesn 't get much traffic . There are higher mountains not too far away , so you don 't get a lot of serious climbers here , and getting past the base is too much trouble for someone just interested in hiking . I 've even read that the name ' Sky Hill ' has nothing to do with the elevation ; it 's called that because the only regular visitors this place gets are things that can fly through the skies . " He held out his hand . " That 's why I wanted to come here . I just thought it 'd be more special if it was just us and some friends . " Lupe cooed . Emily reached back toward Alan . It was still just bright enough for him to tell she was smiling . Once again , he took her hand in his own . So what if these woods were too gloomy for his liking ? He 'd made the right choice picking Sky Hill ; he was sure of that now . The path widened after a few minutes , making things a little more tolerable . Also helping were the distractions ; the climbers encountered other birds throughout the hike , few reacting to the humans with anything beyond a curious glance . Finally , an hour - and - a - half after they left the summit , the canopy of trees broke apart . The dark green shadows gave way to bright , golden light and a blue sky . " Anyone up for a break ? " Alan asked . After being surrounded by those pines for so long , after being cut off from the rest of the world by that darkness , he felt like lounging in the sunlight for a bit . " You sure ? " Kenneth replied . " That 'll just mean less time at your Nirvana . I bet all you really need is one of these . " He pulled out an energy bar . Alan shook his head . " It 'll take us at least another hour to reach the end of the trail . I could really use a rest … okay ? " Kenneth tilted his head , then nodded and sat down . He tossed the bar at Alan . " You 'll need this regardless . " He then tossed a bar to each of the others . Emily plopped down next to Alan . With his arm once again around her , Alan appreciated that Kenneth hadn 't argued this time . After a moment , Emily began giggling . He laughed . " And here I was thinking it 'd be at Rob 's . " He tore off the wrapper and took a bite . " Life 's full of surprises , huh ? " Later , bars eaten and legs rested , the six were back on their feet and resuming their journey to the base . Eventually , they were traveling in single file again ; the trail hadn 't gotten narrow again , but it was now winding around the mountain , something it would do for the rest of the trip down . To the trail 's left was just a craggy , tan rock face , but to its right was a 100 - foot drop . If someone fell from that high up , they 'd live long enough to count to three and then smash to pieces on the rocks below . Like before , Alan brought up the rear . Just ahead of him was Emily , craning her neck to see over the taller Lupe 's shoulder , probably to keep an eye on climbing rookies Daisy and Nicole , even though both girls seemed anxious to stay away from the edge . It even looked like Nicole kept scraping her arm against the rocks ; that 's how close she was to the wall . Finally , there was Kenneth . He wasn 't just in front anymore ; by now he was beginning to put real distance between him and everyone else . After a few more minutes , there was a huge gap . Alan shook his head . Maybe Kenneth was trying to make up for the break . It wasn 't a rational plan . He wouldn 't save any time ; he 'd still have to wait for everyone else ; come to think of it , he probably didn 't even realize how far back the rest of them were . The trail was approaching a bend , and Kenneth was about to disappear around it . " I need to pass you , " Alan told Emily before pointing at his friend . " He 's going to wear himself out for nothing if I don 't stop him . " His fiancé complied and shifted toward the wall . Alan cupped his hands around his mouth , preparing to call out . Kenneth , now turning on the curve , came to a dead stop , his legs frozen in mid - step . Good , he must 've realized on his own ; Alan wouldn 't need to call out after all . He started to lower his hands but paused . Something was wrong . Kenneth wasn 't just standing there , impatiently waiting ; he wasn 't moving at all . His arms were stuck in mid - air , his face fixed straight ahead . Everyone else came to a halt . Nicole looked back at the others , as if eager for some kind of explanation . Alan moved forward again , as fast as he possibly could . He pulled a can of bear repellant out his pocket . He didn 't know how they 'd gotten up here , but there was clearly something just around the bend , something that made Kenneth too scared to move . A wave of relief hit Alan at what he saw next . Kenneth 's arms limply fell to his sides ; he was moving again . The animal must 've run off . Alan didn 't want to take any chances though ; he kept rushing forward and calling out . He soon caught up to his friend . Repellant out , he looked around the corner . Kenneth hadn 't stopped because of an animal . Just a few feet ahead of them , the trail - the very trail they 'd used on the way up - came to a dead end . Instead of continuing around the mountain , it now led directly into the rock face . Alan kept staring with his friend until he heard Emily rushing up , followed by the others . He turned to the women , not knowing what to say . Emily , her own can of repellant out and ready , shuffled past the two men to see what it was that had turned them into statues . Her mouth dropped open , and for a moment she went as still as they had . Then , without saying a word , she stumbled up to the wall , clearly still in shock but apparently wanting a closer look . Alan - and then the others - followed . Alan blinked a few times before shaking his head and narrowing his eyes . " What happened is that we 're not thinking straight , " he said . " Obviously , there was a fork somewhere back there , and we just didn 't notice . " He had no idea where that could have happened or how any of them could have missed it , but that was the only thing that made any sense . Still facing the wall like the rest , Kenneth pointed up ahead . " Look . " Alan looked , and he immediately felt his stomach harden . " There 's that stone with the weird , green stripes , " Kenneth said . " Remember ? We saw it on the way up . " Alan did remember . Kenneth had pointed it out back then too . After a few seconds , he willed himself to look away , stepped to the front and faced everyone . " Listen , " he said , trying to convince the others , trying to convince himself . " What sounds crazier , that there 's more than one rock like that up here or that this part of the mountain magically changed ? " He looked each one of them in the eyes . " We 've wasted enough time here . If we don 't go back and start looking for that fork right now , we 'll be up here after sundown . Anyone here want to rappel in the dark ? " The very idea of doing that made Nicole and Daisy cover their mouths . Lupe and Emily shook their heads . Kenneth looked at Alan and then back at the wall . " No , " he told Alan . " Then let 's go , " Alan replied . He maneuvered back to the other side of the group . This time , he wanted to be up front ; they needed sharp eyes if they were going to find that fork . He went back around the bend . At first , Alan was too shocked to think coherently , let alone move . It took the screams of the others to snap him out of it . He glanced back at his companions and then looked forward again . The trail they had just been on only a minute ago now led directly into a rock wall , as if it had never led up to the summit in the first place . Loud screeches overhead stopped Alan 's chaotic train of thought . They all looked up . A mass of winged creatures were flying overhead , birds - all racing away from the mountain . Earlier , not even the little thrushes had shown any sign of fear . Now , something in the woods above was making not just thrushes but hawks - Alan recognized the high pitched kik - kik - kik alarm call - flee for their lives . Daisy said what Alan was already thinking . " It 's coming down the mountain ! " She gestured at the new wall . " That 's why it trapped us ! Whatever did this is up in the woods , and it 's heading down here ! " " How 'll that help ? ! " Kenneth responded . " How ? ! " Everyone stopped . " Whatever 's up there can change the mountain at will ! What 's to stop it from making us fall on our way down ? ! " Alan frantically racked his brain . Then , it hit him . " We won 't all go down at once , " he said . " So far , it 's only been able to change things when we weren 't there to see it happen . If one of us waits up here until everyone else is on the ground , the anchors will all hold . " Nicole , clearly not happy with the plan either , spoke up . " If only we 'd kept moving instead of taking that break . " She wasn 't arguing ; she wasn 't pointing fingers ; she was just thinking out loud , but that one comment completely disarmed Alan . She was right . If it hadn 't been for that break , they 'd at least be a lot closer to the base , and that break had been his idea . Coming to Sky Hill in the first place had been his idea . If it hadn 't been for him and his ideas , their lives wouldn 't be at stake right now . He peered over the edge . Maybe this new idea would kill them outright . Maybe they needed to take time and think of another - " We don 't have a choice , " Emily said firmly . Everyone looked at her . " It took us two hours to get this far , " she went on , " but we don 't know how fast whatever 's up there is . They could be down here any second . We don 't have time to come up with anything else . I don 't think there even is anything else … other than waiting for them to get here and kill us . " The wall had no bolts the climbers could attach themselves to , but thankfully , everyone had brought cams . They all scanned the rock face for pockets to wedge the spring - loaded devices into to create anchor points . Very soon , there were six rappel anchors , each with a rope attached . Alan insisted that he be the one to stay up there with the anchors . Emily , looking horrified , tried to object , but Alan reminded her that they were running out of time . She wasn 't happy , but she complied . Just before going over the edge with the others , she looked his way and mouthed " I love you " to him ; he mouthed the three words back to her . Then , she was gone . What if I 'm wrong ? he thought . What if it 's able to knock their anchors loose even though I 'm still up here ? He narrowed his eyes . The anchors all seemed to be holding up . If he was wrong , something would have happened by now . He exhaled and then , after a moment , frowned . What if it shows up right now and kills me ? Then , it won 't matter that I 'm right ; it 'll be free to go after the others , to dislodge their anchors and make them all fall to their deaths . Every one of his muscles tightened . Too late . Can 't change your mind now . All you can do is wait … and pray … and wait . Soon , Alan heard voices far below . He turned his head and felt his entire body instantly relax . They 'd made it . Emily and the others were all on the ground . The love of his life was safe . He took a deep breath and held it a moment . Now , all that was at stake was his future with her . It was his turn now , and there 'd be no one to watch his anchor , no one to prevent any interference . With his free hand , he reached out toward the wall . While the rope itself would need to stay attached to the anchor , the tether holding his harness to the anchor had to come off . He unclipped the far end of his tether , attached it to his harness with the other end and began his descent . He went too slowly at first . He berated himself for this , but with only the rope supporting his weight now , he realized just how terrified he was of letting his cams out of his sight . The moment he couldn 't see them anymore , that might be it . When that thing was all the way up in the woods , it seemed to know exactly where the climbers were . Even if it was still far off , it might somehow be watching him right now . Emily 's words came back to him ; he might fall to his death , but his only other choice was to wait for that thing to kill him in person . He gritted his teeth and began letting out more rope . Seconds later , the wall and his three anchor points were gone . He moved down the cliff as fast as he safely could . His body was facing straight up , but he didn 't dare so much as glance at the receding mountaintop . Even if it was only for a second , if he saw it , that entity , he wasn 't sure he 'd be able to move , and any delay in his progress at this point , he knew , would probably kill him . Instead , he put all his attention on the rope , on feeding it into the rappel device . It seemed to take forever . He had to hit the bottom soon . In fact , maybe he was close enough that even if all three anchor points were knocked loose , he 'd survive . No , if he was that close , he 'd be able to make out what Emily and the rest were saying . Actually , he couldn 't hear them at all right now . Still keeping his eyes on the rope , his face scrunched up . Why were they being so quiet ? Were they afraid they 'd distract him and make him fall ? His heart skipped a beat . They were probably looking up at him and up at the mountain . Did they see something that made them too horrified to speak ? Did they - Alan flew backwards off the rock face . He drew in a gasp . Down he plummeted , his arms flailing , the air rushing past him , the top of Sky Hill shrinking before his eyes . He heard screams below , indistinct at first , then clearer and louder , louder , louder . The professor sighed . " Even after all the research , I honestly don 't know . Not to downplay the loss of life , of course , but all records indicate that the murders were , well , ordinary . Absolutely nothing about the crime scenes suggested anything ritualistic . Up until the arrests , both the public and the detectives assumed it was a gang of robbers on some incredibly violent spree . Some people think that to this day . I mean , all the stolen property was found at the killers ' hideout . The entire idea of a cult hinges solely on one man , Charles Lanchester . " We don 't even know for sure that was his real name . That 's just the name he gave when he and the other four first arrived in town ; that would have been about five months before the murders . Anyway , once they were all in custody , Lanchester , by far the youngest of the gang , was the only one who would talk . Even then , he barely admitted to anything , but what he did own up to earned him his own curious place in history . " Professor Hunter read from a copy of his book . " Here it is . ' Our mighty ruler called us from far off . He summoned us to this place , that we might commune with him and pay him tribute . ' He said a few more things , but those two sentences are what this entire cult business hinges on . They raised so many questions that this cult is a bigger mystery than the crimes ever were … if there really was a cult . " The professor shrugged . " The others never admitted to anything . Lanchester might have figured he was done for anyway and decided to either have some fun with the interrogators or create a sense of mystery about himself . I always hope a definitive answer will turn up one day , but we may never know for sure . " After a few seconds , a new image came up . A different man , an anxious - looking man , appeared on the screen . He was in an otherwise empty room and was looking right at the camera . " Professor Hunter gave me the last piece of the puzzle , " the man said , his voice the same one that had come from off - screen in the earlier footage . " After ten years , I finally have all the answers . I know what happened on Sky Hill that day . " He leaned toward the camera . " Lanchester was telling the truth . He and the other four came to that specific town because , at the time , it was the closest one , to the mountain and to ' our mighty ruler . ' God alone knows exactly what it is - how much do we really know about this planet ? - but Lanchester and the others knew it was there ; somehow , it had communicated to them from far away , and they all obeyed . " Sky Hill 's never been popular , but people have gone up it over the years - since Lanchester and since us - and nothing 's ever happened . Now , I know why . Lanchester knew it wanted worship … tribute … but it never ended up getting that tribute . Lanchester and the rest were taken into custody before that could happen . " He paused a moment . " It was the ring , " he said . " That 's why this all happened . It wasn 't some ordinary ring . It wasn 't even just a nice ring . It was the type of ring you can only get by going into long - term debt . I could tell that the moment Alan pulled it out . At the time , I was worried Emily would even get mugged for it someday . It had to have been the most expensive piece of jewelry ever brought onto Sky Hill , into its domain . " We made it angry . I 'm convinced it could sense the ring the moment we arrived . I 'm convinced it was up there with us at the summit , invisible but still there , watching us . It probably expected Alan to leave the ring there as a gift , and when he didn 't … it decided there was only one way to respond to such an insult . I don 't know why it didn 't just kill us right then and there . Maybe it wanted to toy with us , make us sweat , let us know well ahead of time what was coming . " He paused again , as if needing to collect his thoughts before continuing . " I think it 's waiting for me , hoping I 'll come back , hoping we all will . Originally , it might have been satisfied with just Alan . He was fifteen feet up when his anchor gave . That was still high enough to kill him , but because he 'd gotten that far down and because Emily and Daisy had the rest of us get into position once we were on the ground , we were able to catch him as a group . " Upon recalling the experience , he rubbed his shoulder and arm , the memory of the physical pain - of the agony - apparently still very vivid . " Because of us , " he went on , " not only did it not get its long - overdue gift , it didn 't even get revenge . " Sometimes , I wonder if that thing will ever come looking for us … but , no , it has to be confined to Sky Hill somehow . Otherwise , something would have happened by now . That 's really why I 'm recording all this . There 's no way anyone who wasn 't there will believe any of it . I 'm just doing this so I 'll always have something on hand to remind myself that as long as we stay away from Sky Hill , all six of us will be safe . " He smiled at the camera , and the screen went black . An older Kenneth turned off the TV . He then got off the couch and retreated into his bedroom , where he lay in the dark , waiting for what seemed like an eternity to drift into unconsciousness . He gave a long sigh . That video really was the only thing keeping him sane . Hi there , everybody . Welcome to my first post and my first story , a psychological thriller about a man racing against the clock to outwit an incarcerated criminal and find a group of missing children . I like to call it " In Search of a Skull " I 'd like to dedicate this tale to Brennan McPherson , a professional author who , even though we only met recently , took time out of his busy schedule to do a line - by - line critique of the first draft . Seriously , how often does that happen ? He currently has two books available for purchase . You can find out more by visiting his website . In just five minutes , Pete Ryland would be face - to - face with the world 's most notorious kidnapper . He swallowed and opened his briefcase . He hoped he 'd be able to hide his disgust . This man had helped take so many children away from their families , and this visit might be the only way to bring them home . Despite giving in , Pete shook his head . He must have gone over it a hundred times already . Then again , he couldn 't afford to get careless and slip up . The man he was about to speak with had a reputation and would clam up if Pete wasn 't careful . Every known thing that could set the guy off was written down on that sheet , and this would be Pete 's last chance to review it . He needed to be quick too . If the list was out when the interviewee got here or if he even saw Pete putting it away , he 'd guess that something was up , and it 'd be all over . Everyone knew the kidnappings hadn 't been a one - man job , and almost everyone had a theory on who else was involved . Pete stared at that last item . He didn 't have a theory . He knew , and if this all just went as he hoped , he 'd have proof . He gave the name to the police long ago , but nothing came of it . They just weren 't as convinced as Pete was , not even close . He often thought they might 've been just humoring him when they took it . He kept staring . This name was why the list had to stay hidden . He absolutely could not say it during the interview , but he had to do everything possible to coax it out of the punk 's mouth . It was a miracle they 'd let him do this in the first place , and he only had this one shot . At that last thought , Pete 's chest went cold . Idiot . How long had it been ? Praying for enough time , praying at a thousand words a second , he shoved the papers back into the briefcase and snapped it shut . Right then , the door opened . Xander Eklund , the most famous inmate anywhere on the planet right now , stepped into the room . An armed guard followed . Ever since the arrest , Pete had always been amazed at how little Eklund looked the part . He was tall , sure , but he was also as thin as a broom and had a tiny , weak chin . Then there was his hair , far too short given how badly his ears stuck out ; it made him look almost like a little boy whose parents had just tried at - home barbering for the first time . Pete resisted the urge to leer . Eklund had probably been thinking his visitor would be from a big network . Nope . No crews , no cameras with famous logos on them , just one guy with a camcorder . Like it or not , the monster was stuck with an amateur . " Well , " Pete began . " Let me just say how glad I am to be here talking with you . " He gave a nod . " My name is Pete Ryland . " Pete hadn 't quite expected a joke , but he responded quickly . He had to . Next to not bringing up the accomplice , his biggest concern was to keep talking , to keep Eklund from having any time to wonder why some unknown freelancer had been allowed to speak with him when there were major names and networks all over the planet still waiting their turn . He forced a chuckle . " Exactly , " Pete said . " That 's why I wanted to see you . I want to separate the facts , " he leaned forward , " from the lies . I want to know about the real Xander Eklund , not the Xander Eklund from the tabloids or the forums . " " That 's why I 'm here , " he told the inmate . " Let 's say there was another way to get the truth out . I bet you 've realized I 'm not even a reporter . " " That 's right , " said Pete . " All that gossip ? I hear it from my own students , every single day . What you 've told the media isn 't getting to them because they don 't listen to the media . A lot of people in my field are sick of kids only hearing one side of all this , especially since that side seems to have a problem with accuracy . A bunch of us got together and made enough noise so that a teacher , " he pointed at himself , " would be the next person to see you . Eklund went quiet , for much longer than Pete liked . Had he bought it ? True , almost everything Pete just said was a complete lie , but it was a believable lie , wasn 't it ? He was starting to lose feeling in his hands . " I think you might be right , " he said , " and even if you 're not , my talking to reporters isn 't working , regardless . " He folded his hands on the table . " Go ahead . Ask away . " Pete 's muscles relaxed . He was in . He 'd have to speed things up - this visit wouldn 't last forever - but he was in . " The mass relocation , " he referred to the kidnappings , " had been a success . Overall , the public was on our side . It was the perfect time to add to our ranks so we could begin Phase Two of ' Operation Skull . ' That 's when I recruited Sally Holm to our cause . " Then , " he set both palms on the table and moved them apart , " the press were told that a body had been found , twelve - year - old Angie Gilmore . People might not have bought it if her parents hadn 't come on camera and said they 'd verified it was her . Of course , they were in on it ; the police probably told them it was their only chance of seeing her again . Everyone believed it though … and Sally began having second thoughts . " I reassured her that Angie and the others were perfectly safe - not happy , of course - but safe . I thought she believed me ; she seemed to . But within a week , she turned herself in and led the detectives right to me . " To answer your question , you 're correct . I 'm sure that Little Miss Gilmore and the rest are still safe . We 're not perverts ; we 're not killers . Violence was never part of our plan . ' Operation Skull ' has only ever been about equality . " " Thank you . Now , ever since your group released its first statement to the public , you 've all referred to the children as ' skulls . ' Why is that ? " " ' Skull ' wasn 't our first choice , " Eklund said . " Up until the month of the relocation , we called them ' vessels . ' It made sense . We wanted a quick , to - the - point way of telling everyone we weren 't interested in the kids themselves ; they were just containers . We wanted what was inside them , their powers . If there 'd been a way to take that and leave the kids with their families , believe me , we would 've done that instead . " Anyway , the name was ' vessel , ' but then … somebody had a better idea . These weren 't ordinary children . We 'd be dealing with kids who could touch an object and for up to two weeks be able to tell you its location - no matter where it 'd been moved - just by closing their eyes and thinking about it . Since these powers were mental in nature , why were we using a generic word for container ? Why not use the name of the mind 's container , the skull ? That 'd be even more to the point . So , just weeks before Phase One began , ' Operation Vessel ' became ' Operation Skull . ' " Pete nodded . This was going better than he 'd hoped . He 'd noticed that pause . Eklund had gotten careless and almost dropped a name . Pete would stick with his plan . Eklund had just shown he couldn 't keep his guard up forever . All Pete had to do was keep him talking . " That was a frustrating time . Instead of studying what was right in front of them , the " - he made air quotes again - " experts spent all their time trying to figure out where the powers came from . I mean , here we 've got psychic abilities showing up worldwide , and all we 'd get on the news were theories . ' Was it some kind of evolutionary leap ? ' ' Did aliens secretly visit and toy with our gene pool ? ' It was funny , " he frowned , " almost . " Everyone figured the authorities would eventually focus on the here and now , and to keep their sanity while they waited , some people , " Eklund winked , " got together and began discussing things that actually mattered . How exactly would these individuals use this gift ? Who all had these powers ? Who didn 't have these powers ? " After the world governments announced they 'd collaborate on a census , that last question became the focal point of our meetings . Were these abilities spread out evenly ? Were there any regions or groups that were being left out ? If there were , what could be done about it ? " " Despite what your students have heard , nobody involved had a prejudice . When it turned out that the Irish and people of Irish descent had one ' gifted ' kid , one skull , for every eight , we didn 't resent them . It 's just that some demographics had as few as one for every thousand . " " We made this entirely clear all the way back when we made that first statement . This was about evening the playing field , getting rid of unjust advantages and disadvantages . It was about getting those kids to families that deserved them more . " Pete 's heart all but stopped . He 'd been found out . Eklund had leaned in close when he finished his ' evening the playing field ' sermon ; Pete 's face must 've given something away . Maybe he was bluffing though . It might not be over yet ; he just had to play dumb . " Whatever you actually do for a living , I can tell this much , " Eklund said . " You are one of the parents … or at least a relative . You didn 't come here because you wanted to share my story , you came here in search of a skull . " Eklund sighed . " I was really hoping I 'd been wrong about you . Do you know how much it would have meant if you 'd been telling the truth ? Before Angie Gilmore was turned into a martyr , it was incredible ; there were so many out there who got what we were doing . People were actually tearing down and defacing the missing child posters . " Pete looked down at the camcorder . He could feel himself trembling . The entire family had spent ages chasing down even the barest hints of a lead , and after all that time , David was still gone . This had been Pete 's one chance to find him , and the plan he 'd stuck to religiously , the plan he 'd staked everything on , had failed him , had failed David . No . That would just create more problems for everyone . Pete turned and looked at his briefcase . For all he 'd accomplished , he might as well have kept that list out in plain sight . He clenched his teeth . He might as well have waved that list in Eklund 's face . He turned back to the camcorder . It was still on and was still pointed at the angry convict . He might have one last chance . Pete 's face had given him away ; maybe Eklund 's would do the same . He looked into those remorseless eyes . Pete 's job was done . He had proof and an eye witness . He 'd just made Mr . Johnson the investigation 's main person of interest . David was still out there , but Pete had taken a huge step toward bringing him home . In fact , though Pete had no idea at the time , his contribution would bring David , Angie and all the missing children home in just four days . In the meantime , he wasn 't at peace , but his hope had returned .

Later that morning one gentle current found Alicia seated at the kitchen table . As a final , playful gesture , the breeze stirred the curly tendrils framing her face . When she felt its touch , she smiled , closed her arithmetic book and rested her head in her arms . Just as she relaxed into sleep , Alicia heard voices in the hall outside the apartment . With a guilty start , her eyes flew open . Holding her breath , Alicia listened closely , hoping not to recognize her parents ' voices . Although she had struggled all morning to finish the problems in her arithmetic workbook , the assignment was still undone - her promises to the contrary . Clearly , she needed more time to finish the extra work the teacher had assigned . The night before , her parents had become angry when reviewing Alicia 's report card . One grade , printed in red ink and circled , had blemished the card - arithmetic . Overlooking all the other , better grades , Antonia had gasped , " This is disgraceful . " " This is a bad note I have received from your teacher , " she had said . " Very bad . What will people say if you do not get promoted ? Think of the shame you bring us . " It had been unusually quiet in the apartment building that Saturday morning . Radio music did not percolate up through the floor ; doors did not slam . Until the moment that she had heard the voices coming up the stairs , Alicia had believed she was alone in the building . Alicia stretched and suppressed a yawn . It was time to get back to work . Her mother would be even angrier than this morning if the workbook pages were undone when she returned from the market . Knowing she should make better use of her time , Alicia furrowed her brow and glared at the neatly stacked rows of unfinished arithmetic problems . With each passing minute , however , the columsd of numbers disintegrated into a blur and Alicia grew increasingly listless . Her fingers refused to hold the stubby pencil . It fell and rolled into the center of the open book . She made no attempt to retrieve it . All of a sudden she heard the shouts of neighborhood children playing outside . A surge of energy propelled her into motion . Forgetting her mother 's orders , Alicia slammed the arithmetic book shut and sprang to her feet . She ran from window to window , opened each and craned her neck as far as she dared . From her vantage point on the third floor , Alicia saw that the streets were crowded . Everyone , it seemed , was outside , enjoying milder temperatures . The puddles that had accumulated during the three - day deluge were now humid stains on the sidewalks . As the sun rose higher in the sky , a thin vapor rose from the cement , carrying with it the sounds and scents of the neighborhood . Although she had heard their voices clearly , Alicia was unable to find where the children had gathered . She returned to her chair at the kitchen table , punched the arithmetic workbook and nestled her head in her arms . With the hope of hearing the children again , Alicia closed her eyes and concentrated on listening , but the roar of traffic had consumed their voices . Alicia knew that even if her homework were finished she could not join the other children . Her parents rarely allowed her outside to play . Mami and Papá Manolo always rolled their eyes in disapproval when they saw boys and girls playing tag . They wanted her to sit home , do her chores , study her lessons , play with her dolls and color in coloring books . Running in the street was not ladylike , they insisted . Leaning back in her chair , Alicia stared at the ceiling and strained to hear the high - pitched voices again , but silence seemed to have blanketed the apartment . She no longer heard the loud ticking of the clock , although the minute hand still marked its steady course . The refrigerator 's rumbling drone had hushed . Alicia got up and opened its door to make certain it still worked . The refrigerator was empty ; her parents had not yet returned from the food market with the week 's provisions . Alicia 's stomach growled , prompting her to reach for the cracker tin . It felt light in her hands and she knew without opening it that it , too , was empty . With nothing else to distract her , Alicia decided to return to her homework to keep her mind from food . No sooner did she sit down to work than she heard the children 's voices outside . Alicia groaned and decided it was a waste to spend so much time on number problems when there were so many other things she could do - like playing tag . Alicia did not jump to her feet as she had before ; instead she closed her eyes and waited until their voices faded , before opening her book . " Of course she is , Manolo , but we are Puerto Rican parents and , Alicia , this is how Puerto Rican parents look out after their little girls . You cannot expect us to change . That would be unthinkable . " " I know you will like this one , " Mami said . " It has many beautiful princesses and a few angels . You may have it after Papá Manolo has checked your work . " " Don 't argue with your mother , Alicia . Well , look at this , Antonia . The child 's work is still undone - after all this time . " " You 're going to buy more at the marketa ? I want to go , too . Please , Mami . I 'm sick and tired of arithmetic . " " No , " Manolo said . " You must finish your work . Work is more important than anything else and it must always be finished before you can enjoy yourself . " " Alicia , you heard what your father said . You will stay here and finish your arithmetic problems . When we come home , he will check your work . If you have done a good job , I will take you to Saint Mary 's Park after church tomorrow . " Antonia glanced sideways at her husband . Manolo gave no indication that he had heard . Antonia sucked in the sides of cheeks the way she always did when annoyed . Alicia had always known Papá Manolo was not her real father , but it was not until a year ago - when she had misplaced her key , that the knowledge began to trouble her . She had even confided in her friends at school and the girls all agreed . Since Manolo was not her real father , Alicia did not have to listen to him , but it was not that simple . Her mother insisted that Alicia obey and respect Manolo because he was the only father she had ever known . To further confuse things , Papá Manolo was nice - sometimes , most times . Alicia liked him then . Too many other times he was bossy and grouchy and he would not allow Alicia to do many of the things she wanted . His reasons were always the same . He said it was not proper , or that nice little girls in Puerto Rico never did such things - like playing hide and seek , or tag with boys . It infuriated Alicia that her mother always agreed with him . It was a mystery ; how could anyone live in a place where playing tag was not proper ? She wondered what her real father was like . All Alicia knew for sure was that his name was Andrés and that she looked like him . Her had mother never told her that . Antonia never talked about him , but Alicia had overheard Papá Manolo say it many times . Thinking about her real father , Alicia pushed back from the table and went to the bathroom . The light bulb in that small room was dim . Papá Manolo said you did not need to see what you were doing in a bathroom and that it was a waste of money to use bright bulbs . Alicia looked at her reflection in the cracked mirror and wondered what parts of her face looked like her father . Everyone said she had her mother 's brown , curly hair and eyes . Alicia pushed the tip of her small , straight nose up slightly , then down and side to side . What was his nose like ? Were his lips skinny like hers ? Did his ears stick out ? Was he good in arithmetic ? With a start , Alicia remembered that her parents would be coming home soon and that the workbook was still unfinished . She rushed back to the kitchen table . Once in her chair , she sat up straight , her feet planted firmly on the floor . It was the only way that her teacher , Mrs . Siegel , allowed anyone in her class to sit when working at lessons . " Remember , boys and girls ; correct posture is most important . " She said this daily , the words warbling from her throat with such power that the folds of skin beneath her chin quivered . " Correct posture helps blood flow to the brain and that makes you smarter . " Alicia stood , stretched and sat down again . She yawned and rested her chin in her hands . The numbers in her workbook seemed to sway back and forth in front of her eyes , but she continued to work , putting down answers and hoping they were right . Next year she was entering the fifth grade . It was hard to believe that , finally , she was going to be one of the ' big kids ' in the school . Alicia did not feel big , even though she was tallest girl in her class and taller than many boys , but she felt small - especially when people stared . It would be wonderful , she thought , if for once she had a dress that the girls would envy . Owning a barrette like Amy 's would be even better . That barrette glowed like real gold in the skinny streams of afternoon sun that slipped into the classroom - in spite of tightly , closed shades . With a new dress , it would not matter if people stared . A few weeks before , Antonia had promised her daughter a new Easter outfit , if her grades were good . Manolo had overheard Antonia 's promise and objected . In the dress factory where Antonia worked , they were just starting work on a beautiful blue and white outfit with lace trim on the collar and the sleeves . Antonia was sure that the foreman would sell her one and it would cost very little . With just few alterations , it would be perfect for Alicia . Even before the Lenten season most of the girls in Mrs . Siegel 's fourth grade class did nothing but talk about new Easter outfits at lunch . Mildred 's mother had just finished sewing a beautiful pink dress for her daughter and Annie 's mom had cut down one of her own dresses for her . When Alicia told them she was getting a brand new , real grown - up outfit , all the girls had opened their eyes wide with envy . No one in the class could top that - not even stuck - up Emily , whose father owned the grocery store on the corner . For weeks Alicia had dreamed about showing off that dress , but lately , when she had asked her mother about it , Antonia just smiled , changed the topic and put off her daughter 's questions . Alicia supposed that her mother knew how poorly she was doing in arithmetic , or maybe , Manolo had found out and had forbidden her the purchase of the dress . Alicia hated him sometimes . If she did not get a new Easter dress , it would be Papá Manolo 's fault . She was still dreaming about her blue and white dress when her parents returned from their second trip to the market . When she turned to greet them , Alicia noticed that they carried no packages . Her parents had told her they were returning to the marketa because they needed more than they could carry in one trip . Thinking it strange that they had returned empty handed , Alicia frowned . Antonia absentmindedly kissed her daughter and immediately started preparing dinner without asking about the progress of Alicia 's school work . Manolo did not look over her work , either . Although Alicia was glad that he had not checked her number problems , it still puzzled her . Papá Manolo never forgot things , like checking her arithmetic . Hoping to broach the subject of the Easter outfit , Alicia lingered at the kitchen table , but as it turned out , conversation was impossible . Antonia kept dropping cooking utensils and spilling things . To make matters worse , she kept running into the living room to stare at Manolo , who was sitting quietly in his favorite chair , waiting for dinner . Disgusted , Alicia gave up trying to talk to her mother . They ate their dinner in silence . Antonia stared at Manolo ; he kept his eyes on his plate . Trying to figure out what was going on , Alicia watched both her parents closely . Halfway through the meal , Alicia grew impatient . She knew that something was wrong , and she wanted to ask her mother , but did not dare . Antonia 's expression did not invite question . After dinner , Alicia again tried talking to her mother about the new Easter outfit . Antonia waved her away with the same distracted gesture that she used to shoo away mosquitoes . Discouraged , Alicia decided to try again in the morning . Palm Sunday was just ten days away . Usually , it was fun , sitting in the living room when Manolo listened to the news commentaries on the Spanish station . Each time without fail , he shook his head at the news , and yelled at the commentators . Although she did not understand what the fuss was about , Alicia enjoyed watching Manolo get mad at some voice , whose owner he had never , and would never meet . " Manolo , for God 's sake . Just remember that the radio isn 't a telephone . They can 't hear you , but we can . Stop cursing like some common tramp . " That was the way they always started , and Alicia knew to get ready . Without wasting time , she rushed to sit on the chair near the radiator . It was as far as she could get from her parents , and still not leave the room . Like kids in a playground , her parents chased each other around the apartment , laughing and yelling . They always ended up in each others arms . " My God . I will bet there is no plaster left on their ceiling . " Manolo stomped his foot . " Come on , Antonia . Let 's give them reason to be upset . " " Alicia , sit down . Manolo , stop that . Anyone would think we were a family of crazy people . For heaven 's sake , what will the neighbors say ? " Manolo stopped jumping and sat down beside her . " Yes , Antonia , you 've always worried about what people say . I 'm still waiting for you to outgrow it . " Her parents embarrassed her with so much hugging and kissing . Worse than that , they acted as if they had forgotten Alicia was in the room . The child had looked down at her shoes and sighed - before retreating into her room . Although Manolo listened to the radio , he listened quietly . Not once did her stepfather jump to his feet to argue politics with the voice on the radio . No one would complain about too much noise coming out of their apartment that night . Alicia wondered if anyone else noticed the unnatural silence that now filled the tiny rooms . It was so quiet she imagined she could hear the dust stir and fall . Alicia frowned ; he was making faces at her . Sometimes , Manolo made her so mad . He knew how much she hated it when people made fun of her . Deep inside her brain she heard herself say , " I wish he were dead . " Alicia looked into her mother 's eyes . It took her only a second to realize that Mami had not overheard the awful thought that had flashed through her . The child relaxed . She could forget the thought . It had never happened . Now she did it . Her fingers were shaking as she hid the buttons in the blouse 's pocket and stuffed the garment under her mattress . She jumped into bed and sighed . With luck , she would be able to get Mariana to sew them on for her tomorrow . For close to an hour , the child resisted sleep by reading and rereading the comic books she had gotten in trade the week before . Her favorite was Wonder Woman , and she read that one at least three times until , finally , her eyes refused to stay open . Satisfied , that she had stayed up as late as she could , Alicia turned off the light . When the room was dark , she pulled her knees to her chest , and fell asleep . Alicia always slept well , rarely getting up in the middle of the night - not even to use the bathroom . When a loud noise awakened her that night , the room was still dark . Because no pale light outlined the edges of the shades , Alicia knew that it was not time to get up for school . She pulled the blankets up to her chin and listened in the darkness - wondering what had awakened her . All she heard was the ticking of her clock . After a few more minutes , she decided that some sound coming up from the street must have wakened her . Just as Alicia felt a gentle wave of sleep begin to wash over her , however , she heard something else . Thinking it was a voice , she sat up , listening to the silence until she was positive it must have been her imagination . Her eyes would not stay open , but just as she slid down beneath her covers she heard it again . And again . It was more than one voice and , suddenly , she heard a loud noise as if someone had dragged a piece of furniture across the floor . Awake now , she reached for her robe and ran to her door . Fearing that there were robbers in the apartment , Alicia did not dare leave her room . Instead , she pressed her ear to the door . The sounds grew louder and Alicia heard her mother 's voice . No longer afraid for herself , Alicia yanked open her bedroom door , intending to rescue her mother from the robbers . When she ran into the hallway , however , she was startled to find every light on in the apartment . She had never seen the place so brightly lit . Something terrible must have happened to her mother . Alicia saw a policeman in the living room and she froze in fear . Policemen never went to someone 's house - unless someone died . At the entrance to their bedroom , which was right off the living room , she saw another policeman , trying to talk to her mother 's best friend , Mariana . Mariana lived in a nearby building . She spoke little English . Alicia tugged at the woman 's arms . " Tití Mariana . What is happening ? " Although they were not related , Alicia had always called her mother 's friend , Tití . It made Mariana happy to be considered family . " She cannot come right now , Alicia . She is busy with Papá Manolo . " Mariana placed her plump finger over her lips . " You really must be quiet , Nena . " " Alicia , hush . Manolo is very sick . Your Mami has to stay with him . " Mariana tried to hug the child again , but Alicia pushed her away . " No . Look , you are going to make the policeman very angry . See ? He is writing your name . You do not want him to take you to jail for being a bad little girl , do you ? " Mariana tried to match the stern look on the officer 's face and for a moment Alicia hesitated . A few seconds later , however , she heard her mother crying again . Alicia decided to get inside that room , no matter what . To break free of Mariana 's grip , the child stomped her foot twice , aiming for the woman 's toes . She missed both times . " Stop it , Alicia . Stop it . I do not know what has gotten into the child , " she said in Spanish to the officer . " She is always such a good , good little girl . What can I do with her ? " Alicia gasped ; her parents never called the doctor . When they were sick Antonia cared for them , using teas made of roots and herbs , or they went to the public health clinic - near the park . Doctors cost so much money ; everyone knew that . For policemen and a doctor , too , to come to the house , it had to be serious . " No , Alicia , " she said . Mariana 's voice was soft , melodious and comforting . " Your Papá Manolo isn 't dead , but he 's very sick . Be a good girl and be quiet . " " Your Mami cannot come . If you are not quiet , both the policeman and the doctor will be mad . Then for sure they will take you to jail . " Antonia was sitting on the bed holding Manolo 's hand . Two men stood at the foot of the bed , watching the doctor , who listened to Manolo 's heart with a stethoscope . A stretcher , leaning against the dresser , took up almost all the remaining floor space , leaving hardly any room for her in the small room . Alicia looked at the stretcher and shuddered . A few months before , a man had been hit by a car and killed on Prospect Avenue . Ambulance workers had been carried him away on a stretcher just like that one . Alicia held onto the bed 's footboard tightly and stared , as if by staring , she could change what she saw . Manolo lay on the bed , wearing only boxer shorts . Alicia lowered her eyes , out of respect . Her stepfather was a very formal and old - fashioned man . He had never allowed Alicia to see him in his underwear . " No . " Mami pulled Manolo 's hand up to her lips and kissed his palm . " No , for God 's sake do not say such a thing , Alicia . " " Don 't cry , Nena . He will get well ; I know it . " Antonia crossed herself , and Alicia noticed that her mother 's rosary was wrapped around her hand . " It 's his heart , Alicia . Oh my God . It is his heart . " She covered her mouth with her hands , the small Crucifix swinging back and forth . " Madam , I cannot listen to his heart with you carrying on like this . If you 're not quiet , you 'll have to leave the room . And this is no place for children either . " The policeman pulled at Alicia 's shoulder . When the child continued to resist , he turned to Mariana for help . The pained look on his face expressed what his words could not . Mariana knew exactly what she had to do . " Come on , Nena , " she said . " Let 's go . I will stay with you in your room . Everything 's going to be fine . You 'll see . " " This way , it will look nice when they return , " she said . " Tomorrow I will clean the rest of the apartment , and you can help me . It 'll be a good surprise for your parents when they come home . " Before Mariana put Alicia to bed , the two of them knelt to pray for Manolo . When Alicia 's knees touched the cold floor she felt something ugly stir , and well up from somewhere inside her . With a start , she remembered the ugly thought that had flashed in her mind , hours before . When angry with her stepfather , Alicia had wished him dead . Now he was dying . It was all her fault . The child 's face became pale and her hands were shaking when she grabbed Mariana 's arm . " Tití Mariana . Tití , I have done a terrible thing . " " Not now , Alicia . It 's time to finish our prayer and then go to sleep . In the morning everything will be all right . You 'll see . " Mariana tried to hug her again , but Alicia dove under the covers , where her mother 's friend could not see her tears . Maybe it was for the best . If she did not tell Mariana about wishing Manolo dead , then no one would know . It would be her secret . All she had to do , was to take back her wish . In addition , Alicia would wish him alive . Mariana was right . Everything would be fine in the morning . Manolo was in the hospital for three weeks , and Antonia stayed with him , afraid to leave his side . Mariana volunteered to care for Alicia , assuring Antonia that it was no bother . Alicia was like the child she had never had . Antonia knew how much Mariana loved children , and that her friend would take excellent care of Alicia . She also knew that Mariana had her own house and husband to care for . Alicia 's mother wanted to object and say to her friend , " No , Mariana , you do too much as it is . " Having no other recourse , Antonia thanked her friend and accepted her offer . Mariana moved in with Alicia . With great difficulty , she convinced her husband , Luis , that it would be easier to sleep on the sofa and care for Alicia in Antonia 's apartment , than to bring the child into their one room apartment . Reluctantly , Luis agreed . Every day Antonia came to see if everything was all right at home . During each visit , Antonia was extra careful to appear cheerful in front of her daughter . The first day she had come home to find Alicia crying , and Mariana desperately trying to comfort her - to no avail . " I do not know . She keeps on saying that Manolo is dead and that it 's her fault . I keep telling her it 's not true , but she does not listen to me . Without waiting for Antonia to answer , Mariana retreated to the kitchen , where she heated the sancocho she had made that morning . She could not hear what they said to each other in the living room - although she was careful not to make noise . After what seemed to be a long time , Antonia came into the kitchen , alone , and sat at the table . She pushed away the plate that Mariana had placed in front of her . Quickly , Mariana stopped what she was doing and sat down opposite Antonia . In a small voice , she asked , " What 's wrong , Antonia ? Was it something I did wrong ? " " No , Mariana . Don 't even think anything like that . It was nothing you did . We are so grateful for everything you have done for us . " The first week after Manolo 's hospitalization , Mariana had kept Alicia home from school . The following Monday , the truant officer came to the apartment . He informed Mariana that the child had to go to school , or the parents would go to jail . Because Mariana 's English was poor , Alicia translated . When the child heard the truant officer 's threat , she started to cry and was unable to translate . Seeing Alicia 's distress , Mariana demanded to know what the man had said . When Mariana insisted , Alicia cried harder . Finally , between sobs , Alicia translated what the truant officer had said . Because Antonia was her dearest friend , Mariana felt it was her duty to walk Alicia to school and pick her up every day at three o ' clock . When Antonia found out , she smiled and thanked her friend , explaining that it was not necessary . Alicia was old enough to walk alone . Mariana returned her smile , and nodded her head . Then she thought about all the dangers on the street , and her smile disappeared . Mariana replied that she would never be able to live with herself if something bad happened to Alicia . " You have to be very careful with girls . " she said . " I care for her as if she were mine . " Mariana threw back her head and squared her shoulders . " But what if something happens to you ? What will I tell your Mami then ? No , honey , you are a young lady , and young ladies always must have someone with them - to keep away the títeres . " " When your mother comes home , you ask her . Meanwhile , I must walk to school with you . Unless you want Tío Luis to walk with you , instead . " Alicia gulped ; things were going from bad to worse . She was fond of Tío Luis , Mariana 's husband . Each time he came to visit , he always brought a small bag of candies for her - and he told such funny stories . Walking her to school , however , was not a good idea . Tío Luis was even more old - fashioned than Manolo . He , too , believed that girls had to be protected from everything . To make things worse , Tío Luis had a terrible temper , and the slightest hint of disrespect inflamed his passions . Thinking about what could happen , if the boys in the playground teased her , just once , Alicia shuddered . It was best to keep Mariana 's husband out of the picture entirely . Horrified at what she had done , Alicia turned her back on Tony Rossetti 's bloody nose and ran to the girls ' room . She washed her hands and face with cold water . For the remainder of recess , she sat on the toilet , wondering what awful punishment she was going to get . She did not know how she was going to explain what happened to her mother , and , of course , to Mariana . Alicia groaned . Mariana might now insist on sitting by her side in class . Alicia held her head and wished she were dead . When the teacher asked what had happened , no one would tell , not even Tony Rossetti . He insisted he had merely fallen . The kids in the playground continued to tease her , but no one ever got too close again . Alicia , they said , had a mean punch . " This is America , silly . No one wants to be a tattletale . Besides he 's had it coming for a long time . All the girls think you are wonderful . You have to teach me how you did that . " The girls ran quietly down the hallway , and slipped into the open backdoor of the classroom . Mrs . Harrison was busy looking for her glasses on her desk , and she didn 't notice the two girls enter . When Mildred and Alicia were seated Mary Ellen stood . Everyone grinned , but no one laughed aloud . It was against the rules . Mrs . Harrison was strict and often said that laughter had no place in the classroom . The class remained silent until , Mike , with the red hair and freckled face , snickered . The entire class erupted with shrieks . Too experienced to be unnerved by the sudden and inexplicable bedlam , Mrs . Harrison put on her glasses , pulled out her grade book and stared at the class . Without a word she restored order with a slight tilt of her gray head and barely raised eyebrows . It was a skill any drill sergeant would envy . Alicia opened her social studies book to page one hundred twelve . Ordinarily , she loved reading about other countries ; that afternoon , she could not concentrate - not while she was so happy . This had to be one of the best afternoons in her entire life . Luckily for Alicia , Mrs . Harrison did not call on her once that afternoon . Undisturbed , she was able to daydream , looking out of the sixth - story window at the East River and the boats gliding over it . When the bell announced the end of the school day , Alicia was almost sorry . She gathered her books and went outside . For the first time since Manolo had been taken to the hospital , Mariana was not waiting for her at the close of school that afternoon . Alicia did not know what to think . It seemed odd that on this one afternoon , suddenly , and without warning , Mariana was not there to follow her home . Alicia frowned ; it was not like Mariana . The child 's first thought was that something might be wrong , but the girls in her class kept distracting her by asking her to stay and play for a while . Because Mariana had forbidden her to walk home alone , Alicia set aside her concern . It was a great opportunity to play after school . The girls even gave her first turn on the swing . Alicia celebrated with a huge smile . This was the perfect ending to a perfect day . Holding tightly to the long chains , Alicia sat gingerly on the swing . Mary Ellen pushed her to get her started . Suddenly , Alicia felt a strange tickle that started in her throat and ran down between her legs . It felt wonderful . Alicia made the swing go high , so high she could see over the fence . She threw back her head , stretched out her legs , and allowed the breeze to slide over her body . For once she did not worry about her skirt riding up beyond her knees , or that her hair was tangled , or that Tony Rossetti might steal her books to get even . It was her time just to love the sky . It was so blue , so beautiful . It was easy to lose track of time and Alicia did not worry again about Mariana 's absence until the girls in her class started leaving for home . Their squeals of laughter filtering through the playground gate , they drifted out into the streets radiating from the school . With a huge smile on her face , Alicia picked up her books and went home , alone . Once out of the playground she began to worry about getting in trouble for staying after school , but it was Mariana 's fault for not coming to fetch her . A sudden frown crossed Alicia 's face ; maybe , Mariana had gotten sick , too . Imagining that something terrible must have happened , Alicia ran all the way home . " Oh , thank God that you are safe . " Mariana was out of breath . " I am sorry that I kept you waiting , Alicia . There was so much to do that I lost track of time . " Alicia grinned . " That 's all right , Tití . I told you I could walk by myself . At first , I waited just like you said , but then I came home - cause it was so late . " " Pobrecita . I am so sorry you had to wait all alone . You were a good girl and you did exactly the right thing . I guess you really are growing up . " Hearing Mariana 's praise , Alicia grinned . What a great afternoon . Her smile grew broader until it hurt to smile , but she could not stop . It had been a perfect day - and she would not even get in trouble for it . Alicia looked at Mariana 's chocolate brown eyes . For the first time , she noticed how Mariana 's thick black lashes gleamed in the late afternoon sunlight . They looked as if they had been buffed and polished with the floor wax that Mariana used so expertly . Alicia giggled at the thought of Mariana polishing her lashes . She looked at them again . It was true ; they were shining . They were wet . " Tell me now , Tití . " She tried to push away from Mariana , but her mother 's friend held her firmly . For such a small , woman , she was surprisingly strong . " That 's wonderful news , Tití . So , why do you look so sad ? " Free of Mariana 's grip , Alicia ran up the stairs two at a time . " He must be all better now . " " Stop asking that . " Mariana grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her , not hard , just enough to make her point . " Every time you ask that question it 's like putting a knife in your mother 's heart . " " And I am sorry , too , for raising my voice . I guess I am just tired . Don 't let your mother know what I said . " Mariana wiped the corners of her eyes . " She wants to tell you herself about your Papá Manolo , but I couldn 't let you go in there not knowing anything at all . He looks so awful . " Alicia pulled at Mariana arm . " Please , Tití , don 't get mad , but you must tell me . Is he going to die ? I have to know . " Mariana looked down at her shoes ; every muscle in her body was tense . " Do not ask me such things . " she replied , forcing the words through her teeth . " What is wrong with you , child ? Why do you insist like this ? " Mariana shook her head . " I do not know if he is going to die . " " Only God knows . " Mariana crossed herself . She always did that when God 's name was mentioned . " You ask Him and maybe He will tell you . Don 't ask me that ever again , or your mother either . Do you hear me ? " " Come on , Alicia . Be a good girl . Let 's go to my apartment . You can use the bathroom , and you can have milk and cookies , while you wait for your mother to call you . " Alicia and Mariana walked up to her fifth floor apartment in silence . For the first time in her life , cookies failed to cheer Alicia . Noticing how quiet she had become , Mariana worried that she had been too severe with the child ; she kept asking Alicia if she felt well . Each time Alicia nodded her head and looked away . After the fourth time , Alicia pretended she had much homework , so that Mariana would not talk to her so much . Antonia heard her name called . She looked up and saw , Cármen Sánchez . Antonia groaned . Cármen Sánchez was the last person she wanted to talk to at the moment , but , not wanting to be rude , she opened the window wider . Cármen Sánchez lived on the top floor of the big apartment house on the next street . It was a large and airy apartment , but no one envied the climb to the fifth floor . Cármen Sánchez told everyone that she did not mind the climb . It was good exercise , and besides , she liked the view . Mariana said the only view that old Cármen Sánchez had , was the insides of all the apartments of all her neighbors . Everyone agreed ; living on the top floor allowed Cármen Sánchez to snoop at her leisure . Whenever any one new moved into the neighborhood , Mariana made a point of welcoming the newcomer . When she introduced herself , Mariana , warned the new neighbor to keep the window shades pulled down tight . She explained that a certain , nosy old woman , found out every secret and told every thing she knew . Everyone laughed , but they quickly learned to follow Mariana 's advice . Antonia waved her dish cloth at Cármen Sánchez . No matter what Mariana said about the old busybody , Antonia always went out of her way to be pleasant . After all , her husband 's sister was an old friend of Manolo 's family . Before answering , Antonia first checked to see that her daughter was no longer at the window . It was closed . Mariana was probably walking Alicia home at this moment . " All the more reason for me to make my asopao . It 's almost like medicine . I will start cooking now and I will bring it tomorrow . Do not worry ; I will not stay . I will just bring you the asopao . Give it to him , and you will see how quickly he will get well . " " Por nada , mija . Por nada . I will also bring my famous tea of milk and jenjibre . He will be well in no time . I guarantee it . " Antonia was grateful for the darkness . It hid her both her dismay and her amusement . She closed the window again , and pulled the shade down , all the way to the bottom , before laughing out loud . " A praying party ? " What was the old woman thinking ? Well , she meant well , anyhow . Antonia laughed even as she rushed to the bedroom to check on Manolo before Alicia got home , and started asking her many questions . Usually it was Alicia , who led the way , while Mariana huffed and puffed to keep up the pace . This time , the child trailed her Tití Mariana , listening to her long string of cheerful phrases and flowery reassurances . Her mother 's best friend was too cheerful . It bothered Alicia . Alicia had nearly knocked down the water bowl . Her mother always kept a bowl of water by the front door . It was a custom Antonia had brought to New York from Puerto Rico . Fresh water by the front door prevented evil spirits from entering the house . Each time Antonia cleaned the bowl she threw away those evil spirits trapped in the water . In this way she protected her family . The water bowl by the front door was almost as important , Antonia had once said , as the Crucifix above their beds . Mariana 's short , chubby fingers skimmed the rim of the bowl . Alicia noticed the small ceramic bowl Antonia always used , had been replaced by a beautiful , clear glass one . It was the one that Antonia usually reserved for holidays . Even in the dim light of the hallway , it glittered like never before . Mariana breathed deeply and smiled . Alicia breathed deeply and coughed again . Every one said that Mariana loved to clean , and that the smell of disinfectant and furniture polish and ammonia were like perfume to her . Mariana 's hands were never empty ; if she was not cooking , there was always a dust cloth or a broom in her hands . Mariana giggled and shook her head . " His English is not much better than mine . You 're the only one who is the expert . You talk almost like a real americanita . " " I do not know , but they didn 't . Don 't ask so many questions ; you make my head spin . Anyhow , their food was going to kill him . He is better at home . " " Sleep is the best medicine . " Mariana put her arm over Antonia 's shoulder . " I have to go home . Luis will be home soon from work and he 's always starving when he comes in the door . Do you need anything else ? " " No , I didn 't . That chicken asopao came from Manolo 's cousin , Lucy . She carried it on the bus all the way from the barrio this afternoon . She must be a good cook ; just smelling it , makes me hungry . " " No , I can 't . What a wonderful thing to do . Everyone has been so kind . How am I ever going to pay back all that people have done for us ? Even the American family downstairs gave me an envelope with some money in it this morning . I didn 't want to take it , but they insisted . " " Well , now , he will get better , Antonia . You will see how in no time he will be jumping out of bed to take you to the Casino for a night of dancing . You will see . " Suddenly , Alicia felt tears slide across her cheeks and down her nose . Tasting their salt with the tip of her tongue , Alicia wiped her eyes with her fingertips , the back of her hands and with her sleeve , but the tears continued . She could not stop them . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

WARNING : This story may contain stronger material for more adult readers . I will edit it from the original HPFF site ( which accepts rated M fics ) to fit the ToS here on CoS , but it will still have content that may seem upsetting to others . Please be warned ! " Yes , " she said , tears falling silently down her cheeks . " Don 't you like me ? " he asked again , a tender finger trailing down her face and through her hair . " Yes , " she repeated , crumpling in his grasp , her tears turning into instant sobs . Hermione was standing in the doorway , smiling down at the red head laying on the bed before her . Harry and Ginny just left for the night and Hermione shut the door in Ron 's bedroom and made her way to him . At last , since that final day with Voldemort , Ron and Hermione were able to appreciate each others company . Ron sat up and patted the bed beside him to allow for her to sit next to him . Hermione refused the offer and instead sat on his lap and ran her fingers through his hair . His blue eyes were locked onto her brown ones and his smile was enough for her to believe she was sitting on top of the most gorgeous man alive . It made her suddenly aware of her dirty old blue jeans and , less than flattering on her , top Fleur let her borrow . It was silky blue with black buttons and hems . Something only a part Veela girl could pull off . " You 're beautiful , " he said without diverting his eyes from her . Hermione looked down at her hands , which were fumbling around in her lap . Ron lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes once more . Then he leaned in and kissed her , a favorite passing time of theirs . His lips were soft and smooth against hers , but her focus was on his hands tonight . One hand was in the crevice of her back , pulling her closer to him , and the other was still on her chin but conveniently out of the way of the kiss . Typically , Hermione would be the one packing right now in order to make these plans happen , but after a year away from Hogwarts she didn 't really have anything suitable to wear now . All she had left were a few tattered jeans and some shirts Fleur let her borrow . Instead , she spent the last week getting things straightened out with the Australian Ministry in order to retrieve her parents . It was going to be a lot longer than she would like , but it was worth it to get her parents back . According to the laws in Australia , any witch or wizard under the age of nineteen was not allowed to perform magic . Luckily , she only had a few months left until then , which was ample time to convince her parents that she was their daughter and they needed to come back home . " It isn 't going to be an easy task , you know that , Hermione ? " Ron asked once they woke up and she was putting on a different pair of jeans that she saved especially for this day . She nodded her head while she slipped another one of Fleur 's pale , pink tops over her head . " Are you sure you don 't want me to come with you ? " he asked , walking up behind her and placing an arm around her waist . She smiled and turned around , pecking his lips and then pulling away from his grasp to grab her wand and tame her hair . " Ron we 've been over this . . . " she said sympathetically . She would love nothing more than for Ron to join her , but she really needed this time to herself . After the last year of hunting Voldemort 's Horcruxes , it was time for some time to herself , along with the time to get her parents back . " I 'll miss you , too . All of you . " Said Hermione , genuinely sad that she would be leaving all of them , especially Ron . It wasn 't like leaving for the summer during school . It was different because now she would be leaving her best friend and her boyfriend . When she left , she would be leaving the love of her life behind even though she just got him . " Yes , well we have precisely ten minutes . Are you ready , dear ? " he was already standing and holding a hand out toward the fireplace . Hermione sighed and finished off her porridge quickly . Ron grabbed hold of her hand and walked her to his father and the fireplace . Everyone gathered round and gave her one last hug . " We 'll see you soon , " Harry said , hugging her right after Ginny . Hermione nodded and smiled faintly at him . She would miss Ginny and him almost as much as she would miss the company of Ron . " I love you , too , " she replied , hiding the tears forming in her eyes . She would have to get her parents quickly at this rate . She kissed him , more passionately than she had this morning , but not too passionately to embarrass herself in front of his family . " Well , I 've got to go , " she said , giving everyone one last look . Mr . Weasley gave her the floo powder and she took a handful of it . She threw it in and the the flames turned emerald , allowing her to step in . The last thing she saw before saying , " Australian Ministry of Magic , " was Ron watching as she left him . This was her least favorite way to travel , and she certainly didn 't think of what it would do to her only decent outfit . Hopefully , once she was at the Ministry , someone would be able to clean her off . Because of the age restriction , she wasn 't able to apparate in the middle of Australia . Even though her eyes were shut tight and she never opened her mouth , soot still managed to get all over her and in her mouth . At last the spinning stopped and she was able to stumble out of the fireplace , coughing and sputtering around . She didn 't realise an extremely sharp , pointed woman was watching her get soot all over the room . When she finally got the soot out of her eyes , she noticed the woman and stopped moving instantly , noticing the mess she was making . Hermione followed behind the unknown woman and looked around as they walked . The Ministry was not as mystical as their own , but it still had a bit of a magical quality to it . Instead of stone and brick all over , most of the walls seemed to be made of a dark , red wood . There were windows all over , peering into offices with people talking to fireplaces and others doing paperwork . It was truly fascinating how things were here compared to the Ministry back home , but she was already missing home because of it . " I have to talk to the Minister ? " Hermione asked , not thinking something like this would be that important . The woman didn 't say anything , but lead the way inside to give Hermione the idea she should follow . When they entered the room ( and the woman snapped at Hermione to close the door behind her ) , an emerald fire started in the fireplace and all of the sudden a rather large , bald man came into the room . His robes were a magnificent pink , and he wore a purple flower of some sort on his right breast pocket . Hermione could only assume this man was the Australian Minister . He , unlike Hermione , had no soot on him . She assumed it was because his fireplace was chained to a line of fireplaces used explicitly for floo , so there would be no real soot to ruin his clothing . " Ah , Mrs . Bertsong ! I see you have brought Miss Granger along with you . Just sit her down and I will get to her once I 've gotten some refreshments . I just finished my meeting with the Minister in Scotland , crazy man he is ! " said the bald man happily , turning to what looked like a liquor cabinet . " Miss Granger ? " the Minister finally turned , raising an eyebrow at her as he offered her an empty glass . She shook her head politely and he turned to put it back before sitting in his chair behind the desk before her . " Well , you are right on time ! " he sounded almost surprised and Hermione didn 't know if she should take this comment offensively or if that was just how the Minister was . " I am the Prime Minister of Magic here of this great , great continent known as Australia ! My name is Jon Tellers . " " Sorry , Min - er - Jon . I 'm sorry , " she said , " but what exactly am I doing here ? Did I do something wrong ? " She bit her lip , not exactly sure of what she could have done . " Wrong ? " Jon asked , surprised yet again and raised his thin , blonde eyebrows at her . " Why heavens no ! I just need to read you the terms of your stay here and remind you about our laws while you are here . " He said , chuckling at her ignorance . Apparently what Australia considered important and what England considered important were two different things . " Really , it isn 't as bad as it sounds , but there are rules you must follow , as you must know . " " How old are you , dear ? " Jon asked . Do they not have the files I worked so hard on ? Hermione thought , a little aggravated about the paperwork she bothered to fill out that was obviously of little importance to them . " Oh , so right after the summer finishes then ? How wonderful ! You will be staying here for the remainder of the summer , correct ? " he asked , and Hermione noticed he didn 't even bother to record her answers once ! She nodded her head yet again . " Oh , " she said , her temper rising slightly . Shouldn 't they warn her if they were going to record her ? " Yes , " she answered at last . " Why could the Ministry not restore my parents for me ? Maybe return them for me ? " she asked . It was a subject she had been meaning to ask Mr . Weasley back at home , but she was afraid she knew the answer . " Well , dear , that would cost quite a bit , " he said , too cheerfully for Hermione 's taste with the subject at hand , " and we 're not the ones who took some of their most precious memories away . Speaking of which , that was an incredible bit of magic , dear . Have you ever considered a career in the Ministry of Magic at home ? You would be of excellent use ! " " Excellent ! " he beamed . " Now for my last question . Do you promise that no magic will be used to undergo the spell you used on your parents and you will not speak of the magical world until you have reached the age of nineteen and have returned them safely home ? " " As of right now your parents have no idea that magic exists , therefore they do not remember having a witch for a daughter . If you tell them about the magical world , it would be just like telling any other Muggle about magic . It is mandatory procedure , Miss Granger . Surely you recognise this law ? " Now Hermione understood . That meant her prior plans were going to do her no good and it would take even longer to convince her parents than she thought . Having been the daughter of two Muggles , she didn 't think about how she wouldn 't be able to tell them she was a witch . How was she going to convince them that she was their daughter ? Hermione meant to come up with a counter spell for when this time would come , but it took so long to come up with a safe and proficient way of altering the obliviation spell so it wouldn 't wipe out their entire memories of their life , just her , that she didn 't have time before running off to find Horcurxes . At least she had something to work on before her birthday . But where would she work on it ? " Oh , " she said , thinking for a moment before answering . Maybe it would be best if I went home and worked on the spell . I could always come back once I 'm done , she thought . " Good day , Minster , " Hermione stood and nodded her head at him slightly . He laughed and waved her away without another word . At last , she was ready to see her parents . Hello ! I 'm Maelody , and these are my stories ! Check them out and review please ! Seven Years and Counting / Feedback , The Bravest Man I Ever Knew / Feedback , Dying : A One - Shot / Feedback , Just One Memory : A One - Shot / Feedback , A Thousand Years / Feedback , Australian Blur / Feedback , Spiders , Dragons , and Love : A One - Shot / Feedback , Inside and Under : A One - Shot / Feedback , Eun Ae : A Misfit 's Guide to Hogwarts / Feedback ! The house was small and white with rustic red shutters , and it was extremely out of place compared to the houses around it . There was a beach behind it which sprayed bursts of salty air in Hermione 's face with a little help from the wind . She had been standing in the sand , in front of the gate to this house for nearly an hour . She couldn 't bring herself out of the memories she was having . Both her mother and father , the two people who no longer remembered their only daughter , who she sent away so they would be protected , were in the house she currently stood in front of . All of these thoughts were running through Hermione 's head . Now was a time she definitely wanted Ron by her side . She probably would never have moved any time soon either if it weren 't for two extremely happy , familiar faces walking out of the house arm - in - arm . They almost didn 't notice her , but at the sight of her parents , Hermione gasped . The curly haired , tall and thin man who looked like he was close to his fifties or more spotted her . " Can we help you ? " he asked , stopping the just as old , mousy brown , bushy haired woman walking with him . He wasn 't firm , but curious about the stranger on his property . Besides the one year of separation between the three of them , her parents were very much the same . They had the same smile , laugh , wrinkles by their eyes , and healthy faces . The only difference was the slight Australian accent they carried and their slightly darker skin . " What a lovely name ! " Her mother expressed after a moment 's silence . She ran up to the gate to unlock it and welcomed Hermione onto their yard . " How may we help you ? " She smiled back at her husband , her red lipstick making her smile warm and beautiful . " I 'll call Robert and his wife , Jean . I 'll tell them that we 'll meet up with them for dinner instead . " Dennis said to his wife , retreating inside of the house and leaving the door open for Hermione and her mother to come in . This was exactly the reason why Hermione sent her parents away and wiped their memories entirely of the magical world . They trusted everyone too easily and would talk to anyone with a question . The thought of a Death Eater walking up to her parent 's gate made her sick and she felt better about her decision as she followed Jean into the house . The house was small and tidy on the inside . Hermione 's heart broke as she passed the pictures she used to be in , and a few new ones she was supposed to be in . There were pictures of Dennis and Jean exploring all of Australia all the while they had been living there . Australia was supposed to be the Granger family 's next summer vacation , but with the war at its peak , Hermione was not able to attend this extended vacation . Jean gestured for Hermione to take a seat on the floral couch that Hermione recognised as their sofa from their home in England . It was still just as comfortable as it was the year before . As a matter of fact , the entire home still had the comfortable feel of their English style house . It made Hermione miss the year away from home , but she smiled and took the cup of tea Jean offered her after making a run to the kitchen . It was cold tea , something the Grangers weren 't used to , but with the Australian weather , it was surely enjoyable . " It 's a bit of a long story I 'm afraid . " Said Hermione , holding her teacup in her lap to keep her hands from shaking . A bead of sweat dripped down the side of her face , not only from the unexpected heat of Australia , but her nervousness as well . Dennis came and joined Jean on the other sofa and wrapped his arms around her shoulders before placing a small peck on her cheek . He smiled at Hermione as he waited for her explanation for intruding on their prior plans . When the couple didn 't say anything back to her , she exhaled loudly and looked right at her mother , thinking that the connection between mother and daughter would help her explanation connect with them much faster . Hermione 's plan was simple enough . The couple may have their memories erased , but there was nothing Hermione could do about the scars that showed Jean Granger had given birth before . In their memory modifications she was able to erase their memories of her , but they knew they had a daughter somewhere out there . Unfortunately , they thought their daughter was abducted years ago shortly after giving birth in the hospital . Hermione only thought of that just in case here parents were discovered by Death Eaters , they could come up with a plausible story other than , " We don 't have a daughter . " She had done a bit of reading beforehand and found out that abducting babies with magical abilities born from Muggles was a fad right around the time she was born . " I work for the Child Protection Service in England where we finally got a hit on your daughter , Mr . Granger . " Hermione said with an amount of authority that would help them believe her . It hurt that they didn 't recognise that she looked exactly like the pair of them for them to question whether or not she was their daughter , but she supposed it was all a part of her spell . " How did this happen ? " Dennis asked while trying to relax his anxious wife . He wasn 't entirely convinced . This made things harder for Hermione than she would have liked . " Where are the people who took our baby girl ? " " They died , " Hermione said flatly . " She didn 't know she was abducted until after a car accident took who she thought was her parents . She then found out what had happened and decided to search for you two . She wants to meet you . " " Did you hear that , Dennis ? Our baby girl is alright and she wants to meet us ! " Jean was in tears now , but she was extremely happy and relieved by the news . Hermione grinned sheepishly as she waited for her father 's reply . She didn 't expect them to react this well . " You 're sure she wants to meet us ? " Dean asked Hermione with a warning glare . She nodded her head . " What are we going to do , Jean ? " " I don 't know , " his wife replied sadly for the first time . Hermione 's smile fell and she grew confused as to what had suddenly happened . " Our lives are here now , and I 'm sure she has a life of her own . What if she doesn 't like us ? " " I just opened up on my practice a couple of weeks ago . I can 't leave without any notice or at least trying to find a place in London . What if she 's not even our daughter ? " He directed this question towards Hermione now . She jumped in her seat and struggled for an answer . " Do you have a picture of her ? " Jean asked , looking at Hermione with hopeful eyes . Hermione cursed inside her head . Out of all the things she planned and all of the other things she had thought of , she never thought about bringing a picture . It was a simple enough task to get a picture of some girl , as long as she looked somewhat like the two adults before her of course , but she simply just didn 't have one that wasn 't of herself . " Then I 'm sorry , but until we see a picture of our daughter , we aren 't going anywhere Miss Greengrass . We 've met with a dozen other girls who the agency thought was our daughter and we 're tired of the rejection once we meet up with the young girls . That 's why we 're in Australia now . They thought they found our little girl somewhere up here a little over a year ago . We packed up and moved all the way over here for that young woman , but I would assume you know the results in that . " Hermione 's heart sank . She needed them to come with her to England . There she could restore their memories and they could forget about this whole useless story and be reunited again . " Please , Hermione , " Jean said gently , " just show us a picture . I 'm sure that if we saw her first before traveling , we would just know that it was our daughter . " Tears were streaking slowly down her face and she was holding her husband 's hand . Hermione wanted to cry as well , but she didn 't want to explain why when she did so , so she took a deep breath , stood up , and set her tea down on her table . " Our lives are here now , and we 're getting very old . As much as it pains me to admit it , but she is probably old enough to where she could do without us if she really wanted to . We 'll have to think about it . " When Hermione was far enough away from the house , she found a park bench to sit at and cry . Her own mother didn 't even recognise her ! She thought that maybe , after her name attracted so much attention , her mother would remember her daughter . That , however , was wishful hoping , and Hermione knew it . This trip wasn 't going to be easy , and even Ron warned her about it before she left . She was beginning to regret her decision on not letting him come , but she really needed this time to herself , too . After a year with two boys and a battle of the century , she really needed some personal time off . She missed her friends like crazy already , but she would have to make do . After all , she is Hermione Jean Granger , the strongest and brightest declared witch of her time . Hello ! I 'm Maelody , and these are my stories ! Check them out and review please ! Seven Years and Counting / Feedback , The Bravest Man I Ever Knew / Feedback , Dying : A One - Shot / Feedback , Just One Memory : A One - Shot / Feedback , A Thousand Years / Feedback , Australian Blur / Feedback , Spiders , Dragons , and Love : A One - Shot / Feedback , Inside and Under : A One - Shot / Feedback , Eun Ae : A Misfit 's Guide to Hogwarts / Feedback ! The key with a tag which read the number 8b on it was tossed on the table next to the door . Hermione 's plans to boost her parents ' memories didn 't exactly go as planned , but she hadn 't expected the first attempt to work either . Nonetheless , she gathered what few Galleons she had left and found the nearest pub . Fortunately enough they accepted her money , but she would have to convert her money the next time she made a payment . The owner seemed to be a Muggle , but her husband was a wizard so the the pub was littered with Muggles and magical folk alike . Hermione was reminded of the rules while in the presence of Muggles ( which honestly wasn 't that much different than those at home ) . When she finally got a full glance at her new apartment she grimaced . Surely even the small amount of Galleons she paid could have gotten her a better room , but the room was small and pathetic . A bed meant for a single person was against the far wall with a thin blanket stretched over it , and a few chairs that looked like they would cave in under Hermione 's thin frame were scattered around the room . The only other room besides the one she stood in was the bathroom ( which had no door ) . The Leaky Cauldron was much better than this place . Hell , living in a tent for the last year was better than this place . There was a couch big enough for two in the middle of the room and Hermione decided to sit on it to relieve some of her stress . A cloud of dust flew all around her and she began to cough and fan all of the dust away . She already had her wand pulled out before she remembered she wasn 't allowed to do magic . " Bullocks ! " Hermione cursed to herself . These living arrangements were going to be harder than she thought . She decided she would rest for a little while and clean up before going out to buy some new clothes . The plan with her parents may not be working out like she thought , but she may as well enjoy her time alone and tour all of what Australia had to offer . This pub was definitely not giving off a good first impression , however . Before getting too comfortable ( which was something hard to do in this place ) Hermione decided writing a letter to Ron would really keep her mind off of things . In her purse full of the few belongings she brought , she pulled out a parchment , quill , and ink . The materials were spread out on a side table before her and she began writing . I have not been here for twenty - four hours and I am already missing you unbearably . I think I may reconsider your idea of coming to visit me . I talked to my parents today , but they didn 't believe me . It is no surprise to me , but it was still heartbreaking to see that they did not recognise me as their daughter . How is everything at the Burrow ? Are Harry and Ginny fairing well ? It is so unbearably hot here - She stopped writing as soon as her last sentence came out . It was unbearably hot in the room , but she spotted no sign of an air conditioner . She wiped the sweat from her brow and contemplated between finishing her letter or going to take a shower . She chose the latter and left the unfinished letter on the table . The shower looked no better than the rest of the apartment . In fact , it had yellow stains and brown rings all around the porcelain interior and when she turned the knobs to turn the water on , it came out brown and in thick spurts . " Bloody hell , " she mumbled under her breath . If she could use her magic , she would fix this immediately . She though about grabbing her wand to do so ( who would really arrest her for fixing the water pressure ? ) but thought better of it and decided the water was cool enough to step in it for a few minutes and not a moment longer . Thoroughly disgusted with herself after taking a shower in brown , mucky water , Hermione stepped out of the cool walls of the shower and into the equally as disgusting bathroom . She had to get out of this place soon before she realised how much she despised herself for the whole idea of living here . Clothes shopping was the only thing to do right now that absolutely had to be done , so she grabbed her charmed purse and headed out the door ( hair still very wet ) . By the time she made it to a shopping centre , it didn 't matter if she left the apartment soaking wet . The sun was so blistering hot that her hair dried within minutes of leaving the hell hole she would be inhabiting for the next several months . Hermione was rather grateful for the heat at the moment , however . All of the girls that looked to be around her age were clad in incredibly tiny shorts , decorative tops with matching shoes , and enough make - up to pass for a tart . At least with her hair dried and pulled back , Hermione somewhat fit in ( minus the tart look ) . " Victoria 's Secret ? " Hermione read a sign above her out loud with a bewildered expression . She had never heard of the place , but by the looks of it , the store provided plenty of options in bras and panties . New underwear couldn 't hurt . Hermione thought , falling captive to the bright , beautiful varieties of underwear the plastic dummies wore . After all , she desperately needed new clothes in all areas . " What can I do fer yah ? " A tall , blonde woman , no , girl , offered Hermione . She was incredibly tan , which made her hair look out of place , and she had charcoal black eyeliner circling her bright blue eyes . Her smile would have been friendly enough , but she was smacking a piece of gum around in her mouth . She , like the rest of the girls shopping around , wore a pair of cut - off shorts and pink flip - flops . The only way to tell her apart from the shoppers was the bright pink top she wore ( that showed off far more tanned cleavage than necessary ) with a name tag that read : Hi My Name Is : Miranda . " I 'm just looking around , thanks , " Hermione answered hurriedly . She blushed and then turned around to leave the Miranda girl to help some other customer . Never having gone to a place like this before , Hermione was a little embarrassed . She saw things that would work perfectly fine under everyday clothing , and then she saw things that she knew Ron would beg on his knees for her to wear . With Ron in mind , she moseyed over to the lingerie section . It wasn 't until she was looking at an astonishingly tight , see - through undergarment with purple lace and fur did she see him . At first she thought nothing of him , but the man who was now skimming through a rack of lingerie had her fully aware of his presence . His hair was a dark , sandy blond with a few unnatural blue and red streaks in it . It looked almost unnatural , but if in the right light , very realistic . He was incredibly dark too , due to the years of hot , Australian sun beating on his back for the last Merlin knows how many years . Whoever this man was , he was most definitely hot ! Hermione thought everything about him looked as though he were born and raised in Australia , which meant he was everything opposite of the typical Englishman ( or just Ron ) . From his almost realistic , blaising fire hair and leathery , dark skin , to his muscular body and strong stride , Hermione was certain he was born and raised in the hot land of Australia . After ( what must have been far too long to openly admit ) staring at him , she began to wonder what he was doing here in a woman 's shopping store . After all , it wasn 't customary for a man to be looking at woman 's underwear . Then he spotted her . His green , flickering fire eyes found her out of all the other girls in the store . Wait ! Flickering fire ? she thought and took a double - take . No , there was no fire in his eyes . It must have been a trick in the light . A shiver ran down her spine as she noticed he was now beginning to watch her with a charming smile on his lips . He is shopping for his girlfriend . Hermione reasoned with herself , trying to focus on the lingerie before her . There is nothing wrong with a man wanting to buy his girlfriend a little treat . Wondering about her ' little treat ' Hermione took a look at the price . " Ninety - eight dollars ! ? " She said aloud , attracting the attention of a few other female shoppers around her . She apologised quietly and looked around to see if the man from earlier heard her , but he was no where to be seen . She reached into her purse and pulled out a few Galleons , knowing full well that a Muggle store would not take her money . What had she been thinking ? " They don 't accept that sort of currency here , " a deep voice from behind her laughed in her ear . Hermione jumped and tightened her fist around the Galleons before turning around to see the same man from moments ago standing behind her . He still wore his charming smile and his eyes widened in surprise . " Whoa there ! Didn 't mean to startle yah ! " he said , throwing his arms out to catch her by the elbows so she wouldn 't fall over . " Why that 's a British Galleon , is it not ? " he asked , never once breaking his smile , but his voice lowered so no one else could hear him . " Don 't worry , love , your secret is safe with me . " He winked , causing Hermione 's heart to beat quickly in her chest . Her grip on the Galleons lessened and she dropped them back into her purse . She suddenly became more aware of what he had caught her doing and she turned a bright scarlet colour . " I was just looking around , " she muttered , wishing more than anything to be somewhere else . " Yah fancy this purple one ? " asked the man , reaching behind her to pick the lingerie from the rack and dangle it before her . " I can get it for yah if yah 'd like . " " Is it for the boyfriend then ? ' Right then , you can pay me back later ! " he pulled the garment out of her grasp and gave her one last look before asking , " You sure this one 's the right size ? It looks a bit big . " " Ello , Miranda ! I 'd like to purchase this for the girl here , " he said , nudging his head in Hermione 's general direction . Hermione bowed her head , not bothering to look up in case Miranda pointed out how red she was . " That 's ninety - eight dollars , Hades , " Miranda informed him . There was something in Miranda 's tone that suggested she knew the man buying the lacy garment . When she called him Hades , Hermione 's interest spiked and she walked up behind him . " Of course , " Miranda said cheerfully . Hermione had a feeling that it was because of Hades ' presence . Her conclusion was proven correct when Miranda caught a glimpse of Hermione and glared at her from behind the counter when Hades wasn 't looking . " Here you go . I hope it fits , " Miranda was now directing her comments toward Hermione . " It looks a bit . . . snug . " " I think I can carry it back on my own , " Hermione said indignantly . The man may be cute , but he was beginning to blindly insult Hermione . " May as well let me carry it back for you ; we 're going to the same place . " He threw the bag over his shoulder and held the straps by the tips of his fingers . " How do you know where I 'm going ? " Hermione asked , her temper rising . She actually wasn 't done with her shopping , but she also had no money that would buy her anything , either . She was stuck in a rut and didn 't know which way to go , but she knew one thing for sure , and that was how Hades was beginning to seriously creep her out . " I followed you really , " Hades said , shrugging like it was no big deal . " Not in some creepy , stalker - ish way , by the way , " he added , noting the look on Hermione 's face . " You were leaving the pub I live at and after some time following you , I realised we were both heading to the same place . " " Why did you follow me in here , then ? " Hermione asked , realising that she was taking bigger steps just to keep up with him . Even though he answered her questions and she thought he was definitely a creep , she couldn 't help but think he was also somewhat charming . " I saw a pretty girl in front of me and lost all train of thought . " He flashed a smile at her and winked . When they were outdoors , his hair really seemed to have the illusion of being on fire . No doubt about it , this man was a wizard . When they reached the pub and climbed up the stairs , Hermione had already learned that his name was most definitely Hades , he 's living in the pub for the summer because he is on vacation , and he will be going back to Sydney once the summer is over . Hermione wasn 't so keen on sharing as much information , but she did tell him that she was here visiting her parents . " Is this it , then ? " he asked , looking at the door that read 8b on it . Hermione nodded and reached out for the bag he ended up carrying the entire walk back . " Aren 't you going to let me in ? " " I 'm not sure if that 's the best idea , " she said skeptically . Hades seemed to be alright , but Hermione could recall many people who seemed to be alright in the beginning and turned out not to be in the end . Besides , she didn 't exactly trust anyone named after the god of the Underworld . " I promise not to be a pest . " He stuck out his lower lip and made it quiver slightly so Hermione would fall for one of the most pathetically sad looking puppy - dog pouts she has ever seen . " Alright ! You can come in , but my parents will be by any minute to see me , " Hermione added the last part so he would not feel the need to stay long . She didn 't exactly trust him yet . " Deal ! " If half the things he said didn 't make her feel extraordinarily good about herself , she never would have let him in . " Most of us with a magical ability fix our places up . " Hades pointed out as he looked around her rundown apartment . " I 'm only eighteen , " Hermione informed him as she ran to the back of the room and stuffed her bag under her bed . " Ah , an underage , eh ? I can fix it up for yah if yah 'd like . Of course , there 'd be a price . " He winked at her and she began to feel the same way as she did at the store . She blushed and began to fumble over her words . " I - uh - have a , er , boyfriend . . . " Splendid , Hermione ! He is now the only person you know who thinks you 're a complete idiot ! She mentally scolded herself . " Ah , sorry . Didn 't mean anything by it . Just playin ' , " he said with another wink , but this time less seductive looking . Utterly lost at a way to transition away from this topic , Hermione decided to ask how old he was . " Twenty . Not too terribly new to doin ' magic on my own , but it is still excitin ' if yah know what I mean . " Hades said smoothly , letting his eyes scan the apartment again as he determined where to start . " I can 't imagine having to wait until I 'm nineteen to do magic on my own , " Hermione added , hoping to keep their conversation going and stay away from any awkward silences . " How old do you have to be back home ? " he asked . " This to the boyfriend then ? " Hades asked , losing interest in their previous conversation and now focused on the parchment on the table she had left before taking a shower . " Oh ! Yes ! I , er , got too hot before I was able to finish it , " Hermione said lamely , unsure as to why she informed him of that . He didn 't really need to know why she stopped writing the letter . In fact , he probably didn 't even care . More than likely he was beginning to get bored with her and trying to find an excuse to get out now . " What 's his name ? " " I - erm - What ? " Hermione asked , confused as to what he could possibly mean . " Only jokin ' ! ' he forced a laugh from the back of his throat and Hermione laughed nervously with him . " Oh , " she said , beginning to find his behavior extremely odd now . " You 're a pretty little thing when you blush . I 'm not jokin ' . " He then said , stepping closer to her and looking down at her . Hermione wasn 't even aware that she had been blushing . Now that she thought about it , she could feel the heat on her face as he stepped even closer to her . " Thanks , " she said without hesitation . She was fully aware that she wasn 't acting like herself , and she was beginning to feel bad for Ron . She wanted him with her now more than anything . He would help her get rid of this man in her apartment . In fact , he would never have put up with the man buying her lingerie in the first place ! " I can see I 'm makin ' yah uncomfortable . I should go , " he said , his face entirely too close to her own . Again , Hermione hadn 't even noticed his actions before he pointed out what was going on . She tried to find the words in her brain to assure him she was alright . " I 'm not uncomfortable ! You can stay ! " She slapped her hand over her mouth . Would she honestly be saying these things to a stranger she just met ? Hades smirked and put his hand on the doorknob . " Don 't fret . I only live one floor up . From the looks of it , I may be exactly above this room . Feel free to drop by some time . It gets a bit . . . lonely up there . " He winked at her again before turning to make his leave . " Don 't you have a girlfriend ? " Hermione blurted out before she could stop herself . She wanted more than anything for this man to leave , but she also had this burning desire for him to stay . " No ! " Hermione snapped , happy to gain some of her self control back . She couldn 't help but feel that her behavior would hurt Ron if he ever found out what she was doing . " No worries . Someone as ridiculously good looking as me doesn 't have a girlfriend . Yet . " He added his last word with a sense of mystery in it . It was almost as if he were hinting something at Hermione , but she didn 't know exactly what it was he meant . " Well , I better get going . " " Wait ! " Hermione said , again catching herself off guard . She wanted to slap her hands over her mouth and never let go until he left for real , but she decided not to make such a spectacle of herself and gain some of her self control back before she lost too much dignity . " Let me walk you out . " She finished lamely . He was already at the door , but that didn 't stop her from coming over and opening it to show him his way out . " Until next time , my dearest Hermione . " He bowed and took her hand , placing a small peck on the top of her hand before stepping outside of her apartment . " Oh ! Er , right . Hades , " was all she was able to get out before rudely shutting the door in his face . It wasn 't until a good five minutes later was she able to sit down and think about everything that had just happened . What in the hell just happened ? She thought , slamming her hands against her head and pulling her hair back . A tear ran down her face as she looked at the letter before her and thought about Ron . " Bloody hell ! " she said , guilt sinking into her . She had no clue of what she just did . Was it technically cheating ? She decided to finish the letter tomorrow and go to bed to clear her mind . After a few more minutes she was able to think clearly on exactly what she thought of Hades and decided next time . . . Well , there wouldn 't be a next time . Hello ! I 'm Maelody , and these are my stories ! Check them out and review please ! Seven Years and Counting / Feedback , The Bravest Man I Ever Knew / Feedback , Dying : A One - Shot / Feedback , Just One Memory : A One - Shot / Feedback , A Thousand Years / Feedback , Australian Blur / Feedback , Spiders , Dragons , and Love : A One - Shot / Feedback , Inside and Under : A One - Shot / Feedback , Eun Ae : A Misfit 's Guide to Hogwarts / Feedback ! A few days had gone by and Hermione was finding her time in Australia to be much worse than she could ever imagine . With the creepy feeling she had toward Hades she steered clear of stepping out of her apartment unless she absolutely needed to . She finished Ron 's letter , allowing herself to admit that she really did miss him and that a part of her wished that she would have allowed him to come , and sent it away with the request that he send her a picture of herself with a few alterations so she could give it to her mother and father . Of course , England and Australia are very far apart and it would take any owl a matter of days to deliver and receive a letter . She cursed silently at the fact that she couldn 't just alter a picture herself because of the age restrictions . Since she didn 't take Hades ' offer of friendship , her apartment was still grimy and terrible looking . Most days she just spent lying in her bed and looking out the window . It had a remarkable view for something so awful . She could see crowds of people when she looked down just walking around with shopping bags and sunglasses . Most of them had cell phones and were talking quickly while a few of the others were texting on them . Of course Hermione had no real need for a cell phone because none of her friends were Muggles , but getting one would probably be a good idea so her cover of Miss Hermione Greengrass would pass to both Dennis and Jean Granger . She wouldn 't be surprised if they thought she was pulling their leg since she never gave them a number to contact her with . Then again , they never asked either . While Hermione stared out the window , a small speck that vaguely resembled an owl flew straight for what looked like her window . Her suspicions were proved correct once the owl got closer and actually reached her window . She slid the window up to make an opening for the small owl . It was Pig who delivered what looked like three letters . No wonder it took so long to hear anything from them . It 's been nearly a week and a half . " Why didn 't he just use the owl I sent ? " she muttered to herself . Pig heard this a nipped her finger painfully . He must have thought Hermione wasn 't grateful for his service . " Ouch ! Pigwigeon ! " She scolded , immediately drawing her finger to her mouth even though there was no blood . Hermione left the owl on her window seal and sat back in her bed to read her letters . Saving the best for last , she read Harry 's first . How 's Australia ? I hope everything is going well with your parents . Ginny and I have had to stop Ron all week from leaving to visit you . We know how much you want to be alone right now . Ginny says hi by the way . Oh , never mind , she 's gone off to write a letter to you herself . I just wanted to check up on you . Don 't be a stranger . Hermione was smiling by the time she reached the end of the letter . She set it aside and promised to reply to it as soon as she read the other two . The next one , of course , was from Ginny . Hermione , I hope you opened my letter before Harry 's ! Or else we 're not friends anymore ! Okay , so I 'm only joking . . . Hermione frowned as she finished the letter . She didn 't know what she was expecting . It was just like Ron to send something so short . She dropped the letter in her crossed lap and examined the small still of her altered self . She was thankful Molly had thought to make the photo a still since Hermione had completely forgotten to mention it . The picture showed Hermione with a tamer , more brushed look , and her skin was fairly darker and freckled . The picture was taken shortly after their return home so Molly probably didn 't have to do much to the skin at all . Hermione 's nose was also switched from the one she inherited from her father to one that slightly resembled her mother 's more . Molly even went so far as to add two very prominent bucked teeth like Hermione had before the Yule Ball in fourth year . The picture definitely differed from her current resemblance , and despite how much she despised being reminded of her teeth , she loved every aspect of the picture . It was the key to getting her parents back . She held the small picture to her chest and a tear grazed down her cheek . Then , unexpectedly , there was a knock at her door . " Who is it ? " She asked , wiping the tear from her face and staring alarmingly at the door . A part of her hoped Harry and Ginny had failed and the reason Ron 's reply was so vague was because he had come to see her . Bullocks ! she cursed to herself . Now he knows she 's home . Why was he coming to bother her now ? Since he left after the first time they met , he hadn 't bothered to come to her apartment and she had done the same . " For an hour ? " Hades questioned , though she could tell he was losing patience . " Look , I only want to come in for a minute , yeah ? I have something for you . " " I was beginning to think you didn 't like me anymore , " he said before sauntering past her and welcoming himself into her apartment . " I brought you a present . " Sure enough , there was a bag in his now extended hand that read Victoria 's Secret . Hermione started to feel a bit queasy as she reached for the bag but didn 't bother to look inside . " Oh . Right . " Hermione looked at the bag uncomfortably before pulling at a visible hanger at the top of the bag . As the outfit connected to the hanger became visible , Hermione frowned and Hades helped himself into her bathroom . On the hanger was a very skimpy , very small , French maid lingerie outfit . Not very happy at all , Hermione threw it back in the bag and made her way to the bathroom herself . " What makes you think that is an appropriate gift to give to someone you hardly know ? " She barked once she reached the door of her bathroom . She had caught Hades with his wand out and tinkering with her shower head silently before he turned and grinned at her . " Your shower should be fixed now . No more brown water . I 'll have a look at the rest of the place , yeah ? " He ignored her and then made to move past her . Hermione moved to the side and allowed for him to do so , but she was still upset . " Relax , darlin ' . It 's for the lad at home . I just thought you 'd like to have a little variety . " He winked , but she couldn 't help but notice that same familiar glint in his eye like the one he had the first day she met him . Again she had to convince herself that it wasn 't really flames dancing in his eyes . It was a trick of the lighting . She felt herself relax more and decided to accept Hades ' gift . Even if she did find it very unfitting , the least she could do was drop it and offer him a cup of tea . " Well , it 's definitely a bold gift . Would you like some tea ? " She asked as she headed to the part of her flat that was supposed to be the kitchen . Hades chuckled and accepted her offer . To her surprise , when she turned the water on , it was clear as well . Apparently he messed with the whole tap system . She set the kettle on the cooker top and leaned against the wall , folding her arms . " You look right crossed with me , " Hades said once he finished waving his wand around and fixing her place up , but a smile was still planted on his perfectly handsome face . She had to admit , it looked far better than it did before . Something she would almost be proud to live in . " Why are you doing this ? " She asked quickly , feeling her temper rise again . It was almost as if something about his presence made her absolutely bipolar . One minute she was afraid of him coming near her and angry at him for giving her inappropriate gifts , and the next she was forgiving him , only to be angry with him for being far too inappropriate again . Hades swaggered toward her and she felt her body stiffen as he approached . She put her arms down and immediately backed into the wall . It was odd behavior for her , but he was so close and her wand was in her bag next to her bed . Since she didn 't need it , she found no use in carrying it around in case she accidentally grabbed it and conjured the simplest of spells . " Well , I think it 's no secret that I like you , Hermione , " he said as he got closer . " What 's the harm in me being nice , eh ? " When he spoke this time , he was right in front of her and had both arms on either side of her head . He was looking right into her eyes again , and this time she could really see that there was something different about his eyes . There were tiny little red and blue flames dancing in them , and she was absolutely memorized by them . The magic behind them , and the beautiful embers in themselves had her absolutely captivated . " You do appreciate my help , don 't you ? " " Y - yes ! " She stammered , not able to look away from his eyes . He cocked his head and grinned . His perfectly straight , white teeth were showing and deep inside it reminded Hermione of an almost manic gesture . One of his arms left the side of her head and his hand reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of crumpled parchment . " Is this from him then ? " He asked , flipping the letter she now recognised as the one she received from Ron in his hand so she could see Ron 's name . She wasn 't able to speak , however . Instead , she just nodded her head . She hadn 't even noticed that he picked the letter up . " And these ? Are these from you friends ? " Hades asked , taking two other letters out of his pocket that belonged to Harry and Ginny . They were ripped and crumpled more than they were when she squashed them earlier . He must have just stuffed them in his pockets . Again , Hermione could only nod . What 's happening to me ? she wondered on the inside , and she could hear her usual cynical self on the inside . Why can 't I stand up for myself when I speak ? She wondered again , but Hades put his other hand on her cheek and stroked it with his thumb and all reasonable thought left her mind . " Have you written them back yet ? " He asked , though this time Hades looked around the room instead of in her eyes for the answer . She knew what he was looking for . Pig . When she looked around him , there was no sign of Ron 's small owl . He must have flown off when Hades first arrived . Now she definitely won 't be able to reply until Ron sends her rented one back . " N - no , " she stuttered in reply , but her voice was stronger and she could feel herself gaining control again . Hades turned on her and his eyes were full aglow with flame . The sight scared Hermione so incredibly that she screamed and only seconds after that tears were streaming down her face . " Good . " He said , and out of the corner of her eye , she could see the letters turn to flame in his hand and he then dropped the ashy contents to the floor . Then , without warning , he began to lean forward and inched ever closer to her face . Hermione shut her eyes tight as tears fell but she couldn 't move . Then , just as his lips made contact with her cheek , the tea kettle began to whistle and she let out a little scream . Hermione jerked out of her seat with a jolt and screamed . There were tears streaming down her face and she was shaking from head to toe . She looked around her apartment and noticed that it most definitely was clean , but there was no Hades . It was still day time , and her tea kettle was screaming on the cooker . She wiped the tears from her eyes and went to take the kettle off . She poured herself a cup and decided to sit back down in her bed . It was there that she noticed a letter sitting right on top of her duvet . She quickly grabbed at it in hopes that it all really was a dream and this was her letter from Ron . Her heart dropped and her hands and face went cold when she realised it wasn 't . I came by to fix the apartment up for you . You seemed awfully tired so when you fell asleep I decided not to wake you . I put some tea on for you so you 'd have something to wake up to . I hope you like the improvements ! " So he was in my apartment ? " Hermione asked , this time aloud . She looked around again and noticed that there was no Victoria 's Secret bag , no Pig , and no letters from Ron or her friends . She had been having a nightmare about Hades while he was in her apartment . If Hermione believed anything about Divination , she would have taken this as a sign . But , as her very reasonable brain would have it , she was safe , and nothing had happened . Hello ! I 'm Maelody , and these are my stories ! Check them out and review please ! 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As the sun was setting in the west , the creatures of the night began to get ready for the hunt . Who was he going to hunt tonight ? It had to be someone what was important ; he loved seeing his name in the newspaper . Just last month , after his last victim finally died , he was impressed that he finally got a name for himself . They called him " El Diablo " ; the devil . Little did they know that he was actually doing them all a favor . Those that he took care of were the kinds of people that should not be allowed to live anyways . Why couldn 't they see that ? Tonight was going to be a good night , he already had is prey in mind and all he had to do was find her . She was a wealthy business woman who was corrupt . She had taken millions of dollars from unsuspecting investors and pocketed it for herself . How did he know this ? He had his ways . He could find out whatever he needed to in order to get his work done . The nights were getting colder and it was harder for him to move , due to a war injury that he has gotten years earlier . He should have gotten the medal of valor then , but maybe after he was done with the cleansing of the city of all its corruption he would receive it then . Tonight his knee was bothering him more than normal , but he knew that he could not give up . He had to do the job that was at hand , otherwise he would not get the satisfaction of seeing his name in the newspaper and on the television tomorrow morning . No , it had to be done tonight and so it shall be . Grace was not use to having to make up as early as she did that Monday morning . It was almost as if she knew that there was going to be something big coming her way . There was no way that she could have anticipated what it was or when it was going to happen . She just knew that her alarm was not set to go off for another 3 hours , and yet she was laying in bed wide awake . She check to see if her Dalmatian , Big Ben , was okay or needed to be let out to roam the backyard , only to notice that he was curled up next to her with his head on her pillow and the rest of his body under the covers . " You are pitiful , you know that Ben , " she said . He just opened one eye , uninterested and sighed and fell back asleep . " How could I have ever expected that you could be a replacement for a man in my bed , " Grace stated . Big Ben had been part of her life , ever since her mom had passed two years prior . She hated to be alone in the house and so she had gone to the local SPCA and found Big Ben . He had only been a pup then , but he soon grew and started to take over his house as if he was the owner and not her . Since she was up , she figured that she might as well turn on the television and see what was going on at this ungodly hour . As she hit the power button on the remote control , the screen was filled with the look of horror from the reporter . " This is Becky Newman reporting from the scene of the horrific crime . It would appear the " El Diablo has struck again . There has not been an official statement made yet , but all signs are pointing to this conclusion . " Grace could not believe what she was hearing . This monster had started to overtake her town of Grangeville , Illinois . In all the years that she had lived here nothing this horrific had ever happened . She was not that naïve to believe that it couldn 't happen to her town , but there had never been a serial killer on the loose in this town before . Her private investigation business had kept her pleasantly busy , but it had always been for small stuff . A missing persons reportRead more ! As Grace looked towards the reception area she noticed the Chief of Police . " Wow , I have never seen him in person before , " she thought . He looked more handsome that he did on the television and he smelled wonderful . Why is it that she always is able to figure out what a person is like by the way that they smell ? She wasn 't sure , but it had never let her down before . She straightened her back and instinctively brushed her hair off of her forehead , as she walked closer to the Chief . " Hello , Chief Roberts , I am Grace Winters private investigator . How may I help you today ? " " I know who you are Ms . Winters , which is why I am here today . I am here to ask for you assistance in the case that we have at hand . I am sure that you are aware of the case that we are currently working on ? " " I believe so . Is it the El Diablo case ? " " Yes . Now I know that you don 't normally work on large cases and that this would be a first for both our department and yourself , but I think that once you hear what I have to say you will understand the importance of this collaboration . " " That is understandable Grace , may I call you Grace ? " he asked . She nodded . " As you will see as I explain what is needed from you , you are going to be a very valuable part of this investigation . There are not many people in the media that know who you are . No offence . . . " " None taken , " she said with a smile . Was that a twinkle in his eye that she saw when he called her Grace ? " Stop that , " she told herself , " you need to be listening to what he is saying and wondering how you can help him and not be worried about what he is thinking . " " The main reason that I am here today is because we want to know , or rather I would like to know if you would be willing to be part of the task force that I am putting together to catch this ' El Diablo ' character that is terrorizing our city . I can guarantee you only one this with this case , Grace , and that is that it will not be easy . There will lots of long hours that will be put in and it will take lots of patience . Is this something that you wRead more ! Jason Roberts could not believe that he had actually gone to Grace Winters . It was not normal for him to admit that he needed help . There was something about the way that she handled different cases that she had that was going to be very important to the case at hand . She was not well known or seen on the television as so many of the police force had been . This was how she was going to be so useful to him . He needed someone to follow the leads that they had without bringing attention to themselves . She already knew how to do that and therefore was going to be useful . Jason was looking forward to working with Grace . He was not sure what it was about her that made him excited to work with her . Maybe it was the fact that hardly anyone knew who she was and so she could do the undercover work that was going to be needed to crack this case . It also did not hurt that she was easy on the eyes . He did not know if there was going to be any chance to get to know each other , or if she would even be interested in getting to know him . He had hopes that she would at least enjoy the time that they were going to spend together because it was going to be a tough time and they needed to be able to work well together . The one thing that he knew for sure was that they were going to be working very close to each other . Jason Roberts had been Chief of Police for Grangeville for about five years now . In fact , he would be celebrating his fifth anniversary in just a little over a week . That is why this case was so important for him . The city had been asking the mayor to rethink about his appointment as Chief of Police . He had not had the best track record . It was true that he solved the cases , well most of them , with the help of the detectives and the men in blue but they were not always solved as quickly as the people would have liked . He always caught the man , or woman , that he was after . That was is motto , " Catch them and lock them up . " However , things did not always go the way that he wanted . With the increase of media cover of the Read more ! Grace had not lead an easy life . It was not easy to be raised by a single mother and also to have to take on all the responsibilities that were expected of her . She often felt that she had been jilted out of a childhood . As far back as she could remember , she was always expected to help around the house . It had not been fun , but she did realize that it was expected of her . Grace never openly complained to her mom because she feared the wrath that her mom might bring down upon her . Her mom had not been a bad person , but rather a woman that was constantly stressed . Her mom had had to work two jobs just to keep them in the home that they had . Granted it had only been Grace and her mom , but she wanted to be able to provide the home for Grace that she had started her life off in . Grace believes that it was more likely that her mom did not want to give up the home because of the memories that she had of her husband in the home . Grace 's father had been diagnosed with lung cancer even though he had not smoked a day in his life . It was not only three months after he had gotten his diagnosis that he died . Her mom had often told her that the only thing that kept her going those first few months was knowing that she was going to be having her . She often told Grace , " You saved my life . Without you I don 't know what I would have done . " The house that she had grown up in wasn 't much but it was home . That is why it had meant so much to Grace when her mother had given it to her on her 21st birthday . It was the best thing that she could have ever gotten from her mother . Even though she had been embarrassed to bring her friends over while growing up , she loved this house . It was her project to fix it up and to make it a place that still held memories but also was the style that she liked . Her life did not go the way she thought that it would be that was okay . Grace was in constant amazement of how her life has turned out with all the struggles that she feels that she had growing up . She has had her own business now for 4 yeaRead more ! It was quite exciting to realize that she was going to be part of the investigation and the process in which to catch " El Diablo " . This menace has been taking apart their city for long enough and it was time that it came to an end . It was a great honor to be asked by the Chief of Police to be part of his task force . Grace could not wait to find out who else was going to part of the team . She knew that whoever was on the team would be highly esteemed by the rest of the society , otherwise Jason would not have chosen them . As she got closer to the police station , her heart started to race . This was really happening . She couldn 't believe that her dreams were actually come true . She could not believe that all the work that she had put in to make sure that she was well known had not worked . It would appear that it was because of her not being noteworthy that she had been chosen to work so closely on this case . She had almost had the chance to work with the police two years ago when a case that she was working on turned in a manner that no one had expected or had seen . She had been trying to find Teresa Hardwick , 16 , who was a runaway ; at least that is how it appeared to her parents and all of those who were involved in the case . It had seemed that it was going to be an open and shut case . It was about two days into the investigation that the ransom note appeared on the door step of Grace 's office . It stated that if they wanted to see Teresa again alive that they needed to drop all search efforts and leave well enough alone . The next morning , Grace had turned this information over to the police and Teresa returned home , only to admit that she had written the note herself to try to get out of being in trouble with her parents . She thought that if she had been kidnaped and then returned home that her parents would not be as angry at her . It all worked out for the best , but Grace was not allowed to have the big career break that she had been hoping for . She was glad that the case had been resolved but she had wanted to woRead more ! As the harvest moon started to rise over the crest of the mountains , " El Diablo " was busy planning his next attack . He could not believe that he was still able to run and hide from the police so well . He had already killed three times and they did not appear to be any closer to figuring out who he was . Every night after the " cleansing of the wicked " he would wait until the body was found . He liked the exhilarating feeling knowing that he was so close and yet no one was able to figure out who he was . He was actually able to see what the investigators were looking for and make sure that he did not leave anything behind that would tie him to the ritual that he had completed . Of course , the public did not see what he was doing as something right . They saw it as a crime against the innocent . If only they could see it though his eyes , then they would know why it had to be done ; then they would understand him fully and applaud him for his efforts . He knew many of the key players in the investigation on a personal level ; at least he felt that he knew them . He had an unnatural need to know all of the people who were going to be involved in his life . Even though he did not want to have these people in his life , they were a necessity , without them no one would be able to hear his voice . He had watched the way that the Chief of Police was acting around the television reporters . Chief Roberts was acting as if it was a normal day on the job . He did not want to appear as if he did not have the situation under control . Of course , " El Diablo " knew that he did not have anything under control . There was no way for him to anticipate when or where or who the next attack was going to be upon . Once Chief Roberts figured out that this was not simply a murder case but rather a cleansing ritual maybe he would be able to get everything under control . Roger had not always been a vengeful man . He had been well liked in high school and looked up to while he played on the football team . He was not the best player but he did help his Read more ! William Young and Veronica Moore were waiting patiently for Chief Roberts and Grace to arrive . They had been waiting for about fifteen minutes before they finally had arrived . The two of them had not worked together before but they knew who each other was . It is always uncomfortable to be sitting with someone who you don 't really know . William did not want to have people ask him about where he had come from . He would always tell them that he was from Chicago and just wanted a change of pace of life but that was not entirely true . William had been a detective with the Grangeville Police Department for only six months but he already had a reputation of being hardcore . He would not put up with anything or anyone for any reason . He wanted everyone to know that he meant business . It was hard to move to a new town where no one knows you . He had moved from Chicago to restart his life . He didn 't want to have to remember what had happened to him in his other life . No one needed to know about that . At the age of 24 , he had already suffered greater losses than a person should in their lifetime . He was raised by his grandmother because his mother had been unable to take care of him . She had been a teenage mother and never really wanted to have him . His was grateful that his grandmother had taken care of him , without her he did not think that he would be the man that he was now . He had grown up in a well to do neighborhood but never knew that his grandmother had money . She always made him have a good work ethic so that he would always work hard . He was glad that she had raised him that way . When he was 19 he had fallen in love with the girl of his dreams . They had so many plans but he wanted to make sure that he had a stable job before they settled down . There was just something about her that made him realize that he was going to be happy with her . When he first met her she was a nurse at the local hospital . He had come to the hospital with his partner who had gotten shot in the leg while chasing an offender . It was not lifRead more ! With everyone gathered for the meeting Jason Roberts felt confident that he had selected the best people for the investigation . It was not going to be an easy task and it was also not one for the faint of heart . The tasks that they needed to complete were lengthy . They needed to be done quickly so that they would be efficient with their time . There was going to have to be visits to the morgue to see the autopsy photos and reports to see what consistencies could be found between the cases , and there was also the possibility of having to go on to the scene of the next crime if the person who was committing these heinous crimes was not found first . It is always hard to work on a case that there is no pattern . Of course , there is always a pattern of some sort or another . It is just a matter of finding that pattern and then using that information to the best of your ablility . Jason was very proud of the fact that he had thought to include Grace into the mix of people . Of course it didn 't hurt that she was easy on the eyes and to the ears . She had an uncanny way of putting a person at ease without them realizing it . She had an interview technique that could be matched by no other . She was a no nonsense type of woman who would always get the answers that were needed to be gotten however , the interviewee would not know what they were giving up the answers . She could coerce just about anyone to give up the information that they were withholding and that is what he needed . Once everyone was seated and the introductions had been made around the room , the real reason why they were there was put out on the table . The introductions went very smoothly as William and Veronica had already been waiting some time before Grace and Jason arrived . It was now time for them to get down to business . There was a person who was terrorizing their town and it was going to be up to them to find out who this person was . They also wanted to find out how they could stop them from doing it again . This did not appear to be an easy task as there waRead more ! When Roger had come upon Becky Newsome she did not know what had happened . He had found out where she lived and followed her to the gym . He knew that she always did the same thing at the same time every day . She was a creature of habit and it was that that was going to cause her downfall . As Becky went to the gym , on that Monday , he was waiting for her . He was standing by the door and opened it for her . As she walked by , he whispered , " I have some information that might give you a lead to the " El Diablo " case . " At hearing this , Becky turned around and faced him . " Really , I could really use that . I hate not knowing anything and the police are not giving out any information . " " Oh if you come with me and have a cup of coffee with me , I will tell you all that you want to know . I will let you ask questions and I will tell you all that I know . Now I won 't tell you how I know this information , but I will tell you everything you have ever wanted to know . " Becky could not believe her good fortune . She knew that if she came into the news station with information that no one else knew , she would be assured to win the Best Newscaster of the Year award . This was something that she had been trying to achieve for so long . She could not believe her good fortune . She really didn 't care who this person was , as long as they could help her achieve her goal . " Of course , I would love to have a cup of coffee . There is a coffee shop just around the corner . I will meet you there . " " Oh I hate the coffee there . I know the perfect place . Why don 't you just come with me ? I promise you that I am completely harmless . I will take you to the coffee shop and then when we are done with the interview , I will bring you back here . It shouldn 't take more than a half hour . " Becky wasn 't sure , but she did not want to take the risk that he would leave and not give her the information that she so desperately need . " That would be perfect . Let me get my pad of paper and my recorder from my car . You can bring your car over and I Read more ! She knew that everyone had a great work ethic but she had expected some laughter or joking while having their first meeting . She was use to a much more relaxed setting and that is why she had asked to have some time alone with the case files . She did not like the uppity attitude that she could sense from Veronica . She did not appear to have much of a personality at all . Maybe that was why she was such a hard nose in the courtroom . She didn 't know how to have fun so therefore she was all business and nothing else . How boring was that ? Once the officer had brought up all of the case files , Grace just sat there and tried to figure out where to begin . She didn 't know if she should start with the first victim or if she should look at all of them briefly and then try to decide who was going to be the best family to begin with . It is always hard to get a true sense of a person by paper alone , but it was that entire she had at this point and time . She was going to have to use her best instincts on what a person was truly like by just looking at the files . It has always worked best for her to use her instincts . So far they had not let her down and she certainly hoped that it would not start to now that she was working on a really big case . She wanted to show that she could play with the big boys . While looking through Vincent Ramos files she was surprised to find that there did not appear to be anything of value within it . It appeared that the first victim 's family had not even been interviewed , or if they had there was nothing in the files that indicated that . Grace felt that it was very strange that the next of kin would not be contacted and at least given a basic interview , because they could give the police at least an insight into the victim 's life . The police had gone to Vincent 's up scaled apartment , where he lived alone , and had found nothing of consequence . They found out that his parents live in New York , but the police had not even picked up the phone and did a phone interview . Grace opened up her noteboRead more ! Walking towards her car , Grace had a hundred different thoughts running through her head ; what if the interview did not go the way she thought it would , what if there was a reason that the police had not interviewed his parents . There were all kinds of unanswered questions . It was going to be up to her and Veronica to find out what those questions were and to seek out the answers . It was not always easy for her to come up with questions before an interview . She always liked to have a conversation with another person rather than having a bunch of questions that needed to be answered . That always felt so cold and clinical and she did not want to have that type of an interview with a victim 's family . On the drive back to her place , Grace had AC / DC blaring on the radio . She always thought more clearly when she could not hear herself talk . For some reason the heavy metal music was soothing to her . It helped to block out the sounds of other things and allowed her to focus on whatever she needed to think about . Today she needed to focus on what was going on in Vincent Ramos 's life when he was killed . What made him a target for " El Diablo ? " Was there a clear cut reason or was it just a random act of violence . If it had been the one and only murder by this monster it could have been seen as a random act , but there were now two other victims and there had to be some sort of pattern to their murders . The hard part of all of this was coming into the investigation while it was on going instead of at the beginning . Grace could not understand what had caused Jason to feel as if this task force was necessary . Yes he had said that he wanted to catch the murderer , but isn 't that what the police are there for . There had to be another reason behind him wanting to gather everyone . She realized that she did not need to focus on the reason why but rather the focus needed to be on finding out as much about each victim as she possibly could . When she arrived home , Big Ben was waiting at the front door for her . " You want to go ouRead more ! When Grace and Veronica met at the airport , it was obvious to both of them that neither one of them had gotten much sleep . They both decided that this case was more important that the sleep that they could get on the flight to New York . As they were waiting for their flight , Veronica decided that it would be best if they shared their interview questions with each other so they could sleep on the flight if they wanted to . Grace could have cared less because she knew that she would not be sleeping . She rarely slept when she was working on a case . There was too much anticipation with each lead that she would get on a case and it would not allow her to sleep ; she was always afraid she would miss out on something . " I think that it is going to be very important for us to bounce questions back and forth between each other , so we know who is going to ask what , " Veronica stated . " I would disagree , " Grace quietly said . " You see if you plan out a conversation , then there is no way to let things just happen . If a person knows that you are expecting a conversation to go a certain way , then they are going to be suspicious as to what your agenda is . " " And this is a bad thing ? " " Well of course it is a bad thing . We want this to be a conversation not an interrogation . " " I would disagree with you , " Veronica was now standing and almost yelling at her . " You see , if they think that we are just having a conversation then they might leave out some important information , but if they know that we are there to interrogate them then they will tell us what we need to know . " Grace sighed , " I would like to know exactly how many victims ' family members have you actually interviewed ? " " Well … . . actually none , " she cased down her eyes . " I have had to interview hundreds of people 's families when I am trying to find out all I can about them . It is not easy and it is simpler if they see it as a conversation then as the police asking them questions . The family tends to feel more at ease if they are not being considered a suspect . Do yoRead more ! Well Mrs . Ramos , I would like to start our conversation by asking you what it was like to have Vincent as a child , " spoke Grace . Veronica sat there next to Grace and tried to act as if this was the most normal setting to be in . She felt very out of place . She did not like it when people treated others unfairly and that is how she felt that the Ramos had done with their help . She hated feeling this way because she knew that everyone had the right to do what they were going to do as long as they are not hurting another human being . Mrs . Ramos wrung her hands and seemed quite concerned having to think about what Vincent was like as a child . This is kind of strange , thought Grace . I thought that most moms would love to recount what their child was like when they were younger . She reminded herself that not every parent had had an easy time raising their child ; maybe this was the case with Vincent . Grace gave Mrs . Ramos plenty of time to start talking , when she decided that maybe she needed some prompting . " Mrs . Ramos , could you tell me what was Vincent 's favorite sport to play when he was growing up . " " Well you see , I really didn 't see Vincent very much . He was gone to boarding school for most of his life . I did not want to really be bothered by having to raise a child . When he was at home , the nanny looked after him . I just gave birth to him , I didn 't really want him . It was his father who had wanted to have him . " Grace could not believe what she was hearing . How could a woman who had given birth to a child want nothing to do with the rearing of the child ? She wondered if this was going to play a part in what had happened to Vincent . She was sure that it was going to impact the way that he viewed the world . He probably knew that his mom had not wanted to have him and that was bound to impact him . Now the task was to find out how much it had impacted him . Grace wondered if she would be able to find that information out from his mother or if it would be more profitable for them to go and talk to his friends . Grace decided tRead more ! " El Diablo " could not believe his good luck . He was going to be able to actually stake out his next victims house before he was going to go in and take care of the " cleansing " that needed to be done . When he drove up to Ms . Tillerman 's house it was obvious that she was not at home . The car was not in the driveway and he noticed that there were two newspapers on the front porch . H knew that he needed to be careful about how he entered the house because he did not want to bring attention to himself . He wanted to make sure that he knew about the lay out of the house before he had to enter it and take care of her . He went around the backside of the house and noticed that there was a huge sliding glass door the would allow him to enter into the living room . When he went up to the door he noticed that it was locked but he thought that he could get it off its track . He rocked it back and forth and could not believe the fact that it actually worked . The sliding glass door came off of its track and did so very easily . As he entered into the house he could smell the sweetness of the cookies that Ms . Tillerman had made earlier in the week . He was surprised that there was so much of the smell left behind when it was apparent that she had not been in the home for the past two days . He looked into the kitchen and noticed that she had left some cookies in the cookie jar . He reached in and was rewarded by the wonderful taste of her chocolate chip cookie . How he had missed them . It had been so long and he could not believe that he was getting the opportunity to taste them again . After he had finished relishing a taste that he had not had in quite awhile , he started to look around the house . He wanted to make sure that he knew the layout of the house well enough that there were going to be no surprises when he returned . He went up the stairs and quickly noticed the master bedroom . He was happy to know that it looked quite the same as it had to him earlier in his life . He could not believe his luck to have found her . It was true that Read more ! On the drive to Manhattan , Grace tried to stay focused on the conversation that she wanted to have with Dawn . It was not easy with the thoughts and images that she had in her head from leaving the Ramos house . It did not feel like a home at all . She could tell that it was just a place to live and not really a warm inviting environment . It was not something that she was use to . Every time she entered another person 's home , she was able to figure out what their home life was like . This was a place that was not very warm and inviting and it scared her . She hoped that Dawn would be able to shed some light on what Vincent had been like so soon before he was murdered . " I want to try again , with me asking the questions and trying to have a conversation with Dawn , " stated Grace . She really didn 't care what Veronica said or felt about it but she thought that it would be a common courtesy to let her know what she was thinking . Even though Veronica never gave Grace any insight as to what her thought process was , it was the way that Grace was . She had been raised to give curtsey to everyone , no matter how they treated her . It was one of the things that her mother had instilled in her . Always treat others the way that you would want to have them treat you . It was not always easy , but it was what she had to do . " That is fine , Grace . However , if it doesn 't work then I will take over . I already have the questions that I want to ask her figured out and I think that I can find out everything that we want to know from her , " Veronica said with a snide smile . Grace could not believe that she was being forced to work with a woman who thought that she was the best thing that had ever happened to this case . Grace wanted to bring her down a notch but that hadn 't happened when they met with Mrs . Ramos ; she really was hoping that it would be different with Dawn . It was something that bothered Grace . She was so use to working by herself that it was quite hard to have to work side by side with another person ; let alone a woman . Read more !

A / N : Yet another K / 18 get together fic ( I have so many theories on the fab couple and I intend to write them all ) . Uh , I got an E - mail asking me to write a K / 18 lemon HAHAHAHA . Sorry to disappoint you but I couldn 't write a good lemon to if my life depended on it . But if someone else wants to write one for me . . . . . . ~ Deadly Beauty 18 sat on the roof of the small cabin in the forest contemplating her life . What 's am I going to do now , there 's nothing left for me . She thought to herself . 8 months ago life had been easy . Find Goku and destroy him that was it nothing more nothing less . But now 18 was faced with the question of ' What next ? ' . 17 seemed to have found the answer , he spent his day chopping trees , the reason for it 18 would never know , but has long as he was happy that was all that mattered . 17 was 18 's entire life , she was nothing without him everything she had been through , all the pain and suffering , 17 was the only being in the entire universe who had been through it too , he knew how it felt to be different . 18 sighed and slid off the roof , landing gracefully on the ground beneath her , which was covered in pine needles . Sure 17 and 18 had little brother and sister tiffs from time to time , but each knew how much they were cared for by the other . 18 looked off into the distance , but there were no signs of her brother , so she climbed the 3 steps to the house and walked inside . 20 minutes later the front door opened and 17 walked inside . He could smell something wonderful cooking and he licked his lips in anticipation . 18 had to be one of the best cooks on the planet , he didn 't care if hers was the only cooking he had ever tasted , it was fantastic and that was all there was to it . " But you don 't " said 18 as she made a face at 17 " you stink of sweat " . 17 lifted his arm into the air and sniffed his armpit . " Man you 're right , I 'll be upstairs if you need me " he said and he walked off " Does it look like it 's ready ? , " asked 18 , she was putting things on the plates with one hand an stirring something in a pot on the stove with the other . " Honestly 17 , you are so impatient , give it 5 more minutes " . 17 got up and set the table by getting out the cutlery , glasses and a bottle of water , by the time he had finished , so had 18 . She put the food down in front of 17 and he began shovelling it down like it was his last day on earth , it really was a disgusting sight . After dinner the twins did the washing up . " I don 't know , you saw them last not me " replied 17 . After much thought 18 finally decided that 17 had for once in his life actually had a good idea . She decided to go to the last place she remembered seeing any of them . Dende 's lookout . But it would have to wait until the morning , it was dark now and 18 wanted to get good nights rest before she left 18 landed gracefully on the island without making a sound , she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and took a look at her surroundings . Well , it certainly is very different out here , but where is Krillen . Thought 18 to herself as she made her way towards the house . Duh ! He 's probably in there , honestly 18 you 're so stupid sometimes . 18 walked up to the front door and knocked . She could here all sorts of weird noises coming from inside , but eventually a very sleepy Master Roshi opened the door . " It 's 10 . 30 old man , that 's not early and I want to speak to Krillen " . Master Roshi pulled the string on his robe tighter and walked off , leaving the door wide open . 18 peered inside the house , she was disgusted at what she saw . The place was an absolute mess , there was junk everywhere , she was surprised someone could actually live in there . Soon a very embarrassed Krillen came to the door , he was dressed in a pair of khaki cargo 's and a black tee - shirt . Man , does he look good in that top , I had no idea he was so well built . Hang on ! Where the hell did that come from ? Ok 18 , just take deep breaths and focus on the job at hand . " Uh , hi 18 , what can I do for you ? Sorry about the mess I try to keep it clean , but Master Roshi and Oolong just mess it up again as soon as I 'm done " explained Krillen . 18 shook her head and looked at Krillen . " Uh . . Er " Krillen stuttered , he could feel his face growing red . 18 growled and ground her teeth together . " Answer me god dammit , I haven 't got all day you know " she exploded . Krillen flinched and stood up . He didn 't know what to do , if he told 18 the truth she would probably kill him and if he lied to her , well he 'd probably end up dead in that situation too . " I guess I did it because , " He paused , searching for the right words " cause I thought you deserved a second chance " at least it was half of the truth . 18 rolled her eyes . Humans can be so infuriating sometimes , but look at him , so cute , there 's got to be something he 's not telling me . 18 growled at herself . C ' mon 18 , stop thinking like that , thoughts like that will make you soft . Krillen watched as 18 's facial expression changed several times , he didn 't know if he should be worried or not . Finally she looked down at him and Krillen could have sworn that he saw her smile at him . " Well I gotta go , catch ya later Krillen " said 18 and she blasted off the small island , within seconds she was just a mere speck in the sky . I hope he got the message . Krillen stood on the beach thinking about that last line . She said catch ya later , does that mean she 'll be back ? Na , what am I thinking , why would someone as beautiful as her be interested in someone as , well , short and bald as me . I mean she 's a walking goddess and look at me , I 'm , not much . Thought Krillen sadly as he trudged back inside the house to attempt cleaning up again * * * * " 18 , your minds really not on the job tonight is it ? " asked 17 . 18 shook her head and stood up , picking pine needles out of her hair , " sorry " she muttered . 17 was shocked , 18 didn 't apologise , she just didn 't , slowly 17 dropped out of the sky and walked over to his sister . " I think that 's enough sparring for one night , let 's go inside " he said , 18 didn 't reply , she just followed her brother inside the house . 18 went straight up to her room and layed down on her bed . The room wasn 't much , a single bed and a set of draws that was about it . But it did 18 just fine . Why can 't I stop thinking about him ? . I don 't know why I even went to see him in the first place , it was just plain stupid of you 18 , stupid stupid stupid . 18 sat up and threw her pillow at the wall , it didn 't help her feel any better . Slowly her thoughts drifted back to Krillen . " Krillen , what 's wrong ? " asked Master Roshi . Krillen pushed some food around his plate with his fork and sighed . " I don 't know Roshi , I guess I 'm just not hungry , " he lied . And your cooking tastes like poison . " I think I 'm just going to go outside " . Krillen stood up and left the table . Turtle was out on the beach and Krillen went and sat beside him . " Yeah , I wish it was just that easy . But don 't worry , I 'm not going to let this one escape , she 's the one I just know it and I 'm not giving her up without a fight " " Well good luck then " said turtle and he turned and left . Krillen lay down in the sand and let himself get lost in his thoughts of the beautiful android . Her golden hair and ice blue eyes . Yeah , it was her eyes that Krillen found the most captivating . It seemed to him that she was hiding something in those crystal blue orbs , something that hurt her deeply to talk about yet she couldn 't forget . Krillen wanted nothing more than to be able to help her , to get rid of that pain , and he made a promise to himself right there and then that that was what he was going to do , even if it killed him . " You don 't have any idea what I 've been through do you , " said 18 , her voice had quietened down considerably , but you could tell by the way that she spoke she was still very mad . " When you where absorbed . Do you know how hard that was ? 17 you 're the only family I have and I thought I lost you , but I was lucky and I got you back . And now you act like you don 't even care about me , you go off every day and do your thing , but do even stop to consider how I might feel about things , how I 'm coping ? No , I don 't think you do . But do you know what ? I know for a fact that there is someone out there who gives a stuff about me , even if you don 't " . 18 reached up and wiped some angry tears off her face , she hated it when 17 saw her cry , even if it was due to blind rage . 17 tried his best to control all the anger that was bubbling up inside him , but it was hopeless and when he tried to open his mouth to speak , nothing happened . Instead , before he realised what he was doing he had kicked his sister square in the gut , she went flying to the other side if the room and smacked into the wall . " Get out ! Just get out 18 , you 're not welcome here ever again . If you ever come back don 't you think for a second that I won 't kill you , because I sure as hell will " . 18 stood up on her shaky legs , she was physically and mentally worn out , much to tired to argue with 17 . If he wanted to be a prick let him , she didn 't need 17 , she would be just fine all by herself . She didn 't wipe the tears away this time , she just walked out the front door and left , for the last time . 17 hadn 't actually expected her to go , but she had and now 17 sincerely doubted that he would ever see his twin again . And for the first time in his life he knew how it felt to be truly alone , the way 18 had felt for months on end . He felt horrible , like someone had reached into his chest and was slowly squeezing the life out of him . Yet he knew he would never die , he was an android it was impossible , and even if he did just run out one day , it wouldn 't be for a long time , hundreds of years , maybe even longer . 18 rocketed through the sky , not really knowing where she was going and not really caring either . Tears of frustration and anger and just plain sadness rolled down her cheeks , she didn 't bother to wipe them away , she could hardly see anyway . After hours and hours of pointless flying 18 just gave up and she fell out of the sky , she slammed into the ground below but made no effort to get up . Soon it started to rain , but it didn 't bother 18 in - fact she was so lost in her own horrible thoughts that she didn 't even notice , eventually she fell asleep . This is ridiculous . Thought Krillen to himself as he rolled over for the millionth time that night , no matter how hard he tried he just couldn 't get any sleep . It was slowly driving him insane . Krillen sat up and threw the blanket off , then he got out of bed and went downstairs for a glass of water . He filled his glass up and took a quick look at the clock . 3 . 26am . Krillen rolled his eyes and decided that he probably wasn 't going to get any sleep now , considering the sun would be up soon . So he decided to go and watch some t . v instead , but there was nothing good on . Infomercials mostly , but some channels were playing cartoons or sports reports from the previous day . He must have fallen asleep some time , because Krillen opened his eyes at around 11 . 30 . The t . v was still on but Master Roshi and Oolong had put on an exercise tape . Krillen was disgusted , so he got up and went to his room . He doubted that the perverts down stairs even noticed he was gone . Krillen still had that strange feeling from last night in the pit of his stomach . Some thing was wrong , he knew that much , but he had no idea what . He put on one of his orange training gi 's on and jumped out the window . A few seconds later he was nothing but a black speck in the sky The chirping of birds woke 18 up way before she was ready to be woken and that resulted in 18 being in an extremely bad mood , having to bathe in a freezing cold lake didn 't help either . Suddenly 18 sensed a familiar energy coming towards her , she knew who it was , she just prayed that Krillen didn 't find her when she was , well , butt naked . 18 quickly got out the lake and pulled a bright red tank top and black cargo pants , exactly the same thing she was wearing yesterday , they were wet and muddy , but she had nothing else . 18 debated weather to fly up and met Krillen or wait for him to find her , but as the minutes wore on it became more and more apparent that if she didn 't act soon she would be stuck in the forest and homeless for days . So with the last little bit of energy she had left in her she flew up into the sky , she could see Krillen not to far away and she felt great relief . When they arrived Krillen took 18 upstairs and into his room . " Ok there is a bathroom just through that door there , everything you need will be in there . I 'll see if I can find you some of Launch 's old clothes to wear while I wash those ones then I 'll make you something to eat . And if you would like to , your more than welcome to spend the night , you can sleep in here " offered Krillen and he walked off to go and find 18 some thing new to wear . When he came back 18 was already in the shower , so he layed the clothes out on the bed and headed down stairs . " Shut up Oolong , she could hurt you way worse than anyone I know , and that includes Vegeta " warned Krillen . Oolong looked scared , he gulped loudly and turned his attention back to the t . v . Krillen walked into the kitchen and began to rummage around in the fridge . All he could see was some of Master Roshi 's dinner from last night , which he was NOT feeding to 18 and some rice . Upstairs 18 was out the shower and was in the process of getting dressed . Krillen had left her a pair of grey track pants and a fitted blue tee shirt , both items were about 3 sizes to big , but at least they were clean . She dried her hair with the towel then headed downstairs and into the kitchen , where she guessed Krillen was . " Rice , " replied Krillen . " Would you like a cup of coffee ? " " No " said 18 as she sat down at the table . Krillen put the rice in a bowl and handed it to 18 , along with some soy sauce and a fork . " Here you go , if you need me I 'll just be in the laundry washing your cloths Ok " he said . 18 looked at him quizzically . Krillen was humming to himself as he filled up the washing machine , soon 18 walked into the room , she shut the door and leaned against it . Krillen turned on the machine and picked up and basket full of clean wet clothes and headed out the back door towards the clothes line . 18 followed . " No not at all , like I said yesterday you 're more than welcome here . I was just thinking , that if you plan on moving in with us , I 'll set up the spare room for you and if you want we could go shopping . Only having one sat of clothes can 't be very nice " said Krillen . 18 smiled at him . He has got to be the sweetest guy on the entire planet , he knows what I 'm capable of yet he still wants to help me and he 's going to take me shopping . " Ok , it 's a date " she said . Krillen felt his heart skip a beat or two at those 3 words . As small as they were they made him feel like he was on cloud nine . Krillen pushed open the door to the spare room and looked around , it was the messiest room in the entire house . Up until now it had just been used to store junk and all Master Roshi 's old porn magazines which he refused to throw out , Krillen considered throwing them in the bin and not telling Roshi , but if Roshi ever found out he would probably throw Krillen out of the house . He found an empty box and put the magazines in it then took the box down to the basement along with the rest of the crap . By the time he had vacuumed and wiped down all the furniture and cleaned the window and made the bed it was well past 9 o ' clock . Krillen was stuffed . He went downstairs to find 18 but she was no where . " Well I just came to tell you that your room is ready , " said Krillen and he stood up " well I 'll leave you alone now " . No ! , don 't leave me alone , not again . I hate being alone , just stay here with me , please . 18 nodded her head " ok then " she said though that wasn 't what she wanted to say at all . Krillen turned around and went back inside . He was going to go upstairs , but Master Roshi stopped him . " Krillen " . " Yeah " said Krillen 18 went into her new room and shut the door . It was much bigger and nicer than her old room . In one corner it had a big double bed , the far wall had a make up desk and a set of draws and the other wall and a big cupboard with mirrored doors . 18 sat on the bed and slid open the window , it was quiet stuffy in there . She could here music playing softly in the room next to her , which happened to belong to Krillen . But it was nice music , not like the heavy metal crap 17 used to play . If she listened closely she could just make out some of the words . Then the music went quiet , Krillen must have turned the cd player off . Hey , I know exactly how she feels , I feel the same way , but I guess Krillen will never know , anyway even if he did he doesn 't feel the same . 18 climbed under the blankets and soon she fell asleep As soon as they arrived 18 disappeared into the first clothing shop she saw , Krillen sighed and followed her in . When he found her she already had a large number of items hanging off her arm . Krillen considered just handing over his credit card and waiting in the food court . But that was a bad idea because a ) he would get board and B ) , there was about a 99 . 9 % chance that 18 would way overcharge his card and then Krillen wouldn 't ever be able to pay it back . It was safer just to put up with a few hours of boredom and if he got to spend some time with 18 then it was all worth it . By 1 0 ' clock both Krillen and 18 decided that it was time for a break , Krillen was hungry and 18 needed to calm down from her latest argument with a sales clerk . Krillen wasn 't sure if she just enjoyed seeing the looks on their faces or if she was genuinely mad with them . But whatever the case it had cost Krillen almost $ 200 so far . Luckily he had some saving put away for an emergency , something told him after today was finished he was going to owe a few thousand on his credit card , he classed that as an emergency . 18 put all her bags and boxes on the ground and sat down in the nearest chair . Krillen took an empty capsule out of his pocket and handed it to 18 . " Here you go " he said . 18 looked at the thing in her hand strangely . What the hell is it ? As if he had read her mind Krillen answered her question " it 's a capsule , here let me show you " he said and he took the capsule off 18 . He threw it at 18 's purchases and they disappeared . Then he picked up the capsule and gave it back to 18 . " All you stuff 's in there " he said . " Hey Krillen , what do you think of this ? " she asked as she stepped out the change room . She was dressed in a light blue dress , which stopped a few inches above her knee and had spaghetti straps , it revealed just enough skin so not to be rude but still it didn 't leave much to the imagination . Krillen was speechless . " 18 , you look beautiful " said Krillen , though after he had said it he realised it was the understatement of the century . There were no words to describe how good she really looked . 18 blushed for the first time ever at his kind words . " So you think I should yet it ? " she asked . Krillen shook his head . " Yes , definitely " . 18 turned and went back into the change room . When she came back out Krillen stood up and yawned . 18 couldn 't help smiling at him , even if he didn 't see it . I guess it is getting pretty late , and he has been nice to me all day , maybe that is enough shopping for one day . " C ' mon Krillen lets pay for this stuff and go home " said 18 . Krillen opened his eyes and looked at 18 , the relief in his eyes was great . " Ok " he took 18 's things off her and went to pay for them , when he came back he handed 18 the bags and they left the mall . Sometime during the flight home 18 took Krillens hand in hers , he wasn 't exactly sure when it happened , but that wasn 't important , what was important was the fact that it had actually happened in the first place . But it didn 't last . As soon as Kame Island came into view she let go and sped off . She was to fast for Krillen to catch up so he flew the last two or three minutes of the flight alone . When he landed on the island 18 was no where to be found . Must be in her room already Krillen guessed and he headed into his own room for a nice relaxing shower , currently every muscle in his body was aching . 18 sat in front of her mirror , her head resting in her hands . She sighed loudly and closed her eyes . I can 't believe I did that , as if the situation isn 't bad enough already and now I 've just gone and made it 10 times worse . 18 stood up and collapsed on the bed . She knew she had to do something about her feelings and she knew that whatever it was it had to be done soon . Or else she might loose Krillen forever and she wasn 't going to let that happen . She loved this man , she 'd known that for months now , she was just to damn nervous to let him know , she 'd been hurt before and she was scared that if she showed her true feelings Krillen would reject her . That scared her , and she wasn 't easily scared . But that wasn 't all , there was something else holding her back . Her damn brother . Fuck him , I don 't need his approval to live my life the way I want to . 18 sighed again . Yeah , I wish it was just that easy . Krillen pulled on a pair of old grey track pants and a baggy red tee - shirt which had a hole in it , well actually it had several holes in it . But in all honesty , he lived on an island in the middle of no where . It wasn 't like he was going to get any guests anytime soon so why bother getting all dresses up when it was early evening anyway . He was just about to go downstairs to get dinner started when he heard 18 call him . " Cause you can , you don 't have to ask , it 's your house to . You 're welcome to use my bathroom any time . I 'd never make you use the other one , that 's Roshi and Oolong room , don 't ever go in there " warned Krillen . 18 winked at Krillen and slung her towel over her shoulder " thanks for the tip " . When she came downstairs almost an hour and a half later she could her yelling . She decided to de - tour the living room on her way to the kitchen . Krillen was sitting at the table pushing some food around his plate . He looked up and saw 18 . " I put yours in the microwave , it should still be warm " he said . 18 thanked him , sat down at the table and began to eat . It actually tasted quiet good . When they had both finished their meal they just sat their talking and enjoying each other 's company , until Master Roshi walked in . Krillen and 18 quickly got up put their dirty dishes in the sink and retreated upstairs . By now it was getting pretty late and they were both tired so they decided to go to sleep . Krillen opened his eyes and sat up . The clock to his left informed him that it was close to 4am . He could here noise coming from the next room . 18 ! . Krillen jumped out of bed and ran into the next room . 18 was thrashing around on the bed getting tangled up in the sheets , she was whimpering and letting out little screams . Krillen blinked a few times and ran to the side of the bed . " 18 , 18 wake up . You 're having a nightmare " begged Krillen . When this earned no response from 18 he gabbed her shoulders and shook her rather roughly . " 18 wake up ! " 18 sat bolt upright and almost knocked Krillen over , he breathed a sigh of relief . She was breathing heavily and cold sweat ran down her face . " It was , " said 18 " you can go now " . Krillen shook his head and moved a little closer to 18 , he wasn 't quiet sure if now was the right time to male his move or not , but it was worth a try . He wrapped one arm around 18 's shoulders . " I 'm not going anywhere , I don 't care if you 'll be fine or not . Now go back to sleep , I 'll keep all the bad dreams away " said Krillen . 18 rested her head on Krillen 's bare chest and closed her eyes . She listened to his steady , soothing heartbeat and before she knew it , she had fallen asleep . When she woke up the next morning Krillen was still beside her . She smiled to herself and stretched out , she could get used to this , it felt nice to wake up in someone 's arms . But her happiness was not destined to last because Krillin began to stir and 18 knew that before long he would wake up and everything would go back to the way it was yesterday . When he did wake up it took a few minutes for him to remember where he was , but when he did he quickly sat up , so did 18 . " After you came in I slept fine thank you " replied 18 . Krillen moved to get out of the nice warm bed but 18 grabbed onto his boxers ' shorts and pulled him back . She kissed him softly on the lips . " Thanks for keeping the bad dreams away , just like you said you would " . " You can always count on me " he said . He wasn 't sure if he should kiss her again or just get up and walk away . 18 answered his question for him , by pressing her lips firmly against his again , this kiss was much more passionate then the last and Krillen was sure that he had died and gone to heaven . But suddenly 18 pulled away , as if she had done something wrong . Krillen was confused . " Oh I know that . But before we ever do anything like that again there 's something that I have to do " said 18 . Krillen was still confused but he was glad that it wasn 't something he had done . " I thought for a minute there you didn 't like me or something " . " I like you a lot Krillen , you know that . Now if you don 't mind I need to get dressed " said 18 and she pushed Krillen out the room His constant spying was really starting to annoy her , so she decided to do something about it . 18 stepped out of her room and the next thing Krillen knew there was a big Master Roshi shaped hole in the wall , he couldn 't help laughing . He looked at 18 quizzically . She just shrugged her shoulders and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear . When he walked back in the front door , 18 was just about to walk out of it . She was dressed in a pair of cut off jeans shorts and a bright yellow tank top , she had a white shirt which was un - buttoned on over the top and a pair of gray sunglasses on her head . Krillen thought the shorts made her long legs look even longer which in turn made him feel even shorter . " I should be back before dark " she said , then she bent down and kissed Krillen on the cheek . " See ya later " she said , and then she was gone . Krillen felt like he was floating . Does this mean she likes me ? Oh man , I think it does , I hope it does . About an hour later 18 touched down in the woods , she walked up to the front door and knocked . After a few minutes of waiting it became apparent that 17 wasn 't home , and she wasn 't about to go wandering around in the woods to look for him . So she sat on the front step and began to wait . Luckily she didn 't have to wait very long , which was good cause she got board quick . 17 dropped his ax and walked up the steps to greet his sister . " I mean , I 'm moving on , or at least I want to . That 's why I 'm here " . 17 nodded his head and sat down on the couch , motioning for 18 to do the same , which she did . " Well Krillen and I , we sort of , I mean we both want it . But this morning when I you know , I kissed him . All I could think of was what you would think of me . You see 17 I can 't start me new life unless you say it 's ok , it 's as simple as that " explained 18 . 17 was fuming . Hoe dare his sister have any feeling what so ever for a human and the fact that it was a Z guy made it 10 times worse . 18 saw the anger in her brother 's eyes and prepared herself for a fight , if that was what it came down to , then she was going to fight for her man . 17 leapt up off the couch and stalked out the room , 18 jumped up and followed him into the kitchen . " 18 , what do you want me to say ? You 're asking me to let you walk out of my life . You do realise that if I give you my best wishes and you walk off into something better I 'll never see you again right ? " said 17 . " 17 that 's not true at all . I don 't want to loose you , I just want to be happy . Krillen can make me happy . But if I have to choose between you and him , if it really comes down to that , you know that I 'll choose you . I won 't be far away and I 'll never forget you 17 , never " 17 's expression softened and he thought about what he was going to say next carefully before he actually said it . Krillen spent the day wandering around the island , but he was too preoccupied to actually do anything productive . He hung some washing , did some tiding up . Stuff like that . He tried to do some training , but it was useless , he couldn 't stop thinking about 18 . Man , she 's totally got me wrapped around her little finger he thought as he floated lazily in the air . And I love every second of it Krillen sighed and forced himself into an upright position . He looked out at the sparkling blue ocean . Krillen dropped out of the sky and waled to the waters ' edge , it splashed against his bare feet and up onto his legs . Krillen loved the ocean , he felt like he could have stayed out there all day , but his grumbling stomach dragged him back inside . " I should take you around to the capsule corp one day , if you saw Vegeta eat you 'd probably die of shock " joked Krillen . 18 rolled her eyes and sat down at the table . " I doubt it " she said " So did you do what you had to ? " asked Krillen . 18 nodded her head . " Uh - huh , it 's all taken care of " . She stood up and boiled the kettle , she was tired and worn out and needed coffee . It had been a busy day . " So what did you get up to ? " asked 18 . " Not much really " replied Krillen " I was to busy thinking about you " he added . 18 felt herself blush she looked at Krillen , he was blushing as well . They looked like a pair of school kids . 18 walked over to Krillen and sat down next to him . " I 'll always be here for you , you don 't have to worry about that and besides , I 've kind of gotten used to having you around " said Krillen . 18 smiled at Krillen then she kissed him . 18 was happy , because she knew that this was the start of something great .

I feel as if these words describe not only my heart but my soul as well . Can a soul be shattered ? I feel as if there is nothing left to wake up for in the morning , nothing left to care about , nothing left to live for . It has all passed me by and I was looking the other way . My mind is wandering , aimless , unsure . Lost in a morass of fear , doubt , pain . My focus is gone , my thoughts scattered to the four winds , hidden from myself . Before I had hearts , hands , souls to help me find my way back . Now , now I am alone . I know who I am , who I am supposed to be , what my purpose is . I have found though that I do not care . It began several months ago . I am only now free of that place , that man , the drugs , and the fear . Well perhaps not the fear . If I were free of the fear I would not be constantly glancing over my shoulder , would I ? I would not have a need to have every light in the house turned on , only turning them off in the light of day . When my sisters see my electric bill they will not be pleased with me . Oh dear god , my sisters . I 'm going to have to tell my sisters . Of course , it would have been nice if even one had noticed that I was not attending our usual Sunday dinners . Noticed and then come to see if they could locate me . I know I have missed a dinner or two in the past but I have never missed without letting someone know . Normally I would have contacted someone . My other sisters have missed previously , without a call , or a text . I 've always made a point of swinging by to see if everything was alright … . No , this is his fault . His alone . Not theirs . They would not have known where to look for me , and had one come along perhaps he would have kept her as well . Or killed her . No I can 't think about that . I must remember that everyone else is alright . I could not bring myself to speak with any of them tonight , I needed to come home , shower . Did you know that showering in an empty house can be terrifying ? The silence is oppressive . However do not turn on the radio or television before you shower . The silence is preferable to the sounds that cover up footsteps , breathing , doors opening … . Stop ! I went by our family home before I came here . I silently peered through the living room window , and in doing so determined it was Sunday . The wine was open , popcorn made , they were watching a movie . It 's one we 've all watched several times in the past . I was surprised to see my brothers as well . They seldom join us and I will admit that I wanted to go inside , crawl into the lap of one of our boys , and stay there . Of course I could not let them see me like that . Stolen clothes , covered in blood ( not all of it mine , he felt pain before he died ) , my hair full of dirt , my skin covered in cuts , bruises , needle tracks … . Thank God I have seven days until Sunday . My family is a little … unusual . We are none of us family by blood , simply by choice . We found each other gradually over the years . We know that we will most likely find more as time passes , it is the nature of our bond . We have had siblings leave , their paths veering away from ours . We have also suggested , rather firmly I might add , that a sibling or two is no longer welcome in the family home . I cannot help but wonder if my recent actions will cause my departure to be desired . We each have a virtue that we identify with strongly . My gift has been eloquence , the capability to speak and be heard , to bring the truth to light without causing offense . I have been told that although I was not born with a silver spoon , I was blessed with a silver tongue . My family knows that a portion of my gift is the ability to broadcast my desired outcome , the positive emotions that I wish to be felt by the others involved . I have recently found out that I am also capable of permitting my fear , my anger , and my hate to be felt by others as well . How I wish I had never been taught that lesson . I don 't actually know how it began , one moment I was home , the next I was not . The day had begun like most any other . My phone ringing . It was , of course , one of my sisters . Raven needed my help . Her primary talent is Justice but she sometimes let it over take her . She 'd gotten herself into a little bit of a pickle and needed me to talk to the group and smooth things over . Not a huge issue . So I told her I would have a quick shower , then head on to meet up with her . I never made it . I was in the shower , I heard a thump and I called out . I thought one of my sisters was over . I saw a shadow on the curtain . And then nothingness . When I awoke all I could feel was heat , surrounding me , entrapping me . No escape . I couldn 't move , my eyes opened in panic to see nothing , darkness . I couldn 't help myself and I began to twist , whimper , cry . Suddenly I was able to move , the heat dissipating , and I felt a light touch on my arm . " Shhhhh … relax my sweet . Everything is fine , you 're safe . " A soft , masculine voice , unfortunately not a familiar voice . " Where am I ? Why can 't I see ? " I wanted to shout with every fiber of my being , but that never gets anyone anywhere . I felt myself broadcast a little of my fear , just a small amount . I didn 't know if it would work , I 'd never tried fear before . Concern but never fear . But then again , what had I ever truly been afraid of ? " No my sweet , none of that . " I felt a sharp prick in my arm and that was the end of that . Every time I woke he was there . If I tried to broadcast my emotions , another needle . If I screamed , another needle . If I cried , or carried on in any fashion , again the needle . As time passed I began to wake more quietly . I felt around my space using what senses I had available . As touch and sight were out of the equation I had to listen , keep myself calm and pay attention when he entered the room . Jes saw a light on and decided to stop . She said she thought I was out of town . Wanted to know where I went for six months without telling anyone . Six months . She also gave me shit for disappearing on our sister . She had to go help Raven , though she said there was a bad taste left behind that nothing could fix . I told her to stop ranting at me that I 'd explain on Sunday what happened so I only have to do so once . The light was behind me so she couldn 't see the bruises . Anyway , after a time ( I 'm not sure how long ) I realized that when it was really quiet , I could hear other voices . The only one that seemed able to tell when I was broadcasting was the man in charge of me , so to speak . I began to send out gentle waves of concern . I could sense a woman in the room to my left , and a man in the one to my right . I knew without trying though that he wasn 't going to be around much longer . I could feel he was letting go . I tried to send him courage , strength , hope . All I received in return was despair . The next time I woke , I sensed nothing . He was gone . The next day I made contact , of a sort , with the woman . I could tell when she was medicated , when she was simply sleeping , and when she was awake . Sleeping meant nightmares . Fear . Awake meant terror . I could only help for short periods of time . Her fear , her terror , increased my own . So I had to keep my contact with her to a minimum . I believed that instead of becoming despondent like that man had , that she was losing her mind . There were times I heard her screaming , but the laughing was the worst . Neither lasted long though , and then I could sense she 'd been drugged again . My captor was away more . I had more time between his visits . More time awake . I 'd begun to notice that my body was in pain . The only times I knew anyone was in the room was when he would come in and the world would disappear with the prick in my arm . I started to wonder what was happening when I was unaware . I 'm not certain how long it took but I must have built up a resistance to the drug . He didn 't know as I tried to be silent when I woke . I could hear him in the room sometimes , writing on occasion , sounds I didn 't recognize other times . I would stay silent , contained , hidden . I would wait , sometimes half an hour , sometimes longer before I 'd try to send out calm , hope , to the lady in the next room . If I didn 't wait long enough he would come back and I 'd get another needle . I finally woke very early one day . I could feel his hands on my body . He was touching me , everywhere . Pinching , squeezing , slapping . No wonder I hurt every day . After that nearly every time I woke he was touching me in some manner . I did my best to remain calm , quiet , let him think I was still out . I didn 't always succeed . Then one day I felt the needle when he came in , but I didn 't go completely under . I could hear him talking to another man . I couldn 't track the words though , the drug made that nearly impossible . I couldn 't move either but I was aware . And then I wished I wasn 't . They took turns using my body . Not just the two , but several men . Different touches , different voices , different men all using my body for their enjoyment . Now I knew why I was bound , blindfolded , why I was being held against my will . My terror overwhelmed me , and that was all I knew for a while . Next time I woke I awoke screaming . He spoke to me and I did not stop , I think it was a few days before I woke again . He changed my drug , I was solidly out again . This time when I woke I planned . I needed to get out . I 'd been waiting , hoping that one of my sisters would arrive , tell me that I was in the hospital , tell me what had happened . They would never have left me in a place like this though . So now I knew , I had to get out on my own . But how ? My hands and feet were firmly strapped to the bed . I wondered about the lady in the other room . Was she trapped as I was ? Were they doing to her what they were doing to me ? Then a couple of days ago , while it was still quiet all around me , I woke suddenly . In the silence I could hear her tears . Her fears filled the room with screaming , though there was no sound to be heard . Her pain , her sense of loss , her anguish surrounded me , drowning me in her . I began to speak . Softly , gently , low . If there was anyone walking past none but she could hear . And she heard . If only she had not heard . My words fueled her , commanded her . My words drove her . Her actions were my thoughts . My pain , my sorrow , my hatred . Her body was free , mine was not . My mind , my voice were all I had . She became my avatar . My puppet . My saviour . Their death . She had been unresponsive for days . They no longer bothered to bind her to the bed . When her controller entered the room , she used my anger , my hatred , my out and out uncontrollable rage as her fuel . I whispered thoughts of death , mayhem , blood and she made them real . When he was dead I still did not release her from me . She killed the man in the hall , tore him limb from limb . After she released me from my bindings I stumbled to the door , leaning against it I looked out and watched his life merge with the water he had been washing the floor with . I did not mourn him though . If he was not one of the men that raped us , then he left us to them . God damn it , who 's here now ? I need to finish this . I need to get it out . But the doorbell is ringing . I 'll be back . I need to be more careful . Devine stopped in , noticed all the lights on , and started to walk around turning them off . I had to lie , I told her I was looking for a mouse . That I thought I 'd seen one and didn 't want to turn off the lights until I found it . She turned to look at me , she looked concerned and I thought I hadn 't done a good enough job with the cover - up but then she shivered and said she hoped I was wrong but maybe I could borrow a cat . I 'm going to have to stop leaving the lights on all the time . It 's attracting too much attention . Tomorrow I 'm going to get a lock for my bedroom door . Maybe I 'll be able to sleep . With my room at the back of the house my sisters shouldn 't notice these lights on all night . I still don 't know her name . I guess I never will now . They killed her , they killed her as if they had plunged the knife into her body themselves . But he wasn 't there yet . They 'd called him so he was on his way . But he wasn 't there yet and none of the others seemed to feel my broadcast as an outside thing . We 'd gotten part way down the hall . We were opening doors , trying to release anyone else we found . We only found two others that could walk . There were others but they weren 't going anywhere . One man had his legs broken , and they didn 't set them properly . He told me he 'd tried to escape and that was his punishment . He asked me to kill him . I told him I couldn 't . I should have then , I did later but not by choice . She 'd picked up the mop , and broken off the handle . As I was untying another lady she turned and put it through some guy 's throat . He came running into the room , yelling at us . She didn 't like the yelling . I tried to rein in my emotions a little , the other lady was becoming violent as well and I realized I was still affecting them . I should have let it be though . We found a man near the end of the hall , he could walk but there was something about him that made me nervous . We let him free anyway and he joined us . We went around a corner and into a large open space , there was a kitchen area on the other side of the room and I could see knives from where I was standing . I thought it was odd that there was no one around but I took it as a blessing and we went across the room . We each collected a couple of knives . The new lady didn 't want to but I told her to grab a couple anyway . I said she didn 't have to use them but it would keep her from looking like easy prey . As we slipped into the next hallway , I noticed all the doors were open , no one to rescue , nowhere for anyone to be hiding . I started to calm down . I could see the doors leading to the outside world just a few meters away . As I calmed down so too did my companions , but I didn 't see it . I was walking in front with the first woman . I really wish I 'd asked her name . As my emotions settled , my broadcast ebbed . I thought we were all there for the same thing . I thought we were all being used in the same manner . I have to admit I was confused when behind me I heard a gurgle . As we turned around we saw that the man we had rescued had cut the other woman 's throat . He was smiling . He was covered in her blood , and he was smiling as he moved towards us . I froze . And because I froze so did the lady I started all of this with . Because she froze , he plunged a knife into her stomach . He did it almost as an afterthought . He was walking towards us , his eyes holding my own , he was nearly past her , she had stopped sooner than I did . Then his hand moved almost lazily to the side and I heard the sound of the knife plunging into her . His smile grew as he pulled it back out , his hand covered in gore as he sliced to the side . He made it two more steps towards me , a couple more and he would be close enough to kill me too , and still I stood . My fear had paralyzed me , he was nearly to me when he stopped with a look of confusion on his face . He should have made certain she was dead , or at least down for the count . Her pain woke her from my fear . Her kitchen knives were in his back . One in the middle , one looked to be in his kidney . As he fell her eyes locked on mine . I caught her before she hit the ground , I held her as she bled out , I cried as the light left her eyes , and I could no longer feel her presence . I 'm not certain how long I sat on the floor with her in my arms . Her blood pooled around me on the floor , his blood mingled with hers but I could not make myself move further away . I hear the doorbell but I need to finish this now . Whoever it is can come back later . It 's taken me two days to get this far , and I have yet to sleep . Maybe when I finish I will . I heard voices coming towards me . One man was talking on a cell phone , telling someone that we were free , that the others were dead , I was the only one remaining . I waited until he was off the phone , until he and the other men were closer , and then I sent them my rage . Their targets ? Each other . I sent my rage , my hatred , and my fear to all of them . The one with the phone suddenly turned to the man beside him and the phone went through his mouth . That was the only one to die quickly . As he turned to another , he turned his back to one and he suddenly lost a part of his spine . He collapsed and I watched him die . It took a while . The one holding the spine suddenly had a chair smash over his head . I lost track of what was happening for a little while as the remaining 5 men made each other bleed . When it was down to one , I put her gently on the floor , took up my knives and walked towards him . I sent him wave upon wave of trust , love , desire . By the time I was close to him he was rather randy . I let him watch as I cut it off . Then one of my knives went through his eye into his brain , he was dead before his scream fully materialized . I went and sat back with the lady , pulled her back onto my lap , and told her that they had paid for what they did to us and that I was going to take a short rest before I went home . I believe I passed out for a while . The next thing I remember is looking up and seeing the man that was my controller . I 'd never seen him before but I recognized his voice when he spoke . He tried to take her away from me . I screamed , loud . He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a needle . I know it was to calm me down but after everything I had just been through I was not going back into that room . No one would touch me again . This man would not get near enough ever again . As he came closer I gathered my strength , and flung her at him . It knocked him over , the needle went flying . By the time he got out from under her , the needle was in my hand , and then in his arm . He was out in moments . Had I left then I could have told my family what happened . They would have helped me deal with the repercussions , with the stress , and the fear . I would have spent the last two days with my sisters helping me to pack while my brothers went looking for a new place for me , something with enough security to please them . But I didn 't . I should have but I stayed . I took him to one of the empty rooms that we had passed , I didn 't think there would be enough time to put him through even half of what we went through but I wanted him to feel fear . So I put the cuffs on him , and a blindfold . The door closed , locked , just in case . In another drawer I found a gag , I didn 't want him to be able to distract me , to make me change my mind . I didn 't want to hear him beg . And then I waited for him to wake . It must have been a low dosage as he woke no more than an hour later , I think . I 'm afraid my sense of time has escaped me somewhat . He jerked awake , his screams muffled by the gag , his muscles straining against the cuffs . I spoke quietly to him . He had to stop screaming if he was to hear my words . He did for a moment , and then he realized what I was saying . The screams began again . As he thrashed , and pulled I slid a knife under his pants leg . He felt the cool metal and stopped moving . I think he was afraid that I might cut him . Up one leg at a time , at the top I allowed the blade to touch his manhood , gently but enough to make him scream in fear . As I cut his shirt off I turned the blade over and left a thin slice along his pectoral muscles , very lightly , it was barely there . But it made him shriek and I was beginning to enjoy his muffled sounds . That should have told me it was time to leave but I didn 't want to . After I disrobed him I began to broadcast my fear to him . He was already afraid and I made him terrified . I whispered softly to him , telling him what I wanted him to do , what I wanted him to feel . I told him what she had felt , what she had done , and I whispered that he would do so much more . I took control of his feelings , subtlety playing no role . I told him a story about what had been done to she and I from our perspectives . I told him a tale about how he was going to make it up to us . I could feel his resistance , his desire to break free from my control , and I laughed . And then I amplified it all twice again as much . I shattered him , and then … . then I released him from the bonds . I instructed him to harm himself . And he did as he was bid . He cut himself , so deeply that I could see bone , and sinew . He sliced his own legs so deeply that the muscles we no longer attached , he could not have stood , walked , run … nothing , and I was pleased . But still it wasn 't enough , and I was lost to my own madness . I took the knife back , and tied him back to the bed . I 'd been preventing him from feeling the pain so far . The pain would have given him strength to break my control and I could not allow that . As soon as he was bound tightly , I released my control including the pain suppression . He roared and then passed out . Somehow some sanity broke through . I could not leave him as he was , but I no longer desired to torture him . I picked up the knife and I slit his throat . Within moments I was bathed in his blood , and yet I stood there . I watched until there was no chance of life remaining . And still I felt unsafe . I lost what control I had regained and the next thing I recall his head was no longer attached to his body . His legs weren 't even in the same room . I left his hands bound as I pulled on a lab coat I found in a closet at the back of the room . I didn 't even try to wash up . Suddenly the fear was overwhelming me again . Any moment someone was going to walk through the door and I was never going to leave this place . I tried to school myself , control it . I couldn 't leave things as they were . Eventually someone would show up even if it wasn 't right now . If they didn 't call the cops , and I was fairly certain they wouldn 't , this would continue . They 'd do this to someone else . Some part of me knew that there were others still tied to their beds but they were dead already , even if they were still breathing . I couldn 't rescue them , and by the time I could get help I was positive that the people running this place would have killed them rather than move them . This was my rationalization . And so I went back to the kitchen , I went through the cupboards and I found alcohol . I poured some out down the hallway I had been in . I poured the rest down the hallway I would leave by , and over that man 's body . Then I went back and lit all the candles I could find . I put them by the trails of booze , by the oven . I sure hoped this was going to work , it did in the movies . I kept one candle with me and I went back to the kitchen to turn on the gas stove . I wasn 't sure candles would set it off but I was fairly sure that a fire would . As I got to the doorway leading to freedom I lit my candle , left the flame up on the lighter I 'd found , and tossed them both down the hall towards the booze . I peered out the door carefully . It was dark enough outside that I felt I could slip into the shadows unobserved . When I was a little a couple of blocks away I heard an explosion , I could see flames in the distance . What do you know , it worked . I still don 't know how I made it to the family home . Or even why I went that way at all . My place would have been closer , there would have been no risk of a family member spotting me had I just gone home . And well , here I am . Somehow I made it home from there . I am dreading Sunday . For the first time ever I am afraid to go to my family . I could lie to them . I could make up a story , something easy , light . Something with no blood , no pain , no death . I could . But I love them . I made a promise long ago , no lies . Not within the family . They all know what I can do , although they don 't know what I am capable of . They will though . It won 't be long and I will be alone , adrift , shunned . There 's the doorbell again . It 's being held down , that means it 's Jes and she won 't leave until she gets her way . I 'll go talk to her and then I 'm going to try to sleep . I close the book , check my makeup to be certain she won 't be able to tell anything , and go answer the door . It 's not just Jes , it 's Raven as well . She 's hoping I can help her out and this time she 's taking me with her . It doesn 't matter that I 'm exhausted , I 'll go and do my thing for my sister . I only hope I can control my emotions . I can 't exactly be broadcasting fear every time someone comes near me , touches me , invades my space … . crap . Jes comes back down the hall from the washroom and I tease her about falling in . She laughs and tells me it 's time I changed the lock on that door , that it tries to keep her in every single time . I tell her not to worry about that door , that I 'm going to start looking for a new place tomorrow . That this place is too big for just me . My sisters , the loves that they are , offer to help and as we head out we discuss what I 'm looking for in a new place . Raven insists that this time I get a place with a pool . As we get into the car we 're laughing , it very nearly drowns out the screaming in my head .

I said , " No , actually it 's the adults I have trouble with . Sometimes kids do ask me if they can pet him , but I think adults ask just as often . However , kids always ask first . Only once in all the time I 've had him has a child ever pet him without asking , and that kid 's brother quickly corrected him and then he stopped . I 've lost count of how many times an adult has pet him without asking , though . Several dozen , probably . And often they tell me as they are petting him that they know they aren 't supposed to do that . I 've also had adults bark at him , meow at him and howl at him . Kids have never done those things . " My kitchen is stocked with easy - to - prepare and easy - to - eat foods , including yogurt , soups , protein shake supplies , and supplies for making smoothies . I 've got my meds and lip balm and hand cream and all that good stuff on the coffee table in easy reach of the couch . I 've got my weighted blanket and anxiety meds ready to take with me . I even cleaned up the house a bit . I feel less anxious than I felt about my oral surgery last fall . Oh , I 'm still anxious , I 'm still wishing I had someone to go with me or something to be with me at home afterwards . I do remember what a hard time I had after the surgery last fall . The surgery itself was quick and easy but that night , alone in my apartment , I had flashbacks and anxiety attacks and nightmares and cried a lot . I remember . I 'm hoping that won 't be the case this time , but I know there is a good chance it will . But it is what it is . I did ask friends if anyone was available to go with me to the appointment or spend some time with me at home afterward , but I didn 't expect anyone to volunteer , and no one did . Last time I ended up feeling really sorry for myself because I had to go through all that alone , but this time I feel more . . . accepting of it . It is what it is . Sure , I wish it was different , but it 's not , and maybe it never will be . It 's a bit odd , because financially things are pretty bad for me at the moment . But somehow I have tons of food . Which is good because I want to sort of stock up before winter . I am anticipating my fibromyalgia getting worse when the weather gets cold and I 'd like to have less shopping and food prep to do when that happens . I found almond butter on sale a few weeks ago so I bought a bunch . I went to my favorite farm stand and picked up some lovely squash and zucchini . I recently made some potato soup and froze a few servings of that . I tried to make tomato soup , too , but I 'm afraid that didn 't turn out so well . It tastes more like spaghetti sauce than tomato soup , but not very good spaghetti sauce . Like cheap canned spaghetti sauce . But maybe I will put some onions and garlic and stuff in it and make sauce . Then last Friday was produce day at the local food pantry and I got a ton of stuff . I got about three dozen onions , and I 'm talking huge onions , so I spent all day Saturday chopping them up . I have a huge mound of diced onions in my freezer , frozen in one - cup servings , plus I kept out enough to make French onion soup with , which I made today . It turned out really yummy . I think I will freeze a couple servings of that , too . I also got nearly two dozen apples , many of which were bruised or slightly overripe , so I peeled , chopped and frozen those , too . I can bake with them or make applesauce or something . I got a cucumber , a cabbage and a bag of clementines . I also got a couple containers of Greek yogurt and a lovely loaf of Italian bread ( the bread I sliced and then stuck in the freezer ) . What else do I have ? I got some frozen smoothie mixes on sale at Kroger and I stocked up on chia seeds the other day and I just have more food than I 've had in a long time . I feel really rich when I look in the kitchen and see so much food . I 've been dealing with a problem area in the gum behind one of the crowns that was put in for my bridge last fall for a couple of months now . Since early to mid May , I guess . I tried ignoring it for a while and when it didn 't get better , finally gave in and went to my dentist . He tried a couple things and couldn 't figure out what was causing the problem , so I had to go see a periodontist . Which of course Medicaid will not pay for . Apparently I have some sort of weird infection and a lot of inflammation and I have to have surgery to clean out the infection and also he is going to do a biopsy just to make sure nothing more serious is going on . Of course neither Medicaid nor Medicare will pay for the surgery , but Medicare will pay for the pathologist to examine the tissue specimen taken from the biopsy . Isn 't that nice of them ? I am stressed . I am more stressed about the idea of having to have surgery than about the money , which tells you how much this sort of thing triggers my anxiety and PTSD , since it is going to cost me $ 950 . $ 950 which of course I do not have . I had to borrow it from a friend . I have no clue how or when I will be able to pay him back . And it 's bad timing because there is all sorts of financial stress going on already , which I haven 't written too much about . I did mention that I had to start paying my Medicare premiums , which are $ 105 a month , and that this extra expense should cause my rent to go down a bit . Well , I am still waiting for that to go into effect . The reduced rent , I mean . Paying the Medicare premiums started in July . But my rent did not go down yet . But on top of that , my freelance writing income has decreased and when I reported the changes to the state welfare department , they did something goofy and decreased my food stamps and increased my Medicaid spend down , which is the opposite of what should have happened . It will be fixed but it is a huge pain and is taking a while to fix . So financially , things suck right now . That was mostly after a couple of bad experiences with him at therapy appointments soon after I got him . During one visit , he barked so much I had to cut the appointment short . It was frustrating and embarrassing . After that , I was worried about taking him to medical appointments . Sometimes it takes a long time to get in to see certain doctors . For instance , if I have to cancel an appointment with my psychologist or rheumatologist at the last minute , it 's usually a good month before they can get me in again . I was worried that if Isaac started barking or otherwise behaving in appropriately in the waiting room and I had to leave , it would take a long time to get another appointment . And when I 'm at a doctor 's appointment , I need to be able to pay attention to what the doctor is telling me . I need to remember to ask all my questions and request medication refills and whatever else I need to do there . It 's hard to do that if I am being distracted by a dog that is not behaving the way a well - trained service dog should . And doctors are usually in a hurry . They don 't want to sit quietly , waiting for me to get my dog to lie down , before they ask me questions or examine me or do whatever it is they need to do . Recently , I 've began taking him a lot more . We had a very successful appointment with the rheumatologist , in which Isaac behaved beautifully ( even though the rheumatologist was afraid of him ) . Then I took him to the dentist with me a couple weeks ago and he did great there . A few days ago , I took him to the hospital with me to get blood drawn . We went very early in the morning since I couldn 't eat before getting the blood drawn , so Isaac was still sleepy . Typically , he gets up early , I take him out to pee , I feed him , and then we both go back to bed . But this day , after he finished eating , we went to the hospital . He spent most of the time there sleeping . He slept beside my chair while I was at the registration desk , slept at my feet in the waiting room , and slept on the floor near my chair while the phlebotomist was drawing the blood . He showed absolutely no interest whatsoever in what was going on . Then yesterday , I took him with me to see the periodontist . He was absolutely great there , too . When they took an x - ray , I had Isaac do a down stay right outside the door . I couldn 't hold the leash from that distance , but I could see him and he could see me and hear me . At one point the x - ray tech walked past him and he stood up then , but he lay back down when I told him to . As soon as they were done taking the x - ray , I called him and he came right over to me and handed me his leash when I told him to . I received an email the other day from a woman who is making a documentary for National Geographic called The Genius of Dogs . She saw the video on Youtube of Isaac taking clothes out of the dryer for me and wanted to know if she could use it in her documentary . Of course I said yes . I have to sign a release and all that legal stuff for it . The documentary is tentatively scheduled to air next spring . I 'll let you know when I know more . I decided to offer a coupon code for my blog readers good for 10 % off anything you purchase at my Etsy store . The code is " BLOGREADER " and it applies to any items you purchase . It does not apply to shipping costs , however , there is a discount on shipping if you buy more than one item . If you 've never bought anything on Etsy before , it 's easy and you just enter the coupon code when you check out . The code will be valid through the end of this year , that is until December 31 , 2014 . He is so good at restaurants now . He usually goes right under the table without me even telling him to . But if not , he goes right under as soon as I tell him to . I was rereading some of my blog posts from our early days together last night and remembering how Isaac used to try to sneak out from under the table in restaurants . He hardly ever does that anymore . And he used to get up frequently and I 'd have to tell him to lie back down and he doesn 't do that anymore , either . Two elderly women walked past our table while we were at Pizza Hut and one of them asked me , " Is that a service dog ? " I said yes . She told me he was a pretty dog . Which he is . Isaac slept through the whole discussion . As we were walking from the car to the front door , as Isaac stopped to pee on a tree in front of the home , his friend Millie saw him from her window and began rapping on the window and waving excitedly at us . I waved back and made sure her room was one of our first stops . Isaac loves Millie and she loves him . She chatters to me about her dog , which she says is a little dog but she can 't remember what kind . I 'm not sure if the dog is still living and maybe staying with a relative now that she 's in the nursing home or if this is a dog she used to have that has died at some time in the past . I 'm not sure Millie knows herself . When she talks , she only kind of makes sense . I can tell she is talking about her dog , or talking about Isaac , and I get the gist of what she 's saying but it 's hard to make out a lot of actual facts . Which is OK . I just listen and encourage her to talk , and the whole time she is petting Isaac and loving on him . At one point she firmly took Isaac 's leash from my hand and held it to her chest , as if to indicate she would just keep him there with her . She startled me a little , she took the leash so quickly and firmly . I understood what she was trying to say , though , and said something like , " He could just stay here with you , couldn 't he ? " After a minute , she handed the leash back to me . Later , as we were getting ready to leave the nursing home , we passed the dining room and saw Millie seated at her regular table there , waiting for lunch to be served . I went over to her and said , " Isaac wanted to say goodbye again , " which delighted her . Then she got up , took hold of Isaac 's leash , and clearly wanted to go across the room to see someone else . So I went with her , letting her hold Isaac 's leash but holding it myself , too . She was having trouble telling me what she wanted or who she wanted to see , but I could tell what she wanted . Millie 's husband is also a resident of the nursing home , but he eats lunch at a different table . I don 't know why . They do share a room . It turned out to be him that she wanted to take Isaac over to . She wanted him to see Isaac . I 've never heard him talk but he smiled and patted Isaac on the head . Millie was clearly happy to have shown Isaac to him . We visited Isaac 's friend Sue , who is always waiting for him when we arrive . I think I 'm going to pick up a bag of dog treats to leave with her to give him when we visit . Every time we see her , she says something like , " I need to have my son pick up some dog treats for me " or " I meant to get my son to bring me some dog treats . " I don 't think her son visits that often , though . I always have some treats in my pocket and I give her one to give to him when she says that , but I think she 'd like to have some to keep there for him . We visited another women , who I 'll call Edith . We hadn 't ever seen her before . I 'm not sure if she is a new resident or why we hadn 't seen her before . I couldn 't get her to talk to me but she loved petting Isaac . She looked very sad , kind of tearful , and was making a kind of babbling noise but didn 't say any actual words . She petted Isaac for a long time , though . She clearly enjoyed petting him . I want to make sure we see her again next time we visit . There is a man that is always in the dining room when we visit . I forget his name . He loves Isaac and when he sees him coming into the dining room , he yells , " It 's Isaac ! Hey everyone , Isaac is here ! " Today he had a package of Oreos and wanted to give Isaac one . I let him . I know , Oreos are not really good for dogs . Chocolate is not good for dogs . I figured one Oreo would not really hurt him , though . And this guy really wanted to give him a cookie . Isaac , of course , loved it . After gobbling it up , he licked the crumbs off the floor . As usual , the staff always enjoyed seeing Isaac . There was a maintenance guy that stopped us and asked if he could pet Isaac and I said of course . He then plopped down on the floor and had Isaac in his lap , licking his face and snuggling up to him . Yesterday Isaac and I took a long walk at a nearby park . He got to wade in a very muddy pond a couple of times and he also managed to roll in something quite stinky . When we got home , I had a very smelly , wet , dirty dog . I immediately set about preparing for a bath . I picked up the throw rugs in my bathroom , got out some old towel , got out the expensive new anti - itchy dog shampoo , adjusted the water in the tub . Then I went into the kitchen to get the hot dogs . See , I bribe Isaac with hot dogs to get him into the tub . He weighs 80 pounds . It 's not like I can lift him and make him get in . He will do anything for a bite of hot dog , though . I had some shredded cheese , which he and Cayenne both love . So I got that out . Isaac followed me happily into the bathroom , anticipating some cheese . I gave him a pinch of it and he ate it readily . Then I put some in the tub and told him to get in . He looked at me like I was a complete idiot . He stood there like a rock , looking at the cheese in the tub , and not moving . I tossed in a little more cheese and nudged him in the butt . He did not budge . Isaac is the one that runs out into the water , barks , and then swims after the dog with the frisbee . He only wants the frisbee because that other dog has it . I later bought him his very own frisbee and he totally ignored it . Isaac seems to be doing much better . He threw up a total of 18 times , the last about 1 : 15 am . It 's now nearly 4 : 00 pm and we are both taking it easy today . I just fed him a quarter cup of kibble , which he is keeping down so far . I think he was really hungry . He spent most of the day gnawing on various bones , which is something he normally likes , but he rarely spends several hours at it in one stretch . I think it was because he was hungry . He 's been out to pee twice today and also pooped once and it was normal . He 's drinking . He snuggled with me on the couch for a while this morning and he has brought his Kong to me several times . I don 't think he actually wants to play with the Kong , I think he wants me to put a treat in it for him , which I have not done . I am tired but much less anxious today . I 'm relieved that he seems to be doing better right now . You may remember that last Friday , Isaac threw up . Well , he threw up again today . It was just after noon and we 'd just headed out for a walk . It looked like the remains of his breakfast . It worried me a bit because , although he only threw up once last Friday and has seemed fine since then , it is unusual for him to throw up . But I hoped it would be a one - time barf , like last week . But it wasn 't . I took him back inside and called the dog walker to cancel his afternoon run because I figured running wasn 't a good idea with an upset stomach . And then he threw up again . Just liquid that time . And again . After the third time , I called the vet . I asked if it might be a reaction to the injection he had for allergies yesterday but the vet really didn 't think so . I am absolutely certain he didn 't eat anything harmful so I didn 't know what else it might be . The vet suggested I take his temperature . Don 't you love it when vets suggest stuff like that ? Did I post about trying to take Cayenne 's temperature several months ago ? I 'm pretty sure I did . It did not work . And after that , I threw out my thermometer because , well , although I never actually got a temp , it did at least sort of go in her butt . I just couldn 't keep it there long enough to get a reading . It was not a good thermometer for rectal use , anyway . It had this flexible tip , which is good for taking oral temps , I guess , it 's not real hard and won 't hurt your teeth if you bite it . . . but it 's not good for sticking in tight places , if you know what I mean . But I went to Rite Aid to buy a new thermometer . I am pretty sure they actually make thermometers for pets but Rite Aid does not carry these . I got a digital one with a tip that is not flexible . It is supposed to get a reading in 10 seconds . I doubt I could hold Cayenne still for 10 seconds , but I figured I could probably get Isaac to cooperate for that long . I also bought some of those little plastic sleeves you put over the thermometer . When I tried to take Cayenne 's temp , I didn 't have any of those . I ended up cutting a finger off a latex glove and using that as a sleeve for the thermometer . When I got home , I discovered Isaac had thrown up again . I did manage to take his temperature and it was normal . He didn 't seem to mind that much , really . He didn 't look thrilled about it but honestly , he looks much sadder about taking a bath . It 's almost 10 pm now and he had thrown up 15 times so far . I was getting worried about the possibility of dehydration but he has had something to drink a couple times . And it 's stayed down a while , too , but then he 's ended up throwing up again . Twice I 've taken him out to potty and the second time , he not only peed but also pooped and that looked normal . He seemed interested in going out . He 's been mostly lying down but he has followed me into the bathroom and kitchen several times , like he normally does . Twice he 's brought me his Kong , wanting me to put a treat in it , which I did not do , of course . He certainly isn 't acting normal but he is still showing some signs of interest in his usual activities . I feel so bad for him . He looks so sad after he throws up and I feel sad . Several times I 've sat on the floor beside him and cried . And I feel so anxious . I need him to be OK . It 's not like I think he 's not going to be OK , he 'll probably be fine . . . but I need him to be OK . I need him . Isaac and I are continuing to enjoy our visits to the nursing home . There are now a number of residents that know and remember his name and recognize him when he arrives . I don 't think any of them know my name and in fact , I bet someone else could take Isaac to the nursing home and they probably wouldn 't even notice it was someone other than me there with him ! But they know Isaac . And that 's just fine with me . One of Isaac 's special friends there is named Millie ( that 's what I 'm calling her , anyway ) . This week , like last week , she was in bed resting when we arrived . I knocked on the wall next to her open door but she didn 't stir . I was pretty sure she wouldn 't want to miss our visit , though , so I went over to her bed and called her name . She stirred , and then , to my surprise , Isaac jumped up onto her bed . Last week , I 'd asked her if it was OK for him to get on her bed and she 'd been delighted and said oh yes . I think he remembered that and figured he was allowed to get up there this week , too . I would have preferred he wait to be given permission , and he and I will continue to work on that . But Millie was thrilled to suddenly discover a doggie in her bed . Isaac lay down beside her and she hugged him and cuddled him and petted him and talked to him . She was so happy to have him there . A couple times a staff person walked by the room in the hallway and Millie called out to them , wanting them to come and see the dog in bed with her . She was just so excited about it . And none of the staff seemed to have any problem at all with the dog in bed with her , which was good . I took Isaac to the vet today . Because for the past three weeks , he has been itchy and scratchy . He does not have fleas . His diet has not changed . I 'm not using any new or different cleaning products or anything like that . I thought maybe his skin was extra dry because he 's been getting more baths than usual , since we 've been spending a lot of time at various parks where he plays in mud and rolls in stink , he 's been swimming a lot , and he has to get a bath before we visit the nursing home ( says me , not the nursing home ) . I 've used baby shampoo on him as long as I 've had him , but I thought I 'd buy some expensive dog shampoo that might help , so I got some all natural , environmentally - friendly doggie shampoo that has tea tree oil and aloe vera ( and , no joke , cost 15 times as much as the cheap baby shampoo I 've always used ) . It 's supposed to be good for itchy dog skin . I also started giving him coconut oil . My skin gets dry and itchy in winter and I take flaxseed oil capsules for it and it helps a lot , but someone suggested he might enjoy coconut oil better . He gets a teaspoon a day . Cayenne gets some , too , about a quarter of a teaspoon . They both love it . They think it 's a yummy treat . They argue about who gets theirs first . It hasn 't seemed to decrease the itchiness , though , not yet . Until two days ago , I noticed no rash or other abnormality on his skin . And I 've checked . Daily . Monday I noticed a red area in the crease of one back leg . I think it 's from excessive licking , due to the itchiness . The red area isn 't infected and the skin isn 't broken or anything like that yet , but I wanted to prevent the problem from worsening . So today we went to the vet . The vet said it 's probably seasonal allergies . He said we could do allergy testing to find out for sure , but that costs about $ 500 , and he doesn 't think the information would be particularly useful anyway . He gave Isaac an injection of something for allergy symptoms and told me to keep track of what seems to make symptoms worse ( which I 've tried to do but haven 't really noticed anything so far ) . He asked what shampoo I use on Isaac and I told him I just bought some that has tea tree oil and aloe and he said , " Oh ! Tea tree oil ! That 's good . " He is pretty into natural stuff . I told him about the coconut oil , too , and he was also enthusiastic about that . The vet tech was looking at us like we were nuts . He told me to bathe Isaac after he 's been playing in weeds or rolling in weeds and stuff like that . He said if he 's not dirty or stinky , don 't worry about shampoo , but just rinse the pollen and allergens off . And to call him in a month or so when the effects of the allergy injection wear off if he 's having symptoms then . The other day I had to go to the dentist . I 've been having dental issues , which are currently still unresolved . I need to go see a periodontist , which I don 't think my Medicaid will cover , which means I 'll have to pay out of pocket , and I 'm betting it will be expensive , so I don 't want to go . Well , that 's not the only reason I don 't want to go , but it is a big reason . But I think I am going to have to because my mouth hurts and it 's hard to eat . Anyway . I usually don 't take Isaac to the dentist with me . Actually , I never have before . I think I would have a hard time maintaining control of him while the dentist is messing around in my mouth , because I wouldn 't be able to issue verbal commands , and I 'm not sure he 'd really be able to see my hands well when I 'm lying back in the dental chair in order to give hand signals instead of verbal commands ( I don 't have hand signals for all his commands , but I do for the most common ones , like sit and lie down ) . I wasn 't even sure where I 'd put him , because usually the dentist sits on one side of the chair and the assistant sits on the other , so where would I put Isaac that he wouldn 't be in the way but I could still hold his leash and he could see my hands for hand signals ? So I never took him in the past . But I knew this was going to be a very quick visit . The dentist was just going to look in my mouth , tell me my gum still looked inflamed , and tell me I was going to need to see a periodontist . I knew that was what was going to happen , and that is in fact exactly what happened . I was feeling pretty anxious , though , and wanted to have Isaac with me . And I thought it would work out OK since it would be such a quick visit . I should also say that my dentist and his staff did fantastic , too . The receptionist didn 't say anything about Isaac when she say him . The dental assistant that led me from the waiting room to the exam room didn 't say anything about him , either . When the dentist walked in , he said , " I see you brought a body guard . " That , by the way , is the same thing he said when I brought a friend with me when I had all the work done for my bridge . The exact same thing . Other than that , he ignored Isaac . I think all that ignoring by the dentist and staff made it easier for Isaac to do a good job . He sprawled out in the waiting room and snoozed ( and drooled ) while waiting for us to be called back . He lay down where I told him in the exam room . The dental assistant was opening some packages of tools and he raised his head up and looked like he was thinking of getting up , but put his head back down when I told him to . When the dentist came in , he did the same thing , raised his head and looked like he was thinking about getting up . But again , he put his head back down when I told him to . Other than that , he just lay there with his head on his paws , quiet and still . I know there were tons of interesting new smells in that place and I was very proud of him for not trying to sniff everything . As a reward , I let him spend a long time sniffing the parking lot when we left . He found it pretty interesting , too . He 's weird that way . Yesterday I wrote about how having a service dog is not just about holding the leash . Today I met a couple friends at Panera for lunch and I counted the number of commands I issued . Lunch lasted less than one hour and from the time we got into the car at our house until the time we got into the car after lunch , I issued 14 commands to Isaac . So much for the idea of just holding the leash and issuing a couple of commands in an entire day . I paid attention to what else I had to do in order to care for and properly handle my service dog while in the restaurant , as well . I realized that I had to pay close attention to where Isaac was at all times . For instance , when I told him to go under the table and lie down , he did , and he did it the first time I told him . But I had to look under the table to make sure he was in a good spot , that he wasn 't hogging the foot room so that my friends had room to put their feet down . Later on I could tell he was wiggling under there and I had to look again to see what he was doing . Turned out he wanted to smell my friend 's shoe , which is fine , but I had to make sure he wasn 't trying to lick something , to eat something he found under there , to put his head in my friend 's lap , to get my friend to pet him , etc . He never throws up . Well , he eats grass a lot in the summer and sometimes throws a little of that back up . But he usually throws it up right after he eats it . I 've never had to clean up dog vomit in my house . Cat vomit , oh yes , that 's a regular thing . But not dog vomit . This was not grass , though . I don 't know what it was . It was a huge puddle of something . It had been a long time since he 'd eaten anything , at least , anything that I was aware of . Maybe he found and ate something that I didn 't know about . I can 't imagine what , though . My house is pretty well Isaac - proofed . It 's possible that Cayenne pooped and he ate that before I saw the poop , but well , he has eat cat poop plenty of times . It 's something I try hard to prevent but . . . well , he 's eaten it many times and it has never made him throw up before . Now that I think about it , it 's kind of surprising that he never throws up , because he does eat cat poop , he eats old food he finds lying on the side of the road ( if I don 't stop him first , which I try to do ) , he eats bugs , he guzzles lake water , I 'm pretty sure I 've seen him eat dirt , he 's been known to lick the floor ( who knows what exactly he was licking off of it ) , and he rolls in dead things when he gets the chance . Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up . Apparently he has a pretty strong stomach . But he threw up this afternoon . It was kind of sad , because afterward , he came creeping over to me , like he wanted me to fix it . It was like the way he crept over to me for help when Mike 's cat swatted him on the nose . Later , I did give him a quarter cup of kibble , which is much less than his usual meal , to see if that would stay down . It did . An hour after that , I gave him another half cup . I gave it to him in his slow feeder bowl , so he wouldn 't gulp it down , and that stayed down , too . He seems like he isn 't feeling too well , though . He went to bed right after he ate his first quarter cup of food , and he usually does not go to bed right after dinner . He got up to eat the half cup of food I gave him an hour later , and he asked to go out then , and I took him out and he peed , and then he went back to bed . I just took him out for our last pee of the night , and he seemed happy to go out and happy to be petted , but he did not jump right out of bed like he usually does . He was a bit slower than usual . His tail was wagging and he seemed affectionate , like usual . As soon as we got back in the house , he looked at me like he was wondering if I needed anything , then looked at the bedroom , then looked back at me . I told him it was night time and he could go to bed . So he did . I went in and petted him for a minute and he rolled over so I could rub his belly . I worry about Cayenne a lot . I worry that I 'll wake up one morning and find her dead . I worry that she 's going to need to go to the vet and it will cost a fortune and I won 't know how to pay for it . I worry about whether I 'm making the right decisions for her , like if surgery was the right thing to do . I worry about whether I 'll know when it 's time to euthanize her . I worry about whether she 's in too much pain or if she has a good enough quality of life . But with Isaac , I worry that he feels bad and I can 't make him feel better . I worry that I won 't know if he 's really sick and needs to go to the vet or not . The cost of the vet bills was one of the last things to cross my mind tonight , though . I worry about how I 'll do things if he is unable to work and I worry about how I 'll know when he 's feeling better and is ready to get back to his usual activities . I had planned to take him swimming this weekend but now I 'm thinking that guzzling a bunch of lake water and racing around at top speed in the heat is probably not the best thing to do when you have an upset stomach . So we definitely won 't be doing that tomorrow . I 'll see about Sunday . Maybe I 'm just used to Cayenne being ill . I feel bad for her , but most of the time I don 't feel guilty that I can 't make her feel better . Tonight I felt really bad that I couldn 't make Isaac 's tummy feel better . Yes , when I take Isaac somewhere , I have to hold the leash . I also have to issue commands . Some are two or three words , but may this dog is trained to all one word commands . But I also have to take Isaac outside to go potty . If he poops , I have to pick it up . Does this kid 's mother really think the dog can be at school all day and not pee or poop ? I have to offer him water if we are going to be somewhere for several hours . Does this kid 's mom really expect the dog to go without water for seven or eight hours ? I don 't know how long their school day is , but with the ride to and from school , it 's probably eight hours , don 't you think ? Maybe that is mom 's plan , and maybe she figures if she doesn 't give the poor dog anything to drink , then it won 't have to pee . What if the dog gets sick and throws up ? Does the mom think that the dog vomit should just be left on the floor in the classroom ? Someone would need to be responsible for cleaning that up . And as far as issuing commands , well , even if they are one word commands , it seems to me you 'd need to issue a lot of commands in the course of a school day . Let 's think about it . You 'd get on the bus and need to tell the dog to go under the seat and lie down . And let 's say the dog is super well behaved and you never need to tell it more than once and it never starts to get up before the bus arrives at school . I don 't think that 's very realistic , I think something you would need to remind it to stay down , but let 's just pretend it 's a perfect service dog . You get to school and tell the dog to get up and follow you off the bus . You either have to tell the dog to go in front of you or behind you , because the aisle on a bus isn 't really wide enough for a dog to heel . So that 's two more commands . When you get off the bus , you tell the dog to heel and you go to your classroom . That 's four commands so far , at least . Then you go to your desk and tell the dog to go under the desk and lie down . That 's five commands . Again , we 'll pretend this service dog is perfect and never ever gets up until given the command to do so . The child in question is in elementary school so he probably doesn 't change classes a lot . Let 's say he has two recess times a day , plus lunch , plus one " special , " like art or music or gym or library . So to go to your first recess , you 'd command the dog to get up , then tell the dog to heel while you went to the playground . That 's two more commands . We 're up to seven so far . You might need to give more commands while you 're on the playground , depending on what you do . Hey , maybe you could let the dog pee while you 're at recess . So you 'd give it the command to go potty . That 's eight . Then let 's say it 's time for art or music or whatever . You tell the dog to get up , tell the dog to heel , go to the art room or music room , and tell the dog to lie down . That 's 13 . And when that class is over , you tell the dog to get up , tell the dog to heel , go back to your classroom and tell the dog to go under the desk and lie down . 16 . Then it 's lunch time . You tell the dog to get up , tell the dog to heel , go to the cafeteria and get in line . When I 'm standing in a food line with Isaac , like at Subway or Chipotle , I have to tell him where to stand . Otherwise , he will flop down on the floor in people 's way . So that be three more commands . And then you 'd tell the dog to heel while you go to your table and then tell the dog to go under the table and lie down . That 's two more . We 're up to 21 now . Then it 's afternoon recess time , so you tell the dog to get up , tell the dog to heel , go out to the playground , tell the dog to pee ( because I 'm nicer than the kid 's mom that seems to think the dog should not be allowed to pee all day ) , and when recess is over , tell the dog to heel , go back to the classroom , and tell the dog to go under the desk and lie down . Now we 're up to 29 . At least . Also , somewhere in there I would have to pee myself , so I 'd have to issue more commands to tell my dog to get up , to heel while I headed to the bathroom , tell my dog what to do while I was peeing ( sit ? stand ? lie down ? oh , and leave it , when he tried to peek under the stall to see who was in the next stall ) , tell him to heel on the way back to the classroom , and tell him to lie down again when we got back to class . So that would be six more commands for me , for a total of at least 40 . It 's not just holding the leash . Plus , someone has to tell other kids and adults not to pet the dog , not to distract the dog , all that stuff . Is this second grader able to be responsible for that ? Or does the handler have to do that , too ? My latest venture to help raise money to cover the costs of my service dog is making items to sell on Etsy . I don 't have many items listed yet , but wanted to go ahead and post a link to my Etsy store . Thanks for checking it out ! Today at my apartment building , we had a community meeting . A number of tenants had been arguing about various things , they had been a lot of rumors going around , a lot of complaints , etc . , and I had suggested a meeting to the property manager and to my surprise , he took my suggestion . I considered leaving Isaac in my apartment instead of taking him to the meeting , because I thought he would have a hard time behaving well with a lot of our neighbors there . Isaac is not used to being in work mode around our neighbors , most of whom he considers good friends . A few weeks ago , we had a rummage sale , and at that time I learned that many of my neighbors were not good at remembering not to pet Isaac when he is wearing his service dog vest , either . Of course , they don 't see him in his vest very often . So I figured it would be difficult for both Isaac and our neighbors to behave during this meeting . Well , he did fantastic ! So did most of our neighbors . Of course , a couple of them had gotten a talking to after the rummage sale . Isaac did stand up and whimper a bit when a couple of his favorite people came in , but when I told him to lie down , he did . At the end of the meeting , I took off his vest and let him socialize with everyone , which he really enjoyed . It was particularly challenging for Isaac , I think , because some people came in to the meeting after it had already started , and so there was no time to let him say hello . Normally what I do if he is going to have to be working around someone he likes a lot , like if Mike and I go out to lunch or something , is I give Isaac a chance to say hello outside before we enter the restaurant . Then he is able to ignore Mike and do his job when we 're inside . But in this instance , people were coming in after the meeting had already started so I couldn 't do that in this case . Isaac and I have been working on and practicing three commands , which I mostly want him to know for when we visit residents at the nursing home . I mean , they are good commands for him to know other places , too . But I think they are particularly useful for when he 's being a therapy dog . " Lap " means he puts his head in someone 's lap . Like , he is standing in front of or beside them , and puts his had in their lap , which makes it very easy to pet him . He is good at doing lap with me but not so good at doing it with other people , because we just haven 't had the opportunity to practice much with other people . I need to recruit some of my neighbors to let Isaac practice on them . To teach him " lap , " I simply held a treat in such a position that he had to put his head in my lap in order to get the treat , and when he did , said " lap " and gave him the treat and told him " good boy ! " Initially he only put his head in my lap long enough to get the treat , of course . After he did it instantly and reliably when I had a treat in position , I started giving him the command without holding a treat in my lap . He would do it , but only for an instance . I gave him a treat and told him " good boy ! " And then , after a while , I started requiring him to keep his head there a few seconds longer in order to get the treat . I actually taught Isaac " paws up " a while ago and he will do paws up in my lap , on the side of a chair or bed , even on the bumper of my car . Basically wherever I point . I taught him paws up mainly so I could give him a command to do that when people want him to and so he would quit doing it when people don 't want him to . And I taught him " off " at the same time . However , a few weeks ago at the nursing home , when I told Isaac to do " paws up " on a woman 's bed , he jumped up into bed with her instead . I definitely don 't want him doing that . I mean , it 's fine with me if he gets in bed with a resident if they say it 's OK , but I don 't want him doing it when I just told him to do " paws up " and I haven 't asked the resident if he can get on the bed with them . So I decided I needed a command that meant for him to get up on the bed and I decided it should not be " up " or " get up " or anything that might sound too much like " paws up " because I want him to be clear about the difference between the two . So I settled on jump . We have been practicing doing " paws up " and " jump " so Isaac gets to pay attention to exactly what he 's being told to do . We 've been practicing it on my bed and also on the couch . He thinks it 's fun . By the way , I wasn 't sure how the nursing home staff would feel about Isaac getting on residents ' beds and it would be fine with me if they preferred he didn 't . He hasn 't been in many people 's beds there but so far the staff doesn 't seem to mind at all . I read somewhere online that some nursing homes have policies where they don 't want therapy dogs to lick residents , either , or at least not to lick them in the face . That would be OK with me , too , but staff at this nursing home don 't seem to mind that , either . Now , I try not to let Isaac lick anyone in the face unless they are open to being kissed by a dog . He generally doesn 't kiss people anymore , at least not in the face , unless they get in his face and make kissy noises or in some way seem to be inviting him to kiss them . If someone does that , I let them know , " He might kiss you . " If they say they don 't want doggie kisses , I make sure to keep him away from their face . But usually , when they are doing that , they are delighted to get kissed . Last week , Isaac and I were shopping at Kroger . Not the little Kroger in the little town where we live , but a larger Kroger in a larger nearby town . I was searching for chia seeds , among other things , which the little Kroger near me does not carry . The first time was at the library . We got to the top of the stairs and were both surprised to see another dog there . Isaac immediately began to bark , in a fierce " I 'm going to eat you up " way . I was startled and embarrassed by his response . The other dog just looked at him like , " What is wrong with you , you fool ? " I immediately turned and took Isaac back downstairs and out of the library . I was really upset , embarrassed and felt like a service dog owner failure . The second time was at the thrift store . We rounded a rack of clothes and found ourselves face to face with another service dog team . Isaac let out a single , loud , surprised bark . I immediately turned in the opposite direction and we went directly to the front of the store , paid for our stuff and left . The single bark was much , much better than the display of ferociousness at the library , but it still wasn 't good . Isaac was still very interested in the other dog and practically walked backward down the aisle with me , trying to look behind him at the spot where he 'd last seen the dog . When he realized I was opening a package of treats and putting some in my pocket , he gave me some of his attention but needed a fair amount of redirection . He does love treats , but he really wanted to know where that other dog was and what she was doing . I tried to make sure we didn 't get too close to the other service dog team and I succeeded in that regard . We did see them one more time as we were heading down the health food aisle . They appeared to be heading toward the front of the store , where the registers are . Again , Isaac was very interested in them but he didn 't bark or even whine . He did get a lot of treats . When we were paying for our stuff , the cashier commented that we were the second service dog team to go through her line that day . She told me the other service dog handler has been shopping there with his dog for about seven years . She told me he gets mad if people pet his dog and she didn 't seem to know why , so I explained why you aren 't supposed to pet service dogs . Then I gave her permission to say hello to Isaac , which both she and Isaac enjoyed . I had to go to the dentist yesterday . I have some weird infection or something in my gum , where my bridge is . It 's sore , it 's been sore for a while , the dentist isn 't sure what it is or what 's causing it or what to do about it . I have this gross antibiotic rinse I have to use twice a day for a week . Then I go back to the dentist and if it 's not better , I have to go see a periodontist , which will not be covered by Medicaid and will likely cost a fortune . Oh . And there is a slight possibility that the problem is caused by a fractured root of the tooth one of the crowns for my bridge is on , although no fracture shows up on the x - ray . Apparently if it is a small vertical fracture , it may not be visible on x - ray until the pieces start to separate . That would be very , very bad news , because the only way to fix it would be to remove the tooth and make a new bridge . Um , I haven 't finished paying for the first bridge yet . If that happens , I may have to end up toothless for a good while . Then there is my income situation . I am waiting for my landlord to do the paperwork that will allow my rent to be reduced based on the decrease in my income . But he is not in a big rush to do that , I guess , and my income is reduced now but my rent won 't go down until next month . Maybe . If I 'm lucky . It could end up taking longer than that . As soon as he got out of the water , he rolled in dirt . Then he had to go back in for another swim . After which he rolled in more dirt . See a pattern here ? We had a picnic lunch and after we 'd eaten , my friend ask if he could give Isaac some of his leftover chicken . Isaac was quite pleased . He ate it all in about 30 seconds . He said it was a great day . Last night was the night of the fireworks at the county fairgrounds near my home . My apartment building is on a slight hill and there is a great view of the fireworks from the front lawn , or so I 'm told . Last year , Isaac and I stayed in the house . He was a bit nervous during the fireworks but not too bad . I thought this year , we 'd try going outside with all our neighbors to watch . I expected him to be a bit uncomfortable but I thought it would be manageable . I was wrong . Isaac had a great time waiting for the fireworks to begin because all his friends and a bunch of people he didn 't know but quickly made friends with were hanging out outside . He got plenty of pets and kisses and had a wonderful time . Then the fireworks started . Isaac tried to bolt . It was all I could do to hang on to the leash . He practically dragged me to the front door . Once we got inside the lobby of our building , he managed to pull the leash out of my hand . He ran to the elevator and waiting impatiently for me to get there , to push the button and for the door to open . On the ride upstairs , he huddled against my leg , shaking . I felt terrible that he was so scared . Once we got upstairs , he pulled me down the hallway to our door and waited impatiently for me to unlock it . Once we got inside , he seemed a bit better . He lay down in a corner of the living room and I sat beside him for a minute , petting him and telling him it was OK . I didn 't want to end up reinforcing the idea that the fireworks were actually dangerous , though , so after a minute I moved to the couch and got on my laptop . He looked tense until the fireworks ended , then seemed all right . Cayenne , on the other hand , was already hiding under the bed when Isaac and I got back to the apartment ( as I knew she would be ) and she did not come out for more than an hour after they ended . Apparently she got hungry and decided to chance it . However , I found it interesting , and kind of sweet , that he apparently felt his home was the safest place he could be . He didn 't just want to get in the building to hide somewhere . He wanted to be in his house . And while he was still nervous , he felt a lot better once he got inside the house . I 'm glad Isaac feels safe here . I 'm glad he thinks home is a place he can go to be safe . One of the women we always visit , I will call Sue . Three different staff people told me , before we got to Sue 's room , to make sure we stopped in and saw her , that she was really looking forward to seeing Isaac . She adores Isaac and he adores her . She is the one that told him , on our first visit , that she would give him her fried chicken at lunch if he would stay all day with her . Sue talks to Isaac a lot . She talks to me a little , but talks to him a lot . Today she told him she was sorry she didn 't have a treat for him . I pulled one out of my pocket and handed it to her , which delighted her . She offered it to Isaac , who of course gobbled it up with much happy slobbering . Remember the woman that , on our very first visit , was hesitant to pet Isaac but then seemed to really enjoy petting him and announced , repeatedly , that he was furry ? Well , today she noticed us approaching and reached out towards him to indicate that she was eager to pet him . She didn 't talk to us today , but she clearly was aware of his presence and happy to pet and interact with him . We visited one woman today that seemed pretty confused , but she was able to have a conversation about Isaac 's ears . I think Isaac has the softest ears ever , and when I noticed her touching them gently , I told her that . She agreed , repeating , " The softest ears ever . " Then she said , " Like velvet . " She lives in the Alzheimer 's unit and I was surprised she was able to make that observation . Another woman we usually visit , I will call Millie . Millie was sleeping last week when we visited so she didn 't get to see Isaac then , but the week before , she was absolutely thrilled to see him . She was thrilled today , too . She seemed a bit more confused than usual today , but still recognized Isaac and was thrilled that he was there . She was sitting on her bed and I asked her if it was OK if Isaac got up on the bed with her and she said , " Oh yes ! " So Isaac jumped up there and lay down beside her and she hugged him and cuddled him and petted him . She wanted to talk to me about Isaac but she was hard to understand today because she just seemed pretty confused . But it was clear she was saying positive things about Isaac and he seemed to understand her just fine . A couple of visitors asked if they could pet Isaac and I said , " Of course , that 's why he 's here ! He comes to get petted by everyone . " Visitors always seem happy to see Isaac , too .

I said , " No , actually it 's the adults I have trouble with . Sometimes kids do ask me if they can pet him , but I think adults ask just as often . However , kids always ask first . Only once in all the time I 've had him has a child ever pet him without asking , and that kid 's brother quickly corrected him and then he stopped . I 've lost count of how many times an adult has pet him without asking , though . Several dozen , probably . And often they tell me as they are petting him that they know they aren 't supposed to do that . I 've also had adults bark at him , meow at him and howl at him . Kids have never done those things . " My kitchen is stocked with easy - to - prepare and easy - to - eat foods , including yogurt , soups , protein shake supplies , and supplies for making smoothies . I 've got my meds and lip balm and hand cream and all that good stuff on the coffee table in easy reach of the couch . I 've got my weighted blanket and anxiety meds ready to take with me . I even cleaned up the house a bit . I feel less anxious than I felt about my oral surgery last fall . Oh , I 'm still anxious , I 'm still wishing I had someone to go with me or something to be with me at home afterwards . I do remember what a hard time I had after the surgery last fall . The surgery itself was quick and easy but that night , alone in my apartment , I had flashbacks and anxiety attacks and nightmares and cried a lot . I remember . I 'm hoping that won 't be the case this time , but I know there is a good chance it will . But it is what it is . I did ask friends if anyone was available to go with me to the appointment or spend some time with me at home afterward , but I didn 't expect anyone to volunteer , and no one did . Last time I ended up feeling really sorry for myself because I had to go through all that alone , but this time I feel more . . . accepting of it . It is what it is . Sure , I wish it was different , but it 's not , and maybe it never will be . It 's a bit odd , because financially things are pretty bad for me at the moment . But somehow I have tons of food . Which is good because I want to sort of stock up before winter . I am anticipating my fibromyalgia getting worse when the weather gets cold and I 'd like to have less shopping and food prep to do when that happens . I found almond butter on sale a few weeks ago so I bought a bunch . I went to my favorite farm stand and picked up some lovely squash and zucchini . I recently made some potato soup and froze a few servings of that . I tried to make tomato soup , too , but I 'm afraid that didn 't turn out so well . It tastes more like spaghetti sauce than tomato soup , but not very good spaghetti sauce . Like cheap canned spaghetti sauce . But maybe I will put some onions and garlic and stuff in it and make sauce . Then last Friday was produce day at the local food pantry and I got a ton of stuff . I got about three dozen onions , and I 'm talking huge onions , so I spent all day Saturday chopping them up . I have a huge mound of diced onions in my freezer , frozen in one - cup servings , plus I kept out enough to make French onion soup with , which I made today . It turned out really yummy . I think I will freeze a couple servings of that , too . I also got nearly two dozen apples , many of which were bruised or slightly overripe , so I peeled , chopped and frozen those , too . I can bake with them or make applesauce or something . I got a cucumber , a cabbage and a bag of clementines . I also got a couple containers of Greek yogurt and a lovely loaf of Italian bread ( the bread I sliced and then stuck in the freezer ) . What else do I have ? I got some frozen smoothie mixes on sale at Kroger and I stocked up on chia seeds the other day and I just have more food than I 've had in a long time . I feel really rich when I look in the kitchen and see so much food . I 've been dealing with a problem area in the gum behind one of the crowns that was put in for my bridge last fall for a couple of months now . Since early to mid May , I guess . I tried ignoring it for a while and when it didn 't get better , finally gave in and went to my dentist . He tried a couple things and couldn 't figure out what was causing the problem , so I had to go see a periodontist . Which of course Medicaid will not pay for . Apparently I have some sort of weird infection and a lot of inflammation and I have to have surgery to clean out the infection and also he is going to do a biopsy just to make sure nothing more serious is going on . Of course neither Medicaid nor Medicare will pay for the surgery , but Medicare will pay for the pathologist to examine the tissue specimen taken from the biopsy . Isn 't that nice of them ? I am stressed . I am more stressed about the idea of having to have surgery than about the money , which tells you how much this sort of thing triggers my anxiety and PTSD , since it is going to cost me $ 950 . $ 950 which of course I do not have . I had to borrow it from a friend . I have no clue how or when I will be able to pay him back . And it 's bad timing because there is all sorts of financial stress going on already , which I haven 't written too much about . I did mention that I had to start paying my Medicare premiums , which are $ 105 a month , and that this extra expense should cause my rent to go down a bit . Well , I am still waiting for that to go into effect . The reduced rent , I mean . Paying the Medicare premiums started in July . But my rent did not go down yet . But on top of that , my freelance writing income has decreased and when I reported the changes to the state welfare department , they did something goofy and decreased my food stamps and increased my Medicaid spend down , which is the opposite of what should have happened . It will be fixed but it is a huge pain and is taking a while to fix . So financially , things suck right now . That was mostly after a couple of bad experiences with him at therapy appointments soon after I got him . During one visit , he barked so much I had to cut the appointment short . It was frustrating and embarrassing . After that , I was worried about taking him to medical appointments . Sometimes it takes a long time to get in to see certain doctors . For instance , if I have to cancel an appointment with my psychologist or rheumatologist at the last minute , it 's usually a good month before they can get me in again . I was worried that if Isaac started barking or otherwise behaving in appropriately in the waiting room and I had to leave , it would take a long time to get another appointment . And when I 'm at a doctor 's appointment , I need to be able to pay attention to what the doctor is telling me . I need to remember to ask all my questions and request medication refills and whatever else I need to do there . It 's hard to do that if I am being distracted by a dog that is not behaving the way a well - trained service dog should . And doctors are usually in a hurry . They don 't want to sit quietly , waiting for me to get my dog to lie down , before they ask me questions or examine me or do whatever it is they need to do . Recently , I 've began taking him a lot more . We had a very successful appointment with the rheumatologist , in which Isaac behaved beautifully ( even though the rheumatologist was afraid of him ) . Then I took him to the dentist with me a couple weeks ago and he did great there . A few days ago , I took him to the hospital with me to get blood drawn . We went very early in the morning since I couldn 't eat before getting the blood drawn , so Isaac was still sleepy . Typically , he gets up early , I take him out to pee , I feed him , and then we both go back to bed . But this day , after he finished eating , we went to the hospital . He spent most of the time there sleeping . He slept beside my chair while I was at the registration desk , slept at my feet in the waiting room , and slept on the floor near my chair while the phlebotomist was drawing the blood . He showed absolutely no interest whatsoever in what was going on . Then yesterday , I took him with me to see the periodontist . He was absolutely great there , too . When they took an x - ray , I had Isaac do a down stay right outside the door . I couldn 't hold the leash from that distance , but I could see him and he could see me and hear me . At one point the x - ray tech walked past him and he stood up then , but he lay back down when I told him to . As soon as they were done taking the x - ray , I called him and he came right over to me and handed me his leash when I told him to . I received an email the other day from a woman who is making a documentary for National Geographic called The Genius of Dogs . She saw the video on Youtube of Isaac taking clothes out of the dryer for me and wanted to know if she could use it in her documentary . Of course I said yes . I have to sign a release and all that legal stuff for it . The documentary is tentatively scheduled to air next spring . I 'll let you know when I know more . I decided to offer a coupon code for my blog readers good for 10 % off anything you purchase at my Etsy store . The code is " BLOGREADER " and it applies to any items you purchase . It does not apply to shipping costs , however , there is a discount on shipping if you buy more than one item . If you 've never bought anything on Etsy before , it 's easy and you just enter the coupon code when you check out . The code will be valid through the end of this year , that is until December 31 , 2014 . He is so good at restaurants now . He usually goes right under the table without me even telling him to . But if not , he goes right under as soon as I tell him to . I was rereading some of my blog posts from our early days together last night and remembering how Isaac used to try to sneak out from under the table in restaurants . He hardly ever does that anymore . And he used to get up frequently and I 'd have to tell him to lie back down and he doesn 't do that anymore , either . Two elderly women walked past our table while we were at Pizza Hut and one of them asked me , " Is that a service dog ? " I said yes . She told me he was a pretty dog . Which he is . Isaac slept through the whole discussion . As we were walking from the car to the front door , as Isaac stopped to pee on a tree in front of the home , his friend Millie saw him from her window and began rapping on the window and waving excitedly at us . I waved back and made sure her room was one of our first stops . Isaac loves Millie and she loves him . She chatters to me about her dog , which she says is a little dog but she can 't remember what kind . I 'm not sure if the dog is still living and maybe staying with a relative now that she 's in the nursing home or if this is a dog she used to have that has died at some time in the past . I 'm not sure Millie knows herself . When she talks , she only kind of makes sense . I can tell she is talking about her dog , or talking about Isaac , and I get the gist of what she 's saying but it 's hard to make out a lot of actual facts . Which is OK . I just listen and encourage her to talk , and the whole time she is petting Isaac and loving on him . At one point she firmly took Isaac 's leash from my hand and held it to her chest , as if to indicate she would just keep him there with her . She startled me a little , she took the leash so quickly and firmly . I understood what she was trying to say , though , and said something like , " He could just stay here with you , couldn 't he ? " After a minute , she handed the leash back to me . Later , as we were getting ready to leave the nursing home , we passed the dining room and saw Millie seated at her regular table there , waiting for lunch to be served . I went over to her and said , " Isaac wanted to say goodbye again , " which delighted her . Then she got up , took hold of Isaac 's leash , and clearly wanted to go across the room to see someone else . So I went with her , letting her hold Isaac 's leash but holding it myself , too . She was having trouble telling me what she wanted or who she wanted to see , but I could tell what she wanted . Millie 's husband is also a resident of the nursing home , but he eats lunch at a different table . I don 't know why . They do share a room . It turned out to be him that she wanted to take Isaac over to . She wanted him to see Isaac . I 've never heard him talk but he smiled and patted Isaac on the head . Millie was clearly happy to have shown Isaac to him . We visited Isaac 's friend Sue , who is always waiting for him when we arrive . I think I 'm going to pick up a bag of dog treats to leave with her to give him when we visit . Every time we see her , she says something like , " I need to have my son pick up some dog treats for me " or " I meant to get my son to bring me some dog treats . " I don 't think her son visits that often , though . I always have some treats in my pocket and I give her one to give to him when she says that , but I think she 'd like to have some to keep there for him . We visited another women , who I 'll call Edith . We hadn 't ever seen her before . I 'm not sure if she is a new resident or why we hadn 't seen her before . I couldn 't get her to talk to me but she loved petting Isaac . She looked very sad , kind of tearful , and was making a kind of babbling noise but didn 't say any actual words . She petted Isaac for a long time , though . She clearly enjoyed petting him . I want to make sure we see her again next time we visit . There is a man that is always in the dining room when we visit . I forget his name . He loves Isaac and when he sees him coming into the dining room , he yells , " It 's Isaac ! Hey everyone , Isaac is here ! " Today he had a package of Oreos and wanted to give Isaac one . I let him . I know , Oreos are not really good for dogs . Chocolate is not good for dogs . I figured one Oreo would not really hurt him , though . And this guy really wanted to give him a cookie . Isaac , of course , loved it . After gobbling it up , he licked the crumbs off the floor . As usual , the staff always enjoyed seeing Isaac . There was a maintenance guy that stopped us and asked if he could pet Isaac and I said of course . He then plopped down on the floor and had Isaac in his lap , licking his face and snuggling up to him . Yesterday Isaac and I took a long walk at a nearby park . He got to wade in a very muddy pond a couple of times and he also managed to roll in something quite stinky . When we got home , I had a very smelly , wet , dirty dog . I immediately set about preparing for a bath . I picked up the throw rugs in my bathroom , got out some old towel , got out the expensive new anti - itchy dog shampoo , adjusted the water in the tub . Then I went into the kitchen to get the hot dogs . See , I bribe Isaac with hot dogs to get him into the tub . He weighs 80 pounds . It 's not like I can lift him and make him get in . He will do anything for a bite of hot dog , though . I had some shredded cheese , which he and Cayenne both love . So I got that out . Isaac followed me happily into the bathroom , anticipating some cheese . I gave him a pinch of it and he ate it readily . Then I put some in the tub and told him to get in . He looked at me like I was a complete idiot . He stood there like a rock , looking at the cheese in the tub , and not moving . I tossed in a little more cheese and nudged him in the butt . He did not budge . Isaac is the one that runs out into the water , barks , and then swims after the dog with the frisbee . He only wants the frisbee because that other dog has it . I later bought him his very own frisbee and he totally ignored it . Isaac seems to be doing much better . He threw up a total of 18 times , the last about 1 : 15 am . It 's now nearly 4 : 00 pm and we are both taking it easy today . I just fed him a quarter cup of kibble , which he is keeping down so far . I think he was really hungry . He spent most of the day gnawing on various bones , which is something he normally likes , but he rarely spends several hours at it in one stretch . I think it was because he was hungry . He 's been out to pee twice today and also pooped once and it was normal . He 's drinking . He snuggled with me on the couch for a while this morning and he has brought his Kong to me several times . I don 't think he actually wants to play with the Kong , I think he wants me to put a treat in it for him , which I have not done . I am tired but much less anxious today . I 'm relieved that he seems to be doing better right now . You may remember that last Friday , Isaac threw up . Well , he threw up again today . It was just after noon and we 'd just headed out for a walk . It looked like the remains of his breakfast . It worried me a bit because , although he only threw up once last Friday and has seemed fine since then , it is unusual for him to throw up . But I hoped it would be a one - time barf , like last week . But it wasn 't . I took him back inside and called the dog walker to cancel his afternoon run because I figured running wasn 't a good idea with an upset stomach . And then he threw up again . Just liquid that time . And again . After the third time , I called the vet . I asked if it might be a reaction to the injection he had for allergies yesterday but the vet really didn 't think so . I am absolutely certain he didn 't eat anything harmful so I didn 't know what else it might be . The vet suggested I take his temperature . Don 't you love it when vets suggest stuff like that ? Did I post about trying to take Cayenne 's temperature several months ago ? I 'm pretty sure I did . It did not work . And after that , I threw out my thermometer because , well , although I never actually got a temp , it did at least sort of go in her butt . I just couldn 't keep it there long enough to get a reading . It was not a good thermometer for rectal use , anyway . It had this flexible tip , which is good for taking oral temps , I guess , it 's not real hard and won 't hurt your teeth if you bite it . . . but it 's not good for sticking in tight places , if you know what I mean . But I went to Rite Aid to buy a new thermometer . I am pretty sure they actually make thermometers for pets but Rite Aid does not carry these . I got a digital one with a tip that is not flexible . It is supposed to get a reading in 10 seconds . I doubt I could hold Cayenne still for 10 seconds , but I figured I could probably get Isaac to cooperate for that long . I also bought some of those little plastic sleeves you put over the thermometer . When I tried to take Cayenne 's temp , I didn 't have any of those . I ended up cutting a finger off a latex glove and using that as a sleeve for the thermometer . When I got home , I discovered Isaac had thrown up again . I did manage to take his temperature and it was normal . He didn 't seem to mind that much , really . He didn 't look thrilled about it but honestly , he looks much sadder about taking a bath . It 's almost 10 pm now and he had thrown up 15 times so far . I was getting worried about the possibility of dehydration but he has had something to drink a couple times . And it 's stayed down a while , too , but then he 's ended up throwing up again . Twice I 've taken him out to potty and the second time , he not only peed but also pooped and that looked normal . He seemed interested in going out . He 's been mostly lying down but he has followed me into the bathroom and kitchen several times , like he normally does . Twice he 's brought me his Kong , wanting me to put a treat in it , which I did not do , of course . He certainly isn 't acting normal but he is still showing some signs of interest in his usual activities . I feel so bad for him . He looks so sad after he throws up and I feel sad . Several times I 've sat on the floor beside him and cried . And I feel so anxious . I need him to be OK . It 's not like I think he 's not going to be OK , he 'll probably be fine . . . but I need him to be OK . I need him . Isaac and I are continuing to enjoy our visits to the nursing home . There are now a number of residents that know and remember his name and recognize him when he arrives . I don 't think any of them know my name and in fact , I bet someone else could take Isaac to the nursing home and they probably wouldn 't even notice it was someone other than me there with him ! But they know Isaac . And that 's just fine with me . One of Isaac 's special friends there is named Millie ( that 's what I 'm calling her , anyway ) . This week , like last week , she was in bed resting when we arrived . I knocked on the wall next to her open door but she didn 't stir . I was pretty sure she wouldn 't want to miss our visit , though , so I went over to her bed and called her name . She stirred , and then , to my surprise , Isaac jumped up onto her bed . Last week , I 'd asked her if it was OK for him to get on her bed and she 'd been delighted and said oh yes . I think he remembered that and figured he was allowed to get up there this week , too . I would have preferred he wait to be given permission , and he and I will continue to work on that . But Millie was thrilled to suddenly discover a doggie in her bed . Isaac lay down beside her and she hugged him and cuddled him and petted him and talked to him . She was so happy to have him there . A couple times a staff person walked by the room in the hallway and Millie called out to them , wanting them to come and see the dog in bed with her . She was just so excited about it . And none of the staff seemed to have any problem at all with the dog in bed with her , which was good . I took Isaac to the vet today . Because for the past three weeks , he has been itchy and scratchy . He does not have fleas . His diet has not changed . I 'm not using any new or different cleaning products or anything like that . I thought maybe his skin was extra dry because he 's been getting more baths than usual , since we 've been spending a lot of time at various parks where he plays in mud and rolls in stink , he 's been swimming a lot , and he has to get a bath before we visit the nursing home ( says me , not the nursing home ) . I 've used baby shampoo on him as long as I 've had him , but I thought I 'd buy some expensive dog shampoo that might help , so I got some all natural , environmentally - friendly doggie shampoo that has tea tree oil and aloe vera ( and , no joke , cost 15 times as much as the cheap baby shampoo I 've always used ) . It 's supposed to be good for itchy dog skin . I also started giving him coconut oil . My skin gets dry and itchy in winter and I take flaxseed oil capsules for it and it helps a lot , but someone suggested he might enjoy coconut oil better . He gets a teaspoon a day . Cayenne gets some , too , about a quarter of a teaspoon . They both love it . They think it 's a yummy treat . They argue about who gets theirs first . It hasn 't seemed to decrease the itchiness , though , not yet . Until two days ago , I noticed no rash or other abnormality on his skin . And I 've checked . Daily . Monday I noticed a red area in the crease of one back leg . I think it 's from excessive licking , due to the itchiness . The red area isn 't infected and the skin isn 't broken or anything like that yet , but I wanted to prevent the problem from worsening . So today we went to the vet . The vet said it 's probably seasonal allergies . He said we could do allergy testing to find out for sure , but that costs about $ 500 , and he doesn 't think the information would be particularly useful anyway . He gave Isaac an injection of something for allergy symptoms and told me to keep track of what seems to make symptoms worse ( which I 've tried to do but haven 't really noticed anything so far ) . He asked what shampoo I use on Isaac and I told him I just bought some that has tea tree oil and aloe and he said , " Oh ! Tea tree oil ! That 's good . " He is pretty into natural stuff . I told him about the coconut oil , too , and he was also enthusiastic about that . The vet tech was looking at us like we were nuts . He told me to bathe Isaac after he 's been playing in weeds or rolling in weeds and stuff like that . He said if he 's not dirty or stinky , don 't worry about shampoo , but just rinse the pollen and allergens off . And to call him in a month or so when the effects of the allergy injection wear off if he 's having symptoms then . The other day I had to go to the dentist . I 've been having dental issues , which are currently still unresolved . I need to go see a periodontist , which I don 't think my Medicaid will cover , which means I 'll have to pay out of pocket , and I 'm betting it will be expensive , so I don 't want to go . Well , that 's not the only reason I don 't want to go , but it is a big reason . But I think I am going to have to because my mouth hurts and it 's hard to eat . Anyway . I usually don 't take Isaac to the dentist with me . Actually , I never have before . I think I would have a hard time maintaining control of him while the dentist is messing around in my mouth , because I wouldn 't be able to issue verbal commands , and I 'm not sure he 'd really be able to see my hands well when I 'm lying back in the dental chair in order to give hand signals instead of verbal commands ( I don 't have hand signals for all his commands , but I do for the most common ones , like sit and lie down ) . I wasn 't even sure where I 'd put him , because usually the dentist sits on one side of the chair and the assistant sits on the other , so where would I put Isaac that he wouldn 't be in the way but I could still hold his leash and he could see my hands for hand signals ? So I never took him in the past . But I knew this was going to be a very quick visit . The dentist was just going to look in my mouth , tell me my gum still looked inflamed , and tell me I was going to need to see a periodontist . I knew that was what was going to happen , and that is in fact exactly what happened . I was feeling pretty anxious , though , and wanted to have Isaac with me . And I thought it would work out OK since it would be such a quick visit . I should also say that my dentist and his staff did fantastic , too . The receptionist didn 't say anything about Isaac when she say him . The dental assistant that led me from the waiting room to the exam room didn 't say anything about him , either . When the dentist walked in , he said , " I see you brought a body guard . " That , by the way , is the same thing he said when I brought a friend with me when I had all the work done for my bridge . The exact same thing . Other than that , he ignored Isaac . I think all that ignoring by the dentist and staff made it easier for Isaac to do a good job . He sprawled out in the waiting room and snoozed ( and drooled ) while waiting for us to be called back . He lay down where I told him in the exam room . The dental assistant was opening some packages of tools and he raised his head up and looked like he was thinking of getting up , but put his head back down when I told him to . When the dentist came in , he did the same thing , raised his head and looked like he was thinking about getting up . But again , he put his head back down when I told him to . Other than that , he just lay there with his head on his paws , quiet and still . I know there were tons of interesting new smells in that place and I was very proud of him for not trying to sniff everything . As a reward , I let him spend a long time sniffing the parking lot when we left . He found it pretty interesting , too . He 's weird that way . Yesterday I wrote about how having a service dog is not just about holding the leash . Today I met a couple friends at Panera for lunch and I counted the number of commands I issued . Lunch lasted less than one hour and from the time we got into the car at our house until the time we got into the car after lunch , I issued 14 commands to Isaac . So much for the idea of just holding the leash and issuing a couple of commands in an entire day . I paid attention to what else I had to do in order to care for and properly handle my service dog while in the restaurant , as well . I realized that I had to pay close attention to where Isaac was at all times . For instance , when I told him to go under the table and lie down , he did , and he did it the first time I told him . But I had to look under the table to make sure he was in a good spot , that he wasn 't hogging the foot room so that my friends had room to put their feet down . Later on I could tell he was wiggling under there and I had to look again to see what he was doing . Turned out he wanted to smell my friend 's shoe , which is fine , but I had to make sure he wasn 't trying to lick something , to eat something he found under there , to put his head in my friend 's lap , to get my friend to pet him , etc . He never throws up . Well , he eats grass a lot in the summer and sometimes throws a little of that back up . But he usually throws it up right after he eats it . I 've never had to clean up dog vomit in my house . Cat vomit , oh yes , that 's a regular thing . But not dog vomit . This was not grass , though . I don 't know what it was . It was a huge puddle of something . It had been a long time since he 'd eaten anything , at least , anything that I was aware of . Maybe he found and ate something that I didn 't know about . I can 't imagine what , though . My house is pretty well Isaac - proofed . It 's possible that Cayenne pooped and he ate that before I saw the poop , but well , he has eat cat poop plenty of times . It 's something I try hard to prevent but . . . well , he 's eaten it many times and it has never made him throw up before . Now that I think about it , it 's kind of surprising that he never throws up , because he does eat cat poop , he eats old food he finds lying on the side of the road ( if I don 't stop him first , which I try to do ) , he eats bugs , he guzzles lake water , I 'm pretty sure I 've seen him eat dirt , he 's been known to lick the floor ( who knows what exactly he was licking off of it ) , and he rolls in dead things when he gets the chance . Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up . Apparently he has a pretty strong stomach . But he threw up this afternoon . It was kind of sad , because afterward , he came creeping over to me , like he wanted me to fix it . It was like the way he crept over to me for help when Mike 's cat swatted him on the nose . Later , I did give him a quarter cup of kibble , which is much less than his usual meal , to see if that would stay down . It did . An hour after that , I gave him another half cup . I gave it to him in his slow feeder bowl , so he wouldn 't gulp it down , and that stayed down , too . He seems like he isn 't feeling too well , though . He went to bed right after he ate his first quarter cup of food , and he usually does not go to bed right after dinner . He got up to eat the half cup of food I gave him an hour later , and he asked to go out then , and I took him out and he peed , and then he went back to bed . I just took him out for our last pee of the night , and he seemed happy to go out and happy to be petted , but he did not jump right out of bed like he usually does . He was a bit slower than usual . His tail was wagging and he seemed affectionate , like usual . As soon as we got back in the house , he looked at me like he was wondering if I needed anything , then looked at the bedroom , then looked back at me . I told him it was night time and he could go to bed . So he did . I went in and petted him for a minute and he rolled over so I could rub his belly . I worry about Cayenne a lot . I worry that I 'll wake up one morning and find her dead . I worry that she 's going to need to go to the vet and it will cost a fortune and I won 't know how to pay for it . I worry about whether I 'm making the right decisions for her , like if surgery was the right thing to do . I worry about whether I 'll know when it 's time to euthanize her . I worry about whether she 's in too much pain or if she has a good enough quality of life . But with Isaac , I worry that he feels bad and I can 't make him feel better . I worry that I won 't know if he 's really sick and needs to go to the vet or not . The cost of the vet bills was one of the last things to cross my mind tonight , though . I worry about how I 'll do things if he is unable to work and I worry about how I 'll know when he 's feeling better and is ready to get back to his usual activities . I had planned to take him swimming this weekend but now I 'm thinking that guzzling a bunch of lake water and racing around at top speed in the heat is probably not the best thing to do when you have an upset stomach . So we definitely won 't be doing that tomorrow . I 'll see about Sunday . Maybe I 'm just used to Cayenne being ill . I feel bad for her , but most of the time I don 't feel guilty that I can 't make her feel better . Tonight I felt really bad that I couldn 't make Isaac 's tummy feel better . Yes , when I take Isaac somewhere , I have to hold the leash . I also have to issue commands . Some are two or three words , but may this dog is trained to all one word commands . But I also have to take Isaac outside to go potty . If he poops , I have to pick it up . Does this kid 's mother really think the dog can be at school all day and not pee or poop ? I have to offer him water if we are going to be somewhere for several hours . Does this kid 's mom really expect the dog to go without water for seven or eight hours ? I don 't know how long their school day is , but with the ride to and from school , it 's probably eight hours , don 't you think ? Maybe that is mom 's plan , and maybe she figures if she doesn 't give the poor dog anything to drink , then it won 't have to pee . What if the dog gets sick and throws up ? Does the mom think that the dog vomit should just be left on the floor in the classroom ? Someone would need to be responsible for cleaning that up . And as far as issuing commands , well , even if they are one word commands , it seems to me you 'd need to issue a lot of commands in the course of a school day . Let 's think about it . You 'd get on the bus and need to tell the dog to go under the seat and lie down . And let 's say the dog is super well behaved and you never need to tell it more than once and it never starts to get up before the bus arrives at school . I don 't think that 's very realistic , I think something you would need to remind it to stay down , but let 's just pretend it 's a perfect service dog . You get to school and tell the dog to get up and follow you off the bus . You either have to tell the dog to go in front of you or behind you , because the aisle on a bus isn 't really wide enough for a dog to heel . So that 's two more commands . When you get off the bus , you tell the dog to heel and you go to your classroom . That 's four commands so far , at least . Then you go to your desk and tell the dog to go under the desk and lie down . That 's five commands . Again , we 'll pretend this service dog is perfect and never ever gets up until given the command to do so . The child in question is in elementary school so he probably doesn 't change classes a lot . Let 's say he has two recess times a day , plus lunch , plus one " special , " like art or music or gym or library . So to go to your first recess , you 'd command the dog to get up , then tell the dog to heel while you went to the playground . That 's two more commands . We 're up to seven so far . You might need to give more commands while you 're on the playground , depending on what you do . Hey , maybe you could let the dog pee while you 're at recess . So you 'd give it the command to go potty . That 's eight . Then let 's say it 's time for art or music or whatever . You tell the dog to get up , tell the dog to heel , go to the art room or music room , and tell the dog to lie down . That 's 13 . And when that class is over , you tell the dog to get up , tell the dog to heel , go back to your classroom and tell the dog to go under the desk and lie down . 16 . Then it 's lunch time . You tell the dog to get up , tell the dog to heel , go to the cafeteria and get in line . When I 'm standing in a food line with Isaac , like at Subway or Chipotle , I have to tell him where to stand . Otherwise , he will flop down on the floor in people 's way . So that be three more commands . And then you 'd tell the dog to heel while you go to your table and then tell the dog to go under the table and lie down . That 's two more . We 're up to 21 now . Then it 's afternoon recess time , so you tell the dog to get up , tell the dog to heel , go out to the playground , tell the dog to pee ( because I 'm nicer than the kid 's mom that seems to think the dog should not be allowed to pee all day ) , and when recess is over , tell the dog to heel , go back to the classroom , and tell the dog to go under the desk and lie down . Now we 're up to 29 . At least . Also , somewhere in there I would have to pee myself , so I 'd have to issue more commands to tell my dog to get up , to heel while I headed to the bathroom , tell my dog what to do while I was peeing ( sit ? stand ? lie down ? oh , and leave it , when he tried to peek under the stall to see who was in the next stall ) , tell him to heel on the way back to the classroom , and tell him to lie down again when we got back to class . So that would be six more commands for me , for a total of at least 40 . It 's not just holding the leash . Plus , someone has to tell other kids and adults not to pet the dog , not to distract the dog , all that stuff . Is this second grader able to be responsible for that ? Or does the handler have to do that , too ? My latest venture to help raise money to cover the costs of my service dog is making items to sell on Etsy . I don 't have many items listed yet , but wanted to go ahead and post a link to my Etsy store . Thanks for checking it out ! Today at my apartment building , we had a community meeting . A number of tenants had been arguing about various things , they had been a lot of rumors going around , a lot of complaints , etc . , and I had suggested a meeting to the property manager and to my surprise , he took my suggestion . I considered leaving Isaac in my apartment instead of taking him to the meeting , because I thought he would have a hard time behaving well with a lot of our neighbors there . Isaac is not used to being in work mode around our neighbors , most of whom he considers good friends . A few weeks ago , we had a rummage sale , and at that time I learned that many of my neighbors were not good at remembering not to pet Isaac when he is wearing his service dog vest , either . Of course , they don 't see him in his vest very often . So I figured it would be difficult for both Isaac and our neighbors to behave during this meeting . Well , he did fantastic ! So did most of our neighbors . Of course , a couple of them had gotten a talking to after the rummage sale . Isaac did stand up and whimper a bit when a couple of his favorite people came in , but when I told him to lie down , he did . At the end of the meeting , I took off his vest and let him socialize with everyone , which he really enjoyed . It was particularly challenging for Isaac , I think , because some people came in to the meeting after it had already started , and so there was no time to let him say hello . Normally what I do if he is going to have to be working around someone he likes a lot , like if Mike and I go out to lunch or something , is I give Isaac a chance to say hello outside before we enter the restaurant . Then he is able to ignore Mike and do his job when we 're inside . But in this instance , people were coming in after the meeting had already started so I couldn 't do that in this case . Isaac and I have been working on and practicing three commands , which I mostly want him to know for when we visit residents at the nursing home . I mean , they are good commands for him to know other places , too . But I think they are particularly useful for when he 's being a therapy dog . " Lap " means he puts his head in someone 's lap . Like , he is standing in front of or beside them , and puts his had in their lap , which makes it very easy to pet him . He is good at doing lap with me but not so good at doing it with other people , because we just haven 't had the opportunity to practice much with other people . I need to recruit some of my neighbors to let Isaac practice on them . To teach him " lap , " I simply held a treat in such a position that he had to put his head in my lap in order to get the treat , and when he did , said " lap " and gave him the treat and told him " good boy ! " Initially he only put his head in my lap long enough to get the treat , of course . After he did it instantly and reliably when I had a treat in position , I started giving him the command without holding a treat in my lap . He would do it , but only for an instance . I gave him a treat and told him " good boy ! " And then , after a while , I started requiring him to keep his head there a few seconds longer in order to get the treat . I actually taught Isaac " paws up " a while ago and he will do paws up in my lap , on the side of a chair or bed , even on the bumper of my car . Basically wherever I point . I taught him paws up mainly so I could give him a command to do that when people want him to and so he would quit doing it when people don 't want him to . And I taught him " off " at the same time . However , a few weeks ago at the nursing home , when I told Isaac to do " paws up " on a woman 's bed , he jumped up into bed with her instead . I definitely don 't want him doing that . I mean , it 's fine with me if he gets in bed with a resident if they say it 's OK , but I don 't want him doing it when I just told him to do " paws up " and I haven 't asked the resident if he can get on the bed with them . So I decided I needed a command that meant for him to get up on the bed and I decided it should not be " up " or " get up " or anything that might sound too much like " paws up " because I want him to be clear about the difference between the two . So I settled on jump . We have been practicing doing " paws up " and " jump " so Isaac gets to pay attention to exactly what he 's being told to do . We 've been practicing it on my bed and also on the couch . He thinks it 's fun . By the way , I wasn 't sure how the nursing home staff would feel about Isaac getting on residents ' beds and it would be fine with me if they preferred he didn 't . He hasn 't been in many people 's beds there but so far the staff doesn 't seem to mind at all . I read somewhere online that some nursing homes have policies where they don 't want therapy dogs to lick residents , either , or at least not to lick them in the face . That would be OK with me , too , but staff at this nursing home don 't seem to mind that , either . Now , I try not to let Isaac lick anyone in the face unless they are open to being kissed by a dog . He generally doesn 't kiss people anymore , at least not in the face , unless they get in his face and make kissy noises or in some way seem to be inviting him to kiss them . If someone does that , I let them know , " He might kiss you . " If they say they don 't want doggie kisses , I make sure to keep him away from their face . But usually , when they are doing that , they are delighted to get kissed . Last week , Isaac and I were shopping at Kroger . Not the little Kroger in the little town where we live , but a larger Kroger in a larger nearby town . I was searching for chia seeds , among other things , which the little Kroger near me does not carry . The first time was at the library . We got to the top of the stairs and were both surprised to see another dog there . Isaac immediately began to bark , in a fierce " I 'm going to eat you up " way . I was startled and embarrassed by his response . The other dog just looked at him like , " What is wrong with you , you fool ? " I immediately turned and took Isaac back downstairs and out of the library . I was really upset , embarrassed and felt like a service dog owner failure . The second time was at the thrift store . We rounded a rack of clothes and found ourselves face to face with another service dog team . Isaac let out a single , loud , surprised bark . I immediately turned in the opposite direction and we went directly to the front of the store , paid for our stuff and left . The single bark was much , much better than the display of ferociousness at the library , but it still wasn 't good . Isaac was still very interested in the other dog and practically walked backward down the aisle with me , trying to look behind him at the spot where he 'd last seen the dog . When he realized I was opening a package of treats and putting some in my pocket , he gave me some of his attention but needed a fair amount of redirection . He does love treats , but he really wanted to know where that other dog was and what she was doing . I tried to make sure we didn 't get too close to the other service dog team and I succeeded in that regard . We did see them one more time as we were heading down the health food aisle . They appeared to be heading toward the front of the store , where the registers are . Again , Isaac was very interested in them but he didn 't bark or even whine . He did get a lot of treats . When we were paying for our stuff , the cashier commented that we were the second service dog team to go through her line that day . She told me the other service dog handler has been shopping there with his dog for about seven years . She told me he gets mad if people pet his dog and she didn 't seem to know why , so I explained why you aren 't supposed to pet service dogs . Then I gave her permission to say hello to Isaac , which both she and Isaac enjoyed . I had to go to the dentist yesterday . I have some weird infection or something in my gum , where my bridge is . It 's sore , it 's been sore for a while , the dentist isn 't sure what it is or what 's causing it or what to do about it . I have this gross antibiotic rinse I have to use twice a day for a week . Then I go back to the dentist and if it 's not better , I have to go see a periodontist , which will not be covered by Medicaid and will likely cost a fortune . Oh . And there is a slight possibility that the problem is caused by a fractured root of the tooth one of the crowns for my bridge is on , although no fracture shows up on the x - ray . Apparently if it is a small vertical fracture , it may not be visible on x - ray until the pieces start to separate . That would be very , very bad news , because the only way to fix it would be to remove the tooth and make a new bridge . Um , I haven 't finished paying for the first bridge yet . If that happens , I may have to end up toothless for a good while . Then there is my income situation . I am waiting for my landlord to do the paperwork that will allow my rent to be reduced based on the decrease in my income . But he is not in a big rush to do that , I guess , and my income is reduced now but my rent won 't go down until next month . Maybe . If I 'm lucky . It could end up taking longer than that . As soon as he got out of the water , he rolled in dirt . Then he had to go back in for another swim . After which he rolled in more dirt . See a pattern here ? We had a picnic lunch and after we 'd eaten , my friend ask if he could give Isaac some of his leftover chicken . Isaac was quite pleased . He ate it all in about 30 seconds . He said it was a great day . Last night was the night of the fireworks at the county fairgrounds near my home . My apartment building is on a slight hill and there is a great view of the fireworks from the front lawn , or so I 'm told . Last year , Isaac and I stayed in the house . He was a bit nervous during the fireworks but not too bad . I thought this year , we 'd try going outside with all our neighbors to watch . I expected him to be a bit uncomfortable but I thought it would be manageable . I was wrong . Isaac had a great time waiting for the fireworks to begin because all his friends and a bunch of people he didn 't know but quickly made friends with were hanging out outside . He got plenty of pets and kisses and had a wonderful time . Then the fireworks started . Isaac tried to bolt . It was all I could do to hang on to the leash . He practically dragged me to the front door . Once we got inside the lobby of our building , he managed to pull the leash out of my hand . He ran to the elevator and waiting impatiently for me to get there , to push the button and for the door to open . On the ride upstairs , he huddled against my leg , shaking . I felt terrible that he was so scared . Once we got upstairs , he pulled me down the hallway to our door and waited impatiently for me to unlock it . Once we got inside , he seemed a bit better . He lay down in a corner of the living room and I sat beside him for a minute , petting him and telling him it was OK . I didn 't want to end up reinforcing the idea that the fireworks were actually dangerous , though , so after a minute I moved to the couch and got on my laptop . He looked tense until the fireworks ended , then seemed all right . Cayenne , on the other hand , was already hiding under the bed when Isaac and I got back to the apartment ( as I knew she would be ) and she did not come out for more than an hour after they ended . Apparently she got hungry and decided to chance it . However , I found it interesting , and kind of sweet , that he apparently felt his home was the safest place he could be . He didn 't just want to get in the building to hide somewhere . He wanted to be in his house . And while he was still nervous , he felt a lot better once he got inside the house . I 'm glad Isaac feels safe here . I 'm glad he thinks home is a place he can go to be safe . One of the women we always visit , I will call Sue . Three different staff people told me , before we got to Sue 's room , to make sure we stopped in and saw her , that she was really looking forward to seeing Isaac . She adores Isaac and he adores her . She is the one that told him , on our first visit , that she would give him her fried chicken at lunch if he would stay all day with her . Sue talks to Isaac a lot . She talks to me a little , but talks to him a lot . Today she told him she was sorry she didn 't have a treat for him . I pulled one out of my pocket and handed it to her , which delighted her . She offered it to Isaac , who of course gobbled it up with much happy slobbering . Remember the woman that , on our very first visit , was hesitant to pet Isaac but then seemed to really enjoy petting him and announced , repeatedly , that he was furry ? Well , today she noticed us approaching and reached out towards him to indicate that she was eager to pet him . She didn 't talk to us today , but she clearly was aware of his presence and happy to pet and interact with him . We visited one woman today that seemed pretty confused , but she was able to have a conversation about Isaac 's ears . I think Isaac has the softest ears ever , and when I noticed her touching them gently , I told her that . She agreed , repeating , " The softest ears ever . " Then she said , " Like velvet . " She lives in the Alzheimer 's unit and I was surprised she was able to make that observation . Another woman we usually visit , I will call Millie . Millie was sleeping last week when we visited so she didn 't get to see Isaac then , but the week before , she was absolutely thrilled to see him . She was thrilled today , too . She seemed a bit more confused than usual today , but still recognized Isaac and was thrilled that he was there . She was sitting on her bed and I asked her if it was OK if Isaac got up on the bed with her and she said , " Oh yes ! " So Isaac jumped up there and lay down beside her and she hugged him and cuddled him and petted him . She wanted to talk to me about Isaac but she was hard to understand today because she just seemed pretty confused . But it was clear she was saying positive things about Isaac and he seemed to understand her just fine . A couple of visitors asked if they could pet Isaac and I said , " Of course , that 's why he 's here ! He comes to get petted by everyone . " Visitors always seem happy to see Isaac , too .

Anyway you slice it , divorce is the shits . No matter how badly you want to get rid of your spouse , the whole process is set up to humiliate and aggravate , not to mention skinning you of every dime either your ex or the lawyers can extract . Looking back on it , I guess I got off better than some , but probably no better than average . I ended up being Carl McCormick , single father , living two thousand miles from my home and my two sons . My ex - wife , Sharise , was getting more and more unhappy , and was taking it out on me and the boys . I had asked her a number of times what the problem was , but never got an answer I could understand . She was just unhappy . I asked her if I was the problem and after hemming and hawing , she admitted I was . Apparently I wasn 't living up to her version of the American Dream and I was disappointing her . Sharise and I had married when I got her pregnant after we had been dating for several months . She was supposedly on the pill , but I guess they aren 't foolproof , so I was going to be a daddy . I was raised to accept my responsibilities and so I told Sharise we would be getting married . I 'm not so sure she was all for the idea , but she went along with it when her parents put some pressure on . We were both nineteen , and I was just beginning my way to earning my mechanics ticket through the apprentice program , so we weren 't exactly rolling in money . We were living in her parent 's basement to start with . Sharise didn 't want to work since she was pregnant and I couldn 't argue with her , so I started burning the candle at both ends . I was serving my apprenticeship during the day and moonlighting at a service station at night . Between the two jobs , we made enough to get by , but only just . When Charles was born , I was a pretty happy father . I had a son and he would be my pride and joy . I spent all the spare time I had with him , helping Sharise everywhere I could . I got pretty good at changing diapers and feeding him his bottle in the middle of the night . What little sleep I got was in fits and starts . Little Chuck wasn 't a year old when Sharise found out she was pregnant again . She was not pleased , but wouldn 't even consider getting rid of the baby . I was glad of that . When Lawrence was born , I had two sons and I couldn 't have been any happier than if I 'd won the lottery . It was a tough pregnancy for Sharise being so soon after her first one , so once again , I had to help out with both boys . When I look back on it , I figure that 's why the boys and I have always been tight . I think I must have held them , and changed them , and fed them , and read stories to them more than Sharise ever did , so it was only natural they 'd be close to me . No matter how tired I was from lack of sleep or long hours at work , I would always find the energy to look after my boys . Sharise told me straight out that she wasn 't going to have sex with me any more until I got " fixed . " So , against my better judgment , I got the snip job done to prevent any more accidents . I couldn 't complain , really . I had two fine sons and every day that I looked at them and watched them grow I found I was more and more proud of them . Now I don 't want you getting the idea that Sharise was a poor mother . She wasn 't . She was good to the boys and made sure they were fed and clothed and later on when they were in school , she 'd help with their homework too . If she had one problem , it was that she wasn 't a good cook . In fact , she was terrible in the kitchen , so more often than not , we would have store - bought dinners or fast - food takeout stuff . Not exactly health food , but we all survived . I 'm a pretty big guy at six - foot - two and about two hundred pounds . I work hard and don 't have the time or the inclination to drink a lot of beer , so between my two jobs and looking after the boys , I stayed in pretty good shape . As I watched the boys grow , I could see they were going to be big like me and I wasn 't wrong . Now at almost seventeen , Chuck was already my height , but not as heavy , and Larry was almost six foot and a bit bigger boned . They were going to be big dudes when they were full grown . Sharise is a good looking woman . I didn 't get no booby prize when I chose her . She was five - foot - six and even after giving birth to the boys , she didn 't weigh much more than the one - twenty when I married her . Pretty good boobs and a nice ass . All around , she was a fine looking woman . I got my HDM ticket when Chuck was six and just starting school . I was finally able to quit my second job and get a regular night 's sleep . I did work some overtime , but not so much that it cut into our family life . We could now go out to the movies , or to a proper restaurant for a meal once in a while . As time went on and I started earning more money , things got better again . Sharise didn 't want to work , but I didn 't mind since that would mean she was home with the boys and looking after them full time . She did want a car to get around in , though . I had my truck , but I needed that for my work , so I went looking for something to buy that wouldn 't break the bank and still make my wife happy . I found a nice , clean Honda Accord that I thought was perfect for her and took her down to see it . She didn 't want any part of that car . She said it was an " old ladies car " and flat out refused to drive it . Well , she took a walk around the lot and wouldn 't you know , she spotted a Ford Explorer that struck her fancy . I knew right off that it was going to be a couple of thousand more than I wanted to spend , but I couldn 't get her off the idea . She said that it wasn 't just a car , but a practical necessity . In the end , you guys know who wins those arguments , don 't you . She drove the Explorer home with me following behind . I 'd be working some weeks of overtime to pay for this one . Our life went along pretty good , I thought . When Chuck was in grade four , me and Sharise had been married ten years and we had a little celebration with our family and went down to Disney World . I knew Sharise wanted to go there , so it was an easy choice . It was the first proper vacation we 'd ever had outside of visiting my parents in Ohio each summer . They live on a farm and the boys always liked going there in the summer . Sharise wasn 't all that thrilled , but didn 't have any better ideas at the time . After Disney World , she started in about proper vacations every year . I was making pretty good money with my overtime ; usually over fifty thousand per . We owned a small three bedroom house just on the outside of town and my wife had the freedom to get around in her SUV when she wanted to . She joined the fitness center and started going there twice a week in the evenings . I guess she met up with some other women there , and once in a while , they 'd go out and have a drink or two before coming home . A couple of years ago , I noticed she was getting a bit later getting home and I talked to her about it . I was worried that she might be drinking too much and driving and she didn 't need a DUI on her record . She took my words to heart and said she wouldn 't drink more than one before changing to soda or coffee . I felt better about that . Well , I guess I was being played for a fool for some time . The boys got wind of it first . They spotted her riding around town in her Explorer with another guy in the front seat . When they asked her who he was , she got all fussed about it , and wouldn 't tell them , just that he was someone she was giving a ride to . They didn 't make a big deal of it with her , and they didn 't tell me either . A couple of weeks later Chuck saw their mother and the same guy in a restaurant , looking quite friendly . He was on his way to work at the grocery store when he walked by the window of the restaurant , he saw them in there and waved . I couldn 't figure out what was wrong with Sharise that evening , but she was upset about something . When Chuck got in from work just after seven , she got even jumpier . Sometime later , I guess she got with Chuck and let him know there was nothing going on with her and that fellow she saw her with . They were just having a coffee and talking and please don 't mention it to your father . Well , Chuck isn 't stupid and he figured something was up , so naturally he came to the one person he could trust to give him advice - me . I told him to leave it with me and not say anything to Larry , but I was too late for that . He 'd already mentioned it to his brother , so I talked to both of them and said I would handle it and not to say anything to their mother . I had a sick feeling about what might be going on , but I wanted to know for sure . When I thought about it , the only time Sharise could " entertain " a boyfriend was when the boys were in school and I was at work . I decided to do a little detective work on my own . It was only about fifteen minutes from the shop to home and it was easy for me to take off at lunch and drive home to see if there was anything suspicious going on . The first couple of days there was no sign that things weren 't normal . I could peek in the side window and see through to the kitchen and I could see Sharise having her lunch by herself , so I assumed everything was okay . I parked in the back lane so she wouldn 't know I was around , and once I was sure she was by herself , I went back to work . After three days I 'd come to the conclusion that if she was fooling around , she was doing it after the boys left for school , or after lunch . Either way , she had a couple of hours free and clear . When I thought about it some more , I figured I needed a couple more clues to help me out , but I was damned if I knew what they would be . Then , one clue fell out of the mailbox . Our phone bill always showed the numbers called and the number calling . Sharise always paid the bill promptly and I don 't know what she did with the statement , but it wasn 't lying around . I waited until she went out shopping on Saturday before I started to look . I found her stack of statements for gas , electric , water , and telephone in the back of her side of the closet . They were all put away neatly in a shoe box . I pulled out the last four phone statements and sat down to look at them . I knew some of the numbers by heart , of course . The boys ' cell phones , her cell phone , my cell phone , the home number , the shop number , and a couple of her friends . There were four other numbers I didn 't recognize , so I copied them down and put the statements back where I found them . I figured the simplest way to find out who those numbers belonged to was to call them . The first number I dialed was the drug store . No problem , I just hung up telling them it was a wrong number . The second number turned out to be the exercise place . Again , wrong number and I hung up . The third number didn 't answer , but the voice mail picked up . I dialed the fourth number and it turned out to be our doctor . I can 't remember Sharise or the boys having a doctor 's appointment , but if she did , my medical insurance statement would show it . The call had been made two months ago . I took a chance and called the doctor 's office back . " Hello , this is Carl McCormick calling . I 've just been going over my Health Insurance statement and I found a charge I couldn 't remember what for . Can you help me ? " I should know what an I . U . D . was , but I wasn 't sure . Easy enough to find out . I went to our computer and " googled " it . That 's when I knew I was in trouble . It was a birth control device , and since I 'd already had a vasectomy , she wasn 't worried about me getting her pregnant . It was for someone else . I sat in the living room for a while , feeling sick and defeated . There wasn 't much doubt now that she was having an affair . It was a matter of where and when and who with . I wouldn 't be satisfied until I knew the answers to all those questions , so I got up and went out to my truck and took off for town . I stopped at a Radio Shack and talked to a guy about recording telephone calls and how hard it was to hook something up . Turns out it wasn 't hard at all , and the machine wasn 't that expensive either . I bought it and took it home and installed it in the basement . We only had one phone line , but there was an extension in the basement and I used that to hook up the recorder . Sharise never went near my workshop for fear of getting dirty , so I wasn 't worried about her discovering it . I had a hell of a time acting normal around my wife . I knew , or at least I was pretty sure that she was cheating on me . The I . U . D . was the most damning evidence , but I was hoping the rest of the unanswered questions would be looked after by the telephone recorder . It wasn 't a perfect plan since she had a cell phone , but it was a start . I didn 't get a chance to check the recorder on Monday night , so I waited until she went to her exercise class on Tuesday before I got to it . It didn 't take me long to have my worst fears confirmed . His name was Soren Phillipson and he worked at the exercise place . As far as I could tell , they had been meeting about twice a week during the afternoons and this had been going on for about two months . What I didn 't know was where they met . I looked up Phillipson in the phone book and found only one S . Phillipson listed , with an address that I copied down . It looked like an apartment number , but I thought I would drive over there and find out . Sure enough , it was one of those cheap , three storey wood frame buildings with about twelve apartments . I couldn 't see any sign of Sharise 's Explorer in the parking lot , so I walked into the lobby and checked the mail boxes . S . Phillipson was in apartment 303 , which I assumed was the top floor . " Excuse me , Sir , " I said politely . " Do you know if a Mrs . Jane Phillipson is the wife of S . Phillipson ? I have a delivery for her . " " Oh . Looks like there 's been a screw - up . I better go back to the office and see if I can get it straightened out . Thanks for your help . " I walked back to the car . So Soren was a single guy . One more piece of information . I was now guessing that they were meeting at this apartment , and I would stake it out the next time they planned to meet . I was sure I 'd get that information off the phone recorder , and I was right . They had their next session set up for Thursday afternoon . I had no problem getting Thursday afternoon off for a doctor 's appointment . I was surprised that I wasn 't raging mad at my wife for her cheating ways . I felt more sad than anything . I had already decided I was going to divorce her ; that was for certain now . I wasn 't going to let her get away with this without letting her know I knew . I waited until a little after two before I drove to Phillipson 's apartment building and walked up the stairs to the third floor . A quick look told me that there was no one in the hallway and I parked myself across from the door to 303 . I had what seemed like a long wait . I didn 't hear anyone inside until almost three - thirty when it sounded like someone was coming near the door . I moved along the hallway just off the knob side of the door . I wanted my surprise to be complete . The door opened and there was my wife in a lip - lock with some guy I 'd never seen before . He had his hands on her ass and was squeezing her cheeks pretty good before they broke apart . Sharise kissed him once more , then turned to walk down the hall and ran straight into me . " Based on what I saw just now between you and your pal Soren , I 'd say you were doing everything wrong , Sharise . And don 't try and tell me nothing was happening in his apartment for the last two hours . I know better . " " Don 't come home , Sharise . You aren 't welcome there . Get yourself a lawyer . You 're going to need one . If you want your shit , it 'll be in the garage . Your opener will still work until I change the code tomorrow at six o ' clock . Don 't phone me or the boys . Oh . . . by the way . It was the boys who busted you . How does that make you feel ? " I 'm not one for denial . I had to accept that the marriage was dead , so I got ahold of a lawyer and he filed the papers on Sharise , citing irreconcilable differences to get it over and done with as soon as possible . Sharise never tried to talk to me and must have pretty well figured out I wasn 't the forgiving kind . As usual in a no - fault state , there are no winners - only losers . Sharise never worked a day in her life as far as I knew . I made good money and she spent as much or more of it as she could . I was working overtime just to keep up with her . Now , she was going to need to get herself a job and it was going to be a big shock to her . When we got to family court , that 's when I got screwed , having to pay her alimony and letting her back in the house . The child support was no problem , but she wouldn 't be handling it and she could damn well whistle for alimony . I kind of knew the lay of the land when it came to family court , so I wasn 't caught by surprise . In my case , she got half my retirement , half the house , half our savings , and half of our cars . Throw in the child support and alimony , and needless to say , I came out the loser financially , despite the fact that she cheated and freely admitted it . When all was said and done , she must have gotten some satisfaction for a couple of weeks until I quit my job and left town . They don 't put out all points bulletins for runaway exs , not even me . That 's what I 've become , a runaway ex . Sharise made a big stink about looking after our boys , Chuck and Larry , even though at sixteen and fifteen they pretty much look after themselves . If they 're lucky , she won 't poison them with her cooking . So when she figures out that I 've taken my truck , my share of the savings and checking account , and left town without a goodbye , not to mention no alimony or child support check for her , she 'll know how it feels to be really screwed . I didn 't worry about the house . The mortgage isn 't big , but there isn 't enough equity to amount to anything , so it 's all hers , complete with payments and my blessing . The boys can look after themselves as long as she feeds them and gives them a bed to sleep in . I reckon they 'll give Sharise a hard time for a while . As far as they were concerned , I was a great dad . I told Chuck and Larry about my plans , and they were all for it . Getting the old lady off her ass and out looking for a job would be a start . I told them that if they couldn 't hack it , to call me on my new cell phone and let me know . I 'd swing by and pick them up and all three of us would be gone . I know it sounds like I 'm leaving the boys without any financial support , but that 's just not so . I set up an account that Chuck could access and put a thousand dollars in it . It was going to have to last them at least a month until I found a job and could send them some more . I 'd already looked after the rest of the household bills . I was going to make sure that the money I was supposed to pay in child support wasn 't going anywhere near my ex - wife . Knowing her , the boys would be lucky to see half of it while she spent the rest on herself . Chuck and Larry were in on the deal , of course , and sworn to secrecy . They really wanted to stay in our home town since that 's where all their friends were ( including girl friends of course ) , and where they 'd gone to school their whole lives . So , as long as Sharise didn 't abuse them or make them suffer , I would make sure they were going to be okay . Chuck had a part - time job after school and on Saturdays at the grocery store , so he had some cash . Larry wasn 't old enough to get a real job yet , so he did odd jobs in the neighborhood . Earlier that week , I had moved half our checking account and savings to a new account I opened in my name , along with a new credit card . I also cancelled our only credit card that was in both our names . There was only about a hundred dollars on it , so it was no big deal , but I didn 't want her running up a bunch of new charges on it , just the same . Now if this sounds like a real loosey - goosey plan , you 're wrong . I had this deal all figured out . Remember I told you that sometimes good comes with the bad . All my days I had wanted to own an Airstream motorhome . Well , a little looking on the internet turned up several for sale , but the one that caught my eye wasn 't that far away . I horse - traded with a guy over in Duluth , Minnesota who wanted to sell his ' 89 Airstream 325 motorhome . I would swap him my ' 05 Silverado Heavy Duty straight up for the motorhome . It was a good deal for me , since he 'd been looking for only $ 30k for the Airstream . It had a nearly - new Cummins turbo diesel , new tires , refurbished kitchen , and all the accessories you could ever want . I phoned the old guy who was selling it after his wife died and we cut a deal . Of course , it was all conditional on both the motorhome and my truck being " as advertised . " I quit my job over the protests of my boss who was all set to give me a raise . I felt bad about that , but when I explained what was going on with my life , he understood . He didn 't like it , but he understood . I got my holiday pay along with my regular paycheck and put them in my new personal account . I packed my stuff , said a tearful goodbye to Chuck and Larry , and headed out to Minnesota to pick up my Airstream . I arrived the next day and the old fellow took me out to see it . It was in perfect shape and everything he said about it was true . I was nearly dizzy with excitement and it was all I could do to calm down enough to listen as he told me how things worked and what they were for . Why , he 'd even taken the trouble to write all this stuff down so if I did forget and got myself into problems , I 'd have something to help me along the way . I hated to part with my Silverado , but owning an Airstream had been an almost life - long dream of mine . Ever since I saw the very first one I knew that was the machine that someday I wanted to have . Now that dream had come true , although it was mixed up with a nightmare at the same time . It 's a shame they don 't make them any more . It took me a while to get used to the big unit , but every hour I spent in it told me I 'd made the smartest deal I 'd ever done . All I needed now was a job that I could make some decent money at and I 'd be doing fine . I 've got my ticket as a heavy duty mechanic and the way I look at it , guys like me are always in demand . It 's just that the demand wouldn 't be in my home town . Chuck and Larry kept me informed on my cell phone and by e - mail on how they were doing . Seemed like they were okay so far . Sharise had spent most of her time trying to find a job that paid more than Walmart . One thing for sure , she didn 't have any time or money to be screwin ' around in some tavern or dance hall . Finally , she got a job at one of the box plants working in the shipping department . In the meantime , I was doing fine in Hermiston . I rented a serviced space for the Airstream and got set up to use it as a mobile bachelor pad . It had quick disconnects for the power , water , and sewer , so I could drive it to work or cut out for a weekend getaway whenever I wanted . It was a whole hell of a lot cheaper than renting an apartment .

The last time I made Aegis cry was 2 or 3 years ago . We were at a party , and I remember quite a few people cloistered around the dining room table , some were seated , some were standing . I was fortunate to have a seat . Aegis was fortunate to be sitting across from me . She was acting a little flippant about the trip . " Yeah , I 'm going to head down there , you know , hang out , see what 's what . " The women around her couldn 't have been more supportive . I 'm sure they said things like " Have a great time " and " Be careful , " but I wasn 't listening to their words . I was listening to their tone . And , to me , their tone sounded a lot like " Oooh , a boy ! Ooooh , a boy ! How exciting ! " I was annoyed at all of them that day while I sat at that table . But like a good father , I kept my mouth shut . I figured she was old enough to do whatever she wanted or chase whomever she wanted , and I couldn 't stop her . That 's basically what I told her when she asked me , " What do you think about my trip to Texas ? " " It 's your life , you 're an adult , don 't let me stop you . But since you 're asking me what I think , I 'm happy to answer . I can tell you right now that I hate this boy . I don 't like that he 's fine with the idea of you hopping on a plane and going to some strange city so you can test the waters . What happens if you don 't hit it off ? Is he going to dump you on some street corner and leave you to walk around in your insensible shoes ? If he wants to see you , he can get on a plane and come to our front door and take you out on a proper date . Then he can bring you home at a reasonable hour . That 's what I think . " She thought I was being harsh , and started to cry . " It 's all set up . He 's paid for the plane ticket and everything . " " I don 't care . You asked me what I thought . Whether you go or not , that 's your decision . I 'm just telling you how I 'm going to feel about him . " There were tears and pleas . " But , dad ! But , dad ! " She wanted me to approve of her trip , but I wouldn 't . I figured I would be proud of her no matter what she did . If she went , I would be proud of her for her rebel ways . If she didn 't go , I would be proud of her for her practicality . She couldn 't lose where I was concerned . Besides , this wasn 't a matter of me approving of her . It was a matter of me approving of her boyfriend . Maybe she cared if I approved of him . Maybe she didn 't . OK , she cared . Shortly after the party , she called M and told him that she was not going to Texas . He reminded her that he had already bought the plane ticket , and it was non - refundable . She didn 't budge . He was not happy . Aegis was not happy . But I was . I really liked M that day . Not only did he eat that ticket , he eventually started talking to my daughter again . And the next time they saw each other , it was in Utah . I learned nearly 22 years ago that it takes almost nothing to make my daughter cry . We were in Salt Lake City visiting one of K 's acquaintances who happened to live in a huge apartment building . K was holding Aegis ( which gives you an idea of how small Aegis was at the time ) while we waited for the elevator to reach our floor . Out of nowhere , Aegis slapped K in the face . My hands and arms were free , so I rushed to K 's defense and lightly tapped Aegis across the face . I was very proud of myself that day , and wondered who could benefit from my parenting technique . So I told a friend what I did to discipline my little pugilist . Then I waited for the compliments . This friend said to me , " We don 't like to teach our kids non - violence with violence . " I felt like a schmuck . And I vowed then and there to never lay a hand on my child again , a promise that I maintain to this day . It 's a good thing I didn 't say I wouldn 't kick her because then I would have felt really guilty . The one time I did kick her , right to the face , was a complete accident . One afternoon when Aegis was about 3 , I was lying on my bed reading . I never heard Aegis sneak in the room , I only felt the bite on my foot . Having the reflexes of a panther , I kicked hard , completely unaware of my target . Only when I put down my book did I realize that I sent Aegis flying across the room . She cried that time , too . Sigh . If I could take back the hurt I have caused , I would … except for that one time , on that glorious winter day , when we went outside to play in the snow . I think Aegis was no more than 2 . We had this old infant car seat in the garage that resembled a bathtub . I never trusted it as a safety device in the car but thought it would make an excellent snow sled . And I was right . I tied this rope to the front and put Aegis in this ridiculously over - insulated snow suit . She had more padding than the Michelin Man . We started out having so much fun that day . I pulled her everywhere in that sled . It felt like we were out there in that snow for hours . Whenever I stopped to take a little break , she would yell , " More , more . " I could barely move my legs . Fortunately , the parking lot was like an ice rink . With little effort , I could get that sled skidding across the ice , and since I wasn 't moving my legs much , the sled naturally fell into a nice , easy whip . I found that if I kept the rope taut , the sled would go faster and faster . Then I saw a way out . I pulled that rope tighter and tighter . The sled whipped around me at an alarming speed . Oh , I 'll give you more , I thought . With blessed relief , the sled eventually flipped , and Aegis rolled across that parking lot like a tumbleweed in a hurricane . Or a man on fire . She spun out of control , and even though she was well cushioned in her snow suit , she cried . But we got to go home , and that was all I cared about at that point . She got her revenge eventually . When she was in sixth grade , she wrote a report on Beethoven . She described how Beethoven 's father would often drag young Beethoven out of bed and force him to play for his drunken friends . In Aegis 's report , she mentioned that Beethoven 's father beat the young boy often , whacking him across the head . Some speculate that these incessant beatings resulted in Beethoven losing his hearing . At the end of her report , Aegis wrote : " My dad is a lot like Beethoven 's dad . " For weeks after she turned in her paper , I jumped every time the doorbell rang . Planning my daughter 's wedding has become a family affair . We talk about it all the time . I 'm just as involved in the discussion as my wife and two daughters . When we were discussing the wedding dress , I said , " Why do you have to have a wedding dress ? " When the subject of a cake came up , I said , " Why do you have to have a cake ? " When Aegis tossed around a few ideas about dresses for her bridesmaids , I said , " Why do you have to have bridesmaids ? " " Do you have a photographer yet ? " she said . My daughter does not , so the rep told her about a photographer with reasonable rates who did incredible work . Now keep in mind that Aegis is wearing her mother 's wedding dress , which K will tailor . The reception hall is free . The church my wife and daughters attend will loan tables and white tablecloths . K is making the cake . This wedding is shaping up to be so modestly priced that we have yet to meet a corner that needs cutting . " I 'm going to give you this photographer 's number , and I want you to promise me that you will call him , " the rep said . " A word of advice : get married at sunrise . That 's what me and my husband did . We were married on the beach at Cabo . The sun was rising in the east and a full moon was setting in the west , and this photographer was able to capture both in one shot . It was magnificent . At the reception I made all of the guests wear nothing but white , and I wore a bright red dress . I was like a rose in snow . It was the most beautiful wedding you 've ever seen , and we were featured in a bridal magazine . " My daughter told me this story while we were on a three mile run . I listened closely and tried to imagine the amount of planning that must have gone into that wedding , not to mention the cost . Then I imagined my daughter planning something equally as ambitious . " Do you have to have a photographer ? " I asked . I suppose a wedding in Cabo would be fun . I would definitely like to be invited to such an occasional , as long as I could stay in my room or at the pool , and as long as I didn 't have to wear all white . I would be happiest at that wedding if I could observe from a distance . I would want to be far enough away where I could see the people but not make out any of the faces , where I could hear music but no make out any of the lyrics . I would recline in a comfortable chaise longue , good book in hand , with an occasion interruption from a fellow guest who wandered in my direction to see how I was doing . K would be that guest . And she would bring me food and catch me up on the latest . That would be a fun wedding . Then , when my brother - in - law and his wife , who would also be attending the wedding , had their fill of mingling with the wedding party , they would come my way and we would play canasta . That would be a good invite . K and I have been to Cabo only one time . We stayed one week . A full week at a resort without our kids , which was something we hadn 't done in twenty years . We had no plans to go scuba diving or parasailing . All we wanted was 7 consecutive days by the pool and 7 consecutive days of sex . Something else we hadn 't done in twenty years . Our hotel was 45 minutes from the airport . We shared a ride to the hotel with 3 other couples , maybe 4 . During the ride , I remember being distracted by the abundance of desert flora , which went on for miles . I was also distracted by the woman behind me who wouldn 't stop talking . She , too , went on for miles . She was , what you call , savvy . She bought property when it was low , and sold it when it was high . She knew her way around Mexico , where to eat , where to shop , where to stay , when to stay , and she schooled us all . " Never do your shopping when you see a cruise ship docking . The local merchants triple their prices . " I had a window seat in that van with a pretty good view of a Carnival ship floating out there in the bay of Cabo . I also had a good view of the city of Cabo and what looked to me like unmistakable poverty . I imagined all of the locals frantically running from their ramshackle one - and two - room homes and changing all the prices on the merchandise . Then I imagined the cruise ship tourists , stomachs bloated from hours of feeding at all - you - can - eat buffets and dessert bars , pouring into the streets of Cabo and paying $ 18 for a souvenir sombrero that should have retailed for $ 6 . I soaked in the reality that we were 8 or so Americans speeding down a Mexican highway in an air - conditioned van , a specially permitted van that was authorized to enter the resort where we were all staying . We 'd just flown into a foreign country , something the locals in Cabo would likely never experience , and after doing our best to shield ourselves from the poverty of Mexico by hiding within the walls of the resort , we would return to the richest country in the world . I scolded this woman in my mind for her selfishness . Lady , I thought , you should gladly pay these poor people 10 times the price . That 's what I gladly did … again , in my mind , as I am a person who does not like to shop . My mind was very active on that drive to the resort . I remember thinking as we passed retaining walls and various building , Hmmm … . looks like they sell spray paint in Mexico . I also thought it was interesting that none of the men in the van were speaking . Only the women . There we were , 4 or 5 men in the van with nothing to say to each other . I 'm not sure what these men saw when they looked at me , but from my viewpoint , they looked like still - life paintings . And while my mind was abuzz with musings and fantasies and judgments , these other men appeared to be , from the neck up , completely at rest . I wondered , Is it just me , or are they thinking too ? I didn 't dare ask , for fear that maybe , unbeknownst to me , real men don 't think . I don 't think real men say " unbeknownst " either . We immediately settled into a routine at the resort : morning walks along the beach , mid - morning , afternoon and early evening lounging at the pool , dinner at night , then sex . That was our itinerary for seven straight days . And we stayed the course . By day 5 we would spring from the bed ready for our sandy stroll . Then we would stake out a couple of chaise longues at the pool . We 'd have books , crossword puzzles , peanut M & Ms , cashews , and cokes in tow and not move for hours . After the sun went down , we 'd head for our room for a little hanky panky . And while , in the early days of our trip , we had the vigor of a 20 year - olds in the bedroom , by day 5 , our stamina began to wane . Nevertheless , we had a goal . We 'd return to our room at night , sigh , and say , " OK , if we 're going to do this , let 's just get it over with . " At the beginning of our trip , we derived pleasure from the act itself ; towards the end , we triumphed in its completion . " OK ! Good job ! Two more days to go ! " We have this rule during bedroom fun : nobody leaves until we 've both climaxed . This rule presented a bit of a challenge by day five . Our expressions of physical love didn 't feel much different than starting a stubborn car . RRRRRRrrreeehhhRRRRRRrrrreeeeehhhRRRRRrrrreeehhh … . " C ' mon baby , c ' mon ! " … . . RRRRRRrrreeehhhRRRRRRrrrreeeeehhhRRRRRrrrreeehhh … . " C ' mon baby , c ' mon ! " Then we 'd stop and let things settle . We 'd take a deep breath , then RRRRRRrrreeehhhRRRRRRrrrreeeeehhhRRRRRrrrreeehhh … . " C ' mon baby , c ' mon ! " Then , the relief when our engines fired . " Two more days to go ! " By day seven , our expressions of physical love felt more like CPR . We tried anything to get the heart beating . " Stay with me , stay with me . 1 , 2 , 3 CLEAR ! 1 , 2 , 3 CLEAR ! " Then , when we reached that " blip " - what euphoria in knowing that we weren 't completely dead , plus the euphoria in knowing that we could turn on the TV again . My daughter has some decisions to make about her soon - to - be married name . Her fiancé 's got one of those combo deals , separated by a hyphen . As family lore goes , great grandpa and great grandma had a baby out of wedlock ( I could be off a generation or two ) . To keep the villagers from rioting , great grandpa and great grandma decided the baby would take on a his - and - her surname . Eventually , the love child with two last names grew and had sons of his own , and those sons had sons , until one day my future son - in - law was born . By the time the name reached M 's generation , the hyphen had weakened . M uses only the name that falls to the left of the hyphen . He has brothers who go exclusively by the name that falls to the right . His mother uses only the first initial of each last name , abandoning the hyphen altogether . K was faced with a similar decision when we got married . She had to decide what her last name would be . As we were filling out the marriage license , I watched in bewilderment as K wrote down my last name as her new name . " Why ? I don 't even like my last name . You have an incredible opportunity to choose any name in the world . Why are you picking mine ? " I should have seen the signs that day that we were completely incompatible . Sometime after we were married , and before K was pregnant with our first child , I decided I liked the name " Aegis " . K hated it . " Steve thinks we 're going to name our daughter Aegis . He 's crazy if he thinks I 'm agreeing to that . I hate it . It 's not even a real name . " Everyone she told agreed that K should put her foot down - right on top of the name Aegis . When K got pregnant , her friends and the people she worked with would joke about the name Aegis . They 'd say to K , " How 's little Aegis , how 's little Aegis , " and they would all laugh . They joked about it so much that K could not get the name out of her head . Whenever I asked her to suggest a name for the baby , all she could come up with was Aegis . She was extremely frustrated and nervous that I would win out , and that our baby , if she were a girl , would be called Aegis . I felt a little sorry for K and started giving her name suggestions . After all , I had already chosen a name , and I figured it was only fair that K chose one too . We went through a long list of names . No , no , no , no , no . I was exhausted . A day or two before our daughter 's birth , I mentioned the name " Sadie " . K liked it well enough , and I had no strong feelings against it , so we agreed , if we had a girl , we would name her Sadie Aegis . Of course , we did have a girl , and she has that name to this day … sort of . While K was recovering in the maternity ward , I went to the administration office of the hospital to fill out paper work . In the name section of the birth record , I wrote " Sadie Aegis 1 . " For no good reason whatsoever , I thought I would add the birth order number in each of our children 's names . Anyway , the clerk helping me took the form and wrote in my last name , which really bugged , but I figured my daughter could drop it later . A few days later , K and I were at home in bed . The lights were out and all was quiet . I took a chance that K was still awake and said , " I have a confession to make , " and I contritely told her what I had written on the birth record . " And I know that it will stay that way forever because you 're too lazy to go down there and change it " I said . I was surprised that she didn 't argue , and I fell asleep in peace . The next night was much like the night before . We were lying in bed . The room was dark . We both assumed the quiet would last till morning . Then K said , " I have a confession to make . " She told me the hospital called and wondered if there was a mistake in the birth record . " There 's a number ONE in her name , and we can 't tell what the middle name should be because it 's horribly misspelled . Should we take that number one out ? " Yes , K said . She told me this little story then laughed and went right to sleep . Soon after , K and I went down to the county building to settle our daughter 's name once and for all . K was adamant that we leave the number out . I was adamant that Aegis be the first name . I did not want it relegated to middle name status . We both agreed that " Aegis " before " Sadie " didn 't flow as well , so we put both names under the first name heading and separated the two names with a slash . So , on her birth certificate , her first name is Sadie / Aegis . Most people call her Sadie . A few in the inner circle call her Aegis . And one of my friends calls her Sah - dee - juss . It 's clear that we put a lot of thought into her name . We needn 't have bothered . From about age 2 to 5 , Aegis either introduced herself as Dorothy or corrected us when we told others her name was Sadie . When she was 8 or 9 , she made this startling admission : " I wish you had named me something exotic , like ' Ivy ' . " K mentions almost daily how sad she will be to see our elder daughter move to San Antonio . She won 't have any friends or family there to lean on . I haven 't given it a second thought , until K mentioned that our younger daughter , who is 21 , will be alone at home during those times when K and I go out of town . Then I started to feel sad . My poor H . Being a parent never appealed to me . In fact , I hoped more than anything that I was sterile . No such luck . After we were married , K and I practiced birth control for one year then decided to fire live rounds . She was 32 . She wanted 4 children . Time and her age were against us . We figured it might take a year for her to get pregnant . We were wrong . The first time without birth control was a charm . We learned that K was pregnant while we were visiting my mother in California . We were at an amusement park just outside of San Jose . K was a little worried . She was a day or two late for her period . Her boobs were swelling . Her form - fitting shirt , which fit perfectly days before , would barely close . The buttons were sweating under the strain of keeping too little fabric over too much body . Our visit ended and we left San Jose for Utah . By the time we reached Reno , K had the passenger seat fully reclined in an attempt to suppress the nausea . Every one hundred miles or so I would ask her if she felt any better . She finally said yes nine months later at 5 in the morning in the delivery room . We didn 't have the luxury of a sonogram or the psychic abilities of a wise old gypsy , so the gender of the baby was a complete surprise . Besides me and K and the baby , there was a team of doctors and nurses in the room on stand - by because of some evidence the baby might encounter some complications . We had all of those experts in the room , but I , of course , was the first to speak when the baby finally came into full view . " It 's a boy ! " I shouted . Once the experts determined that she was completely fine , they sped her off to the nursery for a battery of tests - normal stuff for a newborn . I followed . A nurse was filling out a card scoring her on reflex , coloring , etc . She wrote down a " 9 " next to one of the categories . We enrolled her in her first dance class when she was 4 . She hung on the ballet bars the whole time , her feet rarely touching the ground . Forty feet away the other girls and the instructor leapt and twirled in unison . My daughter never once joined them . After 8 years in piano lessons , I watched proudly as she played her recital piece in front of a large audience . My guess is she was 13 or 14 years old . At that same recital I later watched in horror as a 7 year old boy sat at the piano and played that same piece . He had been taking lessons for a year . My daughter continued piano lessons for 2 or 3 more years . She continued to play that piece each subsequent recital . The swim team was no different . Year after year I went to her meets . It was always the same . While the other swimmers took their mark on the block , my daughter took the opportunity to dance and shake her hips , turning two or three times on the block while waving her arms . Eventually , she would crouch down like the other swimmers . Instead of looking at the water , she would look at the other swimmers . She , and the rest of us , would then watch the other swimmers dive into the pool . Eventually , she would follow . Her proudest moment and greatest triumph was a first place ribbon in a free - style race . The little down - syndrome girl who was competing against my daughter came in second . I remember once picking her up from elementary school . I came at the tail end of a volleyball match among the 5th graders and got to see her play . She looked really nervous and jittery . She kept clapping her hands and saying , " C ' mon , we can do this ! We can do this ! " When the ball was served , she took every opportunity to run where the ball wasn 't . If the opposing team hit it to the right , she ran to the left and vice versa . I never gave up hope . After much pleading , I finally gave into my daughters and bought them a trampoline . Month after month , year after year , I indulged her : " Watch me , dad , watch me ! " She performed the same trick every time . She would get a tiny bit of elevation in a standing position , drop to a sitting position , then land in a standing position , and finish off the trick by pulling a wedgie . In the classroom , S was , let 's say , casual about learning . Her best subject was Friends , her favorite grade was " B " . I tried everything I could to make her smart . I read to her every day until she was 12 . I played educational games with her . I even hired a math tutor . I was involved in PTA , attended every parent - teacher conference and chaperoned on field trips . She just wasn 't interested . In fact , when she was about 16 she said , " Do you know why I hate to read ? Because you read to us ALLL the time . " Still , I never gave up . When S was a senior in high school , she called me at work with some exciting news . " Dad , I made the honor roll ! Can you believe it ? " No , I couldn 't . Finally . Somehow I had gotten through , so I thought . She then explained : " You know , I decided that I didn 't care anymore . I was sick of trying . I figured , school , who needs it . And now I 'm on the honor roll . I can 't believe it ! " My daughter , the genius . When she was 3 , I fondly remember the time she came at me with an ax that she had found in her grandfather 's garage . I was videotaping my kids for the first time and had the camera pointed at my younger daughter . Behind my back , S was planning a sneak attack . I turned just in time to move out of the way . I caught the whole thing on tape - maniacal laughter and all . Another time , when S was 7 , I was driving the family to who knows where when S reached from behind and covered my eyes . I was doing 50 mph . She was laughing pretty hard , which got me laughing . I was having so much fun it didn 't occur to me to ask S to remove her hands . K didn 't feel the same . Instead of laughing , K felt more like freaking out and lecturing . Right around that same time , S left me a voicemail at work . She said , " Hi , Dad , how are you … ( long pause ) … Nothing much … ( short pause ) … school was good , are you having fun at work …… Mom ? … . . yeah , she 's here … . . do you want to talk to her ? " The next voice I hear is my wife : " Hello ? " Then , in the background , I hear peals of laughter coming from S . I remember her doing or saying something funny almost daily . She is clever and quick , her stories humorous and graceful . Her quips were priceless ; I didn 't think I could ever forget them . Boy , was I wrong . All I 'm left with are general impressions . One thing I do remember was her incredible ability to impersonate voices . From a very early age she could imitate voices with uncanny accuracy . I thought she was brilliant , and I wanted our friends and extended family members to think so too . Every chance I got I put her on display . Eventually she refused to perform saying , " I 'm not your circus monkey . " When she was really little , her favorite toy was string . From about age 2 to 5 , she tied knots around the handle above the window in the back seat of the car . She often made these elaborate webs in her bedroom that stretched from the doorknob to the dresser to the bed frame to the closet to the doorknob to the rocking chair to the bed frame ad infinitum . She outgrew string and embraced bags as her new favorite toy . Not collector bags . Any bags , as long as they came from a grocery or department store . Bags of bags . They were all precious to her , even the ones from Albertsons . Among her grandparents , she is best known for using big words from an early age . I wasn 't all that impressed with her vocabulary because whatever big words she was saying , she wasn 't saying them in French , which I had hoped would be her native language . Nevertheless , I do remember one occasion where S wanted to come into our room and sleep with us . She was 2 years old . Our door was closed , which meant we needed some privacy . We told her that it wasn 't a good time , but she persisted . Her begging turned to bargaining , and she said , " Can I come in after your performance ? " Oh , that cute remark made the rounds at work . As I pulled the tray from the box , I noticed that a small , white card fell to the floor . The weird thing was I recognized it . In bold , black letters across the top were the initials " ZCMI " . It 's not every day you see a ZCMI card in California . If you wanted one , you had to go to Utah , where ZCMI department stores were located . What a disappointment . I thought they were giving us a silver tray because they thought we were elegant enough to need one . And they were well - off , so I heard , and that silver tray made me feel like they had accepted us into their circle . When I realized they were not so much giving us the tray as passing it along , I felt common again . Still , I wrote my uncle and pageant - beauty aunt a nice thank you note . I told them we loved the tray and were honored that they remembered us on our wedding day . I signed our names to the card then added : " P . S . You forgot something . " And I put that ZCMI card in the envelope , licked it shut and mailed it . My uncle 's visit that day set us back about a half - an - hour . K needed to get ready . My mother had food to make . The rain stopped and the clouds cleared , which meant I had to mow the front yard . We were desperate for help when my brother 's wife showed up . She immediately went to work on removing the big red fingernail polish square on the door . Things were looking up . A little while later , K came outside to see me . " Your brother 's wife decided to bathe the little ones in the guest bathroom . They 've turned that bathroom into an Olympic - sized swimming pool . There 's water everywhere . She 's used all of the guest towels - I 've never seen a bigger mess . " She went back into the house to finish getting ready . Moments later my sister returned home . I watched from the yard as she ran into the house . I could tell she was rushing . She had a lot to do before the reception - shower , dress her kids and pick up the cake that was still at her friend 's house . From where I stood , I didn 't see or hear the explosion . I saw only my brother and his wife and their children fly out the front door . " We 're leaving . Maybe you can stop by later to get your gift , " he said . Now what ? I wondered . I went inside for some answers . My sister was screaming hysterical . " I left this house spotless ! " she kept repeating . K was hugging my crying mother . It was pretty obvious to me why my sister was upset . All you had to do was look at the condition of the house - the clutter and detritus had quadrupled in the short hour it took me to mow the lawn . But what was making my mother cry ? Something really bad , I thought . And something that goes on in K 's family too … what had I married into ? I went back outside to finish the yard . K soon followed . She looked liked she had just survived a plane crash , mystified that she was able to walk away from the wreckage . " To comfort her . My family would never do this . I had no idea families had these kind of fights . " I suppose K did the right thing telling my mom that little fib , even though it spooked me a bit at first . I didn 't want to be married to a family that misbehaved . K continued : " I hate to say it , but I 'm relieved your brother won 't be here . On the other hand , I 'm worried that this reception is going to be a complete disaster . " We went inside the house so K could finish getting ready , and I could clean . My sister left to finish the cake , my mom continued preparing food , and I vacuumed , showered and dressed . We worked fast . Guests would be showing up anytime . Soon order was restored and the house was again spotless and calm . My mother laid out an incredible spread of food on a buffet table . My sister made it home in time to set up the cake . Just a little adjustment and it was centered perfectly on the table . K was fastening her earring , the final touch to her outfit , when the doorbell rang . It was our first guest . I didn 't give my daughter too many details about our reception in California - I got the impression that she was interested in something a little more top hat and a little less big top . I simply told her that with a minimum of planning , she could pull off a reception as memorable as the one we had . " So relax and don 't worry so much . " I assured her , like I assured my wife twenty - six years ago , that no matter what , everything would work out fine . She seemed convinced and thanked me for my wise words . The next day , K told me that she overheard my daughter having one of those heart to hearts with M on the phone . It was late at night . My daughter 's bedroom door was closed , but K could hear her crying as she painted a pretty gloomy picture of their wedding day . I was a little deflated to think that my daughter was not so crazy about my advice . I had a perfectly wonderful wedding , and I don 't remember doing any planning . Hundreds of people joined us to celebrate our blessed union . We greeted them , fed them and opened their gifts - what was there to plan ? I was in school and working , and I didn 't think much about the big day , though K did her best to involve me as much as possible . I think she asked my opinion on the wedding announcement - the paper , the lettering , that type of thing . I chose one . She chose another , which you can see today in our wedding album . " How many for your side ? " K asked me . Two days before the wedding I bought a black suit and put a rush order on the tailoring . I had some brown dress shoes , which didn 't go with my new suit at all . So I took the shoes down to a shoe repair place and had them dyed black . Rush order on that too . I was given five months to get ready for my wedding , and I was confident that I had used those five months wisely . Everything was in place . Still , I had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something … . " Your wedding doesn 't have to be complicated , " I said to my daughter . Then I proceeded to tell her all the possibilities , one of which included a big pancake breakfast . She didn 't like any of my suggestions . " Why not ? Mom and I will take care of everything . We were living in Utah and had an incredible reception in California , and grandma did the whole thing . We just showed up . " We had been married close to three months when it came time for the California reception . We 'd already had two : one in Utah and one in Idaho . But I was confident that the California reception would be the best . That was my side of the family . The California reception was for family and friends who could not attend the wedding . The drive to California should have taken us eleven or twelve hours . We had one stop to make in Las Vegas to pick up my sister . We started the trip at four o ' clock in the afternoon , and the way we figured it , we would get to my mom 's house about two in the morning . Traffic out of our valley was uncharacteristically at a standstill . No one was moving . I figured we 'd have better luck on the surface streets and got off the freeway at the first opportunity . We were really moving then , until the railroad crossing gates came down . The train was travelling at five mph , if not slower . Car after car we counted . Twenty - six , twenty - seven , twenty - eight . We waited for the train to speed up , but it never did . Forty - two , forty - three , forty - four . We were boxed in with no way of turning around . Besides , I could see the freeway from where we were , and traffic still was not moving . Eighty - nine , ninety , ninety - one . It was the longest train we had ever seen , and we got a pretty close look . One hundred thirty - three , one hundred thirty - four . After an hour , we finally saw the caboose . We started our engines , very anxious to be on our way . Just as the caboose was about to pass , the train stopped . The wait continued . After many minutes , the train gave a mighty oomph and started rolling … in reverse . One hundred sixty - two , one hundred sixty - one , one hundred sixty , one hundred fifty - nine . It was the slowest déjà - vu we had ever experienced . Eventually we were on the road at highway speeds . By the time we reached Las Vegas , it was after midnight . We didn 't have cell phones in those days , so we hadn 't alerted my sister to the delay . Didn 't matter , when we got to her place , she wasn 't there . So we waited . At least an hour . This was the second time K would see my sister . About five months earlier , I was taking K to California to meet my family . It was President 's Day weekend . We , naturally , got a late start , and my sister kindly let us stay the night with her in Las Vegas before continuing on to California . We arrived at my sister 's place and sat down on her sofa to visit . She was smoking two cigarettes , one in each hand . She sounded nervous . " I 'll prove it to you , " I said . " We have our announcements in the car . " I got up from the couch and was out the door . " Hey , " my sister said to K , " Are you seriously going to marry him ? " She took a puff on each of her cigarettes . " You better be careful . Steve 's horrible with money . It burns a hole in his pocket . He can 't hold onto a dime . " Puff , puff , puff , puff , puff . The next morning we packed up the car . Many times we begged her to go with us to California . She refused . We were nearly home free , but I had to seal the deal . " Why don 't you come with us ? " Please say no , please say no , please say no , please say no , please say no . The ride down to California was one of the worst in memory . She had the back seat all to herself , but she chose to lean in towards the front , framing herself between the bucket seats . Her mouth was inches from my ear , and her face filled my rear - view mirror . For the next four hours she gave me a free driving lesson . I really lucked out . It turns out that I wasn 't doing one thing right . My sister pointed that out , not wasting one minute of the drive . And it 's a good thing the lesson was free - the way I am with money … I told K : " Pretend you don 't want her to go . Act annoyed that she coming . " When she finally showed up at her place , I could tell she had been drinking . She deliberately tried to miss us . She thought it was safe to come home , banking that we would have given up and gone on without her , but we had been delayed by the train . I should have been glad . My sister had misbehaved horribly that President 's Day weekend . She yelled at everyone . She criticized me incessantly . She introduced me to old family friends as if we were total strangers . When they reminded her that they knew me quite well , she 'd say , " Oh , I figured you 'd never met the way he was ignoring you . " After all that , I still wanted her to go . Turns out we didn 't need her . Our reception was at the family home , which at the time was being rented by my sister and her family . My sister planned to spend the morning of our reception at a friend 's house making us a wedding cake , so she did all of her housecleaning the day before . The place was spotless , and she wanted it to stay that way . As she was leaving to go bake the cake , she left specific instructions . " Do not open this door . " ( The door she referred to led to a well - stocked toy room . At the top of the door , out of reach from children , was a hook lock . " Shortly after , my brother and his 3 - year old son came by to say hello . He wasn 't quite used to the idea that my sister was renting my mother 's home . He plopped himself on the couch and , reposing , demanded Sunday brunch from my mother . My mother tried to explain there would be no brunch that day as we were preparing for a wedding reception . But he insisted , " we always have brunch on Sunday " he said , so my mother sent me to the store with a grocery list . When I returned home , my brother was still resting comfortably on the sofa . I heard a loud crack coming from the backyard . When I looked out the sliding door , I saw a large piece of wood flying from the roof , landing with a whack . My sister 's husband decided he 'd finally get around to reroofing the covered patio , where the reception would be . My sister had asked her husband to fix the roof months before , and he didn 't want to get on her bad side . Another loud crack . Another whack . K was panicked . Guests would be arriving in five hours . Crack . Whack . I told her not to panic . Everything would turn out . I know most people don 't pray for rain on the day of their outdoor wedding reception , but I did . The next CRACK we heard was thunder , and rain it did . The reroofing would have to wait . Fortunately , my brother - in - law had not done too much damage to the roof , and I couldn 't see anywhere where the roof was leaking onto the patio . Neither could my brother - in - law . In fact , it was so dry under that roof that my brother - in - law decided to paint the railings and support beams . Inside , my mother was frantically preparing sandwiches , which she hoped would pass off for brunch . My brother , at some point , got off the couch just long enough to lift the catch of the lock on the toy room door and give his son unfettered access . My nephew , the natural disaster in training pants . Somehow he did a cannonball in the middle of that room , and the toys landed everywhere . Almost instantaneously the entire house was messy . Toys , newspapers , dirty dishes , and stuff . Everywhere . It all happened so fast . We never even noticed that my nephew got into K 's bright red nail polish and painted a big , solid square on a bedroom door . We had table and chairs to set up , food to cook , and K wanted plenty of time to get ready . Now we had to add cleaning to the list . Before we could get started , the door bell rang . It was my uncle , my mother 's only brother . He was hours early . The last time I saw him was at his wedding a few years before . I think it was his third marriage . He was forty something . So was his new father - in - law . He was still married when he came to see us that day . To a different wife . This one came with credentials . She was a former Miss California and rumored to be wealthy . We visited for about twenty minutes and learned that my new aunt had relatives in Provo , Utah where K and I lived . So far , my daughter plans to live in Texas after she gets married . Her attitude : no big deal . Until she talked to her future sister - in - law , the one from Brazil who is currently living in Florida . " See this ? " She showed my daughter a great big butcher knife . " When my husband 's at work during the night , this is what I keep under my pillow . " I remember her first attempt to move out . She was barely eighteen , and it was the week after her high school graduation . I decided that I would quit raising my kids once they turned eighteen . They could come and go as they pleased , do whatever they wanted to ; I wasn 't going to make decisions for them or pressure them . They would have to work for their triumphs and work out their mistakes , on their own . That was my rule . I wasn 't the type of parent to interfere . Not much anyway . I proved that when my daughter was a mere seven years old . We were sitting on a little retaining wall by the driveway . My daughter was picking a scab on her knee . Then I said , " No . I 'm not going to tell you what to do . It 's your body . If you want to ruin it and make the cut worse and make it bleed and risk infection and leave a scar , go ahead . I wouldn 't do it , but if you want to , go ahead . It 's your choice . " Eleven years later , she would disrupt my peace and express her independence a second time , which brings me back to her threat to move out . Her best friend at the time was told she would have to get a place of her own upon graduation . The friend was fine with the idea , and so was my daughter . They decided they would move out together . I never took them seriously . My daughter had no car and no savings . She worked part time at the Subway and no interest in the future . She was as aimless as a falling leaf , and I liked watching her hover , because I knew that a gentle , kind breeze would catch her and carry her someplace where she could thrive . I didn 't want to interfere with what I considered the " natural flow , " so I let her float . But instead of a nice , promising breeze , my daughter was swept up by a big , blustery , foul wind . To put it less poetically , she was being pressured by her best friend 's mother . Weeks before graduation my daughter mentioned her plans to move out , and I continued to dismiss her . The more serious she became about leaving , the more logical I became about why the idea was bad . The more logical I became , the more adventurous and free spirited she became , and the more she quoted me . I 've been to Paris , and let me tell you , my daughter was not going to find Paris in the direction she was headed . Her best friend 's mother found a place in a questionable part of town that was not safe for two eighteen year old girls to live - I called the area rundown , dark and scary . The mother called it affordable . They would have no furniture . To get to Subway , my daughter would have to take the bus - the mother 's idea , since my daughter didn 't have a car . I envisioned my daughter waiting at midnight for a bus , because that 's when she usually ended her shift . Then I envisioned her getting off the bus and walking several blocks in the dark to her apartment . I immediately noticed in my vision the letch in the back of the bus , studying my daughter 's daily pattern . Well , you can imagine the rest . Next , I did the math . Rent , food , bus pass - that 's a lot to ask of a part time income at Subway , and my wife and I were not in a position to help at the time . Honestly , I could not understand why she kept insisting on ruining her life . Then , just hours before she had planned to move , it hit me . Her friend had a brand new car , a gift from grandpa . She had a decent paying job , at grandpa 's insurance firm . She had a financial safety net and the promise of tuition , if she decided to pursue education . What she didn 't have was a companion , and mothers don 't force their daughters from the home without a companion . She didn 't mind sacrificing my daughter 's welfare to see to the welfare of her daughter . I realized that my rule to not pressure my children into doing things against their will or against good judgment was not universal . Just because I didn 't want to push them didn 't mean others wouldn 't , and when I realized that this mother was going to have her way with my daughter , I decided to push back , and I used the only weapon I had at my disposal . Tears . I yelled , " Why are you doing this ? This is not a good idea . All you will learn from this is how to be poor . You will get good at going without , and struggling . And when your friend , who has money , wants to go out and eat or wants to go shopping , you won 't be able to , and you will lose her too . " That mother was powerless against my moistened cheeks , and my daughter 's resolve washed away in a flood of her own tears . She stayed home that night , bravely breaking the news to her friend . Not long after that episode , she left Subway for a better job . Two weeks into the new job , she was fired . I assured her she would find her way . She decided to begin her job search at an employment agency . While the counselor was collecting profile information , another woman walked into the room and approached my daughter . The woman interviewed my daughter and hired her on the spot . The company was Beehive Homes , a group of assisted living residences . My daughter loved the work , and she grew to love the " olds " as she called them . And they grew to love her . One in particular was so fond of her that she introduced my daughter to her grandson , M . " You really want to marry me ? Are you sure ? Do you really , really want to ? You want to be engaged to me ? " Each time he said , " Yes , of course ! " My daughter , according to her , fit right into the beach scenery , as a castaway . The Florida humidity had not been kind to her hair , which poofed to eight times her normal volume and curl . Four great streaks of black mascara bobbed and weaved down her cheeks , beginning at the eyes and reaching the corners of her mouth . Her pants were folded up to her knees . And yes , M still wanted to marry her . Over the last few years , my daughter has cried on several occasions in front of M , mostly when she leaves him to return to Utah , or when he leaves her to return to Texas . My wife saved most of her crying until after we got married , which I believe was daily for the first year . Before the wedding , I remember her crying only once . We 'd known each other for eight months before we starting dating in earnest , and that earnest dating lasted about a week before I was ready to dump her . I really liked her , but she was thirty , and I was twenty four . The age difference was starting to bother me . I figured it was best to cool things before something more serious happened , like marriage . I wanted to end things while things were still at the casual stage . As I recall , we went out to a dance at the college , and afterward K took me to a secluded area of town and jumped me . I was extremely inexperienced , especially for a twenty four year old . I 'd never had a real girlfriend , because I was at times too shy , too insecure or not interested , and most girls , I felt , did not seem to take an interest in me anyway , not like K did that night . So , there we were , parked . She didn 't say much . She just moved over close to me and starting kissing me . I was shocked . Up to then , I considered myself pretty repulsive . But since K was doing all the driving , I figured I 'd go along for the ride . And what a rough ride it was ! K was trying out this new French kissing technique , and I thought she was going to pull my tongue out by the roots . Still , I didn 't complain . After that night , we were for the most part inseparable . We did everything together , and we talked . We had to . I had to tell her to knock off that new tongue technique . During that week , we agreed that we were perfect for each other . We laughed , we made out , we cuddled , we made out , we watched a movie , we made out . I was the happiest I had ever been . When the weekend ended , I went back to school and K went back to work . During first period , I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I never wanted to see K again . She called my apartment a few times to talk , but by then I had no feelings whatsoever towards her , and I think her cousin , who happened to be my roommate and best friend , told her how I was feeling … or not feeling . K persisted until she reached me by phone ( which wasn 't hard to do in those days because there was no Caller ID and no cell phones . ) She asked me if I wanted to go on a picnic . Eventually she persuaded me to go on a picnic . K planned everything . She picked me up at 8pm on a very cold October night . I had no idea where we were going , and I didn 't ask . As a matter of fact , I don 't remember saying much at all on that half - hour drive . We ended up at Salem Pond , a place K learned about only a week or so before because someone had brought her there to make out . I remember the place was well lit . The grass was frozen , and the trees were anointed with frost . The trees , the lights and the little hillside where we sat reflected in the water , which only doubled the beauty of the place . K set a blanket on the frozen grass . She had sparkling cider ( neither one of us drank alcohol ) , grapes , some crackers and a couple of plastic champagne glasses . She was wearing her mink coat and pumps ( that 's what she always called them ) , and she was doing her best to lighten the mood . I wasn 't biting . I sat there as stoic as can be . She decided to talk about us . I let her know , there was no us . " DAMN KENT ! DAMN STAN ! DAMN DEVIN ! " With each name she screamed , she would wave her champagne glass full of sparkling cider to and fro . Sparkling cider was flying everywhere . I was a bit nervous for her mink coat . At age thirty , K was sick of the guys in her life , guys like me who didn 't feel like committing , and she wanted answers . So I gave her one . " You have the biggest brick wall built around you , and no one can get through . " Looking back I think that was probably the dumbest thing I ever said . Frankly , I have no idea what I even meant , but I felt better for saying it . We segued into a deep , meaningful discussion . I can 't remember any of it . All I remember is before long , K was sitting in my lap , and we stayed on that blanket for close to two hours . According to her , it has to be May . It 's perfect ! After all , that 's when we 're planning a trip to Mexico , and something has to ruin our plans . And don 't forget about April 15 , and don 't forget that we always owe taxes on April 15 . I 've never been good at estimating expenses . I remember years ago when I bought my first car . Not the green one that I bought for $ 300 when I was in college , the one I drove for three weeks , the one I abandoned in a downtown parking spot on the street because it wouldn 't start , the one I didn 't repair because it never occurred to me to repair it . I don 't count that one . I 'm talking about the Honda Civic . K and I had been married for a couple of years and decided we needed a bigger car . Yes , compared to the car we were driving , the Civic was a much roomier upgrade . Anyway , we hadn 't planned on a Civic at first . We had budgeted $ 200 a month for a car , and K thought the Honda dealership would be a good place to start looking , which was fine by me . We had plenty of time to make it to the Cadillac dealership , where I was certain that with a $ 200 monthly payment , we would have our pick of any brand new Cadillac on the lot . To me , $ 200 was a ridiculous amount of money to spend monthly on a car , and anyone who could afford that kind of money must be buying Cadillacs . Imagine my shock when I learned that the Honda dealership wanted $ 210 for a stripped down Civic - $ 230 if we wanted air ! Then I laughed . " K 's family would be happy with a bag of Cheetos and some Pepsi , " I told her . I love my wife 's family , especially around birthdays and Christmas . They make absolutely no financial demands on us . They are not cheap , just easy to please . I thought back to my own wedding reception , which was in my in - law 's living room in Driggs , Idaho . I vaguely arriving at the house only to see a small crowd gathered in a back room eating sandwiches , potato salad and maybe chips - these were the leftovers from our luncheon the day before in Utah . At least that 's how I remember it . When I asked K about it , she remembers a buffet of deli meats and salads spread across the washer and dryer , but she isn 't sure if it was fresh . At any rate , K and I , her sister and our parents ( minus my father ) later that evening lined up in the living room to receive guests . Guests came through what we referred to as the back door , made their way through the kitchen , wished us luck in the living room , then circled back for some strawberry shortcake . Along the way , they would stop to admire our wedding cake . Three magnificent tiers , the top layer strangely tall and ill - proportioned and Styrofoam . I have no memory of cutting the cake , though I 'm sure it went to good use , eventually . I have many vivid memories of that night in the small hamlet of Driggs , Idaho . Two doors down from my in - laws was another wedding reception , so everyone in the valley was out and bustling about , and they came to see us , some more curious about the line than what was at the end of it . I only know that the stream of people lasted three or four hours , and we were in part responsible for one of the biggest social nights in the town 's history . K remembers everyone who came ; I remember only a select few . The year before we married , I worked one winter in Driggs , that 's how I came to meet K . She was living in Utah at the time , and I was working in Driggs to earn enough money to return to school in Utah . K happened to be visiting her parents on Thanksgiving , and I happened to be living across the street with her cousin . When he heard she was in town , he wanted to visit her , and I tagged along . We met in her parent 's kitchen . K was wearing a black , backless dress that was very form - fitting and very elegant for the surroundings . I was wearing glasses , and they were completely fogged ( due to the extreme cold outside vs the warmth of the kitchen ) . K turned abruptly to see us . She had a huge turkey leg in her mouth . We didn 't fall for each other til later . Anyway , there was another girl in Driggs who was away at school but occasionally would come to town to visit her parents . I saw her once or twice in the grocery store where I worked . I don 't remember speaking to her , but I talked to her parents often . I 'm not sure if I ever knew this girl 's name , and I 'm positive that she did not come to our reception that night . Her mother , however , did . " Oh , hello , K . Congratulations . You look so beautiful . You know , we have always liked Steve . He visited us often , and we just really grew to appreciate him . Say , you remember my daughter Laurie ? Well , you know , Steve and Laurie , well , there were sparks , but she was engaged . " I introduced her to my mother . They made pleasantries . When they were through , Laurie 's mother turned to K again and said , " There were sparks , but she was engaged . " All that was left to do was sign the guest book , which Laurie 's mom graciously did . She put down the pen , turned to face K , then , with a booming voice , said , " Just remember ! There were sparks ! But she - " pausing to emphatically and repeatedly point at her ring finger " - was engaged ! " Then she left . Yes , there were others . I remember meeting two of K 's friends , one of which was quite beautiful . K introduced me to Marla , and Marla in turn introduced me to the lovely Juanita . There was only one other stupid thing said that night . By me . After the reception , the whole family gathered in the living room to watch us open gifts . K comes from a large family , eight children in all , and it was the first time in years that the whole family was together , and they were together for only one reason : to celebrate our big day . I had met about half the family before we got married ; the other half I was meeting for the first time , specifically one brother , the eldest , who came all the way from Seattle . We had so many gifts to open . I remember only one : a little ceramic bird that doubled as a night light . I thought it was the dumbest thing I had ever seen , and I said so . I think my exact words were , " I hope this breaks real soon so we can throw this away . " I think you can guess who was giving it to us … We picked up the ring from the airport . When I saw it on my daughter 's finger , I think I said , " Well , don 't lose it . " My wife and other daughter made happy , delighted noises , and they all talked at once about its magnificence . I was driving at the time and couldn 't see the ring very well , so I asked , " How much did it cost ? " which was my way of asking her to describe the ring to me in detail . I was shocked . That ring cost a lot of money . I never spent that much on a ring before , to which my wife said , " I know . " The conversation moved from the ring to the actual proposal . My daughter was completely surprised when M popped the question . They had planned for months to spend Thanksgiving with M 's brother in Florida , and my daughter didn 't even once consider that he might give her a ring there . " Too obvious , " she told us . My daughter had been in Florida for only a few hours when M invited her to take a walk on the beach . " I want to give you something , " he said . She knew he had an iPod for her but couldn 't understand why he would give it to her on the beach and risk her dropping it , however , she didn 't argue . They walked in the sand and talked . " I have to pee , " my daughter said . They walked some more . " Oops , I farted , " she said . When M had recaptured the mood , he dropped to one knee and said , " Will you marry me ? " My daughter was dumbstruck . My wife 's smile couldn 't have been any bigger . " How does it feel ? " she said , " because I 've never experienced it . " And it 's true . No engagement ring . And no formal proposal . My wife and I had been dating for what seemed like a long time , maybe three or four months , and somewhere on the drive to her parents ' house for Thanksgiving , between Bountiful , Utah and Malad , Idaho , during a somewhat dry conversation , we agreed that if we didn 't break up , our relationship would likely result in marriage . And we did get married , more than 26 years ago .

She walked into the store , and if I could have waved my arms in the air I would have . I watched as she wandered around , touching some things , just glancing at others . She strolled in my direction , and I held my breath as her eyes lit upon me . She smiled softly , and then ran her fingers down my sleeve . Within minutes she had purchased me , and I was on my way home . I wondered who he was , her husband , her boyfriend , just a friend … all I knew for certain was that I now belonged to him . When we arrived home , she tucked me under something else , hiding me from his eyes until she was ready . She handed me to him , and he smiled , then tried me right on . I was a perfect fit . I knew I was where I belonged . As time passed , I watched as their girls grew up , the boy they took in and made their son wasn 't around as much but I saw the changes in him as well . My lady , and my gentleman had many changes in their lives , and I was so grateful to still be around . My edges frayed , but instead of tearing me into rags , or throwing me out , I spent most of my time in the closet . At least when the youngest daughter wasn 't stealing me to wear … I admit I liked getting out into the light again . She stopped stealing me from her Dad , and after my seam tore he stopped wearing me as well . No more working in the yard , or the garage . But still they kept me . I watched as he grew older , then got sick . I watched as she worried , and cried . I watched as things got to the point where he wasn 't coming into the room at all anymore , though I could hear his voice if I listened . They no longer slept in the room I could see , though she would come in and get him clothes regularly . If I could have offered my warmth to him I would have , though I was no longer as warm as I once was . It happened one morning . I heard the sounds of others in the house , and knew he was off to the healing place again . She didn 't come home , not all day , not all night . Others came into the house . They didn 't speak much though , and then they left again . She came home the next morning , with the son , the youngest daughter , and the ex - husband . She was crying . I heard her explaining on the phone . He wouldn 't be coming home again . It was time . She 'd been looking at us all off and on , and it hurt her to see us . I no longer caused her sweet smile , now I was a reason for tears . She and the youngest began pulling us all out of the closet . I was added to a pile to throw into the bin . The youngest run her fingers down my arm , then pulled me , and another one out of the pile putting us to the side . I watched as the eldest , and her youngest , joined my lady as well going through the clothes in the closet , picking what they wanted to keep . The youngest pulled the blue away from me , and handed it to her sister . I saw tears , and a look wanting confirmation that she was getting to keep blue . The youngest held me up , and said " I 've got the red " , and suddenly I knew . I wasn 't being thrown out , I wasn 't being torn into rags , the youngest was keeping a memory . I was going to a new home . My left arm has a tear down the lower seam , my wrists are frayed , there 's paint on me in several places , and I 'm not nearly as warm as I once was . My lady , and my gentleman have no need of me any longer , but the youngest finds comfort in my arms . So I am home , again . I know it 's been a long time since I 've written to you . I 'm in my 40 's now . You 'd think I 'd be able to just get whatever I want for Christmas , go out buy it myself , sweet talk … whoever into buying it for me . Whatever . You … you wouldn 't think that I 'd feel the need to write to someone that at my age I shouldn 't even believe in anymore . But Santa I 'm really hoping , I 'm praying , that they 're wrong , that you do exist , that somehow miracles can happen . You see Dad 's not doing well , and I 'd kinda like to do something about that , you know ? I can 't stand that he isn 't doing well . And I kinda need your help . He can 't breathe well , and he 's on oxygen , and uh , and I 'm terrified , I don 't really wanna lose my Dad , you know . So if you can maybe think up something , some way , some manner of making it all better . I 'd really appreciate it . And you know , if Dad gets better then Mom 's stress will go down and maybe she 'll be healthier too . And ya I 'm just kinda terrified right now , I 'm afraid of losing my parents . One to lungs that don 't wanna work , one to stress so high that she 's pretty much bursting into tears regularly . Santa I 'm scared , and inside of me is that 5 year old girl . The one who knew all she needed to do was write to Santa , who rarely ever asked you for anything . The one who said " hey my sister would really like … " , the one who always sent you Merry Christmas Santa , and have a safe flight . And I don 't know who else to ask . Because everybody prays to God , and everybody 's asking him for so much . And I don 't think , I don 't even know if he hears me . But you always used to . I feel as if these words describe not only my heart but my soul as well . Can a soul be shattered ? I feel as if there is nothing left to wake up for in the morning , nothing left to care about , nothing left to live for . It has all passed me by and I was looking the other way . My mind is wandering , aimless , unsure . Lost in a morass of fear , doubt , pain . My focus is gone , my thoughts scattered to the four winds , hidden from myself . Before I had hearts , hands , souls to help me find my way back . Now , now I am alone . I know who I am , who I am supposed to be , what my purpose is . I have found though that I do not care . It began several months ago . I am only now free of that place , that man , the drugs , and the fear . Well perhaps not the fear . If I were free of the fear I would not be constantly glancing over my shoulder , would I ? I would not have a need to have every light in the house turned on , only turning them off in the light of day . When my sisters see my electric bill they will not be pleased with me . Oh dear god , my sisters . I 'm going to have to tell my sisters . Of course , it would have been nice if even one had noticed that I was not attending our usual Sunday dinners . Noticed and then come to see if they could locate me . I know I have missed a dinner or two in the past but I have never missed without letting someone know . Normally I would have contacted someone . My other sisters have missed previously , without a call , or a text . I 've always made a point of swinging by to see if everything was alright … . No , this is his fault . His alone . Not theirs . They would not have known where to look for me , and had one come along perhaps he would have kept her as well . Or killed her . No I can 't think about that . I must remember that everyone else is alright . I could not bring myself to speak with any of them tonight , I needed to come home , shower . Did you know that showering in an empty house can be terrifying ? The silence is oppressive . However do not turn on the radio or television before you shower . The silence is preferable to the sounds that cover up footsteps , breathing , doors opening … . Stop ! I went by our family home before I came here . I silently peered through the living room window , and in doing so determined it was Sunday . The wine was open , popcorn made , they were watching a movie . It 's one we 've all watched several times in the past . I was surprised to see my brothers as well . They seldom join us and I will admit that I wanted to go inside , crawl into the lap of one of our boys , and stay there . Of course I could not let them see me like that . Stolen clothes , covered in blood ( not all of it mine , he felt pain before he died ) , my hair full of dirt , my skin covered in cuts , bruises , needle tracks … . Thank God I have seven days until Sunday . My family is a little … unusual . We are none of us family by blood , simply by choice . We found each other gradually over the years . We know that we will most likely find more as time passes , it is the nature of our bond . We have had siblings leave , their paths veering away from ours . We have also suggested , rather firmly I might add , that a sibling or two is no longer welcome in the family home . I cannot help but wonder if my recent actions will cause my departure to be desired . We each have a virtue that we identify with strongly . My gift has been eloquence , the capability to speak and be heard , to bring the truth to light without causing offense . I have been told that although I was not born with a silver spoon , I was blessed with a silver tongue . My family knows that a portion of my gift is the ability to broadcast my desired outcome , the positive emotions that I wish to be felt by the others involved . I have recently found out that I am also capable of permitting my fear , my anger , and my hate to be felt by others as well . How I wish I had never been taught that lesson . I don 't actually know how it began , one moment I was home , the next I was not . The day had begun like most any other . My phone ringing . It was , of course , one of my sisters . Raven needed my help . Her primary talent is Justice but she sometimes let it over take her . She 'd gotten herself into a little bit of a pickle and needed me to talk to the group and smooth things over . Not a huge issue . So I told her I would have a quick shower , then head on to meet up with her . I never made it . I was in the shower , I heard a thump and I called out . I thought one of my sisters was over . I saw a shadow on the curtain . And then nothingness . When I awoke all I could feel was heat , surrounding me , entrapping me . No escape . I couldn 't move , my eyes opened in panic to see nothing , darkness . I couldn 't help myself and I began to twist , whimper , cry . Suddenly I was able to move , the heat dissipating , and I felt a light touch on my arm . " Shhhhh … relax my sweet . Everything is fine , you 're safe . " A soft , masculine voice , unfortunately not a familiar voice . " Where am I ? Why can 't I see ? " I wanted to shout with every fiber of my being , but that never gets anyone anywhere . I felt myself broadcast a little of my fear , just a small amount . I didn 't know if it would work , I 'd never tried fear before . Concern but never fear . But then again , what had I ever truly been afraid of ? " No my sweet , none of that . " I felt a sharp prick in my arm and that was the end of that . Every time I woke he was there . If I tried to broadcast my emotions , another needle . If I screamed , another needle . If I cried , or carried on in any fashion , again the needle . As time passed I began to wake more quietly . I felt around my space using what senses I had available . As touch and sight were out of the equation I had to listen , keep myself calm and pay attention when he entered the room . Jes saw a light on and decided to stop . She said she thought I was out of town . Wanted to know where I went for six months without telling anyone . Six months . She also gave me shit for disappearing on our sister . She had to go help Raven , though she said there was a bad taste left behind that nothing could fix . I told her to stop ranting at me that I 'd explain on Sunday what happened so I only have to do so once . The light was behind me so she couldn 't see the bruises . Anyway , after a time ( I 'm not sure how long ) I realized that when it was really quiet , I could hear other voices . The only one that seemed able to tell when I was broadcasting was the man in charge of me , so to speak . I began to send out gentle waves of concern . I could sense a woman in the room to my left , and a man in the one to my right . I knew without trying though that he wasn 't going to be around much longer . I could feel he was letting go . I tried to send him courage , strength , hope . All I received in return was despair . The next time I woke , I sensed nothing . He was gone . The next day I made contact , of a sort , with the woman . I could tell when she was medicated , when she was simply sleeping , and when she was awake . Sleeping meant nightmares . Fear . Awake meant terror . I could only help for short periods of time . Her fear , her terror , increased my own . So I had to keep my contact with her to a minimum . I believed that instead of becoming despondent like that man had , that she was losing her mind . There were times I heard her screaming , but the laughing was the worst . Neither lasted long though , and then I could sense she 'd been drugged again . My captor was away more . I had more time between his visits . More time awake . I 'd begun to notice that my body was in pain . The only times I knew anyone was in the room was when he would come in and the world would disappear with the prick in my arm . I started to wonder what was happening when I was unaware . I 'm not certain how long it took but I must have built up a resistance to the drug . He didn 't know as I tried to be silent when I woke . I could hear him in the room sometimes , writing on occasion , sounds I didn 't recognize other times . I would stay silent , contained , hidden . I would wait , sometimes half an hour , sometimes longer before I 'd try to send out calm , hope , to the lady in the next room . If I didn 't wait long enough he would come back and I 'd get another needle . I finally woke very early one day . I could feel his hands on my body . He was touching me , everywhere . Pinching , squeezing , slapping . No wonder I hurt every day . After that nearly every time I woke he was touching me in some manner . I did my best to remain calm , quiet , let him think I was still out . I didn 't always succeed . Then one day I felt the needle when he came in , but I didn 't go completely under . I could hear him talking to another man . I couldn 't track the words though , the drug made that nearly impossible . I couldn 't move either but I was aware . And then I wished I wasn 't . They took turns using my body . Not just the two , but several men . Different touches , different voices , different men all using my body for their enjoyment . Now I knew why I was bound , blindfolded , why I was being held against my will . My terror overwhelmed me , and that was all I knew for a while . Next time I woke I awoke screaming . He spoke to me and I did not stop , I think it was a few days before I woke again . He changed my drug , I was solidly out again . This time when I woke I planned . I needed to get out . I 'd been waiting , hoping that one of my sisters would arrive , tell me that I was in the hospital , tell me what had happened . They would never have left me in a place like this though . So now I knew , I had to get out on my own . But how ? My hands and feet were firmly strapped to the bed . I wondered about the lady in the other room . Was she trapped as I was ? Were they doing to her what they were doing to me ? Then a couple of days ago , while it was still quiet all around me , I woke suddenly . In the silence I could hear her tears . Her fears filled the room with screaming , though there was no sound to be heard . Her pain , her sense of loss , her anguish surrounded me , drowning me in her . I began to speak . Softly , gently , low . If there was anyone walking past none but she could hear . And she heard . If only she had not heard . My words fueled her , commanded her . My words drove her . Her actions were my thoughts . My pain , my sorrow , my hatred . Her body was free , mine was not . My mind , my voice were all I had . She became my avatar . My puppet . My saviour . Their death . She had been unresponsive for days . They no longer bothered to bind her to the bed . When her controller entered the room , she used my anger , my hatred , my out and out uncontrollable rage as her fuel . I whispered thoughts of death , mayhem , blood and she made them real . When he was dead I still did not release her from me . She killed the man in the hall , tore him limb from limb . After she released me from my bindings I stumbled to the door , leaning against it I looked out and watched his life merge with the water he had been washing the floor with . I did not mourn him though . If he was not one of the men that raped us , then he left us to them . God damn it , who 's here now ? I need to finish this . I need to get it out . But the doorbell is ringing . I 'll be back . I need to be more careful . Devine stopped in , noticed all the lights on , and started to walk around turning them off . I had to lie , I told her I was looking for a mouse . That I thought I 'd seen one and didn 't want to turn off the lights until I found it . She turned to look at me , she looked concerned and I thought I hadn 't done a good enough job with the cover - up but then she shivered and said she hoped I was wrong but maybe I could borrow a cat . I 'm going to have to stop leaving the lights on all the time . It 's attracting too much attention . Tomorrow I 'm going to get a lock for my bedroom door . Maybe I 'll be able to sleep . With my room at the back of the house my sisters shouldn 't notice these lights on all night . I still don 't know her name . I guess I never will now . They killed her , they killed her as if they had plunged the knife into her body themselves . But he wasn 't there yet . They 'd called him so he was on his way . But he wasn 't there yet and none of the others seemed to feel my broadcast as an outside thing . We 'd gotten part way down the hall . We were opening doors , trying to release anyone else we found . We only found two others that could walk . There were others but they weren 't going anywhere . One man had his legs broken , and they didn 't set them properly . He told me he 'd tried to escape and that was his punishment . He asked me to kill him . I told him I couldn 't . I should have then , I did later but not by choice . She 'd picked up the mop , and broken off the handle . As I was untying another lady she turned and put it through some guy 's throat . He came running into the room , yelling at us . She didn 't like the yelling . I tried to rein in my emotions a little , the other lady was becoming violent as well and I realized I was still affecting them . I should have let it be though . We found a man near the end of the hall , he could walk but there was something about him that made me nervous . We let him free anyway and he joined us . We went around a corner and into a large open space , there was a kitchen area on the other side of the room and I could see knives from where I was standing . I thought it was odd that there was no one around but I took it as a blessing and we went across the room . We each collected a couple of knives . The new lady didn 't want to but I told her to grab a couple anyway . I said she didn 't have to use them but it would keep her from looking like easy prey . As we slipped into the next hallway , I noticed all the doors were open , no one to rescue , nowhere for anyone to be hiding . I started to calm down . I could see the doors leading to the outside world just a few meters away . As I calmed down so too did my companions , but I didn 't see it . I was walking in front with the first woman . I really wish I 'd asked her name . As my emotions settled , my broadcast ebbed . I thought we were all there for the same thing . I thought we were all being used in the same manner . I have to admit I was confused when behind me I heard a gurgle . As we turned around we saw that the man we had rescued had cut the other woman 's throat . He was smiling . He was covered in her blood , and he was smiling as he moved towards us . I froze . And because I froze so did the lady I started all of this with . Because she froze , he plunged a knife into her stomach . He did it almost as an afterthought . He was walking towards us , his eyes holding my own , he was nearly past her , she had stopped sooner than I did . Then his hand moved almost lazily to the side and I heard the sound of the knife plunging into her . His smile grew as he pulled it back out , his hand covered in gore as he sliced to the side . He made it two more steps towards me , a couple more and he would be close enough to kill me too , and still I stood . My fear had paralyzed me , he was nearly to me when he stopped with a look of confusion on his face . He should have made certain she was dead , or at least down for the count . Her pain woke her from my fear . Her kitchen knives were in his back . One in the middle , one looked to be in his kidney . As he fell her eyes locked on mine . I caught her before she hit the ground , I held her as she bled out , I cried as the light left her eyes , and I could no longer feel her presence . I 'm not certain how long I sat on the floor with her in my arms . Her blood pooled around me on the floor , his blood mingled with hers but I could not make myself move further away . I hear the doorbell but I need to finish this now . Whoever it is can come back later . It 's taken me two days to get this far , and I have yet to sleep . Maybe when I finish I will . I heard voices coming towards me . One man was talking on a cell phone , telling someone that we were free , that the others were dead , I was the only one remaining . I waited until he was off the phone , until he and the other men were closer , and then I sent them my rage . Their targets ? Each other . I sent my rage , my hatred , and my fear to all of them . The one with the phone suddenly turned to the man beside him and the phone went through his mouth . That was the only one to die quickly . As he turned to another , he turned his back to one and he suddenly lost a part of his spine . He collapsed and I watched him die . It took a while . The one holding the spine suddenly had a chair smash over his head . I lost track of what was happening for a little while as the remaining 5 men made each other bleed . When it was down to one , I put her gently on the floor , took up my knives and walked towards him . I sent him wave upon wave of trust , love , desire . By the time I was close to him he was rather randy . I let him watch as I cut it off . Then one of my knives went through his eye into his brain , he was dead before his scream fully materialized . I went and sat back with the lady , pulled her back onto my lap , and told her that they had paid for what they did to us and that I was going to take a short rest before I went home . I believe I passed out for a while . The next thing I remember is looking up and seeing the man that was my controller . I 'd never seen him before but I recognized his voice when he spoke . He tried to take her away from me . I screamed , loud . He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a needle . I know it was to calm me down but after everything I had just been through I was not going back into that room . No one would touch me again . This man would not get near enough ever again . As he came closer I gathered my strength , and flung her at him . It knocked him over , the needle went flying . By the time he got out from under her , the needle was in my hand , and then in his arm . He was out in moments . Had I left then I could have told my family what happened . They would have helped me deal with the repercussions , with the stress , and the fear . I would have spent the last two days with my sisters helping me to pack while my brothers went looking for a new place for me , something with enough security to please them . But I didn 't . I should have but I stayed . I took him to one of the empty rooms that we had passed , I didn 't think there would be enough time to put him through even half of what we went through but I wanted him to feel fear . So I put the cuffs on him , and a blindfold . The door closed , locked , just in case . In another drawer I found a gag , I didn 't want him to be able to distract me , to make me change my mind . I didn 't want to hear him beg . And then I waited for him to wake . It must have been a low dosage as he woke no more than an hour later , I think . I 'm afraid my sense of time has escaped me somewhat . He jerked awake , his screams muffled by the gag , his muscles straining against the cuffs . I spoke quietly to him . He had to stop screaming if he was to hear my words . He did for a moment , and then he realized what I was saying . The screams began again . As he thrashed , and pulled I slid a knife under his pants leg . He felt the cool metal and stopped moving . I think he was afraid that I might cut him . Up one leg at a time , at the top I allowed the blade to touch his manhood , gently but enough to make him scream in fear . As I cut his shirt off I turned the blade over and left a thin slice along his pectoral muscles , very lightly , it was barely there . But it made him shriek and I was beginning to enjoy his muffled sounds . That should have told me it was time to leave but I didn 't want to . After I disrobed him I began to broadcast my fear to him . He was already afraid and I made him terrified . I whispered softly to him , telling him what I wanted him to do , what I wanted him to feel . I told him what she had felt , what she had done , and I whispered that he would do so much more . I took control of his feelings , subtlety playing no role . I told him a story about what had been done to she and I from our perspectives . I told him a tale about how he was going to make it up to us . I could feel his resistance , his desire to break free from my control , and I laughed . And then I amplified it all twice again as much . I shattered him , and then … . then I released him from the bonds . I instructed him to harm himself . And he did as he was bid . He cut himself , so deeply that I could see bone , and sinew . He sliced his own legs so deeply that the muscles we no longer attached , he could not have stood , walked , run … nothing , and I was pleased . But still it wasn 't enough , and I was lost to my own madness . I took the knife back , and tied him back to the bed . I 'd been preventing him from feeling the pain so far . The pain would have given him strength to break my control and I could not allow that . As soon as he was bound tightly , I released my control including the pain suppression . He roared and then passed out . Somehow some sanity broke through . I could not leave him as he was , but I no longer desired to torture him . I picked up the knife and I slit his throat . Within moments I was bathed in his blood , and yet I stood there . I watched until there was no chance of life remaining . And still I felt unsafe . I lost what control I had regained and the next thing I recall his head was no longer attached to his body . His legs weren 't even in the same room . I left his hands bound as I pulled on a lab coat I found in a closet at the back of the room . I didn 't even try to wash up . Suddenly the fear was overwhelming me again . Any moment someone was going to walk through the door and I was never going to leave this place . I tried to school myself , control it . I couldn 't leave things as they were . Eventually someone would show up even if it wasn 't right now . If they didn 't call the cops , and I was fairly certain they wouldn 't , this would continue . They 'd do this to someone else . Some part of me knew that there were others still tied to their beds but they were dead already , even if they were still breathing . I couldn 't rescue them , and by the time I could get help I was positive that the people running this place would have killed them rather than move them . This was my rationalization . And so I went back to the kitchen , I went through the cupboards and I found alcohol . I poured some out down the hallway I had been in . I poured the rest down the hallway I would leave by , and over that man 's body . Then I went back and lit all the candles I could find . I put them by the trails of booze , by the oven . I sure hoped this was going to work , it did in the movies . I kept one candle with me and I went back to the kitchen to turn on the gas stove . I wasn 't sure candles would set it off but I was fairly sure that a fire would . As I got to the doorway leading to freedom I lit my candle , left the flame up on the lighter I 'd found , and tossed them both down the hall towards the booze . I peered out the door carefully . It was dark enough outside that I felt I could slip into the shadows unobserved . When I was a little a couple of blocks away I heard an explosion , I could see flames in the distance . What do you know , it worked . I still don 't know how I made it to the family home . Or even why I went that way at all . My place would have been closer , there would have been no risk of a family member spotting me had I just gone home . And well , here I am . Somehow I made it home from there . I am dreading Sunday . For the first time ever I am afraid to go to my family . I could lie to them . I could make up a story , something easy , light . Something with no blood , no pain , no death . I could . But I love them . I made a promise long ago , no lies . Not within the family . They all know what I can do , although they don 't know what I am capable of . They will though . It won 't be long and I will be alone , adrift , shunned . There 's the doorbell again . It 's being held down , that means it 's Jes and she won 't leave until she gets her way . I 'll go talk to her and then I 'm going to try to sleep . I close the book , check my makeup to be certain she won 't be able to tell anything , and go answer the door . It 's not just Jes , it 's Raven as well . She 's hoping I can help her out and this time she 's taking me with her . It doesn 't matter that I 'm exhausted , I 'll go and do my thing for my sister . I only hope I can control my emotions . I can 't exactly be broadcasting fear every time someone comes near me , touches me , invades my space … . crap . Jes comes back down the hall from the washroom and I tease her about falling in . She laughs and tells me it 's time I changed the lock on that door , that it tries to keep her in every single time . I tell her not to worry about that door , that I 'm going to start looking for a new place tomorrow . That this place is too big for just me . My sisters , the loves that they are , offer to help and as we head out we discuss what I 'm looking for in a new place . Raven insists that this time I get a place with a pool . As we get into the car we 're laughing , it very nearly drowns out the screaming in my head . Standing in the shade , eyes closed , the sound of the River at my back . I hear the various voices of my family calling out , looking for me . I know that some of them have decided to wander the Twisted Path , see where it takes them , and of course I 'm welcome to go along should I wish to . Others have chosen to stay put , swim in the River , sleep in the Keep . There has been discontent wrapped around these people that I love , causing unhappiness and strife and my heart aches for us all . I am picturing the route of the lovely Twisted Path , I have wandered it extensively on my own when I require peace and quiet . I know that it touches the River often , dipping into the crimson waters , at times nearly being absorbed by it . There are also places where , even straining , there is no sound from the River . The Path and the River both occupy my heart , I 've lived in both my whole life even before I knew it . The River will always be there . As will my Path . The Path I have been following my whole life , when I first met the River I felt renewed , rejuvenated . Now I feel tired , dragged down , as if I 'm drowning . So perhaps it 's time to wander the Path again . The River will always be there , not always so close but I know my Path will cross it often . I love my family . All of it . Even those I no longer speak with . There will always be room for any of them on my Path , and I hope that the River will always flow . Envy ? Truly ? Me ? Envious ? Of whom might I ask ? You should all be envying me . I do as I wish and I get away with it . When your sister is Death Incarnate who is going to argue ? And although Scythe is lovely … I have my daggers . Where you ask ? Wouldn 't you like to know ? * grins * Alright , I will admit that I do admire a few things that members of my family possess . But envy ? Of course not . It 's not envious to admire things . Besides , it 's not really my role you know . I don 't envy others … much . But you will . Once I get my dainty little hands on you that is . Oh ! You mean you didn 't know ? You thought that as Envy it meant that I desired what others have ? Oh no my love ! But you will , you will very soon , you will with everything that you are . With every breath you take you will exhale " why isn 't that mine ? " and every inhale " that will be mine " . My sisters and I join up on occasion , we direct your possessive desires in whichever direction amuses us the most . Lust , on her own , will cause you cravings so sweet as to make your very blood burn with desire . Add me into the mix and you 'll want someone that already belongs to another with a fire so strong that you 'll not be able to resist . What ? I supposed you 'd prefer I amuse myself with another ? I suppose I could but where would be the fun in that ? The only question I have tonight is this . Should I call in a sister or play with you on my own ? My finger tips trail along the back of your neck , my breath hot and sweet against your cheek as I speak softly into your ear . You feel a tingling where my fingers trace their patterns , a soft desire begins to well up deep in your soul , yearning , reaching , for something you know not what . What would you wish for the most ? What is the least of your desires ? I can switch them around , play with your priorities , cause you to absolutely need what you 've never considered before . And you will hate everyone that has it because they are not you . I can leave your desires , your needs as they are as well . You 'll simply want them more . Much much more . So very much more . My fingers travel down your spine , your gut aches with need , you feel the desire so exquisitely that you cannot stand it . You 're trembling , you feel my hands grasp yours fiercely , I place them on my hips and move in closer . You can feel the heat from my body pressing gently against you . You 're oblivious now to all but the want . You have forgotten that I am here , that I am holding you softly to me , that I am still whispering in your ear . Can you hear me , love ? See me ? Do you even still know I exist ? No ? Good . I 've been watching you for days now . You desire the woman you work with even though she is married . I would not need Lust 's help to turn that into an all consuming need . You already have that desire . Or perhaps I should intensify that want for the life your neighbour lives . He 's so lucky . He gets to fly around all the time , go to exotic places , sleep with whomever he wishes , and his house , car , and other possessions cause your mouth to water even now . You don 't know where the money comes from , nor do you really care . You actually know nothing about him other than what you see when he gets home on the weekends . Oh ! I know ! I know how I want to direct you ! You shall want both ! My lips brush gently against your ear as I begin to tell you why she should wish to be with you . She probably already wants you as badly as you want her but she 's afraid to leave her husband . She 's afraid that she 's misreading you . She 's scared that you don 't truly desire her . You 'll have to prove it you know . You 'll have to show her just how badly you want her , how badly you need her to be yours . What about her husband ? Will he let her leave ? Will he try to make her stay ? You may have to help her you know . If you truly want her ( I press against you a little stronger , my fingers travel lower to remind you of how your body needs her touch , my lips softly kiss your neck leaving my brand behind ) and you do , then you may end up having to get a little rough with him . Just remember , it 's all for her . She needs you as badly as you do her . More even . So badly she is in constant agony awaiting your courage to save her from her own personal hell . You must save her . I slip around quietly to your back . My fingers trace your wallet in your back pocket . I reach around to your front pockets and turn them out . As for your neighbour , why should he have everything and you have so very little ? What has he ever done to deserve it ? You 've never noticed anyone else so much as stopping by the house . Sometimes he 's gone for weeks at a time . I wonder if anyone would even notice if he stopped coming home after his trips . Perhaps you should talk to him , reason with him . He has no need for such a home and you , well you 're going to have the woman of your dreams soon . So you obviously require a grand home . You wish to impress your lady fair after all . She will need an amazing home to showcase her beauty after all . Not like this place , this dump you call home , for now . And your car . Really , it 's at least ten years old . He has the newest model sports car , and you 're certain you 've seen an SUV in the garage on occasion . Why should he have two new cars when your piece of shit is sitting in the driveway destroying the property values as we speak ? I pull slightly away from you , walk back to face you , my fingers still trailing patterns on your arms . No one would notice if he stopped coming back from his trips you know . You could always say that he sold you his house , the cars too . He moved , that 's it , he 's moved to be closer to work . He 's tired of traveling all of the time . I 'm certain you can work something out between the two of you . Just remember , it should be yours , you deserve it , he doesn 't need it . I complete my pattern and step back to watch it absorb into his skin . This one was a little more complicated but it will work . Perhaps I 'll ask Lust to swing by his coworkers place and add a little compulsion to her . Time for me to go home , I wonder if Gluttony has any snacks left . Probably not , I should pick something up on the way home . I wish I 'd borrowed Greed 's car , mine is lovely but her 's goes like a bat out of hell . Envy The suede was soft against her closed eyes , pressing gently against her cheeks , the silk ties wrapped tightly around her head holding it in place ; the blindfold heightening her awareness of her body , of the room . She could feel the air in the room moving across her warm skin , cooling her slightly , causing her nipples to tighten . She moved her arm slightly , all that she was able . The silk rope tied tightly , restricting her movements , increasing her desire to move . Her feet were bound in a similar fashion , leaving her centre open , leaving her completely vulnerable . She could feel the silk sheet cool to the touch , but warm beneath her , increasing her temperature . She could not hear him , she could not see him , but she could feel his presence . As if he were laying with her , touching her already . She felt her nipples tighten further in anticipation ; she could feel a dampness forming between her legs . She shivered slightly , but he was aware that she was far from cold . He stayed by the doorway , looking over his handiwork one last time . He stepped closer to the bed silently , stopping when he was even with her waist . He slowly began to glide the feather from the tips of her toes up her leg , pausing briefly to fan her , tease her , before moving along to her belly , up to her breasts . He knows what she expects , they 've played this game before . But he chooses to change the rules a little . He doesn 't wish to wait , tonight he is hungry . She feels him step away . This is unusual but she presumes he 's forgotten something , heard something , whatever . They 've been doing this in stages , tonight is the first with the blindfold . They 've only just begun playing with each other , but she 's known him a few months now . He was right , the blindfold makes everything more intense . She hears him come back , he slides his finger along her lower lip and she opens her mouth . She feels his finger lightly touch her tongue , she tastes something , sort of medicinal . When he removes his finger she tries to ask him what it was but her tongue is numb . She feels it slowly spreading , down her throat , her chest , her arms . She 's trying to move , trying to scream now , but she has no control of her body any longer , her vocal cords inert . She can 't move , can 't scream , but she can feel and she wishes she couldn 't . Light in my eyes . Bright , obscene , enraging . I preferred the shadows , the darkness , the total absence of light that I had been living in . But no , they had to drag me out . Kicking , screaming , begging to be let free . Now I am here . Stuck . Tied to a chair , the light shining on me , on my eyes , into my soul . She will be free , she will be whole again , she will cease her unwanted behaviour . They want to make me who I was . Once , long ago , I was her . They loved her . But she was only a part of me . Slowly we became one , when they weren 't looking . We became me . There were once several of us . The different faces for different situations , different people . Not separate personalities per se , more like separate masks . They miss the mask they knew . They don 't seem to realize that behind it was always me . She was the first mask . The first one I created . The first one I had to be to fit in , to keep them unaware . It worked for so long that I forgot myself . I was her . I was hidden even from myself . For years I was other . Other masks over the one that was her . They hid even her from the outside world , from the ones that would hurt her . And then he came . He stripped away all the other masks , washed away all the other paint . All that remained was her , and me . He did not know about me . He thought that she was all there was . He wanted someone that wasn 't her though . He wanted more of me . He didn 't know what he was asking for . He thought that he was adding to her , he was stripping more and more away . He wanted a woman to do his bidding . He gained a woman that knew how to anticipate his needs , his wants , his every desire . He wanted a woman that would not question his orders , his requests , his decisions . He did not see that he gained a woman that saw everything , I had no need to question , I knew I was going to make him pay . I tried to simply let him go . I grew tired of being hurt and so I gave it one last try to just let him walk away . It hurt so much to watch him walk away but I knew that all that remained between me and the rest of the world was the smallest part of my mask . I tried to rebuild her , I truly did . I needed her . She was all that kept me safe from the world . She was all that kept the world safe from me . I did all I could to build her back up . But he kept trying to come back into my life . Every time he tried to strip more away . He kept taking what was rebuilt . And with every bit he took , he took a little more . My only way to survive was to take what was left of her and merge her in with myself . I didn 't know what would happen . I blocked every access to me that I knew still remained . I ran . I hid . I tried to no longer exist as far as he would know . But still he found me . He used a path I forgot existed , one I could not close . He found me in the morning , and through the day he reminded me that I was his . He told me that I had no one else . He told me no one else would even notice if I was no longer around . He told me that I had no choice , that I was still , and would always be , his . Did you know that when the only good remaining in you is under attack that the rest of you will defend it ? I tried to bolster my light , I made my calls . Again I was without support . No one that would understand was there . The only one I could find I could not confide in , he would kill for me . I would die for him . And so I did the only thing I could . I took the remainder of my light , I let my darkness engulf it , surround it , absorb it . I saw her in my eyes , the new me , the fully integrated me . I watched as the light withdrew , hid . I watched as the crimson grew , became vibrant , filled my eyes , my heart . I would guard the light , save it for those that deserved it . Within a few days I did as I was requested , I went to see him . I allowed him to touch me . I permitted his kiss . I welcomed his taste . When he was no longer watchful , when he allowed his walls to rest , when his cock was buried deep inside of me , I made him pay . I gently stroked his cheek , a move he was accustomed to from me . As my thumbs slid down I adjusted my course and pressed them deep into his eyes . As I did , I locked my legs around his thighs , he could not back away , he could not pull out , his cock was deep inside of me and I felt it harden with the pain before the rest of his body reacted . When he could not see , as he opened his mouth to scream , I pulled my daggers from beneath the pillows . One was stabbed through his throat , blood sprayed over my hot , sweaty body . The other slid between our bodies and removed what connected us . I released my legs , he flew backwards , I felt his cock slip from my pussy , the blood pouring over my legs . I stepped over to him , I removed my dagger from his throat , more blood , I was coated in it . I stood and watched him as he died . The last words he heard was my nearly silent goodbye . I suppose I would have gotten away with it had I thought before I left . A naked , blood coated woman tends to attract attention after all . They decided that his harassment of me had caused me to snap . So now I am here . Sitting in the light as they discuss what they think should be done . I know what I have to do to gain my freedom . I will build her back up . She will return , in a fashion . She will be simply a mask again though . The portions of her that they search for , that they believe count , the light is no longer . No one will see it again . But the mask , the mask will return .

JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . I wasn 't called Heng Zhi back then . My parents named me John Ch ' ang . When I was little , my grandfather told me stories from before he took his family from China . I wish I could remember specifics , but he was not exactly fluent in English , and I know only a few phrases of Chinese . My grandmother could speak much better English than he , and she would sometimes translate some of her favorite stories of his . I lived with them since I was twelve . My parents died in a car crash . My father thought he was invincible when he drank . He proved himself wrong . I don 't know if I actually miss my father since I saw so little of him when he was sober , but I still hate him for taking my mother from me . I have no doubt that he wasn 't as horrible a person as I had thought , and that my mother had her own faults , but from a twelve - year - old 's perspective , a mother who worked all day and came home to take care of her family is more important than a father who used up all the money on booze and beat his wife at least once a week . She protected me from most of his drunken rages , but she couldn 't stop him from half - dragging her into the car that night . I went through a couple of different schools after they died . There was a lot of frustration and anger trapped inside of me , and there wasn 't a whole lot of " giving a shit " about school . My grandparents wanted me to get something of an education , even if they had to keep moving until I could find a school that I could deal with . Eventually , my grandparents moved to southern New York . The school was a little more lax than the others , but I have no doubt it wasn 't the school that calmed me down . Two things happened to me when we moved there . Her name was Jess . She was the most attractive girl in school , probably because she was also the wittiest person I had ever met . She gave me a reason to actually go to my classes . She saved my life - without her , I would have never become the person I am today . She was the one that pushed me to do my schoolwork , to not give up on people . We didn 't start dating until our junior year , but that didn 't mean we didn 't flirt since before high school . She brought me so much joy . After high school , we married during her second year of college . She studied to be a music teacher . She could play more instruments than I could name , which was one of the things we 'd joke about . No matter how often she 'd remind me of the right name , I 'd always say the wrong one . The other big change in my life happened when I stumbled upon a kung fu dojo . It was an old , run down building with peeling paint and some Chinese characters painted on the door . I was thirteen at the time and stupid enough to think that no one would notice if I broke in . It didn 't look like there should be that much room from the outside , nor did I think that it would be so clean . No cobwebs , dust , or debris covered the rooms inside like I had expected . I was so surprised by the appearance , I didn 't hear someone sneak up behind me . Nor did I actually see what hit me . I do remember waking up with a man with a short fu manchu standing over me . I 'm sure I tried to say something witty or smarmy as I stood up because I remember landing back on the ground with a thud . This is how I met my future teacher , Luo Dai . While I can 't say I don 't deserve most of the bruises I received from my master , Luo Dai definitely came from the school of hard knocks , and he teaches the way he was taught . Even though I was a pain in the ass , he didn 't back down . If I fought against him , he didn 't just sit there . He put me in my place more times than I care to admit . He understood me , though . Though the first few years of training under him , he helped me to control the anger I wasn 't able to deal with . When something happened that made me want to punch someone , he knew the right way to channel that rage into something useful - mostly in the form of sets of push ups or an hour of stances . Master Luo Dai gave me the outlet I needed , and between learning kung fu and spending time with Jess , I got into less and less fights at school . I 'll be honest ; I didn 't stop getting into them . I just stopped being the antagonist . I wasn 't his only student . There were quite a few youngsters ( compared to myself ) and he had a couple students who were in their twenties . By the time I was eighteen , they had moved away . Luo Dai asked me to help him teach the younger students , and said he 'd pay for the work . I was going to graduate that spring , so I jumped at the offer . At the time , I had been doing martial arts for half a dozen years and felt that I knew what I was doing . I didn 't realize that teaching the youngsters would show me how wrong I was was . Instead of just going through the motions that had became muscle memory for me , I was learning the concepts behind the strikes , stances , and maneuvers . I had improved more in the first year of teaching the kids than I had the entire first four years of learning kung fu - and that 's not including what Master Luo Dai was teaching me . After I finished school , I started teaching full time at the dojo . My weekdays were full of training and teaching , and when I came home at night , I slept like the dead . Even though we lived together , Jess and I didn 't get to see a whole lot of each other during the week other than the other one asleep . She had her classes , and I had my job . We were happy , though . We made up for lost time during the week with the weekend . We went on road trips , watched movies , even played some video - games when the weather wasn 't so great . She kicked my ass most of the time . That was the sum of my life for the next several years . Jess graduated and became a music teacher at a local school . Students came to and left Luo Dai 's dojo , and I met people I 'm glad to have met and people I 'm glad to have kicked in the chest . In the last few years , I 've only been in contact with one of them : Ken Richard . He came to the dojo a little over a year after I graduated . Eleven at the time , Ken was not exactly the biggest kid at school , and apparently the kids who found out they had more hair than just on their heads thought it 's alright to pick on the smaller ones . Not being a fan of bullies myself , I mentioned to Luo Dai that I could " have a word with those little assholes , " but he shook his head . Knowing better than to try to go behind his back and deal with the problem myself , I gave Ken extra lessons after Luo Dai left for the night , specifically on how to deal with larger opponents . After about a month and a half , Ken was flipping me onto my back , and the kid didn 't break a hundred pounds . Luo Dai definitely knew about the extra lessons but neglected to mention them - or charge for them . A week later , Ken came back with a couple bruises on his face and a concealed limp - as well as the detention slip he got for defending himself and sending the little shithead home with a broken arm . As far as I know , he was never targeted by a bully after that but actually helped to scare off some kids picking on some of the little ones on more than one occasion . Since then , he became a regular at the dojo . He was much more interested in the self - defense aspects of the art than I was , but he grew one hell of a snap kick for sparring . He practiced some Judo from one of the guest trainers Luo Dai brought in every once in a while , and eventually sought training in a Judo place about thirty minutes north of town . Luo Dai was very interested in what Ken learned , as I recall , and asked him to teach some of the techniques to the class every once in a while . After a couple months of training with him on effectively a daily basis , I started to consider him the younger brother I never had . You know - taught him how to throw a punch ( and more importantly , how to take one ) , listened to him talk about school and girls . I 'd call him a nerd ( with a smile ) , and he 'd call me a jerk ( with a friendly punch ) . This was different than what I was used to at the time , though . I never really had any friends at school . Plenty of acquaintances , more than a few ( not - so - friendly ) rivals , but no real friends outside of Jess . Even Luo Dai , whom I highly respected after so many years training under him , wasn 't exactly my friend . Of course there was a bond there , but student - teacher is not the same as buddy - buddy , and we both understood that . Ken was my first actual friend , and no matter what might happen between us , I won 't forget that . Not that I expect anything to go wrong . While I haven 't seen him in a few years , the last time I saw him he was excited about going to learn some Shaolin Kempo Karate in Plattsburgh . I 'm sure I 'll run into him sometime or another . As I had said , my life was pretty much the same week by week for a few years . I was twenty when Jess and I got married . It wasn 't anything big . My grandparents were there , as were Jess 's parents ( who didn 't quite like me for another five years ) . If he had been a little older , I would have asked Ken to be my best man , but since it was a little ceremony , it didn 't really matter if I had one . I was really glad my grandparents made it because I didn 't get to keep them for many more years . My grandmother died about three years later , and her husband followed her within six months . I grieved for them , but I was glad that he didn 't have to wait on this world too long without her . I didn 't realize how lucky he was until much later . The year after , Jess told me something that changed my life . She was pregnant . There really are not words to describe how ecstatic we were . Within the next couple months , we had saved up enough money to get a small house that was smack dab in the middle between our two jobs , was big enough to have a family yet affordable enough to feed one , and actually had a yard to play in . Our daughter was born in the early summer . She had my black hair but her mother 's green eyes . I asked Jess , and she let me call her Li , after my mother . That was the happiest day of my life , getting to see my family together for the first time , to truly feel like I was part of something more than myself . I got to watch Li grow from this little helpless doll that could barely hold its head up to a funny little girl who loved to be outside and watch her dad wail on a target dummy . She was about three the first time she tried to kick at my heavy punching bag . She completely missed and spun all the way around and nailed me in the shin . She burst out laughing when I pretended she hurt me a lot more than her short legs could do . Li actually was quite interested in learning " how to hit like a boy . " I taught her what I could , considering her three - year - old attention span , and told her never to hit someone when they don 't deserve it . She only got into one fight at her daycare , and even her caretaker said it was the boy who started it . I 'm proud that my baby girl stood up for herself . I taught her more as she grew older , including teaching her her first kata around the time she turned five . She had the moves down faster than I first did , and I practiced every day where she only had lessons twice a week . Just like her mom , Li loved music . Not that I had anything against music , but I just never had the time to practice guitar or do more than sing in the shower . Li would sing all the time . When she ate , when she danced , when I was teaching her to hit like a boy - pretty much when she was physically able to sing , she did . Jess also bought her a little keyboard and showed her how to play some nursery rhymes and songs that she heard at daycare . Li learned to read music before she could read sentences , which blew me away . Like her mom , when I was around her , she never ceased to amaze me . We went to Plattsburgh for a little getaway from home for a weekend . It wasn 't anything much other than a change in scenery . Jess and I were considering moving up here in a couple years and wanted to see what it was like . We stayed at a hotel that had its own swimming pool , and Li loved it there . We had to drag her out of the pool every time we let her get in because we didn 't have a pool at home . When she wasn 't in the pool , Li was playing around with beads and other things . She made me a bracelet , but told me not to wear it until we got home that night . She shoved it in my pocket and told me not to look at it . She made me pinky swear . Li was tired from all the swimming , so she slept on the way home . Jess and I actually had a moment of silence . The night was clear , and I could see the moon just starting to rise into the night sky . It was almost full . The roads were pretty empty , as if no one wanted to be out driving on such a peaceful night . That was what I was thinking when I hit a man . I slammed on the brakes as soon as I saw him , but it was too late . I could hear his head smash off the hood , and he flew twenty feet after we connected . Jess screamed , and Li woke up crying . I told Jess to stay in the car and call 911 . I knew how to take care of someone who got a broken bone or a similar injury at the dojo , but I didn 't know how much help I could do . I reached into the dashboard compartment and grabbed the first aid kit . I got out of the car and ran over to the man I hit . I saw he wasn 't wearing shoes and thought that the myth about sending their shoes flying after getting hit by a car was true . He was groaning , which I thought was a good sign . His face was smashed and an arm was bent where there was no joint . His leg was twisted around , and there was a long rip in his jeans . I looked back at Jess , and I could see her crying and yelling into the phone . I dropped down to one knee and looked back at the man , then did a double take . I thought his arm was broken , and his face looked just like it was covered in blood , but nothing too roughed up . I guessed his injuries weren 't as bad as I had thought . I opened up the first aid kit and found a tourniquet to put on his leg . I moved his jeans out of the way and followed the trail of blood . There was no wound . I looked on both sides , eased him over a little , but there was no cut or slice , not even a damn bruise on his entire leg . I sat back on my heels for a moment , and that 's when I heard the snap . The man 's leg , the one that was twisted the wrong way , suddenly kicked out and realigned itself . His back arched and his eyes flew open . I tried to jump away , but I was so shocked by his sudden movement that I slipped . The man 's face turned toward me , and he opened his mouth to scream . But he didn 't scream ; he screeched . His mouth wasn 't normal ; he had fangs . He kipped up and struck me with his forearm and sent me flying . The strike was ridiculously strong - I landed on the hood of my car . I think I heard Jess scream again . I told her to grab Li and run . I wasn 't sure if I had any broken ribs , but my limbs were fine and my collar bone wasn 't broken ; I could keep him away from my family . I grunted and rolled off my car . I looked at the man , but then had to look again . I wasn 't sure what I was seeing . He kept flickering every time I blinked . One moment a man , another a fanged shadow . His , no , its shadow had another layer to it , a bright red aura that rippled with vibrant streaks . I didn 't know what it meant , but I knew what it meant for me and my family . It wanted to hurt me , to hurt them . I saw the hunger in its eyes . I had to stop it . I ran forward as soon as I heard Jess 's door open , trying to keep its attention on me . I dropped low at the last second to sweep at its legs . I connected , but it barely moved . It grabbed my arm and threw me against a tree . I heard Jess scream my name , and though my vision was filled with stars , I knew it turned to look at her . I yelled again for her to run with Li as I pushed myself up again . My body screamed at me to stay on the ground , but I couldn 't just let that thing attack them . I grabbed a thick branch that had broken off when I hit the tree and snapped it so that there was a point on one end . I charged at the thing , and at the last moment , it moved just enough so that I didn 't stab it through the chest but into the back of its arm . I know I struck bone . It howled in pain and swung its arm , batting me away , but I remained on my feet and moved between the monster and my family . It smiled with a mouth too large for its face as it tore the sharp limb out of its arm . Then it spoke in a strange double voice , like something out of a horror movie . It jumped . Not around me or into me , but over me . I barely had enough time to bring up my arms as it kicked at my head , and instead of knocking me out , it made my arms go numb from its horrible strength . Li cried out " Daddy ! " as Jess ran with our girl in her arms . I don 't think she heard it land behind her . I saw it shake its hand once , twice , and claws grew from its fingertips . I ran for them , but I couldn 't make it in time . My vision flickered again . I saw the shadow beast , and its claw was impossibly long . I saw my beautiful Jess , running for her life , worried that she 'll never see me again . It wasn 't quite her , though . She looked too melodic to be real . I could almost see the songs she loved around her . I saw my sweet Li , who wasn 't afraid of anything . I saw her as she was when she was born , when she was when she was three and first tried to kick at my punching bag , and as she was then , fierce , hopeful , but scared of what was going to happen next . It was raining . It didn 't feel like rain ; it was too warm and sweet to be rain . I looked up and saw lightning dancing across the sky , but no thunder , no clouds . There was a sound like machines working . Hundreds of them . Not just heavy thunks but little tinkering sounds that meshed into something beautifully harmonic . I thought Jess would have loved to hear this . Then I realized what I left . I didn 't know how to get back to the accident , to the monster , to my family . I looked around , and the only clear image I could find was of a tower in the distance . I ran to it . I ran as if I wasn 't just in a life and death situation , that I wasn 't out of breath , and that I wasn 't bleeding . The air around me gave seemed to give me the energy to keep going . I don 't know how long I ran , or how far it was to the tower , but the closer I got , the louder the mechanical music became . It seemed to come from this tower . The tower was made of gold and silver cogs and machinery . On its peak was a huge golden key that spun slowly , and in its center was a burning eye , like that of Sauron , but not hateful , only guiding . It seemed to follow me as I got closer to the tower . I reached twin doors made of pure gold , with silver inlays of thousands of weapons , from swords and spears to guns and bows . There was even a stylized fist and a single image of a fire growing an open palm . The doors opened with barely a touch . Inside was a tall , slender tower made of swirling silver and gold . There were markings all over the tower . As I got closer , I realized those markings were names in a thousand different languages . I saw a calligraphy brush and an ink well on a small table near a blank spot on the tower . The brush looked just like the one that my grandfather had used to try to teach me how to write my name in Mandarin . I opened my eyes and found it was raining . Not the sweet rain of the other world , but the cold rain that told me to get moving . I was kneeling on the ground , and I looked around for the monster that was attacking - and then I saw them . On the ground . EMTs arrived on scene after a few minutes with police cars in tow . The 911 operator had heard my wife scream about the man that attacked me . Apparently , there was a string of murders going on , and the police thought it was a serial killer on the loose . I couldn 't help them much . I could barely speak . All I could do is stare at where the EMTs were moving my wife and daughter . Their , their bodies . A man named Richard Fawkes was one of the EMTs working that night . He offered to give me a place to stay for the night . Said he was almost done his shift when the call came in . I numbly accepted his offer . I told him what I saw , the monster , the dream world , the tower . I told him everything that happened that night , everything that I could bear to say . He sat there and listened for what had to be hours . When I was finished , he said this : I couldn 't argue with him . I physically couldn 't say anything else after that . He asked if there was anyone he could call for me , to try to get help , for me to live with for the time being . I opened my phone , hit speed dial , and handed it to him . I woke up at eleven the next morning , feeling worse than when I passed out . I reached out on the bed behind me and felt no one there . It hit me . " I called your dad and let him know what happened . He said he 's on his way . I 'll be in the next room . Whenever you want to come out , I 'll be here . I took the day off to look after you . - Richard " He meant Luo Dai . I wasn 't sure what I would say to him , nor did I know what he would say when he got here , but I was grateful that he was coming up . I went into the bathroom and washed my face . I realized that while I was aching , I don 't think I had any broken bones . I was more than a little surprised considering how hard I was flung around by that monster . I flipped on all the lights and took a look at myself . I was stunned . I didn 't have any cuts , scrapes , or even bruises anywhere on my body . Despite aching all over , I couldn 't find a single mark on me . It was as if I wasn 't in a fight last night . That thought ran through my mind and got my hopes up , but then I figured if last night didn 't happen , I wouldn 't be in a stranger 's home . I pulled on my shirt and walked out into Richard 's living room . He asked me how I was doing . I shrugged . He said I had free reign over anything in the kitchen whenever I got hungry . I didn 't really want to eat , but since I hadn 't eaten since lunch the day before - " my last meal with my family " crossed my mind - I figured I should eat something . I thanked him and headed to the refrigerator . I heard a knock on the door as I stared blankly at the almost empty fridge . I saw a half - empty jar of strawberry jelly , a tub of peanut butter with a knife still in it , and , looking on the shelf next to the fridge , two slices of bread left of the loaf - both of the ends . Not to be rude to my host , I took out the peanut butter and jelly and threw the bread in the toaster . Then I heard a sword unsheathing and Richard yell out my name , promptly followed by two thuds and a thump . I turned around to see him crumpled on the ground , with an older man with a fu manchu standing over him , looking at me . He looked over at me again and the smile faded to a sad grimace . He walked over to me and , for the third time in my life , he hugged me . The first time was when Jess and I were married . The second time was when Li was born . There was no joy in this , only the pain of a father who isn 't able to help his child . " What ? " I demanded , my voice going harsh . " Do you really think I give a shit about anything I 'd get after losing them ? I don 't want a single damn thing that costs me that . " I realized I was shouting . I ran my hand over my face , trying to calm myself down . " I just want them back . " " If I could ? Of course . But I fought that thing . " I threw up my arms . " There was nothing I could do to actually hurt it . " Both Luo Dai and Richard nodded . " It 's called a Watchtower , " Richard said . " It 's what gives us our link to the Supernal Realm . It 's what lets us be mages . " " Look at yourself , " Luo Dai said . " Shouldn 't you have broken ribs ? Cuts ? Bruises at the least ? Does someone 's body do that naturally ? " " Yeah , " Richard said . " You were busted up by the time we got there last night . At least three broken ribs and more than a few scrapes along your arms and back . " " This has to be some kind of a joke , " I said . The toaster popped , revealing toast that was more burnt than bread . I walked over to grab it and make my sandwich . He reached out with one hand and mumbled something in a different language . His other hand made a fast gesture that ended with a sudden upwards motion . I could feel something to my left , and when I looked , the pieces of toast lifted out of the toaster and landed on the plate . My jaw dropped . Richard smiled . " Care for another demonstration ? " He reached over the counter and grabbed a glass of water . He made a circular motion over the glass , ending with a bird 's head shape pointing inside . As he brought his hand up , the water followed , taking the shape of a bird with a long tail that still touched the bottom of the glass . He then lifted the bird with his other hand and threw it at my face . It turns out , I cast a spell that altered the course that the water bird was going . Didn 't know I was going to do that ; it was just reflexive as if I was countering a punch . Richard said that I probably healed myself in my sleep without even realizing it . Apparently , it 's not that uncommon . The two of them tried to fill me in on some of the more essential aspects of magic . It seems that there are different things that different mages focus on depending on which Watchtower they see . Luo Dai said that his Awakening vision was similar to mine . He told me that I 'd be intuitively good at controlling energy , both physical and magical , like how I altered the direction of the bird . Richard , on the other hand , was adept at healing . They both agreed that I needed someone to teach me more about magic , and Richard said that he was due for some time off from work soon . Luo Dai said that Richard was welcome to head back south with us and help in my training . He replied , saying something about needed to go on a trip . Then a thought struck me . I didn 't want this to happen to anyone else . I couldn 't stop that thing because I didn 't have any power . Now I do . There are monsters that prey on people who cannot defend themselves . If I can control the forces of nature , then I can fight for those who can 't . I might even find the monster that killed Jess and Li . It was wrong . I didn 't watch them die . But I know I will watch it die . I noticed that I was sweating . I looked around the room , and both Luo Dai and Richard were staring at me nervously . " What ? " I said , the rage building inside seeping into my voice . I leaned up against a wall and ran my hand over my face . I put my other hand in my pocket and felt something . I reached in and pulled out the bracelet that Li made me yesterday . It had one word on it with hearts on both ends . " Daddy . " The last thing I heard my little girl say . I took a deep breath to calm myself . Then I put it on my wrist and tightened the straps . I could feel the temp returning to normal . I looked to Luo Dai , the man who was a better father than my own flesh and blood . I looked to Richard , a man who I met just last night , yet I felt a strange brotherhood with him . I looked down to the bracelet that Li made me . In these past five years , I 've gained knowledge and power of things that most people don 't believe , and that is more literal than I would have first guessed . Luo Dai has not only taught me spells and arcane lore , but helped me join an order of mages called the Adamantine Arrow . They specialize in combat magic , which suits me just fine . He told me to take a shadow name , a pseudonym to protect my identity from mages who can make use of names to attack from a distance . I chose Heng Zhi , which roughly translates to " Endurance " and " Will , " two of the pillars of kung fu . Luo Dai also introduced me into my Legacy , which is what mages call soul crafting . After hours of testing my physical , mental , and spiritual limits , I became a Perfected Adept , a kind of mage who mesh arcane learning with martial arts and physical aptitude . The daily training with Luo Dai and occasional visits from Richard helped to keep my mind off of Jess and Li , but there isn 't a day that goes by that I don 't think of them . It 's because of them that I moved to Plattsburgh a year ago . Luo Dai told me that he kept track of a Hallow , a magically infused location , and he offered it to me to help in both my training and in my calling . I moved to Plattsburgh to try to keep the people there safe . I know I am only one man . I know that I could easily screw up and get myself killed . But I also know that I have a fighting chance to do more good here than in some tower reading a bunch of books . I promised myself that I will do everything in my power to stop the monsters that hunt the innocent . Jess and Li might not be here to cheer me on , but I have no doubt this is exactly what they would have wanted me to do .

For those of you who have read any of my previous stories you know they are not just paragraph after paragraph of sex , there actually is a story . I won 't vouch for how good the story is , that is for you to decide . But if you are looking for constant sex you should return to the main page now so you won 't be disappointed . I was cold and uncomfortable , but mostly just bored . I 've been sitting on the ground , just inside the tree line , overlooking a wide expanse of pasture spreading out below me since late afternoon . A quick look at my watch showed it was just past 4 AM now . Behind me a mountain gradually climbed several thousand feet . It was August , and damn hot during the day , but I was high enough in altitude here that it could get very chilly at night . When I got here it was pretty hot so I left my jacket in the jeep . Not one of my brighter moves . I was a good ten miles out of town . Dan Jennings has a nice spread here . In fact he has the largest ranch in the county , but this part of it is quite a distance from his ranch house ; which partially explained why I was stuck out here . He has been losing several head of cattle every week for the last couple of months . He and his four sons had tried to catch the rustler but every time they staked out a pasture no one showed up , or a couple head would disappear from another herd . He finally called the sheriff Monday morning and the sheriff called me Monday afternoon . I am the low man on the totem pole around here so his plan fell on me . But to be fair , I would have ended up with it anyway . I man the sheriff 's substation here so it was in my territory . The nearest deputy to me was a good twenty miles south . This part of the country is pretty sparsely populated . My town has barely fifteen hundred people , a movie theatre with one screen ; a couple of diners , a few bars and a relatively clean motel provided all our entertainment . We were too small to have a police department so I was it . The downtown area was about eight blocks long with the usual small businesses a small town like ours needed . A state highway ran through the middle of the downtown to provide us with some connection to the rest of the world . I shifted my legs around trying to get my right leg straight . Eight months ago I was still in the Army and the personnel carrier I was riding in through Ghazni , Afghanistan took a hit from a RPG and left me with a leg peppered with shrapnel . It helped me decide to leave the Army at the end of my tour , and for the last eight months I had been making a steady recovery to my old self but my leg was not quite there yet . Oh , I could still walk or run fine , I passed the physical for the job , but I was left with a frequent unexplained ache . Once I was semi - comfortable I scanned the area again . Maybe another hour and I would call it a day . There was a full moon and from here I could see the entire herd of cattle Jennings kept on this range . I wasn 't about to begin counting but there had to be over five hundred head . From where I was sitting I could easily see the two roads that angled their way here from the state highway , about two miles away . One of them eventually became the old abandoned logging road I had parked on . From my vantage point I should be able to spot anyone attempting to get to this herd . My jeep was about a quarter mile behind me , well hidden back in the trees on that old logging road where it started to make its way up the mountain . The only people who used it any more were deer hunters . I had walked the rest of the way here . I thought it best to get here early and be out of sight in the almost non - existent case I saw someone . I had pretty good duty here . Not much had happened in the six months since I had taken the job . I was pretty much my own boss ; nothing like my experience as an MP in the army . The sheriff was stationed in the county seat , a lonely eighty - mile drive from here . I would drive over once every couple of weeks to meet with him and the other deputies and discuss the activity , or more the case , the lack of it . I had grown up here but after high school I joined the Army . My parents had moved away shortly after I left but they had kept our small house here . They thought they might use it as a summer getaway or as a rental but with my return they gave it to me . The pace here can be pretty slow but after two tours in Afghanistan I was looking forward to some peace and quiet . After another hour passed called it a night and hoofed it back to my jeep and headed towards town . My preferred diner in town was just a block from the sheriff 's station and it was packed even at this hour . Quite a few of the local farmers and ranchers tended to get up early and come down for breakfast , or just coffee , before beginning the day 's work . I liked the crowd and usually joined in , it kept the lines of communication open , but this morning I was beat . My office had two cells and on days like this , when I did not want to go home and both cells were empty , I 'd lock the door and sack out on a bunk in one of the cells . In spite of the chill I felt up on the mountain , it was still pretty warm here in town , even at 6 AM . It was one of those weeks were it was over a 100 in the shade and only cooled off to 90 during the night . I went into the first cell , stripped , and just crashed on top of the cot . It was a short three hours later when the phone insinuated itself into my dream . It became the alarm at our base in Afghanistan warning of incoming mortar rounds . I rolled off the cot in a sweat looking for my helmet . It took a few seconds to realize where I was . I got to my feet and walked out into the main office to answer the phone . " Tom , its Bill " . Bill was the sheriff . " What took you so long ? The phone must have rang twenty times . Don 't you work for me any more " ? " I was outside talking to someone and just stepped in and heard it " . I was thankful I had closed the blinds when I came in this morning . I was standing in the middle of the room buck - naked . Hopefully I also remembered to lock the door . " So what 's up " ? " Check your email in a few minutes . I 'm sending you a video file from a bank robbery that occurred yesterday in Magalia . I think it 's the same guy that has been hitting a bank about every three months around here for the last couple of years . It has been spread out between several counties so we did not notice the pattern at first . He 's hitting our county about once a year and I think our turn is coming up . I want him this time " . " This is the first time we got a good look at his face " . " Okay , I 'll watch for it . I 'd better go now " . I was trying to get off the phone so I could get dressed . With my luck that door is not locked and with the closed blinds I would not have any warning until someone opened the door . And no doubt it would be one of the local mothers walking in on me with my dick hanging out . Then I 'll be known in the rumor mill as the perverted war - damaged vet . Then Bill got my attention again , " What 's the hurry ? Oh , I almost forgot , how did it go last night at the Jennings place ? See anything " ? " It was one of the more boring nights of my life . I did not see a thing . I 've got to run but I 'll watch that video as soon as it shows up " . I quickly hung up before he could get talking again . After hanging up I checked the door , I was okay ; it was locked . I went back to the cell area and showered and dressed . When I was finished I came out and began opening up shop . I opened the blinds , unlocked the door and then sat down at my laptop . I saw that I had several emails . A couple of the usual " We 'll make your penis so big you 'll need headlights " . Another from a new widow in Nigeria that needed my help transferring funds and a couple from the guys in my outfit still stationed in Afghanistan . " Incoming mail " still showed at the bottom of the window . I waited a couple of minutes but it was still ' incoming ' . It must be a pretty good - sized file . I deleted the garbage and read how things were going in Afghanistan . The file was still just a quarter done after fifteen minutes . There is no DSL in the boonies . I decided to get some breakfast and check it when I got back . At the diner all the tables were taken but I saw Henry sitting alone in a booth by the window so I went in and joined him . He was retired now and had probably been here talking to his buddies since the sun came up . He was an old friend of my father and I had known him all my life . We had breakfast or lunch together a couple of times a week . We were chatting about nothing in particular when I looked out the window and saw a tall striking blond walk by ; she looked to be in her mid - twenties , a few years younger than me . I just caught a glimpse of her face before she turned to cross the street walking away from me . She had to stop at the curb as a semi and trailer drove by on its way out of town . It was Jerry Blair , a local trucker . He left every Tuesday morning for a cross - state trip . He wouldn 't be back until Saturday night . Henry looked up and saw me staring out the window . " Pretty isn 't she " . " I 'll say " . It was pretty warm out already and she was wearing white shorts and a polo shirt that hugged her body , really showing off her shape . She had a nice tan ; long slender legs and the shorts set them off perfectly . She had to be close to 6 foot . She was the perfect height for me . I was a bit tired of the short girls I had dated in town . Of the available girls , the tallest must be around 5 ' 3 " . Lay on top and your chest smothers them . Henry was watching me with a smile on his face , " You don 't recognize her do you " ? " I don 't think I would forget someone who looks like her " . She had crossed the street and was now standing in front of a dress shop talking with another woman . They must be good friends , they hugged and now it looked like they were going to stop and talk for a while . " I would have remembered if I had bumped into her in the last six months . Who is she " ? " She did not always look like that . She was a bit shorter and down right skinny . Do you remember Paula Banks " ? " Yes . She was a skinny little girl who used to hang around the house making mooneyes at me back when I was in high school . Are they related " ? I had not thought of her in years though I had one very distinct memory of her in the tree house in my back yard . I looked out the window to see her standing across the street looking my way . She gave a little wave towards me . I started to raise my hand to wave back when another truck drove up , stopped and blocked my view . She did not look like the girl that caught me up in my tree house one afternoon jacking off while watching Mrs . Henderson nude sunbathing in her backyard . Mrs . Henderson had a high fence that blocked the view from the other houses , but up in my tree house , hidden in the leaves , you had a great view . My girl friend at the time would not do more than kiss when we made out . I relieved a lot of internal pressure those summer afternoons watching Mrs . Henderson . The afternoon I remember I was up there naked , peeking through the leaves and beating off , just ready to cum , when I heard a voice behind me , " Whatcha ' doin " ? I about jumped out of the tree . I turned around , dick in hand , expecting to see my mother . " Nothing " , I said as low as I could . Any louder and Mrs . Henderson might hear and that would be the end of her sunbathing . Instead I saw Paula standing on the ladder , head and shoulders in the opening to the tree house looking at me . She looked down at my groin , smiled , and then climbed the rest of the way up . I froze . My clothes were behind her in on a makeshift table . Paula spent a lot of time at our house . She lived alone with her dad a few doors down from us . Her mother had died when she was five . She was twelve and in the eighth grade now and my mother had become something of a surrogate mom to her . I was a senior in high school so of course she tried to hang around me and just as certainly I tried to stay away from her . I don 't remember much of what we said but I do remember she walked over to where I was standing and looked through the leaves of the tree . She moved a limb and saw Mrs . Henderson . She was lying on a lawn chair without a stitch on . She must have been trying to tan the inside of her thighs , as her legs were pretty far apart . I remember her smiling when she saw what I was looking at . She turned to me . I was still holding onto my cock . She got down on her knees in front of me . " You can watch her while I take care of this " . She replaced my hand with hers and began pumping me . I remember looking down at her . Her little hand pumping away on my cock , her face just inches away with her mouth open , breathing hard . Seeing her mouth open like that I was tempted . I had heard the other guys talking about how great it was when their girlfriends gave them a blowjob . I hadn 't got my girl friend to touch my cock , much less give me a blowjob . I put my hand behind her head and tried to give her the idea of what I wanted by pushing her mouth towards the head of my cock . Her head moved only an inch closer before she resisted , closing her mouth tight . She looked up at me and shook her head . She seemed angry . When I moved my hand away she looked back down , continuing to jack me off . She really seemed to know what she was doing . I barely lasted a minute or so before I began squirting cum all over her t - shirt . When I was finished she pulled on my cock to get me down on the floor with her . She pulled off her now wet t - shirt , then her shorts and panties and sat down on my now wilted cock . She had decent tits for such a young girl . They were not big but really well formed . That was the closest I had ever been to bare breasts and I took a good look now that they were staring me in the face . She leaned forward and I reached out with both hands and touched her breasts , feeling the swell of them , the nipples getting hard in my fingers . She began squirming around on me , grinding my cock underneath her . I could feel myself getting hard agaIn the time it took for that memory to flash by , the truck started moving and I could see across the street again . Paula was gone . I looked up and down the street but she was no where in sight . " I really don 't know anymore . She keeps pretty much to herself . She was the smartest girl to come out of this town . A couple of years after she hit high school she started looking like you see her now . You were gone and in the service by then . She was in all the school plays and was quite the actress . She had a lead in a couple of Shakespeare plays . She was the Homecoming Queen her senior year and entered a number of beauty pageants . She won the county pageant and was a runner - up in the state . She was also a real brain in science . When she left for college we didn 't know if she was going to end up in Hollywood or become a scientist . I know she was studying physics or chemistry or something like that . It was some kind of science . But then the old story , she met someone at college , fell in love and got married . He was a studying to be a minister . Everyone was surprised when she dropped out and they came back here . We thought she was much too ambitious for that . He was the minister at the Methodist Church here in town for a while " . " They went on some kind of missionary trip to South America three years ago , Costa Rica I think . They were supposed to be there for a month or so but her husband got sick about a month after they got there . He had a heart attack or something and died down there " . " I don 't really know . We didn 't know him very well ; he wasn 't here long enough . His family was from out of state . She was all alone then . Her dad died the year before in a house fire . They think he was smoking and fell asleep . I heard scuttlebutt that she had an insurance settlements of several million from the husband and her dad . I guess she can afford to travel around . I thought she might go back to school but she didn 't " . We shot the bull for a while longer . I glanced out the window every so often but Paula did not make another appearance . Then I noticed the time . I needed to get to work . I said my goodbyes , paid my tab and made my way back to the office . I checked my email and the file was ready . I clicked on the attachment and settled in to watch the video . The resolution was pretty decent . It showed a bank lobby with no customers present . The door opened and a man walked in . He looked to be a bit taller than average , maybe 5 ' 11 or 6 foot , and was a fairly thin , maybe 135 lbs . It was difficult to be sure about the weight because he was wearing baggy overalls . He had a small well trimmed beard and mustache , dark glasses and was wearing a fishing hat . He kept his head down so I wasn 't getting a good look at his face . As I watched , he walked over to a teller and passed a note with his left hand . His right stayed in his pocket . The teller looked up at him quickly , then , visibly shaken , went to three stations , filling a bag with bills before returning and handing the bag to the man . The man tipped his hat to the teller and turned to walk out of the bank . I could tell the file I was watching had had been spliced together from other files because the camera angle changed . I was now watching him walk towards the door from the door camera . Just before he got to the door he stopped and looked up at the camera . He stood there for just a couple of seconds and then , with a very small smile , waved to us before walking out of the bank . When the video reached the end it automatically looped and started over . There was something about it that that bothered me as I continued to watch . I supposed the beard and mustache could be false but I just could not put my finger on what was causing that nagging feeling . Was it someone I recognized ? After the third pass the feeling was still there but just as vague . I began watching everything else , avoiding looking at the bank robber . Maybe the robber has an accomplice and that 's what I 'm picking up . When nothing obvious jumped out I watched out the bank 's window , watching car and foot traffic , the reflections in the window ; still nothing but that nagging feeling would not go away . After almost two hours watching the video I finally closed it . It was time to get to work . Maybe when I look at it again later I will figure out whatever it is that is bothering me . I finished up some paperwork , had lunch , drove around town a few times and had the rest of my day taken up working on a minor traffic accident just out of town . As it began getting dark I decided to do one last good deed . I drove a few miles out of town to a small lake , the high school kid 's favorite make - out and partying spot . I found a couple of cars parked there with a party getting ready to start . I confiscated a couple of cases of beer and sent the kids on their way . I made my way back towards town and was about a half mile out ; surrounded by English walnut orchards , when I remembered something I had seen earlier in the day . I quickly drove home , parked the jeep and switched to my Prius . Its quietness and black color would be perfect for what I wanted to do . I quickly headed back out of town and it took just a few minutes to get to the dirt road through the walnut orchards that I wanted . I left the main road , turned off my lights and drove slowly through the orchard for about a quarter mile . It was quite dark now but a partial moon gave me just enough light to find my way . I pulled off the dirt road into the trees . About a hundred yards ahead of me I could see the lights of a single house surrounded by orchards . I reached over and turned my radio down . I did not want a call to come through alerting everyone to where I was . I drove closer and stopped while I was still a couple of windrows in the orchard ; about twenty five yards from the house . It would be almost impossible for anyone to see me here in the trees and in the dark unless they were looking for me . The house was set back from the highway several hundred feet . It was still close enough that you could hear the trucks going by . The highway made a sharp turn right at their property that caused the trucks to gear down and then back up after negotiating the turn . I was facing the side of the house with the living room to my right . The curtains were open and the room was well lit . As I sat and watched , Linda walked into the room . Linda was Jerry Blair 's wife and Jerry was going to be out of town for a few days . Linda was going to be alone . That just was not right for someone as good looking and sexy as Linda . Linda walked around turning off the lights until the house was dark . A few seconds later , a light came on in the bedroom facing me . A bed filled the view through the open window . I watched as Linda walked around the foot of the bed and then walked out of sight . When she returned she had taken off her blouse and shorts and was now just in her bra and panties . She had a fantastic figure , great legs , flat stomach and nice breasts , not too large , not too small . She disappeared to the left again and was gone for a few minutes before she reappeared , this time nude . She walked to the side of the bed , pulled the sheet and blanket to the foot of the bed and then once again moved out of sight . The room was suddenly dark . Well that was not going to help . The room reappeared in flickering light . She had turned on the TV and was now lying in bed watching . I reached behind me and grabbed my binoculars from the backseat . Once I had them focused it was like I was standing outside the window . She was lying there in the nude watching TV , flipping channels , looking bored . Perhaps there is something I could do to relieve that . After a few minutes she put the remote down but did not turn off the TV ; I could still see her naked body with the lights flickering across it . As I watched , her hands began moving around her stomach , up to and around her breasts and then down to her pubic hair . It was very erotic . I was beginning to get hard . She had large nipples . One of them was erect ; sticking up in the air while the other was lying over , still a bit deflated . That was no longer my problem as I was fully inflated . One of her hands moved up to squeeze one breast and then the other while she used the other to move her fingertips through her pubic hair . She was a true blond . She lifted up her knees and spread them apart . While one hand moved back and forth between her breasts the other hand was getting more active between her legs . Where she had been lightly rubbing herself before I could tell she was putting much more into it now . Her hips would occasionally rise from the bed . Her left hand moved from her breasts down to her stomach . Her breathing had gotten faster . Well enough of binoculars , she could use another hand , maybe two . I started to put the glasses away when the radio squelched . Damn it ! Instead of turning it down , I should have turned it off ! I walked off , several rows away from the house and answered the call . Great , it was central dispatch . A call had come in from Mrs . Danning regarding a prowler . Mrs . Danning was eighty with terrible eyesight . She could not see a prowler if he was in the room with her . It was probably wishful thinking . Unfortunately , she was the Sheriffs aunt . I had to answer the call . Fortunately she lived at the edge of town , not too far from here . Maybe I could get there and back quickly . I watched Linda through the glasses while I started the engine . I saw no sign she heard anything . She was still quite preoccupied . It took about ten minutes to get to Mrs . Danning 's house . Fortunately that was how long it took for my erection to go away . Another ten to convince her there was no peeping tom trying to get a look at her in her undies , and just talking to her , probably the real reason she called was she was just lonely , and then another ten to get back to my spot in the orchard . As I got closer my erection was returning . In my mind I could still see her there , naked , spread out on top of her bed . It took very little to add myself to the picture , lying on top of her , toes dug into the mattress for traction . Damn ! The window was dark . I was too late . I rubbed my cock through my pants for a moment and then made a decision . I turned the radio off and got out . When I got up to the front of the house I set down on the front porch steps and took off my boots and socks . I tried the door ; it wasn 't locked . Just as I started to enter the house I heard a truck begin to gear down . I stopped and waited until it made the turn . Just as it began accelerating I stepped inside and quietly closed the door , using the noise from the truck to mask any noise I made . I stood there for a moment , listening . It was quiet in the house . There was enough moonlight coming through the windows that I could see the room . I carefully walked over to the sofa and put my boots down on the floor . I took off my shirt and then my pants . I pulled my boxers down over my erection and laid them on the arm of the sofa . I reached down and grabbed my cock and squeezed . I needed to relieve some of the tension . I started down the hall towards the bedroom . The floor gave a loud squeak under my weight and I froze . I waited a minute and heard nothing so I continued down the hall . When I reached the end of the hall the door on my left was open . When I looked in I saw Linda , still nude , asleep , lying on the bed . It was quite warm and she had not pulled a sheet over her . A ceiling fan was circling slowly above the bed . It created just enough of a breeze to give some relief from the heat . Linda was still lying on her back with both hands above her head . Her nipples , so erect before , were now lying a bit sideways , like tall buildings , collapsed . Her knees were no longer raised and spread out to the side . Her legs were now flat on the bed but still spread fairly apart . As I looked from her legs up to her face , and then back to her legs , I decided there was more than enough room for me between them . Her mouth was open and I watched her chest rise and fall as she breathed in and out . I began slowly stroking myself with my right hand . I looked at her open mouth and thought , maybe later . I carefully reached out and touched her left nipple . I very lightly moved it around with one finger . It responded by gradually expanding until it was fully erect , much like myself . I reached over to Linda 's other nipple , rubbing my open hand over it , letting it tickle my palm . She let out a soft moan but did not wake . I moved down to the foot of the bed . Now would come the difficult part . At what point would she wake up . I carefully began climbing up on the bed between her legs , trying to not make the bed shake . The bed was jostling around a bit but she did not move and her breathing did not change . I finally reached a point where my knees were between her hers and my hands were on the bed alongside of her , even with her breasts . I moved one knee up just a bit more , putting a slight pressure on the inside of her thigh . She responded by lifting her knees up a few inches and then spreading her legs wider . I wonder what dream she is having now . I tilted my hips down so my cock was pointed at her pussy , just an inch away . I shifted up just a bit more so that the head moved up against her lips . Pushing ever so slightly against her I could feel her lips part and I easily slid in just a bit , not even the whole head . Her earlier masturbation had left her wet , that was going to help . Linda moaned very low and I felt her thighs move slightly wider . I lowered my body to hers until my chest touched just her nipples . I swayed a few inches , side to side , letting her nipples drag on my chest . Another low moan escaped her lips . She lifted her hips up towards me and I slid into her another half an inch . It felt so good in her . The breeze from the fan was cool on my back but it was hot inside of her . I was dying to plunge deeper into her . I finally could not take it any longer and pushed farther in . Her eyes flew open in shock and her mouth closed . I reached up quickly to where her arms crossed over her head at the wrists and held them both in my left hand . With the slight moonlight coming through the window behind me my face would be dark . I was sure she could not tell who was on top of her . She began to squirm under me , trying to move up , to get me out of her . I immediately lowered my body so my weight , while still partially on my elbows , succeeded in pinning her to the bed . Her mouth was now by my ear . As I pushed deeper in her she said " NI put my arm out and she lifted her head up onto my shoulder . I wrapped my arm around her , giving her a hug . We lay there relaxing , the hum of the fan and the breeze very comforting . In the distance I could hear another semi gear down , make the turn and then accelerate away . Just as it faded out in the distance she said , " That was not nice , not waiting for me , but I did like the surprise . What took you so long to get here " ? " I didn 't think you needed me . From what I saw earlier you had a real head start on me " . She looked over at me . " You were outside earlier ? Why didn 't you come in " ? " When I got here you were in bed beginning without me . I got a call and had to leave . When I came back the lights were out . I would have left but the thought of your body in here , all neglected , was a bit too much . Besides , our motto is " Serve the Public " . She lifted a leg over me and climbed on top of me . " I think you have a bit more serving to do . Do you think he is ready for the public ? Jerry is not going to be home until tomorrow night so I want to take advantage of this . Can you stay the night ? That gives me tonight and tomorrow morning " . She was moving her hips around on mine , trying to encourage some response from me . I could feel the stirrings . It was not going to take long . I smiled and said , " Perhaps he needs more encouragement " . She giggled , " Perhaps he does . So , what kind of encouragement do you think works best " ? She gave me a quick kiss on the lips and then got off me and turned around on her hands and knees , facing towards my feet . She took my semi - limp cock in her hand and moved him around , pointing him this way and that . " He doesn 't seem to need a lot of encouragement " . She then bent her head over me and sucked me entirely into her mouth ; running her tongue all around me . This was not going to take long at all ; I could feel myself growing rapidly . Linda pulled me from her mouth , " Oh , he likes this " ! She licked me up and down my shaft , and every couple of passes would take me in her mouth again and run her tongue all around the head . She pulled me from her mouth , " I think you 're for prime time " . " I don 't know . It might be too much excitement for the little guy . He might blow his top . Then where will I be " ? But before I could say anything she took me in her mouth again and began working her way up and down my shaft . She was right . It would not take much of this before I would be cumming on that tongue . I reached down to pull her up to me . As she moved around to straddle me I heard a new truck in the distance , one more gearing down to make the turn ; at this point just loud enough to hear over the drone of the fan . Linda had finished turning around and now was sitting astride me . She reached down , grabbed me firmly in hand , positioned me to her satisfaction , and then slowly sat down on me . I was once again comfortably buried inside of her . She sat there for a moment , not moving , a smile on her face , just enjoying the sensation of me buried to the hilt inside of her . She began moving her hips , slowly back and forth , rubbing her clitoris against me . It seemed a lazy motion , but then she had all night . I started to reach up to cup her breasts when I realized something was bothering me . I continued running my fingers around her breasts , teasing her nipples by not touching them , but there was something wrong . Linda had begun rocking faster on me , working her way to a climax . Then it hit me , what it was that was wrong . I grabbed her by the waist , and rolling to the side , tossing her off of me . As I moved to get out of bed she cried , " What are you doing " ? I moved around the bed towards the door . " Where are you going " ? " Wait here . I 'll be right back . I have to check something " . I heard her say something in reply but I was already out the bedroom door , quickly moving down the hall with my dick waving side to side . I could be wrong but if I wasn 't there wasn 't much time . A truck had geared down for the turn but had not geared back up . Why ? I didn 't like the obvious explanation . When I got to the front door I carefully peeked out the front window . There was Jerry , Linda 's husband , about 100 feet down the driveway , walking towards the house . He would be here in a few seconds ; I had to move fast . I hurried over to the sofa , grabbed my clothes and headed back down the hall to the bedroom . Linda smiled when she saw me return but then noticed my clothes under my arm . I saw the confusion on her face but before she could say anything I said , " Jerry is walking down the driveway right now . He will be here in just a few seconds . Clean up . I 'm going out the back . I 'll call you tomorrow " . Before she could answer I ducked out , headed for the backdoor . When I got there I quickly looked out the window . Jerry had not circled around the back . I opened the door a crack and then waited . When I heard the front door open I slipped out the back and carefully closed the door . I ran as fast as I could into the orchard and then circled around to my car . I put my pile of clothes on top of the car and looked for my boxers to start getting dressed . Damn ! I looked through them again ; still no boxers . Where did I leave them ? I looked up at the house . The light was on in the bedroom and I could see Jerry standing beside the bed . Linda did not look alarmed and Jerry did not appear to be hostile . That could change if my boxers were found in the house . I walked back to the edge of the orchard and looked across the grass . Not much light but they did not seem to be there . That left the house . I went back to the car and finished dressing . I was ready to go but took one more look at the house . The bedroom was dark . I was about to get in the car and leave when I saw a red light appear at the window and then go out ; a few seconds later it appeared again . I had seen that many times in Afghanistan . Jerry was standing by the window , smoking a cigarette . I knew he could not see me but that did not make me feel any better . Thank god I had switched cars . With my lights off I made my way through the orchard and finally was approaching the main highway . I was about to turn on my lights and pull out on the road when a car passed by headed away from town ; Greg Townsend , the town hotshot . He was a senior jock , good looking and full of himself . Going that direction , and I could tell there was someone else in the car with him , he had to be headed to the lake . I was trying to tell myself to just let him go . My problem was that over the last couple of months I had a couple of parents of thirteen - fourteen year old girls complaining that Greg was a bit too forceful with them . I could not tell who was in the car with him but I should check . By the time I pulled out on the road Greg was a few turns ahead of me . I couldn 't see his taillights so I just headed to the lake . If he wasn 't there I would head back to town in and go to bed . As I approached the turnoff I turned off my lights . The car would be quiet enough not to be a problem . I turned in and there was Greg 's car . I parked a distance away and looked at his car for a minute . Now where would I find them ? I couldn 't see any heads in the car but that did not mean they were not inside . I grabbed my flashlight , got out of the car and began walking towards Greg 's car . As I got closer I could hear some sounds of activity in the back seat . With another couple of steps I could see a young girl , completely nude , lying against a pillow wedged against the far door . Greg , at least I assumed it was Greg ; I could not see his face , just his bare back and butt , had his head buried between the girl 's legs . I started to raise my hand to rap the flashlight on the side of the car when the girl looked up at me . It was Cindy Jennings , Dan 's daughter . She had to be what , fourteen , maybe fifteen ? Greg had some balls . Cindy had four older brothers . They would beat the crap out of anyone fooling with their sister , assuming Dan didn 't kill him first . Just as I was about to tap on the car Cindy put a hand with one finger raised to stop me . She held it there , put the other hand on Greg 's head , keeping it right where she wanted it and then closed her eyes . I froze and just watched . Greg moved his hands up to Cindy 's breasts , squeezing them , rubbing her nipples . I had to admit ; even if she was just fourteen or fifteen , she had nice breasts . After a few minutes her breathing started getting faster . She lowered her hand and now had both hands on Greg 's head . She thrust her hips up at his face a couple of times and then let out a long high - pitched cry . As she relaxed back on the seat Greg began moving up on her . He grabbed her by the hips and pulled her down so she was lying flat on the back seat . " Now it 's my turn " . Cindy said , " Wait " . Greg did not even slow down . He had climbed up on her and was trying to get his dick in her . Cindy tapped him on the side of the head , " Look out the window " . Greg , focused on trying to line - up his cock with her pussy said , " Who ever it is tell them to fuck off " . Cindy looked up at me with that ' Well , aren 't you going to do something ' look . I guess that 's my cue . I took one more step and rapped the side of the car several times with the flashlight . Greg did not even flinch , " Get the fuck out of here . Can 't you see we are busy " ? Greg was up like a shot , hitting his head on the top of the car . Behind him I could see Cindy , laughing quietly at him . I motioned with my flashlight , " Okay kids , out of the car " . Greg climbed out followed by Cindy . They stood beside the car still nude . Neither of them made a move for their clothes in the front seat though Greg was making an effort to cover his erection with his hands . I was trying desperately to look at Greg and not stare at Cindy ; fourteen , fifteen , whatever she was , she was just drop - dead gorgeous . I was not about to be the first to suggest they get dressed . Greg had been looking at the ground in front of him . Now his head shot up . " I didn 't know she was under eighteen . You won 't tell them will you ? I promise I 'll never do it again . I 'll take her home right now " . " Greg , you thinking she is eighteen is so stupid I won 't even go into it . You must have thought she was the oldest freshman on campus . You don 't need to take her home . I 'll take care of it " . I motioned to his car , " Now get out of here " . Those were the magic words . Before anyone could stop him he turned , jumped in the car and was peeling out . It was just a moment before Cindy started running after the car yelling , " Greg , you asshole ! Stop " ! She ran a few more steps but by now he was just a set of taillights in the distance . When she turned around and looked at me I could see she was pissed . I would be too if he just drove off with my clothes . She began walking back towards me with her hands on her hips . I was trying very hard to look in her eyes and not at her breasts , or lower . Her breasts were jiggling slightly , up and down , as she walked back to me . Thank god for peripheral vision . From the good look I had earlier , they were perfect . I had to remind myself she was just fifteen . I was not sure , and could not take another took to be certain , but it seemed like she had trimmed her pubic hair to a very small patch just above her pussy . " You asshole ! You let him go with my clothes " . Oh great . She isn 't pissed at him . She 's pissed at me . Her right hand moved up to slap me . I grabbed her right wrist and then her left as it began to rise . Holding her arms apart only made her look more desirable with her breasts sticking out at me . She squirmed around , trying to free her hands . Finally in frustration she butted me with her chest . That only succeeded in starting a rise in me . I was looking at her chest , noticing how erect her nipples were , how large and pink they were , trying to get a peak farther down to check on her hair , or rather , the lack of it when I noticed she had stopped squirming . When I looked up I saw her watching me with a little smile on her face . " Look , I did not tell him to leave with your clothes " . " Are you going to let go of me ? Or are you just going to stand there staring at me " ? I let go of her hands . She did not seem the slightest bit embarrassed and she made no move to cover herself . I pointed behind me at my car , " Come with me " . I turned and walked towards my car without looking back to see if she followed . When I got there I opened the trunk and rummaging through some supplies I kept there . " What were you thinking , being out here with Greg ? Don 't you know his reputation " ? I found the blanket I was looking for , turned and held it out to her . She gave me one of those ' Just how stupid are you ' looks , " Did it look like I was in any trouble ? I think I was doing fine " . She looked at the blanket like it might bite her . " That 's all you have " ? " I 'm afraid I don 't carry wardrobes for teenagers around in my car " . When she did not take the blanket from me I unfolded it and hung it around her shoulders . She let it hang loosely . Her breasts were still plainly visible and yes , her pubic hair was trimmed . I opened my door and motioned for her to go around to the other side , " Well come on , get it . I 'll take you home " . She wrapped the blanket a bit tighter around her and walked around the car and got in . We rode in silence until just before we reached the road that would take us to her home . " You can 't take me home like this . I need some clothes . Take me to Sara 's house . She lives over on Fourth " . She was right ; I would probably end up as the fall guy . " I know where some clothes are that you can use " . I passed the road to her home and continued on into town . Cindy closed her eyes and laid her head back against the headrest as we drove . As she did this she let her hands relax to her side the blanket parted open clear down below her belly button . Her breasts were once again peeking out . I felt myself getting hard again . I looked up and corrected my steering before I drifted off the road . It was almost midnight . We did not pass anyone on the road as we took a back way to the Sheriff 's Substation . I pulled around the back so no one would see Cindy when I took her inside . When we got to the back door Cindy was at my side as I keyed in my code so we could get in . We went through a second door that put us in with the cells . Cindy looked through the bars , at the small spaces inside , " Maybe this would be a good place for Greg " . She pointed at one cot with some clothes folded on it . " Are you missing someone " ? I motioned for her to follow me , " Those are mine . Sometimes when I 'm working late I crash here " . I walked through the door into the main office and went over to a wall covered by cabinets . Cindy looked around the room , " Do you have any coffee ? Never mind I found it " . She dropped the blanket on the floor beside me and walked across the room to the coffee maker . I was finding it very difficult to concentrate on clothes for her , " Hey , the curtains are open . People can see in here . I want to keep my job " . I forced myself to look away and open a cabinet . I pulled out a couple of pairs of pants and shirts and set them on the counter . Cindy poured herself a cup of coffee and walked back over beside me . " I 'm sure you have seen a naked girl before " . " Yes , a couple of months ago " . Cindy sat her cup down on the counter and picked up one of the shirts . " These are pretty lame " . " That 's all I have . Take it or leave , " I had to stop there , she might leave it . Nudity certainly did not embarrass her . " Just put one of them on " . Cindy took one of the shirts and then reached for a pair of the pants . When she lifted the pants up a leg fell down to the counter and knocked her cup of coffee off the side . I reached for it but I was way too late . The entire cup 's contents spilled onto my thigh . Christ that 's hot . Cindy dropped the clothes on the counter , " I 'm sorry . I didn 't mean to " . She grabbed one of the shirts and began dabbing at my pants , sometimes on my thigh but most of the time right on my dick . I was dancing around , my leg burning from the hot liquid soaking my pants . " You have to get those off right away so the burn won 't be so bad " . She began tugging at my belt . I was trying to push her back from me . My back was to the counter so it was difficult to get away . She brushed my hand off her shoulder , " Oh please , I have four brothers at home . You don 't have anything I haven 't seen before " . I was torn ; here was a completely naked girl trying to get my pants off . Yes I know , she 's just fifteen but that same naked girl had given me a hard - on some time ago . I was going to be imitating a tent pole in my boxers if she got my pants off . I wanted to do the right thing . Just as I reached down again to try and push her away a light flashed in the window . I looked up to see a pickup stop in front of the station and Dan Jennings , Cindy 's father , got out . I froze . Unfortunately that gave Cindy all the time and approval she needed to unzip my pants and pull them down to my ankles . I heard a snort from her followed by " My , my . I guess you have taken a few peeks at me ; and like what you see " . I looked down , oh fuck , my boxers ; I had forgotten I was not wearing any . My now fully erect cock was pointing straight out at her , the dark purple head swollen and glistening with lubricant . Cindy gave a little laugh and slapped my cock lightly so that it swayed back and forth . " I think he likes me . Can I take him home " ? I looked back up . Dan had closed the door and was now coming around the front of his pickup . He would be here in just seconds . There was no way to explain this : Maybe the spilled coffee would explain my pants down , the boyfriend speeding off with Cindy 's clothes might explain her nudity . But only one thing explained my erection . I grabbed her with both hands , " You dad is outside . He is going to be in here in just a few seconds . We both looked around . There was no time for clothes and it was too late to escape out the door to the cells . Cindy moved over to my desk , ducked down and got in the well . It was a huge desk . The sides went all the way to the floor so unless Dan walked around to the back he would never see her . I was still trying to figure out what to do with myself when I looked up to see Dan was just a couple of steps from opening the door . With my pants around my ankles , I shuffled the few steps to my chair , sat down and pulled myself to the desk just as the front door pushed open . My legs would not fit in normally with Cindy there . I tried to jam myself in but just succeeded in hitting the head of my cock on the edge of the desk . I looked up ; Dan had closed the door and was walking towards me . Just when I decided this was going to be a disaster I felt Cindy push my knees apart and tug on my legs . With my knees apart I could fit in around her . I could feel her shoulders against the inside of my thighs . This did absolutely nothing to relieve my hard - on . " Deputy " , Dan was now standing in front of the desk , " I cannot find my daughter " . Trying to stay calm enough to talk was hard . Cindy 's hands were on the inside of my thighs and slowly sliding their way up , " Where is she supposed to be " ? I wanted to reach down and move her hands but that was going to look awfully odd to Dan . " She said she was going to stay overnight with a friend of hers , Becky . They were supposed to be working on some project " . Dan began slowly pacing back and forth in front of my desk . I was about to ask a question but held back when he started talking again . I completely missed what he said because just at that moment Cindy wrapped both hands around my fully erect cock and pulled it down towards her . I could feel her trying to move forward between my thighs but there just wasn 't enough room . Her left hand released its hold and I could feel it move up the outside of my thigh . " Tom ? Are you listening to me " ? I looked up to see that Dan had stopped in front of the desk and was looking down at me . " I 'm sorry Dan ; I guess my mind was wandering , thinking about where Cindy might be " . As soon as the words were out of my mouth Cindy squeezed my cock hard with her right hand . I guess she wanted me to know where she was . " What was it you were saying " ? Before he could say anything , ' Whoosh ' , my chair dropped about six inches . As her hand moved back to grip my cock I realized she had been reaching for the height control of the chair . Dan looked down at me with a question on his face . Before he could say anything I said , " I need a new chair . This old thing is worthless " . Looking back up to him with my desk now around chest level I felt like a second grader . " You were saying about Cindy " ? After a moment 's hesitation Dan said , " I was saying I wanted to check on Cindy . That no - good Townsend kid has been hanging around trying to take her out . I 've told Cindy to stay away from him , she is too young and he is too old for her but you know teenagers . Plus I don 't like what I 've heard about him lately with some younger girls " . At that point I almost lost it . I felt the head of my cock encircled by what could only be Cindy 's mouth . It was warm in the office but it was burning up under my desk . She slowly took more of me into her mouth . I wanted to just slump down in the chair , close my eyes and let me self go but then I noticed Dan was still talking , “… called Becky 's house but she wasn 't there . Becky said they had talked about getting together tonight but Cindy never showed . Becky thought Cindy might have had a date instead " . " Well Tom , you are the cop . Do you have any suggestions " ? I was quickly brought back to my dilemma . I 've got a fifteen year - old naked girl 's mouth attached to my cock . Her father is standing in front of me looking for her . The only suggestion I could think of was for Dan to leave so I could pump as much sperm as I could into his daughter 's mouth . God she was good at this . I was straining to lift my hips up without Dan noticing . " Well Dan , I chased some kids away from the parking spots out by the lake a couple of hours ago . It has been a while . If she is with him , there is a chance they may have gone out there . Since that is kind of out towards your place why don 't you go out there and check . I 'll do a quick run around town and then check a couple of spots out on the county road that the kids stop at sometimes . Dan started to turn for the door , " Okay but call me if you find her " . He opened the door to go out and then looked back at me still sitting at my desk . " Aren 't you coming " ? I waved for him to go ahead , " I 've got one last thing to do . It won 't take long . I 'll be cumming in a minute " . I tried to push back from the desk . Cindy had the base of my cock gripped in one hand and the rest of it firmly stuck in her mouth . As I pushed back , inch - by - inch , her head slowly came into view . I watched her head begin bobbing up and down faster . " Cindy ! Are you trying to get me killed " ? Her mouth opened up just a bit around me and I heard what had to be a giggle . " It isn 't funny . Your dad would have killed me if he found us . And if he didn 't I would have ended up in jail " . Cindy pulled her head back so that I was no longer in her mouth . She looked up at me with a smile ; the head of my cock less than an inch from her lips . " Do you want me to stop " ? Do I ? No , I don 't . But then she is just fifteen . I don 't want to spend the rest of my life in jail . " Yes I do " . I watched her for a few seconds and then her tongue flicked out and licked the head of my cock . " Stop , you can 't do that " . Cindy ran her tongue slowly around the head then stopped and said , " Oh , a challenge . I love a challenge " . While I watched her , my hands stayed on the chair armrests , never moving : making no effort to stop her , Cindy once again began licking the head of my cock . When I did not do anything she took me back into her mouth and began moving her head up and down on me again . I finally gave in , closing my eyes and sliding down lower in the chair . Cindy began teasing me by pulling her head back until I would almost fall out of her mouth . Each time she pulled back I lifted my hips to stay in her mouth . I felt a hand pull one of mine from the armrest down towards my knee , eventually to her breast . I moved my other hand on my own to her other breast , lightly squeezing them , rubbing my fingers around her nipples . I worked my hands down to her stomach and then back to her breasts . Then that familiar tingling spread over my body . It was building in my balls . It felt like my cock was expanding , getting harder . I was just seconds away from cumming . I needed to warn her . She might not like my cumming in her mouth . " Cindy , I 'm going to cum " . She began pumping the base of my cock faster with one hand while her mouth started moving around in a kind of circular motion on the head . I finally could not take it any more and exploded in her mouth . She made one small choking sound as the first stream of sperm caught her by surprise , hitting the back of her throat . Her tongue began sliding around the head of my cock as I continued ejaculating , streams of cum quickly filling her mouth . With each squirt my hips lifted up until finally I was finished and collapsed back in the chair . Cindy continued to lick the head very slowly . With my now wilting condition , she was able to take my entire cock in her mouth with no trouble . With my cock still in her mouth she tilted her head up so that she could see my face . If this had not been the second time I had cum in the last couple of hours , her cute face looking up at me with my cock buried in her mouth , would have produced another instant hard on for me . . Cindy slowly pulled her head back , watching me the entire time , until just the head was still in her mouth . Then she took me in her hand , gave the head a couple of final licks , and let me go . " You can let go now " . I was not quite sure what to say . I obviously enjoyed it but she was just fifteen . There were serious consequences for me . I stammered a couple of times trying think of what to say . I finally I got out , " Why did you do that ? You knew your father was right there . You could have gotten me killed " . She smiled , " Oh don 't be so serious . You were much more fun under the desk . I don 't think daddy would be that mad . Besides I owed someone a blowjob and I preferred you to Greg because you won 't be blabbing to all your friends tomorrow ; and you 're cuter " . She looked down , " And bigger , though not right now " . She hopped up and walked over to the clothes we had been looking at before and began dressing . " We need to get going before daddy comes back " . I stood up and pulled my pants up . By then she was dressed and walked back up to me . " You don 't think my nipples stick out too much in this shirt do you " ? Before I could say anything she had taken my hand and put it up against her breast . I jerked it back but not as quick as I could have . " Now stop that " . I needed to get her home before someone got killed , namely me . And then I needed a very cold shower . In my car Cindy came up with a simple plan . I drove out to the old county road and then called him on his cell . I told him I had found Cindy walking towards town and was taking her home . Cindy would later tell her dad that the boy she was with had given her the ' put out or walk home ' line and she walked . We both agreed that it could not be Greg . Dan deciding to talk to Greg would only have negative consequences for me . On the way to her house Cindy kept putting her hand on my thigh and then slowly letting her hand slide into my crotch . It felt nice but I knew it had to stop . After moving her hand away a half dozen times I finally said , " I 've told you , you have to stop that . You are going to get me in serious trouble . I should never have let you " , and here I had a bit of trouble getting it out , " You know , what we were doing " . Cindy interrupted me , " You didn 't like your blowjob . I guess you came in my mouth just so I wouldn 't feel bad " . " No , that 's not what I mean at all " . How could I say this right , " You are beautiful . You do give a really nice , uh , you know , uh " . I was sounding like a twelve year - old . " Yes , it was nice . I 'm just trying to say it cannot happen again . You cannot tell anyone it did happen " . I was keeping my eyes on the road and I could tell that Cindy was staring straight ahead also . " You sure think a lot of yourself . Who said it was going to happen again " . Cindy crossed her arms below her breasts and did not say another word the rest of the way to her house . When we arrived I stopped the car and started to get out to walk her to the front door . Cindy quickly got out and then looked back at me . " Don 't bother . I know my way " . But before she closed the door she smiled again . " I did have a good time tonight . I hope you did too . Let 's consider that our first date " . Before I could say anything she closed the car door and ran up to the front door . I decided it would be best to hurry out before Dan showed up and started asking questions where my answers might not match Cindy 's . On the way back I could not help comparing Cindy with Linda . Linda really knew what she was doing in bed ; oral sex was great and she was really nice looking , but I could not help wondering how Cindy would compare in bed . I 'm going to get hard now every time I get near a desk . Once I got home everything kept running through my mind ; what could I have done to stop it ? Could I ? Would I if I could have ? It took a couple of hours before I finally drifted off . The next couple of weeks passed quickly . Linda called to say we had better cool it . Jerry was sticking around the house . He was only making day trips , keeping an eye on her . He obviously suspected something . I saw Cindy a couple of times from a distance with friends . One time she saw me and gave me a little wave . I nodded back but tried to keep a distance and not encourage anything further . When I woke up on the 4th and went outside I knew it was going to be a hot one . Even at nine in the morning the sun was already beating down . People were lining Main Street waiting for the July 4th parade to start . I went across to the diner , grabbed a donut and coffee and joined Henry at the curb to watch . When the action finally started Henry and I stood up to get a better view . An Army Honor Guard leading the parade was coming into view a couple of blocks down . It was followed by a grammar school band . There were also some small floats by town businesses and a number of children 's groups ; some dressed in costumes , some just leading their pets , glad to be part of the parade . A larger float , all decorated with paper flowers , carrying the county fair queen and her princesses all aboard , waving at everyone . They were a mix of girls from the various high schools in the county . I was just starting to look away and almost missed her . Cindy was one of the princesses . She looked fantastic all dressed up . Well , to tell the truth , she actually looked better all undressed . Henry chuckled , " Just be sure you don 't help yourself into a tight spot . Her dad is pretty protective of her . He has been mom and dad to her since her mom died " . " I didn 't know . When did that happen " ? By now the float had passed on and the local high school band was marching by playing something familiar for some old musical . " That 's tough " . I was about to add more when it hit me . I looked back up the parade route and yes , that 's it . " Henry , I 've got to go and check something . I 'll catch you later " . I walked down the sidewalk a block , waited for a car carrying the mayor and his wife in the parade to pass and then crossed the street . Jim Blocker , one of my schoolmates , and now the president of the local bank , was standing in front of his bank watching the parade . We had known each other since we were two or three . I played guard next to him at tackle for our four years in high school . We were inside for just fifteen minutes , just enough time to further , if not confirm , my suspicions . On my way out I said , " Thanks Jim . I owe you " . After he nodded I waved goodbye and walked quickly back to the office . I checked a couple details , made a couple of call , and then left out the back door . I don 't think I had enough for a search warrant but so many things added up . I thought I might be able to just bluff my way through . I got in the squad car and began driving towards my house . A few doors away I pulled to the side of the road and parked . There in the yard across the street was Paula . She was on her hands and knees in a t - shirt and shorts , hair pinned up on her head , working in a flowerbed at the base of the porch . She looked every bit as good there in the dirt as she had the other day on the sidewalk . I pulled my service revolver out and prepared it the way I wanted it . I got out of the car and began walking towards her . She hadn 't noticed the car pull up and continued her ministrations . I got right up to her and it was not until my shadow fell in front of her that she became aware that she was not alone . She looked up at me behind her , " Tom ! You surprised me " . She raised up and turned to me but stayed on her knees . " It has been years . How are you doing " ? The sun was behind me and it was making her squint to see me . " I 've been fine . I heard about your Dad and your husband . I 'm sorry for your losses " . I took her hand and helped her to her feet . She looked at me , holding my eyes with hers , " I always told Daddy that those cigarettes would kill him some day " . Then a smile broke out on her face , " But that 's history . What brings you here " ? I waited several seconds and then raised one hand up to my shoulder . She looked at it blankly . I slowly began rotating my wrist back and forth : the princess wave . It just took a few seconds for the recognition to show on her face before she broke out in a smile . " That was stupid of me wasn 't it ? I shouldn 't have tried to be cute " . " You made big deposits in your account after every bank robbery ; in fact almost the exact amounts of each robbery . That was not smart . That is enough for a warrant to search your home " . " I see . I guess we will have to go in and straighten this out " . She raised her muddy hands , " Can I at least go in and clean up " . Before we started in I informed her of her rights and then pointed at the house and said I would follow . We walked up and into the house . She started up the stairs and I followed . " I 'm just going to clean up . I 'll be right down " . " If you want to clean up I 'm going to have to stick with you " . I followed her inside and then up the stairs to her bedroom . As she crossed the room towards the bathroom she pulled the t - shirt she was wearing over her head and dropped it on the floor followed by her shorts . Turning to me in bra and panties she pointed to the bathroom , " Do you need to follow me in there also " ? She went in and pushed the door partially closed . From where I was standing I could see her in a mirror as she went up to the sink . She took off her bra and panties and tossed them in a wicker hamper . She looked fantastic , nice full breasts , not huge but definitely very nice . There was no sag or droop to them . She had certainly developed very well in the last ten years or so since I last saw her . I continued watching as she washed her hands and arms . As she dried her hands her breasts swayed back and forth . I was mesmerized . I 'm not sure when she stopped moving . I finally realized she was just standing there holding the towel . I looked up and saw her watching me in the mirror with a smile growing on her face . " You know , I remember that time in your tree house . I tried a number of times to see you there again but I think you were avoiding me . Does Mrs . Henderson still live there " ? She pulled the door open and walked up to me ; still naked . Once again I noticed her height . She was just an inch or so shorter than I . She came up really close to me , her nipples almost touching my shirt . I put my hand on the grip of my weapon in case she made a move for it but the only movement I could feel right now was in my pants . I was definitely getting an erection . " You really disappointed me back then . You squirt your cum all over me and then disappear " . She reached out to my shirt and began unbuttoning the top button . " Maybe there is something we can work out now " . She continued with the buttons down my shirt . " Maybe you should begin your interrogation . Drill me here so to speak " . She pulled my shirt off me and dropped it behind me on the floor . I couldn 't believe I wasn 't resisting . When she started to unbuckle my utility belt I reached for her hands and stopped her . She looked up to my face and neither of us said a word . After a moment I made my decision . I unbuckled my belt , turned and walked to a dresser behind me and put the belt and holster on it and then returned to her . She ran her hands over my bare chest . I thought it was only polite to do the same . I put my hands on her bare hips and then slowly moved them up her waist , over her ribs and then up to her breasts . She tilted her head back and let out a low groan . " Now that is what I wanted you to do back then . Better late than never I guess " . As I continued fondling her breasts she leaned forward and kissed me lightly . Her hands were fumbling at my belt and then lowering my zipper . My pants fell to my ankles : I kicked my shoes away and then my pants as her tongue began exploring my mouth . Her hands dropped to my butt and pulled me against her , my now completely erect cock , first butting into her and then sliding up her stomach between us . She tugged at me trying to turn us around but I resisted ; that would put her closer to my weapon than me . She moved her mouth away from mine and whispered in my ear , " The bed " . I started to walk forward , pushing her back . She pushed back at me , " No , I want to be on top " . I let her turn me around and I began shuffling slowly backwards , pulling her with me . When the back of my knees hit the bed I wrapped my arms around her and let myself fall backwards onto the bed pulling her down on top of me . We moved into the middle of the bed , her scrambling to stay on top of me . She rose up on her knees and reached down between her legs and grabbed my cock , pointing it up at her I reached up to take both her breasts in my hands , giving them a gentle squeeze . She sucked in her breath , " Harder " . " No ; your hands . Your cock is perfect the way it is " . She had the head of my cock positioned right against her pussy and was using her hand to move me in small circles around , barely in , and then out of her . I squeezed her breasts harder and she arched her back and groaned . I moved my hands down to her stomach and then back up to her breasts , squeezing hard again . My hips lifted trying to get me farther inside of her . She put a hand on my stomach , pushing down , " Not yet . I 'll let you know when " . Her hand began rubbing the head of my cock faster against her clitoris . She finally relaxed her knees and sagged down , impaling herself on me . With her body flush against mine she began rocking back and forward ; first real slow and then gradually faster and faster , grinding against me . We went on like this for several minutes when she suddenly stiffened , scrunched up her face as though she was in pain . I could feel her pussy spasming around my cock , like a fist squeezing a tennis ball . " Harder " she hissed . " Yes , that 's it " . She jerked her body several more times against me , pushed my hands away from her and then fell forward to collapse on my chest . Over the next few minutes I waited for her breathing to return to normal while very gently stroking into her ; little strokes , pulling back just an inch and then pushing back deeper into her with my hands on her butt holding it tight against me . Once she seemed recovered I whispered , " My turn " . I wrapped my arms around her to hold her tight and rolled over until I was on top of her . The turn had pulled me out of her . As I lifted my hips she pulled her knees up and then spread her legs wide . I had planned on plunging right back into her but I stopped and raised up on my hands and knees , lifting my body off of her . I looked down at her lying there below me . I bent my head to her right breast and sucked her nipple in my mouth , running my tongue around it for a few seconds . She turned , pulling that nipple from my mouth , presenting the other breast to me . I flicked it with my tongue a few times , teasing her before sucking that one in my mouth . I finally pulled my face away from her chest and slowly lowered my body onto hers . She moved her mouth to my ear , " Fuck me " . I moved my hips forward , my cock finding her pussy . " Fuck me " she cried , more insistently . I stopped my self from entering her : just holding my cock against the lips of her pussy . I could feel her hips trying to push down against me , trying to get me inside of her . " Please " . I lowered my weight on her , pushing her deeper in the bed , still holding myself outside of her for a moment longer before finally pushing into her in one long stroke . I held it there , completely immersed in her , enjoying the feeling ; the heat of her pussy , the grip of it around my cock . I pulled back and slammed hard back into her , feeling her head bounce up on the bed . She grabbed by butt with both hands , pulling me into her with each stroke . Her mouth still at my ear , no longer whispering , cried " Faster " . I was more than willing to comply . I began moving faster , in and out , in and out . " Harder " . I moved my hands under her butt for a better grip , to keep her tight against me , dug my toes into the bed for traction , as our hips bucked against each other . I could hear little gasps coming from her . I wasn 't sure if it was from the pounding she was getting or if she was close to another orgasm . I slowed to long steady strokes ; I was close and wanted to enjoy the sensation and have it last just a bit longer . She pulled at my butt trying to get me to go faster , " Don 't slow down , faster " . I could feel the tingling begin . I was just seconds away . I pulled out quickly and began moving up her body . She cried , " What are you doing " ? I moved up so that her arms were now pinned beneath my legs . I was almost sitting on her chest with the swollen purple head of my cock right at her lips . I grabbed the shaft with one hand and pushed the head against her lips and moved the other hand to the back of her head . She let out a long " Noooo " . When her lips parted with the long " oooo " I lifted her head and pushed the head of my cock past her lips and into her mouth . Her tongue tried to push my cock back out but the feel of her tongue rubbing against the head of my cock just succeeded in exciting me further . She tried to move her head to the side to get me out but I let go of the shaft and held her head in both of my hands to hold her still . Her tongue was moving around , pushing at me . I felt her teeth begin to close down on me and I warned her , " No teeth " . I was so close to begin with that all it took now was just the minimal movement of her tongue and the heat of her mouth and I exploded . Her tongue pushed against the end of the head , trying , I think , to stop the streams of sperm flooding her mouth . As I started cumming I had closed my eyes . When I opened them now I could see she was furious but I was not quite finished . " Swallow " , I commanded . She just stared back at me . " Come on ; swallow so I can pull him out . We don 't want a mess do we " ? I watched as she finally swallowed but the anger never left her face , " And how about a few licks to clean me up " . She complied without saying anything and I pulled out of her mouth . I rolled off her and lay beside her on the bed . She lay still beside me . I could hear her breathing hard from her anger but she remained silent . After a minute she sat up and said , " I 'll be right back . I have to clean up " . She rolled off the bed , but instead of going to the bathroom she made a dash for the dresser across the room while I remained on the bed . She grabbed my holster , unbuttoned the snap restraining my weapon , and turned and pointed it at me pulling back the hammer . She almost shouted , " The last two men who did that to me are dead " . I watched her closely . She was close to a breaking point . " Paula , you are a smart person . You don 't want to do this . Just put the revolver down and we can talk about this " . She leaned back against the dresser , " You remember I lived alone with my daddy " ? When I nodded she continued , " Daddy started coming into my bedroom at night when I was nine . Our special time , he called it " . She pointed the weapon at me like it was a pen , like she was making a point . " At first he wanted to explain the ' birds and bees ' to me : Like we did not learn that stuff at school . He asked if I had seen a penis . When I said no , not a real one , he pulled his pajamas down so I could see his . He said this was just for education . Then he asked if I wanted touch it . He had me hold it for a while and it got big and hard . That surprised me . I mean the books say it happens but it was happening in my hand . Then he stopped and left my bedroom . I thought it was over . It was just him teaching me something . A few days later he came back in and this time he had me jerk him off . I did not know what that was at the time : I was just nine " . " It made a big mess in my bed . I had to sleep with those wet spots all night . The next night , when Daddy came close to making his mess he moved up and put his penis in my mouth and squirted his sperm in me . I was nine . I thought I was going to get pregnant from that . After that it was almost every night . I hated that " . She began to pace back and forth slowly in front of the dresser . " On my twelfth birthday I had a special surprise . That night Daddy came in , and instead of my giving him a blowjob , he fucked me " . She looked up at me , waiting for a response . " I said I liked it . It felt good . I don 't know if you remember . I was taller than all the guys and smarter than them . I was skinny and flat . I didn 't have any dates for a long time . So , I hated it when Daddy came in my mouth but I liked the sex . Sometime around my thirteenth birthday Daddy moved me into his bedroom . I can still remember his cumming in me in the morning and then my going to school , his sperm slowly leaking out of me all day . It made dressing for gym a little awkward but I felt special " . I did not know what to say . I just wanted to keep her talking . " That 's why you knew so much about sex in the tree house " . " Yes , I always liked you . I thought it would be a good way to get closer to you . But I was just a kid to you . You avoided me after that . I think Daddy caught on though . He did not like it when I talked about other boys and I talked about you a lot . In high school , when I had a date , daddy would take me in the bedroom just before they got there to pick me up and fuck me before letting me go out . I think he was marking his territory " . " Then I came back from college and told him about this boy I met . Someone I really liked . That night he wanted me to give him a blowjob ; to cum in my mouth . I told him no . He ignored me and did it anyway . It 's too bad about his smoking . I told him it would be the death of him " . " My husband ; he disappointed me . In college he had all these dreams about going to a town like ours , ministering to people . It sounded worthwhile . I gave up a lot to be with him . Then we go on a mission to South America . We are there just one week and he changes his mind and says he has received his calling and it is to stay there , and me with him , to work with the people there . Like my Dad , he also liked oral sex . The night he told me we were going to stay there he forced me to give him oral sex after I told him no . He said it was my role not to object ; to do as he , the husband , commanded . He was unfortunate I was a good student in my botany classes . His heart attack was most unexpected . I thought it was best that he be buried there with the people he wanted to serve . His parents understood when I explained how much they meant to him . I also learned from my Daddy . I made sure my husband had a good insurance policy when we got married " . She had let the revolver drop down to her side earlier , now she raised it back to point at me again . " Now we need to do something about you . I suppose it 's too late for you to get some insurance . The town is going to be so disappointed to hear that you have become a rapist . I put it down to your experiences in the service . You never got over your trauma of getting injured " . She motioned with the weapon for me to stand up . " When you tried to rape me a second time I was able to get away , get your gun , and unfortunately I had kill you " . " The DNA you " , she stopped . I watched the realization spread across her face , " That 's why you came in my mouth . You planned this all along " . The anger she had earlier return , " You bastard " . She pointed the weapon at me with both hands and pulled the trigger . It fell on an empty chamber with a loud click . I had been right earlier to unload the revolver . She pulled the hammer back and tried again with the same result . She turned the revolver around and saw the empty cylinder . She looked up at me with a pleading in her eyes . You and I can have had a good time together . We would be good for each other . I have a lot of money . We could live really well " . I explained about seeing the queen 's float in this morning 's parade . I cocked my hand to the side and then rotated it back and forth , the queen 's wave . " That started it . Then add her acting experience : Her role in Two Gentlemen from Verona , her banking records ' . " Two guys from Verona " ? " It 's a play by Shakespeare . One of the female leads dresses up and pretends to be a man . Paula played that role in a play in high school " . The Sheriff shook his head and stood up , " Well let 's get some dinner , my treat . You deserve it . In one day you caught a bank robber and probably solved a couple of homicides we didn 't even know we had " . We started for the door , " Besides , tomorrow you 'll be up all night watching for that cattle thief again " . Read 219759 times |

As I was driving the other day , I took some time to look at the trees with little or no leaves left on them and the grass turning brown and thought about the changing season . I wondered what the point of it was . Why do we have this cycle of seasons ? As I thought about it I also thought about the cycle of a single day . As the sun goes down here in Wisconsin , it is rising on the other side of the world and when the day comes to an end there it will start new here . I just found it amazing that in this world God created , there is always a new day . As dark as the night will get , a new day will begin at dawn . It is the same with the seasons . Things may be looking barren now , but we know that in the spring there will be a new season where things will get warmer and buds will pop from the trees , flowers will blossom and new life from an old plant will begin . In thinking of all of this , I also thought about the story of the sacrifice of Jesus and realized that it is the same story . 1 John 1 : 15 tells us that " God is light ; in him there is no darkness at all . " Jesus is our new day . And in Ephisians 2 : 1 we are told that " As for you , you were dead in your transgressions and sins . . . " and then in 2 : 4 - 5 " But because of his great love for us , God , who is rich in mercy , made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - - it is by grace you have been saved . " Jesus is also our new season . How important is it to God that we hear the story of what His Son has done for us ? Obviously so important that he used the world we live in to tell us that story every day of our lives . Every day you wake up , you wake up to the story of Jesus . No matter what happened yesterday , a new day is available today . No matter how barren your life has been , there is a new season available . Light in the darkness , life out of death . Take a minute and step outside and watch God speak to you , " This is my Son , whom I have chosen ; listen to him . " Luke 9 : 35 Today my son and I mowed the back field at our church for probably the last time of this season . As we mowed , I remembered back to when I first started cutting the grass at Oakhaven Church some years ago . I started out cutting the front yard and I remember never being able to cut it without my son insisting on coming with me . He would sit on my lap while I cut and loved the part when we would go down the hills . The older ( and bigger ) my son got , the more difficult it was to have him sit on my lap while I mowed , but he rufused to let me go alone . All the while I mowed , I would dream of the day that he would be able to cut the grass along side of me . A couple of years ago , I talked with the person who organized the mowing crew and we determined that my son was finally ready to handle a mower of his own . That year , I switched to cutting the back field around the trees on one mower with my son cutting the field on the other . The funny thing is that most times I have to continually bug my son to get him to cut the grass at home , but if I mention cutting the grass at church , he 's in the van before I am . My son likes to call it " Pa time " . Just me and my boy . We turn the radio off in the van and talk all the way to church . When we get there we fire up our mowers and get to work . We aren 't able to talk for the next hour and a half but we give each other a nod or wave as we pass each other , just a couple of men and their machines . We are only able to talk to each other for about a half an hour in that two hours , but my son considers it all quality time , and so do I . As I rode my tractor today and watched him drive his , I pondered all these things . I used to dream of having my son cut the grass along side of me . Now I watch him and dream of him cutting the same field along side of his own son . I wonder if he dreams of it too . At the end of the day , there is so much more than just a couple of mowers parked in that little building in front of the church . Today I was sitting out in the woods watching a squirrel run around . The squirrel ran up a leafless tree and climbed about sixty feet in the air and jumped from the branch he was on to another branch about two and a half feet away . This wasn 't a " stop and think about it take my time kind of jump . " This was an immediate " I 'm here and need to be there " kind of jump . I began to wonder how it would be if that were me on that branch needing to make that same two and a half foot jump . I wondered how many times would I look down first and worry about the possibility of not being able to make the jump . And how many times would I think , " Well if I go back down to this branch and climb over to this branch and then back up maybe I can get there more easily and safely . " However , the down side to that is that whatever I needed or whatever needed me on the other branch may be gone by the time I get there . Finally I just came to the conclusion that , man , I wish I had the confidence of a squirrel . About this time last year I had the opportunity to go to Las Vegas . I always wanted to go to Las Vegas . I 'm not much into gambling , I just always wanted to see those lights . I always wondered if it was actually like what you see on TV . It 's a pretty amazing place . The hotels are incredible and the lights are just like you see on TV . I went to Vegas expecting to see some things that I wouldn 't agree with like the " Sin City " t - shirts or the other popular Vegas motto , " What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas " . I found things like this irritating but was able to write it off as just a gimmick . There were some things I found in Vegas that I didn 't expect though . While I was in the Treasure Island gift shop looking for something piratey for my son , I saw a man walk out of the casino , sit down on a small garbage can and put his head in his hands . I watched another guy lose300 dollars at a blackjack table and then get up and go to the ATM and come back and lose 300 more . I heard another person brag to his friends that he had maxed out his credit card . One of the most disturbing things I saw was found on every street corner of the strip . Each corner had about 3 - 4 individuals handing out baseball type cards to everyone that passed by . On these cards were pictures of nude women advertising " adult entertainment " . Most people ignored the offer for these cards and most that took them just looked at them and threw them on the ground leaving the streets literally littered with pornography . There was one thing though that I saw in Vegas that was by far the most disturbing image and changed my opinion of Las Vegas forever . It happened while walking through Caesar 's Palace . This is an incredible hotel / casino , it 's almost its own indoor city . But the thing that hit me like a brick was when I passed the restaurant in the hotel and noticed the name . It was called " Nero 's " . At that moment I imagined Jesus standing next to me and me pointing to the sign and saying , " That 's funny right . " It made me feel sick to my stomach . For those that Posted by This is a poem I heard many years ago that has recently come back to my mind . I don 't know who wrote it or what the title is or even if this is a complete version but I decided to write down what I remembered of it . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I have only just a minuteOnly 60 seconds in itDidn 't chose itCan 't refuse itI must give account if I abuse itYes , it 's only just a minutebut eternity is in it . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We are faced with choices every day . Some big , some small , but they all define our character , our beliefs , our God and our future . Take a minute and think about it . Yesterday I was talking with a couple of friends about the " old days " and my friend Max told us a story that his grandfather often told him when he was a young boy . The story took place when Max 's grandfather was a young boy himself and in a time where there were no cars and most people walked everywhere . Max said his grandfather 's family lived about five miles from town and his grandfather told the story like this : One day his father told him to stop at the hardware store after school and pick up a part for his plow . After school , he walked to the hardware store and realized that his father had not given him any money . As he stepped in the store , he immediately saw a large sign that read : ABSOLUTELY NO CREDIT . As he was reading the sign , the man behind the counter asked , " Can I help you son ? " Max 's grandfather ( sorry . I can 't recall his name ) told the man his story about the needed part and that his dad forgot to give him money . He knew he would not have time to walk the five miles home and five miles back before the store closed . The man behind the counter asked him what his name was . He said , "____ Banaszynski . Then the man asked , " What 's your father 's name ? " . He told him , " John Banaszynski " . To which the man behind the counter replied , " That name is good here " and he gave him the part and told him he could pay for it the next day . He took the part home and told his father what happened and his father gave him the money for the part so he could pay for it right away the next day . This Tuesday I have a job interview with the company my oldest brother works for . It 's a job that I am not qualified for on paper but my brother feels I am fully capable of doing . My brother is one of the most hardworking and quality conscious people I know . Obviously the company he works for feels the same way because it is only by his name that I am given this opportunity . I know that without his name , my application would have gone straight to the garbage can . If after my interview I don 't get the job , I 'm O . K . with that . I just feelPosted by A month or so ago a friends son , Matt , informed our church that he would like to go on a mission trip to Pau Pau New Guinea to help and learn about translating the Bible into foreign languages as this was something he feels God is leading him to do after college . He gave a presentation and wrote a detailed letter about this mission asking us to help support him prayerfully and financially on his venture . The next week , a special collection was taken up for him and his mission , funds were placed in a wooden box in the back of the church that is used for occasions such as this . After service that day , my 9 year old daughter Emily was asking me questions about where Matt was going and what exactly he was going to be doing and why he wanted to do it . I explained as best I could and we went on with the rest of our day . The following Sunday at church , my daughter brought with her all the spending money she had , which amounted to 2 dollars and some change and put it in that wooden box for Matt . She told me about it later and I wasn 't sure what to do because the collection was over and Matt had gone back to college . I didn 't want to tell her that and make her feel like she was too late when she was trying to do such a good thing , so I decided to just let the money stay in the box for now . A couple weeks passed and Matt came back on a Wednesday before leaving on his mission trip to give us more detail about what he would be doing and ask us once again to pray for him . After he spoke to us , I took him to the wooden box and told him that a little girl had added to the collection and that it wasn 't much but it was all she had . I knew that 2 dollars wasn 't going to take him far physically , but my hope was that it would carry him emotionally and spiritually , to know that someone would give all to help him . It did touch him , and he asked me if I knew who it was . I told him it was my daughter , and he said he would have to thank her personally . I told him I didn 't think that was necessary , I just wanted to make sure he didn 't leaPosted by We serve an awesome God , we serve a God that does not need us . God doesn 't need you and He doesn 't need me . God was God before He created Adam and Eve and if He were to wipe out this world today , He would still be God . But we serve a God who loves us and desires us . Our existence is not in any way critical to His existence but for some reason God finds it critical for us not only to continue exist here but also with Him in eternity . Although He does not need us , He desires us , and He desires us in such a way that He would even sacrifice His only son Jesus Christ to have us with Him . When I think of the sacrifice of Jesus , I immediately think of the cross and Him giving Himself for my sins so that I can stand blameless before the Father . And although I believe that this is the pinnacle of His sacrifice , His sacrifice really started some 30 years earlier when He stepped down from His throne with the Father and into the skin of a man to come and live among us . Jesus chose to live among us , to show us in the physical the Father 's love and what His will was . Before Jesus suffered death for us , He suffered life for us and before Jesus conquered death , He conquered this life . Following is an excerpt from the book " Reliving the Passion " by Walter Wangerin Jr . that helped me to see this . It starts by reading Mark 15 : 16 - 20 . The words in red are the recorded words of our Lord while he lived on this earth . The soldiers led Jesus away into the palace ( that is , the Praetorium ) and called together the whole company of soldiers . They put a purple robe on him , then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on him . And they began to call out to him , " Hail , king of the Jews ! " Again and again they struck him on the head with a staff and spit on him . Falling on their knees , they paid homage to him . And when they had mocked him , they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him . Then they led him out to crucify him . ( Mark 15 : 16 - 20 ) Now the soldiers led him away inside the palace ( that is , the Praetorium ) . You havPosted by The cry of the newborn baby woke her in the night . " Not again " , she said , as the task of motherhood took it 's toll . She stumbled across the dark room and lifted her son from his crib . The touch of his mother 's hand brought comfort as she sat in her chair for another late night feeding . She sighed as she thought of the work that waited for her in the morning , but as she looked down at the sparkle in her baby 's eyes , the sleep in her own began to disappear . Oh what wonders waited for him she thought . The joys of life to experience , for him and for her . She felt a tear well in her eye as she thought about the first time he would call her Mama and chuckled as she pictured him clumsily taking his first step . It wouldn 't be long until he would be standing in the window waiting for father to come home and bounce him on his knee . Then will come school she thought , feeling proud . Yes , he would be smart , she felt sure of that . She would be there to help him in any way . She thought about how his features would change as he grew . He will always be beautiful to me , she thought . She thought about how tall and proud he would stand as he left for his first day of work . Maybe he would work for his father and maybe not . Whatever he chose , he will have been brought up to take pride in it and to do his best . And then one day he will leave . It will be sad but she will be strong , knowing that she has prepared him for life . He will be a man . He will be a good man , always doing his best to help others . He will be loved by all and she will be proud to say , " This is my son . " Suddenly , the sounds of an angry crowd woke her from her thoughts . Looking to her lap , she saw that her baby was asleep . A tear fell as she reached down and gently took hold of his bleeding , nail scarred hand . She pulled him in close and kissed her baby goodnight . Happy Mother 's Day You invited me to sit at your table . You wanted to share a meal with me but I think you wanted to share so much more . You said you would be betrayed , but it wouldn 't just be Judas at the table who would betray you . I have sold you for much less than thirty pieces of silver . You said you would be left behind out of fear and shame . I thought I was stronger but nobody ran faster than me from the garden . And when I looked across that courtyard and my eyes met yours , deep in my disgrace I knew just how weak I was . What I don 't understand is that you already knew all this but you still invited me to your table . Why ? After all I 've done and have not done , why at the foot of the cross where you hung dying , why did I hear you whisper my name ? You are everything that is good , I am not and yet you call me brother . So here I sit at your table , I have tasted your bread and I have filled myself on your cup . I hunger and thirst no longer . Thank you for inviting me to your table , I look forward to feasting with you again . When they came to the other disciples , they saw a large crowd around them , and the teachers of the law arguing with them . As soon as all the people saw Jesus , they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him . " What are you arguing with them about ? " , he asked . A man in the crowd answered , " Teacher , I brought you my son , who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech . Whenever it seizes him , it throws him to the ground . He foams at the mouth , gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid . I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit , but they could not . " O ' unbelieving generation , " Jesus replied , " how long shall I stay with you ? How long shall I put up with you ? Bring the boy to me . " So they brought him . When the spirit saw Jesus , it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion . He fell to the ground and rolled around , foaming at the mouth . Jesus asked the boys father , " How long has he been like this ? " " From childhood , " he answered . " It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him . But if you can do anything , take pity on us and help us . " " If you can ? " , said Jesus . " Everything is possible for him who believes . " Immediately the boys father exclaimed , " I do believe ; help me overcome my unbelief ! " When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene , he rebuked the evil spirit . " You deaf and mute spirit , " he said , " I command you , come out of him and never enter him again . " The spirit shrieked , convulsed him violently and came out . The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said , " He 's dead . " But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet , and he stood up . ( Mark 9 : 14 - 27 ) It 's a story of a father and his son . Neither are named , but I know the father , he lives in my skin . There are two things I love about this story , both bring encouragement and hope . One is that God hears my prayers even when my faith is shaky and my doubts are firm . He always stands ready to lift me up , even when I have thrown myself to the ground . The second is that God listens and acts on the prayers I offer on behalf of thosePosted by I had an experience yesterday , one that I have had many times before . My family is currently going through what I will just call a stressful situation . On my way home yesterday , I had a vision that always seems to pop into my mind when I 'm dealing with something emotional . It 's me sitting in the middle of my church . I 'm not talking about during a Sunday morning service , but an empty church with me sitting by myself , not saying anything , not doing anything , just sitting in silence . Something about this vision brings me such comfort , a feeling that if I were there right at that moment , I would feel nothing but peace . Now , I know that being at the church building doesn 't bring me any closer to God than I am when sitting in my car or at my house or anywhere for that matter . I know that God 's fullness is with me everywhere and that the church is just a building where the real church meets . Gary , our minister often refers to our building as " just a box " . I think that fits . It 's a box of memories . That same box of old photos we all have in a closet somewhere that we pull out , ruffle through , pick one out and say , " Remember when . . . " . You see , that 's the way our church is . It 's not the " Sunday morning put your time in " kind of place . Life happens there . You can find a piece of history in every corner . I walk in the kitchen downstairs and remember my first visit to Oakhaven with my brother after working with him at the University . That same kitchen has been renamed " Jimmy 's Junction " , after a great man whom God took home a few years back . We talk about the great ribs he used to make for our annual corn roast , but he 's remembered for so much more than that . Then we have " Truit tower " , the silo that has been renovated into a prayer room and named after one of the founders of the church . It 's probably my favorite place in the building to just sit and meditate . If you put your ear to the wall in the auditorium , you can still hear the distant echoes of past songs sung in praise to our Father . If you reach down and touch the carpePosted by My family and I went to see the movie " Eight Below " this weekend . It was a great movie and I highly recommend it . The opening of the movie had a line that just got me thinking . " Inspired by a true story " . It made me think about how many times I 've seen that before a movie or something similar such as , " Based on a true story " or " Based on actual events " . I find it somewhat ironic that we have these true events that need a little embellishing to make them entertaining . Don 't get me wrong , I don 't think there is anything wrong with that . Who knows , I may not have enjoyed " Eight Below " as much if they told the story exactly as it actually played out . But what is it about truth that it sometimes just isn 't enough ? Are we surrounded by so much stimuli that truth just comes across as too boring ? Maybe I see truth as too " possible " and that just doesn 't grab me . I don 't know what it is . I 've also been reading a series of fictional books that have really sucked me in and I find myself having the same problem there . Everyday , I can 't wait to get some quiet time to read . When the time finally comes , I reach into the basket beside my chair and grab my fictional book . . . . sitting right next to my Bible . Posted by O . K . , here 's the scenario . In the restroom where I work , there is a paper towel dispenser on the wall just to the left of the sink . About three weeks ago , the dispenser was removed , for what reason , I don 't know . They didn 't feel the need to inform me . But anyway , imagine my surprise the first time I washed my hands , I turned to the left as usual to dry them and " Bam " , no paper towels . I stood there confused , not knowing what to do . This is not the way things are supposed to be . I wash my hands and the paper towels are supposed to be right there ! After I calmed down a bit , I took action . I looked around and found that the roll of towels had been placed on a shelf on the back wall of the restroom . I dried my hands and wondered , what could have happened to the dispenser ? " Well " , I thought , " hopefully they will get this fixed soon . This is very inconvenient . " I mean , the roll is now like 5 feet from the sink ! That makes no sense ! As days went by with no new paper towel holder , one thing amazed me . I knew the holder wasn 't there . I would even walk in and see the empty spot on the wall . But each time when I finished washing my hands , I would immediately turn to my left and reach for a towel . I don 't know what irritated me more , that there were no towels where they were supposed to be or that I continued to reach for towels that I knew weren 't there . Habits can be hard to break . Change is tough ! I decided then that this was just silly . I mean , here I am getting distressed over something so small as paper towels being moved . There are much bigger issues to worry about . So I decided that I would not let these petty things get to me . From that day forward , I was going to be a changed man , no more complaining . When change comes my way , I 'm just gonna embrace it and roll ! Mister easy going , take life as it comes . Yeah , that 's me . Well , yesterday they installed the new paper towel dispenser in the restroom . So now things are back to normal , except the lever on this new dispenser is alot harder to pull than the old one was . . . . . . Just A Beggar I just read an article about a study showing that babies are altruistic ( I have to admit , I didn 't know what the word meant until I read the article ) . It was pretty interesting so I have copied some of the high points : Oops , the scientist dropped his clothespin . Not to worry - a wobbly toddler raced to help , eagerly handing it back . The simple experiment shows the capacity for altruism emerges as early as 18 months of age . Toddlers ' endearing desire to help out actually signals fairly sophisticated brain development , and is a trait of interest to anthropologists trying to tease out the evolutionary roots of altruism and cooperation . Psychology researcher Felix Warneken performed a series of ordinary tasks in front of toddlers , such as hanging towels with clothespins or stacking books . Sometimes he " struggled " with the tasks ; sometimes he deliberately messed up . Over and over , whether Warneken dropped clothespins or knocked over his books , each of 24 toddlers offered help within seconds - but only if he appeared to need it . Video shows how one overall - clad baby glanced between Warneken 's face and the dropped clothespin before quickly crawling over , grabbing the object , pushing up to his feet and eagerly handing back the pin . Warneken never asked for the help and didn 't even say " thank you , " so as not to taint the research by training youngsters to expect praise if they helped . After all , altruism means helping with no expectation of anything in return . And - this is key - the toddlers didn 't bother to offer help when he deliberately pulled a book off the stack or threw a pin to the floor , Warneken , of Germany 's Max Planck Institute of Evolutionary Anthropology , reports Thursday in the journal Science . This really shouldn 't surprise me . After all , we are " Created in His Image " ( Genesis 1 : 26 ) . And Jesus called a little child and had him stand among them . And He said : " I tell you the truth , Unless you change and become like little children , you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven . Therefore , whoever humbles himseJust A Beggar I have a bad job . Well , the work I do is not that bad but the company I work for often leaves me drained and depressed . Don 't get me wrong , I 'm not looking to be coddled at work , but it would be nice to be appreciated and treated with some amount of dignity from time to time . You 'll just have to take my word for it that it isn 't the greatest place to work , but being an uneducated man , my choices these days are few . As a Christian , it is a struggle for me as to how to deal with this situation . I find it so easy when mistreated to retaliate with poor work ethic . When pushed , you push back . After all , they are no better then I am , and I won 't let them treat me like a dog . I 'll show them . Not very Christ like is it ? Now you see my dilemma . It also never accomplished anything , the more I push , the more they push , the more I push and so it goes . I came to the conclusion some time ago that God had put me in this situation to teach me humility . T he lesson I needed to learn was to always try to do the right thing in the face of adversity . To do my best at my job no matter how I was being treated . I needed to go home at night and be able to believe that no matter what the working conditions were at the plant , it wasn 't my fault because I did what I was told and I did it to the best of my abilities . I believed that when I learned this lesson , that God would take me out of this situation and open up another opportunity in a more positive environment . One where I would be more free to do His work and life would be good . I have since learned the lesson of humility . Some days are still hard , some days I slip . But overall , I feel pretty good about who I am at work . God has given me some peace at work because I am also more aware of whose I am . I don 't work hard for my company , I work hard for my God , because it 's the right thing to do . It 's what He would have me do . But a couple of weeks ago something new dawned on me . As I was thinking of all the things I would rather be doing with my life and all the work I would rather be doPosted by We live in an amazing time . I have seen and understand things that my parents would never have dreamed of . I can even program a VCR ( for you younger readers , VCR 's are what we had to play movies with before DVD players ) . Take genetics , I don 't know all the ins and outs of genetics , but I have somewhat of an idea how genetics work . I understand how it is possible that my daughter can have my eyes and my nose ( sorry baby ) , and how we are made up of DNA and how it is passed from generation to generation . Again , I don 't know all the ins and outs , but I understand how it works . There 's no magic in it anymore , or is there ? You see , that 's what happens to me when I take something that is a mystery and come to understand how it works . It starts out as something magical and unbelievable , but then when I find out how it works , the magic is gone and I puff myself up a little bit and marvel at my intellectual prowess . But is the magic really in HOW something works or is it more in WHY something works ? My daughter and my son have some of my physical and emotional features . How that works is really cool , but WHY that works , that 's magical . That we have a God that wants part of my father and mother to live on in me and part of me to live on in my son and daughter , that 's awesome . We have a God of details . When my children 's children ask what I looked like , my daughter will be able to say , " Well , he had brown eyes like mine , and a nose like mine and hair like Uncle Patrick 's . " So , who cares how it all works . Why it all works , that 's what I really want to know . It 's because God loves us , and He loves to show us in the details . Let 's take a 2000 year step back and apply this to the sacrifice of Jesus for our sins . Again , I don 't know all the ins and outs , but I understand how it works . I am a sinner , God and sin cannot dwell together . The bible says that the wages of sin is death . ( Romans 6 : 23 ) There is a price we pay for our sinfulness , we have separated ourselves from God with no way of our own to geJust A Beggar

by Andrew JoyceJune 23 , 2017 I had just left an Apache Reservation in Arizona after having spent a night there . I was hitching west and had been picked up by a guy named Jimmy . I never did learn his last name . He was a full - blooded Apache and he invited me to crash on his couch . I didn 't get much sleep because we stayed up most of the night and talked … well … he did most of the talking . He told me of the Denéé - The People - as he referred to the Apache . I learned of their history , their medicine , or religion , as we would call it . I even did some peyote with him and spoke with God . But that 's another story . Today , I want to tell you about Hank . Jimmy was still asleep when I left . I didn 't have it in me to wake him and ask for a ride back to the highway . The sun was just over the horizon , it was still cool out even though it was the desert and it was summertime . I had been brought onto the reservation in the back of a pickup truck and had not followed our progress as we drove the back road onto the reservation ; after all , I was facing backwards , looking at where we 'd been , not where we were going . As I started my walk , I saw the mountain I had been looking at as we drove onto the Apache homeland . It seemed as though it had taken us about half an hour to get from Highway 90 to Jimmy 's house . So , I reckoned that if I just kept the mountain in front of me and walked in a relatively straight line , it would not take me more than a few hours to make my way back to the highway . Boy , was I mistaken . I started my trek across the desert full of vim and vigor . After all , I was nineteen years old ; I was immortal , as are all young people . Of course , I had no water with me ; ha … who needs water ! Well , as it turned out , I needed water , and I needed a lot more than just water . I needed a sense of distance , and maybe even a sense of direction . Allow me to explain . I set out at sunrise , headed towards a particular mountain , and after four hours treading the desert floor , that damn mountain seemed no closer than when I started . I had no watch with me , so I did not know the exact time , but judging by the sun , it must have been mid - morning - about ten o ' clock - when I realized I had made a colossal mistake . When I first set out , I thought the walk to the highway would take two , maybe three hours at the most . But here I was four hours later with not a car - hell , with not even another human being - in sight . I was not even smart enough to follow the winding road we came in on . No , I had to play it cool , thinking I could shave off some time by cutting across the desert and walking in a straight line . Well , once I left the road , I never found it again . I pressed on , keeping the mountain in my sights . Now , I 'll tell you folks something I didn 't know at the time . A mountain is a pretty big item . I was heading south , so I could wander a few miles either east or west and still have the same perspective of my destination , the mountain . And without a compass that is just what I did . I was zig - zagging all over the place , but I thought I was walking in a straight line . By noon , or when the sun was directly overhead , the desert had started to heat up . And so did I . At that point , I would have killed for a glass of cool water . Maybe even with some ice in it . Those were my thoughts as I walked towards that goddamn mountain that kept retreating from me . So as not to bore you all to tears , I will not tell you about that afternoon . Suffice it to say the afternoon consisted of walking and thoughts of water . The sun was on a slow descent to the other side of the world , and I had been walking for about ten hours when I saw it . There up ahead , unless it was a mirage , was a shack . I thanked God I saw it when I did . Complete darkness was less than an hour away , and I might have walked right past it in the night . I was too tired to run , but I did pick up my pace a bit . When I got to within twenty yards of the place I saw my salvation - an old fashioned water pump , long handle and all . I ran right to the pump and without asking anyone 's permission , pumped that handle up and down like there was no tomorrow . And from my point of view , if I didn 't get some water in me , there would be no tomorrow , at least not for me . For all my effort , only a few dust swirls and a few grains of sand emanated from the spout . Then I remembered something , a pump has to be primed , and you need water to prime a pump . It 's kind of like - you need money to make money , and I needed water to get water . A catch - 22 . Now that I was not going to have my fondest wish granted - a few measly drops of water - I turned my attention to the shack . I could tell right away that the place was abandoned ; the fauna , or sagebrush , or whatever the hell grows in a desert , was three feet tall and blocking the door . The shack was about thirty feet wide , and after circumnavigating it , I discerned it was also thirty feet deep . There were no windows , so my ingress would have to be through the door . As the night was fast approaching , I returned from my excursion of circling the shack and proceeded to the door , expecting to do battle with it to affect entry . However , to my everlasting surprise , the door flew open upon my touch . How inviting . With no windows , the only light entering said shack came from behind me and from the spaces between the boards that made up the walls of the shack . They were more like the walls of an old barn ; there was about an eighth of an inch of open space between most of the boards . Some did join together , but they were of the minority . The wood was warped and old . This place has been here for a while . The gloom within the shack made it hard to see what , if anything , was inside . As my eyes adjusted to the low light , I saw a table in the middle of the room . I started for it , and then saw a single chair about five feet to the right . I had not noticed it sooner because it was in the shadows . The only light , as I 've said , came mostly from the door . And that light was only as wide as the door , about three feet . It did not reach the corners or the far side of the room . Upon the back of the chair were draped some clothes . For the time being , the chair and its accouterments held no interest for me . My attention was focused on the table . For upon the table stood a clear bottle about twelve inches high with a candle stuck into its mouth . It looked almost new , only an inch of its ten - inch length had been used . Maybe I would not have to spend the night in darkness after all . I did not ( and still do not ) smoke . But I always carried a book of matches with me . One never knew when one might want to start a small fire and heat up a can of beans or a can of soup to get one through the night . I went right for the candle , pulled out my trusty matches , and lit it . The light it gave off did not reach very far , maybe a couple feet past the table 's edge . By the way , the table was only about four foot square , and there was nothing else on it but the candle in the clear bottle . Once I had a little light , I figured I could relax . I was still dying of thirst , but there was nothing I could do about that . I was thankful that the sun had retreated , giving me a respite from the heat for a few hours . I pulled the chair over to the table and sat down . As I leaned back , I felt something bulky and hard . I stood and removed the clothing , which consisted of a " duster , " and two flannel shirts . You folks know what a duster is , don 't you ? I am sure most of you have seen them in Westerns . But for those who are unfamiliar with the term , I will describe one . They were white , made of cotton , and looked something like a modern - day raincoat , except they were full length , falling to almost the ankle . And as the name implies , they were worn over one 's regular attire to keep the dust from soiling one 's clothes . However , it was not the duster that caught my attention ; it was the old - time six - shooter , lying in its holster , which hung from the back of the chair . Cool . Then I saw what was also hanging on the back of the chair , a canteen . I placed the candle on the table and with fear and trepidation , the fear and trepidation coming from the fact that the bloody thing might be empty , I lifted the strap attached to the canteen . I could tell by the weight that it was full . But even if there was water , chances of it being any good after sitting there in the desert for God knows how long were not good . After returning the duster and shirts to where I had found them , I pulled the chair up to the table , sat down , and turned my attention once again to the canteen . I quickly pulled the cork from the opening and sniffed the contents . It didn 't smell bad , so I dribbled a few drops onto my tongue . It didn 't taste great , but I was thirsty enough to chance being sick , because at that point I was very dehydrated and would die in the desert the next day if I didn 't get some moisture in me . Just as I was tilting my head back and raising the canteen to my mouth , a thought struck me . I did not have to chance anything . I could use half of the canteen 's contents to prime the pump , and if the well was dry , I would still have the other half for tonight and tomorrow . One way or the other , I was going to drink water that night even if it killed me . At least I would not die with my tongue hanging out , swollen from thirst . I grabbed the candle , for it had gotten dark by then , and went out to the pump . I 'm a city boy , there was only one other time I have had the pleasure of meeting a hand pump that pumped water up from a well . On that occasion , the pump needed priming and I watched my associate as he repeatedly primed and pumped , primed and pumped . So I felt pretty confident I wouldn 't screw things up by putting the water in the wrong place , like the spout , which is probably what I would have done if not for my previous experience with a pump . I placed the candle on the ground so I could uncork the canteen ; the candle gave just enough light so I could see what I was doing . With one hand , I poured water into the pump , and with the other , I took hold of the long handle at its end and started to pump . Up and down , faster and faster . The water seemed to be going in at an alarming rate , but I still poured and pumped . I had gone through more than half of that precious liquid and was about to halt my endeavor when the first few drops came out of the spout . And with every downward motion of the handle , more water came pouring out onto the ground until it was a raging torrent … a small raging torrent granted , but I had no complaints . Then I could stand it no longer . I put my head under the spout , face up and mouth open , as I continued to pump . I have never tasted water so sweet in my entire life . And that would include any bottled water you may wish to proffer . After I had drunk my fill , I poured the contents of the canteen onto the ground and pumped a small quantity of water into it . I sloshed it around for a moment and emptied that also onto the ground . Then I filled the canteen , recorked it , and went back into the shack . Now that the water situation was taken care of , I could have gone for a light dinner , but hey … ya cain 't have everything . When I got back into the shack , I closed the door . As I 've said , I 'm a city boy . I didn 't want any desert critters coming in during the night , looking to start up a friendship with Yours Truly . In all likelihood , if any of the denizens of the desert did enter during the night , it would have been for the warmth of my body rather than my friendship . I allude to Crotalus Oreganu , better known as the western rattlesnake . I 've heard that they like to snuggle up with human beings at night for our body heat . So the door would remain closed until morning . I saw nothing in the first three corners . But in the fourth , leaning against the wall , was a shovel and pickaxe , and on the floor lay a saddle and reins . There were no Crotalus Oreganu present , thank God , but there was a presence of another kind . Of course , I am speaking of Hank . A bed stood against the back wall . I had not noticed it earlier because of my preoccupation with the canteen and the darkness of the room vis - à - vis the limited light of the candle . Upon the bed lay Hank . Now Hank wasn 't the most talkative hombre I 've ever had the pleasure to meet . But that might have been because he was dead . Holding the candle over the bed , I saw a human skeleton completely intact , probably because it was a bit mummified . The dry desert air will do that to a corpse . The skin was drawn tight and shrunken . For some reason , the eyeballs were missing . The skull was still attached to the neck . The hair of the cadaver was jet black and full . If the hair had been all that I could see , I 'd have sworn it belonged to a young man who was still among the living . The eye sockets , as I 've said , were empty and dark . The missing eyeballs were a mystery I was in no hurry to solve . Years later when I mentioned it to someone , I was told that insects had probably eaten them . Starting from the top and working down , he had a red bandana tied around his neck , and a faded cotton shirt ( because of the light I could not tell what the original color was ) . He had on a pair of Levi 's , held up - well , not at the moment , but in life - by a belt with a square buckle that looked to be tarnished silver , with the name " Hank " engraved onto it . And on the belt was a knife in a sheath . His feet were covered by beige - colored socks . It seems his boots were off when he died . I don 't know if it 's more advantageous to die with your boots on or off , I 'll leave that up to the individual . I then moved the candle a little lower still , and perceived on the wooden floor , next to the bed , a pair of scuffed boots , black in color , one lying on its side . Oh yeah … I forgot to tell you . Everything - Hank , the table , the floor , the bed … I mean everything - in that shack was covered with a thick layer of dust . I sat at the table , purposely not looking over to where Hank lay in repose . I was staring at the table , the top of it to be precise , when I noticed what looked like a small depression on the edge closest to me . It looked like someone had carved something into the wood . I took a deep breath and blew the dust from that area . It allowed me to read clearly what had been carved . The message was a simple one : " Hank Wiley 1889 . " I reckon ol ' Hank had been hangin ' out here waiting for me , or someone like me , to come along for eighty years . The year was 1969 . However , more surprising than finding Hank , and almost as spiritually uplifting as getting the pump to work , was what I was about to stumble upon next . When I first saw the shack , I was so tired from the day 's march that I envisioned being asleep almost before the sun went down . However , " The best laid plans … " Finding the canteen and then finding Hank kinda got my juices flowing if ya know what I mean . So here I am , sittin ' in a one - room , thirty - by - thirty - foot , broken - down shack in the middle of the Arizona desert with an eighty - year old skeleton and I 'm wide - awake with nothing to do . So , like any good ex - Boy Scout , I went exploring . I took the candle and retraced my steps back to the bed and Hank . I knelt down next to the bed and placed the candle so the bottle that held it rested against Hank 's neck and chin . I first felt the two pockets of his shirt . Nothing . I rummaged in the left front pocket of his jeans , then the right . Nothing . I picked up the candle from its resting place and placed it on the floor . I wanted to check his back pockets . I put a hand on his shoulder and a hand on his hip , and I turned Hank onto his side . It was easy , I could have done it one handed he was so light . I held him in that position while I felt in the Levi 's rear pockets . The left pocket held nothing , but in the right , I felt something that might have been a wallet . I extracted it and lowered Hank back onto the bed . As I did so , his head became detached from the rest of his body and rolled onto its side , facing me . Those empty eye sockets seemed to say , " Why have you defiled me ? " I picked up the candle and returned to the table . It was not a wallet , but a piece of leather cut into a rectangle , about eight inches long and folded in half . Lying between the folds were an envelope , a piece of folded paper , and an old , faded photograph . It showed who I believed to be Hank ( the man had the same thick , black mane ) and a woman with hair as light as Hank 's was dark , standing at the tailgate of a wagon . And on the wagon was a banner of sorts . Because Hank and the woman were standing in front of it , there were only eight letters visible , two to the right of Hank ( " JU " ) and six to the left of the woman ( " ARRIED " ) . The banner obviously read " JUST MARRIED . " I looked at the picture for a long time . I thought of the unnamed woman and wondered whatever had become of her . She was quite pretty , and now as I write these words and I see once again that picture in my mind , I recall they were also very young , although , at the time , that did not enter into my thinking . Being nineteen and believing myself fully grown , I considered anyone else my age to also be an adult . But as I think of that picture today , at the tender age of sixty - seven , I know they were just kids ; they couldn 't have been more than nineteen themselves . I next removed the letter from its envelope . It had a return address of Boston , Massachusetts , and it was addressed to Mr . Henry Wiley c / o Forrester 's Hotel , Tucson , Arizona . Surprisingly , the paper was not brittle ; it was old and brown , but did not fall apart in my hands . The handwriting was feminine and it was addressed to " My dearest husband . " I did not read the letter just then . I put it to one side and opened the piece of folded paper . It also was a letter , but written in a different hand . This handwriting was masculine , and it started with " Dearest Andy . " Before I go on , I would like to digress , or jump ahead , whichever term is proper . All this happened forty - eight years ago , and for forty - eight years I 've held on to those two letters , never knowing the reason why . Through many incarnations - business man , criminal , fugitive , junkie , and now writer - I have kept these letters . While my mother was alive , they were kept safely at her home , and then in a bank safety deposit box . They sit before me as I write these words and I now know the reason I 've kept them all these years . It was so that one day I might share them with you . I will present them in the order they were written . The first one is dated 9 July 1888 , and it is from an Andrea Wiley to her dearest husband Hank Wiley . Without comment , this is the text of the letter . Do you know it has been twenty months since you went away ? I write you every week . Some of my letters are returned with the notation that you are not known at that locale . I pray that this letter gets to you , my love . This November will mark the second year of your absence . I miss you so very much . I am fine . I am making dresses for the ladies of society . My work is very well thought of , and I am kept quite busy . I do miss Kansas , but you were right , it is better that I stay with my mother while you are gone . Mother sends her love . Henry , I know we discussed this before you left , however , can you not come home now ? Yes , our farm in Kansas was doing poorly , and we both worked very hard . But you never heard me complain because I had no complaints . I loved you , and I loved our farm . I know you wanted things better for me . You did not want me to work so hard , you wanted to buy me fancy clothes and nice things . Henry , I never wanted any of that , I only wanted you . And by going away you have taken away the only thing I truly desired . Will you please come home ? There is a reason I ask this of you now . I know how stubborn you can be . Until you find your fortune in gold you will stay away . You will think that you have failed me . Henry , the only time you have failed me is when you went away . I have not wanted you to worry so I have refrained from telling you this before , but Henry , you have a son . He was born eight months after you left . His name is Henry Addison Wiley , Jr . and he looks just like you . His eyes are the same , and so is his smile . However , his hair is fair like mine . He needs a father . All the riches in all the world cannot take your place . Henry , you are not a failure , not with a son like Henry Jr . Please come home . I am starting to drop tears onto the paper and they will make the ink run . So I will close for now . Henry , know that I love you with all my heart and that I need you with me ; you are my treasure , you are my riches . Henry Jr . and I need you , please come home . I have just received your letter . I see by the date that you wrote it seven months ago . I don 't get down here that often , but my friend who works in the hotel kept the letter for me . The reason some of your letters have come back is if the owner of the hotel sees them before my friend , he sends them back . He and I do not get along . So I have a boy ? I cannot wait to see him and you too . I will be coming home shortly . I stumbled upon an abandoned shack and decided to use it as my headquarters . And what do you know , not two miles to the west I found my fortune . It is in a small outcropping of rock . It comes out of the ground and gradually slants upwards to about the height of three feet . The rock is about four feet thick , and right in the middle of it , running the whole length of the outcrop is a vein of pure gold nine inches thick . I shoveled the dirt away from where she comes out of the ground and the vein continues . It could go on for miles . But I have no plans to find out . I too miss you . I broke my pickaxe trying to break the rock away . I came down to Tucson to buy another one and to buy some chisels and a sledgehammer . If I had not found what I was desperately searching for these last two years , I would be leaving for home today . I just need to go back for one or two weeks . I am not greedy . I will only mine as much as I can carry on my horse . With it we can go back to Kansas and buy us a really good farm and hire us some help . You will not have to work so hard . I will mail this when I come back to Tucson so you will know that I am om my way . I want to write more , but will do so at night in the shack . Until then , kiss Henry Jr . for me . Hello , I am back in the shack . I have been here ten days and have all the gold I can carry . Tomorrow I start for Tucson , then for home . I cannot wait to see you and Henry Jr . As you know I am not much of a letter writer , so I 'll save my words until I see you . There was more to Hank 's letter , but it was written in a different hand , a hand that seemed to shake as it wrote . It is hard to read , but after all these years , I know what it says . The script is in one continuous sentence without punctuation . For ease of reading , I have added the correct punctuation and separated the words into sentences and the sentences into paragraphs . Here are the last words of Henry Addison Wiley , Sr . Wouldn 't you know it ? The night before leaving for home and you , I have to go and get myself bit by a rattlesnake . I lanced the punctures and sucked out the venom , but I don 't think it was enough , or I wasn 't fast enough . I am feeling light headed . I was getting packed up so I could get an early start in the morning , and I reached under the bed to pull out the box I keep the gold in , and a rattler bit me . I made short work of him with the shovel . But that doesn 't help me . I was going to transfer the gold from the box to canvas bags for the trip to Tucson . I don 't think I have much time so I better get down to what I want to say . You were right , Andy ; we were rich back in Kansas . I am so sorry I did not know it at the time . I guess staring Death in the face changes a man 's way of looking at things . I know of your love of animals . Before I got too weak I took the saddle and reins off my horse and set her free . You taught me of the dignity of animals . You were my shining light . I must have been crazy to have ever left you , now I will never know my son , and he will never know his father . Tell him of his father 's folly so he will know what is important in this life . Tell him that is something his father learned far too late . I have botched things up good . I write these words in the hope that someday someone will find them and forward them on to you . I want you to know that my last thoughts were of you . In the end , I have failed you … I am so sorry . Not for me , but for leaving you and Henry Jr . to the mercy of this world while I am in another . If possible , I will look after you from my new world as I have never looked after you in this one . All my love … After reading the two letters , I sat in the chair and just watched the candle burn . My thoughts were of Andrea and Hank , of their life on the farm in Kansas . I thought of Hank Jr . and wondered what kind of man he grew up to be . I think … no , I am pretty damn sure that reading those two letters is the reason I have had a life - long aversion to acquiring material wealth . By now it was getting light out , but I kept the candle burning because I wanted to see something . I went over to the bed and knelt down . I used the candle to see if there were any snakes under the bed . When I didn 't see any , I grabbed the box that was under there by one hand and pulled . It did not move . I put the candle down , and using both hands , I dragged the box from under the bed . It was very heavy . When I slid it far enough out so I could see the contents , I lifted the candle and held it over the box . What I saw were two canvas bags lying on top of something . With my right hand , I removed the bags to expose rocks that reflected the light of the candle as a prism would . The light bounced off those rocks and reflected on the wall like one of those disco ball things that hang over dance floors in night clubs . The rocks , of course , were pure gold . I call them rocks because that is what they were . They were not puny , little nuggets of gold ; no , they were substantial rocks of gold . I looked on in amazement for a few minutes before replacing the canvas bags and sliding the box back under the bed . I can see how some can easily come down with gold fever . I must admit , for one half a second , I too had the fever . But the memory of what I had just read was all I needed to cure me . I got up off my knees and walked over to the table . I folded the two letters , putting Andrea 's back in its envelope . I put them both in the back pocket of my jeans . Leaving the piece of leather on the table , I picked up the picture of Hank and Andrea . I walked over and unclasped Hank 's hands , now I had no qualms about touching him . I placed the picture between his hands and laid his hands back on his belly . Then I gently put his head back into the position it was when I found him . I stood over him for a moment or two before saying out loud : " Hank old buddy , if you don 't mind , I 'm goin ' borrow your canteen . I am sorry for disturbing you last night , but you and your lovely wife have been very good company . The rocks that you gave up so much for are where you left them . I have no need for them any more than you have . I know Andrea and your son are with you now , and I am glad for all of you . Thank you for your hospitality , and I 'll be seein ' you someday up yonder . " I left the shack , closing the door behind me . Three hours later , I could hear the highway 's whine . An hour after that , I was standing on the side of US Highway 90 , hitchin ' my way to California . They have me now . I was stupid enough to get caught after that gas station robbery . What 's the big fucking deal ? We got only forty bucks . The cops came a - shootin ' . My man Daryl took a bullet to the head . Under the law , I was charged with murder in the second degree because someone died in the commission of a felony . How do you like that shit ? The cops didn 't have to shoot . We were not armed … we carried toy guns . Of course , I was convicted . It was an all - white jury . What else can a black man expect in America ? Now I 'm looking at twenty years to life . I sit in my cell and think of my girl . Her skin is chestnut brown in color . It 's the softest thing I 've ever known … next to the love she has given me . Her smile used to send me to heaven . But I can 't see her smile no more . Her name is Gloria . She was my life . Now my life is trying not to get shivved in the food line . She has written me , asking to visit . I will not allow it ! I do not want her to see me in a cage . I wrote her back and told her to forget me . Get herself a man as unlike me as possible . It really don 't matter no more . I will not live my life in a cage . Big Dog runs us blacks in this place . He is big , I 'll give him that . We are in the yard … the whites are on the far side … the spics opposite . And us niggers have the middle ground . I rush at Big Dog looking like I 'm holding a shiv . I 'm not . One of his lieutenants cuts me down before I can get close . When he was only a white bunny , Bobby used to live in the woods with his other bunny friends . His closest friends were Homer , Janice , and Tommy . They would play together every day . They would play many games , but their favorite was hide - n - seek . That was ever so much fun . One day , Bobby decided that he was going to be the champion hide - n - seek player of all time . He would hide so well that no one would ever find him . Not even Janice who was the best hide - n - seek player in the whole wide world ! On that day , as Janice covered her eyes and counted to one hundred , Tommy and Homer hid in their usual places . But Bobby went deep into the woods , farther than he had ever gone before . His mommy would have been so worried about him if she had known how far from home he had traveled . After a while , he came to an old fallen - down - and - hollowed - out log in a quiet glade . I can hide in there and Janice will never find me , thought Bobby . So he hopped into the log and made himself comfortable . It was cozy . It was so cozy that after a while , Bobby started to get sleepy . I 'll take a short nap . Then I 'll go back and surprise them all . How all the other bunnies will cheer when I hop into the clearing after Janice has given up looking for me . These were his thoughts as he fell asleep . The next thing Bobby knew , it was nighttime . He had slept longer than he had intended , and he was afraid . It was too dark to find his way home ; he missed his mommy . He wanted to cry , but decided he would be a big bunny and not cry . He would wait for the sun to come up and then he would scamper home as fast as he could . When he awoke this time , the sun was out and the birds were singing . It was a beautiful day . " Oh , good ! Now I can go home , " said Bobby . He started to squirm his way out of the log and he was almost out when he heard , " Dum - dee - dum - dum . Dum - dee - dum - dum . " Someone was humming to himself . Then the phrase was repeated : " Dum - dee - dum - dum . " " What is this ? " Bobby wondered aloud . There was only one way to find out , he would have to leave the safety of the log . The voice did not sound scary . In fact it was quite a pleasant voice , so he made his way out into the sunshine . There , before him , stood the biggest bunny he had ever seen . And to top it off , he was pink in colour ! The bunny was stirring something in a big black kettle . And there were many more kettles spread throughout the glade . The Easter Bunny walked over to a kettle and lifted what looked like a heavy sack . He poured the contents into the pot . " You stir this while I go on to the next one . " Bobby turned away and hopped down the trail . But an hour later he was back . " I can 't find my way home . I 've gone too far . I 've never been this far into the woods before . " The Easter Bunny sighed . " I will see that you get home , but first you must help me . Pick up a stick and stir that kettle over there , " he said pointing to the biggest kettle of the lot . With another sigh , the Easter Bunny went over and opened a short step - ladder that was nearby and put it next to the kettle . " Here . Stand on this , and make sure the colour is thoroughly mixed with the water . There is nothing worse than spotted eggs . " Bobby was warming to the task . It was fun to watch the colour swirls as they mixed with the water . His attention was so fixed on what he was doing that he did not notice he had moved a little too close to the pot . When he did notice , he tried to take a step back , but he lost his balance and fell into the kettle . That was all right ; the water was not hot , but the edge was too high for him to reach . He yelled for help , but there was no one there to hear him . The Easter Bunny gave Bobby a towel and told him to dry off . " And sit over there , out of the way . As soon as my eggs are coloured , I 'll see you home . " A few hours later , Bobby was standing in front of his burrow waving good - bye to his new friend , the Easter Bunny . When he went inside , he saw his mother standing at the sink and he called to her . She turned to him - and dropped the plate she was washing . His brothers and sisters snickered and laughed . " What is it ? " he wanted to know . From that day onward , everyone called him Bobby the Blue Bunny . And when he grew up , he became known as Bobby the Big Blue Bunny . It was then that he stopped playing hide - n - seek . Being big and blue , he was always too easy to find . by Andrew JoyceMay 28 , 2017May 29 , 2017 I went off to war at the tender age of sixteen . My mother cried and begged me to stay , but my country needed me . I would not see my mother again for four very long years . Due to my age , I was assigned to field headquarters as a dispatch courier for the first two years of the war . However , by the beginning of the third year , I had grown a foot taller and was shaving . And because men were dying at an alarming rate , I was sent into the trenches . They say that war is hell . I say hell is peaceful compared to living in a muddy trench with bombs exploding around you at all hours of the day and night . Though there were periods of respite from the shelling . Those were the hours when the enemy had to let their big guns cool or else the heat of firing would warp them . I lived like that for two years . I was at Verdun where I saw the true hell of war . After eleven months , we fought to a standstill . When the dead were counted , almost a million men from both sides had given their lives and not one inch of ground had been gained . By November of 1918 , we were out of food , out of ammunition , and almost out of men to send to the slaughter . The people at home had had enough of seeing their sons and fathers and brothers shipped home in boxes . There were marches and protests against the war . Near the end , the dead were not even sent home . They were buried in the fields where they had fallen . At last , the war was over . I am told that nine million men died in those four years , and another twenty million were wounded . I was there and those numbers seem a little low to me , but what do I know ? I was only a private . When I returned home , President Ebert was there to meet us soldiers . He shook my hand and said , " No enemy has vanquished you . " He said the same thing to each man as he stepped off the train . Then I read in a newspaper that he repeated the same phrase in a speech . He should not have done so . It was the basis of , the beginning of , Dolchstoßlegende , the Stab - In - The - Back Myth . The myth that said we lost the war because of the Jews , the Socialists , and the Bolsheviks . But mostly because of the Jews . I told you of my war experience because I wanted you to know I was there . I saw why we lost the war , and it was not because of Dolchstoßlegende . However , Dolchstoßlegende would affect me much more than the war ever had . My mother , when she saw me , dropped the dish she was holding . It broke on the floor , shattering into many pieces . She rushed to me and held me tight . I felt her warm tears on my neck until she let go and held me at arm 's length . " Let me look at you , " she said as she cried with happiness . " My , you have grown so big ! You remind me of your father . " My father had died years earlier ; I barely remembered him . It was good to be home . I had no plans except to sleep late every morning and eat my mother 's good cooking . However , the sleeping late was not to be . When I left , my mother was working in her friend 's millinery shop , but the shop had gone out of business during the war . My mother had been living off the money I was sending home every month . She said she did not write me of her plight because she did not want me to worry about her . I was no longer a boy . I was now a man of twenty years . I had seen the horrors of war and I had lived through those horrors . Certainly , I could provide for my mother and me . Four days after returning home , I went in search of a job . My first employment was with a blacksmith . However , that did not last long . The automobile was driving him out of business , and he had to let me go . Then Herr Hoffman hired me ; he ran the largest bakery in Berlin . It was a good job because I was treated well and shown respect by Herr Hoffman . It was a job I was to have until . . . well . . . until I could no longer work . More on that later . It was about that time the troubles began . The Allies had demanded reparations , and because of the war itself , there were food shortages and inflation . It was not uncommon to see someone with a suitcase filled with Mark notes going to buy a few groceries . One day , a man came into our shop with a 10 , 000 Mark note and asked if it would be enough to buy ten loaves of bread . Before the war , a loaf of bread cost 10 Pfennig , the equivalent of an American nickel . It was good to work where I could take a little food home every day , even if it was only a loaf of stale bread . By 1924 , inflation had gotten so bad that the Mark was replaced by the Reichsmark , but it did little good . There was still rampant inflation , and food shortages persisted . Of course , someone had to be blamed for the sorry state of affairs . That is when the Brownshirts appeared . I used to see them on the street corners giving speeches . They were always going on about the Jews and the communists . In those days , I kept mostly to myself . However , being a young man , I did , on occasion , go to a beer hall for a stein or two . It was on one of those occasions that I had my first , but not my last , run - in with the Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei or the National Socialist German Worker 's Party . They called themselves Nazis . The year was 1931 . I was thirty - three years old . I still lived with my mother and I still worked for Herr Hoffman . But by then , I did more than carry the fifty - pound bags of flour for the bakers . I was now a baker myself . It was a very good position . After my second stein , I could take it no longer . I turned to them and asked , " Were any of you in the war ? " I knew none of them had been because of their age . I think the oldest one couldn 't have been more than twenty - five . One of the younger ones answered my question . " No , but if we had been , we wouldn 't have lost the war . " At that , I had to smile . I was dealing with children . My smile seemed to anger them . " What are you laughing at ? " one of them asked . Another stood and approached me . " Are you a Jew ? " he demanded . That was enough for me . I stood and said , " No , I am not a Jew , but I fought shoulder to shoulder with them during the war while you were sucking your mother 's tit . And pound for pound , I 'd rather have a Jew fighting next to me than any of you ! " True to the Nazi form , they took out their batons and beat me . There were six of them , so I did not have much of a chance , but I did get in a few good punches . One of which knocked out a front tooth of the man who had asked if I was a Jew . Someone called the police , and they broke up the brawl . Just in time from my way of thinking ; I was getting the worst of it . I was told to go home , and as I paid my bill , I saw the policemen talking to the Brownshirts . They all seemed quite friendly with one another . In January of 1933 , Herr Hitler became the chancellor of our republic . In February , the Reichstag burned . The Nazis said it was arson and Hitler persuaded President von Hindenburg to pass the Enabling Act , which suspended our civil liberties . The Act empowered Hitler to name himself dictator of Germany , which he did in 1934 . His first act as dictator was to outlaw trade unions . Then he passed laws prohibiting Jews from working in the civil service and as lawyers or doctors for anyone except their own people . By 1938 , I had been promoted to master baker in Herr Hoffman 's shop . My life was good . My mother was still alive , and we still lived together . On my way home one night , I stopped off at a local ratskeller for a stein . As I entered , I bumped into a man wearing the black uniform of the Schutzstaffe ; he was missing a front tooth . I knew him right away . He was the Brownshirt whose tooth I had knocked out back in 1931 . All of Germany knew of Hitler 's storm troopers , and all of Germany feared them . I could see that he remembered me from somewhere , but was not sure where . Before he could remember , I left without having my stein . As I was going through the door , I turned to see him talking to the barmaid , pointing in my direction . Since the passing of the Enabling Act , it was legal to arrest a person for little or no reason . Most of the arrests were of people who spoke out against Hitler . The SS Storm Troopers were the ones that did the arresting . Once the SS had you in custody , you ended up in a concentration camp . The establishment of the camps was also one of the things Herr Hitler did in his first year as chancellor . I had no desire to be sent to a camp for punching a party member in the face years earlier , so I hurried home that evening . I remember the date well . It was 8 November 1938 , one day before Kristallnacht or Crystal Night , also known as The Night of Broken Glass . Over a two - day period , the SS and non - Jewish citizens throughout the country destroyed property owned by Jews . Storefronts were shattered ; homes entered and looted ; synagogues set afire . The property of Jews was easy to identify because their stores , houses and synagogues were painted with a yellow Star of David or the word Jude . On the final night of Kristallnacht , the SS - led by the storm trooper with the missing tooth - came for me . My mother cried and pleaded with them not to take me . I said nothing ; I knew what it was about . It was about revenge for a single punch in the face seven years earlier . The SS put me in jail and there I sat for a month before I was charged with treason to the Fatherland and being a " Jew - lover . " Without a trial , I was sent to Dachau , which was located in southern Germany . At first , I was treated as any other prisoner . I was sent to a sub - camp and used as slave labor , hollowing out a mountain for a military installation . Then one day , two prison guards hauled me out of the mountain , transported me back to the main camp , and escorted me into the office of the camp commandant , Hauptsturmführer Piorkowski . I stood before his desk with a guard on either side of me . Piorkowski was reading a file and did not acknowledge our presence . I was hopeful that at last someone had realized my arrest had been a mistake , that it was due to a vengeful major of the SS . I had been in the camp five months by then and had lost forty pounds . I would not last much longer if I was not freed . Piorkowski smiled and asked if I knew how to make strudel . Of course I did , and I told him so . Again he smiled and said , " We will see . " He told the guards to take me to the showers , get me a clean prison uniform , and escort me to the kantine . Turning to me he said , " This might be your lucky day . If you can make a decent strudel , I will take you out of the mountain and put you to baking for the officers and enlisted men . Our cooks are adequate , but none of them can make a proper strudel . And their breads are not much better . " After I cleaned up , the two guards took me to the main kitchen . There were two kitchens , the main one that prepared the SS 's food , and another one that did the same for the prisoners . Both were staffed by men of the Wehrmacht or regular army . The men of the Waffen - SS were above such things as running a mess hall . Of course , prisoners could not be trusted to work around food considering the insufficient amount we were given . They would not have been able to help themselves and would have stolen more food than they prepared . When we arrived , one of the guards left and the other one told the cook on duty what the commandant wanted of me . The cook shrugged and pointed to a table next to a wall of ovens . The guard said , " You will find what you need under the table . " And he added , " The ovens are heated and ready to go . " He did not leave ; he just stood there and watched me work . The smells of the kitchen were driving me mad . I was hungry , incredibly hungry , but I knew if I asked for something to eat , I would probably be beaten . Soon the strudels were ready for the oven . I had made twelve filled with cheese . When they were done , I took the pan out of the oven and laid it on the table . The guard was a young private ; he was licking his lips as his eyes followed the strudels from oven to table . Then the cook came over . He looked at my work and then picked up a strudel . It was hot , but it did not seem to faze him . He took a bite , chewed and swallowed . Without saying a word , he nodded at me and went back to whatever it was he had been doing . It was all I could do not to shove a strudel into my mouth . The private took me and the strudels back to the commandant . This time we had to wait in the outer office for about fifteen minutes . But at least I was not in the mountain with a pickaxe in my hand and a machine gun at my back . At length , we were summoned into Piorkowski 's office . As we entered , the commandant told me to lay the pan on his desk . I could see that a place had been cleared for that purpose . Then he said , " If they taste half as good as they smell , you will have a new job here at our little camp . Now wait outside until called for . " The guard and I left Piorkowski to enjoy his strudels . By the time we were called back in , two of the strudels were gone , and Piorkowski had a smile on his face . " It is a good thing for you that you are not a Jew , " he said . The questioning look on my face must have prompted him to go on . " If you were a Jew , I couldn 't allow you in the kitchen . None of my men would eat anything that was touched by a Jew , no matter how tasty . " As I turned to leave , Piorkowski told the guard that , after he brought me back to the kitchen , he could go about his regular duties . " I don 't think our new baker will try to escape because , if he did , then I 'd have to have him shot . " To me he said , " The head cook will tell you what you need to know . I 've instructed him to give you one meal a day , regular rations . We don 't want you getting too weak to make your wonderful strudel . " As I bent to pick up the tray with the remaining strudels , he told me to leave it . Then as an afterthought , he said , " Keep clean . I will give orders allowing you to shower every day . And when your uniform is soiled , ask for a clean one . I do not want dirt or lice falling onto what you bake . " I nodded , and the guard and I started out , but before we got to the door , Piorkowski asked , " How are you with pfeffernüsse ? " I told him I was the best with anything he wanted baked , including spice cookies . When I answered him , there was a slight edge to my voice . I was still disappointed at not being released . His smile was quickly replaced with a frown . " Never use that tone of voice with me again or I 'll send you back to the mountain . Now get to work ! " I was brought back to the kitchen and placed in the hands of the head cook . He informed me of my duties . His main concern was bread . There were 1500 camp personnel , mostly SS , but there were also , as I have said , some Wehrmacht . He would need 1000 loaves per day . Of course , it was also going to be my duty to make desserts . Unless ordered by the commandant to produce a particular dessert , he would leave the decision of what to prepare up to me . He was a nice man , a sergeant in the Wehrmacht . He treated me as an equal the entire time I worked in his kitchen . His name was Joseph Müller . It was late in the afternoon , and there would be no more baking that day . They fired the ovens at 3 : 00 a . m . and that was when my day would begin . It would not end until I had everything baked for the evening meal , usually between 4 : 00 and 5 : 00 p . m . After he had finished showing me around and told me what was expected of me , I told him that I could not come up with 1000 loaves of bread per day and desserts for 1500 men twice a day , every day , without some help . Sgt . Müller said he had detailed six men to help me . He had told them to do what I said and pay no attention to the fact that I was a prisoner . It was the first time in five months that I had been treated like a human being and it brought a tear to my eye . Unlike Auschwitz and Buchenwald , Dachau was not a death camp . It was a camp for political prisoners . Many died , but the deaths were mostly from disease and starvation . I felt guilty eating my one meal a day in the kitchen while my fellow prisoners lined up for their meager meal of watered - down soup . We were always hungry , but I had it a little better than the other prisoners . That is why , one afternoon when my work was done , I smuggled two loaves of bread from the kitchen and brought them to my barracks . My intent was to feed a few poor souls . But when the people saw what I had , a riot broke out . People were shoving and stepping over one another to get to me . The loaves were wrenched from my hands before I was five steps into the barracks . Of course , with all the commotion , the guards came in , and when they saw what was happening and what had caused the disturbance , I was brought before Piorkowski . " So that is how you repay my kindness ? " Without waiting for an answer , he went on . " One more incident like we had this afternoon , I will hang you in the yard and your body will stay there until it rots . It will serve as a reminder to the other prisoners that my will is law , and anyone who breaks my law will suffer a similar fate . " He then calmed down , and in a softer voice , he said , " Seeing as how you love your fellow prisoners so much , you can eat with them for the next four days . After that , you can go back to your meal in the kitchen . I don 't want you too weak to work . " When I returned to the barracks , no one would look me in the eye or speak with me . They were ashamed for the way they had acted and resentful of me for being the cause of their shame . But I could not blame them . Hunger is a terrible thing . To be hungry day in and day out , with no relief in sight , will take away one 's humanity . Six other commandants followed Piorkowski , and they all kept me baking my breads and strudels . That is how I survived Dachau . I did not starve to death because I ate relatively well . Besides my daily meal , I snuck cheese and fruits meant for the strudels and a piece of bread now and then . I had to be careful because , if caught , I 'd be reported . Sgt . Müller knew what I was doing , but as I 've said before , he was a good man . I did not succumb to disease because of my diet and the fact that I was allowed to shower daily . The commandant and the SS officers left in the morning ; the Americans came in the afternoon . The first thing the Americans did once they had control of the camp was separate the men of the Wehrmacht from the SS . Then they stood forty - five men of the SS up against a wall and executed them . At the time , I did not speak English , but a prisoner who did told me why the SS were shot . A half mile from the camp , the Americans had come upon railroad cars that were locked and standing idle . When the cars were opened , there lay two thousand dead Jews . They had been left locked in the cars with no water or food for three weeks . Many of the Americans retched from the smell of feces and rotting flesh . Many more were sick just from the horrible sight . So , when the Americans liberated our camp , they were not feeling too kindly towards members of the SS . In fact , they stood around and watched , and did not interfere , when prisoners who were not too weak or too sick attacked SS guards that had been rounded up and herded into the roll - call yard . When the SS men were dead , one man who took part in the killings came towards me holding a shovel , shouting that I was a Nazi - lover . He would have struck me , but another prisoner came between us . He held up his hand and said , pointing to me , " This man has done nothing against any of us . He did what he had to do to survive . You were not here at the time , but , at great risk to himself , he brought bread to us . He was found out and told that he would be executed if he did it again . What would you have done differently , my friend ? " The man dropped the shovel , buried his face in his hands and cried . I think he was crying because at last the horror was over and once again he could live as a human being and not as a feral animal . We could not leave the camp because the war was still raging all around us . The Americans were fighting their way to Berlin . My mother was in Berlin and I wanted to see her again so badly . We could not leave , but we were fed three meals a day , and the Americans brought in medical personnel to treat the sick . Half the camp was down with typhus . The war ended about two weeks later when Admiral Dönitz unconditionally surrendered . Hitler had appointed him head of state in his will . We were free to leave the camp , but before we could go , we had to queue up and get a card stating that we were ex - prisoners . This was done because many SS men had discarded their uniforms and were claiming to be either civilians or ex - soldiers of the Wehrmacht . There was no train service because the tracks had all been bombed . So I started walking to Berlin . It was a three - hundred - and - fifty - mile walk . Along the way , I saw what the war - or more to the point - what Hitler had done to our country . There was devastation of one sort or another in all the cities . The countryside for the most part looked untouched . But wherever I went , people were hungry . And so was I . I stole vegetables from some farms and received handouts from others . There was no food to be had in the towns or the cities , at least not for me . I was stopped numerous times by allied soldiers . Even though I had the card stating I was an ex - prisoner , I was asked on more than one occasion to remove my coat and shirt and raise my arms . The soldiers were looking for the tattoo of the SS . All SS men had the symbol tattooed on the inside of their biceps . Some soldiers let me pass without checking for the tattoo because of my thin frame . It was obvious that I had not been eating very well or very much for a long while . All members of the SS were well fed . It took me eighteen days to reach the outskirts of Berlin . I thought I had seen devastation on my journey , but I was not prepared for what I beheld as I walked the streets of Berlin . The city had been thoroughly destroyed . There was not a building left intact , and the people were walking around in a state of shock . I went right to my former home to find only a crater and half of a wall standing where my house should have been . My mother was nowhere to be seen . I prayed that she had not been in the building when the bomb struck . I spent the rest of the day walking the streets looking for my mother before I had to stop because of darkness . I found a cellar that was unoccupied . Even though the floor was rough and hard , I slept through the night . I was awakened by an excited clamor up in the street . It was the sound of many people talking all at once . I brushed the dust off my clothes and went to see what was happening . There was a line of people waiting to be fed . At the front of the line were American soldiers ladling out what looked to be soup . I hurriedly got to the end of the line and asked the man in front of me what was going on . " Isn 't it obvious ? The Americans are feeding us so that we don 't devolve into cannibalism , " he said with a slight grin on his face . He went on to tell me that twice a day , at various locations , they dished out just enough food to keep a person alive . Then he looked at my empty hands and added , ' Unless you are going to carry your soup in those , I would recommend you find a bowl somewhere . " By then there were about twenty people behind me and I hated to give up my place , but he was right , so I left the line . I had to go only a block . In a destroyed building , on the ground floor , I saw an exposed kitchen . I moved bricks around until I unearthed a pie tin . Next , I looked for a spoon . I was throwing bricks aside as fast as I could . I was in a panic that the soup would run out before I could get back . Then I found what I was looking for . There was only one problem . The spoon was attached to a woman 's hand - a dead woman 's hand . It was all that I could see . The rest of her body was buried under a pile of bricks . I had seen many a dead body over the last five years , so one more did not shock me . And I am ashamed to say it , but I took the spoon from her cold , dead hand and hurried back to the food line without giving her another thought . As I said , hunger is a terrible thing and a man will do terrible things to alleviate the pain . That was my life for the next month . I would line up twice a day for something to eat , usually soup . When I wasn 't in line , I would search for my mother . At night , I slept in an air raid shelter with two hundred other displaced Berliners . The occupiers had converted all the shelters into sleeping quarters . Unless you were extremely sick , you were not allowed to be there during the day . On all the light posts were notices put up by people looking for lost family members . I borrowed a pencil from a nice woman and found some paper that I tore into four pieces . I wrote my name , my mother 's name , and a short message on each piece , saying that she should meet me at the house where we used to live . I then placed one of them on the wall left standing at our old house and the other three on different light posts around the city . For as long as I was in Berlin , I went every day to where our house had stood , even long after my plaintive notices had blown away . It wasn 't long before the Americans told us that all able - bodied people would have to work if they wanted to eat . I was given a wheelbarrow and told to collect bricks and deposit them in neat stacks at a certain location . I wasn 't the only one doing so . Men and women all over Berlin were doing the same thing . I think the work that the Americans had us do was as much about keeping us occupied as it was about cleaning up Berlin . But there was no shortage of bricks , and I kept busy in that fashion for the next five months . At the end of each day , I was given a piece of paper that allowed me to get in the workers ' line for food ; a little more food was doled out there than at the other food lines . After six months in Berlin , I had given up hope of ever finding my mother . If she were alive , she would have been at our old house waiting for me long before I even got back to the city . It was time to get on with my life . I was a baker , not a brick picker - upper . And as things were , there was no need of my services in Berlin , nor would there be for the foreseeable future . By the time I came to that decision , some of the railroad tracks had been repaired , and there was limited train service , but only for commercial reasons . I hid in an open car that was carrying coal and heading northwest . The train stopped in Cuxhaven , a small seaport town on the North Sea . On the spur of the moment , I decided I would try to get to another country . Germany had been destroyed and , without my mother , there was nothing to keep me there . But first , I would need some money . I had been working on the docks for a little over six months when I decided that I wanted to go to America . But I did not have enough saved for my passage . I worked hard and I got to know a few of the captains that frequented the port . One captain in particular , Captain Hans Becker . One day he invited me to come to his cabin when the loading of his ship was completed . " Come and have a glass of schnapps with me when you are done , " he bellowed from the bridge . I took a sip of my schnapps and thought for a moment before answering . " I cook for myself every night . I do not waste money eating out . I am saving for my passage to America . " " I don 't see why not . I am able - bodied and can support myself . It is a big country . I am sure they can use one more baker . " Hans poured me another glass of schnapps and said , " I am sailing for America in two days , and I need a cook . If you agree not to poison my crew with your cooking , you can sign on . We will be in America for two weeks before returning . It will give you a chance to see if you like the country , and you will be earning the whole way there and back with no expenses for lodging or food . You will be able to put more away than if you stayed here . " It was a fast crossing . We pulled into New York Harbor just seven days after leaving Cuxhaven . The customs people came on board before we had even finished tying our lines to the dock . They checked Hans ' paperwork and when they saw that he was carrying industrial parts from the IG Farben Company as part of the war reparations , we were quickly documented and told to enjoy ourselves while in the city of New York . IG Farben was the company that made the poison gas used in the death camps . At first I had trouble adjusting to the tall buildings . I had never seen anything like them before , except in the moving pictures that came from America prior to the war . I soon began to love the city . Whenever I had the time , I would walk the streets and observe the people . They were all so intent with their lives . Rushing to wherever it was they were going . I wondered if they knew how lucky they were that the war had not affected America as it had Germany . One day while walking in a part of the city that I later learned was known as Little Germany , I happened upon a bakery . The smells coming from inside reminded me of Herr Hoffman 's shop . I went in not knowing how I was going to make myself understood . At the time , I still spoke no English . However , I need not have worried . The shop was empty but for a man behind the counter who asked me , in German , what I would like . I told him I was just over from the Fatherland and it was good to hear my native tongue spoken in America . When he heard that I had been in Germany just a week earlier , he asked me to sit down at a little table by the window and excused himself . He was back in less than a minute with two cups of coffee and a plate of cinnamon cookies . He had seen newsreels and read the papers . He wanted to know all about how things were back home . He asked if it was true that Germany had been totally destroyed . I told him what I had seen from one end of the country to the other , especially what had been done to Berlin . He sat there and listened without interruption and without touching his coffee . As soon as I had finished speaking , he took my cup , went behind the counter and refilled it . When he sat down again , he asked about me personally . Was I immigrating to America ? What had I done during the war , and a thousand other questions . We talked the afternoon away . By the time I realized that I would be late getting back to the ship , I had learned that he was a Jew and had left Germany two years after Hitler came to power . He had seen the handwriting on the wall . And I told him that , like him , I was a baker . He said he had things he wanted to talk to me about , but I didn 't have the time right then , so I agreed to come back to his shop the following day . The baker 's name was Herman Klein . He would turn out to be the best friend I would ever have . I arrived early the next day , and the shop was busy . There were at least fifteen people in line and Herr Klein could not serve them fast enough . When I saw one lady get frustrated at the wait and walk out , I joined Herr Klein behind the counter and helped him serve his customers . At last , the shop was empty . Herr Klein poured two cups of coffee , and we resumed our seats by the window . After blowing on his coffee to cool it a bit , he said to me , " If you would like to stay here in America , I think I can fix it for you . I can vouch for you and tell the authorities that you have a job with me so that you will not be a burden on the people of this great country . And when they find out that you were in one of the camps , they are bound to let you stay . " " My wife died before I left Germany , and I have no children . I 'm over - working myself and I could use some help , but good bakers are hard to come by . If you come in with me and we get along , I will give you a 25 % partnership in my business after six months . " When it was my turn to talk , I could think of nothing to say . I desperately wanted to take him up on his offer , but I had a commitment to Hans . I told Herman that I would have to discuss the matter with my captain , but whatever the outcome , I wanted him to know that I was deeply moved by the proposition . That night , Hans only laughed when I told him that I did not think I could stay in America because it would leave him without a cook . " Listen , my friend . You would be a fool not to take Herr Klein 's offer . The crossing is seven days ; I think we can manage that long without a cook . The men can take turns doing the honors . It might be interesting to see what they come up with . " That is how I ended up in America . I was allowed to stay because I had money , a job , and a sponsor . Herman was right - having been a prisoner did help my case . When I showed the man who was interviewing me the card stating that I had been at Dachau , I saw something in his eyes , something sad . Herman taught me English and when I was proficient enough , I took the citizenship classes to learn about this wonderful country and its history . Six months to the day after I started working for him , Herman gave me a 25 % interest in the bakery . It was official ; his lawyer had drawn up the papers . I became a proud citizen of the United States on 9 February 1947 . I was forty - nine years old . Herman and I worked together for ten years . He was nineteen years older than I and in the fall of 1957 when he was seventy - eight , Herman announced that he could take the cold no longer and was retiring to Florida . He sold me his interest in the shop , but no cash changed hands . Our agreement was that I would send him a check every month to cover his expenses with a little left over . If I sold the shop , then I would send him his percentage of the proceeds . This time there was no lawyer involved . It was a handshake deal . Two years later , Herman died in his sleep . . . two days after his eightieth birthday . I was listed as his next - of - kin and was duly notified of his passing . I closed the shop for a few days and flew to Florida to bury my friend under the warm Florida sun . I was sixty - one - years - old . I ran the shop until I was eighty - five . Of course , I had help . I trained a young man to be a master baker and ended up selling him the shop with no money down . He sent me a check every month for ten years . I told you the story of my life so that anyone who hears these words will understand that I know whereof I speak . I lived through two of the worst periods in human history . And they took place only twenty years apart . The first , of course , being what was then known as the Great War . I saw the carnage first hand . In that war , nine million men were slain . The second occurrence of man 's inhumanity to man was the second great war . Sixty million men , women , and children died in that war , including the eleven million human beings that perished in the concentration camps . To my point : All that suffering and all those deaths came about because of fear . I was young at the time , but I remember the election of 1912 . The left - wing Social Democratic Party made huge gains in that election . The right - wing Prussians feared a loss of power and started agitating for war to distract the populace . Terms like " nationalism " and " territorial rights " were used . We Germans began to fear that there was not enough land . We felt that we had to take land from others so that we would have enough for ourselves . It is ironic , or maybe not , but that is the same argument Hitler used when he had his army march into Czechoslovakia . He wanted land for the German people . All wars are fought because of fear . Hitler did not hate the Jews , he feared them . He feared the left - wingers , and he feared anyone that was not just like him . Unfortunately , there were too many people in Germany at that time that had the same fears . That is how concentration camps come about . Concentrate those who are different from you behind fences of barbed wire . In Germany , we gave up our civil liberties through the Enabling Act because of fear . The Reichstag had just been torched , and we were all fearful . Fearful of what , we were not quite sure . We were definitely afraid of the Jews , but our other fears were not so self - evident . We believed our leaders knew best , so we allowed them to take our freedoms in the hope that they would protect us . And once you give up your rights to a government - any government - it is very hard to get them back . Here in America , this beautiful adopted land of mine , we gave up our civil liberties after 9 / 11 through the Patriot Act , another act that was born of fear . Like the Enabling Act , it was supposed to lapse after four years . And like the Enabling Act , it is not going anywhere . In Germany , it was the Jews . Now many of us here fear Muslims . I am not saying that America is on the verge of another Hitler . What I am saying - and this is from an old man on his way out who has seen it all and lived it all - what I am saying is this : Come from a place of love , not fear . I am one hundred and three years old as I speak these words , and I can still get around . I walked to a pawnshop not far from where I live and bought this recorder . It is a cassette recorder . The man in the store told me they were obsolete , so he gave me a good price . I bought it to say just one thing . I have to say it now because tomorrow I will be either in heaven or in hell , I do not know which , but wherever I am , you will not be able to hear my words . So I speak them into this microphone to be placed on a tape , and I pray that someone , someday , somewhere will hear them . Not only hear my words , but also heed them . This is what I spent the better part of an hour getting to : There is only love and fear . That is all . All negative emotions come from fear ; jealousy , hatred , greed , just to name a few . Fear of not having enough , fear of not being loved enough , fear of someone that is different from us , fear of someone who worships a different God than we do . There is only fear and love . I tell you : Live your life with love . The kind of love a mother has for her child . The kind of love that a man has who jumps in front a bullet to save his friend ; love like Mother Teresa had for the poor of this world , the love that Jesus had when he laid down his life . Michael and I grew up together . We went through grade school together . Then on to high school , where together we stayed . Neither of us wanted to pursue a " higher " education , so we decided to travel to broaden ourselves , as the terminology was in those days . At that time , we thought good would always win out over evil . But we were yet to be taught our lessons of the real world . Evil does sometimes triumph over good . Michael James was six feet tall . He had straight blonde hair and blue eyes . The bluest eyes I ever did see . If limpid means clear as I think it does , then Michael 's eyes were limpid pools of blue . The color was that of the sky , perhaps a little lighter with flecks of yellow throughout the irises . Upon meeting Michael for the first time one was taken aback by his eyes . They did not bore into your soul - they lit up your life . Then there was his smile . I had known Michael for many years and I don 't think I ever saw him without that shit - eatin ' grin on his puss . And that grin , and its persistence , was amazing , given the fact that Michael suffered from a skin problem . He had large red patches on his skin , including his face . They came and went . I thought the name of the disease was psoriasis , but of that I am not certain . Michael had no mother . She died when he was quite young . . . before I knew him . He had no siblings ; he was reared by his father , which is probably the reason I am alive today . By that , I mean he was raised to be a man . He was taught " The Code " of real men , which is : You do what you have to do . Though we both had the travel bug , my case was more pronounced than his . During the summer between our junior and senior years of high school , I took off and bounced around the country while Michael held down the fort , so to speak . When I returned to finish my last year of school ( at that time I still bought into the myth that you needed at least a high school education to survive in the world ) , I regaled Michael with tales of my adventures . Well , after hearing what a wonderful world awaited us out there , Michael could not wait to hit the road . He wanted to leave immediately , but seeing as how I had just come in from a three - month run , I prevailed upon him to wait a few months and allow me to at least try to get my diploma . He said he would wait , but he did not , or he could not . Within six weeks of my return , Michael was on the road . Michael was hip , and the only place for a hip guy to migrate in 1968 was San Francisco . And that was the end of Michael 's roaming . He fell in love with the city . I endured my senior year as long as I could , but two weeks short of graduation I said , " The hell with it ! " , stuck out my thumb and headed for San Francisco to rendezvous with my friend . This will tell you something about my friend Michael : He always had a place to live out there , and never paid rent . People were always asking him home , and once there , he just moved in . They were always glad to have him . And when I would hit town , he 'd take me to wherever he was living and tell me to make myself at home . The person who actually owned the domicile never looked askance when he brought me through the door , they all loved Michael , and any friend of Michael 's . . . For the most part , Michael stayed in San Francisco . I , however , could not stay in one town for more than a few days . I was like a pinball , rebounding from coast to coast , and from Canada to Mexico . While on the road I was alive . When on the road , I interacted with humanity and had to live by my wits . I loved being on the road . Because of Michael 's reluctance to leave San Francisco , I had two homes , one on each coast . My mother 's in Miami , and wherever the hell Michael was staying at the moment in San Francisco . On one of my forays to San Francisco , I was introduced to Linda , the love of Michael 's life - his soul mate . They had met at a Clint Eastwood marathon . A movie house was playing the three Sergio Leone films . You know , A Fist Full of Dollars , For a Few Dollars More , and The Good , the Bad , and the Ugly … non - stop , twenty - four hours a day . Michael had a bag of Red Acid , and in 1969 , what girl wouldn 't swoon toward a man who was into Clint Eastwood and had a bag of LSD ? It was love at first sight . Now that Michael had himself a woman , he got his own digs . Every time I hit town they were living in a new place . It wasn 't always easy to find them , but somehow we would always meet up on Haight Street . I stayed with them on Geary in the Tenderloin . We stayed south of Market in the low rent district , we stayed across from Golden Gate Park , and at the end , we were again in the Haight - Asbury district . One thing I must tell you about Michael so you can get a sense of the man . And yes , he was a man ; though we were the same age , he was a man , while I was just a kid . I think Michael knew he did not have much time in this world . He could not wait for anything . Back then , we were doing acid all the time . Normally , you would swallow a pill and wait for it to take effect . But not Michael . The twenty minutes or so that it took was just too long for him . He had to shoot the acid into his vein to get off instantaneously . Of course Linda and I would have to follow suit or there would be no peace . And in those days , I just did not have it in me to stick myself with a needle . Michael did the honors . The last time I came into San Francisco and saw Michael and Linda was in 1970 , it was July . They were living in the Haight . It was a crummy neighborhood ; the Summer of Love was three years gone by then . All the shops on Haight Street were boarded up with sheets of plywood , and the denizens of the street were the leftovers from that long ago summer . True to form , it was not Michael 's apartment he took me to ; he and Linda were living with a guy named Bobby . Bobby was a likable enough fellow . He just didn 't know bad men when he met them . Bobby had set up a " drug " deal to buy two pounds of marijuana . Nowadays it seems ridiculous to term buying two pounds of pot a drug deal , but in those days , that was heavy shit . It was my first night in town and we were sitting in Bobby 's pad smoking a joint when Michael told me he was going to be a father . I looked over at Linda , she was radiant , and she was also blushing . I was just about to say something appropriate when the door crashed open , and two guys burst through the entrance . They were the assholes that Bobby was supposed to buy the pot from . Only one of them had a gun , but that was enough for us . When told to lie on the floor , we did so without protest . They then said to Bobby , " Where 's the cash ? " Bobby answered , " In my pocket . " The guy covering us with the gun told the other guy to get the money . Bobby , trying to be helpful , reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a wad of cash . Then it seemed like a lot of money , but now , as I look back on that night , it couldn 't have been more than $ 500 . 00 . Before I could think of anything to do , Michael bounded to his feet and rushed the guy with the gun . When I saw Michael go into action , it released me from my paralysis , but not soon enough to help Michael . He took a bullet to the chest . While Michael was being shot , I picked up a lamp from a table and smashed it over the gunman 's head while his partner stood frozen in place . The man with the gun went down hard and the gun fell from his hand . All this went down fast ; in a blur , I did not have time to think . I picked up the gun from the floor while the other guy still stood frozen . Obviously they were not professionals , though , at the moment , that did not enter into my thinking . I aimed the gun at the one standing and shot him dead with two shots . Then I turned to the one on the floor . He was moving and about to get up when I put a bullet into his head . By the time the second one fell to the floor , Linda was bent over Michael . I dropped the gun and went to them . He looked at her and smiled , then he looked at me and said , " Get her out of here . " We both , Linda and I , said at the same time , " No ! " Then Michael died . It took me a full minute , which at the time felt like an eternity , to make a decision . I grabbed Linda by the arms and pulled her into a standing position . She was numb . I told her we had to get out of there ; that this was a drug deal gone bad , and there were dead bodies - four of them ! I told her prison was no place to have a baby , and Michael knew that . That is why he wanted her out of there . I told Linda to collect everything of hers and Michael 's that could identify them . I had the presence of mind to wipe the gun clean , but not to pick up the cash lying on the floor . Linda could have used it ; she had a baby on the way . I took Michael 's wallet . He had never been arrested so I knew they couldn 't identify him by his fingerprints . After I had Michael 's wallet , and while Linda went about collecting her things , I took the time to vomit all over Bobby 's carpet . It was , after all , the first time I had killed . We left Michael and never looked back . Though it wasn 't actually Michael we left , only the body that housed that wonderful , brave man . Linda 's folks lived in New Jersey , so I hitchhiked with her to the east coast . She was in a state of shock , and because Michael 's last words , though not implicit , were to look after her , that is what I did . After getting her to her parents , I stayed in the northeast for the next seven months . I kept moving , but would drop in to see her every few weeks . Seven months later , when the baby was born , I was there . I was there for my friend Michael . It was a boy and I was asked to be his godfather . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

Recently , I decided to leave Comcast / Xfinity . I have had Comcast as my first cable provider for way too many years . I didn 't want to change . I didn 't want to have to change my email addresses and I was comfortable with the setup I had with Comcast . But they wouldn 't leave well enough alone . They kept raising my bill and I 'd call them to get it back down . . . . and each time they promised it would be for 12 months at that price . But a few months later , my bill would have added charges to it and you have to know their way of billing , to figure out what they did to make the bill higher . They promised and then they were back at it again . The last time I called and they promised that price for 12 months . . . just a couple of months into the 12 promised deal , they were at it again ! I got a letter from Comcast , that said they had not been charging me the correct amount and the new charges would be on my next bill . That was sorta ' the straw that broke this customer 's back . If the bill went up one more time , it would be my last month with Comcast . After all those years , they would give a bargain price to new customers who had not been with Comcast . . . and not give that same deal to customers who had been with them for years . When I got the bill , it was $ 40 more . . . it was already too high for the amount of channels I actually watched . . . and the principle of their raising it again and again . . . was over the top . They broke their promise too many times . . . and I was finally finished with them ! The day you finally take the bull by the horns and do something ! I didn 't call them . . . I just wiped them off my map . So I got on line to see what was offered out there in cable land . I chose AT & T . Though there were others , AT & T offered what I needed . . . I did not want paperless billing , nor a contract . AT & T had laid cable in our subdivision a couple of years ago . . they dug up my yard and made a mess . . . and since they put the street 's box in my yard , I got the worst of that deal . They dug that 2 block long trench by hand . . . on a hot summer day . The cable they laid , is huge . I kept an eye on them and before they were finished , they cut my sprinkler line . They had left a notice on our door knob before they started digging , and it had a phone number on it . I called and they said they 'd be out by 8 am to fix the broken sprinkler line , and would I be there . " Yes , I will be here . " By 10 am they had not arrived yet , so I called them again and they said they 'd be here in 15 minutes . Again , they didn 't come . After one more call and no show , it was near noon . I called again and informed them they 'd either be here in 15 minutes or I 'd call their head quarters . They were here in 15 minutes . They had to go to Home Depot to get the parts and I told them to come back as soon as they got the part . They were and they covered up the hole they had dug again in my yard . That was 2 years ago . . . in May of this year , I called them to give them my order for a bundled deal for $ 89 . 99 a month . When the lady answered my call , I thought , " Good , no accent so I could understand her . " ( I 'm sorry , but the accents are hard for me to hear and get the words they are saying . ) But after she got started , she talked so fast I told her to slow down twice . . I don 't hear that fast . She did , for a sentence , and then she was back at breakneck speed . I wanted to get my order done right with no problems later . After the fact , I heard on the radio that AT & T had great deals but to watch them . . . . make sure it was done right and follow up . . . . and to do it online . Here I thought to do it in person ( on phone dealing with a person on the other end ) would be better . . . but I was wrong . I was on the phone for over an hour with this lady . The last thing she did , was to put me on hold for some reason ( didn 't get the reason on the other end ) , and after waiting a long time , I finally hung up , figuring she got it all and maybe she 'd call me back if she didn 't . She didn 't call me back . The installer came a few days later . He asked me where did I want the dish put ? Dish ? I didn 't know there would be a dish . . . that was my first clue there was going to be problems ! I thought they 'd connect me to that box they installed 2 years ago . So where did I want that dish ? I told him I had one on the roof from some years ago . . . he looked and said it was too small . . he would have to install an AT & T dish . . . but did I want it on the roof or in the back yard ? I was thinking on that and talking to the installer , when my phone rang . . It was another installer on his way to my house . I told him I already had one here . . . and he said he had orders to install the phone and internet . Then I found out the first installer was just for the TV . The lady did not tell me any of this ! They both installed their part of the deal and left around 6 : 15 . My back yard had a big round dish for TV signal , and a new line was run from the house to that box out by the sidewalk that they installed 2 years ago , for phone and internet . It began to rain when they were leaving . . and after they were gone , I lost signal to the dish , due to the rain . Nice start ! The lady didn 't tell me there would be a dish ( I was supposed to know that ) and she didn 't tell me 2 techs would be coming to install . The next day I lost signal again for no apparent reason , but there was a notice on the screen to call a number and they would send a signal to get my picture back . I did and they did . Okay , so a few minor things . . . but nothing too big . I wanted to see a copy of what I ordered on the phone , but she did not send me a copy . I called and asked the person who answered , to send me a copy and he said he would . Later I got the link to see what I ordered , but when I tried the link , it called for my AT & T account number and password . I didn 't have an account number and no password . . . until I could get a copy of my record . . . which I could not see until I had my account number and password ! ! So I got online and started using chat to communicate with someone on the other end . . day after day . . hours at a time , working through all the problems and getting my order back to what I had asked for in the first place . The lady I started with , failed miserably to do a simple order that was advertised . . . . she managed to get nothing right and I did not appreciate having to spend that much time on her mistakes ! I found out my order was separate instead of bundled . . and the price of my order reflected that mistake . . . it was not the $ 89 . 99 it was supposed to be . But on top of that , I was supposed to have my old land line phone number but when the installers came , they said the lady did not set it up and I had a new number for my land line . I didn 't fuss about it . . just took the new number . But every day after that , I was getting calls from debt collectors for the person who had the number before I did . I had to start blocking numbers . When I was trying to get that straightened out , I happened to see my bill online and it was $ 428 . 00 . I just about went through the roof ! I had AT & T for a little over a week and instead of $ 89 . 99 it was over $ 400 ! No explanation and no warning . I left Comcast because they kept raising my bill , and now this ! I got on the phone and someone on the other end said the amount was high because I had early terminated my phone . At that point , I raised my voice for the first time in all this ! I interrupted her and said I did not terminate any phone . . I was talking on it at the time . . it was alive and well . . but they did not hear me . . they were looking at the bill that said I did . So I interrupted again and said " listen to me . . I DID NOT TERMINATE MY PHONE . . DO YOU HEAR ME AND DO YOU UNDERSTAND ! ! " At that point , they did listen . . and they said they 'd fix it . . . to make that story short . . they did fix it . But the bill was still too high and it was not right yet . Someone at AT & T had terminated my phone . . even though it was still working and no sign of being terminated . . someone did that and added that amount to my bill ! I still do not know why someone did that . But if I had not been on the phone and chat dealing with all the problems , I would have received a bill of over $ 400 . . . it was better to find out soon and fix it sooner ! I kept at them and was on the phone just about every day for almost a month . One time I got the right person and she helped me just about as much as anyone in all my conversations . During these conversations , Comcast called me and asked why I left them . I told her because you kept raising my bill after you promised me 12 months at one price , you added to it in just 2 months . I 'd call you and get the price back down . . only to have it raised again in a couple of months . I did not want to leave Comcast , so I kept calling to get the price back down . And the last one you raised my bill $ 40 in one month after I had called and you promised to keep it the same for 12 months . The Comcast lady asked me why hadn 't I called them before I left them . I sighed . . and repeated myself . . I DID call you . . for 3 years . . and it did no good . . . you just kept raising my bill . I can 't trust Comcast to keep their word and I 'm done ! She again said why didn 't I call them again this time . . and I said I was through with Comcast . . you all lied to me and I am through . She started giving me how much she could set me up again . . . and gave me the figure . I said it was not good enough and good bye . Both Comcast and AT & T wanted to know what the other was charging me . . I didn 't not give the figure . . . but was interesting to know for future use . . . Okay , I am leaving out more of the problems I had to work out with AT & T . . . It was every day and long conversations or chats . But to their credit , they finally got it down to where I think I 'll be okay for 2 years with this . Just in case there is anyone reading this who has AT & T or thinking about using them . . . it 's not without problems . . but every cable company is the pits . . so . . after I finally was fed up enough to leave the one I 'd been with for so many years . . and getting over the feeling of not liking anything new . . and still have the use of my comcast email . . for now . . ( getting AT & T email to function was not easy either . . . ) , maybe this will be okay . . I hope ! So , this is my story of a month of dealing with AT & T . . . . . I would not do this often . . and would not have done this if I had known the lady taking my order could turn it into no semblance of what I thought I had ordered . She set out to do what she wanted instead of what I asked for . But persistence is the clue . . and to have the time to spend a couple of hours a day fussing with AT & T until they get it right ! I sure hope something doesn 't come up unexpected in the next month . . Oh , one more thing . . . they offered me a tablet for 99 cents . It turned out to be a nice one . . . but that caused another problem . . . nothing is free and so what is the catch ? ! I still do not know that answer . . I will find out , I 'm sure . . . All through this month of dealing with AT & T , I was finding out facts and things , AFTER the FACT ! That did not go well with me . . . and I let them know that . Tell me what I need to know and stop surprising me with things that I did not know was going to be or happen . . just tell me what I should know and stop the surprises ! I am efficient and I don 't like inefficiency . Some talk is just blowing in the wind . . . done in case anyone is listening . . . . . . . . . . I so remember the cold winter nights in Indiana . School would be out for Christmas and sometimes it would snow so much that we were out of school for a long time . . 2 weeks extra even . Without electricity , those cold winter nights looked different than when there are street lights and other lights that light up the sky . It was quiet , cold and good to be home . It was always good to be home . That is the one place we should have to gather our strength to meet the next day . I remember looking out the window and if the moon was shining , it would just light up the dark earth . If there was snow on the ground , it would literally glisten . I remember the comfort of being inside where it was warm and comfy . . where there was someone who made it all okay . There wasn 't any expectations for gifts . . for toys . . . it was just Christmas and Christmas meant Jesus 's birthday . A tree , yes . . . and some decorations , yes . . . but we were void of being bombarded with advertisements on toys . Christmas has taken on a different hue than it did then . We can 't go back , I know . . . we are destined to change . . . . we can 't help ourselves . I was a kid in a small town - or a better word would be ' burg ' . We had a store , a church , neighbors , lots of kids , and times that no one today can match or imagine if you didn 't live then . I 've wished I could just plant my memories into my kids ' heads . . . . it would be a way of letting them know what it was like . . . . but not possible . Instead , I 'll just write . I so looked forward to the day school was out for the summer . There is something wonderful about summer in Indiana . School was out in April . It was still cold / cool at that time of year , but we knew spring was just around the corner . . . after a usual brutal winter . School out for the summer , meant freedom . . . relaxing . . . . time to reboot the fun in your life . Time to energize . And later , time to take shoes off . . . to go barefoot . . . ( but you had to get used to the rocks and gravel . . it took a week to toughen up your bare feet ) . We had no TV . . . no radio until I was a teenager . . . and no electricity until I was almost a teenager . We found things to do every day . We used our imagination and used what was available in nature . I had a metal bar across 2 small trees . . . hanging , turning , over and over . . . . . that was one of my favorite things . We had swings hung from tall trees . . . you could swing far and wide on those . Big thick ropes holding a board for a seat . . . all hung from a huge tree limb way up high . We had baby chickens every spring . . . and baby ducks . The baby chickens had to be kept warm and safe from the cat . The baby ducks grew to think we kids were their parents . . they followed us around , right at our heels . We filled a galvanized tub with water and leaned a board up to the top . The ducks would waddle up that board and leap into the water . We got our water from an outside pump . When you haven 't had the luxury of running water , you don 't mind the pump . Some neighborhood pumps had a tin cup hanging on the side . . . anyone who wanted to drink used the cup and hung it back on the side . Everyone was busy all summer . . . very busy . . . and yet , they all had time for each other . We never locked our doors . . . and didn 't have a bank account . When we got electricity in our house , we had a meter on the side of the house . Every month we 'd get a card in the mail from the electric company that had the same picture on the card as was on the meter . We were to mark what the numbers were from the meter to the card . We 'd mail it back to the electric company and they 'd send back what was owed . Trust and compliance . . . not a problem . Our electric bill was usually around $ 3 . 00 . When I got my bike , I was in heaven . I 'd ride that bike down the middle of the road ( there were few cars on that road anyway ) right over the hot ( from the summer sun ) tar and hear the bubbles bursting . We 'd put cardboard on the spokes for extra noise . We 'd put a chair under a low tree limb and then jump from the chair to the limb . We 'd scoot the chair back a little more after each jump and see who could catch the limb the furthest away . One time I missed the limb and fell on my rear . . knocking the air out of me . That is such a panic feeling to not be able to breathe ! We had creeks to fish in . . . just crawdads and minnows , and a stick for a pole . We had swimming holes to swim in . . . muddy water and deep . . . scary for me who could not swim . . . but fun just the same . We had a huge garden . . . and a lot of strawberries every June . I 'd eat them 3 meals a day . . . and nothing compares to strawberries straight from the patch . Homemade shortcake too ! It 's almost Christmas , 2011 . That date would have sounded eerily futuristic when I was a little girl way back when . But those years have passed all too quickly and here we are . . . in realville . I remember Christmas in the " too many years ago " . . . . we got electricity in our home when I was around 10 or so . That meant come Christmas , we could have real lights on our tree . The tree was real . . . . just a small 5 foot tree . . . . and with real lights . So basic , so unfettered , and so memorable . I 'd asked for a doll every year and every year I got a doll . There wasn 't any TV showing commercials of toys and whatknot to taint my wishes or put ideas in my head of something that didn 't do what it said it would do . Our ideas came out of our head . . . just a doll . One year I got a ruby necklace and ring . Ruby was my birthstone . . . the red set was in the shape of a turtle 's back . I loved that necklace and ring . I hadn 't even thought of asking for it . . . and it was the exact thing I really liked so much . I caught that ring on a door at school one time . . . . bent it . . . . but I straightened it out best I could and kept wearing it . Christmas was usually accompanied with snow and cold . . . . lots of snow , in fact . It was really pretty to look outside and see everything covered with snow . . . even more delightful to watch it coming down . Soft , white , quiet snow . . . and Christmas . Perfect ! Which takes me to the hill and sledding in that snow and ice . We had a hill on the road just south of the intersection . Everyone slid on that hill . It was a long hill . . . . a long slide . . . a long uphill climb . All the town kids would be there . We got wet and we got cold . I 'd come home wet to the bone . . . and cold to the bone . Many times the temperatures would be around zero . . . and that is cold ! ! My feet would be frozen . . . stiff . . . and hands too . All bundled up with coats , leggings , shoes , boots , toboggan . . . and frozen to the bone . After it became unbearable and no limb was moveable . . . I 'd go home and get all the wet clothes off . . . lay them by the stove . . . get some dry chothes on . . . and be so thankful for my home and that warm heating stove . Time for a cup of hot cocoa and settle down on the sofa . I so remember reading , studying , passing the winter evenings , by lamplight before we had electricity . A lamp didn 't put out much light , but if you haven 't had anything else to compare to , it was just fine . The lamp was on a little stand and you 'd have to sit real close to see what you were trying to read or do . The flame could be adjusted , but if it was too high , it would just smoke and turn the globe black with smoke . The lamp burned kerosene . Today you can buy colored oil for lamps . . . purely for looks or maybe an emergency if the power goes out . But back then , it was the only light we had . . . all the time . We had more than one lamp . . . and carried one when going from one room to another . . . . very carefully , I might add . Every once in awhile we meet someone who leaves a memorable mark on our lives . I want to tell you about this person who I knew from early childhood , until he passed away when I was in high school . I don 't want to give his name , so I 'll call him Samuel . I liked to go to their home in the summer . Summer in Indiana was sheer delight ! After a long winter and late spring . . . summer was very welcome and very much enjoyed . So many memories . Samuel 's house had a pump outside the kitchen door . They also had an outside toilet ( which most did back then ) . . and they had the Sears Catalog in that outhouse . . . mercy that is hard to sell . There were glass chimes hanging on the other door which gave off a delightful tune in the wind . . . and every time I hear that sound even today , it reminds me of those chimes . Across from the kitchen door was another building . . . it had a cellar in it . In that cellar was all the cool type foods you 'd want . . . watermelon , and all kinds of fruit . They had chickens . . . . 3 different chicken houses . . . and when I was there , I 'd gather the eggs . Sometimes hens would want to ' set ' on their eggs . . . . to hatch them . . . and my taking their eggs didn 't make them happy . The roosters were ready to attack . . . . and when one did . . he was next Sunday 's dinner . They had a smoke house where they had hams hanging when it was time to do that . They had a grinding wheel in the yard . . . and it was used . They lived next to a railroad track . . . in the country . . . . and tramps would jump off the train and stop in for a dinner plate . . which they usually did get . . outside and on the steps . Samuel was an unassuming man . . . . quiet . . . . hard working . . . . respected . . . . dependable . He did his giving quietly and behind the scenes . Although you knew he was a good man , you didn 't know how good until you heard all he did and would do for his fellow man . When my grandfather came down with the flu in the 1918 - 19 epidemic . . . . my grandmother , being sick also . . . . Samuel stayed with my grandfather . . . watched over him . People were afraid to be around anyone who had it , so it was impossible to expect any help . But Samuel came and stayed until my grandfather died . My grandmother survived . . . thanks to another doctor who gave her something that worked . They didn 't have penicillin back then . . . and a simple cold could lead to an infection that couldn 't be controlled . Many simple sicknesses were killers . . . . there wasn 't medicine nor know - how to prevent it . My grandmother said about her husband 's death , " He was a 240 pound man one day and gone the next . . . it seemed to take the strong " . Samuel had lost his wife before I remember . . he also lost a daughter . . . and had one daughter left who lived with him . He was a farmer . He farmed with a horse and plow . He had a wonderful farm that had everything . . a windmill that he 'd turn on at the back door just before he walked out to the barn . The water would be ready to use by the time he got to the barn . There were cats all over the barn area . . . they kept the mice down and out of the grain stored in the buildings . Samuel didn 't work on Sundays , except what he had to do . . . take care of the animals and milk the cows . He 'd go to morning church service , go home and eat dinner , and then read the newspaper ( which he didn 't have time to read all week ) . . . and lay the newspaper across his face as he lay on the sofa . . . and take a nap . After the evening chores and evening meal , it was off to church again for the evening service . Monday was back to work . . . every day . . all day . We used to go to a family reunion every year . It was about 20 miles to drive to the park where it was held . He drove 30 mph all the time . I 'd see cars behind us wanting to go around . . . it was slow . . . and it was a long drive . . . but we always got there in time . There was a time when there was no TV . . . or at least not very many had one . The very first TV I ever saw was in a little room at my cousin 's , who put this little 6 inch TV together and about 10 of us watched The Ed Sullivan Show one Sunday evening . It was fascinating ! Later on , there were a few families who bought a TV , and most of them were 6 inch too . It was a treat to go to friends or neighbors and watch a program . There were 3 channels , ABC , CBS and NBC . I Love Lucy came on at 9 pm on Monday night . I went to a neighbor / friend 's house and watched that show . . . 30 minutes . . and then back home . The news was on every week day night for 15 minutes . . . then it went to 30 minutes , 6 pm . . . and it was news , not talking heads . The network news came on again at 10 pm and then they all closed up shop for the night and went off the air . We didn 't have any commercials at Christmas time to entice us . If we had a Christmas list , it was from our own minds . There was no TV to influence and no computers to open up the world to us . We had an Alden 's catalog to look at , but there were few toys in it . I also remember a Ward 's and Sears and Roebuck store with catalogs . Sears and Roebuck sold material by the yard . So did J C Penney . They sold just about everything . The newspaper came in the mail the next day after it was printed , and my grandmother read it from cover to cover . She 'd get the paper in the mail and sit in her chair next to the window and read it . I remember the day the headline that Israel had become a country . She pulled me over to her side and showed that headline to me . She said , " this is prophesy . " That was the only way she got her news . She did have a small radio when she got electricity , and she 'd listen to Ruth Lyons at noon . Her imagination of what Ruth looked like was not the same as when she saw her on TV later . The programs on the radio were so good . Simple but good , since we had nothing more exotic to compare . Our imagination took the place of a TV set . Bob Hope , Amos and Andy , Our Miss Brooks , Corliss Archer , Jack Benny , Fibber Magee and Molly , Dragnet , The Shadow , are some of the programs we listened to . You can 't imagine what it was like on those cold Indiana winter nights , to have a talking person in the room , when there was none before that little red radio was brought into the house . It was wonderful ! I didn 't like to hear the Dragnet music . . . it was creepy and didn 't settle well with me . My brother would have it on . Jack Webb was the man on the radio and when it moved to TV , he was still the main character . We didn 't have a computer to bring in the troubles of the world . . . it was a peaceful life to even have a war going on and not be bombarded with all that was wrong in the world . We had ration stamps for food during the war , and could only buy what the stamps allowed . I remember saving the sugar stamps for when the grapes were ripe and jelly making . Nylon hose was hard to find , as the government used nylon for parachutes . Living in a small town environment shielded us from a lot of things in the outside world . The day the war ended , ( WWII ) I was playing with the kids in the area when we heard yelling and carrying on in the road . Everyone came out to see what was going on . The war had ended and the whole town converged on the local church where everyone took turns ringing the huge bell . The rope hung down from the high bell tower and I watched as small women were pulled back up to the low ceiling as they pulled that rope down , and it swung back up . It was a time of celebration and giving thanks . On our property , my grandmother lived off the land . We had a huge garden and I learned to work in it every summer . That 's how I got my tan . We had a shovel , a rake and a hoe . . that was it . We had it plowed and then we managed the rest . We had an apple tree , a plum tree , a pear tree , a strawberry patch , grapes , rhubarb , asparagus , raspberries , and planted corn , green beans , carrots , tomatoes , peas , beets , lettuce and radishes . We ate fresh out of the garden all summer , and canned everything else . I had the best strawberries 3 times a day for the month of June , and the rest made into jelly . I had a pole across 2 small trees that I spent hours on every day . We had a swing that someone had climbed up this huge cotton tree and hung from one of the limbs . We mowed the yard with a push mower that was so dull and so hard to push . . it was work to push and pull that thing to get the grass mowed . For 2 summers , we had a little duckling a piece . That little duck thought we were the parents and followed us everywhere . We 'd fix the galvanPosted by I make handbags / purses . Years of experience . I don 't use a pattern for this style . . I call it my own design . It has zipper closure , pockets inside and most have pockets on the outside also . . shoulder straps . . . double interfaced with Pellon Fleece and extra other interfacing added just where it counts . . and made to wear well . I start with an almost square fabric , fuse the outside layers with Pellon Fleece , and then add the extra interfacing . . and I know just where to add it for durability . After both sides are fixed , I add the zipper and sew the panels on both sides that are the pockets . . Fix the lining with pockets on both sides and add the lining to the zipper also . Add the straps , and then sew the sides up . . . having both outside facing and lining sides facing each other . . Sew up the sides and fix the bottom corners , leaving a bottom part of the lining open for turning . . and then turn it right side out . . . like giving birth . Mold the purse in the corners , and around the zipper corners . Fix the opening left open for turning , add a cardboard piece to the bottom , covered with lining fabric . . and you have your purse ready to go ! It is easy after you 've made one and figure out just what to do where . . . and get it down pat . There are bits and pieces not added here . . . too long to add it all . . this is a general instruction . You 'll figure it out if you try and try again . I carry one of these purses all the time . When one gets to looking draggy , I make another one . They will last about a year of constant wear as long as you take care of it . . and treat it with respect . The reason I began making these is I could not find a purse I liked . They were either too large , too small , handles / straps were not right , no pockets inside for organization , or just not made for me . I 've bought many a purse , and when I got home , my stuff would not fit in it or I could not organize it like my own . . . I just didn 't like breaking in a new purse . . . not one bought in the stores . I also don 't like to break in a wallet . . . I have carried the one I use for over 15 years . I think I need a new one . . and I do make them . . but have not traded my old one yet , for a new one . I 'm busy and busy people maybe do not have time to clean out and start with a new one . . . only to not like the new arrangement . Well . . you 've heard my handbag story . . . sort of anyway . . . Go check all of mine out at Etsy or Artfire . Thanks ! ! ! Posted by

Several Weeks passed and the days got colder and colder . Winter would soon be upon them . It was during this time of year that Rat and Dart were especially glad they shared a cot ; they were able to help each other stay warm . One night , while everyone else was asleep and the only sound was music and laughter from the bar room , Rat couldn 't sleep . Over and over he heard that man , Mr . Horace , saying , " I could lose everything . " Was the wallet really that important to the man ? Rat shifted uncomfortably . Dart nodded , his little eyes filled with compassion . " Sometimes I don 't sleep either . ' Cause I got questions . And I lay here and I think about them . " Dart was quiet a minute . Then he said , " I 've got questions ' bout my mama , I do . I don 't like it , ' cause I don 't ' member what she looked like . But I ' member that she used to sing . She used to sing ' bout a man named Jesus . " " I don 't remember my mama at all . " Rat whispered , " But I have to have had one , so Dusty says . He says everybody has to have one . " " Jesus . " Dart said , as if Rat should know . " The man my mama used to sing ' bout . " He smiled a sleepy smile . " He saved us by dyin ' so we won 't hafta . " His eyes closed . " Oh . " Rat wasn 't sure what Dart meant . It didn 't make any sense to him . But he was curious . " What else did your mama sing ' bout ? " But Dart didn 't answer . He was sound asleep with a smile on his face , even though his chest rattled . Rat pulled the sleeves of his sweater down over his hands . He rubbed them together , trying to gather warmth . He had to blink away the rain from his eyes . His cap was so wet that it felt twice as heavy on his head . The rain had poured down all morning , and so far Rat hadn 't cleaned a single chimney . Dart whimpered and snuggled closer to Rat 's side . He had taken their empty coal sacks and wrapped them around himself , but he still shivered uncontrollably . " Do ya think Baker Tom will let us stand over his gratin ' ? " he asked . Rat nodded . The grating in front of Tom 's bakery was always warm , and the jolly man never cared if they stood over it a minute . But Rat didn 't like to allow himself the pleasure , because the smell of all the delicious things Tom made also came up the grating . The torture to his stomach almost made the warmth not worth it . The two of them begun to shuffle through the rain in the direction of the bakery . Ever so often Rat would through back his head and call , " Soot ! Soot ! " The chimney sweeps advertising call . Dart would follow with a call of his own . But his " Soot " would come out more like a squeak , and then he would double over with a cough attack . Rat wished Dart would just stay quiet and let him do all the calling . But he didn 't want to hurt Dart 's feelings by saying so . " Hello , Rat . Good day , Dart . " Rat looked up and saw Konnor , a newspaper boy who always sold his papers at the corner by the bakery . Rat liked Konnor . Most of the newspaper boys thought themselves above the chimney sweeps , but Konnor seemed to think they were on the same level and was always friendly . " Ifn ' it keeps like this we 'll be goin ' home with empty sacks tonight . " Rat shivered . Peter was never very happy when they came home with empty coal sacks . After all , he made his money by selling the old coal from the chimneys they cleaned . " Aw , keep your chin up . " said Konnor , " The days only half over . You still have a chance . " He turned back to the crowd , held up a paper and called , " Get your paper here ! Only five cents ! " Rat sighed and followed Dart to the grating . Dart stood over it and let out a little cry of happiness as the warm air flowed over him . Rat breathed deep , and then wished he hadn 't . The Delicious aroma was almost more then he could take . Peter never fed them anything fancy . And never anything sweet . Never anything , really , except the stew and porridge that was provided in abundance . Rat felt Mr . Horace 's wallet inside his clothing . He kept it with him always . With that money he could buy Dart and himself a whole bundle of sweets . The thought made his mouth water . But try as he might he couldn 't think of the money as his to spend . He still thought of it as Mr . Horace 's money . " Come on , Dart . " Rat mumbled , " We better get back to work . " He hadn 't gone more then five steps before an old woman beckoned to him from her doorway . He recognized her as a lady he had worked for before . And he also remembered that he didn 't like her . She was cross and gruff . Last time she had sent him up a chimney that was still much to warm from the fire and he had burned blisters on both his knees . Dusty always warned about hot chimney flues . But it was a job and Rat never turned anyone down . " You there . Come here . I have a chimney that needs doin ' . " Her voice was deep and crackled . Rat felt Dart tense beside him . " Come on , Dart . " Rat whispered , " It 'll be warm in her house . " That encouraged Dart , and the two of them hurried into the house . It was warm inside , but old Mrs . Crackle Voice didn 't give them time to enjoy it . She hurried them through several rooms before finally coming to a sitting room . The furniture was covered with sheets for protection from the ash and soot that would fall while they were sweeping the chimney . Rat was concerned as soon as they came into the room . The fire had just been dowsed . Smoke still drifted up from the ash . He knew it was way to hot to go up the flue . He kneeled beside the hearth and stuck in his head . The flue was also very small . Small and hot . He didn 't like it at all . Dart shook out the sacks and laid them beside the hearth . He coughed a hard dry cough , then lifted his chimney broom . " Naw , I 'll do it , Dart . " Rat said , waving Dart away . Dart shook his head . He knew Rat was just trying to protect him , and he didn 't like . Besides , he was smaller and could fit better . " I can do it . " Dart pulled his cap down over his face to protect his nose and eyes and started up the chimney , pushing his brush ahead of him . Rat heard him whimper several times before he disappeared . Soot and ash cascaded down . Rat knelt near by and watched the dust float out . He knew Dart would cough all night and not be able to sleep . Dusty would probably have to treat some burns as well . Suddenly the soot stopped falling . But Rat knew it was way too soon for Dart to have reached the top . Everything was too still . Rat jumped up and ran to the fireplace . " You all right , Dart ? " he called up the chimney . He heard a sobbing , choking sound . Rat knew what had happened . Dart had gotten his knees wedged in between his body and the wall . Rat tried to see up the dark chimney . Then he turned to Mrs . Crackle Voice , " He 's goin ' off ! Quick , get somebody ! " But the chimney was cramped and hot . Pain shot through Rat 's shoulders , elbows and knees . Being extra careful not to pull his knees too high made him slow . He wondered with awe how Dart had managed to make it up as high as he did . Finally Rat felt Dart 's body above him . " I 'm here , Dart . Can ya hear me ? " He positioned his knees and back against the walls to hold himself up . The heat was so bad he could barely make himself stay . He wanted to drop down and scramble to safety . Completely blind in the darkness , Rat felt around with his hands , struggling in the tight quarters . What he felt clogged his throat with unvoiced sobs . Dart 's knees were pulled all the way up to his chin . He was quite solidly wedged in . " Come on , Dart . Try movin ' a little . See if ' n ya can wiggle free . " He pulled on Dart 's coat hem . Coal dust filled Rat 's nose and throat and he coughed . Then he realized that Dart was too quiet . He wasn 't coughing , he wasn 't whimpering . He wasn 't anything ! Rat felt around desperately . But his fingers couldn 't find any hope anywhere . One of his sobs escaped and the tears began to flow down his cheeks . " Please Dart ! Try . Just try ! " He gripped Dart 's coat and hung his full weight on it , trying to pull him free . Dart did not move . Rat didn 't want to leave Dart but he did as the man said . The sitting room now held two police men . Mrs . Crackle Voice was standing in the doorway , scowling . " Step back now , Son . Let me look . " and the big policeman leaned into the fireplace with a lamp . Rat wondered how they were going to get Dart out . There was no way the two men would fit up the chimney . The big policeman beckoned to the other and they whispered together . Then the other one said to Rat , " Come along , boy . " He began to leave the room . " Ain ' tcha gonna get Dart out ? " Rat 's voice squeaked with desperation . " Yes , we will . But you need to come with me . " The policemen said kindly . Rat wasn 't convinced . He did not want to leave the room . But he decided he had no choice and let himself be led away . The policeman brought him to the kitchen and sat him on a stool . Then he left Rat there alone . Rat 's tears made paths down his filthy face . What would Dusty say when he found out Rat had let Dart go up a hot chimney ? Dusty wouldn 't have let Dart go . Dusty would have stood up to Mrs . Crackle Voice and told her that they couldn 't sweep the chimney until it had cooled . I was tagged by Daminika Stenersen @ Walking In The Sonshine . I think this will be super fun , but I don 't know how good I will be at it ! ; ) Note : These aren 't my " favorites " ; they are what make me happy . Some of my favorites ( movies and books ) are sad . ; ) So much excitement for Christmas ! The game of hiding presents , the preparation for overnight visitors , the fun of decorating . Nothing compares to the wonder of this season and the celebration of Jesus ' birth ! I know , I know , I 've been neglecting this blog lately . My deepest apologies ! I 'll try to catch you up on my life real quick . I was offered a job several months ago and have been enjoying the freedom of money ! : P It 's a clerical job . I didn 't know that it was called that until last week when I dug in the employee files : D . But anyway , I mostly handle the lower jobs no one else wants to do ; Stuffing envelopes , filing invoices , adding up royalties ect . I also keep the bathroom clean , the floor swept , and the desks dust free . Well , mostly dust free anyway . Except when the days get long I really enjoy it ! The people there are fun . We can really get to goofing off sometimes . But the work does get done . : ) I have also been taking Drivers Ed . with my brother and a friend . I really like my drive instructor , and although the classes can often be boring I do learn from them . My drive instructor told me he thinks I 'll pass the drive test with no problem . I hope he 's right ! I 've already been planning Christmas presents . I made a list of what I want to give each person . Then I had to write one of what I can afford to give them . : P I wanted to make a lot of the presents , but I don 't know if I have time ! I am now teaching the Kindergarten Sunday school class at church . I really enjoy it ! The kids are eager to please and quick to learn . I think they are such sweet hearts ! My dad and one of my brothers have gotten bucks this year . So excited for them ! We ate the heart and liver of the most recent one and they were actually quite good ! Much to my surprise . I am a right wing conservative , republican and a believer in the second amendment . I am anti - murder ( aka pro - life / against abortion ) . I believe in states rights . I am a christian . I have light hair , blue eyes . . . I am white . As a young earth creationist , I believe The LORD created the earth aproximitely 6 , 000 years ago . But evolutionist believe we humans came from ape - like creatures . They think whites are more evolved . If you believe that , as a white , you are somehow better than those who are dark , than you are being prideful . The Bible says that we are ALL sinners , saved by grace . No human can be better than another . God cares about our hearts , not our skin color . All humans , black or white , must come to a place of repentance before God . God is love . He created love ; He is the source of love . How can we , as christians , be unloving and say that it is right ? The Bible says that if you hate your brother than you are as bad as a murderer . If you hate a " lower " race , you are like a murderer . God is a loving god who wants all to be saved . If we hate someone of darker skin , they will in turn hate us . How can you share the gosple with someone who hates you , has no respect for you , wants nothing to do with you ? How can you bring another human to Christ if you despise them ? If you believe that God has saved you , than you should long to share this with others . You can not share love with someone you hate . I have heard this as an arguement for racism . To me this has no grounds . And anyway , why does it matter ? It goes back to pride . Are you prideful enough to believe that you are a better christian than the decendance of Cain ? To God it is your heart that matters , not your forefathers . Rat pressed his stomach close to the shingles of the roof . His heart was pounding in his ears . Who were those boys ? They obviously weren 't friendly , considering the way Dart was shaking with fear . Rat didn 't know what to do . He couldn 't get Dart away from those boys by himself . Should he go get Dusty ? But what if they carried Dart off ? Would he be able to find them again ? Rat forgot all about that man , Horace , and went straight home without skirting around the man . The sun had bid the city goodnight and the lamplighters had finished their job when Rat finally reached Peter 's tavern . The bar room was full of laughter and loud talking . Rat stumbled through the kitchen door panting for breath . Dusty and Billy jumped up from their seats by the fire . Arnie and Lane must have been ordered to bed , for they were not around . Rat took the dipper , but before drinking he managed to gasp out , " Dart 's in trouble . Some boys have ' im . Don 't know why . One kicked ' im , I saw it . " Then he drank the water while Billy poured forth questions . " How many boys ? Where they at ? Do ya think we should tell Peter ? " Rat took the lead once they were on the sky road . He was feeling a little hungry , since he hadn 't finished his supper , but he wasn 't about to let it show . A feeling of urgency filled his small chest . Rain began to drizzle down . The clouds hid the moon and stars . The only light to guide their way came from the street lamps . The rain caused the roofs with older shingles to become slippery . When they came to where Rat had left Dart the boys jumped down to the ground . The the corner where Dart had been was now dark and empty . His chimney broom still lay on the ground , forgotten . Dusty examind the hard ground , garbage bins and piles of packing crates . Billy 's red hair seemed to glow in the darkness as he lifted Dart 's broom and swung it up to his shoulder . Rat shivered and wrapped his arms about himself . The back street they were in seemed too narrow and the darkness was sufficatingly close . Rat shook the rain off his cap and nervously ran his fingers through his hair . " I 'm cold . " whispered Billy , " Rain is runnin ' down me back . " Rat and Billy looked at eachother . Was Dusty suggesting they go for a drink ? " That 's where Dart is . " Dusty further explained when he saw that his comrades were not getting it . " It was lyin ' over here , near where ya said Dart was . It 's clean to , see ? It 's new , so I know it ain 't been here long . I 'm a thinkin ' one of those sweeps dropped it when they was pickin ' on Dart . He probably had it ' cause they were on their way there . " " He ain 't here , is he ? " Dusty seemed to be getting a little irritated with all the questions . He was a good natured chap and had an amazing amount of forgiveness , but even the best of sorts don 't like their knowledge questioned . " Let 's see if the paper says . " said Dusty , reaching to take it from Billy . But the soggy paper ripped , and he left half behind in Billy 's hand . The three boys went off at a trot . It wasn 't at all hard to find the tavern . They could hear the loud music and laughter from several houses away . When they arrived at the front door Dusty hesitated . Rat and Billy looked at him questioningly . He smiled to reassure them , took a deep breath and went in . Billy propped Dart 's broom against the wall before following . Once inside Dusty again hesitated . All the tables seemed to be full with card playing men . At the very front of the room was the bar . All it 's stools were full as well . The only differance was the stools were crowded with boys , not men . " That them ? " Dusty asked Rat out of the corner of his mouth . Rat could only nod , his throat was too tight with fear to talk . The other boys far out numbered them . " Wet out there , it is . " proclaimed Dusty to the bartender as he came up to the counter . " Rain 's comin ' down harder and harder . " Then , completely ignore the local boys who were watching with strange smiles , he plunked a few coins on the counter , as if he were planning to buy a drink . Before the bartender could say anything , the nearest local boy dropped a heavy hand on Dusty 's shoulder . " Ya better take yer money back , Kid . " It was rather bold for him to call Dusty " kid " , considering that he was the younger of the two by at least two years . But Dusty did not seem to take offence . He laughed and turned to speak to Billy and Rat , affectively twisting out of the boy 's grasped without seeming to do it on purpose . " Come on , boys . He 's offering to pay for our drinks . " Rat and Billy came forward , attempting to look confident . Billy swung up on the only empty stool left and leaned casually against the counter . " Awfully kind o ' ya . " he said to the scowling boy . Turk shot them a look that silenced them , then he turned on Dusty with an unfriendly smile . " Listen , Kid . I ain 't jokin ' around . Take yer money and git . " " What are ya afraid of ? " asked Dusty , faining innocence , " Me , I ain 't gonna do nothin ' . I just dropped in for a drink , is all . Ain 't that right , boys ? " " Well . " said Turk , " Maybe that 's what ya came in for , and maybe it ain 't . But it don 't matter none to me . " He put his hand on Dusty 's shoulder again . " I want you to leave . " and he pushed Dusty back . Dusty stumbled a little , but he didn 't fall down . By now several of the men at the surrounding tables were noticing that something was up . The bartender had retreated into a corner , polishing a glass . He didn 't seem to want to become involved . Dusty 's eyes flashed angrily now , but he struggled to control it . " Look . " he stepped real close to Turk , but in a friendly way . " We didn 't come here to cause trouble . We came cause - " Dusty had hoped to find out where Dart was through carefully manuvered conversation . But obviously , Turk was not prone to be friendly . And still more obvious , the boys with him would follow his example . " Of course not ! " Rat cried indignantly , answering Turk 's question . " Dusty ain 't afraid of nothin ' . " He turned to Dusty , " Tell ' im Dusty . Tell ' im ya ain 't afraid to take on the whole bunch o ' them . " Several men chuckled at this and one yelled , " Someone buy that little fella a drink ! " Dusty pressed two fingers to his eyebrow . His only thought was to find out where Dart was and get back home . This was getting out of hand . Perhaps he was using the wrong tactics . " Look . " he said again , but his voice was no longer friendly , " I don 't wanna fight ya cause I got better things to do . " His eyes bore into Turk 's , " You wouldn 't happen to know where my friend Dart is , would ya ? " Dusty grabbed a fistful of Turk 's shirt front and dragged the younger boy of his stool , forcing him to stand against the counter . " If he 's hurt . . . " he paused a minute . Everyone seemed to be holding their breath . " You 'll suffer for it . " he finished . His eyes were shooting sparks . Billy and Rat watched him with wide eyes . Billy carefully moved so that he was in between them and Turk . He wasn 't much of a shield to hold off seven boys , some larger than himself , but it did help to give Turk a feeling of being without support . They hadn 't seemed very supportive of him in the first place . Turk jerked a thumb over his shoulder . " He 's out back in the woodshed . " Dusty jerked on the shirt a little and Turk flinched away , " He ain 't hurt bad , I swear . " Dusty released Turk and stepped back . " Come on , boys . " It was dark behind the tavern ; The light of the street lamps didn 't reach back there . But Dusty was able to find the delapitated woodshed with no problem . It was locked , but Rat climbed in the window and unlocked it from the inside . They found Dart lying on the dirt floor . He was shivering uncontrolably and whimpering . Dusty knelt down and touched his shoulder . " Hello , Dart . Ya okay ? " Dart sat up and threw his little arms around Dusty 's neck . Dusty hugged him back , not at all embarressed . In fact , Rat thought he saw tears on Dusty 's cheeks . But they might have been raindrops . " I was scared , Dusty . " Dart said , his voice muffled against Dusty 's neck . " Those boys said I was on their turf . I told them I didn 't know what they meant , and they all laughed and one kicked me , right here . " Dart backed away from Dusty and pulled his shirt up to reveal a large black and purple bruise on his ribcage . Rat kneeled down by his friend and gently touched the bruise . Anger burned inside him . What gave them the right to pick on Dart ? Dart never hurt anybody . He wished it had been him instead . He wasn 't much bigger than Dart , but at least he didn 't have lungs that rattled and made other funny noises . Dusty went to the door for a look . Dart curled on the floor and coughed while Rat patted his back . Rain was pounding on the roof and Rat wondered how Dart would stand the walk home . Dusty turned to Dart and lifted the small boy into his arms . Dart snuggled close for warmth . He was so small that it took very little effort to carry him . Billy wondered how they were going to get past the human road block , but he didn 't say anything . He went out first , followed by Dusty holding Dart . Rat whispered that he would meet them at home and disappeared around back of the shed . Dusty was not worried about him . He probably knew a way home that the rest of them couldn 't navigate in the rain and dark . Billy had been told to ignore the boys in their path , so he did . He walked right up to them as if they weren 't there . When he tried to push through they broke ranks and let him . Dusty followed in his wake . Their enemys made no effort to stop them . The only sound was the rain . Billy shoved his free hand into his pocket ; The other one was holding Darts chimney broom . " I 'm cold is all . " Then he took a good look at Dusty . " Yer shaking yerself . Yer knees are knockin ' ! " Rat was far ahead of them and almost home . He paused as he passed the house that that man , Horace had gone into . But it was only for a minute , and then he went on , struggling to put the man from his mind . Posted by The boy was skilled at moving about the crowded street and his small size made it easy . The man was not so skilled , but desperation helped him keep up with the boy . He simply needed his wallet ! The boy left the main street and darted down a back alley . Without a second thought the man followed . Without the many people to dodge the boy picked up speed , leaping over garbage bins and mud puddles . " Terribly sorry , Sir . Guess me leg got in your way . Help ya up ? " A skinny , soot covered lad of about fifteen years appeared out of the shadows . The gentleman watched him warily . He had no doubt that the boy had tripped him purposely . A friend of the little thief most likely . Nevertheless he allowed the red head to pull him to his feet . He grunted , brushed himself off , and left the alley as quickly as he could . " Thank Ya , Billy . " Billy looked down into two dark eyes , walking near his elbow . He was surprised to find the boy so near him , but of course , he didn 't let on . Then Billy remembered why he 'd been looking for Rat in the first place . " Ya ' bout done for the day ? Supper 's nearly ready , so Dusty says . " Rat 's stomach gave a growl of anticipation . The two boys then took to the chimney sweep 's Sky Road , otherwise known as the roof tops of London . High above the crowd that bustled and pushed on the streets below , the chimney sweeps could navigate around the whole city . Trotting quickly along the ridgepoles , it took the boys only eight minutes to reach Peter 's Tavern . It would have taken them twenty minutes on the main streets and fifteen through the back alleys . The Sky Road was jealously protected by the chimney sweeps , for fear that the crowd below would swarm up and ruin it for them . When they reached their destination , Billy and Rat slid silently down a water pipe to the ground . Then they dusted themselves off and headed for the back door of the tavern . They never entered through the front door unless they had money to pay for a drink , and they rarely did . " Hello , Billy . Rat . " Dusty was leaning against the door , his newsboy cap pulled down low . All the boys had an extreme respect for him . Always calm and cool headed , his quick thinking had saved many a chimney sweep . The boys liked Peter because he fed them well . But he was also prone to angry outbursts , and he was always so busy with the bar that he didn 't spend much time with them . Orchestrating the activities of the chimney sweeps had fallen mostly to young Dusty , with Peter pocketing all the profit . Lane and Arnie were just scraping the last of their food into their mouths when the back door opened and Dusty came in . He sat down with the boys without getting a bowl of stew . " Dart ain 't back yet . " he stated . The boys paused , spoons halfway to their mouths . Then Arnie shrugged and said , " Dart 's always late , he is . Like 's to dig in the garbage bins to see what he can find . He 'll be along soon , I say . " Dusty shook his head . " He is normally the last one in , but he 's never really late . I 'm sure he 'd usually be in by now . " " Should I go a lookin ' for ' im ? " asked Rat . He was the best of the boys at sneaking about the city and staying out of trouble . The gentleman Billy saved him from earlier was a rare exception . With a nod from Dusty , Rat jumped up , the bowl of food and his hunger forgotten . As he slipped out the door he heard Billy say confidently , " Rat will find ' im . " And Rat was confident that he would . Scampering up the water pipe to the roof top as easily as the rodent whose name he bore , he set off for Mr . Beckett 's . Mr . Beckett was one of Dart 's regulars clients and a good friend to all the boys . Rat wasn 't sure that Dart would be there , but it was the first place he 'd thought of . Mr . Beckett 's doorman , Norton , opened the door wide . Then he did the same with his eyes . " Sorry , Boy . The chimney flues have all been done . A little late , you are . " " Not here to do the chimneys , Norton . " Rat explained , " I 'm lookin ' for Dart . Disappeared , he has . Dusty 's wantin ' me to find ' im . " Norton shook his head . " Well , he ain 't here . Sure , he did the chimneys for Mr . Beckett . But I saw him leave with me own eyes , I did . Went thata way , " he pointed down the street , " a draggin ' his chimney brush . Real sick , he looked . Begged me for a drink o ' water ' fore he left . Havin ' trouble breathin ' seemed to me . He 's disappeared , ya say ? " Rat didn 't wait to answer Norton , but swung back up to the roof and headed in the direction the doorman had pointed . Mr . Beckett 's house was right on the edge of Peter 's un - declared territory . The boys rarely went past this block and further into town . Moving as fast as he dared without loosing his balance , Rat 's eyes scanned the terrain . He didn 't know the area he was in now . He was more then a few blocks farther away then he 'd ever been from Peter 's Tavern . Suddenly one of the men in the street caught Rat 's attention . It was the same gentleman who 's wallet he 'd taken ! He was standing with another finely dressed man . Rat slowed . He didn 't know why , but he wanted to know what the men was talking about . Silently , he crept closer , pulling his cap low so as not to be recognized should the men spot him . Horace shook his head , " I know , Terrance . " He rubbed a hand over his face . " It isn 't the money I 'm upset about . It wasn 't much anyway . I had some very important papers in that wallet . " He looked up at Terrance and his eyes were full of pain , " I could lose everything if I can 't find those papers . " Terrance looked shocked . " Oh . " he said , seeming to be at a loss for words . After a minute he said , " Perhaps you should come in , where we can talk . " The two men went inside . Rat crept away from the edge , sat down and pulled out the leather wallet . He hadn 't even looked in it since he 'd taken it . Undoing the clasp he did so now . It contained several pieces of stiff paper held together with ribbon , and a handful of coins . That was all . The small amount of money was more than young Rat had ever seen . His still tender conscience pulled at him . Mr . Horace needed his wallet , and Rat was the one who 'd taken it from him . Rat had taken many wallets and coins from strangers ' pockets , but this was the first time that he had thought about the other 's need for it . Rat fingered the coins . Should he return the wallet ? But think of all that he could do with that money ! Rat slowly closed the wallet and stuffed it back into his clothing . He needed it just as much as that man , Horace did . Like a frightened rabbit , Rat tried to get as far away as possible from Mr . Horace . He was getting farther and farther from Peter 's tavern , but Rat didn 't really care anymore . He could circle around and go back when he felt safer . Surely Dart hadn 't wandered this far away . But as Rat leaped from one housetop to another he spotted a boy cowering in a corner . Dart ! And he wasn 't alone . Several larger boys were standing about him in a threatening manner . These verses , taken from Philippians , have been heavy on my heart recently . They said that if your thoughts are on good things then the God of peace would be with you . In the last few weeks I haven 't felt close to God . I wondered why . Now the songs I listened to weren 't exactly " Bad " . They weren 't about cheating or drinking or swearing . But they didn 't lift me up or make me feel better when I listened to them . Actually , they made me feel dissatisfied with life . I wanted the romance and perfection that was in those songs . It was my mom who pointed out to me the pointlessness of the songs I was listening to . It was hard for me to take . At first I was angry . Then I was in denial . I didn 't want to admit that the songs were ruining my peace . I liked them . They made me happy ; or so I thought . Well , today I suddenly realized I didn 't even want to listen to them anymore . And so I deleted over 100 songs off my laptop , keeping only songs about God , and three or four traditional songs . It was hard for me to do . Some of the songs I almost cried while I deleted them , they meant that much to me . But that 's why they had to go . They meant more to me than my time with God . I am NOT judging those who do listen to country / world / pop etc . And I am not against listening to it every now and then . I 'm just saying that it wasn 't good for me and my relationship with God . It needed to go so I 'd have room in my mind for God . I needed to think more on pure , just and honest things . Maybe you could call it a fast . Are you feeling a distance between you and God ? Is there something in your life that 's distracting you ? Just something to think on . . . It would be impossible for me to write a list of my favorite books because I love so many . So instead I 've written a list of books I recommend you read . I will also include a portion of the story to perk your curiosity . The Light Across the River by Stephanie Reed Father groaned . " So you helped you husband escape , you stole your baby away when you escaped , and now you want to liberate your daughter , who is with Mr . James - and Biggerman ? " " Oh , no , Beulah , she done got sold away from Mr . James after I helped George run off . Now she b ' long to Mr . Adkins , over Germantown way . Leastways , last I heard . " " Five . " Johnny saw Mother flinch . Eliza hurried to add , " This gentleman here , Gil , he gonna scout out where she is and bring her and all five o ' her children over here , though . Me and the good Lord has got it all planned out . " " Five ! See here , far to many people know about you already , Eliza . Sam recognized you . If one of those children makes a peep and calls attention to us , it 's over . " Father shook his head . Johnny saw the memory of that night register . " Zeke Means , " Father said weakly . " Zeke Means saw you , too . We have to hide you away this very night . Who else knows about you ? " Let 's keep it that way . " He scanned the room . " No one else , " he said , and his gaze lingered on Johnny the longest , " is to know about Eliza . " When the man stepped over the rail and jumped , I stared down at the river . It frothed with swimmers and debris . My knees trembled . The water was closer to us than the snow had been tp Papa and me , but still my head spun from the height . A space appeared . Swallowing my fear , I breathed a quick prayer . " We have to go now - hold your breath . " When I hit the water my lifebelt thrust upward and struck my chin . The shock off the icy cold water wrenched John 's hand away as we went under . Skin instantly chilled . Every nerve in my body protested . He felt at ease with Aunt Ella and he guessed he 'd learn to get along with Meg . Already they seemed like family , probably because they reminded him of Mama and Betsy . But he knew he would never feel comfortable around his uncle . Imagine the son of a Confederate cavalry officer having to accept charity from such a man ! He 'd be courteous , and he 'd help out all he could to make up for being an extra mouth to feed . But he 'd never call him Uncle Jed . Never ! " Don 't push your horses . " Dad said firmly , as we saddled up . Then he handed Bud a copy of the New Testament saying , " Bud , carry this with you , and above all , both of you say your prayers at night . " In Unison , we both replied , " Yes , Sir ! " Bud carefully wrapped the New Testament in a silk handkerchief and put it in his saddle bag . At last , we spurred our horses and were off , on the first leg of our Great Adventure . We felt pretty big , riding away from the farm while our dad and our sisters - Kitty Joe , Johnnie , Goldie , and Pearlie - waved goodbye . Maybe having all those women around made us more eagerto seek out adventure , for Bud and I were always ready for a new one . We never thought about being afraid , but we often were tired , dirty and discouraged . " Not a Tory ! " There was a sudden burst of laughter . Wild laughter mixed with jeers that grew louder and louder . Daniel couldn 't see the faces , only the legs lighted up by lanterns on the ground . Legs that danced grotesquely and then suddenly stopped in a circle again . " Yea . I got it . Don 't trust is out of my sight . " There was a rattle of paper and a figure stooped over one of the lanterns and began reading . " May it please your Excellency , " he said . It was the letter that Daniel and Beckett had written Governor Hutchison . The letter that Daniel had thought his stepmother had thrown away . " Strangers in town . " Jip was waiting at the counter to pay for the staples Mrs . Lyman had sent him to buy . The speaker inclined his head slightly , and Jip followed the tilt down the length of the long counter . He had heard the old men at the farm tell tales of meeting their own ghost . That was the only way he could explain what had happened at that moment . As he turned his head to look down the counter , a tall , fair - headed man at the far end met his gaze - grey eyes meeting his dark ones . He knew that face - it was the same one that stared out at him every day from the wavy kitchen mirror . A Thousand Shall Fall by Bodie Thoene " Hey , how about I bet the kid ? Anybody want a cute little kid ? I 'll see your five bucks and raise the kid . No kidding . Take him . " " Nothin ' he ain 't heard before , I 'll bet . " said Mr . Ryan . Then chairs scraped back and the gamblers said they 'd had enough cards for the night . Brian told them to stay - said he was just kidding , just trying to make the best of a rotten situation , blowing off a little steam . Didn 't a man have the right to blow off a little steam , after all ? The poker game was over , just the same . David was pleased that other people , grown up men , had gotten sick of Brian O ' Halloran 's big mouth . He delighted in Brian 's misery as he heared the gin bottle clink against Brian 's glass and he finished the bottle alone in the front room . I don 't want to go to college . I don 't want a degree . I don 't want a career . I don 't want a fancy office job or lots of money . I don 't want to be independent . My very biggest dream is to be a stay - at - home mom to a bunch ( at least 6 ) of children . Someday , when I 'm old and grey , people might look at me and say , " That lady has never travelled the world . She 's never had a good job . She 's never done anything for herself . She 's never had a life ! " But I 'll know better . I 'll know that I have had a life . I 'll know there is nothing more rewarding , more satisfying , more meaningful , than a life led by God . A life full of my husband and kids , pushing them to be the people God wants them to be . Some might find my dream weird , strange , boring , or even not worthy to be called a dream . But I don 't care . It 's my dream . My very biggest most longed for dream . Lord willing my dream will someday become reality . My earliest memory is from when we lived in a subdivision . I was around a year and a half . The neighbors had a dog chained in their back yard . It was barking at me , but I wasn 't scared . I pressed my eye close to a crack in the fence to look at it , and I can still remember the smell of the warm wood . When I was around the same age I remember pulling handfuls of pea gravel toward me . It was warm , smooth and dusty . And then I felt guilty , as if I wasn 't supposed to touch it . I remember playing with my brothers in our sandbox . It had just rained and the sand was wet . Mommy let me take a doll out to play with . It had dark skin and wore a pale blue dress . Someone had chewed off its fingers , but I thought it was just beautiful . But while in the sandbox I tripped and dropped her . The wet sand stuck to her , and I couldn 't get it out of her eyes . I ran to the house to show Mommy . I remember it snowing . The ground wasn 't even completely white yet but I wanted to go play in it . Daddy came out with me . I told him I wanted to make a snow bunny family . So we did . I remember they had pinecones for ears . I thought Daddy was so clever . I remember leaning on the window seal and watching a mole make a dirt hill in the yard . It was fascinating . But when I ran out the front door to catch the mole he disappeared . I remember riding " horsie " on Daddy 's back with my brother . We tried to hold on tight , but we laughed so hard we tumbled off anyway . I remember having the flu . I told Mommy I was scared I was going to puke again . She held me and rocked me to sleep . I dreamed that my stuffed dog , snowball , was real and was playing in a water sprinkler with me . Then I woke up and told Mommy about it . I remember sitting in church with my head resting on Daddy 's or Mommy 's lap . I could see my cousins sitting in the bench in front of us . I knew more were sitting behind us , and I felt so secure . I remember Grandma taking me shopping . She bought me a blue shirt with a puppy on it . She tried to buy me some pants , but couldn 't find any my size . I remember her holding a pair up to me and saying , " I don 't know , your so tiny . " Then she took me to Burgerville and got me a Kids Meal with radish seeds and a little red shovel . I planted those seeds beside our barn , and they grew ! I was so happy when I pulled the green leaves out of the ground and found red balls hanging from the ends . I remember how excited Mommy was for me as she put them on the kitchen window seal . I can still remember what they tasted like , though I don 't actually remember eating them . I remember Grandpa serving up chocolate ice cream . He asked me which dish I wanted , and I suddenly realized I was still clutching in my dirty hands the Barbie plate I 'd been playing with outside . I held it out and said , " This one ! " and he said , " Well , we have to wash it first . " He carefully washed and dried it for me . I now own that plate . It 's in my hope chest . I remember The Ranch . It would take a whole blog post to describe it . Four wheelers , kick the can , sleeping bags , and playing house in the barn . I fell asleep to the sound off the big kids riding four wheelers , and laughing as they roasted marshmallows around the fire in the yard . Everything was happy , cozy and safe . I remember going to a strangers house to choose a puppy . Mom said I could choose . I sat on the floor and one of them climbed into my lap and began to lick me all over . I wrapped my arms around it and cried , " This one ! I want this one ! " I didn 't even look at the others . We named him Shadow . I loved him and he followed my brothers and me everywhere . Years of memories of playing with cousins . So many fun times we have had . It makes me sad to think that we can never go back . But , of course , we can always look forward to the future .

It was impossible to move with the two men holding my arms above my head . My skirt was not short because I know how that inflames the Arabs , and I know also how quick they are to assume any foreign woman is a whore , and fair game . In any case , the length of my skirt did not matter because the man who was not sitting on my arms had taken it off me . He had long , thin hands , like a girl 's . That was one of the few things I registered about him . Also that he hesitated when my skirt was off . ' Please , sir , ' I said in English . ' Please don 't do this . ' Still he hesitated , and something in his eyes said doubt about what they were doing had entered his mind . ' I am a virgin , sir , ' I said , which was true . He looked at the other two and I think at that moment he was prepared to stop . I suppose I thought they might kill me afterwards but they did not . They watched while I dressed , slowly because they had hurt me , and then they told me to get into the back seat of their Land Cruiser . When we reached Le Meridien , they opened the door and told me to get out . I could see the man in the turban who opens doors and calls taxis for guests staring at me . No doubt he was wondering what a Filipina was doing in a Land Cruiser with three Arabs . And no doubt he was answering his own question inside his head . It would be an answer not flattering to me . Mister John Meredith , who I called Mister John , was the American man I worked for . He lived in a house on the Corniche near the new Sheikh Zayed Bridge , not in an apartment , and I had a room there . My job was to keep the place clean , wash his clothes and sometimes cook meals . Only one man in a big house , six bedrooms , and my friends thought I was so lucky . It is true he never beat me , as the wives of some Arab and many rich Indian men beat their maids . He had never forced his way into my bed , as was common , or made me stand on a ledge on an upper floor and threatened to push me off because I had worked for fourteen hours and was tired , as had happened to one maid I knew . He never burned me with a cigarette end , threatened to spray bleach in my face or said he would have me deported . He let me keep my passport . I was hoping he would not be in when I got home . I wanted to shower and change my clothes before he saw me and try to cover the bruise that was growing darker on my eye where one of them had hit me . But it was not to be . ' What happened , Carol ? ' he asked me . " Carol " is my Catholic name . He could never have managed the one my parents called me by . I tried to slip past him towards my room but he caught my arm . I was shocked ; he had never touched me before . ' What happened , Carol ? ' he asked again . Not loudly , but firmly . I started to cry and he let go of my arm but he continued to block my way . I had been weighing all kinds of possible lies on the long walk from Le Meridien in the stifling heat , but I knew in my heart that none of them was going to work . I told him what had happened . I don 't know what came over me to say what I said next . I think I was deliberately defying Mister John . I was sure he knew what I was about to tell him , but knowing is one thing and having your nose rubbed in it is something else . Mister John worked at the Embassy . He said he worked for the State Department . One of the other maids I knew had heard her employer talking about Mister John . This man said Mister John was a spy . If he decided he could not ignore what I said , I could not complain . In any case , I said it . ' And I am only twenty - five . The law says maids must be thirty - five . They would find out that my passport is forged . They would deport me for that , too . And I have not yet finished paying the man who supplied it to me . ' ' This is not Saudi Arabia , ' I said . I don 't know why the suggestion should have angered me , but it did . Mister John appeared not to have noticed . I began to cry . I had never cried in front of Mister John before , and now I had done it twice in one day . I screwed a tissue into my eyes . Some girls behave like prostitutes and never get caught out . I had been a good girl all my twenty - five years , and what had happened to me had not been my fault , and it happened only once , and yet I was going to have a child . After three months , I could not deny it to myself . ' I am not bitter . I am accepting my situation . I have to go home , because if I have a child here , a single woman , they will say I am a prostitute and they will deport me . So I have to go home . Where I will be disgraced , me and my family . And I have still not sent enough money to pay for my passport . ' When he came home that night , Mister John drank whisky . A large Chivas on the rocks . Then he had another . That was unusual for Mister John . Usually he did not drink alcohol when he was alone . He said he got enough when he was working , and that it was good to give his liver a rest . But that night he drank Chivas Regal . He came into the kitchen where I was putting dishes into the dishwasher . The latest glass of ice and whisky was still in his hand . ' Carol , ' he said . ' I have an idea . ' I sometimes met my friends , the other maids , those who were allowed out and not confined to their employers ' homes except when they had to go with their mistresses to carry heavy shopping . We would have Coke and sometimes a piece of cake in one of the cheaper places . We did not choose the cheaper places because they were cheaper , but because our mistresses would not wish us to take refreshment in the places they used themselves , or their children . I had no mistress , but most maids were not so lucky . I had decided not to mention my good fortune , but they knew . Mister John had told colleagues and friends that he was to be married . He had not mentioned the baby , but people are not stupid . And people talk in front of their maids . ' You 're up the spout , ' said Pena . I never liked her - too full of the importance of her employer , and too proud of her own appearance . ' Aren 't you ? You 've got yourself pregnant and he 's stupid enough to make an honest woman of you , you little whore . I bet you did it deliberately . ' ' Leave her alone , ' said Maria . Maria was from the same village as me . She had been in the UAE two years longer and her forged passport was paid for . Now she was sending money home to her family , as I should have done if I had stayed long enough . ' You 're only jealous , ' Maria said . She was right , of course . Pena was jealous . We all knew people who had got a Westerner or a rich Arab to marry them . You would see them with their husbands , always smiling , their little pot bellies beginning to show because they no longer felt the need to look after themselves . Especially the ones who had caught a Westerner . If an Arab decided to divorce them , they might find things difficult , but from an American or a European they would extract a high price . And if they found themselves in a shop or hotel or restaurant where the person serving them was from their country , God help that shop assistant or maid or waitress . " Look at me , " the married one 's look would say . " I made it . I 've caught one . In this precarious world , I never have to worry again . But you do . " ' Jealous ? ' Pena said . ' What has she caught ? A man of fifty who never married before . You think that is a good catch ? He will be difficult . He will be impossible . And in bed he will be useless . I would not take her man at any price . He is a fool . ' Maria worked in a house not far from mine and we always walked home together . ' She heard that from her employer 's wife , ' I said . ' That is what the Westerners are saying about me . That I have trapped Mister John into marriage by conceiving his child . ' I stopped walking . I caught Maria by the arm so that she had to stop walking , too . ' No . I mean it really isn 't true . ' ' It is true , Maria . ' I could see she did not believe me . I told her the truth . I told her what the three Arabs had done to me . She took a while to understand what I was telling her . When she had taken it in , she said , ' Oh , Carol . You are so lucky . What a good man he must be . ' ' He says he knows I don 't love him . He is marrying me so that I will be an American and not have to go home . He says he does not expect me to sleep with him when we are husband and wife . He says one day I will meet someone I do love and when that happens he will let me divorce him so that I can be with that man . ' ' Oh , Carol . ' I knew she was happy for me . I knew also that she was wishing she could meet someone who would do for her what Mister John was doing for me . Marry her so that she could have a passport that was real and worth having and then leave her be and let her go . There were tears in her eyes . Mister John arranged the wedding . He said it should be quick , which I could not argue with . He offered to use his influence to get visas for my family so that they could come , but I said I did not want them there . My mother would upbraid my new husband for sleeping with me before we were married , and me for letting him , and I was not prepared to allow that . Mister John had a sister in Oregon and he sent tickets for her and her husband . It was a strange ceremony for one like me . It took place in a chapel in the Embassy , which was another thing my mother would have objected to , although we did have a Catholic priest . The night before , there was a party in our house ( how quickly I came to think of it as " our house " ) on the Corniche to which John 's sister Phyllis ( I had to stop calling him " Mister John " , which was hard at first ) and her husband Wayne came , with John 's colleagues from work and many friends . Although a lot of these last were Moslem , the evening was far from abstemious . I would not like to count the number of empty bottles our new maid ( yes ! We had a new maid , sent by a different agency from the one that had supplied me ) cleared away afterwards . After the wedding itself , the Consul gave me my new American passport in my new name . Carol Meredith . It was the most precious thing I had ever received . I slipped it into my bag . Had I begun to stare at it , I do not think I could have stopped . That evening we had a small dinner party at the Emirates Palace with only Phyllis and Wayne . I do not like the Emirates Palace . I did not want my husband to waste his money like that . I meant to be a good wife to him , taking care of his money as though it were my own . I did not want to be one of these gold - diggers I have mentioned . When the dinner was over , John 's driver took Phyllis and Wayne back to our house and we went upstairs to the suite John had reserved for us that night . We needed a guide - a Persian woman in a coat of gold brocade - to show us the way to our room or we should never have found it . That is the ridiculous size of the thing . Why were we staying in this vulgar place when we had a perfectly nice home of our own ? We never discussed it , and so I could not explain to John that it was not needful . I understood , though he did not say so , that he did not want his family to know that there were now two master bedrooms set aside in his house - one for him and one for me . His sister and her husband had to leave for America the very next day and so would not see the arrangements for themselves . When we reached the sitting room of our suite , I took the lead by kissing him . That was perhaps immodest , but I do not think he would have done it himself . I said , ' You are the most wonderful man I have ever met . Thank you . ' Then we went each to our own room , to sleep . Or so he thought . I undressed and took my shower . Then I put on the long pale blue robe that was one of the many items of clothing John had insisted on buying for my new life . The baby showed clearly through the silk . And then I went from my bedroom , through the sitting room and into his . He was already in bed , reading . I knew that he slept naked because I had never washed any night things of his , and so it was . He looked surprised at my entrance . I had prepared my little speech , but still I delivered it with timidity . ' Husband , ' I said . ' You have done a wonderful thing today . You have given me the three most precious gifts I have ever received . ' I could see that he did not know what to say , and so I spoke for him . ' I know the things you said . But , if you will have me , I wish to be your wife . Properly . ' John is too much the man to cry , but I knew he was moved . I made a gesture of " May I ? " and moved towards the bed . He pushed down the sheet . I climbed up beside him . I will not pretend that our love - making set me alight . John was gentle and considerate and loving . All the things those three men were not . I enjoyed what we did together , but because I knew I was pleasing him and not for the thing itself . And he was pleased . He was like a child at a party , trying everything . I do not think he was experienced with women . He used his eyes and his hands and his nose and his tongue to make love , and not just that other thing . Because he was happy , I was happy . I supposed later , when I had found out what passion could be , that he must have known he did not move me to great heights , but his own pleasure was so clear that it pleased me , too . Al Ghazal Lounge , which we went to because we were traveling Business Class , a new experience for me , is circular and on two levels , with smokers on the lower floor . You can get coffee and hard liquor as well as Arabic pastries . I have never acquired the taste for alcohol , but I have a weakness for sweet Arabic pastries . The TV is never turned off , but the staff are good about turning down the volume . At least when John asks them to . There are no windows . In one wall is an aquarium and in another something John told me was a diorama . It showed an Arab fort among sand dunes with a four by four not unlike ours ( though it was really John 's , because I had never learned to drive ) climbing one of them . There was an oasis with camels and gazelles and black tents that John said belonged to Bedouins . He also said that , really , we should call them Bedu , because one Bedouin was a Bedouin but more than one were Bedu . But foreigners don 't know that , apparently , and so they say Bedouins . John really loves the Middle East . I learned later that he had twice turned down promotion in order to stay there . Lots of men love the Middle East . It is a place for men . Outside the fort were five Arabs in white robes , sitting or in one case lying . One of them was playing a mandolin , which I learned is called a buzoc . One had a hawk on his wrist , one was reading the Koran , one poured coffee and one ( the lying down one ) was staring into the distance . None of them was holding down a woman with her skirt and panties removed . There was no woman in the scene . No woman with the blood of her stolen virginity drying on the insides of her thighs . No woman at all . I got to know Phyllis quite well during the three weeks John was away . She was older than me , of course , and in a way she treated me like the daughter she had never had . She and Wayne had no children . She began to tell me that this was because of a problem Wayne had , but she saw that I did not want to hear such things and she was kind enough to stop . In the beginning she had been a little formal with me , but after a few days she said something really nice nice . She told me she had assumed I had married John for his money and his American citizenship but now she knew I wasn 't that kind of person . I thanked her . I told her I was glad and proud to be part of her family , which I was . She hugged me tight tight . The baby was born one week early and John arrived at the hospital a few minutes after the birth . He had flown from Washington to Seattle and come straight to the hospital without going home to change or shower or anything . He was so apologetic but I told him it was fine . I said a man should be there when the baby is made but not when the baby is born . Then I realized what I had said and I could not look at him . He put his arms round me and we hugged without saying anything . Then I said , ' He is your baby . ' I started to cry . The nurse came in and said it was my hormones and I was tired , but I knew it wasn 't that . She sent John away . She told him to come back next day when I was rested . We called the baby Mark and I sent pictures of the christening to my parents . I thought my mother 's heart might soften when she saw he had had a proper Catholic baptism . I also enclosed two hundred dollars . That was John 's idea . We were making plans to return to Abu Dhabi when we realized everything was not right with little Mark . The doctors said it would all be fine , and in the end it was fine , but they said Mark should stay near the hospital for a few months . Even without the worries over Mark 's health , it was harder to be a new mother than I would ever have thought , and I was lonely without John . Phyllis spent a lot of time with me . She drove me to and from the hospital ; we went shopping and on picnics ; and she started to teach me to drive . I , who had never thought I would ever have occasion to drive . I had good English - for a maid in the Gulf . I knew that when I was finally able to return to my husband 's side , he would need me to be with him sometimes at the cocktail parties and dinners he seemed to have to go to such a lot . He would also continue to entertain at home and I would need to communicate much better as his wife than I had as his maid . I could not bear to think of putting him to shame . ' That 's cadence . Then there 's punctuation . Where you put the pauses . Did you ever hear a song , " What is this thing called love ? " ? ' ' Trust me , it 's a song . " What is this thing called love ? " ' She sang a few bars . ' Now , suppose I say , " What , is this thing called love ? " Do you see the difference ? ' ' You 'll get the hang of it . And when you do you 'll understand far more about humor . You 're a very serious person , Carol . You know that ? ' ' I know that , honey . You 've got a lot of problems . Having problems doesn 't stop you showing humor . It 's the American way to smile in the face of adversity . And John 's colleagues will expect it . ' Phyllis smiled . I knew she was amused by the idea of me " trying " to be funny . ' See ? ' I said . ' I made you smile . ' Her smile grew much bigger . ' Hey ! You 're doing it ! ' Then her face took on that look she had when she raised intimate matters . ' Are you serious when you and John make love ? ' ' Good sex always has a lot of play about it , ' she said . ' Love - making is for adults , but they need to become like children when they do it . I 've upset you . ' The English lessons and driving lessons were good for me . This was also the time I met Lee , and that wasn 't so hot . ( That 's an expression I picked up from Phyllis ) . Lee was a doctor at the hospital where Mark was being treated . Mark was an outpatient , which meant he lived at home and I took him twice a week for tests and treatment . Sometimes Phyllis came with us . It wasn 't her fault . A sudden image came to me , of hands thin like a girl 's , tugging on the waist band of my panties . I shuddered . Phyllis laughed . ' I 'm glad the idea turns you off , hon , but he 's surely not that repulsive . ' When I was a little girl , I had dreamed of the man I would marry . He would fall in love with me , and woo me , pursue me , breaking down my resistance until in the end I said " Yes " to him . We would be married , and love each other for always , and have children , and I would be a good wife and a good mother . But first would come the wooing . Because of what those three men did to me , I had never been wooed . John had married me , and I was grateful , but there had never been any romance in my life . If you are raped , and you get pregnant , and a man twice your age says , " I will marry you and raise your child as mine and look after you , " you may be very grateful but it is not romantic . The only wooing I had had was the pulling down of my panties by a man with the thin hands of a girl while two other men held me down . There is nothing romantic about that . In fact , it is a horrible thing . So now here was this man Lee , who was in love with me ( though I never saw it till Phyllis pointed it out ) and that was romantic . I kept my distance , but at night or when I was not at the hospital I thought about him . I wondered how it would be to let myself love him . I had heard people talk about how wonderful it could be , this thing between a man and a woman , and I wondered if it would be like that between Lee and me , after I had let him woo me a little . I say I kept my distance , but my attitude to him changed , I could not help its changing , and he noticed . He became bolder . He touched me , on the arm at first and then later on the back just above my bottom . Part of me shrank away from that touch , but part was excited . And then he kissed me . Just put his arms around me , pulled me tight tight and before I had time to react he was kissing me . Of course I pushed him away . I was a married woman . But that night I dreamed about him and in my dream he was doing that to me . Except that he wasn 't doing it to me , because we were doing it to each other . And we were playing , just like Phyllis had said . In my dream I began to see that two naked adults playing might be fun . John and I always undressed ourselves before we got into bed . I undressed myself and he undressed himself . What I found myself dreaming about , and I tried not to but I could not help it , was : how would it feel to be undressed by the other ? Not the way those three men undressed me , I knew what it was like to be undressed by force and it was horrid . How would it feel to be undressed by a man who loved you ? To have your panties removed , not with uncaring roughness but tenderly ? How would that feel ? And what I was really thinking was : how would it feel to have that thing done by Lee ? I did not step back or invite him in or anything , but he was prepared for that . He just walked round me into the house and into the kitchen and he laid the flowers and the wine on the worktop . I followed him in , of course . ' Mark is asleep , ' I said . ' Good . I didn 't really come to see Mark . I came to see you . ' And he just took hold of me as if it were the most natural thing in the world and began to kiss me . He kissed my lips and my forehead and my throat , and he was holding me tight and I could feel him pressing hard hard against my belly . ' You should not be married to that man , ' he said as he went on kissing me . ' He is too old for you , and too far away . I am the right man for you . We have heritage on our side , and our age . ' By now his hands were on my bottom , holding me tight against him , and I could feel myself giving in . In another minute I would be letting go , relaxing into his arms , and then it would be all over with me . I lifted both hands to his chest and pushed with all my might . ' Stop , ' I said , and I sounded firmer and more angry than I was . ' I will not be treated like this . Let me go . ' ' I have told you , ' I said . ' I am a married woman . I promised before God and His priest to love my husband and abandon all others . You are trying to make me forget my holy vows . ' ' Mark is better , ' he said . ' You have no more reason to stay in America . If I don 't win you now , you will be lost to me for ever . I do not want to live without you . ' My legs were shaking . In fact , I was shaking in every fiber of my body . I wanted him . Oh , how I wanted him . I longed for him to pick me up and carry me into my bedroom . The longing was so great I could almost feel his hands warm warm on my naked skin . I knew he could see it in my eyes . I picked up the bottle of wine and handed it to him . ' I don 't drink alcohol , ' I said . ' You must take that away . ' He put it down again . ' Why do you fight against what you know you want ? ' He stepped in close . He put his hands on my waist . I turned up my face to be kissed . I was lost . He stepped away from me . Both of us looked at Phyllis , me with shocked guilt and him in anger . He said , ' What are you doing here ? ' There was no arguing with Phyllis at that moment . Leaving the flowers and the wine , Lee made for the door . As he left , he turned towards me . ' I will be back , ' he said . ' Tomorrow . I will take you to my place . Where we will not be interrupted . ' I sat in the living room and sobbed . I cried my heart out . Phyllis put her arm round my shoulders and hugged me , but she said nothing . She passed me fresh tissues as each one became soaked . ' I was worried . John called to say you weren 't answering your phone . I knew you should be here , so I came over to check . I heard your voice raised , so I used my key to let myself in . Good thing I did . ' I got up and looked at the telephone . It seemed fine . I picked it up . There was no dial tone . I went into my bedroom . The phone there was slightly off the hook . I put it down properly . I came back into the living room and checked again . The dial tone was there . ' I 'm sure he really loves you , if that 's what you mean . But he made a bargain . Lee attracts you . I know he does . ' ' Those goddam rapists . Well , honey , here 's the deal . If you want to go see Lee tomorrow night , I 'll babysit Mark for you . ' ' Yes , I can . John loves you . I love you too . He loves you like a wife and I love you like a sister . That means I want you to be happy . ' I had the worst night of my life . I cried myself to sleep . In my dreams , I walked into Lee 's bedroom as on my wedding night I had walked into my husband 's . In my dreams , I did something I had never done with John or any other man , and it shocked me and disturbed me . I knelt over him and took his thing into my mouth . I sucked him . And then he laid me flat . He spread my legs . He knelt between my thighs . He mounted me . In my dreams , he roused me as I had never in my life been roused . Getting a flight at such short notice was not easy and I ended by going through London . Phyllis insisted that John would expect me to go Business Class , and so I did . Little Mark was so so good , hardly making a sound all the way and smiling at everyone who smiled at him . Still , it was nearly twenty - four hours after we had first taken off before I was wheeling a trolley through Customs and out into the concourse . There was a shouting mob of touts all eager to find me a taxi . When we got home , I gave Mark a drink and put him straight to bed . He went off immediately . John said , ' You must be tired , too . ' ' That would be nice . ' And then I said something that amazed me when I heard it come out from my mouth . ' We could shower together , maybe ? ' ' I would like you to undress me . And then I wish to pee , and I would like you to watch me as I do it . And if you need a pee , too , I would like to stand behind you and put my arms round you and hold you while you do yours . ' I said , ' I do not care what she would think . You are my husband and I love you and we should not have secrets from each other . And sometimes we should play games together , as children do . ' And then when we were under the water I took the soap and I cleaned him . And then I knelt down before him and took him in my mouth . He was hard hard and I was so proud that I was doing this thing with my man . When I felt his tongue on my private place , I relaxed as I had never relaxed before . I said , ' This is what I dreamed of , all the way here on two planes . If anyone looked at me they would think , " That woman is having dirty thoughts " . ' And I laughed . And I was so so happy . And the three men , they did not matter any more . And Lee . He did not matter , either . And then he was over me , and in me . I do not know what Phyllis had told him . I do not care what Phyllis had told him . What I do know is that he must have known I had never given myself totally to him before , and that now I did . I held his arms as he rode me , this great strong man . I thought of Phyllis 's English lessons . " What is this thing called love ? " This , I thought . As his warm and tender lips kissed my lips , and as his man thing hard like iron drove itself in and out of those other lips as though it had a life of its own , and as I saw the sweet affection on his face , I thought , " This . This is this thing called Love . I feel it for him and I make him feel it for me . And I am proud proud . " Hi . I hope you enjoyed my story . There are other free stories of mine here ; if you 'd like to read something more substantial , please take a look at this page where you 'll find my books listed . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! 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October 29 , 2013 · 9 : 51 pm Coming Into Focus Summary I have written three chapters of " Coming Into Focus " so far . The book is supposed to be about falling in love and figuring out that sex is not the same thing as love . When someone falls in love , they take chances , they put their heart on the line for someone they really care about . Sex is something you can have without feelings for someone . That 's why making love is different than having sex . It has feelings all wrapped up inside of it . And you can only truly make love if you are in love . October 29 , 2013 · 9 : 48 pm Chapter Three ( Coming Into Focus ) The nerves hit me after a few more miles of driving around the city . I didn 't have anything to do until the lunch , so I had just continued to drive around . After much thought , I decided I wanted to look my best when he saw me at the cafe . I went back to my apartment , and got out my nail polish kit . Right now , my nails had splotches of blue left over from when I did them on Christmas . It was now summer . I was surprised there was any left on them . I chose a light pink nail color that would match the sun dress I intended to wear . After applying two coats , I picked out some strapped sandal flats to go with my dress . I put my dress on the bed along with my shoes . I went into the kitchen , but realized I shouldn 't eat until our lunch date so I sat on the counter , waiting for the nail polish to dry . Once it did , I went into the bathroom and took another shower - so that any extra nail color would come off my toes . Once out , I blow dried my hair and stood there deciding between an up do or a pony tail . I never wore my hair down outside the house . I decided a pony tail would look better , since I didn 't want to get dressed up too much . I went and put on my dress , but left the sandals on the bed . I put my hair up and didn 't think it looked right so I did it again . Then , I went back to get my nail kit , deciding if my toes were going to show , that I needed to do those nails , too . After they dried , I put on my sandals and noticed the time . I was going to be late if I didn 't leave now . I rushed to my car , started it , and headed toward the coffee shop . I had to stop at six stoplights on the way and knew I would end up late , but as soon as I got to the shop , I saw him parking his cop car in an available space across the street . I was so glad that he just got here . I parked at a spot next to him and looked in the mirror and checked the makeup I had applied in the car . It looked good , so I slowly got out of the sudan and headed towards the door of the coffee shop where he was waiting . He returned a couple of minutes later , carrying a tray of food and two drinks , " I forgot to ask what you wanted to drink , so I asked them what you liked best . The cashier said you were ' addicted to the mocha frap ' . So I got you a mocha frap . " " I paint and go to the beach . Sometimes I go to the gym or take bike rides with a borrowed bike from my neighbor , Sam . " And have random sex with multiple guys , I thought , but that 's not going to happen anymore . He laughed . " I also go on bike rides and swim a lot . I go to the gym across the street every afternoon after work . I haven 't been to the beach in a while , though . " He blushed and looked down , as if he were covering it up , but then I noticed something on his face that said ' this isn 't just hanging out , I really like you ' , and blushed myself . " I didn 't mean it that way . " I corrected myself , " I just meant next time we see each other . I didn 't know you wanted this to be a date . " But I did know , I was just being casual . " It 's okay . I 'm not used to this kind of thing . I 've been too involved in my work to really even look at women . " He blushed again . We talked on for another hour . And then another hour after finishing our meal . He was a really sweet guy , with bright blue eyes and longish brown hair . His muscles were thick in his chest and shoulders , moving as he talked , but thick enough to make him look scary . His face was soft and thin . Every time he smiled at me , it reached his eyes . He had a small dimple on the left side when he smiled and his eyes crinkled at the sides each time he did this . He was much more handsome than all those other guys that came into her life for a short time and left and something told her he was definitely the relationship type . She hoped , too , that he would stay in his life for a while . She hadn 't noticed she was staring at him and just barely caught the question . " I don 't work today . It 's my day off . " " Oh okay . Sounds good . I just got off work before lunch . I was wondering if maybe you 'd like to watch a movie sometime ? I would say go to the movies , but they 're too expensive nowadays . " " It 's a girl and her name is Shawna . She 's a german shepard . I got her when she was sent to be a police search dog , but she 's retired from that now , because she hurt her hip . She walks with a limp sometimes , but is still the happiest dog I know . " He chuckled . " Well that 's good . I have to go soon . I just noticed the time . I have to go soon . I need to walk Shawna . Sorry to have to leave , but I don 't want anymore spots on my carpet " He said after glancing at his watch . " That 's fine with me . I was planning on going to the dog shelter sometime this week to look at the pets . I just moved to an apartment that allows dogs . Since I moved out of my parents house four years ago , I 've always wanted my own pet . " There was a small silence after that . I didn 't know what to say or how to say goodbye , so I just looked at him . It wasn 't an awkward silence , or to me it wasn 't . I just looked into lose beautiful blue eyes and waited for him to say something . He finally did . " I had a really nice time with you today . I hope I can get your number and hang out with you sometime soon . Maybe we could go for that bike ride . " " Yea . I really need to walk Shawna now , so how about I call you tomorrow ? " He took out a pen from his pocket and a receipt . He wrote down his number and then tore part of the paper off and handed both to me , including the pen . I got the gist and wrote down my number on the second half of the paper and handed the pen and paper back to him . I put his number in my wallet for safe keeping after realizing I 'd left my phone at home . We both stood up . Cole walked around the table and kissed me on the cheek , then headed for the door while waving goodbye . I headed to the restroom , first , but afterward I headed out the door . His car was gone once I got outside . Once I pulled out of the parking spot , I headed for the ASPCA . October 29 , 2013 · 9 : 47 pm Chapter Two ( Coming Into Focus ) Seven days had passed since the incident . I had gone about my normal routine - doing laundry on Sunday , working Monday through Friday , going home at 7 pm and reading my romance novels , but I noticed everyday that something was missing . I thought at first that it was the guys and I decided to let myself just miss it because I knew I wasn 't going to let that happen again , but realized that it wasn 't . It felt like there was a big , empty gap in my heart waiting for the right person to come along and fill up that empty space . I am lonely . More lonely than I 'd ever felt , but I still wouldn 't back down . The night of the seventh day , I got my old stuffed animal lamb out of the back of my closet , dusted it off and took it to bed with me . I needed something to sleep with , because I felt bare and alone . The next day , I got out of bed early . It was my day off , but I still got up early . I felt I needed to . I decided to go to the gym . I hadn 't been to the gym for years , but I put on my sweat - shorts , a tank top , and a sweatshirt with a hood , and walked down the street to the corner , where the gym was located . I did that for about four hours and until I could run no more . Once finished I signed out and went across the street to the coffee shop I call work . I got a free coffee - because I work there - and sat at a table in the far corner . I watched the people pass by out the window . Seeing a couple stop to kiss , I decided I wanted to be like them . They had a baby stroller with a pink - cheeked , chubby baby inside . As soon as they started walking again , a tear fell down my cheek . I quickly wiped it away so no one would see . A finely muscled man stepped into the coffee shop . His police uniform was black like most police in this town , but it was tight on him and looked really sexy . I quickly turned away when I received butterflies in my stomach from the smile he gave my before walking to the counter to order his drink . This man wasn 't like the men I usually had sex with . He wasn 't that type . Somehow I could tell . After ordering his drink he sat down at a table two down from mine . I tried to ignore him and reach for my coffee to take a sip , but my coffee was empty . I reluctantly left the shop to head to my house . Once home , I took another shower and brushed my teeth this time . I decided to go for a drive in my beat up mini - van . I drove around the city and got lost in my mind as I went . I heard the sirens after a few minutes of driving down Wentworth Street . I pulled to the side of the road thinking they were going to pass me , but the cop pulled up behind my van . I couldn 't remember what I had done wrong . So I decided to ask the officer once they were by my window . I turned down the radio and waited as the officer walked up to my window . " Yea , never been a Mrs . " I said . Hoping he 'd take the hint . I wasn 't really flirting , just humoring it a little . " Okay " He had a big smile on his face . " I 'll see you then , and I hope you get your brake light fixed . I 'd hate to have to pull you over again and give you a ticket . I mumbled a good - bye and rolled up my window . It was then that I noticed he never put my name in his computer or wrote up a warning ticket . I smiled to myself . October 29 , 2013 · 9 : 46 pm Chapter One ( Coming into Focus ) It all happened so fast . His breath was at my neck as he lifted himself to undo the last thing he had on him - his pants . Once undone , he shoved his large cock into my small sex and lingered there for a moment while his fingers massaged my clit . He began to move as quickly as possible , grunting and moaning as he went . Usually I enjoyed this . This was normal in my eyes , but in my heart there was nothing for this man . I figured my heart was black by now . It didn 't feel the same as it used to . He plunged in again and this time he let loose inside me . He collapsed on top of me . I felt disgusted by him and myself . I didn 't really know this man . We had never had a real conversation . He had taken me on a date . Usually after sex , I would feel powerful - I would feel better after a long day and this pleasure was normally all I needed - but this time was different . I didn 't feel better , I felt worse . I felt like my world was crashing down on me and I felt like the thing I tried to avoid all my life - a slut . I was officially a slut in my own eyes . I was one of those gross people . This had to change . I couldn 't continue on with this . I pushed him off me and grabbed my clothes while shielding myself with the sheet . I yelled at him to leave . I would never do this again , if my life depended on it . Once the man left , I curled up in a ball on my bed and cried . After a few minutes , I opened my eyes to my purple and gray room . My painted , gray dresser still sat in the same place it had since I moved into the drab apartment . On it sat a pack of condoms and a lamp . I screamed in fury . Getting up off my bed , I ran to my dresser and grabbed the condoms . I , then , opened the window next to my dresser and used my good arm to throw them out the window . I felt like I never wanted to see another one again for as long as I lived . I sat down hard on the floor next to my dresser - in front of my window - and thought . I sat there thinking for a long time , until I realized I was in need of a big change in my life . I was not going to have sex with random men ever again . I will wait for my one . I won 't choose any guy off the street that I 'm attracted to , he has to come to me . I got up and took off my clothes to take a shower and wash off the stench of the nasty man that had left about 30 minutes ago . Walking into the bathroom , I saw another pack of condoms and threw it into the trash can . I took the bag out of the trash can and went to the kitchen to put it in the big waste basket . Once I climbed out of the shower , I still felt dirty , but I knew I was cleaner than I had been in a while . I walked into the kitchen and poured some water in the kettle , then headed to the bathroom to blow - dry my hair . I heard the kettle whistle in its loud way , so I stopped the hair dryer when my hair was pretty much dry and stomped into the kitchen . I poured this water into on of the mugs I had already put a tea bag in and let it soak while I went to get dressed . I didn 't feel the need to use my toothbrush , because with these men - that I 'm never going to " use " again - they don 't kiss you . It 's like a secret and unwritten rule that you don 't kiss the guys you 're just going to fuck once because you could get attached . I grabbed a blue - green tank top and some gray sweat pants . After dragging them on , I pulled over my head a white sweatshirt . I ambled into the kitchen and drank my tea black for the first time since 2005 . Cursing , I reach around on the floor to find the paint bottle I just dropped . Why do I keep messing up ? Crumpling up the canvas paper and throwing it into this trash , seems like all I do lately . I need some muse . I crumple up another canvas sheet . Putting my hand up , I plop my head down on it , so that my chin is resting on my palm . What could I do to find muse ? Where could I go ? What could I see ? That 's it ! I rummage around for my sneakers and socks in my room and when I return with them on , I notice there 's blue paint all over the floor where I had just dropped the paint bottle . Heading back to the painting area , I 'm going as fast as I can with out hitting something or tripping , and I end up hitting the toe of my shoe on the wicker table in front of the big , ugly , brown couch . Good thing I 'm wearing my sneakers , because that would have hurt . I note for the thousandth time that my roommate needs better design skills if she 's ever going to be an interior designer . Reaching the painting area , I try to bend gracefully to the floor - remember I 'm not graceful at all - and end up face planting into the blue paint . I get up on my knees and rub the floor slowly with the paper towel - my face can wait , because it will come off my face later , granted with some scrubbing , but not the floor . I remember my mother 's words of how to get paint off the floor if it 's still wet , Don 't scrub ! Move the wet towel slowly in circles around the area of paint on the floor and it will come off easily . So , I do as she would have said . Even if she 's an asshole . It finally comes completely off the floor , so I get up off the floor and trudge to the kitchen to pick up the paper towels and get this crap off my face . In the kitchen - which , I might add , is only five steps away from the living room and two steps away from the painting area , which is just another part of the living room - I throw away the wet , and now blue paper towel . I bend over , grabbing the roll of clean - but now not so clean - paper towels , slowly , but surely , rolling them back up as neatly as possible , which isn 't very neat , but it 'll work to be able to put them back on whatever that white thing hanging up under the cabinets is called . I hang it back up on the flimsy white thing , thinking , I know I could make a better way to hold paper towels , without it falling every chance it gets . The kitchen countertops are light green , which I think is probably the coolest part about this apartment , while the decor in the kitchen is drab . Kate , my roommate and , may I add , sort of best friend , says , If you have that bright of countertops , you shouldn 't have anything bright around them , unless it 's in small doses . I kind of agree with that , actually . Maybe she is sort of good at this design crap . Walking over to the sink again i slowly get a paper towel from next to it , out of that stupid , flimsy , white thing . This time - thankfully - it doesn 't collapse . I , then , wet the paper towel and try the slow circles on my face to see if the trick works on faces , too . Slowly , but surely , the paint starts to come off onto the towel . So , I go do the rest in the bathroom to make sure I get it all . As I finish getting all the blue off of my face , I notice there still a faded blotch of blue thats not coming off . I touch it with my finger to see what it is . I step back as I poke it , because it hurts . I have a bruise from my face plant , Awesome ! Now what was my plan again ? Oh right ! I was going to take a walk ! " Sparky ! " I yell , trying to figure out where my labrador is hiding in the room . She snorts and I realize she 's asleep between the couch and the blue side table - pushing on the floor lamp every time she snores , I might add . That damn thing is going to fall over again . It 's almost as flimsy as the white thingy - whatever it 's called . I decide to leave Sparky behind , since she obviously isn 't going to move , even if I get a treat . She 's a very lazy dog . I rescued her from a shelter about two years ago , she was malnourished and had been used for dog fighting , but for some reason , even though she was mean to the workers at the shelter , she was really sweet to me . The next day , I went back to see if she was still there and had actually bought her a toy that you can put treats in , so the dog takes its time trying to get out their prize . She loved it . The third day , when I came back , the worker there was the same as the day before . She said that I was the only person that Sparky would play with or even get close to . I fed her for the worker , so that maybe she would eat something . She did . I took her home that day . Never thought I would have adopted a dog , much less her . I usually only go to the shelter to see and pet the dogs and cats , but that day was different , really different . I walk out the door and then back track to grab my keys off the cute little hooks by the door that Kate just bought at the Dollar General . They were apparently only a dollar , so she had to get them . Finally I exit the apartment , lock the door , and head down the stairs . While making my way down three flights of stairs I think about how it 's a wonder that I haven 't fallen down these stairs . And then I think one word . YET . I pull open the door to the street . Damn this door is too heavy . Then , I walk out into the cool fall air . I 'm immediately glad I took a walk . The air feels good on my face . With what little trees are around , the leaves have fallen to the ground and it smells of fall . I don 't know why , but fall always smells different than any other season to me . It just has a distinct smell . It 's hard to explain . I attach my keys with my trusty , old keychain hook on my pants and decide to skip down the street . As I 'm skipping , I hear sounds of far away traffic and a siren . No one ever comes down this street , because it 's what me and Kate call a useless street . There are bigger streets around it that most people take , because this one only goes one way . I skip along and then slow down and stare up at the stars . It 's a beautiful night , but you can only barely make out the stars , because of the city lights - even though we 're on the edge of the city . I hear a tingle , then a plop . I can 't figure out what it is at first , but then I realize the trusty keychain broke and my keys fell in the gutter . I get on my knees , even though the street is wet , and look into the gutter . I would have given up on them if Kate was home , but she 's off with her new fling or whatever they call it nowadays . Pulling open the gutter , I reach my hand in as far as I can and I almost get to them . I can 't reach so I get onto my stomach , disgusted by the dirty street and reach again . June 15 , 2013 · 3 : 09 pm When You Were Here , by Daisy Whitney That 's the book I 'm reading right now . It 's a good book , but it 's sad . Teddy always wants to know the good books I read , so now that she has this link I thought I could post a few of the new books I 'm reading . I got it at Barnes and Noble in the YA section in Wrightsville Beach , NC . It was a cool shopping center , but it reminded me of home . There were all kinds of shops . Most were ones that we could find in any shopping center / mall . Like Belk or Coldwater Creek . It was a Towne Center . Just like the one in Mt . Pleasant . It was nice . I remember going there one other time , a few years back . We went to Belk and Coldwater Creek and Barnes and Noble and Claire 's and also Longhorn 's for dinner . It wasn 't a great meal , but we settled . That Longhorn 's is gone now . Now it 's some kind of diner , but that 's good for it , because it wasn 't very yummy . In Wrightsville , there 's this place called Wings . It 's right over the second bridge to Wrightsville Beach . It 's a big salmon colored building with a bunch of beach and souvenir stuff . I love that place . It was a fun vacation , but from the time I got there to the time we left , all I wanted was to go home . It reminded me too much of Pop Pop . All his rules , all his life , all his electronics , his favorite chair , his favorite coffee cups , his favorite bed , all his favorites . I miss him a lot and I cried myself to sleep a lot . I miss him so much . I wish he didn 't have to die . I know it must have been his time to go , but why did it have to be so soon when everybody counted on him . I still feel like it was my fault . Even though they pulled the plug , it was me who put the earphone in his ear and played the song " Asleep " by the Smiths , telling him in my own way that it was okay for him to go , we would miss him , but it was okay if he had to . I know it was my fault . Because I told him he could leave . I should have never done that . Now that song is ruined for me . I can 't listen to that song without crying . I can 't enjoy that song anymore . But I haven 't had the heart to erase it from my iPod . I haven 't had the heart to forget that song . It 's like I need it to know that he 's okay up in heaven and he 's looking down on us . And he keeps us safe . So I can 't get rid of the song . That 's it for now . I 'm going to go read my good book . " When You Were Here " by Daisy Whitney . And smoke a cigarette . So I don 't have to cry anymore . Have a good afternoon , y ' all . Bye . March 19 , 2013 · 2 : 59 pm why would he do that ? He saw me one last time and i should be happy , because that 's what I prayed for . Then , he talks about our future like he always seems to . After that , he deletes his Facebook . And doesn 't contact me again . It 's just rude . Don 't talk about our future together if you 're the one who 's going to disappear . It hurts a lot . Especially since I have no clue whether or not he 's going to show back up or if he 's started doing drugs again . I love him and I don 't want him to be hurt , but he can 't keep doing this . Maybe I just shouldn 't think about him . There 's this cute guy I met the other night , named David ( we 'll call him ) . And all I want is to get over him and be able to live a normal life again . To be able to date someone else , like David , but he just pops back into my life . I should 've done what my mom said and just not listened to his crap on valentines day and just ignored him . I shouldn 't have even answered his call . All he wants nowadays is sex , but what about me ? I thought he loved me . I just want things to go back to normal . I hate this . So many changes have happened and nothing seems normal anymore . I hate change . I HATE it . Why does everything have to change . I just want my Wednesdays with mick back and my sundays at the skatepark . And my mom to say I can stay without the threat of moving out or her kicking me out . I can 't stand this . I want the windows to go back to how they used to be . And my sister to stop yelling all the time . And the yard to have bushes again . I want my dad to do what he says he 's going to do . I hate change . I want to be able to see my dad again after all these years . But now i have a half sister and a step mom . And he has a new life . And i don 't like it . I just want it to go back to how it was . Daddy sitting on the green couch playing tickle monster with me . and gracie peeing herself when she was tickled . i want my mom to not yell about how her life was ruined by daddy . i want saturdays at grandmas house and after swimming in the pool come home and daddy makes mac and cheese . i want mick to love me like he used to . I want my world to go back to how it used to be , when i was happy and mick wasn 't there yet . so i dont have to deal with his bullshit . WordPress . com annieboo325blog · It 's just me , don 't expect anyone else … Blog at WordPress . com . annieboo325blog Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Post to

I once heard or read that good news travels faster than bad news . I have certainly found this to be true . So many heard our news quickly but we have several people that have not heard our bad news . So far I have been asked outright something to the effect of , " where 's the baby / how 's the baby doing ? " I hate this question . It not only makes the person asking it feel awkward , but sometimes makes me almost get teary . Tonight was one of those nights . We went to dinner after B 's ball game and the first person we see inside the place asked us the second we walked in the doors . He also happened to be our first visitor at the hospital when I had B , and also the first person to text Matt with congratulations when Jolie was born . Later as we were eating , another family walked in who I knew . This is the lady I had bought the adorable car seat cover from . The pretty pretty swing and the super adorable car seat cover were my two favorite things I was most excited about to use with Jolie . Of course , when our family said hello to their family before leaving I had to get the look and question from her . . . " how are you doing ? " Everyone feels sorry for us , everyone feels bad , everyone doesn 't know what to say - but we all know there is nothing anyone can do to help it . I thought of J today . I know ( I believe ) she is still doing counseing for a few more weeks with our caseworker . I wondered today how she was doing . I thought for a brief moment about how that is going for her and thought about calling the caseworker to ask . Then I quickly dismissed it . That is not my business to know how she is doing in counseling anymore . Also , I didn 't want to hear about if she had asked for more diapers , formula , rides , etc . like we were told last time . I don 't want to know that she is struggling to do it on her own . I had some good days this week . We have been keeping busy and I have been enjoying my time off . I have found however that I am actually pulling away from those who are closest to me . I have avoided my closest friends who knew up to the minute details . I haven 't felt like talking hardly at all . I have continued to try to hide out as best I can . I hurry to the car avoiding the awkwardness of those who have " heard the news " . I don 't want to cry anymore about it so I try to keep life as normal as possible . I have tons of messages I need to respond to . I was touched by the people who wrote me emails or facebook messages telling me how sorry they were . These really meant a lot to me , even if I was not able to respond right away . I quit my job today . I had called them last week and told them I will let them know by the end of this week when I will be returning . My original plan ( can 't remember if I have talked about this here ) was that I was going to go back to home daycare with Jolie . When I was pregnant with B , I taught for my first year and then did home daycare until he went to school . I currently work with low income families with prenatal - age 3 families doing in home visits . Some of the families I work with have such a similar situation to J and Jolie I just don 't think I can handle going back . I sent them my notice today and it was so hard for me to make the commitment to leaving a job with benefits to one with none . ( But staying home with my baby will outweigh any benefits I could have ) . I only have one child for daycare so I am really stressed about that . I need to pray hard that things will work out for us . Posted by Friday was my birthday . We had planned on this being our first full day as parents to Jolie and would celebrate in another state waiting for ICPC . Instead , we tried to make some other plans for us and I was hoping I would still be able to enjoy the day . Our day started off by heading uptown to eat at one of my favorite sandwich shops . We stopped at Target where Matt and I both got a new CD . Just before we left town I had a call from a flower shop that they had a delivery for me . I said we would just stop and pick it up on our way home . It was from my FIL and my husband 's step mom . We came home and I decided to try to make some cupcakes for my friends for later that night when we were getting together . My sister and her husband were on their way from out of town . Just as I was ready to pop them in the oven , we discovered our oven wasn 't working ! I had also planned to put a dish in after the cupcakes that a friend had made for me the night before ( Thank you Laura ! ! ! ) before we headed to B 's baseball game . I am so blessed and have a grandma who was more than happy to preheat her oven for me as I ran the stuff over to her . She put the dinner in and then was going to bake the cake . Matt ran over to grab the dinner when it was finished just before my sister and husband arrived . My sister ate a little with us and joined us at the ball game . The night was beautiful for a game . I had sent a last minute message earlier that day to several friends to join us a the local brewery after the game . My grandma took B home after the game and several of my friends stopped in . We had a great time , even though there was no cupcakes ! I have some super great friends and family and they made me feel so good . It was so nice to have them there . I felt so loved and supported . The following day 3 of the girls from the night before ( one being my sissy ) joined me for a pedicure . We had 2 hours full of fun and laughter . We decided the only way to get pedis is to get them in a group ! It was great to have my sister in town for the weekend too . We were able to spend lots of time together . I 'm so glad that we have gotten closer than ever over the last few years . I can honestly say that I felt good . Thursday night , Friday , Saturday I really did feel good . I had maybe only one or two times where I felt a little sad . I really did feel full of happiness again however . Sunday , today , was not so good . I 'm not exactly sure what started it . Part of it was that we didn 't go to church . When Matt gets home from work on Sundays we always go to church together before he goes to bed for the day . He was super swamped last night and really just wanted to go to bed . I 'm okay for just B and I to go but he didn 't like that today . He wanted us all to go or all to stay . I knew he was so tired , and my sister and BIL were still here anyways so I just said we would stay . I regretted it almost instantly and should have just gone . Then I said since I was up , I would go for a run since it was early . Hello humidity . I am new to this whole running thing and can 't even call myself a " runner " yet . I am signed up to do my first 5K next Saturday . I have really struggled with the hot humid days . The past two weeks with all of this stuff , I haven 't been out very much and probably won 't make my goal now of running the whole thing . I didn 't care what my time was ( it 's not timed anyways ) I just wanted to run all of it . My sister and hubs were packing up to leave and Matt finally got to get to bed . I pouted on the couch a little and read for a while . I was hot , I couldn 't get back to sleep . I made B some cereal and he hung out watching tv for a while . I got up to take a shower and that didn 't help . I felt so down , so sad , so unmotivated to do anything . All I wanted to do was go back to bed . I hated this day . B and I played a game of Monopoly Jr . He made himself some lunch ( he loves to do that ) and I ate 1 / 2 can of spaghetti o 's I bought for myself the other day ( feeling sorry for myself at the store , thinking these will be such good comfort food . . . . um , really ? I can 't believe I ever liked these ? Bigger letdown for the day ) B played on the computer in the chair by me and I tied to get to sleep on the couch . I felt like a loser mom making my son play by him self for the majority of the day . Later when Matt came out I was still feeling stressed and couldn 't convey this to him correctly . I told him I was sad , stressed , worried but I couldn 't tell him why . I didn 't know why . It was just an overwhelming feeling through out the whole day . I don 't think he " got it " since I had been good the past few days and that irritated me more . I was stressed about needing to figure out what I am going to do for a job ( I am out of paid leave , something needs to be done ASAP ) and I was thinking about tomorrow being Monday and Jolie will be 3 weeks old . Am I forever going to hate Mondays as a reminder of her ? Will I think of her every Monday and try to think about how many weeks she is and how big she is getting ? B goes to art camp this week and I have another counseling appointment on Thursday . I won 't be able to sleep til 10 - 11 with him having camp so I hopefully get some other things done . B has games M - W - F night and I hope to get the baby things that I packed away taken out to storage at Matt 's moms . I have 6 tubs plus things like the bathtub , etc . to take out there . I feel like I have been a bad friend to my friends . I have only been thinking about myself and our family and problems and not talking to any of my friends . I know they are going through things with their relationships , health , and more but I feel so consumed by my situation . Ugh , hoping tomorrow is a better day . Posted by My blog has so many holes recently . I have jumped all over due to lack of energy to do any of it lately . Please excuse me for that . I thought of two things from the post about our trip to the water park after we got the call . We called from home to book a reservation and then headed out of town . It is about a 2 1 / 2 hour drive to get there and they wouldn 't take online reservations for the day of . When we arrived to the lodge , there was a HUGE sign hanging above the entrance " Welcome National Cheerleading Something " . As we looked around we were surrounded by hundreds of high school girls practicing all around the grounds of the place . They were ALL OVER inside and out for the two days . Being surrounded by that many giggly girls could have only been topped off by coming to a baby convention : ) We arrived on Wednesday late afternoon . We swam right away , hung out in the arcade , ordered pizza etc . All of the things we could do to try to get our mind off of reality . When I woke up in the morning , I tried to keep my eyes closed as long as I could . I didn 't want to wake up and face this day . I wanted it to be a very bad dream . I thought if I sleep a little longer I won 't be in the hotel . I won 't be in this other state . I will be that much closer to the baby girl we fell in love with . Our meeting was brief but went so much better than we had thought it would turn out . We had such a feeling of peace after we left . I 'm ready for bed now and will try to celebrate my birthday tomorrow but can 't wait to come back and share the sweet details . J was very excited to meet us on Thurs . We are meeting at the office at 3 : 30 . She said she plans on us having some alone time with Jolie and that when J is in with us she will also be . She better be because this is what bothered us with our last visit . Tomorrow we will say goodbye to a piece of our heart . We will hold her and kiss her . We will tell her how much we will always love and pray for her . How special she is . How much we will miss her . How much we hope her life is filled with happiness . That is all I know so far . I don 't know what I will say to J . I will keep it nice . I don 't ever want to make her feel guilty for parenting . I have thought about writing something to her to read but just not sure if I can do that . I know Matt will cry and be filled with sadness too . I know that Friday , what was going to be our first full day with Jolie as our daughter and also my birthday , will not be filled with happiness and celebration . On Monday I woke up with dreams of Jolie . She would be 2 weeks today . She was supposed to go in for her 2 week check up . I dreamed that I had to go in to the dr to get a note so I could stay home from work using my sick days ( which is true , I need to do this ) I dreamed I went back to the same dr we had done all of the prenatal / post natal visits . When I arrived J was in the waiting room with Jolie but didn 't see me come in . I watched her for about five minutes until she got called back . When she got called back , she put Jolie in her purse ( standing up style - head peaking up over the top ) and went back . I broke down in tears in the waiting room because that was supposed to be our little girl . Later that day I was struggling because I needed to call my work and let them know what was going on . I tried and just couldn 't get the courage . I have so co - workers who know but have some very dumb unprofessional supervisors . I pushed it off until the next day . Later in the day as I laid on the couch I started missing J . I missed her shoes . I missed the way she laughed and things she said . I thought about the day we pulled up to take her to the doctors about for Jolie 's jaundice and she ran her out to us so we could have that extra time with Jolie while she finished getting ready since we were early . This was the first time I have missed her but realized now that I will miss her and A as well . I was looking forward to our relationship that I thought we were going to have . The case worker called later in the day . I was a little irritated we had not heard from her yet from Mon - Mon . She said that when she left town the supervisor told her that we were supposed to shut our phones off while we got away for a bit so she said she would call us Monday . Whatever . Anyways , I told her we would be interested in meeting with J and baby for a final time . Matt thought Thursday would be a good day since 1 - that is the day she said she would sign and we would have our entrustment ceremony and 2 - it is his day off . She said she would ask her about it . I asked her if she thought J would go for it . She said she thought she would because she had been asking about us . I also asked the caseworker something I had asked the supervisor which she did not know . Did J cry when she told her that she was going to have a change of heart ? The answer was no . That made me sad . Everyone at the agency said they did not see red flags , J was very adamant up until the end that she was going with the plan . They are all basically shaking their heads and looking back over the situation . She said she felt like she had been played a little bit when she told her . Maybe in the future I will be able to share a little more of the details that lead up to us feeling this way . I 'm not trying to be anti - birthmother and she has to give us the baby if she says she is going to , but there were a few things that were kind of weird that I haven 't shared because I don 't want people to think badly of J . Posted by We rode most of the way there in silence . I cried a little but it just didn 't feel real . I couldn 't believe after how good things went that we were making this trip . I didn 't really care why at the time , but am glad we were able to hear her reason for having the change of heart once we arrived at the office . When we were a few blocks away , Matt called the supervisor and told her we were almost there . She said she would meet us at the side door . That almost made me feel worse . Things were so bad we couldn 't walk through the lobby and reception area ? ? ? She had told Matt on the phone that yes , J had had a change of heart . As we sat down she said that our case worker had to go to DC that morning ( which we knew ) and that J had called A the night before . She told her that she was going to parent because her husband told her she could keep the baby now . ( Not his baby ) . The adoption supervisor had said she would call us to come in because she didn 't want the case worker to tell us the news over the phone . She was able to answer some of our questions but some we had to wait until A got back from DC . The supervisor told us that J had wanted to call us herself but that they told her no . She asked if we wanted to see J and baby one more time to tell her goodbye or if they wanted us to tell her not to contact us . As we left the office , we left it with we will think about seeing her to say good bye and don 't tell her anything about contacting us . I was curious to see if she would or not . I had never thought of having a chance to say good bye to Jolie so I was a little interested in this option . One more time to tell her we loved her , always will and will always pray for her . I ended up being glad we did go in because it gave us a chance to vent a little . The agencies policy is that we go inactive for a while after a change of heart but there is not set time limit . When we feel like we are ready to go back in and be able to give ourselves to a birth mom again , we can call them . Once we left the office , we headed home . I cried a lot on the way home . We discussed trying to get in to see our counselor friend or our pastor but ended up driving straight back to our son . We had plans to pack up our stuff and hit the road for a few days . I called my mom who had taken B home and asked her to meet us back at our house at 2 . I vaguely remember Matt calling his mom and she was over at his aunt 's house telling her . I don 't remember this very clearly . He must have called her on the way up or text her or something . I remember that when his mom passed the phone to his aunt he started crying . He commented how he could talk to his mom but couldn 't hold up when he talked to her . We stopped at my grandparents ( I am super close to them ) . I called to make sure my grandpa was home and he was . I told them in my big girl - everything is okay - voice that we were going to stop over . They didn 't suspect anything . As we walked in , I hollered " hello " they came walking towards us and had no idea . These were the two who were the most in fear of J taking the baby home . As soon as they saw me , they knew something was wrong . I don 't remember who said what first , Matt or I but I was worried for a second it might kill one of them on the spot . . I know they love me so very much and want nothing more than to see my happiness and my dreams come true . Once we got home , I don 't really remember telling B . I know he didn 't get as upset as we thought . I think he is still to young for that much sadness . He did have his finger in his eye and tell us " I 'm not crying , my eye just hurts " . I know he was sad , but think the concept was too much for him . He was more upset about her not keeping her word . He said , " she said she wanted to adopt and now she 's now " . He was suddenly cheered when we told him we were going to go to Great Wo . lf Lodge . He had wanted to go there forever . We threw stuff in a bag , called to get an overpriced reservation , transfered some money and headed to KC . There were so many reminders during our whole trip there of J , baby Jolie , or A . Jolie sneezed so many times at the hospital and so many people were sneezing at GWL . There were so many cute babies and little girls my heart broke each time I knew we were not going to be carrying one in our arms anytime soon . All of the little swimsuits and things I had ready for our summer baby were soon going to be packed away . As much as we tried to forget about it for awhile the heartache remained . There were hispanic families all around us that reminded us of them . I longingly look into all of the dark brown eyes of each little girl I saw . I tried to imagine if Jolie would look like them as she got older . At one point , I sat in the hot tub while Matt and B were on the slides and cried . I didn 't care that people were looking at me . I had my legs pulled up to my chest , my head down on my knees and let the tears fall . Okay , I figured I would respond now since I had left her hanging a few hours from the first one . I wanted to it gracefully but yet let her know were were not okay . I wrote : J , we are completely heart broken . We are in so much pain right now . We don 't think you did this to hurt us but wish we would have known sooner . B and the rest of our family was devastated ( she was always so big on meeting our extended family ) We understand your wanting to parent Jolie , and don 't hold that against you . Being parents is the most important thing to us and you are the only one who can make the decision for what is best for her . Everytime I look around I am reminded of you , her , or A and it hurts . It means so much to us that you would choose us but right now we are really having a hard time and will always love sweet baby Jolie and never forget our time together with you . And she responded : you can still see jolie , for me you guys are the second parents , you can come anytime and see her I will never take that away u guys were the sweetest persons i ever met and if you like u can see jolie . she is like you guys little girl too . I know you guys are broken i am too cuz i know i hurt good people and am not like that . i wich i could do anything for you guys , sorry am really sorry . I felt like the world was smiling and moving fast and no one knew I was in pain . I tried my best to have fun with B , and of course I did laugh while we were there but as I stood in line and other parents looked around and smiled I had to fight back the urge to tell them I wasn 't really happy . I wanted to know that while they stood there smiling and on vacation , I was in pain . Of course , I didn 't do that , but I don 't think I smiled much at all . I am usually a little picture taking obsessive but I kept asking B if he wanted his picture here , there , or by that . . . . he usually said no ( takes after his dad ) and instead of insisting as I usually would I didn 't even care . This was not a trip I ever wanted to look back on and remember . I dreaded going back home and the real pain . We made it back though and I felt surrounded by the love of our family and friends . Some friends had cleaned my house , did my laundry , and stocked us up with groceries . Some others are bringing a couple meals . Of course I said no at first , but as we have been home a few days , I could care less about getting up to cook . The last two days have not been good for me . I don 't want people looking at me . I don 't want to go outside . I haven 't been able to talk to anyone , let alone my closest friends who knew up to the minute details the whole time . I hurt so bad that I can 't seem to think of trying to talk about it . The messages we have gotten are so appreciated . The texts and facebook messages , along with your blog comments have been such a joy to read . I have not really responded to any of the ones at home , but I read each one and am truly touched . ( missing back ground piece - We had a visit at the agency on Monday with J and baby Jolie . No date was set as we left for our next visit but we had been communicating nearly every day via text / phone / visits . While we were snuggling with Jolie , the case worker and J met briefly . Legal father had signed earlier that morning before going out of town again . Case worker had told J that she would need to set a date and time that night for when she was planning to sign . She had picked June 21 . She wanted her 2 weeks like she had said and this was 2 weeks and one day from leaving the hospital ) Last Wednesday morning , I went for a run while B rides his bike . I jumped in the shower right away when I returned while our son was playing . Matt had worked the night before and was sleeping during all of this . I had texted our case worker that morning before leaving for the trail asking her if she would be able to schedule a visit with us and J that evening . I left the info in the message that we were going to go of town a few days while Matt was off to get our mind off the long wait we still had until the 21st . I said if we could see her Wed . afternoon and Monday we would be okay to make it until the 21st with just those two visits . I didn 't get a quick response so I checked as we got home . Still no response . Then I remembered that she was going out of town that afternoon so I knew a visit with her picking J up and meeting at the office wasn 't going to work . I figured we could probably pick J up again and maybe the supervisor would be able to open a room up for us to meet there still . I knew our case worker wasn 't going out of town until late in the afternoon though so still thought she would contact me . As I got out of the shower I saw I had a missed call from the agency office . I assumed it would be A , the case worker but the voice mail was actually from the adoption supervisor . I didn 't think much of it until I heard the voice mail asking us if we could come in to the office , today if possible . I had only missed her call by a few minutes and tried calling back but kept getting her voice mail . I rang back to the receptionist a few times and finally got through to her . She told me that A had to go out of town and that before she left , she had a conversation with J last night . She wanted us to come in so she could tell us about that conversation . I don 't remember exactly what I said , but it was something like - just tell me , it 's over isn 't it ? She wouldn 't tell me and I told her I had to know before I came up there . At this point I am so completely upset crying and all she is saying is , " Amber is Matt there " I said yes , but kept crying and couldn 't move . After several times of her asking to talk to Matt I said he was asleep but hold on , I 'll go get him . I didn 't want to come upstairs , open our door , and wake him up . I didn 't want this to be real . How could this really be happening ? How ? I opened the door and turned on the light . Since he had only been asleep for about 2 or 3 hours he sat up confused . I was standing in my towel still and my face covered in tears . I said , " It 's Maggie , it 's over " . I collapsed on the floor and he left the room to talk to her . When Matt came back in , he asked if I wanted to stay home . He said he would just go up there and talk to her . I couldn 't move and had my eyes covered tightly with my hands . I didn 't want to look out at the world again . I didn 't want to see any of this happening before me . I was sobbing and just kept saying , " I promised everyone it would be okay , I promised everyone " So many of our friends and family had been worried about J taking Jolie home for a few days / weeks . We told them over and over that we strongly feel she was still on board with the plan . I got mad at them for not trusting us on this ! I said we spent the time with her over the past few weeks and the days together at the hospital . We were the ones who knew her , not them ! Finally , I was able to get up , find something to wear besides my towel . ( Again , I was at a loss for what to wear . What do you wear to a meeting to hear your heart shatter ? ) Since I had just showered , there was no need for any makeup . I know my mom 's heart was just as sad for us . A few minutes later , we were on the road to the office . I was feeling a little irritated that we had to drive all the way there just to have them tell us the bad news . We had spent so much money lately on things related to this that I didn 't feel like this was necessary to go up there . Posted by I know I wasn 't good about getting the story about our first week written . I had all intentions to do it . I was just so tired and exhausted from the stress of it all . We were busy and I still might try to write about those days . We both watched her come into this world , we named her , and I cut the cord . But we are not going to be her parents . J has had a change of heart . Funny , the agency calls it that when our hearts are so very broken . We left town right away and headed to a hotel for a few days to have some family time . We stopped for lunch before getting on the road to come home and it seemed all weekend we had little girls and their daddies around us . As we watched a little girl walk in front of us sipping her soda and holding ice cream in her other hand , Matt looked at me and said , " blue eyed blonde haired white girls just don 't do it for me anymore " . I broke down in tears . We love our brown skinned Jolie so very very much . I talked to J the night before our scheduled induction . She had changed the plans of me picking her up to her meeting me there . She said she would meet me at L & D at 6 : 15 . We were supposed to be there at 6 : 30 . She said her friend P would drop her off . Sunday night Matt was going in to work and B and I got our showers done . Matt and I both drove over to my grandparents to drop off B for the night . We took a quick picture of the three of us , knowing this would be the last time we will be a family of three . Matt headed up to work and I came home to get to bed due to a 4 : 15 wake up time . I took a tylenol pm to help me sleep and luckily , I was able to fall asleep quickly . I wanted to make sure I was at the hospital before her , I didn 't want her to get off the elevator and not have me there . I also wanted to stop in the town my husband works ( on my way ) and be able to give him a kiss before I went to the hospital . He was working his usual shift of 11 - 7 ( Sunday ) and then had training from 8 - 4 ( Monday ) . He did have the okay to leave training if needed early if we called to tell him to head to the hospital . We originally would have had Matt at the hospital the day she went in , but since we have to use so many days before we get to bring the baby home , we decided to have him at least try to do most of his training day . Luckily , Matt was not busy when I was coming through town where he works and we were able to meet for about 10 minutes before I headed to the hospital at a gas station . I felt so much better that I was able to see him and give him a kiss . I knew I would see him soon , I just wished he could be going with me . I knew that it would be a long day of waiting though too , so I was okay . I arrived at the hospital early and actually sat in the garage for several minutes and talked to my mom who was in Colorado on va - ca . About 6 , I headed in to the building and made it through the long hallways and two sets of elevators to reach labor and delivery . It was about 6 : 10 . I sat in the chairs and began my wait . At 6 : 30 , still no J so I text the case worker that I hope she shows up . Right after that , about 6 : 33 she came off the elevator . I was excited to see her and gave her a hug . I was happy and didn 't have any feelings of hurt like I had previously worried about from our conversation Thursday . We checked in at the desk and the nurse took us down to a room . I couldn 't believe we were walking down the hall to start this process . They started with the basics and got her settled into the bed . We waited around for a little while why they completed several forms , paperwork , computer data , etc . Finally a nurse came in and got J ready for her IV . J doesn 't like needles so I held her hand as the nurse took two tries to get it in . Once that was in , it was more waiting . We were now waiting for the doctor to come in and give the okay to start the fluids . Finally , around 8 that was done . Around 9 : 30 they told J she could eat a light meal and she ordered a chicken salad . She had not had anything to eat earlier in the day . The first check they did showed that J was still at about a 2 . She had been at a two for weeks now ! ! The doctor went ahead and ordered the pitocin to begin . J dozed in and out a few times . I thought I might be able to sleep a little while we were waiting , but I was just too excited about what was going on . I think I probably reached my month long text limit however that morning ! I had brought some books and magazines but I wasn 't able to concentrate on those either . I was actually impressed with how fast the day was moving . Her contractions were starting to pickup and she was checked again and was at a 4 . She decided it was about time for her epidural . The nurse told me to stand in front of J and help support her . I had always heard that the epidural needles are not fun so I just tried to not look at it while they were doing it . I don 't mind needles but I just don 't like to necessarily watch them . I had ahold of J 's hands and was holding so still , worrying about this hurting her . I was holding my breath trying to hold as still as possible when I realized I wasn 't breathing . I started to get sweaty and light headed so I tried to tell myself to breath . I wanted so bad to continue to hold her hands but was worried I was going to pass out ! It wasn 't from seeing anything or getting sick with watching / listening to them . . . . it was just that I was trying to hold too still ! I made it through but don 't think I could have made it more than a few minutes longer . Matt arrived around 12 : 30 and was able to leave his training to come be with us . When he arrived , J was very quiet and reserved . I even noticed she would hardly look at him . I thought that was weird since one of the things she had said to the case worker was that she thinks he is not very excited about the baby . The case worker arrived around 1 and Matt and I were able to run down to get some lunch in the cafeteria . I had a deli sandwich , chips and cookies and he had a taco salad . I know this is such a little detail , but I don 't ever want to forget these things . The case worker stayed until about 3 and then had to head out to another appointment . She said she could come back if we needed her but we just said we would let her know if there was any news . Matt tired to go sleep in a lounge down the hall but there were too many people blabbing , even with his head phones in . J started to come around to Matt again and slowly started to warm up to him . He tried to take a little snooze in the chair from not having any sleep from working but that wasn 't really working . Around 4 : 30 Matt was thinking of going to get a hotel room nearby . They had recently checked her and she was at a 5 . They were planning to break her water but it broke on it 's own as they checked her . They said they would like to see her go 1 cm an hour and we figured if she wasn 't going to have the baby for several hours he might be able to get some sleep in before it was go time . I asked the nurse if she thought it was a good idea if he leave the hospital to go somewhere nearby and explained how he had worked and hadn 't gotten any sleep . I was hoping at this point they would mention about us having another room on the floor for us that I had heard about . I had been told that lots of times hospitals will offer you a room if they have extras . There were plenty of extra rooms . They were definately not busy but no offer was ever made for us to actually get our own room . The nurse did find a room that he could go take a nap in . We were appreciate of this and it was going to be perfect for him to get some sleep . She took him down the hall and I told him I would come and get him as we got closer . The plan had always been that I would be in for delivery and he would be waiting outside . About 15 minutes after he left , they checked her again . She had now jumped from a 5 to a 9 1 / 2 . Holy smokes it was almost time ! She asked the nurse how many people could be in the room during delivery . They said 3 or 4 depending on how many docotrs / residents are there . As they left the room , I asked her if she had someone else she wanted in the room . She said that P had wanted to be in there so she started calling him right away . She had talked to him earlier around lunch time and he said he was on his way up . It was now about 5 and we still hadn 't seen him . She tried and tried to get ahold of him and was not able to . I think she was a little upset that she couldn 't get in touch with him . I decided since she wanted someone else I was going to go for it . I asked her if she wanted Matt to be in there with us . I said I totally understand if she says no because that was not our original plan . She said sure , that 's okay . I checked and rechecked to make sure she was comfortable with this . I told her he was not planning to be in so he is okay if he just waits . She sounded like she was okay with it however . I asked the nurse to show me what room he was in and went down to wake him up . Since he had only been asleep for about an hour , he was startled when I woke him up . I told him she jumped to a 9 1 / 2 after he left , she was ready to have the baby , and he was going to be in the room . It took him a few minutes to blink a few times and gather his thoughts but shortly after we were headed down to the room . As we arrived back in the room , things were getting set up and ready to go . I asked her if she was ready and she said yes . The nurses and doctors were filling the room and then a male doctor came in and introduced himself . The two female doctors we had had all day were residents and he said he was just going to be supervising in the background and hopefully no help from him will be needed . They asked who was going to cut the cord and J said the mom or the dad . I spoke up and said I would " since Matt didn 't cut the cord on B " . I knew he wouldn 't have wanted to this time either because he would have had to get too close to a view he wasn 't interested in seeing . They asked her if they wanted them to clean the baby up first or put her right on J 's chest . She opted for right on her chest . Matt got in to place up behind her shoulder and was ready with the camera and I was down by her knee . I was rubbing her arm and the room was silent . It was such a moment for me with all of the silence . J had not made a peep with pain and the doctors and nurses were standing in wait . It was such a surprise to me and seemed so calm . This was not what I expected . Everyone was just waiting . . . . They told her with the next contraction that she could push three times . They were standing silently waiting for her to tell them when the next one came . I had silent tears come lightly down my face because I was awe of the moment we were in . My heart was filled with such joy . Of all the adoption dreams , being involved with the delivery was at the top . I am so thankful for the opportunity . She told us " okay " when the next one came and they had her push . The baby was right there as she pushed and J didn 't make a sound the whole time . I wasn 't going to watch really . . . . didn 't think I really wanted to see that . . . . but as I peeked down and could see her head starting to emerge , I was sucked in . I couldn 't believe this was happening and she was just moments away from something I have waited so long for . She pushed again and her head was out . As much as I wanted to not watch even still , I couldn 't help but continue . She had one more push and her shoulders were out . They told her to slow down but it seemed that baby was on it 's way out with or without her help . I remember thinking how purple she looked and the cord was wrapped around her neck a little . One of the doctors was trying to unwrap it over her neck but the male doctor said , " it 's okay just push right through it " . She pushed once more and she was out ! Her legs were so long and tried to sneak a peak to see if she was really a she ! I had been so worried about this since I had so much pink ! They quickly said it was a girl and I just remember thinking how stinkin ' cool that just was ! She started to cry and then I did too ! It was absolutely beautiful . They laid her on J and she didn 't show very much emotion . She held her but didn 't cry or seem to smile . She just looked at her as she held her while the nurses were wiping her off , suctioning her , checking heartbeat , etc . It was such a moment . I was totally lost in it . I don 't remember looking at Matt , I just stared at J and the baby . I was so happy for her that she did it and made it look easy . I told her I was so impressed with how she did . The nurse told me to get ready and that I was going to carry her over to the scale . I crossed over through the " business " part and thought I was going to be in the way . Everyone was fine with me crossing through and I didn 't feel like I was in the way . As I got to the other side and saw Matt staring at the baby in J 's arms , I said I needed to get a picture of him . He handed me the camera and I took a few . I said I 'm sorry to the nurse who was waiting for me to bring the baby over , but she said " you 're fine , this is your moment , take as many as you want " . I took a few more and then brought her over to the scale . She weighed in at 7 . 15 . 9 and they called it good at 8 . She was so much bigger than we thought ! We were thinking only 6 or 7 something . As they finished her checks , I checked in on J . She appeared to be doing good . I was so proud of her . I still have so many people I haven 't called yet or contacted . It is just exhausting . All we want is to have her here with us and I feel so out of energy and motivation . I can 't wait to come back and tell about our hospital stay , and I 'm hoping to tonight . I just wanted to pop in to let all of my 8 readers know that she is beautiful ! Long story very short - things went wonderful ! Our experience was great and went better than I could have imagined or worried about . I really haven 't slept since Thursday . Honestly my stomach is so sour on the situation so I am hoping that tomorrow when we are together I feel back to normal . I talked to both case workers - ours I think is trying to keep my calm , the other one was more honest and did say she is concerned about the situation . I know they have talked to the director and I am waiting to hear back from the other one tonight . I tired to take a nap today but that didn 't work . B is going to grandma 's tonight and Matt will go to work . He has a training tomorrow after his shift but will be able to meet us there if she starts to go earlier than the later afternoon / evening like the doctor thinks it will be . We had planned for me to pick her up but when I called to confirm time and place today , she said she will just have P drop her off at the hospital . So , I guess I am meeting her there . I am really nervous about the delivery . I haven 't done anything like this ( who has when they go into a delivery for the first time though ) I am trying to get packed and get things ready . I think I will get up earlier and stop to give Matt a kiss before I head to the hospital . He works in the town between us and the hospital . I hate that he can 't go with me , but since she will most likely be just waiting all day , we need to have him save some of his time . 2012December 10 - Induction is scheduled for ADecember 7 - Scheduled to bring A down to our house for a visitDecember 4 - Scheduled to meet expecting dad K - Canceled 12 / 3 by edadNovember 28 - Matt and I meet with expecting mom A and her parentsNovember 21 - " The Call " comes in that our profile was selected by A . October 17 - Final papers completed & mailed to finish renewal paperworkOctober 3 - Homestudy renewal visitAugust 31 - Homestudy renewal packet arrives in mail . August 30 - Agency calls to tell us that we were not selected . August 29 - Agency calls regarding a scenario of an expecting mom being induced tomorrow . We choose to have our profile shown for baby girl . August 24 - Agency calls to tell us that we were not selected . August 23 - Our 9 year anniversary . Agency calls with a scenario of a baby born the previous day . We choose to have our profile shown to baby girl . August 14 - Agency calls to tell us that we were not selected by expecting parents for baby boy . August 8 - Agency shows our profile to expecting couple . Our first since becoming actively waiting again . We were notified it was between us and the selected couple . July 18 - Meet with agency to become " active " in the waiting game again . June 21 - Planned day for us to take custody of baby girl . Instead , meet at agency to say goodbye . Have alone time with baby and meet with mom to say goodbye . June 13 - Agency director calls us to inform of us J 's decision to parentJune 12 - J meets with caseworker and informs her of decisionJune 11 - Scheduled visit with baby and JJune 11 - Legal father signs termination papersJune 9 / 10 - We don 't see baby girlJune 8 - Birthfather 's rights are terminatedJune 8 - Return to dr . again with J and babyJune 7 - We go to baby 's check up at dr . with JJune 6 - Baby girl goes home from hospital with JJUNE 4 - Happy Birthday Baby Girl ! May 31 - Amber goes to Dr . apt . with JMay 26 - Amber and B have lunch with J and AMay 24 - Amber goes to Dr . apt . with JMay 17 - Amber goes to Dr . apt . with JMay 16 - Tour of L & D at hospitalMay 12 - Second false alarm to hospitaLabels

Spoiler Alert ! Click to show or hideHer black hair flowed in the heat of the blow - dryer as she took her time getting ready . She tied her favorite red ribbon on the top of her head and looked at herself , then smiled . Today was going to be a great day . She grabbed her bag , which was virtually empty thanks to the lack of textbooks , kissed her unsuspecting father on the cheek , then waved to him and ran out the door . Kira Matsume was on her way to school on the last day of the school year , all ready to finish her last exam . She heard the chirping of a bird and looked to her right to see one of her brother 's favorite birds , a nuthatch . " He absolutely loves those ! " she thought to herself . Quickly and quietly , she reached into her bag and brought out her camera . Then , she took a very good , close up picture of it . Just as she snapped the photo , it flew off in the direction of the school . She smiled , looked around to see if there were any more , and then headed on her way , putting her camera in her bag once more . Kira had just turned around a corner close to the schoolyard , when she suddenly stopped short . Four tall , snobby looking boys were loitering around the front gate , one of which she knew all too well . His name was Travis Henderson . He was the leader of a racist gang that always used to pick on Kira when she first arrived to the US , especially about her English , but now he and his gang just hustled her for some money every once in a great while . Kira walked up to them behind some bushes , hoping to sneak past them , but she accidentally stepped on a few twigs , and they indeed heard her . She tried to run , but they then saw her . " Well , don 't just stand there , ya dimwits , get her ! " he barked at them all , and immediately they took off after Kira . Kira thought that there was no where to turn , until she quickly spotted an alley not too far from her location . She knew that she was faster than Travis 's goons , so she sprinted for the alley . She was running pretty fast , for she was scared to slow down or the boys would catch her , and they were right on her heels now , so if she slowed down even a little , they would grab her . Kira took a corner as one of the gang members was about to grasp the back of her skirt her , and all three ran into the wall . She smiled at her quick wit , and continued running . Kira then looked around , but didn 't recognize any of the places that she passed . It was getting late , and she knew that she would miss her first class if she didn 't hurry . She decided that she would take the next alley that popped up and see where it lead . Seeing one up ahead , she took a quick right and followed the unknown road . " God , why did I have to take this godforsaken alleyway ? " She said to herself , but as soon as she said it , the alley opened up to the street on the opposite side of the school . Kira looked around , looking for Travis and his gang of buffoons . When she saw that they weren 't there , she gave a small leap of joy and ran to the gate of the school , just as it was closing . She got inside alright , but she was late and got scolded for it . Kira couldn 't help but sigh as she headed off to class . She told herself that she would try to explain the principal why she was always late , but knew that she was never going to be taken seriously . Hoping to catch some study time before her test , she ran to meet up with her friends . She was walking in the hallway when her friend Maddie ran up to her . Maddie wasn 't like other girls , she was a punk , with her blond hair slung over one eye , a long skirted uniform , and , being as tall as she was , no one messed with her . Kira smiled as she saw her and the two of them headed for first class . Maddie sped up and walked beside Kira . " They bothered you again , didn 't they , Kira . " She had hit the nail on the head . Kira winced as if she herself had been hit . Maddie wasn 't stupid . Underneath that punk - like exterior was some major brainpower . She wasn 't what most people would call " A dumb blond " ; she wasn 't one of those girls who 'd believe a spaceship was parked in front of the school , and even if Kira tried to hide it , Maddie could read her emotions like a book . To her friend , Kira just nodded sadly . Maddie sighed a heavy sigh . She knew that it was nearly impossible for Kira to avoid them , since they waited for her at the gate every day now that exams were occurring , but she had to find a way to get to school without running into them . " Next time , Maddie , wait at the gate so I don 't run into them at all . They are afraid of you , after all . " she stated while chuckling . . Maddie shrugged and continued to grin . " Whatever you say , Kira , " she responded chuckling . Kira smiled and the two of them headed for their first class , Biology . They only had seconds to get there , so Kira and Maddie ran straight through the abandoned hallway , which was closest to their classroom . They were always the first ones there because they were more than punctual . The teacher had just shown up , so she let them in and Kira and Maddie went to take their seats in the back . They brought out their home work and checked each others ' work , then once they were done with that , they went up and showed the teacher . The teacher smiled and nodded , taking the papers and putting them in a pile where the collected homework would be placed once the other students came into the room . Kira and Maddie smiled at each other and went back to their seats . Just as they sat down , the second bell rang . All of the kids began to file in , a few at a time , handing their homework over to the teacher as the passed her . As the kids were walking in , Kira noticed someone else walking with them . It was a teacher , but he looked oddly familiar . That 's when she noticed who he was . It was the principal . Kira leaned over to Maddie . " I doubt it , that 's the teacher 's job , " Kira replied , shaking her head . Just then the principal looked at Kira and Maddie with intense eyes , ones that had a hint of cockiness and all kinds of malice . The girls quickly stopped talking and went back to their work , keeping a close eye on him . Then , the teacher got up and left the room , which the girls assumed the reason was to talk to the principal . Maddie and Kira couldn 't hear what they were saying , but they knew it wasn 't just a friendly hello . Maddie looked at Kira with an annoyed expression . " I don 't know , Mad , " Kira replied , looking back at Maddie , " But whatever it is , it 's not good . " A few minutes later , the teachers came back in . The principal looked at Kira and Maddie with that half evil , half angry look of his again . The girls shivered , but their nerves were not quelled as the teacher walked up to them and told them that they were needed in the principal 's office . The girls looked at each other . Maddie just shrugged . " Why ? " Kira asked , looking at the teacher again . The teacher just stood there and told her again that she was needed in the office , her eyes saying that she was worried about the two girls . Kira raised an eyebrow and looked back at Maddie , who just shrugged again , but did not lower her guard . She kept eying the principal suspiciously as she and Kira got their stuff together and followed the man out of the room , closing the door behind them . Maddie and Kira followed the principal down the hallway and to the office , but they still had no idea what was happening . They looked at each other from time to time , but neither had an clue about what to do . They looked back at the principal occasionally as well , who all this time had been quiet and had his back turned to them . When he did turn to them , they hung their head as if they had done something wrong . When he turned back around , Maddie and Kira would exchange glances and return to following him without looking at him . They finally got to the office and the secretary was there waiting . She put on a smile and said hello to the principal , but the principal just walked right by her and into his office , ignoring her completely . Kira and Maddie looked at each other , and then at the secretary . She just smiled halfheartedly and continued to type at her computer . The girls sat down on the bench and waited for their turn to go in . The secretary looked up at them and said , " You guys can go in , you know . You 're the only appointment he has today . " Kira and Maddie looked at the secretary as she spoke . They got up and walked to the door . Maddie was about to open it , but then the handle turned from the other side . Maddie looked back at Kira , but Kira said nothing , so Maddie stepped back and let the door open on it 's own . Out walked the principal , still looking like he wanted to kill someone . He grabbed Kira and Maddie by their arms and dragged them into his office . The girls struggled , but nothing they did made him loosen his grip . The principal dragged the girls and shoved them into the chairs on the opposite side of his desk , which wasn 't very organized . There were coffee stains on the paper 's he was working on , and there were food crumbs all over the place , not to mention the place looked like it hadn 't been cleaned in a whole year It even smelled strange , like a rotting egg . Kira was disgusted , but Maddie seemed to not notice . She was looking directly at the principal , annoyance and irritability showing on what you could see of her face . The principal was looking at the wall , not at them at all . He then spoke in a voice that sounded as sly as a snake hiss . " What did we do , sir ? " Maddie asked modestly , not taking her eyes off of him . He wasn 't going to break her like he could to most of the other students . The man only smiled slyly to them and he crossed his hands under his chin . " I have been getting complaints from a few boys that Kira here , " he pointed a hand toward her as he spoke , " Has been taunting them , then has led them down dark alleys and gotten them lost . I disapprove this behavior , Kira , and Maddie , you have been taunting other girls and saying that you would be better off if you , quote , ' pummeled them into the ground ' . That sounds like a threat , and threats are not allowed in or on school grounds , " he turned to each of them in turn , putting his hands on the coffee - stained desk , " Can either of you recall these events ? " Kira and Maddie just looked at him . He had the right idea , but the wrong perspective . Kira stood up while Maddie just looked at him . " Sir , I can recall that these boys followed me into the alleys , but I will assure you , I have not been taunting them , not at all ! If anything , they have been taunting ME ! " she stated defiantly . She was about to slam her hand on desk , when Maddie grabbed it and stood up . " Sir , why are you doing this ? , " she asked , to which Kira and the principal both turned to her , " Kira has complained about these boys before and you have done nothing , yet all of a sudden these boys come to you and you punish my friend ? And those girls would be better off with a punch in the face if I do say so myself . " She wanted to get to the bottom of this , even though she did also want to get out of there as fast as she could . Kira wanted to get out as fast as she could . The principal 's office was creepy and gross . " I just wanted to give you girls the punishment you deserve , that 's all , " he said with that sleazy smile of his , but both girls knew something else was up . Even though they knew , they didn 't ask anymore questions , so they got their punishment , which was garden work out front , and left . They sprinted back to class , but by the time they got to the classroom , the bell rang and all of the kids were filing out again . They tried to hurry through the mass of oncoming students , but they were having a hard time . " NO ! ! ! " they both cried as they jumped and rolled into the classroom . They finally got in and asked if they could take their exam , which they knew they had missed . The teacher smiled and said they could , so they sat there for the next period and took their Biology exam . After their exam , they left the building , said goodbye , and parted ways . Kira was already late for the plane back to Osaka , and she knew her dad would want an explanation for it . Besides , she didn 't have time to do garden work in front of the school . She just wanted to get home before . . . Kira felt a hand come down hard on her shoulder and stopped immediately . She knew who it was before she even had to look . She turned around to see , staring at her with cold black eyes , was the principal . He hadn 't gotten to Maddie , but she was not as fast as Maddie , so she had gotten caught . His eyes were serpentine again . He smiled that evil smile . When he talked though , it wasn 't sharp , but soft , like he was talking to his own daughter . The principal merely laughed the most evil laugh she had ever heard . She didn 't know what he was laughing at , but she was sure that it had something to do with what she had just said . She shivered as he started to calm down , and he looked at her again . He smiled and got down on his knee . She was scared , but held her ground as he just shook his head , like a father scolding his daughter . " You know you have responsibilities to the school , Ms . Matsume . You need to fulfill them , even after school is over , " he stood up and leaned down to her , his face inches from hers , which made Kira even more uneasy , " You need to do these things for the school , because this school is your responsibility as much as it is every other student 's , and you need to take care of it just the same as they would . So , " he stated as he stood up , " Go do your duties . " And with that , he walked off . Kira stood there speechless . The only thing going through her mind was , what had just happened ? " Whatever , " she thought , " Let 's just get it done and get it over with . " So she went and did her community service , which took quite a while , put the trash in the dumpster , all the while getting her favorite uniform dirty , and hurried home , where she knew her furious father would be waiting for an explanation . Spoiler Alert ! Click to show or hideKira raced home as fast as her tired , aching legs could carry her . She knew the amount of trouble she would be in because she was late , and she was in even more trouble because of the after school cleaning she had unfairly been forced to complete . With that thought in mind , she ran faster and eventually arrived at her house . She noticed that her father 's car was in the driveway . " He 's home from work early , " she thought . She walked up to the door and was about to open it , when it suddenly flew open and a man , about seven feet tall , stood in the doorway , arm crossed and foot tapping angrily . He had a business suit on and his red hair was all greasy from the work he had done that day . She looked down at the sidewalk . " I 'm sorry , Father . The principal made me stay late and clean the school yard because of some complaint that he got from those boys that always chase me down for my money , " she answered truthfully . Kira assumed that her father wouldn 't believe her like always , but this time he did the opposite . He smiled , which was very strange for him in this kind of situation . He then walked around her and put his arm around her . Kira looked up and smiled at him " This is why I didn 't want you going to that school , Kira . That principal at the open house seemed suspicious to me . But I guess there 's nothing I can do now , is there ? " he replied with a chuckle , which made Kira smile a little . " Maybe I 'm not going to be punished after all , " she thought to herself . She chuckled as well and walked inside with him . Kira went to the table with her father . He had all of Kira 's clothes and the things she had packed the night before . She quickly rushed it out to the car grinning at her dad like the Cheshire cat , who just smiled right back . He then walked out to the car and put her CD player in the passenger seat . He also put a few of the CD 's she had bought in the seat with the player . She was about to leave , but then remembered something . " Wait a second , Dad , " she said and ran back inside , up the stairs , and to her room . She opened the door to find her cat , Chichi , sitting on the floor lazily . She sighed and picked him up , putting outside the door and giving him a gentle push . She then walked to the bed and reached under the pillow . What she pulled out was a picture , but it was a special one . It was one of her and her mother and father and brother having a picnic at Yamamoto Garden in Osaka . She smiled every time she looked at it , and thought that since she was going back to Osaka , she would bring it with her . Kira then walked over to the window , waved down to her father , who was honking the horn impatiently , and ran downstairs and out to the car . She hopped in front with her dad , who then drove off to the airport . The airport was filled to the brim with people and Kira was just one of the many . She and her father walked through the masses and to the ticket counter , where they got the ticket for Kira . They walked all the way to her terminal and stopped . Her dad turned to her , where he saw she was nervous , and knelt down next to her . " Don 't worry about them , Kira , worry about you . " He pointed at the gate , " You see that ? " Kira looked at where he was pointing , which was at a big flight board above the terminal . She nodded . " That 's what you need to watch , " he explained , " That 's where you see when your flight 's leaving . Don 't forget to look up there every now and then . Your flight doesn 't leave for another 2 hours , so you can go to the gift shop or something , but remember to look up at that flight board , okay ? " Kira smiled and nodded again , and then turned to face him . " But everyone calls me Red , " he added . Kira shrugged and gave her dad one more kiss on the cheek , then began to walk toward the terminal . Gosai walked up behind her . " Okay , when you get there , go straight to the train station , go to your grandmother 's house , and get your little brother . then go to your mother 's house , got it ? " Kira nodded . She had heard the plan over 50 times , but she still was afraid of forgetting it if she got scared . Gosai smiled . He gave her a look that said " Don 't worry too much . " It made her smile with confidence . They then hugged again and went their separate ways . One hour later , after going to the gift shop and the food places , Kira was making her way to the waiting part of the terminal , when she saw something that made her stomach wretch . Standing there , looking around the airport , suit and all , was her principal . She was so shocked that she couldn 't move . It was then that the principal spotted her . He smiled and started to walk up to her . She didn 't know what to do . She couldn 't escape to the plane yet because it wasn 't there , and wouldn 't be for another hour . She had to buy time , so she ran into a mass of people . The principal ran after her . She turned around to see he was following her . Turning a sharp right , she ran all the way to the terminal . Kira was panting when she got there , and she was out of breath , but she looked up at the person running the counter and pointed behind her . " What are you talking about ? " she said , " There are no mad men in this airport . " Kira looked behind her to see the principal hadn 't followed her . She then turned back to the woman at the counter with a sorrowful look . Another hour later , the plane arrived and she got on , all the while looking around for her stalker principal . When she got on , she quickly found her seat and sat down . She had just taken out her CD player and started to listen to it , when her cell phone started to ring . She took it out and saw it was from her grandmother 's house . It must be him , she thought , and answered it quickly . " Hai , onee ~ chan . I wish I could fly on a plane . It would be so cool ! I could . . . " his voice trailed off as he listed things he would like to do while flying an airplane . . Kira just chuckled and smiled . " Sayonara , Kyo ~ otouto ~ kun ! " she said and hung up . Just as she hung up , a little brown - haired boy wearing a backpack with a fire design and a shirt with flames on the front of it got on the plane and walked over to her seat . She looked up and smiled to him , but he just stood there , looking scared . " Sure thing ! " she answered . She looked at the seat number on the ticket and smiled as she handed it back to him , " You 're sitting right here , next to me ! " The little boy smiled . " My big brother gave it to me . He is in Osaka right now . " " Is that where you 're going ? " she asked . The boy nodded . " Yeah , I 'm going to meet him , then we are going to live there for a while . I was a little nervous , but now that I met you , I 'm not so scared , " he explained . Kira only chuckled . " I 'm glad , " she said . She looked out the window and cringed as she saw her principal walk out onto the runway , looking for her , no doubt . She looked back at the little boy and saw he had brought out a little game and was playing it intent on defeating it . She laughed to herself a little and looked out the window again . A few second later , she felt a poke on her shoulder . She turned to see the little boy had his game on pause and was looking up at her . She smiled . " Sure ! No problem ! " Austin replied excitedly . The rest of the way , Kira taught Austin all kinds of phrases in Japanese , having fun learning new things to say and getting to know each other better . Spoiler Alert ! Click to show or hideThe giant metal plane was hovering gently over the clouds and blue water as they flew over the borders of Osaka , Japan . On this plane , Kira was teaching Kaji ( Austin ) some Japanese phrases that might be useful when they land , which would be very soon . Kira was in the middle of teaching Kaji how to ask for something politely , when all of a sudden the plane jerked forward . Kira was thrown from her seat , but Kaji held on tight . He looked around at the other passengers on the plane , who all seemed very calm , like they had been through this before . " We are going to land soon , Kaji . I suggest we buckle in , " she answered . He nodded and buckled himself into the seat as well . Then they waited until they could see the ground from the window . What they saw was a packed and busy runway . Kira knew this was normal for the airport , but Kaji had never seen such a busy airport in his life ! They looked at the people in the runway , getting on and off planes , entering the building , getting sodas and snacks , etc . Kaji was amazed and scared at the same time , for he had never been around so many people . Kira saw the nervousness on his face and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder . He looked up quickly and returned a small smile . Kira smiled back and they both turned their attention to the runway . Kaji saw something that made him smile from ear to ear , and he pointed down onto the runway with enthusiasm . " Look ! My big brother is down on the runway waiting for me ! " he answered excitedly . Kira looked out the window with him , and sure enough , standing on the runway , about the same height as her and looking a little like Kaji , was a boy with shoulder - length white hair , carrying a bag on his back . Kira saw him and blushed a little . He 's cute , she thought . Kaji noticed a family that consisted of a little boy and an elderly woman and pointed to them as well . " Hey , Kira , isn 't that your family over there ? " he asked . Kira pulled herself away from her daydreaming and turned to look . Kaji was right , there was a little boy and his grandmother who looked a little like her standing there , too , but not next to Kaji 's brother . " Of course I 'm glad to see them , " she answered , " I was just wondering why they came here , instead of waiting at their house like they usually do . That 's all . " Kaji nodded and turned his attention back to the window . They were very close to the ground now , so Kira decided that she would get up and retrieve their luggage from over their heads . Kaji just kept his attention on the ground of the runway as it came speeding up to the windows . At that moment , the pilot came over the speaker and told everyone to remain seated for the last part of their trip , so Kira quickly sat down and told Kaji to stay in his seat . He nodded and got back into his seat just as the wheels under the plane hit the pavement . The plane jumped around slightly , then came to a halting stop . Once the doors were all opened , the passengers started to file off one by one , with Kira and Kaji following behind everyone . Once they were off the plane , Kaji immediately ran toward his brother . Kira wasn 't going to stop him and began to walk over to her family , when she felt a pull on her shirt . She turned to see Kaji standing there with . . . . . his brother . Kira was shocked , but kept her cool and just stood there with a gentle smile . " Oh really , he was sitting right next to you ? " he asked , then chuckled , " Well , I guess that helps . " Kira blushed more then tried to hide it . Kyle and Kaji half dragged , half walked Kira to her little brother and grandmother . All the while Kira was blushing and telling them that she could walk on her own . Every time she said she could walk by herself , Kyle looked back and smiled that sweet smile of his , which immediately made her stop talking and keep walking . As the two parties met up , Kira stood and smiled to her younger brother . The boy ran to her and hugged her tightly around the waist . Kira only returned the embrace , . " Good to see you , Kyo ~ kun , " she replied as she kissed his cheek . Kyo quickly rubbed his cheek in disgust , which made everyone laugh . Kyo smiled and looked at Kaji and Kyle . " and I 'm Austin , " Kaji said , but then added quickly , " But Kira gave me a different name . A Japanese one . She calls me Kaji , " Kyo chuckled and smiled . " A lot of the people here . They all call me one weird word , and I have no idea what it means , " he said . Kira shrugged . " I . . . I don 't know what your talking about ! " she told him and turned away from him . Kyo and Kaji laughed . Kyle just smiled . " Sisters , what are you going to do with them , " Kyo said . Kaji smiled and shrugged . They laughed . Kira frowned at him and turned away again . " Hey , Kira and Kyo , if it 's not too much trouble , could Austin and I come and have dinner with you guys ? Our parents aren 't going to be home tonight and we can 't cook . " Kira and Kyo looked at each other . They smiled . " Karera wa yūshoku no tame ni taizai dekimasu ka ? " she asked in Japanese , since her grandmother knew no English . Her grandmother nodded and smiled , proud that Kira knew her native tongue so well . Kira gave her a peck on the cheek and smiled . " I think I will just call you Yuki . It 's cooler , " she said , giggling at the pun she had made . Kyle looked at her . " Kyo ~ kun ! Come on ! We 're going home ! " she yelled to her little brother , but as far as she knew , she was already home . Spoiler Alert ! Click to show or hideKira 's crew had finally reached her grandmother 's house after a long drive and all walked inside . Kyo and Kaji plopped down on the couch in the living room while Kira and Yuki went with her grandmother into the kitchen . The yellow - tiled walls were covered in pictures of Kira and Kyo when they were little and pictures of them with their parents . Yuki smiled when he saw one of the pictures . It had a 7 - year - old Kira in her bathing suit in the wading pool and her little brother in his little swim trunks . They were splashing around , having fun . Kira walked up behind him . " My Dad is living over in the US in California , but my Mom . . . " She didn 't finish , but instead looked away at one of the pictures . It was of her father , brother and her at their mother 's funeral , a black box in front of three black clad , somber people . Kyo was even crying and holding onto Kira , who was also crying . Yuki took the hint . " It 's okay , " she replied , " She died in a tragic car accident . I saw her when she was in the hospital . She was all torn up . " Yuki lowered his head and looked away . " Yeah , it was , " she said , turning to him , " I still feel like that every time I see someone rushed off to the hospital because I think it 's someone I know , but it never is . I mean , I always think that there was something I could have done to prevent it , or help in some way . " Yuki looked at her and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder . " Yeah , " she replied . Just then Kaji and Kyo came rushing into the room , frantically waving their arms about and yelling something inaudible . They both started to pull Kira toward the door , but Kira pulled away from them . " Come on ! We 'll show you ! " he pleaded as he tried to drag her along . Yuki walked up to his brother and pulled his hands off of Kira . " Austin , don 't do that . It 's rude ! " he said to him . His brother didn 't care , for he grabbed right back onto her arm and kept pulling her . Kira looked at Yuki and shrugged , and so she let herself be pulled out into the backyard . Kira thought that the two boys had gone crazy , because she didn 't see anything suspicious , but the young boys kept pulling on her until they had pulled her over to the woods . That 's when they stopped pulling and instead pushed her toward the woods . Kira stood up and turned to face the boys with her hands on her hips . " Come on , " she started , " Like anything unnatural would fall from the skies at this time of year . You could go check it out yourself , you know , if you weren 't such a chicken . " Kyo 's hurt look made her sigh . Seeing her agitation , Yuki walked up next to her . " That 's not funny , Nee ~ chan . There really is something in there . Maybe I am a chicken , but I really don 't want to . . . . " he didn 't say anymore . " Want to what , Kyo ~ kun ? " she asked . He still didn 't say anything . He was looking right behind Kira , where a dark shadow had suddenly manifested itself . Kira hadn 't noticed yet , but Kaji and Yuki saw this and pointed . " Um . . . Kira ? " Yuki tried to tell her . Kira looked at him , then turned around , but it was too late . The shadow grabbed her and quickly knocked her out , picked her up , and ran into the the woods . Kira didn 't know what had happened . One minute she was talking to her scared little brother , who had been too afraid to go into the woods , and the next minute she was sitting , wounded , in a clearing in this very same forest , staring up at the starry sky with blurry eyes . She sat up straight , but sat up too fast and gave herself quite a significant headache . She held her head with one hand and tried to stand . " What happened to me ? " she said out loud as she weakly scanned her surroundings . She finally stood on her own two feet and walked over to one of the trees . She glanced around and determined that it was passed dinner , and night had fallen . " You have been here for a while , Kira Matsume , " a voice behind her responded . She slowly turned to find a figure dressed in a black robe . The person wasn 't wearing shoes and there was blood visibly dripping from his mouth . Kira quickly felt her neck for blood and bite marks , but found nothing , which made her sigh in relief . Looking back at the person , she noticed that he had taken off his hood . For a second , she didn 't know him , but the sly smile planted on his face allowed her to recognize him in an instant . It shocked her so much that she was rendered immobile . The man walked over to her and smiled . Oh yes , she knew that smile anywhere . It was her old principal . " But . . . " she thought to herself , " Why is there blood on his mouth ? Is he a cannibal or something ? " " Hello , Kira . Did you miss me ? " he cooed slyly , then he laughed . When he realized that she wasn 't saying anything , he continued , " You can 't hide from me , Kira . I know where you go , where you live , what you do , everything about you . I even know what really happened to your poor defenseless mother , who is not as defenseless as I thought . " This made Kira come back to life . " Yes , your mother wasn 't in any car accident . She was murdered , by no other than her own husband , Gosai . " Kira 's eye twitched angrily . " You got it , " he said , " Pretty low of him , don 't you think ? And it wasn 't a quick death either , oh no . " Kira just stared at him , unable to do anything . Her body had gone into complete lock down . " Me ? Why , I 'm . . . " At that moment , he began to change shape , laughing maniacally all the while . Kira stared at him as he changed , not knowing what to do , since she couldn 't move . Finally the man finished transforming and in front of her stood an inhuman creature that reached a good eight feet in height and smelled like what he ate . He grinned down at Kira , his razor - sharp teeth stained with blood while parts of what he had recently eaten showed in the gaps . " I 'm Hanabe Yamato . I 'm the demon king from hell , " he boomed in a deep tone . Kira had always had a feeling that something was strange about him , but she had never imagined that he could be a demon in disguise . To prove his point , and to disgust her farther , he reached up and plucked a bird out of the sky , popping it in his mouth with a loud crunch , which made Kira nearly vomit . He was quite the messy eater , and now Kira was faced with a demon that ate living things , and no way to defend herself . Feeling helpless and alone , she did the only thing she could do : she screamed . " What the hell is that thing ? ! " Yuki cried as he saw the demon rise above the trees . He heard a scream from somewhere near by and knew in an instant from whom it had come . Spoiler Alert ! Click to show or hide " Kira ! Kira , can you hear me ? ! " She heard the voice coming from the woods , and though she didn 't know who it was , Kira hoped that it was her savior . The demon looked around in order to locate the source of the voice , and when he did , he merely laughed mockingly . " Huh ? " Kira was confused by the comment , but then she heard something rustling in the bushes beside her and got her answer . " Yuki ! " she exclaimed as her white haired friend tumbled out in front of her . Yuki turned to her , panting heavily and smiling . " Leave him out of this ! " she yelled as she stepped in front of and tried to defend him . The demon merely scoffed at her and smacked her away like a bug . She flew through the air and hit a tree , hard . Yuki ran after her . " No ! " he cried . Kira tried to search for him , but she couldn 't see very well . The skin above Kira 's left eye had been scratched by a branch , and now her eye was filled with blood , so she couldn 't see through it , but she managed to see Yuki just fine . " He calls himself Hanabe , Hell 's very own demon king . He was just a principal at my school , and I 've had suspicions about him , but now I know the truth . " She suddenly went into a coughing fit , coughed up some blood with it . " Kira , we need to get out of here , fast ! You need to get fixed up badly . " She only looked up at him , seeing the hurt in his expression , and she tried to smile , but it hurt too much . " I know , but I don 't know how . . . or where to go . . . " She suddenly stopped and was no longer looking at Yuki . He gave her a puzzled look , and then followed her gaze . Yuki looked in the direction she was looking and saw something strange ; a little light flashed in front of the big demon , making him step backward . More and more the little light danced around Hanabe , making him stumble and back away . When it was a good ways away from the two , the light suddenly disappeared . . " Yes , you did , Kira , " came a voice beside them . They looked up , and saw the little light . They looked closer to see it wasn 't a little light at all . It was a fairy , or it looked like one at least . They didn 't move for a minute , and Kira decided to break the ice . " You don 't know me ? Kira , I thought you knew ! You were the one who summoned me , after all , " she said , giggling again . Kira 's perplexed expression did not fade , and neither did Yuki 's , until he turned his attention back to Hanabe , who was coming again . " Oh geez . . . Okay , My name is Tenkuu . I am a sprite of the air . Does that clear it up ? " she said . Kira wanted to shake her head , but thought it not a good idea , so she nodded . Tenkuu smiled . Yuki kept his eye on Hanabe . " You got it , Kira . " she said . Kira smiled and stood up . It was her turn now , her turn to fight back . She turned to her friend . " One that I think will help is Chi . He 's the earth sprite and I think he 'll be able to help us hold him off for a while . " Tenkuu smiled . " Just call out his name and he 'll come right away . " Kira grinned . " Alright , then , " Kira said . She stood up tall and shouted " Chi ! " Instantly another light , this time green , came flying past her head and hovered right in front of her as another little sprite hovered in front of her . He looked at Tenkuu . " Alright , " Kira said , " Now , let 's get down to business . I have one quick question . What do I say ? " The sprites nodded , getting ready to attack . Kira was ready . " Repeat after us : Tenkuu Chi Raishuu ! " they said . Kira called out the phrase exactly as she was told and the little sprites shot like bullets from where they were floating . Yuki saw this and was amazed . Kira smiled . " I never thought I could do that , " she thought to herself . Tenkuu and Chi were slashing and bashing Hanabe about every which way , but even they couldn 't put up a good enough fight for him . He batted them away like flies . Tenkuu suddenly turned to Chi . " You need to summon someone more powerful than we are . Call out this name . Kasai , " he said and flew back to fight with Tenkuu . Kira thought about it , then decided It would be better . So she called out " Kasai ! " and a bright red flash of flame flew out in front of her . Like Chi , he was a boy . " Well , Kira , since I 'm here now , with what do you need help ? " Kira pointed up to Hanabe . Kasai just scoffed and turned back to her with a smirk across his lips . " Sure , no problem . You know how to use the chants ? " " Well , you know how to get us to attack , right ? " Kira nodded , so he nodded and continued , " Good . Now . . . " He turned to Hanabe with the smirk still evident on his face , and readied a fireball , " Let 's get this party started ! " Kira nodded again . " Okay , here I go , " she started , taking in a deep breath , " Kasai Raishuu ! " Kasai took off like a bullet , a little stream of fire following after him , which made Kira smile . She stood there watching them fight ; air , earth , and fire were all working together as one to bring down their enemy . Just then , one of them stopped and returned to her . " You and your friend need to get out of here ! We 'll keep this guy busy . " With that , she turned back and shot up to Hanabe 's face , slashing it with a blade of wind . Kira nodded though Tenkuu wasn 't there anymore , grabbed the stunned Yuki by the arm , and dragged him away from the fight , watching as the sprites fought valiantly to protect them . Spoiler Alert ! Click to show or hideKira pulled Yuki into the bushes as Tenkuu , Chi , and Kasai so bravely and effortlessly fought off Hanabe . Yuki had become stunned due to the sprites ' sudden appearance , but then he felt Kira pulling on him . He snapped back into the reality and started to run alongside Kira . They only stopped once to catch their breath , and it was then that Yuki took it upon him self to talk to Kira . " Tenkuu said that they called themselves sprites , and each one represents a different element . They saved our butts , so I don 't really care . " Yuki nodded . They finally caught their breath and decided to walk for a while . Looking at their surroundings , Kira figured they were lost and sighed , but it was Yuki who spoke first . " Unfortunately , yes , " she said , " He used to be just a grammar school principal , but now I know who he really is , a demon who feeds off living things . " Yuki looked at her . He put a hand on her shoulder , which made her turn to him and and blush slightly , but smile just the same . " What is it , Yuki ? " she asked . She didn 't know what he was talking about , but now he had peaked her interests . Yuki looked at her , and they both stopped walking . He put his other hand on her other shoulder and held her at arms length . " Kira , " he started , " When I first met you , I thought you were , well , kinda cute . " At this , Kira blushed , but he continued , " And I thought it was sweet of you to help my little brother and all . I thought that you were a normal girl , with a normal family and a normal life . I never knew that you were capable of this , so , when I saw it happen , I was in total shock , but now , I 'm not as scared . . . " He looked her in the eye , and Kira stared right back , nervous as to what he was going to do . Though she needed not fret , for Yuki simply pulled Kira toward him and hugged her close . Kira was taken aback by this and blushed profusely , looking up at him . " Yeah , you 're right , " she said . No sooner had she spoken did she fall asleep in his arms . Yuki smiled and picked her up , carrying her until he couldn 't move any farther himself . Kyo and Kaji were sitting outside the woods in the very same spot from where Yuki had taken off . They were both getting worried about their siblings and were anxiously awaiting their triumphant return . Kyo paced nervously while Kaji stared off into the woods " Are you mad ? ! We can 't go in there ! We 'll get killed ! " Kaji looked away sadly , feeling angry that he could do nothing to help his brother . Kira woke up to find herself still in the woods , in the hollow of a tree in fact . She tried to stand , only to feel a pain in her side and remain seated . Supposing that she should rest , Kira looked around to get a feel of her surroundings : it was a cozy little hollow , just big enough for her and one other person . Then it suddenly hit her : where was Yuki ? She called his name , but there was no answer . Crawling over to the opening , she looked out and saw that the sun had indeed risen . Her stomach rumbled loudly and she sat in the opening , frowning about her hunger . Just then , a rustling came from the bushes underneath her . Quickly she ducked back into the hole , looking at the bush as it rustled . She was ready to duck back into the tree further , when she saw a familiar and friendly face pop out of the bush , carrying what looked like a full course breakfast with him . Kira smiled and climbed out of the tree , being careful not to harm herself any further . Yuki saw her and a smile burst onto his face . " I found a few eggs in the woods , along with some berries and other fruits . Want some ? " Kira looked at the food , reached down , and took some , plopping it into her mouth . At first it had a bitter taste , but it got sweeter the more she chewed . She turned to Yuki once she had finished and nodded in approval . " This is really good . Thanks , " she said , to which Yuki smiled . She then stood up and slowly walked back to the tree , while Yuki picked up the food and followed her . They walked to the tree and Kira climbed back inside . She looked at Yuki over her shoulder and walked back into the hole in the tree . Once inside , Kira sat where she had slept and Yuki put the food down on the floor , then sat next to her . He smiled at her then turned away , which made Kira curious as she glanced at him . " I . . . I was . . . Kyo and Austin ( Kaji ) made me . They were worried and I was the oldest and strongest so they decided that I should go , " he explained . Kira chuckled to herself and smiled , turning back to him . " That 's not the real reason is it ? " she asked . Yuki looked at her shocked and a little embarrassed , but her smile told him that everything was alright . He sighed , knowing that she was right . " Would I lie to you , Kira ? " Kira chuckled again . She was just so cute , he couldn 't help himself . He suddenly grabbed her arms and looked at her longingly , then pulled her into the biggest , most awkward hug he had ever given . Kira couldn 't help but blush really red . Yuki held her there for a few more seconds then held her close to his chest , not as awkward , but more romantic . Kira could hear his heart beating fast and reached down to feel her own . It was beating fast , too . She then looked up at him . " Yuki . . . W - what . . . " Yuki merely stared at her . He had a calming effect on her , because when she looked into his eyes , she instantly felt like time stood still , that everything was going to be alright . He lowered his head and rested it on her shoulder . Kira smiled , closing her eyes and relaxing . Yuki lifted his head a little , saw this , and smiled , then lifted his head off her shoulder completely . Kira looked at him as he did , wondering what he was doing . Yuki smiled back happily , lowering his head down to her lips . He spoke with softness in his voice . " Kira , this is the real reason I came to get you , " he said . Kira 's eye widened as he lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers . Kira was so stunned by this ; she couldn 't believe what was happening . After a few seconds of freaking out in her own mind , she relaxed , closed her eyes , and wrapped her arms around Yuki 's neck . They held together like that for a while , then let go . Then , Kira and Yuki both blushed beet red and turned away from each other " Cool , " he said . Kira turned and walked toward the door with Yuki following behind her . She suddenly turned before completely leaving and looked at him , which made him stop short . " What is it , Kira ? " Yuki asked . She shook her head and said nothing , then turned to keep walking , but then Yuki pulled her back so that she was facing him and looked her directly in the eyes . " Look , Kira , " he started shakily , " I know you want to say something . But if you don 't want to talk about it , you don 't have to . Though , you have to promise me something . " Kira looked at him , confused and a bit nervous . " All right then , I promise we 'll do this together , " she said . Yuki smiled again . Kira smiled back and left the tree , holding Yuki 's hand the entire way . PS : I will also edit my chapters some more later . ( Too tired tonight ) Report to Moderator I was born to fly , meant to live , and willed to fight for what 's right . Rookie Posted 8 / 19 / 08 principal sounds creepy indeed . . . stalkerish , almost . not enough for me to be afraid of him , just enough for me to want to drop an anvil on his head . Report to Moderator All , Join Open Group Remnants of Acheron . Rookie Posted 8 / 20 / 08 , edited 8 / 22 / 08 Haha , well , He is kinda a stalker , but there 's more to come . I will be sure to post another chapter soon . Glad to see someone liked it . Report to Moderator I was born to fly , meant to live , and willed to fight for what 's right . Moderator Posted 8 / 23 / 08 Haha thanks . glad you liked it . Report to Moderator I was born to fly , meant to live , and willed to fight for what 's right . Moderator Posted 8 / 25 / 08 This seems like it could b a great series . I like it so far . Just a little question : Y didn 't Kira knew her father 's name and y didn 't she answered the phone by saying " Muchi Muchi ! " ? Thats just it , it kind of threw me off a little , nothing else , over all I like the story a lot ! Report to Moderator Brand new year , let the adventure begin ! Rookie Posted 8 / 26 / 08 Okie dokie , thanks for the feedback . Kira didn 't know cuz he never told her . Report to Moderator I was born to fly , meant to live , and willed to fight for what 's right . Moderator Second of all , I 'm not sure where the story is going ; at this point , I 'll be attempting to make predictions . If your description of the story is to be believed , Kira will no longer be a " normal , average girl " shortly after arriving home . At this point , it would be useless to guess precisely how she will become abnormal . The only thing I can say with any degree of certainty is that it probably is linked to her school in the US . What did the principal mean when he said that the school was Kira 's school ? Did he mean that she was a student , or did she mean that she owned it in some way ? Speaking of the principal , whatever is wrong with him , it seems implied that Kira 's dad knows about it too . Probably due to the principal , I view all circumstances and characters with extreme suspicion . I am operating under the assumption that the elemental brothers ( Kaji and Yuki ) are part of some sort of conspiracy , especially Yuki . Report to Moderator GETITOFFMEEEE ! ! ! Rookie Posted 8 / 27 / 08 Thanks for the feedback . Kaji and Yuki are just names I came up with . I didn 't really intend them to be conspirators . And the principal meant that she was a student , and she had duties as a student . The principal is a weird character . He actually follows Kira to Japan , but she doesn 't know . Turns out he 's a demon and he is trying to kill her . And another quick hint to help all the readers , Kira 's mother is dead . She died in a " tragic car accident " or so they thought . I will definately right more later , but for now , here 's some things to clear it up . Report to Moderator I was born to fly , meant to live , and willed to fight for what 's right . Rookie Posted 6 / 11 / 12 So sorry for late replies to this . I kinda lost interest in the story and have made many more since then , but I just started to read my work and I think I will pick up and actually write chapter 7 . As for the pictures of the characters , I will do that , I was just going to draw them , but I guess that didn 't work out for me either . I have the sprites all drawn but I can 't upload them for some reason . I 'll try to do that soon . So again , sorry for being so late to this . I 've also had a lot of personal things happen in my life outside CR , so it 's been hard to write a lot . Thank you all for the support . Report to Moderator I was born to fly , meant to live , and willed to fight for what 's right . Rookie

hapter 10 Victoria Barkley raised her head , as she heard the front door opening , and immediately got up from the couch , where she 's been sitting for the past hour and a half . She was now ready to face whatever questions Audra and Heath could have had in store for her . During that time that she 's been sitting down here all by herself , all kinds of thoughts were going through her head , and she could no longer escape that sense of guilt . Was she doing the right thing by not telling them the truth ? This was her husband 's wish on the first place , and at the time she understood his reasons , but now her doubts on whether or not this indeed was the right thing to do were becoming unbearable . " May I ask where you went ? Was that the lady , who sold you those gem stones yesterday ? " - - - Victoria inquired , as she and Audra sat on the couch , and Heath took his place on the chair , stretching out his legs . Both her children looked exhausted , but Victoria could see that they were in a pretty good mood . " Any cousin or distant relative or someone , whose last name was also Barkley ? We asked Nick , and he said that there wasn 't any . " - - - He explained , relaxing his back . It was sure a long day after one sleepless night for him and his sister . " Are you absolutely sure ? " - - - Audra frowned , looking at her mother . Ramona seemed very honest , but if Victoria Barkley was denying this . . . Her own mother wouldn 't lie to her , would she ? " Well , dear , I 've met your father almost 37 years ago , and I 've never heard about any . . . Abigail , " - - - Victoria said , pausing shortly before pronouncing this name . Everything that this woman has done to her family was still so fresh in Victoria 's memory that it wasn 't easy to talk about her , but this pause went unnoticed . Quickly , she continued : " Neither I nor your father had any relatives with this name . Why do you ask ? " - - - She inquired calmly , but inside she was anything but . Heath looked at Audra , who seemed rather lost after this brief and clear explanation and sighed , explaining . " Mother , Heath didn 't mean haunting . He meant that I thought that someone , who is now dead , was haunting us . I even dragged him and Nick in the attic to use the planchette to talk to it , and that 's when this name appeared . I was so scared that I wanted him to come with me to see that woman about this . . . " - - - Audra quickly explained , and Heath looked at his sister with astonishment . Why was she doing that ? She didn 't drag them into the attic , and she didn 't make him to go to Ramona 's antique store . One reason for her covering up like that was , probably , that she didn 't want him to look like an idiot in front of their mother , and before he could object Audra went on . " I was so paranoid after last night that I insisted on returning the jewelry , but now we went back there and asked her about Abigail , but she didn 't know much herself . Remember , that Jarrod told us that she was a witch ? I guess that it just got into my head . " " Heath , while you were away , Nick and Jarrod moved some things in the yard to make a space for dancing . I am afraid that you will not be able to find some of your stuff . C ' mon , I will show you where it is , so that you know where to find it if you need it tomorrow morning . " - - - She took her son by the hand , and both of them , getting up , started walking towards the door . " Silas , I asked you a question . Have you ever heard about Abigail Barkley ? " - - - Audra repeated , feeling that inside she was losing her patience with him . She was sick of hearing about this woman and not knowing who she was , and if Silas was reacting this strange way , it could only mean that Mother wasn 't telling the truth . " I . . . I haven 't heard about any woman named like that , " - - - Silas said , stammering . " You know about her , don 't you ? " - - - Audra looked at his eyes , feeling that all this was finally getting to her . What was going on in this house ? " I ain 't gonna tell you nothin ' about Miss Abigail , " - - - He finally uttered , and turning away quickly walked towards the kitchen . " It 's no use - - he wouldn 't tell . . . Mother is not telling us the truth , Silas is afraid talking about her , Nick also knows about her , and if he does then Jarrod does for sure . Heath believed Mother and is no longer on my side . Silas was all shaking after I mentioned her name , and I feel like I am living in the mist ; and it 's getting thicker and thicker . . . " Suddenly , with a corner of her eye she noticed a white figure outside the widow . Slowly turning her head towards it , Audra felt that this was her again : a woman , that same woman in a long white dress with her long dark hair flying in the wind , who was dancing in the yard , dancing in the strange circles . . . Startled and unable to breath , Audra was seeing the lady raising her head and looking directly at her . As their eyes met , the vision started slowly disappearing in the air , and a second later it was gone . Fascinated , Audra kept staring outside as if she was waiting for her to re - appear and tell her the truth , but to no avail . It was gone , but its presence has brought Audra some unexplainable peace : she wasn 't scared anymore , not of Abigail and not of anyone else . hapter 11 He must get out of the attic , while there is still time left . . . Audra was in there with him just minutes ago . Did she leave already ? He must hurry : the roof is going to fall down in several moments and block the exit , and house walls will start shaking in a minute or two . He needs to tell everyone to leave . Where are Mother and his brothers ? Are they sleeping ? He has to wake them up ! This isn 't going to be a serious earthquake , but the attic is sure to be destroyed . Audra is probably somewhere behind him in here . . . He can 't see her . Oh , no . . . Where 's she ? He has to find her before it is too late . . . Heath Barkley quickly opened his eyes , getting up from the bed that same instant and as fast as he could . Once his feet touched the cold floor , just when he was ready to run out of the room , looking for Audra , Heath stopped realizing that this was only a nightmare . He slowly sat down on his bed , with his hand wiping off the sweat from his forehead , and sighed , looking outside . It was still very early . . . probably , four or five o ' clock in the morning , and still dark . Why could he still feel the agony of his search ? What could this earthquake that he dreamed about mean in his real life ? If everything was back to its places then why did he feel like nothing was really resolved ? He never believed or cared about his dreams - - in fact , until yesterday morning , he never even remembered his dreams , not since he was a child . Slowly Heath stood up , bending over and putting the old shoes on , ready to be heading towards the door . . . Something was telling him to check on Audra . Was he becoming like her ? He didn 't want to take this chance , and as he walked into the corridor , he stopped . His eyes still hadn 't adjusted to the dark , and he wished that he had taken a candle with him , since he could barely see his feet in the darkness . Slowly , as his eyes were beginning to recognize objects around him , Heath started walking towards his sister 's bedroom . " Why didn 't she close her door ? " - - - Heath thought , seeing that the door was open , and as he walked inside , he stopped suddenly , seeing in the moonlight that her bed was empty . Attic . . . Heath backed towards the door , and started walking towards the end of the corridor . There was a short ladder , leading to the third floor , not really a third floor - just some storage place under the roof . Heath could feel that his sister could only be in there , and as he started going up the ladder , sure enough , he noticed a light underneath the door . Was she again playing there with her planchette ? He had to talk to her about that . As soon as Audra heard him calling her name , she jumped , obviously not expecting to be hearing his voice behind her back . She was wearing a long robe over her nightgown , and considering her reaction , she was so pre - occupied with whatever she was doing in there that she hasn 't heard her brother climbing up the stairs . " Oh my God , Heath . . . You scared me to death . What are you doing here ? " - - - She asked , exhaling , relieved that this awful frightful moment was over . Heath bit his lower lip , seeing the determination in her sharp movements . He didn 't understand her in these past few days : one minute she was afraid to step outside in the hall at night by herself , the next one she was sitting alone in the attic with one burning candle , going through some old forgotten things . He failed her . Somehow he failed her , and maybe that 's what this dream was about ? His sister wasn 't crazy , all she wanted was to get to the truth , and he was the one , who found an easy way out by accepting the words that he heard from their mother . " What is it that you are looking for ? " - - - Heath walked towards her , lowering down on the floor : maybe he could still gain her trust back ? " Why ? So that you can go on proving that I lost my mind ? " - - - She shrugged , putting some old clothes on top of the chest , which was standing near by , and at that moment Heath realized that his sister has probably , been sitting here for hours , going through these old unknown to him things , but why ? " I want to help . Please , tell me what it is ? " - - - Heath asked , hoping that once he knows what exactly she is doing , he will be able to talk her out of it , even if she wasn 't talking to him . " These are Father 's things . " - - - Audra answered in a simple way , taking last papers out of the chest , and making sure by looking inside that nothing else was left in there . " Mother and Jarrod put these things away , after he died . Nobody has really looked in them since . I went through some of his clothes , business papers , old books and others . This is the last chest , and this is also my last hope . " - - She explained , nodding at the open box . " I am trying to find something that may explain us something about this Abigail person . Heath , you can leave if you want , but I am staying here . " - - - Audra said , taking some papers in her hands . " What are those ? " - - - Heath asked , also picking up some lists . " I don 't know - - there is a whole bunch of these documents , dated back years and years ago . There are business agreements , travel papers and some letters , nothing personal . Mother keeps all personal letters with her - - these are the ones , dealing with purchases and sales , mostly the duplicates . I am sure that Father kept all the originals in the bank , and I don 't think that Jarrod actually went through these . " - - - She explained , still looking at the papers . Heath got comfortable at the floor , picked up the stack of papers and laid them out in front of him on the floor . There were a lot of them , and Heath selected few , carefully looking at them , knowing that the sooner he helps her out - - the sooner they will be able to go back to sleep . Rental agreements , bank loans , copies of checks , bank letters , some papers stuck together were almost flashing in front of his eyes , as he was trying to look for this name that had caused his sister to stay awake and look through these old documents . " Heath , are you all right ? Have you found something ? " - - - Audra asked , noticing how Heath 's face expression changed as he was staring at this document in his hands . Heath swallowed hard , still not looking at Audra . Could it be that she was right from the beginning ? He had to tell her now , what he discovered : " There must be some mistake . My birth certificate is downstairs at the library safe , along with all other documents . This is probably something that looks like it . " - - - She suggested . " Audra , stop it . You are your parents ' daughter . Now , there are some letters in here . Let 's put the end to this mystery . Look through his half and I will take care of this one , before we can guess any more about why Mother didn 't tell us the truth . C ' mon . . . " - - - Heath ordered , dividing the stack and pushing the papers towards his sister . Minutes were passing one after another , while brother and sister kept turning the pages written in Tom Barkley 's illegible handwriting . Just like the others , they were primary his business letters , and duplicates of some financial records . Finally , done with her stack , Audra picked it up and was ready to put it back into the chest , when something drew her attention : " Heath , take a look the bottom ! " - - - She called him , looking inside the box with an interest . " What bottom ? " Three adorable young children were looking at them from this painting . Two innocent blond boys were wearing identical outfits , and looked like siblings . Younger boy was leaning on the chair , appearing extremely bored , while his older brother was sitting on this same chair , appearing rather serious . The person , who was making this picture look lighter , was a toddler , a dark haired girl , sitting on the laps on her older brother . All three of them looked so much alike , for the exception of the hair color , and their clear blue eyes were truly striking , especially , of a little one , whose dark curls were bringing up her eyes in a special way . " Heath . . . Heath . . . " - - - Audra was calling her brother 's name , trying to overcome the irritating dust in her throat , nose and eyes . Pieces of hard plaster were falling from the ceiling , and when she finally felt Heath 's arm , she crawled close enough to him to see that her brother was lying unconscious : " Heath , wake up ! " - - - She tried to revive him up , wiping off the white dust from his face and hair , praying that he wasn 't hurt , and when Audra was finally ready to pull him up , suddenly , everything around her went black , as the heavy dust from the falling plasters had covered her face and her body . . . hapter 12 Victoria Barkley ran out of her bedroom , putting on the robe over her nightgown in a hurry , only to bump into Jarrod , heading towards her room in a full speed : " Mother , it 's an earthquake . Nick is downstairs already . C ' mon . . . " - - - He took her by her hand , leading her towards the stairs , but Victoria resisted , interrupting her son : " Is everybody out of the house ? " - - - She quickly inquired , and after seeing him nodding in a positive way , Victoria let him lead her towards the staircase ; and as they were going down the stairs , Jarrod quickly explained : " Nick checked on the rest . Heath , probably , woke Audra up , because they are not in their rooms , and they couldn 't have gone anywhere else at four in the morning . C ' mon , we have to get out of here . . . " - - - He urged her , as both of them reached the first floor , and then Jarrod made an attempt to cover his mother from the plaster falling down from the ceiling . " Oh My God . . . " - - - Victoria whispered , raising her head and looking back at doorsteps , where they were standing just seconds ago . She was still hearing things breaking and falling down inside the house , and the glass in the windows on the first floor has already been broken . All this was so unbelievable to witness , that her only solace now was that all her children were out of the house safe . " Where are Heath and Audra at ? I don 't see them . . . " - - - Victoria looked around , noticing men running towards the stables and leading the horses out , as the panic was quickly spreading around the place . Several wooden houses , where their ranch hands lived , were leveled with the ground , and those lucky ones , who managed to get out of them just in time , were now helping not so fortunate ones , still strapped inside . For the exception of this chaos - stables , most of the houses for hired workers seemed on their places . Still , Victoria Barkley couldn 't see her other two children . " I don 't see them . . . Are you sure that they were not inside ? " - - - Her voice was now reaching the high notes . She might not have recognized Heath among the other hires , all looking so alike form the distance without their shirts and with their dirty faces , busy emptying up the stables , but she would have distinguished Audra for sure . " Mother , calm down : I checked their rooms - - they were definitely not there . Hey , bring that trough over there . . . " - - - Nick suddenly , yelled , forgetting all about his mother 's question , and heading towards the man , who was holding an empty trough in his hands . " Yeah . . . " - - - He quickly turned to his mother , making a gesture for the man to go towards the horses , now gathered right outside in the yard . " Find Heath and Audra , I need to see that they are safe , " - - - Victoria ordered , feeling chills going through her body , even though , Jarrod was embracing her tightly . She looked back at the house , recognizing the sounds of breaking glass and falling objects in the hall . " Hey , you three , don 't just stand there . Damn it . . . Mother , I will find them . " - - - These were Nick 's last words to her , as he ran towards the stables , screaming something towards those men , and ordering them to start moving . " Something just isn 't right , " - - - Victoria Barkley said Jarrod 's thoughts out loud , biting her lower lip and looking at the house . Ground no longer seemed to be going away under their feet , but the noise from the inside of the Barkley mansion was still very difficult to listen to . With her mother 's intuition , she could feel that something was wrong . " Of course , something isn 't right - - it 's an earthquake and a big one , but all of us are out of the house safe , and shaking has stopped . It will probably take several hours for us to get back inside - - the front entrance is blocked and we 've got to be careful . Also , you heard what Nick said - - the back door is also out of our reach . . . " - - - Jarrod started explaining , trying to sooth his mother 's and his own fears , when , suddenly , both of them saw Nick running out of the stables and heading towards them , yelling : " They are not in there . Men didn 't see them coming out of the house . . . Mother , stop . . . where are you going ? " - - - Nick started explaining , and seeing his mother , suddenly , turning away and running towards , what used to be their front door , yelled . " Mother , we don 't know if they are inside . This is not safe to go in there right now , and even if we want to - we can 't , the aftershocks will most likely follow . Mother , are you listening to me ? " - - - Jarrod hoped to make her understand , but in his head he was trying to come up with some plan to get into the house . He wasn 't sure about the second floor , but the first one could be easily accessible through the windows . " He is right , " - - - Nick lowered down on the ground next to them , also looking at their mother with concern , and quickly continued : " Mother , we understand - I will call the men up , and we will figure out something . If you go in there right now , and have a ceiling falling down on you - - this will not save them . We don 't know where they are . They weren 't in their rooms - - I checked ! " - - - Nick tried to calm her down , feeling so helpless and knowing that , at least , several more minutes they will not be able to do anything about it . " They are inside ! I know it . . . I can feel it ! " - - - Victoria interrupted , trying to pull herself together . Nick was right - - she had to stay out of the house , until it was safe to go inside and look for Heath and Audra , but the thought of them lying buried under the heavy blocks , bleeding and calling for help was simply unbearable . " It 's the middle of the night . Where can they be ? Could they try leaving through the back door ? " - - - She suggested , wiping off the tears and hoping to find some answers . " That 's where Silas and I headed . The way was clear , when the blocks started falling down . If they were in there , we would have seen them . " " What if they were in the attic ? " - - - Victoria suggested , still in Jarrod 's arms , but finally overcoming her first impulse to run in the house and look for her missing children . " I sure hope that they were not in the attic . . . The first thing that I heard was the roof falling down in there , as I ran towards you . . . " - - - Nick said in a hoarse voice , immediately regretting these words , after seeing how dark his mother 's face had become . His sister is unconscious and is lying right under the large block of plaster that is hanging from the ceiling , ready to fall down very soon . It is suddenly so light around him , and he can see everything around the room , all the rocks and dust , mixed with the items taken out from the chests . It is dark again . . . Aftershocks will hit real soon , and then this piece of plaster , hanging over Audra , will fall on her . There will be no chance for her to survive , if she doesn 't move to the side in a few seconds . He has to help her to get of there , but he cannot move . Pain in his right leg is excruciating , and he cannot breathe in this dust nor can he see in this darkness . This ghastly blackness is surrounding him now , but if he doesn 't help Audra to get away from that place , this heavy piece of plaster will kill her - - there is no chance that she will live if he doesn 't find her in time . . . He 's got only few minutes to save her , but he cannot move . . . Slowly , Heath turned his head , regaining consciousness and coughing loudly to get all the dust out of his mouth and throat . What was that ? Was it a vision again ? He was trying to open his eyes , but couldn 't - the dust was still flying in the air around him , and he felt the pieces of plaster falling down . What happened ? How did he end up here , partially covered by a chest and thick layer of dust ? The last thing he remembered was running to the door with his sister ; then something , probably , the blocks of plaster started falling down and the blackness afterwards was all that he could remember . . . then this dream . . . Was there still roof left over their heads ? He couldn 't see , but considering that the air was still thick with dust made him doubtful . What was it that he saw right now , when he was lying unconscious ? He saw Audra , somewhere in the middle of the room , all covered with dust and rocks , and the block of plaster , hanging right over her head , which was about to fall down . Where was his sister ? He swallowed hard , trying to move his fingers , and , suddenly , feeling the streams of blood running down his face . In his heart he felt that Audra 's life was in danger - - he just saw her lying under this block , and he had to move her away from it , but where was she ? She couldn 't have made it outside , because he remembered the falling stuff blocking their way out . This was his fault - - had he reacted fast enough , they would have never been trapped inside , and had he recognized that his dream was a premonition before he came inside , this would have never happened . If this was a premonition then he couldn 't take any chances this time - - he had to find Audra . . . What about the rest of the family ? Were they all right ? Heath tried moving his legs under the blocks of the ceiling and turned over chest , but a sudden sharp pain in his joints made him silently moan . His right leg was broken , but the left one seemed all right . Whatever had fallen on him had probably fractured his ribs - - he couldn 't move and it hurt to inhale " Audra . . . " - - - Heath whispered , feeling that his mouth , still full of dust and dirt was barely moving - he couldn 't even hear himself . He turned on the side , pushing away the chest with his left , functioning leg , and feeling the pain piercing his body . Unable to scream , Heath squeezed his fists , trying to free himself under the chest , and hoping to overcome this pain . He had to find Audra , while there was still time left . Finally , as he crawled from under the blocks of plaster , with his right hand , Heath tried to fell his sister , somewhere on the floor , but all that he was able to feel were the rocks and various items . " She is , probably , in the middle of the room . I have to get to her , " - - - Heath thought , moving the rocks away , feeling that tears , streaming down his cheeks , his reaction to this awful pain in his body , were now mixing with blood . This dream just like these other two that he had , was trying to warn him of what was about to happen , and even though , he still didn 't believe in this , he couldn 't take any chances now , when his sister 's life was at stake . As he was pushing the stones away , Heath finally felt something hard under his hands , something different - - he couldn 't open his eyes , still covered with dust , and blindly all he could do was to feel this hard object under his hands . This was the picture . . . probably , that same picture , which they discovered seconds before the earthquake hit . He remembered now that when they were running towards the door , Audra had it under her arm . Pushing it away , Heath slowly thought : As he was holding his sister by the shoulders , Heath pulled her up and to the side as hard as he could . The pain of the strain that went through his body made Heath open his eyes widely , and yet he was unable to see a thing around them , yet realizing that they were safer now , since with this forceful pull up , both brother and sister were thrown back , ending up just feet away from the rocks , under which Audra was trapped seconds ago . The moment Heath felt his head hitting the floor ; a hard blow from the ceiling started coming down , where split of a second ago he and his sister were lying . Realizing that , Heath managed a smile , feeling that Audra was now just feet away from him , unhurt by the fallen rocks . He had recognized this sign just in time . . . hapter 13 Audra slowly moved her head to the right , feeling how small pieces of plaster , stuck in her hair , started falling down her face . Her body was aching , and for a moment all she could feel , was this dull and lasting numbness . Gradually , she tried moving her fingers , but this slight attempt caused such a pain in her hand that Audra tightened her teeth , feeling that her eyes were now watering with tears . A nasty taste of plaster and dirt was down in her throat , her mouth and all over her face , and as she tried to swallow , she realized that she couldn 't . What was this sound that brought her back to reality ? Did she pass out for a moment ? Her eyes were itching badly , and as she tired opening them , the sharp pain in her left arm made her realize that it was also , probably , very badly fractured . She couldn 't open her eyes , but even so , she could still see that there was a light somewhere in this room . Where was Heath ? Was he all right ? Audra remembered him lying on the floor , unconscious , as she was trying to revive him , when something had fallen on her head and her back , and after that all she could remember was this long lasting darkness . " Heath . . . " - - - She turned her head , making an attempt to call him , but all that came out was a very hoarse whisper , which made her cough . Her throat was full of this awfully smelling dust , and it was a miracle that she was still able to breath . Slowly , Audra started spitting out the dirt , overcoming the cough that was shaking her body , as she was wondering , where all this noise was coming from . Men 's voices from the outside were reaching her ears , and she could now clearly distinguish Nick 's voice , so loud and demanding - - she would have never mistaken it with anybody else 's , yet she couldn 't make out his words . Audra moved her head , feeling the dull pain in her neck , something that she could still bear with , unlike the pain in her arms , which were probably broken , the left one was for sure . She had to scream for help now , if she wanted her family to know that they were in here , buried under the blocks of plaster and suffocating from all the dust . " Hheeelp . . . " - - - Audra tried to yell , but a very quiet moan came out . They will never hear her from up here . She opened her mouth , hoping to get enough air , and giving it one more shot : " Hhhe . . . " - - - This time she couldn 't even finish her word as that awful cough started shaking her body . Unable to speak or see , Audra felt the sudden cold going through her joints . She and her brother were going to die in here , if Heath wasn 't dead already . All she had to do was to let her family and people down there know that they were still alive , that she was still alive . . . but how ? If Heath is dead then this will be her fault , because he came in here to talk her into going back to bed , and she . . . she was so cross with him . Silently sobbing , and unable to move , Audra could still feel this light around her , somewhere very close by . This wasn 't possible - - there was no fresh air in this stuffed room , buried under the fallen roof . This couldn 't be moonlight , and yet even with her eyes closed she could see that this lightness was surrounding her . Every movement or even a thought about it is causing a pain , but if she wants to get out of here - - she has to act . . . Slowly , Audra made an attempt to bring her left hand , resting on her stomach , up and closer to her face , and fighting the pain in the upper arm , she could how feel it touching her face . Her wrist wasn 't broken , which meant that she could still try rubbing her closed eyes , and then start wiping off the layers of dust from her face . She has to see where this light was coming from . . . " I should be able to see something . . . " - - - Audra thought , turning her head to her left and trying to open her eyes . Everything around her seemed so blur , as if she was looking at this under the water , and even though , her aching eyes were not yet fully opened , blinking had helped her to see some things clearly : fallen rocks , large pieces of plaster , papers and papers everywhere , and even think dust , still flying in the air - - all this in a light , source of which was somewhere on the other side , behind her back . Slowly , Audra tried to look down and what she saw , for a minute filled her with hope : Heath was lying just feet away , probably , unconscious , with his head turned to her . From where she was , Audra couldn 't see whether or not her brother was breathing , but simply the idea that he was still in one peace in this wonderful warm light of the cold dark morning had filled her with hope . Light . . . It was coming from somewhere behind her , but from what kind of source ? It couldn 't be a candle burning , but then what was it ? Biting her lips and closing her eyes tightly , in order to deal with a pain , which was about to come , Audra sharply turned to her right side , unable to suppress the sobs , because of the excruciating pain in her arm . It took her several seconds to hear her own short breath , and as she opened her eyes again - - the minute the picture in front of her became clear , what she saw made Audra feel chills going through her body . With her teary , irritated from all the dust eyes , Audra could see this young woman - this vision that kept appearing to her during the last couple days . Just before the earthquake hit , with Heath she was looking at the picture of a little girl with dark curly hair and piercing blue eyes , Abigail , probably , her father 's sister . . . Right now this young woman , Abigail , was sitting there in font of her , smiling , and with her hands on some dark object . Her smile was warm and friendly in this light , which was surrounding her and lighting up the rest of the attic , or whatever was left of it . " Helppp . . . " - - - Audra gasped , staring at her and not being able to move . With her left hand still on her chest , Audra could suddenly feel something hard underneath her gown . This was her necklace . . . Instinctively , she grabbed it with her fingers , not afraid but praying that this woman , her aunt , will help them . For a moment , she couldn 't even feel the pain as the eyes of this young woman , dressed in white and sitting just feet away , were looking at her with such concern . She had to try calling for help just one more time . . . " Heeelp . . . " - - - Audra whispered so hoarsely that she could not even make this word out herself , and as she closed her eyes , Audra Barkley could feel the warm streams of tears running down her cheeks . Suddenly , there was with unexplainable warmth all over her face and hair , and just now Audra realized that up until this moment , she was freezing in here , but not now . . . As she opened her eyes , she could see the woman in white , right in front of her , stroking her face and her hair , and then slowly putting her hand over hers , which was still clutching the necklace . Seeing her leaving like this , Audra tried controlling her tears : if she leaves now , then she and Heath , if he was still alive , will die for sure ; if she leaves now then there will be absolutely nobody in here to help them out ; if she leaves now then they will freeze or suffocate to death . . . Audra was almost ready to open her mouth and try pleading with this vision , when what she saw at the Abigail 's feet made her realize , why this woman was in here with them . An old rifle was lying on the floor , just feet away , and as the attic was now becoming darker and darker , Audra kept staring at it , afraid to blink , and trying to remember its exact location . This was what Abigail was trying to tell her all along , when she was touching this object with her hands , right prior her approaching Audra . If she now manages to crawl close enough and pull the trigger , her family will hear it ! If only she manages to fire it , then she and Heath will be saved . . . The light , brought in with Abigail 's presence was now almost gone , and she was no longer there , but right now Audra was determined to get to this rifle . She has to start crawling closer to it , even if her every movement could bring back this awful pain . For the first time , since she regained consciousness , Audra tried moving her legs , realizing that she could still feel them , which was a good sign . They were aching , but she could control their movements even though this pain . The light was now completely gone , just like Abigail , and deciding not to waste another minute in this darkness , Audra tried moving her legs , tightening her lips to overcome the aching in the right side of her body . The only chance , a chance for life that Heath and she had , was now in her hands , and she had to get to this rifle as soon as possible . It was just feet away , but they felt like miles . . . Nearly an hour passed since the earthquake , and during this time only one large aftershock followed . Neither Jarrod nor Nick could stay away from the house , knowing that their brother and sister could be buried somewhere on the second floor . With their hired men 's help , the Barkley brothers were working , clearing out the stairway , partially buried under the fallen debris . The hall was very pitiful to look at : dust , blocks of plaster , broken glass were scattered everywhere , even the piano , on which Audra used to play every evening was now covered with the thick layer of dust and rocks . The entrance to the kitchen was completely blocked . It was easy to get inside the house through the windows , and once they were in , both Jarrod and Nick realized that to get to the second floor would be a challenge : the staircase was nearly impassable . Few men were working on the clearing out the entrance way at the house front , and Victoria joined her sons in the hall , helping them and other men to clear the way to the second floor , but eventually , she gave up , unable to stop her hands from shaking . . . " I don 't want to give you any false hope . I survived two mine collapses , which were just as bad as this quake . I just looked outside - attic is destroyed , so if someone was in there , the roof had , probably , killed . . . " It was chilly this early morning , and it wasn 't even dawn yet . Victoria Barkley was slowly walking towards her garden , the only place that ironically , remained the same , untouched by the horror of the passing night . Some white dust was covering her flowers , but other than that it stayed unharmed . Slowly , she lowered down on the bench , aimlessly looking in front of her at the bushes of roses . She loved sitting here , when something was on her mind , but right now she would have rather seen it destroyed , abandoned , wiped out , if only this could bring her Heath and her Audra back . . . What did she tell them the last time she saw them ? She showed Heath , where Nick had moved some of his things to make more space for dancing for the party , which Audra has been planning during the last month . Heath was so silent , when they walked into the yard , and she knew that he was very tired from the long day , looking forward to be finally going to bed . He kissed her good night , and walked upstairs , yawning and stretching out his arms . She went back into the living room , looking for Audra to tell her goodnight , but her daughter wasn 't there already . An hour later on her way to bed , Victoria looked inside Audra 's room , making sure that she was asleep , and after kissing her daughter on the cheek , headed towards her own bedroom to get some rest . Why didn 't she feel any danger , which was about to threaten her children 's lives ? Why didn 't she wake up earlier to get to them , wherever they were in time ? Would she ever know what happened ? Sitting on the bench and staring at the space in front of her , Victoria Barkley was realizing what was so difficult for her to comprehend . Why did she lie to them at the end ? This was the end , if they were in the house . She has been through many earthquakes in her life , and she had seen the casualties of this type of disasters . If Audra and Heath were indeed in the attic , then there was a little hope left that they were still alive . . . That man was right , because she had also seen that part of the house - - it was near squashed and completely destroyed . . . Would it have made any difference had she told them about Abigail ? Why did she lie to them ? As soon as this thought crossed her mind , Victoria looked down on the ground , feeling such an unspeakable pain in her heart that for a moment she didn 't think she could breath . A female voice behind her back , suddenly , made her froze . This couldn 't be happening to her - - all of this couldn 't be happening to her this very night , which had changed her life in one instant just like the night she still couldn 't forget . Out of all voices of all people she has ever met , she still remembered this one , and slowly Victoria Barkley looked up , even though , she didn 't have to . . . hapter 14 Several seconds passed in silence , as Victoria Barkley , still startled , kept staring at this woman 's face , so very familiar to her . She didn 't believe her eyes or her ears for that matter - - how was it possible that after so many years they were destined for this encounter again in this difficult time ? It 's been so long since their last meeting , that still speechless , Victoria kept looking at her , waiting for some explanations . " Yes , it is I . . . a little older , perhaps , since the last time I saw you . You look very different , my dear - - slimmer now , but your hair is white . Whatever happened to those long fair curls of yours ? You are staring at me as if I am a ghost or something . Have I changed so much that my dear friend isn 't recognizing me anymore ? " - - - The woman smirked , lowering down on the bench next to Victoria , but not taking her eyes off her . Victoria Barkley frowned , hearing this name , and feeling that the sound of it was very familiar - where had she possibly heard it before ? She couldn 't remember . In any case , she didn 't wish to see or talk to this woman , and especially , now . The woman paused for a moment , and a smile touched her thin lips : " You were a bit feistier the last time I saw you - - you almost killed me then . Yes , my dear - your children : the blond cowboy and his sister . I have seen them couple times over the past few days , and Jarrod - - some time ago . . . " " I want you out of here this very minute , " - - - Victoria interrupted her coldly , tightening her fists . She didn 't want to sit here with her , when she finds out . . . There was no chance that Heath and Audra could have survived this earthquake , if they were on the second floor of the house , and she had to start accepting this now . She needed some time alone . " Oh , yes - - your children . . . The girl has grown up to be a real beauty - - I would not have recognized her in one hundred years . Remember , how Abigail was fond of her ? " " Did you have another child ? I saw that hansom blond son of yours . I thought that Nick was your youngest . . . " - - - She asked , only to be cut off by Victoria rudely . Victoria Barkley turned and started walking away , realizing that she didn 't have any strength left inside to fight now . Where did she hear this name ? Ramona . . . Ramona . . . It sounded so familiar , and yet she couldn 't put her finger on it . Several steps away , Victoria suddenly , stopped , remembering . . . Of course , Jarrod was the one , who mentioned it that night at the dinner table . . . Was it her , who sold Audra and Heath those gem stones ? " It took some time for you to figure it out , Victoria . I have come back to the valley to find her , but she had found me instead . Several minutes ago , I saw two men at the front door of the house . Were they Jarrod and Nick ? I 've met Jarrod couple years back , when they were trying me for the witchcraft - - those idiots . . . He didn 't know me that well - - he grew up too fast , and when I came back to the valley he was already in college . You 've got yourself a very charming son and an intelligent one too . " - - - Ramona said , seeing how slowly Victoria lowered down on the bench next to her . " Your Nick was the one I have always been very fond of . He would drive Abigail crazy , and she would rather sit with a baby . Nevertheless , he and I would always find a common language - - he is a fighter , just like I am . " - - - Ramona smiled , pausing , and quickly continued : " This is none of your business . I am asking you again : why did you come here ? What do you want ? " - - - Victoria insisted , not letting her finish her sentence . " It that so ? You haven 't even told her about your poor sister - in - law , have you ? Abigail visited and asked me to give your daughter something to keep her away from danger , and I 've done just that . Abigail still cares . . . " - - - Ramona stopped , seeing how much pain there was in Victoria 's eyes , and asked : " Is that what it was ? Is that why my children have become the target ? I trusted her with the lives of people , most precious to me , and she betrayed that trust . A devil worshiper . . . " " He was a ten - year - old with a vivid imagination . . . Victoria , listen to me . I was there the night those men broke into the suite . They were after Abigail , and children were what they were threatening her with . She thought that Nick was dead , and hoped to save Audra by taking her with us , afraid that they would come back to finish their jobs . Instead , your husband hired people who went after us and hanged her ! " " Tom never ordered those men to hang her - - she was his sister . All we wanted was our child back whom she took and you were her accomplice . I would have gone with them if Nick wasn 't so hurt - - I didn 't think that he would survive those wounds at his age , but if it wasn 't for that I would have gone there with those men and looked for my daughter that two of you had stolen from us ! " - - - Victoria passionately fired back . " I am in no mood to argue now , Victoria . I came here to tell you that both of them will be all right . Audra and . . . and . . . " - - - She stumbled . With these words , Ramona Santiago started walking towards the gate in a slow pace , away from the house . This visit hasn 't exactly turned out the way that she planned , but at least , she delivered the message . Suddenly , she stopped and turned to Victoria : After saying that , the woman quickly disappeared behind the bushes , leaving Victoria alone in the garden . Unable to control her tears anymore , she kept sitting on the bench clutching her robe with her hands , trying to suppress the sobs that were shaking her body . Why was this happening to her again ? Where was Heath ? Where was Audra ? Why this day , which was only beginning , had already brought her so much grief . She had to pull herself together if she wanted to get through its remainder . . . " Yes , we heard - - it came from the end of the corridor , near the attic . Men have almost finished taking all the debris out . Nick is already on the roof . C ' mon . . . " With these words , Jarrod took his mother by her hand , and both of them hurried outside , to the backside of the house , where some workers had already gathered . The first thing that Victoria saw was Nick , slightly bended , slowly walking towards the destroyed part of the house , where the attic used to be . His every movement was very careful , as he was trying to maintain the balance . There were few meters still left for him to walk in order to get to the attic ruins . . . " Jarrod . . . " - - - Victoria whispered with fear in her voice , taking her son by his arm , looking at Nick , who was walking towards the crashed part of the Barkley mansion , and feeling every strain in his accurate movements . " Calm down , Mother . . . He is almost there . . . " - - - Jarrod gently squeezed his mother 's arm , as if he was trying to give her some reassurance . She was scared for Nick 's life right now , as Jarrod did his best trying to sound calm , and yet Victoria knew her son long enough to understand that he was just as nervous as she was . " I don 't think that I can stand it . . . " - - - She said , suddenly looking away , and with her eyes now closed , she began praying silently . If this was Audra or Heath who had given them this signal , then it was worth for Nick to take this risk ; still her nerves were so strained that the thought of Nick taking one wrong step aside was just too much to bear . She leaned on Jarrod , now looking down and feeling how strained his arm around her shoulders was . The next several moments seemed like an eternity to her . Victoria exhaled , looking up at where Nick was just seconds ago , and thankful that he had gotten safely to what used to be the attic window , disappearing inside . It was an hour after the dawn , and the dark cold morning now seemed warmer . Suddenly , all of them who gathered on the ground could hear among all the noises , coming from the house , where men were still working on clearing the path on the second floor , the sound of Nick 's cough , as he was now trying to find his way inside the attic . " Mother , our bedrooms are fine , but we couldn 't get into Audra 's - - it seems that the room is fine since the roof seems even from here , but the entrance is completely blocked . Maybe , it 's best that she wasn 't inside - - the plaster block was so heavy , it would have killed her instantly if she was underneath . . . " - He slowly answered , wondering what was taking Nick so long . It 's already been couple minutes since he disappeared inside . What did she mean by that ? Could that be that somehow , the spirit of this woman was indeed guiding her children through these awful hours ? Jarrod was right - maybe , it was best that Audra was not in her room . Victoria didn 't know anything anymore , as the other thoughts of Audra and Heath up there in the destroyed by this strong earthquake attic , trapped and hurt were going through her mind . Where was Nick ? What was taking him so long up there ? Something was , probably , wrong if he still didn 't let them know , whether or not he had found his brother and sister . Now both Victoria and Jarrod were staring up , waiting anxiously for the next few moments . . . " Jarrod , let 's get inside - - the men must be finished by now . C ' mon ! " - - - She quickly ordered , back in charge , as they were now running back to the front door . They were breathing . . . That 's what Nick said , and to her , these were the most wonderful words , which were giving her with so much hope . " Yes , they are . Now , please , do it quickly . Jarrod , how much longer ? " - - - Victoria finally reached the top of the stairs and ran towards her son . " Jarrod . . . " - - - Nick 's voice finally reached them from the inside , and Victoria could hardly see her son 's figure in this ghastly atmosphere . How could he possibly breath in there , if they were barely able to do it standing just feet away . . . How could Heath and Audra stay alive in there all this time ? Finally , she saw her eldest son turning to her , and immediately , she gasped : Jarrod was carrying Audra in his arms , who was barely recognizable from all this dirt on her face and clothes , and who was still unconscious ; and Nick , two steps behind his brother , also all dirty and coughing , was holding Heath , whose face was incredibly dark from the dry blood mixed with the pieces of plaster . . . hapter 16 Heath , slowly awoke from his dream , and smiled with his eyes still closed : they were gone . . . All his nightmares and wild premonitions , predicting the disasters of the coming day were now gone , and he couldn 't feel happier , because of that . He wasn 't sure why he saw them , but in his heart he felt that Abigail might have had something to do with it . Was she trying to warn him to be careful and take care of Audra ? Why has she chosen him and not his brothers for this task ? Heath wasn 't sure , but he still remembered how he pulled Audra from under the ruins just before the large piece of the ceiling fell in there , and then everything went dark . The next thing he remembered was the shot , and then Nick 's arm pulling him up and his brother saying some words that he couldn 't make out . Heath yawned , feeling that bright sunny rays on his face , and slowly turned his head to the right : it 's been two days already , since he and his sister were rescued under the ruins of the attic , and now both of them were slowly recovering . Since Audra 's room needed much cleaning and re - modeling after that fatal night , both Heath and his sister were placed in his room with two beds , standing parallel to each other , so that it was easier for their mother and brothers to take care of them . Audra 's left arm was broken , and the shoulder dislocated , but other than that she seemed fine , and in Heath 's case - his right leg was broken and one of the ribs was badly fractured . Heath felt someone 's stroking his hair , and as he opened his eyes , still red after all those dust , he saw his mother sitting at his bedside . " Abigail and I were about the same age , when I met her . She was very beautiful young girl , and when Tom and I got married , she came to live with us , but stayed for a year , just when Jarrod was born . The valley was different then , there weren 't so many people around at the time , and your father and I were just starting out . She adored Jarrod , and treated him as her own - - it was a big help to us , because we were trying to build the ranch and get on our feet . " - - - Victoria paused , remembering . " She met a young man - - he was married , but they fell in love , and nothing else mattered to them . His name was John , and he lived in the East Coast , and was just visiting California . Your grandfather , who was still alive at the time , threatened to disown Abigail , if she stayed with a married man , but she didn 't care . When Abigail made this choice , Tom 's father kept his word taking her name out of his will , and he died very soon afterwards . Abigail 's father adored her , and in a way her decision and disobedience had broken his heart . Your Uncle Jim has never forgiven her for that , and your father and I were the only ones who still kept in touch . " - - - Victoria reached for the glass of water and after taking a few sips , continued . " Abigail and John were living in different places all over the country , often not having enough money to buy essential things , so Tom always tried to help her out financially whenever she turned to him . Jarrod adored his aunt , and we would let him go and stay with them , when they were doing all right . They were spoiling him rotten - - Abigail never denied him anything , but she and John rarely visited us . I suspect that Abigail was afraid that people would judge Tom for still caring and talking to her , when everyone else turned their backs . Anyway , then Nick was born - - she wasn 't that fond of him , always preferring Jarrod to keep her company whenever they came here . Couple years later , John was killed . This was a shock to Abigail , because nobody really knew how or what happened - - one night , he was just walking home after playing a poker game with some friends , when someone had shot him . Abigail was expecting at the time , and three months later she gave a birth a girl , who was a stillborn . " " Tom and I were devastated that she had to go though this nightmare of losing her loved ones , and we wanted her to stay with us . She came here , but never really left the house , and I am sure that our neighbors didn 't even know that she was living here , not that we wanted it this way . Nick was a toddler , but Abigail wasn 't really taken by him - - Jarrod , 10 or 11 was still her favorite , and he helped her a great deal through that rough time , but he was still a child . . . Then I introduced her to a friend of mine , Maria , a woman who has been through a lot in her own life - - she lost her family and her young children , when some sick men got into her house and robbed them . She survived many wounds , and always kept her head up . I hoped that Abigail , who was in her early 30s at the time , would get to know Maria , would get out and realize that there were so many reasons for her to continue on living . This was , probably , the worst decision I have ever made . Both of you have met Maria ; she came back to this valley recently under the name of Ramona Santiago . " " Yes , but you are getting ahead . In the beginning , she was a very positive influence on Abigail . They would spend a lot of time together , talking about people they lost and how they were coping . Maria would often visit us and stay overnight . Nick absolutely adored her , and nothing seemed to predict the trouble . Maria decided to visit her relatives , who lived in New Orleans , and she invited Abigail to go there with her to take her mind off things , so they left . Couple weeks later , we got a letter from Abigail , where she said that she wanted to stay there , and we didn 't think much of it at the time , until much later , when her letters became very . . . strange . " - - - Victoria said , finding the most suitable word . " They became very spiritual . Abigail often wrote about higher powers , spirits and how they were guarding us , about different spells . . . We didn 't know at the time , not until she and Maria visited us a year later , what has happened . They looked different too - - as far as they explained to us , both of them have discovered Voodoo . They talked about worshiping their gods and communicating with the spirits . " " All I know is what I 've been told by Abigail - - blacks , and especially salves , brought their religion and rituals in here from Africa and Haiti . New Orleans was a center for Voodooists , and both Abigail and Maria were even introduced to their queen , who as far as I understand was the most well known priestess of all . Tom and I disapproved of their fascination with this . . . with this cult - - we had nothing against either one of them , but we had given both Abigail and Maria an ultimatum that if they wanted to come and visit us , they were not to fill your heads with this nonsense , and they agreed . For the next three years , Abigail visited rarely , but we received letters from her quite often . Finally , when you , Audra , were born , she came over , overjoyed that Tom and I had finally had daughter , and she was simply wonderful with you . She lost her baby , a girl , and I think that in you , she saw a daughter she didn 't have a chance to bring up . " " Your father and I decided to honor her devotion to you and that 's why your middle name was Abigail . She called herself your godmother , but because of her new beliefs she wouldn 't go to church - - she worshiped other gods . We didn 't mind her being so involved with it , as long as she wasn 't bringing it to our home . I told her that I would forbid her to see you otherwise , and Abigail agreed to it . She and Maria visited us often over the next several years , and finally , when Jarrod came back from college after the first year , Tom and I decided to go to New Orleans , and visit Abigail , because she was begging us to come over there for many years . Coincidently , this was also our 18th wedding anniversary . " " No , we had a suite in the hotel . Both Abigail and Maria were overjoyed to see us , and while Jarrod was exploring New Orleans with a college friend of his , who was from there , Tom and I had fun , going to fancy restaurants and spending time together , leaving you and Nick with them . One night , when we came back a little earlier - - there was a strange ceremony , taking place in our hotel room , which was one of those rituals . All I know that there was a snake , and both of them were dressed strangely , and Nick was crying on the background . " - - - Victoria said , turning to Nick , and he continued for her . " Maria explained to me that they worshiped the Snake god , and they had to dance with snake wrapped around them . Earlier that evening , they took us to one of their gatherings - I still remember some of their rituals . Anyway , I was scared that it would bite me - - it sure looked big enough . " - - - He said , letting his mother go on with her story . " Your father was crushed , because despite everything , she was his baby sister , the one that he took care of , but it was difficult for him to accept her behavior . Two days later , during our last day in New Orleans , Abigail showed up at our doors , begging for forgiveness and pleading with me not to take this joy of seeing you , Audra , out from her life . We hired a babysitter for that evening so that we could go out , but Abigail seemed so remorseful , and it was our last night in the city before going back , so Tom and I agreed to give her another chance . This was a mistake - - Jarrod joined us in the restaurant , and when we came back , which was around a midnight , our suite was filled with hotel personnel and doctors . Nick was injured with blood all over him . He was stabbed , and nobody hoped that he would make it . Abigail was not in the suite and you , Audra , were also not there . " " I don 't really know - - I was sleeping , after Abigail put me to bed , and then I suddenly heard the screams in the room , and when I got off my bed and ran towards the corridor , there was a sharp pain in my back , and I fell on the floor . I can 't really remember anything else - - it all was so fast . Abigail was the only one in the suite with us , and I don 't know why she did it . . . " - - - He explained , shrugging , and Victoria continued . " There were several men outside the suite , who started explaining to us how dangerous Abigail was and that she was the one who stabbed Nick , and went completely insane , taking you with her . They offered their help , and while I stayed with Nick , trying to revive him , Tom joined these people and led them to the place , where Abigail and Maria lived . I don 't know what happened then - - your father never talked about it , but when he came back next morning with you , sleeping in his arms , I was too happy that you and Nick have survived that night , too happy to think of anything else . You were unharmed , and Tom explained that he took you from her arms , and rode away immediately . We had to stay in New Orleans for the next week until Nick got well enough to travel back home . Couple days after the incident , we learned from the newspaper that Abigail was found hanging . She had probably committed suicide , at that same place , where your father and those men found you . " " I haven 't heard or seen her ever since until two days ago , when two of you were trapped in the attic ; she came here to let me know that you were going to be all right . I believe that she changed her name , and moved from New Orleans after Abigail 's death . That 's all there is to this story . Your father asked me never to tell you what happened , because no one knew , why Abigail stabbed Nick , and took you away . Tom destroyed everything that could remind him of her , and this was a difficult thing to do . I didn 't know that he left that picture or birth certificate as a reminder . We got you a new one , with no middle name . Your father loved Abigail very much , but this was his family that he felt he had to protect . I am sorry , Audra and Heath , for keeping it away from you , but that night is still so fresh in my memory that it hurts even thinking about it . . . " - - - Victoria Barkley said , trying to sound calm , as inside she was fighting her emotions . " It 's time for you to take your medicine . I have to bring it from the downstairs . " - - - Victoria said , walking towards the door , past Nick . She needed to get out of this room , for at least several seconds to get her strength back . She was doing the right thing now , but then why did she still feel as if nothing was really resolved ? " Heath , let him go . She was close to him , and maybe , this is something that he has to do , " - - - Audra suggested , with her functioning hand reaching for the necklace that was still around her neck . Somehow , the idea of Abigail trying to hurt them wasn 't settling in her head , and she hoped now that Nick could dig up some answers on why her aunt had done it . hapter 17 Nick Barkley quickly tied Coco to the tall wooden post , and started heading in a very fast pace towards the large gray tent , standing lonely several feet away . It 's been over twenty years , since the last time he saw Maria , and very often he couldn 't help but go on wondering about whatever happened to her . Mixed feelings were overwhelming him at the moment and with his mind racing , Nick didn 't know exactly what he was doing here . Nick frowned , looking at her very carefully , and suddenly remembering that she was the only one , who used to call him by his full name , and at the time , it sure meant a lot to a ten year - old boy . She was not Maria that he had in his memory - - she changed over the years , and now Nick wasn 't sure if he would have recognized her , if they were to meet in the street . The woman , standing in front of him , was older , and her face features seemed somewhat different , and her hair was not that long or that red , since the last time he saw her . However , her voice and her light eyes , sharply contrasting with her bright hair , stayed exactly the same . " Look at you . . . Who knew that this loud , unbearable , little kid would grow up to be such a gorgeous cowboy ? What happened to all those scratches on your face and elbows ? You hair stayed the same , though - - that same old mess , " - - - She squeezed his right hand , and with her left hand was trying to smooth Nick 's disobedient dark curls . " You haven 't changed much , Maria . " - - - He finally said , taking a seat and looking around : several large chests were opened , and various things and boxes were scattered around - - it looked like she was packing to go away . " You are still a lousy liar , Nicholas , but thanks - - finally , a gallant gesture from you . Tell me , have you gotten a wife ? " - - - She winked , taking her seat on the large chest right across from him . " Yes , always on the road . . . You look wonderful , Nicholas , and I felt a little sad for not having a chance to look at you before my departure from Stockton . I saw you and Jarrod not up close , busy at the house two days ago , trying to rescue your brother and sister . By the way , how are they ? " - - - Maria inquired . " I am very glad to hear that . Victoria never told me - - who is Heath ? Did she and Tom adopt a child ? He looks very much like your father . " " He is - - it 's a long story , but he is my father 's son . Father didn 't know about him , and Heath came into our family years after his death . Mother treats him as her own son . " - - - Nick explained , suddenly feeling so comfortable , by simple sitting here and talking to her like that . " All right , I suppose . What have you been doing all these years ? Why haven 't you ever visited us ? You just disappeared . . . " - - - Nick had finally a chance now to ask her everything that was bothering him all these years . " I would have listened . I know that you had nothing to do with what happened . I have never forgotten you or how wonderful you were ! " - - - He protested , knowing in his heart that she was right . " Your Aunt and I . . . we had many friends in New Orleans and just as many enemies . My relatives refused to have anything to do with me after I had accepted Voodoo , and were ashamed of me practicing it so openly . Most of our friends were slaves , for whom Voodoo 's rituals were sacred - very few whites were sharing our beliefs , and especially , as openly as Abigail and I did . This was in the mid 1850s , before the war started and the Confederate States were formed . Most of our black friends were treated badly by their owners , who considered our religion very primitive and savage . Remember , I took you to one of our ceremonies - - there were a lot of white people there , who came to see that spectacle in the Congo Square ? I am sorry that snakes have scared you , Nicholas , but they are considered divine creatures in Voodoo . Anyway , it helped Abby and me to find the spiritual piece , which turned your parents permanently against us . . . . " " Don 't apologize for them , Nicholas , because the part of who I am is to accept others no matter what their own beliefs are . Anyhow . . . Abby and I , we helped some people . . . some families to become free . " - - - Maria pronounced the last sentence very slowly , and Nick right away understood what she meant . " Yes . In the beginning our close friend was very distraught , because she was going to be separated from her daughter and granddaughter . She was an old woman , treated without any mercy , just because of her skin color , and we helped all three of them to escape . They stayed in our house , which was outside the city for several weeks , and left soon afterwards . In a very similar way , we managed to help several other unfortunates , but not as many as we would have wanted too , though , enough for some slave owners to become very concerned . " " To make the long story short : someone had spread the word about us , and Abigail and I were under suspicion . We were questioned , but nobody had any real evidence to imprison us . One of the slave owners , however , didn 't give up - he hired several men to watch our every step and warned us . . . " " Warn ? " - - - Nick asked , slowly comprehending everything what was being said . " Threaten will be more like it . They didn 't have any proof and couldn 't legally do anything , and since neither Abby nor I had any immediate families in New Orleans or anywhere else for that matter , we were told by these men , that if we were to help anyone else to escape , then you and your sister would suffer . Abigail was fond of Audra , and someone must have seen two of you with us , when we took you out on those walks in the city . Abigail told me that she made a mistake by inviting your parents and you to New Orleans , but I tried to calm her down - - we weren 't helping anyone to escape , since we had already been followed . Still , both of us felt awful , and afraid for you and your sister , but what happened next wasn 't supposed to take place . . . it all was just one big misunderstanding . " " I wasn 't at the hotel that evening , and can only guess what had really happened . Abigail came home running later that night with your sister in her arms - - she was crying , and Audra was also in tears . Abby explained quickly that two men broke into the suite , once she put you to bed and was entertaining Audra , who was still awake . Obviously , several slaves escaped that night - - I wish that we had something to do with it , but we didn 't , because by that time we were in their black lists already . She said that they accused her of hiding them , and stabbed you to prove that they weren 't kidding , demanding for her to tell them where the slaves were . She thought that you were dead , because of so much blood , and I don 't know how , but Abby managed to lock them in the rooms and ran away from here with Audra . " " Nicholas , Abby and I weren 't like everyone else - - people weren 't approving of our beliefs , rituals and the ways that we had been practicing them . We stayed in the house , not really knowing what to do , when finally , Abby decided that we had to leave New Orleans , and bring Audra here . She was afraid for your sister 's life , more than her own . We couldn 't go back to the hotel , and we were too well known to stay in the city , but we didn 't make it far , or should I say Abby didn 't make it . . . " " Did your parents believe that story in the paper ? No , Nicholas - - your aunt learned to love and appreciate every minute of life . Truth was much more awful . . . She and Audra were ahead of me and we were several miles away from the city , when some men reached us . We hid behind the trees , but when Abigail saw Tom , her brother , among them , she came out from the hiding , hoping to clear things up , and give Audra back to him , but Tom wouldn 't listen . I can 't really blame him - - he had probably come back to the hotel , horrified at what he saw , but he could at least listen . . . He took Audra from her arms , and without saying anything , left her , surrounded by those men . " - - - Maria 's voice became hoarse as she was remembering this episode , and Nick felt that what she was about to tell him was extremely difficult for her . " They were calling her names . . . a witch . . . a devil worshiper . . . you name it . . . and accusing her of helping those slaves to escape . . . I was just feet away , knowing that she wouldn 't get away from them alive . I was crying and now I have no idea , how I managed to keep it down , so that they wouldn 't discover me . They got what they wanted - - she was in their hands , and she wasn 't telling them where I was . They hanged her soon afterwards . . . and rode away . . . The wind was strong that day . . . it just kept on twisting and twirling the rope . . . This was the most awful sight of all . " - - - Maria stopped for a moment , inhaling deeply and continued . " She was more than a friend to me , and even more than a sister . Once they left , I managed to take her down , but couldn 't bury her - - I had to get away from there , because from then on they were after me . I changed my name since , and even my appearance a little , but you can never run away from your memories . They just keep on haunting you for the rest of your life . . . " - - - She paused again , now looking down . " I wanted to , but not anymore - - she wouldn 't listen to me , Nicholas , even after all these years ; and at first , it was making me mad , but not any more . I saw you and know that if you were mine , and someone had hurt you the way they did , I would have wanted to blame someone , and I wouldn 't have listened either . I am glad that you know now what happened - - that is like a huge mountain off my shoulders . " " I don 't know yet . This is a bit sad , isn 't it ? Though , Abigail keeps me company . She is always around . One more thing that you have to know - - she 's been very persistent in the past weeks , sensing that Audra 's life was in danger with this recent earthquake , and that 's why I came here . " - - - Maria explained , looking at him . " I am glad that Abby succeeded . In a way , your sister has a guardian angel with a rather strange way of taking care of her . Make sure that she keeps that necklace - - it will protect her from ill things . " - - - Maria advised . hapter 18 Victoria Barkley rose from the sofa , trying not to make any noise , and just as quietly walked over to Heath and Audra 's beds , to check on them . It was well past the midnight , and she still felt uncomfortable letting her children , whom she almost lost , out of her sight , afraid that they might still need her help and attention sometime during the night . After spending nearly an hour sitting on the sofa , and thinking about everything that Nick had told her tonight over dinner , unwillingly in her thoughts she had to go back to the events of that fatal night that changed all their lives . Nick seemed to believe Maria 's every word , and in a way , she was glad that he had gone to her place , and that both of them had this chance to reminisce about the past . More than ever , Victoria now wished that her husband , Thomas Barkley , could be here right now , so that two of them could talk and remember that difficult time , and maybe , decide whether or not they could accept Maria 's story . The reason for such wishful thinking on her part was that no longer did Victoria Barkley know what to believe in or whom to trust . Inhaling deeply , she approached Heath 's bedside and reached out to adjust the covers on his bed . Her youngest son was sleeping now , and by the calm and relaxed expression on his bruised face , she could see that this was a very peaceful sleep . He looked so much like Tom this very minute , that she suddenly felt chills going through her body . Heath was a gift to her , a gift that she never dreamed about , and if in the beginning she still felt bitterness , because of her husband 's betrayal , very soon this feeling was permanently replaced with one lasting sense of gratitude . He was now her son , and very often , just like in the past few days , Victoria would forget that in reality , she was not the one who had given birth to him . She looked at Heath 's right side of a body , where one rib was very badly fractured , and listening to his even breath , she knew now that it was slowly healing . Especially , during the past day , staying in bed was very hard on Heath , who wanted to get out and go on with his ranch work , and the next few days were going to be just as difficult . Victoria gently touched his blond hair , and bending over his bed , she kissed him on the cheek . Heath suddenly sighed so bitterly in his sleep , that she quickly stepped back , trying to hide her smile , amused at his reaction to her goodnight kiss . She then turned to her daughter , who was asleep , on the neighboring bed . Her eyes were closed , but she was smiling , probably , seeing a wonderful dream . Victoria stopped for a moment , noticing that with her hand on her chest , Audra was clutching the necklace , which was still around her neck . Quietly , Victoria took her daughter 's hand in hers , hoping to release it from holding on to the necklace , but something had stopped her from doing that . Maria had told Nick that she hoped that Audra would keep it with her , because was protecting her : She could still see that her daughter 's left arm and shoulder were giving her some pain , but other than that , nothing else seemed to be wrong , and knowing Audra , Victoria was certain that she would , probably , be out of this room by tomorrow . After her condition was stabilized , Audra told Victoria about Abigail , who had lightened up the attic so that she could find that rifle . She didn 't say that to Audra , but she didn 't believe in Abigail 's ghost being there - - it was probably , an illusion that gave her daughter just enough strength to go on fighting . In any case , she was glad that it happened , because in the end it did save Audra and Heath 's lives . The party , so carefully planned by Audra , had to be cancelled , because of the disaster that shook up the valley , and her daughter felt sad about this . Luckily , nobody died during the earthquake , with by itself was a miracle , knowing how close Heath and Audra had come to it , but several families still lost their homes . Victoria bended over , placing a kiss on her daughter 's cheek , and trying not to wake her up , slowly walked towards the window . Maria was leaving Stockton tonight . . . Victoria was relieved , thinking about it , as she leaned on the windowsill , but at the same time , she still felt a little uneasy about this woman 's departure . Nick offered to take her to Maria 's tent so that two of them could talk , but she refused . Perhaps , everything that Maria had told her son was the truth , but too many years had already passed for them to start rebuilding something that was destroyed to its foundation so long ago . Victoria didn 't mind her son seeing this woman , who meant so much to him , and maybe , it was all for the best . Deep inside , she had forgiven her , as well as Abigail , but Maria 's beliefs , however , were no longer something she could respect . With her mind Victoria understood that everything that had happened here in the past days was pure coincidental , but her youngest son , and especially , her daughter seemed to be thinking otherwise . There were Finally , she reached for the curtains , slightly shaking her head from all the thoughts that have overwhelmed her in the last minutes , ready to draw the curtains in , when whom she saw outside the window made her stand still : there was someone in the backyard , some young woman , dressed in white , with long dark hair , who was slowly walking away from the house towards the gates . Victoria knew this walk and this long hair , this arms and even this hands . . . She still remembered them all to well , but this couldn 't be . . . Could Audra be right ? Could all of this be for real ? Unable to speak , Victoria kept staring at the figure , going away , and her mind was racing : Despite the large distance between them , their eyes suddenly met as Victoria kept staring at her , still not accepting it with her mind that this was indeed happening . If Abigail was dead , then why was she seeing her in the backyard ? This was all reminding Victoria too much of Abigail 's last visit to the Barkley Ranch , when she used to walk at nights just like that , and dance in the garden not intimidated that anybody might look . She always made up her mind to leave at night , after putting children to bed , to make the good - byes less painful and sad . Victoria remembered now , how she waved her good - bye that last time , ironically from this same room , which then used to be her daughter 's nursery . Right now , she was leaving them just like she did then many years ago . . . years before they had met again in New Orleans and years before her death . Was she really here all the time ? Was it really her who was taking care of Heath and Audra ? Was it her who saved her children 's lives ? A second passed at most , but it seemed so much longer , as Victoria kept staring at this woman outside the window quite far away , and very slowly , she saw Abigail raising her right hand and then waving to her . Victoria froze , knowing now in her heart that this was Abigail . She always waved her good - bye like that , once she was at the gates , and this night she was again biding her farewell . Very slowly , Victoria raised her right hand , putting it against the glass , feeling sudden tears appearing in her eyes . She couldn 't wave to her now , since all of this seemed too surreal to be true , even if it was making sense . Abigail smiled at her gesture from the distance , and turning away resumed her walk , finally disappearing behind the gates . Victoria couldn 't see her anymore , and with her something deep inside of her was now also gone - - some pain or wound that had never healed was no longer there . This chapter of her life was closed , and as she inhaled the fresh night air , hoping to gain enough strength to look away , she suddenly felt someone 's arm around her shoulders , so unexpectedly that it made her practically jump . " I am sorry , but I thought that you heard me entering the room . Are you all right ? You look as though , you 've just seen a ghost . " - - - He asked with concern . " Of course not . . . I just haven 't heard you coming , " - - - She lied , glad that he was now here with her . She couldn 't tell him about this vision . " I have noticed that Audra was pretty upset that we had to cancel the party . She put so much effort into it . Her birthday is next month , and she should be well enough by that time . . . maybe , we can throw a real big party then . . . " - - - He suggested . " And I know just the present to give . . . " - - - Victoria looked up at her son , smiling . She felt better now , finally letting go off something that has been haunting her for years , and in a way , Abigail was the one who helped her to do that . Now , all that she had to do was to make some things right . . . things reminding her of Abigail . " Are you thinking , what I think you are thinking ? " - Jarrod frowned , looking at his mother with some suspicion in his blue eyes . He knew her so well that sometimes it wasn 't that hard for him to guess what was on her mind . " Well , that depends on what you are thinking I am thinking . " - - - Victoria smiled widely , and seeing his mother 's canny smile and twinkle in her eyes , he then quietly asked just to be sure .

" It really did . So Masakichi went to the town and found a spot for himself in the square . He put up a sign : ' Deeelicious Honey . All Natural . One Cup - 200 . ' " Absolutely . Masakichi lived with people when he was just a cub , and they taught him how to talk and how to count money . Masakichi was a very special bear . And so the other bears , who weren 't so special , tended to shun him . " " Yeah , they 'd go , like , ' Hey , what 's with this guy , acting so special ? ' and keep away from him . Especially Tonkichi , the tough guy . He really hated Masakichi . " " Yeah , really . Meanwhile , the people would say , ' O . K . , he knows how to count , and he can talk and all , but when you get right down to it he 's just a bear . ' So Masakichi didn 't really belong to either world - the bear world or the people world . " Junpei often made up stories for Sala before she went to bed . And whenever she didn 't understand something she would ask him to explain . Junpei gave a lot of thought to his answers . Sala 's questions were often sharp and interesting , and while he was thinking about them he could also come up with new twists to the story he was telling . " Not so big , " Junpei said . " In fact , he 's kind of on the small side . For a bear . He 's just about your size , Sala . And he 's a very sweet - tempered little guy . When he listens to music , he doesn 't listen to rock or punk or that kind of stuff . He likes to listen to Schubert , all by himself . " " Well , it 's a very , very steep mountain , and the hikers get all faint and dizzy , and they throw away tons of stuff they don 't need . Right there by the road , like , ' Oh , man , this pack is so heavy , I feel like I 'm gonna die ! I don 't need this pail anymore . I don 't need this boom box anymore . ' " O . K . , " she said , wrapping her hands around the glass and drinking the warm milk with great care . Then she asked , " How come Masakichi doesn 't make honey pies and sell them ? I think the people in the town would like that better than just plain honey . " It was almost 2 A . M . by the time Sala went back to bed . Junpei and Sayoko waited for her to fall asleep , then went to split a can of beer at the kitchen table . Sayoko wasn 't much of a drinker , and Junpei had to drive home . " Sorry for dragging you out in the middle of the night , " Sayoko said , " but I didn 't know what else to do . I 'm totally exhausted , and you 're the only one who can calm her down . There was no way I was going to call Takatsuki . " Junpei nodded and took a swig of beer . " Don 't worry about me , " he said . " I 'm awake till the sun comes up , and the roads are empty at this time of night . It 's no big deal . " " Thanks . You 're a nice person , " Junpei said . " But the short story is on its way out . Like the slide rule . Let 's talk about Sala . Has she done this before ? " " Almost every night . Sometime after midnight , she gets these hysterical fits and jumps out of bed . And I can 't get her to stop crying . I 've tried everything . " " I think she saw too many news reports on the earthquake . It was too much for a four - year - old . She wakes up at around the time of the quake . She says a man woke her up , somebody she doesn 't know . The Earthquake Man . He tries to put her in a little box - too little for anyone to fit into . She tells him she doesn 't want to get inside , and he starts pushing her - so hard her joints crack - and he tries to stuff her inside . That 's when she screams and wakes up . " " He 's tall and skinny and old . After she 's had the dream , she goes around turning on every light in the house and looking for him : in the closets , in the shoe cupboard in the front hall , under the beds , in all the dresser drawers . I tell her it was just a dream , but she won 't listen to me . And she won 't go to bed until she 's looked everywhere he could possibly hide . That takes at least an hour , by which time I 'm wide awake . I 'm so sleep - deprived I can hardly stand up , let alone work . " Sayoko narrowed her eyes and looked at him . " Not bad . It just might change her mood . Let 's do it - the four of us . It 's been ages . You call Takatsuki , O . K . ? " Junpei was thirty - six , born and bred in the city of Kobe , where his father owned a pair of jewelry stores . He had a sister six years his junior . After a year at a private cram school , he had enrolled at Waseda University , in Tokyo . He had passed the entrance exams in both the business and the literature departments . He chose the literature department without the slightest hesitation and told his parents that he had entered the business department . They would never have paid for him to study literature , and Junpei had no intention of wasting four precious years studying the workings of the economy . All he wanted was to study literature , and then to become a writer . At the university , Junpei made two friends , Takatsuki and Sayoko . Takatsuki came from the mountains of Nagano . Tall and broad - shouldered , he had been the captain of his high - school soccer team . It had taken him two years of studying to pass the entrance exam , so he was a year older than Junpei . Practical and decisive , he had the kind of looks that made people take to him right away , and he naturally assumed a leadership role in any group . But he had trouble reading books ; he had entered the literature department because its exam was the only one he could pass . " What the hell , " he said , in his positive way . " I 'm going to be a newspaper reporter , so I 'll let them teach me how to write . " Junpei did not understand why Takatsuki had any interest in befriending him . Junpei was the kind of person who liked to sit alone in his room reading books or listening to music , and he was terrible at sports . Awkward with strangers , he rarely made friends . Still , for whatever reason , Takatsuki seemed to have decided the first time he saw Junpei in class that he was going to make him a friend . He tapped Junpei on the shoulder and said , " Hey , let 's get something to eat . " And by the end of the day they had opened their hearts to each other . Takatsuki used the same approach with Sayoko . Junpei was with Takatsuki when he tapped her on the shoulder and said , " Hey , what do you say the three of us go get something to eat ? " And so their tight little group was born . Junpei , Takatsuki , and Sayoko did everything together . They shared lecture notes , ate lunch in the campus dining hall , talked about their future over coffee , took parttime jobs at the same place , went to latenight movies and rock concerts , walked all over Tokyo , and drank so much beer that they even got sick together . In other words , they behaved like first - year college students the world over . Sayoko was a real Tokyo girl . She came from the old part of town , where the merchant class had lived for centuries , and her father ran a shop selling the exquisite little accessories that go with traditional Japanese dress . The business had been in the family for several generations , and it attracted an exclusive clientele that included several famous Kabuki actors . Sayoko had plans to go on to graduate school in English literature , and ultimately to an academic career . She read a lot , and she and Junpei were constantly exchanging novels and having intense conversations about them . Sayoko had beautiful hair and intelligent eyes . She expressed herself quietly and with simple honesty , but deep down she had great strength . She was always casually dressed , without makeup , but she had a unique sense of humor , and her face would crinkle up mischievously whenever she made some funny remark . Junpei found that look of hers incredible . He had never fallen in love until he met Sayoko . He had attended a boys ' high school and had had almost no opportunities to meet girls . But Junpei couldn 't bring himself to express his feelings to Sayoko . He knew that there would be no going back once the words were spoken , and that Sayoko might take herself off somewhere far beyond his reach . At the very least , the perfectly balanced , comfortable relationship between Junpei , Takatsuki , and Sayoko would undergo a shift . So Junpei told himself to leave things as they were for now and watch and wait . In the end , Takatsuki was the first to make a move . " I hate to throw this at you out of the blue , but I 'm in love with Sayoko , " he told Junpei . " I hope you don 't mind . " This was midway through September of their second year . Takatsuki explained that he and Sayoko had become involved , almost by accident , while Junpei was at home for the summer vacation . Junpei fixed his gaze on Takatsuki . It took him a few moments to understand what had happened , but when he did it sank into him like a lead weight . He no longer had any choice in the matter . " No , " he said , " I don 't mind . " " I am so glad to hear that ! " Takatsuki said with a huge smile . " You were the only one I was worried about . I mean , the three of us had such a great thing going , it was kind of like I beat you out . But , anyway , Junpei , this had to happen sometime . If not now , it was bound to happen sooner or later . The main thing is that I want the three of us to go on being friends . O . K . ? " Junpei spent the next several days in a fog . He skipped classes and work . He lay on the floor of his one - room apartment , eating nothing but the scraps in the refrigerator and slugging down whiskey whenever the impulse struck him . He thought about quitting university and going to some distant town where he knew no one and could spend the rest of his years doing manual labor . That would be the best life style for him , he decided . " Where have you been ? " she asked . " Everybody 's worried that you 're dead in your room . Takatsuki asked me to check up on you . I guess he wasn 't too keen on seeing the corpse himself . " " Yeah , " she said , " you 've lost some weight , I think . " She stared at him . " Want me to make you something to eat ? " Sayoko opened the refrigerator and looked inside with a grimace . It held only two cans of beer , an old cucumber , and some baking soda . Sayoko sat down next to Junpei . " I don 't know how to ask this , Junpei , but are you feeling bad about Takatsuki and me ? " Junpei said that he was not . And it was no lie . He was not feeling bad or angry . If , in fact , he was angry , it was at himself . For Takatsuki and Sayoko to become lovers was the most natural thing in the world . Takatsuki had all the qualifications . Junpei had none . It was that simple . " It 's kind of embarrassing to put this into words , " she said , " but I want to stay friends with you , Junpei . Not just for now , but even after we get older . A lot older . I love Takatsuki , but I need you , too , in a whole different way . Does that make me selfish ? " Junpei looked at Sayoko in profile . He had no idea what she was trying to say . Why does my brain always work so slowly ? he wondered . He looked up , and for a long time his half - focussed eyes traced the shape of a stain on the ceiling . How would the situation have developed if he had confessed his love to Sayoko before Takatsuki had confessed his ? To this Junpei could find no answer . All he knew for sure was that such a thing would never have happened . He heard the sound of tears falling on the tatami , an oddly magnified sound . For a moment , he wondered if he was crying without being aware of it . But then he realized that Sayoko was the one who was crying . She had hung her head between her knees , and now , though she made no sound , her shoulders were trembling . Almost unconsciously , he reached out and put a hand on her shoulder . Then he drew her gently toward him . She did not resist . He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips to hers . She closed her eyes and let her lips part . Junpei caught the scent of tears and drew breath from her mouth . He felt the softness of her breasts against him . Inside , he felt some kind of switching of places . He even heard the sound it made - like joints creaking . But that was all . As if regaining consciousness , Sayoko moved her face back and down , pushing Junpei away . Junpei apologized . Sayoko said nothing . They remained that way , in silence , for a long time . The sound of a radio came in through the open window . It was a popular song . Junpei was sure that he would remember it till the day he died . But , in fact , try as he might after that , he was never able to recall the title or the melody . Sayoko reached out and laid her hand on Junpei 's . " Come back to school , O . K . ? Tomorrow ? I 've never had a friend like you before . You give me so much . I hope you realize that . " Junpei went to his classes the next day , and the tight - knit threesome of Junpei , Takatsuki , and Sayoko continued through graduation . Junpei 's short - lived desire to disappear disappeared itself . By holding her in his arms that day in his apartment and pressing his lips to hers , Junpei had calmed something inside himself . At least he no longer felt confused . The decision had been made , even if he had not been the one to make it . Sayoko sometimes introduced Junpei to a classmate of hers , and they would double - date . He saw a lot of one of the girls , and it was with her that he had sex for the first time , just before his twentieth birthday . But his heart was always somewhere else . He was respectful , kind , and tender to her , but never passionate or devoted . She eventually went elsewhere in search of true warmth . The same pattern repeated itself any number of times . When he graduated , Junpei 's parents discovered that he had been majoring in literature , not economics , and things turned ugly . His father wanted him to take over the family business , but Junpei had no intention of doing that . He wanted to stay in Tokyo and keep writing fiction . There was no room for compromise on either side , and a violent argument ensued . Words were spoken that should not have been . Junpei never saw his parents again , and he was convinced that it had to be that way . Unlike his sister , who always managed to compromise and get along with their parents , Junpei had done nothing but clash with them from the time he was a child . Junpei took a series of part - time jobs that helped him to scrape by as he continued to write fiction . Whenever he finished a story , he showed it to Sayoko and got her honest opinion , then revised it according to her suggestions . Until she pronounced a piece good , he would rewrite it again and again , carefully and patiently . He had no other mentor , and he belonged to no writers ' group . When he was twenty - four , a story of his won an award from a literary magazine , and over the next five years Junpei was nominated for the coveted Akutagawa Prize four times , but he never actually won it . He remained the eternally promising candidate . A typical opinion from a judge on the prize committee would say , " For such a young author , this is writing of very high quality , with remarkable examples of both plot and psychological analysis . But the author has a tendency to let sentiment take over from time to time , and the work lacks both freshness and novelistic sweep . " Takatsuki would laugh when he read such opinions . " These guys are out of their minds . What the hell is ' novelistic sweep ' ? Real people don 't use words like that . ' Today 's sukiyaki was lacking in beefistic sweep . ' Ever hear anybody say anything like that ? " Junpei published two volumes of short stories before he turned thirty : " Horse in the Rain " and " Grapes . " " Horse in the Rain " sold ten thousand copies , " Grapes " twelve thousand . These were not bad figures for short - story collections , according to his editor . The reviews were generally favorable , but none gave his work passionate support . Most of Junpei 's stories were about young people in situations of unrequited love . His style was lyrical , the plots rather old - fashioned . Readers of his generation were looking for a more inventive style and grittier plots . This was the age of video games and rap music , after all . Junpei 's editor urged him to try a novel . If he never wrote anything but short stories , he would just keep dealing with the same material over and over again . Writing a novel could open up whole new worlds for a writer . As a practical matter , too , novels attracted far more attention than stories . Writing only short stories was a hard way to make a living . But Junpei was a born short - story writer . He would shut himself in his room , let everything else go to hell , and turn out a first draft in three days of concentrated effort . After four more days of polishing , he would give the manuscript to Sayoko and his editor to read . Basically , though , the battle was won or lost in that first week . That was when everything that mattered in the story came together . His personality was suited to this way of working : total concentration of effort over a few short days . Junpei felt only exhaustion when he thought about writing a novel . How could he possibly maintain his concentration for months at a time ? That kind of pacing eluded him . Given his austere bachelor 's life style , Junpei did not need much money . Once he had made what he needed for a given period , he would stop accepting work . He had only one silent cat to feed . His girlfriends were always the undemanding type , and when he grew bored with them he would come up with some pretext for ending the relationship . Sometimes , maybe once a month , he would wake at an odd time in the night with a feeling that was close to panic . I 'm not going anywhere , he would tell himself . I can struggle all I want , but I 'm never going to go anywhere . Then he would either force himself to go to his desk and write , or drink until he could no longer stay awake . Takatsuki had landed the job he 'd always wanted - reporting for a top newspaper . Since he never studied , his grades at the university were nothing to brag about , but the impression he made at interviews was overwhelmingly positive , and he had basically been hired on the spot . Sayoko had entered graduate school , as planned . They married six months after graduation , the ceremony as cheerful and busy as Takatsuki himself . They honeymooned in France , and bought a two - room condo a short commute from downtown . Junpei would come over for dinner a couple of times a week , and the newlyweds always welcomed him warmly . It was almost as if they were more comfortable with Junpei around than when they were alone together . Takatsuki enjoyed his work at the newspaper . He was assigned first to the city desk , which kept him running from one scene of tragedy to the next . " I can see a corpse now and not feel a thing , " he said . Bodies dismembered by trains , charred in fires , discolored with age , the bloated cadavers of drowning victims , gunshot victims with their brains splattered . " Whatever distinguished one lump of flesh from another when they were alive , it 's all the same once they 're dead , " he said . " Just used - up shells . " They 'd discuss the books they had read , or things that had come up in their daily lives . Then they 'd talk about the old days , when they were still free and spontaneous . Conversations like that would inevitably bring back memories of the time that Junpei had held Sayoko in his arms : the smooth touch of her lips , the softness of her breasts against him , the transparent early - autumn sunlight streaming onto the tatami floor of his apartment - these were never far from his thoughts . Just after she turned thirty , Sayoko became pregnant . She was a graduate assistant at the time , but she took a break from her job to give birth to a baby girl . The three of them came up with all kinds of names for the baby , but decided in the end on one of Junpei 's suggestions - Sala . " I love the sound of it , " Sayoko told him . There were no complications with the birth , and that night Junpei and Takatsuki found themselves together without Sayoko for the first time in a long while . Junpei had brought over a bottle of single malt to celebrate , and they emptied it together at the kitchen table . " Why does time shoot by like this ? " Takatsuki asked with a depth of feeling that was rare for him . " It seems like only yesterday I was a freshman , and then I met you , and then I met Sayoko , and the next thing I know I 'm a father . It 's weird , like I 'm watching a movie in fast - forward . You probably wouldn 't understand , Junpei . You 're still living the way you did in college . It 's like you never stopped being a student , you lucky bastard . " " Not so lucky , " Junpei said , but he knew how Takatsuki felt . Sayoko was a mother now . This was as big a shock for Junpei as it was for Takatsuki . The gears of life had moved ahead a notch with a loud ker - chunk , and Junpei knew that they would never turn back again . The one thing that he was not yet sure of was how he was supposed to feel about it . " Like hell it is . I know what I 'm talking about . You know how to put words on a page , but you don 't know shit about a woman 's feelings . A drowned corpse does better than you . You had no idea how she felt about you , and I figured , what the hell , I was in love with her , and I had to have her . I still think she 's the greatest woman in the world . I still think it was my right to have her . " Takatsuki nodded . " But you still don 't get it . Not really . When it comes to anything halfway important , you 're so damn stupid . It 's amazing to me that you can put a piece of fiction together . " Junpei learned just before Sala 's second birthday that Takatsuki and Sayoko were on the verge of breaking up . Sayoko seemed apologetic when she broke the news to him . Takatsuki had had a lover since the time of Sayoko 's pregnancy , and he hardly ever came home anymore , she explained . Junpei couldn 't seem to grasp what he was hearing , no matter how many details Sayoko was able to give him . Why would Takatsuki have wanted another woman ? He had declared Sayoko to be the greatest woman in the world the night that Sala was born , and he had meant it . Besides , he was crazy about Sala . " I mean , I 'm over at your house all the time , eating dinner with you guys , right ? But I never sensed a thing . You were happiness itself - the perfect family . " " It 's true , " Sayoko said . " We weren 't lying to you or putting on an act . But quite separately from that he got himself a girlfriend , and we can never go back to what we had . So we decided to split up . Don 't let it bother you too much . I 'm sure things will work out better now , in a lot of different ways . " Sayoko and Takatsuki were divorced some months later . They reached an agreement without the slightest problem : no recriminations , no disputed claims . Takatsuki went to live with his girlfriend ; he came to visit Sala once a week , and they all agreed that Junpei would try to be present at those times . " It would make things easier for both of us , " Sayoko told Junpei . He felt as if he had suddenly grown much older , though he had only just turned thirty - three . Whenever they got together , Takatsuki was his usual talkative self , and Sayoko 's behavior was perfectly natural , as though nothing had happened . If anything , she seemed even more natural than before , in Junpei 's eyes . Sala had no idea that her parents were divorced . And Junpei played his assigned role perfectly . The three joked around as always and talked about the old days . " What do you mean , ' why ' ? It 's so obvious ! If nothing else , you 're the only man I 'd want to be a father to Sala . " " This is no deal , " Takatsuki said . " And it 's got nothing to do with decency . You love Sayoko , right ? You love Sala , too , don 't you ? That 's the most important thing . I know you 've got your own hangups . Fine . I grant you that . But to me it looks like you 're trying to pull off your shorts without taking off your pants . " " I have to give you credit , " Takatsuki said . " You 're right on the mark . I don 't deny it . I 'm ruining my own life . But I 'm telling you , Junpei , I couldn 't help it . There was no way I could put a stop to it . I don 't know any better than you do why it had to happen . It just happened . And , if not here and now , something like it would have happened sooner or later . " Junpei felt as if he had heard the same speech before . " Do you remember what you said to me the night that Sala was born ? That Sayoko was the greatest woman in the world , that you could never find anyone to take her place . " Two years went by . Sayoko never went back to teaching . Junpei got an editor friend of his to send her a story to translate , and she carried the job off with a certain flair . The editor was impressed enough to give her a substantial new piece the following month . The pay was not very good , but it added to what Takatsuki was sending and helped Sayoko and Sala to live comfortably . They all went on meeting at least once a week , as they always had . Whenever urgent business kept Takatsuki away , Sayoko , Junpei , and Sala would eat together . The table was quiet without Takatsuki , and the conversation turned to oddly mundane matters . A stranger would have assumed that the three of them were just a typical family . Junpei went on writing a steady stream of stories , bringing out his fourth collection , " Silent Moon , " when he was thirty - five . It received one of the prizes reserved for established writers , and the title story was made into a movie . Junpei also produced a volume of music criticism , wrote a book on ornamental gardening , and translated a collection of John Updike 's short stories . All were well received . Securing his position as a writer little by little , he had developed a steady readership and a stable income . He continued to think seriously about asking Sayoko to marry him . On more than one occasion , he kept himself awake all night thinking about it , and for a time he was unable to work . But still he could not make up his mind . The more he thought about it , the more it seemed to him that his relationship with Sayoko had been consistently choreographed by others . His position was always passive . Takatsuki was the one who had picked the two of them out of his class and created the threesome . Then he had taken Sayoko , married her , made a child with her , and divorced her . And now Takatsuki was the one who was urging Junpei to marry her . Junpei loved Sayoko , of course . About that there was no question . And now was the perfect time for him to be united with her . She probably wouldn 't turn him down . But Junpei couldn 't help thinking that things were just a bit too easy . What was there left for him to decide ? And so he went on wondering . And not deciding . And then the earthquake came . Junpei was in Barcelona at the time , doing a story for an airline magazine . He returned to his hotel in the evening to find the TV news filled with images of collapsed buildings and black clouds of smoke . It looked like the aftermath of an air raid . Because the announcer was speaking in Spanish , it took Junpei a while to realize what city he was looking at . " You 're from Kobe , aren 't you ? " his photographer asked . But Junpei did not try to call his parents . The rift was too deep , and had gone on too long for there to be any hope of reconciliation . Junpei flew back to Tokyo and resumed his normal life there . He never turned on the television , and hardly looked at a newspaper . Whenever the subject of the earthquake came up , he would clamp his mouth shut . It was an echo from a past that he had buried long ago . He hadn 't set foot on those streets since his graduation , but still the catastrophe laid bare wounds that were hidden somewhere deep inside him . It seemed to change certain aspects of his life - quietly , but completely . Junpei felt an entirely new sense of isolation . I have no roots , he thought . I 'm not connected to anything . Early on the Sunday morning that they had all planned to take Sala to the zoo to see the bears , Takatsuki called to say that he had to fly to Okinawa . He had managed at last to pry the promise of a one - on - one interview out of the governor . " Sorry , but you 'll have to go to the zoo without me . I don 't suppose Mr . Bear will be too upset if I don 't make it . " So Junpei and Sayoko took Sala to the Ueno Zoo . Junpei held Sala in his arms and showed her the bears . She pointed to the biggest , blackest bear and asked , " Is that one Masakichi ? " " No , no , that 's not Masakichi , " Junpei said . " Masakichi is smaller than that , and he 's smarter - looking , too . That 's the tough guy , Tonkichi . " " That 's a hard one , " Junpei said . " There aren 't that many interesting stories about Tonkichi . He 's just an ordinary bear . He can 't talk or count money like Masakichi . " " You 're absolutely right , " Junpei said . " There 's at least one good thing to tell about even the most ordinary bear . Oh , yeah , I almost forgot . Well , Tonchiki - " " Ah , yes , sorry . Well , Tonkichi had one thing he could do really well , and that was catching salmon . He 'd go to the river and crouch down behind a boulder and snap ! - he would grab himself a salmon . You have to be really fast to do something like that . Tonkichi was not the brightest bear on the mountain , but he sure could catch more salmon than any of the other bears . More than he could ever hope to eat . But he couldn 't go to town to sell his extra salmon , because he didn 't know how to talk . " " You 're right , " Junpei said . " And that 's what Tonkichi decided to do . So Tonkichi and Masakichi started trading salmon for honey , and before long they got to know each other really well . Tonkichi realized that Masakichi was not such a stuck - up bear after all , and Masakichi realized that Tonkichi was not just a tough guy . Before they knew it , they were best friends . Tonkichi worked hard at catching salmon , and Masakichi worked hard at collecting honey . But then one day , like a bolt from the blue , the salmon disappeared from the river . " " Well , all the salmon in the world got together and decided they weren 't going to swim up that river anymore , because a bear named Tonkichi was there , and he was so good at catching salmon . Tonkichi never caught another decent salmon after that . The best he could do was catch an occasional skinny salmon and eat it , but the worst - tasting thing you could ever want to eat is a skinny salmon . " " He tried . They were best friends , after all . That 's what friends are for . Masakichi shared his honey with Tonkichi - for free ! But Tonkichi said , ' I can 't let you do that . It 'd be like taking advantage of you . ' Masakichi said , ' You don 't have to be such a stranger with me , Tonkichi . If I were in your position , you 'd do the same thing for me , I 'm sure . You would , wouldn 't you ? ' " Things didn 't stay that way between them for long , " Junpei said . " Tonkichi told Masakichi , ' We 're supposed to be friends . It 's not right for one friend to do all the giving and the other to do all the taking : that 's not real friendship . I 'm leaving this mountain now , Masakichi , and I 'll try my luck somewhere else . And if you and I meet up again somewhere , we will still be best friends . ' So they shook hands and parted . But after Tonkichi came down from the mountain , he didn 't know enough to be careful in the outside world , so a hunter caught him in a trap . That was the end of Tonkichi 's freedom . They sent him to the zoo . " The three of them had dinner together , as usual , in Sayoko 's apartment . Sayoko boiled a pot of spaghetti and defrosted some tomato sauce while Junpei made a salad of green beans and onions . They opened a bottle of red wine and poured Sala a glass of orange juice . When they had finished eating , and cleaning the kitchen , Junpei read to Sala from a picture book , but when bedtime came she resisted . " Mama takes her bra off under her clothes , puts it on the table , and puts it back on again . She has to keep one hand on the table . And we time her . She 's great ! " " Sala ! " Sayoko growled , shaking her head . " It 's just a little game we play at home . It 's not meant for anybody else . " " Oh , what 's the use , " Sayoko muttered . She took off her digital watch and handed it to Sala . " Now , you 're not going to give me any more trouble about going to bed , right ? O . K . , get ready to time me when I count to three . " Sayoko was wearing a baggy black crewneck sweater . She put both hands on the table and counted , " One . . . two . . . three ! " Like a turtle 's head retracting into its shell , her right hand disappeared up her sleeve , and then there was a light back - scratching kind of movement . Out came the right hand again , and the left hand went up its sleeve . Sayoko turned her head just a bit , and the left hand came out holding a white bra - a small one , with no wires . Without the slightest wasted motion , the hand and bra went back up the sleeve , and the hand came out again . Then the right hand pulled in , poked around at the back , and came out again . The end . Sayoko rested her right hand on her left on the table . " Twenty - five seconds , " Sala said . " That 's great , Mama , a new record ! Your best time so far was thirty - six seconds . " Sayoko stayed with her until her breathing was deep and steady , then joined Junpei on the sofa . " I have a confession to make , " she said . " I cheated . " " I wanted to make a new record , " she said , narrowing her eyes with a smile . He hadn 't seen her smile in that simple , mischievous way for a long time . Time wobbled on its axis inside Junpei , like curtains stirring in a breeze . He reached for Sayoko 's shoulder , and her hand took his . They came together on the sofa in a strong embrace . With complete naturalness , they wrapped their arms around each other and kissed . It was as if nothing had changed since the time they were nineteen . " We should have been like this to begin with , " Sayoko whispered after they had moved from the sofa to her bed . " But you didn 't get it . You just didn 't get it . Not till the salmon disappeared from the river . " They took their clothes off and held each other gently . Their hands groped clumsily , as if they were both having sex for the first time . They took their time , until they knew they were ready , and then at last Junpei entered Sayoko and she drew him in . None of this seemed real to Junpei . In the half - light , he felt as if he were crossing a deserted bridge that went on and on forever . He moved , and she moved with him . Again and again , he wanted to come , but he held himself back , fearing that , once it happened , the dream would end and everything would vanish . Then , behind him , he heard a slight creaking sound . The bedroom door was easing open . The light from the hallway took the shape of the door and fell on the rumpled bedclothes . Junpei raised himself and turned to see Sala standing against the light . Sayoko held her breath and moved her hips away , pulling Junpei out . Gathering the sheet to her breasts , she used one hand to straighten the hair on her forehead . Sala was not crying or screaming . Her right hand gripping the doorknob , she just stood there , looking at the two of them but seeing nothing . Her eyes were focussed on emptiness . " The Earthquake Man . He came and woke me up . He told me to tell you . He said he has the box ready for everybody . He said he 's waiting with the lid open . He said I should tell you that , and you would understand . " Sala slept in Sayoko 's bed that night . Junpei stretched out on the living - room sofa with a blanket , but he could not sleep . The TV faced the sofa , and for a very long time he stared at the dead screen . Junpei knew that they were inside there . They were waiting with the box open . Junpei felt a chill run up his spine , and , no matter how long he waited , it did not go away . He gave up trying to sleep and went to the kitchen . He made himself some coffee and sat at the kitchen table to drink it , but he felt something bunched up under one foot . It was Sayoko 's bra , still lying there . He picked it up and hung it on the back of a chair . It was a simple , white piece of underwear , devoid of decoration . It hung on the kitchen chair in the predawn darkness like some anonymous witness who had wandered in from a time long past . Junpei thought about his early days in college . He could still hear Takatsuki the first time they met , saying , " Hey , let 's get something to eat , " in that warm way of his , and he could see Takatsuki 's friendly smile that seemed to say , " Relax . The world is just going to keep getting better and better . " Where did we eat that time , Junpei wondered , and what did we have ? He couldn 't remember , though he was sure it was nothing special . " Why did you choose me to go to lunch with ? " Junpei had asked him that day . Takatsuki tapped his own temple with complete confidence . " I have a talent for picking the right friends at the right times in the right places . " And Takatsuki had not been wrong , Junpei thought , setting his coffee mug on the kitchen table . He did have an intuitive knack for picking the right friends . But that was not enough . Finding one person to love over the long haul of life was quite a different matter from finding friends . Junpei closed his eyes and thought about the stretch of time he had passed through . He did not want to think of it as something he had merely used up without any purpose . As soon as Sayoko woke in the morning , he would ask her to marry him , Junpei decided . He was sure now . He couldn 't waste another minute . Taking care not to make a sound , he opened the bedroom door and looked at Sayoko and Sala sleeping bundled in a comforter . Sala lay with her back to Sayoko , whose arm was draped on Sala 's shoulder . Junpei touched Sayoko 's hair where it fell across the pillow , and caressed Sala 's small , pink cheek with the tip of his finger . Neither of them stirred . He eased himself down to the carpeted floor by the bed , his back against the wall , to watch over them in their sleep . Eyes fixed on the hands of the clock , Junpei thought about the rest of the story for Sala . He had to find a way to end the tale of Masakichi and Tonkichi . There had to be a way to save Tonkichi from the zoo . Junpei retraced the story from the beginning . Before long , an idea began to sprout in his head , and , little by little , it took shape . Tonkichi had the same thought as Sala : he would use the honey that Masakichi had collected to bake honey pies . It didn 't take him long to realize that he had a real talent for making crisp , delicious honey pies . Masakichi took the honey pies to town and sold them to the people there . The people loved Tonkichi 's honey pies and bought them by the dozen . So Tonkichi and Masakichi never had to separate again : they lived happily ever after in the mountains . Sala would be sure to love the new ending . And so would Sayoko . I want to write stories that are different from the ones I 've written so far , Junpei thought . I want to write about people who dream and wait for the night to end , who long for the light so that they can hold the ones they love . But right now I have to stay here and keep watch over this woman and this girl . I will never let anyone - not anyone - try to put them into that crazy box , not even if the sky should fall or the earth crack open with a roar .

Leave a reply Tisha Porter didn 't think she was going to make it . Convinced she would die from her injuries , she left a blow by blow account of what happened to her and who was responsible . The why of it was still a mystery . Thanks to Detective Harlan James , Tisha was on the mend , but she was ready to get out of her father 's house and back into a house of her own . She was anxious to see that recently renovated old Victorian home and buy if she liked it . She wasn 't counting on the stress being too much for her still too weak body . Zachery Douglas was hosting the open house in the old Victorian . They 'd had more than two hundred people tour the house so far which was far more than he expected . And when Tisha walked through the door , he knew what she was to him , and he 'd do anything he had to do to make her his . Spencer Graham had been trying to get a hold of Jason Crosby for weeks , but he didn 't seem to answer emails , mail or the telephone . She had an idea that would make them a great deal of money , but she needed him to invest in her project before it was too late . So , barging into his home at 4 a . m . was the only solution as far as she was concerned . She didn 't , however , expect him to answer the door naked and proposition her as soon as she walked in the door . Spencer did the only thing that came natural to her , she knocked him on his ass … . Jason Crosby was nearly two thousand years old , and in all his days as a vampire , he 'd never seen anyone quite like her , not that he thought that was a good thing . He didn 't . She was his mate , and he was only going the tolerate her because he had to … . The building and surrounding area looked like a crater . The swing set , which may have held eight on it , was a twisted mess that hung from one of the blackened trees about a mile away . The slide was still sitting in its original place , yet barely resembled its former self . The only reason Harlan knew what it was is because he 'd seen his own kids on it . He looked over when someone said his name . " Four dead . We think . It 's going to be a little while before we can sort this mess out . If there were cars in the lot , I 'm not sure how long it will take before we can figure out not just the owners , but if they might have been here last night . Christ , this is a mess . " Harlan asked him if they 'd been able to get a list of teachers yet . " We 're still working on that . I have been able to canvas the damage surrounding this land . There has been one death that is apparently related to this explosion , but we won 't know for sure until all reports are in . Had this been in the city , Harlan , you know this would have been a hell of a lot worse . " " Yes . There are reports of windows blasted out eight miles from here . And I heard that one of the deaths was a man who had been on the street in front at the impact time and was killed by the blast . Is that the one that you 're talking about ? " Richard nodded . " As you know , had this happened only about ten hours later , there would have been children here , and a lot more bodies . " " We have narrowed down the center , we 're pretty sure . The city planner brought by the blueprints like you asked for , and he 's looking things over and thinks he knows where the epicenter is . Second grade room , as near we can tell . " Harlan wasn 't able to go to the area just yet ; the fire department was going over some of the wreckage to make sure that the fires were out . The bomb squad had left about half an hour ago . " The three bodies that we 've recovered here so far are two men from the janitorial service and a woman . No ID yet on the latter . We think it might have been the prin " Whoever this person was , they wanted this building gone , and didn 't care who was inside of it . It had a switch on location , meaning that it was set off by a simple movement or a lid being removed , so it mattered little to them when this thing went off . I would say that it more than likely was triggered by opening whatever it came here in , which I 'm thinking cardboard at this point . The others all depended on the main larger bomb , causing enough power to set them off as well . They were on a tumbler - like set off . Once they were moved , hard , they would blow . " Harlan asked him how long something like this would take to set up . " Hours . Maybe a few days . The person would have had to have access to the building , and no one to question what they were doing here . A good sense of the size , layout , as well as how much explosive material to use to get this sort of devastation . " " So whoever it was , they were known to those that work here , you 're thinking . I mean , the staff here , they didn 't have any issues with this person being in and out of here , so they could have pretty much done this without anyone having any clue . " Richard nodded . " This is some sick shit , you know that , right ? In another few hours , there would have been over four hundred people in this building , mostly kids . And then nearly seventy teachers and other staff . " " Don 't forget buses of kids that were being held to drop off at the higher grades , parents here dropping off little Jimmy for his first day , and any of the other hundreds of people that might have been passing by when this went off . " Harlan moved through the debris and other mangled things while they talked . " I heard that you 're having trouble locating two of the teachers . You think they might have been here too ? " " I hope to Christ not . Also , we did hear from the cleaning service . There were not three here , but six , to get the building ready for the first day . So far we 've had no luck at all trying to figure out if they showed up for work or not . The teacherssaw that the glass nearest the handle had been broken inward . Calling in backup , he was told to wait . It was then that he saw the blood . " I can 't wait . I can see that someone is hurt . Going in . " Instead of letting the dispatcher tell him to wait again , he muted his phone . He could be fired for it if this turned out to be nothing , but right now , he just didn 't care . As he made his way into the house , he noted in an abstract sort of way that it was neat . Not in a cleaned up sort of way - though it was that too - but more like this person did not care for clutter or fluff . Straight lines and hard surfaces were on everything , including the cushions on the chairs in the kitchen . It was also expensive , like this person spent all their money on their things , as they had no children or pets to muss it . Making his way to the living room , he could see the difference immediately . This was a room that was used ; comfort nearly screamed at him . The noise to his left gave him pause . He wasn 't in a good place in the house … the hallway he was in was not only open at both ends with rooms coming out from each side , but there were two doors that were opened in front of him , one on the right , the other on the left . But when he heard it again , he moved forward . " This is the Nevada Police . I 'm armed and have backup . " He heard the sirens getting closer and peeked quickly into the room to his right . Nothing . " Ms . Porter ? Can you hear me ? " " Yes . " He thought he heard her answer him but wasn 't sure . " I 'm dying . I 'm alone . " Relief was short lived when she cried out . " She hurt me . " Entering the room at the end , the doorway that spilled into the hall , he nearly backed away . The woman lying in a pool of blood looked as if she was indeed dying . Her body was not only covered in a great many of what looked like knife wounds , but she was beaten up as well . Moving closer , keeping his gun out , Harlan called for an ambulance . " I 'm Harlan James . Are you Tisha Porter ? " She nodded , then passed out . He could sthirty this morning , Alex had left . The facts in - between those times , he knew , would haunt him for years to come . By the time the ambulance arrived , he 'd called in a report on what he 'd found . Then he told his boss what she 'd written down about the other teacher , as well as having someone sent to her house to find the woman . Alexandra Grace was going to have a lot of explaining to do . ~ ~ ~ Randall moved through the hospital trying to figure out where he was to go . The nurse at the front desk had told him twice how to get to the operating area , but he was hurting in his heart so badly he only half remembered . When he saw two police officers , he made his way to them . " I 'm looking for my daughter , Tisha Porter . " The officer nodded at him and then took him to a man dressed in a dark suit . " My daughter , someone said that she was hurt . Tisha Porter is her name . She 's a teacher . Second grade . They all just love her . " " I 'm Harlan James , Mr . Porter . I came in with her . " Randall felt his knees simply give out on him . If Harlan hadn 't been there to catch him , he was sure he would have fallen . " Come on over here , Mr . Porter . We 'll talk while we wait . " " She loves teaching those children . I saw in the news that the entire building was blown up . I never got much from the man who called me . " Harlan said it had been him . " Was she in the building ? " " No . We found her at her home . That 's where we 're thinking she was hurt . Someone broke in . " Randall tried to think of why someone would harm his little girl . " She was beaten , and cut up pretty badly . The doctors here are doing all that they can to save her . You have a very smart and brave daughter , Mr . Porter . She 's helped us a great deal in this . " " That 's my baby . Always knew she was the best . I spoke to her just last night … I think it was the night before . It 's hard to think so much time has … . I had just called her to tell her to have fun with her first day . I teased her about her room being … . " He paused , trying to reme " She 's all I have in the world . Since her mother died , Tisha has become my whole world . I just saw her last weekend , and she was telling me how she 'd gotten all these nice learning tools from a shop online . And now this . " Harlan told him they were doing their best . " If you need anything , a kick in the ass to the mayor , you let me know . I 'll pull some strings and get you more manpower if you need it . You just let me know . I 'll get it for you . " " I think we have it for now , but I 'll keep that in mind . We 're working round the clock now , so I hope to have answers in a few days , if not sooner . " Randall nodded and Harlan stood up . " I 'm going to have someone at her room until we find this other person . And if you 'd be so kind , I 'd like for you to have a guard as well . Right now we don 't know the reason that any of this happened . So to be on the safe side , I 'd like to protect you as well . " " I have my own bodyguards . " Randall nodded to the hall where they were and the three men standing there . " Nothing will get past these men unless I tell them or they 're dead . If it will free up some of your men , I can assign them to her room as well . To be honest , sir , they 'll be there anyway . If you 'll agree to it , then nobody will get their underwear all tightened up by them being there too . " " I 'll let you know . " Randall nodded then was left alone . Making his way down the hall , he told Burt , his right hand man , what was going on as he sat in one of the most uncomfortable chairs he 'd ever been in . He also told Burt to set up some people on the inside for her safety . " You have it , sir . And may I suggest that we bring in that buddy of yours ? The retired agent ? He could be a little more help even from the sidelines . " Randall nodded . " Very good , sir . Have they told you how she 's doing ? I mean , more than you were told on the phone ? " " No . I 'd very much like it if you can run a check on any doctors and nurses she has contact with . And there is a person of interest that tto help himself , he tried to calm his nerves and heart . All he could think about was his daughter . Tisha had been born later in his life , he 'd been nearing forty and his wife just shy of that . Had anyone asked , he would have said they were happy being childless . They had money , a great deal of it , and traveled , and pretty much did anything that they wanted . Then Rachel had gotten pregnant and Tisha had come along . Randall was pretty sure until that moment he 'd not lived at all . Hadn 't taken a good breath of air , nor had his heart beat so well until he looked into the most beautiful pair of blue eyes he 'd ever seen . His baby girl , Tisha Randall Porter . She 'd been the best baby , and an even better child . No temper tantrums were ever thrown , nor did she give them a hard time about things . Of course , he 'd made sure that she had everything that she wanted … even if she only gave something a passing glance , he 'd get it for her . Until the day she turned seven . " I want to get a job . " He only nodded at her , indulging her even though he knew she 'd never have to work a day in her life , if he could help it . " My friend , Emma , has a job . And her grandma pays her for doing the dishes too . Not the pots and pans , but her pretty dishes she serves tea on . " " Tisha , I can give you money if that 's what you want . I have no problem with it . " She told him no , she wanted to earn her keep . " Honey , you don 't have to earn anything . We 're very wealthy . " " So are Emma 's mommy and daddy . And she has her own pocket money that she can do whatever she wants with and not have to ask . Why last month , she took me to get an ice cream soda , and no one knew about it but just the two of us . " Randall wondered just how much this other little girl was teaching his daughter . " I want to do this , Dad . You want me to be smart like you ? And know the value of money ? " " I do . And I 'm pretty sure that you have a good handle on the value of money . " Then she gave him that look . It wasn 't a pouty one , like most litAnother note to his list of things she 'd found out for him . As they went over her books , he was astonished not only at much she had learned by talking to the staff , but how much she 'd managed to save up as well . One hundred dollars just by doing odd jobs for those that worked for them . " All right , let 's see how you spent your cash , shall we ? " Randall had already had it in his head to get her a real ledger , as well as some colored pencils . It was the way that he 'd been keeping track of his earnings for years . Not only did he love seeing the numbers all lined up in neat rows , but when he had gotten a computer and it did the adding for him , he still found himself using his old tried and true method . " I 've put a computer on layaway . I had to have Molly help me with that . They 'd not sell me one at my age . I think it 's ridiculous that there has to be an age limit on learning , but now that it 's there , I pay on it every week and she takes it to the store for me . " Randall told her he 'd purchase it for her . " No , Dad . I 'm doing this on my own . " After an hour of going over everything , he 'd needed to find a quiet place to think . She had not just opened his eyes to his staff , but to the fact that she was not a baby any more . Randall would only admit this to himself , but he 'd had a good cry over that fact , and still got teary when he thought of it . " Mr . Porter ? " Dragging himself from his thoughts , he stared at the man in front of him for several seconds before he could think where he was . " Mr . Porter ? I 'm Doctor Fitzpatrick . I 've spoken to the police just now , and they told me that I could bring you up to date on your daughter 's surgery . " Randall sat up straighter in the chair and waited for the news . " She 's in grave condition , I 'm afraid , but I have hope that she 'll pull out of this . Tisha is young and in very good health . While she 's lost a great amount of blood and has had some pretty extensive wounds to her body , I think she stands a good chance of coming out of thin later and replace bone with metal in her hand , but for now , we have her in a hard cast to prevent her from doing more damage . " " Any internal injuries ? " The doctor nodded , then looked at him when Burt asked . " Was there brain damage ? What ? " " There is no way to soften the way I tell you this . Her abdomen was crushed , pelvis broken , and the fallopian tube on the right side was destroyed . Her womb was injured as well , to the point where it had to be removed or risk infection . As for her brain , we don 't yet know what sort of damage is there . After she wakes , if she does , we 'll be able to better determine where to go after that . " Randall felt his body just go limp . The words ' if she does ' were too much . His mind simply said this is too much , and he embraced the darkness where his little girl was safe in his dreams . Leave a reply Dane had no idea who she was . She 'd been shot and couldn 't even remember who she was hiding from . All she did know was she needed help , and when Julian Stanton found her , he took her to his family . Brayden Stanton was just tired of everything . It was time to leave Africa and go home to family . He called his dad to tell him that he was fed up with the job and he was on his way home , and he was bringing a fiancée with him . She wasn 't his mate , but he was going to make it work . He realized his mistake the moment he proposed . Danger comes at every turn . The women in Brayden 's life are surrounded with it . Both are lethal , but one has Brayden 's heart from the beginning . The question is , can the family survive it ? Chapter 1 She sat up , then promptly leaned over and threw up twice . The first time she 'd woken up , her head had hurt so badly she was sure something was stabbing her there . But one touch to her head had her fainting away again . Lying back down , she lay there trying to make the sick feeling in her head go away . Touching it gingerly , she felt the blood there again and the slice along her head , but there wasn 't any memory of how it had gotten there . Nor - and this frightened her more than the head wound did - who or where she was . Jane Doe . That 's what she 'd been referring to herself as since she 'd awoken the second time . It had been dark where she first holed up . Not that the daylight she had now made things any clearer for her . Looking around from her position on the floor , she realized that she might be in some really old building that hadn 't seen a broom or dust rag in a very long time . Slowly she rolled to her back , closing her eyes so she wouldn 't get sick again . " You need help , girl . " She had also started talking to herself , she realized , and wondered if that was new or something she did all the time . Asking herself questions about the things she did know about herself didn 't ring any bells either , but she listed them now . " You 've been shot and wounded . You 're female , and you 're smart enough to know that hiding out was the best course of action for yourself . And you carry a gun . " She wrapped her fingers around the gun that hadn 't left her side since she woke , and found it tucked tightly against her belly . It didn 't feel foreign to her , but like something that she wore as routinely as she did a shirt or socks . There was a holster for it , but the gun hadn 't been in it like it was now . Leather and steel , it had been strapped to her waist with one full magazine . Searching for any kind of identification hadn 't netted her anything . She had found a wound in her leg that had bothered her for a little bit , but not nearly like her head did . As she lay there , she thought of what couLeave a reply Who rescued who was still a little vague , but they escaped just the same . The lab called him SA - 8 , and they had made him into a very powerful weapon . But to Reese he was just Josh , a boy that could do amazing things , but a boy none the less - not a lab rat . That was two years ago - the lab had been relentless and lethal in their pursuit . With her big rig running on fumes , and their last dime spent , they wound up on a small town in Ohio … . Parker McCullough found an abandoned big rig parked on his land . It had been there a few days , and he wasn 't quite sure what to do about it . Calling the authorities seemed like the logical thing to do , but when he tried to do so , his cell phone went flying from his hand and a teenage boy appeared from nowhere . Parker thought the boy was an Elite Shifter , and after hearing a little of the boy 's story he wanted to help . Reese didn 't know who all these people were , but if she and Josh didn 't get away from them , the " others " would find them and they 'd all be dead , just like all the other people who had tried to help them along the way … . And now the gorgeous shifter , Parker , had her trapped in the kitchen claiming to be her mate … . She didn 't have time for herself , and she didn 't want to see them all die because they 'd helped her and Josh - Reese was out of options . Parker walked around the big semi three times before he made his way to the driver 's door again . He glanced over at his dad when he came around the back end of the thing , having just jumped down off the hitch . He was glad now that Dad had come with him today . " Don 't see nothing to indicate that it 's broke down . " Parker said he didn 't either . " Strange thing though , like you said , there ain 't no scent on it . Like it just appeared here without a driver . Mighty weird . " " No kidding . I saw it two days ago but thought whatever was going on , they 'd have come back for it by now . But nothing . And the door is unlocked . " His dad asked him if he 'd been inside . " Yes . Just to look but not enter . There isn 't anything in there either . Like you said , it magically appeared . " Parker pulled out his phone . " You calling the cops ? " Before he could tell his dad he was , something came out of nowhere and knocked him on his ass . His dad was backing from him and whatever it was that had attacked . His phone had been tossed away from him , and just as he was reaching for it , a boy appeared . " Christ love a waddling whale . " Parker glanced at his dad , wondering not for the first time where the hell he got his little sayings . But he also knew that he 'd been frightened too . The boy picked up his phone but didn 't hand it to him . " I 'd rather you didn 't bother with the police . They have a tendency to make matters worse for us . And for the moment , she 's happy . " Parker asked him who . " Reese . We 've been on the run for a long time and she 's having fun and relaxing . She needs it more than I thought she did . It 's been a while since she 's been able to do that , relax I mean . And we need the money , I 'm afraid . The rig , it 's very hard on gas and she 's not getting much in the way of work . More than likely due to the men chasing after us . " " I see . " The boy looked at his Parker 's dad then put out his hand to help Parker up , but Parker ignored it for now . " This woman , she owns this rig ? And if so , why is it on my property ? " " It was the only place we could find so that the men trying to find us didn 't see it . We won 't be here much longer , really . The trees will be turning soon , what with autumn coming . It 'll be more visible then and we can 't stay . You understand . " Parker looked at the hand still offered , then at the boy . " My name is Josh Savage . The Josh part is what I picked out , but the last is what I was given at the lab . " " Lab ? " Josh nodded , shaking his hand at him as if to say , take it . " I 'm a bit heavier than I look . If you would just back up a bit , I could get up and we can figure out what we 're going to do about these men chasing you . " " That would be nice , but it 's doubtful that you could help us much . They 're very determined , you see . " When he put his hand closer , Parker took it . The grip was startling , but it was the immediate connection that shocked him more . The kid was an elite shifter . " I 'm not what you think . You 're a jaguar , correct ? " " Yes . Parker McCullough . This is my dad , Rich . " The boy shook his hand then turned to do the same to his dad . He knew the moment that his dad felt the connection as well . " These people , can you tell me why they 're chasing after you ? " " Yes . I can . " But when no more was forthcoming , Parker looked at his dad for help . The boy laughed a little . Parker had no idea , but he thought it sounded sort of sad . " I can tell you but alas , I cannot . Reese , she says that I 'm too trusting . I suppose in a way that I am . But since I have all the information I need to know about you and that you 're trustworthy , I feel I can . But I need to ask her first . She is not trusting at all . " " This Reese … is she in trouble too ? " Josh nodded . " And these people that are looking for the two of you , do you suppose they 'll kill you when they find you ? " " Not me . Not right away . They need to take me apart , so to speak . To see what I can do if they use their weapons on me . And if I can be made into a weapon . Which , I assure you , I can . But Reese will die . Immediately if they can work it . She is of no use to them other than to get me to do as they wish . " Parker asked him if he would do that if they had Reese . " I would like to , but she has made me promise that I will not fall prey to their demands . She said that they would do as they pleased with her even after they capture me anyway , and that if I can , I am to take them all out . " Parker wasn 't sure what to do now . If he called the police , which he knew that he should , then he 'd have both their deaths on his head . He had no doubt whatsoever that Josh was telling him the truth in this . He looked at his dad when he started to laugh . " I 'm telling you right now that I think this is gonna end badly . Not for you boys , but for those that are chasing that girl and this one . " Parker asked him how he 'd come to that conclusion . " I don 't really know , but I have a feeling now that we 're involved - and we were the second that truck there pulled onto your land - that the rest of us is gonna be working on this . I don 't know how , like I said , but there you go . " Parker turned to Josh . The kid was smiling at his dad but not saying anything . He didn 't know why , but Parker had a feeling the kid didn 't say much of anything unless asked directly . Parker looked at the semi again and thought of someone finding it . " I have a barn we can have Reese pull this into . It 'll be safer than it is out here . Also , I don 't know where you 're staying , with her or not , but I have plenty of room at my place that 'll be safer than the truck or wherever you are hiding now . " Josh told him . " Then I 'm sure of it . Margaret runs a nice place but it 's not terribly secure . If she doesn 't want to stay at my house , I have a married brother that can put the two of you up as well . " At least he hoped so . And with these guys coming around , it would be a good thing to have them close to Lauren . She was way more bad assed than any person that he 'd ever met . Parker looked at his dad when he cleared his throat . " Might want to go and see this girl . Just to let her know in person what you have in mind . " He nodded . " And Parker , I 'd make this a request , not a demand . Things don 't go well when you boys make demands on women . " " No , I 'd never do that . I do think that the semi going into the barn would be better . But if she has other plans that 's fine too . " He looked at Josh then . " You know where she is ? " " Working . She works for May Roy , at Roy 's Place . Reese cooks for the morning group and sometimes , a lot lately , for the lunch one too . They like her . " His dad laughed . " You 've tasted her food ? " " I believe that I have . Every morning , as a matter of fact . She 's been there about a week and a half now , correct ? " Josh nodded and smiled . " Thought so . May is a wonderful woman and the best bartender you might want to come across . And Margaret is about the sweetest , most ornery woman you 'd want to meet . But neither of them could cook a meal and have it come out right if their lives depended on it . Yes , sir , Reese is a fine cook . " They made their way to his dad 's truck . They 'd come out here together to have a look at the tomatoes and corn that he 'd planted . His dad wanted to open up a little roadside place to get rid of the stuff he didn 't need , and Parker had brought him out to show him just how much there was . As he put a bushel of tomatoes and corn with some potatoes in the back of the truck , he thought of the young boy . He wasn 't human , that much was certain . And he 'd told him that he wasn 't right in thinking he was an elite shifter either . Parker had no idea what that might mean , nor the part about the lab that he talked about . Why a bunch of men would want anything to do with this kid was beyond him ; especially enough to kill for him . " Look . " They both turned to see a black SUV go by them . It was going pretty fast so he doubted that anyone in the thing had seen the truck , but he worried . " I 'm thinking we might want to circle our wagons . There is gonna be trouble if we don 't help them . " " I agree . " As he reached for his family , he was glad when Lauren said she was in town and would go by the diner to look around . He told her about the boy and the woman ; also about the semi that was parked on his land . I 'll see what I can do about that too . Bear is with me , as well as a few others . We 're here looking around for someplace to have a couple of meets and greets . He was almost afraid to ask her what that meant . I 'll keep an eye on things on this end for you . And Bear is gonna move the vehicle now . The barn unlocked ? Yes . He didn 't ask how Bear was going to move the big rig . There had been no keys in the sucker that he 'd seen , and he was pretty sure that , without her knowing them , Reese wasn 't going to hand over the keys to them . Just tell him not to damage anything on the truck or the barn . I have stuff in there for the house that I bought cheap , but I don 't want it damaged . She was still laughing at him when they pulled up in front of the diner alongside three big black vehicles without any sign of license plates . He could see the men in the cars as he walked by them . Parker felt the hair on his neck dance in fear . Reese nearly screamed when someone spoke to her from behind . When she turned , holding the spatula like a weapon , the woman simply took it from her and pointed to the walk - in . Reese started to ask her what the hell she was doing when Josh came in the back room with them . She 's going to help us . Reese wanted to ask him how and why they might need help when he continued . They 're here . And before you think to run , they 're all around this place . Do as she asks , please . I think she can help us . She was so afraid that she stood there for a few seconds just staring at the woman . When the woman pulled out a gun and then nodded to the walk - in again , Reese went where she was told , grabbing Josh 's hand as she passed him to take him with her . As soon as the door closed behind them , she looked at her friend . " What the hell is going on ? " He smiled at her but she could see the fear . " How did they find us ? We … . The truck . They found the truck , didn 't they ? " " Not that I 'm aware of . But a man did find it . He said that he 'd take care that it was safe . " She asked him how they were going to do that . " He has a barn . I have been over his property . The barn is sufficient to hide it in . Also , he said that we should stay with him rather than the hotel . I think that might be a better plan . When I came here , they were at the hotel too . May , she was calling the police even as they left her office . " When the door opened , she had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming . The elderly man standing there smiled at her and asked her to please come with him . Josh started forward and she grabbed him by the arm . " I don 't know you and I 'm not going anywhere with you . That woman out there , she has a gun . While I think that can be a good thing , as I said , I don 't know you . " He nodded and told her that he knew Josh . " How do you know him ? Did you call these guys ? Did you tell them that I would give him up ? I have news for you , you overgrown fucking bastard , I will not go down easily . " " Good for you . And my family isn 't going to let a thing happen to either of you now . " She started to ask him why but she wasn 't given the chance . " Lauren is talking to those men now . She would like for you two to come to the house with me . She assures me that they 'll not know you 're there . And I 'd believe her if I were you . She 's got a way about her that makes grown men sob when she doesn 't get her way . I love her to death , you see , but she scares the bejeebes out of me too . " " Sob ? What the hell is a bejeebe ? Never mind , I don 't want to know . " He nodded and that was when she heard talking . Well , shouting might have been a better term . As she made her way out of the walk - in with Josh , she peeked into the dining room where she knew the woman had gone . Reese could see her back to her and four men down on their knees in front of Lauren . Two men were standing behind the men , one of them with a gun to the bigger guy 's head and the other man holding a knife to the throat of the last guy . Reese wondered what the hell was going on when the woman spoke . " You see , I don 't really give a fucking good shit what you think you 're going to have done to me . In the event that you might have missed this , I 'm holding all the cards right now . " A man spoke then , telling the woman that she was going to pay for this . " Nah , I don 't think so . You can think that all you want , but the only thing I might have to pay for is the mess in this dining room should I have to kill you all . Margaret gets kinda pissy when I make a bloody mess in here . She might even bar me from coming here again . It was pretty messy the last time . " " Honey , if you break one table in taking care of these fools , I 'll be happy as lemonade on a warm day . They done went and dicked around with our hotel too . Messed up two of the rooms like they owned them . May and me are not gonna be able to rent them out for a time now , and that 's just not right . You have to kill ' em , then you go on ahead and do it . " The woman asked the men if that was true . But Margaret answered for them . " You darned right it 's true . The guest staying there isn 't gonna be a bit happy to find all her things a mess . " Her things ? Reese wanted to know , but the man behind her touched her arm . When she turned to him , she could see fear and something more . Something in his eyes told her that he was afraid for her . When she shook her head at him , turning back to the scene in front of her , Reese had a feeling that the four men weren 't going to get out of there without some heavy fines . " We 're not paying for shit . " The man behind him popped him in the back of the head with his gun . " You fucking do that again and I 'm going to tear you apart . I 'm here on official business . That woman , the one that we were telling you about , she 's kidnapped my boss 's son . And he wants him back . You either hand him over , with the woman , or I 'm going to call in the troops . " " Troops ? Would that be the army ? Or perhaps you might have been thinking of some other branch of the services ? " The man told the woman that he 'd call who was necessary to finish this peacefully . " I think that boat has done sank , don 't you ? Peaceful went out the door the moment you came into my town and messed with my friends . Perhaps later , if you 're still breathing that is , I can show you the meaning of the word . I think there might be a dictionary around I can use . By the way , you can read , can 't you ? " " Yes , I can fucking read , you cunt . You 're going to regret this . " She nodded and pulled out her phone . When whoever on the other end answered , the woman said her name , Lauren McCullough , and that she had a problem here . " You think this is gonna win you points with the boss ? I got news for you , bitch , he 'll take you down with that brat and woman . " " You think ? Here , my boss wants a word with you . " She held the phone to his ear and when the man paled , Reese looked at Josh when he laughed . When the woman turned and winked at them , Reese backed from the scene . Something was going on there , something bigger than her and Josh . As they made their way out the back of the diner , she tried to tell herself that this was going to work out . That the woman in there , whatever boss she had , was going to give her enough time to get out of town with Josh . She had no idea how that was going to happen , but she was going to do it . Then the older man said her name and she looked at him . He did look sad . " You have nothing left at the hotel , child . Those men destroyed everything in the room . Parker is there now with the police getting things squared away . Also , we 've had your truck moved to the barn on his place so nobody will notice it . You have to know that you can 't keep doing this , running like this . Not now . " She nodded . Reese didn 't even have the strength to cry . " You come on home with me and we 'll have my wife make you up a nice dinner and gather you up something more to wear . Parker will be along in a bit and you can go out to his place to stay . He 's a good boy , my Parker . " " They 're going to figure out where we are and come there too . You might be better off just dropping me off at my truck . Josh and I need to head out of town now while the getting is good . " The man turned the opposite way of her truck and she just sat there . It wasn 't until Josh took her hand and reminded her that the truck was hidden in Parker 's barn that she started to cry . " We 've had a good run , haven 't we ? I 'm sorry . So sorry about this . " " Now you see here . This isn 't done . It might look like the storm has come in and is raining on your party , but those men , they don 't know what they 've messed with in coming to the McCullough doorstep . " She nodded at the older man . " Chin up there , child . You 're in good hands now . We 'll get the two of you safe . " " You have no idea how long we 've been running . And what sort of monsters they are . They just don 't care who they hurt to get us . Josh is all I have . " When Josh said he had to go , she simply rolled down the window and watched him fly away . If the man was shocked , he didn 't say anything . Then something occurred to her . " You spoke to Josh . He told you what was going on , didn 't he ? " " No . Well , yes and no . We talked to him . My son , Parker , the one that 's out there getting things squared away with May , he and I were out looking at the truck you left here . Josh sort of just come out of nowhere at us . Told us a little , that you and him were in trouble , but not why or with who . " She said nothing , not sure how much the man really did know . " So when he told us about the diner , we were headed out that way when those cars flew by us . Josh , he went on ahead to see to you and we come in a little later . My daughter - in - law - that 's Lauren that came in with me - she was already in town with her men and headed in first . She 's scary , that one is . Love her to death , but she can be a mite intense when she 's got herself in a pickle . " " Yeah , I noticed that too . But we 're broke and down on our luck . I was doing okay for a while , then the runs sort of dried up for us . " He nodded but didn 't question the way of her runs . " Josh isn 't really my nephew . He 's my friend . " " Didn 't figure that after meeting you . I know that you 're human and he … well , he ain 't . I can see that the two of you are close though . Yes , ma ' am . He sure does love you . " She told the man that she loved Josh as well . " My name is Rich McCullough . My missus , Bea , she 's rounding you and the boy up a meal right now . It might be a little cramped at the table with us all , but you just leave that to us . We 'll get you in . " " You don 't have to do this , Mr . McCullough . We 'll be fine once we 're rolling . " He only told her that she was all right . " I don 't want these men coming here and hurting you guys . It 's our fight . " " It 's mine too , and that of my family . When you parked on the land out there , you sort of give us the okay to take you in . You 're not going to be with a better family than this one . " She didn 't say anything , knowing that talk was cheap and she was going to be going as soon as she could get Josh to her . " Josh mentioned a lab , said that 's where the men are coming from . You work there ? " " No , I never worked there . I did deliver things to there for a time , but I never worked there . And after talking with Josh , I 'm glad that I never did . " She waited for him to ask her about Josh but he only nodded . " Those men aren 't going to give up . They want him back . And as I said , they 'll go to great lengths to get him . " " Well , I 'm not worried and you shouldn 't be either . It 's not going to happen . Not so long as you 're here with us . " Reese said nothing again . " I 'm assuming that Reese is your right name . May called you Anna . Anna Reese . You thinking that was gonna hide you some ? " " I wasn 't sure . I 've never been on the run before . " Mr . McCullough laughed and said he 'd not been either . " I think you should just let this go . As I said , these men aren 't going to give up , and they 'll hurt or kill whoever is in their way . " " You just leave them to us . We 'll take care of them . " She thought of all the things these men , all of them , had done to people who had helped her . Reese knew that she shouldn 't have stopped to work for the little diner , nor stayed in the small but clean hotel , but she 'd been tired and broke . She would have to take better care from now on . " What 's the name of this here lab ? " " Barker Benton Institute of Regeneration . It goes by BBIR . " She looked at the man when she told him the name . It hadn 't been her intention to tell him . In fact , she 'd not told a single person she had asked for help what the name was . " You made me tell you . " " No . I 'd like to think I had that much power over someone , but I didn 't . And so you know , I 'd not do that to you anyway . You 're worn down and that just slipped out . You 'll see , we 're a good group of people to have in your corner . Lauren , she 's going to have a look - see into them and find out what she can . Her and my son , Colin , they 'll have a whole lot of information before dinner is done , I 'm betting . And a way to figure this out too . We got us some pretty powerful people in our neck of the woods now , you wait and see . " " You mean Lauren 's boss ? " He looked at her and nodded . " I 'm betting that he 's just another man with a lot of money just waiting to get Josh in his hands . Well , I got news for everyone … over my dead body will he ever go back there and be tested on . " " I believe you . But when Lauren and Colin sit down with you to talk about this , I 'd like for you to have an open mind . Her boss might just surprise you . " Reese doubted it . She had become really jaded over the years on the run . " Here we go . Home sweethome . " Logan Douglas was bored . Everyone seemed to have something to do , a purpose , except him , and he didn 't know what to do about it . He needed to get out of town or get a life before he killed somebody . And if Mason made one more snide remark about him being available because he didn 't have anything better to do it was gonna be him . Charlie Stone knew the meaning of being overworked and underpaid . That was the story of her life . If she hadn 't needed what little pay she got from the nursing home , she 'd have quit a long time ago . Now , the police were shutting the place down and she had nowhere to go . Logan had found his mate , Mary Shafer , when they were still children . They knew what they were to each other , but Mary had been killed by a drunk driver when she was only ten . As far as Logan was concerned he 'd lost his only shot at love . One mate in a lifetime , everyone knew that . But what Logan couldn 't understand was his attraction to the feisty beauty , Charlie Stone . She couldn 't be his mate , he 'd already lost his shot at that … . " I 've no idea . " And he didn 't as he sat there looking at the paperwork in front of him . Logan wanted to hand it over to his brother again , but Zach had asked him to come over and look at it and he was going to do that . But as far as knowing if it was a good deal or not , he wasn 't sure what to tell his brother . " To me the interest seems a little high . But then as Landon said , I only have this ground as my backup , and I 've not made but two payments on it so far . And the first one was late because I forgot to take it to the bank while they were open . " Logan handed the paperwork to purchase the tractor Zach needed back to his brother as Zach continued . " It wasn 't really late , but I wanted to pay it on the day it was due , not the next day . " " You 're going to hurt yourself overthinking this shit . " Logan got up and pulled them both a bottle of water from the fridge before being seated again . " Okay , here 's the way I see it . You only get the interest charged to you when you drag out the payments for as long as this loan is for . I 'd not pay it off too soon … there is the matter of you having no credit . But after a year , I 'd pay it off and move on to something bigger . You 'll more than likely need it the way things are going out there anyway . " " The family is buying the grain I raise the first three years . I can 't sell to anyone else . " Logan said he knew that . " And Jace is paying to have a barn put in , one that will hold all that I can grow , as well as the tractor . " " I 've seen the plans . It 'll be large enough to hold three of these suckers . " He took a drink of his water , trying his best not to think of what was going on right under his ass with his own home ; and to not be angry about it . He was angry a great deal lately , and wasn 't entirely sure why . " I 'm guessing that the work on your home will be finished before Christmas , right ? " Zach said that things were moving right along . When Logan had moved into the family house , given to him by his aunt , he 'd had no idea what he was getting into . The furniture was all nearly new ; the carpets were worn through in some places but in otherwise usable condition . And he had a roof over his head that didn 't leak , so long as it didn 't rain for more than three or so hours . When the furnace , nearly as old as he was , broke down , he 'd called in someone to fix or replace it . What they found was that not only was the furnace not worth saving , but the house would be , even with the installment of the new furnace , worth less than it would cost him to have the furnace put in . The foundation was shot . Logan had to find someplace to live . He 'd been told that with the age of the house , the way that it was out of date , and now the foundation , he 'd be better off building new rather than fixing . He knew that in order to have a safe home he was going to have to start over or find himself an apartment in town and use the land for something else . What that was , he had no idea . He 'd not decided on what he wanted to do yet . Moving away - out of the ranching business , the family business , and away from them all - was sounding better and better all the time of late . Not that he didn 't love them , but he was bored out of his ever loving mind . " How much longer are you going to be staying here ? I 'm to understand that you 've been told to move out . " Logan told him he was working on it . " It 's really sad to see it go , don 't you think ? There are a great many memories here . And in the yard . I don 't know that I 'd be able to have it torn down either . " " I have someone coming in next week to pack everything up . You got what you wanted out of here , right ? " Zach said that he had . " Jace and Mason are coming by later to get the rest of the things they picked out . And there are the pictures that I still have to go through . I 've taken them to a storage unit in the event something terrible happens here . I never realized how many boxes there were . " " I don 't envy you at all . " Logan assured him it wasn 't so bad . Zach stood up and stretched , and said , " Okay , I 'm going to sign the paperwork and have them deliver the tractor when it gets into town . I think they said five days from the time I get the money to them until I have it . But about the house , Logan … as I said before , you can come and stay with me should you want . That trailer that I 'm staying in is pretty nice . " Logan sat at the table for another hour before he got up to make himself some dinner . The rest of the family , his other brothers that were mated , had butlers , cooks , and maids . He and Zach were the only two that had to make due for themselves . Logan wasn 't sure , but he thought he might like his way better . Less people underfoot . As he made his way to the ranch , riding old Sable , his horse , he thought of his days now . He 'd been in charge of repairs , a daily thing , since before Jace had married . And since there was nothing old - not even houses , except his own , that were older than a few months old - his job consisted of taking hay out of a trailer that might be on the property and loading it in one of the many barns that held it for the cattle and horses . Or - and this one drove him nuttier than a fruitcake at Christmas - he was set to ride lines . Lines that a hundred other people working the ranch checked every day when they were out and about . Frankly , he was thinking of taking a job in town , just to have something to occupy his mind rather than all the things he wished he could do . And just lately he 'd been thinking of going into one of the barns and breaking a bunch of the new shit so he 'd feel useful again . Viable , he thought . Because for all his family saying that they needed him around , Logan certainly didn 't feel it . He felt like a fifth wheel . " Just the man that I wanted to see . " He looked at the tractor trailer in the yard that he could see was filled with bales of hay , and then back at Mercedes . " I think that can wait a minute or two , don 't you ? " " Yes , ma ' am . " He tipped his hat back , wondering what she 'd need him for . As far as he knew , she had several of the hands eating right out of her hand . " I do have an appointment at noonish with one of the builders . Do you think it 'll take that long ? " " No . It 's a matter of one of my pieces of equipment . Georgie said you might be able to help with the instructions . " He said he 'd give it a try . " I was hoping you 'd say that . And so you know , I had no idea you could speak another language . " " I can when pressed . " He could actually speak ten languages , not including a few that he was picking up from reading books - antique books that were older than Monroe - and he was good at math . Of any kind . She handed him a stapled together stack of papers that looked like photo copies of photo copies of a manual . " And this would go with which of your fancy new machines ? " " The portable ultrasound machine for the animals . Mostly for the horses , but I thought using it for the cows won 't be much different if need be . " He nodded and started reading the instructions while she explained . " I have read the English ones three times and I keep coming up confused . I think it was poorly translated . I 'm not sure from which language , but I know it 's not well done . " " This is wonderful . Thank you so much . How did you do it ? " He explained how whoever had set it up had simply pushed the wrong button . " That 's it ? I 've been playing with this thing for three days and you only had to change the language ? Christ , I should have asked you sooner . " It was more complicated than that . There was also uploading the new software that hadn 't been updated before it was sent to her , and turning on the links she would need to be able to read it in her office and out in the field . But he only shrugged when she thanked him again . " I 'd have thought you 'd have more of this done by now . " Logan said nothing but felt his temper rise . " Not that it matters . But I was wondering what your plans are for this evening . I have this meeting I have to attend in town and wondered if you 'd go with me . " " Everyone else too busy ? " He knew that he sounded bitter but didn 't bother taking it back . " I don 't have any plans . What sort of dress is required ? I don 't own a suit that fits anymore . And my other tux is at the cleaners . " He was snipping , and the more he said the more his voice took a nasty turn . By the time he talked about his tux and the lack of having one , he was nearly ready to leap at his brother and tear him apart . An overreaction , yes , but he just couldn 't seem to control his temper of late . " What 's up your ass ? " Logan just popped his neck but said nothing . " For the last week you 've been biting and snipping at anyone that comes close enough to talk to you . Even Bonnie , who I might add you made cry . If you have an issue with one of us , you should tell us before you get hurt . " " You want to try and hurt me , Mason , then bring it on . I 'm about in the mood to kick your ass all over this ranch . " When Mason started to climb up on the hay with him , he looked at the doorway where someone had whistled at them . To them would have been a better description . It was more of a way to get their attention . Landon looked amused as he took his fingers out of his mouth . " You boys got nothing better to do than beat each other to snot , then I 'd like to borrow Logan for a minute or two first . I don 't have time to hear his bellyaching any more than I do yours , Mason . " Logan looked at Mason , who looked ready to commit murder . " Or I could just go on in and tell your aunt that you 're out here making a mess of things when there is work to be done . I 'm thinking you boys are still afraid of her even though you 're grown men . " " What is it you want ? " Logan cleared his throat and started again when Landon only cocked a brow at him . " I 'm moving hay . Again . And probably will be tomorrow too , if you want to know the truth of it . Whatever you want , you 'll have to ask the master here . " Mason looked ready to resume the fight that Logan had offered up to him . It was on the tip of his tongue to provoke him more , but Landon laughed . Logan stretched his neck again and got down off the trailer . " We 're not done here . " Logan just nodded . If he was honest with himself and Mason , he had no idea why but he thought he 'd actually love for Mason to hit him ; a lot , and hard . He walked to Landon and told him he was free to help him . Mason continued talking as he walked to the older man . " Logan , when you get back , we 're going to talk . " Saying nothing , Logan followed Landon to his truck and got in . It was walk away or have the shit knocked out of him . Mason wasn 't a mean fighter … neither was he , but Logan wanted blood , and he didn 't care if he had to shed a bit to get it . He was angry all the time he thought , too angry . " You wanna talk about it ? " Logan told Landon that he didn 't . " Well , suit yourself , but you should know you keep it up and there is going to be some tarring and feathering going on . You 've been making quite the name for yourself around here of late . " " I 'm bored . " Landon said he could see that . " And fighting with someone will make me less tense . I think . I 'm thinking that I need to move on . The house , the land , the lack of jobs … it 's taking its toll on me . And my well - being . All I want to do is just sit at home and stay there . Not have any contact with anyone at all . And I 'm sick of doing shit jobs , Landon . I haven 't done a damned thing worthwhile in a long time . " " What if I needed you for something that hasn 't a thing to do with cows and horses ? Heck fire , boy , I 'm not sure that this 'll be anything that I might like , but I 'm bored too . " Logan pointed out that he wasn 't fighting with his family . " No . No , I 'm not . Could , I suppose , if I wanted to be in the dog house with my wife , or on the outs with my daughter and son - in - law . I 've been getting myself in and out of trouble like you have , and I think we need a plan . " As they turned down a driveway , Logan felt himself begin to relax . He rolled the window down , despite the cold of the air , and thought maybe he should get a new truck . Or at least something that he could drive around in style . Not that he could afford something like this vehicle , and he didn 't need anything to get around in but his steady and sometimes slow horse . But Logan thought he might enjoy having something . When the truck stopped moving , he looked out the front glass , only just realizing that he 'd closed his eyes , and looked at the house and barn . " Is this the Martin farm ? " Landon said it was and got out . Logan was almost afraid to join him . He 'd heard stories about this place all his life . Most of them he knew were untrue , but to see this place now , he could almost believe them . The area surrounding the big house was unkempt and overgrown . " You thinking about the ghosts that haunt it here ? I been out here three times in the last month . I haven 't seen a single darn one of them . " Logan asked him where the Martins were . " William died about three months ago , poor old soul . He knew it was coming ; had me out to talk to him a bit here and there . Then when he passed on , the kids stuffed Dolly into one of the nursing places where she is tied to a bed all day and only let out when it 's feeding time . But she 's getting out soon , I heard . Had a doctor say she was doing all right and able to get out to one of them assisted living places . I don 't imagine that sets too well with them kids of theirs . They 're a lot like my Dirk was . Everything is about them . " Logan knew that Landon and his wife still hurt about Dirk and what he 'd done to them . He also knew that Katie was getting help , too , for her depression . Logan loved these two people like no one he 'd ever loved before . His own parents had been gone for so long , he 'd begun to think of them as their substitutes a long time ago . " I 'm sorry , Landon . I truly am . But I have to admit , I don 't remember seeing anything about the Martins ' children . " He looked at Landon when he said nothing . " We helped them out last year . He got sick and we came to help him and his men out by picking grapes . I liked Mr . and Mrs . Martin , but like I said , the children weren 't around then . " " Yeah , I remember that . Right proud of you for doing that too . But he never did recover from what had put him down . Heard tell that when he passed on the kids were so mad at him that they only did what they had to do to get him buried . Then when the will was read , they got rid of their Mom too . I 've been to see her a couple of times . " Logan said he thought they 'd been friends of his parents . " Your parents , they did right by them . Even before you boys were coming along , they 'd go over and help them out . Their own kids never did appreciate them . " Landon opened the front door to the house . Logan was surprised to see that the man not only had a key , but seemed to know just where the light switches were , as well as glasses in the cabinets . But when he pulled a pitcher of tea from the fridge , Logan asked him what was going on . " Six months or so before William passed on , he called me over here to have a little talk . And some of his wife 's pie . She couldn 't bake one to save her life , even when she poured the middle of it from a can , so I knew when I got here that I was in trouble . He was dying even then , he told me , and needed my help . " Logan nodded , sipping his drink . " Dirk was alive then . He 'd been in trouble with something , like he always was , and I called William back to beg off . But he said that he wasn 't long for this world and it would do him good to see me . So I packed myself up and came over . I found that in the three or four months since I 'd seen him last , William had aged a great deal . " " His kids . " Landon nodded and got up and brought them a box of cookies . Not the kind that was homemade , but ones that had been processed so much they were only cookies because some ad guy said so . " What happened when you got here ? " " He told me that he wasn 't going to be around long , and that he needed to settle some debts up before he passed on . One of them being about his daughter , the one that he 'd fathered when he was a younger man . " Logan leaned back in his chair and said nothing . " I can see where your mind is going . You 're thinking that I might should have stayed at home . And I might agree with you but for what I found out . She 's gone ; this girl died before he had time to do much for her . He found out about her too late . You knew her too , Logan . " " No , I don 't think so . I told you , I didn 't know his children . " He watched Landon pull out some pictures from a worn yellowed envelope , and almost wanted to get up and leave when he handed him one of them . Even upside down , he knew the face when he held it . " Landon , whatever you think you know , I 'd just as soon you tell me . Those pictures … you know as well as I that she was not a child of Mr . Martin 's . " " But she was . A child he fathered long ago . An affair , he told me , one that he regretted the moment he did it , but for the child he never knew . Mary Shafer , she was his little girl . " Logan took the picture and held it but didn 't look . He knew what she looked like as well as he knew his own face . " You and her , you were mates . " " Yes . We were . She was killed by a drunk driver when she was ten . We 'd been in school together , hung out when we could . I knew when I saw her what she was to me , even as young as I was . I tried to help her , protect her , but that was out of my hands . " Landon said he knew that too , William had told him . " I had no idea that William was her father . Not that it mattered to us who she was . We were just children . " " Yes , you were . Now , Dolly , William 's wife , she knew who she was too . Even the mother . Dolly was a better woman , I think , than most would have been , and opened her doors to the child when it was apparent that her mother wasn 't giving her the things that she and William had sacrificed to get her . Clothing , a better home . All the money he sent for her each month went to habits that weren 't beneficial to her child . So when she was killed , little Mary was in his will too . " Logan got up and paced the big spacious kitchen . " Logan , William knew who - " " No . I don 't want to hear it . " Landon said nothing . " Whatever plan the two of you hatched up , it has nothing at all to do with me . Mary died , and I knew then that things like having a mate and a home life were gone to me . I 've moved on . I had no choice , but that didn 't stop me from grieving for her like I 'd killed her myself . " " Have you moved on , Logan ? On account ' a , from where I 'm sitting , you 're stuck . " Logan stared at the man who had been the father figure he 'd never had . His dad might have been just like Landon McBride , more than likely would have been right there with them in this room . But he 'd died . " You 're carrying around some powerful hurt now . Seeing the others get their own mates , them having babies . You 're hurting , aren 't you ? " thought of the little girl who had meant the world to him . He realized then that Landon was right . He was jealous of his brothers , and was letting it color his world . " She and I were inseparable . We did everything together … skinny dipping in the pond not far from here , sneaking into the barn late at night . I 'd bring her food and blankets . One summer she spent the better part of it in that big barn , eating what leftovers I could sneak out to her . I was never sure why she was there or why she wasn 't getting enough to eat wherever she was from , but we had fun . I even brought her things in the house and washed them up when no one was looking . " He knew that his aunt had guessed she was there , or that someone was , and had begun leaving things like extra chicken and bread on the counter for him to take . " Then one day , just like that , she was gone , dead because some bastard ran a stop sign and killed her at a crosswalk . " " He left it all to you . " Logan asked him what he 'd said . " The vinery , the house , barns . Even the wine making business , it 's all yours if you want it . There is more than enough money to keep it running , forever if you wish . He said that he knew of all the men he had met in his lifetime that you 'd make it viable and keep it going . " Landon pulled out another envelope and handed it to him . There was a copy of the will and a sealed , smaller envelope with his name on it . Landon pointed to the small colorful tabs on the side and told him to read that first . William Martin had named not just him in his will , but also his little girl , the one that had died all those years ago . " I bequeath all my worldly goods and possessions to Logan Benson Douglas , a man of good standing and intelligence . I wish for him to run my winery , live in the house , and keep it going in the name of a child that we both loved . Mary Shafer , my daughter , would live here too but for my lack of sense . " " What did he mean by that ? " Landon said nothing and Logan was afraid that if he did answer , he wasn 't going to like it . " Landon , why did he leave it to me ? You know , don 't you ? " " His little girl was killed by her mother ; the drunk driver was none other than her own mother . " Landon leaned back in his seat while Logan tried to wrap that up in his mind . " You want to know more , you 're going to have to read what he wrote you . But you should know that if ' n you don 't take the land and what he 's given you , the kids will get it . And as much as it grieves me to say this , they 're no better than my own son was , and this place will have condos on it by the end of next year . And you know as well as I that this is good farm land , and to have them plopping houses on it is gonna do nothing for your family 's ranches . " Landon nodded . If he said any more or showed him anything else , Logan had no idea . When he came back round , the thoughts swirling in his head , he noticed that the sliding door was open to the deck off the kitchen and he could see Landon 's booted feet . Getting up , Logan went to see Landon to let him tell him this was a joke . Not a funny one , but a joke all the same . " You all right now ? " Logan said he wasn 't sure . " Yeah , don 't blame you none there . There 's a lot to take in . If ' n you 're ready for the rest of it , then I can give it to you . " " I 'm not sure yet . What do his kids think of all this ? By now , I 'm sure that they know . " He said that they did and were none too thrilled about things . " Are they going to give me any trouble ? I mean , if I take this ? " " You already took it , son . The only thing you 've not done is moved in . And that could be done lickety split . " Logan told him he knew nothing of grapes and wine making . " I don 't imagine that many do unless they read up on it . And there is the foreman that is taking care of things for you . Production has been going on , grapes were tended to . William has been gone for a bit , not even a year , but someone 's been here all along . " Logan sat down on one of the deck chairs and realized that they were fairly new . Now that he thought on it , Logan realized that the kitchen seemed to be updated and clean . He wondered what he 'd find should he go looking around the rest of the place . He asked Landon about it . " He had it all taken care of . Most of the renovations , they occurred before he passed , but he wanted things to be prettied up for you . Dolly , she said to me that last time I was out there to visit her that that someone had been hired to come in and take out all the personal things and put them in storage . The house , the lands , they 're all ready for you . " Logan asked him why now . Why had he waited so long ? " It was time . " Leave a reply Mercedes Crosby is a veterinarian and a damn good one . She 's just what Susie Douglas needs on her horse ranch , and Mercedes wants nothing more than to take the job and get out from under the thumb of her ex - husband , Nash Crosby . But trust in people is something Mercedes lost the moment Nash forced her to marry him at gunpoint . If the job sounds too good to be true , it probably is … . Darin Douglas is struggling to make ends meet as he opens his new bed and breakfast , The Douglas House . He has his first booking coming in in a few days and wants everything perfect , so he brings the family in to sample the first menu and to show off his new place . His brothers bring the already reluctant new Vet with them to dinner to meet the rest of the family , Darin and Zack . Darin met the Vet 's young daughter earlier that day and already loved the little girl , but he is surprised but not disappointed when his cat recognizes Mercedes as his mate . Mercedes , on the other hand , is scared witless . She had found out a few hours before that paranormals really existed and she was living among them . Now , this big handsome brute is telling her that she belongs to him and his cat … ah , hell no . " Nope and double nope . I 'm not going to do that for you , and I 'm even more surprised , or pissed off you might say , that you even asked me to . Where do you get off asking me to … ? I do not kill animals because someone is tired of them . Nor do I know anyone that might if I don 't . Christ man , what if that were a child ? " Mercedes went to the door and opened it for the man and his dog . " Get out . And if anything happens to that dog , and I do mean anything , I 'm going to have you brought up on charges . " " For a dog ? Fuck woman , it 's a dumb animal . Nobody gives a shit if they get hit by a car . And if you think I give one shit about what kind of charges you think you can put on me , then you 're way stupider than I thought you were . " He jerked the dog along behind him as he made his way to the counter . With a short nod , Mercedes knew that her receptionist would take care of the man . And the dog . Closing the door behind the two of them , Mercedes sat down on her chair and closed her eyes . This had been one hell of a week and it was only Tuesday . When her phone rang , she didn 't even bother moving to answer it . She knew that someone would pick it up . As she sat there , Mercedes thought of her life so far . She was a nearly thirty divorced mother of a ten - year - old little girl . No house , no car , and she was still paying off her ex - husband 's debt like she 'd had a thing to do with it . When she 'd gotten her divorce from him he 'd put a great many credit cards in her name and maxed them out . Nash hadn 't been too happy that she 'd been upset about him beating her to shit all the time . Go figure . When a knock at the door startled her to sit up , she nearly begged to be left alone . The bundle that came in the open door made her feel like she was queen of the world . Seeing Bonnie changed her mood just like that . " You 're not listening to me . " Mercedes told her that she 'd had a day and a half . " You work too hard . When do we get to go on that vacation ? Soon , right ? Can we leave tomorrow instead of Friday ? I don 't have any homework to turn in because of it being nearly Thanksgiving and all . " " It 's not a vacation , but a job interview . I told you that . " Bonnie nodded and handed her the things from her backpack . " This farm that we 're going to , it might not be anything that we want . Or something might go wrong and I 'm not good enough for them . " " Never going to happen . You 're the best . " Mercedes wished she had half the confidence in herself as her daughter did . " I 've got my things all ready to go . And I even " Our ride isn 't to arrive until Friday morning . So no , I don 't think we can leave earlier . Besides , we have to close up the apartment before we go , and since I 'm working late tonight , we 'll have our work cut out for us tomorrow as it is . You can wait the extra day . " There was a car coming for them . Mercedes wasn 't really sure what that meant for their travel plans , but Palmer had assured her that they were a very nice family with a great many horses that would need her help . Mercedes wondered how she and Bonnie were going to survive a trip all the way across the United States in a car , but they 'd endured a lot together and this would be just one more thing . And Bonnie thought it was going to be an adventure . Milly , the receptionist , came to the door to tell her she had a phone call . After telling Bonnie to keep it down , she answered the phone . She was both surprised and nervous to hear Palmer on the line . " Hello , darling . I do hope you 're ready for this trip . I know that everyone here is excited to meet you . I 've told them so many good things about your work ethic . " She told him that she was . " Good . Good . The car will pick you and Bonnie up at nine on Friday . Then you 'll be taken to my plane and brought here . I 'm sure you 'll love it as much as I do . And we 've put you two up in the bed and breakfast . You 'll be the only ones in it , and I 'm sure you 'll give us some feedback on that as well . It 's new to the area . One of the families that you 're going to be working for owns it . " " I thought we 'd be driving . " He said that would take too long . " I see . And when we get there , what if things don 't work out ? I mean , this is just an interview . I want to be able to come back if there is a problem . " " Are we going to fly out ? " She told Bonnie that it looked like it . " I 've never been on a plane before . Do you think they 'll have movies and stuff ? " " Yes , everything is perfect . Hi , I 'm Susie Douglas . My husband and I own the Douglas Ranch . I think there 's been a mistake . " Mercedes felt her heart break , and she told her that she understood . " Now don 't be getting your panties in a twist . I didn 't mean to say that you 're not going to come out , but I think we forgot to tell you that we 've already hired you . Palmer said you were the best and , to be honest with you , we sure could use the help . While most of the horses aren 't sick , some of them are breeding and it 's been a little hard on us getting to them in time . " " How many horses are we talking ? " Silence on the other end made her think that there was more than the dozen or so she 'd thought were there . " Mrs . Douglas ? How many do you need me to come and see to ? " " See to ? Not that many , a couple of hundred I guess . Not that many are breeding , but we need to get them a clean bill of health so they can be sold , and that 's been hard on Jimmy , the local vet , to do . He isn 't all that nice to the ponies either , so that doesn 't help . But there are quite a few of them that are sold , and we need someone to come out and say they 're healthy before they leave . " Mercedes asked her daughter to go see Milly as Mrs . Douglas talked about what they needed . " I don 't think this is going to work out . " Mrs . Douglas asked her why not . " Because I won 't sign off on a health questionnaire knowing that you 're selling less than healthy animals . I might be down on my luck , but I won 't lie to help you make money . " " Good . " Mercedes frowned at the phone and started to ask her what she meant by that when she spoke again . " I didn 't ask you to sign off on their health records , did I ? Nope . What I said was , I needed the paperwork to say they were healthy . Now to you that might sound like the same thing , but I will tell you that I can tell when a horse is sick or not a hell of a lot faster than you 'd ever be able to . And as for you being down on your luck , I understand that as well . But I have no intentions of selling off our good name for a few extra bucks . " " I 'm sorry . " The woman at the other end laughed . " I think we might have gotten off on the wrong foot here . I 'm not sure what 's going to happen there , but if you 've changed your mind then I can - " " You 're coming . Now , if you want . As far as I 'm concerned you 're hired , and we 'll put you to work tomorrow if you want to get on that plane tonight and get here . We 're about done in here . And with the number of horses we have , you might want to quit anyway . " Mercedes asked her again how many she had . " At any given time there are as many as four thousand horses here . Double that in cattle , and we 're bringing in a few extra animals to help out with the children as well . " Ten thousand animals ? What the hell were they running out there ? A breeding ranch ? But Mercedes remembered that Palmer had told her that they were running a racehorse ranch , where men who had more money than brains came to buy stock . " I have a daughter , you know that , right ? She 's all I have in the world and I have to see to her needs first and foremost . We don 't know anything about the area or schools . I have no transportation either . Then there is housing and where we can live . Are there doctors in the area that are trustworthy ? " Mercedes was making herself notes . A big dollar sign made her pause enough to ask about her salary . " I have to make enough money to get us settled . We have bills and we 've been trying to pay them off . " " Hang on a second . " When she was put on hold again , she thought that the woman was going to tell her that she 'd have to make due . But Mercedes had already determined that she needed to make more than she was here or there was no point in leaving to move them across the states . " Okay . My husband and I are coming to you . Tonight . I know that you have to work until around five and that you 're probably getting ready to pack and shit , but we 'll come out there and talk to you . Bring the contract you can have looked over too . " " I don 't have an attorney , Mrs . Douglas . And I can 't afford to find one to look over this contract . I 'm trusting you won 't screw me over , because Palmer said I can trust you . " " We 'll be there around four - thirty . Someone is making us reservations at the hotel and we 'll have dinner . Palmer said he 'd come , too , just to break the ice . " Mercedes told her fine , but she wasn 't making any promises . " No worries . And my name is Susie . Mrs . Douglas is too formal . We 'll see you in a bit . " After putting down the phone , she sat there for a few minutes . The woman was like a tornado , and Mercedes wondered what it would be like working for her . More than likely she 'd be swept up in whatever she had going on . If she worked for her , Mercedes thought there would never be a dull moment . Susie hated to fly . And even more she hated to meet with new people . But this woman , for all her problems , was going to come and work for them . Susie had no idea why it was so important to her , but she needed Mercedes there on the ranch to help out . Looking over at the family that had come with her , Susie wondered if this had been a bad idea . She decided this was the best way to scare the poor woman to death if she wasn 't already afraid of them . " You should see her little girl . That Bonnie is a sweetheart . And something of a gifted child . That 's another reason that she 's so far behind on things . Putting Bonnie in that private school is costing her big time . " Susie only nodded at Palmer . There was more to it than that , but she was going to wait for Mercedes to tell them . Gerard had had someone look into the woman before she 'd agreed to hire her . " She doesn 't like the shortened form of her name , by the way . I 'm not sure what that would be , but she won 't answer to anything but Mercedes . I think her ex called her anything but her first name and made it sound like a curse rather than an endearment . " " He 's not going to be happy with this . I have a feeling that he 's sort of possessive of his ex - wife and tries to rule her regardless of the papers that say he can 't . " Gerard leaned back in the seat they were in as he continued . " The man has to be loving that Mercedes is getting him out of debt . And the fact that he can go by her place once in a while to let her know what a disappointment she was to him . The man is going to have to learn to live without his punching bag sooner or later . " " He 's going to be no problem as far as we 're concerned . And if he makes a nuisance of himself , we 'll take care of him . " Mason nodded as he handed them a file . " There are some things on our new vet that I want to make you all aware of . First and foremost , she 's good . Damned good , as a matter of fact . Top of her class in college . No problems from any of her clients . And the firm that she works for thinks a great deal of her . But that could be because they run her into the ground for little to no extra help in the financial department . She wants to be partner and they know it , so they fuck her when they can . " Susie glanced at Gerard and when he nodded , Susie spoke quietly . " I want to also make you aware of the things going on in her personal life . Her ex - husband is hurting them more than just with him coming by her place and knocking her around a little . He 's somehow gotten access to both her place she 's staying and her bank accounts . I think that he has someone watching her for him when she 's at home . And more and more lately , he dips into her money when he finds that she has more than he thinks she should . He has buddies at the bank . Also , he 's hiding funding from her . He gave up all rights to his daughter , but he 's not paying child support to her because he claims he has no money . " Palmer asked her how she knew this . " I 've seen her . Once . I traveled out there to have a little talk with her to try and feel her out , and I never got past the first touch of her . Her problems aren 't going to go away soon . " They were aware of what she and Gerard could do . Not all of it but a great deal . Some of it was just too fucking scary to share . Like the fact that they could touch a person and then know the people that they 'd had contact with , the ex - husband being one of people that Mercedes had been touched by that day . The man was going to be an issue whether she moved out where they were or not . " Do you think he 's going to be a problem then ? " Susie nodded , and Mason leaned back on the seat again . " A police problem or a leap problem ? " " Both , " Gerard told them as he continued with the information they 'd gotten from her . " He 's not going to be happy when he finds out that she 's moving . He likes her under his thumb . And he does have her there . Mercedes is afraid that he 'll take her daughter from her and that he 'll hurt her . Not legally , but simply to take her because he knows that it 'll hurt Mercedes . He doesn 't want her either , but he likes having control over Mercedes . The only reason she was able to file for divorce was because he was in jail just long enough for her to get a judge to grant her one , and when he got out , he was fucking pissed . " " And the money that she owes , is it because of the divorce or something more ? " Palmer didn 't look like he needed anyone to answer him , and when he spoke again , she was sort of proud of him . " He tried to ruin her . Or has he ? " " Close to it . She lost her house , her car , and can 't get a loan . When she told me that she couldn 't afford an attorney to go over the contract we 're taking her , she wasn 't kidding . They have nothing . Less than nothing . Next month the school that her daughter goes to is going to tell her that they can no longer carry her . She knows this , but can 't stand the thought of losing it for her little girl . It 's not only a good school , but a safe place for her too . " " We 'll bring her back with us . " Susie nodded at Palmer . " If I have to pack her up myself , I 'm bringing her back with me . " " We all will . But I think we 're going to have to go at this slowly . Think of her like a skittish horse or cow . She 's terrified to trust anyone anymore , and when this ex finds out she 's flown the coop , he 's not going to lay back and just let her go . " Mason asked her what she meant . " He 's a man used to getting his own way . He 's Nash Crosby . " Palmer didn 't have any idea who that was , but Susie knew that Mason did . And so did Ed . Ed Clarke was the one that had told her and Gerard about him when she 'd asked him about the divorce papers that she 'd had sent to her . Crosby wasn 't just bad news , but he made her own father look sort of saintly . " Nash is … how should I say this ? He is a man who is used to getting his own way , but it 's more than that . He 's a thug . And the worst kind of one . When he was younger , there was speculation that he might have been involved in the car accident that took both his parents ' lives and that of his sister . Six months after they were gone , his grandmother died in a house fire . " Ed looked at his notes as he mopped his brow with his handkerchief . " Then about eleven years ago , he married Mercedes Gillespie . Her family had some money , but not a great deal . Mercedes was in her last year of veterinary college and making a name for herself even then . By all accounts , Mercedes didn 't care for the man , had on several occasions gone to the police about him . Then one day there was an article in the paper that they were to be wed . Six months later , Bonnie was born . " " You think he raped her , got her with child , and then forced her into marrying him ? That might have worked some years ago , but not now . " Mason looked at Palmer when he laughed nervously . " Please tell me that I 'm wrong about this . " " You 're not . And she might not have married him had her father not been ill at the time . His death happened a few months after they said their vows . We think he might have been hurting her father , and that might be the reason that he got her to say yes . I guess we won 't know for sure until she tells us . " Susie didn 't even look at them as Mason continued . She knew , but it wasn 't her story to tell . " So we 're here to bring her to safety , not hire her . " Mason told Palmer that they were going to hire her , had already as far as he was concerned . " Then I don 't understand . Why all this cloak and dagger stuff ? I really like this woman , but why do we need to know about her personal life like this ? " " She 's going to be living on one of the ranches and we don 't want anyone hurt . We have to consider what sort of baggage she 'll be bringing with her in the form of that ex of hers . " Gerard continued as Palmer agreed with him . " And if she 's not happy , the horses and the cattle will know it . We can 't have her stressed out when the horses have enough of that on their own . " As they were landing , she sat next to Gerard again . Susie had only touched the woman once , but it was enough to bring her to tears over what she was going through . Not only was the woman in desperate need of a break , but she was on the verge of losing even her home if her ex had anything to do with it . Nash was going to be a problem for them all . The hotel was nice , and she wished that Darin had been able to come with them . He 'd been hitting all the B & B 's around the country to find out what he wanted in theirs . The construction was nearly finished on the building , and the decorators had already finished up on three of the floors . In about a month , less she thought , they 'd have all the rooms ready and Darin would have Douglas House up and running . The restaurant , too , was nearly complete , and the new chef had been thrilled to death to take over the lower level for his own . Susie was still trying to keep herself from freaking out every time a bill came in , and finally , Gerard had told her not to open them anymore . It was expensive to start from scratch , and he assured her that they would be fine . The business was going much better than they 'd ever hoped it would , too . They were selling horses almost faster than she could train them . Several ranches had made the trip to their ranch to not only buy , but to place an order for other horses as well . Their monthly income was by far more than most people made in a lifetime . They had expenses too ; huge straw and hay bills , vet bills in the five figures weekly . Grain and feed was being delivered daily , and they still had to supplement that with an extra truck once in a while . But she was doing something that she loved , and they were doing well with it . As soon as they were settled in their room , she called Darin to let him know about the room , even sent him a few pictures . Calling the doctor to ask her where they could meet , Susie was surprised when the little girl answered the phone . After telling her who she was and why she was calling , Bonnie started to cry harder . The noise in the background had her reaching for the others as the little girl sobbed in the phone . " My daddy is here now , and he said that we weren 't going anywhere . I don 't know how he figured it out , but he 's really mad at us . " Bonnie cried harder when something sounded like it broke behind her . " Can you please come here and get us ? Hurry , please ? I don 't want him here . " " They 're coming . Where are you ? Can you see them ? " She told her that her mommy had told her to hide . " Good girl . You stay on the phone with me , and my family will take care that he goes home . Then you 're going to come here with us and we 're going to go to my house . We have a lot of ponies , and they 're excited about you coming out . " Susie thought it important to keep the child on the line . She was afraid , and so was Susie . When another crash sounded very close to the phone , Susie brought up the trip again . " Mommy said that we 're going to fly away if we can . " Susie told her that would be wonderful . " And that I can see the cows and horses that she 's gonna take care of . If you hire her . " " She 's already hired . " There was a scream and then a man yelling for the little girl . " Don 't go to him , Bonnie . Your mommy won 't like it if he takes you from her . " Bonnie screamed , and the line went dead . Before she could reach for Gerard and the others , Gerard said they were there , and for her to call the police . She picked up the phone again with shaking hands and dialed the number . They said that they were on their way and that someone had already called them . " There 's a little girl in the house . She 's ten and terrified . I think someone is trying to hurt her . " The dispatcher told her that they were on the way , and would be there soon . " I hope so . " Susie was just going to go to them when she heard from Mason . He used the phone to contact her , and that terrified her more than she could have thought . When he spoke , his voice was calm and even , but she knew that he was beyond pissed off . " I 'd like for you to meet us at the hospital . The bastard has … we 're still trying to find the little girl , but the woman is beaten to shit . " Susie said she was leaving now . " Have our things packed up by the staff , and everything taken to the airport . We 're not hanging around to see if he comes back to finish the job . " " How bad is she ? " Mason said that the medics were there now , but she was talking to them . " She 's gonna be worried about the bill . Tell her that she 's insured as of three days ago when we hired her . And have the bills sent to our house . " " I 'll take care of it . " She thanked Mason and asked to speak to Gerard . " He 's talking with the police , honey . As soon as he 's done … he 's fine , but he got hurt too . " She felt her legs shake , then she had to sit down . As she slid to the floor , she felt his touch , Gerard 's touch , and his love as it surrounded her . Susie knew that Mason was still speaking to her , but the only person she cared about right now was the one in her heart and head . I 'm fine . It 's a good thing that he hit me . She asked him how . Because he assaulted me , and even if our vet doesn 't press charges , I 'm going to . This way he 'll be in jail still by the time we land at home . So you 're telling me you took one for the team ? He didn 't say anything . How badly are you hurt ? And so you know , I 'm going to do ten times worse when I see you . Only a black eye and maybe a broken nose . She growled low at him . If you want , I 'll let you beat me a little before I take you hard on the floor . After , of course , I eat you . I love you as well . When we 're done here . Meet us at the plane . We 're out of here . She felt his anger . Sharp enough that she could almost taste it . We have her . She came out when her mom told her to . The little girl has been hurt too . I 'm going to kill this bastard .

Once when I was in the eighth grade , my mother showed up at the school and told the principal there was a family emergency and she had to pull me out of class for the day . I didn 't have any family except her , but I kept my mouth shut . I walked out with her and climbed in the car and waited to see what she 'd do . Mostly she didn 't do crazy things . She was old when I was born . She worked at the pharmacy and didn 't have any hobbies or anything . She threw another sidelong glance at me , this time with an eyebrow raised . That nearly broke me up , but instead I turned away and looked out the window as the town rolled past , pretending not to be too curious . She took us past the Shop ' n Save and the two thrift stores and the pharmacy where she worked , what she called the Business District . That always made her laugh even though I couldn 't see the joke in it . After that we turned onto Edgewater , which ran past the Starlight . The Starlight had been closed as long as I could ever remember but I always checked the marquee anyway , just to see . It looked the same : I never knew if that three was supposed to be there or if they 'd lost one of the Es , same way they lost some of the other letters in Kingdom of the Spiders . Either way I figured it 'd probably been a damn good double feature . I wished I 'd seen it . Edgewater ended at the riverbank , and that 's where we got out . I followed her through the trees , struggling to keep up with her , until we came to a picnic area by the water . There was a stone overlook with a clear view of the river , and that 's where she finally stopped . She straightened her dress and looked out toward the West Virginia side of the Ohio River . I looked too , but the only thing to see was an old factory that had gone to seed . Ivy grew up and down brick walls already darkened with graffiti , and all the upper windows were broken . You could see tree limbs snaking over the edge of the roof . She looked down at her watch . " Ought to be soon , " she said . " Paper said it 'd be one o ' clock . " She was shifting her weight from one foot to the other , the way she did sometimes when she was nervous . But she was smiling , too . I thought of asking her again if she 'd lost her mind , but I didn 't . We waited . I didn 't know what we were supposed to be looking at . But after a couple minutes there was a sound like a dozen firecrackers going off across the river . Then the bottom floor of the factory crumpled in on itself like its legs were cut out from underneath . All five stories of the factory came crashing down . You could hear it from the other side of the river , a great whoosh of sound that hit you like a blast of wind whipping across the water . A dust cloud bloomed where the factory had been , rising up and spreading over the water , blocking the sun . I was holding my breath . Next to me I heard a sound like I 'd never heard come from my mother before , a great whooping war cry . I turned to see her spinning around with her arms flung in the air , blue dress whipping in the afternoon light , hopping from foot to foot and hooting like she 'd just cast a spell to bring down the sky itself . Gray dust fell all around us . She grabbed my hands and laughed and made me dance with her , and so I danced and I hooted along with her , yelling at the sky like a madman . She smiled at me , and I thought she looked a lot younger then . And I thought how nice it 'd be if the two of us could stay like this . Not on the riverbank with the sky falling around us , but just the way it felt right then . Or maybe I didn 't think that , not at that moment . Maybe it was only looking back when it seemed that way to me . Because it was only a couple weeks later that Dutch showed up . He was leaning against a post on the front porch when I got home from school . I recognized him from the pictures even though he was older now and he was losing his hair . He was thin and had a tan , leathery face , and he smiled too much just like in the few pictures I 'd ever seen of him . He was chewing a toothpick as I walked up . He shifted the toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other . " No harm if you don 't . You know who I am , though ? " His face clouded a bit , but then he smiled again . " Dutch 'll do fine . So you 're thirteen now . That 's something . " I was thirteen still . But I wanted to throw him off . I was off balance and I guess I wanted him to be , too . " Where 's my mother ? " " Fixing some dinner , " he said . " That 'll be nice , won 't it ? Give us a chance to get comfortable with each other . " " Just got here from Jacksonville , " he said . " Long trip , your mom knew I 'd be hungry . Jacksonville 's some kind of town . You want to hear about Jacksonville ? " I went inside . There was a suitcase in the hallway , that was the first thing I saw . In the kitchen my mother had three skillets going on the range , cooking red potatoes and broccoli and something that might 've been chicken in a brown goop . She 'd put some make - up on and was wearing a necklace I 'd never seen her wear before , and she smelled like perfume . I didn 't think she even owned perfume . " Dutch , " I said . " His name 's Dutch . " I was furious at her then , but I didn 't really know why . I was as furious as I would 've been if I 'd come inside and found her setting the house on fire . " I didn 't mean to say that , I wasn 't thinking . I 'm flustered , " she said . " He just showed up , is all . Called an hour ago and said he was at the train station , asked if he could come by and see us . Can you believe that ? " " We 'll give it a try , " she said . " How about we give it a try . Be nice to him , Bo . He 's had a hard life too . " Dinner was rotten . Not the food , just the company . I didn 't say much . When Dutch asked me a question I thought long and hard about whether it was worth answering , and then if I did answer , I tried to be as unhelpful as possible . Mostly the two of them looked at each other across the table and made googly eyes at each other , and Dutch told stories . He talked about trying his hand at farming in Colorado . He talked about a stint with the Merchant Marines when he foiled a mutiny . He talked about driving a rig in Florida and training elephants for a traveling carnival in Louisiana . He talked about being one of those painted statues on the wharf in San Francisco and witnessing two different murders because he was so good at being a statue . Everything was pretty interesting and most of it sounded like a lie . After dinner I helped bring the dishes in . " None of that 's true , " I said to my mother . " Jesus Christ please tell me you know that . " " Course I know that and watch your mouth , " she said . " He sure is entertaining though , isn 't he ? " Then she started humming some old song , and I knew it was hopeless . You can 't talk sense to anybody when they 're humming some damn old song . I went into the living room where Dutch was settling onto the couch with a cigar . There was a brand new glass ashtray on the table . I looked at that glass ashtray and I hated it . I knew that my mother ran out to the store to buy that damn ashtray soon as she found out Dutch was coming . I thought about saying something then . I thought about saying we were doing just fine without his leathery face . Instead I picked up the ashtray , holding it up for Dutch to see . He didn 't react . I flung it toward the living room window . Only I never could throw worth a damn , so it struck the wall beside the window instead . And it wasn 't even glass , just that kind of plastic that looks like glass , so all it did was scuff the wall and land on the floor in a pile of ashes , which made me even angrier . I threw the lamp at the window . This time , my aim was true . It cracked the window and made a nice satisfying sound when it smashed against the floor . My mother screamed and Dutch jumped to his feet , but he didn 't move toward me . Instead he held out his hands and said , " Everything 's still good , Nora . It 's all good . Boy 's acting up . Nothing but a temper tantrum here . A lot to process for the boy , is all . " " It 's too much , " my mother said . " I need to sit down . " That was the first time I 'd ever heard her say that , that something was too much . Maybe she 'd thought it before . But I hadn 't ever heard her say it . That sickened me , to hear him say my name . I turned my back on them both . I went into the kitchen and took a couple or seven plates out of the cupboard , and stacked a few mismatched soup bowls on top . It was hard to carry but I walked the stack back into the living room . I was going to take my time and throw them one by one . I thought that 'd be the right way to do it , for maximum devastation . But I hated Dutch saying that and shaking his head like that . So I tossed the whole stack all at once . It was pretty heavy and I couldn 't get a lot of air underneath , but it didn 't matter . They made a sound like a bomb going off in a china factory as they hit the wood floor . Dutch yanked my arm and dragged me off to the bedroom while my mother screamed louder than ever . He threw me down on the bed . He got in a few good licks on my ass , and some of them hurt some , but I didn 't make a sound . Eventually he stopped . I couldn 't see him because I had my face down in the pillow . But I could hear him breathing hard . " You 're a tough bastard , " he said . " You got some of your old man in you after all . " I must 've made some sound then , because he said , " You don 't want to hear it , I get that . I respect that . " And he put his hand on my shoulder . I had a thought about shrugging his hand off . But I felt too ornery to do even that . I didn 't want to give him the satisfaction . I expected there to be some repercussions the next day . But they were too preoccupied with each other to yell at me . Dutch picked up a new set of plates and bowls at the thrift shop , and he had the window fixed before I even came home . He took up residency after that , I guess . It was mid - June and school was letting out . I tried to be out of the house early so I wouldn 't see him much . I 'd pack a thermos and some sandwiches and set off on my bike to the creek . Later in the day there 'd be a few kids there , around the old wooden trestle bridge , fishing or horsing around . But early in the morning it was quiet and real pretty there . I 'd sit by the creek and think on things . Or I 'd ride across town to the Starlight and sit in the overgrown parking lot and run through Kingdom of the Spiders in my head , the way I figured the movie played out . Later I 'd ride out to the ball field behind the school and meet up with whoever had a game going on . Then I 'd ride some more . Eventually I 'd make it home , tired and sore from riding and using that as an excuse not to be sociable . Dutch said he had a friend who was a construction foreman . He wanted Dutch to be a co - foreman on a new apartment building going up in Elkton , only they weren 't breaking ground till sometime in August . I had my doubts that a co - foreman was a thing . But Dutch kept busy . He fixed the shower curtain , and he painted the baseboard trim , and he patched up the drywall in the hallway where the front door had banged into it for years . He re - grouted the bathroom even though the grout seemed fine to me . I thought the drywall was a little lumpy and the painting was sloppy , but I guessed he was trying . He didn 't talk about it . I 'd just notice the things he 'd done and that 's how I knew how he was spending his days . One night I came home and found Dutch alone on the porch with a glass of whiskey . He and my mother had a routine where they 'd sit out on the porch with cocktails and listen to jazz music on my mother 's battery - powered radio . He said he 'd spent a year living in New Orleans with a roommate who was a jazz trumpeter - this was after he left that traveling carnival - and he wanted to share what he called his love of the art form with my mother . Tonight it was just Dutch , though . The sun had gone down but there was some redness left in the sky . I asked him where my mother was , and he said she was laying down . " Few too many mint juleps , " he said , and winked at me . He was listening to a country station on the radio . I asked him what happened to the jazz , and he waved the glass in front of him . " Needed a break , " he said . " Sometimes you need a break , is all . " I wanted to say no , but I thought he 'd expect me to say no . So I took a sip . It was foul , and burned going down , but I made myself take another . The second sip was worse . He took the glass back and laughed . He had an easy laugh . " You 're okay . You 'll be okay . You just need - you know what you need ? " He sat back and looked out over the streets , which were growing summer dark . " This place , " he said . " It 's kind of special , isn 't it ? " I didn 't answer him . I thought it was special in some ways . I liked the way the train tracks outside of town were all overgrown like they were from some ancient civilization , and I liked the look of the trestle bridge down by the creek even though it got condemned a while back . I liked the abandoned drive - in theater and how you could imagine , when you were there , that there 'd really been an apocalypse and there were giant spiders just beyond the trees , marching on River Oaks to take back their kingdom . But Dutch wouldn 't know anything about those things . I shrugged . I didn 't know what that meant . It sounded like a thing you said when you didn 't ever look too hard at yourself . He leaned back in the chair . In the dusk I couldn 't see his face too well . " This is a fine enough place , " he said . " Only when you 're young like I was , maybe fine doesn 't seem so attractive . Got to get some living under your belt is the thing . Then maybe you reassess . Then maybe you get a little worn down at the edges , and ' fine ' starts to look good . " He laughed again . " Maybe ' fine ' starts to look damn good . " I had a weird idea then . I had an idea that he wanted something from me but I didn 't know what it was . It wasn 't love . I don 't know that he ever thought of me as his boy or would 've felt much for me even if he had . But there was something he wanted right at that moment on the porch . Maybe if I knew , I would 've given it to him . He didn 't say anything more for a bit . I thought maybe he decided not to tell me his Monterey story after all . Either way was fine with me . Then he did speak again , only his voice was different , quieter . He talked like somebody telling a story , some particular story , for the very first time . " Monterey is the edge of the world , " he said . " That 's what I read once , in a magazine . It was some kind of travel magazine and there was an ad for Monterey and it said , ' Come to Monterey , at the edge of the western world . ' With a photograph of these pretty cliffs leading down to an ocean that was , Jesus , bluer than anything you ever saw . Bluer than the idea of blue . " He whistled softly . " ' The edge of the western world . ' I read that and I thought , ' There 's a place to go someday , Dutch . Even if you don 't have a dime when you get there , Dutch , that 's a place where you 'll never feel anything but rich . ' " He said , " Mostly you 'll find that places don 't measure up to your expectations . Mostly that 's the truth . But Monterey measured up . " " You can stand there by the cliffs in Monterey and feel the whole continent behind you , " he said . " The water 's blue , that 's for sure . But there 's something grand and dark about the world stretching out behind you like that . " He paused and seemed to think about what he 'd said . Then he said , like he was clarifying : " There 's something momentous about that . Like you 're close to something . You don 't even know what it is , only that you 're close to it . And that 's an exciting place to be . " I hadn 't ever seen the ocean except on television shows and in movies . But I closed my eyes and tried to picture it like the way Dutch was telling it . I pictured it with the sky like it was now , the color drained out of it , so I couldn 't even see the water . I could just hear the waves dying on the rocks below . " I had more than a dime when I got there , " Dutch was saying , " but not a whole lot more . I ran a few scams to make some money . Nothing too far out there . Just enough to get me going , get me a place to stay . Mostly I was running pretty straight . I liked it there and I didn 't want to cause any problems for myself , or for anyone else either . Eventually I took a job at a shoe store by Cannery Row - that sounds like it 'd be a low - class sort of place , but the canneries all closed way back . It 's an upscale part of town . And this store was upscale too . Respectable . " Again he was quiet for a few seconds . I shifted my position against the porch post and waited . " There was this woman , " he said . " Anamarie . Came over from Spain , from Madrid , a few years before , but she spoke English better than I ever did . She owned a vineyard . Owned a couple vineyards . She had long legs and a cool , dark face , and I thought she was a model when she first came into the shop . I 'd been in town about three months by then . I sold her a pair of three hundred dollar shoes and didn 't stop talking for one second while she was there . I wanted to keep her there as long as I could , I guess . Finally I asked her if she wanted to get dinner , and she said yes . I don 't know why she did . I never knew why . " He turned his head to look up at me even though he couldn 't see my face now any more than I could see his . " You know that saying , that somebody 's above your station ? You ever heard that saying ? " " We ran together for a little while , " he said . " We drove down to Big Sur on the weekends . She showed me the vineyards and taught me a few things . We drank a lot of wine together . But she was above my station and I knew it . I couldn 't ever quite - I couldn 't wrap my head around it . What I was doing with her . She liked the way I talked . I 'd sing to her sometimes , too . I 'd sing old things , like I 'd sing ' In a Sentimental Mood ' by the Duke . Or Hoagy Carmichael , ' The Nearness of You . ' My mother used to sing Hoagy Carmichael all the time . I couldn 't really sing but it must have sounded nice enough . Anamarie didn 't grow up in this country so she didn 't know how the songs were supposed to go anyway . Anyhow , we 'd sit out on her balcony on a night like this , but we 'd have the Pacific right there . " He gestured toward the road , which was dark enough by now that if you squinted right it could 've been the ocean . " She looked - I thought she looked as much like a part of that landscape as the ocean , or those rocky cliffs . She belonged to it . Even though she grew up on the other side of the world , she belonged to it . She 'd pour herself a glass of champagne - she drank champagne the way I drank everything else - and she 'd say , ' Sing me a song , Dutch . ' Or she 'd say , ' Tell me another story , Dutch . ' I knew it wasn 't anything permanent . I knew I 'd run out of stories to tell sooner or later . But I kept her entertained for a while . For a good while . " He thought about it . " I didn 't measure up , " he said . " If I 'm looking at it square , then I 'd say I didn 't measure up . " He finished the last of his whiskey and set the glass down beside the chair . " River oaks , " he said . " They don 't even have river oaks in Ohio . We 're a thousand miles from anywhere that 's got ' em . I looked it up once . " He let go of my arm . " It 's just a name , is all it is . Just something to make the place sound like something else than what it is . They 're just swamp trees anyway . " For the rest of the summer , things were mostly okay . Dutch talked a lot . He kept trying to ask me questions even though I didn 't give him much reason to keep trying . I knew he was going to run off again at some point , because that 's what he did . I watched my mother to see how she was taking it all . Some days she seemed happy enough to me . Other times I thought I wasn 't seeing her right at all . I 'd catch her standing in the kitchen with her hands on the countertops , just looking out the window with a hard look on her face . I thought that couldn 't be a good thing , to have that kind of look when you were just standing and looking out a window . That couldn 't mean she was pleased with Dutch coming home and living with us after so many years of it just being her and me . Then an hour later she 'd be on the sofa with her feet up in Dutch 's lap , and they 'd be watching television and talking as if they were an old married couple again , instead of whatever they were . Or I 'd watch Dutch make her mint julep and carry it out the porch , where they 'd sit until the sun went down . And there were nights when all three of us were out there . She 'd tell Dutch to play that jazz for her again , because she thought she was getting the hang of it . And somebody walking by might 've thought there wasn 't anything out of the ordinary going on , that it was just a thirteen - year - old boy hanging out with his mom and dad . Sometimes I 'd think about it like that myself . I 'd picture it the way a stranger would picture it . And I 'd be tempted by that picture even though I knew it wasn 't a true one . Now and then that summer , when it was late and I 'd gone to bed , I thought back on that day by the river , and I remembered the way she danced . Not even a dance , but like she was casting some damn spell . And I 'd think maybe that 's what it really was , and somehow she 'd brought Dutch back . In the morning I 'd forget about thinking these things . But some of it must have stayed with me into the daylight hours , because I 'd catch myself looking at her . Letting that idea settle in . Judging her , I guess . For letting Dutch stay , and for bringing him back to us in the first place . He was wearing just some wrinkled khakis and a t - shirt that he 'd already sweated through pretty well . The suitcase was open on the sofa . I looked inside and saw that he didn 't have much in it other than his clothes . A coffee mug , a Louis L ' Amour book , a couple bottles of booze . He was in the kitchen pulling a souvenir highball glass down from one of the shelves when I walked in . He looked at me then , and I could see he hadn 't slept . His face looked older and more leathery than usual , and his eyes were glassy . He hadn 't combed his hair . He laughed . " I deserve that too , " he said . " That look . " It was the same easy laugh . It wasn 't a happy laugh , either . I wondered if it wasn 't ever a happy laugh , and if I 'd just never paid any attention to it other than seeing how easy it came to him . I didn 't say anything more . What could I have said that wouldn 't have sounded hollow ? He knew I didn 't want him around . Better not to say anything , I figured . I just stood nearby and watched him gather up the last of this things . " Where will you go , " I said . Because suddenly I did want to know . I wasn 't ever planning to visit . I just sort of wanted to know where he 'd be in the world . The taxi driver opened the trunk and Dutch tossed his suitcase inside . He stopped by the open passenger door and gave me a long look that I couldn 't read at all . Finally he said , " You 're a tough bastard , all right . " That 's all he said . Then he slid down into the cab and tapped the roof , and the car drove off . It was ten in the morning before my mother came down . She didn 't seem tired or beaten down . She had a hard look on her face that I hadn 't seen before . The day was a quiet one . I asked her if she wanted to talk about anything and she said she didn 't . I hung around the house anyway . I thought maybe she 'd be down even though she was the one who 'd kicked Dutch out , but she wasn 't . She wasn 't herself , I could see that , but she wasn 't down . I figured she was resolved . I figured that was the word for her . And that had to be a good thing . " We could sit on the porch , " I said , when we were done . " There 's a game on . We could sit on the porch and listen to the game , if you want . " She gave me a weary look that lasted only a second or two . Then she got that look of resolution back on her face . Like it was something she maybe didn 't want to do but she was willing to go along . She said , " Listening to the game sounds good , Bo . " We went and sat outside . There was a breeze and the streetlamps were just coming on as the daylight bled away . The game was already in the third inning so we listened and caught up on what was happening . I looked at her now and then and thought she didn 't look great . Her face was sort of pinched , and I thought she was clenching her jaw . I wished I had something to say . I went inside for a Coke . When I opened the fridge door , my eye fell on a little plastic bag of mint leaves . I stood there with the door open , thinking . It seemed like maybe it could be a good thing , but I didn 't know . I took the leaves out , washed them and laid them out to dry on the counter . There wasn 't much bourbon left but I figured there 'd be enough . I pulled down a highball glass and put some sugar and water in it , then set about muddling the mint the way I 'd seen Dutch do it . Taking my time , trying to get it right . After I added the bourbon and ice , I stirred it up and threw in a couple of extra mint leaves . It looked like a mess , but I thought I 'd done it right . She turned to see me come back out on the porch , and she spotted the glass before I could say anything . She drew in a sharp breath and looked up at my face . I didn 't know what she 'd do , then . I thought she might yell or knock the glass out of my hand . Instead she smiled . It was a smile I hadn 't ever seen before and I didn 't know what to make of it . Maybe it was just the time of day and I couldn 't see her eyes so well . But it seemed to me like she was looking right through to the other side of me . Like she was smiling at something she could see on that other side , but I 'd never be able to see . We listened to the game without saying anything more for a while . I was feeling better about things . I felt like the summer was only just starting , even though that wasn 't true . " I like it here , " I said . I meant I liked it here on the porch . I liked having the radio on with the game , and watching the night slip over everything , and things feeling still and settled at the same time . She didn 't say anything for a time . When she did speak , there was an edge to her voice that made me look over at her . She was holding the mint julep but she hadn 't taken another sip since that first one . She was holding it in both hands , the way a baby might hold a cup . I shook my head even though she wasn 't looking at me . She was looking out at nothing . Or maybe at whatever she 'd been looking at before , when she smiled at me . " I think , " she said , " there are places you go to , and there are places you go past on your way somewhere else . And River Oaks is one of those other places , Bo . You speed by and maybe you wonder what kind of lives those people have , the people who live there . Maybe you wonder . But mostly you thank god you 're still driving . " She looked at me then , and I was glad I couldn 't see her too well . " Only there are people living in those places who can 't keep on driving . And when you figure out it 's you - that you 're one of those people , Bo , living someplace where other people are just happy to speed past - well , Bo , that 's a bitter thing . That 's a bitter thing to come to know . " She didn 't say anything more . The game kept going on the radio . I was afraid to say anything more , so I only sat thinking . A pick - up drove past , heading east out of town , its headlights sweeping across the porch . I thought about that day on the riverbank . And I wondered if I 'd been wrong to blame her , for thinking she 'd cast a spell to bring Dutch back . Maybe she 'd cast a spell to keep him gone . And it just hadn 't worked . I knew there was something for me to say . It couldn 't be right , what she 'd said , that couldn 't be all of it . I knew there was something . It felt close . But maybe I only wanted to believe that . The trees shook in the night breeze . The fall was all of a sudden coming on . I put my arm around her shoulders and asked if she 'd come inside with me . Her body stiffened for a second or two , like she was still caught up in whatever it was that made her say what she 'd said . But I kept my arm around her . Finally she put her head down . She didn 't anything , just put her head down and rested it on my arm . I was okay with that . The night was coming down , and we stayed like that , on the porch , for a good long time . The NC discussions are open to anyone . It 's a friendly place , easy to join . Just sign in on the comment box with your email address and write your comment . If you stick around , people will get to know you and you 're in ( except , of course , for the usual credit and criminal record checks , birth and citizenship authentication , school transcripts starting from kindergarten , photocopies of tax records , ID , credit cards , debit cards , etc . ) . If you turn up often and seem to get the drift of the magazine , you 'll be invited to submit . Please respect the generally high level of camaraderie and amiability already in evidence . The management wishes to acknowledge the financial support of Douglas " Deep - Pockets " Glover and no one else .

The girl sitting across from me was trying her damnedest to look anywhere but at my face . Her eyes darted around her meager little bedroom , desperate to find something to stare at while I examined her . The only sounds that punctured the heavy silence were the faint ticking of the clock in the hallway and the occasional mutter from the recreation room , and after a moment , she began to chew hard on the nail of her little finger . " Ms . Davis , " I began gently , and her blue eyes , which were much too wide and large for her slender face , flickered towards me for a moment before fixing themselves determinedly on a spot on the wall . " Whenever you feel like you 're ready , I 'd like you to answer my question . " She took in a long breath that she quickly let out in a whisper of an exhale , which rattled against her tired lungs . " Yes , Dr . Brian , " she finally replied . Her voice was monotonous and soft . " I 've been eating what the nurses tell me to . " I smiled , and she watched me with a guarded expression . " That 's good , Christine . " I paused . " Do you mind if I call you Christine ? " She shrugged , and through the material of her black t - shirt , I could see the bones in her shoulders jut out as she moved . Her collarbones were like a pair of knives protruding from the base of her neck , and her limbs were as thin and delicate as a newborn fawn 's . But , thankfully , she was still a little more filled out than the hysterical , bleeding , emaciated Christine we had admitted into our facility two weeks ago , whose spine had bulged against the pale skin of her back like a row of marbles . " You look like you 're progressing , " I added , adjusting my glasses and jotting down a few notes . She looked gloomily down at the floor . " I can respect that . However , Ms . Davis , ' fat ' is not a word we use around here . You are unhealthy , and you 're here to become healthy . Health isn 't necessarily attached to a number ; it 's only dependent on your body functioning normally and your ability to accept yourself , inside and out . And right now , your body is well on its way to recovery . You seem much more energetic , and nurse Jones tells me that your last checkup showed significant improvement . " She looked back up at me , and for a moment , I thought I saw her eyes well up with tears . " But what if I can 't stop eating ? " she whispered , blinking quickly until the tears had retreated . " What if - - " She raised her hands to cover her mouth and closed her eyes tightly , taking in deep , shuddering breaths through her fingers to calm herself . " I can 't think about it , " she said softly , her voice muffled from behind her hands . " I know . You don 't need to worry - - you have all the time in the world . We don 't expect you to get better overnight . We 're going to work with you for as long as you need to help you develop a healthy relationship with food and exercise . " She nodded a little , running her fingers through her short , black hair . " But that 's not actually why I 'm here today . I was hoping , " I continued , leaning forward a little , " that we could talk a little more about the night you came to us . " Her lips thinned , and she stared down at the floor . " We 've had several sessions about your disordered eating , " I urged her gently . " It 's time to talk about the elephant in the room . Your self - harm . " Her fingers unconsciously twitched down towards her thigh , and I watched as she pressed down on the fabric of her jeans , testing the pliancy of the skin underneath it . A faint wince crossed her features as the flesh yielded to her touch . It was behavior that was typical of an anorexic , checking for bulges and soft areas that she felt she needed to " improve . " " Your story , " I replied simply . " The whole story that leads up to you , here , right now . " She chewed on her lower lip for a moment , then nodded . " Take all the time you need , " I said . There was silence for a moment , but then she took a deep breath and began to speak . " I think it all started in high school . I was one of those ugly duckl - - um - - late bloomers , sorry , " she said quickly as I opened my mouth to object . I nodded , and she continued . " I don 't think anyone ever gave me the time of day until I turned sixteen . That 's when my face started to clear up and I went from a size six to a size four . " I 'm not going to lie ; when I started getting more phone calls and making more friends , I was a little depressed . I was still the same weirdo , but it felt like people were willing to look past the weirdness if I was pretty . But I let it go . It was good to have friends . Since I wanted it to stay that way , I did start to develop . . . habits . I wouldn 't go so far as to call it a disorder , but I had a pattern I would follow every week : I would only let myself eat once every two days . In some sick sort of way , I think that made me even more popular . That was a weird time . Myspace was still a thing , schools were filled with those scene assholes , and it was trendy to be skinny . A couple of my girlfriends and I would go to the football bleachers every day during our lunch break and just drink water and smoke cigarettes so we wouldn 't be tempted to eat . I don 't know . Now that I look back on it , it was pretty messed up . People are really fucked , aren 't they ? " Anyway , when I graduated , I lost contact with a lot of my friends in high school . Most of them went to college , but I didn 't have the money , so I just got a job at a grocery store and moved into an apartment with one of my coworkers a year later . His name was Derek , and he was gorgeous . And he knew it . He had this awesome life filled with beautiful people and late nights at clubs , and I loved being a part of it . He always had this way of making us feel like this young , invincible , beautiful pair of stylish socialites , even though we were only making a couple of dollars more than minimum wage and living in a pretty shitty part of the city . We both spent a ton of money on clothes . I 'm sure we almost missed rent once every other month . There were a few times where we had to turn the whole apartment upside down looking for change in all the nooks and crannies . " Derek wanted to be a fashion designer , and he would gush about how he wanted me to model his stuff . Don 't get me wrong , he was incredible with a sewing machine , but I don 't think either of us expected anything to come of it . He was always really fickle with his hobbies . We lived together for a few years , but I eventually had to move into a dorm to start school , and he went to go live with his boyfriend . We never lost touch , but I didn 't have a whole lot of time for clubbing or day drinking once I started school , so we did drift apart a little . " Christine paused , looking apprehensive . " Until this year , when he called me and said that he had scored an entry into a little fashion show , " she continued . She shifted uncomfortably and crossed her arms , folding in on herself a little . " Well , I was nervous , of course , but I said yes . Who wouldn 't , you know ? And when I showed up at his apartment for the fitting , he had all these beautiful clothes for me to try on . All of them fit really well , except for … " She took another deep , shaky breath . " . . . these fucking pants . They were made of black leather that Derek had spent a ton of money on . The way he went on about them , they were like his magnum opus . And they were amazing . But they wouldn 't . . . they wouldn 't quite fit over my thighs . " She closed her eyes . " Fuck . You should have seen his face . It wasn 't like he could just let out the seams a little - - he barely had enough leather to finish the pants . He was so disappointed . And he told me that he could find another girl to wear them , but I felt awful , so I told him that I would , you know . " Her face paled a little . " Try to lose some weight . " " That 's still very underweight for your height , " I said slowly . " They must have been impossibly small . Everyone makes mistakes . You can 't blame yourself . " " I know , but . . . I did . I had a month until the show , so I found a guy at school who was selling Vyvanse . You know , the ADHD medication . " She flushed a little and gave me a wry smile . " Sorry . Of course you know . " " I took it two or three times a week . The day I took it , I wouldn 't eat . I couldn 't if I tried , that was the beauty of it . The day after , I still wouldn 't eat . Then I would eat five hundred calories the third day , and start over after that . My grades got better , I guess . And it was working . By the second week , I weighed ninety - seven pounds , and I went to go see Derek again . " She trailed off , and I could see her lip start to quiver . " Th - they still didn 't fit . They would fit right up until the middle of my thigh , but then they 'd stop at my hips . " Derek told me it was going to be okay . He knew a girl who had the right measurements , and even though he made the pants for me , she could model them . I begged him to give me another two weeks and keep her as a backup in case I couldn 't do it . Then I went back to school and started working out every day , along with the Vyvanse and fasting . Lots of fasting . " My thighs had to be nineteen inches . My waist had to be twenty - two inches . My hips had to be thirty - two inches . Twenty - two , thirty - two , nineteen . Those were my encouragement words that I chanted while I worked out . I must have looked like a maniac . But despite all that , it felt like the guys on campus started to notice me a little more . I got more phone numbers that week than I 've gotten in my entire life . It hurt a lot , that I had to do all of this to make them give a shit about me , but it felt so good . And I was so close to my perfect numbers . . . " She broke off with a sob and covered her mouth . After a few moments , she straightened her shoulders and looked back up at me , her expression stiff , her eyes bright with tears . " But then I passed out at the gym . My mom met me at the hospital and freaked out when she saw how skinny I was . The doctors were telling her to check me into someplace like this . . . but . . . I guess I talked her out of it . " " Ms . Davis , " I interrupted softly . " We 're talking a lot about your eating disorder , but I don 't understand where - - " She silenced me with a look . It was some look . Angry and scared and a hair away from a full meltdown . I inclined my head in acceptance and let her speak . " I 'm getting to it , " she whispered . " I don 't know how I convinced my mom to let me go to the show , but she agreed to it . I just had to come straight home . But the night of the show , I . . . I took my measurements and … " A tear rolled down her cheek . " I was two inches away . Two inches away from being perfect . And I was out of time . It was my thighs , you know . Everything else was great , I guess , but everyone has that one fucking spot … " " No , you don 't . I weighed eighty - eight - point - five - two pounds . Every other part of me was skin and bone , but my god damned legs wanted to stay fat and disgusting . " She was suddenly very still . " I was trying not to lose it when I went downstairs to see mom . And she was … she was … " " She was peeling potatoes , " she giggled , her eyes wide . " For dinner , with one of those potato - peeler - things . And I thought it was so fascinating how the blade just slipped under the skin and peeled it all away , like she was sculpting marble . All of the parts that she didn 't need just went in the trash , where they belonged . It was the perfect contraption . You could just . . . watch the potatoes get smaller and smaller . " Tears were flowing down her cheeks freely now , but that wide , terrifying smile was still firmly affixed to her face . " So I grabbed a really sharp knife and my measuring tape before I went to my car - - " She laughed again . " Yeah . I bet you do , " she sighed gleefully . " I picked up some bandages from the drug store near Derek 's show , so nobody could see what I had done . And when I tried on the pants , they fit . They fit and everyone in the back was just over the moon about me , even though I could barely stand up . I actually got a few cards . People wanted to hire me . Derek was so excited ; he kept telling me that we were going to be the stars of the show . And we would have been , you know , " she continued , her eyes widening . " Everything was going so well until the model behind me slipped in something and fell , and that 's when they all saw the blood . Th - the bandages must have started leaking . . . " The smile finally disappeared from her face and she burst into loud , ugly , racking sobs . I felt my face grow pale . " Don 't touch me ! " she screamed . " Don 't you get it ? ! It 's never going to be okay ! Do you know what I had to do to myself to finally be someone ? ? ? " She collapsed onto the bed in a heap and sobbed wordlessly , hiding her face from me . " I can 't talk anymore , " she whispered shakily . " Please go away . " I removed my glasses and rubbed my eyes hard before standing , then walked slowly out of the room . I put a hand out to stop an orderly from walking passed me , and she frowned when she saw my face . " What is it ? " she said in a low voice . " Is it Christine ? " " I 'm afraid it is , " I sighed . " Please tell the nurses to examine her legs today . I believe she 's picking at her stitches again . " I waited patiently , if not a little awkwardly , as the young woman in front of me sat on her knees in front of her bed , her back to me . Her elbows were resting on the mattress , her hands were pressed together , and she looked all for the world like a little girl saying her bedtime prayers . After a moment , she dipped her head down and crossed herself , then slowly rose to her feet . As she caught my eye , her lips curved into a serene smile . " Hello , Doctor , " she said cheerfully , lowering herself onto the mattress and shifting into a cross - legged position . Her long hair dangled over one shoulder in a neat , sleek braid , and she had a pleasant sort of warmness to her disposition . " Is it time for our session ? " I smiled back before lowering myself into a chair near her bed . Usually , once it was time for our first big meeting , my patients were a bundle of nerves . Jessica Davenport , however , seemed ready to float right off the bed . I had never seen a woman look so utterly at ease only two days after being committed to our asylum . " Now 's as good a time as any , I 'm sure , " she replied , stretching languidly . " It isn 't like I have any urgent plans . " I uncapped my pen , then crossed my legs and positioned my clipboard on one knee . " What happened to me was enough to convince me that someone out there had an eye on me , " she replied smoothly . " Since I arrived here , I 've made it my mission to praise every deity I can think of in thanks . It 's the least I can do . " " Sure . God , Allah , various pagan gods and goddesses , " she said , offering me a little smile . " I 'd like to pray to the Hindu gods , but that may have to wait until I 'm out . I 'm not familiar with the mantras . " " I see . We might be able to work something out , " I replied slowly . " Now , this thing that happened to you - - are you referring to the . . . incident that led to your arrival here ? " " Alright . " She cleared her throat , then opened her eyes . Her gaze was a bit unsettling , filled with certainty and firm resolution . " It all started with Danny , of course . " " - - That I shot and killed ? Yes . It wasn 't always so bad , though . When we first started dating , he was the epitome of a perfect gentleman . He took me to these wonderful little restaurants , refused to let me open my own doors , and always had an arsenal of sweet words at his disposal . And he was good - looking , too . I was utterly mad for him . The way he looked at me , you would have guessed I was something precious that he couldn 't bear to let out of his sight . And , looking back on it , I suppose that that should have been my first warning . " It took several months for me to realize that I was unknowingly distancing myself from my friends . I don 't know how I didn 't notice it before . One morning , I just woke up and it occurred to me that I hadn 't seen or talked to them in a while , even though we had always been very close . And when I mentioned to Danny that I 'd like to see them again , he seemed . . . tense . I didn 't think much of it . But when I finally persuaded him to let me go to a girl 's night out , he bombarded me with text messages the whole night and seemed to get more and more irritated if I didn 't respond immediately . My friends were worried , but I told them that it would pass . " " I know that now , " she sighed . " But I was blind to it at the time . Of course , it only got worse . It all came to a head one night when I left a glass of red wine out on the nightstand . We were teasing one another and wrestling - - playfully - - and I knocked it right over the football jersey he had folded over his desk chair . It was his favorite . The stain wasn 't big , but there were a lot of little red drops all over it . " " Oh , I wouldn 't know , " she sighed , dismissing my question with an impatient flick of her wrist . " I don 't follow sports . But to Danny , it was like I had just ended his whole world . I apologized over and over , but he just got increasingly more furious until he grabbed the wine glass and threw it , as hard as he could , right past my face and against the wall . It shattered . A couple of inches to the left and it would have hit me . But , immediately after seeing the look on my face , he dissolved into the perfect picture of remorse . " She rolled her eyes . " I wouldn 't let him touch me , but he eventually just grabbed me and kissed me and told me how sorry he was . He was even crying . " Slowly , she turned her gaze down to the floor , the first action that had even hinted at any sort of discomfort . I watched her carefully . " It was when he pulled away to look at me that I realized Danny had . . . changed . He , ah … " She paused , and I leaned a little closer . " . . . I 'm sorry . This is the first time I 've told anyone about this . " " Yes . Th - they had turned yellow . Like an owl or something . " I tried to keep my face carefully free of any expression while she watched me , trying to gauge my reaction , and she continued once she had decided I didn 't think she was acting like a raving lunatic . " I thought it was just a trick of the light or too much wine , but when we woke up the next morning , there were those evil - looking eyes , staring right into my soul . The strangest part was , " she added , her brows knitting together worriedly , " that other than his bright yellow fucking eyes , he didn 't seem any different . It was like he hadn 't changed at all . And everyone around him acted the same , as if my boyfriend wasn 't starting to transform into some horrible thing . At first , it really messed around with my head . I thought I was losing my mind . So I hoped that I was just imagining it and that it would go away soon , and I tried my best to ignore it . " But it only got worse . A week later , one of my friends invited me out while Danny was at work . I had the day off , but I couldn 't get ahold of him to ask for permission . And yes , doctor , I 'm aware that that is also an example of possessive behavior , " she added as I moved to interrupt her . I promptly shut my mouth . " Anyway , since I couldn 't reach him , I just left him a voicemail and headed out . Which , apparently , was the wrong thing to do . When I got home , he was sitting in the living room , very quiet and very still . He wouldn 't answer me when I asked him what was wrong . I plugged in my phone while he was ignoring me - - it died while I was out - - and when I turned it on , I saw exactly twenty text messages from him and seven voicemail messages . " She paused and swallowed . " I had only been out for three hours . He finally spoke and told me that once he got my message he tried to reach me , and , upon failing to do so , had assumed that I was in trouble and left work early to look for me . He called all of my friends , too . What followed was a very loud interrogation about my actual whereabouts , and several implications that I had lied about where I was . I argued with him and told him he was being ridiculous , and he got fed up and lunged at me . " " No , " she whispered . " I almost wish he had sometimes . It would have made my life a lot easier . Instead , he stopped just an inch away from me and held my shoulder very , very tightly . And then he just stared at me for a few minutes . He was breathing hard . I think he was trying to calm himself down . " She bit her lip . " But then he opened his mouth to speak and . . . and I could see his teeth . They were different - - it was like his mouth had turned into a pit of needles . I screamed and tried to get away , and he just held me there and shouted that he wasn 't hurting me , that there was nothing to be screaming about , that I was overreacting . He said that someone was going to call the police if I kept acting up , and then I 'd have to ' explain why I was being such a crazy bitch , ' " she added grimly . " I sneaked out of the bed that night after he had passed out and slept on the couch . I couldn 't stand to sleep next to him . " The week after that , I had a late night at work . I was actually relieved when my boss asked me to stay for a few more hours ; it meant that I wouldn 't have to go home and face Danny and . . . the way he looked . I texted him to let him know , but he never responded . When I got home , he was in our room at the desk . He didn 't speak for a while , but then he told me that he had been let go . I guess they had been making cuts at his office , and when he left early to come find me , it earned him a spot on the list . It was basically his dream job , so he was understandably distraught . But then he got angry and started shouting that it was my fault for acting suspicious . He even said that I probably wasn 't even at work all night . " She paused for a few moments and rubbed her eyes , suddenly looking exhausted . " That 's when he took the gun out of his desk and held it to his head . He said that I was selfish for what I did to him , that I had ruined his life , and that I deserved to watch him die . " " Wait , " I said suddenly . " Are you telling me that Danny killed himself ? " For a brief moment , so brief that I might have imagined it , hopelessness flickered across her face . " No , " she said softly . " I was begging him to put the gun down , and then he . . . pointed it at me . He was shaking and staring at me with those horrible eyes , and he said that I deserved it more than he did . He started saying horrible things ; calling me a whore , telling me how the world would be better off without me . How nobody would even miss me . We stood like that for an eternity . " She licked her lips . " He finally put the gun down and started to apologize , but I ran . I hid in the closet and stayed there while he walked around the house shouting for me . He was in tears - - I could hear it in his voice - - but I didn 't care . It was in that moment that I realized he was going to kill me . " With a shaky breath , she folded her arms tightly in front of her chest . After a short pause , she began to speak again in a trembling voice . " It might not have been that night , or even that year . But he was going to put me in the ground . I just knew it . And then I peeked around the door of the closet , and I saw him . " " He . Wasn 't . Right , " she whispered desperately , her eyes brimming with tears . " His skin was too pale . His fingers were too long , and I swear I saw claws . And he was still carrying his gun . I . . . I grabbed one of his old baseball bats from behind the coats . . . and . . . well . . . I disarmed him . " Her chest began to heave with silent sobs . " And then I shot him in the chest . So he would stay down . I - I didn 't want to shoot him , but … I didn 't know what he would do . And his face … " She trailed off and stared down at the floor , taking in deep , gasping breaths and holding her head in her hands . I stayed silent while she struggled to compose herself . " Did you tell the police that he threatened you ? " I inquired once her breathing had returned to normal . She gave me an almost pitying look through her tears and let out a breath of dry laughter . " Of course I did . But there wasn 't any evidence that it was self - defense . I told you ; he never hit me . Not once . Other than the bruises from the bat and the bullet in his chest , there was no sign of a struggle . It wasn 't like there were any witnesses , and the house was in pristine condition . The police even found . . . they found an engagement ring stashed in his dresser . " She grimaced . " Then the prosecuting attorney brought up the weekend I had spent in suicide watch at a hospital when I was a teenager . It didn 't help that when the police showed up at his house , I was inconsolable and babbling about monsters with sharp teeth and big yellow eyes . At that point , it was all over . Although , I guess it did land me in here instead of prison . " Her gaze flitted past me and towards the open doorway of her bedroom , pensive and calm despite the tears trickling down her face . " The people here seem nice . " " Well , I think that 's enough for today , " I said briskly , rising to my feet . " I 've appreciated your cooperation . I 'll be back in a couple days so we can discuss your treatment . " She stood , nodded her head in agreement , and extended her hand . After a brief moment of hesitation , I gripped it and gave it a quick shake . " One more thing , " I added as she turned and began to rummage through her duffel bag , withdrawing a tattered paperback fantasy novel . " This … ' monster ' you said that you saw . Is this a recurring vision for you ? " She straightened and gave me a terse smile . " And you mentioned , " I continued , " that you were praying to thank the deity that let this happen to you . To be honest , Jessica , I can 't understand why . " Paper rustled as she lowered herself back onto the mattress and thumbed through the pages of the book , looking for her spot . " I don 't think it was meant to be a punishment , " she said , not looking at me . " I like to think that it was a blessing . Maybe I got a chance to see the real Danny before it was too late . Or maybe I 'm just being optimistic about it . " " I don 't think there is either . " The unstable Jessica I had gotten a glimpse of only moments ago was gone , and she looked up from her book to regard me with her level stare . " Have a nice day , doctor . " My mouth twitched in annoyance as the girl sitting on the mattress in front of me continued to studiously ignore my existence . All of her concentration was zeroed in on the pink rubber ball she was bouncing in a meticulous rhythm on the wooden floor . Thump - catch - drop - thump - catch - drop - thump - catch - drop - thump … " Natalie , " I repeated , a little louder this time . Her eyes narrowed a little , but other than that , she didn 't acknowledge that I had spoken at all . " I don 't intend to treat you like a child , but if you 're going to act like this , I can have that taken away . " She caught the ball with a twist of her bony wrist after another loud thump and lifted her head to scowl at me . The effect of her glare was magnified by the impressively dark circles that framed her green eyes like bruises . " It isn 't my fault it sticks so well , " she retorted , biting back a smile . " Pudding , my ass . You could probably use that stuff to fix that hole in the wall by the desk . " " You 're not doing yourself or anyone else any good by being so unpleasant , you know . And I was hoping to touch base with you again , " I said . " I would say that it 's time for our next session , but seeing as we 've never actually had a real session … " " We 've met several times , of course , but not once during any of our meetings have we ever actually discussed your problems . And the longer you stay clammed up , the longer it for takes for me to help you . " She snorted , and I raised an eyebrow . " And the longer it takes for me to help you , " I continued delicately , " the longer you will stay . " " Have you ever actually seen my family ? " she said loudly . " They stopped visiting months ago . I bet they want me to rot in here just as much as you do . " I opened my mouth to reply , thought better of it , closed my eyes , and then took a deep breath before I spoke again . " Fine . I 'll make you a deal , " I sighed . " If , by the end of our session , I decide that you have made progress with me , I will give you back your television privileges . " She regarded me distrustfully . We sat there in a silent standoff for a few moments , but then she grimaced and looked up at the ceiling in exasperation . " Fine , " she muttered . " Ask away . " I contained my sigh of relief and gave her what I hoped was a pleasant smile . " Good . I 'd like to start by talking about your insomnia . When you were admitted , the nurses told me that you were having trouble sleeping . Maybe you could tell me when all that started ? " " Suit yourself . Well , why don 't you start from there ? Was it the house that kept you awake at night ? New surroundings can be hard to adjust to . " She shrugged , and , for the first time ever , started to look a little uncomfortable . " Not really . I mean , my stepbrother was always up late playing Xbox and shouting into his headset , but I couldn 't ever really hear it from my room . I was actually sleeping just fine . It was just . . . the dreams . " She bit her lip , looking frustrated . " They were only nightmares , but they scared the shit out of me . And they were always the same : I would wake up in my bed and there would be this thing crouched over me , and I could never , ever seem to move . At all . So I , uh , " she murmured , blinking a little faster than usual , " would just have to sit there while it hurt me . " I stopped writing mid - sentence . " It was always different . Sometimes it would have big claws and teeth , and it would rip me to pieces over and over again for what felt like forever , " she said stiffly . " Other times it was really long and had this horrible toothless mouth , like a snake , and it would just start swallowing me whole from the feet up . Very . Very . Slowly . I could feel how wet its throat was , and I couldn 't even scream . " " That sounds . . . awful , " I said softly , staring at her in shock . " Did you ever tell your parents about these dreams ? " Her eyes flashed angrily . " No . I tried to , but it wasn 't like they were ever home . They were both workaholics . Dad was VP of this big company - - he always had business trips overseas - - and my stepmom was a hotshot lawyer with lots of clients . They didn 't have time for me . And my mom wanted nothing to do with me , but that wasn 't anything new , " she added , rolling her eyes . " Ryan ? No . He was just a reclusive gamer - boy with gross friends . They were all assholes . Some of them even perved on me when they came over , even though they were nearly in their twenties . " Her upper lip curled in contempt . " Anyway , the only times I ever interacted with him were when I needed a ride somewhere or if we both happened to be in the kitchen getting food at the same time . He was too awkward to hold a conversation with , and the house was big enough that we usually didn 't have to see one another if we didn 't have to . We both just left each other alone . " I tried to suck it up and get over the dreams , but they wouldn 't stop . They 'd go away just long enough for me to think it was over , but then they 'd come back worse than ever . So , a few weeks before my fifteenth birthday , I decided to stop sleeping . I mean , I didn 't stop completely . That would have been impossible . I would always drift off a little in class or while I was on the bus . One time I woke up at eight pm inside one of the school buses . The driver must not have seen me when she got to the station , so she just . . . left me there . I had to crawl out a window and call Ryan to come pick me up . I guess that was one of the times I was thankful it was him and not dad who was home . Ryan never asked a whole lot of questions . " " When I was sixteen they started taking me to doctors . I was losing weight , and sleep - deprivation doesn 't do your body any favors . I looked like shit . They prescribed me sleeping pills and other stuff , but since my parents weren 't ever around , I never actually took them . " She sighed . " I have to give them some credit , though . They did notice that I was drinking a metric fuckton of their coffee , so they switched it all to decaf and hid the real stuff somewhere else . I had to keep my own little stash of caffeine pills in my backpack for those days when I was too tired to function . " But it was working . Even when I would pass out every so often , the dreams weren 't bothering me anymore . And it wasn 't always bad , " she added , and as I watched her speak , her eyes seemed to glaze over wistfully . " When you 've been awake for that long , there 's this little window of time where you 're invincible . Everything seems new and exciting , and you feel like you could just drop - kick the whole world right out of orbit if you wanted to . I 'm sure I looked like a fucking crazy person the whole time , but I felt great . " She rubbed her eyes a little . " I don 't know how I did it , but I managed to keep it up until I turned eighteen without wandering into traffic or something . " At that point , though , I think I had successfully convinced my parents that they were being negligent assholes . Dad finally started taking time off work to spend time with me , and we 'd sometimes go out to eat on weekends , and do all that other stuff that fathers are actually supposed to do with their daughters . He always looked really worried when he looked at me , though , " she admitted sadly . " That summer , he got everyone together for a family vacation . My stepmom even flew Ryan out from college so he could come with us . And instead of going somewhere fancy , dad decided to take us camping . I think he thought it would bring us all closer together . " She gave me a little smile . " He even rented a camper for him and my stepmom and bought me and Ryan tents . The whole nine yards . The road trip to the lake was a little awkward , but once we got there , it was pretty great . At least , until the last day , " she continued slowly . " I - it was my fault , " she whispered . " I forgot to bring my caffeine pills . I thought that maybe if we went away like that , it might not happen … " " No , not just another dream . It was the worst one I ever had , " she said jerkily . Her eyes were wide , and dread was draining the color from her face . " It was that . . . that thing again , and this time it had five heads and ten arms . And the heads were eating me , l - like they always did , b - b - but the hands . . . " A low whimper escaped her lips and she buried her face in her hands . When she spoke again , there was a soft tremor in her voice . " I can 't talk about it . " " Okay , " she breathed . " Okay . Um . A - after I woke up the next morning , I didn 't really talk to anyone while we packed everything up . I . . . I was just so … done with all of it . I had been fighting that shit for four years , and I just realized that it was never going to go away . No matter what I did , that thing was always going to be there , waiting until I fell asleep . And a few miles down the road , we stopped at a gas station to fill up the camper , " she said softly . " Everyone went inside to get doughnuts and coffee , but I waited in the car . And I couldn 't stop thinking about what it would be like , living with that thing two steps behind me for the rest of my life . So … " She looked up at me and bit her lip . " . . . I . . . I took the gas pump out of the camper and put it in my mouth . " I thinned my lips and nodded , and she exhaled heavily , as if she had been holding her breath . " Obviously , it didn 't work , " she continued dryly . " It was a stupid idea . I puked most of it up right after I swallowed it , and my parents saw what I had done and called an ambulance . And , ta - da , " she finished weakly , holding up her arms in mock - triumph . " Here I am , notwithstanding my lack of esophageal lining . " I watched her for a few moments , then rose slowly to my feet . " Thank you for sharing your story , Natalie , " I said slowly . " We can stop for today . I 'll meet with you soon so we can decide how to proceed from here . " " Yes , Natalie , I 'd be more than happy to restore your TV privileges . I 'll tell the nurses and you can go to the recreation room right away for movie night . If you hurry , you can still make it . " " I 'm fine , " she snapped , rubbing her eyes with one hand and frantically waving me away with the other . " Just … go away . " I gave her a small nod and made my way out of the room . On my way to my office , I paused as I reached the front desk and looked over at the attendant . " Anna , " I said , and she looked up at me . " Natalie just told me her parents haven 't visited in months . Do you know anything about it ? " Her face grew a little pale . " Well , I thought something about the headline seemed familiar , and then I remembered seeing the name in Natalie 's file when she was admitted . It was her stepbrother . . . Ryan , right ? More than a few underage girls came forward with rape allegations , and they found chloroform and rohypnol in his dormitory . It 's no wonder they haven 't had time to visit . " Lucy 's wide - eyed gaze followed me as I walked into her room , and her thin lips twitched into a nervous little smile . " Hi , Brian , " she said shyly , casting her brown eyes down towards the yellow slip of paper in her hands , which she was diligently folding into a series of complex shapes . A square book full of colored paper lay next to her , and her past failures were scattered across the mattress in a colorful pile of crumpled balls . " Yes , " she replied , chewing on her lip in concentration . " Back in middle school , we both tried to learn origami together . I guess she figured I 'd have more time to practice now . " " Well , it 's good to see you picking up a hobby . Maybe you can make some decorations for the ward once the holidays roll around . " She beamed down at her paper , which was slowly beginning to take the shape of a giraffe , and I glanced at my clipboard . " You seem much more lively today . Is the new medication helping at all ? " She nodded rapidly , still squinting down at her giraffe . " It 's much better . I feel a lot more awake now , " she said , turning it around in her hands . Satisfied , she placed it gently onto the dresser next to her bed and tore a fresh , red square of paper out of the book . " And you ? " she continued , looking up at me curiously . I blinked at her . " Very good , thank you , " I answered . " My sister made dinner on Thursday . Did yours come to visit ? " She shook her head , absorbed once again in her frantic folding and creasing . " No , " she said quietly . " Jamie went downtown to see her husband 's family . But there was a little dinner here , " she added with a shrug . " We had turkey and potatoes and cranberry sauce . It was nice . " " That 's good . " I peeked over her hands at the piece of paper , which she had folded into a strange little triangle . " What are you making now ? " " Would you mind postponing your bird for a moment ? I 'd like to continue our conversation from last week . " She gingerly placed the unfinished piece of paper near her thigh , then folded her hands into her lap . Her right thumb began to scratch restlessly at the edge of the bandage on her left wrist , but the rest of her body remained still . " I 'm sorry if you don 't remember , " I said . " You seemed unfocused , so I decided to reschedule our appointment and change your medication . " She nodded slowly . " Well , I did manage to get a little out of you the last time we spoke , " I replied gently . " You said something - - and forgive me if I misunderstood you - - about a closet ? " She stiffened a little , and I watched her carefully . " Is that right ? " " That 's how it all started , actually , " she said slowly , staring down at her hands . " I don 't remember exactly when it began , but every night , I started hearing these whispers . I even asked my father to check my room a couple times , even though it made me feel like a scared little girl , but there was never anything there . " " No . I couldn 't understand them . At first I just thought it was just the house , like air rushing through the vents or something , but after a few months , I decided that they sounded way too human to be anything other than voices . One night , I woke up and my closet light was on , even though I always slept with it off . " She began to chew on her lip again . " That 's when it started to make a little more sense . " " I don 't know . It just seemed right at the time , that there were whispers coming from my closet . You know how people say the only certain things in life are death and taxes ? That 's what it felt like ; one of life 's certainties . Death , taxes , and voices in my closet . " She broke off with a frantic little giggle , and I waited patiently until she had relaxed again . " But it wasn 't too horrible , " she continued . " Once I accepted them , it was a lot easier to sleep again . It was even a little comforting sometimes . They weren 't really bad whispers . They were just . . . there . And that was okay . " Other than that , my life was going really well . I was working part time as a waitress and was close to finishing my freshman year in college . That 's why I was living at home : I couldn 't wait tables , pay for school , and pay rent . But my grades were alright - - I was never valedictorian or anything , but they weren 't too bad - - and there was this one customer , Kevin , who would always stop by the bar on Fridays for a couple drinks . He was really nice to me , even though I was shy . Looking back on it , I 'm sure he was flirting with me the whole time , " she said , flashing me a sad little smile . " I think he thought I wasn 't interested for a while , since I was so clueless about it , but he finally gathered up the courage to ask me out . I said yes , of course . I was always the quiet one in high school , so I hadn 't ever actually gone out on a date before . I was really excited , and the first few times we went out , I had an amazing time . " " Sort of , " she said softly . " On our fourth date , we went to a movie and then went back to his place . He had a nice little apartment a few miles away from my campus , and we picked up some ice cream and played Mario Kart all night long . He didn 't even try anything . I mean , I probably wouldn 't have minded if he did , but it seemed kind of sweet that he wanted to take things slow . I started getting drowsy after a while , so he let me sleep in his bed . " She paused and licked her lips nervously . " I woke up around two am . He was passed out next to me , and I realized that he had left his closet door open . " " Yeah , " she agreed , fiddling anxiously with the origami book . " But they were . . . different this time . They seemed scared , or worried about something . And I could hear this thumping coming from outside his apartment door . It was probably just another tenant , but it wouldn 't stop , and there was something . . . really unsettling about it . Every time I heard it , it just felt more and more like something awful was about to happen . So I got up and got all my stuff , as quietly as I could . I waited for the noise to get quieter and went out the front door , and I just remember standing in the stairwell for ages , listening for it to make sure it was gone . " A shudder traveled up her spine , and her posture tensed . " It started to come back again , louder and louder , and when I looked behind me , I saw this black shape at the end of the hallway . It was too low to the floor to be a person , and it seemed small , but then it moved and I heard the thumping noise again . And then it started scuttling towards me , and I just ran as fast as I could down to my car and locked the doors once I got inside . " She let out a jerky laugh , her lip quivering . " It scared the life out of me when I started my car . I guess mine triggers the alarm when you start it with the doors locked . I remember screaming for a few seconds until I realized what was happening . " I called Kevin the next day to apologize for disappearing , and told him that it was just impossible for me to stay asleep in new places . He seemed to understand , but we kind of drifted apart after that . And everything started to get worse , " she admitted . " The whispers were getting louder , and sometimes I could hear the thumping noise , like the shadow from the hallway had followed me home . It always kept me up , even when I locked the closet . I even started sleeping with a knife in my nightstand , just in case that thing ever learned how to open the door . " " I couldn 't bring myself to do it . They were starting to act strange around me , and I could tell they knew I was starting to lose my head . I could hear them talking about me when they thought I wasn 't there . " Her eyes shone bright with tears , and she stared woefully at the floor . " It was the same with my coworkers and classmates . I could feel their eyes boring into my skull when I was turned around , and when they were talking with each other , sometimes they 'd look over at me . I told myself that I was imagining it , but I just couldn 't shake the feeling . " She leaned down to cover her face with her hands , and when she spoke again , her voice was muffled through her fingers . " So I was actually ecstatic when my parents asked me to watch my two - year - old sister while they went to a dinner party , because it meant they somehow still trusted me enough to be around her . Y - you know ? " " If I don 't do it now , I don 't think I 'll ever do it , " she whispered , and I paused before nodding . " Um , " she continued shakily , " at first , it went really well . Mom always told me and Jamie that Grace was the easiest baby she ever had . We were always throwing fits when we were kids , but Grace never seemed to cry at all . She didn 't even go through the terrible two 's . So I switched my shift with someone at the bar , and we just spent the whole day watching Tinkerbell movies , playing hide - and - seek , and fiddling with my makeup . She always loved getting into glittery stuff . When I tried to put her down for sleep , she was still all riled - up , but I told her we could play more tomorrow . " Fresh tears started streaming down her face . " I went to go brush my teeth and wash my face after I tucked her in , and then I locked my closet and went to bed . " It . . . it didn 't take long for the whispers to start again , but I was determined to drown them out that night . I had to act normal , for Grace . I thought about turning the TV on to drown it out , but I didn 't want to wake her up . B - but then , the light in my closet turned on . " She drew her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees , curling into a nervous little ball . " I remember just staring at it , telling myself that I was imagining it , but then I heard that thumping noise , louder than ever . And then , " she said , clenching the material of her jeans hard with her fingers , " it knocked on the door . Th - three times . Really , really slowly . I grabbed the knife from my nightstand and stood up , and then the light turned itself right off . I - I - I finally convinced myself to get up and open the door , and I s - s - saw this b - b - black shape in front of the w - w - w - wall … " She broke off and buried her face in her arms , sobbing uncontrollably . I felt the blood drain out of my face . " I didn 't see her , " she finally cried out against her skin . " I . . . I didn 't see her her until … " " Lucy , " I said , just loudly enough to be heard over her heaving sobs . " It was a terrible mistake , but you needed help . Your mind had convinced itself that you were in danger - - " " But I knew the moment I dropped the knife , " she gasped . " It was like . . . like flipping a switch . And . . . and then I heard the garage door open downstairs , so I … " She trailed off , slowly raising her left arm amidst the waves of sobs to show me the bandages . My chest suddenly felt very tight . " They found us there a few minutes later , " she whispered . " Dad turned on the closet light and . . . well . . . there was a lot of blood . " She had quieted down , but her shoulders were still shaking with each breath . " Mom couldn 't stop screaming . " We sat quietly for a little while , the silence of the room punctured only by Lucy 's ragged breathing as she tried to stifle her tears . " Jamie told me that they were going to visit soon , but I don 't think they will , " she breathed . The tremors were slowly leaving her voice , but her eyes were still wide with horror . " I wouldn 't blame them . I wouldn 't blame them if they never wanted to see me again . " " Yes , I think that 's enough for today , " I said gently , rising to my feet . Lucy nodded jerkily and picked up her half - finished paper bird , her fingers flying into another folding frenzy . " I 'm sorry . I promise that it will get easier from here on out . Why don 't you get some rest ? Dinner 's in two hours , and a couple of the nurses told me you haven 't been sleeping well . " I moved to leave , but hesitated when I saw a flicker of movement out of the corner of my eye . Frowning , I turned to look at the tiny closet across from Lucy 's bed . The doorway was clear , and there wasn 't anything inside other than a short stack of books and a small collection of board games , but the chain connected to the light bulb on the ceiling was swaying lazily .

When I started this blog my daughter had a best friend named Dora . Dora lived with us . Dora was invisible . When I told my daughter , I was going to start a blog of stories for her , she asked me to write stories for Dora . So we called this blog Stories for Dora . Now , that my daughter has outgrown Dora , she has reclaimed her blog and we have changed the name to Stories for Aurella . So here are stories for my daughter and you . Once there was beautiful princess . She had kissed a frog that became a Prince . Now , she lived in a great big castle . Her husband was a rich and handsome prince . So of course , she lived happily ever after , didn 't she ? Well , not exactly . Living with the Prince was not easy . He was a spoiled Prince . He was used to having other people do things for him . " I 'm hungry . " he would say . The Princess was so tired of living with the Prince . She was better of with the frog . She missed the frog . She wanted the frog back . She went in search of someone who could help her . Anyone she saw that she thought could help her she stopped and asked " Can you help me turn my Prince into a frog ? " " That 's not how it works ! " cried the Wizard . " That 's not how any of this works . " He went off mumbling to himself . The Princess sighed unhappily and continued her journey . She had never realized it was going to be so hard to turn a Prince into a frog . She thought that was the easy part . She thought turning a frog into a Prince was the hard part . After all , after you kiss a few frogs and they don 't turn into Princes who wants to keep it up . Well , if they knew what they were in for , they would never start kissing frogs in the first place . They would just let things be . The Princess walked and walked for miles and miles . She couldn 't find anybody who could help her . Her body was sore and her feet were aching . Princesses are not used to walking that much and their shoes are not made for it . Finally , she sat down on a log to rest a little bit before heading home . She figured she was going to be stuck with the Prince . She supposed there could be worse things . She could have been turned into a frog herself . Just because she wanted the Prince turned back into a frog did not mean that she wanted to be one herself . " I am the Princess . " replied the Princess . She looked around to see where the voice was coming from . She could just make out a shadowy figure in the distance . " What are you doing on my land ? " said the voice . As the figure came closer , the Princess could see that it was an ugly old witch . The Witch had a pointy nose and crooked teeth . The Witch was used to people being afraid of her . She did not understand why the Princess was not . The Witch gave the Princess her best evil smile . " I don 't turn frogs into Princes . " stated the Witch . " Wait a minute ! " she cried after realizing what the Princess had said . " Did you say you want to turn the Prince into a frog ? " " Sure , I can do that ! " exclaimed the Witch . That would not be against her Witches code because that sounded evil . The Witch mixed the Princess a potion . It looked scary and green and it was full of all kinds of weird stuff . " Just put it in his dinner , and he won 't see it or taste it . " she promised . " Not really . " said the Prince changing his mind . The Princess laid his dinner out in front of him . " Aren 't you eating too , my sweet ? " he asked . The Princess shook her head . " I had a big lunch . " she explained although she really hadn 't had any lunch she 'd been to excited to eat . The Prince nodded thoughtfully thinking that made perfect sense . He continued to eat . Just as he finished eating , there was a big puff of green smoke and he disappeared . In his place , appeared a little green frog . " Yes ! " cried the Princess happily . She was so happy that she picked up the little frog and kissed it . There was another puff of smoke but this time it was purple smoke . The frog disappeared and the Prince reappeared . Of course , he was much to big to fit in the Princess ' hand so he fell on the floor . Alysha Hamilton was obssesed with Air Bud and Buddy movies . She thought that all there was to life was watching them . All she ever wanted to do was watch them . She had seen every one over 100 times . When her Mom and Dad were watching on the TV , she would watch on her portable DVD player . She even named her dog , Rosebud after the dog in the Buddy movies except she never paid attention to her real dog because she was too busy watching the movies . When Alysha finally came down , Mommy was mad . " Alysha , you should have come when I called you . " she declared angrily . " Now , your lunch is cold ! " The next day , Alysha woke up and decided she wanted to watch one of the Buddy movies . She went to her closet where she kept them . She couldn 't find them . She looked all around and still couldn 't find them . She checked all over the rest of the house even places she knew they would never be like the refrigerator and freezer . Alysha did not know what else to do . She was so used to spending time watching her movies . For a while , she lay on her bed being bored . Then , Rosebud barked and climbed onto Alysha 's lap . Alysha wasn 't sure what to do . She wasn 't use to interacting with her real dog . She was usually too busy watching dogs on the TV screen . Rosebud started licking Alysha 's face . Alysha pet her . For the first time , Alysha started to really bond with Rosebud . Alysha got up . She thought Rosebud would leave , but Rosebud started following her around . " Mommy , " she said happily running into Mommy 's room with Rosebud not far behind her . After feeding , Rosebud , Alysha helped Mommy make cheesedogs , potatos , and mixed vegetables for dinner . It was delicious . Even Rosebud who was eating the scraps off the floor thought so . After dinner , Mommy , Daddy , and Alysha played a game of Trivial Pursuit . Rosebud kept trying to eat the pieces . Alysha kept taking them away from her because she didn 't want her dog to choke . After that , she felt like she had bonded more with her parents more than ever before . " That was fun . " she said happily . " Can we do it again tomorrow ? " The next morning when Alysha woke up . She ran into her Mom and Dad 's room excitedly yelling . " Look what I found ! Look what I found ! " waving the DVDs around . Renata Hood wished that people would actually call her by her name . She loved the name Renata . She liked the way the sound of it just rolled off her tongue . The only problem was nobody ever called her by her name . The only thing people ever called her was Little Red . They called her that because of the flaming red hair that she had inherited from her mother . Only her mother was lucky enough not to get stuck with the nickname Big Red or anything like that . They just called her Red . " Why do I have to be Little Red ? " insisted Renata . " I 'm getting too old for that . " Mom smiled at Renata and answered . " You know why , sugar . They were already calling me Red when you were born so they called you Little Red . " Renata looked at her tiny barely 5 foot tall mother . She had to admit that her mother was right . It would just be crazy to call her Big anything . Renata sighed . Well , if her mother didn 't care if people called her mother Red that was fine , but Renata just wished people would stop calling her Little Red . " Listen , sugar . " said Renata 's mother . " I need you to take a basket of food I made over to Grandma 's house . She 's not feeling well . " Grandma lived down the block and around the corner . Renata nodded . She took the basket and got ready to go . Just before she went out the door , Mom called her . " Wait a minute ! " Mom stopped her . " It 's cold out there , put on a sweater . " Renata made a face of utter disgust . She hated that sweater . Grandma had been knitting sweaters for her like that since she was born . No matter how many times Renata told her that red heads didn 't really look good in red , Grandma continued to make her red sweaters . Every time , Renata grew out of one she made her another . " Do I have to , Mom ? " she asked hoping that for once the answer would actually be no . " Now , you be careful . " insisted Mom . " Just go to Grandma 's and come right back . Don 't waste time and don 't talk to anybody along the way . " Renata sighed again . The last thing she wanted to do was stop and talk to anybody . All she wanted to do was go and come back before anyone saw her in that stupid red hooded sweater . Now , Renata was sure she knew that voice . " Go away Wolfie ! " she called out behind her . Wolfie Black was a boy in her neighborhood , and he was also in her class . She just couldn 't seem to get away from him . Wolfie 's real name was Walter but nobody ever called him that . They just called him Wolfie . Allegedly , they called him that because he had big ears and a big nose and little eyes like a wolf . Renata wasn 't sure though . All she knew was that , he was really annoying , and she despised him . He liked her though , and he was always trying to talk to her . Renata started running . Wolfie ran after her . He had much longer legs than Renata and quickly caught up to her . He put his hand on her shoulder , and she turned around and sighed . " You 've got really long legs , Wolfie . " she noted unhappy that he was able to reach her so quickly . Renata shook her head . Things could not possibly get worse . First , she was forced to wear the stupid red sweater and now this . She walked around Wolfie and continued on her way to Grandma 's hoping that he didn 't really intend to walk her all the way there . Apparently , he did , however , because he kept following her . At Grandma 's door , Renata turned to Wolfie , and she was about to tell him that he could go now . However , the door suddenly swung open . " Why my sweet Little Red ! " exclaimed Grandma excitedly upon seeing her granddaughter . " I 'm feeling a lot better now , dear . " replied Grandma . She took the basket from Renata and peeked in . " Did your mother send all of this ? " Grandma asked Renata . " How nice of her . " she added gratefully when Renata nodded yes . " I couldn 't possible eat all this though . Why don 't you stay and eat with me and you 're friend is welcome to stay too . " Renata turned and frowned to see that Wolfie was still there . She tried to give him a look that said tell her that you don 't really want to stay . Wolfie did no such thing . Instead , he put out his hand and said . " Hello . My name is Walter Black , ma 'm . I would love to stay . Thanks for inviting me . " Renata frowned even deeper . It was bad enough when Wolfie followed her all the way to Grandma 's . Now , she had to sit down and eat with him . It was going to be a long afternoon . It turned out that Renata was wrong . When she actually sat down and talked to Wolfie , he wasn 't really that bad at all . He was still a little weird , but he was nice . " I guess we are , Walter . " she replied . After all , how could she not be friends with the only person she knew who had agreed to called her Renata instead of Little Red like she was always begging people to do . In exchange , she agreed to call him Walter instead of Wolfie . Liz looked up where Barbie was pointing . She didn 't see anything . She looked all around the closet . She still didn 't see anything . " What am I looking at ? " she asked finally . Liz shrugged . Of course , she had seen the big white box . It was too big to miss . It didn 't seem like anything important though . She didn 't see what could make it so fascinating to Barbie . " It 's just a box . " stated Liz matter - of - factly . " So what ? " Liz stared at her little sister as if she 'd suddenly starting speaking a foreign language . " Are you crazy ? " she asked finally . " Your birthday isn 't for six months . " Barbie remained staring at the closet trying to think of way to reach the big white box and see what was in it . She tried jumping up , but she didn 't jump high enough . She tried jumping up again , but she still couldn 't jump high enough She tried jumping off the bed , but she didn 't get anywhere near the closet . She just landed with a splat on the floor . Mommy looked confused or was it just that she was trying to act like she was confused . Barbie was sure Mommy was just trying to put on an act . Of course , she knew what box Barbie was talking about . " The big white box in the closet . " declared Barbie as a great big smile spread across her face . " Oh that box . " replied Mommy as she realized what box Barbie was talking about . " Oh that 's not for you . Don 't worry about it " She quickly left the room to finish what she had been in the middle of when Barbie 's loud crash interrupted her . Barbie 's smile got even bigger as Mommy left the room . Now she was certain that whatever was in the big box was her birthday present . She tried to imagine what it could be . Maybe , it was a dollhouse . She had been wanting one of those for a while . Maybe , it was a baby doll or two . Barbie just loved baby dolls , and in her opinion you could never have too many . Maybe , it was an art kit . Barbie loved to draw and paint . Barbie sat down on the bed disappointedly for a while . Then , she got an idea . She hurried out of the room and went to her bedroom and got her desk chair . She dragged it over to the closet , stood on it , and reached up . She still couldn 't reach the top of the closet . She frowned and thought some more . Then , she got an idea . She went into the bathroom and got the step stool and put it on top of the chair . She reached up into the top of the closet again . This time her fingers just barely touched the box . She carefully reached as far as she could and pulled the box closer to her . As she tried to pull it even closer , her fingers slipped and the box clattered to the floor with a crash . The contents which consisted of a bunch of papers scattered all over the floor . Barbie was filled with disappointment . She got down and sat on the floor with her face in her hands frowning . This time the crash brought both Mommy and Liz running . Liz 's eyes opened wide in surprise . " What happened ? " she asked . Mommy 's face was more angry then curious . " What is going on ? " she demanded . She frowned and gave Barbie a hard stare with one hand on her chin as she shooed Liz out of the room with the other . " First of all , if I tell you that something is not for you , you need to leave it alone . Second of all , I would not hide your birthday present in my closet . Third of all , your birthday is not for six months . I haven 't even started to think about it yet . " " I appreciate that . " said Mommy sternly . " but you went in my closet without permission and you made a big mess . There is going to have be some consequence . You go in your room and we 'll talk about it when I finish cleaning up this mess . " Mommy shook her head . " No , you 've done quite enough . " she declared . " Go to your room . " A few minutes later , Liz found Barbie in the hall closet . " What are you doing ? " she asked her little sister . " Your going to get in trouble . Aren 't you supposed to be in your room ? " Aria Mermel was not happy . She was not happy to have moved to a a new town . She was not happy to be going to a whole new school . She was especially not happy to be having to make all new friends . " Just make yourself a part of their world . " suggested her mother , but that was a lot easier said than done . The only thing that made , Aria feel better was singing . She sat in her room for hours and listened to music and sang along . Finally , her mother made her go outside and get some fresh air . Aria took her iPod and sat on the swing in her yard swinging and singing . Aria was startled . She looked up and saw a girl standing in front of her . It was Ursi Wyche . Ursi lived next door , and she was one of the most popular girls at school . " Oh , I 'm sorry . " apologized Aria . " Was I singing out loud ? " " Okay . " replied Aria a little warily . She couldn 't imagine what Ursi could want her to do . Ursi didn 't even know her that well . Ursi laughed . " Oh don 't worry . " she said . " I don 't intend to hurt you . I know this is real life . We can 't really trade voices or anything like that but I want to be in the school musical . You can help me with that . " Ursi 's plan was to record Aria 's voice . Then , she 'd play it at the audition and lip sync to it . " Tomorrow , I 'll introduce you too everyone . " Ursi promised on her way out of Aria 's house . " Just remember though if you tell anyone about our deal , I 'll make them all hate you . " " I won 't tell . " Aria promised . She could hardly wait for the next day . She really wanted to be a part of the popular world like Ursi and not just an unnoticeable new girl any more . The next day , Aria stayed after school for the musical auditions . " Are you trying out ? " asked the drama teacher , Mrs . Sebastian . " Oh no . " replied Aria shaking her head . " I 'm just waiting for Ursi . " Ursi had promised to introduce Aria to her friends after the auditions . Aria looked up . " Oh hi , Ursi . " she greeted Ursi cheerfully . " Did you audition already ? " Aria didn 't remember seeing Ursi audition or hearing her own voice , but maybe she had missed it when she was busy with her homework . " No . " said Ursi unhappily . " Your voice accidentally got recorded over . Now , we have a new plan . " She dragged Aria out of the auditorium and around backstage with her . " You stay here and sing . " she demanded in a whisper . " My turn is next . " " Okay . " agreed Aria . She wasn 't happy about it though . She didn 't see how this was going to work . Mrs . Sebastian called Ursi 's name . Ursi went on stage and opened her mouth . Aria couldn 't see her so she didn 't start singing . After a few minutes , Mrs . Sebastian asked " When are you going to start singing , Miss Wyche ? " Ursi turned around and gave a quick angry peak behind the curtain . Then , she turned back to face front and smiled . " I 'm ready now . " she declared . Mrs . Sebastian actually had tears in her eyes . Never in all her years of teaching had she heard such a beautiful voice . She was about to ask Ursi where she had been hiding that beautiful voice all this time when she realized that the mouth and the sound coming out of it were not exactly matching up . She signaled for one of the other kids to open the stage curtains . Ursi stopped singing the minute the curtains starting opening . Aria , however , was so wrapped up in her song that she didn 't even notice the curtains were opening . She kept right on singing . " But I . . . " protested Aria . She looked over at Ursi who was glaring at her . Then , she looked out into the audience . Everyone else was smiling in an encouraging way . Maybe , she didn 't need Ursi to help her make friends anyway . Maybe , she could make her own friends after all . " Okay . " she declared . " I 'd love to try out for the school musical . " Snowy , the soft white cat , brushed against Naylei Robinson 's legs . Naylei reached down and pet her . The Robinson family had Snowy since before Naylei was born . In fact , Mommy had Snowy even before she met Daddy . " Tell me again the story of how you got Snowy . " Naylei begged Mommy . She climbed up on Mommy 's lap . When Mommy got out of college and she moved out of Grandma and Grandpa 's house , she moved into an apartment . It was kind of lonely . Grandpa offered to get Mommy a kitten . They went to the shelter . There were lots and lots of kittens . Mommy didn 't know which one to choose . She walked up to the cages . Most of the kittens ignored her . A little white one came right up to the front of the cage and chewed on Mommy 's finger . It didn 't hurt though . " I 'll take this one . " she declared . Somebody opened the cage and took the little kitten out and deposited it into Mommy 's arms while Grandpa filled out the necessary paperwork for Mommy to adopt her . The kitten was frightened and shaking . Mommy pet her and tried to relax her . " Don 't worry little one . " she whispered softly to the kitten . Mommy carefully looked the little cat over and thought about it . " Snowy . " she announced after a few minutes . " I 'm going to call her Snowy . " In the car , Snowy was even more frightened . As they drove along , she made sad little mewing sounds . Mommy felt so bad for her . " Don 't worry little one . " she promised . " It 's going to be okay . " They stopped to get cat supplies . Then , they went to Mommy 's apartment . Mommy took Snowy to her room and let her out of the box . Snowy started running around and around all over the place . She was so happy to be out a cage and out of a box . Mommy and Grandpa laughed at the crazy little kitten racing all over the floor . Finally , Snowy tired herself out . She came over to Mommy and lay down in her lap and went to sleep . After that , she and Mommy were bonded . She was Mommy 's fur baby for life . When Mommy first got Snowy , Snowy followed her everywhere . Every time , Mommy went out of the room and Snowy didn 't see her , she started mewing sadly . One day , Mommy was taking a shower when she heard Snowy crying in the hall . Mommy grabbed a towel and went out into the hall . She scooped up Snowy in her arms and brought her into the bathroom . Snowy stopped crying and jumped up on the toilet lid and sat down . Mommy got back in the shower . Snowy sat peacefully for a couple of minutes . Then , she started crying again . Mommy poked her head out of the shower just to show Snowy that she was still there . Snowy excitedly came over to the edge of the tub . She leaned forward and jumped in . When Snowy felt the water touch her fur , she jumped back in terror . She quickly skidded across the tub floor and jumped out the other side . Mommy laughed at her silly little kitten , For the first couple of years , Mommy and Snowy lived alone , and they were very close . When Mommy sat on the couch Snowy sat behind her on the arm of the couch . When Mommy lay on the couch , Snowy lay on her stomach . When Mommy sat at the table in the kitchen and ate a meal , Snowy sat in the extra chair next to her . When Mommy slept , Snowy curled up on the extra pillow next to her . When Mommy went out and then came back , Snowy greeted her at the door , meowing so happy to see her again . Then , Mommy became pregnant with Naylei 's big sister , Nina . Snowy was okay with Mommy being pregnant . Of course , she didn 't really understand it anyway . It was when Nina was actually born that was the problem . When Mommy and Daddy brought Nina home from the hospital , Mommy held Nina in her arms wrapped in a blanket . By that time , they lived in a townhouse and Snowy was sitting on the top of the steps . She looked at Mommy and Daddy and the bundle in Mommy 's arms and glared at them all . What in the world had they brought into her house ? Whatever , it was she was not happy about it . Snowy was so angry at Mommy that she barely went near her for several months . Luckily , Snowy didn 't try to harm Nina though . In fact , she barely went near the baby either . She didn 't mind being near Daddy though , and became close to Daddy for the first time . Finally , after several months , Snowy decided to forgive Mommy . Things went back to the way they were before except Snowy stayed close to Daddy although not as close as she was to Mommy . " When you were born , Snowy didn 't mind so much . She only stayed away from me for a little bit . I guess once she had gotten used to one baby , the second one was easier . " explained Mommy . It was Sugar Baby 's bath time . Of course , that wasn 't really her name but everybody called her that because she was so sweet . She wasn 't really a baby either . She was a toddler . She was already 4 , but everyone still thought of her as a baby because she was the youngest child in the family . She had one older sister and one older brother The only time Sugar Baby wasn 't sweet was bath time . She hated taking a bath . " Come on Sugar Baby . " said Mommy sweetly . " It 's time for your bath . " Mommy picked up Sugar Baby and got ready to undress her . Just then Sugar Baby wriggled out of her grasp and ran out the door . Mommy reached for her , but she couldn 't get Sugar Baby . Sugar Baby was too fast . Sugar Baby turned smiled and laughed and kept running right out the bathroom door . Ha ! Ha ! Hee ! Hee ! Mommy couldn 't catch the Sugar Baby . Sugar quickly ran down the stairs and into the kitchen with Mommy following behind her . Daddy was sitting at the table reading the paper . He saw Sugar Baby run past . " It must be bath time . " he said with a smile . He reached out and tried to scoop her up into his arms and take her back upstairs . She slid just out of his grasp and gave him a huge smile . " Ha Ha Ha ! Hee ! Hee ! Hee ! Mommy and Daddy couldn 't catch the Sugar Baby . Mommy and Daddy both followed Sugar Baby out of the room . She ran into the living room where her big sister was sitting watching TV . Big sister looked up as Sugar Baby ran into the room . " Bath time , already Sugar Baby ? " she asked cheerfully . She tried to reach for Sugar Baby , but Sugar Baby got down on her hands and knees and crawled away . " Ha Ha Ha Ha ! Hee ! Hee ! Hee Hee ! ! Mommy , Daddy and sister couldn 't catch the Sugar Baby . Mommy , Daddy and sister all followed Sugar Baby out of the room . Sugar Baby ran out the back door . Her older brother was in the yard throwing a baseball into the air and catching it . He laughed as he saw his little sister come out of the house . " It 's not bath time already , Sugar Baby , is it ? " He tried to pick up Sugar Baby in his arms but she quickly slipped away from him . Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Hee ! Hee ! Hee ! Hee ! Hee ! Mommy , Daddy , sister and brother couldn 't catch the Sugar Baby . Mommy , Daddy , sister and brother all followed Sugar Baby around to the front yard . Sugar Baby turned around and saw Mommy and Daddy and sister and brother all chasing her . She laughed at them all following her unable to catch her . Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Hee ! Hee ! Hee ! Hee ! Hee ! Wait ! What was happening ? All at once , Sugar was being picked up off her feet and lifted into the air . How could that be if Mommy , Daddy , big brother and big sister were all behind her ? Sugar Baby looked up into the face of the woman who had picked her up . It was Grandma who had arrived for a visit at just the right time . Gladiola Stravinski loved flowers . She loved Lillies . She was passionate about Pansies . She was crazy about Chrysanthemums . She was zany for Zinnias . She was daffy for Daffodils . She was in love with Irises . She just couldn 't get enough of Jasmine . She was moonstruck for Marigolds . She got excited about Geraniums . Maybe , she loved flowers because she was named after one , but whatever it was she was just crazy about them . Her fondest wish was to have a flower garden of her own . Mommy would shake her head . " Tending to a garden is a lot of responsibility . " she would say . " Maybe , when you 're a little older . " Gladiola 's siblings couldn 't even understand why she would want to have garden . " Too messy . " declared her sister , Jullietta . " Why would you want to voluntarily work in the dirt ? " Gladiola didn 't mind the mess or the work . She just wanted a flower garden of her own . She couldn 't wait for the day when she would be old enough to have one . After what seemed like forever to Gladiola , one day Mommy finally announced . " Okay . I think you are old enough to have a little flower garden now . " They went down to the Garden Center . Gladiola picked out purple Pansies , yellow Zinnia 's , pink Chrysanthemums , blue Geraniums , orange Marigolds and red and white Gladiolus . She could hardly wait for Mommy to pay for them so she could go home and started planting her garden . Once , they got home , Gladiola picked up out just the right spot on the lawn for her garden . She wanted a spot that would get just enough rain and sun , but not too much . She prepared her patch and planted her flowers . She put a tiny little white picket fence around it . The fence was so small , it wasn 't even as big as Gladiola . Right from the beginning , the fence was a problem . It was so small that people could not see it and kept walking right into Gladiola 's garden . Somehow , though the little flower garden continued to thrive and grow . Then , one day , Julietta and Gabriel were playing soccer on the lawn . " Please get away from my garden ! " begged Gladiola as they got awfully close to it . Julietta and Gabriel couldn 't hear her and they didn 't see the little fence and they both tumbled into the garden smashing all of Gladiola 's flowers as they went down . All of the flowers were completely destroyed . " I 'm so sorry ! " they both exclaimed jumping up and brushing themselves off . Julietta and Gabriel felt horrible . " What can we do to make it up to her ? " Julietta asked Gabriel . He shrugged . They thought about it for a while . Mommy and Gladiola came in the front door just as Julietta and Gabriel came in from the back . " I didn 't really think that was going to help . " they heard Gladiola say . She sounded as sad as when she left . Gladiola yanked her arm away and moved out of her sister 's grasp . " No ! " she replied firmly . " I am never going out there again . " Gladiola shook her head again . Gabriel lifted Gladiola into his arms and carried her toward the door . " Gabriel ! " she screamed . She kicked him and beat him with her fists , but he wouldn 't put her down . He carried her outside and over to where her garden used to be . She closed her eyes but then opened them again quickly as she thought she saw a flash of color . " My garden . " she said wriggling out of her brothers arms and going over to it . It was her garden as good as ever and still with the little white fence around it , but this time there was a big wooden sign next to it that said " Gladiola 's Garden " in rainbow letters making it clear that her garden was there . Nobody accidentally walked into it or fell into it again . Posted by Brigitta Williams was a little girl with a cat , Cupcake and a dog , Lilly . She loved them , but her favorite thing was Paddington Bear . She loved anything Paddington ; books , movies , and TV shows . " I want a bear ! Can I get a bear ? " She asked her mom one sunny afternoon . " NO ! Lilly and Cupcake are not enough . I want a bear ! " Brigitta said shouting and running away . She ran to her room and slammed the door . Mommy went after Brigitta . " Honey why do you want a bear anyway ? " " PADDINGTON ! ! ! ! ! ! " Brigitta exclaimed loud , annoyed , and angry . " The most we can do is go to the zoo . " explained mommy calmly Mommy agreed to go to the zoo . The next morning , Brigitta woke up at 12 : 00 AM . She was so excited she had set her alarm . " MOMMY ! MOMMY ! MOMMY ! MOMMY ! said Brigitta loudly . " I did not mean 12 : 00 AM . I meant around 8 : 30 or 9 : 00 or maybe even 9 : 30 . Go back to bed . Wake up at 9 : 00 AM . " said mommy angrily At 9 : 00 AM , her alarm clock started to go off . She jumped out of her bed . " It 's time ! " she screamed excitedly . " It 's time , mommy ! It 's time ! " Brigitta was already dressed . She was so excited she had gotten dressed when she woke up the first time . A half an hour later , they got to the zoo . They looked for a long time at different animals , but they couldn 't find the bears . Finally , Brigitta saw a sign . " This way ! " she shouted pointing to the right . She ran over to the bear 's cage , leaned as far as she could get , and tipped her hat and said " Hello . " just like Paddington always did . The bear roared in response . Brigitta ran as far and as fast as she could . Mommy ran after her . After that , Brigitta was ready to go home . When they got home , Briggita told mommy " Real bears are mean ! I don 't like them anymore . I 'll stick to Paddington . " The Geller house was unusually quiet . With a household that consisted of three girls under ten , 8 year old Lindy , 5 year old Cindy , and 2 year old Bindy , peace and quiet was very rare . It also wasn 't necessarily a good thing . In fact , it usually mean that somebody was up to something . Mommy decided to go look and see what her girls were up to . She peaked her head into the playroom and opened her eyes with horror . There was no sign of Lindy , Cindy , or Bindy . What there was was a big enormous mess . Barbie dolls and their clothing and accessories were scattered all over the floor . Stuffed animals were piled up in the chairs around the little table . The table itself was covered with open games and games pieces littered the table . In the center of it all was one white sneaker . Lindy looked around and surveyed the big mess . Her eyes opened wide at the site of it as she shook her head no . " I didn 't do this . " she told her mother . " I 've been in my room reading all day . " She showed Mommy the book she 'd been reading which she 'd carried into the playroom with her when Mommy called her . Mommy didn 't see how Bindy could make a mess like this all by herself . Besides , Bindy was allegedly in her room taking a nap . Mommy hoped that Bindy hadn 't started crawling out of her crib all by herself . If so , they would have to transfer her to a bed . Bindy was the last baby , and Mommy wanted her to stay little as long as possible . Mommy needn 't have worried . When she got to Bindy 's room . Bindy was fast asleep in her crib . Mommy breathed a sigh of relief for more than one reason . She realized the white sneaker left in the playroom was too big to fit Bindy 's tiny foot anyway . " Sorry , Mommy . " Cindy said as she came running into the playroom out of breathe . " I was watching TV . I didn 't hear you calling me . " Cindy started to say no because she didn 't want to get in trouble . However , she suddenly got distracted when she saw the white sneaker in the middle of the floor . " My shoe ! " she exclaimed . " I wondered where I left this my foot is freezing . " She hurried over and picked it up and put it on . It perfectly matched the other white sneaker she already had on . Xanny laughed at her sister 's fears . " Don 't worry . " she assured Xia . " I 'm sure it will be fine , and it will be fun . I 'll help you get through it . " Xanny excitedly counted down the days to their boat trip . Xia not so much . Every time , Xanny crossed off another day on the calender , she called out " Six more days ! " ; " Five more days ! " or whatever . Every time , Xia heard that she cringed and her stomach began to hurt as if she were already on the boat getting seasick . Finally , the day arrived . Xanny and Xia both got dressed in the cute little white and blue sailor dresses that Mom got them . Xanny hated hers . " Do I have to wear this ? " she asked . She would rather wear a pair of shorts and a t - shirt . Xia didn 't care so much about the dress . She actually thought it was kind of cute . She just would rather wear it to go look at boats instead of going for a ride in one . Uncle Will was waiting for them at the dock . " Here she is ! " he said proudly pointing to a beautiful red boat . The name on the side said The Rosebud . " Even Xia had to admit that the boat was beautiful . She would love to stay on the dock and admire it , staying on the dock being the important thing , of course . That , however , was not going to happen . Uncle Will helped the girls onto the boat . They quickly put on life jackets . Xanny stood and looked out over the water as they set sail . Xia sat down and clutched tightly to the back of her seat as though if she let go she would be instantly swept out to sea . After a few minutes , Xia relaxed a little bit . She realized that the sea breeze actually felt kind of nice and cooling on her face . She realized that she didn 't feel sick at all . In fact , she actually started to enjoy herself . Xia let go of her seat and stood up and looked out over the water . The view really was beautiful . " Oh , Xanny ! " Xia gushed excitedly to her sister . " You were right ! I 'm so glad Uncle Will invited us out on his boat . It 's so much fun . " There was no reply from Xanny . " Xanny ? " said Xia a little worriedly . There was still no reply from Xanny . " Xanny ? " repeated Xia a little more worriedly . She looked around for her sister . She finally found Xanny lying in a heap on the floor of the boat looking green . Xanny looked up miserably at her sister . " Is it over yet ? " she asked hopefully . When Xia shook her head no , Xanny turned even greener . " When is this stupid boat going to stop rocking ? " she moaned unhappily . Xia couldn 't help smiling at the turn of events . She instantly felt badly though and quickly wipe the smiled off her face . " Poor , poor Xanny . " she said sitting down beside her sister and taking her hand . " Don 't worry . " Xia assured Xanny " I 'll help you get through it . " Posted by Eliza Quince was the prettiest girl in the world . She knew she was . Her mirror told her so . Every day , she stared into it and said " Who is the prettiest girl in the world ? " " Why I am ! " she answered her own question . She would toss around her lovely red curls . She would flutter her bright green eyes . She was sure she was the prettiest girl in the world and she would always be the prettiest girl in the world . One day , a new girl moved to town . Her name was Whitley Snowden . She was really beautiful . She had long straight jet black hair . She had sparkly bright blue eyes . Eliza couldn 't stop staring at her worriedly . She liked being the prettiest girl in the world or at least thinking she was the prettiest girl in the world . After she saw Whitley for the first time , Eliza went right up to her room . She stood in front of her mirror . " Who is the prettiest girl in the world ? " Eliza was sure she couldn 't really have thought that . She closed her eyes , took a deep breathe , and tried to clear her mind . Then , she stood in front of her mirror again and asked " Who is the prettiest girl in the world ? " " Whitley Snowden . " repeated the voice in her head . Eliza screamed . She grabbed the brush that was sitting on her night table and threw it at the mirror . It just hit the frame and didn 't break the mirror . The next day when Eliza went to school , it turned out Whitley was in her class . Whitley tried to make friends with her . " Hi , I 'm Whitley Snowden . " she said putting out her hand to Eliza . " I just moved here from Forest Glen . " Eliza 's green eyes flashed angrily at Whitley . " I know who you are . " she replied coldly . She walked away and left Whitley standing there with her hand out . After that Eliza totally ignored Whitley . That wasn 't enough either . She got all the other kids to ignore Whitley too . Eliza was very popular . It wasn 't really so much because she was nice , but more partly because she was pretty and partly because the other kids were afraid of her . All the cool kids followed Eliza 's lead and refused to be friends with Whitley . The only kids who would be friends with Whitley were the not so cool kids . There were seven of them . Eliza never bothered with those kids except to give them mean nicknames . There was treetop , the tall kid . There was shorty , the short kid . There was stubby , the fat kid . There was brainy , the smart kid . There was dummy , the not so smart kid . There was smelly , the kid who always smelled . There was drippy , the kid who always had a runny nose . Whitley was always with them and she seemed happy to be with them . It bothered Eliza that it didn 't seem to matter that she was only friends with the not so cool kids . One day , when Whitley was alone in the hallway , Eliza approached her . " Whitley , " she said but she said it as if she were giving Whitley an order . Whitley looked up her eyes and mouth opened wide in surprise that Eliza was actually talking to her . Eliza smiled at her , but it wasn 't really a friendly smile . Whitley still didn 't say anything . " Don 't look so worried . " Eliza assured Whitley . " I don 't bite . " However , the way she smiled at Whitley as she said it made Whitley think that maybe she did . " Here . " said Eliza handing Whitley an apple . " A peace offering . " she said . Whitely wasn 't sure what to do . " Take it . " insisted Eliza . " Don 't you want to be my friend ? " Whitley figured it was better to have Eliza for a friend than an enemy . She took the apple . " Thanks . " she said but she didn 't really sound grateful , and she wasn 't . She started to put the apple in her backpack , but Eliza stopped her . Eliza was shocked . She had given Whitley the apple because she thought it had a worm in it , but she didn 't really want to cause Whitley physical harm . Eliza ran screaming for the school nurse . It turned out the apple had gotten specks of peanut butter in it from being in Eliza 's kitchen when her mother was making her a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich . Whitley was allergic to peanut butter . The nurse gave her a shot , and she was okay , but she had to go home for the rest of the day . When Whitley came back to school , Eliza hurried over to her . Whitley immediately jumped back . " I 'm really sorry . " said Eliza and this time she really meant it . " I didn 't know there was any peanut butter on that apple and that you were allergic to peanut butter . Let 's start over . I really want to be friends . " Whitley could tell by Eliza 's tone of voice that this time it was different , but she was still a little bit wary . " Okay . " she said cautiously . Eliza put out her hand . Whitley carefully took it and shook it . " You and I are the prettiest girls , and we 're going to rule the school . " Eliza told her . Selita Watts couldn 't wait until she learned how to spell . Her sister , Katherine was the third grade spelling champion in her school . Selita idolized her big sister , and she wanted to be a spelling champion too . Every day , she would arbitarily put strings of letters together trying to make words . " What does Q - G - M - I - Z spell , mommy ? " she asked . Mommy would just shake her head sadly . " It doesn 't spell anything . " she informed a disappointed Selita . Selita stared at the floor sadly . Mommy patted her on the head . " Don 't worry , honey . " she said . " You 'll learn to spell soon . " But soon wasn 't good enough for Selita . She wanted to learn now . Selita loved to sneak into Katherine 's room and look at the blue ribbon Katherine had earned for winning the spelling bee . She picked it up and held it in her hand even though she wasn 't supposed to be touching it . " What are you doing ? " demanded Katherine coming into the room suddenly to get something . Selita was so startled that the ribbon fell out of her hands and fluttered to the floor . " That 's mine ! " exclaimed Katherine angrily grabbing it off the floor . " You have no right to touch it ! Get out of my room ! " Selita frowned and angrily stuck out her lower lip . " I can too spell . " she said , " and you are a D - O - T - H - K " ' Of course , I can spell . ' thought Selita to herself ' If that dumb Katherine can spell anybody can spell . ' Selita knew that her sister wasn 't really dumb , but she always thought of her sister that was way when she was mad at her . Selita thought maybe she wasn 't trying hard enough . If she really concentrated she would learn how to spell . She looked around her room and saw her closet . " Closet . " she said . She repeated it several times . " Closet , closet , closet . " Then , she closed her eyes . After a few minutes , she opened them and smiled . She ran out of her room and went to find her mother . Mommy was in her bedroom watching TV . " Mommy ! " exclaimed Selita . " I can spell ! I can spell closet . K - L - S - I - T . " She flashed Mommy a smile that lit up her whole face . Mommy smiled back at Selita . " You 're getting there sweetie . " she said encouragingly , " But I 'm afraid that doesn 't spell closet . It doesn 't spell anything . " The smile instantly disappeared from Selita 's face . She was so disappointed . She really thought she had it this time . Maybe , she was the one who was dumb and she was never going to learn to spell . She sadly shuffled back to her room . In her room , she found a paper that had fallen on the floor . She picked it up and saw that there was writing on it . She looked at the first word on the paper . " S - E - L - I - T - A . " she read . ' I have an S sound in my name . ' she thought . She looked at the paper again . ' I have an L sound in my name too . ' she thought . She looked at the paper a third time . ' I have a T sound in my name . ' She looked at the paper one more time . ' I have an A sound in my name . This word must be my name . She pointed to each letter and said them aloud . " S - E - L - I - T - A . Selita . That 's me ! I can spell my name ! " She ran off excitedly in search of her sister . Katherine frowned and rolled her eyes . She highly doubted that . " Okay , whatever . Just go ahead and spell then . " She just wanted to get it over with and get her little sister out of her room . " That 's right , it does . " said Katherine full of shock and surprise . If she 'd been sitting she would have fallen out her chair . " Mom ! Mom ! Come quick ! Selita can spell ! Really ! " Mommy came rushing in from the other room . She hadn 't heard anything but come quick , and she was worried that something was wrong . " Is everything okay ? " she asked worriedly looking from one daughter to the next . " One step at a time . " Mommy said to Selita . " The dictionary wasn 't written in a day and you don 't need to learn to spell all the words it it in a day either . I 'm really proud of you . " She smiled at Selita . Selita smiled back . She was really proud of herself too , but she knew it was only the first step . Some day , she was going to win a spelling championship like Katherine . She was determined to . It was a beautiful sunshiny day and Paisley Vogel woke up bright and early and jumped out of bed . " I think I 'll be a princess today . " she said . She ran to her closet and pulled out her pink sparkly princess dress and quickly put it on . She followed that with her pink jeweled dress up princess shoes . She topped it all off with her shiny silver princess tiara . Then , she click clacked down to the kitchen in her plastic heels . The kitchen smelled like pancakes as Mommy was already there making breakfast . " Good morning , sugar . " she greeted Paisley warmly . Paisley frowned . " What 's wrong , honey ? " asked Mommy with a voice full of concern . " Oh , yes . " agreed Paisley " Princesses love things that are golden . I think I will have pancakes . " Her mother filled her plate with pancakes . Paisley loaded them up with butter and syrup and ate heartily . When she finished , she quickly got up from the table . " They do in this house . " replied Mommy in a stern voice . Paisley knew better than to argue when Mommy talked in that tone of voice . She sighed and went back to the table and brought her dishes to the sink . Just as Paisley was about to leave the kitchen again the phone rang . " Paisley , can you get that please ? " asked Mommy who was in the middle of washing dishes . Paisley stood in the doorway but didn 't move . " Paisley ! " said Mommy as the phone rang again . " Please , Princess Paisley . " said Mommy . At noon , Mommy called . " Paisley ! Come have lunch . " Paisley ignored her mother and continued to play . " Paisley ! " repeated . her mother a little bit louder . Paisley still kept playing . " Princess Paisley , your lunch is served . " called Mommy finally . " I 'll be right down . " answered Paisley . She click clacked in her plastic heels back into the kitchen and sat down at the table . " What 's on the royal menu for today ? " she asked eagerly . After lunch , Paisley spent the afternoon watching Princess movies . Before , she knew it was almost dinnertime and Daddy was home . He scooped Paisley up in his arms . " Hello , my Princess . " he said giving her a kiss on the check . Paisley and Daddy went into the kitchen and sat down . Paisley stared down at her plate and frowned . " We are serving Royal Ham and Golden Apple Juice tonight . " said Mommy . Paisley instantly brightened up and began eating her food . After dinner , she spent the rest of the day doing princessy things . Then , she took a royal bath and got into a her fluffy pink princess pajamas . " Goodnight , sweet princess . " said Mommy and Daddy as they tucked her into bed at night . The next morning , Paisley was still in bed when Mommy came into the room to collect her laundry to wash . Paisley sat up and opened her eyes . " Good morning Princess Paisley . " Mommy greeted her cheerfully . Trista Qualley was too little . She was too little too stay up late . She was too little to hang out with her friends at the mall . She was too little to watch her baby sister , Tobi while Mommy cooked dinner . Mommy smiled at Trista . " I know you love your sister , but your just too little . Go and find Tanya " . Trista bit her lip and frowned Tanya was Trista 's older sister . She was not too little for anything . Trista Qualley was too big . She was too big to stay home all day with Mommy instead of going to school . She was too big to be picked up and carried . She was too big to sleep in Mommy and Daddy 's bed when she had a bad dream at night . " But Tobi gets to sleep with you . " she pouted . " When am I going to get bigger ? " Trista asked . " When am I going to get older ? " That wasn 't really the answer she realized because Tanya was always going to be older than her and get to do things she couldn 't . She was never going to be smaller or younger than Tobi either because she couldn 't grow backwards . Trista sat on her bed feeling sorry for herself . After a while , Mommy came looking for her . " What 's the matter ? " Mommy asked when she saw Trista 's pouty face . " I 'm not your baby . " shouted Trista . " Tobi is your baby . She is little and cute . I 'm not little , and I am not every going to be little again . I am not little . I am not big . I am not anything . " She buried her face in her pillow and cried . Nothing Mommy could do or say would comfort her . " Mom ! " Tanya called from downstairs . " The spaghetti is boiling over . " Mommy got busy making dinner , and she didn 't come back . Finally . Trista had enough of feeling sorry for herself for a while , and she went downstairs to see what was going on . When she got downstairs Tobi was in her high chair . Mommy and Tanya were crawling around on the floor . " What 's going on ? " asked Trista . " Are you playing baby or something ? " Tanya looked up and glared at Trista . " Of course , not . " she said angrily . " We 're looking for Mom 's wedding ring . She can 't find it . " Now , it was Mommy 's turn to give Tanya a look . Then , Mommy smiled at Trista thankfully . " I would appreciate your help . " she said . Trista got down on the floor and started crawling around too . After a few minutes , Tanya shouted . " I see something shiny behind the cabinet . " They all went over to the cabinet and looked . Sure enough , it was Mommy 's wedding ring . Mommy reached for it , but her hand was too big . " I 'll get it , Mom . " said Tanya . She reached for it but her hand was too big too . " I 'll get it , Mommy . " said Trista . Her hand was just the right size . She reached behind the cabinet , pulled out the ring and handed it to Mommy .

At 16 Karen began to despise her parents and most of her friends . The reason was because she was short , overweight and not at all pretty . Or so she thought . All the other girls at school and around where she lived were slim and sexy and had the boys falling all over themselves everywhere . With her they laughed , made jokes and moved on . When she told her parents about it they said the boys were fools who didn 't know anything . When she sought her teacher 's advice she told her not to worry that : " Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes . You 're an art student . Just look at the nudes of the great painters and you 'll see what I 'm talking about . " That was easy for her to say . She was a woman in her forties but still attractive in a way that turned men 's head when she walked on the street . And it was the same with her mother too . She was also in her forties but still attractive enough to have a man nearly fifteen years younger as a lover that her father or sisters didn 't know about . She tried diets , pills , analysis and even hypnosis . But none of it worked . All they managed to do was make her more aware that she was doomed in that overweight body with breasts so large that they were already starting to sag down towards her stomach . On the beach she would put on her bathing suit and then wrap a towel around herself from under the armpits . She hardly ever went into the water but when she did she would run in quickly then wade in until the water was up to her shoulders . She was a good swimmer . That was the one thing she could do well but no one ever really noticed . But that along with her ability to draw were her two talents , But she knew in her heart of hearts that nobody gave a damn about either one . " The world is full of good swimmers and artists so there 's nothing special about what I can do . " As far as she could see the world and the people she knew were too busy going about their lives and celebrating their beauty . She knew it because she could see it in their eyes and behind their smiles when they talked to her . And because of that she wanted to find a way to spite them and make them pay for being the shits that they were . But try as she may she couldn 't think of a thing that would be appropriate . It bothered her tremendously and frustrated her too . Then one day it came to her . Came to her in what seemed like a flash . There was a man who lived in an abandoned tin shack at the far end of the road from where she lived . The area had been derelict for a long time because it was said that the government would one day be building a school or a park on the property . Several people had lived in that shack for awhile and then it was empty for nearly a year . Then that guy Brewster took up residence in it . He was ex - military somebody said and was a perhaps brain damaged because of it . But no one knew for sure . What they did know is that he was something of a hermit who behaved strangely and went about his business most of the time . He had a beard that he never cut and it was sometimes possible to smell him from a way off . The interesting thing is that he wasn 't that old . He had to be somewhere in his thirties at the most . But because of his state he looked considerably older . When he first arrived some years before he worked in a hardware store and had managed to keep the job for over a year when liquor and his unreliable behavior made it impossible for them to keep him any longer . After that he did odd jobs here and there and often stood on the street with his hand extended looking for handouts . He was in short every parent 's nightmare of what their kid might become . One day after school she saw him on the street and looked into his eyes . He looked back at her and she saw something that she recognized . Resentment and anger and rage maybe . Those were the same things she was sure he could see in her eyes . She thought about it and stopped by to look at him day after day when she knew no one was around . Early one Saturday morning when everyone else was a sleep she took her bike and rode down to where he lived . She knocked on his door and boldly walked in when he opened it . Once inside without a word she just started to undress while he just stood there looking at her . Then went to the ratty looking sofa he had in the corner laid back on it with her legs well apart and gestured for him to join her . He did and that was their first coupling . After that she went there every Saturday morning and each time they embraced it was in a different configuration from the time before . She never said anything and neither did he . They just came together in silence and when it was over she would get dressed and leave , go back home shower and then joined the others in whatever activity they had planned for the day . And all through those activities she would wonder what her mother would say if she knew where she had been ? What would her father or sisters or friends would say if they knew ? It was her joke , of course . But it was a good one on them . Things went on like that for more than a year with no one knowing where she was going on those Saturday mornings . All they knew is that her personality was changing . That she was becoming more outgoing and upbeat . She was whining and complaining less and her art work was getting better and better . Her parents said that she was finally growing up . Her friends said that too . Graduation came and she was an honor student who got a scholarship to a very good Art School in Connecticut . That meant she would be leaving home at the end of the summer . So she savored those last Saturdays with Brewster and even broke their pact of silence by telling him that they wouldn 't be seeing each other anymore because she would be away . He didn 't say anything but she was sure he understood . At school she did well and then went off to Europe to spend some time . When she finally did get back home six years had passed and she considerably different . She was still a bit on the heavy side but she looked filled out and somewhat voluptuous . She had even managed to forget all about Brewster and their time together . Then one day she passed him on the street and looked into his eyes but there was no sign of recognition . And that was just fine with her . She was a different person now and she assumed that he was too . She then moved to Paris where she remained for three years then settled in New York City where she worked for a magazine and a museum . There she met a guy at a party who said he fell in love with her on first sight . They were married shortly after and today are the proud parents of two boys . Brewster remained in the shack until the government sent in a work crew who told him that he would have to leave . They even offered to try and find him another place to stay . But he never responded and the next day when they showed up he was gone . No one knew where he went to . He just disappeared never to be heard from again . The site was turned into a park with lovely walkways and small flower gardens with a charmingly ornate fountain in the center . Almost exactly in the spot where Brewster 's little tin shack used to stand . Someone joking suggested that the call the fountain Brewster 's place and somebody else took the joke seriously . So now there is a small copper colored sign just at the outer rim that says : The Fountain at Brewster 's Place . On occasion now when she returns home Karen goes to the fountain with her kids and looks at the sign . She gets the joke but isn 't sure how many others do . I don 't believe in blackness as a weakness , a race , a state or a condition . I don 't believe in organizations or togetherness . I don 't believe in any kind of gatherings , tribal or otherwise . Are you listening to me ? I don 't believe in God , religion or in creatures from outer space . I don 't believe in fairy tales and scriptures either . I believe in the power of me and the force of who I am . A power and a force that sets me apart from everyone else . That power is mine to share if you will join me . If no , that 's quite alright too . It is a sign of your acceptance . Your surrender to a power that is greater that 's you and me combined … Religion asks you to accept things on faith . They ask you abandon thought and accept their dogma without question or skepticism . I say just the opposite . If you can 't see your way to me based on what is going on in your mind , then you better turn around and leave because I won 't accept you any other way . Come to me . ( She moves closer . ) Remove your clothes . And after you do then remove mine . And after that your initiation will begin . Do you understand ? The first time anybody in here seen the woman was the night she came in with Billy B . the singer from the Randy Boys Band . And his being with her wasn 't any big surprise . You see Billy B was always coming into the place with good looking tourist women . Most of them were American and most , nearly all were white . Once in a while you would see a black one but most of the time they were white . And this one was no different . She had nice looking red hair , good bones in her face and a tight looking body with a proud looking chest pointing right at you . Billy introduced her saying that her name was Vera . She didn 't say anything just smiled and nodded to me and the other boys at the bar . And it wasn 't until later when she excused herself to go to the ladies room that we could get a real good look at the body and the ass that was moving around in those tight fitting white slacks that she was wearing . And after that the only thing anybody could say to Billy was : " Boy I don 't know how you do it but you really know how to find them . Look to me like you gon be doing some sweet riding tonight . " But Billy didn 't say much . He just shook his head and said : " Everything ain 't what it look like . This ain 't just about pleasure . This is more about business . " Then he went on to tell us that the woman was married to a record company executive in the US and she was down here scouting to find talent because Latino and West Indian music was getting big in America . ' So you boys got it all wrong . The woman and I ain 't screwing , we talking business . " And when you come to think of it maybe he was telling the truth because Billy was always talking about leaving the island and becoming a big time singer in New York or Florida or someplace else on the mainland . What he had said was that he was waiting for the right deal to come his way . So who knows , this might be it . Yeah , and we all believed it until late one night some days later one of the fellows said that they saw his car parked off the road by the Old Dutch Windmill and him and Miss Vera was in it hugging and kissing and going even further than that . So who knows if he was lying or telling the truth or maybe a little bit of both . And you can 't say that you can blame him because the way that woman looked a man would have to be next door to a priest not to want to get on that body and feel it moving sweet under him . Now after a while you could see her around town going into stores or the Post Office shopping and buying things . Her regular hang out was the Sandy Bottom Beach Club where she would lie out with in her red bathing suit wearing sunglasses with sun lotion oil all over her shoulders and legs . After a while she would rise and go down to the water , put her toe in to test it then walk in far enough to where she could dive in and come up shaking her head . Then she would swim out a distance but never too far . Then she would turn around and come back in . There were always a lot of people on the beach both local and tourist . But somehow Miss Vera stood out . I think it was because of that shape and also because of the red bathing suit . Miss Vera and Billy B was a thing for about two weeks , which is longer than we were used to seeing him with anybody . Then one night he walked in with into the bar with another woman . When the boys asked what happened to Miss Vera , Billy just smiled that smile of his and said : " Nothing , nothing at all . It was just time to make a change , that 's all . Just time to make a change . " More than a week went by and didn 't anybody see Miss Vera around . But it was known that she was still on the island because she had moved from The Hilton Tropic Hotel where she was staying to the Sea Breeze Motel that was smaller and a whole lot cheaper . A move like that told everybody that she was planning to stay a while which was interesting . Maybe it was true that she was looking for talent for her husband and decided to stay a little longer . One night late she came in with The Mighty Zeus , the calypso singer at the Carib Aires Hotel . They sat at the bar and she smiled at me like we were old friends . Now Zeus wasn 't cool and sophisticated like Billy B . He was with a good looking woman and wanted everybody to know that he wasn 't just there to buy drinks and talk . Minutes after I served them their drinks he took her outside by where the juke box is to dance . And when we peek out you could see he was doing all kinds of things to her with his hands , lifting her dress and squeezing her behind while pressing her closer and closer to him . And she wasn 't doing anything to resist him . In fact it looked like she was going along with it all the way . The hour was late and the outside where they were , was dark but we could see enough just from the light coming from the juke box . Then when the music stopped they went out to the back where all the bushes are . We didn 't hear any noise or anything because the wind was blowing and the juke box was playing another record . But later when Zeus came back into the club he was alone and smiling . He asked for a drink and said that he needed it . ' That woman is an animal , man . A stone cold animal . No matter how much you give her it ain 't ever enough . But I need a break to build up my strength then I 'm going back out there . She ain 't wearing me out . If anybody gon do any wearing out I gon be the one . " They were together for about a week and everybody thought that he was the one who would be getting the record contract . But then he was out and she started coming in with Kenny Bredslowe , the guitar player from the Harris Street Combo . After that it was Big Burt the bass player from the Scratch - Scratch Island Band . Then just when everybody had it figured that she only went out with musicians the woman turned up with Benjy the barman from The Flamingo Hotel . And it was always the same with her and me . I would put up her drink and she would smile at me like we were old friends . And in a way we were . I mean I had seen her with all these guys and it wasn 't any secret with she was doing with them . And although we never spoke much at all it was like we had this understanding between us . What that understanding was I can 't really explain . But it had something to do with all those guys and the fact that she was going through them one at a time . Time was passing and it didn 't look like she was planning on leaving the island anytime soon . She had moved from the Hilton to the Sea Breeze and now she had moved once again . This time to the Seaside Cottages which wasn 't a hotel but a series of little houses and a whole lot cheaper … Nights when she wasn 't with a man she would come into the club by herself , sit at the bar and order a drink . The boys would talk to her , buy her drinks and even ask her for a dance . She never said no . She would go dance with the guy for a bit then come back in to finish her drink . Some even offered to take her home but she would just smile , thank them and explain that she had a car . And always there would be an exchange of smiles between us to indicate that she knew what they were after and could slip the punch without hurting any feelings . After a while all that talk about her being a scout for a record stopped too . It was like everyone forgot all about that . Now she was just another good looking American woman living here for whatever reason and laying up with all the guys . One thing you could never say about Miss Vera at any time was that she was ever dirty or unkempt . Even at those times in the bar when it was clear that she was drunk and her eyes were glassy or her walk unsteady the woman always looked neat and well put together with her hair and makeup just right . How she could hold onto herself like that was interesting . At least I found it so . The other question that was in everybody 's mind after awhile was where she was getting the money to support herself and pay her bills . During this time there had been a few cases of American women and men who had come to the islands for one reason or another and wound up staying longer than they had planned . If they stayed long enough they would wind up broke and having to get a job or in extreme cases begging for money and wind up living on one of the beaches . But this wasn 't the case with Miss Vera . She paid her bills on time , ate out in restaurants regularly and went out to clubs just about every " He must be some kind of idiot . " another one said . " I mean to support a woman just so that she can run around the island laying up with any man she feel like got to be the dumbest thing I know . " And so the talk would go on . The interesting thing about it is because she was such a nice person the talk and gossip about Miss Vera wasn 't as mean or nasty as it usually was about American women who come down here and go through a lot of island boys . In fact for a long time nobody said much even when you did ask . Some would even go so far as to tell you point blank that it wasn 't any of your damn business . But after five months or so word started to leak out . And things hit a peak when Mongo the cab driver said that he saw her with Avery the policeman and Jacquin the busboy messing around together on Plum Beach one night . " That 's right . But she probably won 't admit it because she ain 't gon want anybody knowing that she was there with me at that hour a the night . You see that might lead them to asking what we was doing and she ain 't gon be wanting to answer that . " " A woman like that is like a bitch dog in heat , man . " One of the other fellows said . " After awhile one man ain 't enough so now she got to have two . " " I can 't say anything bad about the woman . I mean she was nice to me and everything . But if you asking about that other thing all I can say is she 's good . More than good , she 's special . That 's all I gon say on that subject . " " A woman like that can 't have one man . One man ain 't gon be enough , I don 't care who he is or how strong either . It got to be at least two or maybe three or even four . With a woman like that you never can tell . We had our thing together and it was nice but I could tell early on that I wasn 't going to be enough . So we end it and that was fine . I got no hard feelings about it . The woman was nice , I 'll say that for her . The woman was real nice to me . " And so it went on and after a while her reputation was in the gutter just like any other American woman who come down here and let herself stick around too long . Still though you couldn 't tell it by looking at her . She was still beautifully dressed and well made up . She still looked spectacular at the beach and she still commanded a certain kind of respect when she came in the bar by herself . The very same fellows who ten minutes before were saying all kinds of low things about her would almost stand at attention and offer to buy her a drink just to have her look their way . And she would , give them a smile and then look at me and almost wink at their silliness . Now I have to say we never became friends in the real sense of the word . It was like everything that passed between us was done through looks and not words . Still for some reason I felt like I knew the woman better than most and I think she felt the same way about me . I mean if there ever was a relationship that didn 't need any words ours was it . And I 'll take that even further . I think that if she had remained on the island any longer she and I might 've gotten together . And I don 't mean just in the bedroom either . We might 've gotten together the way women and men should get together , in our hearts , in our minds and in our souls . But that 's just me talking , or maybe dreaming . Anyway , we 'll never know . One day I woke up and it was all over town that she had been arrested . They said that the police raided the cottage she was staying in and found her naked with two guys along with liquor and drugs . They had been making so much noise that someone called the police to quiet then down not having any idea what was going on in there . The guys weren 't locals . They were two Latinos from South America who were on the island illegally . How they met up and what they were doing was anybody 's guess but at the moment all three were in jail . When I heard about it I went to see her to see if I could help . But they refused to let me . They said that they were in contact with her husband who was on his way down and that his lawyer 's instruction was not to let her speak to anyone but them . That afternoon her husband arrived with three other men . They said that two were lawyers and the third was a doctor . Word had it that she was sick and had to be taken off the island right away . And that 's what they did . That night with whatever arrangeme3nt they made with the Police Miss Vera was released and put on a plane with her husband and those other men . And two days later the two guys she was with were deported as illegal aliens . And that was the end of the story . At least most of it . Guys at the bar talked about her for a little bit and then forgot as time went on and other women arrived and captured our attention in their own unique ways . " Well she 's dead . Killed herself in a hotel room in New York . " The person talking was Billy B . He had been to New York to visit with his sister and he heard the news . " She was living in Connecticut in some institution they say . He husband put her there because they say she had mental problems . Anyway I guess she ran away went into the city , took a hotel room and swallow a bunch of sleeping pills . " " That 's a damn shame . " The fellows in the bar said . " That 's a crying damn shame . She was a nice person and a generous woman too . " They boys ordered a drink and raised a toast to the memory of Miss Vera . I didn 't join them but later I had my own private toast . Not just to her memory but to the memory of what might have been . The sun will go down and it will come up again . And somewhere in that twilight I 'll see the silhouette of her walking along the beach in that red bathing suit lost in her own thoughts going about her own business , whatever that was . He was an old guy that everyone said wouldn 't hurt a fly yet he wound up sitting on the sofa in his living room with his throat cut . The apartment was only a few blocks away from our precinct so Jessie and I got the assignment . We looked over the scene and could see that it wasn 't a robbery . Things were too much in place and there were no signs of a struggle . The first thing we did was clear the room of none essential personnel . The Super told us that he was gay and that on occasion he would see young men coming up to visit him . A look at his photos told us that her was too old to attract them on his own . A look at his checkbook told us that the guy had money so paying wouldn 't have been a problem . Later we asked about friends and family . He was from Michigan but hadn 't lived there for years and years . Whatever family he had was long gone . So he was this old guy with money living in the city who had no friends . There was a bar he went to somebody told us . So we went there and asked around . The help knew him and several customers did too . The general opinion was that he was a regular who came in at a certain time , had a few , paid his bill and always left a good tip . They said that he was always polite and friendly and couldn 't understand why anyone would want to harm him . Then we were pointed to the manager who told us pretty much the same thing except he added that it was because of Austin that he hired a Latino waiter named Jesus . " I took him on as a busboy based on Austin 's recommendation . The guy worked out so well that we made him a waiter in a few months although his English isn 't the best . " " Then one day Austin came in all angry and upset and told me that he had made a big mistake about Jesus . That he found out tat the boy was both illegal and that he was a thief . I told him that I couldn 't fire a guy on his say so . That Jesus was a good worker . " " He didn 't say anything . He just went back to the bar . Tell you what I thought . I thought that they must 've had a lover 's quarrel or something . But to tell you the truth I never figured Jesus as one of them . First of all he 's very religious . And secondly , he 's got a girlfriend . But these days , who the hell can tell . Anyway I spoke to Jesus about it just to give him a heads up . He admitted that he was illegal . But that he was getting it fixed . Him and his girlfriend are planning to get married . About Austin he told me that the guy had him up to his place , propositioned him and when he refused he got mad told him to leave his place . " He had no idea that Austin would try to get him fired as well . " We asked him to point Jesus out to us but he said that Austin was off that day . We then talked to some of the other waiters on the floor and started to get a picture of how Austin operated . He would come in and be very nice to all the staff especially to the new guys . After he got to know them he would slyly proposition them in one way or another . If the guy refused he would just let it pass and never bring the subject up again . One guy told us that he did pick up on the proposal and accepted an invitation to have dinner with the old guy . " I 'm an actor , well aspiring . He told me he had a friend at this big agency and maybe he could introduce us . So I figured what the hell . " ' What happened ? " " We met , had dinner and went back to his apartment and he tried to put the make on me . I told him I wasn 't into that scene . I don 't think that made him happy but he didn 't say anything . , so I left . " " We never talked about it again . When he came in he was friendly as always but the subject never came up . He never mentioned it so I didn 't either . And that was pretty much it for him and I . I 'll tell you though ; there was something kinda creepy about the guy . You didn 't see it when he was out in public . But alone at his place you felt it . " Well so much for " Mr . Nice - guy " who wouldn 't hurt a fly . We found two other bars where he hung out and the stories were pretty much the same . Apparently he would start out in the morning around eleven and by seven that evening he would 've hit each one and spent a considerable amount of time at each . " They come in sit , order and talk to whoever 's around . When they get bored they move to another place and so on . That 's what keeps these bars in the black . It 's customers like Austin . It was turning into a long day so we went back to the station wrote up our report and went home . There was one more person we had to talk to , that was Jesus . We figured that his story would probably be a variation on the same stuff we 'd been hearing . The only difference being that he seemed to be more friendly with Austin than the others . Jesus was there when we got there at ten the next morning . The place opened at eleven so the waiters were all wiping down tables and putting out chairs . The manager called Jesus over and introduced us . Right away the guy looked scared like he wanted to run if he thought he could . We took him to the little outside café they had on the side street for privacy . As we sat down Jessie told him that we weren 't from the Immigration Department and that seemed to relax him a bit . We asked about Austin and he told us that he was sorry to hear that Mr . Austin was dead . " My cousin used to clean his floor . When he couldn 't he told Mr . Austin about me and introduce us . But then Mr . Austin said he had no more work . But that he would find me a job if I would talk to him and be his friend . So I said sure and he got me the job here . We used to meet for dinner every week and everything was good . Then one day I told him that I had a girlfriend and that we was talking about getting marry . I don 't know why but he suddenly get mad . Said to me that I was not grateful to him for getting me the job . That I use him . That I only take but never give . Then he said that I would regret it and for me to get out . Then Mr . Wallace tell me that he tried to get me fired from the job . When he come in I ask him why but he said he didn 't want to talk to me . " We asked where he had been the night before . He said that he was at his girlfriend 's place all night . The girlfriend verified his story and a few people in the area said they saw him leaving her building around eight that next morning . So his alibi checked out . " Nowhere so far . What we know is that the guy was a predator who ran into the wrong prey . But who that was is yet to be discovered . It happens every day in this city . " So that 's what we did . We had other cases that were more pressing . But still it would be nice to stamp CASE CLOSED on this one . There were two of them now , the major and the minor , the older and the younger , the experienced and the inexperienced and they moved all over him with the industry of worker bees . At first he could tell one from the other even when he closed his eyes but after a while things began to blend and suddenly it all began to feel the same . The touches , the urgings , the murmurs and cries , the whisperings and even the laughter , all , all the same . It had been fun at the start but now things had been going on for too long . The night had moved from darkness to early morning dawn and still the train kept moving on . It was like they couldn 't stop or for some reason didn 't want to stop . But he wanted to stop . He wanted a respite , a pause , a break in the action for him to recharge , regroup , reanimate and renew his enthusiasm . " Perhaps they could entertain each other . " He thought but no such luck . They weren 't interested in each other , only him . And that was the way he wanted it when they started . " Be careful what you wish for . " is a warning he 'd heard a long time ago but didn 't really understand what it meant until now . Saint Theresa once said that more tears are shed for answered prayers than any other . He was now finding out what she meant by that too . But there wasn 't much he could do anymore but just lie there and take it . The inmates had taken over the asylum and now madness reigned supreme . It will have to end sometime , he knew . What he was hoping is that it wouldn 't end with his demise . For that 's the way it always is when the prisoners take over the prison or the rebels take over the country . There are always casualties . " What an irony ' , he thought . " To be a victim of my own sensuality . My own sexual excess . " He had been seeing both women separately and got this idea of bringing them together . t took a lot of preparation and a lot of careful planning . But he achieved it . Maybe achieved his objective too well . Too well indeed . To look at them now you wouldn 't think of them as killers . And maybe they don 't think of themselves as killers either . But if they continue like this very soon they might be . Very , very soon . And what could he do about it ? Nothing . Just lie there and wait . She didn 't look like much , at least not now . But in her youth , that is to say in her 20s into her 30 's , she was attractive enough to attract two husbands and her fair share of boyfriends and lovers . But now she was in her mid 40s and after having two children and not taking care of her body she looked pretty much like most of the other plain women one passes on the streets daily . Hair just sort of there , clothing unimaginative and a face lined and anxious with worry about one thing or another and a body that 's slightly overweight and moving further in that direction . I met her through a friend , a woman I was pursuing who was ten years younger and in the full bloom of her womanhood and sexual appeal . A woman who although she was friendly and flirtatious never took my interest seriously because as she put it ; she was saving herself for a " man with money " . And as a poor waiter working in a restaurant I didn 't qualify . Delores told me so that day in the park looking me in the eye when she said it . There was laughter in those eyes but there was something else too . Something I recognized but didn 't acknowledge . There was an offer , or at least the suggestion of an offer . Something that said : " I 'm available , if you 're interested . " Or at least that 's what I thought was being said although no words were spoken . Just a look that was exchanged . I was 28 and full of the arrogance and uncertainty that comes with being young . So I had to think about it and look over my options . It took me close to six to decide ; sure , what the hell . But then it was too late . She wasn 't available anymore . She had taken her children and moved out of the city to parts unknown . I wasn 't sure if I should pursue it further but something inside sort of told me to try it . What have you got to lose ? So I got her address from a mutual friend and sent her a card with a few lines saying hello . What I got back was a two page letter telling all about her life in a small town with an invitation to visit anytime I felt so inclined . A month later I took her up on the invite and was greeted with open arms when I arrived as though we had been long lost lovers before . It was interesting to be in a situation where you didn 't have to wonder what would be coming when the night comes and the lights go out . Just the way she greeted me said that our connection would be consummated soon . That night after dinner when the kids were off to sleep we sat in the living room drinking brandy and listening to Broadway show music . I was on the chair , she sat on the floor . It was the winter season and a light snow was falling outside . Inside she had a fire going in the fireplace . It was providing the only light in the room . Then without an exchange of too many words she worked her way to my chair and put her cheek on my leg , then started stroking me through my slacks . Pleased with the response she was getting she kissed me several times through the fabric before moving her fingers deftly to free me . And once I was free she wasted no time in moving toward her original purpose . The music on the stereo played and then played again as we investigated and explored each other from one angle to the next , from one position to another making all the stops that our imaginations told us we should make . Finally it became time to get off the floor and move into the bedroom . And that 's what we did leaving a trail of clothing behind that would be retrieved early in the morning before the kids wake up . And that 's how it began and that 's how it went for all the time we were together . In the four years of our time with each other she was follower and leader , recipient and initiator . In other words I would select a sexual l path for us to travel and she would come along . But when we got to my destination she would then strike out on a side road I didn 't even know was there . She would beckon me to follow and I would gladly and gratefully . And that path would lead to another and another and sometimes yet another . " Like a circle in a spiral or a wheel within a wheel . " The variety was infinite and each time we got together I knew that I was in for a new adventure . The bedroom , her bedroom was an inner sanctum of fantastic delights . A cave of shadows and light in which dragons and gargoyles showed themselves in flashes and sustained moments of suspension only to then disappear never to be seen again . It was a genuine rollercoaster ride unlike anything I had ever experienced before . And all from a woman who looked so plain and ordinary to the naked eye . Now in spite of her experience she wanted to get married again . I didn 't want to but I said that I would think about it . My reluctance was because of her age . She was too old and I knew it . But that didn 't seem to worry her at all . I was able to stall things out for four months then she took matters in her own hands . She sent me a letter telling me that it wouldn 't be a good idea for me to visit anymore . That we were obviously moving in opposite directions and any more visits would be a waste of time for both of us . I respected her wish and didn 't contact her anymore . I found out later that she is now married an ex Army colonel who has a lot of money but is confined to a wheelchair . I know her to be an honest woman who will know how to keep him contented based on how she was with me . The question in my mind is : Does he know what a treasure he has ? Because I didn 't and it is something I will always regret . When I woke up again three hours had passed and the sun was rising slowly . I turned and she wasn 't in bed anymore . I could hear the radio playing so I got up , took a shower and went into the kitchen to join her . He lip was cut and there was a big red spot on the side of her face . . We stood there for a moment looking at each other without saying anything . Finally I spoke . I said : " I 'm sorry . " I didn 't know what else to say . She stood there for another moment and then came to me and we hugged . There were tears in her eyes , I could feel them wetting my neck as we stood there just holding each other once more in total silence because I didn 't know what else to say . I was ashamed beyond all reason but didn 't have the words to tell her so . So I just kept on holding her saying over and over again : " I 'm sorry , I 'm sorry , I 'm sorry . " We didn 't leave the house for the rest of the day . We just remained together holding each other and talking and listening to music and watching TV and looking at each other and just being close . It was the closest we 'd been in a long , long time . And if I had to pin point at time I would have to say that this was the moment when I fell in love with her .

My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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My email account was also hacked , probably from the culprit who nicked my laptop . So I can 't even access the emails to get this information , or any emailed submissions . So if you haven 't had a reply to an email , it 's because I haven 't got it . The ship swayed and creaked . He feels every bit of it in his body . Taking no chances the crew , damnedable pirates , have chained him with no give . Legs bound in a kneeling position , arms chained to either wall crucifying him to the ship like a perverse figurehead , he 's been their captive long enough to have forgotten the feel of kindness . It is a small blessing that their fear of him keeps his gag in place at all times . It keeps them from coming anywhere near him . The captain learned a long time ago that he gleans all he needs to live from the moisture in the air , the brine in his eyes . During storms , when he is strongest , the captain posts guards with him . They don 't look at him . A terrible hope fills him today . By the movement of the ship and the crew 's curses , he knows that they 're being pursued by another ship . This ship is a runner , fast . There 'd be little concern of capture if the ship did not gain its quickness from being light , gain its lightness from having little room for armaments or supplies . The pursuers have had them going for a week now and they 'd been out of port for at least a month . He knows from the panic in the crew that the food is all but gone . Soon they 'll be too weak to load what small guns are aboard . He 'd be surprised if they could remember how to sight the cannons it 's been so long since the captain has ordered them used . His hope stems from the pirates ' desperation . If they succumb to practicality then they 'll come for him . With frightened hearts and shaking hands , they 'll undo his chains and he 'll get to spend some time under the sky instead of under foot . So he waits for their desperation to bloom practicality . It does not take long . The first mate comes with three guards and the keys . It is always the first mate that comes to get him . The captain coming himself would make him a person that the captain fears , he wouldn 't last long once that got out among the crew . The first mate is the only one he trusts with the keys to his chains . " The captain wants to see you . " He speaks with a unique accent that comes with the ship 's pidgin of French , Spanish , and Greek . His ears hear the gibberish , but his mind provides him with the meaning . Slowly , they unchain his arms from the ship and secure them behind his back . The guards are afraid to touch him , unsure whether he 'll break or they 'll be infected with something . It strikes him as odd how religious some of these men are . Coming onto the deck , sea spray hits him in the face , covers his bare chest . He instantly feels more alive . He stands taller , muscles flex , the chains bite into his skin . They take him to the captain , standing at the aft of the ship . He stands beside the captain looking out at the wide ocean , the only thing marring their perfect view of the horizon the pursuers . The first mate and guards fold themselves into the three other men standing around them . The captain just stands there for a few minutes , ignoring him . This too is done to show the crew he will do this in his own time , to show that the man he keeps below decks does not frighten him . Around the gag , behind the locked mouth plate , he smiles . Only he and the captain know what he is , and he knows that the captain is frightened of that . " I have use of you . " From under his coat he draws out the key that only he is allowed to keep . He inserts into lock for the face plate . " If you hurt this ship my men will stab you and you will die before you can swim for freedom . Like always , yeah ? " He nods . It 's always the same threat . It vaguely occurs to him that this is only a half life . But then , the spirits would kill for half a life . The plate falls away and he spits the wooden wedge from his mouth . His tongue sticks out , tasting the salt in the air . He flexes his jaw , taking in the blue sky , the white clouds , the gentle waves . He smiles at the captain . Other than the crew 's swords there is very little compelling him . Finally , the captain 's annoyance at the delay shows on his face . He focuses on ship on the horizon . He tries not to think of the men on the ship . He knows he will have to answer for his actions one day , but he 's trying to postpone that day for as long as possible . " I 'm fine . Sorry . " The cabby 's eyes dart from the road to the rearview mirror and back . " I 'm good . I 'm okay . " The cabby 's eyes return to the road and stay there , Lawrence was prepared to keep reassuring him for the rest of the drive as long as he didn 't take his eyes off the road . " That jetlag 's a bitch , isn 't it ? " " Yeah , jetlag . " He doesn 't really feel like talking so he looks out the window . What he sees unsettles him so much that he almost closes his eyes again . Outside the cab desert stretched on for miles . When he 'd met the cabby at the airport he 'd been fine . They 'd been in the middle of a city . He preferred the buildings and people to the endless dry expanse . He tried to think of it as a sea of earth but it just made him queasy . He can 't help it , he closes his eyes . " We 're almost there , " the cabby rouses him . " If I 'd of known I wouldn 't have let you sleep at all . You wouldn 't believe how many people fall asleep in my cab from the airport . " The cabby keeps up a steady stream of chitchat for the next few minutes . Lawrence doesn 't say much , but he 's glad for the distraction . " Here we go , buddy . " He pulls up in front of an independent diner . Lawrence can tell the sign was made with care when it was painted , years in the desert sun has faded it badly . " They got good food here ? " " I don 't know . This is my first time here . " He pays the fare and steps out of the air - conditioned interior . His lips are immediately dry and cracked . The heat cuts him to the core as fast as it dried his lips , the urge to speak rises in him . He needs to escape this heat , he 's drowning in dryness . He rushes inside hoping that they 'll have air - conditioning . No such luck . The interior of the restaurant is as faded as the exterior . He seats himself , impatiently tapping his foot waiting for the waitress . He can hear the sound of the wind . Not the dry , lifeless wind of the desert , but the damp , alive wind of the storm . It 's calling to him , begging him to call out . He licks his lips with a tongue he can barely feel . He can 't help himself , the desert is antithesis for him . Why had he decided to come here ? To satisfy some adolescent curiosity ? He takes one long , shuttering breath . " The special , two of them , just bring me a pitcher of water . " His throat feels so dry . He has to speak now before he loses his chance . " Hmph ! " With blurry vision he watches her flounce back to the kitchen . He grabs the edge of the table to steady himself . He 's clenching his jaw by the time she comes back with a glass for him . He swallows half of it . The cool liquid fills him , calming him . Vision clears , hands stop shaking , the urge lessening . The torrent of wind in his ears shifts to a gentle breeze . How close had he come ? The waitress turns to leave again , he grabs her arm . " Can I get you anything else ? " She says it in such a way that makes Lawrence wonder if it 's actually a question . She tired of him he can tell . She 's too used to bullying the locals . He doesn 't trying to be nice to her , he just takes out a fifty and lays it on the table . " This is your tip if you keep bringing me pitchers of water . " Her eyes gleam slightly as she stares at the bill on the table . Slowly she puts the pitcher on the table . " Thank you . " He drains the rest of his glass and pours another . He finishes this one in three huge gulps . He doesn 't feel as trapped now , his breathing has evened out . He fills the glass a third time , finishing off the pitcher , but only sips this one . A couple minutes pass , the waitress brings his two specials and another pitcher . Lawrence only picks at his food . Between the desert and the age of the equipment in the diner the food is completely dry . Mainly he just cuts up the food and moves it around on his plate . Mainly he watches the people in the restaurant . He immediately discounts his waitress . Seeing her move around the diner , speaking with her , she 's spent most of her life trying to get away from this place . It 's a pity that she 'd never really feel like she belongs anywhere . An old man sits in another booth . He is weathered , his countenance telling the story of a life in the desert . Despite the heat of the day he 's drinking coffee . Lawrence would have considered him a likely candidate if his research didn 't tell him he is looking for someone younger . Besides the old man doesn 't look like he belongs here , only that he 's gotten used to living here . It 's an old style diner setup , so Lawrence can see the cook behind the half wall separating the kitchen from the dining area . Cook would be a wonderful job for who he 's looking for . The heat rising from the stove providing a fix for the cravings while at work . Though nothing compared to the natural heat of the desert it would do while at work . Unfortunately the cook is wearing a sleeveless shirt that 's plastered to his body with sweat . Lawrence 's heart falls . He 's not close enough to the cook to pick up a flow from him , but the fact that he 's sweating tells him all he needs to know . It 's possible his sources were wrong . It 's not easy to track a Bearer . The burden / gift they bear making it too hard to get a fix on them . He 's about to get up , throwing the contents of his glass down his throat , when the kitchen door swings open and a young man steps through . Lawrence puts his cup down and watches him . Something in the way he moves is different . Somehow his movements come off as light , almost bouncy . Even just clearing dishes from tables , his movements are quick , precise . He wears a t - shirt , jeans , and boots , all are cheap , but he still has an air of status . Lawrence notes that he 's not sweating . He looks up , checking for more stray dishes . Lawrence motions him over . " You finished with this , mister ? " Lawrence inhales and catches the scent of aged stone . " Sorry , mister , I 'm just here for the dishes . You 'll want to try Craiper St . around ten tonight . " He grabs a plate , Lawrence grabs his wrist . Sun … Heat … Dry … Sand … Lawrence pulls his hand away , palm red . Perspiration stands out on the young man 's brow now , fear in his eyes . He slides into the booth across from Lawrence . Lawrence pours another glass of water and waits for the boy to say something . " I 'm on break ! " She throws up her hands and goes back into the kitchen . Tito smiles at Lawrence . " Let 's go outside . " Lawrence downs his water and follows him out and around the diner . " I 'm Benjamin Fuller , but everyone calls me , Tito . Now who the hell are you ? " It 's a fair question . If he doesn 't know what he is then he 's probably really freaked out . Lawrence can 't blame him , he 's been there . " Ha , not likely , man . " Tito looks skeptical , very skeptical . There 's at least fifteen years between them . And while Tito isn 't a full blooded Mexican , Lawrence can tell at least one of his parents is , while Lawrence couldn 't be more white without being an albino . It 's hard to believe . " I don 't mean biologically . I mean spiritually . " Tito 's face is instantly serious . " You can feel it , can 't you ? That subtle , tickling at the back of your brain that makes you feel like you know me , even while at your core I unsettle you . " " Yes . " Tito looks so relieved that it breaks Lawrence 's heart . He knows what it 's like to finally have this explained . Lawrence had spent three years in a mental hospital trying to deal by himself . Tito is a strong young man . " Where is there open desert ? " Tito points down an alley . Lawrence starts walking , Tito doesn 't need to be told to follow , he falls into step next to Lawrence careful not to touch him . They come out the other end of the alley seeing open land . For Lawrence it 's as close to nothing as he ever wants to get . Longing fills Tito 's eyes . " I want to share something with you . Watch out there . " Lawrence takes a deep breath and centers himself . The urge to speak has been growing since they stepped out of the diner , the dryness creeping in to all his dark places . Tito 's hands fly up to cover his ears . " Ah ! What the hell ? " FLASH ! BOOM ! The thunder cuts off any further curses . Tito 's gaze is drawn out to the desert , where black storm clouds have formed out of nowhere . The fear is back in his eyes , he retreats till his back hits the wall to the building . " What have you done ? " " I spoke my Word . We 're Word Bearers , Tito . You have your own . Can you feel it ? Deep in core . " Lawrence can see he 's confused . He 's frightened , overwhelmed . FLASHBOOM ! " You can stop this , Tito . Go ahead . Say your Word . I want to hear it . " " I don 't … I 'm not sure . " Confusion and fear war on Tito 's face . Lawrence hopes he won 't run . He didn 't mean to scare the boy . " Of course you 're sure . You 've known it for centuries , you just haven 't spoken it yet . It 's okay . I 'm here with you . " His first step is hesitant , his second is firm , his third is confident . Lawrence realizes he 's holding his breath . Tito looks up at him , he nods . Tito fixes his gaze on the storm . " " There it is . It 's as quiet as Lawrence 's Word is loud , but no less powerful . It 's so beautiful . As Lawrence watches the storm clouds dissipate a tear rolls down his cheek . 2 Dad suffered even from a sight of blood , and he never killed a hen nor slaughtered a pig . But I was aware that once he had donated his blood in the name of my Mum still , because she 'd had a narrow escape on an operating table then . With me a doctor would have my blood tested in a moment : one , two and it 's done . But first they make you ready for rather a time : take a seat , then have a proper finger chosen , though it is always just the one , then they wipe it with spirits until take somewhat sharp like a mini - scalpel . Not everyone can stand the procedure , but I was not against it when a doctor suggested me having my blood tested . She was a likable one , youngish for her age , not married or divorced , probably . And she had no child , I felt it immediately , she had such a look , barren if you want . Possibly for health reasons she could not bear a child or she didn 't find a right man . Or she could have a particular blood group not to have a child with anyone , that 's why she employed at a doctor 's consulting room to make blood tests . And she urged me to have my blood tested . At first I didn 't mind it , the right thing it is , still she didn 't ask my permission . " Just let 's have your blood tested " , she said and left me . She had many things to do I suppose . In doctor 's smocks they walked hither and thither all the time at a clinic there talking over the heads of those waiting , as if one was dead already . And I was still alive and a nurse was preparing to have my blood tested . While she got me ready she was chattering . She said that men were afraid of blood testing nowadays . More and more they refused to do it and ran away sometimes seeing a drop of blood . And one had nothing to fear , there was a couch behind the curtain in a special emergency to lie low , in case one fainted . She pulled the white curtain aside and showed me a couch with dark green leatherette and I shivered all at once : what for they needed my blood ? She suggested me taking off a jacket and rolling up my sleeve , left or right one , I don 't rMy Bio : Mr . Valery Petrovskiy is a journalist and short story writer from Russia . Не is an English Department graduate at Chuvash State University , Cheboksary , graduated in journalism at VKSch Higher School , Moscow and in psychology at Kazan State Technology University . He has been writing prose since 2005 . Some of his writing has been published in The Scrambler , Rusty Typer , BRICKrethoric , NAP Magazine , Literary Burlesque , The Other Room , Curbside Quotidian , DANSE MACABRE , WidowMoon Press , PRIME MINCER , Apocrypha and Abstractions , The Legendary in the USA , and in Australian " Skive " and " Going Down Swinging " magazines . At the moment he is writer - in - residence at Marco Polo Art Mag . It 's dark in here . That 's because I live at the bottom of the jewellery box along with the other outcasts : the tangled necklace with the broken lobster claw and teddy pendant she got for her eleventh birthday , along with the bracelet that 's missing a couple of gem stones . She always says she will have them repaired but never does , preferring to spend the money on more fashionable pieces instead that imitate Asian and Oriental designs . An untrained eye might imagine that they were found by a back - packer on their travels , but they weren 't . They can be bought from any shop on the high - street , and are merely echoes of worlds she 's never seen . Not all of us down here are broken though . I 'm not , and neither is the engagement ring she got from Mark , ( who eventually cheated on her with Shannon from Reception , ) or the belly bar she took out when she put weight on and decided looked too young for her anyway . The ones at the top who get worn more often pity us , ( ' how boring it must be , ' they say to each other in whispers they think we can 't hear , ' being cooped up down there , month in , month out , ' ) but in a way they 're jealous . As I 've said , you could buy them in their hundreds if you wanted to , and they are without sentimental value like the childhood necklace or the belly bar that reminds her of her wild teens and early twenties . They 're easily replaced and she gives them away when they become outdated - or chucks them if even her younger sister and the charity shops say no , thanks . She doesn 't like Mark 's ring or me , so it isn 't often that her fingers dig through the chunky bangles and strings of beads to bring me to the surface . It happens maybe three or four times a year when she has arranged to visit The Matriarch . The ring doesn 't even get a look in . Why Mark wouldn 't let her give it back to him so that he could give it to someone he did love is beyond us ; at least that way it would have been enjoyed . All the same , seeing as I 'm an heirloom and the ring is eighteen carat white goPerhaps you imagine I get bitter when the voices of the favoured ones float above my head , chattering away about their ventures out of the box : days at work , dinners , dates , parties and who was there , who wasn 't there , what she wore … you get the drift . Or worse , maybe you feel sorry for me . I 'd rather you didn 't . Pity the rest but not me . I 'm not so keen on their weight pressing down on me but I don 't mind the dark . In fact I quite like it . It reminds me of home , my real one , from before I met people . As for being bitter , you can rule that out . I 'm a pearl , darling ; it 's not in my nature . You lot have seen me as a symbol of love for thousands of years and I do try to live up to my name by being kind - although I cannot help but wince sometimes at the irony , given that the first person I ever met died . Don 't look at me like that ; it wasn 't my fault . But that 's why she doesn 't like me . All the same , when you 've being kept in a family for over a century you do take an interest in your present owner , even if it 's not reciprocated , so I enjoy listening to the young ones ' gossip . Let them have their fun while they still can . The best they can hope for is a place in a child 's dressing - up box in just a few , short years so they might as well enjoy it . 2 . Memories . I might be old - fashioned and be from a past that she and you would rather forget , but I 'm not like your kind . I will endure and outlive the others , her - even you . And I never forget . My memory doesn 't grow weak with age , it gets stronger . I can still smell what my home was like ; still feel the movements of the person who found me when he panicked and rushed too quickly to the top , and the urgent , grasping hand of the first , but different person to ever touch me , as though I 'd only stopped smelling and feeling them a minute ago . The memories of my owners and the events in their lives play like the films you are so fond of ; the moment when her grandfather proposed to her grandmother , and the christening of her mother , they are a3 . Before she grew up . I suppose you think it strange that her grandmother , ( or The Matriarch as she jokingly calls her , ) skipped a generation and gave me to someone who doesn 't like me , but it never used to be this way . When she was little and used to visit her grandmother she would ask , ( very politely after giving her a peck on the cheek , ) if she could play with her jewellery box . The answer was always yes , and she would very carefully hunt through the diamonds and gold to find me , pin me to her jumper and wear me for the rest of the time she was there . It became something of a ritual , to the point where her grandmother began to pick me out herself and would put me on the coffee table ready for when she arrived . When she was eighteen , The Matriarch had a heart attack , and fearing that she would never leave hospital , insisted on the girl 's mother driving for two hours to get me , so that she could give me to her personally before it was too late . They were very close , and still are in spite of the distance , for she survived against all the odds . Whenever she goes to see her she always comments on how lovely it is , seeing her granddaughter all grown up , wearing her old brooch that 's always been her favourite . And I was for a time . Traditionally I was only worn for a special or significant occasion , but when she was at college I had the strange but enjoyable experience of being put in her pocket and going with her , and if she felt nervous about something her fingers would slide down to stroke me . Normally I hated people manhandling me , but I didn 't mind in her case - it was better than her biting her nails . It was almost as if she thought that having me with her would stop something bad happening - and I have been viewed as ' lucky . ' Stop sniggering , it 's true . In the days of knights and sword - fighting , we would be worn when the rich and noble went into battle because they thought we would protect them from harm , so don 't laugh at her . It felt good , being wanted , and I have to confess I came in danger You don 't like being reminded of your past - those days of glory when Britain ruled half the world . I think that 's why you apologise so much , and give more than you can afford to charities trying to save the poor and starving around the globe . It 's almost as though you 're trying to make up for all the wrongs done before you were born . And I 've tried to avoid talking about it in case you ran away - I get lonely sometimes and it 's nice having someone to talk to . But you can 't run forever , things have to be faced eventually . Some of you may already know and may already be trying to shut out the sound of my words by turning your thoughts to the plans you 've made for the weekend , but there 'll be a lot of you who don 't . There are lots of happy anecdotes from my owners ' lives I could have told you but this is the one you need to hear : My story . We are not like your kind , but there is one thing we have in common : just as you can 't remember coming out of the womb , we don 't know what it was like being a grain of sand or piece of shell squeezing our way inside an oyster and hardening ; all I remember is being . There were no thoughts , for when you live inside a shell there isn 't a great deal to think about - nothing happens . That probably sounds dull to you but there was no sadness , no pain or death . It was peaceful , just being . I didn 't know this at the time but even nothing has to come to an end eventually : the day would always have come when I would be found . It will be hard for you to understand what it was like being taken out of water , hearing sounds , seeing colours and light - all for the first time . On paper it sounds great , this explosion of life , but the reality was frightening - and even fear was something I had never heard of or felt before . Maybe that 's why your newborns usually cry when they come out , because they 're scared and want to go back . I 'm trying to think of ways to describe how it was to you , and the only way I can think of is for you to imagine an ancient Egyptian being placed in the middle of a supermarket . That might give you a better idea , but even that doesn 't come close . I 've learnt a lot since then - ( I 've had to , I didn 't have any other choice - ) but there 's one thing I 've never been able to get my head around , and that is time . Your lives are ruled by clocks and diaries telling you when deadlines or birthdays are due , but when you have so much time whole years , even decades can pass you by . Forgive me then , if I am a little hazy on dates . What I can tell you is that I was brought to the surface in the late 1800s , which makes me special . There aren 't many of us that come from nature now . Most are made by man in bulk on farms . Things changed . You suddenly became concerned about human life and diving equipment got better . Both meant that the world 's poor no were no longer forced to hold their breaths for comments » I knew that someone important was going to walk into my life at 12 : 15 , just after I normally drink tea and prepare for an slow day working on the horoscope . Now , maybe you might not believe me . After all , I am a professional charlatan . But I knew something was up , because for the last two weeks every prediction I have made actually worked out . It started when I saw Mrs Henderson . She was a fat woman , an unpleasant woman , a great client . Like most people who wanted a reading , she didn 't want the truth . And normally I didn 't give it to her . I pulled out the equipment . It was a plain set . It looked like bone china , but was made in china for a very low price . Mrs Henderson looked impressed anyway . She had a lot of money , and not a lot of sense . Anyway , I started reading the information contained in the tea leafs . And then the world went blank . When I returned to the world , Mrs Henderson was gone . I walked out of the shop I had rented , and another of the shopkeepers came up to me . He was normally an quiet , amicable chap . This time he looked like he wanted to throttle me . " She came out of here . Howling and crying , like you 'd tried to kill her . " he put his face up to mine , " You ever do it again and I 'll . . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " and I backed away from him . He stalked off . I walked back to my shop , ready to wait for my next appointment . Mrs Abbot didn 't come . She left a nervous message on my answer phone . At the time I didn 't realise why . Because I had no other clients for the day , I went home . My mouth opened wide . It was such a shock , it seemed like I 'd just been told I was about to die . And then . Then I was in my bed , looking at the ceiling . The police officers had gone . But it felt more real than a dream . It must have been a dream . Yeah , that was what it was , I convinced myself . Although I should have known better . In Ireland you can make a full time living as a psychic . less so in England . The English wouldn 't even pay you if you could predict the lottery . So I also work as a pitchman . Which , if you think about it , is just another way to make a dishonest buck . I walked to the nearest boot sale , and set up . It isn 't too crowded in the morning . And everyone is busy . So I crawl in through the hedge . They don 't know that I 'm there against the rules . I set up . My table is old fashioned . A suitcase with legs you fold out . Like the true pitchmen of the 50 's . My pitch is the worm . They wiggle around my hand , like they are alive . The fools in the crowd gave me money . That is what they are for . She had the longest blondest hair this side of fairyland , and her smile lights up the room like a flashlight . And I knew I am meant to talk to her . Just now . She walked off . I had the sense she is in trouble . She was poorer than she used to be , her clothes were expensive , but last years fashion . I had a feeling I will meet her again . When I got there , there was Mrs Henderson and her husband . Their eyes were red . They had been crying . I couldn 't understand what they were there for . I managed to get them to leave . At first I thought that the gossip would help me . But the truth is , no one wants to go to a psychic that tells them the truth . Life is hard enough . You go to a psychic to hear lies . I made some money as a pitchman , so it didn 't affect me too much . But I kept on having bad dreams . I kept on seeing people I knew in them . Not just that , I saw how they died . Their pain . And I started to write down what I saw . In a book by my bedside cabinet . The extra time I had meant I was drinking more too . It was like I 'd been cursed . But the worst was the Christians . They decided that these dreams were inspired by Satan . They set up the picket line in front of my office . I started to think I should simply leave . On Wednesday , the cleaner came in . She was a nosy parker . And no mistake . Her husband had died a few years back , and she was interested in everything . While it 's not the way she put it , she was very interested in the diary . All the details of the different murders and deaths I 'd seen . All the factual details that no one else other than the murderer could know . She took it to the police , and they read it , and they got their warrant . I arrived back at the normal time , and nothing was different . The book was there . I didn 't notice the surveillance cameras . Not at all . They broke in that night . It wasn 't a dream . And I looked up to them bleary eyed , a gun pointing in my face , and swore . They dragged me towards the back of the car , and I noticed someone had decided to give the press warning . So it was very public . Once in , they took me right there . And kitted me out in fetching jail clothing , since I was still in pyjamas . This was the first time I was in jail , and I can tell you it is not as bad as some people say . There is an odd vinegar smell , hiding other bodily fluids . And it is never quiet . There is always shouting going on , and doors slammed . But it was no worse than some hotels I 've been in while performing . I looked across at my lawyer . Short , thin , balding and bored . The police officer had my diary in front of him . He picked it up . " In it , you 've got the details of dozens of murders . Information the police hasn 't released to the public . Information . . . dare I say it , in some cases that the police didn 't even know themselves . " And that was it . That was the full content of the interview . I was hustled off into the cell , and ended up waiting for days . In telephone conversations with friends , I knew the police were digging up my life . I was given a notebook , and a pen , and I continued to write down my dreams . I thought I might as well . The police would search my cell every now and again , and confiscate them . They even moved me to solitary . Made sure no one could be feeding me this information . Or , presumably , that I wasn 't ordering the killings . But the dreams continued . They were getting worse and worse . Every morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept . I guess at least things looked up , because they took me from prison . They drove me along country lanes , towards a building . I can 't tell you precisely where it was . It just looked like an old school to be honest . You 'd never have guessed it was an intelligence headquarters . They bundled me out into an empty building . You 've heard of the secret prisons . Well , they are true . They dressed me up in a uniform , tagged my ankle , and locked me in a cage . The only thing they gave me was some paper and a pen to write down my dreams . Sometimes people came to research me . They put me in scanners , and gave me all kinds of medical tests . The results were unsurprising . I was just a normal , healthy individual . And that was how it seemed I was destined to live for the rest of my life . Until I started to hear the voices . They were low . Just like someone was talking in the next room . Distant . And I couldn 't make them out . That night I was tossing and turning , and I heard someone shout out my name . I woke up . No one was there . Then I tried to get asleep again , and managed it . But the voice was insistent . Nothing answered me . The guards walked past my cell . But with the dreams and the voices , I was getting no sleep . It started to affect me so badly I would not even eat food . Within a few days I was exhausted . Mentally and physically drained . And I guess that is what the creatures wanted . Because soon they broke through . It 's hard to tell you how it felt . But if you have ever had a moment of shock , when you suddenly feel like you aren 't there , you 'll know . He said his name . And then the voice faded away . But I knew I had to do precisely what he told me . I 'd go mad otherwise . Maybe I was already mad . The opportunity came sooner than I expected . My handlers were getting anxious . I was producing less predictions than normal , and the federal conviction rate was plummeting through the floor . The handlers looked like model citizens . Dark suits , a man and a woman dressed formally , like they were lawyers . They flashed their badge to me . I don 't know why , the fact I was in a prison gave them away . The police officer fell back . You could see him working it through in his mind . Despite the success of my predictions , he settled on the conclusion I was mad . After all , psychic phenomena were impossible . He 'd read that once . I shook my head . But that night , I was thinking about it , and decided that I had to ask . Had to have a conversation , if only for my sanity . When the voices started up , I leaned forward in my bed . I asked the question again . But he would say nothing of use to me . he would only repeatedly ask me to find his killers . Not very useful . Eventually , I managed to coax his name from him . Nigel . Not a very good name for a joke . That was the strange thing . No murder victims of that name came up . Not any time soon . But a week later , a Nigel disappeared . And I realised the truth . I looked through the court reports . He had been killed by stabbing . They wouldn 't let me out of the jail . So all I could do was read the files they brought on him . And I got the feeling that many of the details had been redacted . it was like looking for a haystack in an elephant : messy and not very satisfactory . There were only two people I decided who could have done it . They both had a great deal to gain . At the end of the day , though , there is a limit to what you can do from inside a jail cell . The guards looked sceptically at me when I asked for it . But I was responsible for half the murder arrests in the district for the last six months . So they eventually gave me what I wanted . Especially when I refused to furnish them with any more information . I don 't know if you have ever been to a proper séance . Well , to be honest , most of the time the knocks are from the medium . But this time it was different . Within moments of the séance starting , I was aware that the room was colder . Then the entire board lifted off the table , and flew towards me . It hit the wall a few inches from my face . The room warmed up again . The presence was gone . For a little while . " I didn 't " I replied . I knew that he didn 't believe me . But he would have to show more senior people . And I knew they couldn 't afford to risk me . I went back to bed . For the first time in weeks , I had no bad dreams . I guess Nigel knew I understood his message . I slept very soundly . Until the next morning . But my guards didn 't really understand . Or they did not want to understand . My handler met me in the interview room the next morning . He looked tired . Besides him sat a man I hadn 't seen before . He wore the cleanest , most expensive suit I had seen during my stay at the states pleasure . The man stood up . He walked out of the room . Measured , and without menace . But he didn 't seem to be a man used to dealing with no . My handler shook his head . He didn 't need to tell me the consequences . All of a sudden , I was put on suicide watch . Woken up every thirty minutes to see if I wasn 't dead yet . The heating in my cell surprisingly broke . I knew I was in their hands totally . But I never realised what it was like to displease them . You see , Nigel might be a ghost , but that doesn 't mean he is stupid . He can see what is happening . He knows they are stopping me doing what he wants . And this gets him angry . They first times he acted , it looked like coincidence . The guards chair would tilt under him , depositing him on the floor . Or cups of coffee were not placed firmly enough on the table . The guards were spooked by me . They knew that I was able to see things they could not . But although the guards face became pale , his hand on the trigger was steady and firm . It was too late . The chair slammed into the guard . He dropped to the floor . Then I saw the guards keys float from his pocket . My cell door was unlocked . I walked over to the guard , stripped his clothes off , and changed into his uniform . I thought I didn 't have much of a choice . If I didn 't do what Nigel wanted he would kill me . Every door I came to slid open without me doing anything . It would have been creepy if I didn 't know what was happening . Soon the alarms started to ring out . People would be grabbing their guns , getting ready to shoot me . I could feel my heart trying to escape from my chest . I soon arrived at fire exit . It opened in front of me . I climbed down some steps . Below me , I could see coppers swarming . I continued to walk down . One of the coppers recognised me . I ran in the opposite direction . He took aim , and I could hear the gun explode behind me . But the bullet didn 't pierce my skin like I expected . Instead , it ended in the ground . I reached a police car , and the engine came on without anyone doing anything . Then I went into a store and bought black trousers and a white shirt . Got changed . And walked out of the shopping centre , expecting to be caught at any time . In my pocket there was five hundred dollars . That was all I had in the world , except for an insane ghost . I decided it was time to go to the library . After chatting to the librarian for a few seconds , she walked me over to a computer which had copies of the local papers for the last twenty years . I typed a search . At first I found nothing , but as I expanded the search back I found him . According to the interview , he was found murdered in his bed . He had been asleep . His wife had been charged and convicted of his murder . But she said she was innocent . Nothing came in response . I knew that would happen . It was too much to hope for . It was getting late at night . The librarian was fussing near me . It was time to go . When you are a fugitive , it isn 't as simple to find a place to stay as booking a room in a hotel . I walked round , looking for an empty house . It took me an hour . Occasionally a police car would go past . It made me nervous . At one time it would have been a posh bungalow . But whoever had owned it had been taken to a care home , and it was covered in weeds and neglect . I walked up to the door , and it swings open . That is one of the advantages of your own private poltergeist . Inside it was a mess . But dry and water proof . There was a wood burning stove in one room . The power was off , and Nigel didn 't turn it on . But the water was only off at the mains . It was easy enough to get it working again . In the morning I would have to start the process of searching for Nigel Slater . I knew roughly where he lived . I fell asleep , and woke up hungry and cramped . Outside , I could hear rustling . I peeked through the window , and could see a man dressed only in black . He looked like he was not very friendly . I ducked down , but he must have seen me . He edged towards the door . It was locked , but he slammed it open . I hid behind the sofa . it didn 't help . He walked towards me . I noticed he had a poker in his hand . There was no way he wouldn 't find me . I stood up . I looked over at him . He had a long scar down his face . it seemed like he was used to trouble . And he was straining to start a fight . I did what he said . He followed me . I thought he might hit me at any second . or recognise me . They must have put my picture out into the news by now . I sighed with relief , but knew that my location might be passed onto the police . I decided it was time to get out of the town . I caught a bus , and tried to hide my face . Since I hadn 't had a bath for a few days it was easier than you might think . People did not want to look me in the eyes . I arrived at Nigel 's house six hours latter . It was a solemn house . A plane front garden laid to grass , brick frontage , and white windows . It didn 't look like anyone had ever cared for it . It looked like it was a place to sleep and not to stay . It took me a few minutes to settle down , and watch the street . There was nothing extraordinary about it . A few people walked past , taking little interest in the stranger . After watching for half an hour , I knew there was little information here for me . Talking round the local shops I found out that Nigel had been a quiet man . Few people knew him , past his saying hello . he didn 't seem to have been involved in anything wrong . or indeed in anything at all . I decided that there could only really have been one source of trouble . He must have found out something at work . Something that made him worth more to someone dead than alive . I got some annual reports from his company and studied them . Amazing what is available on the internet these days . There was little of interest . I applied to work at Nigel 's company as a cleaner . it was a big risk . I supplied false references , and knew they would not check them for months . That 's the thing about cleaners . No one takes any notice . So I got the job , and examined the work place thoroughly . It looked like an office . The computers were always on . Once or twice I looked over the shoulder of someone working but it was all gobbledygook to me . To make it worse , I saw my face on the newspaper when I went for food . Sure , I looked a lot different now . I had grown longer hair , a beard , and was thinner . But it was still me . I grew suspicious of other people . Then came my big break . Several people were working in the office late . I overhead them speaking about a billion dollar deal . The company was getting bought out . I checked the internet , and there was something in the trade section . The routine was the same every day . But one of my colleagues had not turned up to work . So I was asked to clean the main office . I did so . But I did more than that , I broke into the file cabinets , and started reading company secrets . But that didn 't save me for long . The next day I arrived at work a few minutes earlier . Something told me that things were wrong . The security guard on the gate was new . He told me to go out to the bosses office . I walked into a small lab , and looked around . There was a window , and I tried to open it . In the distance I could see five police cars . The window wouldn 't open . There was only one way out . And I knew that by now , there would be police officers between me and the door . I looked round to find a chair . Then used it to break the window . The alarm went , and I slid through the empty hole . But I caught my shoulder on a shard of glass . I was bleeding . The police gave up their pretence . Dozens of sirens started up , heading towards the building . I ran through a green space . I knew that there was only one way out of the compound except the front gate . A hole in the fence I had noticed a few days earlier . But over head their was a helicopter . Although I ran like the wind , it wasn 't enough . I could hear the police men getting closer and closer . I turned around and saw two police officers . They both had guns pointed at me . I raised my hands , and they soon had me on the ground . I arrived at my destination a few hours latter . This time they were taking no chances . I arrived at a super maximum prison . Surrounded by barbed wire , dogs , and armed police officers it was obvious I 'd never get out . The next day the interrogation began . Again and Again . Asking me where I had gone . What I had done . I eventually broke down and told them everything . But that didn 't stop them continuing . Maybe what they were doing was no crime . But it was a form of torture . Eventually , the interrogations stopped . They gave me paper . They wanted to go back to how it used to be . But by that time I had got so angry , even when I did have a dream I kept it to myself . I wasn 't there . So all I can do is repeat the report that was made to me . No guarantee it is what happened . Apparently the director of the FBI had been having an extramarital affair . He was in bed that normal , and engaging in exercise at the same time . This was not expected , but what was even more unexpected was the windows opening wide . And the explosions of a gun . The director of the FBI 's gun . But I do know that it made the national news . The assistant director of the FBI resigned . And , to be frank , most of the people in the FBI did not care much about that . But it was fair warning . He didn 't seem to be exactly happy about what had happened . In fact , he stormed in to the visiting room , and let loose a barrage of swear words . I sat there passively , listening to him . When he calmed down sufficiently , he sat down . " Nigel was right . All he wants is his murderer found . But he isn 't going to stop . Not until that is done . Not even if he has to kill someone else to do it . " " No . I am not . Nigel is a threat to you . If you stand in the way , that is . He is a ghost . What can you do to get rid of him ? " The director of the FBI thought for a few seconds . An hour latter , a priest turned up with bell , book and candle . it didn 't work spectacularly . The power went off , the candle blew out , the bell rang , and the book was thrown across the room . The director gestured to the mirror and two toughs walked in . They carried some rope . They tied me to the chair , and lifted a cosh over their heads . Then all hell broke lose . The cosh swung back by itself . it raised into the air , and came down , laying out one of the thugs . The other caught me a glancing blow , but something unseen lifted him from the floor and threw him against the wall . " You have a choice . Director . Help find Nigel 's killer . Or , I think , Nigel will chase you down and gut you like a fish . " Eventually the Director settled down again . He sat in his chair , silently looking at me . I wasn 't a pretty picture . Thin , and in prison coveralls . I must have looked like a real criminal . They let me go that afternoon . Put me in a suit , and told me I was seconded to the FBI . I was even given my own agent . He was tall , thin , and looked every inch the government man . The agent shook his head . He gave nothing away . That was when I knew he wasn 't sent to help me . Just to keep an eye out on me . Nevertheless , I decided that I could use him . Like he wanted to use me . I looked over to him , and told him to get a warrant . We were going to search Nigel 's company . And read every damn bit of paper they had about Sigma . When we arrived at the door , they had their lawyer sorted out already . Someone must have leaked it . He looked like he had cost a lot of money . " I 'm afraid we have the right not to incriminate ourselves . We are asserting that right . Both as a company , and as individuals . So , no , you can ask any questions but we will not answer them . " I was surprised when I found the clue . It was something no one else would have noticed . A single envelope in the bin . It contained an address . I think Nigel must have been helping me . I was drawn to it . But the thing I noticed was the fact the address had a Sigma stamp . Once we were out of the building , I decided to break away from the FBI agent . I knew some things would work better on my own . it was easier said than done . When I tried to go for a walk that night , he insisted on staying right by me . Getting to the address was difficult . I didn 't have a car , I had to take the bus . Most of the journey there wasn 't even that . And it had began to rain . I must have looked odd , walking around town that late at night , soaked . In fact , I surprised no copper stopped me . " Good enough , " I said . Knowing I was lying as I said it . It wasn 't like it was my strong point . The expression on the coppers face showed he thought not either . He stood there behind me his mouth opened , as I shimmied the lock . it opened . I walked in . This was a mistake , I didn 't notice the small CCTV camera , the camera that was hidden in a plug socket . But it was sending my picture right up to the security office . I worked quickly , going up the stairs to the office . I don 't know what I had expected to see . But what I did see looked just like any other office . Even down to the half drunk cup of coffee . I woke up in the boot of a car . I could feel the engine running , and smell burning petrol . It was pick black . The car started off , bumping along the ground . Hitting me from side to side . My hands were tied behind my back . It was lucky I knew a little magic . I got the knot loose without much effort . Then I grovelled around the car to find something , anything that could help me . There was a wrench , which I picked up . I put the rope around my wrists , hiding the fact I was loose . And put the wrench in my pocket . The boot of the car swung open . One of the security guards lifted me out of the boot . He was covered in muscle . My mouth opened wide . That was the last thing I expected to hear . They marched me along the ground and I saw him for the first time . Nigel . Alive . Then the room went strange . Something turned the lights off , and opened the windows . It even raised a chair off the ground . The security guard looked worried for the first time . " For the last month , I have been searching for the person who killed Nigel Slater . You , sir , are Nigel Slater . But it seems your ghost hasn 't got the information you are alive . " But it didn 't work . By the time that the ambulance arrived , Nigel was in a deep coma . It took only a short time after that until the first homicide detective got there . But the truth is , it was fate . No ones fault . Except the murderer . After all , how can Nigel Slater 's ghost come into my dreams unless he is actually killed ? What happened next surprised me . The cops arrested me . Told me I was being held on suspicion of murder . I told them not to be idiots , but they wrote it in their notebooks and not their minds . By that point the clues would be getting stale , so I drove right to the company . But they wouldn 't let me in . it was a police investigation , they said . No dice . I called the FBI agent and asked him to run the full scan on Slater . By the time he had finished I would know every single family member . And all I had to do was interview them . The only clue left to me was Sigma . The company was closed for a few hours , but the managing director wasn 't . Again the FBI came to my rescue . They had the address , and I wasn 't afraid to use it . We walked up the garden path . It wasn 't the most luxurious house that a managing director had ever lived at . But I knocked on the door anyway . I walked in . Behold , the group was all there . The director of the FBI himself . The attorney general . And a four star general . I could feel the back of my assistant straightening up . The Managing Director pressed a button on the TV . It switched on . Nigel Slater 's office . I saw him pick up his glass . Put the chemicals in it . The MD fast forwarded . Nigel killed himself . " Oil . We got him to produce computer models . All the oil reserves . He was so great . . . well , he could produce a program that told us exactly where oil was , just from satellite images . " Just at that moment a dozen armed guards came into the room . Their guns were pointed right at me . I raised my hands , and was soon plunged into the carpet . They searched me . Didn 't find anything interesting . " Yeah . But I don 't think you did it . I don 't think you were that smart . But I don 't know what this being who calls himself Nigel Slater is , " I didn 't struggle . By now , them putting handcuffs on me was almost routine . I just wish I had been able to continue my life as a charlatan . I didn 't know what to say to that . it was true . it was obvious when you think about it . Nigel had told me he was murdered when he was still alive . but no one ever said the soul was bound to the arrow of time . Within a few minutes we had picked up an escort . From what I could tell , they had closed the road down . Only we were travelling that evening . I gulped . It looked like things were just about to head for the worse . The trip to the Whitehouse was the most fraught I had experienced in my life . The director of the FBI was reading faxes and emails in the car . His face was getting more and more pale . " I guess like the English did in WWII . With disinformation . We need to get an Chinese agent and feed him bad info . And I guess Nigel might be your best hope for that . " I guess the FBI director caught on quickly . Because he could go anywhere , Nigel could listen to the Chinese chatter . He could find Chinese agents . Maybe he didn 't know Chinese , but he knew enough to listen in to the English language conversations . It wasn 't a new concept . The CIA had investigated it in the sixties . But they didn 't have a real life ghost , so their experiments failed . This time we had a real ghost . I asked them to pick out the Ouija board again . The séance room was a sight you had never seen in your life . The president and the director of the FBI holding hands , in a dark room . The president of the united states shook his head . You could tell he couldn 't believe what he was seeing . He got up from his seat , and you could almost hear his bones cracking . Over in the corner of the room I could see a computer with satellite images . I could watch the Chinese fleet mobilising in real time . The number of dots that represented aircraft carriers alone was scary . " It will only be a few days before we have to mobilise our own navy . " The wait was excruciating . But suddenly five hours latter , the board started spelling out a name . The FBI director went to work . Within minutes they had the file out . He didn 't look like what you would expect of a Chinese agent . He had long , blonde hair , was dressed in a respectable suit , and had a respectable job . He worked in the old navy base . His job was to work on the files , reading sensitive military information . Including information about resource allocation . Once they checked his bank account the truth became obvious . The FBI director stood up , and paced down the long thin corridor . Then he arrived back in the meeting room with a young woman . She was dressed in military uniform . He explained the plan . It was simple . The Chinese agent needed to think it had all been a hoax . But for that to work , he would have to eat a pack of lies . I wasn 't there , so I can report only what I have been told . The female agent I had been introduced to worked in the old navy headquarters . She worked in the files there . It is a room full of top secret papers . Room might be the wrong word ; it was the size of an aircraft hanger . She worked there , and had spent months being bored . So naturally , she had struck up a conversation with the handsome blonde military attaché . And , the conversation was reciprocated . The director of the FBI looked at her . She didn 't look like much to put the freedom of the world onto . But she was eager . And after being told what to do , she didn 't complain . She saluted . I stood at the back of the room , watching the Director of the FBI feeling out the officer , and knew I would have to talk to Nigel alone . I didn 't trust her . She looked too good to be true with her starched uniform and willing smile . The new agent went into a staff car , to be driven to the headquarters . She looked very lonely in the back of the car . Meanwhile , we walked to the operations room . There was a banks of monitors the length of the room . We could see satellite images of the build up of the Chinese fleet , as well as real time updates of our spies . I nodded . Then looked back over to the screens . I could see our agent depositing the papers in her draw . She phoned up the Chinese agent , and set up dinner . It looked like a glorious feast . Roast duck , with all the trimmings . The doorbell went . She walked over to it , and opened it . She said something , and the Chinese agent walked into the room . After ten minutes of conversation , she walked away . To go to the toilet . He walked over to the draws , and started rummaging . After a few minutes he found the file our agent had left . He took out the smallest camera you have ever seen , and clicked the image . After that , he put the files away . After he left , the confirmation came thick and fast . The Chinese fleet disbanded . It was amazing to see , but they split up within a matter of hours . Soon the sea around Taiwan was empty except for commercial shipping . I guess that if this had been a story that would be it . I would have been given a party , a celebration , and been allowed to leave . After all , I had saved the day . Well , Nigel did leave . I haven 't heard from him since . After they had finished celebrating , a guard collected me , and drove me in a prison van to here . It is a cold concrete cell . I am allowed a TV , and to write carefully vetted letters . I 'm not sure how I will post this , my story . Maybe I will write it under the postage stamp . I guess for an old crook like me , it is fair . But I wish I had been sent to jail for something I did . And not for some trumped up terrorist charge . Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only . The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $ 5AUD payment . 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In the spring of 1995 , I decided to start an around the world trip . My cousin Rob got me a discount ticket Germany through USair . From Germany , I was going to take the train to Poland and up to Estonia . A friend of mine name Jenny , who I had known from my college scuba diving class , had moved to Kohtla Jarve , Estonia , while working for the Peace Corp . She told me I was welcome to visit , so I decided I was going to do just that . From there , I planned on taking the train to Moscow and catching the Siberian Railroad to Vladivostok . From Vladivostok , I would catch a ferry to Yokohama and see my friends in Japan again , before flying home . After landing in Germany , I made my way over to the train station and bought a ticket . I was in a hurry to not miss the train and as I went down the hallway , the ticket salesman screamed at me that I had forgotten my notebook . With everyone starring about me , I ran back and grabbed it , saying " danke " . I ran down to where the trains were and found my platform . The problem was , there were two trains at that platform and I didn 't know which one was going to Poland . The train on the right started to move , so I ran and jumped on it , hoping I had made the correct choice . After asking around a bit saying Warsaw like " vorsava ? " and pointing in the direction of the trains movement , someone finally said " ya " . I found a cabin and sat down on the cushioned bench with my huge Eastern German military back pack . At our next stop , a Russian man and another from Warsaw got on and sat next to and across from me . Eventually , the conductor came by and asked for tickets . I showed him mine and the guy from Warsaw walked out into the hall and just gave him some money . The man from Russia , opened a suitcase full of tickets and started handing them to the conductor . The conductor was saying " nyet , nyet " as he threw the tickets on the floor . It became and argument and the Russian guy started crying a bit and yelling . He kept looking at me , like he wanted me to help , but I didn 't have any idea what was going on and now being behind the old Iron Curtain , I wasn 't going to take any chances . I looked up in my Lonely Planet guide and told him " Nye panimay " I don 't understand . I tried to just look out the window and ignore him . I really wanted to help him , but I wasn 't sure of what was going on . Eventually , the conductor and two men came back . They stopped the train in the middle of nowhere , at night , and kicked him off . The train started moving again and I watched as he faded into the night , standing there with his suitcase , crying . After a while , the other man tried to speak a little English mixed with German . I had taken that year of German in high school , which I had failed , but a lot of it came back when I was under pressure to know it . I tried asking the man what happened with the Russian fellow . From his broken speech , I think he was telling me that the man had gone to Germany , but wasn 't allowed into the country , so he was trying to get back to Ukraine . Apparently , he not only didn 't have a ticket , but no money to pay the conductor , or so I gathered . The ticket from Germany was expensive , but once I entered Eastern Europe , prices were much cheaper . That night the man from Warsaw and I slept in shifts so we could watch each other 's belongings . I also tied my stuff to my arm just in case . Laying on my back , I put my big cowboy hat over my face and got some sleep . The train stopped a few times , but no one else came into our cabin . The Warsaw man said that when they looked in the window and saw a big cowboy laying in there , they got scared and moved on . He thought that was great ! We arrived at the Central Warsaw station early in the morning . The man was kind enough try and help me buy a ticket to Estonia . We went to a ticket counter and waited in line only to find that you can 't buy that kind of ticket here . You needed to go upstairs , but they also did not take credit cards , so I needed a place to exchange money . When I turned around to walk to the money exchange place a man in a trench coat and hat came up to me and showed me Polish money . I said " no , thank you , nyet , spasiba " to him and walked around . He followed me a bit , but then gave up . After exchanging money , we went upstairs and were able to get my tickets . I looked at the money and I had a 100 , 000 zloty note and a 10 zloty note . What ? Either one was really large or the other was really small ! I found out later , that due to inflation , that had just chopped off four zeros and they were equal ! I got the tickets , I thanked the man very much and he left . I still had 8 hours before my train , so I wondered around and eventually went outside . There was a large wall overlooking a huge intersection . I climbed up and sat down . I sat there for an hour or two with my cowboy hat and back pack . People kept waving at me as they drove by . Then a bus full of school girls pulled in front of me , waiting for the light . The girls went nuts . They pulled down their windows and start yelling and blowing kisses at me . I waved and tipped my hat at them until they drove off . It finally came time for me to catch the train , but I couldn 't read any of the Polish . In Germany or other countries , the words look similar enough to English , that you can figure it out , but Polish is very different . It took me a while of wandering around for me to figure out what Polish was for " track " . After we crossed into Lithuania and after a few requests for passports and tickets , it was time for bed . I had a sleeper compartment shared with a salesman who was heading to Riga . He spoke very little English and I spoke even less Russian , so it was a strain to communicate . He seemed very friendly and we got along well . Before bed , the stewardess brought us some milk tea in a class with a metal holder . The tea was pretty good and after we finished we closed the door and turned off the light . I laid in bed watching the scenery go by , but the click clack of the train quickly put me to sleep . Soon , there was a knock at the door and the door opened and the lights came on . I looked up squinting to see two men . I handed them my tickets and they said something and handed them back to me , so I handed them my passport and this made them content . They handed it back and moved off down the hallway . I got up , turned the lights off and closed and locked the door . Soon , I was back asleep . An hour or so later came a knock again and before I could even sit up , they had unlocked the door and I looked up to see two women with machine guns standing there . That woke me up real fast . They turned on the lights and I handed them my tickets and passport , but they kept asking me questions , in Latvian , I think . Then they turnd to my comrade and made him get out of his bed in his underwear . They lifted his bed and searched through all his belongings . He had booze and a lot of money , but they didn 't seem to care . When they were done with with , they turned to me and started making all sorts of demands . My comrade , promptly raised his voice and yelled at them while pointing to me . They stopped talking , turned around and left . I have no idea what he sad , but it was good with me ! As the night went on , we were interrupted a couple more times , but nothing like that . In the morning , we got to talking and I told him that I was planning to ride on the Siberian Railroad to Vladivostok . He responded with " dangerous ! " . Then said , " moment " and ran off down the hallway . A few minutes later he came back with a girl who spoke English . He had her explain to me how dangerous the railroad was . How they would blow the tracks to stop the train and rob it , and other such tails . The girl 's name was Dorota and she was from Warsaw . She was heading to Tallinn to study Estonian culture as part of her schooling . She was studying to be an anthropologist . I was impressed with her and we talked until we got to Riga . The salesman had to get off the train . I waved goodbye to him as he left . He had been most helpful . I talked to Dorota a lot until we reached Tallinn . She gave me some Estonian change to use with the payphone , so I could call Jenny when I got there . When we finally got off the train , I thanked her and said goodbye . She gave me her contact information in Warsaw and Tallinn in case I needed help . After she left , I went to a payphone and called Jenny . I told her I was in Tallinn and asked how do I get to where she is . She was about to tell me , when the phone said something in Estonian and hung up . I didn 't have any more change , so I was going to have to find a bank or something to exchange money for the phone . I began asking for a bank in Russian , but got an extremely rude response . There was a woman in a small window and I asked her . She yelled " nyet ! " and slammed the window shut . I double checked my Russian in the book and what I said , should be right . It took me while to figure out that if I spoke English first , then Russian , they were far more polite . The Estonians hate the Russians for what they did during and after WWII . When I spoke Russian first , they thought I was Russian , but when I spoke English , they figured I was British or something . Eventually , I got someone to tell me where a bank was . It was on the third floor of the building I was in . I went upstairs and walked into the bank . There were some customers standing around , but no employees except a guard . It took me a while to figure out that the bank was closed for lunch . It was just passed noon , so I sat outside for and hour and came back . At about 1 : 30 , the employees came back and sat at their desks talking with each other , but they still didn 't open . It was another 30 minutes before they started helping customers . When it was my turn in line , I handed her a bunch of $ 20 bills . She looked at each one and rejected it , until she finally found one that she liked . All the rest she handed back . For that $ 20 , I got a stack of Estonian money , but I tried to tell her I need change . I pointed to a coin on her desk and she said " no " . " no coin " . I was thinking " what kind of bank is this ? ! " I tried clarifying again , but she assured me that the bank has no coins . Well , that was a waste of two hours . I went back downstairs and tried to get change from some stores , but they wouldn 't help me , so I finally bought a chocolate bar or somAs I pulled out of the station I saw a whole train yard of steam engines . In Estonia , it felt like I was back in 1940 . The home phones were still rotary and the handsets would have made good weapon . When I tried calling dad from Jenny 's apartment , it was hard to hear and we would get cut off every 30 seconds or so . After a few times , I gave up . At least he knows I 'm there an alive . It was summer in Estonia and that meant 23 hours of daylight . One evening we were out walking around shopping and looking at things when I came to realize that there weren 't any people any more . Where was everyone ? Then Jenny said , its almost midnight . It was still broad daylight , so I had no idea ! In her apartment , she had complete black out shades because of this . It only got dark from about 1 AM until 1 : 30 AM and then it started to get light again . All the buildings were Soviet era style and they looked exactly the same , with no color or style . The only way I could tell which building was mine , was by what toys were out front . Kids played everywhere , even with open manholes and sharp cut off metal posts sticking out of the ground . No one seemed to mind . In the States , people would have freaked if the children 's play area were this dangerous . Another left over remnant of Soviet era , was the complete lack of advertising . The only way you knew where a store was was to ask someone . I remember going into this , what looked like a deserted building , only to find that on the inside it was a beautifully decorated wedding shop with mahogany wood trim an polished wooden floors that you could see yourself in . But , there was nothing on the outside of the building , not even a sign ! On a Saturday , Jenny had off , so we went to Narva . There we saw the Narva castle and the Ivangorod Castle on the opposite bank in Russia . They were in the process of tearing out the old Soviet icons when we were there . Jenny took my picture as I leaned on a statue of Lenin that they were taking down . I inquired about going to the Russian side , but it was a $ 100 to the the visa and it took several days . So , I thought I would just wait until I was ready to cross into Russia . When we returned to Kohtla Jarve , I called me father and he informed me that his company , Nortel , had offered me a job . I really needed the job and the money , so sadly I sad yes , I will take it . I found that the cheapest place to fly back out was Warsaw . I told him to tell them I would take the job , but it would take me 4 or 5 days to get back . The next day , I went back to Tallinn . Dorota was still in town , so we met and explored the town together . We found this little tiny hole in the wall Italian restaurant and had dinner . Tallinn was a beautiful town . It was filled with old northern European style architect , except one part of the town that they had left destroyed . The Russians had bomb Tallinn during WWII just to show them whose boss and they left part of the city that way as a memorial . At the Kino Soprus movie theater was a huge sign for Forrest Gump . As we walked around Tallinn and past the government building a of caravan of vehicles pulled up and the President of Ukraine got out . He waved at the people and headed in to the building . Next , we went to the shoreline of the Baltic Sea and I took my shoes and socks off for a little dip . The water was cold but refreshing . On the way back to Poland , I was sitting in the seating area of the train and a man sat down next to me . He motioned to ask if I was hungry . I nodded , so he put his bag on the floor and opened it up . He had a half a pig in it ! He pulled out a knife and cut off a big piece of fat and handed it to me . He also handed me a thick piece of dark brown bread covered with a thick layer of butter . The bread was delicious , but the pig fat , was , well , disgusting . I took a small bite until he smiled and when he wasn 't looking , it went out the window . He asked if I wanted some more and I patted my stomach to say I was full . I got up to go to the bathroom and in one of the other compartments , they had a huge meal set up . Apparently , everyone brings their own food to eat for the long trip . When I came back , I talked with the man for a while in " pictionary - ese " . He asked if I was British . I said " no , I 'm American " to which he responded " why would you want to come here ? ! " . I told him , the I want to see what its like everywhere . I watched out for the window for a while , seeing that cows in Lithuania were tied to chains like dogs , instead of having fences , but the countryside was beautiful . It reminded me of Ohio . When we got to the Polish border , they stopped the train and the border guards got on the train . They saw me sitting there , with my cowboy hat on and asked for my passport . I handed it to them . They looked at me analyzing my face and looking at my passport . They said " moment " and got off the train . I saw them go to a guard shack and get on the phone . They were on the phone for about 30 minutes and kept pointing to the train . I was getting a little worried . Worried the train would leave without my passport and worried why they were holding the whole train up for me . They finally came back and five armed guy starred at me while one , who spoke a little English , asked where I was born , what my name was and how old I was . Obviously to test if my responses matched the passport . I almost got the last question wrong as my birthday had just been a few days before . I said " 22 , no , I mean 23 ! " The last thing I wanted was to get the answer wrong and end up in some Lithuanian prison somewhere ! But , with answering all the questions right , he stamped it and handed it to me . I said " spasiba " to him and he laughed and said " puzhalsta " back . After that , the guy that had been sitting next to me , said that I look like a smuggler , because I was wearing the hat . I thought about that for a second and realized that the only criminal types , like the money guy in the train station , that I had seen all wore hats . What ? Why would criminals identify themselves ? ! If I had known that , I certainly wouldn 't have been wearing my hat ! When I got to Warsaw , Dorota was there to pick me up . It was great to see her again ! She took me old town were we and her friends had Pizza Hut . It was so cheap , I bought everyone 's dinner . After that , we went to see Pulp Fiction . The movie was hilliarious , but half the screen was subtitles in at least 3 different language . During the film , Dorota had some kind of seizure that lasted about 10 seconds . I grabbed and was trying to figure out what was wrong when she snapped out of it . I asked if she was ok and if she wanted to leave , but she said she was fine . That worried me and I never found out what happened . After the movie , we went to a very tall building to go up and see the whole city . The man said they were just closing , but we convinced him to lets us go up . I took a great picture of her up there . In the morning she came back and we had breakfast . I think it was oatmeal and toast , but it was good whatever it was . Afterwords , she took a shower . Her bath had translucent glass and I could see her through the glass . It made my heart race as she was very beautiful . When she had finished she told me that she had to go to work and that her sister would take me around for the day . I spent the afternoon seeing the sites including the " King 's Bathroom " , a park in Central Warsaw . It was beautiful , with many fountains and peacocks . There was also some sort of outdoor theater . When it came time to leave , I was very said to go and there were a few tears . I tried to get Dorota a parting gift , but couldn 't find anything she liked . When I hugged her I tried to put some money in her bag , so she could buy something , but this made her mad . It was a dumb thing to do , but I just wanted to say thank you to her for helping me so much . Before we left , we tore a 1 zloty in half and each kept half . When I got home , I sent her the pictures from the trip and a letter expressing my love for her , but never heard back . I put that half zloty note and the picture of her at the top of the building in a frame . I hope I get to see her again some day .

It was during March break ( Gary worked days during holidays ) and I was making Bologna sandwiches for the kids for lunch . As I worked at the counter I just started shaking and crying . I had reached my breaking point and I couldn 't take anymore . I picked up the phone and called a shelter for abused women in Halifax . I talked and cried with a counsellor for nearly an hour . When I hung up I packed a bag for the kids and myself and then left in a taxi that they had sent for us . We were taken to the shelter and shown to a room on the top floor . The kids were then taken by a worker into a playroom and I went with the director to her office . After a long talk and a lot more tears she told me that I had done the right thing , no one should be forced to live the hell that I was . Because of the extent of abuse and the fact the Gary was nearby , paperwork was started right away to move us to another shelter somewhere else in the province , we would be moved the next day . After supper the RCMP showed up asking about me . They had received a call from Gary saying that his family had been kidnapped . Something in the way he talked made them suspicious and they weren 't surprised to find me at the shelter . After me refusing to press charges ( it was already so overwhelming just leaving I couldn 't even consider more drastic action ) they agreed with the director that it was best for us to be moved the next day . I lay in bed that night in complete shock . I couldn 't believe where I was and how I had ended up here . This was the kind of thing that happened to someone else , its what you read about or see in a movie , it just couldn 't be me ! I was so scared . Everything was such a mess . I felt so alone and didn 't know how to make anything right . Sometime during the night I awoke to Elizabeth coughing with her asthma . As the night went on she seemed to get worse . I started looking through the suitcase for her puffers and realized that I had forgotten to bring them with us . As I sat there listening to my little girl I felt a ball of terror forming in the pit of my stomach . God was going to take her away from me as a punishment for leaving Gary ! This is what he had always said would happen if I tried to leave him ! I started to cry and pray . I pleaded with God not to take my little girl . I then promised Him that if He left Elizabeth with me I would go back to Gary the next day . We weren 't suppose to leave our rooms after lights out , but I had to call Gary and tell him I was coming back . . . God had to know I meant what I had said . I called the house but got no answer , so I called his parents house . His younger brother answered and was very unpleasant to me . It took a couple of minutes to make him understand that I wanted to come home , but that I couldn 't find Gary . He said that he had been with him at the house until midnight and if I gave him an 1 / 2 hour he would go back to the house and wake him up . When I called 30 minutes later Gary answered on the first ring . I told him that I would come home in the morning . He started to cry and promise that he would change . He said that he was sorry for all the terrible things he had done to me . We hung up and I went back to my room and was relieved to find Elizabeth sleeping . I took this to mean that God had kept his part of the agreement , now I had to keep mine . There were some very upset people the next morning when they learned of my plans to return home . They told me that they had seen this happen many times over the years . Things would improve for a week or so , but then revert back to the way it had been before , most times getting worse . But my mind was made up . My children would not suffer because I was to weak to deal with a situation that I felt was all my fault to begin with ! When Gary came home I was in the kitchen . He started to cry , again promising that things would be different from now on . Pastor Benson called that evening . Gary had called him the night before . Pastor thought that counselling would be a good idea . We met a few times over the next couple of weeks , but since I was never forthcoming with what the real problems were , nothing got resolved . Gary 's only response as to what had gone wrong was to say that our personalities clashed . Since I knew that I couldn 't reveal more than he did , I stayed quiet . I had made up my mind that this was my lot in life , my fault and I had to find a way to live with it . Things went back to " normal " and even worse in some things just as the social workers had predicted would happen . But my path was set and my children would never again suffer because of my failures . Gary had started spending a lot of money on books , clothes for himself and whatever else caught his eye . It made me so upset to see him going around with expensive new coats while I shopped for myself and the kids at the Salvation Army . I was already using my child - tax credit cheque each month for food . He decided that I would be responsible to pay the power bill as well ! So I needed to find a way to earn money and still be home . My piano students wouldn 't provide enough for that bill . So I started taking children in to babysit . Elizabeth was 4 at the time and didn 't like sharing me with anybody else , but she as well as everyone learned to adjust . During the summer Gary was working days . One evening he came home and I had supper waiting but I never ate . I hadn 't been feeling well all day and around supper I started having bad pains in my stomach . After I got the kids into bed for the night I asked him if I could have the car to go up to the hospital . After blood work and an exam I was told that I was having a miscarriage . I hadn 't even known that I was pregnant ! I was devastated . They kept me for a few hours to make sure the bleeding didn 't get to heavy . Those few hours was the only time I gave in and grieved for my lost baby . I knew that if Gary found out it would somehow end up being my fault . I knew that I couldn 't bear the blame for my own baby 's death . By the time I got home this event had been put with the others in the dark recesses of my mind , not to be thought of again . Gary was in bed when I got home and never did ask me what the problem had been . Life continued on , but deep inside I knew a little piece of my heart had broken and I wouldn 't be the same again . Food slowly became more than just a tool to try to keep Gary away from me . It became something that I craved to help ease the pain , loneliness , fear and hopelessness that had become my existence . It brought a sense of comfort I couldn 't find anywhere else , and was a way to release pent - up tension that raged in me . Some of the things that Gary wanted me to do at night became more difficult as I gained weight . I always hoped that he would tire of trying to force me to do things . But he just became angrier because I wasn 't being a " submissive wife " . I dreaded the nights . How can you get a restful nights sleep when you knew the minute you stirred in your sleep the unpleasantness and pain would begin ? Those years were also very hard financially . There seemed to never be enough money for food or bills . Mom would show up at times with boxes of food from her church and friends . Ladies from our own church would come by with bags of groceries . Gary began making me go to the Food Bank . He didn 't want to suffer the embarrassment of receiving this kind of help , so he sent me ! One time in particular stands out in my mind . Josiah had come with me to help carry the bags . When we got home he started emptying the bags on the kitchen floor . Everything he took out made him more excited . When the last bag was empty he looked around him at all the food on the floor and said , " Mommy , God sent us all my favorite food , we need to say thank you ! " My little boys simple sweet faith taught me a valuable lesson that day . There was always something to be thankful for ! I still felt a sense of failure that I couldn 't provide for my children properly but over time I learned to be thankful for wherever the help came from . One major battle I fought continuously was with Gary 's mother . She favored Josiah over Elizabeth and did nothing to hide this , even from Elizabeth ! A few times Elizabeth asked me why Grammie didn 't like her as much as Josiah ! She would show up at the house with expensive toys and clothes for Josiah and bring Elizabeth nothing , or as in one case , brought her a bar of soap ! That day I became outraged at her treatment of Elizabeth . I took the new Supersoaker water gun away from Josiah and threw it back at her along with the bar of soap . I told her that she was never to bring anything for Josiah again UNLESS Elizabeth was the recipient of something just as nice . My poor daughter still thinks at times that she isn 't as good as her brother and it breaks my heart . Gary would insist that his mother babysit for us and I hated it . She would go through all my cupboards and our bedroom while we were out . Then she would tell the rest of the family what a horrible housekeeper I was . A lot of bitterness and anger began building in my heart against this woman . The next few years saw both the kids in school . I was always so relieved to have them both come home safe and sound at the end of every day . I was still busy during the days with babysitting , piano students and of course Gary was home until around 4 : 00pm . I treasured the evenings when the kids were in bed and I had a few hours to myself . I had been writing poetry since I was 13 and found it a very relaxing hobby . It had also become a means of expressing how I was feeling about things . I had no fear of Gary finding anything I wrote because he never showed any interest in my writing . In fact he was extremely jealous of any attention I got because of it . When he was home I wasn 't allowed to work on anything , be it poetry , crafts ( which I loved ) , or to even sit and read a book . These were all activities that took my attention off of him . The tv was only allowed on when he wanted to watch something . The kids could watch cartoons but I wasn 't able to watch anything I wanted to , except at night when he was at work . It seemed like most of my time was spent trying to solve problems before he even knew they existed . Not being able to find his keys would send the house into a frenzy . I always tried to be one step ahead to avoid any unnecessary problems . I very much needed that time alone in the evenings . When he would pull out of the yard I could feel the tension drain from my body , but I began dreading more and more his arrival back home . Over time I began begging God to do something so he wouldn 't come back . Many times tears would come when he drove in the driveway instead of the police coming to tell me he was dead . There didn 't seem to be any release from hell , and I started to believe that God didn 't love me . If He loved me than why wouldn 't He do anything to help me ? My weight also continued to spiral out of control . I began receiving a lot of mean negative reactions from complete strangers . The laughing , pointing and hurtful comments flung my way were preferable however to undesired attention from any man . There was a feeling of comfort from being found repulsive to men . There was a sick kind of safety in being fat and ugly . The only lights in my life were my children . I loved Josiah and Elizabeth with a fierce protectiveness . They gave me a reason each day to go on , they gave my life a purpose and meaning . I decided that I just couldn 't spend another summer holiday with Gary 's family in New Brunswick . I wanted to go somewhere different , somewhere without his family ! I mentioned it to him and he said no , we could stay for free at his parents cottage . We could go somewhere else if I paid for it myself . So for the next year any money I got for my birthday , Christmas and so on I hid away . I tried to save any extra I could from my babysitting money . By the next summer I had managed to save enough to rent a cottage in Tatamagouche for 3 days ! I made 100 pairs of ear - rings out of little beach rocks and then drove the kids around Eastern Passage . They went door to door and sold all 100 pairs for $ 1 . 00 each . That gave me $ 100 . 00 extra . I took them to the grocery store and let them buy as much junk food ( Gummy Bears , Pop Tarts , Wagon Wheels , juice packs etc ) that they wanted . They were so excited , they never got treats like that ! I got them each a " noodle " for the water as well . What a wonderful vacation we had ! They played for hours with little sand crabs on the beach and the 3 of us had so much fun in the warm water with the noodles . Gary came down to the water once , but declared it to cold . . . it was the best vacation that I spent with my children ! One Thursday evening the Ladies Fellowship Group was meeting at my house . The kids were in bed and the meeting well underway when the phone rang . It was Gary 's boss calling from the school . It was a teacher / parent interview night and one of the teachers had called her because of Gary 's strange behavior . Lorraine , my Pastor 's wife and I left the other ladies to take care of the meeting and the kids and we went up to the school . Gary 's boss met us at the door and took us to the custodians room . We found him pacing back and forth , very agitated and mumbling . I tried to get a response from him but was unable to . I called 911 while Lorraine and his boss blocked the door . When the ambulance arrived it became quite apparent that it wasn 't going to be easy to get him out of the school . It was quite a workout for the paramedic 's and the firemen who had shown up to assist , to get him on the stretcher and strapped down . A big crowd of onlookers had gathered by the time they got him out of the school and loaded into the ambulance ! Lorraine and I went back to my place and while she explained to the ladies what had happened and made arrangements for a couple of them to stay after the meeting to care for the kids , I called his parents . His mother got very angry with me , telling me that I was lying and blowing things all out of proportion . I gave up and hung up . I turned to find Josiah looking at me , he wanted to know what was wrong . He was 7 now , so I explained to him as simply as I could that daddy hadn 't been thinking right and had been taken to the hospital . One of the ladies came to take care of him and Lorraine and I left for the hospital . As we entered the emergency department we could hear Gary ranting from somewhere inside . After an hour or so I was allowed to go in and see him . The moment I entered the room he lunged at me and screamed that he was going to kill me ! Thankfully one of the hospital guards was right there and he grabbed and pulled me out of the way . Two RCMP officer 's quickly arrived in the room and handcuffed him onto the stretcher . I was back to picking him up for a few hours every day again . But this time it was even harder . I had to take and pick the kids up each day from school , plus I was taking care of 3 other children as well ! Josiah and Elizabeth were old enough this time to each have questions as to what was wrong . Once again the cycle with food became out of control . We lived 35 minutes from the church and Jessie was the closest being 15 minutes away . I leaned on her alot during that year and she became even closer and dearer to me . This time it took nearly a year for him to recover enough to go back to work . With not being able to work , he took a cut in pay which put us into even more of a financial bind . We had been relying more and more on the Food Bank . Gary would force me to go and then get mad at me for going ! His personality changed and he was becoming more unpredictable all the time . No matter what happened it was my fault , except for this one time . Josiah had been blamed for something that had been just an accident and not his fault at all . I always tried to take the blame for things because I could handle the rage but I knew the kid 's couldn 't . Before I could step in this time however , Gary had thrown Josiah on the bed and was wailing on him with his belt . As the beating continued I just couldn 't stand there and do nothing . I forced my way into the bedroom and laid down on top of Josiah covering him with my body . Gary never stopped . I could feel my little boys body shaking with sobs and I kept whispering to him that he would be OK and that I loved him . Gary eventually left and I slid to the floor and held my son , crying along with him . My loathing for Gary increased measurably that day . I vowed that I would never let him touch either one of my children again , and he never did . It was nearing Christmas and I was busy getting ready for the annual Mother / Daughter Christmas Banquet at the church . The night was a huge success with many visitors in attendance . Just as I was getting ready to close off the evening one of the ladies stepped up to the front beside me . I was told that they had a surprise for me . Two huge boxes filled with wrapped gifts for our family were brought out of a side room and placed in front of me . I was speechless and the room erupted into laughter when Elizabeth 's little voice was heard saying , " Is that ALL for us ? " I barely knew how to say thanks for such an outpouring of love . It took such a heavy burden off me as I hadn 't known what I was going to do about Christmas . Later that same week there was a knock at the door one evening . I opened it to find a man holding a big box . Someone from the area had put our families name into the Eastern Passage Benevolent Society . The box held everything you would need for a Christmas dinner including a big frozen turkey ! There were also other grocery items packed in it as well . He then said that there was more and brought in another box filled with candy , hats , mittens , toys and various other treats . I was again overwhelmed at the kindness and generosity of people . As our money problems got worse , Gary 's wild spending got even more out of control . Expensive cowboy boots , hats , coats , rare books took up residence in our house while the kids and I went without . I went for years not having a winter coat or boots . I had to borrow money from Jessie in one instance so that I could buy myself some much needed underwear ! He came first with everything , even the food . He would take what he wanted first at the table , then I divided up what was left between the kids and I . I remember one time that all that was left was a few french fries and 1 hotdog . I divided it up between the kids then just started cleaning up the kitchen . Josiah came over to me at the sink and said , " Mommy I 'll split my hogdog with you if you want . " I looked into his sweet little face and just hugged him . I assured him that I was fine and told him to finish his supper . His love for me just made Gary 's lack of love and care more hurtful . After a while you really start to believe that you don 't matter . Over the years that belief extended to include everyone . . I didn 't matter to anyone , I was a blob of ugliness just taking up space . I always drove the kids to and from school each day , including at lunchtime . I started to realize that while waiting for them I would fall asleep each day . At first I thought it was because I was just overworked and stressed . But repeated throat infections finally made the doctor suspicious and he sent me for futher tests . It came back positive for diabetes ! That was when I remembered an incident from the previous summer . I had cut my leg really bad on vacation and it had taken 7 months for the thick scab that had formed to fall off ! I was put on pills and finally started to get a little energy back . One day I was sitting in the car waiting for the kids to get off at lunch when I spotted Josiah coming across the schoolyard towards the car . Suddenly 3 bigger boys came out of nowhere and started jumping all over him . I was out of the car and across the schoolyard in a flash . I grabbed Josiah and put him behind me and then I turned to those boys . I railed up one side of them and down the other , threatened to go to the principal , their parents and the police if they ever came near my son again . I then took Josiah and put him in the car beside his sister and started for home . I was furious ! I looked at him in the rearview mirrow and asked him if he was ok . He looked at me with his blue eyes huge and said , " Yes " . Then in a small unsure voice he said , " Mom . . . those boys were my friends ! " I pulled over , turned around and looked at him . " What do you mean they 're you 're friends ? " I asked , with a sinking feeling in my stomach . Well , that 's how I found myself back on the playground after lunch asking 3 boys to forgive me ! Josiah still to this day teases me about going " all mothery " on those kids ! At the end of that school year Gary decided that he wanted the kids to be homeschooled . That was fine with me . Looking back I think I was very overprotective of them because of my circumstances , but at the time all I knew is that having them with me all the time would help put my mind at ease knowing they were safe . I tried to make Gary understand that if I was to teach them then they would need my undivided attention during the day . This would mean that I couldn 't be available at his every back and call . But this wasn 't to be the case . When he demanded my attention , it was then and right then . I found it very frustrating to be constantly interrupted . By this time I was caring for 2 babies . Ben was 4 months old and his parents were both in the Navy . His father was at sea for a couple of months at a time and his mother was a cook at the Navy Base . He arrived at our house at 4 : 00am each morning . He didn 't usually go back to sleep which meant neither did I as I had to keep him from waking everyone ( mainly Gary ) up . Gabby was a sweet little girl I had started babysitting the year before when she was just 2 months old . She would be dropped off at 8 : 00am . I would then get Josiah and Elizabeth up and feed everyone . School began at 9 : 00 . I stopped for lunch at 11 : 45 . Gary was up by this time . We were back at school at 1 : 00 . Ben would be picked up at 2 : 30 , school finished at 3 : 00 . Gary was out the door at 3 : 45 for work . I had 5 piano students at this time , one each day at 4 : 00 . Supper was at 5 : 00 . Gabby was picked up at 6 : 00 . Josiah and Elizabeth were in bed at 8 : 00 . Because we had no money I made my own lessons for 2 kids in 5 subjects . I worked on these until midnight when Gary got home . After 4 hours sleep . . . more or less , depending on Gary 's demands , another day would start . I don 't know how I survived with a schedule like this . It helped that I loved and thoroughly enjoyed homeschooling . Ben and Gabby were like my own children , I loved them very much , they were like part of the family . I joined the Nova Scotia Homeschooling Association and was able through them to have Josiah and Elizabeth ( and Ben and Gabby ) included in organized field - trips with other children from around the Province . They went to museums , a goat farm where they got to make goat cheese and play with baby goats . . . they loved that ! They even got to go horseback riding a couple of times . One thing bothered Josiah however , and that was that they didn 't get any storm days ! One day he was complaining about having to do school while their friends got the day off . I turned to him and said " You can have a storm - day . . . , " his eyes lit up . . . " When you can 't make it down the hall because of the snowdrifts ! " The smile left his face and he walked away . He never bothered me about a storm - day again . I did however once a month have a " Teacher Day " , when they didn 't have school . . . I just got a break ! We also had " pajama days " . I would even put Ben and Gabby in pj 's for the day and they 'd all " do " school , they loved it . Gabby 's parents got her a little backpack and a scribbler and crayons for " school " . She loved to bring her paper up to me during class to be graded and a sticker put on in . She always wanted " homework " and was so excited to turn it in each day . She learned her letter and numbers with me ; she was so cute . Gary allowed me to join Weight Watchers with Jessie and some other people from church when they offered to pay my way . I did good and within 5 months had lost 40 lbs . But when people started noticing and commenting on how good I was looking I panicked . I didn 't want attention , I didn 't want to start looking pretty . It brought the potential for getting hurt by others back . Plus the sexual abuse was increasing in frequency and intensity and it just wasn 't worth it to feel better . I quit and before long the weight came back on . Even today I panic when I start to lose weight . I feel safe from unwanted attention . Who is going to like someone who looks like me ? Women who are stalked or raped are pretty . It 's a very difficult battle . Gary all of a sudden seemed to have more energy . He was planning all kinds of projects and he was up after I went to bed and sometimes up before me ! Despite all this new found energy his boss and teachers at the school started complaining about his work , it was sloppy and not being finished at times . One evening the phone rang and it was Pastor Benson . He asked me if I had noticed Gary behaving strangely . All at once everything fell into place and I saw what was happening . Sometimes a person is to close to a situation to see it clearly ! The Pastor went on to tell me that Gary had been calling various men in the church at all hours of the night with weird plans that he wanted implemented at the church ! The next morning I called Gary 's doctor and he was admitted once again to the Mental Hospital . This time he was diagnosed with bi - polar . He had experienced several depressive bouts over the years but this was a manic stage and what was needed to definitely declare him bi - polar . Different medications were started and he was released a week later . The next two years were very hard . He was only able to work part - time and was extremely hard to get along with . The teachers , principal and other people at the school were constantly submitting complaints about him to the school board . He was surly , paranoid , pushy and thought that everyone was against him . I found myself constantly trying to calm him down . There was one situation that arose in the school that resulted in the union 's lawyer representing him at a meeting of school employee 's . Not long after that he was placed on long - term disability and no longer had a job . This threw me into a depression . The one thing I had looked forward to each day was having him at work . It gave me time to catch my breath , let my guard down and relax for a few hours . Now he was home 24 / 7 , there were no more breaks . Most of the time he was ranting about how unfair the school board was . I was always trying to calm him down and sooth him . Somehow in his mind all his problems were in some way my fault . He was constantly telling me that I was never there to help when he needed me , that I should know what he needed without him having to ask me . I should be able to fix things ! With homeschooling , babysitting and everything else hellish going on I was being pushed to the limit myself . We had 3 months before the first disability cheque . Again our dear friends at church came to our aid with groceries and gifts of money . David and Jessie even went so far as to pay our power bill for those months . With his loss of work we also loss our medical coverage . We ended up having to go to Social Services and get medical through them . That was a hard day for me . Having a diagnoses of bi - polar seemed to make him think that there was a valid excuse now for the perverse things he liked . My doctor knew something was up and after an annual pap test sat me down , looked me in the eye and asked me what was going on . I didn 't answer him , just teared up . He leaned in close to me , took my hand and said that if I ever decided I wanted help he would always be there for me to come to . I looked at this very kind gentle man , smiled and thanked him . But I felt trapped , that there was no way out without the judgement of God falling on me . Life , which I had thought couldn 't get worse was proving me wrong . When Elizabeth entered grade 7 and Josiah grade 10 I had no choice but to put them back into public school . I hated to do that , homeschooling was something I had dearly loved . But I was smart enough to realize that there were some things I couldn 't do , and Josiah 's math was it . I couldn 't hurt their futures by not providing what they needed in their education . I decided if Josiah was going back so would Elizabeth , and that was mainly because of Gary . He was demanding more and more of me . It was around this time that Gary was diagnosed with Parkinson 's . Some of the medication that he had been on for the bi - polar had triggered Parkinson 's . Since his bi - polar medication interacted with the Parkinson 's medication and the Parkinson 's medication interacted with the bi - polar medication , it took a long time to find the correct balance . He started having panic attacks and wanted me with him at all times . Since he didn 't trust me out without him and he didn 't like going out because of these attacks I became like a prisoner in my own home . If there was a need for groceries or anything I had to go after midnight when he figured there were less people around for me to have contact with and he could just stay home and go to bed ! I didn 't have Ben anymore , his parents had been transferred . I still had sweet Gabby and now another little girl named Emma who came to me when she was 5 months old . They both loved Josiah and Elizabeth and would get so excited to see them come home from school . Josiah and Elizabeth viewed them as little sisters and spent time playing with them everyday . I loved these two little girls so much . One day I started noticing that my left hip was beginning to pain more than usual and as the week went on the pain got worse and worse . Finally one night the pain became so intense that I couldn 't move . An ambulance was called and I was taken to the hospital . I was admitted and put on morphine but I couldn 't move . The next day a specialist ( and I use that term loosely ) came in to see me . He pulled back the covers to look at my hip and said in a very hateful voice , " Good god , you 're so fat ! " I was stunned that he would say something like that to me . He examined me very roughly and then left the room . I burst into tears and my roommate called for a nurse . When the nurse came in my roommate , who had heard everything , told her what had happened . The nurse came around the curtain , sat on the edge of my bed and just hugged me . Another nurse came in to see what was going on . It wasn 't long before the whole floor was buzzing with what had transpired . One nurse told me to pay him no mind , he treated everyone like that and no one , not even staff liked him . I told her that I wished I didn 't have to see him again . Another nurse spoke up and said that I did not have to . They immediately put it in my chart and on my door that he wasn 't permitted in my room again . That evening the hospital director came to see me . He was disgusted at what had occurred and said that it was not the first time they 'd had trouble regarding this doctor . He told me that I had several avenues of action I could take . I could go through the hospital disciplinary board or through the provincial disciplinary board . I opted for the latter and with letters supporting my case from my roommate and several nurses a formal complaint was filed against him . Not even a reprimand was issued to him as a result of all this . Again I was at the mercy of someone who judged me on my appearance . Once home I tried to pick up my responsibilities and continue on but I was still in tremendous pain . It got to the point where I could hardly move again . I got a commode because I couldn 't get to the bathroom . Gary wouldn 't empty it so poor Josiah and Elizabeth had to do that disgusting job for their mother ! Even dear little Gabby tried to help . She was back but Emma wasn 't as she still needed more care then I could provide at that time . Josiah and Elizabeth would bring me potatoes and veggies which I would peel and cut up while in bed . I then would tell them how to make the suppers . They learned to do alot during this time . One day I was trying to get from the bedroom to the livingroom when the pain became so intense I ended up screaming . Josiah and Elizabeth were in school . Gary gave me the commode to sit on while I waited for yet another pain prescription to arrive . I sat and tried to contain the tears and screams but the pain was about the worse I had ever suffered . Dear little Gabby . . . bless her heart , I looked up to see her trying to push the big recliner out of the livingroom to where I was in the hallway . She thought I would be more comfortable in the chair waiting ! I can see her yet , struggling with that big chair ! Thankfully these new pills worked and a couple of weeks later I was back on my feet like nothing had ever happened ! Gary decided that he wanted to build a deck onto the front of the house . Having no money his dad bought all the lumber and other things needed and helped Gary build it . His dad knew what he was doing having built their cottage in New Brunswick and many other things over the years . I still have a beautiful dresser and a hutch for my desk he made me years ago that I treasure greatly . Gary , as I stated in a previous chapter was an extreme perfectionist and during this building project treated his father horribly , always checking multiple times any measurements that were taken , ordering his dad around , yelling at him what to do and what he was doing wrong in the meanest of voice . If his dad saw me he would just shake his head and give me this sweet smile . I felt so badly for him . I listened to this day after day . One Saturday Gary lost it completely and started cursing and screaming at his poor dad . Neighbors were watching and for the first time I saw tears in his dad 's eyes . I 'd had enough . I didn 't care if the car didn 't have my name on the registration or not . I didn 't bother getting anything from the house , I just grabbed my keys and left . Josiah was doing volunteer work at a Seniors Home and Elizabeth was at a friends house . I picked them both up and then just hit the highway . The kids didn 't say a word . All I told them was I 'd had enough and we were leaving . For over an hour I drove up the Eastern Shore not even knowing where I was heading , just trying to get as far away as I could . I was so upset . Gary 's dear father was the only ally I had in that family , I loved him dearly . I couldn 't bear to see and hear such cruel treatment of this dear man , especially by his son who was suppose to love him ! It was after 6 : 00pm when I finally pulled over and tried to pull my thoughts together and figure out what I was going to do . I decided to go back to Cole Harbor Place where I knew social services had an office . When I finally made it back it was closed like I had feared it would be . The kids sat on a bench while I used a payphone . I called the house and got the answering machine . I left a message telling Gary that it was over , I was filing for a divorce Monday morning . Jessie was out for the evening so I took the kids and went over to my friend Deb 's house . She told me that she had been aware for years that I was being abused and was glad I had finally left . But she had company coming so I couldn 't stay there . I finally called mom and asked if we could stay with her for a few days until I could figure out what to do . We got back in the car and headed to the Valley . That night after everyone was sleeping and the adrenalin started to calm down I began to think . I remembered what had happened to Elizabeth the last time I had left and the fear came back . Would God punish me again ? Was there no way out of this mess ? As the night wore on my desperation deepened . I realized that nothing was ever going to change . I had " made my bed and had to lay in it " . I called Gary . He cried and again I heard all the empty promises that he would change , things would be different . . . then I heard something new , something I would hear for years to come . " I 'll kill myself if you leave me " . To be honest I couldn 't decide if I was happy to hear that statement or not . I had prayed for years for God to take him so I could be free . I know that sounds terrible . . but let me be frank , you don 't know what it was like to walk in my shoes ! I took the kids and returned home the next morning . My mother was NOT happy with me . She knew things weren 't good but had no idea how bad they were . I still had not told anyone what was really happening . As I knew would happen , things went back to " normal " within a few days . However a change had taken place . . . in my mind . I wasn 't going to run again . I realized that running wasn 't going to change anything for me . In my mind I had made a mistake years ago , and as much as I hated it , what was now happening was my fault . I had given up waiting for God to intervene and rescue me and I knew there was no one else that could help me ( or so I thought ) . I resigned myself that come hell or high water , this was my life , my fate , my fault and I was going to have to see it through to the bitter end . I never left again . Gary had a thing for dogs and by May of 2002 we were on our 7th ! We already had a husky named Sophie but Gary wanted another husky . We ended up with a male puppy which we named Tucker . Well ! Sophie was having none of that ! After she brutally attacked Tucker and we had to take him to the vet for an injury to his eye I convinced Gary that he needed to go . I called the breeder and told him what had happened , he agreed to take him back . However before we could do that something happened that would change our lives forever . We received a phone call early the next morning that Gary 's dad had suffered a major heart attack and had been rushed to the QE11 Health Scientist Center in Halifax . The kids were to leave for a youth retreat at a Bible Camp that weekend so it was decided that before they left they should see Grampie . He was not expected to live , but I didn 't tell the kids this . I took Josiah in first . Although he couldn 't speak because of the ventilator , his eyes lit up when he saw his grandson and he reached out for him . Josiah told him that he loved him and then broke down crying . I took him back into the hall where he crumbled sobbing in my arms while Gary took Elizabeth in . Josiah and Elizabeth are so different . Elizabeth hides her feelings , she feels things just as deeply as Josiah but she puts on this tough exterior and pulls away . Josiah 's tender heart on the other hand is worn on his sleeve , you know how he feels right off . They both hurt the same but I could comfort Josiah , Elizabeth I couldn 't . The next day , May 30th , I dropped them both off at the church and was just pulling out of the driveway when my cellphone rang . My dear sweet father - in - law had just passed away . I decided not to go back for the kids , but to let them go to the retreat . There was nothing they could do if they stayed at home . The next couple of days were a blur . I had loved this man dearly and would sorely miss his gentle ways and sweet smile . He was the only one in the family whom I felt accepted me for who I was and I had loved him dearly for that . I still had the problem with Tucker however , and the breeder was waiting for him back . The trip would take a few hours and I was still babysitting . Emma 's parents didn 't want me to take her that far from home . Gary was in no shape to go by himself . So I decided to call Gary 's brother - in - law and ask if he would take Gary and Tucker . Gary 's sister and husband had come home earlier in the week and I thought that maybe he would even welcome the chance to get away for a few hours . So I called . The way he blew up at me left me shocked , shaking and sobbing . He accused me of being selfish and said he couldn 't believe I would ask him to take the time to do something so trivial at a time like this . I finally interrupted , apologized and hung up . I sobbed uncontrollably for the next hour . I finally was able to calm myself down somewhat . Later I was talking to Gary 's sister and started to cry again , I told her what had happened and apologized to her as well . She was shocked , she hadn 't heard anything about it . We hung up . We were sitting eating lunch when I looked out the window and saw him pull into the yard . I panicked . Terrified at what else he was going to say to me I ran into Elizabeth 's bedroom and closed the door . He came into the kitchen and I could hear him talking to Gary . He called for me to come out a couple of times but I never answered him . After a few minutes Gary came in and said that he had agreed to take him and the dog and they were leaving right away . I stayed in the bedroom until they drove off . Later that night the phone rang and it was him wanting to talk to me . He apologized for the way he had acted and what he had said . He told me that I had been right , getting away for a few hours had been a welcomed breather that he had needed . I could tell that he felt bad and I know that the way he had acted wasn 't the way he usually was , he had never been anything but extremely kind to me . I chalked it up to just the stress of the week . I appreciated his apology but I didn 't say much . I felt that I had made a huge mistake asking someone for help for something that had been my problem . It cemented in my mind that I had to take care of things by myself . It had always been hard for me to ask for help , now the thought terrified me , there would always be the potential of it blowing up in my face again ! For some reason this event had shaken me to my very core ! It caused me to start withdrawing even more . To this day I 'm very uncomfortable asking anyone for help with anything . The morning of the funeral one of the ladies from church drove me to the camp to get the kids . I had called the director the night before to tell him what had happened . I asked him not to say anything to the kids except that I was coming in the morning to pick them up . Josiah called right back asking me point blank if Grampie had died . I had wanted to be there when they found out , but I couldn 't lie to him , so I told him over the phone . I 'm glad that the director was there for my children that night . It was a very hard day . There was a viewing right before the funeral at the church and that was the one I took Josiah and Elizabeth to . Josiah took a place beside the casket right next to his Grampie with his father , grandmother , uncles and aunt , greeting the people as they came to pay their respects . Gary 's mother wanted only her daughter and sons sitting in the pew with her , so the spouses had to sit in the pew behind them , each one sitting behind their respective spouse ! I was the only one with children present , we were were all spaced out on this one pew . Before she , Gary and his siblings came back into the sanctuary everyone took their seats and the casket was closed and rolled into place for the service . Here again showed the differences in my children . Josiah cried into my shoulder , his sobs being the only sound heard in the church , while my sweet Elizabeth sat an arms length away from me not wanting to be even touched . It was a very difficult service . She eventually moved closer as the service progressed and I was able to hold her hand , but Josiah kept his head buried in my shoulder crying . September 28 , 2003 . The talk all week on the news had been about an approaching storm with the name of Juan . Talk was that this storm was going to be hurricane strength by the time it reached the Nova Scotia coast . Over the years there had been such forecasts off and on , but I couldn 't remember any particularly bad ones . I had never experienced a hurricane and unless you 've lived through one you don 't have the knowledge to prepare for it . I did however take down my hanging plants and stack the lawn chairs in the corner of the deck ! Later I would learn the following details of this event . Hurricane Juan made landfall in Nova Scotia September 29 , 2003 at 12 : 10am . Eight people would lose their lives because of this storm . It was to go down as the most damaging storm in modern history to hit Halifax and the surrounding area . It had sustained winds of 158 km / h with gusts to over 185 km / h , putting it as a category 2 hurricane . The eastern eye wall of the hurricane ( which has the worst of the winds ) came in right over Halifax Harbor , Eastern Passage sits at the mouth of the Harbor ! Halifax recorded an all time record water level which resulted in extensive flooding to the area . The boardwalk and alot of buildings along the water in Eastern Passage were completely destroyed and some cases washed away with the flooding . Huge boulders from the ocean were thrown up on roads in the community . There were many boats that ended up in yards that were streets away from where they had been tied up in the water ! I thought we were going to die . I had never experienced anything like this before . The livingroom window was actually heaving back and forth from the strength of the winds outside . I couldn 't stay in that room and watch the window do that , I was sure it was going to come crashing in on us at any moment . . . so I closed the curtains ( I don 't know what I thought that would prevent ! ) . Outside the air was blue with transformers blowing one after another , we lost our power and it would be a week before it was restored . I went into the kitchen and saw water rushing through the kitchen window . The house was nearly 100 years old and had the old windows . The rain had filled up between the storm window and the regular window and was pouring through the cracks all over the floor . The outer window had to be taken off and quickly ! Gary went out onto the deck but the wind was so strong it was all he could do to keep his balance and hold on . He yelled at me to get Josiah . To this day I don 't know how the kids were still asleep , but they were ! I got Josiah up and he went outside with his father to try and help . He was 17 now , but very slight of build . . . I feared that he was going to be blown right off the deck ! They managed to get the outer window removed and get back into the house safely . I grabbed towels to soak up all the water that had flooded the kitchen . I went out on the front step . I don 't know if I can do justice with just words to the scene I witnessed , but I 'll try . There was an eerie morning light and a stillness and heaviness to the air with not the faintest breeze to be felt . The neighbor to the left of us had his garage collapse on his car . The house to our right had all its windows blown out and down from it was a house with only 1 / 2 a roof left . The lane ( we lived on a dirt lane ) was covered with power and telephone wires . Some of the poles were on the ground , others were standing at weird angles . Our neighbors across the street had just days before bought a big old - fashioned wooden swing which was now just a pile of wood sitting by our car . Behind our house in a field , many big tree 's had come down . The only damage we sustained was a partly fallen fence , a few missing shingles off the shed and a bbq which was greatly bent out of shape . . . and some missing lawn chairs ! Gary took a hammer to the bbq to try and get it working again . I took things like mayonnaise , milk , eggs etc and put them into cold water in the kitchen sink where they would last a day or so . When the bbq was in working order again I cooked up all the meat that had been frozen in the freezer . It was quite a week . Neighbor began helping neighbor , those with working bbq 's helped those who had no way of preparing meals ; there was sharing of coffee and food . I found out later that the little corner store gave away all frozen and refrigerated products instead of letting them go bad . Bedtime was when it became dark , what candles I had , used up in no time and batteries became a scarce commodity . One night Gary confronted me holding my diary . I had written in a diary since I was 12 years old . But once I got married I had always kept it hidden . I knew that in order to have found it he would have had to do some digging around in my things . He had read the whole thing and was livid about it . What he read was the truth , but not in his eyes . It was the only way I had an outlet for everything , but I knew as I watched him shred it that night I was not to have that luxury anymore . It seemed after that night that anything he knew I valued became a threat to him . I arrived home from a doctor 's appointment one day to find my collection of stuffed animals destroyed and in garbage bags ! Most of them I had kept from childhood , never having played with them . I even had a couple that had been given to me from my dad . . . but they had been lost to me because I loved them . I found new hiding places for my music that I loved , I couldn 't lose that too . Another hard lesson learned . It was around this time that Gary developed a friendship with a Pastor down in Yarmouth . Every once in a while he would take a few days and go down for a visit . I loved it ! To see him drive out of the driveway and know that for 2 or 3 days I would have some peace and freedom , well it was something I encouraged wholeheartedly ! The first was from a couple , Bruce and Anne . They had come up to Halifax for his work and wanted to take us out for supper . I 'm very shy meeting new people and didn 't enjoy myself very much . The next time they came to the city they came to the house . All I had to offer them were egg sandwiches . I felt so humiliated especially after the beautiful meal they had bought us on their previous trip . Anne told me years later that when they left that night she told Bruce that my " eyes were dazed and dull with no sparkle and that something was wrong and I was going to need them " ! The next visitors nearly sent me into a full blown panic . Pastor Paul , his wife Cathy and the assistant Pastor and his wife were coming . I was very apprehensive about this visit . Gary warned me again and again not to embarrass him , not to dare say anything stupid while they were here . He even picked out what I should wear . Pastor 's had always made me nervous , now two of them were coming to my house and I knew I wasn 't going to be found " good enough " in their eyes . I was a wreck . After this visit Gary 's attention was pulled even more towards Yarmouth . It started to make me uneasy and I started actually trying to persuade him not to go as much . I was getting very afraid that he was going to want to move and I didn 't want to leave Jessie ! What would I do without her ? So I decided the next time Gary went I would go with him to see what all the fuss was about . I didn 't have long to wait . We went on a weekend because the kids wouldn 't miss any school . Of all the places to stay we ended up at the Pastor house ! I was so tense and uneasy all weekend . They had four boys at the time and they all took to Josiah right away . That evening when it was late enough that I could make an excuse to go to bed without embarrassment , I did . The next morning since the church was right across the street I made an excuse not to go to Sunday School . I was dreading church , I hated meeting new people and knowing they were judging me . Gary got baptized that morning and became a member of that church . The thought terrified me , I knew he was going to want to move . I hated this Pastor and church , they were ruining my life . After that trip down to Yarmouth Gary started talking about moving down more and more . I was devastated , how could I leave my home , friends and most importantly Jessie ? I hoped and prayed that it was just a passing whim and that soon his attention would turn to something else . June came and with it Josiah 's high school graduation . I couldn 't believe that my little boy was so grown up . He had applied to and been accepted at a Bible College in Ontario and would be leaving the end of August . The summer past quickly , I was kept busy getting his clothes and other things he would be needing ready to go . One of Gary 's brothers at this time lived in Ontario and he was always driving back and forth to the Maritimes with his work , so he offered to take Josiah and Gary up , bringing Gary back home the following week . It was a very very hard day for me when Josiah walked out that door . He was so excited . I held it together until they left . Then I grabbed Gabby and Emma and cried along with both of them . Right or wrong , Josiah had been becoming increasingly the person that I leaned on . There was one day that Gary was very angry with me . Josiah had actually stepped between us , faced his father and demanded that he leave me alone . I thought Gary was going to pound him into the ground . But amazingly he turned and walked away ! Josiah was my " huggy " child . Elizabeth like to hug on occasion and be near me when she was sick , but on a day to day basis , hugs were not her " thing " . Josiah on the other hand was quick to stop and give me a hug and kiss a least a couple times a day . Over the next month I fell into a deep depression . I missed Josiah terribly . I didn 't see it at the time but Elizabeth was missing him too and felt very neglected by me . Gary went down to Yarmouth for Thanksgiving weekend and I was greatly relieved . I didn 't feel like celebrating . I didn 't feel thankful for very much at this point . Now at least I didn 't have to be bothered with making a big meal , it was only Elizabeth and I , so what did it matter ! But oh it did . On the way home from church that Sunday morning Elizabeth asked me when we were going to have the turkey dinner and I said we weren 't , Josiah and dad weren 't there . In a very quiet and hurt voice she asked , " What about me ? " It was like a knife had been plunged into my heart . I glanced over at her and she had such a sad forlorn look on her sweet face . I told her how very sorry I was for being so selfish and not thinking about how she was feeling , and that yes she did matter very much ! I ended up taking her out to a Chinese restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner ! It was different , good and I hope she realized how much I did love her ! When Gary came back from Yarmouth he said that he and Anne had driven around town and she had shown him a lot of houses that the Housing Co - op owned and rented . He had the number for their office and got me to call for an application . I was so sad . Here I had lost my son and I was going to lost my home and best friend as well . I finally went to the doctor because I couldn 't sleep and I couldn 't stop crying . He put me on an anti - depressant and after a few weeks I began to feel a little better . I also managed to put a different spin on the situation . I thought maybe , just maybe if Gary got in good with this Pastor down there , perhaps things would change for the better , maybe the abuse would stop ! A fresh start might be just what was needed to finally change things . After Christmas we put our house on the market and the following weekend went down to Yarmouth for an interview with the Housing Co - op . I did nearly all the driving now as Gary didn 't like to drive much anymore . I stopped in Lower Sackville to get gas . Going through a set of lights we were hit by a car ; not seeing us , he had plowed right into my door ! What a horrible jolt . Gary immediately yelled at me , asking why I had done that ! ( as I mentioned before , everything was always my fault ! ) I checked Elizabeth in the back seat to see if she was OK , she was very upset because she had broken a fingernail . . . oh my , that was my girl , bless her heart ! After about an hours delay , due to the police and making sure the van was OK for the trip we got back on the highway . I was very tense driving . It started to snow on the way and by the time we reached Yarmouth 4 hours later the roads were bad . We were almost to the Co - op office when I went around a corner and slid straight into a ditch . . . talk about a bad day ! We finally got towed out and made it to the office . We had the interview , then went to see the house they had for us . Gary had said that the houses were all nice except for two that looked like they were half sunk into the ground . One was painted blue and was referred to as the " Smurf house " ! Yes , you guessed it , we pulled into the driveway of the Smurf house . . . I couldn 't bring myself to look at Gary . However upon entering the house we found a nice layout , 3 bedrooms , large kitchen and a storage room . I liked it right off . We signed the papers , then went to spend the night with Bruce and Anne . Nine days later our house in Eastern Passage sold . I didn 't quite know how to feel when we got the news . Elizabeth was excited about the move for which I was extremely grateful . The last Sunday at our church they had an evening send - off for us . During the service a family sang a song I had written a couple years earlier entitled , " Like a Sparrow " . It was really something hearing it song like that . They had a fellowship time afterward in the basement . The Ladies Fellowship Group presented me with a beautiful box that Lynnette had made . Inside was filled with cards and letters from all the ladies to me , what a thoughtful and caring gift it was . I still take it out from time to time and go through those letters . One thing that always strikes me when I read them are the many mentions of my smile ! They had no idea of the agony and abuse that smile hid from the world . I 'll always treasure those letters and the ladies that wrote them . Thursday of that week was moving day . Our van door that had been damaged in the accident had now been fixed and the van was ready to be picked up that morning . A group of men from Yarmouth were on their way to help us move . I was hurrying around trying to shove last minute things into boxes when they arrived . I really didn 't know any of them except for the Pastor . A couple of them left with Gary to go get the U - Haul truck . I left to go get the van . By the time I got back a lot of the furniture was already in the truck . Elizabeth and I packed up the van with the food from the fridge and freezer , lamps , plants and suitcases and then left for Yarmouth . The truck was about an hour behind us . It was dark when Elizabeth and I arrived at the house . The power had been turned on the day before . We unloaded the van , locked the door and went to Bruce and Anne 's . Gary was dropped off about an hour later and the truck was then parked in the parking lot of the church until the morning . At 8 : 00am the unpacking began . The house was filled with people I didn 't know . There were ladies in the kitchen unpacking boxes , washing and drying the dishes and putting them in cupboards . Other ladies were in the bedrooms setting up the beds and making them . One man was putting up the curtains on all the windows ! Everywhere I looked there was someone I didn 't know doing something , it was kind of overwhelming . By late afternoon everything was in the proper rooms , but there was still a lot of unpacking and fixing up to do . Someone brought in supper for us and then everyone cleared out . It had been an exhausting day . We worked until nearly midnight on boxes , then fell into bed . Somehow through a sleepy haze I heard pounding . It took me a minute to remember where I was and then to realize that the sound I was hearing was someone at the door . I was so sleepy , stiff and sore it was hard to move . I met Elizabeth coming out of her room wondering what was going on . I opened the door and there stood Anne . She asked if we were OK . I said yes and then asked her why . She said that this was her third visit to the house that morning . I guess I must have looked at her kind of strange because she then pointed to her watch . It was nearly 11 : 30am ! We hadn 't heard a thing and she was starting to think we had all died . She said she would be back with lunch and be the time she returned we were up and dressed . Another long day followed trying to put the house to rights . It would be a few months before all the boxes were unpacked and I felt settled , but we were here . The newest residents of Yarmouth had arrived . I was homesick . . . so homesick . I didn 't really know anyone except Anne and I missed Jessie so much . I also missed Gabby and Emma . There were many nights I cried myself to sleep thinking about them . A couple of months after moving in one of the ladies from the church came for a visit . She hadn 't been in the house for very long when she spotted the pills I taking for depression . She immediately told me that Christians shouldn 't use medication like this , it was not trusting God ! I was horrified and humiliated . After she left I put the pills in the medicine cabinet and stopped taking them . Within a week my mood was spiralling out of control , all I was doing was crying and I couldn 't seem to shake myself out of it . One day one of my friends from the city called to see how I getting along and I poured the whole story out to her . She was immediately alarmed and said that she would call me right back . When she did she informed me that the pills I had been taking shouldn 't be stopped unless under medical supervision . I started right back on them and was soon feeling a little better . I remained on them for a few years then successfully was able to come off . It was around this time that Cathy asked me a startling question . She was the church pianist and was expecting a baby that summer . She asked me if I had ever considered playing the piano in church ! I nearly fainted on the spot ! Me , play the piano in front of all those people ! I had never played for a service before , let alone at a piano that was right up on the platform ! I quickly said no . She mentioned it in passing a couple more times , then it was dropped . That Spring the ladies in the church were going to a weekend retreat in New Brunswick . I wanted to go so badly , but Gary said no . I didn 't know if someone spoke to him or why he changed his mind ( I didn 't dare ask ) but one night he told me I could go ! I was so excited . Looking back I 'm sure that most of the excitement came from knowing that I was getting away from him for a couple of days . I was to find out later that he wanted me out of the house because he had found a video store and was renting pornography again . I found his stash one day not long after I returned home . Another time Elizabeth found a pile of them in the shed ! Anyway , I was on my way to New Brunswick and very happy . I drove our van and picked up 4 other ladies that were going . I was a little nervous , I really didn 't know these people at all , but they were all friendly and before long I was able to relax and enjoy myself . The main theme of the retreat was being an " Armor Bearer " for your Pastor 's wife . An armour bearer was a person in the Old Testament who not only carried the King 's armor , but he protected the King , watched out for him and had his back . It was a very interesting weekend learning how we were to take care of Cathy . When we got back from the retreat I started thinking about how Cathy had asked me for help with playing the piano . So Sunday morning after the service I went up to where she was still seated at the piano and told her that if she still wanted me to play I would , but that I really wasn 't that good ! She hugged me and said that the Pastor had told her that come July she was stopping even if there was no one to take her place ! I thought I had a month or so to practice and get ready , but Cathy went into premature labor that very week and the next Sunday I took over as pianist . Cathy and the little baby girl were both OK . Another blessing from that retreat is a friend I found . Alice , one of the ladies and I hit it off and before long we found that we had a lot in common . Alice later told me that it would annoy her something awful to call and never be able to talk to me for more then a minute or two . Gary would always be telling me to hang up . In July I found myself at the emergency room again with another throat infection . The doctor did blood work and then came in to talk to me . It seemed as though my oral medication for the diabetes was no longer working and I was going to have to go on insulin . I was upset , I didn 't think I would be able to give myself a needle everyday and I told him so . He was so understanding . He took my hand and said , " Dear girl , it won 't be 1 needle , it will be 5 ! " Goodnight ! ! I was in shock . An appointment was made for me to go the Diabetic Clinic in the hospital a couple of days later . They were to give me information and show me how to use the needles . I was so nervous . The morning of my appointment I was a bit early , so I was sitting in the van waiting for the time to go in when I glanced up and saw Alice walking towards me with a huge smile on her face . She got into the van and I just stared at her . She had come to give me moral support ! I reached over and gave her a big hug then we both went in . She was a tremendous help . Her light mannered way and bantering made me relax and when it actually came time to put the needle in my stomach I was able to do it . . . although she couldn 't watch ! That small act of kindness and friendship meant the world to me and I began to realize that I had found a very special friend . Josiah had been able to come home that summer and before I knew it he was ready to head back for his second year of college . Elizabeth had told me that she didn 't want to go back into public school for grades 11 and 12 and had asked if she could be homeschooled again . This time she was able to do much of the work independently , which was good because Gary was demanding more and more of my time . I found her someone from the church who could help her with the math . She also got a job at Sobey 's and so in a very short time was an extremely busy young lady . One day in September I realized that Gary wasn 't acting right again and took him to the hospital . He ended up being admitted to the Psych ward due to yet another breakdown . This time he was in until just a few days before Christmas . Many days I would go in and he would want nothing to do with me , other days I had to fight to leave ; I never knew until I got there which scenario was going to play out that day . Pastor told me to take that time and use it to relax and rest . But I couldn 't do that , in the back of my mind I knew that he was going to eventually come back home and everything would be the same or worse than it had been before . Josiah came home for Christmas and so did Gary . After Christmas just as I feared , things took another turn for the worse . His paranoia got worse . He was sure that I was constantly plotting against him . Nights got even worse as I had dreaded as he attempted to " keep me in line " . I started trying to come up with excuses for not being able to have sex . But it didn 't work , it just made him angrier at me . Then one Friday as I was trying to put together a lesson for Kings Kids at church that night ( I helped Anne with the kiddies class ) , Gary started in at me again . I tried to just ignore him and keep working on the lesson . He finally handed me the phone and told me to call Pastor for him . So I did . If I had known what was going to happened I wouldn 't have made that call . I didn 't say anything when he got to the house . Gary however didn 't waste any time . He started off by telling the Pastor that I was not being a submissive wife , that I was withholding sex and that was a sin . . . on and on he went . I sat there in mortified silence . I could feel my face on fire and I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me ! What could I say ? How could I say anything to this man who not only was a Pastor but practically a stranger to me ? Finally I just said , " I 'm tired " . Gary didn 't hear me but Pastor did . He interrupted Gary and asked him if he had heard what I had just said . He hadn 't so Pastor asked me to repeat it , I did . It wasn 't the truth , but how could I tell what was really happening ? I don 't remember much else about that visit . Gary was calmer when the Pastor left , but nothing changed , at least not with Gary . Unfortunately that day triggered an old problem to rear its ugly head again in my life . When I had been molested as a teenager I had started binging and purging . Its a disgusting illness and a few years later I had been able to stop . Now all these years later it started again . Its a horrible way to live . The stress causes you to binge , the guilt causes you to purge . It leaves you drained and tired all the time . I tried to find some help online and actually found the courage to write to someone , but never heard back . Again , I was alone with an overwhelming problem , and it was a problem that would be with me for the next number of years . Weeks started to blur together . Elizabeth was doing well with her school work . She was still working at Sobey 's but now had a second job at Bluenotes , she was very busy . One day our van broke down and we needed to get it out to a mechanic that Bruce had recommended . He lent us one of their vehicles in the meantime . Gary refused to drive . I could drive the van out , but then had no way home . Pastor volunteered to drive our van with Gary while I drove Bruces ' vehicle to bring us all back in . We dropped the van off and Gary and the Pastor got in the vehicle that I was driving and we headed back to our place . I 'm not sure what was being talked about that lead to me saying that I could just push unpleasant things away and not think about them . Pastor replied with , " You can only do that for so long . " The tone in his voice caused me to look at him in the rear view mirror . He gave me this look that made me wonder if he knew something wasn 't quite right with me . It kind of shook me up , but his words stayed with me and I started to question my way of handling things . One night I asked Gary for permission to go visit mom the next day . She had not been well and I was worried about her . He went ballistic on me . I tried to leave the room but he blocked the door and then called the parsonage . Cathy answered and Gary started ranting at her , I wasn 't sure what he was saying I just knew that I needed help . I knew I wouldn 't be allowed to talk to her so I just yelled , " Cathy I need help . " She hung up right away . I tried to once again leave the room and was pushed hard into the wall . I managed to get into the spare bedroom and just sat on the bed in the dark watching out the window for someone to come . Thankfully within minutes a car pulled into the yard . I got to the door and found both Pastor and the assistant Pastor . I shook my head at them and said that he was in the livingroom and I wasn 't sure what the problem was . We all went into the livingroom and Gary started ranting again about me . I tried at one point to say something but Pastor caught my eye and shook his head no , so I stayed quiet . Gary was still ranting about how unsubmissive I was when Elizabeth come home from work . She left the room crying and I went with her . My poor little girl , I just hugged her . I stayed with her until the Pastor 's left . Gary was a lot calmer and much to my surprise even apologized to both Elizabeth and I ! Cathy told me later that when the Pastor got home she mentioned to him that Gary sounded like he was bi - polar . He told her that Gary had told him some time earlier that he was . I hadn 't been aware of that , but it made me feel better that someone kind of knew what was going on . Gary wasn 't coming out much to church as much anymore , but he was permitting me to go ! I had started picking up Alice and her kids since they didn 't have a car . One morning getting out of the van at church I fell . Alice 's son ran to get help . I felt like such a fool . It shook me up so much that I had a good cry on Alice 's shoulder when I was helped into the church . But it brought something that had been happening to the forefront of my mind . My left foot had more and more been feeling like it was asleep . It had that heavy numb feeling that makes you want to shake your foot to get the blood circulating and the feeling back , and it was paining at times as well . I finally mentioned it one day at the doctors office . I was told that I had the start of Diabetic Neuropathy . This is a condition brought on by consistently high blood sugar over a period of time . It causes the nerves to start to die in your extremities . It usually starts in a foot . Only 28 % of diabetics get neuropathy and of those 28 % only 8 % get the disease with pain ! For some the neuropathy spreads quickly , for others it can be years , or it can even stall for a time . It became increasingly harder to walk because you were never sure if your foot was flat on the ground . Inside was OK most of the time , although I did fall occasionally , but it was outside where the ground is uneven that gave me the most trouble . I began having to use a cane once in a while to keep my balance . Over time the neuropathy started to spread and the pain started getting worse . I was put on medication to help with the pain , but it didn 't always work . Nights seemed to be the worse , so sleep became even more fragmented for me . Its hard to deal with stress when you don 't have enough sleep ! Not enough sleep makes the stress worse , that raises your blood sugars more and in turn makes the neuropathy worse ! But I made the adjustments I could and tried to keep going . It quickly spread to my right foot as well which started to cause problems playing the piano . Not being able to feel where my foot was , it started falling off the peddle when I was playing at church . I was horrified ! It always seemed to happen during the prayer time when I was suppose to be playing quietly , then . . . BANG , the peddle would spring back up . I would get so flustered trying to look at my foot and get it back on the peddle . And of course in the process of doing that I lost my place in the music and messed up the notes . It made for some very trying times doing something I felt so nervous doing in the first place ! Alice started teasing me that they were to duct tape my foot to the peddle ! I do have to say , it made for some unforgettable moments ! Gary was becoming more paranoid all the time , to the point where he didn 't want Elizabeth going to the Youth Group gatherings at the parsonage after church Sunday evenings ! He didn 't trust that she would be safe there . I argued with him to no avail . The only way he would agree to let her go was if I went with her ! I just looked at him . How could I do that ? I would be mortified to admit to anyone that he didn 't think the Pastor 's house was a safe place for his daughter ! I wanted her to be able to go and be with her friends so he finally agreed to a compromise . She could go and I would stay in the van over at the church and wait for her . That way she wouldn 't be embarrassed that mom had to be there with her . That worked for a few weeks until it was discovered that I was out there for a couple of hours each week waiting for her . I was told to come in to the parsonage and join in the fun . I appreciated the invitation but I felt stupid and out of place , but what could I do , I wanted Elizabeth to be able to be with the other young people . Cathy had started talking to me and was beginning to realize bit by bit that I was not able to leave the house very much . One Sunday morning after church we talked for quite a while and she found out a little more . This resulted in my being asked if I would take over the filing job in the church office . It would get me out of the house for a few afternoons a week and give me a break ! I was thrilled . I had always loved office work and was anxious to get started . Gary didn 't dare say to much because it wouldn 't look good if he said that I couldn 't help out at the church ! However for the first few weeks he insisted on coming with me until he got tired of just sitting for a couple of hours watching me . Then I was free to go and work when I wanted ! I was so very appreciative of Cathy coming up with this idea . But what alot of filing ! Nobody had been doing it for quite a while and there were bags and bags of papers that needed to be sorted and organized before they could even be filed . Just when I thought the end was in sight Pastor would arrive with yet more bags that he had found at the house . It took a few months to get the filing caught up . I was disappointed when I did eventually get to the end because it meant that there was no need to come in as often and I enjoyed the work so much . Cathy told me one day that the church was there any time that I needed to get away , that it could be a haven for me on bad days . So one day I decided to do just that . Gary thought I was doing office work so didn 't try to stop me . I didn 't think anyone would be there . For a while I just sat in the dark in a room referred to as the " Situation Room " , because it was used by mothers who needed to leave the service with their children . Since it was located at the back of the auditorium , they could still hear the service . I settled into a rocking chair and just tried to chill . It had been a particularly hard few days with Gary . I hadn 't been there long when Pastor and another man from the church arrived to do some painting upstairs . I thought if I was quiet maybe I could stay where I was and not bother anyone . I forgot that they would know I was there because of the van parked outside . After a while Pastor came looking and found me in the room . He turned on the light and asked me if I was OK . Wrong question ! I blurted out that all Gary did was was complain about this and that ; and on I went . After a couple of minutes he looked at me and said , " Just like you 're doing ? " I was shocked into silence and just stared at him . He didn 't say anything else . He left and I burst into tears . I calmed down and told myself to " Buck - up " and that I needed to stay at home . Even though I had no intentions of every leaving Gary again I was in a sense still running , even if it was to a church . The Pastor hadn 't said that I couldn 't be there , but my insecurities told me that I was somewhere I shouldn 't be . Even though there were days I wanted to , I never " ran " to the church again . Wednesday nights after the midweek meeting there was what was called Bible Institute . It was studies on various books of the Bible and topics . Gary and I had both been going . There were workbooks and if you wanted you could do the assignments and hand them in . Eventually when enough courses were completed you could get a diploma . I enjoyed it very much and started doing the assignments trying to catch up to the others in the class . This however did not go over well with Gary . He started making remarks about the time I was spending doing the assignments , he didn 't like me doing anything that took my attention off him . After a while he said that I was embarrassing him because I was doing the assignments and he had trouble writing because of the Parkinson 's . So I offered to do his writing for him . This worked for a while , but then I started having a hard time getting him to even tell me what he wanted me to write . Finally what I knew all along would happen did . He forbid me to hand in any more papers . He said that it made him look bad and he wouldn 't stand for it anymore . I was so disappointed , I had enjoyed the work very much . So I just started auditing the classes . Soon he didn 't want me doing that . There was nothing I could do about it , it was just the way it was . Christmas had come and gone again and a new year was started . Things were getting really bad and one night in February things hit an all time low . I won 't go into specifics , that 's not important , what is important is I finally realized that I couldn 't continue to get hurt like this , and I found myself finally desperate enough to reach out for help . I somehow found the courage to call Cathy and ask if I could come over to talk to her , she said fine and we set an evening . That night when I arrived at the parsonage the Pastor was also there and the three of us sat around talking for a bit . I think is was very obvious that I was nervous . I knew I had to say something about why I was there . . . but I didn 't know how to start . I finally said that I needed to apologize for lying to him months earlier when I had told him I didn 't want to have sex with Gary because I was tired . The talk dwindled down to an uncomfortable silence . Pastor looked at me and asked if I would like to speak to Cathy alone . I said yes and he quickly left the room . I looked at Cathy who was sitting on the couch on the other side of the room and I burst into tears . I blurted out what Gary had done . She was up off the couch and beside me in a flash . The first thing she said was that she wanted to tell me to kill him but she didn 't really think Pastor would agree ! She then said that I needed to tell Pastor what I had just told her . I looked at her through my tears and said that there was no way I would be able to tell him what had happened . She said with my permission she would go and tell him for me , but that he really needed know . I nodded OK and she took off out of the room . To tell you the truth , I know they both came back into the room within minutes but I can 't remember anything that was said . I was humiliated , ashamed , embarrassed , distressed , terrified all at the same time . This was the first time I had ever spoken with anyone concerning the things Gary had been doing to me with the exception of the social workers at the shelter years before ; and things were definitely not even in the same category of abuse as they had been back then . My cellphone eventually started ringing and it was Gary wanting me at home so I left . But the measure of relief I felt from finely cracking open the door just a little into my nightmare was immense . Nothing had been resolved , but someone now knew that things weren 't as they should be . And with that came a sense of protection that I had never felt before . The next night was the annual business meeting at the church . We always have a supper first followed by the meeting . Gary and I were already sitting at a table by ourselves when the Pastor came and sat down on the other side of me . He never said a word , just sat and ate his supper . I 've never mentioned it and neither as he so I don 't know if it was intentional or not . But what that did for me that night was indescribable . I felt protected in a way I had never felt before and it gave me a boost of courage that I sorely needed to start standing up for myself . After that night I came up with excuse after excuse to Gary as to why we couldn 't have sex , I was determined that he was never going to touch me again . The Parkinson 's was making him shake more and I finally told him that I just couldn 't sleep in the same bed any longer because the shaking was keeping me awake . He was not happy with that statement at all and fought me about it , but this time I was determined . I moved into the spare bedroom that Josiah used when he came home for visits . I never slept with Gary or let him touch me in a sexual way ever again . That final straw had found its way unto the camel 's back ! I swore to myself that I would never sleep in that bed again . That bed had been where the worst things that had ever happened to me were committed and I hated it . It always reminded me of that movie " The Burning Bed " . To this day I sleep in Josiah 's old bed and have no desire for a bigger bed or larger room - ever ! Cindy views her most important accomplishment as being a mom and now a Gramma . She also is a published author , having had a short story and various poems published . She has been the recipent of various awards for poetry . Her autobiography " Behind the Smile " is @ cindylea62behindthesmile . blogspot . com A poetry blog ponderingmyway . blogspot . com & Devotional blog abrokenvessel62 . blogspot . com She is also working on two screenplays and a novel . Cindy is passionate about ending the silence that surrounds domestic violence and giving those trapped by abuse , hope , courage and a voice of their own . She was a contributing writer for the NALPCC E - zine publication on domestic violence . A new blog is up and running called Shattered & Mended @ www . shattered62 . blogspot . com This blog deals with domestic violence . It is her belief that courage is not the absence of fear in your life but the presence of hope .

I welcome all my family and dear friends to my place . This year has been a different one for me . And it is posted here in this blog . Along with the fun things that I get to do with the boys . The things that I get to make . The people I get to meet along the way . Life has been so very good to me . As always I have been blessed over and over . Please read and enjoy the musings of my life . To all my dear friends and wonderful family , This year has been an eventful one , to say the least . It was a year that I never even thought would ever happen . Really , it was fun . First I need to send my apologies out to each one of you , I am very sorry I didn 't get gifts in the mail this year for the holidays . With Chuck 's surgery , my working a lot more hours than I am used to , PJ 's Christmas Program , Eric 's projects for school , and maybe just a little bit of down time , I didn 't have the time to make the things that I wanted to make for each of you . Trust me , after the New Year , you will receive something in the mail . It will be like Christmas all over . I really am sorry , I thought I would find the time to do what I wanted to do , but lost all of it somewhere . This year was hard on me . After losing my job of four years , searching and being rejected for all the jobs that I applied for , I went to work as a delivery driver for Pizza Hut . If it wasn 't for Chuck , I wouldn 't have gotten that job either . We took a nice long vacation to St Augustine and Daytona Beach . Spent the time relaxing and enjoying a very peaceful time as a family . It had to be the best vacation that we had together . School started in August for the boys . Eric is now in the 7th grade and very successful in all of his school work . His next report card will be straight A 's . We are so proud of him . PJ is in the 4th grade and doing ok for him . He knows that he can do better , but just doesn 't want to do any more than what he has to do . I have really enjoyed delivering pizzas . I discovered some excellent back roads of Bradley County . Beautiful places to take pictures , especially in the Fall . These old barns against the colors of Fall . It is so worth the ride that I get to go on all the time . I took the boys on a journey one day and they loved seeing the way that people live in the country . Thanksgiving was wonderful as always . We spent it with Chuck 's family . They all came over here and we ate and ate . The food was wonderful , the laughs were contagious , thePosted by I know it has been a while since I have posted anything or even read anything . I have been a little busy with everything . The holidays , work , school programs and Chuck 's surgery . Let me start with school program , PJ 's program is tomorrow . I can 't wait to see him up there singing with everyone . And although he didn 't get a solo or a part , there is always next year . He called me crying that he didn 't get a solo . I was a little upset , but he doesn 't have to try out for chorus next year and when he is in middle school , well , he has an open door to get into choir and drama . Way to go PJ ! Next , the holidays . Oh how I love this time of year . Usually I would be looking at 2 weeks off , but that won 't be happening for a while for me . So , I have to put everything around my work schedule . I have missed some of the shows that I wanted to watch , I haven 't had a chance to make cookies or anything with the boys . And the mini gingerbread village , turned out to be a disaster . I think gingerbread men will work just fine . I plan on getting them this week . The new pre - lit Christmas tree is up . And how that was a pleasure to put up this year . Usually I spend about 3 hours just putting lights on the tree . There are morethan enough lights on this tree , it was fun to put up with PJ , while Eric sat on the computer looking for Christmas music . See , Eric did help to put his ornaments on the tree . That was fine . It was something that PJ and I got to do together . I have been busy trying to get some shawls done for someone . Everytime that I made one , I ended up taking it out because I didn 't like it , or it grew the wrong way . And although it doesn 't take me long , I am still working at them . They will be done very soon . As for Chuck 's surgery , it was Tuesday , Dec 9th . Now , that was fun . He called to find out when he was scheduled for , 12 : 30 surgery time , had to be there by 10 . Ok , not a problem . He was told it would only be a 15 - 20 minute surgery . We just didn 't think we would be there as long as we were . We got there about 9 : 40 , got him in aPosted by Happy Thanksgiving y ' all ! Oh my , I love this time of year . Thanksgiving has got to be my most favorite holiday . I love cooking for all , getting the table decorated and using the good dishes . You know those dishes that you only use once or twice in a lifetime . I try to use ours more than that a year . We got up and had breakfast . And then get the turkey started . I don 't do turkey . I let Chuck have some hand in Thanksgiving , so he is in charge of that and the dressing . I don 't do dressing only because I just can 't make the stuff . I have once or twice , but other than that , nope . I had the cornbread already made . We got the turkey out , washed up and seasoned up . Ok , so this year we wanted a Cajun turkey . Fine with me , the spicier the better , but since we were feeding the rest of the family , it was better that we don 't make it too spicy . I have another turkey in the freezer , that one will be spicy for all of us . He sprayed it with cooking spray so it wouldn 't stick to the bag . Put it in the bag and let it go . He made some dressing , fresh sage and homemade cornbread , very good . Got that in the pan , and his turn for cooking was done . Everything was ready to go at 1 . We had the potatoes nice and warm . Sweet potatoes in crockpot # 1 and green beans in crockpot # 2 . Relish out , butter softened . Rolls cooked and ready to go . Everything was out and now let 's eat ! The kids in one room . Ah the good ole days . . . . The others in the kitchen My father - in - law asked for more mac and cheese . It was the pototoes , but I guess there was enough cheese in them for anyone to think they were mac and cheese . Now all that was left was the mess that needed to be cleaned up , a little game of football , a little time with cousins , a cup of coffee and dessert , conversation with parents , and a time to smile and rest Nap time ! Clean up , go home and go back for more . Wednesday before Thanksgiving has been a day that I have been off for the past 4 years . Things change , jobs change , so I had to work that night . But that didn 't stop me from cooking all day Wednesday . I laid in bed planning out my attack , start with the things that would not take so long in the oven and go from there . I knew what needed to be made , I knew what I had to do , it was just getting it all started . I also wanted everything done , so that way the only 2 things left to be done on Thursday would be the turkey and dressing , no stuffing though : ( . I got up and made breakfast , biscuits and gravy for all . Why not ? We are all home , let 's have a nice breakfast before I take control of the kitchen . Chuck sat in his chair most of the day , barking orders to the boys as to what needed to be cleaned . I cooked while they cleaned . It was a very busy day . Very busy , and I had to work that night . So , I started out with the green beans , we all know they are just green beans , but in the South , you cook them all day long . Add some bacon , salt and pepper and let them cook until there is no water , add more water and cook some more . It really is an all day process . Not like what I was used to growing up , open the can , heat them up , put butter on them . Totally different . I started them because of the fact that we were eating at 1 on Thursday and there wasn 't enough time to have them done the right way . My game plan was to cook them and then the next day put them in the crockpot . Next I thought the cake would be a good idea . It had to cool completely before cutting into it to divide it . So , bake that first and then let that cool . While that was cooking , I had the cream cheese out for the filling and all that went into it . It was a Pumpkin Spice cake with this cream filling . Now when it was time to serve it , I put caramel and pecans over top of it . This was really good ! While the cake was cooking , I washed and scrubbed and pierced the potatoes for the Twice Baked Potato Casserole . I made this last Christmas and it was a hit . My dadPosted by I have been so stinkin ' busy , that I haven 't had time to breath here lately . But before I go into work today I thought I would share with you our new furniture . Last Saturday Chuck decided that he was going to look at stuff for the bedroom and the great room . We bought a new plasma in February and it has been on the wall . You get tired of looking at the wires from everything laying around everywhere . And with Thanksgiving coming , we wanted the house to look really nice . So , he finds 2 things that are needed in the house . I will show them in a minute . This was in Eric 's room , which is now in PJ 's roomThis was orginally my dresser and growing up this is what I used . When we got married , we used it for years . Ok , so since Eric lost his dresser , which he was really attached to . He got our old dresserNow , we bought this when we bought the house . The one that we were using was old and falling apart and it was time for an upgrade . I made those curtains in his room . They were the first ones I ever made . Ok , so Chuck goes shopping and finds this : It is gorgeous . I love it . It opens up to a place where a rod hangs . He picked this out so that way the clothes that were in the dresser could be put on hangers and put up . Not in the closet that was so tightly packed as it was . I got rid of some clothes and cleaned a lot of stuff that I packed around for years . Things that really aren 't needed . The chair in the corner was Chuck 's great grandparents or great - great grandparents . Not sure , all I know it is old . And I haven 't gotten the other curtains done , but one window is complete . I have been cleaning and haven 't had time to get the other window done yet , but I am very pleased with the one window . Now since we moved all the furniture in the great room , it is a bit more cozier and smaller . But it is the warmest room in the house in the winter , and coolest one in the summer . So , it was a smart move . Anyway , like I said , we bought the plasma and it has been on the wall . Kinda of a pain to look at it , to hang it too was rough . But the wPosted by Funny , ever since my dad moved down here I see the boys eat more things that are different to the area . PJ is the one that will try something and then end up liking it . He loves Boar 's Head mustard and potato chips . He and my dad will go through a 1 / 2 bag in no time . But they have to be kettle chips , they can 't be the ruffles . When my dad moved down here 7 years ago , he brought some foods with him that were different . He would go to NYC and get a kielbasa , the real thing . Oh my , PJ went nuts over that . He loves pierogies , that is my kid , and he realized that he loves My dad brought it over once , a few years ago . Now , no one else liked it , but PJ and I ate it up . Then I started finding this at The Fresh Market . I bought it a few times and then forgot about it . A few weeks ago at Publix , while I was getting the lunch meat , there it was Oh my goodness , I had to buy it . I just had to get it . Ok , so I buy it , tell him about it when he gets home , Eric snarls his nose at it , Chuck says " I don 't see the big deal . " PJ is on the floor begging for a piece . " Please make some for breakfast for me , please . I will pay anything . " Not a problem , I know he likes the stuff . But little did I know how much . The following week , I am at the deli again , and decided again that it was not a big deal for me to buy more Taylor Ham or Pork Roll . Depending on where you are from in NJ , is what you call it . I am from the middle of the state , so I call it either one . Anyway , I get home , PJ gets home and starts looking for it . He knew I went shopping and he knew what I was buying . Well , last week I decided that I was not gonna buy any Taylor Ham this week . But I spotted the box in with the breakfast meats . I went ahead and bought that . PJ , once again , came home and started rummaging through the drawer looking for " his " Taylor Ham . I showed him the box and he commented , " all mine ! " How funny is that ! Ok , so it is a Jersey thing . Along with Freeman 's Bakery with their powdered sugar crumb cakes , butterscotch krimpets and Tastykakes , don 't forget rePosted by As I mentioned before , we have been in our house for 8 years . And of course I made all kinds of curtains for the house . Eric was first and his are of the moon and stars . It took him forever to pick out the material . He searched and searched for the right stuff , because he knew that he would have to live with it for a long time . I paid full price for them . I didn 't know any better , so I got the fabric from Wal - Mart , and was very happy with the outcome . PJ finally got rid of the rid vine curtains this past year . I found some really outdoorsy fabric at Wilson when they had their Spring sale . It was only $ 1 a yard , for some very heavy duty fabric . He loves it and he is very happy with his curtains . It keeps the lightening out during storms , but still lets the morning sun in on nice days . Our bathroom got some curtains last year , right after Christmas . We lived with these awful curtains in there , and I found this stuff when a local place was going out of business . I was afraid that I didn 't get enough , but it worked out nicely . As for the other bathroom , you have seen what I have done in there . I am really happy with what I have been able to do . But now , we have done nothing to our bedroom . Living with curtains that don 't match . A set that I bought when we lived in Knoxville and then something that I picked up a few years ago . Couldn 't find what I wanted to put in there , didn 't want to spend the money that they were charging for them , or just didn 't feel like buying anything at all . So , for 8 years , we have had mismatched curtains . Now , we won 't have to worry about that . I bought that material from Wilson 's and was very happy with the choice . I knew what I wanted to do . But I only had 15 yards , I really wanted some that went to the floor , but I didn 't have that much to make them with . And once again , I am not good with measurements , so , I had to hem and haw over the length of them . I measured once , measured again , and measured once more . Added the hem and the top inches and thought it through one more time . Finally , IPosted by Ok , before posting any pics about what I got . I need to tell you a story first . Not a long one , but still in all , a story . When my dad moved down here in 2001 , I spotted this fabulous dough board that I just loved . I told him that when he dies I was getting that board . He did everything on that dough board . All of his pie doughs , bread doughs , cookies , pierogi dough , babka dough and whatever else he made . He used that board all the time . I loved it , and I wanted it . He bought himself a very nice bread machine , so , he didn 't use that board as much . I asked and asked for it , but he didn 't want to give it up . He still made pierogis and babkas , so he " kneaded " it . Ha ha , a little baker 's humor . Yesterday we went on our shopping trip . This time it was my turn to drive . He got over to the house , grabbed a cup of coffee , moved his car , got his bags and waited on me . I got out there and got everything in the car , ready to go . He told me , " there is something in the back seat for you . " Ok , I thought he was talking about my car . I have the Pizza Hut topper in the back of my car . But he was talking about his car , he unlocked the door and I went to the car to find this : I was so excited ! I couldn 't wait to get it in the house , but we had to go shopping . All the way down he told me how he made it . Not to use any water on it , don 't cut any meats on it , only use it for dough and that is all . He told me how he bought a small sander , sanded it , and then the thing blew up on him . He took that back to the store . He told me how he got the wood for this too . He said that he was talking to the man at Home Depot , the one that sells the heating units , he had some wood from New Zealand that was left over and asked if my dad wanted it . He won 't turn down anything like that . He would find something to do with it and he did . He told me what happened to his . Turns out , his fell apart . He had it for years , but the craftsmanship wasn 't his up to his standard . It lasted a long time and he used it many times . Now I have some dough boards , but theyPosted by We have lived here 8 years . I love my house . It isn 't snotty or snooty . It isn 't a dump or a hole in the wall either . It is perfect for all of us . It suits our needs and we have the most property then most of the people that live on the same street . People would love to have the land that we have . Over the years we have done some things to the house . Painted the all white living room , all oil paint living room , to green and brown . I love the pecan color , it is a nice accent wall . We have painted Eric 's room , painted the kitchen , put new flooring down in the kitchen , tore up the carpeting in the living room and moved our main stuff into the great room . I have also made curtains for most of the house . My first project was the shower curtain for the bathroom . My neighbor showed me how to sew and she helped me create the shower curtain , all 7 yards of it . I liked it , took me a long time to pick out the fabric , and I was proud to show it off . A few months ago , I decided that I was really tired of all that fabric hanging there , catching all the dust , toothpaste and hairspray . And that I was gonna do something different with it . I couldn 't find the fabric for the curtains , I got tired of the little topper that was hanging there , so I decided to take the shower curtain down and do something with it . I knew what I wanted , it was just creating it that was gonna be a slight problem . All the measuring and numbers are not my strong point , so I had to think about all of this for a while and then go from there . I knew that I wanted a topper for the shower and of course curtains for the window . It was just figuring out all that I needed for it . So , I came up with this . Now the first time I made it , it didn 't measure evenly across . It was a little off , so I had to take it down and work on it . I got it right . Ok , now the window was next . I made 2 curtains and hung them up , but I didn 't like the way they looked with the mini blinds , I am really trying to get rid of all of them . I hate them . But the one in the bathroom was dusty , anPosted by . . . . not the Trolley , my central heat and air unit . Yep , that is the noise that we heard out of it yesterday while Chuck and I were sitting around . We went outside , heard this awful noise , turned it down and went on our way . Thought that it was something that was not coming back . BUT . . . . We heard it again today and decided to call to have them come out and look at it . They told us it would be between 2 and 5 when they got here . As with the refrigerator , it was closer to 5 , isn 't that the way it always happens ? Before they came out I called the utilities to talk to them about financing a new unit . They charge $ 7K for them to finance it through a bank , pay on that for 10 years at 6 % interest . Ok , that is a lot of money . The guy comes out and looks at the unit , it is the outdoor motor fan that has gone out on it . It will cost a bit over $ 400 to fix it , but , and I mean BUT . . . . the unit is 16 years old and at this point it could nickel and dime us to death . Time to make a decision . Now Chuck is at work and I hate making any decision without him being here . I forget to ask questions and then I have to go back and ask them . I look like a retard , but he isn 't here to ask , so I have to ask . They do finance , but at a 17 . 9 % rate , no matter what your credit rating is , but this is for 5 years , not 10 like the utilities . Also it is $ 2000 less than what the utilities charge . Big difference , but the interest rate is outrageous ! What to do , what to do ? We decided to get it fixed and then when the next problem occurs , go from there . It could be tomorrow or 3 years down the road . The unit is supposed to last for 20 years , so I would rather take the chance and wait , then to put out that kind of money right now . At least in the winter time , you can buy heaters . If it happens in the summer , it has to be fixed , no matter what . We have been busy with all kinds of school projects . Eric has had some fun with his , they are more detailed oriented and gives him a challenge too . When school started I knew that we would have some projects , I just didn 't expect to have so many this far into the school year . So , let 's start with Eric . Eric 's Geography class had to draw a map from home to school . He had to have the route that we take everyday to school . Ok , not too bad , but he wanted to add more to it . The first draft came out ok , but Eric started to color the streets black , and made a complete mess of it . So , I sketched out another one , showed him how to do the streets and gave him places that the landmarks are at . He had to have a compass rose on it and a key of what everything was . He got 103 on it . The teacher was very pleased with the amount of work he did put into this . Eric also had a car to make in Engineering Tech ( shop ) class . He had so much fun with this . He got the wood and drew out what he wanted . This was the class that Chuck went to help out at . He helped them cut the cars out and then the kids would bring them home to sand and paint . In the long run , Eric 's came out pretty cool . Add wheels to it , and he was on his way . They put an airgun in the back of it and shot it on to a strip . His did pretty good , got another 100 on that too . Ok , so now the fun one for all of us to see how it works . Eric came home a few weeks ago and told us that he had a project for Science class . Ok , what can this be ? ? ? ? A rubberized egg . He was so excited that he had to start it right away . He had a paper that he had to follow the instructions on and to list all that he saw happening to the egg . Use vinegar , what kind , what kind of egg . . . . you know , they want all details . So he started it , observed it , kept notes on it . Didn 't follow directions all the way through and tried to bounce it . SPLAT ! That one didn 't work . I missed it , I was at work , but I did think it was rather funny . Now , let 's start all over again and follow all of the directions . This time he Posted by Oh I am so proud of PJ and his love for chorus . He makes sure that every Friday he is there on time for practice . He walks around the house singing the songs that he has learned and loves what he is doing . What he doesn 't realize is that this opens the door for him to join choir and drama in Middle School . This is a good opportuntity for him . Well , I worked last night and got home after they went to bed . I know that PJ is not a sleeper right away , so I knew that he was up . I walked down the hallway , asked him if he was still awake and I get this bright eyed response - - - " Oh yes mommy ! But I have to ask you a question . " Ok , I am game , " What is it buddy ? " " Well , I don 't know if I want to try out for Santa or sing a solo . What do you think ? " I told him that either one would be great to get and that maybe he should try out for both , just in case he didn 't get the other . He said , " I asked Mrs . James if she could wait until Monday for my decision , that I had to talk it over with you before I decided on anything . " HA HA ! I love it . We did talk , and when I finally got out of his room , " Mommy , thanks for the advice , I knew you would have the right answer . " Now , he knows that if he doesn 't get a part this year , that next year he stands a better chance at it , because he will be in 5th grade . But , deep down inside , I hope he gets something . I will let y ' all know what happens with this part of his very busy life ! For the past several months , my dad and I head to Publix in Chattanooga for our shopping . It started out once a month and now we go every other Monday . I like it , it is time together and time for us to just talk about anything . We have a good time . This past week we hit Sam 's and then went shopping . He goes his way , I go mine and in the end , we always meet up . But as we were talking on Monday , I realized that when Sam 's and Publix come to Cleveland , there goes our dates . There goes our shopping trips . Although I love the fact that both stores will be coming to town , I know that our time together like that will come to an end . So , I have to make the most of it while I can . When we were driving down the road this time , my dad asked if I had ever been to Robbinsville NC . I told him that I hadn 't , but may take the boys for a ride one day out there . He mentioned that he and his wife were gonna go Monday , just for a cup of coffee and a nice ride . I thought that was nice , it isn 't all that far and just to get out of the house for a little while together is fun . But when we got back to the house , he asked , " Are you off Monday ? " And I usually am and of course next week I am off Monday . But I didn 't want to break it to him that I didn 't want to go anywhere with his wife , so I didn 't push the issue . But he told me that if he could get everything together , he and I will go for coffee to Robbinsville NC , leave about 8 : 30and be back by about 1 . Well , that was nice of him to offer . He said , " don 't call the house asking about it , I don 't want any trouble for going anywhere with you . " That is fine , I won 't call and ask , I will just plan on going with him and my handy , dandy camera . Hopefully , we will be able to keep our monthly trips to where ever when the stores open in town . I haven 't been online much . I am either too tired when I get home or just don 't want to be bothered with anything . I do read my blogs on my phone , along with emails and other things . But posting a blog from my phone is just a pain in the neck . Anyways , Chuck went to the Dr 's last week after he had a very expensive MRI done . No wonder people don 't go to the dr 's , it is a fortune . Everytime Chuck steps foot in the Dr 's office it is $ 88 , that is the 20 % that we have to pay to meet the deductible . WOW ! Can you imagine how much a bill would be if you didn 't have insurance ! Anyway , he has an inpingement on his right shoulder . Basically it is where there tendon came loose and knotted up , I can feel the lump right under the skin . So , he can wait a few month and do the surgery or he can do it shortly . He had decided on waiting until after Christmas , but the PT would move into next year , and that is a new deductible . But then the pain started to get really bad , so he bumped it up to Dec 9th . That will be good for all of us . The boys get out of school for break around the 19th or so , and Chuck isn 't planning on going back to work until New Year 's Day . I don 't mind him being at home . He needs the rest anyways . The surgery is non - evasive . If he waited , he stood the chance of everything coming unraveled and then tearing the rotator cuff . This way is it taken care of sooner , no major surgery . And the Dr . is planning on having him in PT the following week . If he was to go back to work any sooner , it would be on very limited duty . Well , I think that some time off will do him good . We all need a break sometimes , so he gets his at the holidays . That is nice though . So , when I find more out , you will know too . Please keep him in your prayers . I will keep you updated . The boys and I took off for a ride on Election Day . They were off , so was I . So , I decided to head to Wilson 's Fabrics . Twice a year they have a sale on their fabric . It is not the stuff at Wal - Mart , this is drapery material , upholstery material , interior design stuff . Heavy duty stuff . In the Spring we went and found material for PJ 's curtains , $ 1 a yard , bought 12 yards and still have some left over . This time I wanted to find something for our bedroom . We have been here 8 years and still don 't have matching curtains in our room . So , I thought I was gonna find something . I searched and searched , asked Eric what he thought of things , while PJ decided to talk politics . HA ! I was there forever , or what seemed like forever looking at all the fabrics . I knew I didn 't want any flowers , that wouldn 't be really fair to Chuck , so that was off the list . I didn 't want anything really bright , yellows , or things in that color range , so that was off the list too . It came down to 2 different kind of striped fabric . One had blue and red in it , I liked it , and at $ 5 a yard , you can 't go bad . But the other had more color in it , green , red , muted colors , and at $ 3 a yard , you really can 't go wrong . This is what came home with me . Less than $ 50 for 4 windows . Now , I just have to get started on them . And with Thanksgiving coming up , the windows may have to be put on hold . It waas a gorgeous day for the pretty ride that we had got to take . I got to the gas station on the corner , down the road from the fabric store and was shocked to see that gas was $ 2 . 06 a gallon . Oh my , I had to fill up . That lasted me the entire week ! It is just now down to that level here in town . Took almost 2 weeks for us to get it at that price . But on our way home , we got coffee and cocoa and enjoyed our ride out and about . I know the area well , I always take my camera with me , but never seem to take the time to stop and look around . White Oak mountain is the backway around the interstate and it can get very busy , so I really don 't take much of a chance to tPosted by I am warning y ' all up front , this isn 't gonna be pretty . If you don 't want to read it , just go on your way , no hard feelings . But I have something to say , and after what I saw this morning , I am gonna say it . # 1 I voted for Barack Hussain Obama . You know the middle name is just a name , no one knew anything of Saddam Hussain when his parents picked that name for him . It is just a name , just coincedence that his middle name is the same as a very evil man . One has nothing to do with another . His name is not Osama Bin Laden , not Saddam Hussain . He is an American , he is a smart man , and even though he is liberal , he will bring about change in this country . # 2 For the stupid ass , inconsiderate , idiot that took a knife to my sign , I know you aren 't reading this because your intelligence level not even on the radar . How dare you come into my yard and tear up a sign stating whom I support . You didn 't go anywhere else on this street and do it , but you thought it was ok to show your displeasure of my choice for President and tear it up . What era do you live in ? What decade are you from ? What is next ? Burning a cross in my front yard ? ? ? ? ? ? This is the year 2008 , we don 't live in the 60 's or even the 70 's , we don 't have separate water fountains or eating places anymore . We are one nation . Everyone has a right to their opinion , mine is that I support Obama / Biden . Grow up ! Accept the fact that a black man may be our next President , accept the fact that all races have the right to set a goal and reach for it , accept the fact that you are not the only race out there . All you see is that he is a black man . All you see is that he will enslave the white race , all you know is the garbage that you hear , that you read on the internet , all you know is that having a black man as the President is not right . # 3 If Barack Obama wins , can you imagine the doors that will be open for other races to run for President . What I am wondering is this . . . If Bobby Jindal , Republican governor of Louisana , an American with Indian parents , and I mean , HiPosted by Ok , I am a day late with this , but by the time I got to the computer last night , I was too tired to even blog about anything . I was too stinkin ' tired . I had to be at work yesterday at 11 and I was hoping that I would get out of there on time to have some time with the boys . I was scheduled out at 6 , I worked the night before until 8 , I was only to be there until 6 . But because of scheduling , I stayed until 8 . Being Halloween and being a Friday , we all thought that we were gonna be busy . I had my moments , I worked alone until 3 and then they started piling in . By 5 we had 6 drivers on and only 2 deliveries , not good . I never saw the screen get filled up , I never saw more than 5 on the screen at once . So , at 6 : 30 , I left . Now , I called my dad earlier to have him take the boys to Trunk or Treat . If you don 't know what this is , it is where people get together , decorate their trunks and give out candy , puzzles , or whatever . We have gone the last 3 years , it is a safe environment for the kids , they have food , and inflatables there . So , they have fun . I wanted them to go there too . My dad said that he would take them , little did I know the hell that I would catch for letting them go there . This is from a Church of God in town . They sponser this and they always do a good job . But # 1 , Eric was dressed as the Emperor of Evil . A costume that had purple and a silly little necklace , nothing evil about it . PJ was Dracula , again , and he did his own makeup , I should have gotten a pic , but I didn 't . Too cute . But my dad 's wife wasn 't all too happy with the " scary " costumes or the music , Christian rock , that was being played at the Trunk or Treat , or the layout of the entire thing . Christians celebrating Halloween , how could they ? We don 't celebrate anything , we go and have fun , collect candy and then go through all that we got . They got home right before I left work . That didn 't take long ! So , after meeting up with Chuck ( read the blog before this one ) I got home , and then took them to the mall . Now , the mall is a great place . SPosted by I have been with Pizza Hut for 4 months now . I enjoy the job and getting out from behind a desk . I work my butt off too , but in the end , the tips are nice and the people are fun to see . I meet all kinds of people , and well , see all things too ! HA HAAnyway , yesterday I found out that my boss is willing to train a 17 year old girl for the next shift manager 's position . What a minute , that was supposed to be for me ! This girl can 't make change in her head , she can 't operate a computer well , she can prep stuff , but she has a hard time doing things in the store and is not very good with the customers . So , what in the world is going on ? I don 't know . I went to Chuck yesterday , crying and fussing about all of this . I was so mad , and so hurt over this that I just wanted to cry and that was it . But I had to get the boys to the mall , and I didn 't have time to feel sorry for myself , I had to go . Well , he knows how hard I work , he knows that I can handle this stuff , he knows that I will pull this into shape . But that is not what my boss wants . She doesn 't want any feathers ruffled , any waves made or any employees unhappy . So , she gets these ideas that she can have this people in there that do the job as lazy and sloppy as can be and then complains about it . I will make waves , I will ruffle the feathers , I will tell the employees what to do , when to do it , and how to do it . I am not a drill seargent , but I have worked in the ' real world ' I know what it is like to work a job and to impress people . Get to work on time , leave on time , don 't take breaks that are too long . I don 't stand around chomping the bit while others work , I work . I work my butt off too . But that didn 't impress my boss . Ok , so now what . I was told a month ago that she could train me and then ship me to another store or she can get me through my books and have me when she is ready . I will stay a driver if that is the case . I am not leaving town because she doesn 't need me right now , can 't afford me , or just doesn 't want me . That hurts and it is very hard on mPosted by Sometime last year , the city banned trucks with 5 axles or more off one certain road in town . The logging trucks would drive way too fast down there , not use the road that is for more commercial traffic . There aren 't any lights on this one sretch and they thought that they could get to where they were going faster . But after one house was nearly ripped in half by an accident involving my friend and a logging truck , and one spot where the logging truck turned over , the city decided that there needed to be no more trucks . Very good idea , this one street isn 't mainly residential , but there are houses on it , churches and businesses . I thought at the time that it would be a great idea that they do that on our street . All residential , maybe one or 2 very small , local businesses . No reason for an 18 wheeler to drive through this area . The truck fly down this very busy street because there aren 't any lights at all , and they really can get to their destination quicker . About 3 weeks ago , Chuck and I were on our way back from somewhere , driving down our road , and I noticed that the Public Works Dept was putting up the poles . Turns out they were also putting up signs . " No trucks , 5 axles or more . " Yippee ! They finally realized that this area didn 't need to have all that major traffic in this area . A few nights ago the boys were watching tv , PJ came running to us , " Um , there is a truck on the street , and there is a little one with yellow lights on . " Ok , from the start of our road to the very end , there are signs everywhere stating no trucks . This one guy decided he didn 't have to obey the signs and kept on going . You know , he got caught , right in front of the house . They had to re - route traffic , have him back up , go onto one street , back up and then take the next street over to get off this road and get to the 4 lane that he should have been using in the first place . Chuck commented that it would be a good thing if they enforce this , and apparently they are enforcing it . I have noticed that it is very quiet now in the morningPosted by I decided that last Monday would be a day for me to go exploring again . Since I am off Mondays , Chuck has to work , the boys are at school , why not go for a ride ? ? ? ? And gas has gone down considerably , so , I was off for another ride to some back road in the county . I took off down to the end of our delivery area and kept on driving . I knew some of the area , I knew that eventually I would end up out on the highway . But what I didn 't know was , what way I was gonna go . I did have my map with me , thankfully ! But I really needed a Tom Tom right now . I got turned around in an area very unfamiliar to me . I saw very few cars and had no cell coverage , so I had to follow the map as best as I could . I was hoping for some photo ops , but there weren 't many out there to be found . Not like there was on the other side of the county . I really was hoping for some nice shots , but I only got a few . There weren 't the barns out there that I was hoping for , the old houses , the farms , the relics in buildings . The area was quite nice , but not what I was hoping for . Of course when I find something to take a picture of , a car , out of nowhere comes up behind me . Don 't you know that was bound to happen , apparently they knew where they were going . I should have followed them . This would have been amazing if the colors were changing . They are really changing this week , and it was nasty yesterday to go out and take pictures of the area that I have explored once already . This was just one that I could get . I saw it , turned around and got out of the car to get it . Nothing special , but I love the roof on this thing , This barn was right on the same property , located right behind the first one . The roof looks rather new , but the buildings haven 't been used , and they seem as if they are just left to fall apart . The house on the property was a very old house . I knew someone lived there . It was a great old house . Can you imagine the stories those walls could tell . Oh my , the life that had been lived there . I love the old style , the old windows and just tPosted by I am a full time mom , full time employee , full time friend . I hold those that are dear to me , close to me . I treasure the friendships that I have made online , and the friend that has been by my side for over 30 years . I love my family dearly , protect my boys , kiss on my husband daily , deal with everyday issues like the rest of us . I am a real person and I blog about my real life experiences . Everything that I blog about is real and does happen . Life is too short to not be true to yourself and to others .